1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: I'm so excited because I have the Tory spelling on 3 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: UM wind Down today, my amazing beautiful co host, UM, 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,600 Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on. Oh my gosh. 5 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: Of course we're finally like in person. I know, it's 6 00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: nice to like a long time in the coming. I know, 7 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm hugging dot and making making what 8 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: I thought you liked me for me. I do like you, 9 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: but I also really loved Actually I watched it. I 10 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: didn't watch it then I watched because you're ten years 11 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 1: younger than me. No, no, no, but no, I just 12 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: I love you. But I've I've come to like get 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: to know you because where we were like damn buddies. Yeah, 14 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: I just really enjoyed getting to know you because you 15 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: are You're You're just You're beautiful person like inside and 16 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: out and your Herdwroken mama, and I just like I 17 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: love your heart like you have an amazing heart. You 18 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,279 Speaker 1: feel the same way about you. Um, we have an 19 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: amazing guess. I'm I got lots to chat with Tori about. 20 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: But um, we have our guest Christine Carlson in the 21 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: waiting room. So let's get her on and then me 22 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: and Tory will catch up after that, so you're not 23 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: gonna want to miss a second of it. But before that, 24 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: let's take a break. Hi. Hi, it's Janna and Tori. Hi. 25 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: You doing Hi? Um, don't sweat the small stuff. It's 26 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: going to be is on Lifetime? Did you get to 27 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: cast who you wanted to play you? No? No, no, 28 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: I had very little to do with any of that. 29 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: That's all production. I feel like I would like be like, no, no, 30 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: like this is who i'd want to play me, because 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: like what if like you were just like, wait, that's 32 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: not that's that's what if you didn't like her as 33 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: an actor? Oh I was thinking physically, but yes, that too. 34 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 1: You know, they asked me who my wish list was 35 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: and and so you know, I got to say who 36 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: my wish list was. But then was Michelle Pfiffer on there? 37 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: Because I feel like you guys kind of look alike, right, 38 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: I love Michelle Phiffer. I didn't think of her, but 39 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: I thought of Reese Witherspoon. I love Reese Witherspoon. And yeah, 40 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: but I'm so thrilled. Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, she's amazing. 41 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: I'm so so happy about who they chose. Okay, So 42 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: I have not had the privilege to read Don't Sweat 43 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: the Small Stuff yet, but I feel like I need 44 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: to because I feel like I swept the small stuff along. Yeah, same, 45 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 1: but you read it. I read it, and I still 46 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: sweat the small stuff. But I love it. Like it's 47 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: that type of thing that you pass on to everyone. 48 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: You're like, you need to do this, but execution, and 49 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: like you take it in, but it's hard to execute things. 50 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 1: Why is that trying to? Well, I mean, don't speat 51 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: this small stuff is more about keeping life in perspective 52 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 1: than it is anything else. So I mean, we all 53 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: have so much small stuff that we're dealing with all 54 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: the time, and I think it's important to recognize what's 55 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: really small because it takes your life the energy away. 56 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: And then certainly, when something really big happens, you don't 57 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: swept the small stuff. And I think, um, that becomes 58 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 1: very obvious to most of us. And I'm sure that 59 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: when you've gone through a hard time, both of you, 60 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: you probably realized that that the little things that might 61 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: have bothered you the day before something big happens don't 62 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 1: even touch your radar for a long time. Have you 63 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: ever noticed that? Yeah? Actually, yeah, it's interesting. And I 64 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: also wonder too, you know, when it comes to this 65 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: small stuff, I mean, I or putting things in perspective, 66 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: I have a hard time, like when I know the perspective, 67 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: but then I just let it sit there, like I 68 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: know what I need to do, but I'm just like, 69 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm gonna just keep going down this road thinking that 70 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: something's gonna change, and then it never changes. Like that's 71 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: that's my problem with my perspective. Does that make sense? 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: It does? And I think, Um, there was a time 73 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: in my life where I lived that way too, especially 74 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: when I was younger. And then suddenly, um, my husband 75 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: died and that pretty much changed everything. You know, I 76 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: was living things, I was thinking things that I should 77 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: be doing differently, Um, living a little more asleep to life, Um, 78 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,279 Speaker 1: not as awake as as I have after his death. 79 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: And he passed tragically right from a very rare was 80 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: it what was it again? Pulmonary embolism? Thanks for not 81 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: thanks for not saying it and not knowing what that happens. 82 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes people make the mistake of saying, oh, he died 83 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: from a heart attack. He didn't die from a heart attack, 84 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: It was a blood clot, a pulmonary embolism on a 85 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: on the descent of a flight into New York. So 86 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 1: it was very sudden. He was only forty five years 87 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: old and I was forty three. How did you get 88 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: up after that? It was tough. I mean, I, you know, 89 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,840 Speaker 1: first of all, like I wasn't prepared at all, like 90 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: most people aren't for sudden death. I you know, didn't 91 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: have any I really didn't have it in my consciousness 92 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: that Richard would die suddenly. So I was completely shocked. 93 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: But I think that when you have kids, the blessing 94 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 1: of having children is that you do what you need 95 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: to do for them. And certainly, um, I knew that 96 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: I had to get up every day and be with 97 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: my kids and make sure they were okay because I 98 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: wasn't the only one in grief. They were in deep griefs. 99 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: So it was tough. But I think my life and 100 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: so many levels, I had done so much spiritual work, 101 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: and I had been a meditator my whole life, and 102 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: Richard and I had written and taught together, and so 103 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: the tenants of don't spent the small stuff in the 104 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: principles of happiness that are woven in that series really 105 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: helped me, gave me a lot of emotional tools to 106 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 1: work with. And that said, it was still really really 107 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: it was heartbreaking, and it was it was horrible, and 108 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: there were times where I didn't want to get up. 109 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,919 Speaker 1: And I think that's normal. I think that no matter 110 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:17,040 Speaker 1: how heroic you might feel that you can be, you know, 111 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: you you have to also make allowances for the days 112 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: where you can't be that and you have to be 113 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: in a state of wherever you are because it's a 114 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,920 Speaker 1: healing process. You know, we we don't realize that when 115 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: we go through a trauma of any kind, you know, 116 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 1: we we could be a very stable person prior to 117 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: that trauma and then suddenly you're like a wounded animal. 