Speaker 1: Hello. This is Chelsea hand Job calling.
Speaker 2: Hi Chelsea, this is Catherine. Where's Doug today?
Speaker 1: Doug, it took a big shadoo bey on the carpet
Speaker 1: at my new house, the carpet that I haven't even
Speaker 1: used yet, really, so he peed on it the other day.
Speaker 1: But today this is actually a victory story because I
Speaker 1: walked out of the house and then Doug was so
Speaker 1: upset he went and shodo being on the rug right
Speaker 1: as and my bell was yelling at him to stop,
Speaker 1: and he continued and then lifted his leg up and
Speaker 1: peede looking at her in the eyes.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: It is a complete reversal of fortunes from when I
Speaker 1: had Burt. This is going great. I fucking love Doug.
Speaker 1: Doug loves me, he wants to be with me. He
Speaker 1: gets upset when I leave. Everything is working out perfectly.
Speaker 1: I just announced a bunch of dates for my stand up.
Speaker 1: So first of all, there are still tickets left for
Speaker 1: the Netflix is a Joke Festival Saturday night on May eleventh.
Speaker 1: I will be there at the YouTube Theater, so there
Speaker 1: are still tickets for that. And then I'm going to
Speaker 1: New Zealand and Australia, so you can find your tickets
Speaker 1: for that, and then I'm going to Hawaii. I have
Speaker 1: two shows in Hawaii on July nineteenth and July twentieth,
Speaker 1: Maui and Oahu. And then I added twenty two more dates.
Speaker 1: I have the Santa Barbara Bowl. I added twenty two
Speaker 1: more cities. So they're Saratoga, California, Portland, Maine, Connecticut, South Carolina, Indianapolis,
Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Dallas, Austin, Montclair, New Jersey.
Speaker 1: I will be taping my specials San Diego, New Orleans, Atlanta,
Speaker 1: all the places I'm going. I have one date in Hollywood, Florida.
Speaker 1: One show in Hollywood, Florida. If you want to see
Speaker 1: me in Florida, that's your opportunity. It's July twenty eighth. Okay,
Speaker 1: well those are all my dates, guys.
Speaker 2: Excellent, Well, Chelsea, we have an exciting guest today.
Speaker 1: I know he's a straight white male. Guys, so you
Speaker 1: know that he's okay, you better behave himself. Actually, otherwise
Speaker 1: he's going to go to jail.
Speaker 2: We love to prioritize straight white males.
Speaker 1: Now, we don't have a lot of straight white male
Speaker 1: guests on the show, but sometimes we do, and today
Speaker 1: is one of those days.
Speaker 2: There are some kind of tricky questions for him.
Speaker 1: Oh good. In fact, I like to put a straight
Speaker 1: man on the hot seat. Please welcome Neil Brennan. Hi,
Speaker 1: Neil Brennan, what Hi?
Speaker 3: Hi?
Speaker 1: First of all, congrats on your your latest special. How
Speaker 1: many specials have you had?
Speaker 3: I've had three and a half. I had to do
Speaker 3: a half hour for some reason after my first. It
Speaker 3: was it was stupid three and a half hours.
Speaker 1: You had to do a half hours. Oh that's degrading.
Speaker 3: But I had already done and it was stupid.
Speaker 1: Neil Brennan has a new special on Netflix called Crazy Good.
Speaker 1: It just came out. It's fucking funny. Catherine and I
Speaker 1: both watched it. Neil Brennan is one of the funniest
Speaker 1: comics out there, so if you're not familiar with him,
Speaker 1: you should. He's drinking a bottle of Mountain Spring flat
Speaker 1: water from what I can.
Speaker 3: Tell, sparkling, sparkling, thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh the red one is okay, all right, that's better.
Speaker 1: That's at least better, thank you. And he also has
Speaker 1: a podcast called Blocks, which rhymes with well cough. It
Speaker 1: rhymes with but Neil, I didn't realize how much you
Speaker 1: struggled with depression your whole life.
Speaker 3: Really, you couldn't just tell.
Speaker 1: Well, I think you know what, All male comics strike me.
Speaker 1: Not all, I shouldn't say all, but most male comics
Speaker 1: strike me as slightly depressed. So it becomes part of
Speaker 1: the package, you know, like being around comics. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think most comics are slightly depressed. It's not even
Speaker 1: just men.
Speaker 3: I'm curious as to what your estimation of female comics
Speaker 3: is because I think I kind of agree with you
Speaker 3: about males. But I'm wondering. I'm like, how would I
Speaker 3: categorize female comic? Is it like people pleasing or something?
Speaker 1: No, I think I mean, I'm thinking right now about
Speaker 1: probably a lot of people we have in common, and
Speaker 1: a couple of the girls have light depression, but generally
Speaker 1: as an overall sentiment, I don't find female comics depressed
Speaker 1: in the way that I do find male comics depressed.
Speaker 3: I agree, but I'm wondering, what would you How would
Speaker 3: you categorize them? Anxious?
Speaker 1: Maybe anxious? I don't want to say people pleaser, because
Speaker 1: I find most comics are actually female comics these days
Speaker 1: are not people pleasers. They're more like fuck off, Like
Speaker 1: we've been through enough so just everyone could go fuck themselves.
Speaker 1: Is that that's more of an overarching theme and attitude
Speaker 1: among women. So I don't know what the drive for
Speaker 1: women is. It's an interesting Yeah, is it.
Speaker 3: Like maybe like frustrate anger, like generalized anger and frustration
Speaker 3: about the way society is set up and the way Yeah,
Speaker 3: the sexism of nature. I'm now thinking about how sexist
Speaker 3: nature is, just with like periods and just all the
Speaker 3: stuff you guys have to go through that we kind
Speaker 3: of don't. It would make me insane if I had
Speaker 3: to do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, women do have to deal with a lot of bullshit,
Speaker 1: but you're also so inured to it that it becomes
Speaker 1: like a period having to like constantly prove yourself or
Speaker 1: with that a woman is funny or that a woman
Speaker 1: is successful. I think the thing that irks women the
Speaker 1: most is the lack of respect that we get from men,
Speaker 1: and especially male comics to female comics. There's that dynamic
Speaker 1: for sure. Like I was at an event recently and
Speaker 1: I was watching a very famous comedian do her thing,
Speaker 1: and I was watching the male comedians watch her, and
Speaker 1: they had no respect for her.
Speaker 3: Well, what's funny is I have Like I was going
Speaker 3: to start by saying how much respect I have for you,
Speaker 3: because it's you know when you like first hear about
Speaker 3: somebody and I'd heard you'd written a book. It was
Speaker 3: like seven o eight. I'd heard you written a book
Speaker 3: and that the book was selling well. And then I
Speaker 3: saw you crush and then you then you were on
Speaker 3: e crushing for ten years or whatever, and just like
Speaker 3: you just crush and you You're a huge draw and
Speaker 3: you have millions of fans, like I feel like I've
Speaker 3: seen them. I went and saw you at Comedy Magic
Speaker 3: just I think, just you one time, like I'm an
Speaker 3: ally is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1: I was like with you, no, let me preface this myself, but.
Speaker 3: I didn't even but I agree with you, like I
Speaker 3: I agree with you that it is like because I
Speaker 3: feel like in some ways, everybody feels like an underdog.
