WEBVTT - Gwyneth Paltrow Interviews Jay Shetty ON: Daily Actions to Build Life-Changing Habits & Training Your Mind to Break Old Patterns 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, it's Ja Shetty, and I just want to take 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:06.519 a moment to thank you to express my deepest gratitude 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:09.799 to you for choosing to listen to on Purpose for 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:14.960 our first episode of this year, twenty twenty two. This 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:19.400 year is going to be the biggest, the best, the deepest, 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:24.120 the most genuine, and most sincere year on on Purpose 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:28.000 of all time. Since we launched in twenty nineteen, I've 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:31.120 had the pleasure and the honor of sitting down with 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:35.680 some incredible guests, everyone from Will Smith to Alicia keys 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:40.160 Uval Noah Harari to Ray Dahlio, all the way through 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:44.520 to June Ico Big, Sean Russ and many many more. 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:49.200 We've had incredible thinkers like doctor Joe Dispenser, Gretchen Ruben, 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.879 and doctor Mark Hyman. I really hope that you're going 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:54.040 to go back and listen to any of those guests 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:56.480 that you're excited about, but I also hope that you'll 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:59.760 join me this year for new guests and new insights. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.880 Here's how it works. Every Monday, I launched an episode 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.160 which is an interview star with a guest, and on 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.360 Friday a solo episode where I dive deep into something 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.560 i've been going into with my health and wellness journey. 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.080 I couldn't be more grateful and proud of the amazing 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:18.280 community that we've built here on Purpose. I love seeing 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.440 your Instagram post, your tweets, and every other social media 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:25.080 platform you're on, and this year it's just going to 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.559 be phenomenal. Thank you for joining me today. I can't 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:31.200 wait for you to listen to this episode. This is 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:35.959 a special behind the scenes episode of an interview between 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:39.800 me and Gwyneth Paltrow at her Goop event. This took 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.560 place at the Porsche Design Center in LA and there 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.640 were only around one hundred and fifty people in the audience. 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:47.920 This is a sneak peek. This is what we do 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:50.840 on on Purpose. I really hope you enjoyed this conversation. 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:53.320 I can't wait to see your reviews and I hope 0:01:53.360 --> 0:02:02.760 you share it. I'm so happy to see ye thanking me. 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:04.760 I didn't know if you were going to make it 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:09.440 after all those dwelling parties that It has been a 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.560 really crazy week, but in a good way. And I'm 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:14.800 just really grateful to be here with all of you. 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:16.720 Thank you so much for having me. This is beautiful. 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:19.119 Thank you so much. Thank you. So I would love 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:21.880 it if you could just give everybody a little bit 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:27.240 of your amazing story and how you came through being 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:31.639 a monk and into being this amazing life coach and 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:35.320 motivator and all of the amazing things that you are. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:38.680 So I was born and raised in London, and I 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:41.280 grew up in a family where I had three options 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:45.480 to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. And 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:50.720 I chose the third option. And so, to my parents' surprise, 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.600 when I was eighteen years old, I told them that 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:56.040 when I graduated from school that I would go off 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.400 to become a monk. And they didn't believe me. They 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.800 were just like, yeah, sure, it's a faith. And so 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:02.680 when I was eighteen years old, I was invited to 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:07.080 an event at my university and it was somewhat similar 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:10.040 to this in the sense that the event was around 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:15.480 introducing people at university to thinkers thought leaders. I know, 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.960 you've had an incredible lineup of guests this evening, and 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:23.000 I went along because my friends promised me that we 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:25.800 would go to a bar afterwards. I didn't want to 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.720 go to this event, and I said, as long as 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:30.240 we go to a bar afterwards, I'll come and hear 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:32.280 this monk or whatever you want me to hear. So 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:36.200 I went along to this event and this monk was speaking, 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:40.080 and I went there expecting nothing, but I walked away 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:43.000 feeling like I had completely found a new path in 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:46.960 life because the monk was speaking about selflessness and service 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.960 and using our time to have an impact in the world. 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.920 So when I graduated, I traded my suits for robes. 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.280 I lived on the floor. All my possessions fit inside 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:00.320 a gym locker. We meditated for four to eight hours 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.720 a day, and I lived that life for three years. 