WEBVTT - Date Jana Kramer's Best Friend 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.000 Welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm one of 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.280 your hosts, Jana Kramer, and today is a very exciting 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.239 episode because we talk a lot about celebrities and what's 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:24.880 going on in their lives. But today I wanted to 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:29.440 bring in my own real life, regular divorced single friend 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:33.360 who's amazing and open to finding love. So everyone, welcome 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:38.640 Pamelin onto the podcast. Having So I'm just so excited 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:42.520 about this for a few reasons. One because I mean, look, 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:44.400 I love I love doing the show when I'm able 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:47.120 to come on and interview people. But and this is 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:53.640 no offense, like to the Bachelorette people out there, the models, 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:56.280 I mean, we love Kelly Bensimone, we love her. I 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:59.680 mean she's a she's a beautiful, stunning model, and you 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:03.200 know she is going through her her journey of you know, 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:06.039 being divorced and finding love. And we've got Bachelorettes and 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:08.840 bachelorett you know, so it's like love all of them. Sure, 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.480 But I had this thought when we I mean, you're 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:16.000 my best friend, yes number one. Number two, We're walking 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.440 and I'm I've obviously been on this journey with you, 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:24.840 and I'm like, why isn't Pamelin on I do part 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:28.440 two because this is again no offense to the to 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:30.320 the other amazing hosts that we've had on here, in 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:33.160 the celebrities that we've had on here. But you are 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.640 dealing with this not in you know, not like that 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:38.880 didn't you know what I mean. 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:40.479 I'm trying to say, not. 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:45.800 In the public I am most real, normal person view 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.120 of you know, what's really happening. 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.280 Yeah, and I think it's for me I relate more 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.680 to people that are really going through it and not 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:55.800 in the public eye. Right. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.600 Well, I think that sometimes when you're in the public eye, 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:02.120 you do have a different experience because you may be 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:07.640 more accessible to more people, right because your story's out there, right, 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.840 I mean you. 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:12.119 I mean, I don't want to say it, but I mean, 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.440 you know, more people maybe would have found me from 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.959 It's like I found my husband on Instagram because he 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:18.920 found you know so. 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:23.120 And at this point it it kind of comes down 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:24.240 to a numbers game. 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:27.359 I feel like a lot of things are numbers games. 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:30.520 I had to date a lot of people. Yeah, you 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:32.280 do find the right one, yeah. 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:34.280 And you start to you know, figure out what you 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.880 actually want instead of you know, just trying to have 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.840 somebody choose you, or you be the one that somebody likes, Like, no, 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:44.440 what exactly do I want? 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:49.200 Well, so we're obviously going to talk about dating because 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.600 that is one of our hot topics on our walks 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:54.560 around the neighborhood because we're also I don't want we're 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.000 best friends, but we're neighbors, and so we go on 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.119 walks and I'm hearing it all and we're going to 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:02.760 to talk about all that. But first I want to 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:06.920 back up because I know Pamelin and I am honored 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:10.000 to know you. But I want other people listening, and 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:13.440 I also want a potential suitor to be hearing this too, 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.680 to get a little piece into who you are, what 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:21.280 has been your journey thus far and before the dating world. 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.679 So let's back it up. I give us the where 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.920 are you from? Along remarried, let's do it? 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:30.359 Do it well. 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:33.840 I'm originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and I'm very proud of that. 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.320 You also know the version of Pittsburgh Pam and she 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:37.880 comes out. 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:44.640 Let me tell you about Pittsburgh Pam. She's a good 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:45.280 friend to have. 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:50.000 So you know, I have these kind of blue collared 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:55.560 roots and then I came here to Nashville from Los Angeles. 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.400 I lived there for eleven years and that's where I 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.080 met my ex husband and I had my two beautiful 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:06.160 daughters there and we moved here in twenty nineteen. I 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:09.440 was married for ten years. 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:13.160 And you had quite a dating history too, I mean, 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:15.040 with the fact that you didn't really. 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:16.320 Date a lot of people. 