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Speaker 1: This is John, this is the m Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some good stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: That's right. But before that, we have a little morsel

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Speaker 1: of a two minute ad break from the sponsors keeping

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Speaker 1: the show delicious.

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Speaker 2: Hmm.

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Speaker 3: My stepfather insulted me and my husband behind our backs,

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Speaker 3: so we retaliated with kindness. Try to translate it as

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Speaker 3: best I could, but the word pig does not mean

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Speaker 3: a literal pig in the context it was used. I

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Speaker 3: think what my stepdad meant was the bourgeoisie or capitalist

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Speaker 3: pig and used it as a double on tandra in

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Speaker 3: reference to body fat. My stepdad has been with my

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Speaker 3: mother for about five years now. I was an adult

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Speaker 3: before they met. We are not that close, but I

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Speaker 3: have a cordial relationship, or so I thought. By the

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Speaker 3: way this comes from, just want cuddles and if you

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Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime separate it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

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Speaker 3: Hey, we're here to give good advice, poy, but we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do. In the comments,

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Speaker 3: ann Op says, my husband and I were invited to

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Speaker 3: a small impromptu dinner party. My husband was sick, so

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Speaker 3: I initially made her apologies, but afterwards he encouraged me

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Speaker 3: to go, even though what I truly wanted was to

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Speaker 3: play nurse for him. These dinner parties happened with regularity,

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Speaker 3: and my husband is far more important anyway. However, he

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Speaker 3: encouraged me and said it would be good for me

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Speaker 3: to go, so I did. I arrived a little late

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Speaker 3: and didn't immediately announce my presence. I stood in the

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Speaker 3: entryway arranging myself and overheard the talk from the dinner table.

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Speaker 3: I heard my husband's name mentioned. This was rude, but

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Speaker 3: I was curious what was going to be said while

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Speaker 3: they thought I wasn't listening, so I took my time

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Speaker 3: next to the door. The question about our absence was

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Speaker 3: casually directed to my mother, and my stepdad cut in

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Speaker 3: with the line and the title. He said, exactly, yes,

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Speaker 3: where is the pig and his dumb little We'll see

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Speaker 3: you next Tuesday. There was some chuckles, and my mother answered,

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Speaker 3: your sudden law is sick in a mildly chastising tone.

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Speaker 3: She then turned the topic to something else. I decided

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Speaker 3: to leave. I nearly cried in the back of the car,

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Speaker 3: but stayed composed until I got home. My mother's reaction

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Speaker 3: was the most hurtful. I would have expected a far

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Speaker 3: harsher reaction than she gave. This suggest to me that

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Speaker 3: this happens with some regularity. My mother doesn't defend me

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Speaker 3: when I'm called a dumb little See you next Tuesday.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't defend me. She doesn't defend my husband when

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Speaker 3: he's called a pig. She acts as if someone made

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Speaker 3: an inappropriate noise at the dinner table. Should I tell

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Speaker 3: my husband? I'm a little afraid of his subsequent actions

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Speaker 3: if I do. He has helped specific family members that

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Speaker 3: were not at the dinner party and could take that

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Speaker 3: all away on a whim. I need to tell him,

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Speaker 3: but I don't want him to punish people that weren't

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Speaker 3: at the party. My husband will be very angry at them,

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Speaker 3: but I still need to tell them. Then there is

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Speaker 3: my relationship with my family. I've been trying to think

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Speaker 3: how this could mean something else. I've been trying to

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Speaker 3: twist it into a term of endearment.

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Speaker 2: And I can't.

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Speaker 3: This was cruel. I feel used by those I loved most,

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Speaker 3: They hid their feelings while we were around and top

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Speaker 3: relevant comments. But before we get into those, do you

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Speaker 3: have any top and relevant comments of your own?

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Speaker 1: Nothing? Really beyond what I've already said. You should burst

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Speaker 1: in through the door and said, hey, hey, you have

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Speaker 1: some choice words for me. I hear I heard my

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Speaker 1: ears were ringing? What about a turning? Anything like that?

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Speaker 4: Tuesday was involved A line.

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Speaker 2: Next?

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Speaker 1: Who are we talking about? Huh? Yeah? Who we're talking about?

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Speaker 2: We gossiping?

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Speaker 3: Deleted says Tell your husband he has the right to know.

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Speaker 3: If family members are dependent on him and talking behind

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Speaker 3: his back, he should know about it. Do you think

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Speaker 3: so little of your husband that he would punish people

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Speaker 3: in need because they are related to someone who bad

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Speaker 3: moouthed him once? What about when you have children and

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Speaker 3: they go visit their grandmother? Will your children learn to

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Speaker 3: call you a dumb sea word behind your back? There's

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Speaker 3: no good reason for that type of name calling, especially

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Speaker 3: when the person isn't around. You don't need two faced

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Speaker 3: jerks like father in law in your life. Tell your husband,

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Speaker 3: and then you and your husband can confront your mother,

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Speaker 3: demand an apology and minimal and minimize contact with mom

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Speaker 3: and father in law for a while. Opie says, I

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Speaker 3: think the world of my husband, but he is a

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Speaker 3: very fierce man when it comes to people who don't

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Speaker 3: respect him and me. I know I need to tell him.

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Speaker 3: Jin Baytai says, my man is exactly the same, protective

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Speaker 3: and unforgiving of people he feels have disrespected me himself too,

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Speaker 3: but it's a whole other level when I'm involved. All

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Speaker 3: I can say is you need to let him vent

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Speaker 3: and be angry, and then ask him to have a

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Speaker 3: game plan with you. His loyalty should help you come

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Speaker 3: up with a compromise that you both can live with.

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Speaker 3: Clam Delicus says, my initial reaction was you should have

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Speaker 3: walked in and said, the dumb little sea word is

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Speaker 3: right here, picked up a drink from the table and

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Speaker 3: thrown it in his face. Seriously, op you have to

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Speaker 3: tell your husband. Tell him exactly what you told us.

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Speaker 3: He deserves to know. Let him be part of the

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Speaker 3: decision on how to proceed and burning cake for fun

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Speaker 3: says ah Yes, the classic soap oup branding a fantastic choice.

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Speaker 3: June Gloom says he has helped specific family members that

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Speaker 3: were not at the dinner party and could take that

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Speaker 3: all away on a whim. I think this is where

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Speaker 3: the pig thing is coming from. For some people, your

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Speaker 3: success and help just makes them feel inferior, and they're

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Speaker 3: resentful of you as being the cause of those feelings,

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Speaker 3: so they cut you down when you aren't around. Instead

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Speaker 3: of taking responsibility for their own life choices or being

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Speaker 3: secure in themselves and happy for you, they'd rather drag

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Speaker 3: you down in some crab bucket mentality. They don't have

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Speaker 3: your best interest at heart. They only want to drag

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Speaker 3: you down to feel better about themselves. It may be

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Speaker 3: the healthiest thing for your relationships, not to help. If

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Speaker 3: they aren't the kind of people who can deal with it,

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Speaker 3: they're not happy, and you're just losing respect from people

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Speaker 3: you previously had a better relationship with. And there is

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Speaker 3: an update.

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Speaker 2: Any other thoughts.

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Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about the crab bucket reference now because

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Speaker 1: I hadn't heard that.

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Speaker 3: It's like before about crabs and a bucket and they're going

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Speaker 3: to drag it you.

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Speaker 1: And then when the crab tries to get out the

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Speaker 1: rest of the crabs.

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Speaker 4: Saying, he says it a lot here with me is right?

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Speaker 2: Riley says, that all the time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he says it all the time.

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Speaker 3: Like crabing a bucket. He's always saying it.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard Riley say that. He says it all anyway. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And to make a compilation, I think you know your

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Speaker 1: husband should know what was said about you. The people

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Speaker 1: just said that stuff about you should know that you

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Speaker 1: heard it and be like, hey, so y'all are weird

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Speaker 1: and I'm not going to be hanging out with you guys.

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Speaker 3: If you think that about me, then why would I

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Speaker 3: hang Why would I be around you?

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Speaker 1: Updates.

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Speaker 3: I told my husband about this earlier this morning. I

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Speaker 3: did it carefully, making sure to tell him that I

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Speaker 3: didn't know exactly who was there other than a few names,

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Speaker 3: and ensuring that he knew a few specific people were

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Speaker 3: definitely not there. My husband is a very deliberative person.

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Speaker 3: He sat and listened to everything I had to say

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Speaker 3: without showing any emotion. It's hard to talk to him

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Speaker 3: sometimes about difficult things because of this, but I got

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Speaker 3: through it. He asked me a few questions, making sure

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Speaker 3: that I was completely sure on every detail. Then he

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Speaker 3: told me to fetch his phone and I did. He

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Speaker 3: made several calls, called various people, and over the next

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Speaker 3: thirty minutes, three of my family members lost their jobs,

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Speaker 3: two lost their apartments or will be losing them as

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Speaker 3: soon as the law allows. He only punished people who

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Speaker 3: were guaranteed to be at the dinner party or directly

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Speaker 3: related to those who were. He did not punish my

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Speaker 3: big sister, who I was worried about the most, or

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Speaker 3: people who couldn't have been involved. Afterwards, he told me

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Speaker 3: that he would not tell me to cut contact with

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Speaker 3: my family, but that he will not be seeing them

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Speaker 3: until he received a written apology from everyone who was

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Speaker 3: at the party. He said, I can handle my family

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Speaker 3: as I like. I mean, I think he handled them.

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Speaker 3: I thanked him and told him that I would not

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Speaker 3: be seeing them either until that happened. Whilst I was

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Speaker 3: helping my husband dress for work, my mother call. My

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Speaker 3: mother called, but my husband waved it off and told

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Speaker 3: me to keep her waiting because she'll call again. He said,

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Speaker 3: I don't know her promptness, and that keeping her waiting

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Speaker 3: shows her I have the power. She called many times

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Speaker 3: in succession afterwards, but I only answered after my husband

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Speaker 3: was dressed and I had seen him to the car.