118 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: And that's what we all are in trauma, you know, 119 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: whether it comes through the loss of your spouse, through death, 120 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: through divorce, through you know, you get news of your 121 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,599 Speaker 1: health and suddenly one day you thought you were a 122 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: healthy person and the next day you found out you're not. 123 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: That's traumatic and we have to go through a process. 124 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 1: We have to allow for a process of healing to 125 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 1: how fun um and in order to gain the strength 126 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: that we need to really call on all the resilience 127 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: that we have, and you know, let's face it, like 128 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: like those kinds of issues are the issues that are 129 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: the really big stuff of life, and there are issues 130 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: that we're all going to face at one point or another, 131 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, I feel like the process is the 132 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: interesting part because my friends are big how are you? 133 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I gotta I always have to think 134 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: about it. I'm like, um, like today, I'm good, Like 135 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: ask me again tomorrow because like tomorrow because I'm going 136 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: through divor actually I'm divorced. It's not going through anymore. 137 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: I'm divorced, and so like every day is like a 138 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: different kind of like am I good today? Because and 139 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 1: then I told my therapist. I was like, man, I 140 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 1: had a real rough weekend last week and I was 141 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: so down on myself, and she was just like, you're 142 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: gonna have those moments again, and you're gonna have really 143 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: great moments and then you're gonna have really bad moments. 144 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, but I just want the good 145 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: moments and she's like that's not how healing and even works, 146 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: Like you're going to have the hamster wheel and I'm like, 147 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: that's that part. It's like, okay, can I just like 148 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: wheel it really fast, like get to the get to 149 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: the good. That's great that you're able to even take 150 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: a pause to think about it, because I feel like 151 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: naturally our instinct is when someone says how are you? 152 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: Oh good? Great, and then you know, like why did 153 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: I say that I'm not? And did you I mean, 154 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: either of you ever feel guilty saying like, oh, I 155 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: don't know what bad other persons going through, but I 156 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: am individually dealing with my own grief and loss, and 157 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: I feel bad putting it on them and saying like, oh, 158 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,439 Speaker 1: I'm not good because for me, I'm always like, well, 159 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: I don't know what they're going through, so I don't 160 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: want to unload my stuff on them. But it's important 161 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: to be able to speak your truth to get it out. 162 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,439 Speaker 1: And I think your friends want you to write do 163 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like like they want to 164 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 1: know Like like for me, I'm like I hate it 165 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: when Catherine goes I'm fine. I go, I know you're 166 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: not right, yes, And it makes me like I get 167 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: annoyed with her and she knows that because I'm like 168 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: when I ask a out you know, her and her husband. 169 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: I know she doesn't want to talk about it, but 170 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: I'm also like, talk to me. I'm your best friend, 171 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: like I love you, you know, and I'm and I'm 172 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 1: like and also because selfishly, I'm going to be crying 173 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: on your lap in about five minutes, so like, let 174 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 1: me help you. You know. Yeah, I love that too, 175 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: when you you know, pause and you know you're not 176 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: an automatic pilot and pretending you know the everything is 177 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,440 Speaker 1: all right when it's not. I I do agree with 178 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: both of you, and I think that's beautiful that you 179 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: do that, Jana, that you you stop and ask yourself. 180 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: I mean, that's at the really core of mindfulness is 181 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: to really take that pause and ask yourself how am 182 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: I feeling and then put your attention there. You know. 183 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,200 Speaker 1: It's not to deny your feelings or to become like 184 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,199 Speaker 1: you know, I I've learned over the years about just 185 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: how dangerous being like overly positive can be, you know, 186 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: because it's like honoring of what is truly in your heart. 187 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 1: And when we don't honor what we're feeling, then those 188 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: feelings tend to fester and become something else. And that's 189 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: I think what we don't want is we want those 190 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: feelings to have a way out. And I always like 191 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: to think of depression as um the opposite of expression. 192 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,679 Speaker 1: So expression is getting it out and depression is holding 193 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: it in. Yeah. I think it's something too to not 194 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: judge your when you because I judge when I'm like 195 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: weak yourself. Yeah, And I think that's normal too. I 196 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,439 Speaker 1: think a lot of people do that. I think we're 197 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: we tend to be very hard critics on ourselves. Yeah. 198 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: I had someone say to me like, Okay, it's been 199 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: six months, like get over it, and I'm like, it's not, 200 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 1: just get over it. And then but then I like judge. 201 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,839 Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should be over it, but I'm 202 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: like no, because I still have feelings and I still 203 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: have emotions, and I think people are just they I 204 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: don't know, those people might just not be as empathetic 205 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: or have I mean, some part of you should never 206 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: be over it because it's a part of your life, 207 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: your journey and and your love. You made beautiful babies. 