1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. We have 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 1: talked a lot on this podcast about how being a 3 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: mom can be so physically and mentally and emotionally exhausting, 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 1: and for moms with the chronic illness, it can obviously 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 1: become even more so. On this episode of Katie's Crib, 6 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about what it's like to be 7 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: a mom with a chronic illness. And Jamie Lynn Sigler 8 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: is my guest today. I think I've known you since 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:33,599 Speaker 1: I was like we were babies. Guys, my first this 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 1: is Jamie Lynn Sigler. She is a dream gem, incredible person, 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: mother friend. I my first guest star EVERT was on 12 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: The Sopranos. That was your first guest a line. But 13 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 1: by the way, you were business for like three weeks. 14 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: It was the best you guys. It's in season six. 15 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: I think it's called John Sacrimony Presents or something. It's 16 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: a wedding episode and I was a J's date to 17 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: the wedding and so what was awesome was I sat 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: at the table at the wedding with the whole family. 19 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: So even though I only had one line, I had 20 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: to be there for every single scene was in the 21 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 1: background at that table, and I was at the family 22 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: table with Jamie lind Singler. We hung out. We got 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: to shoot in Long Island, in the town next door 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: to where I grew up and where Jamie Lynn grew up, 25 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: and um my parents came Sopranos, the biggest best show 26 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: ever ever still to this day. And we shot at 27 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: Leonard's on Long Island, which is where my cousin got 28 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: b on Mitzban Obviously, of course, obviously Jamie grew up 29 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: in Jericho, and Um is very good friends with his 30 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: actress Lindsay Kraft, who is who introduced me to Adam Shapiro. 31 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,119 Speaker 1: And Jamie went to high school with Lindsay and she's 32 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: one of my best friends together. So there's there's a 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: very Long Island thing right now. I feel like you 34 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: can't go anywhere in the world without finding somebody from 35 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: Long Island, do you agree? I agree? And I and 36 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: I almost had I think I had one of my 37 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: first adult anxiety attacks because Jamie and I live near 38 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: each other here in the valley for you guys, which 39 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: the night before I moved to the valley, I said, 40 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: oh my god, you know Jamie lives in the valley 41 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: and she's super cool and a mom and this is 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: gonna be okay. And you said, Katie, you're gonna love it. 43 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: It's exactly like Long Island. And had a heart attack 44 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: because I felt like I've been running away from Long 45 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: Island my whole life. Why I'm what I've learned is 46 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: I'm wrong. It's the best to live in where everything's 47 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,359 Speaker 1: last strip mall and where there's parking everywhere, and it's 48 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: very easy to be a mom, much easier here than 49 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: it was in Hollywood. Um, so tell me a little 50 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: bit about your family. How many kids you have, how 51 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: old they are, the statistics. Okay, so I have two 52 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: little boys. I have a five and a half year 53 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: old named Bo great name, thank you, be a you. 54 00:02:53,160 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: He's um precocious, too smart, hilarious, loving, athletic, but like 55 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 1: also like wanted me to sign him up for a 56 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: musical theater camp this summer. So just like just a 57 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: cute little guy just discovering himself. It's a really funny 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: age right now because he's just like just to see 59 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: him to be able to be so fortunate to expose 60 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: him to so many different things, Like he's obsessed with 61 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: hockey and he's really gifted at it, but he also 62 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: is very interested in performing and to be able to 63 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: live in a place and have the means to be 64 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: able to like support all of his little cur dreams 65 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, it's really cool. And then I have 66 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: a thirteen month old little boy named Jack who is 67 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: just a caveman. Basically, I love it. When did you 68 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: get this is me completely selfish talking to my friend. 69 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 1: Sorry guys and all your listeners, but when did you 70 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: get pregnant with your second baby? Clearly I'm trying to 71 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: figure out what I'm going to do, So when Bow? 72 00:03:55,360 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 1: So when Bow was just before he turned for a 73 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: little bit before. So there No, we needed to space 74 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: them out for many reasons, one of them one of 75 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: the topics being kind of what we're going to talk 76 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 1: about today. So, I mean, I think there was life 77 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: in general. Well, cut Her and I weren't married yet. 78 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: We got married when bou was two and a half. 79 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: And then, um, I think that I that's when I 80 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: came public with my m S and I think that 81 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 1: that's it was like a time where I wanted to 82 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 1: see if I was now that I wasn't living with 83 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 1: the secret anymore and like kind of what it was 84 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: doing to me emotionally if it would like open up 85 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: other doors and what my life would mean and sort of. 86 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: So once that kind of settled back down, and I 87 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: also felt like bow I was in a groove with 88 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: him and he was old enough where he could help 89 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: me and be independent enough. I don't think I could 90 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: have handled basically like two small baby thing like that. 91 00:04:56,240 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: So that's exactly um and caught her too. I mean, 92 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: he was retiring from baseball, he was figuring out his 93 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: life so financially, all those types of things make were 94 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: factors in our decision of kind of like how long 95 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 1: we waited, But yeah, he was about a little older 96 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 1: than three and a half when we started trying for 97 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 1: our seconds. It makes me feel very good because I'm 98 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 1: like every like Albi's coming up on a second birthday 99 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: in like six months, and people are like, well, and 100 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: when you get it, and I'm like, are we even 101 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: having this fucking conversation? I can everybody's honestly, it's like 102 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: anything with motherhood, which I'm sure you're coming to realize, 103 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,799 Speaker 1: like it's you cannot compare. All our journeys are different 104 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: and it's truly what is best for you and Adam 105 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 1: and and also everyone whatever they decide is what they 106 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: end up liking because it's what I know exactly, know 107 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: what it's all You're like, oh this like everyone will 108 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 1: be like, well, I love them close together, and it's 109 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: like because that you have two kids goes together or 110 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 1: moms who were like I have an eight year old 111 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: and a one year old. It's the best thing I 112 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: ever did. My year old helps you know, people know 113 00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: what they know exactly. Um, can you tell us about MS, 114 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: what the diseases, how it impacts your daily life. Yeah, 115 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: so I was diagnosed with them. That's when I was 116 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: twenty years old. I can't even fucking like was that before. 