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Speaker 1: Reaching five million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I

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Speaker 1: could never have imagined when On Purpose first began. Over

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Speaker 1: the years, I've had the honor of sitting with some

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Speaker 1: of the most extraordinary people in the world, artists, world leaders, athletes,

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Speaker 1: visionaries and experts. These conversations have offered us glimpses into

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Speaker 1: how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how

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Speaker 1: love and resilience shape our lives. I'm truly grateful for

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Speaker 1: how far we've come, and it's all because of you.

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Speaker 1: It's also just the beginning. So today we're celebrating our

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Speaker 1: community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most

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Speaker 1: significant moments from incredible guests along the way.

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Speaker 2: The Number one Health and Wellness podcast set Jay Shet.

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Speaker 1: I remember this one really well because I was in France.

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Speaker 1: I flew to London to take a flight to the US,

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Speaker 1: and then flew back to London to interview Tom All

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Speaker 1: within twenty four hours. When I spoke with Tom Holland,

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Speaker 1: he shared something deeply personal, his decision to quit drinking.

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Speaker 1: In a world that celebrates alcohol. He stepped away to

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Speaker 1: protect his mental and emotional health, and he's not alone

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Speaker 1: surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before,

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Speaker 1: with many saying they feel healthier and more present. Here's

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Speaker 1: Tom on how that choice changed his life. One of

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Speaker 1: the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave

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Speaker 1: up drinking about a year and a half ago. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you said it was the hardest thing you ever did. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And I wanted to know what was so hard about

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Speaker 1: it for you? Why was it so hard.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting I didn't one day wake up and say

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Speaker 3: I'm giving up drinking. I just like many Brits, had

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Speaker 3: had a very, very boozy December Christmas time. I was

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Speaker 3: on vacation. I was drinking a lot. And I've always

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Speaker 3: been able to drink a lot. I think I get

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Speaker 3: my genes from my mom's side in that thing that.

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Speaker 4: I can drink.

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Speaker 3: And I decided to just give up for January. I

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Speaker 3: just wanted to do dry January. And all I could

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Speaker 3: think about was having a drink. It's all I could

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Speaker 3: think about. I was waking up thinking about it. I

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Speaker 3: was checking the clock, when's it twelve, And it just

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Speaker 3: really scared me. I just was like, Wow, maybe maybe

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Speaker 3: I have a little bit of an alcohol thing. So

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Speaker 3: I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll

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Speaker 3: do February as well. I'll do two months off. If

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Speaker 3: I can do two months off, then I can prove

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Speaker 3: to myself I don't have a problem. Two months go by,

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Speaker 3: and I was still really struggling. I felt like I

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Speaker 3: couldn't be social. I felt like I couldn't go to

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Speaker 3: the pub and have a lime soda, I couldn't go

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Speaker 3: out for dinner. I was really really struggling, and I

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Speaker 3: started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem.

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Speaker 3: So I decided that I would wait until my birthday,

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Speaker 3: which is June first. I said to myself, if I

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Speaker 3: can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove

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Speaker 3: to myself that I don't have a problem. And by

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Speaker 3: the time I had got to June first, I was

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Speaker 3: the happiest I had ever been in my life. I

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Speaker 3: could sleep better, I could handle problems better. Things that

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Speaker 3: would go wrong on set that would normally set me off,

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Speaker 3: I could take in my stride. I had so much,

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Speaker 3: such better mental clarity. I felt healthier, I felt fitter,

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Speaker 3: and I just sort of said to myself, why am

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Speaker 3: I enslaved to this drink? Why am I so obsessed

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Speaker 3: by the idea of having this drink, and I would

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Speaker 3: look back and recognize that I would go to events

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Speaker 3: for work and be like, I can't enjoy myself until

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Speaker 3: I've had a few beers, and I just felt so

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Speaker 3: much pressure. And this is one of the things where

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Speaker 3: I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community because

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Speaker 3: so much of it is about how much can you drink.

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Speaker 3: Let's get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly

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Speaker 3: been the best thing I've ever done. I'm a year

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Speaker 3: and a half into it now, it doesn't even cross

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Speaker 3: my mind. I found amazing replacements that I think are

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Speaker 3: fantastic ones that are also really healthy. I found this

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Speaker 3: one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's you know,

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Speaker 3: the carbohydrates in it are long lasting energy. So like

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Speaker 3: having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.

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Speaker 3: I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive

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Speaker 3: about it. I've never run into that scenario where my

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Speaker 3: friends are like, oh god on, just have a beer,

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Speaker 3: like you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me,

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Speaker 3: and I don't want to be that person that's saying

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Speaker 3: to people you should get sober. You should get sober.

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Speaker 3: If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great.

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Speaker 3: But I don't want to start getting into the world

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Speaker 3: of you need to stop drinking, because I just it's

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Speaker 3: not for me to say I went on my own

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Speaker 3: little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my

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Speaker 3: mum's as also given up. She's loving it, and it's

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Speaker 3: been amazing. I can't believe the difference that I feel

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Speaker 3: from not drinking. Yeah, I feel amazing.

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Speaker 5: That's amazing, man.

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Speaker 1: I love hearing that, and I love hearing that it's

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Speaker 1: been great for you, right, I think, yeah, that's the point.

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Speaker 1: Not everything has to be like, look what I did,

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Speaker 1: you can do it too. It's kind of like, no,

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Speaker 1: this is just what's been great for me. Do you

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Speaker 1: think it was partly that attitude for you, at least

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Speaker 1: in the beginning, where it's like, well, I can drink,

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Speaker 1: I drink a lot comes from my mum jeans and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't affect me, And then all of a sudden

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Speaker 1: you realize, well, wait a minute, it's more than that.

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Speaker 1: Because I think there is that, like I was like

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Speaker 1: that as a young man as well, like for me,

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Speaker 1: it was it was easy to drink. I didn't drink daily.

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Speaker 1: For me, I drank a lot more socially sure, and

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Speaker 1: I love playing drinking games with my mates. Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was really what I enjoyed the most, probably, and for

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Speaker 1: me when I quit, I could just quickly see how

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Speaker 1: it just got me into doing things I would never

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Speaker 1: do if I wasn't drunk. So for sure, for me,

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Speaker 1: it was more that. But yeah, I wonder for you,

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Speaker 1: did you find that? It's there's a really fine line

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Speaker 1: between like, I know, I can drink a lot and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you're kind of not addictive.

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Speaker 5: Beyond that, I'm happy to say a lot.

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Speaker 3: I was definitely addicted to alcohol, not shining away from

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Speaker 3: that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and

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Speaker 3: has not wakes up, anyone that has a beer every day,

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Speaker 3: it's probably got a little bit of a problem.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, you're right.

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Speaker 3: I would drink and drink and drink and drink, and

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Speaker 3: then you would just reach that moment where you're like, well,

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Speaker 3: I shouldn't have had that last beer, and you wake

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Speaker 3: up the next day and you have a terrible headache

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Speaker 3: and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that

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Speaker 3: will tell you about your sleep yeah orring yeah, And

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Speaker 3: it was amazing because I couldn't sleep. I was like,

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Speaker 3: why can't I sleep? I'm working fourteen hours a day,

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Speaker 3: I'm doing two hours in the gym, I'm eating really healthily,

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Speaker 3: and I can't sleep. What's wrong with me? I bought

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Speaker 3: this ring and it was booze. It just it was

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Speaker 3: completely affecting my sleep. And since I've given it up,

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Speaker 3: I can sleep anywhere.

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Speaker 6: You know.

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Speaker 3: It's also interesting as well, going on nights out and

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Speaker 3: having a great time as the sober person and then

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Speaker 3: getting to that point in the night where people start,

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Speaker 3: you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's I love you, man,

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Speaker 3: I love you so much, and you're like, yeah, brilliant,

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Speaker 3: I love you too. I see tomorrow I'm going to bed.

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Speaker 3: I love being that person now. I love seeing my

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Speaker 3: friends on the golf course at eight am in the morning,

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Speaker 3: feeling fresh and ready to go and they're sort of

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Speaker 3: crawling out their car and so yeah, so I am

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Speaker 3: over the moon to be sober.

