WEBVTT - Back to You 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.480 and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.000 on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:21.880 episode which your girl just hilarious. Now listen. Last week 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:24.400 there was no episode, and I'm so sorry y'all be 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.440 in my ass when I don't deliver carefully Reckless. And 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:29.720 I'm very sorry. But I was in the middle of moving. 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.120 I just closed on a huge, beautiful estate. Yes, I 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.080 moved from the condo and the high rise of building 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:40.159 and moved on up some more. Now I got my 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.800 own on a state that I own. I'm not paying 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.680 rent anymore. I own in the state. Now, I keep 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:48.519 on saying the state, because that's what it is. I 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.400 kept saying house. And then my realtor, who's black as well, 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.000 it was like, this is not a house, baby, this 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.320 is in a state. This is a mansion. You just 0:00:56.400 --> 0:01:00.040 closed on a mansion, So don't keep on reducing a 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:03.640 residence to a house. And I love the fact that 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.520 she bought that to my realization, you know, So let's 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:09.920 dive right in. I'm back to fixing y'all mess. Now. 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:12.960 I told y'all that y'all can submit y'all stories or 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.520 y'all experiences, or anything that you feel that you need 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:18.600 advice on in my d MS. Not the jest hilarious 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:22.960 underscore official d M, but the carefully reckless d MS. 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.400 Y'all can even submit them to reckless Discussions d m s, 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:29.319 but not just hilarious, because I get so many that 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:32.160 I don't even check them anymore. So we're gonna dive 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:35.959 right in. The names are anonymous. Here we go. My 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:38.959 baby daddy and I have been together since two thousand sixteen, 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:42.880 first baby in and second baby in twenty nineteen. So 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.200 when we got together, we both started the same place 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:47.880 in life, no job, no car, living in a dorm. 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.640 As time went on, I've always been the breadwinner. I 0:01:50.680 --> 0:01:53.960 got my medical assistant certification. I've had three apartments in 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:56.400 three cars, and he has still been in the same 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:59.560 place as when we started, and from the outside looking in, 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:01.960 it's like I was taking care of him now. We 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.360 never agree that he would be a stay at home dad, 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.760 so of course it caused conflict between us over the years. 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.040 I begged for him to get a job. I've tried 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:14.040 gentle and tough love, but it gets stressful, pain for everything, 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.240 going to work, coming home and then got to cook, 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.240 clean and care for the girls and still fun. Oh. 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:22.400 So I say all this to ask you, do you 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:25.799 believe if a man wanted to leave, protect and provide 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:29.079 for his family he would? Or is it something that's 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:33.079 learned over time? Wow? Okay, so there are a few 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.359 things I want to break down from the story. Actually, 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:38.160 I don't even have to break anything down, baby, you 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:42.799 gave me everything from beginning two now. So okay, do 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.919 I believe if a man wanted to lead, to protect 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.320 and provide for his family he would? Yes, if he 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:51.600 wanted to. I think that you've made him very comfortable 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.960 over the years. Like you said, you tried tough love, 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.000 you tried soft love, you tried to embrace him, and 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:59.880 you tried to be assertive with him as well, and 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:02.640 none of that worked in every situation. This is not 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:07.560 something that just happens over time. This person probably never 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.360 had work ethic because you said, y'all started like that, 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.960 but you flourished, you evolved, you grew, you worked, you 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:19.280 had babies. You never stopped working. Your only exceeding. You've 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.600 always been the breadwinner. You have certifications. Maybe you went 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.760 to school for this ship, and he's still the same 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:30.680 place that he was when y'all first got together. Maybe 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.919 there was no drive from the beginning. You just didn't 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.280 see it because y'all both were starting out in the 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:41.520 same place. Now, while women are more mature than men, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:45.120 yes we do. We we mature faster in most cases, 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.760 I do want to say a lot of men still 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:52.200 do flourish. They do grow into being ambitious. They do 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.880 pick up on motivation and things that inspire them. Some 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.280 of them do get up off. They ask and change 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.200 the way that they're living if they don't like the 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:03.119 way they're living. But that's the thing. He doesn't seem 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.840 to have a problem with how he is because he 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.640 has you. He has to see that it's a problem 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:13.240 for him to want to change. Nobody's gonna change for 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.640 someone else if they don't even want to change for themselves. 