WEBVTT - A Big Reddit Flag with Neal Brennan 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:03.559 Hello. This is Chelsea hand Job calling. 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:05.800 Hi Chelsea, this is Catherine. Where's Doug today? 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:09.360 Doug, it took a big shadoo bey on the carpet 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:11.120 at my new house, the carpet that I haven't even 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:14.400 used yet, really, so he peed on it the other day. 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:17.799 But today this is actually a victory story because I 0:00:17.880 --> 0:00:20.919 walked out of the house and then Doug was so 0:00:21.120 --> 0:00:24.079 upset he went and shodo being on the rug right 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.360 as and my bell was yelling at him to stop, 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:29.120 and he continued and then lifted his leg up and 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.080 peede looking at her in the eyes. 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:31.840 Oh my god. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:35.239 It is a complete reversal of fortunes from when I 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:40.520 had Burt. This is going great. I fucking love Doug. 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:44.559 Doug loves me, he wants to be with me. He 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:48.199 gets upset when I leave. Everything is working out perfectly. 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.320 I just announced a bunch of dates for my stand up. 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.159 So first of all, there are still tickets left for 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:57.360 the Netflix is a Joke Festival Saturday night on May eleventh. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.320 I will be there at the YouTube Theater, so there 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.960 are still tickets for that. And then I'm going to 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.440 New Zealand and Australia, so you can find your tickets 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:06.840 for that, and then I'm going to Hawaii. I have 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.520 two shows in Hawaii on July nineteenth and July twentieth, 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:13.319 Maui and Oahu. And then I added twenty two more dates. 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.840 I have the Santa Barbara Bowl. I added twenty two 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:22.200 more cities. So they're Saratoga, California, Portland, Maine, Connecticut, South Carolina, Indianapolis, 0:01:22.200 --> 0:01:26.800 Saint Louis, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Dallas, Austin, Montclair, New Jersey. 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.920 I will be taping my specials San Diego, New Orleans, Atlanta, 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:35.200 all the places I'm going. I have one date in Hollywood, Florida. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.160 One show in Hollywood, Florida. If you want to see 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:42.640 me in Florida, that's your opportunity. It's July twenty eighth. Okay, 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:44.240 well those are all my dates, guys. 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:47.240 Excellent, Well, Chelsea, we have an exciting guest today. 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:51.160 I know he's a straight white male. Guys, so you 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.600 know that he's okay, you better behave himself. Actually, otherwise 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:55.920 he's going to go to jail. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:58.080 We love to prioritize straight white males. 0:01:58.120 --> 0:01:59.920 Now, we don't have a lot of straight white male 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.840 guests on the show, but sometimes we do, and today 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:04.600 is one of those days. 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:06.400 There are some kind of tricky questions for him. 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.640 Oh good. In fact, I like to put a straight 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:12.200 man on the hot seat. Please welcome Neil Brennan. Hi, 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.079 Neil Brennan, what Hi? 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:16.679 Hi? 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.720 First of all, congrats on your your latest special. How 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:20.839 many specials have you had? 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:23.800 I've had three and a half. I had to do 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.280 a half hour for some reason after my first. It 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:29.160 was it was stupid three and a half hours. 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.040 You had to do a half hours. Oh that's degrading. 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:32.880 But I had already done and it was stupid. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:36.800 Neil Brennan has a new special on Netflix called Crazy Good. 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:39.680 It just came out. It's fucking funny. Catherine and I 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:41.880 both watched it. Neil Brennan is one of the funniest 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:44.720 comics out there, so if you're not familiar with him, 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.880 you should. He's drinking a bottle of Mountain Spring flat 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:48.959 water from what I can. 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:51.320 Tell, sparkling, sparkling, thank you. 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:53.760 Oh the red one is okay, all right, that's better. 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.920 That's at least better, thank you. And he also has 0:02:56.919 --> 0:03:00.320 a podcast called Blocks, which rhymes with well cough. It 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:04.400 rhymes with but Neil, I didn't realize how much you 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:06.440 struggled with depression your whole life. 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.320 Really, you couldn't just tell. 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:12.120 Well, I think you know what, All male comics strike me. 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:14.960 Not all, I shouldn't say all, but most male comics 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.400 strike me as slightly depressed. So it becomes part of 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:21.760 the package, you know, like being around comics. I mean, 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.680 I think most comics are slightly depressed. It's not even 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:25.239 just men. 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.600 I'm curious as to what your estimation of female comics 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.160 is because I think I kind of agree with you 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.680 about males. But I'm wondering. I'm like, how would I 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:38.400 categorize female comic? Is it like people pleasing or something? 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.200 No, I think I mean, I'm thinking right now about 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.680 probably a lot of people we have in common, and 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.960 a couple of the girls have light depression, but generally 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:52.960 as an overall sentiment, I don't find female comics depressed 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:55.440 in the way that I do find male comics depressed. 