Speaker 3: I think everybody show feels like an underdog. I feel
Speaker 3: like I was for a long time like Dave's plus one,
Speaker 3: David Chappelle's plus one, like we were the show together
Speaker 3: and then I was like pretending to do stand up
Speaker 3: and then slowly but surely it was like, oh, oh,
Speaker 3: so I feel like I was able to earn not
Speaker 3: like I earned it as if I was a woman.
Speaker 3: But I earned this in a different way than everybody
Speaker 3: has to earn it. But I feel like mine took
Speaker 3: a long time and it was sort of public in
Speaker 3: a weird way.
Speaker 1: So, but I also think earning things sometimes it takes longer.
Speaker 1: You're not the front and center person. You're kind of
Speaker 1: out of an attachment to somebody else, which kind of
Speaker 1: countibults you into the spotlight in a different way. Can
Speaker 1: feel not like what you want at the beginning, but
Speaker 1: when you have achieved the success that you've had and
Speaker 1: earning it feels right, doesn't it. Like working that hard
Speaker 1: and hustling that hard feels good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you look back on the things that you
Speaker 3: were like I should have gotten that, and then you
Speaker 3: it's like I didn't realize how good I would have
Speaker 3: to be before people go okay, fine, yeah, it's like I,
Speaker 3: how hard do you need me to throw the ball?
Speaker 3: And they were just like harder. We don't know why, right,
Speaker 3: oh it harder. And I'd be like all right here
Speaker 3: and then they'd be like, okay, you're good. But it
Speaker 3: took so from my point of be mind bendingly long
Speaker 3: to get there. So yeah, but you're right, it is
Speaker 3: more satisfying than I never felt like I was grandfather did,
Speaker 3: but everybody else felt like I was grandfather. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I wrote the jokes and directed the sketches, like you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. Like it wasn't like everybody thought
Speaker 3: I didn't do anything, So it was it's nice to
Speaker 3: go like, okay, here, I am see this by myself. Finally,
Speaker 3: like Okay, you're funny.
Speaker 1: I can relate to what you're saying a great deal
Speaker 1: because I also find out, like even when you are successful,
Speaker 1: which I've been successful for so many years since I was,
Speaker 1: you know, in my probably late twenties, early thirties, and
Speaker 1: there were periods in my life where I had to
Speaker 1: prove and reprove the same shit I had already been
Speaker 1: successful at. And you're like, oh my god, are you
Speaker 1: fucking kidding me? Like I remember taking a break from
Speaker 1: stand up for six years after my Elsey Lately show.
Speaker 1: I just was so burned out on every level. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing stand up. I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1: I have nothing to say. And then when I went
Speaker 1: back to it six years later, like I understood, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be playing Arenas or what you were
Speaker 1: playing before. You have to rebuild that. But even my
Speaker 1: agents were like, what are you gonna do. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do stand up. That's how I started. And
Speaker 1: they're like, but what's it gonna be? What's it gonna
Speaker 1: be about? We don't get the show. I'm like, what what?
Speaker 1: And then I finally just had to ignore them and
Speaker 1: literally put my head down and go, Okay, I'll fucking
Speaker 1: show them what I'm gonna do. And I ended up
Speaker 1: selling that you know special to HBO Max when I
Speaker 1: came back on the scene in comedy, which was like
Speaker 1: three specials go. But it was very frustrating to have
Speaker 1: to reprove the reason why you became successful in the
Speaker 1: first place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's embarrassing, but the good news is, I think
Speaker 3: it kind of happens to everybody. Yeah, I really do,
Speaker 3: Like I think every I think even I won't name guys,
Speaker 3: but where you're like, hm, I don't know. I think
Speaker 3: it's maybe it's worse for women, but I think it's
Speaker 3: certainly exists for guys, and it's a terrible business for
Speaker 3: everyone involved.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize you went to Catholic school. I thought, Neil,
Speaker 1: I thought you were a Jew.
Speaker 3: I know. Well, the thing I say is, I'm not Jewish.
Speaker 3: I just have.
Speaker 1: Allergies, and you look a little Jewish, And no, of
Speaker 1: course I'm a Jew. So I know a Jew when
Speaker 1: I see one.
Speaker 3: You see like, apparently I have some of the features
Speaker 3: and the good joke writing. So yeah, but I went
Speaker 3: to Catholic school for twelve years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that'll fuck anybody up. But I was really
Speaker 1: really curious to learn about all of the shit that
Speaker 1: you've had to try to help your depression. And I
Speaker 1: want to talk about all of this stuff and what
Speaker 1: your reactions to all of this. TMS HGH gave you
Speaker 1: panic attacks, ketamine, aahuasca, and DMT, and then you flew
Speaker 1: to China to do intense TMS.
Speaker 3: So yes, I don't this was not just this sounds
Speaker 3: like I was just spinning a wheel and be like
Speaker 3: fuck it TMS again. It was a progression from just
Speaker 3: the basic therapy medication. Kind of hit a wall. I'd
Speaker 3: Zoloft help for about ten years, kind of hit a
Speaker 3: wall and then heard about TMS.
Speaker 1: Well, waitit, let's define what TMS is. Can you tell?
Speaker 3: Okay, yes, I will. TMS is called transcranial magnetic stimulation.
Speaker 3: It is a basically, it's kind of an MRI plate
Speaker 3: or helmet like sort of wand that they kind of
Speaker 3: put over your part of your head and then they
Speaker 3: fire an MRI beam and it's like sounds. It feels
Speaker 3: like a low energy woodpecker and it doesn't feel bad.
Speaker 3: We just kind of like this is odd and it
Speaker 3: works for people, and it worked for me.
Speaker 1: And what is it supposed to do. It's designed to
Speaker 1: stimulate something.
Speaker 3: It activates the electricity of brain cells, is my understanding.
Speaker 3: I could be missed.
Speaker 1: I could be completely misinformed.
Speaker 3: Yes, I know the word stimulation is in the title.
Speaker 3: So let's say it stimulates some neurons to get back
Speaker 3: to work, so to speak.
Speaker 1: And why did you go to China for this?
Speaker 3: Well? Okay, so I did TMS probably ten years ago
Speaker 3: in West La. I think it was about forty sessions.
Speaker 3: It's like three days, four days a week and it's
Speaker 3: a half hour you sit there watch TV. And then
Speaker 3: that it worked for a while, and then I just
Speaker 3: after maybe six years, I felt like I needed a
Speaker 3: tune up now. Concurrently, there was a guy booking a
Speaker 3: show in Shanghai that THEO Vaughn had done, so I
Speaker 3: was like, I'll do a show and Shang I, the
Speaker 3: guy who runs the show, has a brother that's a
Speaker 3: neurosurgeon in China has a better unregulated TMS while you're here.
Speaker 3: Do you want to do it? I was like, I
Speaker 3: only want to do it. I don't even care about
Speaker 3: the show in China. It was basically like five weeks
Speaker 3: of TMS in one week. They because it's it's a
Speaker 3: free for all, worked pretty good.
Speaker 1: And then the TMS. I think you mean it worked
Speaker 1: pretty well? Know the TMS really is it like a moodlifter.
Speaker 3: It's none of it. It's like a moodlifter. It's not nothing's
Speaker 3: like cocainey or like you know mdmash where it's like boying.
Speaker 3: It's more just like the floor comes up a little bit,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, in your mood. And that's
Speaker 3: how what I found with all this stuff. Zoloft was big.
