WEBVTT - Jada and Will: Their First One-on-One Conversation" 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.080 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:18.160 on Apple podcasts. Do you feel like you are appreciated 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:28.760 as a father? That was a very difficult time for 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:34.279 our family. Divorce was the ultimate failure for me. I 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.839 did not have a good time. I'm gonna have to 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:47.199 walk this one off. You're really a great father, so 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:50.680 you may learn how to act. Did you cut your hair? 0:00:51.159 --> 0:01:06.920 How do you do it? Beautiful makeup? Oh? Man? Happy? Yes? 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:18.360 What time? Did your phone say? He's a minute late, Alice, 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.360 So I'll put it in my pocket. In there, Mike check. 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.959 Can you hear me? Why you got your clipboard? Yeah? 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:27.640 How about that. This will be the last time I'll 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:29.440 be here, but to's sitting in front of you with 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:35.240 a clipboard. I'm trying to give you room for your 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:39.480 damn clipboard. You look very handsome. I thank you. You 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.000 look quite delectable yourself. Yeah, I like this color in you. 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.440 The first guest on the Red Couch. The Red Couch. 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.880 Let me just say this, thank you for coming and 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:55.200 talking about fatherhood. I haven't been a child that didn't 0:01:55.240 --> 0:02:00.040 grow up with a father. I understood and felt the 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.120 absence of not having a father, But I've learned a 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:07.840 lot about fatherhood through you watching you father. When do 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:14.320 you think your fatherhood instincts? From the time I was 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.959 six years old, I wanted to be a father. I 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:26.320 loved how my family was, but there were massive, critical 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:32.119 deficiencies in my father's parenting that I wanted to correct. 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:36.240 By the time I was ten years old, I remember 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:39.000 looking at my father thinking I could do it better 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:41.080 than him, And what made you think you could do 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:43.359 it better? My father had a little bit of a temper, 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.600 and I was a gentle kid, Like I was not 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:54.639 a kid that you had to slap or front your beat. So, 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:59.839 you know, growing up in a household where physical aggression 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:04.320 was approved of. That really chafed my hide, That hurt 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:09.799 my spirit. What would you say was your father's superpower 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:12.600 as a dad? He had a couple of things that 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:18.280 were like spectacular. The strongest thing is he was a teacher. 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:24.280 Every single moment was a teaching moment. He believed that 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.560 school wasn't the only place you got in education, and 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:31.440 school was actually in his way, and his thing was, 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:36.800 you can't father from a distance. He wanted his kids 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:39.640 beside him while he was doing the thing that he 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.000 was best in the world at, so he could be 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.800 seen in his best light and he could teach from 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:51.360 moment to moment. Got it Before Daddio passed, you did 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:57.520 some interviews with him and a film crew over a 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.920 few months before he died, and I don't know if 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.720 you've seen I'll probably have it. I'm like, oh no, 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.720 you will get me back for the time I was 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:10.800 playing for the I used to buy used ice machines, 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:15.840 fix them up like new, and manufacture ice. I got 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:19.920 a refrigerated truck, and along the way, I actually bought 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:25.400 a building. It was really in serious disrepair. At one point, 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:28.680 the whole roof cave den and was just laying in 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.440 the middle of the floor. It looked like a bomb 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:35.440 had actually hit it. The kids were up around fifteen 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.400 and thirteen, and I said, you know, we had to 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:42.320 rebuild this place. And the kids thought, there's no way 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:45.800 that we're going to get this done. And I said, yes, 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.880 if we just lay one perfect brick at a time, 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:53.440 we'll have a good foundation and it'll last and we 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:56.479 started working on that thing in the spring, and it 0:04:56.600 --> 0:05:00.400 was Christmas Eve, and of course we were and out 