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Speaker 6: I love it.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: For anyone who is listening right now and is going

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Speaker 1: tom I love that for you. I want to do

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Speaker 1: it too, like they're listening, going I'm having too much

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Speaker 1: every day. I can notice some of those things, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know that

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Speaker 1: addictions that way, we know that this is heavy.

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Speaker 5: It's not easy.

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Speaker 1: But if someone is watching, Going Tom, tell me what

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Speaker 1: did you do to even get started? How did you

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Speaker 1: have that courage to say, I'm going to do January,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to stick at it. Were there any moments

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Speaker 1: where you actually fell back and then I had to

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Speaker 1: get back on the horse again, Like, we'll just walk

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Speaker 1: us through that a little bit more. For anyone who

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Speaker 1: is watching, Going Tom, Mate, I want to be in

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Speaker 1: your position in like six months.

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Speaker 3: I didn't fall back on it. I have done in

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Speaker 3: the past. I've had periods of my life where I'd

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Speaker 3: given up drinking and then gone back to drinking. But

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Speaker 3: this time, I don't know, it was just different. I

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Speaker 3: really worked to sort of change my mindset. I really

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Speaker 3: asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking?

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Speaker 3: And a lot of the time my answer would be

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Speaker 3: to feel more comfortable in the social environment, And I

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Speaker 3: just put myself in those environments and just would force

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Speaker 3: myself to be there. I'd force myself to hang out

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Speaker 3: and go to a club or go to a bar,

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Speaker 3: go to a dinner, as.

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Speaker 5: We weren't avoiding those places.

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Speaker 3: I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like

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Speaker 3: I could go and not have a drink because of

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Speaker 3: the stress of it. But then after a while I

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Speaker 3: sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your

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Speaker 3: socks up here, and you can't just live in your

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Speaker 3: house all the time. You've got to go out and

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Speaker 3: enjoy yourself. And if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking,

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Speaker 3: then you really do have a problem. But I just

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Speaker 3: changed my mindset. I found really good replacements. Things that

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Speaker 3: I could sort of attribute to having a beer. I

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Speaker 3: often found with me. Most of it is just the

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Speaker 3: ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends

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Speaker 3: and drinking it, whether it's sparkling water or a beer.

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Speaker 3: I now can't I don't associate like I don't see

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Speaker 3: a difference, but I think it's different for everyone. I

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Speaker 3: had a great support system. Jack is one of my

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Speaker 3: best mates and we travel all over the world. He

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Speaker 3: doesn't drink, and doing it with him was a really

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Speaker 3: helpful experience for me. My brother is always on the

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Speaker 3: road with me. He was very supportive and yeah, I

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Speaker 3: just really set my mind to it. I was like,

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Speaker 3: I really want to do this. I want to prove

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Speaker 3: to myself I can do it. And then once I'd

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Speaker 3: felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full.

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Speaker 5: Self, My god, this is this is the best.

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Speaker 3: But do you not drink?

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Speaker 1: I haven't drank for seventeen years. No way, amazing, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: It was, It's incredible.

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Speaker 8: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So one of the best feelings in the world, and

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Speaker 1: it's my biggest like worry when I was about to quit,

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Speaker 1: was like, how am I going to hang out with

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Speaker 1: my mates? I was like, my mates knew me as

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Speaker 1: the guy who was like first of the game, last

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Speaker 1: to get out, that you know, the clown when I

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Speaker 1: got drunk, like life of the party, kind of like

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Speaker 1: that kind of guy. And then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: I decided I wasn't gonna drink anymore. I was like, crap,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to fit in. And then I remember I

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Speaker 1: went into the corporate world for a bit and I

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Speaker 1: didn't drink, and I was like, God, am I going

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Speaker 1: to miss out on opportunities and networking? Like, you know,

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Speaker 1: all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, come, but I'll have a water

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Speaker 1: or I'll have a soda, whatever it is. And what

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Speaker 1: was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking

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Speaker 1: made me rely on qualities and skills I had.

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Speaker 5: Sure that were actually better.

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Speaker 1: So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to

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Speaker 1: hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts my

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Speaker 1: personality that probably would.

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Speaker 5: Have just hidden away.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, surpressed, And all of a sudden, you were actually

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Speaker 1: getting respected and liked for who you were rather than

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Speaker 1: the person who you were when you were drunk. Sure,

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Speaker 1: and actually that worked in the workplace, and there was

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Speaker 1: no one at the workplace going r J doesn't drink,

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Speaker 1: so he's not getting promoted, right, It wasn't like that.

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Speaker 1: People were like, oh yeah, I really like hanging out

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Speaker 1: with J, or he's a really good guy, or whatever

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Speaker 1: it may be. And I was still getting the same

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Speaker 1: opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and

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Speaker 1: whatever it was. And I think that's why I'd like

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Speaker 1: to remind people that don't feel like your career or

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Speaker 1: your work is going to suffer even for you like

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Speaker 1: you've I'm sure as a you know, with your career path,

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Speaker 1: you have to be at parties, you have to be

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Speaker 1: at events, of course, and the fact that you're able

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Speaker 1: to do that now without having alcohol and you don't,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career.

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Speaker 5: If anything, it's the opposite.

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Speaker 3: But may I honestly cannot believe like the amount of

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Speaker 3: times I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired,

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Speaker 3: or sat down with the producer or director and been like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you know, well, I don't drink anymore, and they go,

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Speaker 3: I don't drink ten years and You're like, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like

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Speaker 3: yourself where you've heard their story, their.

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Speaker 5: Reason for giving up.

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Speaker 3: And there is a wonderful community of people and I

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Speaker 3: love it. I love being a part of that community.

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Speaker 3: I'm really proud to be a part of it. I

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Speaker 3: hope that, you know, I could meet other people and

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Speaker 3: chat them about it, because it's really nice. It's lovely

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Speaker 3: to be like, let's go to.

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Speaker 5: Get a lime cione together, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's get a juice, let's get a smooth yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, No, it is true. It's true.

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Speaker 1: And it's really interesting because they I can't remember. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to remember. There was this blog that came out

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Speaker 1: years ago. I can't even remember it now, and there

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Speaker 1: was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot

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Speaker 1: of likes and a lot of comments and a lot

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Speaker 1: of attention, and one day she just disappeared, like she

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Speaker 1: stopped posting, and everyone's just like all the comments were.

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Speaker 5: Like where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like

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Speaker 5: what happened to you?

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Speaker 1: You know, everyone was frantic trying to figure out what

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Speaker 1: happened to her because they loved her, they were following

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Speaker 1: her and all the rest of it. And what they

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Speaker 1: didn't know is that it was built by a team

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Speaker 1: that was trying to show that what people didn't notice

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Speaker 1: is that in every picture she posted, she was drinking

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Speaker 1: and it was a made up It was almost like

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Speaker 1: original AI that was made up to prove the point

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Speaker 1: that you can love someone and you can think you're

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Speaker 1: really close to them, and you you could think their

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Speaker 1: lifestyle looks amazing, but actually they've got a drink in

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Speaker 1: every picture they post, and you didn't.

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Speaker 5: Realize that an alcohol problem.

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Speaker 1: So there was no real person who died, but The

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Speaker 1: point was that this your friends could be struggling even

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Speaker 1: when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware, wow,

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Speaker 1: and are you conscious of how much it affects you?

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Speaker 1: And I can't can't remember who built that?

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Speaker 3: Well, that's I think that's one of the problems with

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Speaker 3: alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now,

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Speaker 3: if alcohol wasn't a thing, and you like, I've invented

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Speaker 3: this drink that is going to make you like either

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Speaker 3: really happy or really aggressive or really stupid, and we're

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Speaker 3: going to just sell it to the masses. People be like, now, mate,

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Speaker 3: keep your funky juice, Like, we don't want that.

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Speaker 6: That sounds terrible.

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Speaker 3: And it's one of those things because it is so

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Speaker 3: socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad

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Speaker 3: sides of it, really do fly under the radar. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that's really interesting. I'd say you something I do

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Speaker 3: love about being a Nundrey. I love being the designated driver.

