1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steff 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: I'll Never told you, a production of iHeartRadio. 3 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 2: And today we are so thrilled. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: To be joined by Maria Diaz, the host of the 5 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: podcast When You're Invisible. Thank you so much for being here. 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: Yes, our contributor on the show, Joey, who's been on 8 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: the show, sent your name our way and we were 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: so excited to talk to you. There's a lot of 10 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: overlap and what you talk about what we talk about. 11 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: So could you introduce yourself to our audience please? 12 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. 13 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:51,279 Speaker 3: So. 14 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 4: I'm Maria Fernandaleez, but I go by Maria for folks 15 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 4: who can't roll their urs and I like a little 16 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 4: bit about me. So I a live in New York City. 17 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 4: I'm an artist along with a podcaster. I was originally 18 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 4: an actor slash, I. 19 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 2: Am an actor? Why originally still am? 20 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 4: And I actually was an iHeart Next Up fellow and 21 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,039 Speaker 4: that's how I found podcasting during the pandemic, because I 22 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 4: was already doing it on my Instagram like I was. 23 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 2: My dad happens to be a. 24 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 4: Microbiologist who like works with the CDC and so I 25 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 4: was like talking to him about like what is science 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 4: and like what about all these things that we're using 27 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 4: for the vaccine, Like how does this work? And then 28 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 4: I was talking to my brother about what was happening 29 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,320 Speaker 4: politically during that time and like how to break that down. 30 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 4: So my friend, my sweet angel friend, was like, this 31 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 4: sounds something like something you would like to do. So 32 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 4: shout out to next Up who taught me how to podcast. 33 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 4: And then at the end we all our shows, we 34 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 4: pitch and we join the Hurt family. And then I've 35 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 4: had the pleasure of getting to build when You're Invisible 36 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 4: with an incredible team for season one and now season two. 37 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 4: Last season we also won a Signal Award and where 38 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,919 Speaker 4: we be nominated. 39 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,959 Speaker 2: So it's really cool. It's like a cool world. 40 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 4: And I When You're Invisible is my love letter to 41 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 4: the working class and immigrants and folks who are other 42 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 4: in an American Western society because I'm first gen. I'm 43 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 4: a first gen Latina who grew up like yeah, like 44 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 4: we didn't have much growing up, and then my parents 45 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 4: got to become middle class and we always had an 46 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 4: immigrant community or we moved around a lot too, So 47 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 4: like I grew up in like midwestern Minnesota, and then 48 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 4: my parents are now in Georgia, but I'm like from 49 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,239 Speaker 4: upstate New York, and so it was just kind of 50 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 4: a hodgepodge of things with like deep roots still in Mexico. 51 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 4: So for me, it was really important to be having 52 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 4: conversations with like everyday people and the people who inspired 53 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 4: me to be who I am and to connect with others. 54 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 2: And I also very much. 55 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 4: Was raised by a tribe of really incredible women as well, 56 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 4: who were not afraid to both like challenge the norm 57 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,679 Speaker 4: and then also have a lot of the norm embedded 58 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 4: in them, and so like being the first and the 59 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 4: oldest grandkid and stuff like that, and learning ropes that 60 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 4: like I was not given originally. And so for me 61 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 4: it was like really important to uplift voices who have 62 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 4: shown me a different way or who have lived life differently, 63 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 4: while still also being like, how do you make it 64 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 4: through everyday life when you're not a celebrity, when you 65 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 4: don't have all these means and resources afforded to you 66 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 4: and make life beautiful regardless of. 67 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I love that so much. I'm so glad 68 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: that next up you came through through next step that's amazing. 69 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: On your second season, We're going to talk about this more, 70 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: but I love how you have brought your family into 71 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: these conversations and had conversations with your family. 72 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. 73 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: But yeah, that's a good segue into you kind of 74 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: talked about it. But can you give us an overview 75 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: of what the podcast is? 76 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 2: What's the Yeah, totally. 77 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 4: So it's definitely talking to everyday people, like the lifeblood. 78 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 2: Of our country in many ways. 79 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 4: And it starts off, like the whole series starts off 80 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 4: with my friend from the Columbia University Mail Center, who 81 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 4: like literally helped me see life in a completely different way, 82 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 4: Like he kept me from dropping out when I was 83 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 4: like an average public school kid going to this slite 84 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 4: university on like an almost full ride. 85 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 2: Being like how do I do anything? 86 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 4: And incredible conversations with my classmates, of course, but things 87 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 4: that I'd never faced in my life before, and also 88 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,039 Speaker 4: dealing with it in theory versus and like all of 89 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 4: these different things. And my friend was the one who 90 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,559 Speaker 4: was kind of like, so, do you think this place 91 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 4: is hard because it's not the right place for you? 92 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 2: Or is it hard. 93 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 4: Because it's just you've never experienced anything like it? And 94 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 4: can you wait it out? 95 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 5: Uh? 96 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 4: And like who are you doing this for? Is it 97 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 4: for yourself? And who else are you elevating with this opportunity? 98 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: And he had a beautiful way of like every. 99 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 4: Day I would ask him like, how are you doing 100 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 4: when I'd see him, and he'd be like, I'm great. 101 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 4: I'm like amazing, Why are you great? And He's like, uh, 102 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 4: I just day am like I woke up today. And 103 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 4: it was such an incredible perspective on life, and he 104 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 4: and the rest of the workers at the mail center 105 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 4: like literally uplifted all the students, Like there are so 106 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 4: many of us who became friends with them, and they 107 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 4: just had an incredible way of just being like, even 108 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 4: if you only see us for five minutes today, how 109 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 4: do we make your day better? How do you feel 110 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 4: seen in your day? And I think it spurred a 111 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 4: lot of my thoughts in this along with just like 112 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,159 Speaker 4: people who've gotten to know like I in the first season, 113 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 4: like I talked to my friend Kate, who she's an 114 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 4: incredible activist and worker with kids who stutter, and she 115 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 4: has a really pronounced stutter, and so we talk about 116 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 4: like what it's like to be perceived as like slow 117 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 4: or like when your people don't have patience for you, 118 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 4: and also what it's like to date as a woman 119 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 4: who has something so quote unquote defective upfront, and when 120 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 4: what version of your authentic self are you portraying? And 121 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 4: so like different things like that. In this season, we 122 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 4: start with my brother. Episode one is out and it's 123 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 4: with my brother who is a community organizer, and how 124 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 4: he viewed life differently than I viewed life growing up, 125 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 4: and like how our paths led to what we do 126 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 4: and how I think Like his episode is not to 127 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 4: bring up the election, but is beautifully timed in a 128 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 4: way of like, Okay, what now and what are the 129 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 4: ways we can do little changes? And I think that's 130 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 4: true about this particular season is we'll talk to people 131 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 4: we talk to everyday people and people whose identities intersect 132 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 4: in very specific ways. Like we have a trans Latino 133 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 4: boy in Arizona who's like we talk about like it 134 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 4: is what it's like to look at the world through 135 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 4: a youth perspective, along with like the intersection of being 136 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 4: Latino and trans and in a red state, like and 137 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 4: yet he has so much joy. And then my friend Yahira, 138 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 4: who is who was a teen mom and she's a 139 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 4: Latina and all of the stereotypes that that carried, and 140 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 4: her mentality of being able to be like, you know what, 141 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 4: I can see how you are limiting me, but I'm 142 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 4: not going to limit myself and like the absolute strength 143 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 4: she has in that, and then yeah, and just like 144 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 4: a variety of people and just talking about what has 145 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 4: led that to their place in life right now, what 146 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 4: are their hopes and dreams. When do they feel seen 147 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 4: and when do they feel invisible? Because I think sometimes 148 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 4: we're not upfront about how other people's bias and our 149 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 4: own bias affect how we're able to be in connection, 150 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 4: community and conversation with each other, and like, yeah, big 151 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 4: upfront about I had preconceived notions about this conversation, or 152 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 4: like I feel really nervous to talk about this myself 153 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 4: because I grew up this way, Like with Yahira, I'm like, 154 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 4: I grew up with like don't get pregnant, sex before marriage? 