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Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, one more time, let me sing it by myself.

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Speaker 1: If you and new all right, it's time now, Steve,

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Speaker 1: thank you for today's Strawberry Thank you for that wonderful

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Speaker 1: introduction today's Strawberry Letter. It is time for that. If

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, parenting, sex, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air like we're gonna read this

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Speaker 1: one right here, right now. Buggle up, hold on tight.

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Speaker 1: We got it for you. Here. It is the Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, nephew. Subject Nothing he does is enough. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I need your advice on how to move

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Speaker 1: past being hurt by my husband. My husband cheated on

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Speaker 1: me several years ago, and although I love him deep leave,

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Speaker 1: I haven't been able to move past the cheating. The

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Speaker 1: most hurtful part is that he waited till our twentieth

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Speaker 1: anniversary to start having an affair, and it lasted a

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Speaker 1: very long time. I was not blind to the fact

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Speaker 1: that he could have been cheating, but I always thought

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Speaker 1: he wasn't the type to do that. I was very

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Speaker 1: embarrassed by it because my whole community knew about it,

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Speaker 1: so did a lot of my friends and family members,

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Speaker 1: and they didn't say anything to me about it. I

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Speaker 1: could have been angry with all of them, too, but

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Speaker 1: I understood when they said they did not want to

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Speaker 1: be involved or they didn't want to be messy. It

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Speaker 1: took some time for my husband to admit everything to me,

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Speaker 1: and it took me an even longer time to let

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Speaker 1: him come back home. I do believe he's a changed man,

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Speaker 1: and he will do anything to keep me happy. All

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Speaker 1: of the attention he gives me and all of the

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Speaker 1: gifts he showers me with aren't enough to heal my heart.

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Speaker 1: All I can think about is him spending time with

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Speaker 1: this woman and taking her trips and making love to her.

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Speaker 1: I failed to mention that he only confessed because he

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Speaker 1: ended up giving me a sexually transmitted infection that he's

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Speaker 1: got so that he yeah that he got from his mistress.

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Speaker 1: Now my family thinks I'm crazy for staying with him

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Speaker 1: and reliving what he did over and over again, but

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Speaker 1: I'd be even crazier without him. Nothing he does is

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Speaker 1: enough to make me forget the affair. Do you think

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Speaker 1: I can ever regain trust in him and our marriage

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Speaker 1: can get back to normal. You know, that's a tough one.

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Speaker 1: You know, some marriages, A lot of marriages survive after

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Speaker 1: affairs and things like this, but a lot of them don't.

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Speaker 1: And most of the ones that do survive are the

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Speaker 1: ones where the woman is cheated on. Usually the man

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Speaker 1: will not take a woman back after a man has

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Speaker 1: been cheated on. And I'm really sorry that he cheated

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Speaker 1: on you, and I can say this, you know. You

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Speaker 1: you talk about can you reach the trust and can

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Speaker 1: your marriage get back to normal? If you allow yourself

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Speaker 1: to forgive him, you can start to heals. That's hard

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Speaker 1: as well, that's very, very hard, But you got to

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Speaker 1: start the process somehow, sometime someway. You got to forget

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Speaker 1: about what your family says, forget about what everyone else says.

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Speaker 1: The question is what do you want? What do you

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Speaker 1: really want? It's like you want him there, you don't

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Speaker 1: want him to be without him. You say you love

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Speaker 1: him deeply, you'd be crazy without him, but then you

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Speaker 1: keep replaying the scenario of him making love to another

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Speaker 1: woman in your mind. Now it's hard to have him

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Speaker 1: both ways. Either you're gonna forgive him and try and

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Speaker 1: let it go and move on in this relationship. But

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Speaker 1: right now you don't know. I think you're emotional. You

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Speaker 1: say you still love him. I believe you do. But

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Speaker 1: just because you still love a person, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you have to stay with them. It doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: he to this to you. He broke the trust, he

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Speaker 1: brought home an STI the worst. Okay, he was reckless,

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Speaker 1: he lied, he spoiled your twentieth anniversary. That's a lot

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Speaker 1: to deal with. It's a whole lot. I'm surprised you're

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Speaker 1: still there. I'm surprised you're still there. But the fact

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Speaker 1: that you're still there means that you do want to

