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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og okay start time podcast host. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two

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Speaker 1: more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: got some ads coming up. Just stick around. Stick around.

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Speaker 1: I discovered that the guy I'm talking to is married,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the other woman. She's the other woman. So

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Speaker 1: to begin, I twenty seven female. I'm a bartender in

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Speaker 1: a vacation town. A few weeks ago, I had a

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Speaker 1: customer come in alone who was pretty shy at first.

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Speaker 1: He was older than me. I would later find out

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Speaker 1: that he was in his forties, and I thought he

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Speaker 1: was really handsome. I chat up all my customers, but

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Speaker 1: eventually it slowed down to a point where he was

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Speaker 1: the only one in the bar for a bit. So

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Speaker 1: we got talking and hit it off pretty fast. By

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Speaker 1: the way, this comes from bar Girl twenty seven and

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Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 1: the r slash Okay storytime. Separate it and I'm Angie,

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Speaker 1: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofiy.

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Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

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Speaker 1: what we would do, but let us know what you

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Speaker 1: would do in the comments, so opisa. He explained that

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Speaker 1: he was in the area on a work trip, and

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Speaker 1: while I don't want to give specifics that would identify him,

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Speaker 1: I found his profession to be really endearing, as he

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Speaker 1: told me that he works with disabled children. We got

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Speaker 1: to know each other throughout my shift, and he gave

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Speaker 1: me his number before he left for the night. I

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Speaker 1: texted him the following morning and we got to chatting

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Speaker 1: pretty regularly. He came in again during my shift and

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Speaker 1: afterwards texted me to ask if I'd like to go

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Speaker 1: grab drinks somewhere. Though I wanted to, I had a

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Speaker 1: flight for a wedding the next morning and needs pack

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Speaker 1: after work, so I declined. A day or two after

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Speaker 1: I returned from the wedding, he let me know that

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Speaker 1: he was back in the area for work, and again

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Speaker 1: he asked if I'd like to meet up for drinks.

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Speaker 1: This time I said yes, and after I got out

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Speaker 1: of work one night, I met up with him. Our

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Speaker 1: texting up until this point had been vaguely flirty, but

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Speaker 1: neither of us had admitted outright, yet that we were

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Speaker 1: attracted to each other, so whether this was a date

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Speaker 1: or not was unknown. I've also never been in a

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Speaker 1: situation like this where I was interested in someone fifteen

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Speaker 1: plus years older than me. At some point during our

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Speaker 1: time together, I asked him if he was divorced, since

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Speaker 1: it was hard for me to believe that he had

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Speaker 1: never been married before at his age looking the way

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Speaker 1: he did. He told me yes, he had been married

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Speaker 1: and divorced before, to a woman that he had been

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Speaker 1: with for over a decade. He made no mention of

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Speaker 1: being with anyone else currently or being in any sort

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Speaker 1: of open relationship. Throughout our time together, we got more flirty,

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Speaker 1: and eventually I admitted that I hoped this was a

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Speaker 1: date and that I was attracted to him. He let

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Speaker 1: me know that the feeling was mutual. You be woo

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Speaker 1: and at the end of the date, I asked to

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Speaker 1: kiss him, to which he said yes. We kissed, and

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Speaker 1: he asked if I would come back to his hotel

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Speaker 1: room with him OOO because I had class the next morning,

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Speaker 1: I politely declined, even though I wanted to say yes.

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Speaker 1: We ended up going our separate ways, and ever since

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Speaker 1: that night we have been texting almost every day. Our

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Speaker 1: conversations got progressively more suggestive, and though it didn't turn

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Speaker 1: into full on spicy texting a god pretty close, I

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Speaker 1: was becoming more and more interested in him and really

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Speaker 1: looking forward to the next time he'd be in my

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Speaker 1: town so I could finally take him up on his

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Speaker 1: offer to join him at his hotel. I noticed that

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Speaker 1: while he really seemed to enjoy texting me, he didn't

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Speaker 1: ask me any questions about myself that I asked about him.

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Speaker 1: He told me a little bit about his life and

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Speaker 1: his dogs, and that the next time he'd be in

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Speaker 1: my town he'd be bringing them with him. Out of curiosity,

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Speaker 1: I asked who watched his dogs while he was on

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Speaker 1: his work trips. He said that friends watched them. I

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Speaker 1: mentioned that maybe I could come visit him in his

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Speaker 1: town at some point, since it wasn't too far away.

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Speaker 1: That way, he wouldn't have to drive to see me

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Speaker 1: or range for his dogs to be taken care of.

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Speaker 1: What he was gone. His exact response, we could certainly

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Speaker 1: work on that. Okay. That's when I got the gut

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Speaker 1: feeling that wouldn't go away. It literally kept me awake

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Speaker 1: until I pulled out my phone and got to investigating.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know his last name, but I knew his

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Speaker 1: first and where he worked, so I googled that. I

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Speaker 1: found him pretty quickly, and once I learned his last name,

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Speaker 1: I looked him up on Facebook. I found his profile

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Speaker 1: almost immediately along with you guessed it his wife's Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the title did really let me guess that pretty easily.

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Speaker 1: I say, yeah, I did see this coming only from

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Speaker 1: the title. Yep, what a shame this man mad man.

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Speaker 1: I sat up in my bed and just stared for

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Speaker 1: a few minutes. The pictures from their wedding were posted

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Speaker 1: just a few days over a year ago, meaning that

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Speaker 1: he was texting me about all the places he wanted

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Speaker 1: to kiss me during their first anniversary. Wow, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: Nicky yikes, there's a lot I have to be grateful

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Speaker 1: for here. I never slept with him, and I found

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Speaker 1: out who he really was only after a few weeks.

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Speaker 1: Based on what he told me about his job, his childhood,

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Speaker 1: and his love of dogs, I truly thought that he

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Speaker 1: was a sweet, honest guy. Usually I'm very good at

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Speaker 1: picking up when people are lying, as I've been gas

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Speaker 1: lilt and manipulated in romantic relationships before. I know this

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Speaker 1: is how every Reddit post of this nature goes. But

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Speaker 1: with him, I really believed everything that he said. It

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Speaker 1: was only that one slip up over text that gave

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Speaker 1: him away. Now I have his wife's Facebook account, I

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Speaker 1: know I need to tell her I was never looking

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Speaker 1: for exclusivity with this man, and honestly I don't have

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Speaker 1: the time for it. But I refuse to be the

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Speaker 1: other woman. His wife deserves to know it's been going on.

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Speaker 1: I know if I was her, i'd want to know.

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Speaker 1: I've already started screenshotting my conversations with him for proof.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm posting on Reddit right now because I

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Speaker 1: need assistance with the execution of it all. I really

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Speaker 1: am not a malicious person, and if I feel any

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Speaker 1: anger at all, it's on his wife's behalf. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to destroy his life, mostly because that would probably

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Speaker 1: just end up hurting her too. So Reddit, what is

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Speaker 1: the best way to tell her that her husband has

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Speaker 1: been stepping out on her with me? And we do

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Speaker 1: have an update from three days later, But what would

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Speaker 1: you say, Carly? I don't even know the best way

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Speaker 1: to go about that. I guess maybe through Facebook, yes,

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Speaker 1: how else? Are you going to reach out to her? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think would be the only like form of contact,

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Speaker 1: the classic Hey Gurley. Yeah, literally just like, Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry. I know this is random, but I just

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Speaker 1: I have to be very honest with you and just

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Speaker 1: you know, apologize for what you can do. So, like

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Speaker 1: I I had no idea. I just found out about this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I had no idea. Just found out about this. Nothing

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Speaker 1: actually happened. Yeah, but unfortunately, like this stuff did like

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Speaker 1: a date and stuff like that, and like the kiss.

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Speaker 1: But I feel awful and I really need to tell

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Speaker 1: you and take this man down, Like I feel like, honestly,

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Speaker 1: if you apologize, be very honest and clear about what happened,

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Speaker 1: and then put the anger on him so that she

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Speaker 1: doesn't put it on you, I feel like that would

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Speaker 1: be great. Yeah. But there is an update from three

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Speaker 1: days late or hi again. A few days ago, I

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Speaker 1: posted asking advice on how to tell an older man's

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Speaker 1: wife that he was trying to cheat on her with me.

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Speaker 1: Since then, I received a lot of feedback, which I'm

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Speaker 1: grateful for. Before I get into what I chose to do,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to clarify a few things. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people took issue with the fact that I didn't

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Speaker 1: know his last name after talking with him for a

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Speaker 1: few weeks, and others thought that I wanted to steal

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Speaker 1: him from his wife. I guess I didn't explain well

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Speaker 1: enough before, but I was never looking for an exclusive

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Speaker 1: relationship with this man. School and work are my top

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Speaker 1: priorities right now, and because of that, I simply don't

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Speaker 1: have the time or emotional energy for a committed relationship.

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Speaker 1: When I met him, all hoping for with something casual,

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Speaker 1: especially since he didn't even live in the area. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a good point. He could have been hooking up

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Speaker 1: with other women while seeing me, and that truly wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have bothered me as long as he was being honest

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Speaker 1: about it and wearing protection. I didn't think to ask

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Speaker 1: him his last name before the three week mark because

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Speaker 1: I really just hadn't made an emotional investment. But you

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Speaker 1: are all right, i'm going to get involved with someone

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Speaker 1: romantically or spicily in any capacity, I should learn their

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Speaker 1: last name much sooner, at least before I go out

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Speaker 1: with him. One person also said to avoid tourists and

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Speaker 1: people on business trips from here on out, and I agree.

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Speaker 1: Even in the casual sense, it's gonna get messy. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, if he had been seeing other women, it

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Speaker 1: would have been fine with me. Some of you said

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Speaker 1: he might be in an open relationship, which I touched

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Speaker 1: on in my first post. I don't think this is

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Speaker 1: true because the point of an open relationship is that

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Speaker 1: you're open about it with both your partner and the

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Speaker 1: people that you're seeing. He never mentioned being in one

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Speaker 1: or having a wife at all, so even if he was,

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Speaker 1: he still lied to me. Yeah. He said he was divorced,

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Speaker 1: so yeah. So for the actual updates, I told her.

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Speaker 1: The question in my last post wasn't whether to tell

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Speaker 1: her or not, it was how though I lost sleep

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Speaker 1: over this for the last few days. I spoke with

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Speaker 1: some of my close girlfriends and they all said that

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Speaker 1: they would want to know if they were the wife

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Speaker 1: in this scenario. I decided to message to the wife

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Speaker 1: when he said he'd be at a doctor's appointment. I

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Speaker 1: thought reaching out to her while she's alone and has

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Speaker 1: time to process before seeing him would be best. I

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Speaker 1: essentially explained to the situation just like in my last post,

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Speaker 1: with some extra details I left out here for anonymity's sake.

