Speaker 1: My League Books has how the knowledge you want. Leak
Speaker 1: Books has how the knowledge you need. My League Books. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they have all the books that the whole wild world
Speaker 1: want to read My Lead Books. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to
Speaker 1: Meleik's Book Show, bringing a world together with books, culture
Speaker 1: and community. Hi, my name is Malik, your host of
Speaker 1: Malik's Bookshelf. We had a fiery weekend. Let me break
Speaker 1: it down. Whoa we had so many events popping at
Speaker 1: Malik's Books. That's right. We started the week off with
Speaker 1: a mari Jan that's right, A k a oh in
Speaker 1: the house at Malik Books and listen. And when I
Speaker 1: got you at Malik Books, you know I got to
Speaker 1: interview for Melik's Books. Shew. So you know I'm gonna
Speaker 1: bring you that interview on this episode. Man, I think
Speaker 1: this is episode faulty on top of that, so hey,
Speaker 1: um this episode forty. I'm excited because I got some
Speaker 1: interviews I've done with on Marion where we had him
Speaker 1: come to the store. We broke out, you know, hundreds
Speaker 1: and hundreds of books that were pre sold and we
Speaker 1: had to you know, get him signed because he's a
Speaker 1: signed exclusive autograph copies that are pre sold and brought
Speaker 1: at Milik books dot com. So Marian came to the house,
Speaker 1: came to Mileek Books, and you know we had take pictures,
Speaker 1: crack some jokes interviewing for the podcast, and he just
Speaker 1: had a wonderful spirit. You know, his book is called Unbothered,
Speaker 1: the Power of Choosing Joy and so um. You know
Speaker 1: previously I talked about the book with you on Unbothered,
Speaker 1: but I got a chance to get first hand interview
Speaker 1: and with A. Marion a k A now author O Marion.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna bring you that interview on this episode.
Speaker 1: We also had the host Kevin and Melissa Fredericks better
Speaker 1: known as a k A. Kevin Stage and Miss Stage
Speaker 1: was in the house. That book Marriage Be Hard, twelve
Speaker 1: conversations to keep you laughing, loving and learning with your partner.
Speaker 1: So I got a chance to talk to Kevin and
Speaker 1: Melissa at Malik Books. Why they had to sign whoa
Speaker 1: number one best selling book in two that's right, we
Speaker 1: pre sold a thousand copies and so I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: that interview as well. And all A Marion and Kevin
Speaker 1: they all sold multityler listen. I was able to interview
Speaker 1: them while they were signing the book, and they wasn't
Speaker 1: missing a beat. See they multitil and me I would
Speaker 1: have had to stop signing books then my interview, you know,
Speaker 1: but they didn't lose a trainer. Thought. It's like Marian
Speaker 1: on the stage and he danced and he saying it
Speaker 1: you know that And so that you know Kevin, he's
Speaker 1: a performer on the stage. His wife, you know, at
Speaker 1: a podcast, she's a performer. They're able to you know,
Speaker 1: sign these books and still do this interview. Wow, you know,
Speaker 1: and I didn't miss a beat, was able to give
Speaker 1: great content. I'm excited to bring you those conversations I
Speaker 1: had for this episode forty and also we also hosted
Speaker 1: two additional events at Malie. I'm gonna bring those to
Speaker 1: you next week, which will be an interview with Thomas T. J. Lofton,
Speaker 1: who wrote a book called monitor Ties and Gentification. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring that interview you next. We are also
Speaker 1: gonna bring you the interview I did with um Timothy
Speaker 1: Fields and Sharne Brown, who wrote The Black Families Guy
Speaker 1: to College Admissions. So those interviews I'm gonna bring to
Speaker 1: you for episode forty one. But today I'll bring in
Speaker 1: you o Marion and Kevin and Melissa Frendrick A k A.
Speaker 1: Kevin Stage and Melissa Misstade Well, so enjoy this episode.