117 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even know. I think you and 118 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: I met when I was like, so it was you know, 119 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: I when you and I met was like kind of 120 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 1: when I was becoming silently symptomatic, so where you wouldn't 121 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: know anything's going on, but I was kind of feeling things. 122 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: So it's like a snowflake, like truly, or like a fingerprint. 123 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 1: It affects everybody differently. It's there's some common denominators, especially 124 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 1: with women. There's issues with bladder control, which is something 125 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: that I deal with, but for me, the way it 126 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 1: personally impacts my body is um spesticity in a way 127 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: of just like if I'm sitting for a long time, 128 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: or if I'm driving, when I first get up, or 129 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: if I'm sitting at a restaurant and you've been there 130 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:00,479 Speaker 1: for a while, I think they're for a while. I 131 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: get up, I'm kind of stiff. Takes me about like 132 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: thirty seconds to get my body back um. Over the years, 133 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: my walking I'm hesitant to use the word worse, but 134 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: it's been impaired more in the sense that, you know, 135 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: it's more noticeable. I used to be able to hide 136 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: any kind of trouble I may have had with movement, 137 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: but now you can see there's like a little bit 138 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: of a limb. I haven't been able to physically run 139 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: in probably eleven years, which is like if I could 140 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: ever have like one dream and one goal, like that's 141 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: all I want, just because I think it's just freeing. 142 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 1: It's yeah, and I think that for me, it's that 143 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: I have to be very thoughtful all the time in 144 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: my movements, Like I have to think and remind my 145 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: body what to do when I move places. Balance can 146 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: be an issue, um high heels or an issue. You know, 147 00:07:55,120 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: there's vanity things. But yeah, and so you know, you 148 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: find your ways, you become creative. I think that like 149 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: a lot of my friends will always be like, you're 150 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: so strong and I could never do this. But I 151 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: think when any human being is faced with anything, I mean, 152 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: it's just you do what you can. You do what 153 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 1: you do do. I have my days where I'm really 154 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: bummed about it. Yeah, of course all the time, but 155 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: I can't. I try to make a choice to not 156 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 1: be that way too much because at the end of 157 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: the day, I am very rich in very many ways, 158 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: and I have to find what this is here for 159 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: and what it's here to teach me. I'm also just 160 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: very hopeful in modern medicine what's out there. And you know, 161 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 1: one of the things that I definitely was not going 162 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: to let it stop me from doing was having a family. 163 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: So when you were like, I want to get pregnant, 164 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: is there is there people who would say, like you 165 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: can't do, Like is m S something that that is? 166 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 1: It is completely safe and like physically you can carry 167 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,280 Speaker 1: a baby like you can vaginally brow the baby r 168 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: C section is safer, Like, what's all that when I 169 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: was when I got pregnant with Bow, it was by accident. 170 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: It was not a planned pregnancy by any means, So um, 171 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,719 Speaker 1: blessing in disguise and that, like, I didn't really go 172 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: down that road. You didn't have like talking to your doctors. 173 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: But when I did get pregnant and talk to my 174 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: doctor about it, he said, look, there's many women who 175 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: when they get pregnant enter into a remission. There's some 176 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: beautiful thing that happens with hormones or whatever it is 177 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 1: that you just feel better the funk. That's so crazy. 178 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: And with Bow I did, I did. I felt a 179 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 1: lot better. I was hiking with my dog, like things 180 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,319 Speaker 1: I hadn't done in years. I mean, with a nine 181 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: month belly in front of me. Yeah, I mean I 182 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: still had some of my things, but it was Yeah, 183 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: I was one of those people that really loved my pregnancy. 184 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: Um after I had him was a different story, so 185 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: I kind of I mean, like anyone, I mean, you know, 186 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: your your body is depleted of all those great hormones 187 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 1: you had, You're exhausted, you're trying to get your milk in. 188 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: I mean with Be it took me two and a 189 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: half weeks to get him even latch Um probably stressed 190 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: that all my husband was playing baseball, so he was gone. 191 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: I was just and my mom had to be in 192 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: the East Coast. It was literally just me and a 193 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: baby nurse in my house with this little bitty baby. 194 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 1: I knew nothing what to do. I mean, there was 195 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: it was beautiful and wonderful, but also incredibly hard, as 196 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: it is for anybody. And I don't I wouldn't say 197 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 1: MS really took like a front row seed in any 198 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: of that until he started moving around. And I think 199 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: that's when fear started to creep in with me in 200 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 1: my possible like inability to be the mom that I 201 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 1: wanted to be. Um. So when he was walking, running 202 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 1: after running, like, my fear was that he would run 203 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: somewhere and I couldn't catch him or couldn't prevent him 204 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: or keep him from being safe. So and it sounds 205 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:25,239 Speaker 1: like he's athletic and like, but I don't want to 206 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: keep him confined and home all the time. So you know, 207 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,559 Speaker 1: I started to become creative, and so I would find 208 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: parks that were gated like all around, so I knew, 209 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: like if he was in there, he couldn't run out 210 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: into the street or run out anywhere else do it 211 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: did a lot of like indoor play there proofing. There 212 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 1: was a lot of babies like like they run towards 213 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 1: the stove dials. I know, but with be hindsight now 214 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 1: that I have the two to compare with Bow, he 215 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: was attached to me like he would not leave my side. 216 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: With Jack, he's he's a bolter like he is like 217 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: literally like the opposite little kid. So it's it's a 218 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: different story. But so I so I was able to 219 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: be creative in that way. But then I think as 220 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 1: he also got older, I just started to have I 221 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:23,079 Speaker 1: think these worries that my disability would slow him down 222 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 1: to And you start to get these you said, I 223 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: don't know, you start to get these emotions of just 224 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: like I don't want this to take anything away from 225 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 1: his life, you know what I mean? And I I 226 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: so I hired a nanny to take him to the 227 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,079 Speaker 1: trips to the beach of things like that I couldn't do, 228 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: or you know, hiking or things like that that I 229 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: wanted him to experience. I wanted him to have fun doing. 