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:22.839 True. Yeah, I since as far as I can remember, 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:29.640 I've just been very intentional about dating or boyfriends. I 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:32.520 would have a boyfriend for three four years and then 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.960 I wouldn't date at all for three four years. It 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:39.200 was kind of like it was just something I would 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.599 feel an energy, and then I just knew that it 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:43.360 was going to be it. And if I didn't have 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.680 that feeling, I just didn't entertain. I didn't need to be, 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:50.240 you know, going on dates. I was building my career. 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:54.279 I had amazing friendships, and so it wasn't ever really 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:58.040 anything that I felt like I had to have if 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.720 it fell into my lap, and you know, it was 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:03.599 an amazing experience. I totally put forth all of my 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:08.280 effort into that, but it was never it was really 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:12.640 always always quality over quantity, for sure. 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:13.080 Yeah. 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.880 So I mean I really only had I don't know 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.279 because I know the hockey. There was a hockey guy. 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:23.000 There was a football right. I mean I had a 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:25.560 really I had a four and a half year relationship, 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:29.360 and he was financed, he was not exactly, but and 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.840 we lived together and we had a business together and 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:38.240 all the things. Yeah, when I thought about my future, 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:43.719 I just didn't think that he was going to be, 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.719 you know, the one to love me like I wanted 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:47.000 to be. 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:52.600 Loved, which is interesting in hindsight. In hindsight, oh my gosh, 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:54.640 I mean it was crazy. I lived together. I mean, 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:56.000 I loved his family, It was. 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:01.000 It was great in a lot of ways, which I 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:04.679 don't think he was capable of loving me enough. 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:06.400 And so I think that's a. 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:09.080 Big takeaway with a lot of people trying to like 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:14.119 navigate this whole world, is you can have beautiful relationships, 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:19.000 you can really really want that person in your life forever, 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:22.840 but if they are not capable of meeting we're meeting 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:27.040 you where you're at, then there's this just lost hope 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:30.080 and then we're wasting time and we're we're wanting somebody 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:35.320 to give us something that they cannot give us. And 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.919 you know, we have to get out of that cycle 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:44.120 and really understanding like what is, what are they capable of? 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:47.880 What can they do instead of just like romanticizing or 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.440 being excited about the potential. 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:53.680 Right of somebody. 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:56.599 Isn't that an interesting thought though, because that's the majority 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.080 of why we get divorced, is because they can't meet 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:02.719 our needs. Yeah, so really what we're wanting you realizing 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:04.520 the person that you pick didn't meet your needs. I 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.880 mean my ex husband didn't meet my needs obviously, sure, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:08.159 And I. 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:11.400 Think you know, a lot of that does come down 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:16.440 to communication too. So if we are not properly communicating, 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:21.240 you know, to somebody what exactly we need, and especially 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.280 to men, we almost have to like lay it out 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:25.640 in bullet points, like on a silver platter and hand 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:27.520 it to them and say, you know, this is actually 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:29.680 what I need, and a lot of men will then 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:32.000 give it to you. I mean, if you're really laying 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.080 it out. I mean some you know, of course some 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:38.240 are not going to. But we cannot expect anybody to 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:40.600 read our minds and know what we want because we 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:44.160 all are so different. And so maybe in a past relationship, 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.360 a woman or a man needed X, Y and Z, 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:49.720 Well we're not the same person and so I think 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.440 that when it comes down to it, it's the communication 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:57.600 that is first lacking that then causes you know, the 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:05.880 needs aren't being met. 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:13.160 To back up to when you met your ex. And 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.239 again this I don't want this pod. This isn't about 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.240 him and y'all just divorce. This is about you and 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.680 your journey. But I'm just curious to see because a 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:25.280 lot of people that listen are around that thirty to 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:29.600 forty age range, which if they don't have kids, they're 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:32.280 wanting to have kids. And I always kind of wonder. 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:33.920 And I've never asked you this, so you can pass 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:38.200 if you want, but for me, and I've spoken openly 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:44.560 about this, where I looked away from flags because I 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:48.240 wanted to be a mom. You know, I still think 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:50.920 I probably would have ended up with my ex just 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:55.720 because I was so I didn't think I deserved certain things. 