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Speaker 1: continue in this marriage. I say to you, maybe you

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Speaker 1: could get seek some professional counseling, some professional help, and

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Speaker 1: see if you can get rid of those images. You know,

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Speaker 1: talk it out, talk it out. But you got to

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Speaker 1: figure out what you want. I mean, you have to

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Speaker 1: figure that out. This is about your healing. You're getting

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Speaker 1: those images out of your head, getting your groove back,

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Speaker 1: getting back to you know, your self, love and all

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Speaker 1: of that. I think you're still angry. What he's doing

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Speaker 1: is trying to fix it. I mean it's a band

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Speaker 1: aid at this point to you, I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think he's just sorry that he got caught. I

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Speaker 1: think you should stop making this about him, Make it

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Speaker 1: about you so you can move on. Forgive him so

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Speaker 1: you can move on. Steve. Oh, you know, it's so

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Speaker 1: many components in this letter that I don't really know

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Speaker 1: which one of your problems to adjust, because you have

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Speaker 1: so many in here. The number one problem with this

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Speaker 1: letter is, to me, y'all got weird. Too many people

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Speaker 1: in your business. Now. It's not that any of them

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Speaker 1: have I know the particulars or surely know the particulars

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Speaker 1: about what they're saying to you. But first of all,

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Speaker 1: the whole community knew then. Relatives and friends knew then

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Speaker 1: they didn't want to tell you because they didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be messy. It's just all these damn people. Know. See,

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Speaker 1: it's hard to heal when everybody that you, okay, yea,

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Speaker 1: how you doing today? Then you say it at one

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Speaker 1: point in the letter, they all think I'm crazy for

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Speaker 1: staying How did they all know all this damn information? Now, look,

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying this guy's not guilty, because of course

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Speaker 1: he is on so many levels. But when I come back,

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Speaker 1: I want to explain something to your sister. You're killing yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're killing yourself. And I want to tell you about

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Speaker 1: a very slick trick that the devil uses to make

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Speaker 1: sure you never heal. All right, Steve, we'll have part

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Speaker 1: two of your response coming up at twenty three minutes

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Speaker 1: after the hour. Nothing he does is enough? Be right back.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to show, all right, Steve, Come on, let's

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Speaker 1: get to this letter, Part two, the Strawberry Letter for today.

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Speaker 1: This subject Nothing he does is Enough. This is a

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Speaker 1: woman who had a husband who's cheated on her several

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Speaker 1: years ago, and she loves a man dearly, but she

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Speaker 1: ain't been able to move past the cheating. Now there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of pressure on this woman because somehow the

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Speaker 1: whole community knew about it, and her family and friend

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Speaker 1: members they knew about it, but they didn't tell her

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Speaker 1: because they said they didn't want to be messy. Then

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Speaker 1: it took some time for her husband to admit to

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Speaker 1: her that he was doing that. But the only reason

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Speaker 1: he had admit to him is because he gave this

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Speaker 1: woman to sexually transmitted disease. Now this is years ago,

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Speaker 1: so she believes he's a change man and he will

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Speaker 1: do anything to make me happy. All of this him

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Speaker 1: and that he chows you with Gibson takes care of

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Speaker 1: your heart. But ain't none of this, none of this

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Speaker 1: enough to heal my heart because all she can think

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Speaker 1: about is him spending time with this woman, taking her

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Speaker 1: on trips and making love to her. All right, My

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Speaker 1: family again thinks that I'm crazy for staying with him

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Speaker 1: and reliving what he did over and over, but I'd

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Speaker 1: be even crazier without him. Nothing he does is enough

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Speaker 1: to make me forget the affair. Do you think I

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Speaker 1: can never regain trust in him and I manage and

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Speaker 1: get back to normal. We have a problem with this

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Speaker 1: entire letter. There's no jokes in this letter. This is serious.

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Speaker 1: So you know I can be ignorant sometimes when I'm

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Speaker 1: really trying to say something to you. Sometimes just sometimes.