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Speaker 3: She told me in a frantic voice that person A

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Speaker 3: had lost a job and wondered what happened or if

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Speaker 3: there was anything my husband could do. I'm glad my

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Speaker 3: husband had me wait because I had to formulate a response.

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Speaker 3: Because I had a formulated response, I told her that

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Speaker 3: my husband had person A B and C fired. I

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Speaker 3: didn't tell her why. She went silent for a bit

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Speaker 3: and finally asked why in an odd tone. I just

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Speaker 3: told her that I heard what my stepdad said at

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Speaker 3: the party. I told her that my husband and I

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Speaker 3: expect written apologies from everyone at the dinner party.

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Speaker 1: Dude, that you did you You've made people lose their

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Speaker 1: jobs before you even were like, hey, we heard what happened.

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Speaker 3: Why did you say that?

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Speaker 2: Who said?

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Speaker 3: You guys are crazy?

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Speaker 1: Genuinely? You guys are crazy. I'd have a problem with

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Speaker 1: my partner if they did.

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Speaker 3: This genuinely, I'd be like reaction if one of my

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Speaker 3: family members said something against me, and you know, I'd

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Speaker 3: be like, that's really awful. I'm gonna go talk to

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Speaker 3: them and be like, why would you say that? Why

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Speaker 3: would you say that about me and my partner when

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Speaker 3: we're not there?

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Speaker 1: Those are words You're like, what you're doing is genuinely,

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Speaker 1: genuinely affecting the fabric of people's lives.

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Speaker 3: Also, I'm sorry you want this is you don't want

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Speaker 3: a real apology.

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Speaker 1: You want them to grovel. You want them to be

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Speaker 1: like punished.

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Speaker 2: You want to beg for mercy.

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Speaker 1: This guy's a vigilante practically like.

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Speaker 4: A TV show or a film where you're like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 4: I want them to feel bad, but like not ruin

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Speaker 4: their life life kind of thing, or like get an apology.

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Speaker 4: You you ruined these people's lives, and I feel like

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Speaker 4: you can't undo.

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Speaker 3: You can't they say sorry that what they get their

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Speaker 3: apartment back.

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Speaker 1: I want to clarify because we have Ace makes it

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Speaker 1: on on Twitch comment. Got to disagree with Dakota on

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Speaker 1: it being okay since the people being talked about weren't there.

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Speaker 1: It's not that it's okay, it's that the level of

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Speaker 1: reaction from other people there is usually isn't gonna necessarily

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Speaker 1: gonna be like okay, well that was unacceptable. When I'm

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Speaker 1: leading this instant, it was like.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I feel like when someone says something like if

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Speaker 3: I was talking to you know, like let's say Dakota

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Speaker 3: wasn't there and I said something out of pocket about Dakota,

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Speaker 3: he's stinky Keon, Like, I feel like you, you know,

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Speaker 3: you might be like, hey, you know, that's not very nice,

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Speaker 3: but you wouldn't necessarily have the same reaction as like.

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Speaker 1: Like there, it's uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: So to call someone out.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Dakota, Dakota, make fun of you. I'm gonna go

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Speaker 4: scorch dr Yeah his bloodline. Yeah done.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, especially if you like.

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Speaker 1: Not like a group bashing session. It was one person

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Speaker 1: made a guy yeah said it, and her mom was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, don't do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, which neither that's not okay. But to like then

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Speaker 3: say that everyone at that party is complicit is kind

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Speaker 3: of crazy.

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Speaker 1: I mean, three people shouldn't be losing their jobs. Its

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Speaker 1: that's great. How do you have the power to do that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Makes it wild?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Ace makes it does say if someone's trashing me

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Speaker 4: in conversation and my people are not saying anything, they're

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Speaker 4: not my people, which is fair for sure.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think, like we don't we don't know

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Speaker 3: how close all these people at the party were, you know,

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Speaker 3: their family, but are they Like I just think there's

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Speaker 3: a different level of reaction that you'll have when the

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Speaker 3: person's not like I see what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's which is.

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Speaker 3: You know, like, obviously you would still want your friends

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Speaker 3: to defend you, but I'm saying they shouldn't lose their job.

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Speaker 3: They probably didn't necessarily agree.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I think it's the point. It's a

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Speaker 1: great way to go about it.

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Speaker 4: It's just take hey, you all you guys suck calling

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Speaker 4: them out and be like and then you're not a

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Speaker 4: friend or you're not Opie's friend. Yeah, and the person

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Speaker 4: who said it, guess what, you suck and you should apologize.

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Speaker 4: That's it. And if they were like, no, I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna apologize, then you're like, you know what, it's like,

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Speaker 4: I did.

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Speaker 2: You a favor. I can take that favoriteway.

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Speaker 4: It's the it's the I don't get mad, I get even,

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Speaker 4: but not even.

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Speaker 2: This is not even.

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Speaker 3: This is like you you kicked me in the shins,

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Speaker 3: so I burned down your house. A long silence followed,

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Speaker 3: so long that I nearly hung up, but my mother

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Speaker 3: did it first. This was a confusing reaction. I think

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Speaker 3: she was too ashamed to speak, but it could also

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Speaker 3: be that she doesn't care. I'll wait. The need to

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Speaker 3: reach out to us with an apology is on them

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Speaker 3: if they're interested in continuing our family ties. I am

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Speaker 3: at peace about this and top relevant comments. Evil Buddha says,

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Speaker 3: if you live in China, I can understand the response.

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Speaker 3: People in relatively high positions can make the lives of

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Speaker 3: family miserable if they show disrespect. Opie says, you're right,

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Speaker 3: I know it's not the same way in Western countries.

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Speaker 3: Evil Buddhas says, I agree, it's not the same in

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Speaker 3: Western countries, and folks here have to understand that the

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Speaker 3: culture in China is way different. Stuff like this happens

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Speaker 3: in China. Question did your husband help your family members

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Speaker 3: in getting jobs in housing? Makes me wonder how he

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Speaker 3: was able to get them all fired and a victa

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Speaker 3: just like that. Op says, yes, he did help them

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Speaker 3: get the jobs and housing, good jobs and preferred housing,

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Speaker 3: which can be very hard to get. And Op says,

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Speaker 3: my husband was kind at all times. It may be

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Speaker 3: that they resented him for his help. He asked me

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Speaker 3: what I thought should happened. I told him I was

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Speaker 3: very upset. He makes the decisions after consulting me, but

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Speaker 3: this was disrespectful to him just as much as me.

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Speaker 3: Thank you for your explanation. I understand why this might

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Speaker 3: be shocking. In that case, when I said helped in

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Speaker 3: my first post, I meant jobs and preferred housing. Delete

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Speaker 3: it says, what the heck?

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Speaker 2: Why would your husband get people fired?

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Speaker 3: As far as I read in your last post, they

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Speaker 3: didn't even have anything to do with what your stepdad

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Speaker 3: called you.

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Speaker 1: They were just there.

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Speaker 3: This seems like a huge overreaction on his parts, where

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Speaker 3: you guys could have just gone and confronted your stepdad,

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Speaker 3: not f up people's living situations and their jobs. That's crazy,

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Speaker 3: Opie says. I think it might be cultural. Often when

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Speaker 3: someone does something poorly, it's part of our culture to

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Speaker 3: judge the family as well. Also, they laughed.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, I've given an uncomfortable laugh more

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Speaker 1: than once.

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Speaker 2: Also, they laughed.

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Speaker 1: Someone says something, you go, aha, yeah, this is actually

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Speaker 1: and then like twenty minutes later, you leave, they leave

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Speaker 1: the room, and you're like, okay, so that was the

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Speaker 1: weirdest thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right that, yeah, because you

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Speaker 3: don't know how to talk like sometimes you're in a

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Speaker 3: like I'm not saying that they shouldn't have stood up

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Speaker 3: for Ope and her husband, But there are some times

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Speaker 3: where you just feel so uncomfortable that you don't know

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Speaker 3: how to address it. Abe Atarano says, I am genuinely curious,

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Speaker 3: and I'm sorry if I come across as naive in

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Speaker 3: this question. But what would the proper etiquette in China

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Speaker 3: be in this situation? For example, what if it was

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Speaker 3: you and your husband at your aunt's house in dinner table,

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Speaker 3: your aunt's husband makes this rude comment about the person

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Speaker 3: who gave your husband his job, who is your cousin's husband,

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Speaker 3: her daughter's spouse and not present. Should you say anything?

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Speaker 3: Would you speak up out of loyalty for your employer,

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Speaker 3: or would you not say anything out of politeness for

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Speaker 3: the host who is also your family? What is correct

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Speaker 3: in this situation in China? Opie says, of course I

336
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,160
Speaker 3: will answer, and no, you do not come across as naive.

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00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 3: I think first understand that there are no individuals in China.

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00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,240
Speaker 3: I'm not a single person. I belong to my husband,

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00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,480
Speaker 3: I belong to my family. Those units are more important

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Speaker 3: than me alone. I think there is no correct response

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00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 3: for this. Would there be a correct response for this

342
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,360
Speaker 3: in a Western country? I think it was incredibly rude

343
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,600
Speaker 3: and that crosses cultural barriers. The shock in this thread

344
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,600
Speaker 3: is that my husband punished everyone. Yes, here we return

345
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Speaker 3: to the fact that no one is in an individual

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Speaker 3: in China. You see my stepdad as an independent individual

347
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 3: who made this decision. My husband and I see him

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Speaker 3: as a part of a larger group, in this case,

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Speaker 3: his family unit and those others at the dinner party.

350
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Speaker 3: They all allowed this disrespect to stand by not acting.

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Speaker 3: I think the correct response would have been for everyone

352
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,600
Speaker 3: at the dinner party to banish my stepdad.

353
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Speaker 1: Well doesn't he live there? Yes?

354
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Speaker 3: I think it wasn't he the one that was throwing

355
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Speaker 3: the party?

356
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Speaker 1: Oh? Man, well I really quick. We got twenty more

357
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Speaker 1: Whoo babies that bababies on a stream thanks to Purple Trader.

