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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome, it's old Chili coming back at you.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you a story today about one

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Speaker 1: luxury vehicle that I'd had in the past. Now I'm

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Speaker 1: going to tell you I've had four Mercedes Benz. Three

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Speaker 1: of them were beyond the imagination. They were fabulous, fabulous, dependable,

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Speaker 1: beautiful automobiles. But this first one I'm gonna tell you.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you about my experience of the car

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Speaker 1: that became known as Auto Here we Go. Nineteen sixty

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Speaker 1: four was a great year for Bordeaux wine and great

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Speaker 1: German cars. One such vehicle is the main character in

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Speaker 1: this strange but true story. The year was nineteen ninety.

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Speaker 1: An opening scene takes me to Unit two four of

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Speaker 1: the Hensenaw Condominiums downtown Austin. I'd accepted the position of

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Speaker 1: division president of an Austin title company. I'd sold my

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Speaker 1: interest in a title company in McKinney, Texas in nineteen

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Speaker 1: eighty nine, and my transportation at that time was a

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Speaker 1: Ford Ranger pickup truck with a bed and gown, some

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Speaker 1: stowing place behind the front seat for a lot of

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Speaker 1: empty course cans. But I was on the lookout for

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Speaker 1: something more in line with my lofty position. My wife

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Speaker 1: James's father, Aubrick, lived in Mountain Springs, Texas, north of Dallas.

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Speaker 1: He knew I was looking for a car and found

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Speaker 1: in nineteen sixty four Mercedes Benz two eighty s not

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Speaker 1: far from where he lived. He called and I asked

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Speaker 1: him how much that boy wanted for that car? And

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Speaker 1: he said, I think it's two thousand dollars. It's at

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Speaker 1: Mercedes Benz. I said, wow. Well, Jane and I hit

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Speaker 1: the road to North Texas the weekend after we knew

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Speaker 1: about this fine now we went through the country to

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Speaker 1: view the car, and as aub had told us, it

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Speaker 1: was truly housed in a barn. As the owner opened

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Speaker 1: the barn door, I caught a glimpse of my next vehicle.

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Speaker 1: I had always leaned very strongly in the direction of optimism,

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Speaker 1: but this one was a stretch. The car had four

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Speaker 1: flat tires and was the living quarters of a number

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Speaker 1: of goats and mice. Hey goat and MIA's pellets. Or

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Speaker 1: greeted me how much you want for this beauty? I

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Speaker 1: as the owner. Well, I want two thousand, but I'll

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Speaker 1: take twelve fifty as is so, I wrote the check,

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Speaker 1: with no idea of the checks that would follow me

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Speaker 1: and the Mercedes down the road. The old car reluctantly

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Speaker 1: fired up by being charged with jumper cables. The owner

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Speaker 1: filled the ties with the air, and I drove off

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Speaker 1: with the wind and hay in my hair. It was

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Speaker 1: pretty nice to be the proud owner of such a

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Speaker 1: fine automate. Bill. I drove straight to a local mechanic

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Speaker 1: and asked him to check out the bens. The next

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Speaker 1: morning he called, how far are you thinking about driving

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Speaker 1: this little treasury? Oh gosh, do you think it'll make

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Speaker 1: it to Austin? He replied, yep, sooner later with any luck.

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Speaker 1: The next morning, Jane followed me in the truck and

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Speaker 1: we struck you out to Austin. By the grace of God,

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Speaker 1: we made it home without incident. Those would not be

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Speaker 1: far behind. Though this car tested good judgment and relationship limits.

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Speaker 1: My first task after I got home was to clean

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Speaker 1: the car out. I washed the car inside and outside.

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Speaker 1: I bought compounding wax and began to transform the deep

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Speaker 1: maroon finish into a breath taking shine that appeared to

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Speaker 1: be totally bottomless. I clean the inside with chlorox cut

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Speaker 1: with petuli oil and after shave loation. Then I was

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Speaker 1: ready to squire Jane around Austin in style and luxury.

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Speaker 1: But her first question was is this thing safe? And

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Speaker 1: do you think it'll make get up that hell? The

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Speaker 1: answer to both those questions but no, it was no.

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Speaker 1: But I said, this is the finest car ever made.

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Speaker 1: Next week I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles

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Speaker 1: to register the license on the car. While the clerk

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Speaker 1: asked if I wanted a custom vanity license plate. You know,

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Speaker 1: I thought, in such a wonderful ride, deserved to be

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Speaker 1: honored with a unique plate. What do you want on

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Speaker 1: the plate, he asked. I thought of for another second

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Speaker 1: or two and thought of my mother's maiden named Bielstein. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and a German theme to help the identity was the

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Speaker 1: name Auto and the middle name was moh in honor

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Speaker 1: of one of the stooges. Oh. That rounded out the

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Speaker 1: name of my car. And from that point the license

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Speaker 1: plate O. M Bill B I E L was forever

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Speaker 1: registered to my name, and so that car now became

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Speaker 1: Auto MO Bill. Inside jokes, you know, are fun while

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Speaker 1: all is right, but at the moment things can turn,

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Speaker 1: the joke becomes far less funny. The following are a

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Speaker 1: list of repairs Auto required that total total about eight

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars a month. You know, anyway, that was that

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Speaker 1: was what I was faced with. You know, the air

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Speaker 1: conditioning blue hot or nowhere fixed, automatic windows would fall

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Speaker 1: down and not roll up fixed, four flat tires replaced,

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Speaker 1: you know, two of them would go down at the

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Speaker 1: same time. Mice nesting in the glove box. Mercedes Star

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Speaker 1: hood ornaments stolen, only one one forward automatic gear working,

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Speaker 1: no break or turn lights, and a foul one foul

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Speaker 1: spark plug. And these are all that I remember at

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Speaker 1: this point. But I did attempt to fix some of

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Speaker 1: the broken parts, such as the Mercedes Star in the

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Speaker 1: power windows. For the Star, I took golf tea and

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Speaker 1: super glued a nice new shiny golf ball on it.