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.920 of money. It started to snow and we're just cutting 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:05.920 little pieces of wood just to try to get the 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:14.880 roof closed up. And we got that last board on 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:21.719 the roof and the kids were so happy, and I said, see, 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:26.120 we can accomplish anything we worked hard enough to accomplish 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:33.960 if we just put our mind to it. And I 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.720 think that's probably one of the best lessons that I've 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:42.520 ever taught. And it's true. If you build a good, 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:47.760 solid foundation, then it's going to be long lasting and 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:51.480 you're gonna have a much better building. And the building 0:05:51.640 --> 0:06:03.840 is you huh yeah, wow, you got me dank. Yeah, 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.880 that wall man. Of the lessons that he taught, I 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.880 think that one's the one that I come back to 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:17.840 most in my life. The whole wall was down and 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:21.800 he said, y'all gonna rebuild it. It was impossible, it 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:27.920 was utterly impossible, and he was overseeing. He specifically didn't 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.640 want to touch one brick because he knew when we 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:32.400 got to the end of it, he needed it to 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:36.440 be our wall. And you saw how emotional it was 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:39.480 with him. That's how he wanted to teach. He didn't 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.120 want to talk about it, and he specifically wanted you 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:45.320 to be at work on things that served the family. 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:48.960 How did that influence you as a man. The big 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:53.400 thing is I lost my fear of things that are impossible. 0:06:54.240 --> 0:07:06.479 And that's for damn sure sure. It's like, how did 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:10.440 that transfer to your fathering of trade Jaden and Willow. 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:18.080 The major part was in not beating on them for school, right. 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:24.640 I learned that everywhere at school that anything you do, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.640 you have to do it well. Getting good grades isn't 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:30.520 above cleaning the kitchen, and you have to discipline your 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:35.680 mind and excel whatever you do, and all of the 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:40.440 lessons that you need to teach are everywhere. That was 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:44.200 the big one. And the idea of having to contribute. 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:50.400 You have tough to contribute. Getting things for yourself is cool, 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.920 but it will never make you as happy and as 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:59.520 confident as when you build a wall for your family 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:03.360 to eat. That's important because our family has been under 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.960 the public microscope for a long time. I think people 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:11.600 didn't understand why we both valued that idea that the 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.080 kids going to work. People thought we were forcing our 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:18.120 kids to and then It was part of education of 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:22.200 life for them in so many ways. Absolutely, you know, 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:27.240 for Daddy O, he was an old school, hard military minded, 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:31.840 get it done, get it done any means necessary. There 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.560 was no quit in them. Yeah. And he was a 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:41.480 firm disciplinarian. He was in the Air Force, so he 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:48.240 demanded order. The combination of order and teaching made him 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:54.480 a very powerful role model and a psychological force. What 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:59.880 he wanted to do is discipline natural reactions into your 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:03.160 mind so when it got hot, you didn't have to 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.959 think it's military. It's military. One time he sent me 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:10.240 to the story to get some cigarettes for him. When 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.120 we were growing up, you could go get your friends. 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.240 You can't stare through that no more. I went up 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.960 to the corner Mr Bryant, and Mr Bryant said, my 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:20.840 father he smoked terraton hundreds and they didn't have them. 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.400 And Mr Brant said, you know, tell your father, I'll 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.840 hold the carton for them. They come in tomorrow. Oh cool. 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.760 They didn't have them. So I started walking home and 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:33.480 my friends were playing, so I just got distracted and 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.080 I'll never forget the image. And I turned and I 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:38.440 see my father with no shirt on, walking up the 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:44.400 middle of the street and I was like right, and 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:46.640 I was like Mr Bryant said, they didn't have them 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.880 in there. He'll hold the carton for you. And he said, 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.760 when I send you to do something, there's two possibilities. 