Speaker 1: Let's talk about Remy Bait or you may not know
Speaker 1: who she is. She's a girl who shot to TikTok
Speaker 1: fame during the pandemic. She was a big girl, a
Speaker 1: curvy girl, celebrated her curves, pushed against society and brands
Speaker 1: for not being inclusive with sizes. Really became the voice
Speaker 1: of a curvy, voluptuous woman in celebrating yourself, loving yourself,
Speaker 1: wearing clothes that usually are only for thin people, in
Speaker 1: talking about brands that don't have sizes, like there are girls,
Speaker 1: there are women of color that talk about brands that
Speaker 1: aren't inclusive with the shades of foundation, and Remy was
Speaker 1: like talking about not being inclusive with the sizes in
Speaker 1: a brand, the range, and who they're appealing to. And
Speaker 1: she became a star for this. So she hastically reduced
Speaker 1: in size. At one point in her account, she said,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be talking about my body anymore
Speaker 1: because people will talk about her eating and her weight
Speaker 1: and criticize her every which way but Sunday and then
Speaker 1: what she's wearing. And so she said, one day, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to talk about my size anymore. And she
Speaker 1: can have her own reasons. This is a parasocial relationship.
Speaker 1: People think that they are in a relationship with her.
Speaker 1: She's beloved, she loves them, and a social media person
Speaker 1: is really just in a relationship with these people all day,
Speaker 1: every day. It's what goes on. She's sick, she's telling
Speaker 1: you you feel bad. You're sending her virtual chicken soup.
Speaker 1: Like that's how the relationship goes the parasocial relationship. Someone dies,
Speaker 1: she goes through a breakup, you're going through. You're picking
Speaker 1: her up, you're helping her. She's grateful, she's telling you
Speaker 1: things just like she tells her friends. This is what
Speaker 1: goes on. Okay, so now she breaks up with a guy.
Speaker 1: She's heartbroken, she's miserable, and you see her glow up.
Speaker 1: You see her like pick herself up off the floor
Speaker 1: and finally like start going away and being happy and
Speaker 1: sharing when she's feeling depressed. But one day she just
Speaker 1: like Majestically was thin. Majestically was like drastically thin. And
Speaker 1: people have recently gone crazy because she never shared how
Speaker 1: and they are saying that she was paid to talk
Speaker 1: about what she had. And she went on Chloe Kardashian's
Speaker 1: podcast to talk about this experience and her fans, it
Speaker 1: hit sideways because they feel like they were not included
Speaker 1: in any of this. One day, she's just thin and
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to share any of it, but she
Speaker 1: became the voice of these people. She became the poster
Speaker 1: child for this movement, and without explanation, she just is thin,
Speaker 1: and not until she's on Chloe Kardashian's podcast and presumably paid,
Speaker 1: is she discussing this. And I really think it's a
Speaker 1: function of her just being young and the game moving
Speaker 1: so quickly and it just not being the right marketing strategy,
Speaker 1: where I think she probably planned the surgery that sounds
Speaker 1: brutal and emotional and physically dangerous and something to heal
Speaker 1: from that. She said, I'm not discussing my body because
Speaker 1: she probably knew she was going to do this, and
Speaker 1: so she was giving a disclaimer saying, I'm that addressed
Speaker 1: in his crowd right now. So she thought she had
Speaker 1: checked that box and this is just not what she
Speaker 1: talks about anymore. But they still know her as that
Speaker 1: person to them. So in one day she was thin,
Speaker 1: there was not really enough of an explanation directly to
Speaker 1: them from her based on what had happened, and I said,
Speaker 1: My advice would have been, you don't have to tell
Speaker 1: everybody anything. This is a parasocial relationship. She is allowed
Speaker 1: to have a private life. She has been raked over
Speaker 1: the calls for being thin, for being overweight, for just
Speaker 1: it's just social media. It's what it is. And what
Speaker 1: she should have said is, guys, this is not natural,
Speaker 1: this is not magic. I am going to do something.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be on a journey. It's a private
Speaker 1: journey that I don't want to share for many reasons, medical, emotional, physical,
Speaker 1: et cetera. But I'm going to go on a journey
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be losing weight with any look.