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:18.840 I mean, you can put on the front, you can 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.280 be phony, you can fake it, but that's temporary. He 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:25.680 has no ambition, he has no real work ethic. He 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:27.560 has nothing to work for because you give it all 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.200 to him. He's basically a stay at home dad. You cook, 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.800 you clean, you work, you come home, you're tired. And 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.559 he still doesn't even have dinner on the fucking table 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.640 for you. You're doing this, you are superwoman of your household, 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:41.960 and he literally is giving me villain because he's not 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.400 helping you. He's leeching. And although he is the father 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.320 to your three girls, he's also not teaching them what 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:52.680 a man should do in a relationship, either you have 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.599 three girls, whether you have three boys. He's not setting 0:04:56.760 --> 0:05:00.880 good examples for his children, for his girls. So who 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.760 the hell do they have to compare men to when 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:07.400 they grow up? Because me, growing up, I had the 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.719 best father in the world. I still have the best 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:14.480 father in the world, but my childhood spotless. My father 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:18.839 was a great damn dad. So that was my initial 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:21.960 example of a real man. Now I can't say that 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:24.320 I always picked good men, but I grew up with 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.680 the structure of knowing what a real man should do 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.640 and how he provides and how him and my mom 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:34.159 was given take everything was helping each other. Not to 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.520 answer your second question, or is it something that's learned 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.719 over time? Now it can be learned. Men can be 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.560 taught just like women can be taught. People can be taught, 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:45.400 but they have to want to learn. They have to 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:48.599 be willing to be receptive of the lesson that's being taught, 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:52.960 everything going on around them. You've made it completely comfortable 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.360 for him, so he feels like he doesn't have to work. 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:57.479 I was in a relationship like that as well. Thank 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.640 god I didn't have any children about this man. But 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.400 he was ambitious when I met him, and then he 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:04.240 just got comfortable because he knew I was blowing up 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:07.760 and he knew I could cover everything. And he still 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:09.840 expects for you to do all these duties and still 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.320 have sex with him when he wants to. You have 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:13.880 to put your foot down and you gotta put that 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.080 motherfucker out. I'm so sorry. He is not your husband. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.720 He is just your baby daddy, and he can still 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.320 be a parent to your kids outside of your house. 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:27.400 Understand that co parenting is very important and it is 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:30.360 possible because me and my son's father do it, and 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:35.680 we've been doing it for seven years effectively with no 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:39.719 no problems, not even one problem. Seventy years because the 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.880 first three is was low, rough, low, rocky and rough. 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:47.160 But for seven years straight and going forward, Rome and 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:49.880 I have been able to co parent. I think that's 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.000 what you should do. I don't feel like you're happy, 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:56.160 and if you're not happy, you should not be miserable 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:59.400 just to keep your family together. Because they don't even 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:02.479 sound like he's gonna marry you. It doesn't even sound 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.719 like he can afford a ring to propose, So what 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:08.440 you're gonna buy it yourself and he's gonna reimburse you. No, 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.360 you got three girls to raise and you need to 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.080 teach them that's not how they want to end up. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.440 And you need to teach them what a strong woman 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:21.920 is and that is you. Because baby, truthfully, you can 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.800 do battle by yourself. So I think you should communicate 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:28.240 that with him, and you should put yourself first for 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:32.840 the first time. Put yourself first. If you love me, 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:37.360 you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:40.800 moving on, Hey Jess, First off, I love and appreciate 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:42.840 what you do. You are a true gift to earth 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:46.000 from the Lord. Keep grinding and spreading your wisdom. Thank you, baby. 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:48.520 So here's the dilemma. I am twenty eight years old 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:51.520 with an eight month old baby. I am no longer 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:55.760 with my baby's father and haven't been for my entire pregnancy. Therefore, 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.320 he is completely out of the picture for me romantically, 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:00.600 I haven't dated or talked to any one since the 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.480 day I found out I was pregnant. I've been keeping 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:07.080 to myself and really trying to heal and grow so 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.280 that I do not make the same mistakes in my past. 