358
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Speaker 3: And we're gonna hit that that wheel spin after.

359
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Speaker 1: This story donated twenty gifted memberships.

360
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Speaker 3: They should have collectively showed him that what he did

361
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Speaker 3: was wrong. Social harmony is very important. I hope that

362
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 3: this makes sense. Fired On says, I'm from Taiwan living

363
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 3: in America, and I completely understand your husband's response.

364
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,320
Speaker 2: Trust is difficult to come.

365
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,400
Speaker 3: By in China, and if your husband is in a

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00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 3: position of financial power, then he is in a position

367
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,520
Speaker 3: a lot of people are willing to suck up to

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00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,840
Speaker 3: just to get something out of him. He is one

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00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,719
Speaker 3: hundred percent correct to cut his financial and personal connection

370
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,119
Speaker 3: with people he cannot trust.

371
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Speaker 2: Most others in the.

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00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,639
Speaker 3: Sub will not understand the cultural implications of this, but

373
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 3: trust is everything in a workplace situation in Chinese culture

374
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 3: because of the possibility of backstabbing and betrayal. You do

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00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 3: your thing, op and don't let all these naysayers in

376
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,719
Speaker 3: the post sway you. And there is a second update.

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Speaker 3: I guess I just, yeah, I just can't understand this

378
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Speaker 3: because it I have such a different cultural upbringing. I

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Speaker 3: don't know, it's uh, yes, I guess I can't give

380
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Speaker 3: a proper you know, he had to have known what

381
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Speaker 3: he was messing with.

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Speaker 1: I guess then by saying that, I.

383
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Speaker 3: Feel like, if there is that cultural background, then yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think you're at the door.

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Speaker 1: Probably Yeah, I have done that. Well. I would be

386
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Speaker 1: living in fear every day of my life for.

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Speaker 3: All of my family member Like, I'm like, don't say

388
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,679
Speaker 3: anything about anyone, guys. But there's a second update. My

389
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,679
Speaker 3: husband has received several written apologies from those who were

390
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 3: at the party, but not from my stepdad or my mother.

391
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,959
Speaker 3: I think it is correct to say now that they

392
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 3: are not going to apologize. I talked to my mother

393
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 3: again a few days after my second comment for a

394
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,560
Speaker 3: brief moment. She prostrated herself in front of me verbally,

395
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,600
Speaker 3: but she will not give us a written apology. She's

396
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,439
Speaker 3: supporting her husband over her daughter. I hung up on

397
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 3: her as her apology was hollow in many ways, despite

398
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Speaker 3: how deeply she spoke. Those who have apologized have said

399
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,959
Speaker 3: that these insults were not uncommon, but no one other

400
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 3: than my stepdad engaged in them. My husband believes them

401
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 3: and blames my stepdad. My stepdad later lost his job

402
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,719
Speaker 3: as a result of his words. My husband could not

403
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 3: punish him immediately because of his position. I'm feeling okay.

404
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 3: It hurt me after the second conversation with my mother,

405
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,240
Speaker 3: where I realized she would not apologize. I am trying

406
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,200
Speaker 3: to make peace with it, but it has been hard.

407
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 3: My husband has done things to cheer me up. He

408
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,119
Speaker 3: bought me a puppy. I need to feel this for

409
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 3: a period of time, if that makes sense. I just

410
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 3: again like I want to go back because says her

411
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 3: mom didn't apologize, but she literally said, she prostrated herself

412
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 3: in front of us verbally, So she did apologize, she

413
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,320
Speaker 3: just didn't apologize in the way that you want it.

414
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 3: But there's a little bit left to this. Again, I

415
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 3: don't I don't think that I have the cultural, you know,

416
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 3: knowledge to accurately make a judgment on this. I think

417
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,679
Speaker 3: it is very different to how I would react and

418
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Speaker 3: act in this situation.

419
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Speaker 1: Wild to me that there was no investigation on the

420
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 1: front end. Instead, it was just like I'm gonna.

421
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 2: It was immediate.

422
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 1: You'd take three jobs in two apartments away.

423
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and not even from the person that did it either, right,

424
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 3: Like he didn't even immediately lose his job.

425
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 1: This is scary. You're married to a scary guy.

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00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 3: I also, if anyone has like more cultural knowledge about this,

427
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 3: because I know some of you in the comments were

428
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,679
Speaker 3: already kind of speaking up about it, let us know

429
00:19:58,720 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 3: what you think about this.

430
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of people again, a lot of people

431
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,879
Speaker 4: were like uh. People were saying, like in Chinese dramas

432
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 4: or k dramas, that this happens more frequently than we

433
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,439
Speaker 4: think it's again, it's not we're not used to it.

434
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 4: But for them, this is probably like you know that's

435
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 4: the norm. I guarantee you in the Philippines if this happened,

436
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 4: especially with like a barangay captain or like a cop

437
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 4: captain or something like that, yeah, it'd be the same thing. Yeah,

438
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 4: it'd be like, all right, well you did that to

439
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 4: my wife, so you're on bad terms with us, and

440
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 4: now jobbn't pretty much.

441
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 3: Dang, there's a little bit left to this story. OHP says,

442
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 3: I agree. The letter is a formality, but an important one.

443
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 3: I think my mother's words were hollow, though I'm not

444
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,360
Speaker 3: sure I have the words to describe this. She apologized

445
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 3: but defended and dismissed at the same time. That's why

446
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 3: I hung up. Last leader says, your mom sounds like

447
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 3: you in a lot of way. Both of you stand

448
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 3: behind your husbands no matter what and let them make

449
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 3: all all the decisions. This is between your husband and

450
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 3: your stepdad. Your mom won't be able to apologize until

451
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 3: your stepdad allows her to. This is one of those

452
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 3: times that being old fashioned and doing what your husband

453
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 3: tells you to do is pretty stupid. I mean, both

454
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 3: you and your mom, both of you are letting men

455
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: ruin your mother daughter relationship. These updates sat at me,

456
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 3: to see all the unwise decisions and ego continuing on

457
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,440
Speaker 3: both sides. I hope someday this will change. Oh, he says,

458
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 3: my husband did not force me to cut ties with

459
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 3: my family. I chose not to forgive my mother because

460
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 3: her apology was hollow, her words were empty. Sil Mariel says,

461
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 3: I think it's refreshing to see someone posting to this

462
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,639
Speaker 3: creddit with such a clear idea of their boundaries and

463
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 3: acting on them when they are valulated certainly acted upon.

464
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 3: We always encourage people to find their boundaries and learn

465
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 3: to back them up when they face crises in relationships,

466
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 3: and here is an example of a couple who have

467
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 3: very clearly defined boundaries and are doing something about it

468
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 3: when they got disrespected. The husband was clearly taking care

469
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 3: a lot of people in this family and would feel

470
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 3: deeply hurt and disrespected to learn that these same people

471
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 3: were witnessed to the offensive things said about him behind

472
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 3: his back and not stopping it or standing up for him.

473
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 3: I one hundred percent agree with his decisive actions, and

474
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 3: while I feel sorry for Opie's mother who is trapped

475
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 3: between daughter and husband, I think Op's husband was still

476
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 3: within his moral rights to act as he saw fit

477
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 3: in this case, Opie. I wonder if you would act

478
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 3: differently than your mother did, though, Would you go against

479
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 3: your husband if he ever behaved badly towards someone in

480
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 3: the family, or would you have his back even when

481
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 3: he was wrong. Your mother has apologized to you in

482
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 3: the only way that she can without making open conflict

483
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,160
Speaker 3: with her husband. Can you understand her at all? Maybe

484
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 3: you can forgive her eventually, Smaxaw says, your mother has

485
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 3: all apologized to you in the only way she can

486
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 3: without making open conflict with her husband. Oh wait, that's continuing.

487
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 3: Oh I think you make a great point responding to

488
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 3: that commentary, not just there, but the whole post. But

489
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 3: that party's framed incorrectly. She isn't making open conflict with

490
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 3: her husband. The husband is making open conflict with her

491
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 3: by not standing up to him. She is being an enabler.

492
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 3: She is giving him tacit permission to continue. Is it

493
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 3: unfair she's in the middle of this along with the

494
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 3: people who got fired. Yes, in life, when unfair things

495
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 3: happen to you, though through no fault of your own character,

496
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 3: shows when you do the right thing. Absolutely no one

497
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,680
Speaker 3: did the right thing, and she still refuses to throw

498
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 3: his mess back in his face. Op's stepdad is the

499
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 3: one causing trouble. He's an ingrid piece of crap after

500
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 3: all the problems he's caused and impossible scenarios he's created,

501
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 3: to not back down and give her an out. FIM,

502
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 3: there is at least three to four other people like

503
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 3: the mom who also need to save face. He isn't

504
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 3: allowing them an out. She isn't choosing conflict. She's choosing

505
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 3: to lose the conflict rather than fight for herself. Op's

506
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 3: stepdad is a piece of crap to the highest order.

507
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 3: Asian and Chinese society is harmony and making decisions that

508
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 3: benefit the group so that everyone wins. He is sacrificing

509
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 3: the group for his own twisted sense of egotistical cute honor.

510
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

511
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 1: My mother took me off her insurance because I said

512
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: my dad was nicer.

513
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 3: Well you should have said your mom was nicer.

514
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: There's a trigger warning for emotional abuse. I twenty three

515
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: female and my mom forty nine female. I've never really

516
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,880
Speaker 1: gotten along growing up. She treated me differently from my siblings.

517
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: I'm the second oldest of four, and she was always

518
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: stricter and harsher with me. By the way, this comes

519
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: from user moist West forty two twelve, And if you

520
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the art

521
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime subburt it.

522
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon.

523
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: And we're here to give you good advice googly, But

524
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

525
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 1: we would do, So if you'd do something different, let

526
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:51,160
Speaker 1: us know in the comments. As Op says, I, if

527
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: I brought home anything less than an A, I'd get grounded.