Speaker 1: And I love myself and I love you and everybody
Speaker 1: is beautiful, but I want to lose weight. I have
Speaker 1: these reasons, or I don't have to give you my reasons.
Speaker 1: I want to lose weight. I want to be thinner,
Speaker 1: and please respect my privacy. And of course they would
Speaker 1: still be haters, but it was so jarring where everybody
Speaker 1: was an outsider when they were just an insider the
Speaker 1: whole time. So I think it's about the messaging, not
Speaker 1: the message. And she went on Chloe Kardashian, which was
Speaker 1: widely criticized and it shouldn't be criticized because Chloe Kardashian
Speaker 1: was trolled abuse, was criticized for looking different than her siblings,
Speaker 1: for being bigger than her siblings. She was accused of
Speaker 1: not being Robert Kardashian's daughter and that she was really
Speaker 1: someone else's daughter, and that is so cruel and it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter because she is Robert Kardashian's daughter and that's
Speaker 1: how she was raised and it's just like not kind.
Speaker 1: And she did have a glow up and people criticized
Speaker 1: how it happened, and she said exercise and diet, and
Speaker 1: it could have been exercise and diet. It could have
Speaker 1: been epic, could have been whatever we diet pills. It's
Speaker 1: not really anyone's business if she doesn't want it to
Speaker 1: be their business. But she has been through the Ringer
Speaker 1: and also was before ozepic and that stuff was more
Speaker 1: widely taken, and she's been through the Ringer and she
Speaker 1: may just have wanted to just now be thin and
Speaker 1: now of a glook. And she's a beautiful woman as
Speaker 1: she was then. I think she's the perfect person for
Speaker 1: Remy to talk to because I think it's about someone
Speaker 1: who has been assessed, criticized, and their identity has been
Speaker 1: attached to their body type, and in many cases someone
Speaker 1: doesn't want someone to change. I don't think that's really
Speaker 1: here with Remy. Everyone who's talking about it is saying, good,
Speaker 1: if you want to lose weight, you want to get
Speaker 1: plastic surgery, you do it. And that's partially true. I
Speaker 1: do think people get anxiety because she is talking to
Speaker 1: people who are overweight themselves, or curvy or voluptuous, and
Speaker 1: they have noise with it. Also, I'm going to start
Speaker 1: talking more about naturally thin and noise, but they have
Speaker 1: noise with it too. They feel abandoned, like one day
Speaker 1: you just act like, oh, I've been thinn my whole life.
Speaker 1: Guess what Now we're just doing fashion posts and those
Speaker 1: people feel left and it's scary. And I talk about
Speaker 1: my bathing suit story, how I ate sixty thousand dollars
Speaker 1: in bathing suits on HSN Because people feel self conscious
Speaker 1: and insecure and weight and food is a very sensitive
Speaker 1: topic and eds are something I know about intimately and
Speaker 1: it's a very serious topic. And so I just think
Speaker 1: that Remy had a pr plan, but I just don't
Speaker 1: think it was fully fleshed out and she is allowed
Speaker 1: to do what she wants. I just don't think. I
Speaker 1: think that she's a young girl and it's a lot
Speaker 1: to navigate, and she might not have stuck the landing.
Speaker 1: And hopefully they'll give her her peace and her grace
Speaker 1: because she's definitely still emotionally catching up to where her
Speaker 1: physicality is. You don't just get a new body. I
Speaker 1: remember that show The Swan. You don't just get a
Speaker 1: new body and all of a sudden you're secure and
Speaker 1: you're you know, confident, and there is there's a lot
Speaker 1: going on. There's also eating differently, a different relationship with food,
Speaker 1: a different relationship with your body. You don't know what
Speaker 1: the side effects are. It's a lot to deal with.
