1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 3 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: episode which your girl just hilarious. Now listen. Last week 5 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: there was no episode, and I'm so sorry y'all be 6 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,440 Speaker 1: in my ass when I don't deliver carefully Reckless. And 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: I'm very sorry. But I was in the middle of moving. 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: I just closed on a huge, beautiful estate. Yes, I 9 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: moved from the condo and the high rise of building 10 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 1: and moved on up some more. Now I got my 11 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: own on a state that I own. I'm not paying 12 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: rent anymore. I own in the state. Now, I keep 13 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: on saying the state, because that's what it is. I 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 1: kept saying house. And then my realtor, who's black as well, 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: it was like, this is not a house, baby, this 16 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: is in a state. This is a mansion. You just 17 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,040 Speaker 1: closed on a mansion, So don't keep on reducing a 18 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: residence to a house. And I love the fact that 19 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: she bought that to my realization, you know, So let's 20 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: dive right in. I'm back to fixing y'all mess. Now. 21 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: I told y'all that y'all can submit y'all stories or 22 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: y'all experiences, or anything that you feel that you need 23 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: advice on in my d MS. Not the jest hilarious 24 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: underscore official d M, but the carefully reckless d MS. 25 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: Y'all can even submit them to reckless Discussions d m s, 26 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: but not just hilarious, because I get so many that 27 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: I don't even check them anymore. So we're gonna dive 28 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: right in. The names are anonymous. Here we go. My 29 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: baby daddy and I have been together since two thousand sixteen, 30 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: first baby in and second baby in twenty nineteen. So 31 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: when we got together, we both started the same place 32 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: in life, no job, no car, living in a dorm. 33 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: As time went on, I've always been the breadwinner. I 34 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: got my medical assistant certification. I've had three apartments in 35 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: three cars, and he has still been in the same 36 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 1: place as when we started, and from the outside looking in, 37 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: it's like I was taking care of him now. We 38 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: never agree that he would be a stay at home dad, 39 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: so of course it caused conflict between us over the years. 40 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: I begged for him to get a job. I've tried 41 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: gentle and tough love, but it gets stressful, pain for everything, 42 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: going to work, coming home and then got to cook, 43 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: clean and care for the girls and still fun. Oh. 44 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: So I say all this to ask you, do you 45 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,799 Speaker 1: believe if a man wanted to leave, protect and provide 46 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 1: for his family he would? Or is it something that's 47 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:33,079 Speaker 1: learned over time? Wow? Okay, so there are a few 48 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: things I want to break down from the story. Actually, 49 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: I don't even have to break anything down, baby, you 50 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 1: gave me everything from beginning two now. So okay, do 51 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 1: I believe if a man wanted to lead, to protect 52 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: and provide for his family he would? Yes, if he 53 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: wanted to. I think that you've made him very comfortable 54 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 1: over the years. Like you said, you tried tough love, 55 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: you tried soft love, you tried to embrace him, and 56 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: you tried to be assertive with him as well, and 57 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: none of that worked in every situation. This is not 58 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: something that just happens over time. This person probably never 59 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 1: had work ethic because you said, y'all started like that, 60 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: but you flourished, you evolved, you grew, you worked, you 61 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: had babies. You never stopped working. Your only exceeding. You've 62 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: always been the breadwinner. You have certifications. Maybe you went 63 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 1: to school for this ship, and he's still the same 64 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: place that he was when y'all first got together. Maybe 65 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: there was no drive from the beginning. You just didn't 66 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: see it because y'all both were starting out in the 67 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: same place. Now, while women are more mature than men, 68 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: yes we do. We we mature faster in most cases, 69 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: I do want to say a lot of men still 70 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: do flourish. They do grow into being ambitious. They do 71 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: pick up on motivation and things that inspire them. Some 72 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: of them do get up off. They ask and change 73 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 1: the way that they're living if they don't like the 74 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,119 Speaker 1: way they're living. But that's the thing. He doesn't seem 75 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: to have a problem with how he is because he 76 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: has you. He has to see that it's a problem 77 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: for him to want to change. Nobody's gonna change for 78 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: someone else if they don't even want to change for themselves. 