155 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 2: What the heck is a? 156 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 4: And like not okay, right, Like there were things like 157 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 4: that where I had to shed that for myself and 158 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 4: then thinking about it in context with a teen mom, 159 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 4: or like we talked to West Virginia coal miners in 160 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,520 Speaker 4: the podcast, and I was like, I totally came in 161 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 4: not knowing anything about like your life or what you 162 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 4: do other than the research that I'd done, and I 163 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 4: still assumed they were going to be ignorant or you know, conservative, 164 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 4: or have a problem with me being a woman or Latina. 165 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 4: And they were like the nicest humans, and they were like, yeah, 166 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 4: like it's all about us all being willing to be like, 167 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 4: I'm going to be ignorant in some way. He's like 168 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 4: one of them was like, I'm sure I'm ignorant to you, 169 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 4: and I'm like, well it goes. 170 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 2: It's a two way street. 171 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 4: So being really upfront about all of those things happening 172 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 4: internally with ourselves and being willing to have that in 173 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 4: conversation with people who might be incredibly different than me 174 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 4: at least, and just working through that. So that's what 175 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 4: the podcast is in many ways. 176 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: You have so many great guests and so many great stories, yeah, 177 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: that have come out of it, so many great conversations. 178 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: Of the things that you're a big champion of is 179 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 1: talking about working class women, highlighting and celebrating yeah, woman 180 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: of color in this space. Can you talk about why 181 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,199 Speaker 1: that is such an important conversation. 182 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, oh so many things. I think the 183 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 4: way we look at diversity is really interesting right now. 184 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 4: Like I think there was like such a push to 185 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 4: have us all in the space, and then there was 186 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 4: a feeling that like if you weren't this type of 187 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 4: this version of diversity, like where do you fit? And 188 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 4: I think like that is a fascinating conversation within itself, 189 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 4: and for me, it's really important to be like we 190 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 4: are all so diverse even within our specific monolith right 191 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 4: of like Latina Latino I means so much and is 192 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 4: so diverse, and yet sometimes we are given a cookie 193 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 4: cutter version. I particularly think, like so much expectations lie 194 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 4: on us, like as women and as women of color 195 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 4: of like not only like the things you grew up 196 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 4: with familiarly, like I think as a particular sector of that, 197 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 4: as like firshin Mexican American, in a very specific kind 198 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 4: of Mexican community, Like there was a lot of expectations 199 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 4: of like you are the first, you have to be successful, 200 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 4: you have to be strong, you have to support the family. 201 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 4: There's like a lot of things where I think like 202 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 4: women of color end up beingcoming like very superhuman and 203 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 4: yet we are incredibly human and so allowing us to 204 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 4: be like, yeah, we can be incredibly strong and yet 205 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 4: also be allowed to be tired of this and also 206 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 4: not nowhere to go or be like you all let 207 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 4: me dout, and just being giving space to our full 208 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 4: humanity and being seen as a person and celebrating our 209 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 4: personhood not necessarily our superhuman elements, but our full personhood 210 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 4: is really important to me. 211 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 2: And working class to women. 212 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 4: Just like working class people, but working class women like 213 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 4: hold down the fort in so many ways, Like that 214 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 4: was my mom, Like while my dad was going to school, 215 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 4: she was working like three jobs, Lorana Daycare, was cleaning 216 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 4: people's houses, was being a personal assistant in order to make. 217 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 2: Sure we could survive. 218 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 4: And to me, those are the stories in which, like 219 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 4: when you can make it through really tough situations, there's 220 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 4: like an incredible spirit and mentality in that. And I think, 221 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 4: like I think of all the like the women of 222 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 4: color and the moms who raise us, and like, yeah, 223 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 4: the difficult things that we don't talk about as well, 224 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 4: which is something for me that I'm also trying to 225 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 4: work through. Is like I think, in culturally speaking, there's 226 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 4: a lot of things you don't talk about so breaking 227 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 4: down that too, of like there's so much solidarity and 228 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 4: love and connection we can have through this, through these 229 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 4: conversations and championing these women and being like, can I 230 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 4: ask you all these questions and see how you're feeling, 231 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 4: how you're sitting with and what tools we can work 232 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 4: with together, or like what can we learn from together? 233 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 2: Because I just think we go unseen. 234 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 4: Like I see so many like amazing diverse women, and 235 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 4: most of the time we see their success stories, we 236 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,719 Speaker 4: see the brilliance of their lives, and we don't think 237 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,200 Speaker 4: about all the women who help raise them up to 238 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 4: that level, who are like their mates, they're nannies, they're 239 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 4: you know, whoever came through and just like for me, 240 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 4: they are like your mentors can be anywhere and it 241 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 4: can be a split second in a moment, and I 242 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 4: think women of color and working class women do that 243 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,840 Speaker 4: so beautifully for the people around them and their families 244 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 4: and never get flowers, never get vacations in the same 245 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:02,320 Speaker 4: way maybe self care days, And to me, it's just 246 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 4: so important to be like, let's celebrate them and let's 247 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 4: find a way to give them that and also come 248 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 4: to a place where it's like we can have more 249 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 4: honest conversations about it all. 250 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 5: Speaking of which, Yeah, listening to your episode with your 251 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 5: parents was such a genuinely like delightful episode. But I 252 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 5: really love obviously it's a signature part of your shows 253 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 5: as well as the name of your show when you 254 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 5: ask the questions such as when do you feel invisible? 255 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 5: And you actually asked you know your parents that your 256 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 5: mom's answer was so heartfelt and I just kept back, 257 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 5: Oh my god, because not only did she talk about, yes, 258 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 5: these are my strengths, but those are the times that 259 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 5: I felt invisible, even to your dad, you know, like 260 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 5: she had that moment like it was such a beautiful question. 261 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 5: But why do you think this specific question is so important? 262 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 4: Ooh, There's a couple of things. I think it's one 263 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 4: of the deepest things we all want is to be seen. 264 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 4: And I think it's like when we do not feel 265 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 4: seen is some of our darkest moments. And I think, 266 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 4: like I think about all the research coming out or 267 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 4: like people constantly being like people are more lonely than ever. 268 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 2: And so it was. 269 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 4: It was a question that I wanted to start to 270 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 4: ask to hear what exactly is it that people felt 271 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 4: was missing almost so it's like you can see the 272 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 4: good and like be like, Okay, when do you feel visible? 273 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 4: These are the good things, and then where is it lacking? 