208 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,960 Speaker 1: Are you remarried, No, Okay, are you back out in 209 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: a scene? Do you have a boyfriend? Yeah, I mean 210 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:22,199 Speaker 1: it's been fifteen years. I've had many boyfriends. My love 211 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: life hasn't been boring. I'll just say that, Christine, are 212 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 1: you in bumble currently? Currently, I'm not a bumble. But 213 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: I did podcast about online dating for a while just 214 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: as an experiment. It was it was fascinating to me, 215 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: So I really like, I kind of. I mean, I've 216 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: had a lot of friends meet their person online and 217 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: on bumble, but my luck, um, whenever I'm on it 218 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't seem to be really great. So I 219 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: don't know. I've always dated men that kind of come 220 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: through connections, um or I've met them organically. Do you 221 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: want to get married again? I don't think so. Yeah, 222 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: I was. I was having that conversation your girls. You 223 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: girls are a lot younger than I am, so I'm 224 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I'm fifty eight now, so I'm 225 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm sort of past the need of necessarily getting married. 226 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: And now that said, I mean, I if I found 227 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: the right man and I have a very high bar, 228 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 1: you know, to partner with, and and I felt like 229 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: he was really going to be a great partner for me, 230 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,200 Speaker 1: I would of course do that and be open to that. 231 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: But I actually think I might have some commitment issues 232 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: after Richard, you know, in which in which sense just 233 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 1: that I just don't, you know, I just don't have 234 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: that necessary need to feel like I want to be 235 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: in a committed, committed relationship long long term. Now the 236 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 1: guy that I'm dating right now doesn't know that, So 237 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: I hope he doesn't listen to I'm sure he's not 238 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: a fan of wine now might Yeah, I gotta be 239 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: careful what I say if we're gonna be recorded. Trust 240 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:05,079 Speaker 1: by the way, I heard that you said that. No. 241 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: It's funny though, because I was having I went out 242 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: on this date and I was, um, I I asked, 243 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: I was like, you know, would you because he had 244 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: been married before and he's older, and I was like, 245 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: would you want to be married again? And He's like, 246 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. And a part of me was kind 247 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: of like because I'm like, I I like, I know, 248 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 1: I've been married so many freaking times, but like, I 249 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: love marriage, and I just I want my kids to 250 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: see what like a healthy marriage looks like. And it's 251 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: just so important to me, you know, And I would, 252 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,680 Speaker 1: but also, like my mom, it took her. She was 253 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: she was single for twenty years and then she met 254 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: and she got married at fifty five. Um. Yeah, and 255 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: so it's like, but I totally hear what you're saying, 256 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: because there is that part, like you have lived so 257 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 1: much of your life now where you're like you're good, 258 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,959 Speaker 1: like you don't need to have like this. I don't know. Well, 259 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: I mean it's it's like I'm not lacking. My My 260 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 1: life is very full and fulfilling, and I'm not I'm 261 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: not looking toward a relationship to fill me. Um. I 262 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 1: think that if I found somebody that was as whole 263 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 1: as I am and as complete that I found exciting 264 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 1: to be with and he checked all my boxes, you know, 265 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 1: I have a really high bar. My husband was amazing. 266 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: He was the love of my life and we had 267 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: a we had an amazing marriage. So and it was 268 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: a twenty five year relationship. So it's you know that 269 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, I feel like I have 270 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: fulfilled that part of my destiny and you know, and 271 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: I still feel like I'm very much with him, although 272 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 1: I know that if the tables were turned, I would 273 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: want him to find somebody and be with somebody, so 274 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 1: I know he wouldn't. He wants the same thing for me. 275 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: But I just think I have a really high bar 276 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: and I and I think that's okay, and that's good, 277 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: and you know, that's that's fine. Um, it doesn't mean 278 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: I want meet that person. I'm totally open, but I'm 279 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: certainly not desperate. So do you believe you can have 280 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: multiple soul made a different form? I do? I do. I. 281 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 1: I do believe that we have multiple soulmates, both male 282 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: and female, and our friends are often our soulmates. And 283 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 1: you know, we have so many sisters and so many 284 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 1: brothers and so many lovers. And yeah, for sure, do 285 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: I feel like there's perhaps maybe a couple of people 286 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: in the world that are the most special people that 287 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: are you know, you're really super compatible with that, you 288 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,600 Speaker 1: share the same values that you are. You know, you 289 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: keep that connection alive, you know, in the same way. Um, 290 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: I think that's probably true that we have a couple 291 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: of people like that. And but you know, and I 292 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 1: think a lot of people are still searching for their 293 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: one person like that. And so I feel like, you know, 294 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 1: I had that person, and if I met another one 295 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: would be great, but I'm not. I'm not actively searching 296 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: or meeting of it. And I felt a little differently 297 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: when I was in my forties. You know, my my 298 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: sexual desires have changed a little bit. Not that I 299 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: don't enjoy sex. I love sucks, but I'm not as 300 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: horny as I was when I tell me that as sister. Yeah, yeah, 301 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: it's a totally different thing. When you're in your forties. 302 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: That's like the I think that's the worst time in 303 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: your life to lose your husband. I will say this, 304 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: which is kind of funny, like it's around the same 305 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: this topic where you because I'm gonna be thirty eight, 306 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: and you know, there have been, you know, some men 307 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: that have wanted to hang and I'm like, in my twenties, 308 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: I have been like, yeah, come over, But now I'm like, 309 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: my vibrator is going to do just fine. And my 310 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 1: vibrator goes in a drawer and I don't want to 311 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: be like you can give me, please leave because I 312 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: like being alone now. So I'm like like like that, 313 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: I feel like that's an older thirties, like into your forties. 