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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum over how I address

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Speaker 3: my ex.

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Speaker 1: I ended it. Are you still talking to your ex?

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Speaker 3: Everyone who knows my ex boyfriend thirty three Mail calls

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Speaker 3: him either JT or by his last name I. Twenty

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Speaker 3: nine Mail was never among those people. He introduced himself

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Speaker 3: to me by his first name, Jude, so that's what

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Speaker 3: I've always called him. By the way, this comes from name.

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Speaker 3: Am I the a hole? And if you want to

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Speaker 3: submit your own story, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah, I'm Carly, and we are.

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Speaker 4: Here to get some good advice goofley, but we do

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Speaker 4: not have all the answers. We'll only tell you what

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Speaker 4: we would do in this situation, but let us know

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Speaker 4: what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says,

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Speaker 4: two years ago, he and I broke up due to

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Speaker 4: him getting a promotion that included a ton of traveling.

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Speaker 4: I love him and I definitely didn't want him turning

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Speaker 4: down an opportunity like that for me. We tried long

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Speaker 4: distance and it just wasn't sustainable for us. I'm a

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Speaker 4: homebody through and through, and I like having my person

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Speaker 4: home with me too. I've been ditting my current girlfriend,

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Speaker 4: twenty nine female for about eight months now. Jude has

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Speaker 4: recently transferred positions within his company again and is back

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Speaker 4: in our city. For the majority of the time, we

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Speaker 4: didn't end on bad terms at all, so we're still friends.

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Speaker 4: My girlfriend always said she was fine with that. After

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Speaker 4: a group outing with him, my girlfriend, and some other friends,

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Speaker 4: she asked, why I call him something different than everyone else.

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Speaker 4: This has since turned into a multi day argument where

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Speaker 4: she claims that calling him by his first name when

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Speaker 4: no one else does.

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Speaker 3: Is too intimate. She said, it's a relationship thing, and

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Speaker 3: then I need to start treating him like a friend.

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Speaker 3: I said, She's being ridiculous and unbelievably insecure. It's his name,

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Speaker 3: not a term of endearment. Am I the A whole? No?

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Speaker 1: No, I don't think at all. See I guess where

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Speaker 1: I'm coming from, is I? No, You're not the A whole? Specifically?

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Speaker 1: Remember uh? In high school, one of my friends at

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Speaker 1: the time purposely called the person that she was dating

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Speaker 1: by his full name because everybody else called him by

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Speaker 1: his nickname. So when they started dating, she was like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm specifically going to call him by his name so

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Speaker 1: that I'm the only one doing it. If that was

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Speaker 1: the case, then I'd be like, yeah, dude, but this

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Speaker 1: is just how you met him.

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Speaker 3: As like, yeah, I don't know updates. My girlfriend and

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Speaker 3: I sat down for a long conversation a few days ago.

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Speaker 3: I went into it knowing that separation was the right

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Speaker 3: choice here. Still, I wanted us to have a real

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Speaker 3: talk about her feelings, so I tried to open up

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Speaker 3: the floor for a discussion about what was really bothering

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Speaker 3: her beyond the name issue. He continually insisted it truly

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Speaker 3: was only about that. It ended in her giving me

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Speaker 3: an ultimatum and me breaking things off. Some of the

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Speaker 3: comments on my other posts led me to do a

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Speaker 3: lot of thinking. As with Jude, from the time I

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Speaker 3: was nineteen until I was twenty seven, I spent almost

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Speaker 3: all of my twenties with him. I'm now just a

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Speaker 3: few months shy of thirty, and the next decade of

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Speaker 3: my life has been on my mind. Don't know if

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Speaker 3: I'll get to spend it with who I want to,

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Speaker 3: but I know being alone is better than spending it

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Speaker 3: with the wrong person. I'm going to be taking some

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Speaker 3: time for myself. I have never been a relationship hopper.

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Speaker 3: My previous relationship was my first anyway, and I think

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Speaker 3: is important that people in my life know that they're

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Speaker 3: more important than that. Thank you for all the feedback.

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Speaker 3: Some of the specific exchanges I had here helped spark

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Speaker 3: the internal conversations I needed to have with myself to

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Speaker 3: figure out what I wanted. There are some relevant comments

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Speaker 3: from ope, Oh, it's heavily downvoted downvoted Okay, I didn't

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Speaker 3: have any romantic leaning conversations with him while she and

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Speaker 3: I were still together. My relationship with her was ending

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Speaker 3: no matter what. I made a mistake. But I'm not

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Speaker 3: some kind of evil cheater, if anything, but I feel

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Speaker 3: like I'm built for long term only. I have no

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Speaker 3: interest in the hookup slash dating scene. Trying to move

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Speaker 3: on and getting it wrong is not some heinous crime.

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Speaker 1: What did you do?

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Speaker 3: I don't know why that was heavily.

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Speaker 1: Downloaded, because it makes this only he did something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like made a mistake, but what mistake did you

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Speaker 3: make calling him by his name?

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Speaker 1: What else happened?

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Speaker 5: What?

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Speaker 3: Oh what are you leaving out?

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Speaker 1: Like wait, did we miss Like yeah, because he's like

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Speaker 1: I didn't cheat.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, he's like I made a mistake, but you.

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Speaker 1: Wouldn't say that the name thing is like cheating left. No,

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Speaker 1: it's not even close.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I have no idea.

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Speaker 1: I mean, take some time for you, but I'm on

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Speaker 1: the JT train for you.

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Speaker 3: I'm also on.

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Speaker 1: I know you just said that you should just be

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Speaker 1: here for the people in your thirties and I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying this year, but.

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, give us some time. I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: like see if the spark is still there, you don't

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Speaker 3: have to rush into anything. Yeah, especially if he's like

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Speaker 3: only there for like a limited amount of time and

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Speaker 3: then he like goes back to.

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Speaker 1: I guess if he's going back, maybe don't if you

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Speaker 1: know that long distance doesn't work for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know, like having having like a little

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Speaker 3: ketch up session. I don't think that's bad. And also

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Speaker 3: you know, but I think figure out figure out yourself

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Speaker 3: in the meantime. Yeah, I'm always going to love him,

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Speaker 3: and I would love to explore things at a later time,

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Speaker 3: I feel like jumping into something with him right now,

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Speaker 3: or even trying to, would completely discredit how much I

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Speaker 3: respect and care for him. He never lost touch throughout

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Speaker 3: those two years apart, but we've been talking a lot

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Speaker 3: more lately. Just being there to support each other is

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Speaker 3: important and what's best for the both of us right now.

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Speaker 3: It was never my goal to use her as a

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Speaker 3: placeholder in my life, so I think that's why I'm

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Speaker 3: struggling so hard with people insisting it to be true.

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Speaker 3: It makes me question my sense of self, But I

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Speaker 3: think it's because what people are interpreting as intentionally malicious

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Speaker 3: was done completely unintentionally.

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Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 1: to the next one. My boyfriend bought a house and

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Speaker 1: asked me to move in, but things got worse.

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Speaker 3: Oops, it's time to move out.

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Speaker 1: My thirty female live in boyfriend, thirty one male, is

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Speaker 1: buying a house with his sister, twenty seven female and

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Speaker 1: expecting me to go along for the ride. For context,

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Speaker 1: we are friends for ten years, a couple for nine months.

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Speaker 1: We have a great relationship with solid communication skills. We

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Speaker 1: are both in agreement that we would like to get married,

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Speaker 1: and have a family later in life. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from deleted and if you want us to

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Speaker 1: meet your own stories, go to the r slash okay

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Speaker 1: storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Carlyn and I'm Savannah.

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Speaker 1: And we're here to give good advice. Goofily, but we

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Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

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Speaker 1: would do. Let us know what you do in the comments.

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Speaker 1: I know, he says. I bought a home in twenty seventeen.

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Speaker 1: I thirty female, have a regular thirty year loan at

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Speaker 1: an amazing rate see a two point sixty five percent

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Speaker 1: with twenty percent that I put down upon purchase. I

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Speaker 1: have also spent around fifty to sixty K on upgrades

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Speaker 1: over the years. I would say that I'm very financially healthy.

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Speaker 1: I have been successfully renting two rooms out in my house.

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Speaker 1: I gave notice to one of my roommates so that

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend thirty one could move in here and have

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Speaker 1: a home office. He pays me rent monthly of an

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Speaker 1: amount that we agreed upon. He moved in two weeks

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Speaker 1: ago after living at his parents' house. Ever since college graduation,

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Speaker 1: we have been planning to move in together for a

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Speaker 1: while and took plenty of time for us to continue

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Speaker 1: our relationship and to give my roommate fair notice. I'm

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Speaker 1: a little confused on the timeline. I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: I live thirteen minutes away from his parents' house, and

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Speaker 1: we are both in a suburban area in southern California.

