WEBVTT - Ask Amy & T.J.: “I’m A Successful Black Woman. So Why Aren’t Men Into Me?” 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:05.880 Hey there are folks. A lady just calling herself F 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:09.959 wrote to us asking for some relationship advice. She says, 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:14.200 I am a successful black woman, so why aren't men 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:20.360 into me? Robots initial thoughts, you're asking the wrong questions. 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:24.600 My initial take, stop leading with your height and your weight, 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:28.280 and welcome everybody to this edition of Amy and DJ 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:30.680 based on the question that came into us in our 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:34.920 weekly Yahoo column. And this was a hell of a 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:38.839 question in a lot of ways robes and it was 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:42.320 heartbreaking to some degree. But we'll let other people decide. 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:44.080 Yeah, that's the initial thing. 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.800 I remember you said right away when we saw the question, 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:49.879 and we'll read the entire question for you, the listener. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:51.639 But your first response was I just want to give 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:52.120 her a hug. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.560 And I think that's kind of where my head went first, 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.720 because I get it. It's you're looking for a partner, 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.920 looking for that love of your life, and you can't 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:06.679 find him, and you're asking what is it about me 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:08.840 that I can't find someone? 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:15.160 And I my initial thought was it sounds so cheesy. 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:18.400 But to love yourself, to date yourself, to actually put 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.720 the work into finding who you are and what you want, 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.160 not who wants me, who's looking at me? Why can't 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:29.839 I attract someone? Find yourself attractive? And if you don't, 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:31.840 if you aren't happy with who you are, or you 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.920 don't feel good about who you are, then work on. 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:37.560 That and work on friendships. 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:40.920 I think that's such a great way as a social escape, 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.240 instead of going out and hoping or wishing that you'd 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.959 find or bump into that man and have that amazing 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:51.000 meat cute that we all see in those ridiculous rom coms. Instead, 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:55.160 I don't know, but that's just yeah, what they call 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:56.000 them meat cute? 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:58.240 Just figure that out about six months ago what that meant. 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:00.520 And I think so many girls, and I'll be honest, 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.720 have it in their head that that might happen to them, 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:04.960 or that could happen, or maybe tonight's the. 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.600 Night and read sure, the same cup at the Starbucks 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:08.960 counter in your hands touched. 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.800 Right, or you drop the popcorn and you both go 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.000 down to get it and your and your hands touched 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.240 and look up and say oh you hi? Yes, or 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.240 even a car accident, a friendly thunder bender like these 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:20.919 can all turn into romantic relationship. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:25.000 No they don't, yeah, exactly, that never happens. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.440 So I feel like, maybe if you can, if you 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:30.640 maybe if you could focus on creating a really awesome 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.880 friend group where you're just focused on enjoying yourself and 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:39.160 others and not thinking about wanting or needing that romantic relationship. 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:41.400 I know that's really easy to say and hard to do, 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.200 but really to turn inward and to really what do 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:46.239 I want to do, what fills me up, what brings 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:47.800 me joy, and then go from there. 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.480 I'm laughing and you're gonna know why. And because as 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:53.880 you were saying all of that, I turned my head 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.240 to my left. You turn yours to your right, and 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.240 tell everybody what's paused on the. 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.320 Screen right now, Love Island not just the. 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:03.760 Show like just you just so happened to pause it 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.680 where the logo is paused and we are looking at 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.160 the screen and it says love Island. As we're you're 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.880 telling people, yeah, I just love yourself, don't worry about it. 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:15.840 Love Island USA. But see, that is like a fun 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:20.320 it's a fun fantasy exactly. And I do think sometimes 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:22.840 I can only speak for us girls. We get wrapped 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:27.480 up in the idea of the relationship, the idea of 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:30.200 the man, the idea of the marriage, the idea of 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:32.919 the boyfriend, because we have so many things that we're 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.760 watching and we think that's the way it should be. 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.200 It is the way it should be, even sometimes it's 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:43.080 not the way. Sometimes it's never that way. But yes, 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:46.440 f is all she calls herself. But this is what 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:49.200 she wrote to us Amy and Tej. I'm a forty 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:53.000 two year old black female, one hundred and ninety five pounds, 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:57.120 five foot eleven inches tall. I don't drink, I don't smoke. 