WEBVTT - Surviving Loss

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the

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<v Speaker 1>Red Table Pop podcast, all your favorite episodes from the

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook watch show in audio, produced by Westbrook Audio and

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<v Speaker 1>I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review

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<v Speaker 1>on Apple podcasts. I think she's leaning more towards roll escaping.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I would be doing on the

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<v Speaker 1>day off? It's gonna be sleepy night night time for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'm not gonna do that. Miya, What

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<v Speaker 1>are you freaking kidding me? I don't sound good. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>can you just find out um when she passed and

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<v Speaker 1>what might be needed? And mh okay, what's going on? Jay?

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<v Speaker 1>H oh past shame. She was so lovely, but she

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<v Speaker 1>had brain cancer and I thought she was in remission.

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<v Speaker 1>We just got word that she Oh wow, I'm so

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<v Speaker 1>sorry to hear that. So can we just I just

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<v Speaker 1>need a second and then we'll just come to the

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<v Speaker 1>Red Table. Yes, h m hmm, let's roll cameras, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>let me give her about We're doing a show about

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<v Speaker 1>surviving loss. But what was so crazy was that as

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<v Speaker 1>I was getting prepared for the show today, I get

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<v Speaker 1>a phone call and I lost a friend. You remember Sha,

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah what happened. She had brain cancer. So I had

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<v Speaker 1>been thinking about her because I was like, oh man,

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<v Speaker 1>I should just check up one are just on the

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<v Speaker 1>rag because she was in remission. I've literally known her

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<v Speaker 1>for like as long as I can remember, Like she

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<v Speaker 1>was coming over here when I was like six. I

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<v Speaker 1>was going to give our red Table Talk viewers just

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<v Speaker 1>an understanding of who Shay was. She used to braid

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<v Speaker 1>our hair. But she was a really very intimate experience,

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<v Speaker 1>just been there for hours and she's yeah, we've known

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<v Speaker 1>her for so long, and she just became like a family,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, you were thinking about her, and you

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<v Speaker 1>feel like why I should have picked up the phone

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<v Speaker 1>and color and now I can't. I was thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>her and now she doesn't know that. I always try

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<v Speaker 1>to look at it lately, is you know, it's just

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<v Speaker 1>it's just part of life circle. Yeah, you know, but

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<v Speaker 1>you're right. It still doesn't make it much easier to bear.

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<v Speaker 1>That's why I always try to you know, you always

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<v Speaker 1>have to reach out and tell people you love them,

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<v Speaker 1>you do. Well, what's been your biggest loss? I would

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<v Speaker 1>have to say, honestly, feel like I lost my sanity

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<v Speaker 1>at one Okay, really. Yeah. It was after that whole

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<v Speaker 1>With my Hair thing, and I had just like stopped

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<v Speaker 1>doing lessons and I was kind of like just in

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<v Speaker 1>this gray area of like who am I? Like is there?

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<v Speaker 1>Like do I have a purpose? Like is there anything

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<v Speaker 1>like that I can do besides this? So what my

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<v Speaker 1>Hair was? How long ago? Like she was like nine

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<v Speaker 1>years old? And that With my Hair was the hit

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<v Speaker 1>record that you had out right, yes, like after the

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<v Speaker 1>tour and the promotion and all of that, and it

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<v Speaker 1>was like they wanted me to finish my album and

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like, no, I'm not going to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>And then after all of that kind of settled down

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<v Speaker 1>and it was like a a kind of low like

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<v Speaker 1>I was just listening to a lot of dark music

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<v Speaker 1>and like it was just so crazy and I was

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<v Speaker 1>just like plunged into this like black hole and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like cutting myself. What, yeah, I'm doing crazy things?