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Speaker 3: I love being that person that makes sure that everyone

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Speaker 3: gets home. I don't know, I just I like being

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Speaker 3: a dependable person. I think I'm quite dependable, and I

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Speaker 3: really like that that thing. And I saw this crazy

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Speaker 3: YouTube video once this was years ago, of a guy

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Speaker 3: that went to a bar, he got drunk, and he

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Speaker 3: drove home and he crashed his car. And I don't

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Speaker 3: know if this is real. It could have been fake,

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Speaker 3: but it's really impactful. Basically, what his friend had done

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Speaker 3: was set up the room as if he had been

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Speaker 3: in a coma for like ten years. And his friend

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Speaker 3: wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is

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Speaker 3: there and he had all like old makeup on to

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Speaker 3: make him look older. And now I'm thinking about it,

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Speaker 3: there's no way this could have been real because how

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Speaker 3: would they have been able to pull that off. But

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Speaker 3: he basically is saying to him, like, you've been asleep

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Speaker 3: for ten years. Everyone's missed you, Like we can't believe

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Speaker 3: you're awake. This is amazing and it shows like how

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Speaker 3: a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future

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Speaker 3: of your life. So I do love being the designated driver.

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Speaker 3: That is something I enjoy see my friends have a

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Speaker 3: good time being like, don't worry, Tom will take you.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I used to love being the designated driver until I

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Speaker 1: realized that next girlfriend just had me do that because

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Speaker 1: I was the one who didn't.

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Speaker 5: Do that right. That wasn't a fun design driver.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I've always been that guy since because so

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Speaker 1: I lived as a monk for three years. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: when I came back after that, obviously I never went

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Speaker 1: back to drinking alcohol and everything, and so but I

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Speaker 1: went back into the workplace, and I remember everyone would

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Speaker 1: always open up to me and give me advice. But

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Speaker 1: it's what you're saying. When someone was drunk, they tell

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Speaker 1: me their whole life story. Next day they'd come and go, Jay,

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Speaker 1: you'd actually remember what I said. I remember everything. Please

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Speaker 1: don't tell anyone, Yeah, you know. And I loved I

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Speaker 1: loved that part where I was like I was able

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Speaker 1: to be there for people, just hear their stories and

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Speaker 1: someone that had context the next day, because if they

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Speaker 1: told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember

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Speaker 1: then it'd be gone.

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Speaker 8: No.

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Speaker 1: I think the benefits that you just pointed out of

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Speaker 1: good sleep, good health, mental clarity totally huge. But there's

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Speaker 1: a couple of things I want to point out for

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Speaker 1: everyone's li just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so

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Speaker 1: seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well.

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Speaker 1: But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives

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Speaker 1: and during my month life. We always talked about how

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Speaker 1: there was there was something that we called the higher taste,

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Speaker 1: and it was saying, you can never give up a

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Speaker 1: lower taste unless you had a higher taste. Sure, and

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Speaker 1: so there has to be a switch, there has to

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Speaker 1: be a replacement. And the fact that you found alternatives.

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Speaker 1: I think that's half the battle, because most of us

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Speaker 1: are trying to take something out of our lives and

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Speaker 1: then you're just trying to fill it. Yeah, and then

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Speaker 1: you have to go back to what you had before

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Speaker 1: because you're not finding a replacement.

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Speaker 5: So that was beautiful.

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Speaker 1: And the second thing you said, which I loved, which

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Speaker 1: was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone

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Speaker 1: who's one year ahead of you, someone who's ten years ahead,

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Speaker 1: someone's twenty years ahead, who's gone through that process, and

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Speaker 1: they're open and honest and vulnerable about you.

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Speaker 5: Know, I did have a weak moment or you know what.

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Speaker 1: This was really tough for me, and I think having

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Speaker 1: those communities where you can talk about these things makes

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Speaker 1: a massive difference. So if anyone struggling, I hope that

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Speaker 1: those two things can kind of, you know, give you

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Speaker 1: the support you need. Tom's honesty reminds us of a

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Speaker 1: key takeaway that strength doesn't come from fitting in, but

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Speaker 1: from making the choices that protect your piece. Whether it's alcohol, overworking,

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Speaker 1: or any habit that no longer serves you, Sometimes the

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Speaker 1: bravest thing we can do is to let it go.

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Speaker 1: One of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had and

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Speaker 1: that I'm deeply grateful for, was with the legendary late

385
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Speaker 1: Kobe Brian. I got to interview Kobe Bryan just a

386
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Speaker 1: few months before his tragic passing with his daughter. Kobe

387
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Speaker 1: described his mindset for excellence what he often called the

388
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Speaker 1: Mumba mentality. It wasn't about talent alone. It was about obsession, discipline,

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Speaker 1: and showing up every single day. Psychologists studying mastery of

390
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 1: skills have found that consistent, deliberate practice is the strongest

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Speaker 1: predictor of peak performance. Talent is valuable, but without consistency,

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Speaker 1: something Kobe embodied in every area of his life, it's

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Speaker 1: rarely enough. Let's take a look. Have you been able

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Speaker 1: to in your life see past the cloud of emotion

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Speaker 1: to actually execute on things? Because I think what we

396
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,399
Speaker 1: were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people afterday,

397
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Speaker 1: everyone has today have just so much information, so much

398
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Speaker 1: cloud of emotions, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage

399
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Speaker 1: that you're bringing, Like, how have you always cut through

400
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 1: that and execute them?

401
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Speaker 9: You know?

402
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,199
Speaker 10: What I try to do is just try to be

403
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 10: still and understand that things come and go, emotions come

404
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 10: and go. The important thing is to accept them all,

405
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,239
Speaker 10: to embrace them all, and then you can choose to

406
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Speaker 10: do with them what you want, versus being controlled by emotion.

407
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Speaker 10: You know, a lot of times I've seen players, even myself,

408
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 10: you know, when I was younger, being consumed by a

409
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Speaker 10: particular fear and to the point where you're saying, Okay, nah,

410
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 10: it's not good to feel fear. I shouldn't be nervous

411
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,880
Speaker 10: in this situation like that, and it does nothing but grow,

412
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Speaker 10: versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about

413
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Speaker 10: the situation. Yeah, I am fearful about the situation. Well

414
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Speaker 10: what am I afraid of? And then you kind of

415
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Speaker 10: unpack it, and then it gives your ability to look

416
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Speaker 10: at it for really what it is, which is nothing

417
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Speaker 10: more than your imagination running its course.

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, absolutely, I love that, because what you're

419
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Speaker 1: saying is that when you're dealing with something it's almost like,

420
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Speaker 1: how can I get to the root of it? Yeah,

421
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 1: because sometimes what we're dealing with, like you're saying it's

422
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Speaker 1: an imagination and illusion, it's not really.

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Speaker 10: It's not really a thing. You know, Like you think

424
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,160
Speaker 10: about game winning shots and or game winning free throws,

425
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Speaker 10: and people go to the free throwing and they're nervous

426
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Speaker 10: about it.

427
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,359
Speaker 8: Well, what are you really nervous about? If you unpack that?

428
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Speaker 10: Okay, you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot,

429
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 10: all right, So you missed the shot, then what happens.

430
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Speaker 10: People are going to be embarrassed. You're going to be

431
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,440
Speaker 10: embarrassed because thousands of people, millions people say you missed

432
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 10: a shot, all right, and then what people going to

433
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,240
Speaker 10: talk bad about you?

434
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:46,760
Speaker 8: Okay? Right?

435
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,360
Speaker 10: And so you're looking at it and go, are those

436
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 10: things even important? You know what I mean? If that

437
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 10: that is my fear? Like, what is you're worried about

438
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 10: letting your teammates down?

439
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 8: Okay? Have you let them down before?

440
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 1: Oh?

441
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 8: I'm sure?

442
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 10: And practice and things of that nature, right, they're still there,

443
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 10: you know. And so when you're able to unpack it,

444
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 10: you kind of look at it for what it is,

445
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 10: which is really nothing.

446
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that breaking it down. I think that's

447
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 1: so important. I think everyone who's listening and watching right now.