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:11.440 I now know what I want from a man. My 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:15.800 main focus is obviously on my child and stabilizing our future. 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:18.720 I recently reconnected with my ex from high school. He 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.520 was my first love. Throughout the last ten years, we 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:23.440 have been on and off. The first time we broke 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.440 up was due to the distance in college, and every 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.640 other time after that was due to not being on 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.920 the same page and being in different places in our lives. 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.080 I found myself always going back to him because we 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:38.680 have extremely great chemistry. He's a genuinely good man, and 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:41.000 we never leave off on a bad note. Because I 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.120 have a child, If I were to get back involved 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.559 with him, I would definitely want to start off as 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.520 friends first, so that I can solely focus on reason 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.000 my child as a single mom. Should I let the 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:53.480 past stay in the past, or should I see how 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:58.320 we can maintain as friends then potentially something more again. 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.280 So baby, First off, I'm not going to tell you 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.680 that you should leave the past in the past, because 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:06.680 you know, there's a saying don't quote me on it, honey, 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.480 but you're gonna get what I'm saying. It says something 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:12.079 like this, if you love something enough, you'll let it 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:13.760 go and if it comes back to you, that's how 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.679 you know. Okay, So you said y'all never left off 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:20.240 on a bad note, and y'all always have good chemistry. 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.720 It's like great, Maybe y'all are meant to be friends. 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:24.640 Maybe y'all are meant to be together down the line. 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:27.040 But like you said, I'm so happy that your child 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:31.440 is your sole focused Like that is what you're supposed 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.720 to be focused on right now, a stable future for 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.760 you and your baby. But Mama gotta have funny. You 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:40.440 want a love life and you should be able to 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:44.400 have one now. I don't know if you're telling me everything, 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:48.360 because I feel that you should start off as friends 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.400 and see where you all can go with it. But 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.400 I'm trying to figure out what exactly would be holding 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:55.880 you back. I know that you mentioned that you two 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:59.160 seem to always be in two different places in your lives. 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.679 When you guys come act around or you know, reconcile 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:06.400 or start your dealings again. But what really keeps you 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.960 from committing to him? What really keeps him from committing 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.440 to you? Because no one's going to be perfect. It 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.280 seems that you two know each other and have known 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:19.520 each other for a while for years, that's your ex. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.880 Now people grow, so maybe I'll have to get to 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:23.719 know each other again because you don't win and have 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:25.480 a baby out of or if he has any kids 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:27.760 or whatever. But it seems like you love him, and 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:29.480 it seems like this is something that you want, but 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:32.320 you're hesitant. It's something that you're not telling me, or 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:34.440 it's something that you're hesitant about, and now you don't 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.040 have to share it if you don't want. But as 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.720 long as it doesn't do any harm to you or 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:43.720 your baby, I feel that you should proceed. You should. 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:47.160 Is he okay with you having a child a newborn? 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.440 Maybe he feels like you are always the one that 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:54.000 got away, So maybe there's tension and maybe there's an 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:56.840 awkwardness there because you have a baby, but it's not 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.600 by him. But you guys keep on crossing paths in life. 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.480 I honestly feel like if it's nothing that you're not 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.520 telling me, and I'm just overthinking it. I'm thinking also 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:08.120 another reason that you probably are won't commit to him 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.120 is that you're you're scared. You're probably scared, and that's 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.960 okay because you don't want to make the same mistake, 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:17.280 which I don't fully blame you, although you have to 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:19.920 be careful who you procreate with. But sometimes people don't 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:21.600 give you the real of them until some ship like 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.760 this happens, until I have a baby, like that's an 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:28.000 issue for some guys, it'd be like that, But I 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:31.520 think take it slow, see what he wants, talk about 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:35.720 your differences, talk about why y'all really never really really 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:37.800 stuck with each other. Gets at the bottom of why 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.640 you guys never really became a couple. Get to the 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:43.360 bottom of that, and then you guys can go from there, 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.000 because whatever it is, it could be deeply rooted. But 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.720 I don't really think if you guys didn't want to 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:51.120 be with each other, you guys wouldn't keep crossing paths 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:52.960 and you wouldn't be writing me about this right now. 