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Speaker 1: During this whole process, last few months, we were looking

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Speaker 1: at houses in another part of the area that is nicer,

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Speaker 1: also in the same area that his parents live, and

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Speaker 1: there was nothing that really lined up. Quickly, this turned

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Speaker 1: into him and his sister looking for homes because now

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Speaker 1: the down payment was coming from his parents to his sister.

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Speaker 1: They say, inheritance given early and is now them teeming

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Speaker 1: up to buy a nicer house together instead of something

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Speaker 1: less expensive for each of them. The idea was going

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Speaker 1: to be fifty percent down payment from the sister via

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Speaker 1: parents and fifty percent loan taken out by my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: with a total budget of one to one. So a

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Speaker 1: home pops up in the parent's neighborhood, like around the corner,

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Speaker 1: and they go into a frenzy over this house. A

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Speaker 1: house is listed for one point three and they offer

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Speaker 1: one point four to six all cash, and they get it.

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Speaker 1: The parents offered the cash, with the contingencies set on

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend paying back all money over the one point

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Speaker 1: one They are currently on day eight of a twelve

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Speaker 1: day escrow. The home inspection returned a lot of issues

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Speaker 1: such as a new copper plumbing, bad roof, bad electrical,

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Speaker 1: cracked driveway, and the entire interior is original thus needs remodeling.

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Speaker 1: They said they will remodel the entire inside before they

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Speaker 1: move in. Well, now the idea has changed to oh,

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Speaker 1: it's a good area, let's just move in and suck

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Speaker 1: it up and remodel later when things calm down. Well,

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Speaker 1: I am over here feeling like a huge outsider. Though.

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Speaker 1: I sit my boyfriend down and I say, I want

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Speaker 1: to be with you, but what is the plan here?

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Speaker 1: I am a long term thinker, and now I am

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Speaker 1: in a position to have to live with you and

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Speaker 1: your sister or not live with you at all. And

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Speaker 1: I want to marry you, but not your sister. He says, Well,

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Speaker 1: my plan is once we are ready to have a family,

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Speaker 1: we will find another place. In the meantime, he made

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Speaker 1: a spreadsheet, and I will be paying sizeable rent eleven

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Speaker 1: hundred to them, plus a third of utilities for the

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Speaker 1: house as is or remodeled. At the same time, I

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Speaker 1: will have to rent my home out, manage the property,

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Speaker 1: and deal with tax implications of rental income. I would

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Speaker 1: now have to rent my house out and then pay

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Speaker 1: towards a home that isn't even in my boyfriend's ownership.

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Speaker 1: Not to mention that I would yes have this home

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Speaker 1: to me always since I purchased it on my own,

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Speaker 1: but eventually I would want to use this as leverage

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Speaker 1: to leap frog to a nicer property, or just keep

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Speaker 1: it as a rental forever. I don't understand how this

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Speaker 1: will work. If they both don't have the capital to

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Speaker 1: buy their own, how would they dissolve this home and

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Speaker 1: one of them move out. It just doesn't add up

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Speaker 1: to me. Not to mention, literally one of the worst

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Speaker 1: times to buy a home with interest rates soaring, I

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Speaker 1: would be nervous of even securing alone to pay back

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Speaker 1: the parents. None of them have to buy a home.

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Speaker 1: She lives at home and he lives with me. The

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Speaker 1: parents and the sister are completely sold on this place.

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Speaker 1: There is no talking them out of it, and my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend won't stop saying how it's the best neighborhood in

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Speaker 1: the area and it will go up in value.

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Speaker 3: Blah blah.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't even understand how that's relevant when he's

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Speaker 1: going to be owning a home with his sister. There

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Speaker 1: is nowhere in this equation to add me as a

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Speaker 1: life partner, and I do not want to get stuck

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Speaker 1: in this ugly financial situation with his parents and sister.

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Speaker 1: This has nothing to do with the family or the sister.

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Speaker 1: They are lovely, But when my boyfriend and I both

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Speaker 1: agree that we would like to get married, I don't

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Speaker 1: see how I can ride this one out because my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend doesn't like the area of my home right now

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Speaker 1: and we have an update. Hey, so it sounds really messy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, did they expect you to also pay

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Speaker 3: some of it?

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Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, eleven hundred rent every month and a

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Speaker 1: third of the utilities.

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Speaker 3: I mean, so like if she were to live there

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Speaker 3: with them.

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Speaker 1: So she's kind of assuming that she is.

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Speaker 3: That's just weird because she already has, like I'm guessing

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Speaker 3: she has a home outside of the rental home.

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Speaker 1: No, she lives in the one that she's renting. Oh,

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Speaker 1: she lives currently in the one that she's renting with

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Speaker 1: her boyfriend. That she's renting a room to and potentially

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Speaker 1: still another roommate. Because I think at the beginning she

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Speaker 1: said she had two and she gave one notice or

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Speaker 1: she kicked both of the renters out and the boyfriend

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Speaker 1: used the other one as an office. That was a

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Speaker 1: little unclear to me. But okay, so right now her

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Speaker 1: and boyfriend are living in this home together, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go buy a house with my sister actually,

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Speaker 1: and I want you to come live there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. No, that doesn't make any sense. It's just backwards, right.

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Speaker 1: It feels to me like you're taking a step backwards,

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Speaker 1: like instead of just living alone in this house, you're

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Speaker 1: then moving back in with somebody else.

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Speaker 3: Especially if like you want this to you know, eventually

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Speaker 3: be like a marriage. Like why would you want your

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Speaker 3: sister just there right? I don't know. I mean it's

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Speaker 3: not like she I don't think she would like bother

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Speaker 3: you guys or whatever, But like, I don't know when

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Speaker 3: I if I ever get married, I would like it to

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Speaker 3: just be me and you know, my partner, not not

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Speaker 3: my family also in there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I just feel like you guys need to sit

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Speaker 1: down and like set a semi reasonable timeline because there

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Speaker 1: feels like just such disconnect.

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Speaker 3: With yeah, and it feels like there's like ideas just

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Speaker 3: like bobbing around and it's like, uh, maybe we'll do that,

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Speaker 3: but this could also happen. Well, I don't know, because

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Speaker 3: like this one sounds good and my parents said this,

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Speaker 3: and my sister's saying that, and it's like.

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Speaker 1: It's like, also, sure, you've been friends for ten years,

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Speaker 1: you've only been dating this guy for nine months. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you already said a lot different than being friends

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Speaker 1: with somebody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. So I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking and I don't think this is like, you know,

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Speaker 3: breakup worthy or anything, but I do think that there

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Speaker 3: needs to be a conversation of like, Okay, I understand

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Speaker 3: what you want, but like, what about me?

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Speaker 1: Update I posted about a month ago about the house

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Speaker 1: that my boyfriend and his sister were buying. It was

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Speaker 1: a complete fixer upper and nightmare. They fell out of

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Speaker 1: escrow one day before close and ended up getting another

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Speaker 1: turn key house. At this time, my boyfriend was living

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Speaker 1: with me in my house that I own. I have

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Speaker 1: a standard mortgage, and I rent out my extra room

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Speaker 1: to light in the financial load. The entire process ended

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Speaker 1: up being very stressful on me. The lack of communication

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Speaker 1: from him and constantly changing terms were frustrating. He moved

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Speaker 1: out the day after they closed escrow, and he did

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Speaker 1: not tell me that was his plan. I asked him

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Speaker 1: if he was going to move there right away, and

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Speaker 1: he said yes. This was problem number one, as I

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Speaker 1: gave forty five days notice to my previous second roommate

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Speaker 1: so that he could move in here. So now he

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Speaker 1: left me with an empty second room and he didn't

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Speaker 1: pay any rent towards that lost income. After much deliberation

303
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Speaker 1: and a deeply personal choice, I opted to sell my

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Speaker 1: home and move in with him. I live in socw

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Speaker 1: and my home went into escrow almost immediately and I

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00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,440
Speaker 1: am set to close in two weeks. This would allow

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Speaker 1: me to relieve some family tensions, financial tie to my dad,

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Speaker 1: as I pay him monthly for the down payment on

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Speaker 1: my home plus interest, and to give me the chance

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Speaker 1: to be comfortable in case things go south with my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and I have to move out. Problem number two.

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Speaker 1: I quickly notice that I am not moving in with

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Speaker 1: just my boyfriend but his family. I am not living

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Speaker 1: there yet, but I can see the ring camera et cetera.

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Speaker 1: And the parents are there every single day. They live

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Speaker 1: around the corner. It's a lot. The parents and sister

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Speaker 1: are very nice, but this is starting to feel like

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Speaker 1: a big step backwards because I'm going to be giving

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Speaker 1: up that one on one time that I love with

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend. This feels completely different than living with a

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Speaker 1: roommate who has their own life. This is living with

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Speaker 1: a family man in a very ameshed family. I've always

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Speaker 1: opted to live with Craigslist people because I figured out

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Speaker 1: that I do not like living with friends. It's extremely

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Speaker 1: overwhelming to have your social life follow you home see

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Speaker 1: socially skilled introvert. As I get closer and closer to

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Speaker 1: moving there, I am panicking more and more. We sat

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Speaker 1: down and had a real discussion about a timeline of

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Speaker 1: leaving that house and boundaries with the sister and parents.