448
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: Next time you're facing a fear, next time you're going

449
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,439
Speaker 1: again something, do that, like, literally unpack it. Don't just

450
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 1: settle for your first answer, because the first answer is

451
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 1: really the right one.

452
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 10: Don't hide from it. You know, you got to be

453
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 10: able to look at it and you know, and and

454
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 10: deal with it head on.

455
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:25,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

456
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,200
Speaker 5: I love that, man.

457
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 1: And you talk about that because you talk about you know,

458
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 1: when you talk about missing five throws and you talk

459
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 1: about getting over yourself.

460
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,159
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, like getting over yourself.

461
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: How did you get that mentality of just being like

462
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 1: I need to get over this, like I need to

463
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 1: get over myself?

464
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 10: You know, trial and error. You know, you grow up

465
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 10: and you make game winning shots and it's awesome. You

466
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 10: come back the next day and miss a game when

467
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 10: it's shot and it's misery. And then the next day

468
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 10: comes and you're back playing again, and you understand that

469
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 10: life has this cyclical nature where it's you know, what

470
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 10: you do on Monday, it's fantastic, but then Tuesday's a

471
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 10: bad day. But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we

472
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 10: just supposed to live our lif like this the whole time,

473
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 10: you know, versus just staying like this and understanding that

474
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 10: it's really just a journey of evolution every day. It's

475
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 10: just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results

476
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 10: don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.

477
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And we all get obsessed about the results that

478
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 1: we get obsessed about, like the output, not the input

479
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 1: of not figuring it out and not like changing things

480
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 1: what you said, trial and error, like the experimenting.

481
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 5: We forget to do that.

482
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,880
Speaker 10: It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players,

483
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 10: especially now, you know in youth basketball dealing with that.

484
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 8: You have players that are like bigger and.

485
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,159
Speaker 10: Faster and stronger, and you know, their coaches or just

486
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 10: coaching them for results. You know, we're just going to

487
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 10: use your size that because you're bigger than every other

488
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,360
Speaker 10: twelve year old out there to dominate today. But they're

489
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 10: not growing right, So they're just based on that result.

490
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,120
Speaker 10: But they're not focused on growing this young child into

491
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 10: becoming a better athlete and through that teaching them how

492
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 10: to become a more well rounded person. And we're missing that.

493
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. See what you've said there, just I want to

494
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: ask you this, And I'm not saying because I you know,

495
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: like you know yourself best and you know how you've

496
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: got there, So I'm asking it from a place of

497
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like,

498
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 1: you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your

499
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is

500
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 1: like you think strategically, Like that's a very strategic thought

501
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 1: of saying, this person could be this in the future

502
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 1: if they were developed as a whole individual rather than

503
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,119
Speaker 1: just like let's use them for.

504
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 5: The short term. Right, And where did you develop that?

505
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: From? That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to

506
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: reflect deeper. Where did that come from?

507
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 8: Well?

508
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 10: I had to do that because you know, I grew

509
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,439
Speaker 10: up growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there,

510
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 10: it was you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't

511
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 10: have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball,

512
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,679
Speaker 10: and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to

513
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 10: make friends and build connections. But it was a lot

514
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 10: of time spent the loan and when I came back

515
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 10: to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. I

516
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 10: was really scrawny, like really really skinny, and have like

517
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 10: major knee issues because I was growing. So I was

518
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,159
Speaker 10: the dorky kid with high socks and big old knee pets.

519
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 10: Fashionable now, it's fashionable now and then and then, and

520
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 10: so I had to look long term because in the

521
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 10: here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.

522
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 8: I mean there's kids that were like twelve years old

523
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 8: with beards, Like what I was supposed to do with that?

524
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 10: Like they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and I'm happy

525
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 10: to like tap the backboard, you know. So I had

526
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 10: to look at it from a long term because I

527
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 10: wasn't going to give up on the game. So I

528
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 10: had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna get better

529
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 10: at that. Next year, this and then so forth and

530
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 10: so on, and then patiently I was able to catch them.

531
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, Kobe taught us that greatness is in an accident.

532
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:50,199
Speaker 1: It's built through discipline, consistency, and the willingness to go

533
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: further than most are willing to go. His words and

534
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 1: wisdom live on as a challenge to bring our best

535
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: to whatever we know. When Emma Watson called me to

536
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 1: be on the show. I was thrilled. One insight in

537
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 1: our sit down out of the many that she said,

538
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: that stood out was her view on building relationships from wholeness,

539
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 1: not need. In her younger years, she might have chosen

540
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and

541
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: self knowledge. She also spoke about asking the hardest questions,

542
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: Am I really happy? Am I aligned with my values?

543
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth. One

544
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 1: of the hardest questions you talked about asking you answer

545
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: it asking yourself difficult questions, and I want to ask

546
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: you something about that. But one thing I've said to

547
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 1: my wife is, if you ever fall out of love

548
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: with me, please tell me, because I don't want to

549
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: live a day without love. I'm really confident about the

550
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: fact that I'm worthy of love and that I want

551
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 1: to experience love in my life. If you ever fall

552
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 1: out of me, just tell me. It's okay, because I

553
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason.

554
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: And it sounds risky saying that in extreme but to me,

555
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: it's a greater risk to have spent ten extra years

556
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 1: with someone and then they tell me, I haven't really

557
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 1: loved you for the last five ten years. And then

558
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've lived without love for ten years in

559
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: my life, and I don't want to be in that

560
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: place because I've seen people go through that and not

561
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: be happy. And so it does come with a humility

562
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: and a openness to have very difficult conversations and not

563
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: to force something that, oh, it's been going to get

564
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 1: great for twelve years, it has to it should do,

565
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: it must do, and it's like, well maybe no, Like, yes,

566
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: if it does, it's great and it is right now,

567
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 1: but why should it right now be a prediction for

568
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 1: how you feel in fifteen years with everything else that's

569
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 1: going to change.

570
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 4: I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the

571
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,239
Speaker 4: need of someone and they couldn't meet my needs, if

572
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 4: I really couldn't make them happy and they couldn't make

573
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 4: me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation,

574
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 4: it's really that like makes love impossible, like the gates.

575
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 4: So I totally get what you're saying. And my mum

576
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 4: said this thing to me, which was like, you want

577
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 4: to be with someone because you want them, not because

578
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,360
Speaker 4: you need them. And I think maybe another reason why

579
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 4: I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe

580
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 4: I would have married someone not knowing who I was,

581
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 4: and I would have needed them, maybe not wanted them.

582
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 4: And I think now I have a life that's whole

583
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 4: and complete as it is, and I would be making

584
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 4: a choice from a place of I just want you

585
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 4: and I don't need you. But I just want you

586
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 4: and I don't. I don't think I was that woman

587
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 4: five years ago.

588
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. And there's so much, so much

589
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 1: to be said for attracting from a place of peace,

590
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 1: because you know what peace feels like, and so then

591
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: anyone or anything that comes into your life.

592
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 4: And what feeling satisfied feels like.

593
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,719
Speaker 1: Satisfied is probably even a better way, and that feeling

594
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,199
Speaker 1: of I know what it feels like to be satisfied,

595
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: and so I now know whether someone makes me more

596
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 1: satisfied or less.

597
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 4: I know what my baseline. You don't know what your

598
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 4: baseline happy is, then how do you You've got no

599
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 4: idea of knowing what's going on at all.

600
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 1: And that's not feeling of being complete or having it

601
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: all figured out. It's like I know what satisfies a

602
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: great word, It's like I know what it feels like

603
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself,

604
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: and now everyone can show me, yeah, where that pendulum swings.

605
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 4: Yes.

606
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: One thing you said which I which really resonated with me,

607
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 1: is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard

608
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: questions to do the work. And I want to ask you,

609
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: what's one of the hardest questions You've ever had to

610
00:26:58,600 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: ask yourself?