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:57.800 I agree, but I'm wondering, what would you How would 0:03:57.800 --> 0:03:59.360 you categorize them? Anxious? 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:04.480 Maybe anxious? I don't want to say people pleaser, because 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.080 I find most comics are actually female comics these days 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:11.000 are not people pleasers. They're more like fuck off, Like 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:13.760 we've been through enough so just everyone could go fuck themselves. 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:16.680 Is that that's more of an overarching theme and attitude 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:20.919 among women. So I don't know what the drive for 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.120 women is. It's an interesting Yeah, is it. 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:27.560 Like maybe like frustrate anger, like generalized anger and frustration 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:31.760 about the way society is set up and the way Yeah, 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:35.359 the sexism of nature. I'm now thinking about how sexist 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:38.159 nature is, just with like periods and just all the 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:40.080 stuff you guys have to go through that we kind 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.480 of don't. It would make me insane if I had 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:43.840 to do it. 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.120 Yeah, women do have to deal with a lot of bullshit, 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:50.000 but you're also so inured to it that it becomes 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:54.640 like a period having to like constantly prove yourself or 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.200 with that a woman is funny or that a woman 0:04:57.279 --> 0:04:59.720 is successful. I think the thing that irks women the 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:03.080 most is the lack of respect that we get from men, 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.720 and especially male comics to female comics. There's that dynamic 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.479 for sure. Like I was at an event recently and 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.039 I was watching a very famous comedian do her thing, 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:14.760 and I was watching the male comedians watch her, and 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:16.120 they had no respect for her. 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.839 Well, what's funny is I have Like I was going 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:22.440 to start by saying how much respect I have for you, 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.400 because it's you know when you like first hear about 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.240 somebody and I'd heard you'd written a book. It was 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:31.200 like seven o eight. I'd heard you written a book 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.680 and that the book was selling well. And then I 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:37.760 saw you crush and then you then you were on 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:41.400 e crushing for ten years or whatever, and just like 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:45.520 you just crush and you You're a huge draw and 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.720 you have millions of fans, like I feel like I've 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.720 seen them. I went and saw you at Comedy Magic 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:54.920 just I think, just you one time, like I'm an 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:58.360 ally is what I'm trying to say. 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:03.360 I was like with you, no, let me preface this myself, but. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.320 I didn't even but I agree with you, like I 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.480 I agree with you that it is like because I 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:11.960 feel like in some ways, everybody feels like an underdog. 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.880 I think everybody show feels like an underdog. I feel 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:17.920 like I was for a long time like Dave's plus one, 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:20.640 David Chappelle's plus one, like we were the show together 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.040 and then I was like pretending to do stand up 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:27.000 and then slowly but surely it was like, oh, oh, 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.200 so I feel like I was able to earn not 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:32.159 like I earned it as if I was a woman. 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:37.000 But I earned this in a different way than everybody 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:38.600 has to earn it. But I feel like mine took 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:41.680 a long time and it was sort of public in 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:42.200 a weird way. 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:45.480 So, but I also think earning things sometimes it takes longer. 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:48.400 You're not the front and center person. You're kind of 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:50.320 out of an attachment to somebody else, which kind of 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.360 countibults you into the spotlight in a different way. Can 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:56.520 feel not like what you want at the beginning, but 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.440 when you have achieved the success that you've had and 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:03.279 earning it feels right, doesn't it. Like working that hard 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:05.119 and hustling that hard feels good. 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:07.400 Yeah, because you look back on the things that you 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:09.920 were like I should have gotten that, and then you 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.880 it's like I didn't realize how good I would have 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:19.480 to be before people go okay, fine, yeah, it's like I, 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:21.480 how hard do you need me to throw the ball? 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.400 And they were just like harder. We don't know why, right, 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:26.440 oh it harder. And I'd be like all right here 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:29.640 and then they'd be like, okay, you're good. But it 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:33.600 took so from my point of be mind bendingly long 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.080 to get there. So yeah, but you're right, it is 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:40.880 more satisfying than I never felt like I was grandfather did, 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:42.920 but everybody else felt like I was grandfather. And I'm like, 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:46.440 I wrote the jokes and directed the sketches, like you 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:48.200 know what I mean. Like it wasn't like everybody thought 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.280 I didn't do anything, So it was it's nice to 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:57.840 go like, okay, here, I am see this by myself. Finally, 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.160 like Okay, you're funny. 