274 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 4: I also find that everybody has a different answer to 275 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 4: that question, and it's. 276 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 2: Such a beautiful way. 277 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 4: It's always taught me to think about it in different ways, 278 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 4: like and that it will surprise you, like my mom's 279 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 4: answer surprised me in certain ways and is also so 280 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 4: deeply sincere to her. And I think the thing is like, 281 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 4: we don't often get to talk about that, Like I. 282 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 2: Think we. 283 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 4: Are quick to sometimes move through our anxiety and depression 284 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 4: or the anxiousness. We don't always sit in the sadness 285 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 4: or the loneliness or the question of like, yeah, why 286 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 4: don't I feel taken care of? What am I missing? 287 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 4: Why don't I feel seen? What makes me feel invisible? 288 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 4: That was really moving to me, And then some people 289 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,359 Speaker 4: were like, well, it depends on how you see invisibility. 290 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 4: Sometimes I see it as a superpower that like you 291 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 4: don't perceive me, and I can walk through the world 292 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 4: however I want. And there's certain things like that where 293 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I would have never thought of 294 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 4: that question that way. But yeah, I think it's like 295 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 4: there's a lot less people who do things out of malice, 296 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 4: I think. 297 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 2: But what happens is. 298 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 4: We just don't see each other. It's like we are 299 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 4: invisible to each other. And that I think is a 300 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 4: bigger factor personally to our loneliness than malice itself. Like 301 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 4: people lead with less maliciousness than they do of just 302 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 4: like I just didn't notice, or I didn't know, or 303 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,400 Speaker 4: I was too involved. That makes the question particularly interesting 304 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 4: to me. 305 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: And you also did an episode with your grandmother, Yes, yes, 306 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: that your mom was involved with and so it was 307 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: a multi generational episode that seemed to really like you 308 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: left with a lot of thoughts. 309 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my. 310 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: God, So can you talk You talked about a lot 311 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: of big topics. Can you discuss that? 312 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,439 Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's gonna be our season finale this season, 313 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 4: so you all, guys, all of you get a taste 314 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 4: of it. But Maya Willa is like such a force 315 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 4: in my life. Like we she grew up living with 316 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 4: three of her children. She has four kids, and she 317 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 4: grew up like bouncing from three different houses, including ours, 318 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 4: so like three to six months out of the year 319 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:00,080 Speaker 4: she'd live with us. So she was always like my 320 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 4: best friend in many ways, and she's like so adorable. 321 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 4: She's tiny, like at this point, probably like four to eight, 322 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 4: and like is always dressed in the nines, like always 323 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 4: has Like you'll see her with a little hair brush, 324 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,239 Speaker 4: curling her little hair and then she'll take it out, 325 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 4: brush it, make sure it's perfect, and like has to 326 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 4: put on makeup. 327 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,119 Speaker 2: And she's she's turning ninety in. 328 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 4: June, and I'm like, this is so much effort and 329 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,159 Speaker 4: it's incredible. 330 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 2: But it was interesting because. 331 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 4: When I hit puberty, our relationship shifted and it became 332 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 4: so oriented on. 333 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 2: Looks and on whether I. 334 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 4: Was being ladylike and on like how everything could be 335 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,719 Speaker 4: reflected or seen by the people around me. Like we 336 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 4: always had in common that we were like hilarious and fiery, 337 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 4: but like we'll banter till like the sun comes up 338 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 4: kind of. And she's the kind of person where it's like, 339 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 4: you know, if I'm like come do this thing, or 340 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 4: like no, you can't have that piece of cake, She'll 341 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 4: be like go to hell, right, Like it's that level 342 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,280 Speaker 4: of just like I can talk to you, however, and 343 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 4: we won't take it personally in certain ways, and so 344 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 4: there's that freshness of it, but then there is like 345 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 4: so much like we're automatically hitting puberty. There started to 346 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 4: become a different level of our relationship where suddenly there 347 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 4: were expectations on me as a woman and how I 348 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 4: was going to carry this legacy or how I was 349 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 4: a reflection or how it was important to be perceived 350 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 4: by men, and that I saw her emulate in certain 351 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 4: ways and that she also loves, like like my hair 352 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 4: is what it is like whatever. I run around in pants, 353 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 4: like no makeup most days, and like, you know, to 354 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 4: my grandmother it would be like, if you're gonna wear pants, 355 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 4: they should be pink and flowy or like you know, 356 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 4: like things need to like be hyper feminine. And so 357 00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:01,239 Speaker 4: it was such a clash of generations that started. And 358 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 4: so the podcast for me was actually an opportunity to. 359 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 2: Be like why is that? 360 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,680 Speaker 4: And like do you actually care about being dressed up? 361 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 2: And like also we talk about sex on the podcast, 362 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,160 Speaker 2: and like that was. 363 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 4: Completely her and I was so impressed because she would never, 364 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 4: like my my grandmother never talks about really sex, Like 365 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 4: she likes Nora Roberts books, but. 366 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 2: She won't admit that she likes Roberts books. She's like, 367 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,879 Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have 368 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 2: any Miths. 369 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 4: She loves Bridgerton, but she won't watch Bridgerton in front 370 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 4: of anyone else, like things like that, Like it's so like, no, 371 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 4: it's fine, and you know, and definitely grew up with 372 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 4: like a Mexican Catholic background of like sex before marriage 373 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 4: is a heck now and if you are that better 374 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,880 Speaker 4: would be the person you're gonna marry, right, and you know, 375 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 4: and growing up with that and then also the expectations 376 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 4: of like also a different culture and even sexuality were 377 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,959 Speaker 4: things we didn't really like fully talk about because I 378 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 4: was like, you grew up in a culture that's a 379 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 4: little bit delayed along with generationally being different. And it 380 00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 4: was such an interesting conversation where she was just like 381 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 4: she was like, I mean, I just wish you didn't 382 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 4: have sex with more than two people. And I was 383 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 4: like what, Like she's like, because I was like, what 384 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 4: are the difference generationally that you see? And she's like, 385 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 4: I mean, you guys have more sex. She called it 386 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 4: like having relations. She's like, you guys have relations And 387 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,239 Speaker 4: I was like what, And she's like, you know, you 388 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 4: have with multiple people, and I was like, oh, oh 389 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 4: my god, we're going to go here. And it truly 390 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 4: was just the format of a podcast that allowed her 391 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 4: to have this liberty of like, Okay, I'm going to 392 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 4: tell you the exact thing that I think is the 393 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,919 Speaker 4: most difficult thing. 394 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,640 Speaker 2: For me to process. 395 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 4: But then like we also got to like go through 396 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 4: conversations of like also like what it was like growing 397 00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 4: up during that time, and what it was like as 398 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 4: a woman to work for the first time, and like 399 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 4: that she didn't get paid directly, but she was helping 400 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 4: support her family and stuff like that, and that was 401 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 4: so interesting as well. And then along with a conversation 402 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:21,919 Speaker 4: about love and death in your old age and like 403 00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 4: my Awoila's best friend is her her late brother's wife, 404 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 4: and like how they've become each other's There's a really 405 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,560 Speaker 4: beautiful thing that my mom says in the episode that 406 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:42,400 Speaker 4: my grandmother is her my aunt's brain, and my aunt 407 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:46,119 Speaker 4: is my grandmother's legs. That they've become such a team, 408 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 4: and I see how they interact with each other, and 409 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 4: I'm like, no one understands each other as well as 410 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 4: they do, not just because of the life they carry together. 