1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Kristin Davis, and I want to know are 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:13,399 Speaker 1: you a Charlotte. So, you, guys, this is exciting. I 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: have my very first expert on. She is doctor Hillary Goldscher. 4 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 1: She's a clinical psychologist based in Beverly Hills. She has 5 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: over ten years of experience of being a therapist and 6 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,479 Speaker 1: she is incredibly smart. So we're going to talk to 7 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: her about some general issues and topics of Sex and 8 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: the City, but also we're going to talk to her 9 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 1: about they have Married Pigs and the sex tape storyline. Okay, hi, 10 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,160 Speaker 1: doctor Goldscher, thank you for joining us. 11 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 2: It's so nice to be here. 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: So wow, wow, I'm so excited. You're my first expert. 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 2: I'm happy to train you on. 14 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: Ya ya, I love it, love it. But part of 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: the reason that I'm excited to have you on is 16 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: that one of the things that I want to talk 17 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: about in general with the show and rewatching, especially the 18 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: beginning of Sex and the City. I don't know if 19 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: you have rewatched, or if you've seen the beginning long 20 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: time ago. In the beginning or more recently. 21 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 2: I saw it as a fan a long time ago. Now, 22 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 2: in preparation for this podcast, I watched I think episode one, 23 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 2: no no, season one, episode two and three. 24 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: Oh great, Okay, so you missed the pilot, which is 25 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 1: fine because my big questions do have to do with 26 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: two and three. But I mean, really, what I want 27 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,960 Speaker 1: is I'm so kind of I had not rewatched it 28 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 1: until this podcast because for me, I didn't want to 29 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 1: live in the past. You know, I felt like that's 30 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: the past, and in my mind I had made it 31 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: somehow less good or whatever than like what we did 32 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: as we went along. I don't know exactly why, but 33 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: you know, we got this kind of wonderful opportunity to 34 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: develop as we went you know, HBO really let us 35 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,040 Speaker 1: develop and change and shift. So like to me, in 36 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: the beginning, we really didn't know what we were doing. 37 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: We filmed the whole first season without it being on 38 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: the air. We didn't know the response. We were so 39 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: nervous about how people were going to respond. And in 40 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: some ways that makes sense because a there weren't really 41 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: for women talking about relationships and sex so openly, right, 42 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,920 Speaker 1: So there was a lot of kind of shock and 43 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: oh my god. But then also when I watched the 44 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 1: first episode when we got picked up, which is models 45 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: and mortals, there's this crazy sex tape storyline and I 46 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: didn't remember it at all, Okay, Like I I was 47 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,239 Speaker 1: just like, what is happening? 48 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 2: Like no apology for filming with no consent. 49 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: Right, no apology whatsoever. And so I want to talk 50 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: to you about like those types of issues and how 51 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: we've changed since then culturally, like the cultural kind of 52 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: norms and conversations around things I feel like have changed. 53 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: And I think that's a really good exams And I'm 54 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: shocked that we I mean, I have thoughts and I 55 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: want to know your thoughts on like the fact that 56 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: Carrie had to sit there with them and watch it 57 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: and say, like I need a cigarette, Like what's that about? 58 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: You know? 59 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 2: What is that? 60 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: What do you think? 61 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean it's so interesting because it so 62 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 2: deliberately casts everyone in the perceived cultural roles that we're 63 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 2: supposed to embody, right, Harry is sort of cast as 64 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 2: the like bothered witness, right right, that isn't supposed to 65 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,399 Speaker 2: have any other reaction, but like I'm a little hot 66 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 2: and bothered and maybe a little uncomfortable, And isn't that 67 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 2: sort of cute and sweet? Right right? And the idea 68 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 2: of impact from the male's perspective, Like, how does anyone 69 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: feel in this scenario isn't really adopted or explored. Having 70 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 2: said that, I mean just to hold both sides. We 71 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 2: can talk about our opinions, our thoughts in a moment, 72 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 2: but holding both sides, there is sort of an interesting 73 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 2: unapology jetic freedom around sex, right, no shock value around 74 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 2: these sort of fantasies and ideas and thoughts. And there's 75 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 2: something interesting about that. I mean, we've pivoted to a 76 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: completely other place currently for the most part, and perhaps 77 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 2: something is lost. I don't think we would want to 78 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 2: retain the lack of like consent and boundaries and like 79 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 2: open conversation about what's comfortable to people. But perhaps there's 80 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 2: like a spontaneity and an even enjoyable impulsivity that is 81 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 2: lost in translation. 