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:02.000 I can relate to what you're saying a great deal 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:04.520 because I also find out, like even when you are successful, 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.440 which I've been successful for so many years since I was, 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:10.560 you know, in my probably late twenties, early thirties, and 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:12.760 there were periods in my life where I had to 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.160 prove and reprove the same shit I had already been 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:18.920 successful at. And you're like, oh my god, are you 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.000 fucking kidding me? Like I remember taking a break from 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:24.680 stand up for six years after my Elsey Lately show. 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:26.440 I just was so burned out on every level. I'm like, 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:28.040 I'm not doing stand up. I can't do this anymore. 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:29.880 I have nothing to say. And then when I went 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:32.240 back to it six years later, like I understood, Okay, 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.640 you're not gonna be playing Arenas or what you were 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.560 playing before. You have to rebuild that. But even my 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.079 agents were like, what are you gonna do. I'm like, 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:43.000 I'm gonna do stand up. That's how I started. And 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.160 they're like, but what's it gonna be? What's it gonna 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.720 be about? We don't get the show. I'm like, what what? 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:50.160 And then I finally just had to ignore them and 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:52.360 literally put my head down and go, Okay, I'll fucking 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.560 show them what I'm gonna do. And I ended up 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:56.840 selling that you know special to HBO Max when I 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:58.760 came back on the scene in comedy, which was like 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:01.800 three specials go. But it was very frustrating to have 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:04.720 to reprove the reason why you became successful in the 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:05.360 first place. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:10.160 Yeah, it's embarrassing, but the good news is, I think 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:13.880 it kind of happens to everybody. Yeah, I really do, 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:17.880 Like I think every I think even I won't name guys, 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.679 but where you're like, hm, I don't know. I think 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:22.679 it's maybe it's worse for women, but I think it's 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:27.760 certainly exists for guys, and it's a terrible business for 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:28.920 everyone involved. 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:33.559 I didn't realize you went to Catholic school. I thought, Neil, 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:34.640 I thought you were a Jew. 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:37.360 I know. Well, the thing I say is, I'm not Jewish. 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:37.839 I just have. 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.600 Allergies, and you look a little Jewish, And no, of 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.640 course I'm a Jew. So I know a Jew when 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:43.120 I see one. 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.400 You see like, apparently I have some of the features 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:50.520 and the good joke writing. So yeah, but I went 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.240 to Catholic school for twelve years. 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.040 Yeah, well that'll fuck anybody up. But I was really 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.480 really curious to learn about all of the shit that 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.160 you've had to try to help your depression. And I 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.000 want to talk about all of this stuff and what 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:07.120 your reactions to all of this. TMS HGH gave you 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:11.760 panic attacks, ketamine, aahuasca, and DMT, and then you flew 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:14.480 to China to do intense TMS. 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:17.360 So yes, I don't this was not just this sounds 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.120 like I was just spinning a wheel and be like 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:24.320 fuck it TMS again. It was a progression from just 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:28.559 the basic therapy medication. Kind of hit a wall. I'd 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.240 Zoloft help for about ten years, kind of hit a 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:34.319 wall and then heard about TMS. 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.200 Well, waitit, let's define what TMS is. Can you tell? 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:41.520 Okay, yes, I will. TMS is called transcranial magnetic stimulation. 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:47.360 It is a basically, it's kind of an MRI plate 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.280 or helmet like sort of wand that they kind of 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:54.040 put over your part of your head and then they 0:10:54.840 --> 0:11:00.360 fire an MRI beam and it's like sounds. It feels 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:05.440 like a low energy woodpecker and it doesn't feel bad. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.480 We just kind of like this is odd and it 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.720 works for people, and it worked for me. 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.320 And what is it supposed to do. It's designed to 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.080 stimulate something. 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:19.000 It activates the electricity of brain cells, is my understanding. 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:19.920 I could be missed. 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:22.000 I could be completely misinformed. 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:25.240 Yes, I know the word stimulation is in the title. 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:30.080 So let's say it stimulates some neurons to get back 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:31.199 to work, so to speak. 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:33.679 And why did you go to China for this? 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:38.400 Well? Okay, so I did TMS probably ten years ago 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.840 in West La. I think it was about forty sessions. 