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.920 And then at the end of it there were two things, 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.080 and the fast version is my teachers said to me 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:10.640 that they felt that it was time for me to 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.080 go on and share what I'd learned. It was one 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.840 of those it's not you, it's me conversations. I basically 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.800 got kicked out of being a monk. So my parents 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.159 are like, you failed at this too. And when I 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:26.120 came back, which was now eight years ago, I really 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:31.120 really saw a world in which everything I'd learned I 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:35.159 felt had so much of a space in these busy, hectic, 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.280 chaotic lives, and I had no idea how I was 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:40.640 going to try and share what I'd learned. But I 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:44.240 started and took a few steps and then you know, 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:46.720 here we are today, where I've been really fortunate and 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.680 feel really grateful that I've been able to work with 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:51.919 so many incredible people, have been able to connect with 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:54.760 so many beautiful humans, have been able to connect with 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:56.760 so many of you that I bumped into today as well. 0:04:56.800 --> 0:05:00.800 And I think that it all started because I met 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.680 someone who changed the trajectory of my life. And had 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:08.680 I not met him, then I wouldn't be here today. 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.479 But that's a that's a pretty extreme outcome, right, Like 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:15.040 a lot of us have read a book or her 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:18.760 a talk and felt inspired or felt a calling to 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:20.760 change our lives or to think about things in it 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:24.200 was a different way. But to go and renounce life 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.760 as you knew it for three years is a pretty 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:32.240 bold move. And I wanted to ask you what was 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:36.719 the process like of letting go of the material world, 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.800 if you will, And was that traumatic at all? Was 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:42.039 there grief in it? Like? How did you get used 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:44.440 to the life as among having been just a normal 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:48.640 London student. I think there were a few things. The 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:52.280 first thing was when I met him, and now when 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:55.200 I reflect on it, I realized that at the time, 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.680 when I was eighteen years old, I'd met a lot 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.640 of people who were rich. I'd met people that had 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:04.080 been famous. I'd met people who were successful. I'd met 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:08.200 people who were strong and powerful and beautiful. But I 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:11.400 don't think i'd met anyone who is truly happy. And 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:15.120 he was happy, he still is happy, still a monk today, 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:19.080 and he was happy, and I thought, I want to 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.080 understand that, And it was almost a moment if I 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:25.080 want that. So my twenty two year old self, when 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:26.960 I went off to become a monk, I had this 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:31.720 boundless enthusiasm to say, I want to live this process 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.000 exactly how they live it. I don't want to take 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:38.200 any shortcuts. I don't want to let my mind keep 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:41.680 me in my comfort zone. I have to go all out. 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:44.600 And so I feel like it was almost a boundary 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.960 or a commitment that I made that no matter how 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.159 I feel, I'm going to live it exactly how they do, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:54.120 because maybe if I don't do it how they are, 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.479 then I won't read the benefits. And so I think, 0:06:57.520 --> 0:07:00.159 actually it was easier at the time. Now if you 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:01.520 ask me to do it, feel like, no, I'm fine, 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:04.000 I really like my bed and I like sleeping for 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:06.400 eight hours a night. But at the time I had 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.880 this enthusiasm which was I just want to see if 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.400 it works. And I think that's why many experiments are 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:18.360 so important in our lives. You don't have to do 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.560 it for three years, but the mini experiment of let 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:25.720 me for a week follow it exactly like this person saying, 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:30.119 let me for a weekend, do exactly what I'm hearing 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:32.040 or reading in this book or from this speaker. Let 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:35.000 me for this day, just live that way and see 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.760 what happens. And so actually removing myself from the material 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.920 world when I became a monk was easier because for 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:45.760 the four years in between, I'd been doing these mini experiments. 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:47.800 So the first time I went to the ushroom and 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:51.160 they told me that I couldn't listen to fifty cent 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:55.400 like that moment, that moment was hard because I was like, what, 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:57.640 I don't get to listen to music? And then they 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:00.560 told me that I wouldn't get to what's television or 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:04.680 so the first time I went that was hard. But 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:09.560 what I realized was the sacrifice was just not comparable 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.120 to the payoff. And I think that's what it comes 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:14.600 down to, You have the choice to do all these 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.920 things whenever you want, any time. So to close off 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.360 for a day, a weekend, a week it's worth the test, 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.640 It's worth the experiment. So interesting. So what do you 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:30.040 think it is about not having free will in whatever 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.800 these circumstances are that has power in it? Well, I 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.640 think I think we've come to a place where we 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:43.720 feel that freedom and the freedom of unlimited choice is power. 