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:55.800 So just take your time and give him a chance. 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:59.360 And congratulations on your baby girl. Hold up, Hold up, 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:01.360 I know the ship getting good, but listen to just 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.480 a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:08.600 you'll listen. Okay, last one because y'all giving me some 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:11.880 long ones today and that's totally fine. I love it. Hey, Joss, 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:14.240 I've been listening to your podcast for over a month 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:16.360 now and I absolutely love it. I don't know what 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.520 the odds of you reading this are, but I need 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:21.960 some advice on this. So around April I met this 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:25.640 guy and we've been talking ever since. His only problem 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.600 is he is not a good Texter, so that's your 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:32.000 problem with him, Okay, However, his vibe is completely different 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:35.080 in person. Now, we've been kind of avoiding the dreaded 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.920 I like you, you like me. Let's be a thing topic, 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.160 even though his friends and my friends say it's obvious 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:44.680 we like each other. During one of our conversations, too, 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.800 he said that because of what his ex did, he's 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.920 not interested in a relationship. But I'm just like, so, 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.560 why did you even start all this. We're on summer 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.680 break now and I traveled out the country for that occasion. 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.719 He was still dry as funk over text, despite how 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.880 many I sent. Sometimes he wouldn't even answer, so when 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.000 I finally asked him if I was bothering him. He 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.960 said no, he just doesn't talk to people like that. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.640 So I stopped putting an effort if he wasn't going 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:12.760 to reciprocate it. But I know we're going to have 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.920 to face each other come the fall and the semester 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:19.000 starts back up because we have the same group of friends. 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.680 Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.960 say it was fun while it lasted. But I don't 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:26.720 know if this is going to work out. Because we 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:28.960 do feel for each other. I can see that too, 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.120 but it's frustrating. Okay, I don't know how old you are. 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.640 I don't know how old this gentleman is. But apparently 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.839 he's damaged, so he has baggage. And then he hasn't 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:40.199 let go yet, and he doesn't seem like he's interested 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.920 in letting it go because he won't even allow himself 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:46.400 to like you or to start to want to love 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:50.360 you or love again period. And sometimes that's a real thing. 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.360 We don't know what she did to him. We don't 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:55.160 know the severity of the pain that was caused, the 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.600 severity of his heartbreak. We don't know just what they 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:00.319 went through. Now I'm not saying you don't know, but 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.720 you didn't tell me, and that's that's totally fine as well. 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:07.800 While I'm never a big fan or in a quick fast, 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:11.360 in a hurry to tell someone to give up, because 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:15.200 you can clearly see what I was going through on 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.600 v H one every Monday night at nine pm with 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.520 Daniel on Couples Retreat. You can clearly look at that 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:25.120 and see that that wasn't easy for me, actually having 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:30.400 to expose a vulnerable part of myself. Nobody really sees 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:32.960 Jessica more like that. You know, all y'all see is 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.200 just hilarious. But I do have a heart. I'm very feminine, 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.920 I'm very soft, and I do love and I love 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.440 to love, and more than that, I love being loved. 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.080 So that was kind of hard. He kind of sounds 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:48.160 like Daniel was at first in our earliest stages of dating. 