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Speaker 1: But I'm terrified of being there and being uncomfortable. I

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00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,920
Speaker 1: don't even live there yet, and I am bothered by

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00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 1: the excessive visits from the parents. I find myself looking

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00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,200
Speaker 1: at guest houses to rent. He is dumping money into

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00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,520
Speaker 1: this house, and it makes me feel further and further

335
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Speaker 1: from the goal of leaving and having our own place

336
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:46,800
Speaker 1: ownership is ninety percent, sister ten percent boyfriend. Boyfriend pays

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00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,600
Speaker 1: the sister monthly on a four year term to reach

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Speaker 1: ten percent ownership. I asked him, why are you putting

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00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,240
Speaker 1: so much money into a house that you will only

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00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,120
Speaker 1: own ten percent of? He said, because he is living

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00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 1: there as a home owner. Myself, I just don't understand

342
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,480
Speaker 1: the concept at all. I'm living there too, and I

343
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 1: won't be spending all of this money on upgrades. I

344
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 1: told myself I could give it two months living there

345
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,920
Speaker 1: and if I'm really not comfortable, then I leave. I

346
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 1: really would love advice here. Or do I stop this

347
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 1: train in its tracks now and turn back. Rent a

348
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 1: place for a while and see how this relationship can grow.

349
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 1: I think part of this anxiety is also coming from

350
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,040
Speaker 1: not feeling like that is home. I feel very much

351
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 1: like an outsider. Maybe that will ease with time there.

352
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,280
Speaker 1: The family is in constant contact. They group chat daily,

353
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,760
Speaker 1: they go out for dinner as a group often. I

354
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,200
Speaker 1: mean a lot of interaction, grocery shopping together, etc. I

355
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 1: want to say that being close with your family is

356
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,640
Speaker 1: a red flag, but I would say that not setting

357
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 1: boundaries with an overbearing family is a possible red flag.

358
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Speaker 1: It's not like it's that easy to go find a

359
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,400
Speaker 1: place to rent these days. Though. I have a small

360
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,920
Speaker 1: dog who needs access to a yard of some sort,

361
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,320
Speaker 1: so that makes it a little more tough. Also signing

362
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,560
Speaker 1: a lease and we have an update two years after

363
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 1: and it's on our slash legal advice.

364
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,120
Speaker 3: Oh no, girl, I.

365
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 1: Just I'm so confused.

366
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 3: I just wish that you would have stuck with your gut.

367
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,560
Speaker 3: You know what you wanted. You were like, no, this

368
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,760
Speaker 3: is not it, this is not what I want to do.

369
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 3: And now you're you completely abandon that idea and are

370
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,840
Speaker 3: doing everything that he wants that you don't even agree with.

371
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,360
Speaker 3: So you just are This is already such a negative situation,

372
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Speaker 3: So I just don't think it's gonna get any better.

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Speaker 1: We just we were nine months into dating this person.

374
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Speaker 1: We had a house thirteen minutes up the road from

375
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Speaker 1: where he wanted to buy a house. I don't get

376
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Speaker 1: why we didn't just try separate for a little bit

377
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 1: and let them figure this out. You had a house.

378
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,080
Speaker 1: All your problems now are because you don't have a

379
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,880
Speaker 1: house anymore. Yeah, Like, oh, if I need to move

380
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 1: out somewhere, renting it's horrible, I won't have a yard.

381
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,679
Speaker 1: You probably had those things. Oh yeah, for sure.

382
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 3: You had all those things. You had everything that you wanted.

383
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 3: And then it's like this guy comes in and wants

384
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Speaker 3: to change all of it and be like, well, I

385
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,440
Speaker 3: don't want to live in that house. I want to

386
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 3: get my own house. And you're like, well, I don't

387
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 3: know if that's a good idea, but I don't want

388
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 3: to seem like, you know, I'm you know, I don't know,

389
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,560
Speaker 3: a controlling girlfriend or something like that. I don't know,

390
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,520
Speaker 3: but now now you're in.

391
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 6: A bed situation.

392
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:22,119
Speaker 1: Beyonce ened relationship California, and there was no honest effort

393
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,120
Speaker 1: on his end to work through tough times. His parents

394
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,560
Speaker 1: were to contribute twenty five K towards the wedding. I

395
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 1: never received this money. All deposits were paid by me

396
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 1: on my credit card. Wedding was scheduled for August twenty

397
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 1: twenty four. It is interesting to me to read a

398
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 1: story where so much is about like monetary stuff so fast, yes,

399
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 1: like heavy monetary stuff.

400
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 3: Like very like life changing like monetary things.

401
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,640
Speaker 6: Literally a.

402
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,239
Speaker 3: You had house, you had a rental agreement, got rid

403
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 3: of it, and then and was trying to make it

404
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,879
Speaker 3: work with boyfriend will now fiance, which now I'm guessing

405
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 3: is an ex.

406
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean it sounds like maybe it worked. Like

407
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 1: we didn't get any update on how that living situation work, right,

408
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 1: it just went to like Beyonce.

409
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, oh, now I need legal advice

410
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 3: because I want a divorce, and it's like wow. I

411
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 3: mean it was like two years later, but yeah, I

412
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 3: don't know. This whole thing was about the house and

413
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 3: now it's now it's turned into.

414
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 1: Like, well, now we're relationship drama.

415
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 5: Now we're at the wedding.

416
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 1: Despite a ton of notice of cancelation, contracts are contracts,

417
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,280
Speaker 1: and I was only able to recuperate twenty five and

418
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 1: I was only able to recuperate twenty five percent of

419
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 1: the venue deposit largest deposit. I did not get any

420
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,960
Speaker 1: of the other money back, and this has equated to

421
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 1: a huge financial loss, more than twenty five K. Considering

422
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 1: that there was no cheating, mistreatment, et cetera. I would

423
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 1: like him to reimburse me entirely, but knowing him, I

424
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 1: will be lucky if I see a dollar, so I

425
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 1: was planning on asking him to pay fifty percent. I

426
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 1: am happy to set up a payment with him, but

427
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 1: I would like to pursue legal action if he does

428
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: not agree under the promissory estope laws. That's the end

429
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:09,400
Speaker 1: of that story.

430
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,160
Speaker 3: My girlfriend wanted me to pay her rent but won't

431
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: live with me.

432
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 1: That sounds backwards.

433
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 3: I've been dating my girlfriend, twenty two female for over

434
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,040
Speaker 3: two years, and I couldn't ask for a better partner.

435
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 3: She recently started her full time job. It makes about

436
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,720
Speaker 3: one hundred and sixty five k a year remotely. I'm

437
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 3: finishing my master's and we'll start a full time job

438
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,879
Speaker 3: in a couple of months that pays around two hundred

439
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 3: and ninety k on site in Chicago. By the way,

440
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 3: this comes from Weakness Impossible twenty eight and if you

441
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

442
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah, I'm Carly, and we

443
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: are here to give some good advice. Goofiley. We do

444
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,239
Speaker 3: not have all of the answers. We would only tell

445
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 3: you what we would do in the situation, but let

446
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 3: us know what you would do down in those comments.

447
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 3: When we talked about us moving to Chicago, I said

448
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 3: I would pay the full rent for a two bedroom

449
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 3: apartment for us, but she said she doesn't want to

450
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 3: move together because her parents wouldn't be happy, and she

451
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 3: feels moving in together as something for married couples. I

452
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 3: don't want to push her, and I respect her decision.

453
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 3: But here's the problem. She now expects me to help

454
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 3: pay her rent by splitting it. Her reasoning is that

455
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 3: she's making a sacrifice to move to the same city

456
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 3: as me, since she could also move to California, work

457
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 3: on site, and make an extra twenty k as a

458
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 3: housing bonus. She said she would rather move to California

459
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 3: and do a long distance relationship if I'm not willing

460
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 3: to split her rent. I kind of get where she's

461
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 3: coming from, but I feel it's disrespectful because she's not

462
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,719
Speaker 3: financially struggling. At the start of our relationship, we agreed

463
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 3: on a somewhat traditional setup where the man would be

464
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,640
Speaker 3: the provider, and I see myself as fulfilling that role.

465
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,919
Speaker 3: I've always paid for our dates less trips out of

466
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 3: my part time job money. FYI, I know she's not

467
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 3: using me because when we started dating, we were both broke,

468
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 3: and after she started her full time job a few

469
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 3: months ago, she's been paying for our dates pretty often,

470
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 3: which I really appreciate since I'm kind of unemployed right now.

471
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 3: Other than this, our relationship has been amazing and I

472
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 3: really don't want it to turn into a bigger issue.