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<v Speaker 1>Really when were you cutting yourself? And didn't like a

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<v Speaker 1>long time ago cutting yourself weight on my wrist. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean you can't even see it, but like there's still

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<v Speaker 1>a little something there, but like totally lost my sanity

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<v Speaker 1>for a moment there. I had no idea your brothers,

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know friends. There's one one friend that new. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I never talked about it because it was such a short,

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<v Speaker 1>weird point in my life. But you have to pull yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>So why would you do why were you doing that

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<v Speaker 1>out of it? You know? I honestly felt like I

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<v Speaker 1>was experiencing so much emotional pain, but my physical circumstances

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<v Speaker 1>were reflecting that. God and so so would you say

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<v Speaker 1>that was part of the reason, Like that that the

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<v Speaker 1>self harm makes makes the pain more tangible. It's actually

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<v Speaker 1>something you can see and it becomes exactly instead of

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<v Speaker 1>like a ghost like in your mind. Yeah, but one

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<v Speaker 1>night I was just like, this is actually psychotic, and

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<v Speaker 1>after that I just stopped. That's good to freaking like

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<v Speaker 1>like five years Well, I had no idea. I never

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<v Speaker 1>saw I never saw any signs of that. It's crazy. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's crazy. A lot of adolescent girls struggle with self harm.

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<v Speaker 1>Why do you think that is? Because I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of that was going on when I was

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<v Speaker 1>growing up, And I don't think I remember definitely happening.

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<v Speaker 1>It was happening, but it wasn't It maybe just wasn't.

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<v Speaker 1>It wasn't. As there's more awareness now than I think

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<v Speaker 1>when we were both coming up right, I've had a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of plos. When I think about Pock passing away,

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<v Speaker 1>I get mad at everybody. If I met Tupac at

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<v Speaker 1>the Baltimore School for the Arts, and we had an

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<v Speaker 1>instant connection, we became close friends very quickly. We were

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much inseparable from the day that we met. When

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<v Speaker 1>I heard about Pack passing away, I was actually in

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<v Speaker 1>New York and I was supposed to be flying to

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<v Speaker 1>see him. I remember my knees buckling and We'll having

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<v Speaker 1>to catch me. I was just in total shock. I've

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<v Speaker 1>had a lot of loss. So many of my close

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<v Speaker 1>friends gone right, didn't make it pass. They didn't make

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<v Speaker 1>it to thirty, they didn't make it pass, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>And a lot of people, you know, talk about my

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with Pac and trying to figure that out, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and that was a huge loss in my life. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because he was one of those people that I expected

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<v Speaker 1>to be here. My upset is more anger, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying, because I feel that he left me,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know that's not true, and it's a very

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<v Speaker 1>selfish way to think about it, but I really did

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<v Speaker 1>believe that he was going to be here for the

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<v Speaker 1>long run. And so when I think about it, I

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<v Speaker 1>still get really mad. I get mad at God, I

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<v Speaker 1>get mad at him, I get mad at everybody, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>also knowing that it happened right when a change was

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<v Speaker 1>occurring in his life. Yeah, yeah, and so he didn't

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<v Speaker 1>really get a chance to be he could, right, but

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<v Speaker 1>he he played his role in you know, he did

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<v Speaker 1>what he was meant to do in the minds of

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<v Speaker 1>the generation that came next. Is a god. Yeah, still

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<v Speaker 1>to this day, many generations. He's an icon, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>And so that was what he was meant to do.

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<v Speaker 1>What about you, gam what was your biggest loss, Scamster.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I've had so many important people in my

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<v Speaker 1>life that that I have lost. Most recently it was

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<v Speaker 1>who happens to be your sister and sister, my oldest sister.

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<v Speaker 1>But amazingly enough, that loss actually brought me to my joy. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because when we lost Sondra, who was probably the kindest

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<v Speaker 1>woman that I have ever known. We're on our way

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<v Speaker 1>to pick up the rest of the meeting. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>want to look in at our food? Yep? But I

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<v Speaker 1>just never I felt like she was happy, and it

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<v Speaker 1>just made me decide like, I gotta be happy in

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<v Speaker 1>my life. Yeah, you know what I mean. I can't

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<v Speaker 1>keep doing stuff that other people want me to do,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm miserable. You know. I had to leave some

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<v Speaker 1>relationships and that gave me the freedom to just be

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<v Speaker 1>authentically who I was. Whoever. That was still a journey.