230 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: And of course it killed me that I wasn't the 231 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: one doing it, but he came. He comes first, and 232 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: so I think that you know, you just have to 233 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: make They're not sacrifices but choices. Um that is you 234 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: know he's been, he's half comes home happy and excited 235 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 1: to tell me about it. You know, I'm bumb that 236 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: I'm not the one that can experience at all with him. 237 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: But but you don't want him to not have those experience. 238 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: I don't want him to not have those experiences. I 239 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 1: think the main thing that MS really affects me, like 240 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:39,679 Speaker 1: with my kids, is patience now, because like if I 241 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,959 Speaker 1: I'm tired and just want to go and sit down, 242 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: and he's taking his sweet time like getting out of 243 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: the car, like wanting to do like you're in pain, 244 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: or like you're like I really need to sit down 245 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: where I really need to What do you do? And 246 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: there's times where you're just in my head, I'll think 247 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: to myself, I wish I could just let him just 248 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 1: be a kid and be kind of like you know, 249 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: in his own head and do whatever he does, and 250 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: I can spend the extra two minutes just standing here 251 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,439 Speaker 1: letting him do what he does. But no, I mean 252 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: a lot of the time. To be honest, I'm like, boa, 253 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: let's go go go out of the car. And then 254 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: of course by time the days over and he's asleep, 255 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: I just feel tremendous gilt that like, and now that's 256 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: those are the times where I just feel bad, really 257 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: bad about my m S because I just feel I 258 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,240 Speaker 1: wonder if I would be a little bit of a 259 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 1: different mom if it wasn't playing a factor. You know, yeah, absolutely. 260 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: Have you ever had a conversation with him about it? 261 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: And does he because now he's five, so when he 262 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: does he see you know, worst days better days physically 263 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: or like mentally, when you've reached your you know, you're 264 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: just like, it's different for me, Like, it's just different 265 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: for me today Today is a day where I'm you know, 266 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: need more time getting out up from a restaurant if 267 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: we've been sitting here for an hour or whatever. Well, 268 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 1: fortunate thing for me with my MSS is that it's 269 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: been stable for the past ten years, like it has 270 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: been what it's been, and it is what it is. 271 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I think for people that are new to 272 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: meeting me that they like it can look like something's wrong, 273 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: But for me, I'm doing great because things are all 274 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: the same. He's known no different. He's only seen me 275 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: move the way that I move. He's only seen me 276 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: get up from the floor of the way I get up. 277 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: He's only seen he know he so at about two 278 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: and a half, I remember one time he was like, run, Mommy, run, 279 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 1: and I was like, baby, Mommy can't. And he was 280 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: like why and it's like, well, mommy's legs don't work 281 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 1: like everybody else's, so I can't do that. He was like, okay. 282 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: You know, when they're that little, it's a very easily 283 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: explanation everything, like you don't really you don't really need 284 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: to get that deep into it. And he was all 285 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: right with that. Um and oh. And you know, he's 286 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: had friends that have come over that'll be like, bose, Mommy, 287 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: like why do you walk like that? And so I'll 288 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 1: be like, oh, well, you know, I have I have 289 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: something that makes me just walk a little funny this 290 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: and that, and they're okay with it. But he has 291 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: never ever asked me why I moved the way I do. 292 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: He's never questioned it. And I so appreciate that about 293 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: him and love him for that. But when he was 294 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: about when he turned around four, uh, I don't know 295 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: exactly why. I think I just wanted to have a conversation. 296 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: I felt like I was able to and I felt 297 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: like maybe he could understand a little bit more. And 298 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 1: I I said, you know, buddy, do you do you 299 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: know how like mommy can't move like the other mommy 300 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: sometimes and sometimes mommy slow and you know, sometimes mommy 301 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: has to walk slower and this he's like yeah. I 302 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: was like do you know why and he's like yeah, 303 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: because your legs don't work. And I was like, well, no, 304 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 1: they work, but not like everybody else's. I was like, 305 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: but do you want to know why? And he was 306 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: like yeah, And I was like, well, mommy has something 307 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 1: called MS and she takes medicine forward and she works 308 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: really hard to try and be as strong she can be. 309 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: But it just means that, you know, sometimes it just 310 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: makes mommy the way that is. And you know, he 311 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I found this book about a little 312 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: girl and her mom and the mom has n S 313 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: and like the different Oh my god, can you write this? 314 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,880 Speaker 1: Like I feel like there's like this is so like 315 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 1: there's one book that exists. I'm sure, because what are 316 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: the statistics how many people have that messed In the US, 317 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 1: do we know I think, I want to say, right now, 318 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 1: in the US, I think it's like between two and 319 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,880 Speaker 1: a half and three million people are living without us 320 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: and it's heavily, heavily more female than male, and the 321 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: majority of women are diagnosed between the ages of twenty 322 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 1: and forty. So you know, I'm right in the thick 323 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: of it. They're all like me. Some people are a 324 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,920 Speaker 1: lot better off of me, some people are a lot worse. 325 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: But like I said, I mean, it's it's to each 326 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: zone and like how it affects their lives. You were 327 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 1: so young, you were diagnosed at twenty, coming off of 328 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 1: the biggest television show that has ever been on, and 329 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: it's like you're a working actress, and it's like also, 330 00:17:56,359 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: I think it was so before people were really I mean, 331 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: I think we're trying to make strides for inclusivity in 332 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,879 Speaker 1: our business especially, but I think when you were diagnosed, 333 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: I think it was definitely way less. So right, yeah, 334 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: like there's no fucking way like people would have, well, 335 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 1: she can't work or we're not going to give her 336 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 1: a job. The way I'm still feeling that way though, 337 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: and it's a bummer but it's like I did what 338 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 1: I needed to do because how could you? Harboring the 339 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 1: secret was way more damaging than getting no work, do 340 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like that it was like 341 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: starting to chip away of me. It's like a person. 342 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,200 Speaker 1: And if you start to feel like shame and guilt 343 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 1: around a disease that like I didn't I didn't do 344 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,680 Speaker 1: anything to deserve this, and you go through this whole 345 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 1: emotional process of that like did I do something wrong 346 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: like in my life that like I've been cursed with this, 347 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: But it's just crap block, crap block, and like I said, 348 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,679 Speaker 1: I gotta do like what I can with it. And 349 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,640 Speaker 1: it's It's made me realize a lot of things about myself. 