473
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,719
Speaker 3: How can I solve this without causing tension? And there

474
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 3: isn't edit. Of course I want to marry her. Both

475
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 3: of us don't date just for fun, and we think

476
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 3: it's a waste of time. We talked about marriage before,

477
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,679
Speaker 3: but she says she doesn't want to marry early. But

478
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 3: on the other hand, she probably wants to see me

479
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 3: show some sort of concrete commitment without necessarily getting married.

480
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 3: Should I just shut my negative thoughts slash overthinking and

481
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 3: just pay for her rent too?

482
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 1: No, cause she's got a good paying job.

483
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, she has a job, and it's her choice. You

484
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 3: offered her to like move in, so it is her choice.

485
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 3: If she wants to get a separate place, then that's

486
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 3: on her. So I don't think you have to pay

487
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 3: for that.

488
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: I can understand. I know, maybe I don't get it,

489
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: but that some people still like the traditional way of

490
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 1: like the man's gonna provide sounds like that's what they've

491
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: agreed upon. If that's what they agreed upon shore, but

492
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: typically that's because you guys live together or like you're

493
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,919
Speaker 1: not having to do like double paying rent. I can

494
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 1: also understand the like we won't live together until we're

495
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: married kind of thing. Yeah, like someone has to compromise somewhere,

496
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 1: because that would be insane to ask you to pay

497
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 1: both rents unless your rent is like a one hundred

498
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: bucks Yeah. Literally. I mean some places it could be

499
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: cheap like that, but there's.

500
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 3: No way in Chicago that it's cheap right now. I

501
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 3: don't do that, so I don't know I would.

502
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: I wonder if she would compromise with like, you guys

503
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 1: live in the same apartment, but you have different rooms

504
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: or something.

505
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 3: If that could Yeah, if that's.

506
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: And then if you wanted to do the thing where

507
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, the man provides the rent at least,

508
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 1: then you're you're only paying.

509
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 3: One rent kind of Yeah, I think it just makes

510
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 3: sense to move in. But I also understand her concern

511
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 3: of like not being married and whatever.

512
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: But I also understand twenty two being very young to

513
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: get married. Yeah, oh for sure.

514
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just I don't I don't think that it

515
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: financially makes sense, you know, to do what the girlfriend's asking.

516
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 3: I get where she's coming from, but financially that's like

517
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 3: big loss, especially on op since he would be paying

518
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 3: for throwing like.

519
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: You both throwing away money. I don't know, Yeah, I

520
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 1: don't know.

521
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 3: The additional expenses is not really a concern considering my income.

522
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 3: What's making me upset is that she's so firm about

523
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 3: her values, even if that means doing long distance relationship

524
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 3: and probably her breaking up. I see it as I

525
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,479
Speaker 3: venmo you every month to stay with me, which is

526
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 3: way different than I am the provider, and I will

527
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 3: pay for our rent and all your wants slash wishes.

528
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 3: And I don't want to say this, but it is

529
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 3: starting to feel like she wants the good things from

530
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,360
Speaker 3: both traditional and modern relationships, like splitting all the household

531
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: chores and taking care of future children. Don't have any

532
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 3: expectations at all, and I am really fine with whatever

533
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 3: works for her, but taking only the beneficial aspects of

534
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 3: both relationship types seem selfish to me.

535
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 1: It's a tricky like because you both kind of agreed

536
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: that you would be the provider type of thing, but

537
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: I can also understand a limit to that. But then

538
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, but I can also understand her being like,

539
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: that's what we agreed upon, and I come to a

540
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 1: front that we weren't gonna get married. There's some disconnect

541
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: somewhere that y'all just need to find a compromise for.

542
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:22,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you guys, like I don't. I hope

543
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 3: you don't break up over this because I feel like

544
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 3: this could just be solved, but there has to be compromised.

545
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 3: And I feel like neither of you are pushing, you know.

546
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: Compromise or like some third option that you're not even

547
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: thinking about.

548
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I know something. I feel like there is

549
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 3: a like there is a solution here, but I it

550
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 3: one of you know, one or both of you might

551
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,719
Speaker 3: have to, you know, give up what you believe or whatnot,

552
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 3: which is honestly the case, but sometimes it is.

553
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

554
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: to the next one. My boyfriend wanted to combine finances

555
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 1: while he gets his but we're not married.

556
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 3: Is that a deal breaker?

557
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: I twenty seven female work in corporate law, and opportunities

558
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,880
Speaker 1: with semi decent work life balance and pay don't come

559
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,199
Speaker 1: by as often as you'd think, especially in the last

560
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 1: two to three years. In this era of mass layoff.

561
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from a throwaway inspired and

562
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: if you want to some meet your own stories, go

563
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: to the rslage Okay storytime subreddit.

564
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 3: I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and.

565
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: We're here to give good advice. Goofiley, but we don't

566
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what we would do.

567
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 1: Let us know what you do in the comments. I

568
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: put myself through undergrad and law school with scholarships and

569
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: by working two jobs. Luckily, I accrued no debt and

570
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 1: was able to recoup the cost of my education right

571
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 1: after graduating. I'm in a good place financially, and it's

572
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: been hard but rewarding to put myself in this position

573
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 1: after growing up in poverty and being excommunicated from my

574
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 1: family at eighteen. My boyfriend twenty six, mail of two years,

575
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 1: wants to get a PhD. His current office job, project manager,

576
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: is boring and soul sucking, and he wants to go

577
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 1: back to research and do it for a living. His

578
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 1: mom got her MD slash PhD and has been teaching

579
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: at an Ivy League school for about twenty years. His

580
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 1: uncle too, so there's a strong emphasis on advanced studies

581
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: and an appreciation for research in his family. He recently

582
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 1: brought up moving in together and starting to combine finances,

583
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 1: including moving to where his program will be. I luckily

584
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: work remotely, so the physical access to my workplace isn't

585
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 1: a major issue right now, but the risk of uprooting

586
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: myself to a city and state I don't really have

587
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: a say in in order to support his career feels

588
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 1: really imbalanced, and because I'd be earning significantly more for

589
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: the next five to six years while he's in his program,

590
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 1: the expectation of combining finances also feels like I will

591
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: be holding the purse and funding his degree. He is

592
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: someone I want to spend my life with, but I

593
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm voicing my concerns over the

594
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: financial aspects in this decision affect I'm not sure if

595
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: I'm wrong to have these concerns at all, or if

596
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: we just don't align. I do love and support him

597
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: in pursuing his studies and one hundred percent think he

598
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: should go for it, but I also feel like it's

599
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 1: his career he should figure out how to make it work.

600
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 1: I wonder if he'd make the decision to forego I

601
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: wonder if he'd make the decision to forego major earnings,

602
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: put off retirement investing, et cetera for five to six

603
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: years into his thirties, if he had to shoulder the

604
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 1: risk himself. We've been at dinner with his family, and

605
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: some of their comments about this to the effect of

606
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: go for it. You two make enough. Feels like there's

607
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: a las fair attitude about this big decision because of

608
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: the financial position I am in, especially since we're not

609
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 1: married and there'd be no financial protections if we were

610
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: to break up five minutes before he graduates. I'm gonna

611
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 1: pause real fast. What are your thoughts so far?

612
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 3: Well, it seems like she's got to figure it out

613
00:28:55,800 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 3: and he doesn't, but he's trying, Like I see where

614
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 3: you know he wants to. He has all these ideas

615
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 3: and plans, but it seems like it also like it

616
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 3: it also has to do with her financial situation, and

617
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 3: I feel like that's not fair though. I feel like

618
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 3: he he has all these plans, but it also like

619
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 3: depends on her financials. Yeah, And it's like that's you know,

620
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 3: And I feel like she's right in thinking ahead of

621
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 3: being like okay, like I'm gonna you know, pay all

622
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 3: this money whatever, and then like five minutes before he graduates,

623
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 3: like we could break up? Then what like, I just

624
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:40,720
Speaker 3: spent all this money.

625
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: I think to place some of the other side though, Like,

626
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: and I fully agree with you on it, and I

627
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: don't think she should just throw her money to support him. Yeah,

628
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 1: but like what does she need to be committed to

629
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: do that? Because would they not like does she want

630
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: to ring? Would she commit if they were had plans

631
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: to get married and we're like about to get married

632
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: because or are you never gonna intertwine your financials which

633
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: some people don't, and that's fine. My other thing was

634
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: just like I don't think the thing of like, if

635
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: we want to live together, you'd move here? Is that crazy?

636
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: Because the PhD's long, Oh yeah, just a remote worker. Yeah.