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Speaker 1: So she would know that I wasn't lying. I apologized

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Speaker 1: a lot, sent her screenshots of her conversations and asked

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Speaker 1: her that she'd not tell him that I gave her

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Speaker 1: this information. Well, yeah, you could have left that last

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Speaker 1: part out. Yeah, she's gonna have to gonna Yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: like no other way. How else would she have found out? Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: Maybe just like let security know at your bar that

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Speaker 1: that's happening, just in case that guy shows up, because

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Speaker 1: that's the only thing that good call. That's probably what

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Speaker 1: she's worrying about, is like if he because he knows

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Speaker 1: where she works, so I wonder hopefully not where you

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Speaker 1: live or anything.

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Speaker 2: But I would also like to think he's going to

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Speaker 2: be too busy with his imploding marriage, yeah, to like

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Speaker 2: come back for.

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Speaker 1: Revenge for something he did. Right, right, Men are weird though, totally.

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Speaker 1: If she went through his phone on her own, like

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Speaker 1: I suggested she should, then she'd be able to see

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Speaker 1: the proof for herself, and hopefully she would decide to

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Speaker 1: just leave me out of it for my safety. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's a good thing to clarify. I told her I'd

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Speaker 1: leave our chot open for twenty four hours if she

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Speaker 1: went into talk or request more screenshots, and then I

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Speaker 1: would block her. At this point, I had already blocked

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Speaker 1: the husband's number and his Facebook account too, just in case,

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Speaker 1: even though we weren't even friends. So twenty four hours

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Speaker 1: have passed and I got no response. I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: if Facebook allows you to see red receipts for messages

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Speaker 1: that if you aren't friends. But I know the message

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Speaker 1: was delivered.

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Speaker 2: I think you could have left it open at least

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Speaker 2: till she responded or saw it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm hoping that she did more than twenty

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Speaker 1: four hours. Yeah. Oh, but she says she has not responded,

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Speaker 1: so I've gone ahead and blocked her. Well, I mean

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Speaker 1: you've done all that you could anyway, I guess so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess. So do you have find thoughts before we

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Speaker 1: move on? I mean no, we're like too late to

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Speaker 1: give advice you, right, Yeah, I really want to know,

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Speaker 1: like what she said, though, I'm like, for our sake,

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Speaker 1: I really wish that you didn't block her so that

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Speaker 1: we could see her response, to give her a little

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Speaker 1: bit of time to process before she has to answer. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: that's really quick. Yeah. I don't like blame you though,

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Speaker 1: like a little bit like I probably would not block

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Speaker 1: her right away, but at the same time, like, I

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Speaker 1: get that you just want to kind of leave it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there is a little bit more to the story. Before

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Speaker 1: I found out about his deception, the husband mentioned that

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Speaker 1: he'd be in my hometown this weekend and he knows

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Speaker 1: which days I work. Hopefully this is the end of

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Speaker 1: the story and I never see either of them again,

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Speaker 1: but if he decides to show up at my bar,

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Speaker 1: then I will update if I'm still alive. Thank you

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Speaker 1: all again for your feedback. PS to the guy who

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Speaker 1: messaged me suggesting that I could be the other woman

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Speaker 1: in his marriage too, You're wild for that. And there

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Speaker 1: is some clarification in the comments from op op clarifies

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Speaker 1: on the older man's posting on Facebook regarding the doctor's appointment.

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Speaker 1: He says, no, he didn't put it on Facebook that

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Speaker 1: he'd be at a doctor's appointment. He told me that

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Speaker 1: he'd be there prior to me finding out that he

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Speaker 1: already had a wife, because we were talking about the

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Speaker 1: next time that he'd be visiting my town. Opie responds

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Speaker 1: to a downvoted comment on how they met if she

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Speaker 1: didn't know his last name. Opie says I didn't tell

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Speaker 1: him where I worked. He happened to come into the

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Speaker 1: bar that I bar attended at while I was working,

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Speaker 1: and that's how we met. And a downvoted commentary says,

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Speaker 1: you are exhausting and I feel like every potential man

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Speaker 1: you date should be required to read this entire post

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Speaker 1: you wrote in its update first before they agree to

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Speaker 1: go out with you. What I think you need to

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Speaker 1: be real upfront with the type of person you are,

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Speaker 1: Opie says, Honestly, this is great advice. If I could

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Speaker 1: wear a big sign on my forehead that says, don't

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Speaker 1: try to cheat on your wife with me, I'll tell

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Speaker 1: her on every day I go on, then he would

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Speaker 1: save me a lot of time, energy, and money. Another commentary,

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Speaker 1: that's pretty funny. I don't know why that commentary had

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Speaker 1: a problem with that post.

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Speaker 2: Right, that's the weirdest thing to have an issue, like

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Speaker 2: some he's definitely cheating on his right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like there are some posts where people just like

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Speaker 1: dragon or like, they freak out about things that don't

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Speaker 1: need to be freaked out about. You know, this was

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Speaker 1: so direct into the point. Yeah, totally, And she was

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Speaker 1: so calm about it too, Like, come on, another COMMENTO says,

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Speaker 1: if you messengered her and you're not friends, she'll only

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Speaker 1: see it if she sees that there's a message request.

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Speaker 1: As for read receipts. If you looked at your message

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Speaker 1: sent and a dot with her profile pick appears at

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Speaker 1: the right bottom, then she read it. I'm hoping you

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Speaker 1: have some kind of support at the bar that you

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Speaker 1: work at. Should he come in and be angry. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you do, but definitely have a buddy with you

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Speaker 1: when you leave if he doesn't appear for the time

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Speaker 1: that he's supposed to be around, and that's the end

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Speaker 1: of that story.

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Speaker 2: My husband made me work with him so he can

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Speaker 2: stop cheating.

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Speaker 1: He's becoming an honest man. I suppose so.

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Speaker 2: My husband male thirty six and I female thirty five

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Speaker 2: are high school sweethearts. We got pregnant in high school,

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Speaker 2: dated for a few years after we had our baby,

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Speaker 2: and decided we did want.

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Speaker 1: To get married.

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Speaker 2: Through every single up and down we were there for

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Speaker 2: one I honestly didn't think we could have a more

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Speaker 2: perfect relationship. It's something I have been so proud of

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Speaker 2: most of my life. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: heartbroken Lady two seven six and if you want us

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Speaker 2: to make your own stories, go.

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Speaker 1: To the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and we're here to give good

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Speaker 2: advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers. We

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Speaker 2: only know what we would do, So let us know

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00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,040
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. And Opie says,

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Speaker 2: about four months ago, my husband asked me to get

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Speaker 2: a job at his company. Before this, I had just

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Speaker 2: been working part time jobs because we didn't really need

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Speaker 2: the money since we weren't financially responsible for a child anymore. However,

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Speaker 2: we agreed the extra money would be lovely to go

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Speaker 2: towards our family trip funds, something we both and our

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Speaker 2: son add to as often as possible. Our hope being

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Speaker 2: to take a family vacation across Europe for a few months,

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Speaker 2: and we were trying to make it happen sooner than

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Speaker 2: later because our son is recently married. We want them

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Speaker 2: to be able to still go on the trip without

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Speaker 2: worrying about a new baby.

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Speaker 1: Once I got the job, I thought it was such

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Speaker 1: a great decision.

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Speaker 2: I was making quite a bit of extra money and

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Speaker 2: seeing my husband so much more well. A couple of

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Speaker 2: weeks ago, one of his coworkers approached me and asked

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Speaker 2: how I could.

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Speaker 1: Be so cool with the ongoing situation. I had no

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Speaker 1: idea what she.

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Speaker 2: Was talking about, so I asked her more detail, and

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Speaker 2: she told me my husband and one.

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Speaker 1: Of his coworkers had been having an affair for over

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Speaker 1: a year. Boooo, Tomato.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, I trust my husband more than this woman I

337
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Speaker 2: just met.

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Speaker 1: I told him about it.

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Speaker 2: That night, and he immediately broke down. He told me

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Speaker 2: he was so sorry, but it was true. He said,

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00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 2: I'm still the love of his life, but he needs

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Speaker 2: some excitement outside of our relationship.

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Speaker 1: Oh you need that, You really need that.

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Speaker 2: He told me he had been feeling so guilty about it.

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Speaker 2: He asked me to start working there, hoping it would

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Speaker 2: make him want to.

347
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,520
Speaker 1: Cheat less, but it's actually just caused the to sneak

348
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,320
Speaker 1: around more and find their relationship even more hot. I

349
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 1: don't know what to do. I'm so humiliated.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I should stick this out because we've

351
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,960
Speaker 2: been together so long and I know it would devastate

352
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,120
Speaker 2: our son, But I don't think I can move on

353
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,240
Speaker 2: from this. He didn't even apologize, just told me every

354
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,000
Speaker 2: man needs something new and exciting in a long term

355
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Speaker 2: relationship that it means nothing, Well, it certainly feels like something.

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Speaker 2: We have an edit real quick. Thank you everyone for

357
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,120
Speaker 2: the kind words and support. I also got many messages

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00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,400
Speaker 2: that were so sweet. It has been really helpful to

359
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Speaker 2: read everyone's advice. I was trying to figure out the

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Speaker 2: best way to tell our son. I wanted to sit

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Speaker 2: him down and let him know that my husband and

362
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Speaker 2: I are getting a divorce.

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Speaker 1: Wow, okay, okay, this is probably for the best. I agree.

364
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Speaker 2: I bought the things to make his favorite meal and

365
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,520
Speaker 2: invited him over for dinner. Well, a couple hours ago,

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Speaker 2: he called me and was extremely upset.

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Speaker 1: He said that my husband told him I cheated and

368
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Speaker 1: we were getting a divorce. Rude.

369
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Speaker 2: He begged my son not to tell me, as it

370
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Speaker 2: would just cause further problems.

371
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,720
Speaker 1: Oh so he's lying, stick, Yeah, it's gonna cause further

372
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Speaker 1: problems because he's gonna find out that I'm lying. Right,

373
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Speaker 1: You're gonna find out that I'm lying.

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Speaker 2: But my son wanted to know how I could do

375
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Speaker 2: that to dad and couldn't stay silent. I told him

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Speaker 2: what actually happened over the phone, and he started crying.

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Speaker 1: I am absolutely.

378
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,160
Speaker 2: Furious that my husband put my son through that. Even

379
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,840
Speaker 2: though he is an adult, it's still very upsetting topic

380
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,520
Speaker 2: and it should have been handled with care, not lies.