79 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 1: I mean, you can put on the front, you can 80 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,280 Speaker 1: be phony, you can fake it, but that's temporary. He 81 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: has no ambition, he has no real work ethic. He 82 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: has nothing to work for because you give it all 83 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: to him. He's basically a stay at home dad. You cook, 84 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: you clean, you work, you come home, you're tired. And 85 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,559 Speaker 1: he still doesn't even have dinner on the fucking table 86 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: for you. You're doing this, you are superwoman of your household, 87 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: and he literally is giving me villain because he's not 88 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: helping you. He's leeching. And although he is the father 89 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 1: to your three girls, he's also not teaching them what 90 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 1: a man should do in a relationship, either you have 91 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,599 Speaker 1: three girls, whether you have three boys. He's not setting 92 00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 1: good examples for his children, for his girls. So who 93 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: the hell do they have to compare men to when 94 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: they grow up? Because me, growing up, I had the 95 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: best father in the world. I still have the best 96 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: father in the world, but my childhood spotless. My father 97 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 1: was a great damn dad. So that was my initial 98 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: example of a real man. Now I can't say that 99 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: I always picked good men, but I grew up with 100 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 1: the structure of knowing what a real man should do 101 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: and how he provides and how him and my mom 102 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,159 Speaker 1: was given take everything was helping each other. Not to 103 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: answer your second question, or is it something that's learned 104 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: over time? Now it can be learned. Men can be 105 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: taught just like women can be taught. People can be taught, 106 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: but they have to want to learn. They have to 107 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: be willing to be receptive of the lesson that's being taught, 108 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: everything going on around them. You've made it completely comfortable 109 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: for him, so he feels like he doesn't have to work. 110 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,479 Speaker 1: I was in a relationship like that as well. Thank 111 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: god I didn't have any children about this man. But 112 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: he was ambitious when I met him, and then he 113 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: just got comfortable because he knew I was blowing up 114 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: and he knew I could cover everything. And he still 115 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,840 Speaker 1: expects for you to do all these duties and still 116 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: have sex with him when he wants to. You have 117 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: to put your foot down and you gotta put that 118 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: motherfucker out. I'm so sorry. He is not your husband. 119 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 1: He is just your baby daddy, and he can still 120 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: be a parent to your kids outside of your house. 121 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: Understand that co parenting is very important and it is 122 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,360 Speaker 1: possible because me and my son's father do it, and 123 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: we've been doing it for seven years effectively with no 124 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 1: no problems, not even one problem. Seventy years because the 125 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: first three is was low, rough, low, rocky and rough. 126 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 1: But for seven years straight and going forward, Rome and 127 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: I have been able to co parent. I think that's 128 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: what you should do. I don't feel like you're happy, 129 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,160 Speaker 1: and if you're not happy, you should not be miserable 130 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: just to keep your family together. Because they don't even 131 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,479 Speaker 1: sound like he's gonna marry you. It doesn't even sound 132 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: like he can afford a ring to propose, So what 133 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: you're gonna buy it yourself and he's gonna reimburse you. No, 134 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: you got three girls to raise and you need to 135 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: teach them that's not how they want to end up. 136 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: And you need to teach them what a strong woman 137 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: is and that is you. Because baby, truthfully, you can 138 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: do battle by yourself. So I think you should communicate 139 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: that with him, and you should put yourself first for 140 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: the first time. Put yourself first. If you love me, 141 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, 142 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 1: moving on, Hey Jess, First off, I love and appreciate 143 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: what you do. You are a true gift to earth 144 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 1: from the Lord. Keep grinding and spreading your wisdom. Thank you, baby. 145 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 1: So here's the dilemma. I am twenty eight years old 146 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: with an eight month old baby. I am no longer 147 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 1: with my baby's father and haven't been for my entire pregnancy. Therefore, 148 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: he is completely out of the picture for me romantically, 149 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: I haven't dated or talked to any one since the 150 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: day I found out I was pregnant. I've been keeping 151 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: to myself and really trying to heal and grow so 152 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: that I do not make the same mistakes in my past. 153 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: I now know what I want from a man. My 154 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: main focus is obviously on my child and stabilizing our future. 