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.280 So I never want to tell you give up, because 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.840 I didn't give up on Daniel. However, I did break 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.239 up with them, and then you know, we had reconciled 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:00.560 and just helping him work through something, and he helped 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:03.320 me work through some things, and I realized it's a 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.280 real thing. There are men out here. That's scarred from 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:11.120 previous relationships, or from childhood, or from places that they 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:13.200 don't even know. A lot of that ship, honestly, could 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.320 be hereditary. A lot of men let ship get in 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.240 their way because they're scared to open up. They're scared 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:20.400 to express. I feel like he's scared to express to 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:24.000 you how he feels about you. Now, if he's as 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:27.080 cold as you say he is, how do you even 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.480 know that he feels for you? Because you said at 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:32.000 the end and throughout, because we do feel for each other, 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:34.840 and I can see that too. You know, how does 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:36.960 he show it? You said he's a vibe in person, 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.800 it's different when he's around you. And if you guys 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.760 have the same friends, kind of ask them or does 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:44.920 he act like this when he's around da da Have 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.520 y'all ever seen him with in another relationship? Or how 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:51.040 was he? But you know, if y'all have friends, go 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.120 to your friends and see, you know, like, what is 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:54.760 it me? Or does he always act like this? Or 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.320 And if they can't tell you anything, you know, you 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:00.120 conduct your own research. Sat down with his ass and 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:01.640 you can just sell them. Listen, I know that you're 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:04.200 a vibe in person, and while I don't want to 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:07.080 give up on you. I don't deserve this. I don't 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.800 deserve this treatment because I didn't do anything for this. 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:14.120 Your question is totally right. Why would you start something 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:16.720 with me and you turn around and say, well, I 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.720 don't want a relationship now? If he told you that 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.960 from the jump, then this would be your fault because 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:26.800 he was completely honest. Right. But I know us as 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.560 women can really think in our minds that we can 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.960 change someone, not knowing that we can't change someone. We 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:37.600 can help people evolve, but we can't change people. People 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:42.320 don't change people. People change themselves with urges and with 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.440 a push, and sometimes they're just ready. They get so 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.000 fed up with how they are they get so ready 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:48.080 to want to come up out of it. So they 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:51.760 change themselves for themselves. So I really want you to 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:55.360 pay attention to that him not being able to reciprocate 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:58.760 every emotion that you're feeling. Also, you have to take 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:03.680 into consideration not everybody moves at the same pace. So 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.360 how long ago was he in this relationship? Like? Are 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.400 you a rebound? I'm not trying to disrespect you. I 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.119 really just want to be carefully reckless with you because 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.639 this is the reality of the ship. You could have 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:18.119 been a rebound. He could have been using you to 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:22.159 get over someone. Or maybe not, Maybe this is just 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:25.200 how he is. How much are you willing to put 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.639 up with? How much? Because you may miss him, You 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.680 may be like, on, I'm fed up, and then at night, 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.119 you know, because you're only used to texting him and 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:35.840 being around him or whatever, because you want something with him, 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.560 you may change your mind and be like, Okay, no, 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:40.359 I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. So it's a lot 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:43.040 of back and forth. But how much are you willing 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.600 to take? Just sit down with him, I have a conversation. 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:47.919 He still gives you the same thing. Baby, get up, 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.240 get out. That's it, And that's what I want you, 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:54.600 ladies to understand. You are enough. You are enough and 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:58.000 you always will be. So don't let these things set 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.600 you back in your love life and in your personal life, 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.680 because love can actually pull and tug on your strings. 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:09.840 It can actually send you into depression. It can like, seriously, love, 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.000 it's great when it's great, but love hurts as well, 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:16.240 you know. So you gotta just be careful what you 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:19.680 let in and uh what you're receptive of and how 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:23.080 you interpret love for you and just like that, we're 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.320 gonna end this episode on this note. That was three 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:28.160 great stories. Y'all. Tune in next week to Carefully Reckless 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:31.000 Every Wednesday. I love you guys so much. Also tuned 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:34.600 into Reckless Discussions, brand new episode dropping at seven pm tonight, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:19:49.680 and then my deepest Pam Voice peace. Carefully Reckless is 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.400 a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:55.199 For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I 0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:58.800 heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 0:19:58.840 --> 0:19:59.600 your favorite shows.