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:47.640 And we've all realized, and the science and the studies 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:49.520 all show this that the more choice we have, the 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:53.480 worst mistakes we make, and we make poorer decisions based 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:57.880 on this complete, limitless choice. And I found that actually, 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:02.439 when you stripped away some of that choice, your ability 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:06.440 to make decisions grow because now I wasn't experiencing what 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:09.160 we all know now to be called decision fatigue. I 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:13.079 wasn't wasting my time making decisions that were irrelevant to 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:16.600 my personal fulfillment and satisfaction. So now, when you're not 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.960 having to think about certain choices in your day, you're 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.200 freed up to make choices in a healthier way. And 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:27.360 so I found that actually making certain parts of our 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:32.880 life systematic, routine, habitual, communal as well allowed for space 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:38.800 for creativity, spontaneity, and true expression, whereas I think a 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:40.800 lot of us feel like, no, no, if I just 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:43.560 can choose everything that I do every day, that will 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.920 give rise to spontaneity, but it does the opposite. Yeah. 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.840 Does that make sense? Yeah? Totally. It sounds like it 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:53.319 adds like these are the layers of responsibility that we 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.200 heap on ourselves, which is like choices that we make 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:02.920 actually keep us sort of slave to the responsibility. Yes, exactly. 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:09.320 So when you were there, you were you able to 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:14.160 really connect with happiness and did you bring it home? 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:20.440 I think when I was there, I was able to 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:26.480 really learn how to find stillness in discomfort, and I 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.560 think that was the biggest thing that I gained from that. 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:31.440 So I'll tell you a story of an experience that 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:35.079 I would never wish on anyone and do not recommend. 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:39.000 But we did a seventy two hour train journey from 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:42.280 North India to South India. Seventy two hours. It has 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.720 random stops, but you don't actually physically get off for 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.480 longer than fifteen minutes at a stop, So there's no 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.760 pause for seventy two hours, and as a monk, you 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:55.840 travel in like coach, but coach in India is not 0:10:56.000 --> 0:11:00.679 coach in the United States. So coach is you're literally 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.880 surrounded by people who haven't paid for a ticket, like 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.880 it's just infiltrated with people, and you're just surrounded by 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.240 all these villagers and people that you haven't even met, 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:10.719 and they don't have a ticket, and you don't even 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.559 know where they're going. And I decided that I wouldn't 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:17.640 eat for three days because on the first day I 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.439 saw the state of the toilet and the restroom on 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:23.920 the train, and so I decided I would do a 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.680 voluntary fast. And you know, to all my teachers, I 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.280 seemed really detached at this point. They were just like wow, 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:32.640 and I was like, yeah, I'm just I'm so detached 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:36.520 and renounced now from food, and really I was just like, no, 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:40.440 I do not want to go in there. So that's 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:43.840 this is a very uncomfortable scenario as a Londoner. I'm 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.079 used to taking the underground and you know, used to 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.080 driving around my car, and I'm used to you know, 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:51.839 clean bathrooms and all the rest of it. So this 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:56.199 is an uncomfortable situation. And it was really interesting because 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.640 I remember saying to my teacher who we were traveling with, 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.280 that I would meditate in the stops. I said to him, 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:06.040 it's too chaotic on the train. I said, it's too 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:08.800 difficult to have focus on the train. When we stop, 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:10.800 I'll get off, I'll meditate for twenty minutes, I'll come 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.840 back on, and I'll do that every stop. And he 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:17.440 looked me in the eyes and he said, do you 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:21.280 think life is going to be chaotic like the train 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:26.480 or still like the stop? And I was like, is 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:30.920 this a trick question? He said, he said, life is 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.480 going to be chaotic like the train. And so if 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:37.239 you don't learn how to meditate on the train, meditating 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.480 on the stop is not going to help you. And 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:42.760 I think that, in a nutshell, is how I feel. 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:51.240 I experienced joy happiness. The happiness wasn't in an experience 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.880 of feeling happy in the way we think about it. 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.600 It was in the joy of knowing I could navigate 0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:00.520 any situation. It wasn't that you felt happy because you 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:03.640 did something right. It's because you never felt like you 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:08.040 didn't know what to do to navigate pain. And so 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.600 that's where the definition of knowing how to navigate challenges 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:16.720 became more joyful than the idea that I could avoid challenges. 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.840 And I think that desire of you know where we 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:24.640 are today where we call them unwanted emotions, the challenges. 