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:45.319 It's like three days, four days a week and it's 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:48.560 a half hour you sit there watch TV. And then 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.920 that it worked for a while, and then I just 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.320 after maybe six years, I felt like I needed a 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:57.000 tune up now. Concurrently, there was a guy booking a 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.680 show in Shanghai that THEO Vaughn had done, so I 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:02.240 was like, I'll do a show and Shang I, the 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:04.640 guy who runs the show, has a brother that's a 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:10.840 neurosurgeon in China has a better unregulated TMS while you're here. 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:13.360 Do you want to do it? I was like, I 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.400 only want to do it. I don't even care about 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:19.000 the show in China. It was basically like five weeks 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.640 of TMS in one week. They because it's it's a 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:23.240 free for all, worked pretty good. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.240 And then the TMS. I think you mean it worked 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.760 pretty well? Know the TMS really is it like a moodlifter. 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.840 It's none of it. It's like a moodlifter. It's not nothing's 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:36.840 like cocainey or like you know mdmash where it's like boying. 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:40.280 It's more just like the floor comes up a little bit, 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:43.040 you know what I mean, in your mood. And that's 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:46.760 how what I found with all this stuff. Zoloft was big. 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:48.840 What about the ketamine, Well. 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.360 Ketamine I didn't like it. See I've had like part 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.160 twos with all these things. First time I did Keademy, 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:56.000 it was like nine years ago, didn't work, didn't like it, 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.319 found the experience of it sort of like a goofy 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:03.680 drug expers no long term positive effects. And then the 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:08.800 big one for me was ayahuasca. Oh, which you did. 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:12.080 Once, right, yeah, twice and two in two days. I 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:13.319 didn't see you're right? 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:16.920 So yeah. So in twenty twenty, somebody sent me an 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.000 article about ayahuasca and they're like, we got to do this. 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:22.160 I then get a hookup, we do it, and it 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:25.360 was like good. It was like, oh, this is good 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:28.360 in a way I can't really it was. It felt 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:32.400 like sort of connected, you know. And in order to 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:34.400 do it you have to go off Zoloft. So I'd 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:37.480 gone off Zoloft and was doing it, and then I 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:43.080 did it again and I basically had my third time. 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:45.640 I like woke up and I was like, oh, I'm 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.640 in the presence of God. I believe right now. I 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.120 was an atheist before that, so I was like, oh, 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:55.440 I have now I have a spiritual connection. And I 0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:58.640 just felt different, like I felt like the neurons in 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:02.200 my brain had sort of been updated or changed in 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:04.880 some way. And then I haven't gone back on zela. 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:07.400 Oh well that's a huge success story then And how 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:08.160 long ago was that? 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:09.640 Four years ago? 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:10.320 Wow? 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:12.440 I fucking love that story. Where did you do that 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:12.920 in La? 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:16.520 Yeah? Near six Flags? Thanks fr asking perfect? 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:18.959 I love six Flags? What a safe environment for you? 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:23.560 What wonderful? The screaming? Yeah, so so that was that's 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.640 been great. And then I did five MEO DMT. 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.760 I did that too, and I ended up naked because 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:31.800 I had to rip my clothes off. That's how bad 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.640 I was. It was the worst experience I've ever had 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:38.880 with the drug. Was five dm EOT a. 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:42.480 Different experience where I just had the basic you inhales? 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:46.720 Did we explain it? It's basically a toad secretion that 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:50.280 they dry and they scrape it, put it in a 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.680 pipe and you smoke it and you get you go 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.640 to Where did you go when you Inhale? Where did 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:56.880 you go? 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:02.440 Great question? I went to the darkest. I'm a positive, upbeat, 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:06.320 typically upbeat person. I'm a pragmatist. I don't really get upset. 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.280 I mean I get upset, but I don't get depressed. 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.280 I don't struggle with what we're talking about. That was 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.800 the darkest I've ever felt in my life. I didn't 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.320 prepare for it, you know, like I didn't cleanse. I 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:19.200 kind of did it off the cuff. Somebody was doing it. 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:21.120 I'm like, I'll try that. So that was stupid too. 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.160 But I've never met a drug I didn't get along 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.040 with great, So I was like, yeah, let's go face first. 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.240 And it was miserable. It was dark and it was death. 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.960 It felt like death, Like I was excited. I was 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:33.920 told it was an ego killer, you know, and I 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.000 love that. I love the idea of not having your 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:39.880 ego in theory in the mix. Well, yeah, I would 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:41.560 like to get rid of it permanently. I mean, I'm 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:43.280 sure I wouldn't be in this business, but i'd have 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.200 to do something else. But yeah, it felt so ominous. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.000 The whole thing was just so dark, and I couldn't. 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.520 I said, please make this stop, make it stop, make 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:53.880 it stop. And five minutes later I was covered in 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:56.560 my own sweat, in my bron underwear, sitting with some 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.520 naked woman who was comforting me. I mean, I mean 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.280 the woman who administered or helped me smoke it, who 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.480 was comforting me. And I was like, this was awful 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.280 and I don't ever need to do this again. So 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:06.920 tell me about your experience. 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:13.440 Well, Chelsea, I went to what another person described, Michael Polland, 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:15.080 who wrote a book called How to Change Her Mind. 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:17.760 He described smoking DMT, and he went to the same 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:22.680 place that I went to, which is before the Big Bang. Insane. 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:27.240 It was insane. I told somebody I was aiming for God, 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:32.320 and I missed my stop. I went past everything, and then, 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.560 but at last, about thirty five minutes, I was I 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:40.440 was in a white void. I didn't know what breathing was, 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.320 I didn't know what direction left right up. I didn't 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.560 have any sense of anything, and with the ego death 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:52.160 thing I've never experienced, because I was some version of myself, 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:55.560 meaning like I was some I had a point of view, 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.320 and my point of view was I have no idea 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.280 what's happening? And I I felt like I was feeling 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:05.600 my first neuron form, like I felt like the original 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:10.200 person of human life, not a person. We're millions away. 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:13.359 Wave man, even on your feet. 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.920 Further, we're talking about molecule. 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:22.440 I was a mom okay, okay, wow wow. 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:27.399 Yes it was wild. And then slowly but surely, my 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:31.680 sort of human consciousness came back into me over about 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.960 thirty five minutes to the point where like pettiness would 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:36.280 come back in and I was like, no, we're not 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.920 doing that anymore. Like I was trying to like rebuild. 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.680 So it was like, you know, I inhaled at eight, 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:44.800 I was walking home at nine. I was in New York, 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:50.239 and uh, that was fine. Right a week later, I 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:54.360 have what's called a reactivation, like a flashback. So now 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:56.879 it was. It was a Sunday in New York. I 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:00.120 went and met a woman for coffee, and I was 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:04.359 on a coffee date, and half of me was before 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:09.120 the big bang, like visually, and I had the two 0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:11.680 or three most harrowing days of my life. I didn't know. 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:14.560 At one point, I go, am I in God's imagination? 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.439 Just shit, you're not supposed to think at all. But 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:23.960 I got a half a percent better every day, and 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:28.359 after about eight months, I was a better version of 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:29.840 myself than I've ever been. 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:33.359 Wow, that's a good that's a positive story, I know, 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:35.320 but it's scary scary also. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:39.720 And talk about earning it, like got the I got 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:44.000 the transformation, but like I had to work for every 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:44.920 inch of it. 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.159 Sounds like it. Did you feel like you had your 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:51.000 ego with ayahuasca that feels like an ego killer as well. 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.600 I don't the thing about the ego seeing this as 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:58.359 ego or not. I think my experiences were it's always 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:00.560 going to be from my point of view. I've never 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.879 had an experience where it wasn't a first person whether 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:06.080 I'm a molecule or I don't think that. 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:08.320 I don't think that's what I mean by saying. If 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:10.840 it like, it can still be your perspective. But you are, 0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:13.840 like I remember Ayahuasca, I was like I was. I 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.720 was the spirit of me rather than the physical me, 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:19.160 you know, the spirit of me looking at the spirit 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:21.400 of my sister, looking at the spirit of the situation, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:25.359 looking at everything from above, and I'm I'm me, But 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.920 I'm not attached to me and my ego. I'm attached 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.280 to the natural good outcome of the situation. 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:34.199 Yeah, I would. I would say that the thing that 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:38.280 I've gotten from it is my values are sort of 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:42.760 better overall, like my ethics or like what I crave. 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:45.920 There's more to the story also. So then so that's 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:51.520 like twenty twenty one, right, then this year they're about 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:54.240 the last calendar year, twenty twenty three, twenty twenty four. 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:58.040 I've done MDMA every maybe three months in like a 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:04.440 not party setting, and uh, I've gotten so much from it, 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:11.280 like real growth, I think, like real recategorization of like 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:14.239 how I am in my in my essence kind of 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:19.199