82 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: That's true, That's a good point. I mean, I do 83 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: think that in the beginning of the show, and from 84 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: the column that Candace Pushnell had written, the non judgmental 85 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: part was huge, right that, like they're kind of just 86 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 1: reporting Candace and her alter ego that she created for 87 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: the column, are just reporting what they've heard, you know 88 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, They're not part of they're not saying, yes, 89 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: this is fine, They're just like, this is what happened, 90 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: this is what this dude is doing, you know, and 91 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: that's what he's doing, you know, which is interesting from 92 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 1: so many perspectives, and I feel like, yes, at the time, 93 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: it was a huge kind of taking the lid off right, 94 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: like freedom to discuss how does everyone feel about it? 95 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,559 Speaker 1: What would you do? What do you think? 96 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 2: You know? 97 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: Which was great and that's partly why I wanted to 98 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: do this podcast is that so many of those themes 99 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,799 Speaker 1: and kind of issues we talked about are so interesting 100 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: to look at now, like are they still relevant? Are 101 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: they not relevant? And I mean, obviously, were we to 102 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: come across this guy now, it would be a whole 103 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: different reaction, and rightly so. But on the other hand, 104 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: I think at the time, because it wasn't really discussed, 105 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: there was a freedom we were trying to say, like 106 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: we're going to put it out there, We're not going 107 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 1: to necessarily judge it. The different characters might have different 108 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,720 Speaker 1: feelings about it, Like remember when Kerrie then tells Samantha like, oh, 109 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: you don't want to go over there because this guy's 110 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: filling you know, models with and then she's like, well, 111 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 1: I want to be filmed, you know. And I thought 112 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: when I was watching it, like maybe that was Candice 113 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: and or whoever she was writing about kind of trying 114 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: to take back the power of of that. What do 115 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,119 Speaker 1: you make of Samantha's. 116 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 2: Yes, I was just going to say, I think Samantha's 117 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 2: POV in general is actually really valuable because with her 118 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 2: it's not really about consent per se. She's sort of 119 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: always up for whatever and will narrate her feelings and 120 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 2: desires with sort of unabashed energy. And there's something about 121 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 2: a woman, even now, certainly back then, a woman taking 122 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 2: responsibility for her own sexual journey, her own sexual pleasure. Yeah, 123 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 2: and it's curious and excited and energetic and connected and unashamed. Yes, 124 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 2: so powerful, right, is something that I think is so 125 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 2: completely relevant. I mean, today versus then, there's more dialogue 126 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 2: around that and more embodiment of that dynamic. But many 127 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 2: women still feel like, is it okay for me to 128 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 2: talk about my own orgasm in the context of my 129 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 2: relationship with my girlfriends, with my therapist. It's still to 130 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 2: some people not okay, or maybe there's a limit to 131 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 2: how much you can discuss it or how much you 132 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 2: can focus on it once actual desire and journey. So 133 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 2: I love that piece of it and the through line 134 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 2: in terms of Samantha's character and perspective, you know, kind 135 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 2: of throughout the series as far as I can remember, 136 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 2: really hold space for that. 137 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: It does, and it's very unique, Like it's hard to 138 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: come up with in your mind other characters in film 139 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: or television who are so free and so connected. She's 140 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: not free where you're like that girl's damaged. You're like, 141 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 1: she's just that's who she is, and she's not going 142 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: to apologize, And there's something so amazing, and I feel 143 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: like that's why people there are, you know, so many 144 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 1: people who are so connected and resonant with Samantha because 145 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: she's so powerful and such a great example that like 146 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 1: most of us would struggle to try. 147 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 2: To be like absolutely and relative to men's sexual journey, 148 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 2: both back then and now, it's sort of fair for 149 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 2: men to ow and direct and dedicate like machismo and 150 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 2: energy to their sexual pursuits, but for women that's still 151 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 2: even today. Absolutely, if we ran into Samantha, it's your 152 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 2: reaction to it in her community, you know, in terms 153 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 2: of the people that she touched and interacts with. So 154 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 2: I love the representation. I love the idea that they're 155 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 2: still room to think about how do women like on 156 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 2: a macro and a micro level, embody their sexuality in 157 00:08:55,600 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 2: a way that of course reflects boundaries and pace and 158 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 2: rhythm and changing of minds, right, But also it's like, 159 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 2: what am I curious about? What am I interested in? 160 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 2: What am I excited about? Like being able to hold 161 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 2: both is an amazing notion. 162 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: It is an amazing notion. And I definitely feel that 163 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,319 Speaker 1: we're still struggling, you know, to get there, and we're 164 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: I feel kind of confused in a way. I don't 165 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: know if I'm reading into it, but like for me, 166 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 1: so here, we've been doing the show. You know, we 167 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: started in nineteen ninety seven, which is insane to think about, right, 168 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: like so long ago, and yet now you can still 169 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: talk about almost all the different themes. Like if you 170 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: look at the pilot, the pilot was ghosting. We didn't 171 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: call it that, but it was ghosting. And then it 172 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 1: was can women have sex like men? Which is basically 173 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,719 Speaker 1: what we're talking about, Like, for whatever reason, the way 174 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: that men are socialized and or hardwired, Like I'm not 175 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 1: sure you know which it is. They have a lot 176 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:57,839 Speaker 1: more freedom. It seems like overall. Maybe this is stereotype. 