350 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 1: And you know, even at the end of a day, 351 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: like I'm with my kids a lot alone and it's 352 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: fucking hard, but like I'm proud of myself at the 353 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,360 Speaker 1: end of the day, like my kids are happy and 354 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 1: they're and I'm still it's hard. Is it hard for 355 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: me to carry him in and out and do the 356 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,719 Speaker 1: my gym with him and up and down and this 357 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 1: and that? All about that is that like is that 358 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 1: first of all you can do that I do it 359 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 1: I do it like you picked them up and it's okay. 360 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: Like you're like pounds thirteen month old, what guys for? 361 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: So you guys know, my almost eighteen month old is 362 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 1: twenty pounds. He's like a little little baby. So you 363 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: have a huge baby. You have a big, big baby 364 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: that is now walking, running, running. Also, my kid didn't 365 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,120 Speaker 1: walk a run to like sixteen months. But so you're 366 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 1: chasing after two boys to show us all that you 367 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: can do this. And like I'm just saying, like it's amazing. 368 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: Like if I saw you in my my gym class, 369 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 1: I would just be like, holy fuck. But you know 370 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: there's there's like it's one of the beautiful things I 371 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 1: think about living with him as seeing the way like 372 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: other people show up for you, like in this my 373 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: gym class, I don't say anything. I m don't have 374 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 1: to do the disclaimer like I have m ass whatever. 375 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,199 Speaker 1: But like when they do the circle time where like 376 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: they get up and I'll dance around the circle. It's 377 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 1: hard for me. It's painful for me to like stay 378 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: in this circle and like turn around with him or whatever, 379 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: and the teacher like picked up on it without me 380 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 1: even saying anything. And like every time a circle. Times 381 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: she's like, all right, I'm gonna take Jack, and I 382 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 1: just kind of sit back and let her do the 383 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: circle with Jack, and I'm just I kind of look 384 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 1: at her and like we didn't even talk about it, 385 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: but like she she just knew, Like I don't even 386 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 1: know what she knows, what's wrong with me, but like 387 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: it's just beautiful sometimes the way I think people can 388 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,959 Speaker 1: show up for each other like that, and it's I 389 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:02,800 Speaker 1: have every excuse and every right to stay in bed 390 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 1: all day like I do, like I can. I have 391 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: a right to feel bad for myself. I have a 392 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,320 Speaker 1: right to feel all those things. But I don't want 393 00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: to like I I had, especially as a moment, you 394 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,639 Speaker 1: must feel like you can't, like if you're going to 395 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:23,719 Speaker 1: get up for something exactly exactly my kids, My kids, 396 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 1: I believe, have kept me as well as I am. Yeah, 397 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,880 Speaker 1: So when you got pregnant with the second baby, we 398 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,959 Speaker 1: discussed this a little bit, touched on it. There was 399 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 1: were there any advice, like you maybe shouldn't do this, 400 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: or because your MS has been sort of at the 401 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: same level for ten years, I think you've said that's 402 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 1: been stable. Were they worried what it would do to 403 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: your body. The second time, my neurologists said, I don't 404 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: think you should have another one, just for the stress 405 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:53,879 Speaker 1: of it all, And I said, I respect your advice, 406 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: but the fact that I live with something that makes 407 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,880 Speaker 1: choices for me on a daily basis, like like how 408 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: I like fucking get up and walk and move Like 409 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,159 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it's not not making that choice for me, 410 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: like I have always wanted at least two children, Like 411 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: this is something that's important to me, and I will 412 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 1: figure it out, like I figure everything else out in 413 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:21,640 Speaker 1: my life, and like, yeah, it's hard, but it's hard 414 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,440 Speaker 1: for everybody. You know. It's like I don't feel any 415 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: worse off because of it. I didn't have. Were they 416 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 1: worried that, like it could drastically shift where the MS 417 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: has been, So I don't think they thought it was 418 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: going to throw necessarily the course of the disease off. 419 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: I think they were just more worried about just like 420 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: the stress of it all, because stress for anyone is, like, 421 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 1: you know, such a huge debilitator, and so when you 422 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: add it on top of you know, an autoimmune disease 423 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: and a neurological disease, I mean, the only The only 424 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 1: time that my body will not be as strong as 425 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: I know it can be is when I'm either having 426 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 1: lack of sleep or a ment amount of stress in 427 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: my life fun which is like the two Biggers for 428 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: babies exactly. So I think that's maybe where they were 429 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,880 Speaker 1: coming from. But look, I mean, who leaves their house 430 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 1: after the first eight weeks you have a baby? Like 431 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: know on so and like I with Boll, I didn't 432 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: have any help, uh, because I'm crazy and stubborn. I mean, 433 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,200 Speaker 1: she she had too many things, Like she came a 434 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: little bit here and there, but like it was hard 435 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 1: for her. And Clutter was traveling playing baseball and I 436 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,800 Speaker 1: was traveling with the baby, trying to follow him around, 437 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 1: and I thought, like I'm gonna do this. I like, 438 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: I don't have a job right now, like I have 439 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,960 Speaker 1: this baby, like I and financially, I was like, I 440 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,679 Speaker 1: can't be paying somebody need to watch also to like 441 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 1: the thought of paying somebody to watch her baby when 442 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 1: I'm right there, like I just it just didn't make 443 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,679 Speaker 1: sense to me. I don't I'm saying it was the 444 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 1: right choice or the smart smarter choice rather, but it 445 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 1: was the choice that I need and I'm proud of 446 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,720 Speaker 1: it still. I mean, it was it hard for me absolutely. 