Speaker 1: There's a price to pay for doing this, and it's
Speaker 1: a lot to navigate. So give her her grace. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is going to sound a little too touchy feely,
Speaker 1: but I want to explain what I realized. Let's say
Speaker 1: someone passes away, you have a stress at work, or
Speaker 1: you're going through a breakup, or something's been happening, you're
Speaker 1: having an issue with your child or something okay, or
Speaker 1: you know your morning morning is a good one or
Speaker 1: morning a breakup, I will almost make appointment time to
Speaker 1: think on it. And it doesn't mean I'm making time
Speaker 1: to obsess over it or fixate on it. It's not technically
Speaker 1: I mean maybe a technically is it's not categorized as meditation,
Speaker 1: meaning I'm not sitting and doing a chant or a mantra,
Speaker 1: or breathing in and out intentionally or holding beans. It
Speaker 1: means I'll lay down in bed and I will think
Speaker 1: about the person. Let's say that you're breaking up with
Speaker 1: or your mother passed away, and I'll think about them,
Speaker 1: but not in an obsessive why didn't we do this?
Speaker 1: Why didn't that happen? I'll tell a story like I'll
Speaker 1: be like, okay, let's go through the time we went
Speaker 1: to Miami together or the Bahamas, and I'd be like, okay,
Speaker 1: let's go through it, and like I'll walk myself through
Speaker 1: the situation. I'll be like, I remember, like he showed
Speaker 1: up at the hotel, and then we went to the
Speaker 1: drink and then but slow and I was wearing this.
Speaker 1: And often clues will come through that will make me
Speaker 1: feel either good about break up, bad about the breakup, accountable,
Speaker 1: good about the death, bad about the death, accountable, mournful, insightful,
Speaker 1: like it's just it's not like choppy throat. The day
Speaker 1: you're on a walk. A walk is a good time
Speaker 1: to do it too, if you dedicate it. If you're
Speaker 1: looking at this into music and doing phone falls, it
Speaker 1: just like you breathe in and out. I take my
Speaker 1: warm neck pillow and I lay in bed and I
Speaker 1: fall asleep to thoughts. And you'd think they're obsessive because
Speaker 1: they're probably about something negative, but they're not. Like they're
Speaker 1: not negative. Fuck, they're just sort of like processing something
Speaker 1: and it helps me to fall asleep. And I do
Speaker 1: it sometimes in the bath, and it helps work through something.
Speaker 1: It really does helps get you to the next place.
Speaker 1: My sleep regimen is on fleek right now. So let
Speaker 1: me tell you what I'm doing to sleep well. Sometimes
Speaker 1: if it's if I'm anxiety or i feel like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna need to sleep harder, I just feel like it
Speaker 1: out of the blue, I'll take an edible something. It
Speaker 1: could be some version of a gummy. It could be
Speaker 1: like a drugstore gummy. It could be one that is
Speaker 1: infused in some way that's just into guffer sleep. I'll
Speaker 1: do that. But not all the time. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's like nikeel. If you do it every night, your
Speaker 1: body gets used to it. There's no need to rely
Speaker 1: on that because then it won't be there when you
Speaker 1: really need it. So I just don't believe in that. Okay, I'll, I'll,
Speaker 1: but then on normal nights, like just nights, I'm getting
Speaker 1: into bed, I'm trusting the process. I'm gonna fall asleep.
Speaker 1: I recently started mouth taping, so you put tape over
Speaker 1: your mouth. There's specific mouth tape. It resembles boob tape
Speaker 1: a lot. It's the same thing, I think. So you
Speaker 1: put mouth tape, which is helping with grinding and I
Speaker 1: think breathing for some people. So I put my nightguard
Speaker 1: in my mouth tape. I don't use earplugs unless it's noisy,
Speaker 1: because I don't like the way they make me feel.