177 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: I don't know, but they seem to have a lot 178 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 1: more freedom, Like this is what I'm into, you know, 179 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: don't kink shame me? You know what I mean? Like 180 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: they're very quickly defensive, like, how dare you kink shame me? 181 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,960 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, which I mean, I don't 182 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,599 Speaker 1: want to go too far, but sometimes people who have 183 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: done things that are not consensual with other people, or 184 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: the other people at least say that they weren't consensual, 185 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,559 Speaker 1: then say you're kink shaming me, which is super fascinating, 186 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 1: like the woman is. It's just like sometimes I feel 187 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: like we're on very different pages. 188 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 2: Still, I think men are bestowed with a right to 189 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 2: explore and declare their sexuality and women are not. It's evolved, 190 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: it is still a distinct difference in terms of that 191 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: openness and flexibility expected from fascinating. 192 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's a hardwired thing or do 193 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: you feel like it's socialization. 194 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 2: I think it's a combination of both. I don't think 195 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 2: we can deny the roles of men and women. You know, 196 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 2: long ago in terms of being sort of hunters and 197 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 2: gathers men, which cast in the role of taking care 198 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 2: of and going out in the community and pursuing and 199 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 2: bringing back and in sort of that powerful in control 200 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 2: role and meant to you know, sort of keep things 201 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 2: in the community coming and buzzing and creating. Right, And 202 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 2: so then also have this sort of primitive edict to 203 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 2: pro create, and women are supposed to be the you know, 204 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 2: passive participant in that. I mean sort of from a 205 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 2: primitive standpoint. That's how were And so I think some 206 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:50,440 Speaker 2: of it has been internalized in terms of the internal 207 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 2: desires that men and women feel. That men do feel 208 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 2: a poll to procreate and women do feel a poll 209 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 2: to like make a home and like take care of. 210 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: Some of that feels viscerally true for men. So I 211 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 2: agree some of it is chemical, biological hormonal that's sort 212 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 2: of in there. Even most evolved women sometimes acknowledge, Yeah, 213 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,839 Speaker 2: I still have this poll to be in that role, 214 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 2: even though I don't even know if I intellectually want 215 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,920 Speaker 2: to be. So there's something in there that feels like 216 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:23,840 Speaker 2: it comes from an organic place. But there's no question 217 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 2: that many many arenas in our culture and society support 218 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 2: just this, you know, this idea that women are still 219 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 2: supposed to play small or they can only play and 220 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 2: embody sort of a larger persona if it's sexual in nature, 221 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: right in the object of desire or affection. Obviously, there 222 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 2: are many, many exceptions, and women have evolved in many 223 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 2: ways in many roles, but I'm talking about sort of 224 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 2: these stereotypes that are so woven into the culture. It's 225 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 2: much more acceptable for men to expand and take up 226 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 2: space in all the ways, including sexuality, and it's much 227 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,719 Speaker 2: less acceptable for women to do so, more so than 228 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 2: when your show first came out. 229 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: Rightly, for sure, for sure, just personally, I went through 230 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: this thing where so I'm on the show, and the show, 231 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: you know, we kind of had a slow burn and 232 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,160 Speaker 1: then more and more success, and then season three it 233 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: was just like, wow, you know, you're nominated for Emmys 234 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: whatever things we never thought would happen. And that was exciting, right, 235 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: but it was also a lot of pressure and you 236 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: had to kind of figure out how you were going 237 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: to present yourself. And I have a team, you know, 238 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: like a manager and a publicist at an agent, and I 239 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,560 Speaker 1: remember when we got nominated for the Emmys. I didn't 240 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,359 Speaker 1: know what to wear, and so I go to a stylist. 241 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: I first I went to all these designers myself, and 242 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: then I went to a stylist because all everyone on 243 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 1: my team had different opinions. So I had this one 244 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: dress that was like a cutout, like very sexy, skin 245 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: bearing dress, very not me, like I was not really 246 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,679 Speaker 1: that comfort with it, but the designer really wanted me 247 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: to wear it. My manager was like, you've got to 248 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,839 Speaker 1: wear that because people don't think you're sexy because you 249 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 1: play the prude on the show. And I was like, really, 250 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,839 Speaker 1: are you sure because I am still on Sex and 251 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 1: the City, like the show itself is about talking about 252 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: sex and working through these things or whatever. He's like, no, no, no, 253 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 