411 00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 4: But also what they're experiencing right now. Yeah, and just 412 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 4: talking about what it's like to be like perceived as 413 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 4: like adorable and old, and like whether or not you're 414 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,400 Speaker 4: listened to in that way and whether or not you're 415 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 4: seen in that like beyond that too. And so that 416 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 4: was like an incredible conversation for me to be like, 417 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 4: who is the woman who raised me? Looking at her 418 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 4: as a person and giving her the opportunity to ask 419 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 4: me whatever she wants to ask me as well, And 420 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 4: I think, yeah, we had conversations we really truly would 421 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 4: not have had had I not like invited her to 422 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 4: do this, and then her being like, you know what, 423 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 4: I'm just gonna go for. 424 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 5: It, which I love, you know what? That again, that 425 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 5: episode which I'm really looking forward to. I try to 426 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 5: find that one because I know you hinted at it 427 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 5: is like I need to hear what a Boila has 428 00:23:45,480 --> 00:24:00,239 Speaker 5: to say. I need to say with your family, with 429 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 5: your parents, you have such amazing, like very personal episodes 430 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 5: and not only are you talking about your experiences and 431 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 5: being able to talk back and forth about things that 432 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 5: you've learned or giving lessons to learn, you kind of 433 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,480 Speaker 5: like I loved your parents complimenting you about like being 434 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,639 Speaker 5: so proud of your accomplishments. It was really cute, and 435 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,160 Speaker 5: your brother and talking about how that prow they were 436 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 5: to see that, and then hearing this personal touch about 437 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 5: like you know, I wish you didn't do this, but 438 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 5: if we have to, this is what I will allow 439 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 5: you to be or whatever whatnot, and all of these 440 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 5: such personal episodes. What is your reaction going back and 441 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 5: looking at these very much out there episodes with these 442 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,639 Speaker 5: people that you've known all your life but have the 443 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 5: same new level of condition. 444 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 4: I it's kind of crazy, Like it's nice to go 445 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 4: back and revisit. And my parents have revisited their episode 446 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,480 Speaker 4: fun Fact too, I love it. They're like, oh my gosh, 447 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 4: Like they're like we cried when we heard it. 448 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 2: It's very cute. 449 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 4: It's so it was also really magical, Like those moments 450 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,840 Speaker 4: are really magical. To get to introduce my parents, my 451 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 4: brother and Maauela to like this is my work, and 452 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 4: like seeing what it looks like from the inside. It's 453 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,680 Speaker 4: so cute, like all of them in studio with their 454 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 4: mics and like being like ooh what now, So like 455 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 4: that is a really odd moment because like, yeah, we've 456 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 4: to be like, yeah, your daughter gets to be a 457 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 4: creative and like my like that is a huge gift. 458 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,400 Speaker 4: And going back to listen to them is incredible because 459 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,679 Speaker 4: I get to hear their voice differently. I think I 460 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 4: get to hear new things and remember things a little differently, 461 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 4: and it it has helped our relationships even like I 462 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 4: think it's it's really given us all new perspectives of 463 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,120 Speaker 4: each other, right, and again like giving them insight of 464 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 4: like being like, oh, that was the conversation we walked 465 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 4: into and this is the episode that came out. Like 466 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 4: those are two different things because it is an edited 467 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 4: format with my thoughts in between, So there is that 468 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:14,360 Speaker 4: like and also it makes me excited for our future 469 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 4: that it's like if you were willing to do this 470 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 4: with me, and we were willing to be brave together 471 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 4: of sharing these personal moments together, that like just gives 472 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,880 Speaker 4: me a lot of hope for our relationships moving forward. 473 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 2: But also of like. 474 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,199 Speaker 4: Trying to practice what I try and share in the 475 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 4: podcast of like here here I am being incredibly vulnerable 476 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 4: because I'm talking to people who know me extremely well 477 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,400 Speaker 4: and I'm actually not sure what's going to come out 478 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 4: of their mouth right now, you're going to tell yeah, exactly, 479 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 4: and then I'm going to be like, well, my team, 480 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,920 Speaker 4: like my my producer is going to have to listen 481 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 4: to this anyway, like. 482 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 2: Someone's gonna new no on a new level. Or if 483 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,680 Speaker 2: we have an engineer in the work room, someone's gonna. 484 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 5: Have to warn and be like before warned, you get 485 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 5: a little time. 486 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, Like it was really funny, like having 487 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,719 Speaker 4: my Aboila in in studio. We were in Atlanta, and 488 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,960 Speaker 4: it was so funny because our engineer who was there 489 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 4: was like cracking up and making faces at all the 490 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 4: conversations and all the things she was saying. And I 491 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,360 Speaker 4: was like, oh, yes, like this is and but that's 492 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 4: also like I love that. I love that, Like I 493 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 4: want us to, like all of us to take away 494 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 4: from this like of like oh, they're being really vulnerable 495 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 4: or like oh, they're really being willing to be bold 496 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 4: in this, and like, hey, maybe that'll inspire me to 497 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 4: like be a little bolder with my family. And it 498 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 4: does like for me, like my Aboila. After our conversation, 499 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,639 Speaker 4: literally afterwards, we went and got lunch together and she 500 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,560 Speaker 4: starts going like, so the person you're dating or having 501 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,280 Speaker 4: sex with Now, how are they treating you? 502 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 5: Like? 503 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,199 Speaker 2: This was yes, exactly, it was. 504 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,439 Speaker 4: She's you know, she's like, I don't know exactly what 505 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 4: this is right now, so just fill me in. And 506 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 4: I was like, wow, this woman is like from an 507 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 4: older generation willing to be like. 508 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,440 Speaker 2: Is it dating? Is it not dating? Is it? 509 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,200 Speaker 4: What other version of this should I learn? 510 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:10,920 Speaker 2: How to say? 511 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 5: Have you taught her situationship yet? 512 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 4: Like like that's so she she's learning, she's learning. She's like, 513 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 4: I'm trying to remember, like if there's a word in 514 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 4: Spanish for situationship, I'm gonna have to ask my cousins 515 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 4: because like sometimes they teach her the English version and 516 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 4: then she's like okay, Like when when my cousin taught 517 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 4: her bachotta from like Carol G and Becky G. 518 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: They have this called bota and she was like, what 519 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:40,200 Speaker 2: the heck is that? 520 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 4: Because it's it's like taking the word gen turning it 521 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 4: into a spanishized word, which is like basically being a 522 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 4: boss is like the one word for it. And she 523 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 4: was like what And my cousin was like, say, you're 524 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 4: a bachotta and she's like. 525 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: And then she like did. 526 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 6: So we're like slowly getting that we're slowly getting there. 527 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,160 Speaker 6: I think she'll be able to say like situationship soon. 528 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 6: But it was very funny. It was so cute, and 529 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 6: I was like, I you know, and then she's like 530 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 6: are you happy? Are you okay? 531 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 4: Because I think like the other thing generationally between me 532 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 4: and Mayouela is like success looks a very particular way 533 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 4: to her, so to not emulate what she knows socially 534 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 4: to be success, it's like getting used to like, Okay, 535 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 4: I'm going to trust that you are happy and okay 536 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,840 Speaker 4: because you're not married by now and you don't have 537 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,959 Speaker 4: kids right now, and like, but your jobs are also weird, 538 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 4: so like I don't understand you don't have a promotion 539 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:51,080 Speaker 4: like right like she I remember the day she was like, 540 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 4: you're not going to be a lawyer. I'm so sad, 541 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 4: like because like lawyer, doctor, accountant, housewife, those were the 542 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 4: things that she knew women could do right like now 543 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 4: my world, and so it's so weird. It was really 544 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 4: interesting to also have a moment with her of like 545 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 4: I was like, do you trust me me when I 546 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 4: say that I'm happy and her being like I think so, 547 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 4: and being like okay, Okay, we're getting somewhere, because like 548 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 4: there used to be the judgment of like, so when 549 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 4: are these things happening? 