Speaker 1: I do black out in the room, but sometimes there's
Speaker 1: a little light peeping through, and I do a soft
Speaker 1: mask of some sort. I do magnesium spray on my
Speaker 1: feet that I rub in, and I do a warm
Speaker 1: neck pillow around my neck. And I have been sleeping
Speaker 1: like a dream. I've been sleeping till like eight thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning. Sometimes it's been great, and I think
Speaker 1: it's got me all the elements. It's not just one,
Speaker 1: it's not just two for me, it's all of the
Speaker 1: elements together really are healthing. So that's been a great
Speaker 1: I need traffic to not be an excuse. I need
Speaker 1: people to stop with the traffic. And I need the
Speaker 1: car I need to give carvettes. Okay, if it's the
Speaker 1: super Bowl, if it's if it's the Kentucky Derby, it's
Speaker 1: f one, it's the President's in Town, it's art puzzle,
Speaker 1: and not even really it's music festival, it's Times Square
Speaker 1: New Year's Eve, Like these are carvettes. We cannot on
Speaker 1: the regular, Like, oh god, there's so much traffic. She's
Speaker 1: not there yet. There's traffic. Fuck off. I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear traffic. I know, like we all know about traffic.
Speaker 1: We've done it, we've gone there. We are here like barring,
Speaker 1: like a train is off the track. So it's a
Speaker 1: fifteen car pile up like stuff. And it's always the
Speaker 1: ones that give you a rigid to use my favorite word,
Speaker 1: cancelation policy, it's always the massage verse. Well it's a
Speaker 1: twenty four hour cancel it they're up your fucking ass,
Speaker 1: and then thirty five minutes and when they're thirty five
Speaker 1: minutes late, like five is one thing, ten is another,
Speaker 1: fifteen is another. When we start to get to twenty
Speaker 1: and twenty five, I have the option to cancel and
Speaker 1: not the charge, and I feel good about exercising. I
Speaker 1: feel pissed, like, no, fuck that, I'm not rushing for this.
Speaker 1: I just don't like traffic being used as an excuse.
Speaker 1: It makes me, It makes me so irritated. It's just
Speaker 1: like stop. It's not a new concept. Traffic is not new.
Speaker 1: Beware of askers in a relationship. Beware of askers like hey,
Speaker 1: do you know the guy who did that? Or can
Speaker 1: you get me into that? Or you know anyone grab
Speaker 1: you or asky or like as a habit of wanting
Speaker 1: you to do things in some way for them or
Speaker 1: connect them to people is a big I'm not even
Speaker 1: saying it's a pink flag. It's a red flag. It's
Speaker 1: a red flag. I had that experience and I ran
Speaker 1: like a thief and the night not even soon, but
Speaker 1: it was just like stop asking me for things like it,
Speaker 1: just stop because then you're being used. Honestly, you're being used.
Speaker 1: It's just a huge red flag. Please beware of it.
Speaker 1: Please beware of it. I want to talk about rigidity. Rigidity.
Speaker 1: It's not a word that's used that much. It's a
Speaker 1: word that was used in my divorce a lot. It
Speaker 1: came up a lot from therapists. It came up a
Speaker 1: lot via a judge, It came up a lot via
Speaker 1: parenting coordinators, guardian ad items, which are lawyers for children.
Speaker 1: Being rigid it doesn't sound that bad. It sounds like, oh,
Speaker 1: this person's a little stuck in their own ways. But
Speaker 1: like real rigidity is real negativity. So being rigid it's
Speaker 1: when someone becomes super ornery and has to like fight
Speaker 1: something that really doesn't necessarily matter. Now, the term rigidity
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. I'm just saying when
Speaker 1: it's really used, like impactfully used, it's when someone doesn't
Speaker 1: need to like color within these lines so hard and
Speaker 1: it debilitates them and it ends up making things worse.
Speaker 1: So it happens a lot with people and work too.