Speaker 1: What about the ketamine, Well.
Speaker 3: Ketamine I didn't like it. See I've had like part
Speaker 3: twos with all these things. First time I did Keademy,
Speaker 3: it was like nine years ago, didn't work, didn't like it,
Speaker 3: found the experience of it sort of like a goofy
Speaker 3: drug expers no long term positive effects. And then the
Speaker 3: big one for me was ayahuasca. Oh, which you did.
Speaker 1: Once, right, yeah, twice and two in two days. I
Speaker 1: didn't see you're right?
Speaker 3: So yeah. So in twenty twenty, somebody sent me an
Speaker 3: article about ayahuasca and they're like, we got to do this.
Speaker 3: I then get a hookup, we do it, and it
Speaker 3: was like good. It was like, oh, this is good
Speaker 3: in a way I can't really it was. It felt
Speaker 3: like sort of connected, you know. And in order to
Speaker 3: do it you have to go off Zoloft. So I'd
Speaker 3: gone off Zoloft and was doing it, and then I
Speaker 3: did it again and I basically had my third time.
Speaker 3: I like woke up and I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: in the presence of God. I believe right now. I
Speaker 3: was an atheist before that, so I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I have now I have a spiritual connection. And I
Speaker 3: just felt different, like I felt like the neurons in
Speaker 3: my brain had sort of been updated or changed in
Speaker 3: some way. And then I haven't gone back on zela.
Speaker 1: Oh well that's a huge success story then And how
Speaker 1: long ago was that?
Speaker 3: Four years ago?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 1: I fucking love that story. Where did you do that
Speaker 1: in La?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Near six Flags? Thanks fr asking perfect?
Speaker 1: I love six Flags? What a safe environment for you?
Speaker 3: What wonderful? The screaming? Yeah, so so that was that's
Speaker 3: been great. And then I did five MEO DMT.
Speaker 1: I did that too, and I ended up naked because
Speaker 1: I had to rip my clothes off. That's how bad
Speaker 1: I was. It was the worst experience I've ever had
Speaker 1: with the drug. Was five dm EOT a.
Speaker 3: Different experience where I just had the basic you inhales?
Speaker 3: Did we explain it? It's basically a toad secretion that
Speaker 3: they dry and they scrape it, put it in a
Speaker 3: pipe and you smoke it and you get you go
Speaker 3: to Where did you go when you Inhale? Where did
Speaker 3: you go?
Speaker 1: Great question? I went to the darkest. I'm a positive, upbeat,
Speaker 1: typically upbeat person. I'm a pragmatist. I don't really get upset.
Speaker 1: I mean I get upset, but I don't get depressed.
Speaker 1: I don't struggle with what we're talking about. That was
Speaker 1: the darkest I've ever felt in my life. I didn't
Speaker 1: prepare for it, you know, like I didn't cleanse. I
Speaker 1: kind of did it off the cuff. Somebody was doing it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll try that. So that was stupid too.
Speaker 1: But I've never met a drug I didn't get along
Speaker 1: with great, So I was like, yeah, let's go face first.
Speaker 1: And it was miserable. It was dark and it was death.
Speaker 1: It felt like death, Like I was excited. I was
Speaker 1: told it was an ego killer, you know, and I
Speaker 1: love that. I love the idea of not having your
Speaker 1: ego in theory in the mix. Well, yeah, I would
Speaker 1: like to get rid of it permanently. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: sure I wouldn't be in this business, but i'd have
Speaker 1: to do something else. But yeah, it felt so ominous.
Speaker 1: The whole thing was just so dark, and I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I said, please make this stop, make it stop, make
Speaker 1: it stop. And five minutes later I was covered in
Speaker 1: my own sweat, in my bron underwear, sitting with some
Speaker 1: naked woman who was comforting me. I mean, I mean
Speaker 1: the woman who administered or helped me smoke it, who
Speaker 1: was comforting me. And I was like, this was awful
Speaker 1: and I don't ever need to do this again. So
Speaker 1: tell me about your experience.
Speaker 3: Well, Chelsea, I went to what another person described, Michael Polland,
Speaker 3: who wrote a book called How to Change Her Mind.
Speaker 3: He described smoking DMT, and he went to the same
Speaker 3: place that I went to, which is before the Big Bang. Insane.
Speaker 3: It was insane. I told somebody I was aiming for God,
Speaker 3: and I missed my stop. I went past everything, and then,
Speaker 3: but at last, about thirty five minutes, I was I
Speaker 3: was in a white void. I didn't know what breathing was,
Speaker 3: I didn't know what direction left right up. I didn't
Speaker 3: have any sense of anything, and with the ego death
Speaker 3: thing I've never experienced, because I was some version of myself,
Speaker 3: meaning like I was some I had a point of view,
Speaker 3: and my point of view was I have no idea
Speaker 3: what's happening? And I I felt like I was feeling
Speaker 3: my first neuron form, like I felt like the original
Speaker 3: person of human life, not a person. We're millions away.
Speaker 1: Wave man, even on your feet.
Speaker 3: Further, we're talking about molecule.
Speaker 1: I was a mom okay, okay, wow wow.
Speaker 3: Yes it was wild. And then slowly but surely, my
Speaker 3: sort of human consciousness came back into me over about
Speaker 3: thirty five minutes to the point where like pettiness would
Speaker 3: come back in and I was like, no, we're not
Speaker 3: doing that anymore. Like I was trying to like rebuild.
Speaker 3: So it was like, you know, I inhaled at eight,
Speaker 3: I was walking home at nine. I was in New York,
Speaker 3: and uh, that was fine. Right a week later, I
Speaker 3: have what's called a reactivation, like a flashback. So now
Speaker 3: it was. It was a Sunday in New York. I
Speaker 3: went and met a woman for coffee, and I was
Speaker 3: on a coffee date, and half of me was before
Speaker 3: the big bang, like visually, and I had the two
Speaker 3: or three most harrowing days of my life. I didn't know.
Speaker 3: At one point, I go, am I in God's imagination?
Speaker 3: Just shit, you're not supposed to think at all. But
Speaker 3: I got a half a percent better every day, and
Speaker 3: after about eight months, I was a better version of
Speaker 3: myself than I've ever been.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a good that's a positive story, I know,
Speaker 1: but it's scary scary also.
Speaker 3: And talk about earning it, like got the I got
Speaker 3: the transformation, but like I had to work for every
Speaker 3: inch of it.
Speaker 1: Sounds like it. Did you feel like you had your
Speaker 1: ego with ayahuasca that feels like an ego killer as well.
Speaker 3: I don't the thing about the ego seeing this as
Speaker 3: ego or not. I think my experiences were it's always
Speaker 3: going to be from my point of view. I've never
Speaker 3: had an experience where it wasn't a first person whether
Speaker 3: I'm a molecule or I don't think that.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what I mean by saying. If
Speaker 1: it like, it can still be your perspective. But you are,
Speaker 1: like I remember Ayahuasca, I was like I was. I
Speaker 1: was the spirit of me rather than the physical me,
Speaker 1: you know, the spirit of me looking at the spirit
Speaker 1: of my sister, looking at the spirit of the situation,
Speaker 1: looking at everything from above, and I'm I'm me, But
Speaker 1: I'm not attached to me and my ego. I'm attached
Speaker 1: to the natural good outcome of the situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would. I would say that the thing that
Speaker 3: I've gotten from it is my values are sort of
Speaker 3: better overall, like my ethics or like what I crave.