550 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 3: Right? 551 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 2: Or like I'm worried, I'm worried about. 552 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 4: You, and I'm like, but why if I haven't given 553 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 4: you an indication to be worried? And so like learning 554 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,640 Speaker 4: that and being like in that dance between of like 555 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 4: what does she think of what women a woman's life 556 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 4: should look like and my life should look like so 557 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:49,200 Speaker 4: that she doesn't have to worry and like what life 558 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 4: actually has to offer? 559 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 6: Right? 560 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I mean it's such a great 561 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 1: example of why that question when did you feel invisible? 562 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: Is so powerful and why the podcasting, like doing it 563 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:13,040 Speaker 1: through a podcast is really effective because sometimes people just 564 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 1: need the like like going onto a podcast feels different 565 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: than just like talking about it. Yeah, in your family. 566 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,720 Speaker 1: I remember once I had to do some project for 567 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: school and it was like interview a parent, and my 568 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 1: dad was like never, But then I started to just 569 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: like read the questions out loud, and sure enough he 570 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: wanted to answer the questions. He like actually was looking 571 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: for the excuse almost like oh no, I want I 572 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: do want to talk. I do have thoughts about that, 573 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: and it did like help move our relationship forward, and 574 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: I learned a lot from him from that, like one 575 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 1: like school project I did that I never knew. So 576 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 1: it is amazing when you sit down with somebody and 577 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: you're just like, let's talk about these things, yeah, talk 578 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 1: about and see these generational differences. I think that's so 579 00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 1: powerful totally. 580 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 4: It's really like to me, I'm like, also, like, my 581 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 4: grandmother has gone through a lot of hardship and she's 582 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 4: a very smiley human and so I was like, whoa 583 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 4: to know the depth of it too, and also the 584 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 4: way in which, like she could. 585 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 2: Have been a business woman, she just was too scared. 586 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,680 Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, I wouldn't have thought of 587 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 4: that for this woman who's like so like loving and 588 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,200 Speaker 4: outgoing in many ways. But it's like she was like, 589 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,240 Speaker 4: I'm a widow of four kids with four kids at 590 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 4: the age of thirty, like, and she was like, I'm 591 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 4: not going to go out and risks my livelihood in 592 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,200 Speaker 4: this way. And so it was like interesting to be like, oh, 593 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 4: I didn't know that. I didn't know that she had 594 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 4: the opportunity to not be a worker like as in 595 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 4: like someone had been like you know. 596 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,240 Speaker 2: And she talks about this. 597 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 4: She worked at a jewelry store and the vendors were like, Rosita, like, 598 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 4: you're so good at this. If you wanted to put 599 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 4: up your own shop, we would all sell to you 600 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 4: and we would help you. And she was like too 601 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 4: terrified to do it. And so to me, I was like, oh, 602 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 4: I had no idea that was a chapter in her life. 603 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 4: She's always been, you know, a grandma to me and 604 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 4: like a family woman and a widower. And to be like, oh, oh, 605 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,239 Speaker 4: what did you say no to to get here is 606 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 4: really interesting and like what would your life be like 607 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:32,120 Speaker 4: had you not? Or like people proposed, Like there was 608 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 4: a family friend who proposed to her after his wife 609 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,800 Speaker 4: died to like give her and her kids the pension, 610 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,640 Speaker 4: but in that time they didn't live in the same city, 611 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 4: and the like norm was she would move her and 612 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 4: her kids to go live with him, and she was like, 613 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 4: I'm not going to do that, And so she stayed 614 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 4: working like six days, seven days a week for like 615 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 4: the full day and do doing like really crazy odd 616 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 4: hours because she was like, I don't it don't feel 617 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 4: comfortable moving my kids again to a new place and 618 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 4: thinking about those things. But just being like, oh, your 619 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 4: life could have turned out so differently, and I had 620 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 4: no idea that that was a possibility in your life. Yeah, 621 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 4: so like the things you learn for sure of the 622 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,319 Speaker 4: people you love that you were like. 623 00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 2: What, I didn't know that? 624 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so so real. 625 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 2: It is. 626 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,760 Speaker 1: And going back to what you were talking about earlier, 627 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 1: of working class women and women of color, it's just 628 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,399 Speaker 1: so much of that work is thankless, is invisible, yell 629 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,359 Speaker 1: is not appreciated. But if we would not be here 630 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: without the people who raised us or who did this. 631 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,360 Speaker 1: And then when you get older and you think, like 632 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: you ask these questions and you find out, oh, I 633 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: didn't know all of this stuff about this person in 634 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:58,760 Speaker 1: my life. 635 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,239 Speaker 2: Yeah astounding. 636 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, it truly is. And I think like that's true 637 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,319 Speaker 4: about us all in many ways. And I think that's 638 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 4: the thing is like I think we're so used to 639 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,360 Speaker 4: with social media and everything as like quick, like the 640 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:23,200 Speaker 4: lacquered version, the like picture perfect version, or the quick 641 00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,920 Speaker 4: glimpse of that person rather than the fullness. 642 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:27,359 Speaker 2: And I don't know. 643 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,520 Speaker 4: If we I'm guilty of this, is like I don't 644 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 4: always ask the right questions when I'm not like in 645 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 4: front of someone and so kind of learning how to 646 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 4: rewire a little bit, to rethink of that and consider that. 647 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 2: But yeah, like even like I was in nanny for 648 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:44,359 Speaker 2: a while. 649 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,480 Speaker 4: The other thing too is like I've done a million 650 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:54,279 Speaker 4: odd jobs, like like yeah right, yeah right, and like 651 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,239 Speaker 4: so being a nanny and like kind of being in 652 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 4: these homes and then also being around other nannies and 653 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 4: then being like I have an episode in season one 654 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 4: which is like with my friend Anisia who's a personal 655 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 4: chef and nanny and she's black first gen as well, 656 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 4: from a Nigerian family. But like she and I were 657 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 4: talking about it, it's like there's a hierarchy within that. 658 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 4: And then like you also think about like all these 659 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 4: women who are raising kids and who are teaching these 660 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:24,560 Speaker 4: kids second languages, third languages, but because they're not you know, 661 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,439 Speaker 4: educated with the university degree, will not get that there's 662 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 4: the same credit as the nanny who does have all 663 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,440 Speaker 4: of that background and stuff like that. And you're just like, WHOA, 664 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 4: But these are the people who like not only raise 665 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 4: their own kids or take time to not raise their kids, 666 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:45,160 Speaker 4: but you know, are raising multiple next generations. And I 667 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 4: think the other thing that I really love about cultures 668 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 4: that aren't like necessarily white American culture, of mainstream culture personally, 669 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 4: is that there's such an emphasis on community, which can 670 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:04,040 Speaker 4: be obnoxious sometimes, like speaking from my large family, sometimes 671 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 4: you're like, I don't need everybody to know my business. 