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:59.839 One you complete the mission or two your dad. And 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.960 I was like shoot. He said, when you don't come home, 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:05.920 I need to know to grab my gun and come shooting. 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.439 Because there was nothing that would keep you from finishing 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:19.679 the mission. You are very disciplined man today, would you 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:24.560 say that that was an imperative part of your what 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:30.800 I now consider man training. It's like everything in his 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:36.120 life was man training. He didn't separate anything. Eating dinner 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.559 is the same as war. I know that you were 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:45.800 able to really value your father's imperfections once he had 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:51.600 passed on. Well, there's such beautiful qualities that he instilled. 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.719 That or a big part of what made me me. 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:58.280 And as the end to every yang, I watched him 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:03.120 beat up my mother out, so the biggest emotional scar 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.800 that I have in this lifetime he delivered that. Also, 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:09.880 he showed me a lot of things that I wanted 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.079 to do, but he also showed me the things I 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:17.520 would absolutely positively never do. To my children. He was 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:23.439 so smart. Yeah, and then when he would get angry, 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:26.480 he would turn into the dumbest person I've ever met. 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:30.560 As a kid, I couldn't understand it, but all of 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:36.400 his wisdom disappeared as he got older. He had cancer, 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:40.800 among amongst other things. He smoked from the time he 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:43.640 was eleven years old, and he drank from the time 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:48.320 he was twelve, every day every day. As he got 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:52.800 feeble and frail, I could just see the little boy 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:58.440 in there. Ye. Will married Shari's Zampino after meeting on 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:02.559 the set of the hit sitcom A Different World. Later 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:06.840 that year, they welcomed a beautiful baby boy, Willard the Third, 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:09.360 and decided to call him Tray. I'm teaching my son 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:16.440 how to be being around rosy, happy birdie Tray. But 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:22.000 not long after Trade's second birthday, they divorced. So Will 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:30.520 Smith becomes a father at it's so gay. What was 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:35.480 that like, Trey being your firstborn, firstborn? Yeah, bringing him 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:39.280 home from the hospital, I think that was my first 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:47.240 moment of the real weight of parenting. And I brought 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:48.800 him home and I remember we put him in the 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.840 basster net and Sari went to sleep, and it was 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:58.040 like start terror. And it was like I'm totally responsible 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.800 for this life. And I just couldn't stop going and checking. 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:06.000 I was like, oh no everything, I gotta make sure 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:07.960 he's breathing and all of that, you know, all that 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:13.200 new parenting stuff. But I just cried so hard, like 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:17.040 it makes me teary right now. It's like from what 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:24.120 was the I can't do it? Yeah, like I'm not 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:28.080 the guy. I'm not the guy, you know. And it 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:35.280 was like, oh man, um, I just knew I didn't 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:52.840 know nothing. Oh man, because I need to get myself together. Um, 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.679 I'm gonna have to walk this one off. Hold on, 0:13:55.720 --> 0:14:00.360 I'm gonna try. Um. It's like in that O man, 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:07.240 it was like how much better than me my father was. Wow. 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:18.320 It was like it's on me now, I need a 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:25.960 tissuee oh did you see that's perfect? See. I thought 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:29.480 the red couch wouldn't get me like this. The red 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:34.120 table always get you like this. But the red couch 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:38.480 was safe. But like my parents was in Philly, you know, 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:40.800 so it was on their way and I'm in here 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:50.600 with my baby. Yeah, And it was like, you know, 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:53.120 my father did this, my father did that. When I'm 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:57.200 a parent, Yeah, and then I'm like, and I'm shaking 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.880 him to make sure you're breathing. It hit me how 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:06.080 fragile parenting is. Yes, And just in that moment, I 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:12.600 could see all of the spectacular lessons what my father 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:16.960 had instilled in me. And I was like, there's no way, right, 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:22.720 I'm not that good. Wow, But you know my mind works. 