447 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: I also think on top of it, I was definitely 448 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 1: dealing with postpartum depression that I didn't even realize I had. UM. 449 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 1: I just thought I wasn't enjoying motherhood. To be quite honest, 450 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:24,480 Speaker 1: I hated it for like a good hot minute and 451 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 1: then I was like it switched around like eight weeks 452 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,680 Speaker 1: for me. But it was the first two months were 453 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 1: so dark. June ray Fields come on this show and 454 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 1: I think she calls it the dark Ages of your 455 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:40,360 Speaker 1: or something like something like that. So dark, so dark, UM, 456 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,640 Speaker 1: but I can't even imagine what it would feel like, 457 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,719 Speaker 1: like you said, just to have these moments where you're like, 458 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:50,320 Speaker 1: I don't I can't you know, UM just do certain things. Yeah, 459 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: And there's even times where like I'll think to like 460 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 1: I wonder if I would enjoy this more if I 461 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 1: But that's almost with everything in my life. I think 462 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 1: if I didn't have this physical pain or or this 463 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 1: um right fear, like I fear sometimes of how because 464 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: even now, like when I work, which is very rare, 465 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,880 Speaker 1: like I still deal with this like wanting to look 466 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: normal and wanting to cover it. Up because that's all 467 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 1: I did for so like so many years that I 468 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: think that I'm still coming to terms with like owning 469 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 1: it and like being okay with like this is just 470 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: my body and how I move and so like on 471 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: top of that put like your kids and all of that, 472 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: and I just wonder sometimes like what I enjoy like 473 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 1: playing with them or doing this more if I just 474 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: didn't have that a whole other level of like just 475 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,200 Speaker 1: self consciousness and just like very so your second pregnancy, 476 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: did it feel like the first where you felt amazing? 477 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 1: It didn't. It didn't. I mean it wasn't like terrible, 478 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: but it wasn't like I was really like stoked to 479 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 1: like have those like a break of like and no 480 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: it didn't. But I mean I was all sick, yes, 481 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 1: way more way more like tummy sick. That's been bow. 482 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: I had that maybe for like the nausea more with Bou, 483 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 1: I think for like the first twelve weeks and then 484 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 1: it was like totally fine. But with Jack, like nausea, heartburn, 485 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 1: refluff like all of that from I was popping tongues 486 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,959 Speaker 1: like as I was pushing it out like it was 487 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: it was very uncomfortable and he was giant. I mean 488 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: he was, you know, nine and a half pounds. So yeah, 489 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: I got induced a week early because my doctor was like, 490 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: I'm not making a push out of tam pound baby, 491 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: like he's just it's already going to be like really hard. 492 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,840 Speaker 1: Does MS have a any sort of situation with breastfeeding 493 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,120 Speaker 1: or it was like, were people like, I mean, are 494 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: there a lot of people living with m S who 495 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: have also had babies so they could very easily tell 496 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 1: you what was going to happen? Or is it the 497 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,640 Speaker 1: same thing where MS? It's different for every single case. 498 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 1: So it was like I didn't have anyone to talk to, 499 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 1: especially with both, because it was a secret. Then, um, 500 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: but my Obi is amazing. I'm obsessed with her. Nothing 501 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: with breastfeeding. In fact, it was a wonderful thing that 502 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 1: I celebrated because like, normally my relationship with my body 503 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: is very complicated and I'm like I feels so separated 504 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,240 Speaker 1: from it because it feels like it betrays me all 505 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: the time, and so to be able to do something 506 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 1: like that something so incredibly magical and like the fact 507 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 1: that like my body was working the way I wanted 508 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:52,160 Speaker 1: it to was incredible and I loved it. But when 509 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,400 Speaker 1: I had to stop early because I had to get 510 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,640 Speaker 1: back on medication the second time around was really really 511 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: fucked me up because I was so sad because I 512 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: was like, damn it, like it was and it's like, yes, 513 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: he's like big and he's flourishing and I'm getting I 514 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,439 Speaker 1: got this and it's it's working and I'm proud of 515 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: my body and I'm proud of myself and like here 516 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 1: the fucking thing comes again and like interfering with my 517 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: life and what I want to do. And so that 518 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 1: was a dark time for me because it's also such 519 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: a huge I mean just it's such a huge hormonal 520 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,719 Speaker 1: shift to stop breastfeeding and then to add in like 521 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: oh I'm stopping because I have to go on this 522 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,639 Speaker 1: medication and for my body must have been just like 523 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: very sad. And now you're like I want to control 524 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: this situation, and yet again like I can't have you 525 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: dealt Do you have any other friends that are dealing 526 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 1: with pregnancy and chronic illness? Like I don't know, Like 527 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 1: you must are such a like it must have felt 528 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 1: just lonely. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. I 529 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 1: think in general me, you think you hit it on 530 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: the head. That's it can be. It can be a 531 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 1: very lonely experience because I'm always hesitant to talk about 532 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 1: it with others because hey, I don't want to be 533 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: a downer, but like be they're think they're not going 534 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: to get it, you know, and it's not. It's not 535 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: to be like rude, like oh you don't understand, but 536 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 1: just meaning you know, like it just doesn't. I don't know. 537 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 1: I am in the process of as a human being 538 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 1: trying to learn how to express myself better, asking for 539 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: help or just calling a friend to vent. I'm not 540 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: that person. I am the person to receive that a 541 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: hundred times over. Like you need a bit about something 542 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 1: or pride of anyone, call me. I got you. I 543 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,239 Speaker 1: will find the words or none of the words and 544 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: give you the hugs like whatever it is. But I 545 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 1: don't know. For me, for some reason, it's very hard 546 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: for me to do that because I think for so 547 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: many years I did it all by mysel self. I 548 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 1: didn't talk about it with anybody, literally anybody, like my 549 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 1: doctor's appointments, everyone like enough, I mean a very close 550 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: few knew about my MS, but even then I didn't 551 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: talk about it. My husband was really the person that 552 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 1: forced me out of my shell with that really, like 553 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 1: even if it's just with him, right, like he was 554 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: like the first like close relationship that wasn't maybe your 555 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: parents are like siblings are like best friends in childhood 556 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: that you were like, Yeah, this guy is going to 557 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: know everything that there is to know and go through 558 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: all of it with me, the doctor's appointments, the ups 559 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 1: and downs. Letting him in on that journey with me 560 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: was hard because the truth of the matter is any 561 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,720 Speaker 1: chronic illness is not just your disease. It's your family's disease. 562 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: I mean, it's something you're all going to have to 563 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,719 Speaker 1: deal with as a family. And fortunately for me, you know, 564 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: in the grand scheme of things, while they seem extra 565 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: only difficult, my symptoms are small in the in the 566 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: what they could be. And um, I think although it's 567 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 1: more the emotional journey of going through it all is 568 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:17,480 Speaker 1: the harder part. And having my like only the other day, 569 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: I remember I was giving my baby a bath and 570 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 1: my son so I have a full time nanny. Now 571 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: knowing that I was going to have the second my 572 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: husband travels the way he does, I was going to 573 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: take on the help now you're like, I'm so proud 574 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: of myself. I didn't exactly I have. I mean, her 575 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: name is Maria, she is God send. She takes care 576 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 1: of me just as much as my children. Helps with 577 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: dinner and cleaning and just all those extra chores that 578 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 1: really just wipe everybody out. Um. And so I was 579 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: bathing the baby and my five year old was just 580 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: being like a dick that day. He came in. He 581 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: was coming in and his new thing is like lying, 582 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: and he was like lying to me the aides dinner. 