Speaker 1: There are people that I've worked with that I have
Speaker 1: to say, like we're all you know, I'll have to say,
Speaker 1: you can't be so rigid because Okay, let's let's talk
Speaker 1: about custody agreement as an example. Custody agreement is designed
Speaker 1: for a child for the for the benefit of the child,
Speaker 1: for their best interest. It may say you see the
Speaker 1: kid Tuesday, Thursday, This Wednesday's Monday, Wednesday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever,
Speaker 1: it says, okay, but something could come up. What about
Speaker 1: if it comes on a Tuesday, it's not your day
Speaker 1: and your kid could go see Disney onas What if
Speaker 1: they could meet their their favorite you two. What if
Speaker 1: they want to go to a volleyball camp in the
Speaker 1: summer but you don't have that one week? What if?
Speaker 1: What if? What if? What if? Okay, if you only
Speaker 1: hold to the letter of the law, which was my
Speaker 1: experience and my divorce, to the tune of I've been
Speaker 1: asked for something two years for Thursday. If you only
Speaker 1: hold to the letter of the law, it's not in
Speaker 1: the best interest of anyone because it's so rigid. One
Speaker 1: can't know exactly what life will present that might interfere
Speaker 1: with a contract or something that you're supposed to be
Speaker 1: allowed to do, or curfew or anything. Right, and we're
Speaker 1: not only talking about legal matters, but I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: like and That's why a schoolteacher or a principal, a
Speaker 1: judge will not reprimand you or penalize you if you're
Speaker 1: doing something with the original intent of what the agreement is,
Speaker 1: like if it's for the betterment of the child. When
Speaker 1: I was getting divorced, for example, I went out and
Speaker 1: bought a house because I was tortured in my own home.
Speaker 1: Because I felt torture in my own home, and you're
Speaker 1: not allowed to do that until the money's straight. I
Speaker 1: was applauded for that. I left the Mary Old Residence
Speaker 1: when you're not quote unquote allowed to do that because
Speaker 1: it's known as abandonment. I was applauded for that. There
Speaker 1: are times when rules need to be broken, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I have to show people with work. We like, Nope,
Speaker 1: you can't do that. You're supposed to be here. I'm like, right,
Speaker 1: I know, I know that, but I'm telling you that
Speaker 1: we have to we should try to shift things around.
Speaker 1: And if someone holds too rigiate, No, at noon, you
Speaker 1: have this, at one, you have that, and it's like
Speaker 1: you know, or a brand deal comes in and and
Speaker 1: they're like, you can't do this because this is what
Speaker 1: you signed. I'm like Okay, let me see the contract.
Speaker 1: Let me see the contract, because if I call the
Speaker 1: original person I signed with, then they might let me
Speaker 1: out like it like you have to be a workaround
Speaker 1: place of yes person. Rigidity is not positive, okay. It
Speaker 1: can affect things negatively. It can be not in the
Speaker 1: best interest in the person that it seems to be serving.
Speaker 1: Like rule following. You know, you can't miss a class,
Speaker 1: you can't do this, you can't do that. But it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: what if I have this other reason and I might
Speaker 1: have to What if you know, like I like to
Speaker 1: be flexible. I like an overall outline, but to be
Speaker 1: able to color outside the lines if I need to.
Speaker 1: We can't be too rigid. And people that are rigid
Speaker 1: around you need to adjust, and you need to help
Speaker 1: educate them on why to adjust. It's great to have
Speaker 1: will followers. Your accountant's not supposed to be fast and loose,
Speaker 1: but your accountant is supposed to talk to you about
Speaker 1: how you're spending, and there will be exceptions. You know,
Speaker 1: your insurance agent is not supposed to be fast and loose.
Speaker 1: Your lawyer for real estate transaction is not supposed to
Speaker 1: be fast and loose, but They're also not supposed to
Speaker 1: be rigid because you're supposed to find workarounds. My whole
Speaker 1: life is workarounds in relief, work in business, in social media,
Speaker 1: and entertainment. So just just think about rigidity as a
Speaker 1: concept to to wan do, to hafter