155 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: I recently reconnected with my ex from high school. He 156 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: was my first love. Throughout the last ten years, we 157 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: have been on and off. The first time we broke 158 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: up was due to the distance in college, and every 159 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: other time after that was due to not being on 160 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: the same page and being in different places in our lives. 161 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: I found myself always going back to him because we 162 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: have extremely great chemistry. He's a genuinely good man, and 163 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 1: we never leave off on a bad note. Because I 164 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: have a child, If I were to get back involved 165 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,559 Speaker 1: with him, I would definitely want to start off as 166 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: friends first, so that I can solely focus on reason 167 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: my child as a single mom. Should I let the 168 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: past stay in the past, or should I see how 169 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 1: we can maintain as friends then potentially something more again. 170 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: So baby, First off, I'm not going to tell you 171 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,680 Speaker 1: that you should leave the past in the past, because 172 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 1: you know, there's a saying don't quote me on it, honey, 173 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 1: but you're gonna get what I'm saying. It says something 174 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,079 Speaker 1: like this, if you love something enough, you'll let it 175 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: go and if it comes back to you, that's how 176 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,679 Speaker 1: you know. Okay, So you said y'all never left off 177 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: on a bad note, and y'all always have good chemistry. 178 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: It's like great, Maybe y'all are meant to be friends. 179 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: Maybe y'all are meant to be together down the line. 180 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: But like you said, I'm so happy that your child 181 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: is your sole focused Like that is what you're supposed 182 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 1: to be focused on right now, a stable future for 183 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: you and your baby. But Mama gotta have funny. You 184 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: want a love life and you should be able to 185 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: have one now. I don't know if you're telling me everything, 186 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 1: because I feel that you should start off as friends 187 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 1: and see where you all can go with it. But 188 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what exactly would be holding 189 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: you back. I know that you mentioned that you two 190 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: seem to always be in two different places in your lives. 191 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 1: When you guys come act around or you know, reconcile 192 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: or start your dealings again. But what really keeps you 193 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 1: from committing to him? What really keeps him from committing 194 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: to you? Because no one's going to be perfect. It 195 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: seems that you two know each other and have known 196 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: each other for a while for years, that's your ex. 197 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: Now people grow, so maybe I'll have to get to 198 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,719 Speaker 1: know each other again because you don't win and have 199 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: a baby out of or if he has any kids 200 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: or whatever. But it seems like you love him, and 201 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 1: it seems like this is something that you want, but 202 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 1: you're hesitant. It's something that you're not telling me, or 203 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 1: it's something that you're hesitant about, and now you don't 204 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 1: have to share it if you don't want. But as 205 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: long as it doesn't do any harm to you or 206 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: your baby, I feel that you should proceed. You should. 207 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: Is he okay with you having a child a newborn? 208 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: Maybe he feels like you are always the one that 209 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: got away, So maybe there's tension and maybe there's an 210 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: awkwardness there because you have a baby, but it's not 211 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: by him. But you guys keep on crossing paths in life. 212 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 1: I honestly feel like if it's nothing that you're not 213 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 1: telling me, and I'm just overthinking it. I'm thinking also 214 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: another reason that you probably are won't commit to him 215 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: is that you're you're scared. You're probably scared, and that's 216 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,960 Speaker 1: okay because you don't want to make the same mistake, 217 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: which I don't fully blame you, although you have to 218 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: be careful who you procreate with. But sometimes people don't 219 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: give you the real of them until some ship like 220 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: this happens, until I have a baby, like that's an 221 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: issue for some guys, it'd be like that, But I 222 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 1: think take it slow, see what he wants, talk about 223 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 1: your differences, talk about why y'all really never really really 224 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: stuck with each other. Gets at the bottom of why 225 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: you guys never really became a couple. Get to the 226 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: bottom of that, and then you guys can go from there, 227 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: because whatever it is, it could be deeply rooted. But 228 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: I don't really think if you guys didn't want to 229 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: be with each other, you guys wouldn't keep crossing paths 230 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 1: and you wouldn't be writing me about this right now. 231 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: So just take your time and give him a chance. 