1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hey there are folks. A lady just calling herself F 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,959 Speaker 1: wrote to us asking for some relationship advice. She says, 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: I am a successful black woman, so why aren't men 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: into me? Robots initial thoughts, you're asking the wrong questions. 5 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 1: My initial take, stop leading with your height and your weight, 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: and welcome everybody to this edition of Amy and DJ 7 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: based on the question that came into us in our 8 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 1: weekly Yahoo column. And this was a hell of a 9 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 1: question in a lot of ways robes and it was 10 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: heartbreaking to some degree. But we'll let other people decide. 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the initial thing. 12 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 3: I remember you said right away when we saw the question, 13 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 3: and we'll read the entire question for you, the listener. 14 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,639 Speaker 2: But your first response was I just want to give 15 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 2: her a hug. 16 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 3: And I think that's kind of where my head went first, 17 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 3: because I get it. It's you're looking for a partner, 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 3: looking for that love of your life, and you can't 19 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 3: find him, and you're asking what is it about me 20 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 3: that I can't find someone? 21 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: And I my initial thought was it sounds so cheesy. 22 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,400 Speaker 3: But to love yourself, to date yourself, to actually put 23 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 3: the work into finding who you are and what you want, 24 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 3: not who wants me, who's looking at me? Why can't 25 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,839 Speaker 3: I attract someone? Find yourself attractive? And if you don't, 26 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,840 Speaker 3: if you aren't happy with who you are, or you 27 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 3: don't feel good about who you are, then work on. 28 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 2: That and work on friendships. 29 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 3: I think that's such a great way as a social escape, 30 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 3: instead of going out and hoping or wishing that you'd 31 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 3: find or bump into that man and have that amazing 32 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 3: meat cute that we all see in those ridiculous rom coms. Instead, 33 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 3: I don't know, but that's just yeah, what they call 34 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 3: them meat cute? 35 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: Just figure that out about six months ago what that meant. 36 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 3: And I think so many girls, and I'll be honest, 37 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 3: have it in their head that that might happen to them, 38 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 3: or that could happen, or maybe tonight's the. 39 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,600 Speaker 1: Night and read sure, the same cup at the Starbucks 40 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: counter in your hands touched. 41 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 3: Right, or you drop the popcorn and you both go 42 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 3: down to get it and your and your hands touched 43 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 3: and look up and say oh you hi? Yes, or 44 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 3: even a car accident, a friendly thunder bender like these 45 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 3: can all turn into romantic relationship. 46 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 2: No they don't, yeah, exactly, that never happens. 47 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 3: So I feel like, maybe if you can, if you 48 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 3: maybe if you could focus on creating a really awesome 49 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 3: friend group where you're just focused on enjoying yourself and 50 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 3: others and not thinking about wanting or needing that romantic relationship. 51 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 3: I know that's really easy to say and hard to do, 52 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 3: but really to turn inward and to really what do 53 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,239 Speaker 3: I want to do, what fills me up, what brings 54 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 3: me joy, and then go from there. 55 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: I'm laughing and you're gonna know why. And because as 56 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: you were saying all of that, I turned my head 57 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: to my left. You turn yours to your right, and 58 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: tell everybody what's paused on the. 59 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 2: Screen right now, Love Island not just the. 60 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: Show like just you just so happened to pause it 61 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: where the logo is paused and we are looking at 62 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: the screen and it says love Island. As we're you're 63 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: telling people, yeah, I just love yourself, don't worry about it. 64 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 3: Love Island USA. But see, that is like a fun 65 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 3: it's a fun fantasy exactly. And I do think sometimes 66 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 3: I can only speak for us girls. We get wrapped 67 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 3: up in the idea of the relationship, the idea of 68 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 3: the man, the idea of the marriage, the idea of 69 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 3: the boyfriend, because we have so many things that we're 70 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 3: watching and we think that's the way it should be. 71 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: It is the way it should be, even sometimes it's 72 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: not the way. Sometimes it's never that way. But yes, 73 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: f is all she calls herself. But this is what 74 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: she wrote to us Amy and Tej. I'm a forty 75 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: two year old black female, one hundred and ninety five pounds, 76 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: five foot eleven inches tall. I don't drink, I don't smoke. 