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:00.520 I have natural hair and a natural body type, educated 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.440 and have a good career. I own my own home car, 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.720 and play tennis, swim and do yoga. I travel and 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:09.840 volunteer in my community. Yet now where I live in 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:14.120 northern New Jersey, and previously in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:18.120 in Westchester County, New York, it's the same. I'm ignored 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:20.839 in the dating pool. I go to singles events and 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:23.680 join groups to Northvale. I try dating apps, but no 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:27.400 success there either. I choose not to be on social media. 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.640 I don't have any close friends or family to make introductions. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:34.680 What else can I do? My question is robes. What 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:38.760 is it that men are looking for? I'm interested in 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.520 both of your perspectives, and so if you want to 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:44.800 read our full perspectives that we it's a much longer 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.480 explanation of our thoughts to her. It is on yahoo 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:50.960 dot com. Just go to the life section and it'll 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.520 be right there. But Robes, I got very hung up on, 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:57.560 as you know, the fact that the first thing out 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.040 of her mouth to describe herself was her height and 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:04.240 her weight. I know that that's usually the last thing 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.840 women want to lead with. The first thing is I 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:09.880 am a one hundred and ninety five pounds is the 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.560 first thing out of her mouth. So that already, I 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:17.479 think puts us all anybody reading into a mindset of 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.880 where her head is about what the dating situation is. 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:22.440 She felt that was important information. 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.080 She felt like that information might be the reason why 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:28.479 she's having a hard time dating or finding a man, 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.080 and so she's saying, hey, I'm putting it all out there. 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.200 I'm going to tell you what I'm up against. 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.040 So it kind of felt like and she was definitely 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.280 went down the list of the things she has that 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.400 she thinks are positive that are going for her, and 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.480 she didn't say it was negative, but I think by 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:47.480 putting it up first, it was maybe implied that it 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:48.160 was okay? 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:50.520 Can I ask that read her as in front of 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:54.000 you there still yes? So just start reading about her 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:58.680 in reverse? Right, start with I volunteer in my community, 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.600 I travel. Why did we not go that direction about yoga? 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:06.440 A good career body type, educated, home car tennis, and 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.840 then end with right. 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:10.919 She led with you, you're right, you know that's so 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:13.600 interesting when you read it backwards. That's the way that 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.440 she would have been putting, you know, all of the things. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.239 She loves about herself first, and not that she shouldn't 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:20.560 or couldn't love all those. 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.320 Other things about herself. But that is really interesting. And 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:27.000 she asked a direct question, what is it that men 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:27.680 are looking for? 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:31.000 TJ. You're a man? What is it that men are 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:31.520 looking for? 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:36.680 I think that depends on truly where men are at 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:40.680 certain periods of their own lives, not just sometimes a 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.000 numbers game, just a twenty five year olds looking for 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:45.559 this in the thirty eh. It depends on a twenty 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.440 eight year old could be settled and comfortable, and what 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:50.200 he wants and what he's looking for, and what's he 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:51.920 wants to do, and where his career is headed and 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:54.600 all kinds of it's just a matter of where there 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.000 are in their lives at the time. But I don't 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:01.359 know any point in anybody's life they want somebody putting on, 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:05.680 putting on a good face, put pretending to be something 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:08.360 that you actually think we want. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:10.080 That never works. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:13.480 It's gonna work because we're gonna see you in the morning, right, 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.520 And that's that's just the way of putting. I'm gonna 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:19.000 see you eventually, it's gonna come out. And then, oh god, 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:21.720 we got a problem, because, as we always say, when 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.320 you meet somebody, you're just meeting their representative. When you're 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:28.560 on a date, just their rep you'll meet the person 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:29.040 later on. 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:31.640 Oh my god, that's hilarious. 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:35.000 But but yes, of course, looks are important to a 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:42.480 lot of men and women. But eventually, we know intellectually, 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:43.600 looks fade. 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:45.120 Everybody gets older. 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.600 Nobody's gonna stay as hot as they are perhaps in 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:51.160 that first interview with the person that you're potentially going 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:55.680 to date. But what lasts I mean it's is confidence 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:59.680 always sexy. I'm not talking over confidence, but true confidence 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:02.000 is not always attractive and sexy. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:06.760 One hundred percent every single time. Confidence is one thing. Now, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:12.240 some guys aren't necessarily intimidated by confidence, They're intimidated by success, 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:17.160 they're intimidated by alphas. That can be a case sometimes. 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.800 But nobody wants a I say nobody. I'm just speaking generally, 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:25.680 But any dude worth his salt is going to want 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.400 a woman who has a confident way about her, who 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:31.080 is not whimpering in some way, who is not needy 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.120 in some way. Oh my goodness, yes, so walk in 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:37.120 that My recommendation to her, walk embrace Walk in there 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.640 with your five eleven hundred and ninety five pounds self. 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:43.200 Nothing is wrong with you, You embrace it. If you're not, 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.960 who the hell else is going to She's putting that 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:47.960 out in the world, is what I was arguing. Ye 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:49.960 stop if you got a problem with it. Of course 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:50.720 somebody else is. 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:53.320 It's so It's so true because she talks about going 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:56.320 to singles events and joining groups to no avail. She 0:08:56.360 --> 0:09:01.320 says she's ignored and dating apps weren't successful either. But 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.840 I feel like if she walked into those same rooms 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:07.800 loving who she was, confident as hell, knowing that she 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.880 has something of extreme value that she could offer another person. 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:13.240 I think it might be the energy you walk into 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.240 a room with, and she said she doesn't have any 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:18.000 close friends or family to make introductions. I was curious 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:20.840 if that means she actually does not have any close 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.240 friends or family, or the one she has just don't 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:24.800 know anyone. 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:26.760 I didn't know which one she meant. 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:28.960 By that, But if it is the former, if she 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.080 doesn't have a lot of close friends, go find some, 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:37.080 Go make some. Establish those relationships with folks who you 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.440 are just friends and friendly with, and you can open 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:43.040 up all sorts of new doors. I do believe that's 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:46.880 oftentimes you even said this. The person who you might 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.199 or could possibly have a relationship with, could be in 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.640 your small circle, your ten blocks that you live, in, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:56.160 the grocery store you go to. It's a lot of 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.000 times the energy you bring into a room. 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:01.880 And I'm telling you, if there a woman five foot eleven, 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:06.160 one hundred ninety five pounds, it walks into a room, confidently, 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.520 all of us are gonna turn our heads and take peak. Yeah, yes, 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:14.560 and think what intrigued. Even if there's not some instant 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:18.840 physical sexual attraction, even that you're still a presence in 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:22.640 a room, own it be who you are. Knock yourself out. 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:26.680 You'd be surprised if you give that off. The right 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.680 dude is in the right radius, and it's going to 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:33.280 give that back to you. She's chasing something that doesn't 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:37.800 want her. If she stops doing that, it's going to 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.000 start coming. And I don't that. They might be five eight, 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:45.560 they might be six seven, I don't know, but they're coming, 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:49.680 but they're coming. All right, we'll stay with us because Robes, 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.920 you went through the comments with people riding back. I 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.439 mean you're saying once again, it was a bunch of dudes. 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:57.280 A lot of men, a lot of men. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:00.240 But I do have I do have well, well I 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.320 can't tell some of them are gender neutral, but I 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.720 do have at least one woman who has weighed in. 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.760 Hey, she probably makes more sense than the rest of them. 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:11.679 Uh, you know what, the menor I'm really impressed they 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.600 are giving their honest assessments of what they think dudes 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.920 are like out there. So it's been the comments were, 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:19.160 as always very interesting. 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:20.880 All right, stay here, I can't wait to hear. 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:33.520 Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ. 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:37.079 This is the Ask Amy and TJ podcast, where we 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:41.560 go a little deeper about our weekly Yahoo relationship advice 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.640 at Colin and every week we get a new question. 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:47.360 This week's question comes to us from f and she 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:52.319 is asking what men are looking for. She is single, 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:54.840 she's forty two years old. She gave us her height, 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:56.640 she gave us her weight, she told us all the 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.240 things she's great at, and yet still she says she 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.400 cannot find a man and she wanted some advice. What 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:05.400 are men looking for? That was her question to us, 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.400 And we had several people write in, and among them. 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:09.000 Finally a woman. 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.120 We've been laughing because we have so many men writing 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.440 in the comment section, and we love it. Men, keep 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.640 on writing your comments, but women, we implore you to 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:17.720 as well, because it's been fun to read them all. 