232 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: And congratulations on your baby girl. Hold up, Hold up, 233 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 1: I know the ship getting good, but listen to just 234 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, 235 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 1: you'll listen. Okay, last one because y'all giving me some 236 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: long ones today and that's totally fine. I love it. Hey, Joss, 237 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 1: I've been listening to your podcast for over a month 238 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: now and I absolutely love it. I don't know what 239 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: the odds of you reading this are, but I need 240 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: some advice on this. So around April I met this 241 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: guy and we've been talking ever since. His only problem 242 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 1: is he is not a good Texter, so that's your 243 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: problem with him, Okay, However, his vibe is completely different 244 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,080 Speaker 1: in person. Now, we've been kind of avoiding the dreaded 245 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: I like you, you like me. Let's be a thing topic, 246 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: even though his friends and my friends say it's obvious 247 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 1: we like each other. During one of our conversations, too, 248 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: he said that because of what his ex did, he's 249 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 1: not interested in a relationship. But I'm just like, so, 250 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: why did you even start all this. We're on summer 251 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 1: break now and I traveled out the country for that occasion. 252 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,719 Speaker 1: He was still dry as funk over text, despite how 253 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: many I sent. Sometimes he wouldn't even answer, so when 254 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: I finally asked him if I was bothering him. He 255 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 1: said no, he just doesn't talk to people like that. 256 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: So I stopped putting an effort if he wasn't going 257 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: to reciprocate it. But I know we're going to have 258 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: to face each other come the fall and the semester 259 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: starts back up because we have the same group of friends. 260 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or 261 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 1: say it was fun while it lasted. But I don't 262 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 1: know if this is going to work out. Because we 263 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 1: do feel for each other. I can see that too, 264 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: but it's frustrating. Okay, I don't know how old you are. 265 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: I don't know how old this gentleman is. But apparently 266 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,839 Speaker 1: he's damaged, so he has baggage. And then he hasn't 267 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,199 Speaker 1: let go yet, and he doesn't seem like he's interested 268 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 1: in letting it go because he won't even allow himself 269 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: to like you or to start to want to love 270 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: you or love again period. And sometimes that's a real thing. 271 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: We don't know what she did to him. We don't 272 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: know the severity of the pain that was caused, the 273 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: severity of his heartbreak. We don't know just what they 274 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 1: went through. Now I'm not saying you don't know, but 275 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: you didn't tell me, and that's that's totally fine as well. 276 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: While I'm never a big fan or in a quick fast, 277 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 1: in a hurry to tell someone to give up, because 278 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: you can clearly see what I was going through on 279 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: v H one every Monday night at nine pm with 280 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: Daniel on Couples Retreat. You can clearly look at that 281 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: and see that that wasn't easy for me, actually having 282 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: to expose a vulnerable part of myself. Nobody really sees 283 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: Jessica more like that. You know, all y'all see is 284 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 1: just hilarious. But I do have a heart. I'm very feminine, 285 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: I'm very soft, and I do love and I love 286 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: to love, and more than that, I love being loved. 287 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: So that was kind of hard. He kind of sounds 288 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 1: like Daniel was at first in our earliest stages of dating. 