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:28.360 Everything we don't want is unavoidable. So if I say 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.520 I never want to feel pain again, or I never 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:34.400 want to feel stress again, that's not true for anyone, 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:38.240 including the monks, including me, including any of us. And 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.120 so actually knowing that I am going to feel all 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.240 of these things, but I know what to do with 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.520 then that is a position of strength and joy and 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.160 happiness and what do you do with it? Laugh is 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:53.240 actually truly one of them. There's their mind is compared 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.680 to a monkey in the Vaders, and it's been popularized 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.400 today in psychology as well as the monkey mind. But 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.760 to refer to the mind like a monkey, and if 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.240 you've ever seen a monkey, they are hilarious. So in India, 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.240 we would see monkeys all the time, and they would 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:12.000 trade their banana for a credit card, like they would 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.680 literally swap and then they would swap it right back. 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:17.920 And you'd see monkeys like chase anything that looked like 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:20.400 food in your bag and they'd rip it and steal 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.440 it like they're the best thieves and monkeys are these 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.400 hilarious characters. And the reason why the mind is compared 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.360 to a monkey is because sometimes we need to laugh 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.160 at the things our mind comes up with. Now, what 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.479 we choose to do currently is we choose to criticize 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.840 ourselves or we choose to judge ourselves when our mind 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.640 does something that we don't like, we think. This literally 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:42.840 happened to me the other day. I was I was 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:46.680 in Dallas and my first keynote back since the pandemic, 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.480 and I went in to get a tea at a 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:51.920 coffee shop and get some coffee for some of my 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.280 team members. And I was waiting there and I went 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.880 to the front and the barista was serving us and 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:01.520 she may a mistake and how much change she gave 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.240 me and I didn't notice. Actually, I was like, oh, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.400 thank you so much. And I was about to walk out, 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.640 and literally as I was just about to turn, she said, 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:12.160 I'm the worst. She just stopped and said and I said, 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:13.560 are you okay? And she said, oh, I just gave 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:15.680 you the wrong change. I'm the worst. I'm so sorry. 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:17.720 And I was like, and I literally looked her and 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.320 I said, I said, you're not the worst. You're a human. 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:24.400 You made a mistake. It's okay, it's fine, you're wonderful. 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.360 Thank you for noticing. And then she gave me the 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.840 right change and I left and I was just thinking, wow, 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:31.560 like she saw the monkey mind to make a mistake, 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:35.760 and she judged herself. She criticized herself. And so the 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:37.920 first thing we have to do is honestly switch critiquing 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.760 for laughing. Laugh when the monkey mind makes this mistake, 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:44.440 When your mind tells you something that genuinely is not true, 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:47.240 allow yourself to laugh, allow yourself to see it with 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.600 a bit of humor. And when you start to see that, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:51.880 you start to notice that when you don't take the 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:54.280 mind so seriously, it doesn't have that much of a 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:58.440 serious effect on you. Moving on from that, sometimes our 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:01.400 emotions are a bit more deeper, and it's hard to 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:04.600 laugh at them. They're more painful than that. And I 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.520 find that again in that scenario, our desire is to 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:11.200 push them under the carpet, lock them in a door, 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:17.800 force them away. And actually, in those moments, understanding that, 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:22.800 accepting that emotion and recognizing that, knowing that it's going 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:24.960 to be there, it's almost like the weather. If I 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:26.920 always say I don't want it to be I don't 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.720 want it to rain. I never want it to rain, 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:32.480 and then it rains. Now I'm scared, I'm unprepared, and 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.160 I'm stressed. Whereas if I accept that it's going to rain, 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:36.880 I get time to go and pack my umbrella and 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:39.720 my raincoat. And so I think it's about developing the 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:43.520 umbrella and the raincoat, and for our emotions, the umbrella 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:47.800 is community and the raincoat is our tools and our 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:51.000 habits and our practices of reflection that it help us 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.760 break them down. How do we go about cultivating that 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:59.880 inner life, that space so that we can separate ourselves 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.159 from these emotions that blow through us and seem like 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:09.240 they take us over. I genuinely believe that we all 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:14.280 have to have a foundation of our daily routine that 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:18.320 gives us the feelings we want, so the challenges that 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.560 we are surrounded by a day where we don't get 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.199 the feeling we want, and that's what we consider to 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:25.879 be a bad day. I didn't get what I wanted 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:28.600 there for today's a bad day. And actually, in that moment, 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:31.800 instead of wanting a good day, if we start by 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:35.800 creating a foundational set of habits and activities that can 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:37.600 set us up for that day, the healthier we are. 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.439 So I'll give an example. You know, eighty percent of 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.879 us study show wake up to our phones first thing 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.240 in the morning, So we see our phones before we 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.320 see our partners and our kids, and we see our 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.000 phones lasting at night after we see our partners and 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:54.360 our kids, and so our phone gets more FaceTime than 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.600 the people we love. And when I think about that, 0:17:57.800 --> 0:17:59.960 I think to myself, when you wake up to the 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:05.159 phone in the morning, you wake up to notifications, negativity, news, 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:09.280 and noise, and these four things make you feel like 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:12.240 you're starting your day at the bottom of a ladder, 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:15.320 and now you're spending the day catching up to yourself. 