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.960 But our first comment comes from Alana. 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:22.400 Do you see it there? Tj uh? 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.480 Let me get it in front of me here. Okay, hell, 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.280 you wanted me to. You saw you wanted me to 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.160 read it. Y'all gonna understand why she wanted me to 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:33.360 read it now? All right, Alana says Chip. The good 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:37.120 ones are gone brainwashed to believe that everything that doesn't 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:41.840 look like them is better. Unfortunately, you are a casualty 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:48.160 of that societal nonsensical trap. Whereas art has imitated life, 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.960 I'm in your same area, same issue. Try the Deep 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:54.600 South or abroad. 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:57.560 What do you think about that that? 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.280 Maybe it might be the area is that she lives in. 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.680 It might be where she is in the world. 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:07.439 New Jersey, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, west Chester County. 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:11.240 The northeast East Coast might have a slightly different I mean, look, 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.040 we watch these shows ninety day Fiance and what do 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.240 they always say to their relative who's now found love 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:21.240 in some other country. Couldn't just find a nice girl 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:22.520 or guy here at home? 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.320 Why'd you have to go across the world? 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.720 But sometimes people really feel like that is the only 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.280 way to find someone who isn't stuck in some certain 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.760 way of thinking about what they think they want or 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:39.319 what this area or this society makes them think they want. 0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:44.520 Change her dating pool, she should change her options. Now. 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:47.719 I didn't think about that because I yes, there are 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:51.080 certain folks and certain parts of the country who are 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.559 used to and don't mind at all. Yes, a woman 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.520 with a certain height and girth to her. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:01.240 Yes, all that's true, and there are different That makes 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.679 total sense. And she's saying, hey, I'm I'm do you 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:04.960 believe the good ones are all gone? 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:05.960 DJ of course not. 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.480 I don't either. I've never believed that. 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:14.880 Hell, some of the bad ones are gone, yes. 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:17.120 So I I you know what, it's never a bad 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.600 I don't think it's ever a bad thing to expand 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:22.000 the dating pool that you're looking in. 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:23.640 I don't think that's bad advice at all. 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:26.880 All Right, So this one comes to us from J. 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:31.400 And Jay doesn't necessarily have a gender attached to, so 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:32.840 I can't say if it's a him or her. 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:35.840 It's just the letter J. But Jay, in the. 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:39.560 Comments section, wrote this, two hundred pounds is a bit 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:44.280 of a problem. Looks do matter, not completely, but they 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:45.280 do matter. 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.680 Okay, a bit of a problem. What does that mean? 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:51.960 I believe maybe what he's saying is that it might 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:55.280 limit people who would be attracted to her. Some people 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.400 want someone who is of a certain height or a 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:01.880 certain weight, and if you weigh over a certain much 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:06.760 they a certain point they may not consider you attractive. 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:10.800 Okay. I hate like Okay, And again she put it 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:14.240 out there, but I hate the idea that like weight 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:18.720 is it so therefore that there's a certain weight involved. 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.320 And it was almost like she's eliminated from being a 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.080 part of an attractive pool. Of people. 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:28.360 I would like to believe that there are enough people 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.560 who don't care about that, there are enough people who 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:37.800 understand that everybody looks different, is different, and. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:40.080 There are enough people out there who are all different. 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:43.920 Shapes of sizes that you can find people you're attracted to. 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:48.480 What's her name? Oh my god, Alana. She's from the 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.720 rugby player US rugby mayor mayr. 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:55.080 I am not going to get this one. 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:57.240 Alana Mayer. You know who I'm talking about. 0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.000 No, I don't. Ah. 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:03.800 She was a super star for USA, medaled in USA rugby. 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.600 Alana's he's he's googling for it, and I apologize that 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:09.480 I am Meyer Meyer. 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:11.120 Alanna Meyer, Okay. 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:12.320 Yes, you don't want to talk. You see your face now? 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:12.640 Yes? 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:17.600 Height and weight Alana Meyer height. I have to find 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:18.960 that now. I'm gonna have to google that. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.760 I remember if she's five ten around one hundred and 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:24.280 ninety pounds. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.360 Five ten, one hundred and ninety eight pounds. Wow, that 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:31.040 was good. Five to ten weight, one hundred and ninety 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:32.160 eight pounds. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:39.960 She's an Olympic medallist, she's an athlete, she's a stud, 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:46.120 she's a star. She's feminine, she's beautiful. She's strong, she's 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:49.640 all those things right, and she is the almost exact 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:51.240 same height. 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.880 And wow, you nailed is that right? Yeah? I mean 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:55.240 almost to a tee. 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.800 But you remember how much she was hailed and talked 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:01.560 about by talking about her body, by embracing her body, 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.240 and how strong you remember all that? 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.520 Yes, yes, it's all coming back to me now and 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:09.920 the reality is yes, and enough women embrace that, lean 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.960 into it, own it, walk and strut down the road 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:16.919 carrying all of that gorgeousness. 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:18.040 It's a game changer. 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.840 I really do think how you feel about yourself has 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.119 a huge impact on how. 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.840 Other people feel about you, like no question. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.320 So, yes, that comment is tough, and I know that 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:30.680 there may be some truth to that For some folks 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.640 that it could be limiting and it's tough to see that. 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:35.800 You know, she did put it out there and then 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.600 people did write about it. But I guess Jay is 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.440 trying to be honest from his perspective or her perspective. 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.960 Was this from Valentino who wrote it? Was this? 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:50.320 Uh? Valentino said this? This is what Valentino wanted to 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:56.080 tell or impart too. F the law of probability needs 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.240 to go into effect. Get more out there and do 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:02.800 other things. Go to different states or countries and just 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:06.439 engage with people, go to bookstores and gyms, and let 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:10.080 the natural course of basic conversation happen. By chance, the 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.200 universal law makes it happen. 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:13.000 I'm okay with that. 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.919 I am too okay with that. It's that whole What 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:15.960 do they say about luck. 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:20.560 It's when opportunity meets the right time in the right place. 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.000 So you have to keep putting yourself out enough times 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:24.280 for those things to intersect. 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:25.280 They don't just happen. 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:27.119 Okay, that's actually really good advice. 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.200 And so that's really the second person who has suggested 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.639 that maybe hey, you got to expand the dating pool. 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.879 Maybe where you are, if it's a smaller town or 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:37.639 a smaller area, or a smaller mindset, that maybe you 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:41.320 do need to go out and go to other countries 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:44.040 and travel abroad and see what else is out there. 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:46.920 But there's also opportunity and the produce section at the 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:49.159 grocery store. It's a matter of just being open. You 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.240 and I have done this several times, like just test 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:54.520 it ourselves, just being aware and open to something, and 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.000 next thing, you know, on every other block, we're seeing 0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.439 that thing that we wouldn't have seen before because we 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:02.919 would just open to something if he just opened to it. 0:19:02.960 --> 0:19:04.919 There's opportunity all over the place. 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:08.600 Water Walker is the last Yeah, so again, manner of 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.160 a woman. What do you think, water walker? I'm gonna 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:12.960 think anyone who thinks they can walk on water is 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:13.800 definitely to do. 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:16.920 We will own. 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:17.399 That, you know. 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.920 And also, like we should say, these could be gender 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:22.560 neutral folks, Like we're actually not trying to define. I'm 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:24.679 just trying to get a sense of where some of 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:28.120 this perspective is coming from male energy or females. That's 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:32.080 a man. Yeah, that's hilarious, Like, yeah, Jesus mindset of course, 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.280 why did I even wonders? 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:35.680 So funny? 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:37.960 Okay, so let me tell us what he said. 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:42.320 He said, better stop worrying about looks. 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:45.159 Tall, dark, and handsome means nothing if they don't have 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:48.879 a good, loving heart. Many great men are out there 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:52.280 looking for love but get passed over because of women's 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:56.200 unrealistic expectations of what they consider the perfect man. 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:57.680 Okay, obviously that's a dude. 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:01.160 Yeah, he obviously had some experiences. He felt like he 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:03.800 too was looked over or passed over. 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:09.240 He hand me up to a point, passed over because 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:13.639 of women's unrealistic expectations of what they consider to be 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:20.280 the perfect man. Good guys are being passed over because 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:21.359 of women's expectation. 0:20:21.520 --> 0:20:25.280 We've certainly heard that from for since the beginning of time, 0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:28.520 that women say they want the good guy and the 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:30.680