77 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: I have natural hair and a natural body type, educated 78 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: and have a good career. I own my own home car, 79 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: and play tennis, swim and do yoga. I travel and 80 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 1: volunteer in my community. Yet now where I live in 81 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: northern New Jersey, and previously in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and 82 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: in Westchester County, New York, it's the same. I'm ignored 83 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 1: in the dating pool. I go to singles events and 84 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: join groups to Northvale. I try dating apps, but no 85 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: success there either. I choose not to be on social media. 86 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: I don't have any close friends or family to make introductions. 87 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: What else can I do? My question is robes. What 88 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: is it that men are looking for? I'm interested in 89 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: both of your perspectives, and so if you want to 90 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: read our full perspectives that we it's a much longer 91 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,480 Speaker 1: explanation of our thoughts to her. It is on yahoo 92 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: dot com. Just go to the life section and it'll 93 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: be right there. But Robes, I got very hung up on, 94 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: as you know, the fact that the first thing out 95 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,040 Speaker 1: of her mouth to describe herself was her height and 96 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: her weight. I know that that's usually the last thing 97 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,840 Speaker 1: women want to lead with. The first thing is I 98 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: am a one hundred and ninety five pounds is the 99 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: first thing out of her mouth. So that already, I 100 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:17,479 Speaker 1: think puts us all anybody reading into a mindset of 101 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: where her head is about what the dating situation is. 102 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: She felt that was important information. 103 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 3: She felt like that information might be the reason why 104 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 3: she's having a hard time dating or finding a man, 105 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 3: and so she's saying, hey, I'm putting it all out there. 106 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you what I'm up against. 107 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 3: So it kind of felt like and she was definitely 108 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,280 Speaker 3: went down the list of the things she has that 109 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 3: she thinks are positive that are going for her, and 110 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 3: she didn't say it was negative, but I think by 111 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 3: putting it up first, it was maybe implied that it 112 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,160 Speaker 3: was okay? 113 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: Can I ask that read her as in front of 114 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 1: you there still yes? So just start reading about her 115 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: in reverse? Right, start with I volunteer in my community, 116 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: I travel. Why did we not go that direction about yoga? 117 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: A good career body type, educated, home car tennis, and 118 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 1: then end with right. 119 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 3: She led with you, you're right, you know that's so 120 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 3: interesting when you read it backwards. That's the way that 121 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 3: she would have been putting, you know, all of the things. 122 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,239 Speaker 2: She loves about herself first, and not that she shouldn't 123 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 2: or couldn't love all those. 124 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 3: Other things about herself. But that is really interesting. And 125 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 3: she asked a direct question, what is it that men 126 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 3: are looking for? 127 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: TJ. You're a man? What is it that men are 128 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 2: looking for? 129 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 1: I think that depends on truly where men are at 130 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 1: certain periods of their own lives, not just sometimes a 131 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: numbers game, just a twenty five year olds looking for 132 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,559 Speaker 1: this in the thirty eh. It depends on a twenty 133 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: eight year old could be settled and comfortable, and what 134 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: he wants and what he's looking for, and what's he 135 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: wants to do, and where his career is headed and 136 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 1: all kinds of it's just a matter of where there 137 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: are in their lives at the time. But I don't 138 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 1: know any point in anybody's life they want somebody putting on, 139 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 1: putting on a good face, put pretending to be something 140 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: that you actually think we want. 141 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 2: That never works. 142 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 1: It's gonna work because we're gonna see you in the morning, right, 143 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: And that's that's just the way of putting. I'm gonna 144 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: see you eventually, it's gonna come out. And then, oh god, 145 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: we got a problem, because, as we always say, when 146 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: you meet somebody, you're just meeting their representative. When you're 147 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: on a date, just their rep you'll meet the person 148 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: later on. 149 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's hilarious. 150 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 3: But but yes, of course, looks are important to a 151 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 3: lot of men and women. But eventually, we know intellectually, 152 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 3: looks fade. 153 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 2: Everybody gets older. 