672 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 2: Then you learn how to work through that. 673 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,040 Speaker 4: But there's also an element of like we all raise 674 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 4: each other, right, And I think, like that's what I'm 675 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,880 Speaker 4: hoping too with like also celebrating women and women of 676 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:22,600 Speaker 4: color is like we all raise each other and reminding 677 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,399 Speaker 4: each other of that right, and that like a lot 678 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,319 Speaker 4: of us come from those kinds of cultures, and so 679 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,520 Speaker 4: it becomes automatic, but it's not always recognized from a 680 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:38,000 Speaker 4: larger lens or like a lens from necessarily what we 681 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:50,560 Speaker 4: see in this country, right. You know. 682 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 5: One of the things I think is so important with 683 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,640 Speaker 5: your podcasts and podcast like hours in general when it 684 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:59,439 Speaker 5: talks about your sectionality and talking about people of color 685 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:03,839 Speaker 5: or marginal communities, is talking about like trying to acclimate 686 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,200 Speaker 5: to where we're at in the United States, but at 687 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,320 Speaker 5: the same time trying to preserve our culture as well 688 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,000 Speaker 5: truly understanding our identity. You know, again, going back to 689 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 5: that one episode, because I just really loved y'all talk 690 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,319 Speaker 5: about being indigenous and talking about what that meant for 691 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,520 Speaker 5: y'all even though you can be white passing and having 692 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,279 Speaker 5: that balance in wanting to yes, you do want to 693 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,719 Speaker 5: be a part of a culture that you're involved in, 694 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 5: but at the same time, you also know it's important 695 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,680 Speaker 5: to preserve where you came from, who you are, your 696 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 5: identity as well. How do you think podcasts like this 697 00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 5: can really open up that conversation? 698 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:45,160 Speaker 4: Ooh yeah, so many ways. I think one, just talking 699 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:48,359 Speaker 4: about things is so important, right because like I think 700 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 4: we can go on autopilot, or when we're surrounded by 701 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 4: something that might not be one of our cultures, or 702 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,400 Speaker 4: if you come from a culture and you don't recognize 703 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,120 Speaker 4: the other cultures around you, right, Like, there's so many 704 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,799 Speaker 4: levels in which having it in the ether and so 705 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 4: accessible and so consistent, like I think is so important 706 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,759 Speaker 4: because I think it's like when we don't get to 707 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,279 Speaker 4: sit down and have conversations with people in front of us, 708 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,920 Speaker 4: like these conversation through our ears, like through our headphones 709 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:18,840 Speaker 4: is one way we get to do that and like 710 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 4: be like it. Actually, I think podcasting is such a 711 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,960 Speaker 4: beautiful medium because it provides a little bit of a 712 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 4: safety of like, oh, if I have a personal reaction 713 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,640 Speaker 4: to that, I can sit with that alone and don't 714 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 4: have the element of like, oh, suddenly I'm gonna be embarrassed, 715 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 4: or like, oh I didn't know that. Maybe I'm want 716 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,120 Speaker 4: to go research that now, but I don't have to 717 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,080 Speaker 4: show that I'm doing that, right, because I think shame 718 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 4: and embarrassment is like such a crazy thing in our 719 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 4: culture especially. 720 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:48,719 Speaker 2: It's like either we embrace it like crazy, or it's 721 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,719 Speaker 2: like I didn't I didn't know. I knew that. 722 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:54,040 Speaker 4: I knew that, right, And at least I'm guilty of that. 723 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna write that down for later, right. 724 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 4: And So I think like podcasting and shows like this 725 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,160 Speaker 4: is such a beautiful way of like giving space for 726 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:09,359 Speaker 4: that and privacy for that, which is so cool while 727 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,440 Speaker 4: it still is engagement. And then to what I love 728 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,719 Speaker 4: is like getting to know the hosts and being like 729 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:17,720 Speaker 4: now I'm attached to a person. 730 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,080 Speaker 2: It might be very different than me. 731 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,520 Speaker 4: Right, but wow, now I get to attach to this 732 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,680 Speaker 4: person and get to learn a little more. And then 733 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,720 Speaker 4: also I think like care and love are such powerful 734 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:33,400 Speaker 4: tools and compassion, so podcasting just breaks down barriers in 735 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 4: that way to get to know people who you may 736 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 4: not have met or would know of or know how 737 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,879 Speaker 4: to even start thinking about them or their cultural lens otherwise. 738 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that. 739 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,200 Speaker 5: And yeah, talking about being personal, you are very vulnerable 740 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:55,240 Speaker 5: with your audience and listeners and it's really difficult sometimes 741 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 5: to do all of that. Being vulnerable really sucks. 742 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:01,759 Speaker 1: Appreciate it. 743 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:03,799 Speaker 2: Has it done? 744 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:08,160 Speaker 5: Is what is the action that you get from people 745 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,279 Speaker 5: in your personal life, like your family when they hear 746 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,839 Speaker 5: these such vulnerable moments from you and also from your listeners. 747 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,640 Speaker 2: Oh, it can be a mixed bag sometimes. I think. 748 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,839 Speaker 4: I don't know about you, guys, but my pulse also 749 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 4: accelerate sometimes when I'm like, I'm being really vulnerable and 750 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,440 Speaker 4: now I'm gonna put it out there because I. 751 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,680 Speaker 2: Think this is the right decide. 752 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,040 Speaker 4: But I think one a lot of people have been 753 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,479 Speaker 4: really grateful for it and will be like, oh my god, 754 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,560 Speaker 4: I feel the same way too about that, or like, 755 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 4: oh my god, I hate this this thing too, or 756 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 4: like that that was funny, like people have been really 757 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 4: transparent about that, or like being like hey, people have 758 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,839 Speaker 4: like asked for more episodes and I'm like, I really 759 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,560 Speaker 4: want to. I'm like, this is the dream is to 760 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,240 Speaker 4: you know, unlock the season three. 761 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,040 Speaker 2: But like people have been like very much like, oh 762 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:56,759 Speaker 2: my god, this. 763 00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,319 Speaker 4: I didn't realize I would connect with this person like 764 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,520 Speaker 4: they have this and I have this. Like people when 765 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:08,399 Speaker 4: they talk like again, like whether it's like disabilities, whether 766 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,680 Speaker 4: visible or invisible, or neurodiversity or something like, people are like. 767 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,840 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, can you do this or can you 768 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:15,360 Speaker 2: talk about this? 769 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,839 Speaker 4: I'm so excited because like this felt the closest thing 770 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,560 Speaker 4: that I've heard that is to me, that is like me. 771 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:24,920 Speaker 2: And so that has been a reaction. 772 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:33,160 Speaker 4: People have since sometimes thought I was too nice, Like 773 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,440 Speaker 4: there's one episode in specific they were like, I think 774 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,000 Speaker 4: you could have been a little meaner on this particular. 775 00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:40,319 Speaker 4: So like, you know, people are going to give their 776 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,040 Speaker 4: thoughts too, and that's what I want, Like I'm inviting 777 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 4: conversation back and like, but it is funny to hear. 778 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:52,760 Speaker 4: But people are usually really supportive, which I've I feel 779 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:57,879 Speaker 4: really lucky that I've mostly experienced that. I had one 780 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,319 Speaker 4: cousin who got mad at me out of a lot 781 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,600 Speaker 4: of love, out of a lot of love, Like he 782 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 4: was just like, why didn't you share this with me sooner, 783 00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:13,000 Speaker 4: like I'll say it on here I'm by and we 784 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,480 Speaker 4: talk about it with my parents, but a lot of 785 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:19,080 Speaker 4: my family is it's not an open conversation because. 786 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:21,280 Speaker 2: Mexican Catholic. 787 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:27,880 Speaker 4: We're just at the place where where Mexico's been having 788 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,560 Speaker 4: pride parades and stuff like that. Like I've been in 789 00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:35,200 Speaker 4: conversations where people are like I just don't understand by 790 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:38,840 Speaker 4: people like I totally get the gay thing, I just 791 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,360 Speaker 4: don't understand by like that doesn't make sense to me. 792 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:42,719 Speaker 2: So I've been in. 793 00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,439 Speaker 4: Rooms where it's like people I love are just not 794 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:50,640 Speaker 4: quite there yet to have the conversation and so like, 795 00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,360 Speaker 4: But I talk about it with my parents because like 796 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,400 Speaker 4: it was also a hard thing to be Like my 797 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 4: mom was like, don't tell your family, and so to 798 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,480 Speaker 4: be in that space. But my cut in, one of 799 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 4: my cousins who speaks English, listens to my podcast and 800 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,239 Speaker 4: he was like, why the heck did would you not 801 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,840 Speaker 4: tell me that? And we're like really close, and I 802 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,040 Speaker 4: was like, to be honest, I just didn't know. I 803 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,400 Speaker 4: didn't know, and we haven't had the opportunity to like 804 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:15,160 Speaker 4: have it come up naturally. 