Speaker 1: Also also Holder Holder. I went out and did some
Speaker 1: yoga this weekend. It was delightful. I had a good time.
Speaker 1: My wife took me out to a turn for Nini
Speaker 1: whatever the name of the hotel is out in Saint
Speaker 1: Page Row. Anyway, we did what they called moon yoga.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not the most flexible, but you know, I
Speaker 1: did what I could do under the circumstance. But it
Speaker 1: feels good on my bocky. And I was like saying, oh, man,
Speaker 1: I hope the next day I'm gonna wake up and
Speaker 1: it's gonna feel so refreshing. But I knew that night,
Speaker 1: after I sat down and had a meal after the
Speaker 1: moon yoga, that uh, that I might be walking stiff
Speaker 1: because that was a whole lot of stretching. But um,
Speaker 1: I had a wonderful, wonderful time. I cracked a lot
Speaker 1: of jokes. I went Vito local on them. Joe, I
Speaker 1: couldn't believe what was coming out of me at dinner,
Speaker 1: and while we were walking to away from the yoga,
Speaker 1: I just started, you know, having all kind of punch
Speaker 1: lines and jokes. So I can't air that on this
Speaker 1: episode because I did a whole lot of custom you know,
Speaker 1: grown folks stuff. I can't air that but for my podcast,
Speaker 1: you know, um, but man, I was on fire. I
Speaker 1: was giving jokes right, was like, wait, I had her
Speaker 1: ball in. I ain't even know I could be that funny,
Speaker 1: but you know what, I was just in that kind
Speaker 1: of mood. I was in that kind of spirit and
Speaker 1: I was just dropping them and it was just entertainment.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna have to release she did record a
Speaker 1: few of these punch lines to some of these jokes,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna have to drop it, you know, my
Speaker 1: personal you know, Milik Mohammed, I'm gonna have to drop
Speaker 1: it on my personal Malik Mohammed Instagram. But in TikTok,
Speaker 1: I don't even have a personal TikTok. But anyway, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to drive because it was hilarious. I had
Speaker 1: to admit I was on fire. I was on fire,
Speaker 1: and so hey enjoyed this episode Number forty. Normally entertainers performers, y'all, multitask.
Speaker 1: I can do two things and three things at one time,
Speaker 1: and So while y'all signing Belief books. Malik Bookshelf podcast
Speaker 1: bringing the world together with books coach at Community, I
Speaker 1: have the pleasure of sitting inside of league books. Kevin
Speaker 1: and Melissa Fredericks. They just wrote a new book called
Speaker 1: Marriage Be Hard. Twelve Conversations to keep you laughing, loving
Speaker 1: and learning with your partner. Okay, what made you want
Speaker 1: to write your first book? You know, we uh we
Speaker 1: wrote the book that we wish we had to read
Speaker 1: when we were first uh married, we found that you know,
Speaker 1: obviously new newly weds, we're going through stuff and everybody
Speaker 1: we were talking to, you know, we're talking like, hey,
Speaker 1: we're struggling this and that. How are you guys doing?
Speaker 1: Everybody was like, our stuff is going perfect, literally no issues.
Speaker 1: You know, we was in the church and stuff, and
Speaker 1: it was I guess taboo to talk about it. So,
Speaker 1: come to find out, two or three years later, some
Speaker 1: of these same people, a lot of these same people
Speaker 1: are getting divorced and we're like, wait, second, everything we're
Speaker 1: gonna be going good? What's happening? And we realized that
Speaker 1: everything wasn't going good. They just you know, it was
Speaker 1: the thing to say, yeah, you have somebody had been doing.
Speaker 1: They say they're fine. So we decided to write the
Speaker 1: book that we wish we had to read because we
Speaker 1: want people to be married, want people to stay married,
Speaker 1: and we wanted to give them some hope and also
Speaker 1: some like experience that we've learned some tactical stuff. You know.