1: you need to wear that dress with all the skin. 254 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: Then my publicist, my head publicist, was like, oh no, 255 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: Darling's your She's like, you need to wear this princess 256 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: dress because you know class and you know, and I 257 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: was like okay. So it was this whole thing of 258 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: like how do I present myself? What am I trying 259 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: to do? Who am I within this conversation and it 260 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: was super stressful. And then my mother, of course would 261 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 1: not be wanting me to be wearing this skin bearing situation, 262 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: so I would have to deal with her feelings. So 263 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: I went with I think a middle ground. I think 264 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: I found a middle ground that I liked. I was like, 265 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna wear what I like. I had talked 266 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: to the girls about what they were wearing. We were 267 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: trying to coordinate, right, but like just trying to find 268 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 1: what you're presenting. And then you look at how people 269 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 1: resent themselves. Now it's totally normal to have almost everyone 270 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: on a red carpet in a sheer dress where potentially 271 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: their nipples are showing, Like this never would have happened 272 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: back in the olden days. We were scared about showing 273 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: our nipples on the show. We were like, oh my god, 274 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: they want us to show our nipples. We were so 275 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: worried about it, right, like would we be shunned, would 276 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: we be you know, cast out or by the film 277 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 1: world or whatever, which is kind of insane to think about, 278 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 1: right because now they don't even really put sex in films, right, Like, 279 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: just all of this stuff is so interesting. 280 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, that's so interesting. Your personal journey about 281 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 2: reconciling what your character represented and who you are in 282 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,760 Speaker 2: a relationship to that and the public perception. That's so 283 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 2: interesting that you had your own journey about what do 284 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 2: I want in communicate? It makes so much sense because 285 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 2: I imagine you didn't want to be cast as just 286 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 2: that as now herself in real life and even as 287 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 2: the character she's meant to be a much more nuanced 288 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 2: than that. 289 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: Absolutely, but that took some time, right, Like she wasn't. 290 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: None of us were, with the exception of Carrie, none 291 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: of us were really started in a nuanced way. We 292 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 1: just brought what we brought and they wrote towards us. 293 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: And in that way, we were just incredibly lucky that 294 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 1: that happened and that we got to continue on still 295 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: to this day, thank god. Right, And so for me, 296 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: I mean, people say like, oh, are you worried about 297 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: being typecasts whatever? I was like, why spend time worrying 298 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: about this? You know, we know this is how our 299 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: business is. It is what it is. I love Charlotte, right, Like, 300 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: I'm not against Charlotte in anyway. She's great in so 301 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: many ways, and in the beginning she wasn't all of 302 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: those things. But in my inners she was. You know 303 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like inside. I was playing. I was 304 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: trying to play all those things and bring all those things, 305 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like, oh gosh, I'm such a prude, 306 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: like that never entered my mind because I know myself, right, 307 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 1: and I know my own existence, but also didn't feel like, oh, 308 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 1: I want to go prove to everybody that are not approved. 309 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: That seems crazy. 310 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,640 Speaker 2: Well, I think the way that the perspectives played out 311 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,959 Speaker 2: over the seasons did a service for the viewers, right 312 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,439 Speaker 2: in the sense that I mean, there's always conversation of 313 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 2: who are who are you? Right? 314 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:21,680 Speaker 1: Right? 315 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: Able to relate to the different aspects of oneself and 316 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,000 Speaker 2: have them represented in such silos really gave an opportunity 317 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 2: to like consider yourself in relation to each of those 318 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 2: kinds of personas. 319 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 1: That's well put. Yeah, yeah. 320 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 2: And just to reflect back on what you were saying 321 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,640 Speaker 2: in terms of this evolution of right there, you were 322 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 2: worried about showing a bit of cutout or your nipples 323 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 2: or something. In today, I think we just had someone 324 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,439 Speaker 2: naked of the Grammy red carpet, right. I mean, so 325 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,159 Speaker 2: the evolution is stark, but it's interesting because I think 326 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 2: you're making me think about the fact that it is 327 00:17:55,040 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 2: one arena and rightfully so that women have claimed empowerment 328 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:06,640 Speaker 2: right that, like, I can show myself and present myself 329 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 2: and my body in any way I choose, and any 330 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 2: feedback or criticism that is bestowed upon me I refuse 331 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 2: to accept as a narrative about who I am. I 332 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 2: get to decide. And it's really interesting that presenting oneself 333 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,919 Speaker 2: in a sexy way is a way of kind of 334 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,239 Speaker 2: curating empowerment. Now that's one way, it's not the right 335 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 2: one way that really claim and prior women felt that 336 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 2: the judgment that might come from doing a small version 337 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 2: of that was too big of a sacrifice. And now 338 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 2: it's really utilized as a tool of like a declaration 339 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:48,920 Speaker 2: of independence. 