289 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: So I never want to tell you give up, because 290 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: I didn't give up on Daniel. However, I did break 291 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,239 Speaker 1: up with them, and then you know, we had reconciled 292 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: and just helping him work through something, and he helped 293 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: me work through some things, and I realized it's a 294 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: real thing. There are men out here. That's scarred from 295 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: previous relationships, or from childhood, or from places that they 296 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: don't even know. A lot of that ship, honestly, could 297 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: be hereditary. A lot of men let ship get in 298 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: their way because they're scared to open up. They're scared 299 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: to express. I feel like he's scared to express to 300 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: you how he feels about you. Now, if he's as 301 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: cold as you say he is, how do you even 302 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: know that he feels for you? Because you said at 303 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: the end and throughout, because we do feel for each other, 304 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: and I can see that too. You know, how does 305 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: he show it? You said he's a vibe in person, 306 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: it's different when he's around you. And if you guys 307 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: have the same friends, kind of ask them or does 308 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: he act like this when he's around da da Have 309 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: y'all ever seen him with in another relationship? Or how 310 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: was he? But you know, if y'all have friends, go 311 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: to your friends and see, you know, like, what is 312 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 1: it me? Or does he always act like this? Or 313 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 1: And if they can't tell you anything, you know, you 314 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 1: conduct your own research. Sat down with his ass and 315 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 1: you can just sell them. Listen, I know that you're 316 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: a vibe in person, and while I don't want to 317 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: give up on you. I don't deserve this. I don't 318 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: deserve this treatment because I didn't do anything for this. 319 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: Your question is totally right. Why would you start something 320 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: with me and you turn around and say, well, I 321 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: don't want a relationship now? If he told you that 322 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: from the jump, then this would be your fault because 323 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 1: he was completely honest. Right. But I know us as 324 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: women can really think in our minds that we can 325 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: change someone, not knowing that we can't change someone. We 326 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: can help people evolve, but we can't change people. People 327 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: don't change people. People change themselves with urges and with 328 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: a push, and sometimes they're just ready. They get so 329 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: fed up with how they are they get so ready 330 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: to want to come up out of it. So they 331 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: change themselves for themselves. So I really want you to 332 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 1: pay attention to that him not being able to reciprocate 333 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: every emotion that you're feeling. Also, you have to take 334 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: into consideration not everybody moves at the same pace. So 335 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,360 Speaker 1: how long ago was he in this relationship? Like? Are 336 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,400 Speaker 1: you a rebound? I'm not trying to disrespect you. I 337 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: really just want to be carefully reckless with you because 338 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: this is the reality of the ship. You could have 339 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: been a rebound. He could have been using you to 340 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 1: get over someone. Or maybe not, Maybe this is just 341 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 1: how he is. How much are you willing to put 342 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: up with? How much? Because you may miss him, You 343 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,680 Speaker 1: may be like, on, I'm fed up, and then at night, 344 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,119 Speaker 1: you know, because you're only used to texting him and 345 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: being around him or whatever, because you want something with him, 346 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: you may change your mind and be like, Okay, no, 347 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. So it's a lot 348 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 1: of back and forth. But how much are you willing 349 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: to take? Just sit down with him, I have a conversation. 350 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 1: He still gives you the same thing. Baby, get up, 351 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: get out. That's it, And that's what I want you, 352 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: ladies to understand. You are enough. You are enough and 353 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: you always will be. So don't let these things set 354 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: you back in your love life and in your personal life, 355 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,680 Speaker 1: because love can actually pull and tug on your strings. 356 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: It can actually send you into depression. It can like, seriously, love, 357 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: it's great when it's great, but love hurts as well, 358 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: you know. So you gotta just be careful what you 359 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: let in and uh what you're receptive of and how 360 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: you interpret love for you and just like that, we're 361 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: gonna end this episode on this note. That was three 362 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,160 Speaker 1: great stories. Y'all. Tune in next week to Carefully Reckless 363 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: Every Wednesday. I love you guys so much. Also tuned 364 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: into Reckless Discussions, brand new episode dropping at seven pm tonight, 365 00:18:34,720 --> 00:19:49,680 Speaker 1: and then my deepest Pam Voice peace. Carefully Reckless is 366 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. 367 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,199 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I 368 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 369 00:19:58,840 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.