314 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: Really I'm good. Things I don't need, like my little 315 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 1: pink bunny is fine. I feel like the bunnies don't 316 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 1: move fast enough. Sorry, just going back to something that 317 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 1: you did say that I thought it was interesting is 318 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: you know, the bar was set high, and I feel 319 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 1: like I have to be careful because I want it 320 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: so bad that I don't rush into something because I 321 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: wanted so bad. That's something I feel like I've always done, 322 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 1: like I've rushed into like oh my god, he's my 323 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: soul mate and this is the one. And then I'm like, wait, 324 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,440 Speaker 1: I would not have if I really looked, I would 325 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,199 Speaker 1: have seen all these red flags and then I wouldn't 326 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: have stayed. But I like, I don't see them. I 327 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 1: have got these like blinders. I don't know if you 328 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 1: saw this one emoji thing where it was like the 329 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: therapist said, didn't you see the red flags and the 330 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,479 Speaker 1: little monkeys? Like I thought it was a carnival, Like 331 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: that's like I lived my life. I'm just like, oh, 332 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 1: I thought it was just like whoa, I don't know. 333 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: It's hard fun, but there's something so pure and beautiful 334 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 1: to that, you know, like I don't want you to 335 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 1: ever lose that, like the red flag suck, but like 336 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 1: you got to follow your heart to some extent to 337 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: you do you guys are like how do you know? I? Yeah, 338 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 1: I believe that. I don't think that there's any lost relationship. 339 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 1: You know, we learned so much about ourselves through the 340 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: reflection of the person that we're with. And so whoever 341 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 1: you decide to spend time with, you're going to learn 342 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: something about yourself, you know, through that that person, And 343 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,400 Speaker 1: they're going to learn about themselves too, because I feel 344 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 1: like we're all mirrors of one another, and we have 345 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,439 Speaker 1: our own holographic universe. And you know, right now, you 346 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: too are in my holographic universe through Zoo, you know. 347 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: And and who knew I'd be sitting in Heather Lockler's 348 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: home right now and talking to you right now in 349 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: her house right now. Yeah, we're gonna be on Good 350 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: Morning America tomorrow. So I came over and I'm spend 351 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: the night with her. Will you give her my love? 352 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 1: I've known forever. I know she's the best, She's the sweetest, 353 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: such a kind person, is so talented. Sweet love that okay, 354 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: So Heartbroken Open is a book you have out right 355 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 1: now on Amazon. What can like? What can I Tori 356 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,679 Speaker 1: readers listeners expect in that book? Well, I guarantee if 357 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: you pick it up and you start to read it, 358 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 1: you probably won't put it down. It's a definite page 359 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: Turner and it's UM. I only say that because that's 360 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,480 Speaker 1: what people tell me. So UM. I know actually don't 361 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: read much of my own books after I write them, 362 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: you know, I don't go back and read them. But UM, 363 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: but it's a very raw, a little bit on the 364 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: untamed category, I think, you know, like um with like 365 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: I haven't read Glenn and Doyle's book, but my daughter's 366 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: read some of it to me, and I think that 367 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: it's a little bit like that, where it's my story, 368 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 1: but it's very raw and it's very deep, but it 369 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: also has a lot of after in it. Um. You 370 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: really talk about, UM, kind of my journey of how 371 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: I discovered myself through my loss and how it's almost 372 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: like going through that. It was such a deep awakening 373 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: for me. And I wasn't a person that I ever 374 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,120 Speaker 1: really thought I was asleep, you know, but I really 375 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: woke up to life in such a very new and 376 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 1: powerful way through loss and UM, and that's why I 377 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 1: was really compelled to write the book. But it's also 378 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:35,199 Speaker 1: just very raw and vulnerable and and people love it. 379 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:39,360 Speaker 1: It's like it's like being in somebody's head, in somebody's 380 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: world with them. What did you learn most about yourself 381 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 1: from from the loss. Oh my gosh, so so much. 382 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: I mean, it's very it's pretty deep, like where I 383 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 1: learned about my ego and how my ego had been 384 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: really sneaky and how it had been really tied up 385 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 1: and being Richard's wife. And I always say, when you 386 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 1: always know when you're in a true crisis because you're 387 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 1: you're in an identity crisis. So whatever kind of laws 388 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,199 Speaker 1: you go through, when it rips apart your identity and 389 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: it puts you a just ground zero where you just 390 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 1: don't know who you are, that's actually really amazing place 391 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,200 Speaker 1: to be because when you don't know who you are, 392 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,880 Speaker 1: your egos not in charge, that's when you are who 393 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:27,880 Speaker 1: you are. And it's a kind of interesting feeling. Like 394 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: you remember, I just remember sitting sometimes and I was 395 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:35,400 Speaker 1: so present and I was sitting and I'd be like, Wow, 396 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: this is what it feels like to be me. Mhm, 397 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: you know. And I mean because I wasn't all caught 398 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: up in holding the perfect life, having the perfect life, 399 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: all the stuff that we as women do to make 400 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 1: sure everyone in our households has the perfect life, you know, 401 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 1: for the first time, I wasn't caught up In that 402 00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 1: I was my life had shattered. And and in that shattering, 403 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 1: I started to realize, Wow, I could see it all, 404 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: Like I could see what a gift this was in 405 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: some level, and I hated it. I wanted my husband back, 406 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: like I loved him. I love him still. I wanted 407 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: him back. But I thought, Jess, if he has to die, 408 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,239 Speaker 1: I'm going to get something out of this, you know, 409 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: like this is gonna be like big for my growth. 410 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: It has to be. And and so I was completely 411 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 1: open to seeing life totally different. And I did. And 412 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,360 Speaker 1: that's what the book is about, is just waking up, 413 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: you know, waking up to who you really are. I 414 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: love that because I feel like I'm trying to figure 415 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: that out too, like who am I? And like in 416 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: those moments of just being alone and not having any 417 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,360 Speaker 1: distractions and sitting there, it's it's a painful, but it's 418 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: also I feel like it's a beautiful process too. And 419 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 1: I'm I'm kind of finding the bat I'm trying to 420 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: find the balance in between the two. Yeah. And I 421 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: think when you when you really get comfortable with who 422 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 1: you are, you know, when you're without a partner or 423 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: you know, a man in your life. Then you know, 424 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 1: you get that's where real confidence comes from. That's where 425 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: true confidence comes from. Confidence doesn't have anything to do 426 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,399 Speaker 1: with all the outside things that we make it have 427 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: to do with it's it's a true feeling of of 428 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:29,639 Speaker 1: knowing and resonating with your inner sense of your inner 429 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: identity and who you