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Speaker 1: We have a major problem here because out of all

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Speaker 1: this stuff, you said, well, I'll tell you what. Let

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Speaker 1: me walk you down through it. First of all, you

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Speaker 1: can't get over it because the whole community knew, and

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Speaker 1: so did feel your friends and family members, and they

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Speaker 1: ain't say nothing to you about it because you got

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Speaker 1: angry with them, but they said they didn't want to

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Speaker 1: be messy. All right, cool. That's similar to having social

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Speaker 1: media deal with your problems. That's similar to what celebrities

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Speaker 1: go through when they have a breakup and it gets

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Speaker 1: out into public, because it's kind of hard to heal

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Speaker 1: yourself when you got all these outside factors having an opinion.

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Speaker 1: Because some days you can be having a good day,

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Speaker 1: trying to move past it, and then here comes somebody girl.

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Speaker 1: You all right, you know I was fine, man, I

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Speaker 1: was having a good day. So your face with that,

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Speaker 1: that's a huge part of this. Now, you said that

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Speaker 1: you do believe he's a changed man, and he'll do

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Speaker 1: anything to keep you happy. He gives you all the

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Speaker 1: attention you want, all the gifts, and it ain't enough

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Speaker 1: to heal my heart. Because the subject of your lott

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Speaker 1: is nothing he does is enough. And you say it

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Speaker 1: again later on in the letter. Okay, so now what

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Speaker 1: can he do? What can he do? He can't do

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Speaker 1: anything because you said nothing he does can heal your heart.

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Speaker 1: At one point in time, you have to make a

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Speaker 1: decision to move past what it is you've gotten past.

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Speaker 1: Here is the problem. You got a lot of people

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Speaker 1: in your marriage. I'm not at liberty to tell you

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Speaker 1: what to do, but I can tell you what I see.

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Speaker 1: Listen to me. You say your life would be horrible

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Speaker 1: without this man, but you won't let it be okay

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Speaker 1: with the man. Now, you this is a decision you

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Speaker 1: got to make up. You said your life will be

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Speaker 1: horrible without this man, but you won't allow it to

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Speaker 1: be okay with the man. Sometimes, and I'm not making excuses,

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Speaker 1: when men mess up and they get busted and they

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Speaker 1: end up going through some things, sometimes you get a

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Speaker 1: better man out of the deal because he learned his lesson.

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Speaker 1: I'm not making excuses. He never should have did it

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Speaker 1: in the first place. I got it. It hurt you.

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Speaker 1: I'm understanding of all that. But sometimes you get a

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Speaker 1: better version of the man afterwards, because maybe he realized

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Speaker 1: something he had forgotten after twenty years of marriage. How

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Speaker 1: much I love and appreciate this woman and man, I'm

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Speaker 1: fit to lose her. I'm tripping. And he gets it

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Speaker 1: right now, the fact that nothing he does can heal

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Speaker 1: your heart. Now we're talking about you now, Either you're

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Speaker 1: gonna move on. Bishop Jake said, you can't drive your

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Speaker 1: car looking in the rear view mirror. Bishop Jake says,

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Speaker 1: forgiveness is not for the other person's for you. You

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Speaker 1: can't keep drinking the poison waiting on him to die,

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Speaker 1: But then you can't live without this man. Now. I

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Speaker 1: don't know nothing about counseling because I ain't never been it,

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Speaker 1: But you got to get something and work through the

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Speaker 1: decision that you have to make. You don't want to.

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Speaker 1: You will be miserable living without this man, but you

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Speaker 1: won't allow yourself to be happy living with him. See

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Speaker 1: listen to me. Whatever happened a few years ago. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you realize it or not, but you've

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Speaker 1: actually survived it. Whatever he did to you a few

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Speaker 1: years ago. I want you to understand something. You've actually

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Speaker 1: survived it. The STI you survived, the STI you survived,

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Speaker 1: the cheating. You're here now. If you're going to stay

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Speaker 1: back there dealing with what you survived, you cannot move forward.

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Speaker 1: That's a tough thing and it's easier said than done.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just telling you, sister, that's where you act.

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Speaker 1: You may have a better man. And the devil has

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Speaker 1: a cold trick man that it's called replays and reliving.

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Speaker 1: The devil always replays what went wrong to us. He

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Speaker 1: got a highlight reel of what went wrong, which don't

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Speaker 1: allow us to see what went right. Thank you. We'll

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Speaker 1: take your phone calls after business eight seven seven twenty

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Speaker 1: nine teen. Amen, you're listening to the Day Harvey Morning

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Speaker 1: Show