381
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,200
Speaker 2: I found a great divorce lawyer with my friend's help,

382
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,840
Speaker 2: and I am getting the ball rolling immediately. His mistress

383
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 2: also messaged me after she found out I knew. She

384
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 2: said I should be grateful that my husband and I

385
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 2: had a good marriage while we did, but she would

386
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 2: be taking my place now. I ignored her message and blocked her.

387
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:46,800
Speaker 1: Good for you.

388
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Speaker 2: I have an amazing support system in place, and we'll

389
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 2: be moving out later today. I'm staying with my friend

390
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 2: and his wife until I can find a place in

391
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Speaker 2: my own. I told my husband I'm divorcing him and

392
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Speaker 2: moving out.

393
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Speaker 1: He broke down and asked how I could do this

394
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 1: to our family. He said, I'm the one making the

395
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,439
Speaker 1: decision to end it, and I should be ashamed I

396
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 1: would throw away our marriage.

397
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,840
Speaker 2: He said he couldn't believe I would throw in the

398
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,120
Speaker 2: towels so quickly.

399
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 1: Row buddy, you've been cheating for a year, literally, so

400
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:13,560
Speaker 1: I want.

401
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 2: I told him to f off and go cry to

402
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 2: his mistress. So now you're all caught up. If any

403
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 2: more happens, I might update again, A little scared because

404
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,199
Speaker 2: we're half with you. No, thank you all again for

405
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,639
Speaker 2: your kind words and support. You have made this a

406
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 2: little easier. Any advice please? Oh boy, we have some comments.

407
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,560
Speaker 1: But I fear an update is probably coming along. I

408
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 1: don't think we half a story of comment. Yeah, because

409
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,879
Speaker 1: it feels like things are pretty much resolved. Yeah, so

410
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:47,119
Speaker 1: I'm really scared, Like what's gonna happen now? Maybe something

411
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 1: to do with family vacation or something. Yeah, my guess

412
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 1: is that Opie's ex husband now is going to get

413
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,160
Speaker 1: out of that past relationship because it's not gonna work out,

414
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 1: and he's gonna come running back and try to get

415
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,640
Speaker 1: I could see that money or something. Okay, I'll take

416
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 1: a different guest, well, just to keep it interesting.

417
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,679
Speaker 2: Then they're finally saved up for their vacation and he

418
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,360
Speaker 2: wants to bring his mistress.

419
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, do you think they would even go

420
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: on their family vacation together anyway? After all this? I

421
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:17,719
Speaker 1: don't know.

422
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 2: It's one of those things where I feel like, maybe

423
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 2: if the kid was younger, true, but he might still

424
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,439
Speaker 2: want that family vacation thing.

425
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, Or maybe there's just problems of like who gets

426
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 1: to go on the family That's what I meant. Like yeah,

427
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 1: Also like who gets the money? Yeah? Like will he

428
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,640
Speaker 1: just take figure out everything you've put in? Right, There's

429
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:34,919
Speaker 1: so many ways this could go.

430
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 2: Comments comment to one. Getting you to work there and

431
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 2: then continue to sneak around is so.

432
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Speaker 1: Sad and sadistic. I'm so sorry.

433
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,960
Speaker 2: No one deserves that, someone replies, why do they always

434
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 2: say you're the love of my life? It's patently absurd.

435
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 2: You should not stick this out. Absolutely not. Not only

436
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 2: did he cheat for over a year, he brought you

437
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 2: into the workplace so he could cheat less and not

438
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 2: stop cheating cheat less, and he cheated even harder. He's

439
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,359
Speaker 2: a dirt pickle who won't apologize for effing some random

440
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 2: woman who means nothing yet who he was willing to

441
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 2: risk his marriage to, the afermented.

442
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,159
Speaker 1: Love of his life for.

443
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 2: He deserves nothing from you, and you deserve someone who

444
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 2: actually cares about you, someone this cavalier about cheating. I'm

445
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 2: willing to bet isn't the first time he's still defending

446
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:29,399
Speaker 2: himself with utter trite that, for the record, is complete nonsense. No,

447
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 2: most men don't cheat, They just don't lawyer up and

448
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 2: punt his butt how much or two says I would

449
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 2: go petty and serve him the papers at work and

450
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 2: say I hope that she was.

451
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: Worth it, even when you said she means nothing. Yeah,

452
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: say that loud enough for her to hear honestly.

453
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,360
Speaker 2: Especially after her being like, it's my turn out right,

454
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna sweep it in and now yeah, it's like,

455
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,159
Speaker 2: I doubt you're even getting married. I take the humiliation

456
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,000
Speaker 2: to him, take back control. You need a lawyer and

457
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 2: a therapist, take your baby and start over.

458
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,400
Speaker 1: You can do this.

459
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 2: Someone replies, I would also report him to HR and

460
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 2: his boss for workplace relationship and find out if the

461
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 2: affair partner has a partner and let them know if

462
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 2: they wanted to humiliate you, make them effing regret it.

463
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:19,600
Speaker 1: And we do have an update. I really hope that

464
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 1: any of our guesses are going to be like I

465
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,239
Speaker 1: don't want them to be not even plugged in. I

466
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 1: really hope that some of our guesses are going to

467
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 1: be included. That's so exciting.

468
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 2: I don't want them to be, but I want, but

469
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 2: I just want to be right for the story time.

470
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Update.

471
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 2: So I read everyone's comments about reporting my husband and

472
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 2: his mistress to HR and also sleeping with his boss.

473
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 2: I did report them to HR, but unfortunately there isn't

474
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 2: anything they can really do because there's not actually any proof.

475
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 2: I showed them the texts, but they said unless I

476
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 2: had proof of them committing acts on the work property,

477
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 2: nothing could be done. On the bright side, I guess

478
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 2: I and his mistress found out that there has been.

479
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: A lot of others. What I wasn't expecting that. I

480
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 1: was not expecting that. And the mistress found out, are

481
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: you guys gonna like band together now? In a way?

482
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 2: Not after what she said, that would be such a

483
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 2: like you thought you were gonna be the next.

484
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: One right, cheating on YouTube?

485
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,480
Speaker 2: Rude yikes, including some older than her. His oldest affair

486
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 2: had been going on for over five years.

487
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

488
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 2: It was just a friends with benefits type situation. It

489
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 2: was one of.

490
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 1: The moms I was on the PTA with. Oh my gosh,

491
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 1: both married and just looking for spicy sleep. Apparently, girl,

492
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,880
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you got out of here. Dude for real. Well,

493
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: his mistress is just devastated.

494
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,239
Speaker 2: She cannot believe he could possibly do this to her.

495
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 2: She actually reached out to me asking for advice on

496
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 2: how to handle everything. Once she realized I blocked her,

497
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 2: she had one of our coworkers come and ask me

498
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: as for my job.

499
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:56,480
Speaker 1: I actually really love it.

500
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 2: At the two of them, I'm keeping it whoo, I'm

501
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 2: good at it and I enjoy it. I make a

502
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: livapool wage from it. HR did tell me they would

503
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: transfer me to a different branch. So I'm actually in

504
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 2: the process of moving not just out of my exes

505
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 2: and ice house, but pretty far away.

506
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,120
Speaker 1: My ex begged me for.

507
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 2: A second shot to honor my vows and the commitment

508
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 2: I made. He got very upset when I brought up

509
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,880
Speaker 2: the fact that he didn't keep his vows. He told

510
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 2: me that first and foremost, loyalty should come first, and

511
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,360
Speaker 2: no matter the mistake, I should stand by his side.

512
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 1: That's crazy, because if it was any other mistake, I

513
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,880
Speaker 1: feel like you could say that, you could say, yeah,

514
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: be loyal. I mean, you know, depending on the mis say

515
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 1: you probably shouldn't forgive it, but like be loyal and

516
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: like work through this with me together. But it's like

517
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: the irony of the fact that the mistake is you

518
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: being disloyal like girl crazy crazy.

519
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 2: I looked at him and told him to miss my

520
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: effing but which I'm gonna assume is kiss my Yeah.

521
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: That is my favorite to come out of this. So far,

522
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:08,440
Speaker 1: We've got a little bit left. I'm uphalled by this man. Yeah,

523
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: go o pee Like she was like okay, yeah, hold up.

524
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 1: Everything that she needed to.

525
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:17,639
Speaker 2: Do literally kept her new job, is moving, like, is

526
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 2: so much better off.

527
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: Totally and is not falling for it and taking him back. Yeah,

528
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: she's standing her ground. Yeah right away. I'm not standing

529
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: for this. Yeah, and like, yeah, you know you're self

530
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 1: worth and I like, good. I love to see it.

531
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 2: My son believed me one hundred percent without showing him

532
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,400
Speaker 2: the messages from the mistress.

533
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: He cut contact with his dad. Oh.

534
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 2: Also to clear up some confusion, my son is twenty.

535
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,120
Speaker 2: He met his girlfriend the first year of college and

536
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 2: they got married two months ago.

537
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: Very recent and.

538
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 2: Part of the reason I was so concerned about the

539
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 2: news of his dad and me. So all in all,

540
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 2: I am moving and starting over, and I have full

541
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 2: support from everyone except my parents, who think I should

542
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 2: stay and.

543
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: Stick it out. Boo parents.

544
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 2: Thank you so much to everyone who sent kind words

545
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 2: and encouragement. You truly made a hard time a little easier,

546
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story.

547
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: My boyfriend thinks I'm cheating, but I am not. I

548
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: hope that's not projection trigger warning physically relationship. Hi. I

549
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: never thought i'd post here, but here we go. My

550
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: boyfriend is convinced that I, twenty eight female, am cheating

551
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: on him with the coworker similar age male. My boyfriend

552
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: and I have been together for a year, and I

553
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: would like to stress the following. By the way, this

554
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: comes from not really cheating five and if you want

555
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

556
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 1: Okay storytime separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Carl. You're

557
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: here to give good advice. Goofly, but we don't have

558
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: all the answers. We just know what we would do

559
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: in the situation. But let us know what you would

560
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 1: do in the comments. So Opie would like to stress

561
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: the following. I am not, nor have I ever been

562
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 1: attracted to this coworker. This coworker is happily married and

563
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 1: treats me no differently than anyone else. I'm on a

564
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: graduate scheme, so this coworker is senior to me and

565
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: has a formal mentoring role. This coworker has contacted me

566
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: once personally outside of working hours, only to have a

567
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 1: work based catch up with me when I was ill.

568
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: This situation is ridiculous. He has become convinced that I'm

569
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 1: cheating or am intending to cheat on him with this man.