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Speaker 1: Then I painted it bright metallic silver, and then I

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Speaker 1: supercluded into the hole on the hood. Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: I felt uniquely sporty and clever with this fix. The

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Speaker 1: windows were an easy repair. I pushed the windows closed,

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Speaker 1: split another golf tea. You know, the golf tea is

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Speaker 1: a wonderful thing to have, split it lengthwise and wrapped

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Speaker 1: rubber band around it. Eight or nine times the tea

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Speaker 1: between the car window and the door frame stayed up.

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Speaker 1: What genius. In July nineteen ninety one, I still had

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Speaker 1: Auto and hosted a meeting in Austin for other title

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Speaker 1: company where I worked. It was a big meeting. My

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Speaker 1: job was entertained and press and follow through with hospitality

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Speaker 1: of our guests. The chairman of the board of directors

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Speaker 1: and the chief financial officer were flying in from California.

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Speaker 1: I met them at the air tournament all and escorted

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Speaker 1: them to the beautifully detailed Auto. The day was like

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Speaker 1: many other days in Austin, hot and still Otto was

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Speaker 1: parked in the sun, and when we opened the door

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Speaker 1: it felt like a furnace was alive and burning in

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Speaker 1: the car. The chairman claimed to be seventy four, but

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Speaker 1: looked a little older, and I had him ride in

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Speaker 1: the front seat, newly repaired air conditioning blowing directly upon him.

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Speaker 1: Both my riders were duly impressed with a luxurious sedan

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Speaker 1: that I had to pick them up at the airport.

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Speaker 1: As I pulled Auto out into the traffic on a

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Speaker 1: airport boulevard, Auto coughed and died. I could not I

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Speaker 1: couldn't restart my shiny chariot. I asked my esteemed passengers

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Speaker 1: if they would mind getting out and pushing me out

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Speaker 1: of traffic and onto the shoulder. They got out. Now

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Speaker 1: they were wearing wool suits from California and it was

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Speaker 1: it was not a pretty sight. They were all sweating

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Speaker 1: when I got out of the car, out of Auto

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Speaker 1: and flagged down a cab and called a wrecker to

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Speaker 1: come pick Auto up. Thanks to the cab company, we

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Speaker 1: all made it to the meeting. The remaining time of

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Speaker 1: that meeting, I was reminded a number of times times

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Speaker 1: how I had really shown my ass to the big wigs,

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Speaker 1: but I was still in love with Auto. Incidentally, my boss,

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Speaker 1: the regional vice president, came up to me and in

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Speaker 1: the meeting and said, hey, don't you dare tell anybody

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Speaker 1: you get a really nice, nice car allowance aw Man.

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Speaker 1: I was touched there for a moment. My final blow

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Speaker 1: to my love affair with Auto came on a trip

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Speaker 1: to West Texas, a little Czech village in central Texas.

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Speaker 1: Our friends Jackie and Glen had come down to visit

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Speaker 1: us in Austin and we were going to follow them

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Speaker 1: back up to West have a little lunch, send them

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Speaker 1: on their way, and then Jane and I were going

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Speaker 1: to load up on little sausage colatches the little chubbies

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Speaker 1: right there and head back to Austin. Well, we hugged them,

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Speaker 1: kissed them, said goodbye and be on their way. And

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Speaker 1: I jumped into into Auto and was ready to roll

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Speaker 1: out of the parking lot. We had a couple of

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Speaker 1: dozen chubbies in the back seat, and you know I cranked, well,

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Speaker 1: I tried to crank Auto. Auto would not budge. I mean,

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Speaker 1: they just we just wouldn't budge. Not only did it

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Speaker 1: not respond to a electric jump shock, it refused to

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Speaker 1: get out of park. I called a wrecord for the

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Speaker 1: fifth time to take Auto to a foreign repair shop

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Speaker 1: there around Waco. The record driver gave us a lift

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Speaker 1: of the airport and I inted a car, and having

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Speaker 1: deposited Auto at the shop, we went back to back

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Speaker 1: to Austin. A week later, I got a call that

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Speaker 1: Auto needed a new engine wiring in a battery. How

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Speaker 1: much we talking about, I asked, The mechanic took way

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Speaker 1: too long if he was totaling very long column of numbers. Well,

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Speaker 1: two thousand and five hundred seventy two dollars. I said,

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Speaker 1: is that with or without tax? He said that's without tax.

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Speaker 1: Well I just almost gave up completely, but I decided

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Speaker 1: to try to get Austin. To Austin to be my

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Speaker 1: next destination for auto, so I went down to Waco

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Speaker 1: picked auto up. But I was overcome by the new,

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Speaker 1: shiny cars I saw on the very first dealership that

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Speaker 1: I went to. I did in the shopper haggle. I

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Speaker 1: pointed at one of the new cars and says, what's

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Speaker 1: the difference that you'll give me for that that silver

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Speaker 1: car over there? The salesman said fourteen thousand, nine hundred dollars. Well,

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Speaker 1: we did the deal, and I had a new silver

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Speaker 1: Chrysler LeBaron turbo fastback coop Oras. I affectionately named I

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Speaker 1: name on my cars, but anyway, I call this one

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Speaker 1: mister Fist. But the name mister Lemon Fist fitted the

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Speaker 1: car a lot better, as I was soon to discover,

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Speaker 1: once again, I chose to look good rather than look

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Speaker 1: smart with my car. But I've had some good one

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Speaker 1: to sentence then, and and take a chill and watch

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Speaker 1: the intersections, and I see down rope