340 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: Yes, that's well put. That's well put. I mean it's 341 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 1: so true, and I feel like that is a big shift, 342 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:55,479 Speaker 1: you know. 343 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I hope that. 344 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: Women or younger women especially, I hope that they perceive 345 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: it as an empowering thing. 346 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 2: Yes, well, I was just going to say, I mean, 347 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 2: an important nuance to that. Maybe it's obvious, but we're saying, 348 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 2: is that that may or may not resonate with an 349 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 2: individual woman, right, an individual one, So that that's not 350 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 2: for me that that that isn't how my soul wants 351 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,400 Speaker 2: to express empowerment. Great and the natural that's exactly how 352 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 2: my soul wants to express empowerment as right right. 353 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,679 Speaker 1: Right there shouldn't be pressure, It should be very uniquely 354 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: you and organic to you. And that that's I think 355 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 1: the big message, and I feel like in some ways 356 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: that was also what we were hoping the message was 357 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: in terms of all four of us being so distinct, 358 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,159 Speaker 1: right like, And that was one thing we wanted to 359 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,479 Speaker 1: talk about too with you, is female friendships. And you know, 360 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: back in the beginning, Charlotte was this different voice I kept, 361 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: you know, continually talking about wanting to get married or whatever, 362 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 1: which is obviously very opposite to Samantha and the other 363 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: tour in the middle kind of well not really, They're 364 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: like no, and then different things happened to them in life. 365 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:07,960 Speaker 1: But you know, it's I love how people really gravitate to, 366 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: you know, when like the line when I eventually I 367 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: can't remember if it's season three, season four, and I say, 368 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: maybe we could just be each other's soulmates, you know, 369 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: and people still talk about this, and it's so amazing 370 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:22,120 Speaker 1: what people gravitate to and hold on to and what 371 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 1: do what do you think of that? And what do 372 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: you think of that? 373 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 2: Now? 374 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: Like, is female friendship more out in the open or 375 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,200 Speaker 1: more honored? 376 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 2: Do you think? Well? I then I think it was 377 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:40,200 Speaker 2: a more unique concept and presented an alternative that really 378 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 2: resonated with community that like, oh, maybe there's an alternative. 379 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 2: Maybe I don't have to find the perfect person and 380 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:53,160 Speaker 2: be married or partnered to be valued and in community 381 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 2: with others. Maybe there's an acceptability to my community of 382 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,960 Speaker 2: women and sort of if you will, that can be 383 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 2: we're talking about empowerment, another potential source of empowerment that 384 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,679 Speaker 2: starts to chip away at the often less than feeling 385 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: women feel if they're not partnered. 386 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: Right, can you just re say that because it was 387 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: so good, I just want to hear it again. 388 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:23,119 Speaker 2: So, women, unlike men, have this edict to be partnered, 389 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 2: I mean specifically to get married, but to be partnered. 390 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 2: And in the absence of that, there's an direct and 391 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 2: indirect sense that you have not completed your life mission. 392 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:38,720 Speaker 2: You know that you are or inadequate in some way. Yeah, 393 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 2: So this presentation in that episode offered an alternative, Well, 394 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 2: maybe you can be good enough and empowered and in 395 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 2: affiliation and community through friendship, through other alternatives, maybe the 396 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 2: definition of who I am can be more expansive than 397 00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: just by related to a man or related to the 398 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 2: possibility of marriage and a family. 399 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,639 Speaker 1: Yes, and it still just needs to be repeated, like 400 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: out in the world so much. I mean, as a 401 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: single person myself, it's just kind of an ongoing thing 402 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 1: like why are you single? Everyone's just very perplexed. Why 403 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: are you single? They just can't quite I. 404 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 2: Think that narrative is probably still as present as it. 405 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 1: Was back then, which is so interesting, right. 406 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 2: I think there's more dialogue around it. There's more table 407 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,959 Speaker 2: and sort of organic dialogue about Wow, what a strange 408 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,639 Speaker 2: phenomenon and wow, I feel that pressure and why and 409 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 2: isn't that strange? But I still think it exists. That 410 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 2: is similar. 411 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, that definitely. 412 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:42,040 Speaker 2: I internally feel some degree of shame if they aren't 413 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 2: partnered and specifically not married. And so I love that 414 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 2: we're holding this dialogue up again because there's such a truth. 415 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 2: I mean, the show embodied it, but there's such a 416 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 2: truth in community, the power of community. 