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:57.800 But I truly, at my core, I was like, I 0:08:57.840 --> 0:08:59.240 need to be a mom, and this is my best 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:02.320 option that I have right here, as I you know, 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.559 as at thirty. And what's so sad is now I 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:07.120 look back, I'm like, man, thirty. 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:10.000 So young, Yeah, you know, so young. 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:13.240 I'm like, oh, like you you and you don't realize 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:16.400 how fast things can change on a dime at thirty four, 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:18.920 thirty five years. So it's like but it was a 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:21.280 true like, well, I do want I want kids, and 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:22.880 I thought I'd already have kids because I come from 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:24.720 Michigan and all my friends have like five year olds 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:26.679 and six year old at this point now, And oh 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:30.520 my gosh, So I'm just curious for you. Obviously there 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.319 was love for your ex. But when you step aside 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:36.160 from that, do you look at it and go, maybe 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.320 I looked away from certain things because I wanted to 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.560 be a mom because you have two beautiful children. 0:09:40.840 --> 0:09:44.760 Yes, and you're an amazing mom. Thank you? Do you 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.560 know what I mean? Yeah? And you know, I I'm 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:49.600 not sure about that. 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:56.520 I was never the person that was so obsessed with 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:59.079 being a mom. I just trusted that, like my path 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:03.560 was going to kind kind of aligne for me. And 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.440 then I mean it is true. Mean I didn't meet 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.760 you know, my ex husband too. I was thirty three, 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:13.040 so I was you know, there's that subconscious time clock 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:15.640 that is going on in your head. 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:18.160 We also had a really. 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:23.880 Fast dating period before engagement in marriage, so that was 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:26.559 like really fast. We just kind of you know, really 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.840 fell for each other. We were both from Pennsylvania and 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:30.839 it was just like this awesome kind of we came 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:36.200 from the same mold connection and so, you know, I 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:40.120 don't know if I thought like that. I think so 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:46.520 many of us when we find our you know, first husbands, I. 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:48.600 Mean at this age or got one or three. 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:54.480 So I don't think and I didn't. I don't think 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:59.280 we go into it. I mean I was going at 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.640 it as a whole pay sure, like this was amazing, 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.440 this was you know, my love, this was my this 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.400 was you know, going to be the father of my children, 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:10.320 like this was my forever. I don't recall going into it, 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.720 you know, hesitant about anything. And I think a lot 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:17.840 of people, right, we don't go into marriage thinking it's 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:19.760 going to be not the one. We don't go and 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:21.360 thinking it's going to be a divorce. I remember my 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:24.120 mom telling me that because my parents are divorced, and 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:26.880 she said, Pam, you know I didn't marry your dad 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:28.360 thinking I was going to divorce him. 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.360 Like I married him like this is the greatest man ever. 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:38.840 So so that's kind of you know, yeah, the plan 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.720 was clearly to never get divorced, but here we are. 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:47.000 Right, and looks you know. It's interesting too because we're 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.439 two obviously very different people when it comes to what 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:52.440 we share and what we don't share. And even when 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.400 I was married to my ex, when I would bring 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.280 up like, you didn't talk about your marriage Hardie at all. 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:01.079 I mean, I didn't know there were any issues ever, 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:08.000 you know, which then leads me to shocked when and 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.480 nobody knows the story. So this is a am I 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:15.480 allowed to share. Sure, I had just met Alan and 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:19.600 I just met, but you know, we were dating, and 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:23.840 then I got pregnant, and I remember and are obviously 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.800 so close, but I remember there was this distance, and 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:30.480 I'm like, did I do something wrong? And I just 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.120 kept thinking, like, what did I do wrong? Pam's not 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.200 really talking to me. This is so weird and I 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.280 don't understand, and so I just kept thinking I did 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:41.600 something wrong. So I'm like, okay, but I don't want 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.400 to say anything, but should I? And then I'm also 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.160 like trying not to vomit every two seconds because I'm pregnant, 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:49.800 trying to like not tell everybody. 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.480 Obviously you knew, but and I yeah. 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:57.400 So then as the summer goes on, you came over 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:01.200 to our airbnb that we were at and uh, you 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.200 can't move into the new house, and You're like, I 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:04.880 have to talk to you, and I'm like, here it is, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.360 she's breaking up with me. I don't know why or 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:11.679 what I did. And I'm like, I've at this. I 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:14.839 at this point, I feel looking at it, Huntse, I 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:16.840 feel so bad because I was I made so about 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:19.920 me and like what I did wrong? I should have looked, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.000 you know, asked you, but you literally said are you 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:23.480 breaking up? 