583 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 1: I could hear Maria saying, like, bo, he didn't finish 584 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: your dinner or whatever because he wanted dessert. And I 585 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: just I just started crying. And he looks at me 586 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: and he's like mommy, And I was like, I'm sorry, bo, 587 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,480 Speaker 1: I don't mean to do this in front of you. 588 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 1: I'm having a really hard day, having a really hard day, 589 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 1: and I just want to get Jack to sleep. I 590 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: just need to know that you need a good dinner 591 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: and then I will put you to bed, please, please, 592 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: And like he sat on the floor and hugged me 593 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,480 Speaker 1: and he was like, I'm sorry, mommy. And I sometimes 594 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 1: I feel guilty or I feel bad because I don't 595 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: want to like put my ship on him. But at 596 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: the same time, I think that maybe I'm giving him 597 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: the lessons in like compassion and understanding. And again, like 598 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: I said, the fact that he had never ever pointed 599 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: out a single thing that makes me different. The only 600 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: thing that's ever pointed out is just why he loves me. 601 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,000 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for him. I think you're going to make 602 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: a very special person. I just do, because you're making 603 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: a very special person because you're a special person going 604 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: through a very remarkable, huge painful set of circumstances that 605 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 1: I think will just shape him to be an amazing person. 606 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: Like that's just what it is. Like it's like, yeah, 607 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,440 Speaker 1: I think, and even the lessons he will learn, Like 608 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 1: at some point I keep thinking, like, oh my god, 609 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: what about teen years where like he may either of 610 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 1: your boys might say or do something that's that hurts 611 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,160 Speaker 1: your feelings, you know what I mean, Like they made 612 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,960 Speaker 1: at some point, and I know he hasn't said anything yet, 613 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: but you know, you never know, of course, but like 614 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: even in that moment, like if he's a total like 615 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: he's going to learn, like he's just I mean, I 616 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: have right, I mean, I just have to believe that, Like, 617 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: I mean, it's a it's a it's it's a it's 618 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 1: a special like you said, a special circumstance that he's 619 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,320 Speaker 1: exposed to in a daily basis that some kids just 620 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:06,200 Speaker 1: don't really see and then maybe look a little longer 621 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: or you know, and because of which is, by the way, 622 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 1: is totally fine. Like I think, if you know, my 623 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 1: husband's always like, don't let him stare, and I'm like, 624 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:19,000 Speaker 1: it's okay. He's a kid, like he I think walking 625 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,160 Speaker 1: on the playground or something. Yeah, like it's totally okay. 626 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,200 Speaker 1: Like I think as little kids like you have to 627 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,879 Speaker 1: let them observe and like take it in. I don't. 628 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,399 Speaker 1: I think that sometimes we place like as adults, like 629 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: what we think staring is, which sometimes can be like judgment. 630 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:35,960 Speaker 1: But I don't think kids have that. I think they 631 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: just have genuine curiosity. And so that's why it doesn't 632 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: bother me if his friends ever asked me anything or 633 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 1: say anything, because they're just curious. They're not like trying 634 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:49,399 Speaker 1: to be mean. And so yeah, I mean, I think 635 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,040 Speaker 1: the bow just happens to be exposed in his own 636 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: special way, and Jack too, as he'll come to learn um, 637 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: just help sometimes just things we're done a little differently 638 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,279 Speaker 1: tell me. Um, you guys, what's so cool is that 639 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 1: Jamie is changing the game as she does every day 640 00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,320 Speaker 1: on a daily basis. I mean, you know, I'm serious, 641 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 1: Like even being a mom who is cool with letting 642 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,239 Speaker 1: kids stare or ask questions. I mean that is going 643 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 1: to help shape those children to be better humans. And 644 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: I think that's what we're all trying to do, even 645 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,719 Speaker 1: with our podcasts. Because Jamie lind Sigler also has a 646 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: mom podcast called Mama Said, right brilliant title, um, And 647 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,400 Speaker 1: when it came out, I was like, oh my god, like, 648 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 1: can we do cross promotion? Like everybody who's listening please 649 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 1: listen to Mama Said? And and I just I think 650 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 1: it's so wonderful. And I think you have such a 651 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:54,919 Speaker 1: unique and amazing perspective. You're an amazing mom, and um, 652 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,200 Speaker 1: you have a wonderful platform because you're famous and fancy. 653 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:04,320 Speaker 1: But to help other moms not feel alone, you know, yeah, 654 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:05,919 Speaker 1: well I think I mean that's I'm sure why you're 655 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: doing this too. I mean, it's it can be you 656 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 1: can feel very isolating, especially in the beginning, and it's 657 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,920 Speaker 1: scary and I think that there are certain stigmas, or 658 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:18,000 Speaker 1: there were of you know, I think that it's okay 659 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 1: sometimes to vocalize that you're not enjoying certain things about 660 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 1: motherhood and it doesn't mean you don't absolutely live and 661 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: die for your children. And I think that to have 662 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 1: an open conversation about all of the feelings and things 663 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: that come up with motherhood is essential. And um, you know, 664 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,320 Speaker 1: to have a place of no judgment and to feel 665 00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:47,279 Speaker 1: heard and understood and represented is why, you know, we 666 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 1: do what we do for a living. I think it's 667 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: just it's just giving voices and stories a platform. And 668 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 1: I think that that's what you're doing here and that's 669 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 1: what we're aiming to do over it. Mom said that. 670 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:06,320 Speaker 1: Mama said, are you guys specific in like your mission 671 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 1: or you're you're like, do you is it open forum? Mom? 672 00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: Topics like, yeah, you guys, are only you guys? We've 673 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: recorded a bunch, but we are only three in as 674 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,880 Speaker 1: well as like airing, but we recorded maybe eight or nine, 675 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 1: so we're kind of we're more of like a like 676 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,840 Speaker 1: a lighter fun like we wanted it to be a 677 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: place we'd like to say we've we've formed this tagline 678 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 1: after like basically talking like diarrhea a that our mouths 679 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:37,320 Speaker 1: for a place safe, place to confess your mommy sins 680 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 1: and realize you're not alone, Like say the things that 681 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: you're terrified to admit, and realize this this girl has 682 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:49,920 Speaker 1: done