417 00:22:54,760 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, I really hope we were talking about this 418 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 1: by producer and I Hannah about like for the young 419 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 1: let's say twenties, let's put women specifically, not leaving you 420 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: out men on purpose. But I work with a bunch 421 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,159 Speaker 1: of younger women at work when we're doing and just 422 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 1: like that, which is so much fun and super interesting, right, 423 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: because they all have just different takes on things, and 424 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear their point of view. And they 425 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 1: definitely definitely talk about you know, we talk about men 426 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:41,160 Speaker 1: and relationships and you know whatever, women and they want love, right, 427 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 1: But I don't hear them talking about getting married or 428 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: want to get married or feeling the pressure to get married. 429 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:47,000 Speaker 2: Now. 430 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: Some of them come from other places where like all 431 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 1: their friends are married, and we talk about that, which 432 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: I definitely had as well growing up in South Carolina. 433 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,959 Speaker 1: But they're saying they're kind of like, well, we're on 434 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: our own journey, you know, we're here in New York, 435 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: We're you know, doing this, we're doing that. We're on 436 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: our own journey. But they were definitely looking for love, right. 437 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,959 Speaker 1: And then there's some of them who have friends who 438 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 1: got married in their twenties, which is super interesting to 439 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: me in a kind of bohemian way, right where they're 440 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 1: still hanging out with all their single friends. There's not 441 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,879 Speaker 1: the separation so much that we used to have in 442 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,440 Speaker 1: like Mary Bay of Pigs. It's very clearly demarked, right, 443 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 1: And I certainly experienced this in terms of my own life, 444 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,640 Speaker 1: Like when someone got married, they shifted into this other 445 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,879 Speaker 1: kind of world where you know they've moved, they're going 446 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 1: to have a baby soon, you know they're on it's tracked. 447 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,400 Speaker 1: It's like a certain tract that you get on when 448 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: you get married. And that was your goal and you 449 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: were doing it whatever, or it wasn't your goal, and 450 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,720 Speaker 1: you did it. You know what I'm saying, Not myself 451 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: but my friends. Yeah, but I mean I, as the 452 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 1: single person, would make all kinds of efforts to still 453 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: be in their lives. And you know, my best girlfriends, 454 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: I'm still in their lives, thank god, and you know 455 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: they're all still married, which is kind of amazing. But 456 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,239 Speaker 1: you might be in their life and then they might 457 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,159 Speaker 1: get divorced and whatever, they'd have kids and you go 458 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: through that with them. But as a single person, I 459 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: felt like I had to make an effort to be there, 460 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like like I'm Auntie Kristen 461 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: and I'm here. You know, I'm available, I'm babysitting, I'm 462 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: doing this, I'm doing that, so that I'm part of 463 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 1: that whole existence. But now I feel like it's a 464 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: little looser in terms of the demarcation. You know, but 465 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: I don't feel like society as a whole is necessarily 466 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 1: caught up. Like, for instance, when you go to a wedding. 467 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 1: You know, if you go to a wedding as a 468 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,479 Speaker 1: single person, you are still over there at this wacky 469 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: table that has like kids and possibly some grandparents and yourself, 470 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: which is a nightmare. You know, it's really rough, and 471 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: it hasn't changed. It's coming in the show when we 472 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,360 Speaker 1: have weddings, and it's highly entertaining, I think, But like, 473 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 1: I can't believe that it hasn't changed. 474 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're raising so many important issues. The first I 475 00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 2: want to acknowledge and validate. You are right that not 476 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 2: just young young women, but relationship with marriage has shifted 477 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,200 Speaker 2: and has evolved. There are plenty of people that feel 478 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 2: less pressure, feel like they can avail themselves of other 479 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 2: options outside of marriage, whether it's long term partnership or 480 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 2: just dating. Right, women feel much less pressure to get married, 481 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 2: to have a family earlier. There has been absolutely some evolution. God, yeah, 482 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 2: one of the things that was in my mind. And 483 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 2: this is anecdotal rather than empirical, but in my practice 484 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,960 Speaker 2: I see adults, so a lot of adult women who 485 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 2: are either single or have gone through divorce, who discuss, 486 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:42,480 Speaker 2: amongst other notions, but who discuss this still like internal 487 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 2: kind of deep rooted shame around singlehood. So it's not 488 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 2: as if the dialogue and conversation and even behavior hasn't changed. 489 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 2: And what I'm saying might not be true for everyone, 490 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 2: but anecdotal a still work with many women who still 491 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 2: have that like internalized notion that there's a less than quality, 492 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 2: if not or at least in a relationship. So I 493 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 2: want to acknowledge that there's a shift, and yet some 494 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 2: of that narrative still exists for some women. Definitely, Yeah, 495 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,400 Speaker 2: but what you were saying, I think is it remains 496 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 2: a truth. I mean in some of it is just 497 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 2: the is like a systemic issue being in Western culture. 498 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 2: When you get married, generally speaking, you are going to 499 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 2: spend more of your time with your husband, You're going 500 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 2: to have a family, and it is going to mean 501 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 2: that you have less flexibility to be in community right 502 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 2: right through in Western culture, and obviously there's many many exceptions. 