805 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,280 Speaker 5: Right, I'm not going to text You'm like, by. 806 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 3: The way, by the way, yeah, you know, and so 807 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,680 Speaker 3: all of that, and like there are stereotypes right of 808 00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,759 Speaker 3: like what that means as a woman and stuff, and 809 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:33,319 Speaker 3: so I was like, I also wasn't entirely ready to 810 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,960 Speaker 3: have that conversation with you, but then I totally forgot that. 811 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:38,920 Speaker 2: I didn't realize you were listening. 812 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:43,120 Speaker 4: And so there are moments where you're like, oh shoot, 813 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:45,520 Speaker 4: or there's moments where you have to be brave, Like 814 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 4: there's moments where I get nervous at my my guests 815 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,759 Speaker 4: aren't going to love their episode. 816 00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 2: Like I'm like, as. 817 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,040 Speaker 4: Since I am a flawed person with my own bias 818 00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:58,239 Speaker 4: and perceptions, Like I'm sometimes like, here's. 819 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,840 Speaker 2: This piece that's about you. Please you like it right. 820 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,080 Speaker 4: Because I'm trying to do you justice, but I might not, 821 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,960 Speaker 4: And I think that's always like the scary thing to 822 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 4: me too, is like I might not, and then I'm 823 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,280 Speaker 4: just like I try my best and hopefully we'll figure 824 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,640 Speaker 4: this out. It hasn't happened yet where someone has been 825 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,719 Speaker 4: like disappointed by their episode at all, but me myself, 826 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,920 Speaker 4: because there's so much vulnerability and so much personal stuff 827 00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,040 Speaker 4: in it that I'm like sometimes I'm just like, I 828 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,400 Speaker 4: really hope you feel taken care of in this episode. 829 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,000 Speaker 5: No, yeah, we are. We are that saying where like, 830 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,360 Speaker 5: oh no, if so and so listens, we're screwed. 831 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,279 Speaker 2: Yeah, we have a lot. 832 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,799 Speaker 5: We have a big conversation coming up. Why they take 833 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,239 Speaker 5: a listen and finding out different people who are listening. 834 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,640 Speaker 4: You're like, oh, oh yeah, literally in one of your episodes, 835 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,160 Speaker 4: You're like, some people in my personal life will probably 836 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:54,080 Speaker 4: think I'm talking about them, But I'm. 837 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,800 Speaker 2: Like, that's a really good disclaimer. 838 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,920 Speaker 5: This is not about you, Jane. Wait, I do actually, 839 00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,239 Speaker 5: but yeah, that is one of those fears that you're like, 840 00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,640 Speaker 5: oh yeah, how much am I hearing? 841 00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:12,120 Speaker 2: Right? I forget people to. 842 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 1: Take it into account too, because I remember once we 843 00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,279 Speaker 1: were at we were speaking at a conference and somebody 844 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:23,240 Speaker 1: asked us a question that was essentially like because Samantha 845 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,000 Speaker 1: and I when we first started working together, it was 846 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,719 Speaker 1: like Trauma miniseries where we were being very vulnerable, and 847 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,799 Speaker 1: she was asking like, how because this isn't just going 848 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,640 Speaker 1: to impact you if it gets out, And she wasn't 849 00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:36,799 Speaker 1: like saying she was saying, how do you balance that 850 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,200 Speaker 1: of what you're doing for yourself and what feels safe 851 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,040 Speaker 1: versus like the conversations you're probably going to have to 852 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:49,239 Speaker 1: have if people involveteer it that didn't know, And so 853 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,799 Speaker 1: that is a it's a question we ask ourselves a 854 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:56,920 Speaker 1: lot of like where's the line and taking into account 855 00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,320 Speaker 1: for people that are listening might listen. 856 00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's always a like even this, Like 857 00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:07,160 Speaker 4: to me, I'm like, that's always such a conversation because 858 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,879 Speaker 4: also it's like, you know, even talking about people's identities 859 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,960 Speaker 4: and things that have made them feel invisible, like because 860 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,239 Speaker 4: we are focused on that, like, but it's not like 861 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,880 Speaker 4: even this package of them trying to show a fuller 862 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:20,720 Speaker 4: picture is not going to be the full picture. 863 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,239 Speaker 2: And so it is. 864 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's such a tricky question when you're like and 865 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,400 Speaker 4: then yeah, exposing something like this is my story, but 866 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,839 Speaker 4: it is always someone else's story too, and yeah, I 867 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,680 Speaker 4: never I think like that is such an interesting line. 868 00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:35,440 Speaker 4: And then like I don't know about you guys, but 869 00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,480 Speaker 4: I feel like sometimes it will shift depending on the story, 870 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,560 Speaker 4: depending on who it's about, or who can who I 871 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,040 Speaker 4: talk to, or how much I share as well, Like 872 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,280 Speaker 4: those are all pieces. 873 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,759 Speaker 5: And you know, because we are talking about vulnerability and 874 00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,960 Speaker 5: really giving a lot of yourself in our jobs and 875 00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,000 Speaker 5: something that we do have a passion about. We also 876 00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,759 Speaker 5: ask this question, and I want to ask you, what 877 00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,120 Speaker 5: do you do to take care of yourself when it 878 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:03,319 Speaker 5: does feel overwhelming? 879 00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:06,680 Speaker 2: Ooh, I love that question. 880 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:12,200 Speaker 4: I think I'm still learning sometimes. I feel like it 881 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,960 Speaker 4: changes sometimes and sometimes I'm like, I don't know if 882 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:21,400 Speaker 4: that's gonna work today. But one thing I do, I'm 883 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,719 Speaker 4: very lucky that I think actor training teaches a lot 884 00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:31,040 Speaker 4: about your nervous system. I really wish everyone went through 885 00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,959 Speaker 4: actor training and certain pieces of actor training, because there's 886 00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,080 Speaker 4: like in actor training, there's like an acknowledgment of the 887 00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:44,640 Speaker 4: physiological signs of vulnerability. So just being like, Okay, my 888 00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:49,040 Speaker 4: cheeks are red, my heart is moving really fast, my 889 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,640 Speaker 4: left hand is shaking, and. 890 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,520 Speaker 2: Just being able. 891 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,640 Speaker 4: To name the things that are physically happening to me 892 00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,879 Speaker 4: has been really helpful. And then learning how to reground, 893 00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:05,080 Speaker 4: take deep breaths, and then being like, okay, do I 894 00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:08,000 Speaker 4: need to move my body right now? Like I'm a 895 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,440 Speaker 4: huge I'm a huge proponent of dance parties. I'm like, 896 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:14,640 Speaker 4: I will solo dance party, clean my apartment, and that 897 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,920 Speaker 4: does a lot to reset me like when I'm feeling vulnerable, 898 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,360 Speaker 4: is like how am I showing up for myself today? 899 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,759 Speaker 4: And whether it's like making sure I'm drinking enough water 900 00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:28,480 Speaker 4: sometimes or like literally having my space not reflect a 901 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:32,080 Speaker 4: crazy inside, like because I know mentally if I'm having 902 00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,839 Speaker 4: an off day, my room is a mess, and like 903 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,719 Speaker 4: so like being like, okay, what can I do what's 904 00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:41,000 Speaker 4: in my control to reset? And then and then just 905 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,720 Speaker 4: being gentle. And sometimes it's like taking myself to a movie. 906 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,080 Speaker 4: Sometimes it's calling my best friend and being like, do 907 00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:51,000 Speaker 4: you have ten minutes for me to be like I'm 908 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:56,640 Speaker 4: panicking about my like this hangover of emotions or the 909 00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,000 Speaker 4: sphere or just naming it. Sometimes I name it to 910 00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:03,880 Speaker 4: like my team, like my producer who's a godsend. 911 00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:07,000 Speaker 2: Dylan, thank you so much for everything. Where I'm like, 912 00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:08,799 Speaker 2: I don't want. 913 00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:12,479 Speaker 4: This to be like a this kind of moment. Am 914 00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,520 Speaker 4: I right or wrong in feeling this? Or like I'm 915 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,440 Speaker 4: having this reservation. I don't know if I want to 916 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 4: take it out yet or I don't know how I 917 00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,640 Speaker 4: feel about sharing this yet, but I just want to 918 00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:28,520 Speaker 4: acknowledge that I'm not sure about it, so giving myself permission. 919 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,719 Speaker 2: To name it with people as well, and. 920 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,840 Speaker 4: Being like I'm not sure if I have an action 921 00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,880 Speaker 4: item to solve it yet, but I'm giving myself permission 922 00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,799 Speaker 4: that if I want one, I can have one, and 923 00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,560 Speaker 4: then just owning up to things like when my cousin 924 00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,480 Speaker 4: and I had that, like when my cousin was. 925 00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:46,400 Speaker 2: Like, why didn't you tell me? 926 00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:49,680 Speaker 4: Like I feel like you don't see me in my 927 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,799 Speaker 4: own way of like I am my own person, I'm 928 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 4: not our whole family. 