611
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 4: If you could, well, the first one that comes to mind,

612
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: and then maybe I'll dig for a deep or a

613
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 4: different one, is like to have to admit to myself

614
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 4: or ask myself the question of like you right now

615
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 4: have the career and the life that like looks like

616
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 4: the dream, but are you really happy? Emma? Are you

617
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 4: really healthy? Are you really happy? Like is this really

618
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 4: what you want? And to be at that point and

619
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 4: like realize and have to admit to myself that I

620
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 4: wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things

621
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 4: I've ever had to do, because you know, I basically

622
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 4: had to ask myself on a daily basis, like I

623
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,399
Speaker 4: felt like I was crazy and walking away from something

624
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 4: without knowing what you're walking towards was not having the answers,

625
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 4: but leaving something that was that the world considered to

626
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 4: be of such high value, such a high value kind

627
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 4: of moment in my professional life and career. I think

628
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 4: that was a real sitting with that was a real

629
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 4: moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth?

630
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 4: Can you live with your truth? Can you accept the

631
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 4: fact that for most other people your truth is pretty

632
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 4: confusing and unpalatable. That was definitely a hard moment of sitting.

633
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 4: More recently, because I've been being my own partner asking

634
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 4: myself are you really living your values things that you preach,

635
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 4: are you actually aligned and actually looking at some spaces

636
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 4: in my life where I was like, shit, no, not

637
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 4: at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about,

638
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 4: And I need to create some sort of urgency or

639
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 4: a deadline for that so that I make sure that

640
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 4: I'm a persitive integrity. I purport to be someone that

641
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 4: cares about the world and about the planet and sustainability.

642
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 4: And you know, there are some things I was doing.

643
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 4: Was it enough by my own standards, not by anyone else's,

644
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 4: just by my own? Probably not? But what's nice is

645
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 4: I actually have the time now to be like, okay,

646
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 4: we could do about it.

647
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: Get on with it and like those are.

648
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 5: Thank you for those. Those are great questions, really really

649
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 5: great questions.

650
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 1: Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins

651
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: with knowing yourself. When you're complete on your own, you

652
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 1: can choose someone because you want them, not because you

653
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: need them. And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having

654
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from

655
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel

656
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: right on the inside, and to realign your life with

657
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: your deepest values. Now, it's a given that Madonna is

658
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: a cultural icon, but what struck me most wasn't her

659
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: ambition or longevity. It was her devotion to spirituality, even

660
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: at the height of fame. The success she felt avoid

661
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: and what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals

662
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: that gave her peace and purpose. From yoga and Sanskrit

663
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: study to kabbala. Spirituality became the compass she realized she

664
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 1: needed for herself and for her daughter.

665
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 5: What are your.

666
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:29,479
Speaker 1: Spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and

667
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: emblematic of your journey, that have kept you going at

668
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: the times, As you said, there were so many times

669
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: you could give up, or things could go wrong, or

670
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: you kept pushing and they kept you locked.

671
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 5: What were they?

672
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: What are they?

673
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 11: Well?

674
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 12: One really important thing is studying, making time every week

675
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 12: to sit down and study. I mean, you can study

676
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 12: the Bible, you can study the poetry of Cahil Gibran,

677
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 12: or you can study the Vedas you you know.

678
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 5: And you did that right.

679
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: You actually studied different traditions.

680
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 12: And I mean to be honest, before I discovered Kabala,

681
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 12: I was looking for answers.

682
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 1: And why do you think that was? Why were you

683
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: looking for answers?

684
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 12: Because I had everything that people would assume would give

685
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 12: you happiness. I had successful career, I had fame, fortune,

686
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:31,239
Speaker 12: monetary things, physical things. But I wasn't happy, and I

687
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 12: naturally sought out well. When I was a dancer, I

688
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 12: had a roommate. She was a Buddhist and she would

689
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 12: get up and chant every day, and so I was

690
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 12: very intrigued by that. Like nothing bothered her, you know

691
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 12: what I mean, Everything bothers me, Everything bothers me. I'm

692
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 12: you know, I'm a Leo, I'm Italian.

693
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 11: I'm very dramatic.

694
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 12: I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but

695
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 12: I was just struck by her confidence and her knowingness

696
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 12: that everything was happening for a reason.

697
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 11: She never got upset about things.

698
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 12: And this is in the beginning of my career when

699
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 12: I was living in New York and I was broke

700
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 12: and a lot of crazy things happened to me. It's

701
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 12: really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her

702
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 12: her name is Marianne would always say what, like why

703
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 12: are you like?

704
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 11: Never upset?

705
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 12: So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it

706
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 12: didn't speak to me. And then later on I started

707
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 12: practicing yoga Ashtanga yoga and my teacher, Eddie Stern, he

708
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 12: still has a you know Eddie, Yeah, he's amazing. I

709
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 12: got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series,

710
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 12: second series, third series. But one thing I noticed is

711
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 12: that a lot of people would come into his practice,

712
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 12: his studio where he taught, and they wouldn't even do

713
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 12: the posts. They would just go and sit in front

714
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 12: of the statue of ganesh or light candles or prayer.

715
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 12: And I really and Eddie pointed it out to me

716
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 12: because sometimes I would have injuries, I would or I

717
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 12: would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga and he say, look,

718
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 12: are you breathing And I'd say yes, and he said,

719
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 12: you're practicing yoga.

720
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 11: So I realized that I.

721
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 12: Was too still, too caught up in the physical poses.

722
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 12: And he's like, no, you don't understand. You're missing the

723
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 12: whole point. The poses are just something that you do

724
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 12: to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down and

725
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 12: to bring you back to your center. And that really

726
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 12: spoke to me. There was a big no. It was

727
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 12: a painting on the wall of the yoga studio. It

728
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 12: says desire and detachment. And I said, what does that mean?

729
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 12: And he said, well, of course we want. We want

730
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 12: all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures,

731
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 12: we want all the happiness, we want every we want

732
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 12: it all. There's nothing wrong with that which can't be

733
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 12: attached to it, because then if you're attached to it

734
00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 12: and you don't have it, what's going to happen to you?

735
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 12: So I studied that for a while, and I studied Sanskrit.

736
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 12: I had a teacher, and you know, I learned that

737
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 12: the vibrations of the letters, you know, had a calming

738
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 12: effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed

739
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 12: you firmly rooted in the earth, and all of that

740
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 12: made sense to me. But then again, nothing happens by accident.

741
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 12: But I was pregnant with my daughter, Lola, my oldest daughter,

742
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 12: and I suddenly realized I was living in la I

743
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 12: suddenly realized, I'm going to be responsible for an other

744
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 12: human being. What am I going to teach her? I'm

745
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 12: just I'm like a meteor like making my way through

746
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 12: the you know, the on this planet. Like you know,

747
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 12: I have great survival instincts, I have a great work ethic. Yes,

748
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 12: I'm very ambitious all of those things, but I was

749
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 12: never like I was just knocking them down, you know

750
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 12: what I mean, and not like looking back, I'm going

751
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 12: to be somebody, because that's you know, that's why I

752
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 12: came to New York in the first place. I will

753
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 12: never go back to the nobody life I had.

754
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 11: When I was a child growing up.

755
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 12: So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive, but

756
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 12: I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious.

757
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 12: When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing

758
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 12: and I was a slave or a victim of other

759
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 12: people's opinions of me. And I didn't have really. Even

760
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 12: though it looks like and looked like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever,

761
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:51,279
Speaker 12: you know, I deep down Insiday was not.

762
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 2: So.

763
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 11: I was at a dinner party.

764
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 1: Were pregnant.

765
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 12: Yeah, I was at a dinner party at my friends

766
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 12: in La and there was a woman sitting next to

767
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 12: me and I knew her vaguely. She's a costume designer.

768
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,359
Speaker 12: She was a costume designer. Her husband's a director. And

769
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,280
Speaker 12: she said, oh, you should come with me to class.

770
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 12: And I said, what class. I'm open to classes, by

771
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 12: the way, I love being a student. So what's the

772
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 12: class all about. She said, there's a teacher there.

773
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:26,280
Speaker 11: It's something called Kabbala.

774
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 12: It's next to a synagogue. And I was like, wait,

775
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,359
Speaker 12: so he's Jewish and she said yeah, but it doesn't

776
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:35,760
Speaker 12: have anything to do with being Jewish.

777
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 11: It's just a belief system.

