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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that sunk his entire life savings

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Speaker 1: into a fun new product he wholeheartedly believes in, But

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Speaker 1: after making sixty thousand of them to sell, he realized

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Speaker 1: inflatable dart boards, oh, really only good for a one

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Speaker 1: time year. Yeah, so make sure to buy him and

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Speaker 1: packs up one hundred yeahs. Back to the inflatable drawing

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Speaker 1: board with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird

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Speaker 1: news stories around the globe just like everyone else does,

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Speaker 1: except we've got a laser. Those other bulls eye boneheads

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Speaker 1: just don't. This first laser story is out of South Carolina.

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Speaker 1: A couple named Joshua Harvey and Rosie Smith got into

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Speaker 1: not one, but two high speed chases in a single

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Speaker 1: day last week.

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Speaker 2: Do you get away from the first one to be

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Speaker 2: able to do the second one?

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Speaker 1: I'll get into it here. And it's not even the

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Speaker 1: most interesting part of the story because the first one

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Speaker 1: happened around nine am on Monday, early morning thing because

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Speaker 1: the cop was trying to pull them over for expired

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Speaker 1: tags and Joshua was driving their black Honda Sedan and

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Speaker 1: managed to get away. Put that on their next commercial,

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Speaker 1: so you'd think that they'd lay low after that, but

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Speaker 1: cut to two forty five that afternoon. The same day,

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Speaker 1: they got into a second chase. This time, Rosie was

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Speaker 1: behind the wheel of a white Honda Sedan because it

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Speaker 1: turned out they'd spent the entire day spray painting it

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Speaker 1: to fool the cops.

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Speaker 2: Got her. Must have been so tired.

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Speaker 1: Obviously didn't work because like Alexus's tanning appointment, it was

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Speaker 1: a bad spray job. Yeah, and plus they kept the

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Speaker 1: same license place with the expired tag. Yes, okay. The

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Speaker 1: second chase ended with police disabling their car on the highway.

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Speaker 2: You know that man is blaming it on the woman's But.

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Speaker 1: Here's the fun part. When the sedan came to a

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Speaker 1: complete stop, the couple opened their doors to make a

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Speaker 1: run for it, and for some reason, a dog followed them,

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Speaker 1: along with a cat and then four chickens the car.

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Speaker 1: It was Old McDonald's. Animal Control dealt with the runaway livestock,

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Speaker 1: and Josh and Rosie got taken to jail.

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Speaker 2: It's like you could put chickens and a cat in

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Speaker 2: the same car and everybody's cool. Everybody's copacetic.

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Speaker 3: I hope they arrested them all too.

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Speaker 1: The chickens had little handcuffs on. The cops called them

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Speaker 1: the Bonnie and Clyde wannabes. Yeah, I still knock off.

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Speaker 2: I do see them all in black and white striped outfits.

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Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Pizza Palace. Nothing

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Speaker 1: worse than craving your favorite takeout food only to show

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Speaker 1: up at the restaurant and see a sign on the

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Speaker 1: door that they're temporarily closed.

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Speaker 3: Man, or in my life, when I go to order

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Speaker 3: delivery and it's the one day a week the fun

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Speaker 3: places closed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Monday is your hard dayDay.

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Speaker 1: That's exactly what happened at a Pizza Hut branch. But

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Speaker 1: what the sign said left wanta Be customers completely speechless

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Speaker 1: because taped right on the front door a white piece

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Speaker 1: of paper red Sorry for the inconvenience, but due to

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Speaker 1: unforeseen circumcisions, the dining room will be closed tonight.

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Speaker 3: No circumcision. Oh gosh, unhappy hours.

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Speaker 1: You already guess. The restaurant sign quickly went viral. There's

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Speaker 1: a joke here about leaving a tip, but I'm too

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Speaker 1: tired of work it out. Also, someone said half expected

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Speaker 1: to see incontinence instead of inconvenience, and I appreciate the help.

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Speaker 1: Unforeseen Circumcisions is the name of my new bands.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: People also started sharing their run ins with terrible type

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Speaker 1: of one said. A convenience store once posted a sign

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Speaker 1: that read shoplifters will be prostituted or maybe I'll do

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Speaker 1: it on purpose street. See me take these snickers. This

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Speaker 1: next Lazer store is out of Valentine's Day headquarters.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Normally there isn't much overlap between wanting to send a

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Speaker 1: significant other cookies and wanting to break up with them.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, if you do fit into that category, you

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Speaker 1: now have an option because Insomnia Cookies is offering a

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Speaker 1: limited edition new twelve pack on their website called the

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Speaker 1: It's Not Me, It's You Package, So you can choose

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Speaker 1: a dozen cookies that you want to send to your

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Speaker 1: soon to be X and it'll include a handwritten breakup

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Speaker 1: note on the inside of the box.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, The soundest part is I probably would still

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Speaker 2: eat them, wall cry.