528
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: Even one B on an assignment meant trouble. My siblings

529
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 1: never had that rule. On top of that, she always

530
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: commented on my weight, calling me the fat kid, even

531
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 1: though I was thin. She never said this to my siblings,

532
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 1: just me. As I got older, I realized she liked

533
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: getting a reaction out of me. At first, I defended myself,

534
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: but when I stopped, she escalated and even got physical.

535
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: On my eighteenth birthday, while I was still in high school,

536
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 1: she kicked me out. By then, I was already staying

537
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: with a friend most of the time just to get

538
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 1: away from her Now as an adult, I hardly speak

539
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:32,439
Speaker 1: to her again. At family events, we might exchange a

540
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: few words, but that's it. Recently, I was at my

541
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 1: sister's place and she had my mom on speakerphone. I

542
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,159
Speaker 1: was in the background talking to my brother and he

543
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: asked who I thought was nicer, Mom or Dad? Without thinking,

544
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: I said dad. My dad wasn't great either. He wasn't

545
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: around much and could be harsh, but compared to my mom,

546
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 1: he is nicer. I also talked to him more, though

547
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: not a ton. My mom overheard, asked what I said

548
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: and I repeated it. She snapped and said she'd never

549
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: speak to me again. I said, you're saying that like

550
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: it's a bad thing. Honestly, it sounds like heaven. She

551
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: didn't hang up on me, but ended the call with

552
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: my sister, who was the one talking to her. Later,

553
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: my sister texted me that my mom took me off

554
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: her insurance. I never asked her to be on it anyway.

555
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 1: She added me without telling me because it lowered her

556
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: own rate. One day, she just said, hey, I put

557
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: you on my plan. I didn't argue, but now I

558
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: see it was just another way for her to control me.

559
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 1: She's done stuff like this before, Like when I was younger,

560
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: she put my phone on her plan and shut it

561
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: off whenever she got mad. This time was the same.

562
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,479
Speaker 1: After removing me, she told my sister she thinks her

563
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 1: dad is the better parent. Let him put her on

564
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: his insurance. I never said better parent. I just said

565
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: dad was nicer. She also told my sister she hoped

566
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: my car got impounded and that she could turn it

567
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 1: off through on Star. My car is fully paid off,

568
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: so I doubt that's even possible, But the fact she

569
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 1: said it was ridiculous. I don't need her insurance anyway.

570
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,120
Speaker 1: Before she added me, I was paying for my own,

571
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: and after she removed me, I just went back to mine. Meanwhile,

572
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 1: my sister said I was too harsh and should apologize

573
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: because mom has done so much for you. I asked

574
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: what she meant, and she said, she put a roof

575
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: over your head and gave you food and clothes. That's

576
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 1: literally the bare minimum of parenting.

577
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 3: Two things.

578
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: Oh, she took care of the life she brought into

579
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 1: the world.

580
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 3: Should you neglect her child?

581
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 4: Oh?

582
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, she's a terrific parent.

583
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: My mom has gone to my grandparents and aunts saying

584
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 1: I was disrespectful and need to apologize. From my perspective,

585
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: I just answered my brother's question honestly, So Redda Am

586
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: I the a hole?

587
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 3: No?

588
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: No, but I mean like you weren't even talking to that.

589
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 2: You weren't even talking to her.

590
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 3: You're not the ahole. However, in this situation, if you

591
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 3: didn't literally bow down to your mom, she was gonna,

592
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 3: you know, get rid of anything anyway. So you know,

593
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 3: I think you just have to take this opportunity to

594
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: cut her off, you know, not necessarily like if you

595
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: want to go no contact, but like definitely lower contact

596
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,439
Speaker 3: and just be more financially independent from her.

597
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, which sounds like it is not an issue. Yeah, well,

598
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 1: let's get in these comments come at one. Is your

599
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 1: mom a registered owner on the car? If so, she

600
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: may be able to cause problems with it. If she isn't,

601
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: and even if you don't use on Star, contact them

602
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 1: and let them know to ask them if they have

603
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: the ability to notate on your car's file that your

604
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: mom is not allowed to have any information or use

605
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 1: any of the features. Ask about passwording the file. OHP says, unfortunately,

606
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 1: she is. I initially got the car from my grandparents,

607
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: and I guess when you gift a car, or at

608
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 1: least in my state, it cannot be transferred from grandparents

609
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: to grandchildren. It has to be transferred from parent to child.

610
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: So the original plan for my grandparents to sign it

611
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: over to my mom, who would then sign it over

612
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: to me. However, she never did that, probably to have

613
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 1: something to hold over my head. But yeah, unfortunately she

614
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: is registered as the owner. I'm planning on looking into

615
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: getting a new car next week just to be completely

616
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: rid of her. I'll definitely contact on Star. Comment to says,

617
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 1: your mother is mistreating you. Why have contact at all?

618
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: What does she add to your life? It's common for

619
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: narcissists to have scapegoats and golden children. Look at the

620
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: subredit raised by narcissists. I got similar abuses, being called fat,

621
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: as a skinny kid, etc. And physical and emotional abuse.

622
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: My parents haven't known where I lived for twelve years

623
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: now and have had zero contact from me. I've not

624
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: long stopped having nightmares about them finding me. Hope. He replies,

625
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: we don't really have any contact. Her number is blocked,

626
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 1: which is why she had to use my sister as

627
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: the messenger. I don't speak to her, talk to her,

628
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: or hang out with her. The only time I see

629
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: her is at family gatherings, and even then I hardly

630
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: go to those, especially if I know she's going to

631
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: be there. Comment three says objectively, your mom is an

632
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: a hole, but your sister is approaching a whole status

633
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: with her comment. You didn't ask to be born. It's

634
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: your parents' job to feed, clothe, and how's you. You

635
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: may want to remind your sister that your mom booted

636
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: you out at eighteen, and so her suggestion that a

637
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: roof over your head merits an apology is wide off

638
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: the mark. You're not the a whole, your family not

639
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: so sure. Fourth comment not the ale. All you did

640
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: was state your honest opinion about your mom, who is

641
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: an a hole. Don't take their opinion for anything. You

642
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: don't need the approval of a family in the pocket

643
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: of an abuser. And there is an update two days later.

644
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 1: I bet your mom like repoed the car or something.

645
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did something.

646
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: Over under that she reports it stolen. Seventy chance she

647
00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: says it's.

648
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 3: Stolen, wouldn't be on some sort of insurance.

649
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 4: Mom turns into a car who knows she's a Transformer.

650
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 4: Now he's from Cybertron.

651
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 1: She has the all spark.

652
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 4: But is she an autobot or a Decepticon.

653
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: She's a Decepticon two days later. Growing up with my

654
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: mom has always been difficult. She is self absorbed, controlling,

655
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: and manipulative. Her whole family has mostly tolerated it, which

656
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: made me feel like I was constantly in the wrong,

657
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: always backed into a corner. This situation helped me realize

658
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: I needed to step out of that mindset. I needed

659
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: to see my experiences from my own perspective and recognize

660
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: that my feelings and reactions are valid. For instance, talking

661
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: to my grandmother about the situation confirmed what I already knew.

662
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 1: My mom has always treated everyone poorly, not just me.

663
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 3: Oh well that's nice, it's comforting. Yeah, you know that

664
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 3: you're not the target.

665
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 4: You're not alone, No, just everybody, everyone else.

666
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: Everyone is everyone. Family members tolerate her behavior to avoid conflict,

667
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: even my younger siblings. I've always been outspoken about her

668
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: treatment of us, which has made me seem difficult, but

669
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: in reality, I've just been honest about her behavior. Yeah,

670
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: I think you're on the right track. Yeah, I think you.

671
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 3: Just have to kind of limit contact with your mom

672
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 3: and limit any kind of connection that you have with her,

673
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 3: because she's going to use that against you.

674
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's going to leverage any level of power she

675
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: has over you, legally, fiscally, emotionally. So yeah, it's time,

676
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: all that jazz, time to just like close that door

677
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: and don't look back.

678
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 3: Agreed.

679
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 1: As a result of this recent incident, I've decided to

680
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 1: go low contact with my brother. He's been influenced by

681
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: my mom and started calling and texting me with insults

682
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 1: about things I supposedly did wrong, things that only make

683
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 1: sense from her perspective. I'll probably also go low contact

684
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: with my sister, because I've realized she shares information about

685
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: my life with my mom, even after I've asked her

686
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: not to. I want to protect my boundaries and maintain

687
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: some privacy regarding my mom. I'll be moving to no contact.

688
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: I was already pretty much no contact, but also I'll

689
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: be including avoiding a family functions where she's present and

690
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: limit any other interactions so that I can protect my

691
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: mental health and break the cycle of manipulation I've experienced

692
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 1: my whole life. There are some more comments here. Comment

693
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: one says you're not wrong As for your sister, get

694
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,479
Speaker 1: her on an info diet. She can't share what she

695
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: doesn't know. That does not mean you have to stop

696
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: talking to her. Op says, Yeah, I've put my sister

697
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: on an info diet for now, I won't be talking

698
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: to her because, like most toxic, self absorbed mother's mine

699
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: as a way of turning siblings against each other, She's

700
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: managed to convince my sister that I've been talking to

701
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: her and trashing my sister behind her back, which is

702
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: insane considering my mom prides herself on supposedly avoiding my calls.

703
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 1: I never call that woman and insists she doesn't even

704
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 1: speak to me. Yesterday, my sister blew up on me

705
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: over this supposed trash talking and then immediately called my

706
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: mom to trash talk me with her, which is pretty hypocritical.

707
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: Why she believes anything my mom says is beyond me,

708
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: especially since my mom is a pathological liar. Second comment says,

709
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,439
Speaker 1: you cannot begin to heal until you pluck the splinter out.

710
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: If you leave it in the wound just keeps festering.

711
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: You've done the painful part and pulled the splinter out.

712
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: Good for you. Now focus on yourself heal, grieve if

713
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: you need to take care of yourself and love yourself.