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:20.440 Whereas if your day started with four key habits of thankfulness, inspiration, 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:25.199 meditational mindfulness, and exercise, you're now starting your day at 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.440 a plus four. And now even if the rest of 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.080 the day is challenging, you still end up at a 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:31.639 plus two or a plus one. And so I like 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:33.800 to set myself up by saying, what are the habits 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.560 that I can practice today that are going to make 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.960 me feel like my day's going in the right direction. 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:43.360 And they are truly simple thankfulness takes thirty seconds. He's 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:45.320 the best way to practice it. I don't recommend a 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.760 gratitude journal. I don't recommend writing it down. I recommend 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:54.159 expressing it, making it specific and personalizing it. Send a text, 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:57.960 send a voice note, send an email, Send a message 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:00.600 to someone that you're grateful to for the next seven days. 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:04.040 Send them a message and make it really specific. Don't 0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.679 just say thank you GP for this wonderful event not 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.480 good enough. Say thank you for the amazing deck, or 0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:11.639 thank you for the incredible experience. Thank you for what 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.119 this felt like, look like, what it smelt like like. 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:18.480 Share the depth of how that experience was for you. 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:21.960 If you do that, gratitude actually as the ability to 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.480 boost your immune system. It has the ability to shift 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:28.320 your perspective and boost your mood. But if you do 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:30.960 it in a way I'm grateful for the air, I'm 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:34.840 grateful for my kids, I'm grateful for my job. That 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:38.000 doesn't have that impact and effect because it stays with you, 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:40.240 because it stays within you. And gratitude is meant to 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:42.000 be shared. It's a gift that you get to give 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:45.600 someone else. Inspiration is a big one for me. It's 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:47.800 at one point in my life, I remember listening to 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:51.600 apart from the monks, but listening to Steve Jobs's Stanford 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:55.200 commencement speech every day for nine months in a row. 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:58.440 And not only did I know the words off by heart, 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:01.600 it really changed my heart listening to that speech every day. 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.600 The words in it are so profound and so powerful 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:08.159 that you start to rewire the neurons in your mind likes. 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:12.600 It's genuinely changing the makeup of your mind. I recently 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:17.159 sat down with Matthew McConaughey on my podcast and I 0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:19.560 said to him that I listened to his Oscar's acceptance 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.880 speech every day. It's a five minute speech. It will 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:24.399 only take five minutes, I said. I listened to it 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:26.919 every day for thirty days in a row, and that 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:29.679 rewires how your mind works. Now, you don't have to 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:32.879 listen to people I'm recommending, but whoever it is that 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:35.600 you're drawn to in your life. I promise you, if 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:39.040 you listen to the same thing every single day because 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:41.480 you like it that much, it will start to rewire 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:43.960 how you think. It's as simple as that. And then 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.920 meditation and exercise, of course, which I can go into, 0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:49.760 but those four habits for me are like my staple, 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:56.639 my main course, then everything else's sides and dessert. Alright, alright, 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.160 how do you how do you meditate? Do you still 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:04.480 meditate for forty five minutes in the morning in the 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.760 night two hours? It's been two hours for sixteen years. 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:10.040 Two hours. I thought it was forty five minutes. It's 0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:13.639 been two hours for sixteen years, Siah. So I find 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:21.480 meditation elusive, and I do it every morning, and I 0:21:21.560 --> 0:21:26.200 do TM and like this morning, I had the worst 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:30.040 meditation and I was like counting. I wanted to open 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:35.280 my eyes and check the timer. And some mornings I 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:40.680 go really deep and it's like the most beautiful experience. 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:46.280 So why does that happen? And what can I do 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:49.520 to I don't know. It sounds stupid, like improve the 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:52.240 quality of my meditation, But I don't know. If you guys, ever, 0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:55.360 if you meditate, you'd have those days where, I mean, 0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:58.399 my meditation teacher said to me, even in a shallow dive, 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:03.560 you get wet. So still do it. But I was 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:08.119 just wondering, like, do you have these euphoric deep meditations 0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:10.720 every day for two hours? I love that? How many 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:14.440 people will never meditate regularly? How many people don't meditate, 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:17.119 and how many people don't put up their hands no 0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:25.080 matter what I say, I appreciate. So yeah, So I 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:27.720 started my two hour meditation practice when I was eighteen 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:30.160