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Speaker 1: It's nice to give them the gifts so that they

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Speaker 1: can eat their feelings right afterwards. It's very considerate. You

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Speaker 1: can't say anything too spicy, though, but there are four

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Speaker 1: options they give you. It's not Me it's you. Oh,

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Speaker 1: there's You're sweet but not my flavor.

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Speaker 3: I like that one because it's kind of funny, like

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Speaker 3: to laugh and then cry.

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Speaker 1: There's I have the hots for your roommate kind of

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Speaker 1: hard and we're done. Have a nice life. The direct one.

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Speaker 2: God, you really hope that the other person did something

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Speaker 2: real wrong in that relationship. The delivery driver dropping these off,

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Speaker 2: does he make eye contact? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Insomnia said in a press release that this is a

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Speaker 1: quote very unseerious way of ending things, since warm cookies

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Speaker 1: are better than a cold heart.

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Speaker 3: Okay, trying to make it sound sweet.

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Speaker 1: The pack, if you're interested, starts at thirty dollars. Oh

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Speaker 1: and brook. Apparently there is a box of cookies waiting

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Speaker 1: for you up at the front door from your husband,

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Speaker 1: So then you check that out.

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Speaker 3: When they're down with.

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Speaker 2: Laser stories, eat them and not listen to the message.

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Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of the happiest place

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Speaker 1: on Earth.

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Speaker 2: There Disney, Oh my bedroom?

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, oh god, not after the cookies. Oh. A

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Speaker 1: TikToker named Matthew Abeles who has six hundred and forty

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Speaker 1: five thousand followers less than our show, by the way,

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Speaker 1: stepping up, Matt Atbrooke and Jeffrey, we'll follow us on

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Speaker 1: TikTok and make Matt feel super insecure. But he just

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Speaker 1: found a ticket booklet from nineteen seventy eight for Walt

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Speaker 1: Disney World that was just collecting dust.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was booklet.

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Speaker 1: It was originally purchased for eight dollars and did not

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Speaker 1: have an expiration date on it.

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Speaker 2: I think back in the day.

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Speaker 1: I'm not positive.

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Speaker 2: I think that you used to have to have tickets

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Speaker 2: to pay for the rides.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh really, I've heard in j I know because

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Speaker 3: I watch a lot of Disney Dogs that the original

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Speaker 3: tickets from the original years are super valuable.

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Speaker 1: But because he's a TikToker and this is good con ten,

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Speaker 1: he decided to fly out to Orlando to see if

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Speaker 1: the tickets would still work.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, wait a minute, I thought he's gonna

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Speaker 3: sell them.

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Speaker 1: And when he went to the turnstile with his forty

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Speaker 1: six year old ticket, the lady stamped void on it.

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Speaker 1: That's value, and then she replaced it with a brand

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Speaker 1: new pass good for the entire day. That's a no.

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Speaker 1: One should be y.

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Speaker 3: That's awful.

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Speaker 2: No, it's nineteen seventy eight.

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Speaker 1: It's not an original ticket.

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Speaker 2: I don't know here, No, I think that's a So

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Speaker 2: he went to Disney World for eight dollars, is what

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Speaker 2: you're saying.

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Speaker 1: They gave him a one day ticket, which today is

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Speaker 1: worth one hundred and sixty four bucks.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: And afterwards Matt said, quote, I can't believe that this

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Speaker 1: actually worked, dude.

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Speaker 2: I bet it's so much more joyous to experience Disney

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Speaker 2: World when you only have to pay eight dollars. You know,

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Speaker 2: It's like, how food tastes better would you get it

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Speaker 2: for free?

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Speaker 1: Thetone seems so long. Yeah, he hasn't been three hour

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Speaker 1: wait already. Yeah, it's even better when you climb the

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Speaker 1: fence to get in. So exciting. Speaking of visiting the

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Speaker 1: happiest place on Earth, how about we crowdfund this guide

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Speaker 1: to send him to Disneyland someday because he's always wanted

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Speaker 1: to see Cinderella's Glass Slipper up close in person. It's

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Speaker 1: been a dream of this. That sound means laser stories

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Speaker 1: come to an end for the day. We'll do it again,

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Speaker 1: same time on Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: Frouking Jeffrey in the morning