Speaker 1: Marriages it's like a cake, absolutely, and a lot of
Speaker 1: times people have the ingredients and the stove, but they
Speaker 1: don't have the recipe, so they ain't got ye I
Speaker 1: don't know how much sugar, how much? Yeah, So we
Speaker 1: decided to to help try and write a recipe to
Speaker 1: to to give you a chance at a better, more
Speaker 1: successful marriage. Absolutely, marriage be hard. Obviously you're saying that
Speaker 1: it's hard, Yeah, you know, and what some of the
Speaker 1: challenges What makes marriage hard? I think the twelve conversations
Speaker 1: we talked about, from community location, to intimacy, to parenting
Speaker 1: um and even something as recent as quarantine. I think
Speaker 1: if you're married for any period of time, or you've
Speaker 1: been with someone for a long period of time, you
Speaker 1: realize that marriage is probably one of the hardest group
Speaker 1: projects you'll ever have to do, because you're bringing two
Speaker 1: people's lives together with different opinions and thoughts and all
Speaker 1: of that, and so trying to merge those two worlds
Speaker 1: and make it as harmonious as possible. Sometimes it's difficult.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's difficult, very difficult, with two people becoming one. Yes,
Speaker 1: that should challenge in itself, sup I don't think that challenge, Stoff,
Speaker 1: What do you think? No? I think listen. Being married
Speaker 1: it's the constant ability and desire to love someone as
Speaker 1: they change and as you change. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: even the iPhone or Android, whatever phone you have, there's
Speaker 1: small little tweets happening all the time. So the company
Speaker 1: tells you, hey, we're changing this, taking the headphone jack out,
Speaker 1: this is how you do it all. We're introducing Bluetooth.
Speaker 1: Now you can do this. And you've got to constantly
Speaker 1: be learning in order to be able to be effective.
Speaker 1: And marriage is the same way. Melissa has been my
Speaker 1: girlfriend since she was sixteen. My wife was sweetheart, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my wife since she was twenty and we'll be forty
Speaker 1: next year. Like, think about the person you were when
Speaker 1: you were thanking twenty years olds, not the person you
Speaker 1: are at thirty, thirty five or forty. So I gotta
Speaker 1: learn to love the version of her that she is
Speaker 1: currently and navigating that is a key to having a happy,
Speaker 1: healthy marriage. What do you have to say also about
Speaker 1: the same question. Yeah, I'm gonna agree. I think that
Speaker 1: you know, merging the two worlds as we discuss and
Speaker 1: them constantly changing and evolving and adjusting to that is
Speaker 1: always going to be, you know, difficult and hard, but
Speaker 1: it's always going to be something that's going to be
Speaker 1: worth it, because there's nothing in the world that comes
Speaker 1: easy that's always worth happy. Different to come eat you
Speaker 1: got you say you got to go through you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: no pain, no game, anything you want that's worthwhile. You
Speaker 1: ran track, relieve you. It was in the Olympics. You know,
Speaker 1: you wasn't able to hang out with your friends when sacrifice,
Speaker 1: had practice, some training, You weren't able to eat what
Speaker 1: you wanted to eat all the time. Discipline, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: those are all the ingredients of a good marriage. Ain't
Speaker 1: nothing nothing rewarding without sacrifice. You paid the price to
Speaker 1: be who you are. Absolutely your success right now, both
Speaker 1: for you we've been just for an example, our week
Speaker 1: we was in Houston for two days. We went to
Speaker 1: New York to do press. I had a comedy show
Speaker 1: last night. We flew straight from d C at four
Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning. What uh Maryland time, got to
Speaker 1: the airport, came here, took a shower, iron eight. We
Speaker 1: ain't even been home yet. Wow, that's but that's what
Speaker 1: it takes to do just to do this. Now, add
Speaker 1: on some children and a dog. Finances, how you feel
Speaker 1: health like navigating all that is what you have to
Speaker 1: do to have a healthy marriage. Absolutely, and it's what
Speaker 1: makes a rewarding marriage. Talk about the twelve conversations. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the conversation between both of y'all did offer to other people.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you listen, let me know how
Speaker 1: you feel. This is our life on display. But at
Speaker 1: the end of each chapter there's a relationship checking. These
Speaker 1: are conversations designed to get you to start your own conversation.