154 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 3: Nobody's gonna stay as hot as they are perhaps in 155 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 3: that first interview with the person that you're potentially going 156 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: to date. But what lasts I mean it's is confidence 157 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 3: always sexy. I'm not talking over confidence, but true confidence 158 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 3: is not always attractive and sexy. 159 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: One hundred percent every single time. Confidence is one thing. Now, 160 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 1: some guys aren't necessarily intimidated by confidence, They're intimidated by success, 161 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: they're intimidated by alphas. That can be a case sometimes. 162 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 1: But nobody wants a I say nobody. I'm just speaking generally, 163 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: But any dude worth his salt is going to want 164 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: a woman who has a confident way about her, who 165 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: is not whimpering in some way, who is not needy 166 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: in some way. Oh my goodness, yes, so walk in 167 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: that My recommendation to her, walk embrace Walk in there 168 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: with your five eleven hundred and ninety five pounds self. 169 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: Nothing is wrong with you, You embrace it. If you're not, 170 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 1: who the hell else is going to She's putting that 171 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: out in the world, is what I was arguing. Ye 172 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,960 Speaker 1: stop if you got a problem with it. Of course 173 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 1: somebody else is. 174 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 3: It's so It's so true because she talks about going 175 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 3: to singles events and joining groups to no avail. She 176 00:08:56,360 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 3: says she's ignored and dating apps weren't successful either. But 177 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 3: I feel like if she walked into those same rooms 178 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 3: loving who she was, confident as hell, knowing that she 179 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 3: has something of extreme value that she could offer another person. 180 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 3: I think it might be the energy you walk into 181 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 3: a room with, and she said she doesn't have any 182 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 3: close friends or family to make introductions. I was curious 183 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 3: if that means she actually does not have any close 184 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 3: friends or family, or the one she has just don't 185 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 3: know anyone. 186 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 2: I didn't know which one she meant. 187 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 3: By that, But if it is the former, if she 188 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 3: doesn't have a lot of close friends, go find some, 189 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 3: Go make some. Establish those relationships with folks who you 190 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 3: are just friends and friendly with, and you can open 191 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 3: up all sorts of new doors. I do believe that's 192 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 3: oftentimes you even said this. The person who you might 193 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,199 Speaker 3: or could possibly have a relationship with, could be in 194 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 3: your small circle, your ten blocks that you live, in, 195 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 3: the grocery store you go to. It's a lot of 196 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 3: times the energy you bring into a room. 197 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 1: And I'm telling you, if there a woman five foot eleven, 198 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: one hundred ninety five pounds, it walks into a room, confidently, 199 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: all of us are gonna turn our heads and take peak. Yeah, yes, 200 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: and think what intrigued. Even if there's not some instant 201 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: physical sexual attraction, even that you're still a presence in 202 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: a room, own it be who you are. Knock yourself out. 203 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: You'd be surprised if you give that off. The right 204 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: dude is in the right radius, and it's going to 205 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: give that back to you. She's chasing something that doesn't 206 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: want her. If she stops doing that, it's going to 207 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 1: start coming. And I don't that. They might be five eight, 208 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: they might be six seven, I don't know, but they're coming, 209 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: but they're coming. All right, we'll stay with us because Robes, 210 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: you went through the comments with people riding back. I 211 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,439 Speaker 1: mean you're saying once again, it was a bunch of dudes. 212 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 2: A lot of men, a lot of men. 213 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 3: But I do have I do have well, well I 214 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 3: can't tell some of them are gender neutral, but I 215 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 3: do have at least one woman who has weighed in. 216 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: Hey, she probably makes more sense than the rest of them. 217 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,679 Speaker 3: Uh, you know what, the menor I'm really impressed they 218 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 3: are giving their honest assessments of what they think dudes 219 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 3: are like out there. So it's been the comments were, 220 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 3: as always very interesting. 221 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: All right, stay here, I can't wait to hear. 222 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 3: Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ. 223 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 3: This is the Ask Amy and TJ podcast, where we 224 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,560 Speaker 3: go a little deeper about our weekly Yahoo relationship advice 225 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 3: at Colin and every week we get a new question. 