714
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: Well done, Oh Pete true that that is the end

715
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: of this story, sam here og host. We're going to

716
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 1: get back to these stories, but here's three minutes fads

717
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

718
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 2: First, my brother is dating my cheater X and it's

719
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 2: tearing our family apart.

720
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, get.

721
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 2: Out of there, Get out of her. My ex and

722
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,760
Speaker 2: I dated for four years. We broke up in twenty

723
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 2: seventeen after she cheated on me multiple times and tried

724
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 2: to keep it a seat. The good news was that

725
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: I had my full family support. I cut her off

726
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 2: and life was fine. By the way, this comes from

727
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 2: a username, and if you want to submit your own stories,

728
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 2: go to the hour slash Okay, story Time, Separate It

729
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 2: And I'm Angie and I'm Savannah and we're here to

730
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 2: give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have all the answers,

731
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 2: so we're just gonna guess what we would do in

732
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 2: this situation. Let us know what you would do in

733
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: the comments. So Op says, fast forward to June of

734
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 2: this year and I get dropped with a bombshell from

735
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 2: my brother who's two years younger than me. He's now

736
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 2: seeing my ex. They ran into each other at a

737
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 2: bar and supposedly hit it off and went from there.

738
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 2: Apparently she's a totally new person now or something, and

739
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 2: my brother wants me to try and be understanding. Luckily

740
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 2: for me, I don't live in the same state anymore,

741
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 2: so I haven't been forced with making a decision on

742
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 2: seeing them. However, my parents called the other day and

743
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 2: asked about my holiday plans at the end of the year.

744
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 2: They said that my brother and my ex his girlfriend

745
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 2: will be invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas if they want

746
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 2: to come. I absolutely won't stand for it and don't

747
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 2: want to see her, and now my family is upset

748
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 2: at me. Am I completely insane. I'm losing my mind here.

749
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 2: We have some comments, though common nuber one. It's their house.

750
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 2: They can invite her, but you don't have to attend.

751
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,279
Speaker 2: They should respect your position in not being interested in

752
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 2: exposing yourself to that. That's fine for the short term.

753
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 2: What if they marry and become a permanent fixture. Has

754
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 2: she reached out to you and to try to patch

755
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,240
Speaker 2: things up on a personal level. I bet she hasn't

756
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 2: she wronged you, and there is almost certainly unfinished issues

757
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 2: between you. This cannot come from someone acting on her behalf.

758
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 2: It must come from her directly. Accept no envoys acting

759
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 2: on her behalf. If she has changed, then she can

760
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 2: clean up the mess she left in my experienced people,

761
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 2: your family will try to smooth things over, but she

762
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 2: will not. That's how you know that she hasn't really

763
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,399
Speaker 2: changed or improved. That's how you know it's the right

764
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 2: thing to stay. Let them play happy families without hurting

765
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 2: you with an unrepentant and unreformed cheater fan firm on this.

766
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 2: If it's a multi year issue, example, she hasn't already

767
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 2: cheated on him and split up, decide what she would

768
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 2: do to redeem herself to the point that you can

769
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 2: stand being in the room with her. Then insists that

770
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 2: she does it before you will attend anything involving her.

771
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 2: Once a cheater, almost always defective, Opie says, to answer

772
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 2: one of your questions, she has supposedly wanted to reach

773
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: out to me, but I completely cut her off and

774
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 2: blocked her number and have made it clear to never

775
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 2: contact me again. I have reiterated this to my family.

776
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 2: As for if it's a multi year thing. My head

777
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 2: hurts thinking about it. I didn't find out about her

778
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 2: cheating until year four. Feels impossible for me to ever

779
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 2: think of regaining trust in her in any capacity.

780
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: You know?

781
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,359
Speaker 2: Someone else responds, she wants to talk to you so

782
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 2: that she can check a little box in her head

783
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 2: that says, see, he's okay, so I'm not so bad

784
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 2: after all. You can allow that or not at your

785
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 2: own whim. In my opinion, you should skip the holidays.

786
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 2: What are the odds is she's really a changed person

787
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 2: in her and your brothers aren't broken up in one

788
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 2: to two years. They're asking you to rip open your

789
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 2: wounds for what is almost surely a temporary relationship. Comment

790
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 2: number two of this comment is downvoted. You were not insane,

791
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 2: But I will say this, Does she matter to you anymore?

792
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 2: If not, then who cares? People? Don't change. Your brother

793
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 2: will find out soon enough what the deal is. Don't

794
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:20,400
Speaker 2: let it bother you. It's not worth your energy. Opie says, No,

795
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 2: she doesn't matter, but my family does. I hope I'll

796
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 2: never have to use past tense. The biggest difficulty is

797
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: my relationship with my brother. I don't know if betrayal

798
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 2: is the accurate word to describe my feelings, but that's

799
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 2: what hurts more. We do have an update. First off,

800
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 2: I want to thank all of you who responded in

801
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 2: the original thread and motivated me to have a long

802
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,359
Speaker 2: and uncomfortable conversation with my family last night. I'm going

803
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 2: to try my best to summarize the details and feelings

804
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: of my family as I decide what to do from here. Brother,

805
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 2: so we did a bit of a deep dive into

806
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 2: the relationship. Essentially, they met at a bar at the

807
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 2: beginning of the year. She sought him out, recognized him,

808
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: and approached him. She said she had wanted to apologize

809
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 2: to me for the longest time, but I was no

810
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 2: contact with her, so it didn't work. She basically apologized

811
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,879
Speaker 2: to me through my brother, but he didn't really want

812
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 2: to get in the middle. For some unknown reason, they

813
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 2: just kept talking and catching up, and I guess they

814
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 2: just instantly hinded off. Supposedly, she has been going to

815
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,760
Speaker 2: therapy and hates who she was then and the things

816
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 2: she did. So they exchanged numbers and it all went

817
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 2: from there. He keeps trying to tell me that I

818
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 2: would think she's a different person if I gave her

819
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 2: a chance, still have no desire to do so, I

820
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 2: asked if I ever get brought up, and supposedly they

821
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: don't talk about it much because she's ashamed of who

822
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 2: she was. Then uh, again, this is all from his perspective,

823
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 2: so who knows what's real and what's rose colored. We

824
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 2: basically ended with him saying he's happy and he's sorry

825
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,319
Speaker 2: for how crappy of a position this puts me in,

826
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 2: but to just try and give her and them a shot,

827
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,760
Speaker 2: and we're gonna go into the mom But I it's

828
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,919
Speaker 2: I have a lot of thoughts on that one too.

829
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 2: I just like, don't I don't know, I if she

830
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,280
Speaker 2: wants to patch things up, like if she believes that like, oh, okay,

831
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 2: I you know, am in love with your brother. He's

832
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 2: the one for me. Blah blah blah, I see me

833
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 2: being with him. Then you have to recognize who you

834
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 2: were before if you have changed mm hmmm, which a doubt,

835
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,240
Speaker 2: but you know, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Sure,

836
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: you have to acknowledge what you did in the past,

837
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 2: and you can't just apologize through someone else. You know,

838
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 2: you have to go up to that person, even if

839
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: they don't want it if they are, like you know,

840
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 2: cause I in that situation, like if my ass came

841
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 2: up to me, no way, absolutely no way, would there

842
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 2: ever be a conversation. Would there ever be like a

843
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: face to face like no, like you know what you

844
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 2: did and that's it, and if you want to go

845
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 2: and do this, leave me out of it. But like

846
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 2: now you're going to my family, Like, no, that's not okay.

847
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 2: I I don't like that exactly. Yeah, what I don't

848
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 2: like is that he's trying to convince Opie that she's

849
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,879
Speaker 2: a different person and ask for her to be given

850
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 2: a chance, but not so that she can start dating

851
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 2: op again, and so she like that's just such a

852
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 2: weird thing of like, Okay, I'm being asked to forgive

853
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: my ex for what she did to me, not so

854
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 2: that we can give it another shot, and I don't

855
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,439
Speaker 2: not so I can give her a chance to try

856
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 2: things again with me, but now to try things with

857
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: my brother. That's just weird. It's just weird. That's it's

858
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 2: very very weird. And also I just don't really like

859
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 2: the whole Like I don't know, if I didn't like

860
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 2: your your brother, I probably wouldn't like your.

861
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 3: Brother like, I don't you know, I don't know.

862
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 2: If I didn't like you, I probably won't like your brother.

863
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 2: I'm just I don't know. You do not have to

864
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 2: keep it in the family. Yeah, exactly the conversation with

865
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 2: my mom for context. My mother is a very religious person,

866
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 2: but in my opinion, she represents the best of religion.

867
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 2: She's kind, generous, thoughtful, and all that good stuff. But

868
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 2: she's also very forgiving, and I think that's where the

869
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:52,240
Speaker 2: issue is here. This was the hardest conversation. She admitted

870
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 2: she had reservations, but searched within herself to try and

871
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 2: find forgiveness. If it was meant to be so, she

872
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: was willing to give it a shot, and she's been

873
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 2: happy with the two of them. It seems like they're

874
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 2: doing all the right things in her eyes, to earn

875
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 2: that forgiveness. She started crying, which eats me up, and

876
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 2: talked about not wanting to see her family torn up

877
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 2: and to try and see if I can find it

878
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: within myself to give this a shot. She said if

879
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 2: I couldn't, that I'd always be her son, and a

880
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 2: lot of other motherly stuff that hit me in the gut.