637
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I feel like the compromise of you

638
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: being like, yes, to live together, I'll move near your

639
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: school isn't anything crazy if you want to live with

640
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: him in the next six or so years, But like

641
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: you shouldn't financially fund him. I've expressed my concerns over

642
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: this to him, and his response was that if the

643
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 1: roles were reversed, he would support me. In my career

644
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: that this is what partners do. Oh. While I do

645
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 1: think that might be true in theory, in practice he

646
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: met someone who'd already paid for their advanced degree, so

647
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: I would help put you through school. Feels like a

648
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: convenient hypothetical that I'm expected to weigh equally with the

649
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: expectation that I actually do. So I feel harsh thinking

650
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: this way. But we're not married, and this feels like

651
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: an incompatibilit with the way we view personal finance responsibility

652
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: in the relationship. And I'm not sure what to do next,

653
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: and we have an edit. I want to clarify some

654
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: details I left out. By combining finances, he means proportional

655
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: split of living expenses, rant, utilities, groceries, not joint accounts

656
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: or anything like that. Before his PhD topic, we've always

657
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: been aligned on things like career goals, being child free

658
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: at domestic labor slash housework, and getting married after living together.

659
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: So it's not that I don't think he's serious about

660
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: this decision, or that he's explicitly looking for a free

661
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: ride or anything. He's a hard worker who's never been

662
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: stingy with me or I him. I know, I know

663
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: famous last words of every relationship advice post. What I

664
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: wanted to gut check on is the response of this

665
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: is what partners do when living together, split expenses proportionally,

666
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: this is what would be more equitable, since you earn more,

667
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: et cetera. That's what's bothering me, because I've heard it

668
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: from him, It's been implied by his parents and even

669
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: from my friends. It feels like partnership and you earn

670
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: more so you contribute more conveniently lives out disproportionate risk

671
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,959
Speaker 1: and benefit that comes with leaving your job to pursue

672
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: your passions and your partner picking up the effort. And

673
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: to be honest, I'd say this for marriage too. I've

674
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: seen countless women do this under the guise of I

675
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: want to be an equal partner, and if the roles

676
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: were reversed, that end up being ditched after the guy

677
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: six times his income after the relationship with a med

678
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: degree or law degree. I agree that partners support each other,

679
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 1: but I feel vilified for having any sense of vigilance

680
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: or desire to maintain individual finances at all. I'd have

681
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: little to no decision making power here.

682
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 3: It's like she or he's asking her to pay more

683
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 3: because she makes more.

684
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 1: A proportional split, which I get, and I have heard

685
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: of people doing. I've also heard of people doing an

686
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: even fifty to fifty split. Yeah, has that been brought up?

687
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, she's like, I have a I feel

688
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: villified for having any sense or desire to maintain my

689
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: individual finances. But you said you're not combining bank account.

690
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think maybe she feels pushed to that. But

691
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 3: they're not married. And also I don't I don't know.

692
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 3: I mean, like, I get where they're both coming from.

693
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 3: But if one is not comfortable with doing that, then

694
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 3: you can't do it.

695
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you keep talking about it till you find that.

696
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is like a solution here. I just don't

697
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 3: know what it is. And I would hope that they

698
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 3: can sit down and come to a conclusion that isn't

699
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 3: like one benefiting more than the other.

700
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. And if you can't, then don't move across the

701
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 1: country to little bit.

702
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. And also I feel like since his parents, you know,

703
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 3: are also in this field and whatnot, can maybe like

704
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 3: help them.

705
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:47,959
Speaker 5: A little bit.

706
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 3: But also that's not their responsibility, you know.

707
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: I do, unfortunately think that a part of my brain

708
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: goes into like a like I and I don't think

709
00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: that she should just support him financially at all, because

710
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: that is a massive risk. But I do think that

711
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: there is just inherently some risk in doing something like that.

712
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, you might pay your side of things.

713
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: You would even lose out on the money if you're

714
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: paying fifty to fifty because you uprooted your life to move,

715
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 1: But at some point you have to take a risk

716
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 1: in that sense of like move, Like every time you

717
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: move in with someone, it's a risk you might lose

718
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 1: out on that money from living with them.

719
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 3: It's just the uncertainty of like I'm going to be

720
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: paying for both of us and basically like you know,

721
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 3: your schooling and whatnot. So it's like I.

722
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 1: Want to know what the proportion that he wants is, Yeah,

723
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 1: like does he have any form of income that he'd

724
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,399
Speaker 1: still be helping a little bit or is he literally like, well,

725
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 1: because I'm in school and not working, you pay all

726
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: of the rent. Because that's not fair.

727
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that's not fair.

728
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: I'd have little to no decision making power here either.

729
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: It's long distance for five six years of being the

730
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: breadwinner and splitting an unknown amount of living expense by

731
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 1: eighty twenty or ninety ten.

732
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 3: Eighty twenty and ninety ten is sorry.

733
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,320
Speaker 1: I'd be like, no, that's low I thought. I honestly,

734
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 1: I thought like a thirty or forty percent.

735
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too. I thought it was just like gonna

736
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 3: be like a ten to fifteen, you know, difference.

737
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: Difference, But maybe you'd save them like a hundred bucks

738
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: here or there kind.

739
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 3: Of yeah, But she literally would be paying for like

740
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 3: basically everything.

741
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's her.

742
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 3: No, And like you can't even get's the uncertainty of

743
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 3: it all of just like we don't even know if

744
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 3: this is gonna work. So should I put, like take

745
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 3: out all of this money in order to fund what

746
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 3: you're trying to do, even though we don't know if

747
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 3: that's actually something that could work.

748
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,760
Speaker 1: If we were married, I think i'd still feel concerned

749
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 1: about a decision this major, And wouldn't it be comfortable

750
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 1: with my spouse unilaterally deciding that because one of us

751
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: earns enough to do this, they must bear the financial

752
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: responsibility for it. Hopefully that helps provide some detail left

753
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 1: out and we have a final edit. Thank you all

754
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: for responding. I feel a lot more sane after reading

755
00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 1: the comments. I'll have one more good faith discussion about

756
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: this before leaving the ball in his court. Either he

757
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: figures out a plan for himself or with his parents,

758
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 1: or we end things amicably here. Because I don't feel

759
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 1: comfortable about this, and I don't think I'm crazy for

760
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: feeling that way, I really appreciate all the advice. This

761
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: was a helpful gut check for me that validated how

762
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 1: I feel. That's the end of that story. Hey, it's Carly,

763
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: your favorite Jersey girl.

764
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:22,919
Speaker 3: Here.

765
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories.

766
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: But here's three.

767
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: Minutes of ads from our sponsors.

768
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 2: I emailed my coworker about the tension between us, and

769
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: she managed to escalate it.

770
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: OOO.

771
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 6: She likes attention.

772
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 2: I've twenty four female work in an office department at

773
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 2: a company. When I first started, I worked in a

774
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 2: reception role, but a few months ago I was moved.

775
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 6: Up into the business office.

776
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 2: After I transitioned into that role, some of the responsibilities

777
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 2: that another coworker i'll call her Sarah about forty five

778
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 2: female had been handling were reassigned to me because she

779
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 2: told management she was feeling overwhelmed. To end strathed, that

780
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 2: shift in responsibilities is basically where all of this started.

781
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,240
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user no seesaw fifteen

782
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 2: oh seven. And if you want to submit your own stories,

783
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay story time subbret it.

784
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Savannah, I'm Keon, and we're gonna give

785
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,759
Speaker 2: good advice goofly. But you know what, we've been known

786
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 2: to be wrong once or twice, only once or twice,

787
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 2: So let us know what you think OP should do

788
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 2: in the comments. Not long after the transition, I was

789
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 2: pulled into a meeting with two supervisors, Karen and Laura,

790
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 2: because Sarah had told them she was feeling overwhelmed. They

791
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 2: explained that she had been jumping in and doing tasks

792
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 2: that were technically assigned to me. They told me that

793
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 2: going forward, it was my responsibility and that she should

794
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: give me about ten to fifteen minutes to complete something

795
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 2: before stepping in. The issue is that even after that conversation,

796
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 2: there were still times where she would jump in and

797
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 2: complete the task within about five to seven minutes before

798
00:37:58,719 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 2: I had the chance to do it.

799
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 6: For example, there was a time in our file room where.

800
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 2: She completed a set of files before I had the

801
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 2: opportunity to grab them, and later told me they were

802
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 2: already done and asked.

803
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 6: If I wanted to take them to the next apartment.

804
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: I told her I had been told it was my

805
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 2: responsibility and that I could finish the rest. Later, management

806
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 2: asked me to learn another responsibility because Sarah had told

807
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,240
Speaker 2: them she was overwhelmed with that task.

808
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 6: During the training.

809
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 2: Sessions, which mostly consisted of me doing the process while

810
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 2: she watched.

811
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 6: Rather than walking me through it step by step.

812
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 2: I just started completing the orders myself so they would

813
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: get done. The same thing happened recently when I was

814
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 2: asked to learn another process while.

815
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 6: She'll be out for a week.

816
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 2: I basically completed the steps while she observed. Over the

817
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 2: last month, the communication between us has felt tense and inconsistent.