226 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 3: This week's question comes to us from f and she 227 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:52,319 Speaker 3: is asking what men are looking for. She is single, 228 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 3: she's forty two years old. She gave us her height, 229 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 3: she gave us her weight, she told us all the 230 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 3: things she's great at, and yet still she says she 231 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 3: cannot find a man and she wanted some advice. What 232 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 3: are men looking for? That was her question to us, 233 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 3: And we had several people write in, and among them. 234 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 2: Finally a woman. 235 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 3: We've been laughing because we have so many men writing 236 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 3: in the comment section, and we love it. Men, keep 237 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 3: on writing your comments, but women, we implore you to 238 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 3: as well, because it's been fun to read them all. 239 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 3: But our first comment comes from Alana. 240 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 2: Do you see it there? Tj uh? 241 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: Let me get it in front of me here. Okay, hell, 242 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: you wanted me to. You saw you wanted me to 243 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: read it. Y'all gonna understand why she wanted me to 244 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: read it now? All right, Alana says Chip. The good 245 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: ones are gone brainwashed to believe that everything that doesn't 246 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 1: look like them is better. Unfortunately, you are a casualty 247 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: of that societal nonsensical trap. Whereas art has imitated life, 248 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: I'm in your same area, same issue. Try the Deep 249 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: South or abroad. 250 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,560 Speaker 2: What do you think about that that? 251 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 3: Maybe it might be the area is that she lives in. 252 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 3: It might be where she is in the world. 253 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,439 Speaker 1: New Jersey, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, west Chester County. 254 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 3: The northeast East Coast might have a slightly different I mean, look, 255 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 3: we watch these shows ninety day Fiance and what do 256 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 3: they always say to their relative who's now found love 257 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 3: in some other country. Couldn't just find a nice girl 258 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 3: or guy here at home? 259 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 2: Why'd you have to go across the world? 260 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 3: But sometimes people really feel like that is the only 261 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 3: way to find someone who isn't stuck in some certain 262 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 3: way of thinking about what they think they want or 263 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,319 Speaker 3: what this area or this society makes them think they want. 264 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: Change her dating pool, she should change her options. Now. 265 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,719 Speaker 1: I didn't think about that because I yes, there are 266 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 1: certain folks and certain parts of the country who are 267 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 1: used to and don't mind at all. Yes, a woman 268 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: with a certain height and girth to her. 269 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 3: Yes, all that's true, and there are different That makes 270 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,679 Speaker 3: total sense. And she's saying, hey, I'm I'm do you 271 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 3: believe the good ones are all gone? 272 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 1: DJ of course not. 273 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 2: I don't either. I've never believed that. 274 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: Hell, some of the bad ones are gone, yes. 275 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 3: So I I you know what, it's never a bad 276 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: I don't think it's ever a bad thing to expand 277 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 3: the dating pool that you're looking in. 278 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 2: I don't think that's bad advice at all. 279 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 3: All Right, So this one comes to us from J. 280 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 3: And Jay doesn't necessarily have a gender attached to, so 281 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 3: I can't say if it's a him or her. 282 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 2: It's just the letter J. But Jay, in the. 283 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 3: Comments section, wrote this, two hundred pounds is a bit 284 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 3: of a problem. Looks do matter, not completely, but they 285 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 3: do matter. 286 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,680 Speaker 1: Okay, a bit of a problem. What does that mean? 287 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 3: I believe maybe what he's saying is that it might 288 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 3: limit people who would be attracted to her. Some people 289 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 3: want someone who is of a certain height or a 290 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 3: certain weight, and if you weigh over a certain much 291 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 3: they a certain point they may not consider you attractive. 292 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: Okay. I hate like Okay, And again she put it 293 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: out there, but I hate the idea that like weight 294 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: is it so therefore that there's a certain weight involved. 295 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: And it was almost like she's eliminated from being a 296 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: part of an attractive pool. Of people. 297 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 3: I would like to believe that there are enough people 298 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 3: who don't care about that, there are enough people who 299 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 3: understand that everybody looks different, is different, and. 300 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 2: There are enough people out there who are all different. 