570
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 1: The coworker and I do get along, but I get

571
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 1: along with most people because we work in close proximity

572
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: and in the same department. It's a huge company. I

573
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: do mention him more than others when I'm telling stories

574
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 1: about my day to my boyfriend, but it's all really

575
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: dull work based stuff. I thought maybe having him meet

576
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: people where I work would help. This made it worse though, somehow,

577
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 1: as afterwards he felt vindicated since he had taken everything

578
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 1: his coworker said to him as a subtle indication of

579
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 1: his intentions towards me. I and several others were in

580
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 1: the room the whole time, and the coworker did not

581
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: say anything out of the ordinary. It's insane. It's getting

582
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,679
Speaker 1: to the point where he's so upset and uncomfortable that

583
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 1: I'm getting nervous and having to not tell him about

584
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: things that happened at work because it will involve mentioning

585
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 1: this person. In the latest case, the coworker had sent

586
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: a message to the entire team about absence, but obviously

587
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: my phone went off and his name appeared, and my

588
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: boyfriend became really distressed. Any advice would be appreciated, And

589
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: there are some comments and a lot more to the story,

590
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: but wow, yikes, yikes.

591
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 2: From what we know so far, it sounds like your

592
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 2: boyfriend's got some insecurity shoes that he needs to work

593
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 2: through on his own.

594
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: Totally, totally, because it's it's the kind of thing where

595
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: it's like, I guess, in like some relationships, sure some

596
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: maybe some jealousy can pop up, and maybe, you know,

597
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 1: people go about it in an okay way where they're

598
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: just like, hey, I don't know why I'm feeling this,

599
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: Like I trust you, but just letting you know, this

600
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,479
Speaker 1: is just what I'm feeling, Like what can we do

601
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: or can you just give me reassurance? You know.

602
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,160
Speaker 2: I think he's like inevitably always going to be somebody

603
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 2: that comes along, yeah and makes you just like a.

604
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 1: Little bit uncomfortable ring yeah, or like, hey, am I

605
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: just really in my head about this? Like, especially if

606
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: you're feeling a little bit more insecure at that time.

607
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: Sac it can totally get to you totally, but we

608
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 1: do have some comments. Start Dale says he needs so

609
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: look at therapy for his and securities could be a

610
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: symptom of hiding depression or another anxiety disorder. Untreated, they

611
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: can get worse. Either that or he has control issues

612
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: and is using his paranoia as a way to try

613
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 1: and control your behavior, isolating you from other people. Has

614
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: he ever been jealous of male friends or had issues

615
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: with you hanging out with friends without him or on

616
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: a girl's night out. Hope your responds. As far as

617
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: the first issue, I agree, I don't really know how

618
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,359
Speaker 1: to access that stuff or how he would For the second,

619
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: that's a firm no. He recognizes that this feeling he

620
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: has is nonsense, albeit very difficult, and actively encourages me

621
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: to do things without him and have a healthy social life. However,

622
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 1: I will say this, his feelings alone do make me

623
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 1: want to alter my behavior to make him feel better,

624
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: even though he would never intend this to be the case.

625
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: Balance the Mirror says, can you give any examples of

626
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 1: what he's saying? Is he accusing you of meeting up secretly?

627
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: Since you have a total of two texts from your coworker.

628
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 1: How does your boyfriend turn that into cheating secret phone?

629
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 1: Because unless you're leaving some major things out, this is

630
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: almost paranoid in the colloquial sense. And in response to

631
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 1: you wanting to alter your behavior to make him feel better, wait,

632
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: what your behavior is fine? Right? Why would you be

633
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 1: wanting to alter anything to make him feel better? Opie

634
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: says as in although he would never explicitly or implicitly,

635
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: with guilt tripping, et cetera, say don't do this. I

636
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: can see him hurting, and I suppose that I want

637
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: to fix it. I know, rationally nothing is wrong. It's

638
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 1: hard to even pinpoint where I started. I do legitimately

639
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: need to stay late at my job, so there's that time.

640
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: Possibly it's completely irrational, but he does recognize this. He'll

641
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: just get really uncomfortable and sad or normally say something

642
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: insulting about the coworker. The things he says about me

643
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: cheating are less angry accusations and more hymn saying that

644
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: he's not good enough, so he thinks it's happening. When pushed,

645
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: he obviously has no reason to think this and will

646
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: acknowledge that he's being ridiculous. I just really needed to

647
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 1: know that I'm not overreacting when I get angry at

648
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: him over it, and that this is legitimately insane, and

649
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: I will say, yeah, you're definitely not overreacting. Yeah, because

650
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: not at all. Yeah, Like even if he's not like

651
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 1: obviously guilt tripping by saying like, oh, like you wouldn't

652
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: do this to me, right, or like this makes me

653
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: so sad? Can you please do this? Like if you

654
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 1: don't do this, I'm gonna be so much sadder. But

655
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 1: that is a very common manipulative tactic to have that

656
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: reaction because he knows you're gonna see him being sad

657
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: and not like it so exactly. So that alone is

658
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: something to keep an eye on because it's.

659
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 2: Still influencing how you're behaving in response and everything.

660
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: Like that's so so common for manipulators to you.

661
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 2: So not saying that he necessarily is doing it on purpose,

662
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: but it's still something that he should also be aware of.

663
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, he just shouldn't be doing it. Yeah, Well, just

664
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: a lot of like maybe he's not manipulating you on

665
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: purpose or whatever, but I think that a lot of

666
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 1: manipulators are very aware of like how to do it.

667
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: And good about kind of being like, yeah, acting like

668
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 2: he's not doing exactly it's not.

669
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: The case here. Yeah, Like, it's very possible that he

670
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: knows that explicitly saying don't go around him is in

671
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: the wrong and that's too far. So he's gonna do

672
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 1: this to kind of control in a roundabout way. So

673
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: agreed something to keep an eye out for it, Opie.

674
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 1: Replying to a deleted comment, Opie says, that's actually a

675
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: pretty good chunk of what I meant. Actually, this is

676
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: gonna sound dumb, but I hadn't considered how it might

677
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: be the sum of all of those elements. New job.

678
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: Lots of stories where one person features prominently staying late,

679
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 1: contact after hours, contributing to this compact after hours one

680
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: time because and it was like work related though too,

681
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: and he saw it. Yeah, I've just been seeing them

682
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: as individual things. It's been a big change in routine

683
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: since my old job. I know everyone at his work,

684
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 1: and he's been there so long. I imagine if a

685
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: new woman started working closely with him and this coincided

686
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: with longer hours, I would feel concerned, though not to

687
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 1: this extent. So I do think I understand the base

688
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: feelings feeding into it, then if perhaps not the level

689
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: of distress it results in based on the kind of

690
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: route that this takes, where all of it begins with

691
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, therefore you will leave, I can

692
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: see that if he already has quite a profound insecurity

693
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 1: about himself in which he thinks he's somehow not good

694
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: enough for me, then these circumstances could act as a

695
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 1: bigger trigger for that and really maybe just bring this

696
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: out to the surface. This actually would make a lot

697
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: of sense in terms of some other things that he

698
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: said about himself in the past, which maybe I should

699
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: have taken more seriously and have pushed more for him

700
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: to open up about. For example, he makes jokes about

701
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: him being in certain negative trait here and that I

702
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: never took as coming from a genuine pain. Thank you

703
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: for that perspective. I'm speaking with him about it tonight,

704
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: and there is an edits I mean, open up's comment

705
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: was a pretty good example of what's really been happening

706
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: with that for clarity, and there is an update from

707
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: twenty six days later. Oh okay, but I have thoughts

708
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: about that though. Okay, let's hear him, because like people

709
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: have different levels of like how they want to go

710
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 1: about a relationship in regards to cheating. Yeah, and I

711
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: think it's huge to agree on that level. Like I

712
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: I think that, like, you know, if you mean of

713
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: like what's considered cheating kind of thing, Yeah, like what's

714
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 1: considered cheating and like other similar boundaries, Like some people

715
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: believe that, you know, you shouldn't be friends with the

716
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: opposite if that's what you're attracted to, you know, And

717
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 1: it's like I personally hate that. Yeah, that one's weird

718
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: to me, but it's also like I can't control other

719
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: people's thoughts on that, So it's like, go be with

720
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: someone that agrees with you, you know, And I think this

721
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 1: is the case where you don't agree on that. It's like, yes,

722
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,560
Speaker 1: he might be feeling insecure with all of this, but

723
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: that's really just an explanation. Like when anyone talks about

724
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 1: insecurities revolving cheating in any relationship, they're gonna have all

725
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: of that background that your boyfriend has, you know, like

726
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: that's not just we're not calling it insecurities for nothing,

727
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: you know, right exactly, But there is an update. So

728
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: twenty six days later, so it got a bit of attention,

729
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: so I wanted to do an update. Plus, crap hit

730
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: the fan over the last few days, so buckle yourselves in,

731
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: have to respoke about the original issue. Things did get better,

732
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: then little fragments of other controlling behaviors started to come out.

733
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: I thought we could work through them. When things came

734
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,719
Speaker 1: to a head, I found out that he had in

735
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: fact cheated on me. When I attempted to leave him

736
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: over this, he became very, very harmful, to the point

737
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: where he was arrested. Oh yikes, yikes, yikes. He threw things, screamed,

738
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: threatened me, and trapped me in the house. I'm crushed

739
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: but relieved I found out. Now I'm staying with friends

740
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: currently trying to process.

741
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is one of those things where it's like

742
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 2: so rough when it comes to this head of like, wow,

743
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 2: this is who you.

744
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: Were this entire time. On the same hand, like thank.

745
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 2: God it was only this foreign weren't married to this man,

746
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 2: You weren't like like years into more, were thickly involved

747
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 2: and tied to the fan, and that you had such

748
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: a quick head and such good.

749
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 1: Thinking to you. Like my friends, I'm gonna stay with

750
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 1: my friend, Okay, bye, I'm out right. Yeah, yeah, thank goodness,

751
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: Thank goodness. So I guess if there's a moral to

752
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: the story, don't ignore signs of But I can't help

753
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: the sense that the escalation came out of nowhere and

754
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: how before if you tried to tell me this would

755
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: have happened, I would have halfed in your face. I guess.

756
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: I don't know what I could have done to prevent this.