881
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 2: I felt like crap. After but I had to talk

882
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 2: to my dad, so I powered through. As for Dad,

883
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 2: he's kind of always been the if mom's happy, then

884
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 2: I'm happy type of mindset. Not much has really changed,

885
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 2: he said. He knows it's a tough situation, but to

886
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 2: see if I can find a way to give it

887
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 2: a shot. Yeah, I'm glad we're having these conversations. At

888
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 2: least it's true seeing how everyone else is feeling. Yeah,

889
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 2: because it's just it's a weird situation. But also like

890
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 2: to hear, like if I were to have this conversation,

891
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: like if I were Opie and I were to have

892
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 2: this conversation with my firshault, this would never happen in

893
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,960
Speaker 2: my family, right, everyone hates the same people in my No,

894
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,399
Speaker 2: there would never be an issue on that because one

895
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,800
Speaker 2: thing we can all agree on. So like I think,

896
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 2: like if if I were to put myself in this

897
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 2: situation and my mom would be like, I think we

898
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 2: just need to give her another chance and stuff, I

899
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 2: that would rub me the wrong way, cause then it's like,

900
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 2: didn't you see what happened to me? Didn't you see

901
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 2: me go through all of that? Don't you not want

902
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 2: that for me or your other son? Like, you know, yeah, no, absolutely,

903
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 2: and it's just like it's not even just like that

904
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 2: this is gonna be a problem in this moment too.

905
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 2: It's like, this is gonna be a problem, something uncomfortable

906
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,919
Speaker 2: whenever you like hit milestones, because then I'm gonna remember

907
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 2: hitting those milestones with her, and then I'm gonna remember

908
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 2: how confused and betrayed I felt thinking that she was

909
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 2: cheating on me that whole time, you know exactly. So yeah, Luckily,

910
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 2: my dad said if it isn't something I can do,

911
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 2: then we can do something separate from my brother and

912
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 2: his girlfriend for the holidays. My mom is hurt about

913
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 2: the idea, but he said he'd get her to come

914
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,359
Speaker 2: around to make sure that they get to see both

915
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 2: of their sons in some way. So while it was

916
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 2: nice to talk and learn more, I still feel stuck

917
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 2: in the situation. I don't mind going back home and

918
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 2: doing something separate, but not sure if we can dance

919
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 2: around the elephant in the room. I told them I'd

920
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 2: think about my decision and let them know in a

921
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 2: couple of weeks. I hope this helps, and if you

922
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 2: have more ideas, I'll take them. Thanks guys, And there

923
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 2: are some comments. Comming number one says, sorry, Ope, that stings.

924
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 2: Long story short, Your family has chosen the one who

925
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 2: cheated on you over you. Someone else responds, why is

926
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 2: the mother the one who is trying to forgive Opie's

927
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 2: cheating X, She's not even the victim. Mother has a

928
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 2: clear bias on which kid she likes, and it's not op.

929
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: Someone else responds, sounds more like they have two sons

930
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 2: and just want them around for the holidays, preferably altogether.

931
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 2: But they're willing to be like the two Christmas kids

932
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 2: to their son's role as the divorce. Just go make

933
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: it super awkward for your bro and X as you

934
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:55,879
Speaker 2: wonder aloud if she tastes any different in the Yule

935
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 2: log crazy, don't say that, coppeture, that's crazy. You only

936
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: got one life. Don't hold on to anger, don't take

937
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 2: everything as a mortal wound. Um And yeah, Op doesn't

938
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 2: respond to any of these. And that's the end of

939
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 2: this story. We're gonna go on to the next one.

940
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 2: I cut ties with my cheating father. Now my brother

941
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 2: is furious. Does he not understand since I thirty five

942
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 2: female was a baby, my father sixty seven male has

943
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 2: never changed his philandering ways. I have grown up seen

944
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 2: my mother and father's toxic relationship, yet my mother never

945
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 2: kicked him out for all the thirty six years of

946
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 2: marriage with my father being unfaithful. By the way, this

947
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 2: comes from you throw away seventeen and if you would

948
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,840
Speaker 2: like to submit your own stories, you can go to

949
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 2: the Okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah and I'm Angie,

950
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 2: and we're here to give you some good advice. Goofully.

951
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 2: But obviously we are not professionals. We're just telling you

952
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 2: what we would do in this situation, so take it

953
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,919
Speaker 2: with a grain of salt. All right, let's get back

954
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 2: to OP. I have been in countless therapy sessions as

955
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,479
Speaker 2: an adult due to depression cause by this my mom

956
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 2: has been keeping it strong and has only her friend

957
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 2: and I to talk to for support. Last week, my

958
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: father royally messed up by accidentally going on Facebook live

959
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 2: with his new mistress and see through very sheer clothing.

960
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 2: Oh god. This was viewed by my sister in law,

961
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 2: my cousins on both parents' sides, my mother's coworker who

962
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: they're friends with, and many other people in his friends list,

963
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 2: including me who lives overseas. I was so heartbroken, angry, sad,

964
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 2: and to be honest, quite feeling vengeful. For the past

965
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 2: few days, I screenshot her image on his Facebook to

966
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 2: send to him and confront him, as well as telling

967
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 2: him that I am cutting ties with him, practically saying

968
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 2: that he has now passed away to me. My brother,

969
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 2: twenty nine male, found out from my mother, whom I

970
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 2: have been in close contact with for emotional support, that

971
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,320
Speaker 2: I have cut ties with my father and was furious

972
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 2: because he thinks that family is family no matter what.

973
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: I told him that my mother doesn't deserve us sticking

974
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 2: with our father, what with all the pain he has

975
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 2: caused her, and it's about time for someone to stand

976
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 2: up for our mother. I love my brother, but I

977
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 2: want to make him understand that what I did is

978
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:35,000
Speaker 2: for my own mental health as well as for my mother's,

979
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: as well as to at least reclaim some of the

980
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 2: dignity caused by my father's shameful act. He has comment

981
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 2: Number one, your brother sees how your father behaved, yet

982
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 2: after thirty six years, he's still married to your mother.

983
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 2: This is how your brother thinks successful relationships work, and

984
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 2: he doesn't want you rocking the boat just replied, he

985
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 2: sees OP as the root cause of the problem, because

986
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,479
Speaker 2: in his mind, the problem is OP causing a fuss.

987
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,240
Speaker 2: He doesn't see the dad's cheating as a problem. Comment

988
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 2: number two. Your brother doesn't have to understand it. You

989
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 2: can't really make people agree with you, but you don't

990
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 2: have to. You can just tell him I'm not going

991
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:14,280
Speaker 2: to hurt myself for somebody else, even if they are family.

992
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,439
Speaker 2: If you don't understand that, that's okay. But I don't

993
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,399
Speaker 2: want to discuss it with you if you're only going

994
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 2: to try to make me feel bad. If you think

995
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 2: family is family no matter what, then I expect you

996
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 2: to be supportive of me your family. And if you

997
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 2: think family is not family no matter what, then you

998
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 2: might start to understand why I had to do this.

999
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 2: The point is set boundaries so you can get along

1000
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: with your brother without feeling bad, without falling into the

1001
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 2: same track he did. He thinks he should get to

1002
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 2: change your view. He can present his view, but you

1003
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 2: get to decide for yourself and he should respect that.

1004
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 2: While setting boundaries so that you don't feel bad when

1005
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 2: you interact with each other, which might mean agreeing not

1006
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 2: to discuss.

1007
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:56,240
Speaker 1: This issue together.

1008
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:00,080
Speaker 2: Further so, going to comment number three, there is this

1009
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 2: thing that my mother in law, who is in the

1010
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 2: mental health field, told me what others think of me

1011
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: is none of my business. It might seem like an

1012
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 2: odd thing to say in this instance, but hear me out.

1013
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,879
Speaker 2: You will never truly be able to change what others

1014
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 2: think of you, and it's not really your place to

1015
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 2: because their thoughts are their own and yours or your own.

1016
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 2: Let your brother think when you will, let him be

1017
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 2: the one on the outer stand firm. If you feel

1018
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 2: the need to say anything, just point out that you

1019
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 2: haven't done anything that your father hasn't already done on

1020
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 2: his own, and that pointing out that you were the

1021
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 2: only one to finally say something doesn't make you the perpetrator.

1022
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 2: He needs to deal with it in his own way.

1023
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 2: And maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with what your

1024
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 2: father is doing because he has grown up with it

1025
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: going on, and now that someone has pointed out that

1026
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:48,920
Speaker 2: it's unacceptable, his world has been racked. You need time

1027
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 2: to deal with what your father did, and I am

1028
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 2: sure it wouldn't be easy for you to deal with

1029
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 2: your own feelings while also assisting your mother to do

1030
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 2: the same. But what your father did must surely be

1031
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 2: a double edge sword for your mother because the added

1032
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 2: embarrassment of him posting it on Facebook for the world

1033
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 2: to see. So I think you and your mother should

1034
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 2: seek some counseling to help you through all this. Agreed, Yep,

1035
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 2: give your brother some time to work through all of

1036
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 2: this on his own. Try to talk to him again

1037
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 2: when the wound is not as fresh. Update. Oh, let's

1038
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 2: do it. Thank you redditors for your support and kind words. Yes,

1039
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 2: my brother seems like he has also taken after my

1040
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:29,240
Speaker 2: father's lifestyle. My brother's ex saw the video as well

1041
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 2: of my father and knew that I would need someone

1042
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 2: to talk to as she was like a sisternamy. We

1043
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 2: have been friends for so many years. Even after their breakup,

1044
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 2: she told me about the reason why they broke up,

1045
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 2: and now it made total sense. My brother was not

1046
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 2: loyal to her either for the past five years that

1047
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 2: they were together. She broke up with him after he

1048
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 2: cheated on her the second time. My home country does

1049
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 2: not have divorce, only annulment that is available, and it

1050
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 2: is quite long, tedious and expensive. Unfortunately, my father still

1051
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 2: lives with my mother, thus will not be sitting home ever.

1052
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 2: I found out that my father had two mistresses, and

1053
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,320
Speaker 2: out of anger, I sent the screenshot of my father's

1054
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 2: live video of Side Chick one to side chick number two.

1055
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 2: I told both women that I promise not to tell

1056
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 2: their husbands and children if they return any gift of

1057
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,240
Speaker 2: value that my father has given them and hand it

1058
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,439
Speaker 2: to my mother to make sure that she can sell

1059
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: or pawn them. Haha, Okay, that's a way to do it.