Speaker 3: There's more to the story also. So then so that's
Speaker 3: like twenty twenty one, right, then this year they're about
Speaker 3: the last calendar year, twenty twenty three, twenty twenty four.
Speaker 3: I've done MDMA every maybe three months in like a
Speaker 3: not party setting, and uh, I've gotten so much from it,
Speaker 3: like real growth, I think, like real recategorization of like
Speaker 3: how I am in my in my essence kind of
Speaker 3: like it's really awesome. The clearest example I can give
Speaker 3: is like there was one maybe last August, where I
Speaker 3: did it and I was able to forgive all my
Speaker 3: many enemies. Chelsea. I'm Irish, Catholic, you know, grudge and
Speaker 3: a little Jewish with a Jewish rising and and we
Speaker 3: and I was able to forgive all my enemies. And
Speaker 3: then the next I was like, why was I so
Speaker 3: able to do that? Like a A I'm like, I
Speaker 3: love holding a grudge. And I realized because I finally
Speaker 3: had some oxytose and dopamine and serotonin in my brain
Speaker 3: instead of just cortisol and adrenaline all day. And I realize, like, oh,
Speaker 3: I need to stop paying attention to the cortisol. Like
Speaker 3: what I think is my personality is basically just me
Speaker 3: going like cortisol, cortisol, cortisol, cortisol, and and ignoring that
Speaker 3: sort of part of my brain that rites that shit
Speaker 3: and just going like you're out of your mind. And
Speaker 3: I've been able to kind of do it. It was
Speaker 3: a thing I couldn't. I had no mastery over whatsoever.
Speaker 3: And now I actually have some and I legitimately believe
Speaker 3: it's because of the aahuasca DMT.
Speaker 1: And yeah, no, all those drugs are good things, you know.
Speaker 1: I think everyone's realizing that now, especially are you sober?
Speaker 3: Like basically like I couldn't tell you the last time
Speaker 3: I had a drink, but I don't.
Speaker 1: It's not like a thing, right, You're not interested? Okay?
Speaker 1: So are you? Do? You think you're good at giving advice?
Speaker 3: Neil, I love it. Whether it's good or not. It's
Speaker 3: a whole lot of one.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what we're going to find out. We're going
Speaker 1: to find that out today.
Speaker 3: I'm no what all's no.
Speaker 1: Perfect Okay, So we are going to take a break
Speaker 1: and we're going to be right back.
Speaker 2: If you need advice from Chelsea, right into Dear Chelsea
Speaker 2: Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your
Speaker 2: biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group,
Speaker 2: the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on,
Speaker 2: or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot
Speaker 2: com and we're back. We are back. Are you ready
Speaker 2: to lunch?
Speaker 3: Ready?
Speaker 1: Nail's ready, I'm fucking ready. You're ready, Ayahuasca's ready? By dat.
Speaker 1: We should do a episode where we're all on MDMA.
Speaker 2: That sounds that I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, our first question comes from Katie and she's in
Speaker 2: New York. My boyfriend and I have been together for
Speaker 2: about three years, and I've always been really right there.
Speaker 2: He is like three or four years older than her,
Speaker 2: but I've always been really frank with him that I'm
Speaker 2: not okay with him using porn. I think it's super
Speaker 2: demeaning and generally ruins your sex. I thought catching him
Speaker 2: in the act with porn would be the worst thing
Speaker 2: that could happen. Turns out I was wrong. While using
Speaker 2: his computer to do some research for work, I stumbled
Speaker 2: across some Reddit threads he had bookmarked. I promise I
Speaker 2: wasn't snooping Chelsea. The trail led me to threads about
Speaker 2: a certain barely legal teenage actress who starred in Let's Say,
Speaker 2: a popular Netflix show starring children. The thread showed all
Speaker 2: kinds of red carpet and paparazzi photos of the actress,
Speaker 2: who had been a mere child in the show we'd
Speaker 2: just watched. In compromising photos think close ups on cameltoe, wardrobe,
Speaker 2: malfunctions at the beach, etc. Just a woman living her
Speaker 2: life being taken advantage of, and my boyfriend was googling it.
Speaker 2: The whole thing felt very non consensual. I was disgusted,
Speaker 2: even though the pictures generally seemed to be on the
Speaker 2: recent end of things, so she would be legal. But
Speaker 2: who's to tell. My problem is, I'm absolutely sure he's
Speaker 2: the one. Does this mean he's sexually attracted to kids?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes it does. We'll gonna talk to Neil in
Speaker 1: a second about it, but I'm pretty sure it does.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Instead, I be scared to bring him around my teenage nieces.
Speaker 2: Will he be attracted to me as I age? Most importantly,
Speaker 2: is this a deal breaker? Katie?
Speaker 1: Let's talk about porn? Neil, you're a straight mail tell
Speaker 1: us what the deal is?
Speaker 3: I think, well, I have a lot of thoughts about it.
Speaker 3: One of them is, guys, don't realize that it's science fiction.
Speaker 3: It's not real. It's as real as the best analogy is.
Speaker 3: It's as real as fast and Furious is to driving.
Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, you're not driving off of buildings onto
Speaker 3: aircraft carriage. It's stupid. Most porn it's just dumb and cartoonish,
Speaker 3: and women just are not like that. Like occasionally, I
Speaker 3: think women are a little bit like that, like sporty
Speaker 3: like let that, ah whatever, but I think most women
Speaker 3: actually want a connection.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so we've got the porn figured out sort of,
Speaker 1: But what do you have to say about younger because
Speaker 1: this is important And she used the word non consensual.
Speaker 2: Because it's sort of like creepy picture has taken while
Speaker 2: this woman was not aware of.
Speaker 1: But that's yes, But she's a public person, so she's
Speaker 1: gonna get pictures taken of her. But the other thing
Speaker 1: is younger women. Okay, Neil, let's talk about men and
Speaker 1: younger women. What are your thoughts on this guy looking
Speaker 1: at pictures of a girl that's hardly legal, and what
Speaker 1: does that make you think about him.
Speaker 3: I've never had a predilection for a younger one. I
Speaker 3: always dated older women. Whatever. Again, I'm an ally.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing that's me and there's nothing we can
Speaker 1: do about it.
Speaker 3: No. I love menopause and I always will, so I
Speaker 3: think it's some of its kind of gross if you
Speaker 3: get into like peak human fertility. If you go deeper
Speaker 3: and deeper and deeper, it's like a guy, we're attracted
Speaker 3: to fertility, and women are attracted to guys with big
Speaker 3: shoulders and jaws and foreheads and providers and all that stuff.
Speaker 3: If you get into the reality of it, it's pretty gross, right, So,
Speaker 3: but obviously there are laws for a reason because you're praying. Basically, yes,
Speaker 3: it's obviously gross and like troubling, but I also understand
Speaker 3: it from an evolutionary thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know what you're saying. I just think, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, there's a lot of guys out there
Speaker 1: that wouldn't be interested in looking at a girl that age,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? There are men that
Speaker 1: are more but sure than that, that that are like
Speaker 1: that doesn't turn me on because they know enough now
Speaker 1: to understand that a woman at that age is not
Speaker 1: mature enough to understand you're not on a level even
Speaker 1: playing field. I don't care if anybody watches porn whatever,
Speaker 1: whatever floats your boat. But when you're talking about younger
Speaker 1: girls and you has a Reddit thing and he's following,
Speaker 1: like what looking at pictures of her camel tooe, Like
Speaker 1: all of that is just so gross, creepy. It's all creepy.
