WEBVTT - Whine-0210 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:06.400 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:11.280 I'm so excited because I have the Tory spelling on 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:15.680 UM wind Down today, my amazing beautiful co host, UM, 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:17.600 thank you so much for coming on. Oh my gosh. 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.000 Of course we're finally like in person. I know, it's 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:21.840 nice to like a long time in the coming. I know, 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:25.840 I was like, I'm hugging dot and making making what 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:28.320 I thought you liked me for me. I do like you, 0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:32.320 but I also really loved Actually I watched it. I 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:35.120 didn't watch it then I watched because you're ten years 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.839 younger than me. No, no, no, but no, I just 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.720 I love you. But I've I've come to like get 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.960 to know you because where we were like damn buddies. Yeah, 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.720 I just really enjoyed getting to know you because you 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:51.440 are You're You're just You're beautiful person like inside and 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:53.880 out and your Herdwroken mama, and I just like I 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.240 love your heart like you have an amazing heart. You 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:59.279 feel the same way about you. Um, we have an 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:02.000 amazing guess. I'm I got lots to chat with Tori about. 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:04.080 But um, we have our guest Christine Carlson in the 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.640 waiting room. So let's get her on and then me 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:08.560 and Tory will catch up after that, so you're not 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.000 gonna want to miss a second of it. But before that, 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:28.320 let's take a break. Hi. Hi, it's Janna and Tori. Hi. 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:32.840 You doing Hi? Um, don't sweat the small stuff. It's 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:36.720 going to be is on Lifetime? Did you get to 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:40.840 cast who you wanted to play you? No? No, no, 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:43.520 I had very little to do with any of that. 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.960 That's all production. I feel like I would like be like, no, no, 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:49.600 like this is who i'd want to play me, because 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:51.320 like what if like you were just like, wait, that's 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.200 not that's that's what if you didn't like her as 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:57.000 an actor? Oh I was thinking physically, but yes, that too. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.640 You know, they asked me who my wish list was 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:05.560 and and so you know, I got to say who 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:07.960 my wish list was. But then was Michelle Pfiffer on there? 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.200 Because I feel like you guys kind of look alike, right, 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.520 I love Michelle Phiffer. I didn't think of her, but 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:19.000 I thought of Reese Witherspoon. I love Reese Witherspoon. And yeah, 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:25.280 but I'm so thrilled. Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, she's amazing. 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.800 I'm so so happy about who they chose. Okay, So 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.280 I have not had the privilege to read Don't Sweat 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.280 the Small Stuff yet, but I feel like I need 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:37.000 to because I feel like I swept the small stuff along. Yeah, same, 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:39.880 but you read it. I read it, and I still 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.160 sweat the small stuff. But I love it. Like it's 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:45.160 that type of thing that you pass on to everyone. 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.840 You're like, you need to do this, but execution, and 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.400 like you take it in, but it's hard to execute things. 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:55.080 Why is that trying to? Well, I mean, don't speat 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.280 this small stuff is more about keeping life in perspective 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:00.639 than it is anything else. So I mean, we all 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.440 have so much small stuff that we're dealing with all 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:08.720 the time, and I think it's important to recognize what's 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:11.200 really small because it takes your life the energy away. 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:15.000 And then certainly, when something really big happens, you don't 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:17.880 swept the small stuff. And I think, um, that becomes 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.680 very obvious to most of us. And I'm sure that 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.000 when you've gone through a hard time, both of you, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.560 you probably realized that that the little things that might 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.560 have bothered you the day before something big happens don't 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:31.560 even touch your radar for a long time. Have you 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:36.960 ever noticed that? Yeah? Actually, yeah, it's interesting. And I 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:41.200 also wonder too, you know, when it comes to this 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:44.280 small stuff, I mean, I or putting things in perspective, 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:48.080 I have a hard time, like when I know the perspective, 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.280 but then I just let it sit there, like I 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:51.760 know what I need to do, but I'm just like, 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.240 I'm gonna just keep going down this road thinking that 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.960 something's gonna change, and then it never changes. Like that's 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.800 that's my problem with my perspective. Does that make sense? 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.880 It does? And I think, Um, there was a time 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.240 in my life where I lived that way too, especially 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:09.560 when I was younger. And then suddenly, um, my husband 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.520 died and that pretty much changed everything. You know, I 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:15.840 was living things, I was thinking things that I should 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:21.120 be doing differently, Um, living a little more asleep to life, Um, 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:25.279 not as awake as as I have after his death. 