are from the inside. And I've 430 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,400 Speaker 1: just always put my worth like from a man, like 431 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: like whatever a man said to me or whatever, like 432 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: how he treated me, I'm like, oh, that's what I deserve, 433 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 1: that's my worth and like and then I try and 434 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 1: like so that's why it's like I'm really truly trying 435 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: to force myself to just like be you know, mindful 436 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 1: and alone and try and figure me out because I'm 437 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 1: like I can't. My friends are always like you always 438 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 1: go left. You gotta start growing right, and like right 439 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 1: is you? Right is finding you and hopefully on that 440 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: path as well, we're you know, you'll be confident enough 441 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,360 Speaker 1: to choose not the left path again. You know. Yeah, 442 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: I have to choose yourself first. Um, And and we 443 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,159 Speaker 1: are not taught that as women were taught to take 444 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,800 Speaker 1: care of everyone else and choose ourselves last. And that 445 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: doesn't work very well, you know. And I also think 446 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,360 Speaker 1: that when we don't know ourselves and we that's when 447 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,240 Speaker 1: we're looking for somebody else to fulfill that sense of 448 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 1: who we are. Like just what you said, and that's 449 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: all very common and you know you just you. I 450 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: think when we look at our patterns, that's very very helpful. 451 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,640 Speaker 1: You know, what is your pattern in relationship? And then 452 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: the idea of not repeating the pattern is becomes kind 453 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 1: of the goal is to look at how can I 454 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: not repeat the same thing over? What could I do 455 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,880 Speaker 1: differently now? And I think life is so much about 456 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: an inquiry, and the journey of finding out who you 457 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: are is about the questions you ask yourself. We all 458 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,479 Speaker 1: have the answers. I mean, we all do. We just 459 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 1: have to ask the right questions, and sometimes we ask 460 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,119 Speaker 1: the wrong questions. So I feel like I asked the 461 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: right questions and I get the wrong answers. But I'm 462 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: still like, well, they'll get the right answer, Like they'll 463 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,640 Speaker 1: eventually come with the right answer that I want the answer. 464 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: Have you ever thought you've like broken the pattern? And 465 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 1: this doesn't always have to be a love relationship. It 466 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,359 Speaker 1: can be a friendship, It could be a work relationship. 467 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: I've broken that pattern, and then all of a sudden 468 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: you get into it and you're like, oh gosh, it's 469 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,120 Speaker 1: just another form of my pattern. It just wasn't obvious 470 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: at first. I thought for sure I had it right 471 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 1: with this last marriage. Like I was like, oh, like 472 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 1: we're on the same bait, Like it's like totally different. 473 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: Then I'm like, nope, just a disguise. It stealth better. 474 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: That's almos Like damn it, Like I hate that. Um okay, 475 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:49,640 Speaker 1: so everyone watch Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Um. It's 476 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: the Christine Carlson story on Lifetime and then by her 477 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 1: book Heartbroken Open. It's a page turner, and thank you 478 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,320 Speaker 1: for Um I'm I'm going to buy it because I 479 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 1: I need to. I need to be on that journey 480 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 1: that you're on. So thanks for helping guide the way. 481 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,919 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's been a pleasure, ladies. Thank you 482 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: so much for having you. You have such a beautiful energy. 483 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 1: I know we're on zoom, but it's just like kidding 484 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,119 Speaker 1: is like, it's so great. Thank you, Thank you for 485 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,959 Speaker 1: all you do for everyone out there. Thank you and 486 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,120 Speaker 1: thank you for all all you do. What a wonderful 487 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: conversation we had today. Thank you so much. All right, thanks, 488 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: happy good morning America too. Okay, I will Oh my god, 489 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,639 Speaker 1: I love her. You know what broke my heart in 490 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: that though? I mean it was an amazing interview. She's incredible, 491 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: but like I felt a little piece of, like well, 492 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 1: a sadness, like because she loved her husband so much, 493 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 1: and I'm like, and but then I felt a little 494 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 1: tinge of like I want to feel that, Like what's 495 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 1: that like, you know, like just like being so madly 496 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,679 Speaker 1: like uh and then losing that. I'm like, what, Like 497 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: that's just like people don't get that and then you 498 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: lose it, like how I would just be devastated. I 499 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 1: wonder what it was like though before she lost him, 500 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,880 Speaker 1: Like if she appreciated that every day I was. It's 501 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: hard when someone's had such grief to know what's appropriate 502 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 1: to ask what's not. I know she talks about this 503 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: all the time, but just you know, I feel like 504 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 1: we get in relationships, we get comfortable, and we forgot, 505 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: we forget to say like I appreciate you or this 506 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,720 Speaker 1: is what I love and I don't know, and it's hard. 507 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: She was married to say twenty years. No, I think 508 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 1: she's like total. Yeah, so that's a long time. That is. 509 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 1: That's such a good point though, and sometimes you feel 510 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,440 Speaker 1: like the magic is going in and out. And of course, 511 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: like when he was gone, she was like that was everything. 512 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: But yeah, I would love to know. Oh man, By 513 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 1: the way, Tori gave me this like is it burning? 514 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 1: I have Like I think I put too much on 515 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:04,960 Speaker 1: because I was like I don't really feel it, and 516 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: then I just kept rolling. It's like this like cryoh 517 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 1: what is it? Cryoderm it's a painstick. It's by the way, no, 518 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: it's like mental. Anyone that knows me knows it's the 519 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 1: story of my life. Um yeah, I like literally put 520 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: it on my temples, my neck like I've got like Antarctica, 521 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: like on the back of my neck. It's so cold. Yeah. 522 00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 1: The worst is in past experiences I've been using it 523 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: forever that you put it on forget and then someone 524 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,199 Speaker 1: goes into a nuzzle you or kiss you and they're like, 525 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: my eyes, oh god, if you ever have you ever 526 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,479 Speaker 1: got how the pens and then touched your eyes. I 527 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: thought you were going to say something else well, but 528 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: also like and then also touched your vagina because let 529 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 1: me tell you what. I thought you were going to 530 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 1: say something else somebody else's I don't know. And that's 531 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: where my mind went hamsy. I don't know why, sorry, 532 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 1: but yes it hurts. Yeah, And then I'm googling, like 533 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: how do you like get it's like poor milk and 534 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: pouring milk on my vagina, like it's like convigorating. That's 535 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: good for East confections too, by the way, milk Yeah? Wait, 536 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 1: am I wrong? Day? Make that up? Easton? Can you 537 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: please google? What's good for East? Infections? Are bladder infections? 