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.760 You know my mind works. I got a good, nice 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:33.080 sleep game on game on right, right, which was part 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:37.920 of what your father. Instead, I want to talk about 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:41.240 one interesting concept that you've brought up quite a bit 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:45.560 in regards to trade and divorce, and the idea being 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:52.360 that just because a man might not be the best husband, 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:58.800 he's not a good father. With Shari and with Trade, 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:06.720 that was a really facal time. I love you. Divorce 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:10.120 was the worst thing that like in my adult life. 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:14.000 Divorce was the ultimate failure for me. I've been hurt 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:17.200 a lot in my adult life, but I don't think 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:23.200 anything touches the failure of getting divorced from my two 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:28.120 year old son's mother. Yeah. Um, Shari and I ran 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:30.800 into that. You know, if a man is not a 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:37.000 great husband, then he loses his parental rights. And I'm 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:40.120 a way better father than I am a husband. In 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:46.600 that process, you start fighting for your rights and the 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.640 kid is in the middle. Shari and I had that 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:52.440 for a couple of years, and I called daddy O. 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:58.120 And because of my experience of seeing Daddy O punch 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:04.280 my mother, I knew that my kids would never see 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:10.359 me do anything violent towards their mothers. But in the 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:13.040 first couple of years of trades life, because Sheari and 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:19.159 I were divorced, I think my desire to never have 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:22.040 my son see me in that way made me more 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:26.240 absent as a father. He wanted to create distance and 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:30.119 you want to We're not gonna be cursing, We're not 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.240 gonna be We're not gonna be fighting and are called 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:38.400 daddy O and DADDYO told me you'll never win if 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:41.000 you fight a kid's mother. And I was like, what 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:43.080 I'm supposed to do? She don't get to just do that. 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:48.879 He was like, surrender, m He said, when he's thirteen, 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:54.960 he's going to come look for you, right, And then 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.080 I just kind of backed up a little bit and 0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:01.560 it was like, you know, if if Trey wants to 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.359 come over, he can come over, but I'm not going 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:09.720 to force you two do anything especially if your mother 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.680 wants something different. And that was a really difficult time. 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:16.439 And then, just like Daddio said, as soon as trade 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.480 was ready, was ready, he came looking for his father, 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.440 my literal father and best friend, doing big things. Father 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.080 and best father and best friend. We had our core. 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:29.800 A lot of parents don't get to hear that. I 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:32.399 appreciate that. Thank you. So one of the things with 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:37.760 you and I that worked well is you didn't demand 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:39.600 that I do it the way you want to do it, 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.000 and I didn't demand that you do it the way 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.000 I wanted you to do it. Now, sometimes we had 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:53.439 to just leave, you know. But Sharie and I really 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:59.119 struggled with each other, needing the other person to do 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:03.680 it their way. She needed me to father the way 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:09.960 she wanted tray father. And I'm not that guy. I'm 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:16.840 not the parent teacher meeting drawing baseballs with the kids. 