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:32.479 And he passed tragically right from a very rare was 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:35.440 it what was it again? Pulmonary embolism? Thanks for not 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:41.240 thanks for not saying it and not knowing what that happens. 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:44.080 Sometimes people make the mistake of saying, oh, he died 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:46.000 from a heart attack. He didn't die from a heart attack, 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:49.800 It was a blood clot, a pulmonary embolism on a 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.400 on the descent of a flight into New York. So 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:55.160 it was very sudden. He was only forty five years 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:58.440 old and I was forty three. How did you get 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:02.480 up after that? It was tough. I mean, I, you know, 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.840 first of all, like I wasn't prepared at all, like 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:10.440 most people aren't for sudden death. I you know, didn't 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:13.120 have any I really didn't have it in my consciousness 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.719 that Richard would die suddenly. So I was completely shocked. 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:21.160 But I think that when you have kids, the blessing 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:24.360 of having children is that you do what you need 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:28.680 to do for them. And certainly, um, I knew that 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:31.800 I had to get up every day and be with 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.400 my kids and make sure they were okay because I 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.840 wasn't the only one in grief. They were in deep griefs. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:42.400 So it was tough. But I think my life and 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:45.320 so many levels, I had done so much spiritual work, 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.440 and I had been a meditator my whole life, and 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:52.200 Richard and I had written and taught together, and so 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:54.440 the tenants of don't spent the small stuff in the 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:58.800 principles of happiness that are woven in that series really 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.960 helped me, gave me a lot of emotional tools to 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:04.040 work with. And that said, it was still really really 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:08.000 it was heartbreaking, and it was it was horrible, and 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:10.560 there were times where I didn't want to get up. 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:12.919 And I think that's normal. I think that no matter 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:17.040 how heroic you might feel that you can be, you know, 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.480 you you have to also make allowances for the days 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.800 where you can't be that and you have to be 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.600 in a state of wherever you are because it's a 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:27.920 healing process. You know, we we don't realize that when 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:31.080 we go through a trauma of any kind, you know, 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:34.359 we we could be a very stable person prior to 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:37.240 that trauma and then suddenly you're like a wounded animal. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.760 And that's what we all are in trauma, you know, 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:43.480 whether it comes through the loss of your spouse, through death, 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:47.400 through divorce, through you know, you get news of your 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:49.599 health and suddenly one day you thought you were a 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:52.080 healthy person and the next day you found out you're not. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:57.200 That's traumatic and we have to go through a process. 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.720 We have to allow for a process of healing to 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:03.080 how fun um and in order to gain the strength 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:06.520 that we need to really call on all the resilience 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:09.760 that we have, and you know, let's face it, like 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.360 like those kinds of issues are the issues that are 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:16.560 the really big stuff of life, and there are issues 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.760 that we're all going to face at one point or another, 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:24.640 for sure. Yeah, I feel like the process is the 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.720 interesting part because my friends are big how are you? 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:29.440 And I'm like, I gotta I always have to think 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:32.800 about it. I'm like, um, like today, I'm good, Like 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.480 ask me again tomorrow because like tomorrow because I'm going 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:37.880 through divor actually I'm divorced. It's not going through anymore. 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:40.240 I'm divorced, and so like every day is like a 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.200 different kind of like am I good today? Because and 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:45.000 then I told my therapist. I was like, man, I 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.520 had a real rough weekend last week and I was 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.760 so down on myself, and she was just like, you're 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.760 gonna have those moments again, and you're gonna have really 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.400 great moments and then you're gonna have really bad moments. 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:57.680 And I'm like, well, but I just want the good 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:00.600 moments and she's like that's not how healing and even works, 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.400 Like you're going to have the hamster wheel and I'm like, 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:05.720 that's that part. It's like, okay, can I just like 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:09.160 wheel it really fast, like get to the get to 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.480 the good. That's great that you're able to even take 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.720 a pause to think about it, because I feel like 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.480 naturally our instinct is when someone says how are you? 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.440 Oh good? Great, and then you know, like why did 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:22.680 I say that I'm not? And did you I mean, 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:26.160 either of you ever feel guilty saying like, oh, I 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.280 don't know what bad other persons going through, but I 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:31.760 am individually dealing with my own grief and loss, and 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.960 I feel bad putting it on them and saying like, oh, 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:38.439 I'm not good because for me, I'm always like, well, 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:40.000 I don't know what they're going through, so I don't 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.640 want to unload my stuff on them. But it's important 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.920 to be able to speak your truth to get it out. 