301 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 3: Shapes of sizes that you can find people you're attracted to. 302 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: What's her name? Oh my god, Alana. She's from the 303 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 1: rugby player US rugby mayor mayr. 304 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 2: I am not going to get this one. 305 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: Alana Mayer. You know who I'm talking about. 306 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 2: No, I don't. Ah. 307 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: She was a super star for USA, medaled in USA rugby. 308 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: Alana's he's he's googling for it, and I apologize that 309 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: I am Meyer Meyer. 310 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 2: Alanna Meyer, Okay. 311 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: Yes, you don't want to talk. You see your face now? 312 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 2: Yes? 313 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 3: Height and weight Alana Meyer height. I have to find 314 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 3: that now. I'm gonna have to google that. 315 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: I remember if she's five ten around one hundred and 316 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 1: ninety pounds. 317 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 2: Five ten, one hundred and ninety eight pounds. Wow, that 318 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 2: was good. Five to ten weight, one hundred and ninety 319 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 2: eight pounds. 320 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: She's an Olympic medallist, she's an athlete, she's a stud, 321 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: she's a star. She's feminine, she's beautiful. She's strong, she's 322 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: all those things right, and she is the almost exact 323 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: same height. 324 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 2: And wow, you nailed is that right? Yeah? I mean 325 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 2: almost to a tee. 326 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: But you remember how much she was hailed and talked 327 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: about by talking about her body, by embracing her body, 328 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: and how strong you remember all that? 329 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it's all coming back to me now and 330 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 3: the reality is yes, and enough women embrace that, lean 331 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 3: into it, own it, walk and strut down the road 332 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,919 Speaker 3: carrying all of that gorgeousness. 333 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 2: It's a game changer. 334 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 3: I really do think how you feel about yourself has 335 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 3: a huge impact on how. 336 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 2: Other people feel about you, like no question. 337 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 3: So, yes, that comment is tough, and I know that 338 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:30,680 Speaker 3: there may be some truth to that For some folks 339 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 3: that it could be limiting and it's tough to see that. 340 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 3: You know, she did put it out there and then 341 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 3: people did write about it. But I guess Jay is 342 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 3: trying to be honest from his perspective or her perspective. 343 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 1: Was this from Valentino who wrote it? Was this? 344 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 3: Uh? Valentino said this? This is what Valentino wanted to 345 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 3: tell or impart too. F the law of probability needs 346 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 3: to go into effect. Get more out there and do 347 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 3: other things. Go to different states or countries and just 348 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,439 Speaker 3: engage with people, go to bookstores and gyms, and let 349 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 3: the natural course of basic conversation happen. By chance, the 350 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 3: universal law makes it happen. 351 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: I'm okay with that. 352 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 2: I am too okay with that. It's that whole What 353 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 2: do they say about luck. 354 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 3: It's when opportunity meets the right time in the right place. 355 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 3: So you have to keep putting yourself out enough times 356 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 3: for those things to intersect. 357 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 2: They don't just happen. 358 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,119 Speaker 1: Okay, that's actually really good advice. 359 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 3: And so that's really the second person who has suggested 360 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,639 Speaker 3: that maybe hey, you got to expand the dating pool. 361 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,879 Speaker 3: Maybe where you are, if it's a smaller town or 362 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,639 Speaker 3: a smaller area, or a smaller mindset, that maybe you 363 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 3: do need to go out and go to other countries 364 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 3: and travel abroad and see what else is out there. 365 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 1: But there's also opportunity and the produce section at the 366 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 1: grocery store. It's a matter of just being open. You 367 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: and I have done this several times, like just test 368 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: it ourselves, just being aware and open to something, and 369 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: next thing, you know, on every other block, we're seeing 370 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,439 Speaker 1: that thing that we wouldn't have seen before because we 371 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: would just open to something if he just opened to it. 372 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,919 Speaker 1: There's opportunity all over the place. 373 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 2: Water Walker is the last Yeah, so again, manner of 374 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,160 Speaker 2: a woman. What do you think, water walker? I'm gonna 375 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 2: think anyone who thinks they can walk on water is 376 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 2: definitely to do. 377 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 1: We will own. 378 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 2: That, you know. 379 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 3: And also, like we should say, these could be gender 380 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 3: neutral folks, Like we're actually not trying to define. I'm 381 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 3: just trying to get a sense of where some of 382 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 3: this perspective is coming from male energy or females. That's 383 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 3: a man. Yeah, that's hilarious, Like, yeah, Jesus mindset of course, 384 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 3: why did I even wonders? 