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:24.400 I didn't and sat down. 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:25.600 You're like, so I have to talk to you. I'm like, 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:27.000 I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did, but 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:31.000 are we breaking up? Because and that's what I thought. 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.040 That's what I felt. And instead of why didn't I 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.120 come to you and ask you? Are you okay? But 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.320 you said, well, I think it took me like twenty minutes, yeah, 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:42.120 which is I'm like, does tell me you hate me? Yeah? 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.000 I couldn't spit it out right. 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:48.280 Yeah, I just said I still remember that, Like I 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.920 think you know, I just said three words, maybe two words, 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:57.439 I'm divorced, and you said like past tense. 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:03.320 I was like celerity D like I was shocked. Yeah, 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:05.920 I'm divorced. I'm sorry. 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:09.480 What And then I then I felt terrible because I'm like, 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:11.680 you went through this like you were, like you said, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:15.560 nobody knew, you told nobody that's your therapist, only that. 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.040 And then I just felt awful because I'm like, man, 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:19.920 I should have asked if I have a question, if 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:22.200 I would have asked if you and your ex were okay, 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:23.600 Like do you think you would have said or no? 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.680 I don't know because this was this is my what 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:29.920 was happening in my brain at that time. 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.840 Talk to talk to us, so tell us a thought process. 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:36.640 And I am very aware that I am unique in 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:40.160 this way and it's not for everybody, but it works 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:45.680 for me. So this is how I roll. Okay. 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:53.440 I didn't talk to anybody about it because you know, 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:59.640 I needed to maintain joy in every other aspect of 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.960 my life life that I could, and I didn't want 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.320 people to know because then it would have been the 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.720 constant topic of conversation and everybody would have been asking me, 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:13.000 are you okay? What's going on now? I would be 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:16.160 walking to the bus stop, everybody's thinking, oh my gosh, 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.760 she's sad, she's going through a divorce, and so I 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:25.160 wanted to maintain some sense of normalcy in my life 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.360 and know that I can go and you know, hang 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:29.520 out with you and all of our friends and. 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:32.000 Just be normal. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:38.760 And I've always been the type of person that I 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:43.200 trust my brain so much. I trust the thoughts in 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.560 my head more than not against anybody else, but more 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:52.840 than anybody can give me advice on. And so what 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:56.720 my friends, you know, didn't realize is they were supporting 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.960 me more than they ever could by just being normal, 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:01.880 just being you know, there for me. 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:08.200 And so that's just how I went through it. 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.880 And I mean maybe part of it was just it 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.040 was painful to talk about, you know, I didn't want 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:14.880 to talk about I mean, and that stuff's painful, and 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.800 so I just sat in my emotions and I just 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:19.360 sat in my feelings, and. 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:22.600 You know, just kind of. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.160 I think it's helpful when you don't have other people 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:32.080 in their opinions and their voices constantly in your head. 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:34.280 I think you have to be alone in your in 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:35.920 your thoughts a lot of the time, and I think 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:41.040 that people don't take that time to do that, and 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:44.840 so I I know it was weird, but I'm proud 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:46.120 of myself for doing it like that. 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:58.120 I just think we all felt bad and I hear 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:01.280 what you're saying that we or did you without really 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:08.040 even knowing. But I also know how devastating divorces and 0:17:08.080 --> 0:17:13.240 the like guttural tears and the sadness, And to know 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.720 that you went through that alone, that just makes me 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:17.880 sad as a friend that I couldn't like you laid 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:21.760 in bed with me while I would scream cry, you know, 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.879 and it's like you were alone doing that, And that 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:28.359 still makes me sad to this day that you It 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:30.119 makes me sad knowing that you were alone through that. 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.320 I am a little bit sad for that version of myself, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.080 like when I look back, but I think just at 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:41.520 that moment, it was just I was just doing the 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:44.479 best that I thought, you know, was good for like, 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:47.159 you know, my mental health, for my kids, for you know, 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:52.040 all that stuff, and just yeah, not involving anybody else there. 