503 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 2: People of course exist with a lot of intention differently, 504 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 2: which is lovely, but it often happens that our married 505 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 2: friend or are assumed to be mama a friend is 506 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,119 Speaker 2: not as available, leaving the pursuit of connection to the 507 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,920 Speaker 2: single person who has more flexibility based on this system. 508 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 2: We're talking about that. 509 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 1: Most definitely, most definitely, and in the particular show Bay 510 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 1: of Married Pigs, which we love so much because when 511 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: I looked back on it, the show is so much 512 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,640 Speaker 1: better than I realized, and all of the building blocks 513 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,280 Speaker 1: that were to kind of get fleshed out later are 514 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: there in Bay of Married Pigs, which is really was 515 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 1: kind of amazing to me, and in some ways they're 516 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: there even earlier, but it really kind of gels and 517 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: Bay of Married Pigs. But you know, Carrie's begins with 518 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: Carrie visiting her married friends in the Hamptons and then this, 519 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 1: you know, the husband is standing they're naked in front 520 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: of her in the hallway and she's just like, oh, 521 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: you know, what do I do? And then she tells 522 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,439 Speaker 1: the wife and then she has to leave, which they 523 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: don't show that part right, So it's unclear how difficult 524 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,040 Speaker 1: that was or uncomfortable or whatever, but clearly it was 525 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 1: uncomfortable enough to the married friend that she that sent 526 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: carry back to the city. And then we see them 527 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: later and Carrie's not mad at her, which is also interesting, 528 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: Like Carrie really puts up with so much. You know, 529 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: she's like very easy going about everybody's feelings about everything 530 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 1: she's doing. But she didn't actually do this thing. The 531 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 1: man did it. So let's just discuss that for a 532 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: second and the wife's reaction, because it is super interesting 533 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:12,719 Speaker 1: in terms of do you feel still that there is 534 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:16,480 Speaker 1: a thing about married women feeling that single women are 535 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 1: a threat? 536 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, Anecdotally, I think women in long term partnerships that 537 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 2: have kids, with the stressors of like raising kiddos and 538 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 2: mortgage and all the like not so cute things about life, 539 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 2: start to feel that loss of intimate and romantic connection. 540 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 2: I mean, it's an old narrative because it exists often 541 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 2: it's hard to be married and raise kids and stay 542 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 2: yeah in a way that feels dynamic and sustainable. So 543 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,920 Speaker 2: I think it's an outgrowth of that. Yeah, anything that 544 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 2: like there's this like disaffiliation in long term marriages sometimes 545 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 2: and it's less about the married person specifically, or even 546 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 2: the entity of less about the single person specifically, or 547 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:03,040 Speaker 2: even single hood or single women, and more about the 548 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 2: difficulty of like long term marriages. 549 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 1: That is often, Yeah, that's so smart, that's so smart. 550 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:09,920 Speaker 1: It makes so much sense. I hadn't thought about it 551 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 1: like that, having never been married, but that makes a 552 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: lot of sense. Is that it's like a projection almost 553 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: in terms of you're just struggling through it, and you 554 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 1: might not have the strength of the connection that you 555 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: had when you first fall in love, and so then 556 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: that other person who's not in that same situation seems 557 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: threatening just because you don't have all of the things 558 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,600 Speaker 1: that you wish you had from your spouse. 559 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:40,760 Speaker 2: There's like a like a disorientation destabilization that marges as 560 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 2: you just try to get through raising kids and staying 561 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 2: connected and the logistics, and it also can be lovely 562 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 2: and amazing and beautiful. It ebbs and flows for most people. 563 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,960 Speaker 2: So of course it's a representation of like the wish 564 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 2: for connection, maybe the wish to have that kind of freedom, 565 00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 2: and the potential threat of someone else catching your partner's attention. 566 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,480 Speaker 2: Because it's hard to facilitate a way sometimes to feel 567 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 2: connected or catch your partner's attention when you're just dealing 568 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 2: with the days goings on, right, I think that's that 569 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 2: remain that piece remains present, and in a way maybe 570 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,400 Speaker 2: more so because it's even harder to be a parent 571 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 2: and be in marriage these days. There's more pressure to 572 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 2: have your kid show up in the world a certain. 573 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,360 Speaker 1: Way, and it isn't there gosh. 574 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 2: So I imagine that still exists in different forms in ways. 575 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 2: I think in the in the episode it felt more 576 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 2: of a more dichotomous in the sense that the issue 577 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 2: at hand was like, oh, is my husband going to 578 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 2: want another woman? You know sure sexually be drawn to 579 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 2: another woman? And what kind of threat am I under 580 00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:58,880 Speaker 2: when it is around? You know? 581 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,720 Speaker 1: So even though she had done anything like that, that's 582 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: the part as a single person, I'm like, but she 583 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 1: was just standing there like it's so hard, and it's 584 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 1: like Samantha at the party and the different of the 585 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 1: financial guy. She's trying to talk to this guy about 586 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: investing and then his wife comes up and it is 587 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: like you got to come in here, and she's just 588 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 1: standing there, the poor woman trying to get some advice 589 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: on you know, investment. Do you know what I mean? Like, 590 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: I've felt that myself. 