1060
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, she's like, listen, she did like the

1061
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 2: Reynolds pamphlet literally and you can keep seeing. Yeah, she's

1062
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 2: like literally blackmailing them, you know, just keep just letting

1063
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 2: keep the money, right. I was able to track mistresses

1064
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 2: famili's info. Ah. Needless to say, my father is now

1065
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 2: also in hot water with both mistresses, aside from my mother,

1066
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 2: who is now only keeping him in the house so

1067
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 2: long as he gives her all of his retirement money

1068
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 2: as payback for all the pain has cased. As crushed

1069
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 2: as I am, I've done such, I am happy to

1070
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 2: at least see my father in this dilemma I have

1071
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 2: created for him. I've told my brother my reasons and

1072
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 2: told him that I understand his position, but that is

1073
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,280
Speaker 2: not going to change my decision about me cutting ties

1074
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 2: with my father. There is another update, But what thoughts?

1075
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 2: What are we thinking? Oh Bi, I think you're so petty,

1076
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 2: but I really like what you did. I usually don't like,

1077
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: you know, those petty responses and stuff, but honestly, like

1078
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 2: he deserved it. Yeah, he totally deserved it. And because

1079
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 2: because really I feel like you would probably want to

1080
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,959
Speaker 2: do that anyway of like if you if your mom

1081
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 2: didn't know, for instance, like you would want your mom

1082
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 2: to know and you would tell him like okay, dude,

1083
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 2: you tell her, you tell her or I do you know?

1084
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 2: And so you're kind of just doing that with the

1085
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 2: other mistress. Obviously you don't have the same obligation to

1086
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 2: them as you would your mom. But like still, it's

1087
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 2: like you're really just you know, you're you're advertising his

1088
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 2: his work, So you're really just like which he was

1089
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 2: already advertising by live literally yeah, those so crazy, Like

1090
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 2: what did you would you want to have happened? Yeah?

1091
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 2: Like he literally did it to himself and you just

1092
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 2: like literally got him the views that he wanted, right,

1093
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 2: and you're just like reaping the benefits now with all

1094
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 2: this other Ste's like Okay, give a mom the money. Yeah, exactly,

1095
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:22,360
Speaker 2: all right, back to what Opie has said. I have

1096
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 2: also advised my mother to seek actual professional help, as

1097
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 2: my mental health is not at a good spot since

1098
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 2: I have been her sounding board for so many years now,

1099
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,719
Speaker 2: which is hard otherwise. I asked her if she can

1100
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 2: speak to her sisters about it, as I am not

1101
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 2: mentally and emotionally equipped to handle this anymore. I have

1102
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 2: also blocked my father from all social media contacts and

1103
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 2: from contacting my children, eight and twelve year old girls.

1104
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:50,280
Speaker 2: My boyfriend has been with me throughout this entire ordeal

1105
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 2: and has been very supportive of me and my decision.

1106
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 2: He was also my voice of reason and talked me

1107
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,839
Speaker 2: out of my recklessness. So as to not contact any

1108
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 2: more of my father's miss is to avoid further pain

1109
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 2: on my side. It's like, but I won't revenge. Yeah,

1110
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 2: that's actually larious. But there's only three more I have

1111
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,239
Speaker 2: to like figure out, hold me back, hold me back.

1112
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 2: I gotta talk to these mistresses. Oh my god, that's

1113
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 2: so that's that's it's not funny, but you know, think

1114
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 2: of it making light of a situation. I led him

1115
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 2: a terrible that's pretty funny. Right, All right, here's some comments.

1116
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: Comment one, did you confront your brother on his cheating?

1117
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 2: OHP responds, Yes, I did. He said he and his

1118
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 2: ex were working two different schedules and they drifted apart,

1119
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 2: that he never meant to have a lapse in judgment.

1120
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,919
Speaker 2: I called his bus and told him that his ex

1121
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 2: was lucky to have gotten out of their relationship before

1122
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 2: they even married.

1123
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 1: She was a.

1124
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 2: Wonderful girlfriend and cared for my family genuinely. He married

1125
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: the girl he cheated on her with. I barely talked

1126
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,480
Speaker 2: to her, and she knew that I never liked her.

1127
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 2: Because I found it fishy that my brother has one

1128
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 2: moved on so quickly, and to propose less than a

1129
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 2: year of them together, I knew something was fishy. Yeah.

1130
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 2: I openly call his ex sister and her child with

1131
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 2: her new husband niece. His wife hates it because she

1132
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 2: wants me to call her sister, to which I refuse

1133
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 2: because we never had a bond to begin with anyway.

1134
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 2: Common number two, good for you feel free toy cut

1135
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 2: out the toxic brother too. Sounds as if he is

1136
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,719
Speaker 2: headed down the same path, so why allow him around

1137
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 2: your children? Avoid all the toxicity? Oh pe responds, I

1138
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,719
Speaker 2: only talk to my mother now, as far as I'm concerned,

1139
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 2: I only have one family member now and that is

1140
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,799
Speaker 2: my mother. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out

1141
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 2: with your brother, right, but it seems like he's just

1142
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:51,120
Speaker 2: going down the same path. So obviously, honestly, if if

1143
00:55:51,160 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 2: it took you, what like the thirty six years of

1144
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 2: like doing it with a dad, like, if you it's honestly,

1145
00:55:57,239 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 2: you shouldn't have to wait another thirty six years if

1146
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 2: it's gonna be this same exact thing, you know right,

1147
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 2: just a different person doing the same thing to you,

1148
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 2: you know right. I feel like you have the opportunity,

1149
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 2: you know the signs, you know what you want in

1150
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 2: your life and what you don't exactly.

1151
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 1: Oh and that is the end, Hey is John Ogi host.

1152
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:14,839
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

1153
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 1: three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1154
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:23,240
Speaker 2: My boyfriend cheated with an escort while I'm pregnant. Oh leave,

1155
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. And this comes directly from the r

1156
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime separate it. So this is one of

1157
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:33,280
Speaker 2: our own out there. I twenty five female, am pregnant

1158
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 2: with by my boyfriend. Twenty eight male let's call him Junior.

1159
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 2: Last October, before our little week long trip to California

1160
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:43,439
Speaker 2: from the East Coast, while on the plane, I made

1161
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 2: a joke about him cheating. I meant nothing serious by it,

1162
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 2: but when I looked at his face, I saw guilt.

1163
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,200
Speaker 2: I pressed the matter, and while we were on our

1164
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 2: second flight, he confessed to me that he had slept

1165
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 2: with the Lady of the night a few weeks prior.

1166
00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 2: Oh boy, like legit cash for a spicy sleep. By

1167
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Radiance Shoulder sixteen ninety one,

1168
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1169
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay, storytime separatedit. I'm Angie and

1170
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,640
Speaker 2: I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice goofy,

1171
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

1172
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 2: guess what we would do in this situation. So let

1173
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments. So

1174
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 2: Opie says, I now had to spend a week with

1175
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 2: this man stuck in California doing activities with his family

1176
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 2: while we worked out logistics. I forgave him because I'm

1177
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 2: not about to hold that hate in my heart. We

1178
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 2: decided to work on a relationship and move forward. Moving

1179
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 2: on to January of this year, his mom let her

1180
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 2: friend host a mini sweet sixteen for her daughter at

1181
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:43,120
Speaker 2: my boyfriend's house. Long story with that living arrangement. While

1182
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 2: I was in my boyfriend's room just chillin', the birthday

1183
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 2: girl and her twenty year old cousin went up to

1184
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 2: my boyfriend and asked him if he wanted her hmmm.

1185
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 2: Immediately he was like, that's disrespectful, as f my girlfriend

1186
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 2: is here, blah blah blah ah. Then he came and

1187
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 2: told me, of course I wanted to fight, but my

1188
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 2: boyfriend and I just stayed in his room for the

1189
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 2: rest of the night and watched a movie. The next day,

1190
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 2: I made it clear that I was going to talk

1191
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:13,880
Speaker 2: to this girl and his mom with the help of

1192
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 2: his older sister. They all speak Spanish. While gearing up

1193
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 2: to talk to everyone, his sister and I found out

1194
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,440
Speaker 2: that his mom had been making her friends and her

1195
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 2: friend's cousin comfortable with the idea that they could go

1196
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 2: after two sons, my boyfriend and his brother, who at

1197
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 2: the time was just beginning to separate from his wife.

1198
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 2: To this day, they're still married, separated but married. I

1199
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 2: told my boyfriend. The only logical conclusion was that the

1200
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,919
Speaker 2: girl who tried to get at him couldn't come over.

1201
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 2: No more parties could be hosted there, and his mom's

1202
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:48,160
Speaker 2: friends needed to dress more appropriately when they came over.

1203
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 2: He agreed, His sister told his mom what's up, and

1204
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:54,919
Speaker 2: she lost it on them. At the end of the day,

1205
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 2: I got what I wanted. For like a month, the

1206
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 2: offender moved out of her cousin's house, the friends stopped

1207
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,160
Speaker 2: hanging out, and for a while they would dress appropriately

1208
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 2: if they came over. By the way, his mom is

1209
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,760
Speaker 2: like in her sixties and these friends are mid thirties

1210
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 2: to early forties. After this, hanging out at his house

1211
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,880
Speaker 2: just became toxic. I didn't want to be disrespectful towards

1212
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 2: his mom, but I'm the type of person who will

1213
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 2: cut significant people out of my life very quickly out

1214
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 2: of respect. I just say hello and goodbye when I

1215
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 2: see her, but I never start a conversation. With this

1216
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 2: turnaround and us working on trust, things between my boyfriend

1217
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,479
Speaker 2: and I seemed better. A few weeks later, I found

1218
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 2: out that I was pregnant, and we were both excited

1219
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 2: for context. Junior works out of state during the week

1220
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 2: and comes home on the weekends. From February to August,

1221
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 2: we took turns traveling back and forth seeing each other.

1222
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 2: Around mid August, my pregnancy hormones got really strong and

1223
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 2: I started to feel very territorial. We share locations have

1224
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:52,959
Speaker 2: been since our first year of dating, currently going on four.