778
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 12: Not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that

779
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 12: you know, you could learn a lot from.

780
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 11: And I said, okay, I'll go. So I did, and

781
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 11: that's how I met my teacher.

782
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 12: And I literally would sit in the back of class

783
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 12: for years. Mostly men were in the class at the time.

784
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 12: It was but everything that he said seemed to make

785
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 12: so much sense to me and gave me courage to

786
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 12: be who I am and who I meant to be,

787
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 12: and made me actually think about intention and a real

788
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 12: sense of purpose, because my sense of purpose can't just

789
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 12: be I want to be rich and famous, or I

790
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 12: want to be popular, or I want to sell a

791
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 12: lot of records, because none of that lasts. But it

792
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 12: wasn't until I went to class that I actually started

793
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 12: thinking about those things. So I just kept going and

794
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 12: here I am today. But you know, motherhood are being

795
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 12: a parent is really what made me start asking questions

796
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 12: that I most likely I should have asked them sooner,

797
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 12: but I didn't because I was just caught up in my.

798
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 6: Self.

799
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: I love that story for so many reasons, one of

800
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 1: them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain

801
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: similarities in that not that I was pregnant, so definitely

802
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,720
Speaker 1: not that one. But I had a friend and friends

803
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 1: who were starting to get interested in spirituality, and they

804
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 1: invited me to hear a monk speak. And I'd seen

805
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,399
Speaker 1: monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really

806
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant.

807
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad I said yes to going along,

808
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,879
Speaker 1: and I was very young. I was eighteen nineteen years old.

809
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: I wasn't even seeking. I was open, and I was curious, right,

810
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else

811
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 1: was doing at that time when you're eighteen nineteen year

812
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 1: old kid like experimenting, experimenting, and doing everything else under

813
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 1: the sun. But I'm so glad I went because now,

814
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: looking back, I find that after meeting the monks that

815
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 1: I met, it gave my life a compass at a

816
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 1: very early age that I'm so grateful for because it

817
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: changed the entire trajectory of my life. I can't imagine

818
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 1: what I would have ended up doing in the same

819
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 1: way as you did. And it sounds dramatic, but it's

820
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: true that without the group of friends that invited me

821
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 1: to go along and meet my teachers, it would become

822
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: my future teachers. I can't imagine what life could be like.

823
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 11: And are those teachers still your teachers?

824
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 8: Yes?

825
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: Absolutely, still since that time, so it's been nearly twenty

826
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,280
Speaker 1: years now. That's meaningful, yeah, very meaningful.

827
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 12: And are your friends that came with you still also studying.

828
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 5: Or one of those one of those?

829
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, one of those friends, was my best man

830
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 1: at my wedding and he studies under the same teachers.

831
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 11: It's cool.

832
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, what about the woman who took me to class?

833
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 11: No, okay, no, stick with it.

834
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 5: Are you still there at all or not?

835
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 10: Yes?

836
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:34,720
Speaker 11: I am sometimes.

837
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's amazing to hear that you had this ambition

838
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: and this drive to become successful, and at the same

839
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 1: time there was this spiritual calling. Yes, that was almost

840
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 1: happening simultaneously. How did you reconcile the two when to

841
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: the external lie they could look very opposite. How did

842
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 1: you actually look weird? You mean, not weird in the

843
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: sense of I think a lot of peopeople assume that

844
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 1: spirituality and success don't go together.

845
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 5: A lot of people would.

846
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: Think that's absurd.

847
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 12: Those are narrow minded people. I mean, you need to

848
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 12: be spiritual to be successful. Success is having a spiritual

849
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 12: life period. It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some

850
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 12: time ago, and after we broke up, we saw each

851
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 12: other years later and I was telling them about Cabala.

852
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 12: He's like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense

853
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 12: because you grew up as a Catholic. I know how

854
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 12: religious your mother was. And I was like, no, no,

855
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 12: that's not what it is at all.

856
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 11: It's got nothing to do with religion.

857
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 12: Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them

858
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 12: and resonates with them. But I do think it's important

859
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 12: to have one. And I dare say if you didn't

860
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 12: have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as

861
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 12: you are today. I will make that assumption in your work,

862
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 12: in your marriage, and your friendships, all your relationships. It honestly,

863
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 12: it sounds like a really like a cliche your spiritual life.

864
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 12: Even I was like the reason, but it's just got

865
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 12: a bad rap. You know, you, like one hundred percent

866
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 12: can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't

867
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 12: be here but I didn't have one.

868
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 1: Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding

869
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:22,280
Speaker 1: can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone.

870
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing

871
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 1: the internal work to find fulfillment. She demonstrates the takeaway

872
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: that spirituality isn't separate from success, it's the foundation. When

873
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it

874
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 1: was evident that their love wasn't just playful, it was mature.

875
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: They shared how they handle conflict, take space, and return

876
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:06,240
Speaker 1: to one another with honesty and respect. Research shows lasting

877
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,399
Speaker 1: couples on those who never argue, but those who keep

878
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: respect and practice repair. Real love is imperfection. It's creating

879
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 1: a safe space through communication and trust.

880
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes she'll say this is so funny. Oh boy, no, no, no,

881
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 2: She'll do this and it's really cool. She'll go, I'm

882
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 2: feeling a little irritated, and I think I need like

883
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,880
Speaker 2: twenty five minutes. And I'll say okay, and then I

884
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,439
Speaker 2: give her her space. And then after like five minutes

885
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 2: she text me. She's like, hey, will you come back.

886
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 2: But it's knowing that and we have the proper boundaries

887
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 2: set with each other, Like I don't have to be

888
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: on top of her every second, she doesn't have to

889
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 2: be on top of me every second we're together. I

890
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 2: just want to know she's in the house so I

891
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 2: can say like, hey, I love you and then go

892
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 2: back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean,

893
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: Because look, we're both highly independent people. Okay, but we're

894
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,320
Speaker 2: both little MUSHes who just need to be attached.

895
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, we are so cheesy. It's so fun.

896
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like, but I feel like I think

897
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 2: it helps us too that we're both you know, on

898
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 2: my list a thing was I wanted someone to be

899
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 2: driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they

900
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 2: made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to

901
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: be so into something that they did every day. And

902
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 2: when she comes back from her day and she tells

903
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 2: me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah,

904
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when

905
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 2: you're talking to your mom and you just say, your

906
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,360
Speaker 2: mom just keeps talking to go yeah, uh huh yeah.

907
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 2: Like she comes back and like my eyes light up

908
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: because I see the enthusiasm. I see what she did,

909
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 2: and I'm like it inspires me, and I'm like, I

910
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 2: gotta do more in this thing. And it's like we're

911
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 2: in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're

912
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,879
Speaker 2: so inspired by what the other person's doing. And and

913
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 2: she'll help me out. I'll be like, well, what if

914
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 2: you did it like this, this and this, and and

915
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,399
Speaker 2: then she'll say something I'll be like, well, why don't

916
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:09,720
Speaker 2: you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities

917
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: that are also the same, but we're the thing that

918
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 2: one of us is really good at the other one

919
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 2: maybe lax a little bit and vice versa. And it's

920
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 2: so cool to be able to like workshop like little

921
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 2: conversations or how to handle the situation and it. And

922
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 2: I just feel so comfortable with her like that I

923
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 2: can say anything and she won't ever say I don't know.

924
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 5: I love the maturity. I mean hearing you both talk

925
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 5: about it.

926
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, there, we are not the perfect No, that's not perfect.

927
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: You're just sing no, no, no. But I think the

928
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: maturity of and I agree with you. I think I

929
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought

930
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,680
Speaker 1: that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity

931
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: and perfection. Yeah, perfection is saying we never have a disagreement,

932
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,959
Speaker 1: we never have to take space from each other, which

933
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: you're not saying.

934
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 5: You're saying, hey, I.