757
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: The original issue seemed to be able to be worked through,

758
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,800
Speaker 1: but was masking this. Thank you to everyone who offered

759
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: advice and support in my previous post, apart from that

760
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: one guy who thought I'd had a Freudian slip in

761
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: one of my comments and became convinced that I had

762
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: actually cheated on my partner, like I was a Scooby

763
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: Doo villain. In retrospect, you can go at yourself and

764
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: there are some comments. Waves and Mountains says I'm so

765
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: sorry that it happened to you. Thank you for the

766
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: update and reinforcing the idea that cheaters project their behavior

767
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: onto innocent people. Opie says, I came off maybe flippant

768
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 1: in the post, but I'm just in shock. I feel

769
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: a year of my life has been taken from me

770
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,280
Speaker 1: and utterly wasted. Best Failure says, yeah, it's hard better

771
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,800
Speaker 1: now though than in a few more years, though, trying

772
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: to accommodate him a bit here and a bit there

773
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: and end up sacrificing opportunities and yourself because you love

774
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 1: him and want to make a life with him, and

775
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: only finally realize how effed up it is to want

776
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 1: that anymore. Opie says, I cannot stress enough how much

777
00:34:57,880 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: I relate to what you have just said here. I

778
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: I still love him, but I love myself more. Thank God.

779
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 1: Whoo my life for Ayor says I had a girlfriend

780
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,959
Speaker 1: who was super jealous. I would have a two minute

781
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: conversation with some girl and then she would say, why

782
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 1: don't you just effer while you're at it? Yikes? Things

783
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: like that. Turns out she was projecting and it was

784
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: her that was cheating the whole time. Shocker. Opie says,

785
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: it definitely started getting like that. Dang Beee says, whenever

786
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: I hear or read someone say my partner has accused

787
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 1: me of cheating out of nowhere, the truth is almost

788
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: always that the partner is in fact the one who

789
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: is cheating. Glad you figured it out and are now

790
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: free of the situation. Good luck, And that's the end

791
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 1: of that story. Sam. Here we're gonna get back to

792
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: the stories. But here's three of it's bad from our sponsors.

793
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 1: My mother in law blue up at me because I

794
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,320
Speaker 1: made a comment about her cake. It's not like you

795
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: smashed the cake or anything. Right in trigger warning, there

796
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: are mentions of here, I don't know where to begin.

797
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: So I'm twenty seven female married to twenty eight female. Yeah,

798
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: or we even known each other for seven years and

799
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,240
Speaker 1: have been married for four. We were each other's first kiss,

800
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: first love, for everything. I will call my lovely wife

801
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: Emma from here on out. For clarity. By the way,

802
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: this comes from neat Ladder forty four or twenty four.

803
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: And if you want usubmit your own stories, go to

804
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: the r slash okay storytime stubreddit. And I'm Angie and

805
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

806
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,879
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

807
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: guess what we would do in this situation. But let

808
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 1: us know what you would do in the comments. So Opie,

809
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 1: says my mother in law, has always been vocal about

810
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,240
Speaker 1: her dislike for me and the fact that Emma married

811
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: a woman. She was initially supportive when Emma came out,

812
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: but I think she was hoping that Emma would suddenly

813
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: turn straight and decide to marry a man, reverting back

814
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: to the god fearing housewives state. When Emma and I

815
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 1: first started dating, she would make subtle digs about how

816
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: I wasn't good enough for Emma, but the neighbor's kid,

817
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 1: Brandon sure was. When mother in law realized that we

818
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: were getting serious, she tried to sabotage our relationship by

819
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: accusing me of cheating, being after their inheritance, being a

820
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: psychopath because I have chronic social anxiety, and other completely

821
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: outrageous things. We were pretty fed up with her at

822
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: that point, and since we both had jobs set up

823
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: for us, Emma and I moved in together in a

824
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: city about one hundred miles away from mother in law.

825
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: Since we got a lot closer during that time, I

826
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: guess I have mother in law to think for my

827
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: for accelerating my relationship with my love. Mother in law

828
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: wasn't invited to our wedding because she threatened to make

829
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 1: a scene and bring her own groom for Emma. What

830
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: that's crazy, Huh. I'm gonna bring my own groom for you,

831
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: like you're just some random duochiebound on the street. She's

832
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: like you, you'll be better than that Yemma or that LP.

833
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,360
Speaker 1: That's if it's just like some sort of like Kendall

834
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,359
Speaker 1: that she can just bring. That's crazy. Yeah, I've never

835
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,319
Speaker 1: heard that before. I highly doubt she would have, but

836
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 1: we didn't want to chance ruining our day. So here's

837
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 1: the current situation and where I might be the ahole.

838
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: Emma and I went to mother in law's birthday party yesterday.

839
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,439
Speaker 1: We only visited her once a year. For Emma's sake,

840
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: we bought her some nice crystal wine glasses as a present.

841
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: She was making snide comments about our relationship. Everything was

842
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: going as expected. Mother in law's boyfriend brought out her cake,

843
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,800
Speaker 1: which was a chocolate cake covered in pastel rainbow flowers.

844
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 1: I commented to Emma, perhaps a bit too loudly, rainbow

845
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: cake is looking kind of maybe she's finally come around,

846
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: and mother in law absolutely blew up. She was screaming

847
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 1: at us that it was disgraceful that I said that

848
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 1: she was that we even wore our and that we

849
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 1: even wore our wedding rings to her party when we

850
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,919
Speaker 1: knew that she didn't like to see them. Why's God

851
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: forbid them married couple where their wedding? Yeah right. She

852
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 1: was yelling at Emma that she shouldn't have brought me

853
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: because I'm a disgusting reminder that Emma isn't right in

854
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 1: the head. Emma was fuming and close to tears, so

855
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: we left immediately after. Emma said she doesn't blame me

856
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: at all and no longer wants contact with her mother.

857
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:14,439
Speaker 1: I'm surprised they were still any contact before this, yet

858
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 1: right after that, I'll bring you the Groom's so ridiculous,

859
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: I know, but yeah, this is final, final straw here.

860
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 1: Thank god. Emma's cousins, grandparents, and uncle are blowing up

861
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: our phone saying that what I said was wrong and

862
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 1: disrespectful and that we are horrible people, especially since mother

863
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: in law has high blood pressure issues and I was

864
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:39,439
Speaker 1: just trying to aggravate her. I was trying to aggravate her,

865
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: and I don't feel bad that I did, but I

866
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: feel awful that I made mother in law say those

867
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 1: horrible things to my wife and that Emma is currently

868
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 1: no contact with her mother, who she was quite close

869
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: to before we were married. And there are some relevant

870
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: comments and quite a bit more to the story. But

871
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 1: but what do we think so far? You are not,

872
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: in any way the ahole for this. This is insane.

873
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 2: I think that Emma's relationship with her mother was gonna

874
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 2: be ruined the second that she wasn't supportive of Emma.

875
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 2: Not yeah, because you made a comment about a cake.

876
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 1: Right right. I know, it's like, yeah, maybe that that

877
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: kind of moved things along further now, but it's like

878
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:22,919
Speaker 1: you that was such a silly little comment, and it's

879
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: like it's nothing, that's going to nothing that should make

880
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 1: someone blow up like that. Yeah, So her reaction is

881
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: definitely not your fault. It could not have been predicted either.

882
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: The issues were already there.

883
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 2: She already came at you guys for the wedding, the

884
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 2: fact that you can't wear your wedding rings around her

885
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 2: without a problem.

886
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: Yeh, which I'm assuming she didn't mention before like that.

887
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 1: Just maybe she did, But I'm like, I'm with how

888
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: that was said. I'm sure that was just like probably

889
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: just like scoffed every time I go yeah, like, I like,

890
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 1: why was that. I feel like that came out of nowhere,

891
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 1: and I really think that she never said that before.

892
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: But I mean, I don't know, I'm not I'm not

893
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: these people, but yeah, I agree, there are some relevant comments.

894
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: Great first comment says, not the A hole. You didn't

895
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: make your mother in law say those things. She said

896
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 1: them by herself, and you two are better off without her.

897
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,280
Speaker 1: Opie says, that was my gut feeling. But my wife's

898
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 1: whole family has been pestering us NonStop since yesterday and

899
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: I'm feeling kind of frazzled. Balpona free Son says, Wow,

900
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 1: her mom is super strongly invested in the hate and

901
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,439
Speaker 1: her whole family is. It seems not the A hole

902
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 1: as all that comment was was just commenting that maybe

903
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: her mom was accepting of her daughter. Opie says, weird

904
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: thing is ten years ago when my wife came out

905
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: to mother in law, she was super supportive and accepting,

906
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 1: but once my wife started dating girls, things kind of

907
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:48,240
Speaker 1: went downhill from there. Elevator Okay eighty six oh one says,

908
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: So mother in law can mentally and emotionally emma, but

909
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: you can't joke about a cake wonderful in laws, not

910
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: the A hole. It seems like no one in that

911
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: family can handle that you and your wife are happy,

912
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:05,359
Speaker 1: and Opie says, yeah, I really was not expecting that

913
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: harsh of a response from mother in law. I wanted

914
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: to annoy her since she had been rudely commenting about

915
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 1: my wife and me all day, but I wasn't expecting

916
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 1: her to completely explode. Rough Landing says, not the a hole.

917
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 1: If it wasn't the rainbow cake comment, then it would

918
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 1: have been something else. Eventually, I feel for your wife, though,

919
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: I'm sure this is difficult for her. Opie says, after

920
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 1: reading through these comments, it does look like she was

921
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: just trying to pick a fight. She always does this,

922
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 1: picking apart what we wear and how we show off

923
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,959
Speaker 1: our wedding bands. Okay, so maybe she has not shit

924
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: before that My wife and I deliberately refrain from any

925
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: affection apart from holding hands in her presence. I'm glad

926
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: my wife was able to cut her off finally, and

927
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 1: there is an edit, but yeah, I'm glad to.

928
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,919
Speaker 2: I mean, it sounds like she had the wedding band

929
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 2: one ready and then you just made a comment. She

930
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 2: was like, I'll use that instead right choking on something

931
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 2: else because she probably has overdone the wedding band.

932
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's exactly, And it's like, I feel like that

933
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: one commenter was right too. It's like that comment was

934
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: not necessarily about her being good, like it was about

935
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: her being accepting, coming around on you know, you guys

936
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: being all right. But then it's also the kind of

937
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 1: thing where it's like, Okay, well, if it's obviously the

938
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: mom isn't accepting, but if she tried to claim that

939
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 1: she was accepting, then it's like, well, why would you

940
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: be so offended if someone thought you were you know

941
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: what I mean exactly. But we do have an edit

942
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: in case anyone wants to know what the cake looked like.

943
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: I unfortunately did not get a good photo. I did, however,

944
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,879
Speaker 1: find some similar floral cakes from this company, but mother

945
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 1: in laws had pastel rain of flowers on top and

946
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 1: pastel stripes on the sides. But we do have an update.

947
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: Let's just jump right into it. My wife has decided

948
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: to go permanently no contact with mother in law and

949
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: low contact with much of her extended family. The only

950
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: family member who has been supportive of us so far,

951
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,240
Speaker 1: as her older sister she is. That's really a lovely person.