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:53.640 Yeah. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.280 So when she said that, obviously there was sadness that 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:01.080 I felt for you because a little relief that you 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:04.480 weren't breaking up with me, you broke up with someone else. 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:06.560 And then my third thing was is I was like, 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:09.439 damn it, Pam, why couldn't you do this when I 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:12.199 was getting divorced, we would have been on fire in 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:13.119 Miami together. 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:18.560 Yeah, we were totally opposite trajectories. You were pregnant as 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:21.600 could be, and I was yeah, I. 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:22.720 Was like, I need to do it. 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:24.960 But then I'm like, well, so we would have gotten 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:29.359 in too much trouble. But you know now that is 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:33.800 so okay. So to wrap that piece up looking back, 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.600 what are some of the Obviously you went through it 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:41.639 different than probably most did. Is there anything for women 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:45.639 that are going through a divorce that you found solace in? 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:54.560 I think I just kept trusting the Universe's plan for 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:59.280 me and knowing that I there's only two things I 0:18:59.320 --> 0:19:02.800 can control in this world, and it is how I 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.479 treat myself and how I treat other people. And I 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:12.000 cannot control any other part of my surroundings, my environment, 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:16.399 and so I just put my head down. You guys, 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:23.640 I took care of myself. I built a company from 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:29.040 nothing while going through a divorce. I put my energy 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:35.000 into my children, and I just did not lose hope 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:39.560 in you know, like where I meant to be. 0:19:41.000 --> 0:19:41.280 Again. 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.359 Did I ever see this, you know, happening, or even 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.600 expect you know that I would be in that place, know, 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:52.760 but I just trust so much in this like beautiful 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:57.640 freaking world that I know that I am exactly where 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.320 I am supposed to be right now for what whatever 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:02.439 reason it is. And I don't even need to know 0:20:02.560 --> 0:20:08.000 the reason. I just release all of that control. And 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:10.960 I mean, you know, it was was the craziest hardest 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:16.320 thing ever. But I think it did give me the 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:21.439 space and the almost the just determination to build this 0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:25.240 freaking company. Now I'm scaling this company like all by myself, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:31.399 you know, from nothing, And so I almost turned like 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:38.520 you know, a sad thing into as much of a powerful, 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:42.960 powerful finding my voice where I'm supposed to be type 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:43.919 of situation. 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:48.199 I think a lot of women too, They always ask me, 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:52.440 when did you know? Was there a moment for you 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:56.679 where you were like either I don't want to spend 0:20:56.680 --> 0:20:58.359 my life like this the rest of my or I 0:20:58.400 --> 0:20:58.919 don't want. 0:20:59.119 --> 0:20:59.919 What was it for? 0:21:00.240 --> 0:21:02.399 Like I know that this is the right choice and 0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:03.439 I'm making the right choice. 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:05.840 Was it a feeling? Was it a. 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:09.600 I think a lot of women wrestle with that piece 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:12.400 of it, like how do you know, yeah that if 0:21:12.440 --> 0:21:15.040 you're making the right decision or that this is. 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:19.080 Well I will say that I don't think that. 0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.119 Many. I mean, I think there are a percentage, but 0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:25.600 I don't think that many divorces. 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:26.800 Just just happen overnight. 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.000 Sure, I think a lot of the time it is 0:21:29.040 --> 0:21:31.439 a slow burn, whether you want to admit it or not. 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:41.879 And I also think it's a situation where when you know, 0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:46.280 you know, and it could be the littlest thing, it 0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:48.159 could be the biggest thing, it could be you know, 0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:52.320 a multitude of you know, kind of like again just 0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:57.119 like you know, building up of things. Yeah, but was 0:21:57.160 --> 0:21:59.479 there like some crazy pivotal moment. 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:00.200 Not really. 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:03.720 It's interesting you say that, because that's that is so true. 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:06.000 There is this feeling when you just go and I'm 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:09.119 done and you and I always was wondering if I 0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:11.640 would ever feel that, and then when you do, you're like, oh, 0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:15.480 that is what people always say. That feeling is. Yeah, 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:17.480 you can't really explain it, and you can't go back 0:22:17.520 --> 0:22:21.160 from it either. No, there's no take back button. It's 0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:25.200 like or take back the feelings. You know that it's done, 0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:28.359 and then you just gotta put your head down and 0:22:28.440 --> 0:22:29.040 go through it. 0:22:29.359 --> 0:22:31.320 Well, and you know, I mean, and it wasn't like, 0:22:31.359 --> 0:22:33.479 oh it was just me saying I'm done. I mean, 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:36.399 there was a you know, a discussion, There was you know, 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:41.520 you know, a combination of both of us. So it 0:22:41.560 --> 0:22:44.239 wasn't just like, you know, some type of situation like 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:48.840