538 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 1: Why is why is this your computer? Oh? Man? I 539 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: love that you. I saw a article you did about 540 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 1: you were in a verbally abusive relationship. I was so 541 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: I felt Okay, here's the hard part. I did a 542 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: post for Luke Perry. It was his birthday, no thing, 543 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: and I still want people tell me they're sorry. I'm like, 544 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: I get really guilty, like no, not me, sorry for 545 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,880 Speaker 1: his family, like but also it's we're talking like self worth. 546 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 1: It's the same thing, like even things like that, I'm like, no, no, um, 547 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: but yeah, when he passed away, I felt this thing 548 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 1: like is it shaming or do I feel guilty? Like 549 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: being I didn't want to bring attention to me. It 550 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: was about him, so I didn't post stuff, and you know, 551 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: he's been gone for a while now, and it just 552 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: I felt the need to put it out there. I 553 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: don't know that was my truth, and I never said it, 554 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: and I was just like I'm missing him today and 555 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 1: his energy, and I just wanted to put it there. 556 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,479 Speaker 1: And then I felt bad afterwards because I saw like 557 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 1: some castmates just had like a short thing and I 558 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 1: was like, and I saw like I got picked up everywhere, 559 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 1: and I was like, ah, that's not what I meant. Like, 560 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell everyone how great he was 561 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 1: to me and he was family to me, and that 562 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: was your you know, right, because sometimes when we post stuff, 563 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: it's for us, even the millions of people are saying it. Yeah, 564 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 1: because I had posted there's one thing that was for 565 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: my song. But I was like, I talked about being 566 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: an abusive relationship to your song by the way, thank you, 567 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 1: but your sweep. But then my head out and I'm like, 568 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: I didn't do this to get picked up. I didn't 569 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,680 Speaker 1: do my dad. And then I get you know, my 570 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: X was upset with me, like that wasn't about you. 571 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,880 Speaker 1: It was. It was about my like experiences with like relationships, 572 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: and like it's such like a when you when you 573 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: want to post something because it's on your heart, you're 574 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 1: not looking for the for us weekly to pick it up. 575 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: You're looking it's because it's that's he meant something to 576 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: you and he was family to you. And yeah, and 577 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: I waited a while, and you know, people would always 578 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 1: have the hashtag, you know, our R. I p like 579 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: rest in peace, and I was like, I can't never 580 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: do that. And then it's been a while and I'm 581 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: just like I'm feeling it. But yes, I was in 582 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: a verbally abusive relationship when I was nineteen, and that 583 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: was It's interesting because as hard as it is on you, 584 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 1: you don't know when you're young that it's so hard 585 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 1: on everyone else. And yeah, Luke hated him and was 586 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 1: very protective. And at my parents Christmas Eve party one year, 587 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 1: he was there and he was just like I saw 588 00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,120 Speaker 1: this ex boyfriend and they got into it and he 589 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: tried to punch him and like Je's Hebbestly had to 590 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: pull him off. It was like it was one of 591 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: those epic stories. You're like, WHOA looking back, like that's crazy, 592 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: but um. Yeah, after that, Luke and I worked together 593 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: every day but didn't talk for a while because I 594 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: was I was nineteen, and I was just like mad. 595 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,520 Speaker 1: I was mad at him. I was mad at him 596 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: because I was like, sometimes when friends stick up for you, 597 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: you feel like, well, but then you go home and 598 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 1: I go home with this person and I have to 599 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:35,520 Speaker 1: take them taking what they experienced with you regarding me 600 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,520 Speaker 1: out on me. Does that make sense? Totally does? So? Yeah, 601 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: I had to go home with like, oh, so your 602 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: friend did that at your parents house and I was nineteen, 603 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: so I was mad at him instead of realizing and hindsight, 604 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: it was like this guy loved me and he was 605 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,840 Speaker 1: like I don't care, like I'm gonna go to bat 606 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 1: for her, and he was a great friend. You know 607 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 1: what's interesting about that is um and that my abuser 608 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,880 Speaker 1: same age. It was nineteen and I just moved out 609 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,360 Speaker 1: to l A and even like the relationships since then 610 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: that have been verbally or physically abusive. When I eventually 611 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,720 Speaker 1: tell my friends, they're like, that's not normal, and I'm like, 612 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: it's not And that's like that reaction, like it's not 613 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,959 Speaker 1: like the fact that we think that's normal in that moment. 614 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm like, well, I mean I was kind 615 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 1: of like bitchy or like and then I'm like making 616 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: excuses for the person that doesn't deserve it, like all 617 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 1: of a sudden, Yeah, you become defensive on their behalf 618 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 1: when they did it to you all the Yeah, it's 619 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,719 Speaker 1: just so interesting and it's so sad because I'm like 620 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: if if and then I put myself and remember my 621 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: friends too, they're like, you got to start putting yourself 622 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,320 Speaker 1: and like if your daughter was in the situation, how 623 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 1: would you react? And then I'm like, oh, come on, 624 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 1: don't don't bring my daughter into this. They're like no, 625 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,600 Speaker 1: I'm serious, Like what would you say to her? And 626 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 1: I would say that's not right, like he should never 627 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,800 Speaker 1: say that. You should never put you no matter what. 628 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 1: And it's like, but yet I can't tell myself that. 629 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 1: You can't tell yourself that. It's such an interesting it's 630 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 1: it's sad. I'm glad you said that because people I 631 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 1: always see people talk about like don't behave in life? 632 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 1: How you you know, if you don't want your kids 633 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: behaving that way, like be the example, many different things, 634 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,879 Speaker 1: and it's like it's not always that easy to do, like, 635 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,080 Speaker 1: of course we can be strong moms and tell our 636 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,319 Speaker 1: daughters this is what I hope you do. But they're 637 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 1: going to make their own decisions and they're gonna make 638 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: mistakes like like we did, and I don't know, and 639 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: it's not easy to change, Like it's a behavior that 640 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:35,840 Speaker 1: it's like, great, I don't want my daughter to be 641 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 1: treated like this when she's older. But I'm still enduring 642 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:43,839 Speaker 1: it because it's it's what we think we deserve, it's 643 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 1: what we think are worth is and like because it 644 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 1: was ingrained in us at a young age and then 645 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 1: we you know, that's just it's and it's so not 646 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:57,400 Speaker 1: true nor right, and yeah, that's why I'm like, I 647 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,200 Speaker 1: love kind of what she said with Christine was she 648 00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 1: was saying, like you finding yourself and choosing you going 649 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 1: on that journey where I'm like, God, I hope I 650 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,080 Speaker 1: go right, because go on the other way it sucks. 