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:47.439 And I think your friends want you to write do 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:49.240 you know what I mean? Like like they want to 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:51.640 know Like like for me, I'm like I hate it 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:54.120 when Catherine goes I'm fine. I go, I know you're 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:57.640 not right, yes, And it makes me like I get 0:08:57.720 --> 0:08:59.400 annoyed with her and she knows that because I'm like 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.400 when I ask a out you know, her and her husband. 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:02.679 I know she doesn't want to talk about it, but 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:04.600 I'm also like, talk to me. I'm your best friend, 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.280 like I love you, you know, and I'm and I'm 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.480 like and also because selfishly, I'm going to be crying 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:12.240 on your lap in about five minutes, so like, let 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:16.480 me help you. You know. Yeah, I love that too, 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:19.480 when you you know, pause and you know you're not 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:25.000 an automatic pilot and pretending you know the everything is 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.440 all right when it's not. I I do agree with 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:29.760 both of you, and I think that's beautiful that you 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.800 do that, Jana, that you you stop and ask yourself. 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.080 I mean, that's at the really core of mindfulness is 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:39.640 to really take that pause and ask yourself how am 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.800 I feeling and then put your attention there. You know. 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.200 It's not to deny your feelings or to become like 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.199 you know, I I've learned over the years about just 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.520 how dangerous being like overly positive can be, you know, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:58.280 because it's like honoring of what is truly in your heart. 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:02.360 And when we don't honor what we're feeling, then those 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:07.240 feelings tend to fester and become something else. And that's 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.520 I think what we don't want is we want those 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:13.680 feelings to have a way out. And I always like 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:17.600 to think of depression as um the opposite of expression. 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:21.679 So expression is getting it out and depression is holding 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:25.560 it in. Yeah. I think it's something too to not 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:30.920 judge your when you because I judge when I'm like 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:35.040 weak yourself. Yeah, And I think that's normal too. I 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.439 think a lot of people do that. I think we're 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:41.640 we tend to be very hard critics on ourselves. Yeah. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.080 I had someone say to me like, Okay, it's been 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:46.400 six months, like get over it, and I'm like, it's not, 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:48.240 just get over it. And then but then I like judge. 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:49.839 I'm like, maybe I should be over it, but I'm 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.800 like no, because I still have feelings and I still 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:55.640 have emotions, and I think people are just they I 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.760 don't know, those people might just not be as empathetic 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:02.960 or have I mean, some part of you should never 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:05.080 be over it because it's a part of your life, 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.600 your journey and and your love. You made beautiful babies. 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:12.960 Are you remarried, No, Okay, are you back out in 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.679 a scene? Do you have a boyfriend? Yeah, I mean 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:22.199 it's been fifteen years. I've had many boyfriends. My love 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:25.640 life hasn't been boring. I'll just say that, Christine, are 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:30.440 you in bumble currently? Currently, I'm not a bumble. But 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.600 I did podcast about online dating for a while just 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.079 as an experiment. It was it was fascinating to me, 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.960 So I really like, I kind of. I mean, I've 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.800 had a lot of friends meet their person online and 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:45.440 on bumble, but my luck, um, whenever I'm on it 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:48.640 doesn't it doesn't seem to be really great. So I 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:51.160 don't know. I've always dated men that kind of come 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.800 through connections, um or I've met them organically. Do you 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:59.240 want to get married again? I don't think so. Yeah, 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.280 I was. I was having that conversation your girls. You 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.400 girls are a lot younger than I am, so I'm 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:05.720 you know, I'm like, I'm fifty eight now, so I'm 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:10.000 I'm sort of past the need of necessarily getting married. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.320 And now that said, I mean, I if I found 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:16.640 the right man and I have a very high bar, 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.840 you know, to partner with, and and I felt like 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:21.760 he was really going to be a great partner for me, 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.200 I would of course do that and be open to that. 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:27.400 But I actually think I might have some commitment issues 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:31.280 after Richard, you know, in which in which sense just 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:34.439 that I just don't, you know, I just don't have 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.720 that necessary need to feel like I want to be 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:41.920 in a committed, committed relationship long long term. Now the 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:43.720 guy that I'm dating right now doesn't know that, So 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.240 I hope he doesn't listen to I'm sure he's not 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:55.040 a fan of wine now might Yeah, I gotta be 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:58.920 careful what I say if we're gonna be recorded. Trust 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:05.079 by the way, I heard that you said that. No. 