952
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,840
Speaker 1: I don't know how sister in law and my wife

953
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,439
Speaker 1: are such kind people despite being raised by my mother

954
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: in law. I understand I was wrong for making the

955
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: cake comment and that it only served to enrage my

956
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 1: mother in law. But my wife and I were talking

957
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 1: yesterday and she said that she would have commented that

958
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 1: the cake looked even if I hadn't. There you go,

959
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: You just can't deny that. It's just true, though it

960
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: definitely would have gone over better had my wife said

961
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: it instead of me. We're ultimately happy with the outcome

962
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: and that we no longer have to attend any incredibly

963
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 1: toxic family events with mother in law. As a side note,

964
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 1: my wife has told me that she never felt terribly

965
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 1: close to her mother and that her hour long calls

966
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 1: she would have with her mother were just very one

967
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: sided conversations where her mother would rant about her day

968
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 1: and our relationship, never asking or caring about my wife.

969
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 2: I mean, sounds like everything's turning out for the best.

970
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: I think no contact, ultimately, like was gonna be where

971
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 2: it was head no matter what kind of thing, if

972
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 2: you wanted any piece in any like. Yeah, just like

973
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 2: acceptance in your life right, getting out the negativity and.

974
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,800
Speaker 1: Stuff exactly, because I mean, this was like the one

975
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 1: event that they would do like a year pretty much.

976
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: So it's like we already were barely seeing Yeah, so

977
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: it's it's what needs to happen. Yeah, But there is

978
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: a little bit more to the story. Wifie and I

979
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 1: have ordered our own cake from a lovely local bakery

980
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: that is also run by life as a treat for

981
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: the so we've had to endure over the years and

982
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: as a toast for a better mother in law fore

983
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 1: years to come. Thank you to everyone who commented and

984
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: gave their insights. I'm glad this was resolved so quickly.

985
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: Yesterday I was feeling awful about my own behavior during

986
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: the party, especially since so many extended family members were

987
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 1: coming forward to argue on mother in law's behalf. I

988
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: was sad that this event caused my wife to go

989
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: to contact with her mother. Ultimately, I see that it

990
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:57,240
Speaker 1: was largely mother in law's fault and that my wife's

991
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,319
Speaker 1: extended family are a bunch of sheep. Thank you again

992
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: that everyone. And there are just a couple of comments,

993
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 1: but one commentary just says mother in law's that fault.

994
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:12,879
Speaker 1: Clearly she should have gotten a less cake and that's it. Yeah,

995
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: but that's the end of that story. I like that commentary.

996
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: I think that's accurate.

997
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 2: That it's wild to me that she can be so

998
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: and then get a rainbow cake and not right.

999
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 1: The correlation about it invites her daughter and her wife

1000
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,879
Speaker 1: over for Yeah, it's like, come on, dude, if you're

1001
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: so defensive about seeming like you're not straight, then it's like,

1002
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 1: you know, you set yourself up for that joke. Really,

1003
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 1: it was a simple joke. Any everyone was thinking it.

1004
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,760
Speaker 1: She just said it, and that's the end of the story.

1005
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 1: We're going on to the next one.

1006
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:55,320
Speaker 2: My mother in law is being insensitive about my late parents,

1007
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:55,879
Speaker 2: so I.

1008
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,720
Speaker 1: Blew up at her, as you should.

1009
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 2: I twenty three female, have been married to my husband,

1010
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 2: twenty four male for three years. We were high school

1011
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 2: sweethearts and have been best friends since elementary school. He's

1012
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 2: still my best friend to this day. I've never had

1013
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 2: a great relationship.

1014
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 1: With his mom.

1015
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:18,280
Speaker 2: She's difficult to talk to and our conversations are usually

1016
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 2: very shallow, gossiping about neighbors, complaining about the landscapers, etc.

1017
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: By the way, this.

1018
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 2: Comes from Throwaway ninety seven, twenty five, twenty eighth one,

1019
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,239
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1020
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytimes subreddit.

1021
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,800
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and we're here.

1022
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 2: To give good advice goofully, but we don't have all

1023
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 2: the answers. We only know what we would do, So

1024
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do in the comments.

1025
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 2: And Opie says, almost a year ago, my mom passed away,

1026
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 2: which still feels surreal to write. She truly was my

1027
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 2: soulmate and I'm incredibly grateful to have had her in

1028
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 2: my life for twenty three years. I miss her more

1029
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 2: than words can describe. My husband's family really stepped up

1030
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 2: during that time, supporting us financially with funeral costs and

1031
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 2: managing affairs when I was in deep grief. I'm genuinely

1032
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 2: grateful for their help. Fast forward to now, we're expecting

1033
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 2: our first baby.

1034
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 1: Wow.

1035
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 2: As excited as I am, I'm also deeply saddened that

1036
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 2: my mom won't be here to guide me through this.

1037
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 2: We always talked about what my kids would call her.

1038
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 2: We had settled on grams. Now to the incident, we're

1039
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 2: celebrating our pregnancy at dinner with my in laws, and

1040
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 2: my mother in law asked to make a toast. She

1041
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 2: laughed and said, I'm so grateful to celebrate a new

1042
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 2: addition to our family. We can't wait to meet little Veronica,

1043
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 2: which is her name. She went on to talk about

1044
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 2: her own pregnancy and what I should expect, mentioning that

1045
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:57,760
Speaker 2: my husband had an abnormally big head when he was born.

1046
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,320
Speaker 2: Then she said, I look forward to being the favorite

1047
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 2: grandma to Veronica, since of course I'll be the only grandma.

1048
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 1: Oh oh, oh my god, Oh my god. What that

1049
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 1: is so unnecessary.

1050
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 2: That was like, why couldn't you have just been like,

1051
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 2: I look forward to being a wonderful grandma to leave Veronica.

1052
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:23,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is so insane. My god.

1053
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 2: The room went silent, and I started to cry. I

1054
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 2: stood up and told her how incredibly insensitive it was

1055
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: to say that, and that my mom would always be

1056
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:38,279
Speaker 2: a grandmother whether she's here or not. She responded by

1057
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 2: saying I was overreacting and that it was.

1058
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 1: Just a joke, a joke.

1059
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: I told her to go to heck and left immediately.

1060
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 2: My husband later called me saying he spoke to his mom,

1061
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:52,359
Speaker 2: who was in tears because she was embarrassed. I mean,

1062
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 2: maybe you shouldn't have said it then. Geez, yeah, that's

1063
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: pretty freaking embarrassing.

1064
00:49:57,600 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: That you would say it.

1065
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 2: She asked him to apologize on her behalf, and he

1066
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 2: told me I should have come back instead of telling

1067
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,960
Speaker 2: her to go to heck and storming off. I'm currently

1068
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 2: staying with my sister and haven't stopped crying since she

1069
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 2: supports me one hundred percent. But I really want to know.

1070
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: Am I the A hole? Obviously? Our verdict is not

1071
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 1: the a hole? Yeah, definitely not. We've got some comments,

1072
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:24,320
Speaker 1: but oh my god, it's crazy.

1073
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 2: It's her mom passed a year a year ago, even

1074
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 2: if it was forever ago, that's still not something you say.

1075
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 2: But like a year ago to still be in that grief.

1076
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then also like getting pregnant too, Like I'm

1077
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 1: sure she's been thinking about the fact that, like her

1078
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 1: mom can't meet her child, like on top of all

1079
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 1: the regular grief, Like, oh my gosh, that's so awful. No,

1080
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: that's the worst.

1081
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 2: Some relevant comments, Uh, sir Wren, your mother in law

1082
00:50:55,960 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 2: said something severely inappropriate and insensitive. No person in their

1083
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 2: right mind would think what she said was okay, No

1084
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 2: matter how many years have passed since your mother's passing. Heck,

1085
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:11,439
Speaker 2: my grandmother passed away almost ten years ago, and when

1086
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 2: my son was born two years ago, my mom and

1087
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 2: I talked a lot about how much we missed her

1088
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 2: and how we wished she was still here to see him.

1089
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 2: We still say this often when he's reached a milestone

1090
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 2: or we're just doing something we know she would have enjoyed.

1091
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 2: It's natural to think about deceased relatives more at a

1092
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 2: time like this, and she says something as callous as that.

1093
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 2: Not the a whole Disastrous Duty seventy three, forty six says,

1094
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,799
Speaker 2: not the A hole. Speaking as a husband who has

1095
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 2: a mom like this, you need to seriously have a

1096
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 2: discussion with him about his mom's behavior. He has the

1097
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 2: power to change how his mother treats you, and it

1098
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 2: seems like he's okay with what she did and expects

1099
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 2: you to apologize. I understand it's his mom, but he

1100
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 2: chose to live a life with you and start a family.

1101
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 2: That needs to be his priority, not mommy's feelings. Candyland,

1102
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:04,399
Speaker 2: Canada says, not.

1103
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: The A hole.

1104
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 2: Please allow me to recap mother in law desecrated the

1105
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 2: memory of your mother while simultaneously attempting to elevate her

1106
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 2: place in the family. Husband is put out that you

1107
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 2: left the scene before giving mother in law a chance

1108
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 2: to weasel her way out via a vicarious apology.

1109
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: Have I got that right?

1110
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,720
Speaker 2: You have a husband problem and a mother in law problem.

1111
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 2: Let's hope that the former corrects itself before the birth.

1112
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 2: If husband even whispers that Veronica should be included as

1113
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 2: any part of the name, then take it for the

1114
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: giant flashing red light that it is and we have

1115
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 2: an update.

1116
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: Yeah any If not, so should we just let's just

1117
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:46,760
Speaker 1: get right into it. Three days later, woo.

1118
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 2: Just want to take a moment to thank you all

1119
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 2: for your support. Your comments and messages have been incredibly

1120
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:56,320
Speaker 2: eye opening. After staying with my sister for a few days,

1121
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,799
Speaker 2: my husband came over. He said he understood why I

1122
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 2: was her, but felt I overreacted. He asked me to

1123
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:08,400
Speaker 2: apologize to my mother in law to keep the peace,

1124
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 2: which felt like a betrayal. I had hoped he would

1125
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 2: stand up for me. That night, my mother in law

1126
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:18,840
Speaker 2: sent a long text, doubling down on her joke and saying,

1127
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 2: my grief is becoming a burden on everyone.

1128
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: Ah she told.

1129
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 2: Me I need to seek professional help and move on

1130
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:27,839
Speaker 2: since it's been almost a year.

1131
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 1: The way I am stomping over to her front door. Yeah,

1132
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 1: I'm not talking online about this. I am like, I

1133
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 1: want to yewl in her face. Yeah, my goodness, Oh

1134
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: my god. I was devastated.