818
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: Sometimes she's perfectly normal, holding doors, casual conversation, and other

819
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 2: times interactions feel.

820
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 6: Very short or strained.

821
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 2: We sit in the same row and work closely together,

822
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 2: and it started to feel like I was walking on eggshells.

823
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 2: I didn't want things to keep building up, so I

824
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 2: sent her a short professional email saying that I had

825
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 2: noticed some tension and that my goal was just for

826
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,280
Speaker 2: us to maintain clear and respectful communication moving forward. Instead

827
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 2: of responding directly, our department manager, Diane email the both

828
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 2: of us and said she wants to sit down with

829
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 2: us tomorrow morning to help facilitate a conversation so we

830
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 2: can work through any thoughts or feelings. Here's the additional

831
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 2: context that makes me unsure about everything. I recently learned

832
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 2: that between my first meeting with management and this meeting tomorrow,

833
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 2: there was another meeting involving Sarah, Diane, my supervisors Karen

834
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: and Laura, and our department head Michelle. Apparently during that meeting,

835
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 2: Sarah got extremely upset and said she was tired of

836
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 2: fixing Michelle's mistakes and holding her hand, and Karen and

837
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,240
Speaker 2: Laura had to tell her that she couldn't speak.

838
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 6: To Michelle like that.

839
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 2: So now I'm walking into this meeting tomorrow not really

840
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 2: knowing how it's going to go. My intention with the

841
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 2: email wasn't to escalate anything. I just wanted to acknowledge

842
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 2: the tensions so it didn't continue affecting our work environment.

843
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 2: Am I the ahole for sending that email and unintentionally

844
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 2: leading to a idiated meeting with management? And there are

845
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 2: some comments you're an ahle for even writing this post.

846
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 2: Why am I now involved in this?

847
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 6: I hate you. I have to agree you made me

848
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 6: read that.

849
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like don't even know what's going on.

850
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 2: To be completely honest, jell Roe nine one six says personally,

851
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 2: I don't understand how she's getting away with dumping more

852
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 2: and more work on you without any real training. I

853
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 2: might add, how the heck is management okay with her

854
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 2: whining and by doing so, taking away her tasks and

855
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: asking you to do the extra work instead. It's ridiculous.

856
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 2: Op says. It's because she's worked there for years and

857
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,319
Speaker 2: has a ton of seniority more than I do, and

858
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: I'm nervous because they try and solve things within the

859
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 2: office and don't key in HR usually from my knowledge,

860
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 2: Gilero says, one, it doesn't sound like she's working so

861
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 2: much as complaining, and two, if management doesn't include HR,

862
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 2: feel free to ask for HR to be included. So

863
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 2: everything is legitimate. Opie says, she definitely isn't working as

864
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 2: much as she was before. She's almost doing the bare

865
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 2: minimum now. I would love for HR to be included,

866
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 2: but I'm honestly a little scared to ask because I

867
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 2: don't want to put a target on my back, and

868
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 2: there's an update. You have a target on your back.

869
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 2: It's my target. I'm gonna get you now. I'm about

870
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 2: to I'm gonna find you, and i'm gonna put my hand.

871
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put all five of my digits. I'm gonna

872
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 2: get you right on the back and give you a

873
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 2: little five star and say why did you write that?

874
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 6: Also, come in with.

875
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 3: A pitchfork and just put it right through you like.

876
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 2: This doesn't even like you're like, oh, we've got tension,

877
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 2: shut up, don't send an email about it. You've got

878
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 2: tension because she's doing your job. Let her do it first.

879
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 6: Thank you to everyone who gave advice.

880
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 2: I had the meeting with management and my coworker today

881
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 2: and overall I think it went well. When the meeting started,

882
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 2: I stayed calm and basically reiterated.

883
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 6: What I had said before that I had noticed tension

884
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:43,720
Speaker 6: and wanted to address.

885
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 2: It so we could have a collaborative and professional work environment.

886
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 2: I also clarified that my intention with the email wasn't

887
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 2: to stir anything up, but just to address the situation

888
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 2: directly before it got worse. My coworker, who I called Sarah,

889
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 2: in the original post kept trying to frame things in

890
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 2: a weird way. For example, she kept saying things like

891
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable. I corrected that

892
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: multiple times and said that she doesn't make me uncomfortable.

893
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 2: I just noticed tension between us, and I wanted to

894
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 2: improve the working environment. She also started bringing up random

895
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 2: instances that she claimed were issues, but I had written

896
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 2: notes with me, so I stuck to the actual situations

897
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 2: I had experienced and didn't get pulled into anything else.

898
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,280
Speaker 2: After that didn't really go anywhere. She switched to saying

899
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 2: that she's a worker bee and that me and another

900
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:30,760
Speaker 2: coworker in R row, Maddie, distract and irritate her because

901
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 2: we talk too much. I responded that I do complete

902
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 2: my work every day and that it's pretty normal for

903
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 2: people to socialize occasionally in an office environment. At that point,

904
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 2: our department manager, Diane actually stepped in and said something

905
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 2: along the lines of you can't expect people not to

906
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: socialize at all in an office. She also mentioned that

907
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 2: when conversations do happen in our row, I'm usually the

908
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 2: quietest one, and that if Sarah is frustrated with general chattery,

909
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 2: it wouldn't really be directed at me anyway.

910
00:42:57,280 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 3: The bug has now landed on this receipt, I will oh,

911
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 3: and now it has landed on I don't.

912
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 6: Know, all right, she's playing with bugs.

913
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 3: Honestly want to get into this, but it just is

914
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 3: like I feel like it'll just solve itself, Like don't

915
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 3: I don't know. I also agree with Honeybee, like she's jealous,

916
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 3: she's not included.

917
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, this Look, here's the deal.

918
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 2: I have not worked in the office, but I've worked

919
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 2: in plenty of places with politics. Just keep your head down,

920
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,720
Speaker 2: don't send the email about getting ahead of your tension.

921
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 2: Don't do that. Just let it be there, don't try

922
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 2: to get in front of it. Keep your head down,

923
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,240
Speaker 2: do the work. Talk to the people who are fun,

924
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 2: disregard the people you don't like.

925
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 5: I remember my office politics.

926
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, because you were working for the freaking.

927
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 5: The airline air Japan. Yeah, that had some politics.

928
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 6: Weird.

929
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 2: I bet that were there Japanese office politics or both.

930
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 2: That's actually insane.

931
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 5: But I had my fun work buddies there and it

932
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 5: was great. But also it was just like, dude, it's

933
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 5: it's like a hierarchy here.

934
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 2: You know.

935
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 6: I don't know.

936
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,959
Speaker 2: I had the restaurant hierarchy where it's like this person

937
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 2: in school, that person's school, That bartender will rat out

938
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 2: anything you do to management immediately, that manager's school, That

939
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 2: manager's not That waitress sucks more than anyone I've ever

940
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 2: met in my whole life.

941
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like there's always gonna be office drama, office crap.

942
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,879
Speaker 5: If there's not. If you don't have that, amazing, you're

943
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 5: one of the lucky few. But usually it does happen

944
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 5: where at least there's one person and or like there's

945
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 5: a manager or something like that. At the end of

946
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 5: the day. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just keep my head down.

947
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 5: I'll talk my talk with my friends and that's it.

948
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 5: Like I don't care if it's not regarding me, if

949
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 5: it's not really hurting anyone, or it's not like no

950
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 5: one's bothering anyone in my space whatever, I'm doing my thing.

951
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if there's ever really a problem, just go

952
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 2: to hr all. Right, let's finish this. After that didn't

953
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 2: work either, my coworker then said that she barely knew

954
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 2: me before and that once she started getting to know me,

955
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 2: she felt uncomfortable because I had mentioned my corrections background,

956
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 2: and she felt.

957
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 6: Like I was bragging about it.

958
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 2: At this point, you just need to pull like the

959
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 2: Jim Halpert and just like, look at whoever the report,

960
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 2: whoever it is in, it's that office with you listening

961
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 2: to this.

962
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 5: You just need to go it's this.

963
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 2: I explained that it had just come up in conversation

964
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 2: with Maddie and that it's a part of my background

965
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 2: and something I'm proud of. At that point, it mostly

966
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 2: became her listing different excuses, but management ended up telling

967
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 2: her directly that she needs to remain professional, be warmer

968
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 2: in your communication, and be more helpful during training and

969
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 2: when answering question. After the meeting ended, management actually pulled

970
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 2: me aside and told me that they appreciated how professionally

971
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 2: I handled the situation and apologized for the behavior I

972
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 2: had experienced. So overall, it seems like the conversation accomplished

973
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 2: what it needed to. Hopefully things will be more professional

974
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 2: moving forward, and that is the end of that story. Wow,

975
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 2: we Sowie, it's you know.

976
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:47,720
Speaker 3: Give me that phone.