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:08.240 It's funny though, because I was having I went out 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.480 on this date and I was, um, I I asked, 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.040 I was like, you know, would you because he had 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:14.400 been married before and he's older, and I was like, 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:17.720 would you want to be married again? And He's like, 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.280 I don't know. And a part of me was kind 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.600 of like because I'm like, I I like, I know, 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.520 I've been married so many freaking times, but like, I 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:25.960 love marriage, and I just I want my kids to 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.440 see what like a healthy marriage looks like. And it's 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.160 just so important to me, you know, And I would, 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.680 but also, like my mom, it took her. She was 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:38.480 she was single for twenty years and then she met 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:42.480 and she got married at fifty five. Um. Yeah, and 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.600 so it's like, but I totally hear what you're saying, 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.400 because there is that part, like you have lived so 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:48.960 much of your life now where you're like you're good, 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:52.959 like you don't need to have like this. I don't know. Well, 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.760 I mean it's it's like I'm not lacking. My My 0:13:55.840 --> 0:14:00.720 life is very full and fulfilling, and I'm not I'm 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:04.480 not looking toward a relationship to fill me. Um. I 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.680 think that if I found somebody that was as whole 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:10.120 as I am and as complete that I found exciting 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:13.720 to be with and he checked all my boxes, you know, 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.040 I have a really high bar. My husband was amazing. 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.800 He was the love of my life and we had 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:21.880 a we had an amazing marriage. So and it was 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.040 a twenty five year relationship. So it's you know that 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.640 in a lot of ways, I feel like I have 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.760 fulfilled that part of my destiny and you know, and 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:34.960 I still feel like I'm very much with him, although 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:38.040 I know that if the tables were turned, I would 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.960 want him to find somebody and be with somebody, so 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:43.720 I know he wouldn't. He wants the same thing for me. 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.120 But I just think I have a really high bar 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.880 and I and I think that's okay, and that's good, 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:53.480 and you know, that's that's fine. Um, it doesn't mean 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:55.520 I want meet that person. I'm totally open, but I'm 0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:58.760 certainly not desperate. So do you believe you can have 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:03.520 multiple soul made a different form? I do? I do. I. 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:07.880 I do believe that we have multiple soulmates, both male 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.920 and female, and our friends are often our soulmates. And 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.840 you know, we have so many sisters and so many 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:19.040 brothers and so many lovers. And yeah, for sure, do 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:22.560 I feel like there's perhaps maybe a couple of people 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.840 in the world that are the most special people that 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.840 are you know, you're really super compatible with that, you 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:32.600 share the same values that you are. You know, you 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.880 keep that connection alive, you know, in the same way. Um, 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:39.000 I think that's probably true that we have a couple 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:42.680 of people like that. And but you know, and I 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.440 think a lot of people are still searching for their 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.360 one person like that. And so I feel like, you know, 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.400 I had that person, and if I met another one 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:54.400 would be great, but I'm not. I'm not actively searching 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:58.320 or meeting of it. And I felt a little differently 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:00.240 when I was in my forties. You know, my my 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:03.560 sexual desires have changed a little bit. Not that I 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.120 don't enjoy sex. I love sucks, but I'm not as 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:11.720 horny as I was when I tell me that as sister. Yeah, yeah, 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.240 it's a totally different thing. When you're in your forties. 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.160 That's like the I think that's the worst time in 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:19.240 your life to lose your husband. I will say this, 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.600 which is kind of funny, like it's around the same 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.520 this topic where you because I'm gonna be thirty eight, 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:29.240 and you know, there have been, you know, some men 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:32.760 that have wanted to hang and I'm like, in my twenties, 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:34.800 I have been like, yeah, come over, But now I'm like, 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:37.480 my vibrator is going to do just fine. And my 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.400 vibrator goes in a drawer and I don't want to 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:40.840 be like you can give me, please leave because I 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.600 like being alone now. So I'm like like like that, 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.400 I feel like that's an older thirties, like into your forties. 