935
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: Just asked for twenty five eight space, and then I

936
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: was like, wait a minute, I need to And I

937
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: think there's a maturity in that, because it requires maturity

938
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 1: from both parts for you to first say hey, I

939
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: need space, for you to say I get it, I

940
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 1: respect you, and then for you to have the maturity

941
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 1: to say actually I want you back, and for you

942
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 1: to be like not like oh, I told you, so

943
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: for you to be like I'm here for you, that's

944
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: not perfection to me, that's maturity. And I think that's

945
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: I really want people to get that from it, that

946
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: you are going to have disagreements, you are going to

947
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: want space like me and Raley went through that. She

948
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a

949
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: disagreement and we were the same, we never we made

950
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 1: a rule that would never raise our voices at each

951
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 1: other because I came from a home where it was

952
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: not great. She comes from home where her parents don't

953
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: raise their voices. But I was just like, I never

954
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 1: wanted them in my home. I wanted the energy of

955
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 1: my home to be so sacred, and I wanted the

956
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:51,399
Speaker 1: energy of the home to always have a space where

957
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,919
Speaker 1: everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug.

958
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: And I was like, we can't argue and then expect.

959
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 5: That to happen.

960
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 1: But it took a long time for us to realize

961
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: that when she at the star of our disagreements, she

962
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: wanted space. And I used to say to her, well,

963
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 1: if you don't want to talk about it right now,

964
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,439
Speaker 1: that means you don't care about me, and that wasn't true.

965
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: She just needed space to process. So it took time

966
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: for us to mature, for me to realize, wait a minute,

967
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:15,800
Speaker 1: you wanting space?

968
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 5: Is you carying?

969
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, the relationship some people, I get it. They want

970
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 2: to talk about it right then, they want to The

971
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 2: one thing that also works for us so much is

972
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: like we're not chill people, but we're like we're not

973
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: We're never going to get like I'm not gonna yell

974
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 2: at anyone in my life, yes and yeah. And you know,

975
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 2: I came from a home where a lot of that

976
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 2: was happening, and I saw like at a young age,

977
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,959
Speaker 2: and I was just like, well, like my parents weren't

978
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: speaking the same language. Obviously they were speaking the actual

979
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 2: same language. They weren't speaking the same language to each

980
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 2: other to communicate. And if someone comes at you like

981
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 2: hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do,

982
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 2: and I know she's going to do is shut down.

983
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,080
Speaker 2: So you're not getting anything, you know, And I always

984
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 2: say this, Guys are so quick to like they got

985
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 2: to win, they got to win the argument, and it's

986
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 2: like what are you doing? What are you winning? Like

987
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 2: you're going to argue with your wife and like make

988
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 2: her cry, and then you're like I won that argument,

989
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 2: and then she hates you and resents you like wait, like,

990
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 2: don't be an idiot, and it's like I.

991
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 6: I've been guilty though to start, Yeah, I don't know.

992
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 6: I'm mad of you. Sorry.

993
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:30,479
Speaker 13: I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other

994
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 13: situations of mine it was I was very reactive. I

995
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,919
Speaker 13: think that's why I was alone for five years, because

996
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 13: I really needed to collect myself. I think in the

997
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 13: past that's why I say to him all the time,

998
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 13: and ten years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have

999
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 13: wanted to be with you. I just wouldn't have been

1000
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 13: in the right headspace. And I don't think that you

1001
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 13: deserve what I had gone through before. So I've learned

1002
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 13: a lot of less and I've made mistakes, and I

1003
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 13: just want this to be right. So for me, that

1004
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 13: was a lesson that I had to learn, because I

1005
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 13: think girls can equally want to be right. That for me,

1006
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,439
Speaker 13: it was really difficult in the past, and he's made

1007
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 13: it unbelievably easy, to the point where if I even

1008
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 13: get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like

1009
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 13: very quick to understand. I hear you like you're allowed

1010
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 13: to feel that, and that helped me shift where my

1011
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 13: mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger.

1012
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: So it was the validation of how you felt in

1013
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:42,280
Speaker 1: those reactive moments. Yes, that allowed you to not be reactive?

1014
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 5: What was it that allowed you?

1015
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you

1016
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.

1017
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 13: I respect Benny because he's done nothing but respect me.

1018
00:48:55,680 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 13: I again trust him. I can tell him any even

1019
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 13: if it's about something that's uncomfortable, and maybe she should

1020
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 13: just talk to your girlfriends like he is that and

1021
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,840
Speaker 13: that helps calm me down to say, Okay, so I'm

1022
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 13: going through these things because of maybe what I had

1023
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 13: before or whatever it is. It's nothing is ever bad,

1024
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 13: Like nothing in my life. I regret and I'm so

1025
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 13: so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be.

1026
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 13: It is a lesson that you have to be patient

1027
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 13: and learn. And I just I could never picture myself

1028
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 13: disrespecting him.

1029
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 2: I think, well, it's also just a different thing because

1030
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 2: it's like, look, none of us are perfect. Like she

1031
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 2: gets spicy sometimes and when I see something happening, it's

1032
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 2: about guiding the missile, not adding a jet pack on

1033
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 2: top of it with a with like machine gun artillery,

1034
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 2: Like I want to make if I see her getting

1035
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,800
Speaker 2: to a place where I'm like, man, in five minutes

1036
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 2: from now, this room could explode. I'm never gonna let

1037
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 2: it get to that. Five minutes from now. I'm gonna say,

1038
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 2: what are all the tools that I know that work

1039
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: for her, that I've learned over Like, I'm not gonna

1040
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,359
Speaker 2: exacerbate a situation. I'm gonna try to calm it down,

1041
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 2: because why do I want to be in that position

1042
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 2: where we're both just like upset about something. I don't

1043
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 2: want to just calm it down and tell her what

1044
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: she wants to hear. I'm not saying that. I'm not

1045
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 2: saying like to your partner.

1046
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 8: Be like yes, you're right, You're totally right.

1047
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 5: Like everything you know.

1048
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 2: I think you listen and you say like okay, Like

1049
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 2: sometimes I even I'll say like, let's not let it

1050
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,800
Speaker 2: get there, let's like just talk about this. And I

1051
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 2: do think physical touch is always like a very big way,

1052
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,360
Speaker 2: like if you're in a conversation with your partner, like

1053
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 2: it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just

1054
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 2: holding their hand while you're telling them, or giving them

1055
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 2: a hug while you're telling them, and if someone's upset,

1056
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,879
Speaker 2: let them talk it out first, and then after they

1057
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 2: talk it out, be like, Okay, well here's what I

1058
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,879
Speaker 2: think you know, and you can work through these things together.

1059
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 2: It's such an easy way. It's not always easy, I

1060
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 2: can tell you that. And sometimes we just someone wants

1061
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 2: to be frustrated, and it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that.

1062
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,760
Speaker 2: She'll just be like, I know it's gonna be okay,

1063
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 2: but like, I just want to be frustrated in this moment.

1064
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 2: And I'll have to redirect because I'll be like, you

1065
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,839
Speaker 2: know what, you have every right to be in this moment,

1066
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 2: and she'll say this is why she said, this is

1067
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 2: why I want to be frustrated in this moment. She

1068
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 2: said it the other day about something I can't even remember,

1069
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,919
Speaker 2: and I was just like, oh my god. I was like, yeah,

1070
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 2: I was like, that makes so much sense. I was like,

1071
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 2: I don't agree with the frustration. We'll get there afterwards,

1072
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 2: and I was like, but I get it. I get it,

1073
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 2: and it's so cool and I've never quite had a

1074
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: relationship like with her, and we're the furthest thing from

1075
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 2: perfect in the world. We're perfect for each other, not

1076
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:50,439
Speaker 2: perfect for everyone else. But I think the thing that's

1077
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:52,240
Speaker 2: cool is that we've had.

1078
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 8: All these experiences.

1079
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 2: I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right, and

1080
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to change that the

1081
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 2: next time, you know, with this person or with that person.

1082
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 2: And I think that's when you really grow is when

1083
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 2: you take all your experiences, good or bad.

1084
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 5: Like I'm like her.

1085
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 2: I take every experience in my life, my past partners,

1086
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 2: my family, my everything. It's like everything happened for a reason,

1087
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 2: and I'm not going to sit here and mope about

1088
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 2: like things that could be better or different. What I'm

1089
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 2: going to do is I'm going to say, Okay, I

1090
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 2: learned this, and now I'm going to put it into practice.