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:21.760 And I beat myself up for that for a while, 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:26.840 wanting to be that dad. I am the we're gonna 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:32.399 build something together for work dad, like your father was 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.959 like my father was to me. Right, I'm always looking 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:39.959 for things that we both enjoy doing. When did you 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:44.520 come upon that discovery? I think Trays Football solidified it 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:51.320 for me, young Smith. We were shooting Karate Kid in 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:57.600 Beijing and it was during Trays football season, so it 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:01.440 was you know, that was a very every difficult time 0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:09.880 for our family, and Jaden and I commuted from Beijing 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:16.280 every single Friday. We would fly and land Friday afternoon 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:20.040 in l A go to trades football game. We would 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:23.399 stay home for Saturday, and then fly back and be 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:29.080 at work on Monday morning in Beijing. I remember, for 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:34.160 ten weeks, I would say, that's the high point of 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:38.760 my parenting. There's very few things in my life I 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:42.239 enjoyed as much as watching that by played football, and 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.400 he loved you watch and he loved me watching him 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:50.280 do it. He could feel my authentic joy to be there, 0:20:50.880 --> 0:20:54.159 not because I'm his father and I have to write. 0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:59.000 Going from the Karate Kid and flying home every weekend 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.399 to watch Trey play, I was like, I'm fathering the 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.120 hell out these kids the Karate Kid experienced. I look 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:09.800 back today because I used to be very angry about 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:13.280 that experience. You didn't have a good time. I did 0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:16.000 not have a good time. One of the things that 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.880 I recognize out of that now when I look at 0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:22.119 Jaden's work ethic and I look at I call it 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:29.440 his sage like drive. He knows how to hunt, okay, 0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:33.200 and that's because of you. And I do believe that 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:39.080 Karate Kid and his experience there was very pivotal in 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:42.040 regards to the young man that he is today and 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:44.320 how he knows how to build things and how he 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:51.680 knows how to get it done. He knows how to suffer. 0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:57.000 If there is a central lesson that came from daddy, oh, 0:21:57.600 --> 0:22:02.520 that was you can't build anything if you're not willing 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:07.439 and even sometimes seeking suffering. And I think that is 0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:13.760 one of the differences between, Yes, a mother wants to 0:22:13.760 --> 0:22:19.400 protect your absolutely okay, and a father teaching you how 0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:25.879 to find your strength, your strength in suffering through applied suffering. Baby. 0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:27.960 People used to say to us all the time, Oh, 0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:31.480 my goodness, how do you feel about putting your kids 0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:40.879 in Hollywood? Liked I grew up in Philly and she 0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:45.000 grew up in Baltimore. If these kids can't take Hollywood, 0:22:45.160 --> 0:22:48.720 Hollywood a couple of people writing some bad stuff and 0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:52.640 saying some crap about them, Yeah, we got some issues. Yeah. 0:22:52.800 --> 0:22:57.359 Part of my parenting belief system is I want them 0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:01.120 at the edge of the maxim him amount of suffering 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:04.680 that they can manage. That's where the lessons are. That's 0:23:04.680 --> 0:23:06.920 where you find your strength, That's where you learn things 0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:12.040 about yourself. Do you remember the moment with Jaden with 0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:17.680 the splits, right? That moment was when I knew that 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:22.679 the bulk of my father ring was done. Jaden was 0:23:22.760 --> 0:23:28.280 doing splits and Jackie Chan is hardcourt and the master 0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:31.520 who the master. So Jaden was trying to learn how 0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:35.320 to do the splits for for karate kid, and so 0:23:35.359 --> 0:23:38.720 he's in the splits and he can't quite get down 0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:42.040 into the splits, so he's trying to get it. He's 0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:44.040 trying to get it, and tears are in his eyes, 0:23:44.760 --> 0:23:47.760 and Master Wu walks up behind him and steps on 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:58.840 his back and pushes him down into the splits and 0:23:58.840 --> 0:24:01.879 he's holding them and Jaden is crying. He's crying, he's crying, 0:24:02.560 --> 0:24:05.760 and he gets up out. He lets him up out 0:24:05.760 --> 0:24:10.080 of the splits and he comes over and I said 0:24:10.080 --> 0:24:14.479 to him, I said, I went over there. He was 0:24:14.520 --> 0:24:17.480 in tears, he was in tears, and he said, are 0:24:17.560 --> 0:24:20.280 you done? Are you done? Because we're going to stop 0:24:20.720 --> 0:24:25.280 stop right? He said no, And he's like no, Mommy, 0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:27.600 I'm not doing again. And he turned and looked at 0:24:27.600 --> 0:24:30.040 Master Will and he said one more time. Yep. I 0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:36.359 was like, yeah, one more time. I was like, yes, 0:24:36.640 --> 0:24:41.280 that was