Speaker 1: It's off limits, like there's a power dynamic. And it's
Speaker 1: also you're creeping, like well, creeping on anyone is icky.
Speaker 1: It's the creeping. It's the ass up, like I don't
Speaker 1: want to look. It's a picture of someone's cameltoe on
Speaker 1: the beach.
Speaker 3: Why.
Speaker 1: Yes, So when she's saying this is the one, it's like,
Speaker 1: is it is it the one? Because it sounds like
Speaker 1: you already believe that. So nothing I'm gonna say is
Speaker 1: gonna change your mind. But I would say, ew, he
Speaker 1: sounds gross.
Speaker 3: Yes, I totally agree either, So of course I mean
Speaker 3: an a So you know what I'm gonna say, guys,
Speaker 3: but I think in some ways most guy sexual predilections
Speaker 3: are gross just by the fact that it's coming from
Speaker 3: a guy. Yeah, it's gonna be great. It's a McDonald's.
Speaker 3: You can took Kobe Beef on it, it's still McDonald
Speaker 3: it's still gross. So you know, it's like, what should
Speaker 3: a guy like? And then what you'll describe as something
Speaker 3: akin to you, you know what I mean, like a
Speaker 3: woman who's been successful and did whatever, like a professional
Speaker 3: data because I think because I'm sure there are things
Speaker 3: or types of guys you like that you're not that
Speaker 3: proud of, or it's not the greatest thing you've ever liked,
Speaker 3: or sexual scenarios that you're like, I wish I didn't
Speaker 3: like that, but I do, and it's porn as sort
Speaker 3: of a safe way to act out.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question from a male perspective.
Speaker 1: If you had a girlfriend and you found her doing
Speaker 1: what this woman is describing. She found Shay she was
Speaker 1: looking at pictures of some underage actor. Who's a good
Speaker 1: underage actor. I want to say Timothy Shallamy.
Speaker 2: But he's Ben Wolfard was one with all these like
Speaker 2: fifty year old moms were like getting tattoos of his
Speaker 2: face when he was eleven and being like he's so hot.
Speaker 1: Like if you found air your girlfriend looking at pictures
Speaker 1: of a young celebrity that was not eighteen years old,
Speaker 1: how would you react and how would that make you feel?
Speaker 3: This is like that movie where Matthew McConaughey gives a
Speaker 3: big speech in court at the end and changes the
Speaker 3: whole point of like what.
Speaker 1: A time to kill That was a time to kill Miquel.
Speaker 3: It's a time to kill. I would think she's a
Speaker 3: little bananas what Like.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't if I if I saw a guy looking
Speaker 1: at a young girl like, I would be done. I'm
Speaker 1: not interested in that. I don't like that.
Speaker 3: No, if I knew what, yeah, yeah, you're you're once,
Speaker 3: I'm like, Yeah, if I if I was dating a
Speaker 3: woman who liked looking at underage dick Prince, I'd be like,
Speaker 3: you know what, I think we've done everything we can here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like a deal breaker. That's her name, Katie, Katie.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I know you think this is the one
Speaker 1: and you probably will marry him and you won't listen
Speaker 1: to me. But I would say, honestly, that's a big
Speaker 1: red flag, a big red Reddit flag.
Speaker 2: Does this mean he's into kids? Maybe not? But do
Speaker 2: you want to be the one to find out?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Exactly. It's like, there are many people in the world.
Speaker 1: Everyone needs to stop talking about the one. There are
Speaker 1: millions of ones. Just find someone else.
Speaker 2: It's not that hard find a better one.
Speaker 3: And when you find a better one, you're like, I
Speaker 3: have a great one, and I'm like, I'm so glad
Speaker 3: I waited.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3: Once you find you're like, oh yeah, I knew that
Speaker 3: I could get like a suit that fit better. You
Speaker 3: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's so profound, Neil, you're like a profit. You're like
Speaker 1: an ally profit.
Speaker 3: I do a lot of things apart a lot of
Speaker 3: profit works.
Speaker 2: Yes, well, our next question comes from Dylan. She writes,
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, I met my husband in September twenty twenty
Speaker 2: one and married him six months later, super quick. I
Speaker 2: know I was single for eight years prior to meeting him,
Speaker 2: and I knew that he was here on a student
Speaker 2: visa to get his masters, but I didn't know the
Speaker 2: deadline was quickly approaching. At that point. He offered me
Speaker 2: three options. One, we could continue dating while he married
Speaker 2: another woman strictly as a platonic business agreement. Two, we
Speaker 2: could break up so he could pursue another woman who
Speaker 2: was ready to get married on the spot. Three, we
Speaker 2: could marry each other. I was so new to being
Speaker 2: back in the dating world and had really strong feelings
Speaker 2: for him, and I couldn't imagine losing him. At that point.
Speaker 2: I decided to say fuck it and went on to
Speaker 2: have a courthouse marriage. I continuously question if I made
Speaker 2: the right decision. I know he's in love with me,
Speaker 2: but I'm not sure if he's just using me for citizenship.
Speaker 2: One thing is he works a remote job. He was
Speaker 2: introduced virtually to a female coworker who soon left the company.
Speaker 2: They've kept in touch for over a year now. They
Speaker 2: text almost every day and have scheduled calls that last
Speaker 2: over an hour. Sometimes these include video chats. She cries
Speaker 2: to him about her work troubles and personal life, and
Speaker 2: even sends postcards from the different states she visits, postcards
Speaker 2: what year are we living in? I'm never privy to
Speaker 2: these calls. He secludes himself in the room with the
Speaker 2: door closed. I didn't honestly care about this weird friendship
Speaker 2: until we recently had a pretty big fight. When we
Speaker 2: made up, he let a slip that he had planned
Speaker 2: on visiting her if we were actually to separate. This
Speaker 2: set off alarm bells for me. Should I have voiced
Speaker 2: my opinion about their friendship or am I being dramatic?
Speaker 1: Dylan, Hi, Dylan, Hi, guys, this is Neil Brennan. He's
Speaker 1: our special ghost today.
Speaker 3: Hey, good to meet you.
Speaker 1: We wanted you to have advice from a straight male
Speaker 1: and straight females.
Speaker 4: Ooh, Okay, this is new.
Speaker 1: Honestly, that really sucks, and I would probably I think
Speaker 1: that that something probably is happening that you don't know
Speaker 1: about and leading to that, Like it's all very shady
Speaker 1: and it's pretty obvious, like you shouldn't. Nobody has carries
Speaker 1: on those relationships with people unless there aren't like emotional feelings,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. This isn't some friend he's
Speaker 1: had since childhood. This is a woman he met at
Speaker 1: his job who's he's carving out special time to have
Speaker 1: video chats with her, like he clearly has feelings for.
Speaker 2: Her, or like she's a backup you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Neil, what do you have to say?