1135
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 2: I showed my husband, but he got angry at me

1136
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:50,720
Speaker 2: for escalating things. What he said I should make peace

1137
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:52,799
Speaker 2: with her for our child's sake, and that he didn't

1138
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 2: want to be caught.

1139
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 1: In the middle. What does the child have to do

1140
00:53:55,800 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 1: with it? Husband, Get your crap together, man, because you

1141
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: know that when this mom passes away, he's not gonna

1142
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:09,399
Speaker 1: have the same idea. Take it, but we can't say

1143
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:12,360
Speaker 1: that ad Oh my god.

1144
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 2: I've decided to take some space and stay with my sister.

1145
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 2: I'm really struggling to come to terms with this. This

1146
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 2: whole situation has made me question if my marriage is

1147
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,240
Speaker 2: right for me and my baby. I need an environment

1148
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 2: where I feel respected and supportive, and I don't.

1149
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 1: Feel that way right now. Wow, that got so much

1150
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 1: worse than I thought it was. Again, to much worse.

1151
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,879
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Like if he can't understand that, that's

1152
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: a terrible thing. To say and that you're grieving, like

1153
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: he's not being sensitive to your grief at all when

1154
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 1: you just lost your mother. I mean that's a huge,

1155
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 1: huge loss.

1156
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 2: And he helped you through that, and then to like

1157
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 2: turn that quickly. I thought for sure that update was

1158
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,360
Speaker 2: gonna be like and then I talked to my husband

1159
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 2: and he came around helping me against mother.

1160
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: Hope not that made it so much worse. Yeah, I

1161
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 1: would definitely seriously reflect on that relationship too, for sure. Yeah, yeah,

1162
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: a lit'll bit left.

1163
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,280
Speaker 2: I told my husband that if he wants me back,

1164
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 2: he needs to show me he can stand up for me.

1165
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 2: I'm putting myself and my baby first. I don't know

1166
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 2: what will happen next, but I know I deserve better

1167
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:26,279
Speaker 2: than this. My sister and I are currently turning her

1168
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 2: old office into a room, prepping for Rosie's after my

1169
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 2: mom rosa.

1170
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: Oh right, okay, so I think you were right with

1171
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 1: you maybe it was like that, then I think you

1172
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 1: were right, dang.

1173
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 2: I feel truly blessed to have her support. Thank you

1174
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,879
Speaker 2: again for all your support. It has meant more than

1175
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:47,880
Speaker 2: you know. We have some comments comment to one A

1176
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 2: year is nothing for someone grieving, especially if it's their parents.

1177
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 2: I hope Opie and her sister can support each other,

1178
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 2: and that the husband steps up and not excuses mother

1179
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 2: in law's actions any longer. Someone replied, I luckily have

1180
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 2: my parents still, but I lost my best friend three

1181
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,880
Speaker 2: years ago, and there are days the grief is unbearable.

1182
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: I still talk about her all the time. If my

1183
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:14,799
Speaker 2: partner's family told me to get over it it was

1184
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 2: three years ago, my partner would lay the f into them.

1185
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:22,280
Speaker 2: Someone else replies, grief is love in a heavy coat.

1186
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,920
Speaker 2: Commenter two, I hope mother in law will be okay

1187
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 2: with her son forgetting her and replacing her within a

1188
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 2: year of her passing, or is that treatment only reserved

1189
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 2: for everyone else?

1190
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:35,360
Speaker 1: Comndar three.

1191
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:39,839
Speaker 2: This marriage is ending soon, right, Someone replies, I hope

1192
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 2: it already did. It was dated twenty twenty four. My

1193
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,719
Speaker 2: parents have been gone for a long time, long enough

1194
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:47,799
Speaker 2: for me to hear a lot of stupid crap from

1195
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 2: stupid people, long enough to think of what I should

1196
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 2: have said. But was two stunned in the moment. If

1197
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 2: I encountered someone like the mother in law now, I

1198
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 2: would likely say in my nastiest voice that when she

1199
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 2: is away I hope everyone moves on.

1200
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: And forgets her by the one year anniversary.

1201
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 2: Hopefully I'd also have the wherewithal to say that after

1202
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 2: that year, Opie's daughter wouldn't have any grandmothers because passed

1203
00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:12,720
Speaker 2: Away's passed away?

1204
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 1: Commander four.

1205
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 2: Why do so many guys have such a hard time

1206
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 2: standing up to their mother. I would have never spoken

1207
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 2: to her again, Someone replies, I've commented this a.

1208
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: Couple times before.

1209
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 2: But my mom always said to me, if your wife

1210
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 2: and I ever fight and you don't take her side,

1211
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 2: I'll scold you myself.

1212
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 1: To be frank.

1213
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 2: She also had to live with an incredibly toxic mother

1214
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 2: in law during her marriage. As a man who witnessed

1215
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,960
Speaker 2: his father dropping the ball firsthand, keeping the peace only

1216
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: enables them, it'll escalate. Another thing my mom taught me

1217
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 2: was that the most important person in your life should

1218
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 2: be your spouse.

1219
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 1: As she would put.

1220
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 2: It, you'll outlive your parents, and your children will grow

1221
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 2: up to leave their own lives and start their own families.

1222
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 2: The only person who stays with you till the end

1223
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 2: is your spouse and siblings, so they should be the

1224
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 2: most important people in your life always and it. Please

1225
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 2: remember to be reasonable and still love your parents and

1226
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 2: kids like any respectable person should.

1227
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: There should be a.

1228
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 2: Guideline on overarching life decisions for yourself in private. It

1229
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 2: does not mean telling your kids that you love their

1230
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 2: mom more or something like that.

1231
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 1: Lmao. That's the end of that story. Wow, great commenters, though. Yeah,

1232
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 1: it's just like crazy that she was about to apologize,

1233
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 1: like she knew that it was wrong first and it

1234
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:38,439
Speaker 1: was like, hey, son, can you apologie for me? Right?

1235
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 1: Just like total nothing coward move. Yeah, But then it

1236
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: was like, no, actually you embarrassed. Yeah, huh no, no, no,

1237
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: that wor Yeah. I think you're making the right decision

1238
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,160
Speaker 1: by being with your sister. I'm glad that she's there

1239
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: to support you. Yeah, glad that you're naming your your

1240
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: kid after your mom. Yeah, which, and it's a beautiful

1241
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:06,440
Speaker 1: name too, So good job. Op. I'm so sorry you

1242
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 1: had to go through all that. That's terrible. Yeah, good job.

1243
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1244
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:14,200
Speaker 1: to the next one. Hey y'all, it's John og host here.

1245
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's a

1246
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors. I

1247
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 1: hung up on my mother in law because she berated

1248
00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 1: my wife after giving birth. Yeah, keep sending her to

1249
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 1: voicemail and trigger warning for emotional inverbal Me twenty four

1250
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: male and my girlfriend twenty four female just had our

1251
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: first son. He was born with some slight but not

1252
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:38,439
Speaker 1: serious complications which landed him in the and I see

1253
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: you for a few days. Thankfully, everything's fine now and

1254
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 1: we have him back in our arms. By the way,

1255
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 1: this comes from Switch sixty sixty five. And if you

1256
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,000
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1257
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime step addit. And I'm Angie, I'm Carly,

1258
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice. Goofily. But we

1259
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what

1260
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 1: we would do in the situation. So let us know

1261
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 1: what you would do in the comment, so Opie says.

1262
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: While he was in the NICU, we hadn't finalized the

1263
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 1: name yet. We had one picked out, but my girlfriend

1264
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 1: changed her mind the last minute, which was totally fine

1265
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 1: with me. I went to visit our son, and when

1266
01:00:12,600 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 1: I came back, my girlfriend was on FaceTime with her mother.

1267
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 1: Her mom was screaming at her for not having named

1268
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: the baby yet what. My girlfriend was already exhausted and emotional,

1269
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 1: so I hung up the call to stop her mom

1270
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 1: from stressing her out even more. That made her mom furious, Well,

1271
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 1: sure but whatever. She started texting me, calling me a

1272
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 1: dumb butt, but with the actual naughty word and other names.

1273
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 1: I showed the messages to my girlfriend and we both

1274
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 1: realized that until her mom apologized, she wouldn't be allowed

1275
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 1: to see the baby. For some background, I've always been

1276
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 1: respectful to her mom, but over time I've seen how controlling,

1277
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 1: self absorbed, and emotionally harmful she can be towards my girlfriend.

1278
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:58,560
Speaker 1: I've built up a lot of resentment watching how she

1279
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:01,439
Speaker 1: treats her. She also loves to remind me that since

1280
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I aren't married yet, I supposedly have

1281
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 1: no say in anything, including our own child. Her husband

1282
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 1: has echoed that too, saying I have no right to

1283
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 1: say that she can't see her grandbaby. Later, her whole

1284
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 1: family showed up at the hospital. Her mom tried to

1285
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 1: ignore me and just pushed past to see the baby.

1286
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 1: I was feeding our sons, so my girlfriend went out

1287
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,120
Speaker 1: to talk to her. She told her mom she couldn't

1288
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: see the baby. Until she apologized. During that time, my

1289
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: girlfriend's sister twenty seven female, and brother seventeen male, were

1290
01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: in the room with us. Her mom called the brother

1291
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,280
Speaker 1: and told him he had to leave, then called the

1292
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 1: sister and said if she didn't leave too, she would

1293
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:43,840
Speaker 1: abandon her. The sister had flown in from town just

1294
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 1: to meet the baby, basically since she couldn't get her way,

1295
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:49,440
Speaker 1: she didn't want anyone else to have the chance either.

1296
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:53,120
Speaker 1: Eventually they left and came back later asking to talk.

1297
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,840
Speaker 1: Her mom explained herself but it was really just her

1298
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 1: blaming me for hanging up on her. The sister jumped in,

1299
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 1: saying I should apology. Then her mom started yelling again,

1300
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:05,440
Speaker 1: so I told her she wasn't seeing her grandson and

1301
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:08,880
Speaker 1: walked away. Her husband was standing there the whole time,

1302
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 1: trying to look intimidating, but I ignored him. But I

1303
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:14,560
Speaker 1: said she couldn't see the baby. He told me I

1304
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,920
Speaker 1: was being disrespectful. He was so upset that he refused

1305
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:20,920
Speaker 1: to even hold his first grandson just because I wouldn't

1306
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 1: let his wife see him. I found that really sad. Now,

1307
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,640
Speaker 1: to be fair, my girlfriend's mom did recently lose her father.

1308
01:02:27,720 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 1: A couple weeks ago. Oh wow, that's pretty recent, very soon.