929 00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:55,640 Speaker 2: I'm and like or. 930 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,719 Speaker 4: Being like, yeah, I may have had those kinds of 931 00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,960 Speaker 4: thoughts like three years ago, but now I am evolved, 932 00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:05,120 Speaker 4: and then having those tough conversations even though like my 933 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:09,480 Speaker 4: heart will be like pounding and just being like you're 934 00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:11,880 Speaker 4: right and I can hear you now, and can I 935 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,279 Speaker 4: ask you questions? And he's like, yeah, can I ask 936 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:19,440 Speaker 4: you questions? And I think trying to lead from like 937 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:26,640 Speaker 4: who is this person to me as well, because if 938 00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:28,960 Speaker 4: they love me and I love them, we'll figure it 939 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,880 Speaker 4: out even if it's hard, even if it's weird. 940 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,200 Speaker 2: And what I find really useful. 941 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,960 Speaker 4: Is like if someone's upset at you and they tell you, 942 00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,040 Speaker 4: usually that means they want to work it out, and 943 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,640 Speaker 4: that's like a beautiful thing about humanity is like normally 944 00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,879 Speaker 4: we're like I'm mad at you, it's because I want 945 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,640 Speaker 4: you to fix it, like like I want us to 946 00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,440 Speaker 4: fix it, and trusting that people usually come from a 947 00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,279 Speaker 4: good place of like let's fix it. So if I'm 948 00:51:56,320 --> 00:52:00,279 Speaker 4: like feeling like I overstepped or or I'm scared or 949 00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:01,399 Speaker 4: I'm not sure, like. 950 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,200 Speaker 2: Those are ways of which of like. 951 00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,719 Speaker 4: Just remind remembering who the person is and that like 952 00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:11,319 Speaker 4: we lead with love and and then do practicing like 953 00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,319 Speaker 4: self care together of like being like okay, now let's 954 00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,879 Speaker 4: shoot or like okay, now let's watch this funny video 955 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:18,080 Speaker 4: and now I'm gonna send you memes. 956 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:20,359 Speaker 2: I'm very much. 957 00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:24,160 Speaker 4: I watch lots of animal videos and funny videos as well. 958 00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,960 Speaker 4: In self care, I absolutely need that. 959 00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:29,239 Speaker 2: And then like we'll be like. 960 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:32,839 Speaker 4: Wash my face, put on a little college and mask 961 00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:37,640 Speaker 4: or something like also very traditional, eat eat a cookie. 962 00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:40,120 Speaker 2: I'm such a proponent of eating a cookie. 963 00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,359 Speaker 4: And going on a walk, right, I'm like, I love 964 00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,920 Speaker 4: I love a walk with a cookie and just being like. 965 00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:56,000 Speaker 7: Okay, multitasking, I like, yeah, I love how your answer 966 00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,720 Speaker 7: involved like having self conversations. 967 00:52:58,719 --> 00:52:59,360 Speaker 1: But that's great. 968 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,120 Speaker 4: Tell you well, I can't sit with things for very long, 969 00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,960 Speaker 4: Like I realized, like that's something about me, is like 970 00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:10,279 Speaker 4: I am very bad at sitting with things for a 971 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:10,840 Speaker 4: long time. 972 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,040 Speaker 2: I'm like, I've had to learn how to be like 973 00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:19,839 Speaker 2: when are you free? You know, Like I'm very much 974 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:21,000 Speaker 2: like if I'm. 975 00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:23,400 Speaker 4: Feeling like it's an issue that we need to solve, 976 00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:27,400 Speaker 4: let's solve it and that'll make me feel better versus 977 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:29,839 Speaker 4: ruminating because like my brain will be like here are 978 00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:32,160 Speaker 4: the twelve ways that they could dislike you for the 979 00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:34,680 Speaker 4: rest of your life. Oh yeah, and if you don't 980 00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:38,080 Speaker 4: fix it now, what if they stop caring? Like so, 981 00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,520 Speaker 4: I'm very much like self care also comes to with 982 00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,840 Speaker 4: it and being like is there anything we need to 983 00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,360 Speaker 4: confront right now that would make the care easier? 984 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:49,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, good point. 985 00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:54,839 Speaker 1: No, it's great, it's a great answer. It's healthy. 986 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,760 Speaker 5: It's been doing therapy. 987 00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,800 Speaker 2: Yes, she has been in therapy. 988 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,520 Speaker 1: A lot of times when we ask that question, we 989 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,560 Speaker 1: always get the same answer, which is I don't know. 990 00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,480 Speaker 1: So I love that you had such like I'm like, 991 00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,880 Speaker 1: do you what tool do you want? 992 00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:13,560 Speaker 2: Process? 993 00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:14,920 Speaker 5: And I love every single one of them? 994 00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:15,600 Speaker 2: Thank you well? 995 00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,120 Speaker 4: Actually, like so fun fact, not so fun fact, I 996 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,799 Speaker 4: was nomadic for two and a half years recently, both 997 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,920 Speaker 4: my choice and also by like financial insecurity in New 998 00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:27,719 Speaker 4: York is way too expensive, so it was kind of 999 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,759 Speaker 4: like it was a fast track in learning how to 1000 00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:34,799 Speaker 4: take care of myself because when you don't have a 1001 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:39,640 Speaker 4: home that's yours, that you get to like hide away 1002 00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,920 Speaker 4: in and like Kermit and then watch TV for forever, 1003 00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,120 Speaker 4: like which was one of my old ways of self care, 1004 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,560 Speaker 4: which I still have. But like when I'm like, oh, 1005 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:50,080 Speaker 4: this isn't my space, I'm subletting someone else's space who's 1006 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:54,120 Speaker 4: away for a month, Like when nothing feels like it's yours, 1007 00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,960 Speaker 4: I literally had to be like what can I find 1008 00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:04,160 Speaker 4: outside of this space or in myself to find ways 1009 00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,240 Speaker 4: to take care of myself. So it kind of forced 1010 00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:09,280 Speaker 4: me to It kind of forced me. Every new place 1011 00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,680 Speaker 4: was like what new way will we find to do 1012 00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,600 Speaker 4: to take care of ourselves? Like taking a dance class 1013 00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:16,920 Speaker 4: down the street. Oh my god, amazing great way to 1014 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,000 Speaker 4: self care, but like I had never known before, you know, 1015 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:25,120 Speaker 4: so that really yes, that was helpful. 1016 00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:30,680 Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on in sminty tradition. 1017 00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:36,759 Speaker 1: You are now friends. Yes, yes, we loved having you. 1018 00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,440 Speaker 1: This is a great conversation. I'm sure there's a million 1019 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:43,600 Speaker 1: other things we could talk about, but for now, the 1020 00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,160 Speaker 1: good listeners find you. 1021 00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:48,600 Speaker 4: Oh, the good listeners can find well. When You're Invisible 1022 00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,560 Speaker 4: is on all platforms. It's an iHeart show so and 1023 00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:55,239 Speaker 4: a Microltura podcast network show. So we are wherever you 1024 00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,560 Speaker 4: like to listen to your podcasts, including the iHeartRadio. 1025 00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,120 Speaker 2: App and all. 1026 00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:00,279 Speaker 5: So. 1027 00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,920 Speaker 4: We have Instagram, we might have a TikTok soon, but 1028 00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:09,560 Speaker 4: Instagram when You're Invisible podcast and then you can also 1029 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,360 Speaker 4: you're always welcome to follow me. It is my personal page, 1030 00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:15,520 Speaker 4: so you might get things about my life that is 1031 00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:17,240 Speaker 4: muddy fair. 1032 00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:21,600 Speaker 2: So m A R I f e R, which is. 1033 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:27,040 Speaker 4: The nickname between my first two names, Madia Fernande Underscore 1034 00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,799 Speaker 4: my last name di e Z underscore b as in 1035 00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,920 Speaker 4: bird because that's my second last name. Because as a 1036 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,800 Speaker 4: Latina we have a million names. That those are the 1037 00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,799 Speaker 4: easiest ways to find me and to follow, and we'll 1038 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:44,240 Speaker 4: be posting more content on rig this this season. 1039 00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:50,200 Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here. Congrats, 1040 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,799 Speaker 1: thank you the success and second season, and thank you, 1041 00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,560 Speaker 1: thank you and listeners. If you would like to contact us, 1042 00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:58,279 Speaker 1: you can you can email us stuff your mom stuff 1043 00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:59,799 Speaker 1: at heartnea dot com. You can find us on Twitter 1044 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,960 Speaker 1: at a podcast, are on Instagram and TikTok at stuff 1045 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:02,560 Speaker 1: when Never Told You. 1046 00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:03,520 Speaker 2: I'm also on YouTube. 1047 00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:05,040 Speaker 1: We have a tea public store, and we have a 1048 00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,480 Speaker 1: book we can get where we get your books. Thanks 1049 00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: as always too our super producer Christina, our executive pducer Maya, 1050 00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,640 Speaker 1: and our tribute Joey. Thank you and thanks to you 1051 00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:15,440 Speaker 1: for listening. Stuff I Never Told You is protection by 1052 00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:17,040 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, you 1053 00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:18,720 Speaker 1: can check out the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or 1054 00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,200 Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.