Speaker 3: I would agree wholeheartedly. Like I again, not to be
Speaker 3: the very bad news, but there's no point in who's
Speaker 3: got that much bandwidth for like a romantic relationship and
Speaker 3: then like a platonic plus relationship. Also that like work
Speaker 3: wife thing. It's like when I when people started saying
Speaker 3: where I'm like, this's the person you're gonna fuck when
Speaker 3: you guys break up. It's not your work wife, it's
Speaker 3: like your miss. It's your open miss. You're my future mistress.
Speaker 3: So it'll be hard. But I think you have to
Speaker 3: accept the fact that it might not be what you
Speaker 3: wanted to be.
Speaker 2: Okay, have the two of them ever met in person
Speaker 2: or it has been strictly virtual the whole time.
Speaker 3: Just virtual?
Speaker 2: Okay, it's just weird.
Speaker 1: And it's also like your your alarm bells were already
Speaker 1: going off and then you had a fight and he
Speaker 1: kind of delivered the information that should be the end
Speaker 1: of the relationship, like he was going to go visit
Speaker 1: her if you guys didn't get back together. That's kind
Speaker 1: of your answer.
Speaker 2: The relationship with the work wife, or the relationship.
Speaker 1: With Dylan, the relationship with the work the work wife,
Speaker 1: Like he was going to go visit that girl, right,
Speaker 1: he told you that when you guys got in this fight,
Speaker 1: So like that's your answer. And I feel like I
Speaker 1: think the one the biggest disservice women due to ourselves
Speaker 1: is not listening to the warnings. You know, don't let
Speaker 1: him talk you into whatever it's. His behavior demonstrates it
Speaker 1: all by itself. You don't need to have any conversations
Speaker 1: around it. His behavior, your scheduling calls, scheduling zooms or
Speaker 1: facetimes or whatever they're up to. It's all just that's
Speaker 1: all the information you need and it does suck, but
Speaker 1: I think you don't want to ever learn this lesson again, right, right,
Speaker 1: So if you can just get out of this relationship,
Speaker 1: do you feel like you have that, like you're ready
Speaker 1: to get out of this relationship. Not at the moment.
Speaker 4: It's not really a good time for that. Just like
Speaker 4: personally between the two of us, we just signed a
Speaker 4: new lease on a house, so we're moving again, and.
Speaker 3: It's a two year lease.
Speaker 4: So I don't know if I should go to him
Speaker 4: with like a compromise because I don't really have guy
Speaker 4: friends with that type of relationship, or if I should
Speaker 4: just say, like, hey, like this just needs to end period.
Speaker 4: There's nothing I need to do to make this better.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to say, even if you signed a
Speaker 1: year lease, a two year lease with yes, you can
Speaker 1: give him an ultimatum, but I'm sure that he's going
Speaker 1: to continue talking to her behind your back. That's what
Speaker 1: I would predict will happen. And I would also say,
Speaker 1: and I know, I don't know what kind of financial
Speaker 1: position you're in, but I would say the fact that
Speaker 1: you signed a least with him for two years does
Speaker 1: not mean you can't break up with him, Okay, you
Speaker 1: have to figure out a way, like to say, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't trust this situation. I want you to be
Speaker 1: done with this woman. If he says yes, fine, no problem, fine,
Speaker 1: and you want to give it a chance, go, I
Speaker 1: would say, just get out of the situation. Don't waste
Speaker 1: another two years of your life with somebody like this.
Speaker 3: I just yeah, you may have to buy your freedom,
Speaker 3: but it'll be worth it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know that doesn't sound good, but it
Speaker 1: will be worth it. I would hate to see you
Speaker 1: waste another two years of your life with somebody that
Speaker 1: is like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no I think the I think good thing
Speaker 3: that a lot of people do is talk yourself out
Speaker 3: of what you know. I me like, no, And also,
Speaker 3: I want to be a Relationships are hard work. They're
Speaker 3: not that hard, you know what I mean, Like, they're
Speaker 3: not they don't require that much grace and generosity on
Speaker 3: your part, Like this is so far beyond the pale
Speaker 3: to me. I'm with what Chelsea said, which is like,
Speaker 3: try to get out of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. I hate to give you that kind
Speaker 1: of answer. You know, we all do because it sucks.
Speaker 1: But you decide what your value is. Like we all
Speaker 1: kind of decide what we're going to tolerate and what
Speaker 1: we're not. And I really think this is a moment
Speaker 1: in your life where you have to decide what are
Speaker 1: you worth to yourself? Okay?
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I and try not to let the financial
Speaker 1: aspect of making a commitment. He can find another roommate
Speaker 1: or find another go get that girl to move in
Speaker 1: whatever I want you to free up and go meet
Speaker 1: the person you're really supposed to be with.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can lose the security deposit. You can make
Speaker 2: that money again, but you can't get that time back.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, show yourself some respect.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Thanks, sending you a lot of love, honey.
Speaker 4: All right, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Thanks Dylan.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 1: We've had some bad news on this podcast today.
Speaker 3: It's not usually is.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like doctor Phil, but.
Speaker 2: Not really breaking people up. Well, hopefully we can help Maria.
Speaker 2: She's just trying to get late.
Speaker 3: So oh, I wouldn't I wouldn't bet on it.
Speaker 1: Well, Neil, you're just single. You can have sex with
Speaker 1: her if she needs somebody to have sex with her.
Speaker 3: I'm not single. I have a lady. Oh, oh shit,
Speaker 3: I said that I have a I have a lady
Speaker 3: now and it's like a custom mates. It's awesome.
Speaker 1: Oh that's so nice that she's not a comedian.
Speaker 2: No, is this the one you went on the coffee
Speaker 2: date with and went into another?
Speaker 3: Nope, nope, this woman's actually a therapist, it's all.
Speaker 1: It's his therapist.
Speaker 3: Actually, by a therapist, I mean my therapist. Yes, and
Speaker 3: it was actually my couples therapists with my act kidding,
Speaker 3: I kid, I kid, it's.
Speaker 1: Like Johnny deppan is divorce attorney, but a beautiful romance.
Speaker 2: Well, Maria is twenty three, so she's too young anyway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not allowed to talk to her.
Speaker 2: She's three. I should go, so, she says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 2: my name's Maria and I'm a twenty three year old
Speaker 2: woman and I've lately been having issues navigating relationships. A
Speaker 2: lot of my close friends and family are the old
Speaker 2: ball and chain type, and after seeing that shit, no thanks.
Speaker 2: I also grew up going to Catholic school, so casual
Speaker 2: sex and dating was never really an option. However, since
Speaker 2: I've moved to Chicago, I've realized that I just want
Speaker 2: to be alone with myself and my dogs, Drew, Marrymore
Speaker 2: and Potato. Plus, I just realized I'm a lesbian after
Speaker 2: getting out of a three year relationship. Shout out to
Speaker 2: Rene Wrap for that revelation. So I feel like I
Speaker 2: have a lot of scissoring to catch up on.
Speaker 1: Oh m hm.
Speaker 2: This took a lot out of me and made me
Speaker 2: realize at this point, I just want sex and attention.
Speaker 2: I'm talking freer than a public restroom, and I honestly
Speaker 2: don't know how to go about that. I flirt with
Speaker 2: men for attention, and I've been super open with them
Speaker 2: about that, but it always ends with them buying me
Speaker 2: gifts and becoming possessive. And then with women, we'll sleep
Speaker 2: together and then they get emotionally invested and social media
Speaker 2: stock me. One even put an air tag on my car.