it, this girl's thought it exactly. We just wanted 683 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: to be a place where you can laugh about the 684 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,840 Speaker 1: pretty and the shitty of mood. And you and another 685 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 1: mom my friend, Jenna, brilliant, very different mom than me, 686 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 1: Like she is everything organic would in like amazing, amazing 687 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:13,080 Speaker 1: anxiety and me, I'm like Jack's licking the floor and 688 00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:17,640 Speaker 1: it's fine, super chill, I mean partly because I just 689 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,880 Speaker 1: don't have the energy just to like care about that too, 690 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,799 Speaker 1: Like yeah, you can't take it on your plate, You're 691 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 1: like I didn't. I'm literally trying to figure out getting 692 00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 1: out of the car right now with a baby in 693 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,480 Speaker 1: like a real physical, logistical, fucking way. I don't care 694 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: if he picks up the floor and if he can 695 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:38,040 Speaker 1: have a fucking pouch from Gelson, and he's gonna have 696 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,160 Speaker 1: a pouch and he's going to play with some fucking 697 00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: light up toys yep. Because to sit down for a 698 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: while and he's gonna stick this passy that I just 699 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: found at the bottom of a car that I put 700 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: in my mouth somehow, thinking I was going to say, 701 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,680 Speaker 1: literally licking his spascifier. And it's okay, now, like that's 702 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,360 Speaker 1: that's the type of my mom. But we have respect 703 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,000 Speaker 1: and admiration and zero judgment for each other. So and 704 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,400 Speaker 1: that's what it's all about, brilliant, So tell us about 705 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 1: I'm really interested in how you've told that you were 706 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,120 Speaker 1: saying you told bo about you know, you felt like 707 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,719 Speaker 1: a passionate like I want to tell you a little 708 00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: bit more about my MS and that kind of thing. 709 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: So we had that conversation where I basically explained it 710 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,800 Speaker 1: to him, and again it was like a very simple 711 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,080 Speaker 1: like okay, like okay, like he didn't need much more 712 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: ask him any more questions. There are times like where, um, 713 00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,880 Speaker 1: we aren't raising him a specific religion, but we're trying 714 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,360 Speaker 1: to raise him with some foundation of faith, because I 715 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:41,080 Speaker 1: think that everybody needs like some sense of like grounding faith. 716 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: And so at night we do prayers in which are 717 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:46,680 Speaker 1: mainly what we're grateful for and like what we would 718 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,319 Speaker 1: wish for, and he or even when we go to 719 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,840 Speaker 1: fountains and he throws like a coin in. He always 720 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:58,279 Speaker 1: wishes for me, which is just like I can't get 721 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,680 Speaker 1: too far into exil to start bar in my eyes out. 722 00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,239 Speaker 1: But he always would like I wish mommy will run 723 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 1: with me, or I wish mommy will feel better. Um. 724 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,040 Speaker 1: I don't know if he's saying it because he knows 725 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,520 Speaker 1: I'm right there. But for whatever, it doesn't matter to me, 726 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: the fact that his little brain will even go there 727 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:20,399 Speaker 1: and be conscious to be that giving and thoughtful. Um, God, 728 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 1: I love him. But he actually did something pretty cool 729 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,879 Speaker 1: about a year ago. So the preschool that I take 730 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,799 Speaker 1: him to, there's like the circular driveway and like it's 731 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,360 Speaker 1: kind of a ship show in the mornings, but like 732 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:35,360 Speaker 1: you parted to a lot of kids in the nursery 733 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 1: school and then drop off, so you get you get it. 734 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:43,680 Speaker 1: You can be waiting for they need to figure something 735 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 1: on it, like we all do it though, because we 736 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:50,359 Speaker 1: love the school absolutely amazing. But no, so you park 737 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,600 Speaker 1: your car and there's only like six cars basically allowed 738 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:53,960 Speaker 1: in the driveway at a time, and then like some 739 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 1: parents take their sweet time whatever, which, by the way, 740 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 1: God knows I need it. So like a okay. So 741 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,839 Speaker 1: we we were waiting a long time, and we live 742 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,680 Speaker 1: far away from the preschool, so I was an hour 743 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,919 Speaker 1: and when we get there, it took me a minute. 744 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 1: I get him out of the car seat and we're 745 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:14,480 Speaker 1: walking and there was a couple of parents there, and 746 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 1: out of nowhere, he goes, please wait, my mommy is 747 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,719 Speaker 1: slow and put his hands out and then put his 748 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:25,000 Speaker 1: hand to hold my hand, and I was just like thanks, 749 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 1: bo like because normally, like one of the things I'm 750 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,120 Speaker 1: working on with my trainer is to look up when 751 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,399 Speaker 1: I'm walking. Because it's not that I have to look 752 00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 1: down when I walk because I need to see the ground. 753 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,040 Speaker 1: It's because I don't want to make eye contact with people, 754 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,040 Speaker 1: because it's just like a I don't want people to like, 755 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,200 Speaker 1: I just don't want to know people are looking at me. 756 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,319 Speaker 1: It's a fucked up thing because why would I choose 757 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,600 Speaker 1: to be an actress so I don't want people to 758 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 1: look at me. But anyway, so I normally like look 759 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: at the ground, and it was just one of those 760 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,240 Speaker 1: moments where but being an actress is different. You're playing apart. 761 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,520 Speaker 1: But I think we were all sort of duped. I mean, 762 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 1: I think you and I are similar as like when 763 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,400 Speaker 1: we were kids, like we were both musical theater kids 764 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,799 Speaker 1: for you guys listening, like we love doing, but like 765 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,880 Speaker 1: that felt different than like, like I don't think we 766 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: knew when we got into this so much that like 767 00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:18,840 Speaker 1: so much of having an acting career was like you 768 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: being on red carpets and people looking at you as 769 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,799 Speaker 1: a person, like not playing a part, which like I 770 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,960 Speaker 1: didn't know, Like I didn't realize I was going to 771 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,759 Speaker 1: be doing all this press and like interviews and red 772 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,399 Speaker 1: carpets and things like that. Like we fell in love 773 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:39,000 Speaker 1: with acting because we liked you know. But so I 774 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,439 Speaker 1: imagine because I get I mean, I don't like really 775 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,440 Speaker 1: being looked at as myself as a person at all, 776 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,200 Speaker 1: Like I'm not a center of attention. I don't really 777 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,759 Speaker 1: like it. I don't like speaking at events. I don't 778 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,120 Speaker 1: like like being the fucking maid of honor at a wedding. 