Speaker 1: It isn't to be like see this will Melissa did?
Speaker 1: This is why Kevin? Then work this marriage? Don't work
Speaker 1: like that. The only thing that works from Melissa, The
Speaker 1: only thing that needs to work for us is what
Speaker 1: works for us. But y'all gotta the reader has to
Speaker 1: sure sure after all those twenty year the two things.
Speaker 1: That's because early on I used to be like the
Speaker 1: pastor said this, so let's do this, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not married to him, I'm married to you. You know,
Speaker 1: So you know, this ain't nothing but lessons that we've
Speaker 1: learned that we're trying to prevent you from having to
Speaker 1: learn as toughly as we did to your word kind
Speaker 1: of on the same spiritual Please, I wouldn't say so, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would think so. You know, I think the reality
Speaker 1: is because these conversations are bumps and bruises from us.
Speaker 1: You know, we're we're our own for students, were our own.
Speaker 1: You know, this book was our therapy, and so being
Speaker 1: able to give this out into the world. It's not
Speaker 1: something we're just given to people because it's que is
Speaker 1: given to We're giving it to people because it worked
Speaker 1: for us. These are conversations we had to have. These
Speaker 1: are conversations we wish we had. These are things we
Speaker 1: wish we did better. So it's coming from a place
Speaker 1: that experience and not just like head knowledge. But you
Speaker 1: had to mature to understand that to get to that
Speaker 1: point absolutely, to communicate this. Yes, these kind of conversations.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Effect of communication is a chapter because communication,
Speaker 1: you can't have none of the conversations without effective communication,
Speaker 1: and half the time that's where we get stuck. We're
Speaker 1: not communicating effectively. Yeah, you know, we got seventeen years
Speaker 1: in the game and you know it's still grown. And
Speaker 1: one of the things we feel like, yeah, communication is
Speaker 1: important because we don't see things the same way, you know,
Speaker 1: And then is a big part of the yes, as
Speaker 1: we don't always say what we mean. We don't always
Speaker 1: mean what we say. Uh. And the wordiness, you know,
Speaker 1: one of the UH pillars I call them of effective
Speaker 1: communication to us as honesty, vulnerability, and transparency and UM,
Speaker 1: I think oftentimes we can get one of those three,
Speaker 1: but we're not always operating at all all free of them.
Speaker 1: So honestly, obviously you know that self, that's obvious. You
Speaker 1: know you have to be honest in any conversation on
Speaker 1: the way you're gonna get some period. But being transparent
Speaker 1: is allowing your partner to see the motivation behind the
Speaker 1: hurt behind UM. And the vulnerability is leading with your
Speaker 1: softer emotions and not just your heart emotions. Or you're
Speaker 1: angry and instead you're saying I miss you, or that
Speaker 1: hurt my feelings and not just that pissed me off.
Speaker 1: You know, that's vulnerability, being able to listen to each other. Yes,
Speaker 1: take down those defenses. Hearing you now, yes, I don't
Speaker 1: think you're hearing I'm talking, but you're hearing hearing nothing
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Oh I hear you know you don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't because we see things different and you know
Speaker 1: what you might see, I just don't see. Yep. And
Speaker 1: I'll take a level of respect to understand that too, amaturity. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: so this has been wonderful, wonderful. I think that this
Speaker 1: book is much needed in the comedy that you put
Speaker 1: in here, the la yes, you know, having a sense
Speaker 1: of you. Yeah, that's so refreshing. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: feel like that's kind of what separates us. Melissa is
Speaker 1: the expert, subject matter expert, and I'm gonna bring some
Speaker 1: laughter to a subject matter that doesn't usually have a
Speaker 1: comedic touch. You know. So you enjoy the book, yeah? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: will I have on my list the definite read and
Speaker 1: get some of your tips, because that's how we all learn.