977
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 2: Sometimes they just solve themselves the problems, and sometimes you

978
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 2: got to talk to five people in an HR meeting

979
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 2: room and then the problem kind of gets solved.

980
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,280
Speaker 6: Boring, boring.

981
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 2: You should have put your you should put your coworker

982
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:04,959
Speaker 2: stapler in a bol of jello.

983
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 6: Borring, barb rang. You should have put glue all over

984
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 6: her tair boring. Boring.

985
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 2: You should have taken out polarized filter on her computer

986
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 2: monitor so that it just looked like a white screen. Boring.

987
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

988
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:17,800
Speaker 6: the next one.

989
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: My late fiance's family is claiming our engagement ring, but

990
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: I had the receipt.

991
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:25,720
Speaker 5: What are they gonna do now?

992
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 1: My late fiance's name was John, and I'll start from

993
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: the beginning about four years ago. John and I dated

994
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,800
Speaker 1: for four years before he proposed. The ring he used

995
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: was two sizes too big, so we went back to

996
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,760
Speaker 1: the store where he bought it less than two weeks

997
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:45,319
Speaker 1: before proposing and swapped it for the correct size in

998
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: the same style. By the way, this comes from three six'

999
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: nine detected eight seventy. Nine and if you want to

1000
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 1: submit your own, stories go to the r Slash okay storytime.

1001
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,879
Speaker 5: Subreddit I'm, Carly I'm, keon.

1002
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: And we're here to give good. Advice, goofily but we

1003
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 1: don't have all the. Answers we only know we would,

1004
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: Doom so let us know what you would do in the.

1005
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,839
Speaker 1: Comments you know. Pieces we planned our wedding over three,

1006
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: years saving up for it. Together then ten months after the,

1007
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: Proposal john passed away in a car. ACCIDENT i used

1008
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: our wedding savings to pay for his. Funeral the day

1009
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: after the, Funeral john's brother came to me asking for the.

1010
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 1: Ring WHEN i asked, why he claimed it had been

1011
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: passed down in their family for five. GENERATIONS i told

1012
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 1: him that was, nonsense BECAUSE i had proof the ring

1013
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: was bought for me less than a year. Ago we

1014
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: argued and he stormed. Out then came the calls From

1015
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 1: john's family calling me a, liar demanding the ring. Back

1016
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: EVENTUALLY i received a letter from their, lawyer which also

1017
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,919
Speaker 1: DEMANDED i reimburse them for the funeral. COSTS i got

1018
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: myself a, lawyer presented all of my proof in, court

1019
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 1: AND i. WON i thought that was the end of

1020
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: it Until john's sister recently messaged. Me she and her

1021
00:47:56,680 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 1: boyfriend are engaged and she Wants john's ring for. Herself

1022
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 1: WHEN i said, no she started messaging me non. STOP

1023
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: i kept blocking, her but she always found a way around.

1024
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: It one, day WHILE i was at brunch with a,

1025
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,320
Speaker 1: friend a message from the sister popped up on my

1026
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 1: phone and my friend saw. IT i explained the, situation

1027
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 1: but my friend Thinks i'm the a hole AND i

1028
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: should give the ring.

1029
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 5: Away your friend's a. Spy, yeah for that. Family.

1030
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: Yeah she told our other friends and now they all

1031
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: feel the, same and it's got me doubting. Myself they're, like,

1032
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 1: yes you totally should give up your late fiance's thing

1033
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 1: that he gave to you as like a symbol of your.

1034
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 1: Love you should really just give that to their. Family

1035
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: that's been super means.

1036
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 5: You should move. On it's, time he would want To how.

1037
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 1: Dare you have a sentimental thing left?

1038
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 5: Over you would want that Because i'm you know Your

1039
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:50,479
Speaker 5: i'm like your, friend but you were almost gonna marry,

1040
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 5: Him BUT i know him.

1041
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: Better so AM i the a? Hole AND i think

1042
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: we just made it pretty. Clear you're not edit to

1043
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: add thank you for all your. SUPPORT i didn't expect

1044
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 1: this post to get so much at. Time i'm adding

1045
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:04,439
Speaker 1: more details to answer some repeated questions about the. Ring

1046
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 1: it's part of a company that designs jewelry based on

1047
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: movies and produces each style in multiple. Sizes the company

1048
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: was founded after two, thousand which alone disproves the five generations.

1049
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 1: Claim when we went to swap the, Ring john specifically

1050
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 1: asked to exchange it for the same style in the right.

1051
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: Size if there had been any family diamonds added to,

1052
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: it he would have simply had it resized.

1053
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 5: Instead he also probably would have mentioned this is a family.

1054
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 1: Ring right on top of. That when we told his

1055
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 1: parents about the, Engagement john explained where he bought it

1056
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 1: and about the. Swap they said nothing about an heirloom

1057
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:43,799
Speaker 1: or family diamonds at the. Time that only came up

1058
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:47,440
Speaker 1: after the. Funeral it's also worth mentioning the ring Is

1059
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 1: lord of The rings themed Because john AND i met

1060
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 1: at A lord of The rings event and were planning

1061
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 1: A lord of The rings themed. Wetting at the engagement,

1062
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: party we told everyone the full story of the proposal

1063
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:03,600
Speaker 1: in the ring. SWAP i remember the sister actually complained

1064
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: about the theme and pushed for A disney wedding.

1065
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 5: Instead oh my, GOSH i just realized she's like, Gollum.

1066
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: Yeah oh, no that's why you really need to keep the.

1067
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,399
Speaker 5: Ring it's the one ring to love them.

1068
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 1: All about the funeral, Costs john's parents told me they

1069
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 1: couldn't afford the Funeral at the, time still in shock and,

1070
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 1: GRIEF i put the wedding fund towards, it since the

1071
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,799
Speaker 1: wedding was no longer. Happening it was only during the

1072
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: court case THAT i found out his family owned most

1073
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: of the businesses and properties in, town and That john

1074
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: had a life insurance policy whose payout went to his

1075
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 1: parents at twice the cost of the. Funeral the judge

1076
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 1: awarded me reimbursement for the funeral, costs legal, fees and emotional.

1077
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:49,439
Speaker 5: Distress good for, You, op you're standing on your ground

1078
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:52,800
Speaker 5: through thick and, thin through family and well.

1079
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,800
Speaker 1: As like terrible.

1080
00:50:54,840 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 5: Heartbreak, yeah, insane insane to who are? They maybe it

1081
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 5: was a really cool. Ring it's a.

1082
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: Company bought your own lord of the.

1083
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 5: Ring you know what you can?

1084
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: Do send him a leak same engagement, Ring.

1085
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 5: Send them a link and be like this is what we.

1086
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 1: Did, yeah you don't get my.

1087
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 5: Ring liars about my.

1088
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: Friends the friend at brunch read the sister's first message

1089
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: and feels the reasons given are valid and that the

1090
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:22,280
Speaker 1: ring should be used rather than sitting in a. BOX

1091
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: i pointed out THAT i do wear it on his,

1092
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 1: birthday the anniversary of when we, met the day he,

1093
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 1: proposed and the day he passed. Away called me a

1094
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,879
Speaker 1: selfish a hole and stormed, off and the others followed her.

1095
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 5: Lead, well guess who's not gonna hang out with you? Anymore,

1096
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 5: Yeah i'd find new.

1097
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 1: Friends as for the sister's, Messages i've already sent screenshots

1098
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 1: to my lawyer friend and we have a meeting this.

1099
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 1: Week i'm also rethinking some of these. Friendships and that's

1100
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 1: the end of this. Story we're gonna go to the next.

1101
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 2: One, hey It's, dakota your favorite goofball host, here and

1102
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 2: we're gonna get back to the.

1103
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,920
Speaker 6: Stories but here's three minutes of ads from our. SPONSORS

1104
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 6: i spent.

1105
00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: Nine thousand dollars trying to make my wife. Happy she

1106
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:04,640
Speaker 1: pushed it back to.

1107
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 5: Me spend ten thousand next.

1108
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 1: TIME a few months, ago my male forty four wife

1109
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 1: female forty, three lost a ring given to her by

1110
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: her late. Grandmother my wife was really close to her, grandmother,

1111
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 1: so needless to, say the ring held significant sentimental value for. Her,

1112
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 1: also given that her grandmother passed last, year it was

1113
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:31,280
Speaker 1: a particularly painful. Blow by the, way this comes from

1114
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 1: deleted and if you want to submit your own, stories

1115
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 1: go to the r slash okay storytime. Stubreddit I'm, Carly I'm,

1116
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,400
Speaker 1: keon and we're here to give good advice, goofiy but

1117
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: we don't have all the. Answers we only know what

1118
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: we would. Do let us know what you would do

1119
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 1: in the. Comments As opie, says we searched high and,

1120
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: low but we never found. It after it was missing

1121
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: for about a, month my wife started losing. HOPE i

1122
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 1: decided that i'd have the ring. Replicated we did have

1123
00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:59,439
Speaker 1: quite a few pictures of the, ring SO i thought

1124
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: it could bely be. DONE i did suggest the idea

1125
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: to my, wife but she didn't seem very receptive to.