1091
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: You know, for me, I always always said to RADI.

1092
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: I always said to my wife, do you want me

1093
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: to listen? Do you want me to fix this? Or

1094
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: do you just want me to go through it with you?

1095
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,919
Speaker 2: Because they don't want you to fix it right away.

1096
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying I'm saying men or women, sometimes

1097
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 2: it's not about fixing, you know, everyone is. You know,

1098
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:45,839
Speaker 2: I'm such a problem solver, and you are too, so

1099
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 2: it's like your first thing, I know, the first thing

1100
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 2: in your head is like how can I fix this situation?

1101
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 2: But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there. Sometimes

1102
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 2: it's about just like you know, especially for women who

1103
00:52:56,360 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 2: are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have

1104
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 2: a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the

1105
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 2: areas of their life. They have the world on their backs.

1106
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 2: Your wife has. There's so many people that rely on her.

1107
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 2: There's so many people that rely on her, So sometimes

1108
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 2: they just want to complain about something and that's okay, that's.

1109
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, it's okay. Who else are they going to

1110
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 5: do it to?

1111
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 2: They might as well do it and you just listen.

1112
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: Well, Benny and Selena show us is that love is

1113
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 1: less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it,

1114
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 1: taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing, and

1115
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: validating feelings instead of winning the argument. That's what creates trust, respect,

1116
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:40,399
Speaker 1: and growth. Their story is proof that lasting love isn't

1117
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 1: built on perfection, It's built on continuing to choose each other.

1118
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 1: And finally, President Biden, it was the honor of a

1119
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview

1120
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:55,759
Speaker 1: a sitting president. When I sat with President Biden, our

1121
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family.

1122
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 1: He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call,

1123
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 1: a visit, simply showing up can ease the anxiety many

1124
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:08,720
Speaker 1: young people face today.

1125
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 7: Think of all the young people today, I think that

1126
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 7: there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in

1127
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 7: a long long time. You know, my friend I appointed

1128
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 7: Admiral by mcmurthhy, he was telling me about, you know,

1129
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 7: the percentage of young people today who are feeling lonely alone,

1130
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:37,839
Speaker 7: and sometimes it's just touching just showing up. I used

1131
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 7: to get the son Bo, who should be sitting here

1132
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 7: instead of me, would always say, Dad, you know I

1133
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 7: have time to make that call. You know, I'd get

1134
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 7: in a plane and go home. And because someone had

1135
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,320
Speaker 7: a serious problem, lost a wife or daughter, and I

1136
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 7: said that you don't have time. When he passed away,

1137
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 7: the hundreds of people told me how he called, he

1138
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 7: showed up, he was there, And because the people have

1139
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 7: shown up for me too, it just really matters.

1140
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been through you mentioned it. There You've been

1141
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 1: through so much tragic loss in your life. As you

1142
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:18,320
Speaker 1: just mentioned there, you didn't run for presidency in twenty sixteen,

1143
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: shortly after the loss of your son. You've lost your

1144
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't

1145
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: even begin to understand how someone has the courage to

1146
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 1: process that much loss in grief, let alone move forward

1147
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 1: in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did

1148
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 1: you begin?

1149
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 7: I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that

1150
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,840
Speaker 7: was I had a really close family. Was there, for example,

1151
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 7: when my wife and daughter were killed, my first wife

1152
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,359
Speaker 7: and my two boys were very badly injured. Attractor chail

1153
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 7: and brought side. I was not in the accident. When

1154
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,560
Speaker 7: I got home from the hospital. Well, my sister and

1155
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 7: husband already gave up their apartment and moved in. Helped

1156
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 7: me raise my kid my brother. We lived in a

1157
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 7: suburban area. It was more country than suburban, and there

1158
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 7: was a little barn on a prock garage bar and

1159
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:15,719
Speaker 7: my brother came and he turned the loft to the

1160
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 7: barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for

1161
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 7: me all the time. That was a gigantic difference. My

1162
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 7: best friend of my life and my sister and my brothers.

1163
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 12: And.

1164
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 7: So I had an enormous advantage. And I think that

1165
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 7: when you see people who were going through something tough,

1166
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 7: it does matter if you reach out. I mean it

1167
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 7: does matter. Like, for example, you know you have a

1168
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 7: one you're a senator. For all the years I was

1169
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 7: in a small state, you know so many people, and

1170
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 7: people would pass away to show up at the wake

1171
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,319
Speaker 7: of the funeral, no matter what was happening. I learned

1172
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 7: it early on. People would stop and just come and

1173
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 7: throw their arms around me because if they know you

1174
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:04,720
Speaker 7: know the pain they feel, they get some solace in it.

1175
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 7: It's not always easy, but it just matters just to

1176
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 7: just to reach out, let people know you see them.

1177
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,879
Speaker 1: How did you allow yourself to receive that help too?

1178
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 1: I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the

1179
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 1: loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either

1180
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 1: struggle to know what to say. I think we live

1181
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 1: in a society where people are like, but what do

1182
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 1: I say if they've gone through that? And the opposite

1183
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 1: end what you just said. Being able to be open

1184
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of

1185
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 1: courage and strength as well.

1186
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 7: Well, I was raising a family for real extended family,

1187
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 7: my grandparents as well, where my dad in an expression,

1188
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,120
Speaker 7: families beginning, middle and end. There's a rule of the

1189
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 7: family growing up.

1190
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 8: Not a joke.

1191
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 7: We didn't notice the time, but whenever you wanted to

1192
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 7: speak to your mother or father, I mean, they said,

1193
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 7: can we he had a problem. No matter what they

1194
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 7: were doing, they stopped. No matter what they were doing,

1195
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 7: they stopped and heard, listen to you. And I did

1196
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 7: the same with my children, and they did the same

1197
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 7: with theirs, because it's a matter of them knowing that

1198
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 7: they are the most important thing in your life. Have

1199
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 7: they got a problem, You're there to listen. I have

1200
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 7: seven grandkids, four of them all five and mold enough

1201
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 7: to talk on the phone. You know, every day I

1202
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 7: either text them or call them. And a matter of

1203
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 7: factor in the campaign, they were having a I didn't

1204
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 7: realize they're having an interview the four oldest grandchildren, they said,

1205
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 7: and just at the time, and they said, they call

1206
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 7: me pop. Pop calls us every day or text us

1207
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 7: every day, and I call them phone right. Well, I

1208
00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 7: give my word. I had no idea, but it said, look,

1209
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 7: I just think being there is important it makes such

1210
00:59:06,280 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 7: a difference. I think knowing that someone's going to be

1211
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 7: there for you, just to listen, just to hold you,

1212
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 7: just to hug you.

1213
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1214
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: After his own losses, he shared how family and community

1215
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: carried him through. Research confirms it social support is one

1216
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 1: of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma.

1217
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 1: What the President reminds us is that helping doesn't require

1218
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: perfect words or solutions. It can simply require presence to

1219
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: reach out when someone is struggling, to show up when

1220
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: it would be easier to stay away, and to listen

1221
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 1: fully so the people we love know they matter, because

1222
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 1: sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not

1223
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: letting someone go through it alone. These conversations are just

1224
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 1: a glimpse of what this community has built together over

1225
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 1: five million subscribed. On Purpose has always been about learning

1226
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:05,840
Speaker 1: and growing together. Thank you for being a part of

1227
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: this community, for listening, watching, and carrying these lessons into

1228
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: your own lives. I'm so incredibly grateful and I can't

1229
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 1: wait for the next five million. Thank you. If you

1230
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:19,720
Speaker 1: enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with

1231
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay

1232
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:27,080
Speaker 1: with your partner when they're changing, and the four check

1233
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,720
Speaker 1: ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also

1234
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 1: talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stressed.

1235
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 1: If you're going through something right now with your partner

1236
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 1: or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.

1237
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:43,439
Speaker 9: Now, wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new

1238
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 9: technology and we've just taken it in hookline and Sinker,

1239
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 9: and we have to be mindful for our kids. They'll

1240
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 9: just be thumbing through this stuff. You know, their mind's

1241
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 9: never sleeping