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<v Speaker 1>I always feel like I'm still kind of looking for myself,

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<v Speaker 1>trying to find myself and at even at this age,

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<v Speaker 1>but I didn't feel like I had to pretend to

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<v Speaker 1>be somebody that I wasn't. I do believe that that's

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<v Speaker 1>part of why pain exists, and I do believe that's

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<v Speaker 1>part of why loss exists. Is that right if we

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<v Speaker 1>didn't experience pain, would we really grow? And when we

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<v Speaker 1>really appreciate, we appreciate joy what we appreciate, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what I mean. And it's also the idea that pain

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<v Speaker 1>motivates you. Pain is a motivating factor for you to

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<v Speaker 1>make a change in your life, to do something different.

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<v Speaker 1>When the producer first asked me, you know, what was

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<v Speaker 1>the biggest loss I've had in my life? I said myself.

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<v Speaker 1>And then when you realize that you've lost yourself, that's

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<v Speaker 1>like devastating because It's just like, how do I get

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<v Speaker 1>myself back in having children, being in a marriage and

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<v Speaker 1>in this world of Hollywood and mother having a persona

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<v Speaker 1>of like whatever people we're thinking infection, perfection, which was

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<v Speaker 1>just like, how did that happen? That's been my life

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<v Speaker 1>for the past twenty some years, battling and rearing damn

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<v Speaker 1>giving up my career to raise my children. You know

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<v Speaker 1>that was a battle. I know. Let me tell you.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I tell you something, Willow, I would not change it.

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<v Speaker 1>I love my family, don't get that wrong. But I

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<v Speaker 1>got lost along the way. Then literally one day I

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<v Speaker 1>just woke up and I'm like, what makes you happy?

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<v Speaker 1>And literally had no idea to the point that I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't even know how to like dress myself again. Fashion

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<v Speaker 1>used to be my thing, but I just I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>now starting to pay attention to that again. All these

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<v Speaker 1>women out here on Xanax drinking shop, you know, like

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<v Speaker 1>it's sad as me how a lot of women out

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<v Speaker 1>here numbing theirselves just to survive in a way that

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<v Speaker 1>they've been told they need to be to have happy lives.

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<v Speaker 1>But expectation and that's that's a big loss. That's what

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<v Speaker 1>I mean in regards to how we lose ourselves? Are

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<v Speaker 1>you kids smiling? Okay? Is your husband thriving good? Everybody

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<v Speaker 1>else around you thriving? Then you're doing good, Jada, you're

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<v Speaker 1>doing good. And guess what. One day I woke up

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<v Speaker 1>and I was withered, curled up in a ball, curled

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<v Speaker 1>up in a ball. About to that. It makes me

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<v Speaker 1>feel like what I need to keep doing is training

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<v Speaker 1>my heart and my mind to accept and move with loss.

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<v Speaker 1>You're absolutely correct, Willow, and the idea that loss is

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<v Speaker 1>a part of life, and when we lose things, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it gives us an opportunity to be grateful, have gratitude

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<v Speaker 1>for that time that we have with that person or

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<v Speaker 1>that time of life that we had like a teenager

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<v Speaker 1>and gently and willingly and openly constantly moving cold like

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<v Speaker 1>water waterfall, waterfall, exactly. That's it. Here's two new beginnings.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's two loving friends and family and loved ones that

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<v Speaker 1>we've lost. Here's to the journey. Yeah, okay, so let

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<v Speaker 1>me try it and you'll see. You'll you'll tell me

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<v Speaker 1>if if you yeah, we could do it together. It's

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<v Speaker 1>going through something I'll do. I'll we did. We I

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<v Speaker 1>learned a lot about you today that I did not

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<v Speaker 1>know that was perfect. In my mind, I feel fat.

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<v Speaker 1>On the next Red Table Talk, we are talking about

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<v Speaker 1>body confessions. So what was it the dead said to you?

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<v Speaker 1>He said, dudes look at the mind of a skinny

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<v Speaker 1>girl before they look at their body. A lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people have been asking about why I've been wearing turbans. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not easy to talk about, but I am going

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about it. Please keep the conversation going beyond

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<v Speaker 1>the Red Table. Follow the official show page for new

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<v Speaker 1>episodes and updates. To join the Red Table Talk family

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<v Speaker 1>and become a part of the conversation, follow us at

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<v Speaker 1>facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening

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<v Speaker 1>to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook Watch, Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.