591 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 2: For a projection, and I think that's that's really a 592 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 2: spot on. It's it's a don't even mean it to 593 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,960 Speaker 2: be critical. We all engage in projections. It's like a 594 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 2: bunch of projections going on, right, Yeah, listen, conversation and 595 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 2: innocent meeting in the hallway. Right projection is like, oh gosh, 596 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 2: I'm under threat. Something's going on here and right, As 597 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 2: I said, I think part of it might be the 598 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 2: situation and the women themselves, but most of it, I 599 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 2: think is just the entity and complication of long term partnership. 600 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 1: It's f right, No, that's beautifully put, so well put. 601 00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And obviously the show's perspective is not 602 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: that perspective, right. The show was importantly trying to be 603 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: on the single person's perspective because that is kind of 604 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: unrepresented at that point and underrepresented still. I would say, 605 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: that's right. 606 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:17,360 Speaker 2: Well, I think it's not an unimportant POV how it 607 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 2: feels to be on the receiving end of that energy, 608 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:24,720 Speaker 2: because if you're Harrie in that scenario, you might feel 609 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,960 Speaker 2: rejected or disaffiliated or misunderstood and not a part of 610 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 2: there is that scene where she arrived and she was 611 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 2: sort of the only single person in trying to find 612 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 2: right place and space. So the energy, the dual energy 613 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 2: is interesting and paradoxical right coming at her maybe is 614 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:46,400 Speaker 2: some sense of threat or envy and coming back as 615 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 2: some sense of life. We're exactly do I belong right? 616 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 1: And that's where I mean. Carrie is so interestingly just 617 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,240 Speaker 1: investigating it all, you know. She's like, I'm trying to 618 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 1: figure out who I am in this and maybe I 619 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,320 Speaker 1: don't want to get married. When she's with the the 620 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: marrying guy, she's like, I don't think I want this. 621 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,959 Speaker 1: Here's Charlotte, you see if you want it, and we 622 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,120 Speaker 1: were going to talk about this. I don't know if 623 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,280 Speaker 1: we have time. But like for me, I didn't feel 624 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 1: like that was weird at all that she's like, no, 625 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,000 Speaker 1: this is not for me. Charlotte tried out, and then 626 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: Charlotte tries it out, but she has a very strong 627 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: picture of what she wants and that dude's not it. 628 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,799 Speaker 1: So he doesn't like the china she likes. She's like out, 629 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,959 Speaker 1: you know, which I think is so hysterical for a girl. 630 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: Who talks about like I just want to get married. 631 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 1: I just want to get married. I just want to 632 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 1: get married. She's like, oh bad China pattern. No, like 633 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:35,560 Speaker 1: she's got her own her own criteria. Right, that's right, right, 634 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 1: super interesting. But Carrie too, right, Like Carrie's like, well, 635 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,280 Speaker 1: I tried this out and he brought the mobile out 636 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: for the baby, and that just turned me right off. 637 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:45,160 Speaker 1: I am not that girl. 638 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,400 Speaker 2: Well, we're talking about the intersection of macro and micro, 639 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 2: these macro under the surface dynamics and then these micro 640 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:58,120 Speaker 2: idiosyncrasies like I want someone to like be in community 641 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:02,040 Speaker 2: with me about my China pattern. You know, it's like 642 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 2: this mystery, magical thing that has to come together for 643 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,239 Speaker 2: people to choose each other and it to work. You know. 644 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 2: So it really highlights all those complexities you know, that 645 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,240 Speaker 2: are in many ways totally intangible. What makes it happen 646 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 2: and be sustainable. 647 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,319 Speaker 1: Definitely, and why we still get to, you know, talk 648 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 1: about the show and make a different version of the 649 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 1: show and I mean they're so it's kind of like 650 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 1: a never ending investigation into all of those things. 651 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 2: It really just hits on so many topics that are 652 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,919 Speaker 2: interesting to explore in terms of how they evolved and 653 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,759 Speaker 2: some that have like remained steady and the relevant. It's 654 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:38,919 Speaker 2: a really interesting way. 655 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 1: Yes, thank you for joining us. You're so smart and wonderful. 656 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 2: Oh it's so fun to come. I could talk forever. 657 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:46,600 Speaker 2: I wish I didn't me too. 658 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: I know we'll have you back and we'll talk about 659 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 1: the next the next couple themes. 660 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,560 Speaker 2: Ye, well doctor, your first expert. 661 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 1: Oh thank you, it was really fun. I mean, as 662 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: you can see, I could just keep talking all day. 663 00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 1: So thank you for your time, and have a eat 664 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: day and we'll have you back. I can't wait. So 665 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 1: thank you, Thank you, doctor Culcher. Bye,