779 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:53,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that stuff. I mean people 780 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:58,920 Speaker 1: think I do because I'm a performer, But so I 781 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,200 Speaker 1: can't even imagine what it must feel like to not 782 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,400 Speaker 1: have not to feel like you're walking differently than everyone 783 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,080 Speaker 1: else and to have people look at you must be 784 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,239 Speaker 1: just so I think too, because people will be like, 785 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,480 Speaker 1: oh you okay, like people that don't know or like 786 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,439 Speaker 1: what's going on and you're like your ankle or did 787 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: you like your knee? You know something. Normally I'm so 788 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,879 Speaker 1: used to being like a bad back or whatever, But like, 789 00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:21,760 Speaker 1: how do I in a quick three seconds of like passing, 790 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,080 Speaker 1: You'd be like no, I have ms. Like it's like 791 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,799 Speaker 1: not like a like quick little thing you can like 792 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,520 Speaker 1: throw out there. So it's much easier to just not 793 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,239 Speaker 1: look at anybody. People probably think I'm like the bitchiest, 794 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,879 Speaker 1: most unfriendly human on the planet. In his school, but 795 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,120 Speaker 1: it was a trainer saying for you to look up. Yeah, 796 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,200 Speaker 1: we're working on just me like feeling so confident when 797 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 1: I moved that I can look at people. Yeah, and 798 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,440 Speaker 1: so Bo just stops everywhere for you. Yeah, he stopped 799 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,319 Speaker 1: and he was like my mommy slow And I have 800 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,080 Speaker 1: no idea where it came from, but it literally like 801 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,560 Speaker 1: I was like thanks. But and if he ever see 802 00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,280 Speaker 1: us like a staircase in front, he stops and waits 803 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,359 Speaker 1: because he knows that I'm going to need either hand 804 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:06,480 Speaker 1: or a banister to go up. Yeah, I'm like fucking 805 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: I mean, I could cry today before because I'm I'm 806 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:17,120 Speaker 1: being remembering all things. Yeah, he needs he definitely gets Kpop. 807 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,799 Speaker 1: Do you feel at all nervous about having to go 808 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,319 Speaker 1: through any of this sort of stuff again with your 809 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:30,759 Speaker 1: second explaining to him, saying anything to him, do you think, yeah, yeah, 810 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,560 Speaker 1: I hope he'll take both lead. I mean it's so 811 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,160 Speaker 1: crazy to like look at him and all of a sudden, 812 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,279 Speaker 1: I mean already realized, like whoa, you are a completely 813 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:42,920 Speaker 1: different human. You do things differently you like, I mean, 814 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:47,040 Speaker 1: he's aggressive, he's physical, Like, he's sweet as can be 815 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,080 Speaker 1: in like loves to cuddle in my lap and watch 816 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,919 Speaker 1: a cartoon, or like loves to give kisses, but he'll 817 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,279 Speaker 1: also like literally throw a toy as hard as you 818 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,160 Speaker 1: can in my face, like and bo is just not that. 819 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,279 Speaker 1: So do I have like some fear? Yes? And then 820 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:05,760 Speaker 1: there's also these fears because I am, like I don't 821 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,279 Speaker 1: work a lot as an actress, so financially, I'm like 822 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,160 Speaker 1: at this point where I'm like do I keep my 823 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,440 Speaker 1: nanny or like do I get rid of my nanni 824 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,120 Speaker 1: and sort of give up on acting? And because of money, 825 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,120 Speaker 1: and I don't know how I'm going to do it, like, 826 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,279 Speaker 1: I don't know how I would do it, like without 827 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,560 Speaker 1: her or some help. I'm going to let some more 828 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,719 Speaker 1: time go by and see because he I hope, I 829 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:33,520 Speaker 1: hope he chose out a little bit. I totally because 830 00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:37,240 Speaker 1: you're in that boat of like ones in nursery school 831 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,799 Speaker 1: and full time help, which is just like, holy shit, 832 00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,920 Speaker 1: that's the most expensive thing in l A. And then 833 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 1: next year is going private school. I mean the public 834 00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,239 Speaker 1: school by us is just we can't send him there. 835 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:52,320 Speaker 1: We just can't. And so yeah, it's a lot. That's yeah, 836 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,040 Speaker 1: I mean, those are things to think about when we've 837 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:58,880 Speaker 1: got kids, fucking money fuck and also when you're an actor, 838 00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:04,480 Speaker 1: which that's it. So is there any advice you would, 839 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:09,560 Speaker 1: um say, in in closing for any parent who has 840 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,040 Speaker 1: a chronic illness. Okay, I would give a parent with 841 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:18,440 Speaker 1: chronic illness. First, I would tell you to go easier 842 00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 1: in yourself. Um, I would say that your kid knows 843 00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:30,160 Speaker 1: no different and truly, if if it means that your 844 00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,319 Speaker 1: quality time is playing on the floor, then that's your 845 00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:38,000 Speaker 1: quality time. Like my five year old, his favorite things 846 00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,520 Speaker 1: to do with me is are is coloring and legos 847 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,560 Speaker 1: because it keeps us still and it keeps things easy, 848 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,720 Speaker 1: and I'm not the one that plays all the sports 849 00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 1: with him or does all the running around, and that's okay, 850 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,200 Speaker 1: you know, but you can also find ways to do 851 00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,759 Speaker 1: things like I really wanted to ride a bike around 852 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,520 Speaker 1: the neighborhood with my family, but I just can't balance 853 00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:00,360 Speaker 1: on a two wheeler. And for Christmas, my husband found 854 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,480 Speaker 1: me literally like an adult tricycle. It's like a beach 855 00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:07,080 Speaker 1: cruising so and I ride a bike with my kid now. 856 00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:12,040 Speaker 1: And there's just there's ways. There's creative ways, like even 857 00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:14,120 Speaker 1: I said, like going to a park and finding one 858 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,680 Speaker 1: that's gated so you can feel safe and contained and confined. 859 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,279 Speaker 1: But I think the most important piece of advice I 860 00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,920 Speaker 1: can give it do not be ashamed or afraid to 861 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 1: ask for help. I mean, I think that I'm you're 862 00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:30,120 Speaker 1: hearing from somebody who specifically went through it all without 863 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:34,080 Speaker 1: the help and desperately needed it. And there's no shame 864 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,680 Speaker 1: in that. It doesn't mean that you're not capable. It 865 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:42,759 Speaker 1: means that you're being responsible and loving. And um I 866 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,719 Speaker 1: think also find your village in the sense not just 867 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,239 Speaker 1: to help your children, but to help you. I think 868 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,719 Speaker 1: that a lot of the time when it comes to 869 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,840 Speaker 1: motherhood and family. Were always looking for the advice to 870 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,839 Speaker 1: better our kids lives and and all of that, but 871 00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:03,680 Speaker 1: we're very rare looking for things for ourselves. I'm really 872 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:09,400 Speaker 1: talking about that, and chronic illness or not. I think, really, um, 873 00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,279 Speaker 1: taking care of you and not feeling bad about that 874 00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,360 Speaker 1: is important. Like today is a me day, Like I 875 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,319 Speaker 1: normally would run home on a day like today and 876 00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:20,640 Speaker 1: go be with him until pick up and then take 877 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,359 Speaker 1: my other son to his activity. But my nanny's there 878 00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,000 Speaker 1: and I know he's great, and I'm like, I'm gonna 879 00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,880 Speaker 1: take a meet day today, And those types of days 880 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:33,160 Speaker 1: for anyone, but especially someone chronic illness important and nothing 881 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,040 Speaker 1: to feel bad about. Thank you so much for being 882 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:43,000 Speaker 1: so much listen to Mama said. Thank you guys so 883 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,640 Speaker 1: much for listening and for your amazing feedback and tweets 884 00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,440 Speaker 1: and messages and reviews and sharing Katie's crib with your 885 00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,960 Speaker 1: friends and your family. It means so so much to me, 886 00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,200 Speaker 1: So please keep it coming and check us out on 887 00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,880 Speaker 1: Shauna land dot com. Make sure to subscribe so you 888 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:59,880 Speaker 1: never miss an episode. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, 889 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:13,960 Speaker 1: and wherever you get your podcast. H