651 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: I've never chosen me in any circumstance of life. When 652 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 1: it's hard now to choose you when you have got 653 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 1: five kids and you know, like your empire and it's 654 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: it's it's it's hard, but it's like at the end 655 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: of the day, Like when I go back to my kids, Okay, 656 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: if if choosing me is going to be the best 657 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,840 Speaker 1: version for my kids, So it is not selfish for 658 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: us to choose us even though we go to well 659 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: you're like oh no, no, no, like no, no, I'm good. 660 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: I'm good when you're like starving, you know. I mean 661 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,440 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be mad at that for myself. But yeah, 662 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:47,600 Speaker 1: I'm still trying to lose the babyweight. And but hey, 663 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:52,719 Speaker 1: look it, you look incredible. It's a process that's a 664 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:56,360 Speaker 1: hard one to like. It's it's really difficult. Like I 665 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: say to people all the time, like, oh, I'm you know, 666 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 1: still working on losing way eight and they're like, but 667 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: you look great, and it's but the thing is, and 668 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: I'm not like taking anything about what you just said, 669 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 1: but like when you're used to your body a certain 670 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,640 Speaker 1: way your whole life, and then it does radically change 671 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,959 Speaker 1: and people and it's a hard thing to say because 672 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,439 Speaker 1: then people are like, oh, I wish my body looked 673 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,319 Speaker 1: like that after five are always all individual and my 674 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: body is different after five. And you know, isn't an 675 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: honor that I created them and gave birth to them. Yes, 676 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,600 Speaker 1: I still want my body back. That's why people would 677 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: give me, give me crap about like my boob job 678 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:36,759 Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm like, you know what, like, that's what 679 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,440 Speaker 1: I want to do because I want my body to 680 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: look the way that I want my body to look like, 681 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,319 Speaker 1: and like it they weren't. Yeah, I'm like it's and 682 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: then the people are like, oh, but you look great. 683 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: They look great before, and I'm like, cool, but I 684 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 1: need advice on that. By the way, minor, because they're 685 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,880 Speaker 1: expired and recalled. Oh, I mean, hey, what do you 686 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: want them? Do you want new? Okay? I mean I 687 00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: loved I mean, I know you're like Beverly Hills, so 688 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,759 Speaker 1: it's you could have any amazing doctor. But doctor Younger 689 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:06,799 Speaker 1: in Nashville, Paula A. Duel went to him. Really, He's 690 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,040 Speaker 1: like he's incredible, He's amazing. I love him, and he 691 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 1: got me. He was like, you know, I was like, 692 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,080 Speaker 1: I don't want too big. I want them to look natural. 693 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,920 Speaker 1: But like I think, when I redo them, I my god, 694 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,760 Speaker 1: did it there because they're fun. See. No one told 695 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 1: me when I got mine done that in ten years 696 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 1: you would have to get them redone. Well, they they're 697 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,680 Speaker 1: ones now. They say, like, I mean always talk to 698 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 1: your doctor. Don't listen to wine down because I'm not 699 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:35,279 Speaker 1: a king doctor. Sorry Eastern um. But like he was like, 700 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: you know, fifteen, maybe twenty. Okay, I'm a twenty though, 701 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 1: and I don't think when I got mine put in 702 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,400 Speaker 1: like no, they had the ones no natral us, natral 703 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,759 Speaker 1: and plants and they're really good. Um. But yeah, I 704 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,799 Speaker 1: mean again, at the end of the day, like I 705 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 1: get it. I still people like will be oh, look, 706 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,399 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, i'd like like to like I'll never 707 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,879 Speaker 1: always have a little piece of belly, but people are like, oh, 708 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,200 Speaker 1: my friends like, don't complain about that, Like, but again, 709 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: it's my body. I know what it looks like. I 710 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,480 Speaker 1: would know what I wanted to look like, and we 711 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:07,359 Speaker 1: can just be like, well, I still love you. I 712 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,800 Speaker 1: think you're amazing. See. I need to get to that 713 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,720 Speaker 1: point where I'm okay saying like, okay, that's your opinion. 714 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,520 Speaker 1: But I'm not there yet. Like I'm still like when 715 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 1: people say things, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, where does 716 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,120 Speaker 1: it sories? Like my lifeline, where does that come from? 717 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,359 Speaker 1: You think, like does childhood stuff or just like not 718 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 1: feeling like you I think childhood two things childhood and 719 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,360 Speaker 1: my parents. I never saw them argue, um, which I 720 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,359 Speaker 1: think is a problem too. I do too, because every 721 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 1: time you agree to an argument, then it's like, oh 722 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,440 Speaker 1: my god, we must be over and it's done and 723 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,799 Speaker 1: it's doomed for days. Right, And they loved each other, 724 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,400 Speaker 1: but you know, growing up, you would realize like that 725 00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,200 Speaker 1: was passive aggressive, Like you would hear it and I 726 00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,279 Speaker 1: would be like, I wish they would just argue, or 727 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 1: like they would just like silent, and then like and 728 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:55,719 Speaker 1: as I got older, I would ask my mom like, 729 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,879 Speaker 1: did you guys have an argument behind closed doors? She's 730 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 1: like no, And I'm like that probably wasn't good for 731 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 1: you guys, and I don't want to do that. But 732 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,919 Speaker 1: I grew up being very passive aggressive. And I think 733 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:10,200 Speaker 1: just being Aaron Spelling's daughter and a producer, people already assumed, 734 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,320 Speaker 1: like before I entered a room, like she's going to 735 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,879 Speaker 1: be a bit, like she's going to be entitled so 736 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: and I mean to this day, I just worked on 737 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: something recently and