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:50.800 Really I'm good. Things I don't need, like my little 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:57.840 pink bunny is fine. I feel like the bunnies don't 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:16.920 move fast enough. Sorry, just going back to something that 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.359 you did say that I thought it was interesting is 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:21.760 you know, the bar was set high, and I feel 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:23.560 like I have to be careful because I want it 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:27.399 so bad that I don't rush into something because I 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.240 wanted so bad. That's something I feel like I've always done, 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:31.840 like I've rushed into like oh my god, he's my 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:33.720 soul mate and this is the one. And then I'm like, wait, 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:36.440 I would not have if I really looked, I would 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.199 have seen all these red flags and then I wouldn't 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.520 have stayed. But I like, I don't see them. I 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.119 have got these like blinders. I don't know if you 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:45.400 saw this one emoji thing where it was like the 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:48.520 therapist said, didn't you see the red flags and the 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:50.479 little monkeys? Like I thought it was a carnival, Like 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:55.040 that's like I lived my life. I'm just like, oh, 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:59.359 I thought it was just like whoa, I don't know. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:03.000 It's hard fun, but there's something so pure and beautiful 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.879 to that, you know, like I don't want you to 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:09.600 ever lose that, like the red flag suck, but like 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:11.680 you got to follow your heart to some extent to 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:17.520 you do you guys are like how do you know? I? Yeah, 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:22.000 I believe that. I don't think that there's any lost relationship. 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.960 You know, we learned so much about ourselves through the 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:28.800 reflection of the person that we're with. And so whoever 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.200 you decide to spend time with, you're going to learn 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:34.520 something about yourself, you know, through that that person, And 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.400 they're going to learn about themselves too, because I feel 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:39.119 like we're all mirrors of one another, and we have 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.439 our own holographic universe. And you know, right now, you 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:47.320 too are in my holographic universe through Zoo, you know. 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.720 And and who knew I'd be sitting in Heather Lockler's 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:55.399 home right now and talking to you right now in 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:57.280 her house right now. Yeah, we're gonna be on Good 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.920 Morning America tomorrow. So I came over and I'm spend 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.560 the night with her. Will you give her my love? 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:06.879 I've known forever. I know she's the best, She's the sweetest, 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:11.760 such a kind person, is so talented. Sweet love that okay, 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.159 So Heartbroken Open is a book you have out right 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:19.160 now on Amazon. What can like? What can I Tori 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:23.679 readers listeners expect in that book? Well, I guarantee if 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:25.320 you pick it up and you start to read it, 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:27.879 you probably won't put it down. It's a definite page 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:31.280 Turner and it's UM. I only say that because that's 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.480 what people tell me. So UM. I know actually don't 0:19:34.480 --> 0:19:37.000 read much of my own books after I write them, 0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.680 you know, I don't go back and read them. But UM, 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:43.520 but it's a very raw, a little bit on the 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:46.800 untamed category, I think, you know, like um with like 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:49.600 I haven't read Glenn and Doyle's book, but my daughter's 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:51.639 read some of it to me, and I think that 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:54.960 it's a little bit like that, where it's my story, 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:58.919 but it's very raw and it's very deep, but it 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:02.280 also has a lot of after in it. Um. You 0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:05.720 really talk about, UM, kind of my journey of how 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:12.080 I discovered myself through my loss and how it's almost 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:15.760 like going through that. It was such a deep awakening 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.639 for me. And I wasn't a person that I ever 0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:21.120 really thought I was asleep, you know, but I really 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:23.600 woke up to life in such a very new and 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:27.639 powerful way through loss and UM, and that's why I 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.440 was really compelled to write the book. But it's also 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:35.199 just very raw and vulnerable and and people love it. 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:39.360 It's like it's like being in somebody's head, in somebody's 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:42.560 world with them. What did you learn most about yourself 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:46.560 from from the loss. Oh my gosh, so so much. 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.560 I mean, it's very it's pretty deep, like where I 0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:53.600 learned about my ego and how my ego had been 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:56.320 really sneaky and how it had been really tied up 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:59.919 and being Richard's wife. And I always say, when you 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:04.200 always know when you're in a true crisis because you're 0:21:04.240 --> 0:21:07.520 you're in an identity crisis. So whatever kind of laws 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:11.199 you go through, when it rips apart your identity and 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.960 it puts you a just ground zero where you just 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:18.480 don't know who you are, that's actually really amazing place 0:21:18.520 --> 0:21:21.200 to be because when you don't know who you are, 0:21:21.240 --> 0:21:23.880 your egos not in charge, that's when you are who 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:27.880 you are. And it's a kind of interesting feeling. Like 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:31.199 you remember, I just remember sitting sometimes and I was 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:35.400 so present and I was sitting and I'd be like, Wow, 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:39.080 this is what it feels like to be me. Mhm, 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:43.560 you know. And I mean because I wasn't all caught 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:47.840 up in holding the perfect life, having the perfect life, 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:50.560 all the stuff that we as women do to make 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:54.040 sure everyone in our households has the perfect life, you know, 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.280