1126
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: It she said things along the lines of how it

1127
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: couldn't be done and how it wouldn't be a replacement

1128
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 1: for the one her grandmother gave. Her, however she didn't

1129
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,359
Speaker 1: expressly say she would not allow me to replicate. IT

1130
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,759
Speaker 1: i ended up taking the pictures to a jeweler and

1131
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 1: described the pieces to the best of my. Abilities two

1132
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: months and nine k, later the ring was. READY i

1133
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: will ADMIT i kept all of this a secret from my,

1134
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 1: wife and the day it was, READY i canceled work

1135
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,120
Speaker 1: to pick it up and placed it between two sofa

1136
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: cushions that my wife usually sits. Around, NO i don't

1137
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:41,399
Speaker 1: like that you still tried to present it as though

1138
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: it was the missing ring.

1139
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 5: FOUND i, Hope i'm. SHE i guarantee. You she's be,

1140
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,799
Speaker 5: like is gonna look? New, yeah it's like this is

1141
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 5: because it probably probably.

1142
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 1: Had specific dent and specific markings on.

1143
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 5: It, yeah you'd be, like that's a, fake isn't. It,

1144
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:55,839
Speaker 5: well that's a, replica isn't.

1145
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 2: It.

1146
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,839
Speaker 5: Op this was one of those things WHERE i get

1147
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 5: where you're coming. From it's a very sweet thing to do.

1148
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: For nine Klough and she told you she didn't want.

1149
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,839
Speaker 5: It, yeah for nine for. Nine if it was like

1150
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 5: two hundred, bucks that's even that's a lot.

1151
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: Of, money even if she told you she didn't want. It, Though,

1152
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 1: yeah he's, like, eh not the.

1153
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 5: Same it's just not the. Same and now oof oof opie.

1154
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,440
Speaker 1: Oof better thing could have. BEEN i don't, know maybe

1155
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: checking with. Everybody does anybody have another thing of? Grandma's,

1156
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:28,360
Speaker 1: yeah wife lost one of. Hers do we have more grandma? Things?

1157
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 1: YEAH i didn't want to present her with the, ring

1158
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:34,320
Speaker 1: AS i thought she wouldn't like that based on our conversation.

1159
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 1: Earlier fast forward a few days and my wife finds the. Ring,

1160
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:43,760
Speaker 1: Oh she's, overjoyed happier Than i've seen her in a long.

1161
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 1: TIME i congratulated her on finding it and thought that was. That,

1162
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 1: recently my wife started questioning the. Ring for the past few,

1163
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:56,840
Speaker 1: Weeks she's been telling me things, like how it feels

1164
00:54:56,880 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 1: a bit different today WHEN i got back from work my. Wife,

1165
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: today WHEN i got back from, work my wife started

1166
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 1: asking me about the. Ring she was saying things like

1167
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 1: how it felt, different how it looked. Different i'll save

1168
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 1: you most of the, details but in, summary after about

1169
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 1: five minutes of grilling, ME i confessed about having the ring.

1170
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: Replicated to say she was furious would be an. Understatement,

1171
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 1: basically she yelled at me for being dishonest you, were

1172
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 1: claimed THAT i was acting like being married to her was,

1173
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 1: charity and also said THAT i had insulted her intelligence

1174
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 1: and embarrassed her in front of her friends and family

1175
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 1: as she told them all that she found the.

1176
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:42,320
Speaker 5: Ring oh, yeah especially home man op if anything.

1177
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 1: Too my big concern would be at that, point LIKE

1178
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: i THOUGHT i found, it SO i stopped looking for,

1179
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 1: it which means it could have moved infinitely more places

1180
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 1: since SINCE i lost true.

1181
00:55:54,040 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 5: Or, like, yeah it's probably. Lost unfortunately forever things, place it's.

1182
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 5: True but this, ring, boy oh, boy she probably was

1183
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 5: so stoked and now she was, like she's probably so gutted,

1184
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 5: too because it's not it it's not it's not the

1185
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 5: ring that she.

1186
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 1: WANTED i apologized and told her THAT i didn't want

1187
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: to see her, depressed but she refused to. Listen she

1188
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: ended up locking herself in our. BEDROOM i tried apologizing,

1189
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: again but all she did was slide the ring under

1190
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: the door towards. Me all of this just made me

1191
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:29,360
Speaker 1: confused and conflicted about the entire. Situation AM i the

1192
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: able for getting her ring? Replaced, yeah there's an.

1193
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 5: Update it was such a it was such a like

1194
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 5: nice thing to, do but it truly but she truly

1195
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:41,840
Speaker 5: flat out said, No, yeah she's change.

1196
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 1: Me she, SAID i don't want you to do. THIS

1197
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 1: i think you. OVERSTEPPED i think it came from a

1198
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 1: place of good.

1199
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 5: Intention it's a very, yeah it was a very nice

1200
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 5: place of good. Intentions but then now she had what

1201
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:57,400
Speaker 5: she could tell everyone went about the. Ring it's just

1202
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 5: something it's Not it's not that. Ring, yeah it was

1203
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:04,359
Speaker 5: a very good, Idea, Opie BUT i think you should

1204
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 5: have definitely talked to her more about, it because now

1205
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 5: she's gonna be really. Upset now she's really upset at,

1206
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 5: you and she also doesn't have the, ring so now

1207
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:13,720
Speaker 5: she's double.

1208
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 1: Upset as, EXPECTED i did end up spending a few

1209
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: nights sleeping on the. Couch my wife was very angry with,

1210
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 1: me SO i kept my distance and allowed her time

1211
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 1: to cool. Off during this, Time i've been keeping the

1212
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: replacement ring with, me AS i didn't think my wife

1213
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 1: would even want to see. It our youngest asked me

1214
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: WHY i was sleeping on the couch the other, night

1215
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: AND i told him that it was good for his

1216
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,959
Speaker 1: old man's. Back it's another, lie BUT i didn't feel

1217
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: too bad going ahead with. It tuesday, night after the

1218
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: kids went to, BED i apologized profusely for the entire.

1219
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 1: SITUATION i told her that there was zero justification for

1220
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 1: WHAT i did and THAT i should have listened to

1221
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 1: her rather than tried to replace the. RING i told

1222
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 1: her that WHAT i did was unbelievably, foolish and, inconsiderate

1223
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 1: AND i then offered to explain to her family and

1224
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: friends the situation if they were to ask about. It

1225
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 1: we did end up talking for a long, time and

1226
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 1: she told me that it was very difficult to describe

1227
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: how she felt about my. Actions on the one, hand

1228
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: she was very frustrated THAT i THOUGHT i could just

1229
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: replace the. Ring yet on the other, hand she was

1230
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 1: a bit amused That i'd go to such lengths and

1231
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: said she does appreciate that.

1232
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:26,360
Speaker 5: Aspects, YEAH i, MEAN i can see where she's coming. From, like,

1233
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 5: LIKE i, mean you understood. TOO i hope you actually

1234
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 5: understood what you did and why she's acting like that

1235
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:36,439
Speaker 5: all this not just Oh i'm incredibly foolish or, oh

1236
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,360
Speaker 5: not just saying it to say, it but you actually

1237
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 5: truly understand where she's coming. From, yeah and that's good

1238
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 5: on you that, you, Like, HEY i will own up

1239
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 5: to this And i'll explain to everyone what exactly, happened

1240
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 5: and you, know hopefully things can go smoother from here on.

1241
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,360
Speaker 5: Out but, YEAH i, mean just try and think of

1242
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 5: like you having a sentimental thing and trying to get

1243
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 5: it replaced when it's not that. Thing you, know it's

1244
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 5: not the. Same, unfortunately she.

1245
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: Ended up reaccepting the ring AND i was allowed back

1246
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 1: into our. Bedroom things do seem to be slowly returning to.

1247
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: Normal but if there's one Thing i've learned about married,

1248
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: life it's that this conversation will probably be revisited a

1249
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 1: few more times in the, future and they will likely

1250
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 1: make my wife upset. Again for that, REASON i have

1251
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 1: decided to buy my wife a, necklace which i'll surprise

1252
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: her with in a few. Days i'm thinking that this

1253
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: will hopefully soften her anger if this conversation ever does

1254
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: come up.

1255
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:33,640
Speaker 5: Again did you not remember what you just wrote entirely

1256
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 5: that this is the entire story Was.

1257
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 1: At least he's not trying to replace something with the.

1258
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 5: Next, true but he's, Like, ah you might.

1259
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 1: Want to pick something that's not. Jewelry perhaps she's.

1260
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 5: Not in a good. Mood i'm gonna buy her this

1261
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 5: and that'll soften the.

1262
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: Blow, yeah but that's the end of that.

1263
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 3: Story