1225
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 2: I didn't see him going anywhere hot Sometimes he'd grab

1226
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 2: dinner with his bosses, but he'd always FaceTime me before

1227
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 2: they ate and again and he got back to his hotel.

1228
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:03,320
Speaker 2: But of course, in the back of my mind, it

1229
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 2: kept thinking about how he had slept with the lady

1230
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 2: of the night and I didn't know it. I chalked

1231
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 2: my feelings up to pregnancy and decided to keep moving forward. Eventually,

1232
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: Junior told me that he was tired of working far

1233
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 2: away and wanted to be home with the baby and me.

1234
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 2: He let me know that he told his boss come

1235
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:20,000
Speaker 2: the end of September he would be taking two months

1236
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,280
Speaker 2: off to get ready for the birth of his first child,

1237
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 2: which brings me to where we are today. Last Friday

1238
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 2: was Junior's last day. Turns out that on Sunday, his

1239
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,200
Speaker 2: mom's friends were moving out of her home so she

1240
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 2: could move back into her own home and out of

1241
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 2: Junior's home. Don't get too caught up on the living arrangements.

1242
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 2: Got it at the end of the day. His mom

1243
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 2: is currently moving out of Junior's home back into her own.

1244
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 2: I felt so much relief and stress leave my body.

1245
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 2: Junior and I talked and figured out plans for the baby,

1246
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,000
Speaker 2: made lists of things we needed to get this week,

1247
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:55,760
Speaker 2: and started getting our hospital back together. At this point,

1248
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 2: I am two weeks away from my due date.

1249
01:00:58,080 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 1: Well.

1250
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 2: On Sunday morning, I woke up very early to be

1251
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:06,120
Speaker 2: I was spending the weekend at Junior's house and for

1252
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 2: some reason something came over me to go through his phone.

1253
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 2: Say what you want, but we both have each other's passwords.

1254
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 2: We both use each other's phones to watch videos on

1255
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 2: the toilet. I went to his photo app to recently

1256
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 2: delete it, and what did I find? A screenshot of

1257
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 2: him talking to some woman who was calling him baby.

1258
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 2: The conversation was very short. He said talk to you soon,

1259
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 2: She said okay, babe. He asked if she was busy

1260
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 2: if he could call her. She said yes and sent

1261
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 2: him a number. He tried to FaceTime her. It didn't work,

1262
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:37,120
Speaker 2: and that was all of the screenshot that I saw.

1263
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 2: I sent the screenshot to myself. I re downloaded his

1264
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:43,720
Speaker 2: Snapchat and Instagram. On Snapchat, I found conversations he was

1265
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 2: having with women towards the beginning of us dating. He

1266
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:50,760
Speaker 2: was messaging women in July. We first met in April,

1267
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 2: had our first date a few weeks after that, and

1268
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 2: didn't make it exclusive until August. The only reason I

1269
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 2: had a problem with this was because when I asked

1270
01:01:57,680 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 2: him if he was talking to anyone else, he said no.

1271
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:02,480
Speaker 2: In fact, he said a few days after he met me,

1272
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 2: he met some women at a bar, but they didn't

1273
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: really hit it off. So why lie? We weren't exclusive

1274
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 2: in July, so just be honest. In these snapchat conversations,

1275
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 2: he was talking about paying for hotel rooms and how

1276
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:17,919
Speaker 2: these women looked on Instagram that was a different thing,

1277
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 2: and his dms, his friend and him would send videos

1278
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,200
Speaker 2: back and forth of women who didn't look like me

1279
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 2: at all. These were dated around a year after we

1280
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 2: started dating exclusively. Seeing how they talked on Instagram, I

1281
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,840
Speaker 2: wondered what their eye messages looked like. His friends would

1282
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,440
Speaker 2: send him random pictures of women walking on the street

1283
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 2: or say things like I just meant this bad thing,

1284
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 2: and Juneior would respond with things like let me pull

1285
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:47,920
Speaker 2: up that's what I'm looking for my DMS, or scrumptious

1286
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 2: that one gave me a little bit of a nick

1287
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 2: taking pictures of random women on the street. Yeah, sending

1288
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 2: it to your buzz that's crazy. Yeah. I mean, okay,

1289
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 2: if I saw like a cute guy and I'm like,

1290
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 2: oh my God, like you Yeah, okay, wait, maybe maybe

1291
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 2: I would like, wait, like how cute, but also like

1292
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 2: it's just weird. I don't know. They just don't seem

1293
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 2: to be very respectful of these weeks and when men

1294
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:15,280
Speaker 2: do it, yeah, to weird. When women, when I'm in

1295
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:19,320
Speaker 2: the picture, it's harmless, Yeah, do it in a respectful way.

1296
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 2: But yeah. Also Junior would say things like, yeah, I'm

1297
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:27,520
Speaker 2: gonna come over because this is what I've been looking for. Yeah,

1298
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:31,959
Speaker 2: that's been crazy. Yeah for a year. I mean at

1299
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 2: this point, yeah, they're going on four years or happened

1300
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 2: like four years yeah exactly, And this was their first

1301
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 2: year of dating. And he's like, oh, like, that's what

1302
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 2: I'm looking for my DMS, Like why are you looking

1303
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 2: for anything in your DA exactly? And they're sending like

1304
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 2: women sending like pictures and videos of women that don't

1305
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,880
Speaker 2: even look like Opete. That's another level of heartbreaking. Yeah,

1306
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,280
Speaker 2: I'm sure that they and they're probably like, you know,

1307
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 2: bikini or like swimsuit. I'm sure like that are not covered.

1308
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 2: I know that, I'm sure. At this point he was awake.

1309
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 2: I gave him his phone and started gathering my things

1310
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:10,480
Speaker 2: to leave. The only thing he knew I knew about

1311
01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:12,680
Speaker 2: was the screenshot of him talking to the Lady of

1312
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:15,280
Speaker 2: the Night. He explained that he saw this woman at

1313
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:17,800
Speaker 2: his hotel and she looked familiar. She looked like a

1314
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 2: lady from the Lady of the Night website that he

1315
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:23,160
Speaker 2: had visited in the past. He cheated on me in Atlanta,

1316
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 2: this current situation was in Virginia, but I let him continue.

1317
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 2: He proceeded to say that he then went on the website,

1318
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 2: saw her and reached out to her, but nothing happened.

1319
01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 2: I said, I forgive you for the hurt that you

1320
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 2: just caused me. I need to leave. I left, and

1321
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:40,919
Speaker 2: we haven't spoken about it since. At this point, I'm

1322
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 2: thirty seven weeks and three days pregnant. I've been pregnant

1323
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:48,560
Speaker 2: for two hundred and sixty two days. We've had conversations

1324
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:54,360
Speaker 2: about our wants for the baby, placenta encapsulation exclusively, breastfeeding him,

1325
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,439
Speaker 2: staying at my house over night for the first month

1326
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 2: to help me with postpartum, the baby taking his last name.

1327
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 2: I've have strong beliefs that if you're not married, the

1328
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,720
Speaker 2: baby gets the mom's last name. This was something we

1329
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 2: talked about, and he convinced me that he was serious

1330
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:10,440
Speaker 2: about marriage. I told him he could propose at anytime,

1331
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:12,880
Speaker 2: but I'd want to get married after the baby comes,

1332
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:15,400
Speaker 2: so i'd have time to heal and make this decision

1333
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 2: fully without all the hormones in me, just all this stuff. Now,

1334
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 2: I just feel betrayed and angry. Please don't marry this man,

1335
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:27,360
Speaker 2: O'll be Yeah, don't don't marry this man because what

1336
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 2: you've already been cheated on him, or he cheated on

1337
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 2: you once already and you forgave him. Yeah, and now

1338
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,479
Speaker 2: he's just doing it again, so like obviously he didn't

1339
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:38,920
Speaker 2: learn his lessons, Like you know, I could see it,

1340
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 2: like I don't tolerate any cheating, So like if someone

1341
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:43,240
Speaker 2: were to cheat, I'd be like, okay, cool, go be

1342
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:47,000
Speaker 2: with them, Like what, Yeah, why I'm going like, cool,

1343
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 2: then we don't need to be a thing. Like I

1344
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 2: don't want an open relationship. I would rather just be

1345
01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 2: explosive and just not have to worry about It's hard

1346
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 2: to worry about one person, let alone like five, right, Well,

1347
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,720
Speaker 2: like literally, I don't I don't need that, especially when

1348
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 2: his stories are changing too. It's like, yeah, well that

1349
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 2: means that we're lying. That just is what it means. Yeah,

1350
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:11,680
Speaker 2: it's not adding up. And also I don't think that

1351
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 2: he really even is like sorry about it. Yeah, doesn't

1352
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:17,680
Speaker 2: seem like he's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

1353
01:06:17,760 --> 01:06:21,080
Speaker 2: I'll change, Like I mean just like, oh, that person

1354
01:06:21,160 --> 01:06:24,680
Speaker 2: looks like someone that I messaged looking for a night

1355
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 2: of fun, you know. Yeah, Like he just never really

1356
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,040
Speaker 2: he doesn't seem like he has any remorse for what

1357
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:33,040
Speaker 2: he's done. He's just like, oh, yeah, like that happens. Sorry,

1358
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 2: not even sorry, just oh yeah that happened. Like ohay,

1359
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:38,919
Speaker 2: there is a little bit more to the story. I'm

1360
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 2: trying really hard to think about all of this because

1361
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,040
Speaker 2: I don't want to go into labor early. I don't

1362
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:46,560
Speaker 2: want my emotions to cause any complications with the baby.

1363
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:49,440
Speaker 2: So far, everything seems fine, but my brax and hicks

1364
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:52,880
Speaker 2: have increased in pain and frequency. Sleep the past two

1365
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:56,240
Speaker 2: nights has been very uncomfortable. He's supposed to be in

1366
01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 2: the delivery room with me, my push partner. Again. I'm

1367
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,440
Speaker 2: trying not to let this affect me negatively, but I

1368
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 2: need to be very realistic right now. I just need

1369
01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:07,360
Speaker 2: some help and advice, and that's the end of that story.