Speaker 1: Still shopping still like well Mary couples shopping married couple. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so thank you, thank you with the Lease Bookshop audience.
Speaker 1: These tips about your new book coming out September thirteen,
Speaker 1: Marriage be Hard to a conversation to keep you laughing,
Speaker 1: loving and learning from your partner. Yeah, thank you, gotta
Speaker 1: Marian in the house a K. That's right. How of
Speaker 1: choosing Jordan, we're part of the joy team. That's right, period,
Speaker 1: and I love to tie. How did you come up
Speaker 1: with that? And what is this? You know, why do
Speaker 1: you say the power who's in joy? Is because you've
Speaker 1: got a lot of joy in your life? No, because
Speaker 1: it's literally a choice, you know, Um, it's up to you.
Speaker 1: You know, we all go through ups and downs in life,
Speaker 1: and you know, in order to live a meaningful life,
Speaker 1: you gotta choose joy. Absolutely absolutely, and I'm assuming that
Speaker 1: when you choose the word un bothered, it really means that,
Speaker 1: you know, you went through some things in life and
Speaker 1: at the at the end of the rainbow, at the
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel, you still found joy. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: how did you think? How how did you get to
Speaker 1: that point? Because obviously, you know it's a growth thing,
Speaker 1: it's a mature thing. Some things a factors in a
Speaker 1: wink where we are bothered by it. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean being unbothered is definitely Um, you know, not ignoring
Speaker 1: your emotions and your and the things that you go
Speaker 1: through is actually addressing it. Being unbothered is just taking
Speaker 1: us a moment back and Um, instead of you know, reacting,
Speaker 1: you respond, So you give yourself that beat. And maturity
Speaker 1: plays a big factor in that. You know, so so
Speaker 1: many times we go through things and you know, we
Speaker 1: asked ourselves like, well, why is this happening? But you know, um,
Speaker 1: certain things you know happened you know for you not
Speaker 1: to so how you process it? You know, it might
Speaker 1: be painful, yeah, or it might come through. It might
Speaker 1: be George might bring uncomfortableness to your life. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: if you process it properly, it was meant to be
Speaker 1: to get you to another place and to another level.
Speaker 1: M What some of the techniques do you use to
Speaker 1: get to this point where you can find George whatever
Speaker 1: obstools that might kind of come in your life. I
Speaker 1: definitely use meditation affirmations. Um. Those are major keys for me,
Speaker 1: um to process life, you know, because it comes at
Speaker 1: your fast um mantras. You know, UM, there's are all
Speaker 1: important tools you know that are coming from my personal
Speaker 1: experience that helped me process things and mature and elevate,
Speaker 1: stay elevated. And UM, at what point, in what state
Speaker 1: in your life did you get to this point where
Speaker 1: you know you you choose the path that you want
Speaker 1: now after going through so many, um, you know, so
Speaker 1: many things. You know, I want to say that, you know, um,
Speaker 1: I just arrived and I'm still arriving. You know, Um,
Speaker 1: you know, life has an interesting way of showing you
Speaker 1: new things. And when you're open, you know, to two
Speaker 1: new things. Um, you know, beautiful things happen. So you know,
Speaker 1: I want to say I just survived, but but I'm
Speaker 1: still coming. That's how I'm still coming. I'm still I'm
Speaker 1: still being be coming too. And I know, I know
Speaker 1: you know your father now you know you went from
Speaker 1: being you know, a single man married man now father
Speaker 1: never married, never married. But yeah, kids, you know that's
Speaker 1: a that's a bond, that's a marriage you can't break
Speaker 1: hate for life. And I know they had a part
Speaker 1: of the journey and being, you know, helping you choose
Speaker 1: the power of joy, being unbothered because kids, Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: gotta have patience. Yeah, I gotta have patience. And you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm I'm so grateful that you know, UM,
Speaker 1: I first of all, I loved my kids outdore my kids,
Speaker 1: and they brought so much knowledge, so much growth and
Speaker 1: inspiration to me. So yeah, you know, the kids are important,
Speaker 1: you know. Um it allows you to step outside, you know,
Speaker 1: of doing things just for yourself. You know, when you're
Speaker 1: having kids, you gotta you gotta think about them. You know,
Speaker 1: they didn't have to be in this world. So you know,
Speaker 1: being a priority yep, and being selfless you know, Um,
Speaker 1: that's a major part of my you know, maturity and
Speaker 1: maturation as a man. Absolutely, for sure. Absolutely, you know
Speaker 1: I'm fither to him five five. Oh, that's what's up.