Speaker 2: So my question is how do I set those boundaries
Speaker 2: and tell people I don't want to be with them
Speaker 2: in that way?
Speaker 1: Maria, Hi, Maria, Hi, this is our special guest Neil
Speaker 1: Brennan today. Hi Maria, Hey, Well, good for you for
Speaker 1: having so many options. I envy that. I think that
Speaker 1: all these dating sites, you know, you can make it
Speaker 1: very clear on Tinder, unhinge on all these things, all
Speaker 1: these platforms, that you're not looking for anything serious and
Speaker 1: that you are looking for casual fun encounters, and people
Speaker 1: appreciate that honesty, and you're going to find people that
Speaker 1: are also looking for the same thing. Just like front
Speaker 1: load that information, you know what I mean, put that
Speaker 1: up front and center. Because some people are also they
Speaker 1: don't want to deal with the relationship aspect. They feel
Speaker 1: the same way you do, so it's kind of like
Speaker 1: a shortcut to meeting those But I would just say
Speaker 1: to put your profile up on all of those things,
Speaker 1: because tell that's what Tinder specially is for sex. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like it right, it's not for dating, and
Speaker 1: all these platforms are for sex, so it's I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not a real problem. I don't think.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, Maria, I have a question as a man,
Speaker 3: you said you're flirting with men for attention, and then
Speaker 3: are you taking all the all the sexual energy and
Speaker 3: bringing it to women and then having sex with them
Speaker 3: or are you do you sleep with the men sometimes?
Speaker 1: I sleep with the guys sometimes.
Speaker 3: I like and then they get what if they were
Speaker 3: nineteen Chelsea, would you like her style? Then?
Speaker 1: There legal. I don't know anything about allyship at all.
Speaker 3: I'm a bad ally. I just remembered I directed half
Speaker 3: of the first season of Amy Schumer, so that again
Speaker 3: put another chip on the ally if I'm ever in trouble.
Speaker 3: So okay, so and the guys are getting you tell
Speaker 3: the guys that it's you like to keep it sexual,
Speaker 3: and they're getting attached.
Speaker 1: Also, yeah, that's only because yeah, men are so you're
Speaker 1: saying that, yes exactly, and they.
Speaker 3: Know that if you said I can't wait to see
Speaker 3: you again, you would never see them exactly.
Speaker 1: That's actually a right tactic. You should just completely switch
Speaker 1: tactics and say you're looking for a relationship and you
Speaker 1: will get the opposite response.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and be like, whoops, I slept with you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and go up, I fucked you. I accidentally fucked you.
Speaker 1: And if you don't want to see that person again
Speaker 1: after you fuck them, say I love you. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't say it during sex. Say it during sex, and
Speaker 1: you will never ever see that person again.
Speaker 2: Make eye contact.
Speaker 1: This is for the men only. And I don't know
Speaker 1: what goes on in lesbian circles like I only I mean,
Speaker 1: I only have lesbian friends. I have ever been operated
Speaker 1: in a lesbian relationship. So, but yes, I would say
Speaker 1: throw actually throw out everything I said and go with
Speaker 1: what Neil said and just say you're looking for love,
Speaker 1: and then you won't have any problems.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, well yeah, do lesbian? I mean, I feel
Speaker 3: like lesbians would be like I may. They might say,
Speaker 3: I also love you, I'm getting to love you. Am
Speaker 3: I wrong? Am I stereotyping?
Speaker 2: I think you're.
Speaker 1: I love that line. I'm going to use that line.
Speaker 1: I'm getting to love you too. That's what I must
Speaker 1: say the next time someone's.
Speaker 3: In that direction, I'm not there yet, they get into it.
Speaker 3: I wonder how you could handle it with lesbian if
Speaker 3: you said I'm not interested, would they take you? Would
Speaker 3: they would they take your word for it? Are they
Speaker 3: taking your word for it? And now?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: They they take it as a challenge.
Speaker 1: They're like, okay, so, like, what do I have to
Speaker 1: do to make you like me again?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Why did it stop so annoying? It's just like you're
Speaker 1: just trying to have some casual set.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Literally, I think we have a good plan for
Speaker 3: the guys. I don't I feel unqualified to give you
Speaker 3: directions for lesbians.
Speaker 2: I feel like you gotta like bang them and block
Speaker 2: them like you got it, or be like, hey, your
Speaker 2: friend's really cute. Can you introduce me to her?
Speaker 1: Like that's kind of a douchebag, Yeah, if you're a dick, Yeah.
Speaker 2: That makes sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And if that doesn't work, fake your own death.
Speaker 1: Have you thought about faking your own obviously?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Who has it? Okay, stay strong and I'm so happy
Speaker 1: you're having so much sex. Good for you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm Maria. But what city background was?
Speaker 2: She's in Chicago, and Chicago is the best city to
Speaker 2: be young and queer in, especially for lesbians. It is
Speaker 2: the best, is it? We have a whole neighborhood of
Speaker 2: lesbians of lesbians. It's called Anderson Mill.
Speaker 1: That's oh, it should be called And you know what's.
Speaker 3: Funny is that you guys start reading the letter and
Speaker 3: then you'll and then I paint a picture of them
Speaker 3: in my head, and then you bring them on camera
Speaker 3: like halfway through the letter. It should be part of
Speaker 3: the show, like a game show, like what do you
Speaker 3: think this person looks like? Yeah? And then they come
Speaker 3: up and it's never what I'm over to.
Speaker 1: So far, we have to take a break, Neil on
Speaker 1: that thoughtful interaction that we just had. We have to
Speaker 1: take a break and we'll be right back. Okay, and
Speaker 1: we're back.
Speaker 2: We are back.
Speaker 1: That was our break and we're back.
Speaker 2: Yes, we have a little quickie to wrap up with. Okay, great,
Speaker 2: the email is slightly long, but.
Speaker 3: You know the I have a question. I have a
Speaker 3: question about quickies real quick. When you say let's have
Speaker 3: a quickie, right, as a woman, let's have a quickie,
Speaker 3: do you expect that you'll have an orgasm or is
Speaker 3: it just to get the sexual energy an orgasm?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah, we want to come yeah, like five
Speaker 2: minutes or less, like make it happen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Look, I didn't love your tone. Didn't love
Speaker 3: either of your tone. Understood, will do it. I have
Speaker 3: a very mercenary approach to sex, which is like I
Speaker 3: go in for you the pardoner, to have an orgasm,
Speaker 3: and then once you're all set, then I go okay,
Speaker 3: now it's my turn.
Speaker 2: Perfect.
Speaker 1: That's what most men should be doing. Yes, you go
Speaker 1: in service your woman and then you can penetrate her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's not even the that's not even that
Speaker 3: well you're now you're saying, is the penetration wouldn't give
Speaker 3: her an organ which as an ally, I know that
Speaker 3: it often does. Well.
Speaker 1: I know from talking to people that you've had sex
Speaker 1: with that you are not what you're doing doesn't result
Speaker 1: in a lot of orgasms.
Speaker 3: You That is not true. That is I can't. I'm
Speaker 3: thinking about the people you could.
Speaker 2: Have read a letter I was gonna say, Neil, I
Speaker 2: was very pleased with your sex advice for guys.