a turning point. Daddio would have made me 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:45.000 do it one more time, he decided. Jaden decided on 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:48.080 his own with the option of not doing it again 0:24:48.320 --> 0:24:52.040 because I made it very clear. I made it very 0:24:52.119 --> 0:24:55.760 clear we're done. Yes. I was like, he has learned 0:24:55.800 --> 0:24:58.920 the lesson that I learned with the wall. Yeah. That 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:04.520 whole experience was very pivotal for Jaden. So yeah, my 0:25:04.640 --> 0:25:13.560 superpower um as a father is teaching in the moment, 0:25:13.720 --> 0:25:16.520 in the moment, right, Yes, it's teaching. I would say, 0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:21.520 teaching and preaching. Eddie, what I'm going to tell your joke? 0:25:22.359 --> 0:25:27.080 Why didn't the Howard go to the movies because it 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:35.280 was reading a baby? Say that's not funny, Jaden, I 0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:42.000 look a little disappointed. Okay, what did the cups say 0:25:42.119 --> 0:25:46.720 to the coffee, Oh, you're hot? Say that was worse 0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:50.240 than the first one. The first one. You don't give 0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:52.840 my comedy love. Don't put all that on it. She 0:25:52.880 --> 0:25:55.520 hurt your feelings a little bit. Will you tell a 0:25:55.640 --> 0:26:11.280 joke there? Why the party goes to movie. Because I'm 0:26:10.280 --> 0:26:15.160 I'm I'm a teacher, and I'm a preacher. There's nothing 0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:20.280 like on the job parenting Jaden and Willow. They were 0:26:20.320 --> 0:26:23.680 home school for a couple of different reasons. One of 0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:27.679 the critical ones is because I had learned from the 0:26:27.760 --> 0:26:31.159 situation with Trade you can't father from a distance. I 0:26:31.240 --> 0:26:35.879 felt my hands tied in parenting Trade for that, you know, 0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:40.880 the first eight or nine years of his life, and 0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:46.840 my kids being with me is of a higher value 0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:52.080 than sitting in a classroom, spending time with me on 0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:53.880 set or wherever I had to be. But I would 0:26:53.920 --> 0:26:57.800 be gone for four months at a time, and I 0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:00.679 just feel like, just for me, the nature of my 0:27:00.960 --> 0:27:07.919 job has me physically and mentally distracted. So I have 0:27:08.040 --> 0:27:10.560 to make up for that with presents. You have to 0:27:10.640 --> 0:27:15.400 be with me. We've talked a lot about the boys. 0:27:16.040 --> 0:27:20.440 I want to talk a little bit about Willow because believe, 0:27:21.920 --> 0:27:29.240 I really do believe that Willow she could just penetrate. Yeah, 0:27:29.440 --> 0:27:32.520 she made you have to fall back on your militant. 0:27:33.040 --> 0:27:36.760 Trey kind of got the most old school daddy O 0:27:36.960 --> 0:27:41.840 version of me, and then Jaden. I got midway through 0:27:41.920 --> 0:27:46.320 that and I started to see that I was hurting him. 0:27:46.359 --> 0:27:49.359 He's not that dude. Trey actually gets riled up when 0:27:49.400 --> 0:27:52.119 you lean on him a little bit. And then I 0:27:52.160 --> 0:27:56.000 tried to put that same lean on Willow and she 0:27:56.600 --> 0:28:02.879 rejected it thoroughly, rejection, full rejection of the military mindset. 0:28:03.720 --> 0:28:09.159 I was raised military. I succeeded in the material world 0:28:09.640 --> 0:28:14.600 following these precepts, discipline, hard work, You write the plan 0:28:15.480 --> 0:28:20.960 and you die versus not sticking to the plan. It's 0:28:20.960 --> 0:28:30.040 really simple, yes, And it was the Willow with With 0:28:30.320 --> 0:28:35.560 My Hair, my new video with My Willow was just 0:28:35.680 --> 0:28:38.560 nine when she dropped her debut single, Whipped My Hair, 0:28:41.520 --> 0:28:46.160 which quickly went double platinum. She signed with Jay Z's 0:28:46.160 --> 0:28:50.160 record label and announced a multi city tour with Justin Bieber. 0:28:51.440 --> 0:28:56.720 But after a few shows, Willow had different plans whom 0:28:56.760 --> 0:29:00.200 she had committed to, these thirty days on With My Hair. 0:29:00.400 --> 0:29:03.040 We were in Dublin, Ireland, and she did her fourth 0:29:03.160 --> 0:29:05.400 or fifth show and came off stage and was like, 0:29:05.440 --> 0:29:08.680 I'm ready to go, daddy, And she was ready to 0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:11.040 go home, you know. I was like, well, no, you 0:29:11.640 --> 0:29:14.360 can't go home, baby. You committed to thirty days, you 0:29:14.400 --> 0:29:17.160 can't go home. She kept asking She was like, Daddy, 0:29:17.360 --> 0:29:21.960 it doesn't matter how I feel. And I was like, yes, baby, 0:29:21.960 --> 0:29:25.360 it does matter how you feel, but you have to 0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:29.320 finish what you started. And she was like, but I'm 0:29:29.360 --> 0:29:37.360 I'm finished. It was so devastating to me when she 0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:43.800 shaved her head ball really well, because her record is 0:29:43.840 --> 0:29:47.840 Whipped my Hair. I'm like, that's a protest against me. 0:29:48.280 --> 0:29:51.960 Whether or not it was, it was a brilliant thing 0:29:52.040 --> 0:29:55.880 to do to come off of Whip my Hair being 0:29:56.400 --> 0:30:00.840 because it was like a top ten record, Michael Jackson 0:30:00.840 --> 0:30:03.040 had done it younger than her and blah blah blah, 0:30:03.040 --> 0:30:05.800 all of that kind of stuff. And then she just 0:30:05.920 --> 0:30:11.520 shaved her head ball right. So I took that as 0:30:11.920 --> 0:30:17.080 a sign from the gods. I was like, this little 0:30:17.120 --> 0:30:22.480 girl is rejecting what I'm trying to do for her. 0:30:23.120 --> 0:30:31.080 She doesn't want it right. It's hard. She told me. 0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:36.160 She a whole bunch of big dogs. Jay z No, 0:30:36.600 --> 0:30:40.080 She's like it was. It was like she had made music, 0:30:41.400 --> 0:30:45.560 she she did it, she had enjoyed it, and she 0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:51.360 was finished. She retired. She retired, and nobody was going 0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:53.840 to change it. Was going to change that, and she 0:30:54.040 --> 0:30:56.560