385 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 2: So funny? 386 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: Okay, so let me tell us what he said. 387 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 2: He said, better stop worrying about looks. 388 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,159 Speaker 3: Tall, dark, and handsome means nothing if they don't have 389 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 3: a good, loving heart. Many great men are out there 390 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 3: looking for love but get passed over because of women's 391 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,200 Speaker 3: unrealistic expectations of what they consider the perfect man. 392 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,680 Speaker 1: Okay, obviously that's a dude. 393 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, he obviously had some experiences. He felt like he 394 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 3: too was looked over or passed over. 395 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 1: He hand me up to a point, passed over because 396 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:13,639 Speaker 1: of women's unrealistic expectations of what they consider to be 397 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 1: the perfect man. Good guys are being passed over because 398 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: of women's expectation. 399 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 3: We've certainly heard that from for since the beginning of time, 400 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 3: that women say they want the good guy and the 401 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 3: sweet guy and the loving guy, but then they always 402 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 3: go for the bad boy, the one who's breaking their hearts, 403 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 3: the one that strings them along. 404 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: Like so, this is something else, women's unrealistic expectations of 405 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: what they consider the perfect man. What is that? I think, 406 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,640 Speaker 1: what unrealistic expectations. 407 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 2: Let's go back to the rom com conversation. 408 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 3: I think I think women, I will totally be honest 409 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 3: with you. 410 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: You want. 411 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,360 Speaker 3: You want a man who's funny and charming, who's sexy 412 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 3: as hell, but who also is empathetic and caring and 413 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 3: knows when to comfort you and then at the end 414 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 3: of the night makes you feel safe and loved, And 415 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 3: if you get mad at him and act unfairly, he'll 416 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 3: chase after you and tell you I love you. 417 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 2: Come back to me. 418 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 1: Oh, I think. 419 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,520 Speaker 2: I think that's what water Walker is referring to. 420 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,440 Speaker 1: I could have never come up with that Oh, that. 421 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 2: Was really easy for me. I could even go into 422 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:29,199 Speaker 2: more dtail to. 423 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 1: Ask a man, what do you think a woman's perfect 424 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: guy is? 425 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 2: We will never. 426 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,640 Speaker 1: Come up with that. 427 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,200 Speaker 2: That's because you don't watch mom come. 428 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: That was good. Okay, that was I'm gonna go back 429 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: and listen to this episode because that was incredible. 430 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 3: You know what, though, a couple of other men I 431 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 3: saw just quick ones. You're like crying, you need to 432 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 3: wipe tears from your eyes. Some of the other men 433 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 3: who wrote into the comment section were also complaining that 434 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 3: they're too short, that it's really hard for a short 435 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 3: man to to find a woman, and. 436 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,960 Speaker 2: So, you know, it's it's I think it may be 437 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,440 Speaker 2: what we were hearing. What were what we were hearing? 438 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 3: Excuse me from f struck a chord with a lot 439 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,720 Speaker 3: of folks who also feel similarly for different reasons. You know, men, 440 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 3: height is a big issue, and wait's always a big 441 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 3: issue for just about everybody. And so when people feel 442 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 3: like that's holding them back or what could they do 443 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,160 Speaker 3: despite some of the physical attributes they were born with, 444 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 3: or that they actually don't mind about themselves but feel 445 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 3: like somehow create a harder. 446 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,640 Speaker 2: Or more difficult time for them to date. 447 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,919 Speaker 3: So this is I think this is an interesting conversation 448 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 3: and one that I think a lot of people want 449 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 3: to have and maybe don't know who to ask. 450 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: Well, I'm glad that really it takes. I mean, I 451 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 1: know it is anonymity to f but still to put 452 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 1: yourself out there and to write that down and descend 453 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,280 Speaker 1: it in took a level of bravery. So we appreciate 454 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: you writing into us, folks. Anytime you can do the 455 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 1: same again. It's a Yahoo dot com in the life section, 456 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 1: you'll see us right there. But for now, I'm TJ. Holmes. 457 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 1: Have of my partner in your robot. We'll talk to Alsine. 458 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 3: M m m