1309
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: That does change things. I do understand she's grieving and

1310
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 1: going through a lot emotionally, but the truth is she's

1311
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 1: always been like this, even before her dad passed away.

1312
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 1: This isn't new behavior. She's always been manipulative, controlling, and

1313
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:46,560
Speaker 1: quick to lash out when things don't go her way.

1314
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 1: Her loss might have made things worse, but it didn't

1315
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:52,400
Speaker 1: create the problem. And honestly, grief doesn't excuse calling people

1316
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 1: names or acting out like a child. Everyone deals with

1317
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: pain differently, but it doesn't give you the right to

1318
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 1: disrespect others, especially when we're all trying to focus on

1319
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 1: a newborn and healing. For the record, I've never wanted

1320
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 1: to cut them out or keep them from being involved.

1321
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: I'm big on grandparents being around, so I value that

1322
01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:12,800
Speaker 1: bond deeply. But being involved doesn't mean I have to

1323
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 1: tolerate being insulted. At the end of the day, if

1324
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:18,000
Speaker 1: someone is calling me names and disrespecting me, that's a

1325
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 1: boundary I have to set. My girlfriend agrees with me completely.

1326
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 1: She said the same thing. If her mom gets away

1327
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 1: with calling me names now, it will just become a habit.

1328
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: All we asked for was an apology and it would

1329
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 1: have been done, but instead she talks about respect NonStop,

1330
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 1: yet the first chance she gets, she disrespects both of us.

1331
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 1: She expects an apology but will never give one herself.

1332
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 1: Even my girlfriend's grandmother, her mom's own mother, said I

1333
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,840
Speaker 1: did the right thing and that my girlfriend's mom is

1334
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 1: out of line. That meant a lot to me because

1335
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 1: it shows that even her own family can see how

1336
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,800
Speaker 1: she behaves. Honestly, I don't want to give her the

1337
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 1: satisfaction of acting like this is all okay. I'm willing

1338
01:03:57,600 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 1: to move forward if she just apologizes, but I'm not

1339
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,480
Speaker 1: backing down for being treated like I'm nothing. So am

1340
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 1: I the a hole for hanging up on my girlfriend's

1341
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 1: mom and refusing to let her see the baby until

1342
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 1: she apologizes. And we do have some comments, but what

1343
01:04:10,640 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 1: do you think?

1344
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:15,120
Speaker 2: No, yeah, this is how mother in law's always been,

1345
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 2: and it's like she's just pushing it and pushing it.

1346
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 2: I think that it's probably good that there was this

1347
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 2: point where you guys hit like, no, like you need

1348
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 2: to apologize this time or there's like an actual consequence

1349
01:04:26,120 --> 01:04:27,440
Speaker 2: that we're holding.

1350
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 1: Right, because I mean, you have a kid now so

1351
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:34,720
Speaker 1: now it's it's obviously you deserve the respect and she

1352
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 1: shouldn't be yelling like that around you, but especially not

1353
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 1: around the kid, right And you know that she's not

1354
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 1: going to stop just because it's a kid, Like she's

1355
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 1: gonna be holding the baby yelling at you guys, And

1356
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,760
Speaker 1: it's like, we can't. This baby was just born. We

1357
01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:52,080
Speaker 1: don't need to start this trauma right away. She already

1358
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,520
Speaker 1: was right outside the hospital.

1359
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:57,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's like, come on, you couldn't even it's crazy,

1360
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 2: we haven't.

1361
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,600
Speaker 1: We haven't brought the baby home yet, already yelled around

1362
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 1: him like you gotta that's gonna affect them so poorly

1363
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 1: and you just can't do that. But we do have

1364
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 1: some comments comming. Number one says, not the ahole. Your

1365
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 1: girlfriend has more than likely been exposed to this behavior

1366
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,040
Speaker 1: and abuse her entire life, and what you are doing

1367
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 1: now is breaking that generational cycle so your baby doesn't

1368
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:23,800
Speaker 1: have to experience this dysfunction or potentially grow up thinking

1369
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 1: this behavior as normal. And Okay, I have the same

1370
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:30,040
Speaker 1: mother as your mother in law, and my family, husband

1371
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:34,040
Speaker 1: and kids are low contact with boundaries and things in place,

1372
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 1: and the moment she steps out of line, we deliver

1373
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 1: a consequence for the behavior. My husband and I are

1374
01:05:40,640 --> 01:05:43,720
Speaker 1: very united in this. You not letting your mother in

1375
01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:46,920
Speaker 1: law around the baby is merely a consequence for her

1376
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 1: misbehavior and disrespecting boundaries and disrespecting you. Opie says she

1377
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: has been experiencing her whole life. It's hard for her,

1378
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,480
Speaker 1: especially since her mother is turning the whole family against her.

1379
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 1: Number two says this started over a son's name weeks

1380
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:07,360
Speaker 1: after her dad passed away. So did she want your

1381
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:10,480
Speaker 1: wife to name your son after her grandfather? Not the

1382
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:13,240
Speaker 1: a whole, Opie says, no, she just wanted a name

1383
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 1: to put on shirts, And once we did have a name,

1384
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:19,080
Speaker 1: she didn't even make the shirts. I forgot this whole

1385
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 1: thing was about the name in the first lace. Someone responded,

1386
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 1: I wasn't named for a month. My mother was sick

1387
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,520
Speaker 1: and my dad wasn't able to register it without her.

1388
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:31,720
Speaker 1: I'm fine and everyone survived without making t shirts. Good lord,

1389
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 1: your mother in law is an a whole, commented Number

1390
01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:37,720
Speaker 1: three says, not the ole. Your girlfriend's mom doesn't really

1391
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 1: mean respect. She means unquestioning obedience. Anything less than that

1392
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:47,560
Speaker 1: and she will become angry and start hurling insults. You

1393
01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 1: cannot force her to stop. Only she can do that.

1394
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 1: You can only tell her what the consequences are for

1395
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:56,480
Speaker 1: violating the rules and then enforce them. That's exactly what

1396
01:06:56,520 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 1: you did. That's what a healthy boundary is. Someone responds, Yep,

1397
01:07:00,840 --> 01:07:03,479
Speaker 1: just tell her, and no one owes you obedience, and

1398
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:06,840
Speaker 1: we will not be complying with your ridiculous requests from

1399
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 1: yourself or via others. You seem to have misunderstood your power.

1400
01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:13,760
Speaker 1: In this situation. We will decide who gets to interact

1401
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 1: with our son and how Tell the rest of the

1402
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 1: family you have your rules, and if they can't follow them,

1403
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 1: like mother in law, they also won't be welcome. Make

1404
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:25,600
Speaker 1: them choose between the quiet life or mother in law's

1405
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 1: enforced madness. Once they see there is another option, her

1406
01:07:29,360 --> 01:07:32,240
Speaker 1: power starts to slip. All it takes is one creak

1407
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:35,200
Speaker 1: in the dam. Brother in law and sister in law

1408
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 1: will be the first to go. They already want to

1409
01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:41,480
Speaker 1: and there is an update, And yeah, honestly, that's a

1410
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 1: good point. I think. Yeah. Other people will start to

1411
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:47,760
Speaker 1: see pretty quick. I think, yeah, yeah, I think so.

1412
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 1: Because the brother in law and sister in law obviously

1413
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 1: were you know with her in this in a way,

1414
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:57,560
Speaker 1: but it feels like it's just because they're the daughters

1415
01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 1: or the kids.

1416
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 2: Of this fall more just like Okay, well I'm not

1417
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:04,160
Speaker 2: gonna get abandoned at the hospital, like I try to

1418
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 2: get home somehow.

1419
01:08:05,480 --> 01:08:07,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, I've got to get home, And like, this

1420
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 1: is my mom And if they grew up with it,

1421
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:12,400
Speaker 1: then they probably are used to kind of giving it

1422
01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 1: like that, So I don't really blame them. But hopefully yeah,

1423
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:18,800
Speaker 1: if you said this boundary, than others will follow, I think.

1424
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 1: So see, like, oh shoot, we can do that, no

1425
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:27,080
Speaker 1: way what But there is an update. So since posting things,

1426
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 1: things have gotten even messier. Eh, that's what we love

1427
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:36,080
Speaker 1: to see. The family is basically shunning us at this point.

1428
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:38,720
Speaker 1: My girlfriend's older sister, who had come down with her

1429
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 1: daughter to help my girlfriend with the baby for a week,

1430
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,519
Speaker 1: is now on the edge too. Her daughter is being

1431
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 1: used as a pawn in all of this. My mother

1432
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 1: in law told her she won't watch her granddaughter at

1433
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:52,240
Speaker 1: all if she goes over to our house to stay

1434
01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:55,880
Speaker 1: for the week. Oh my gosh, Now the threats are

1435
01:08:55,880 --> 01:09:00,360
Speaker 1: going towards the sister. What this feels like, I'm watching

1436
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:02,240
Speaker 1: a lot of Game Thrones recently. If that's what it

1437
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:06,160
Speaker 1: feels like, Here's like, well, if you give money to

1438
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 1: the Lanisters, then I will not give you an army

1439
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: or I don't know whatever they do on that show. Oh,

1440
01:09:11,320 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 1: we're naming the baby who probably has the name by now,

1441
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:19,640
Speaker 1: yeah he does. She didn't make the shirts. Ah my goodness.

1442
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 1: Now the sister has sided with her mom, and they're

1443
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:26,519
Speaker 1: all comparing me to the sister's husband, who also saw

1444
01:09:26,560 --> 01:09:30,160
Speaker 1: through the mother in law's nonsense. The difference is he

1445
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:32,760
Speaker 1: never actually stood his ground and said mother in law

1446
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:35,960
Speaker 1: couldn't see his kid. Apparently that makes me the bad

1447
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,439
Speaker 1: guy because I'm the only one standing on business and

1448
01:09:38,479 --> 01:09:41,400
Speaker 1: not backing down. The worst part is my girlfriend is

1449
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:44,639
Speaker 1: incredibly depressed over all of this. She feels torn between

1450
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:47,120
Speaker 1: her family and our little family, and I honestly don't

1451
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 1: know what to do anymore. This has gone way too

1452
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:51,479
Speaker 1: far and I just don't want it to be over

1453
01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:54,840
Speaker 1: and that's the end of that story. Ah. But yeah,

1454
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:56,599
Speaker 1: I mean she's going through so much. She just had

1455
01:09:56,640 --> 01:10:01,640
Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah, she just had a baby, and it

1456
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:02,840
Speaker 1: has to deal with all this.

1457
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:06,320
Speaker 2: It's just like, come on, we should just get an

1458
01:10:06,360 --> 01:10:08,840
Speaker 2: apology and all move on and be happy and see

1459
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:10,120
Speaker 2: our babies