Speaker 1: Also very very Yes, I actually was too. You were
Speaker 1: paying attention and you were really listening, and that's a
Speaker 1: good quality in a man.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Yeah, I thought it was, so it's great
Speaker 3: to hear it.
Speaker 2: Nicky says dear Chelsea. I've been dating my boyfriend for
Speaker 2: almost six years. We're in a very serious relationship, live together,
Speaker 2: and are in the midst of preparing to get engaged
Speaker 2: and build a life together. The only problem is that
Speaker 2: he is a Republican and I am a Democrat. We
Speaker 2: both come from a very liberal metropolitan city, and when
Speaker 2: we first started dating, I was naive enough to think
Speaker 2: that everyone I knew was naturally a Democrat. I remember
Speaker 2: during the midterms asking if he wanted to come with
Speaker 2: me to vote, and he said he didn't want to
Speaker 2: get caught in the rain.
Speaker 1: That's good for Republicans, Yes, exactly. I know.
Speaker 2: I was young, dumb and in love and I just
Speaker 2: didn't notice. We've had our ups and downs with politics,
Speaker 2: and certainly had our growing pains, and even broke up
Speaker 2: twice over it. So she goes on to say like
Speaker 2: he's generally really respectful with her and respects her opinions,
Speaker 2: he actually wants to talk about things with her, and
Speaker 2: she gets very sort of like upset with him and emotional,
Speaker 2: but she says, other than that, he is a really wonderful,
Speaker 2: sweet person, extremely loving and generous. His friends are even
Speaker 2: very respectful with their Republican beliefs. And the only problem
Speaker 2: is I can't help but feel that I'm doing the
Speaker 2: world at a service by being with a Republican. Is
Speaker 2: he being the bigger person by accepting me and my
Speaker 2: views and I'm being closed minded? Nikki?
Speaker 3: This is one of these things where it's like if
Speaker 3: two women who I'm assuming are liberal or Democrats, right,
Speaker 3: what do you think when a guy's Republican? Do you
Speaker 3: just assume that what assumptions do you make?
Speaker 1: Great question? I assume that they are cheap? I assume
Speaker 1: that they're not as open minded with the LGBTQ community.
Speaker 1: You know, they have their own opinions about anti trans
Speaker 1: is a big one. And also what about abortion? I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, you know, yeah, I was just gonna say, like,
Speaker 1: you're taking away people's rights, actively supporting a party that's
Speaker 1: taking away women's and other people's rights. So I don't
Speaker 1: really I couldn't do it be with a Republican, but
Speaker 1: I would like to tell people that it's possible. I
Speaker 1: would like to have the feelings that, yes, you can
Speaker 1: make it work if you love him and he's respectful
Speaker 1: about your opinions. But it is a major value differentiation
Speaker 1: when you're talking about human rights.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Mean that is that.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm curious about. It's like, what you know,
Speaker 3: It's like some people are Republican, but they're like not
Speaker 3: about certain things, And is it worth making a distinction,
Speaker 3: and is it just like, well, do you think I
Speaker 3: should stay? Should I should? Twenty six thousand women in
Speaker 3: Texas have to give birth because of rape, you know
Speaker 3: that statistic that in the last eighteen months. Thinks so
Speaker 3: like oh God, like shit, that's so dire and depressing
Speaker 3: and you're like, do you you know, do you support that?
Speaker 3: Because you do support that, it seems highly improbable.
Speaker 1: And I don't What do you think about people who
Speaker 1: say that they don't support that but they're still a Republican.
Speaker 3: I think that they are naive.
Speaker 1: Yes, I agree with you, you know what.
Speaker 3: I mean, Like, I think they're either naive at best
Speaker 3: and lying at worst. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know it's a hard answer. It's another this
Speaker 1: is another DeBie downer. I would say, I can't do it.
Speaker 1: If you could do it, great, if you could get
Speaker 1: past it, great, if you can just divorce yourself and departmentalize,
Speaker 1: you know, your relationship in that way that you guys
Speaker 1: aren't going to agree that I'm that, then good for you.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't be able to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I mean asterisk. If he's not voting at all,
Speaker 2: does it matter? I mean it does, but well, you know,
Speaker 2: is he not voting or did he not in the midterms?
Speaker 2: But if he's not voting at all, then, like, I
Speaker 2: don't know, maybe it's less of an issue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's not voting, great, well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we can count on it raining every election,
Speaker 3: and then this is this relationship is definitely going to work.
Speaker 3: But the minute the sunshines, watch out.
Speaker 1: Neil. You were a delight.
Speaker 3: It was great to spend time with you.
Speaker 1: I loved having you on and everyone you have to
Speaker 1: watch his special and then you have to watch his
Speaker 1: other specials because you are a fucking very talented man
Speaker 1: and you're very funny. And it's called Crazy Good and
Speaker 1: it's on Netflix. And Neil also has a podcast called Blocks.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: What kind of things do you talk about on What
Speaker 2: do you talk about on Blocks?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Well, so I had a special called Blocks where
Speaker 3: I talked about my emotional blocks, right, and then so
Speaker 3: now I have other comedians come on, and like Letterman
Speaker 3: came on, and Bill Burr and Bert and Tom and
Speaker 3: you know, Jimmy Carr, just a bunch of people, hopefully Chelsea,
Speaker 3: Nikki Glazer, whatever, Trevor Noah just did good people do
Speaker 3: it and they're kind of very sweetly emotionally forthcoming.
Speaker 1: Oh clear.
Speaker 3: So it's interesting. Yeah, like it's you would actually be like,
Speaker 3: you'll probably like more of most of the people more
Speaker 3: than you thought you did, because they you actually hear like, oh,
Speaker 3: Tom Segura was sad to go on the road because
Speaker 3: he was going to miss his kid. Oh shit, like
Speaker 3: that letterman didn't leave the studio until the sun went
Speaker 3: down if he had a bad show. And I was like, Dave,
Speaker 3: that's like eight thirty nine, and he goes, no, we're
Speaker 3: talking ten thirty eleven as an adult. Just shit that
Speaker 3: I've never heard people say.
Speaker 1: It was he also fucking his assistant.
Speaker 3: If you think I didn't see you, think that joke
Speaker 3: didn't come into the teleprompter else when he said it
Speaker 3: and I didn't say it, Chelsea. Not every joke has
Speaker 3: to be said, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Neil, that sounds like a great podcast. I
Speaker 1: would love to be on anytime.
Speaker 3: But you're inviting hit me up, don't threaten me with
Speaker 3: a good time.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, we're going to get to the bottom of you.
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the bottom of your
Speaker 1: ally ship is.
Speaker 3: What We're going to get to the bottom, right we are?
Speaker 1: Thank you, Neil.
Speaker 3: It was great to spend having by. Are you guys? Bye?
Speaker 2: Thanks Maye.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, So for stand Up, we added a second
Speaker 1: show in Sydney, and we added a second show in
Speaker 1: Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May
Speaker 1: twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is
Speaker 1: so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth,
Speaker 1: the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at
Speaker 1: Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates
Speaker 1: at Hawaii. Guys. I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth
Speaker 1: to CO Who Louis. I'm gonna be at CA Who Louis,
Speaker 1: and then I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu.
Speaker 1: And oh I just added another date on August one Auburn, Washington.
Speaker 1: So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
Speaker 1: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and
Speaker 1: May third, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, so come.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 2: com