Speaker 1: And the active grandparents school. Okay, hey, well you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell y'all thank you because the same
Speaker 1: for my mom and my family. You know, it really
Speaker 1: does take a village. Really, it really does take a
Speaker 1: village because you know, I'm here and the babies had
Speaker 1: to get to school this morning and shout out to
Speaker 1: my cousin kicking us. You know, she she's helped me
Speaker 1: and help my kids grow along the way. And it's
Speaker 1: so important that bond you know between grandparents and you
Speaker 1: know the kids, like, oh my goodness, you God rest
Speaker 1: mynna soul. But she passed away earlier this year. But
Speaker 1: she she was the first person to touch me. She was,
Speaker 1: you know, brought me into this world. And I'm so
Speaker 1: happy that I was able to experience that. You know,
Speaker 1: having grand grand grandparents is a special it's a special
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you're bringing back
Speaker 1: memories my grandmother. It's so spiritual man. Wisdom that they dropped,
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, so important. It helps us. Um, you
Speaker 1: know a lot of those things that we get older
Speaker 1: and understand things differently. You know, we're oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: said that. Grandmom said that, right, it's coming to exactly
Speaker 1: exactly when we're young. We don't see things the same
Speaker 1: as they do. Just like putting, you know, thirty forty
Speaker 1: years into a tune in your mind, right, you know,
Speaker 1: how do you do it? It takes years to get understanding.
Speaker 1: Because you get knowledge and get wizard you can understand it,
Speaker 1: but it makes face. You take you years to get
Speaker 1: to the point where you understand life and understand what's
Speaker 1: going you know, and a lot of things. I used
Speaker 1: to think, oh man, my parents hard on me when
Speaker 1: I was young, not when I got kids. Yeah, now
Speaker 1: I understand. Yeah, I feel the same way, because we
Speaker 1: wanted to see our children, you know, grow from the productive,
Speaker 1: being successful. You know, whatever path they choose, we want
Speaker 1: to see them win. You know, that's what many books
Speaker 1: is all about. Books bring opportunity, put down the you know,
Speaker 1: obstacles did prevent you from succeeding, and pick up a
Speaker 1: book and change your life here, you know, And I
Speaker 1: like you know, I personally I always read most nonfiction
Speaker 1: or inspiration and like your book Unbothered The Power of
Speaker 1: Choosing Joy. That just struck me. The title. I love,
Speaker 1: you know, because we got to find joy even in
Speaker 1: the midst of darkness. You gotta find happiness even in
Speaker 1: the midst of you know, obstacles and difficulty. You know,
Speaker 1: life is gonna it's like a heartbeat. It's up and down.
Speaker 1: So enjoyed the ups and Enjordan that sucks. Enjoy it all.
Speaker 1: It's called life. It's all. It's called life. Yeah. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening to Meliek's Bookshelf with topics on the shelf,
Speaker 1: our books, culture and community. Be sure to subscribe and
Speaker 1: leave me a review. Check out my Instagram at melik Books.
Speaker 1: See you next time.