they were like, you're so lovely, like 738 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 1: we thought. I was like, why wouldn't I be well, 739 00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:27,239 Speaker 1: because you're Aaron Spelling's daughter, because you're on nine two. 740 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,520 Speaker 1: I was like, no, but I carry it with me. 741 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 1: I'm harder myself. So because of that, I like dim 742 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:39,760 Speaker 1: my light to please everybody because God forbid, they think 743 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,839 Speaker 1: I'm like not nice, but I am nice, so that 744 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,560 Speaker 1: should be enough. But I go above and beyond at 745 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,200 Speaker 1: the detriment of myself. That's a lot of pressure too, 746 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: and like a lot of energy to just to have 747 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,760 Speaker 1: to put on like it is you You're so sweet, 748 00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 1: like I know that, but like to even have to 749 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,200 Speaker 1: put on like it's like God, like can I just 750 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,239 Speaker 1: like why do I have to feel like I have 751 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:00,759 Speaker 1: to prove them and I this person when I am 752 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,040 Speaker 1: a nice person, right, But I'm still doing it. I 753 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,799 Speaker 1: still feel the need to do and it's exhausting. Yeah, 754 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,759 Speaker 1: Like five kids is nothing like the pressure I put 755 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 1: on myself is worse. So what do we do to? Like, 756 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 1: I don't know what do we do? We do? I 757 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,520 Speaker 1: don't know, we'll do this together, I don't know. Just 758 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: butter three and three out that's what I usually do. 759 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:34,479 Speaker 1: Um Okay, now is the time two pimp everything that 760 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: the Tori spelling is doing. Nano two and oh my gosh, 761 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,160 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, did you say nine O two and 762 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:49,120 Speaker 1: I want to do that. Um, it's funny podcasts that 763 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:53,680 Speaker 1: you guys do. It's fun. It's crazy. Um, because we've 764 00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:57,160 Speaker 1: never watched the show back. I think I watched more 765 00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,719 Speaker 1: than Jen has because the dv AR would pull up 766 00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,160 Speaker 1: like nine O two one oh, because it has my 767 00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,439 Speaker 1: name in there, so anything I do, and then it'd 768 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,560 Speaker 1: be like countless episodes of nine O two and oh. 769 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,000 Speaker 1: So I think I stopped watching when like one of 770 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,279 Speaker 1: my kids they're older now, the older ones were like, 771 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,960 Speaker 1: who's that and they would be like, there's Jenny, there's Iron, 772 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,960 Speaker 1: Where's where are you? And I'm like, I'm right there. 773 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,319 Speaker 1: When I tell this story, people are like, oh, when 774 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,319 Speaker 1: you had like dark hair, I was like, nope, I 775 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 1: was blond. They still didn't know it was me. But 776 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,120 Speaker 1: I felt bad that I've always wanted you and Brian 777 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,759 Speaker 1: Auston Green to like secretly to be married. No, I 778 00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,040 Speaker 1: probably on some secret level wanted it too, Like I 779 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 1: don't know I was. I'm always like they're going to 780 00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 1: get back together, and I'm like it's like it's I 781 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 1: don't know, It's like it's like a it's my Courtney 782 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,680 Speaker 1: and um Scott, Like I I not Courtney. Um yeah, 783 00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:48,880 Speaker 1: Courtney and Scott, like I still want them to get 784 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,799 Speaker 1: back together. I'm the same way, And I feel ashamed 785 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:56,399 Speaker 1: saying that. Why because he was terrible. Oh my god, 786 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,040 Speaker 1: you're gonna get me all riled up because he's can 787 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,040 Speaker 1: you really terrible to her? But yet I love them 788 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:05,000 Speaker 1: because I want him to change and I wanted to 789 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,400 Speaker 1: be good. I think he has. I really truly am 790 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:14,080 Speaker 1: the biggest Courtney and Scott advocate. Um meet, wait, like 791 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,759 Speaker 1: I am too, And I'm always just like, can you 792 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,719 Speaker 1: all just please? Like I just like I see she 793 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: still loves him. He's still obsessed with her, Like you 794 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,560 Speaker 1: can just see it. You think she still is in 795 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 1: love with him. I don't know what. I just wish 796 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 1: the way she acts now she had done with Scott 797 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:34,719 Speaker 1: because I feel like she I mean, I know he 798 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,160 Speaker 1: was a whole lot of horrible to her, but she 799 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,759 Speaker 1: was very She played a part. Two. We all play 800 00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,520 Speaker 1: a part in every book. This is all from seeing 801 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:48,640 Speaker 1: it on TVs, like what actually happened, but like, yeah, 802 00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,560 Speaker 1: big advocate for them, big advocate for you and Brian 803 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,520 Speaker 1: Austin Green. Okay, well we'll still see it out into 804 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,759 Speaker 1: either of those ever work out at third What is 805 00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:03,279 Speaker 1: it they niverse? Ethernet? I don't know. Is that a 806 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,680 Speaker 1: cool fancy way of saying the Internet? I know it 807 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,640 Speaker 1: was smart for me. Universe Oh you mean Internet? Oh 808 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,960 Speaker 1: I mean Internet. I mean like the universe and the 809 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:17,440 Speaker 1: ether ether ether, that's it. So Ethernet is Internet, guys. 810 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,799 Speaker 1: This is when. Yeah, okay, okay, so go what are 811 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,160 Speaker 1: we What are we doing? What are we working on? 812 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:27,360 Speaker 1: The podcast? Letting you that under the rag? No? Um? Okay? 813 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,000 Speaker 1: So no two one, OMG. I have a show on 814 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:35,040 Speaker 1: MTV called Messiness. Um. We just filmed our second season 815 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:42,920 Speaker 1: and it's really fun because I get to be no 816 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,239 Speaker 1: like I've always been toned down like I have. I 817 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,799 Speaker 1: have like for everyone loves Donna, Donna is me. That 818 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,719 Speaker 1: was like me to a core. But I also have 819 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:57,680 Speaker 1: like a really like dirty sense of humor and I 820 00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 1: t am I like I talked too much about up 821 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,400 Speaker 1: and yeah there's that side. So but you know, in 822 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,359 Speaker 1: the public eye, like you're always told to not do that, 823 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,040 Speaker 1: like keep it this way. And I was just in 824 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: Malta for a month filming a show that I can't 825 00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: about yet, but I'll be excited. Um okay, so when 826 00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,920 Speaker 1: Pete look at me, I'm gonna be too honest, like 827 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,560 Speaker 1: so when people ask me, I literally I can't lie 828 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,040 Speaker 1: to you. Like Malta was great, but from what I saw, 829 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:32,560 Speaker 1: I made it look amazing on Instagram. I literally was 830 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,239 Speaker 1: working like nineteen hour days. I saw my bed which 831 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 1: was super comfy at the Weston, and then I would 832 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,799 Speaker 1: get picked up and taken to set, which was not 833 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:45,879 Speaker 1: near the ocean. It was like Survivor. So then why 834 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:51,240 Speaker 1: film Dusty? I don't know, you know what I mean, Like, 835 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 1: you know, they do a lot of shows in Malta. 836 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,760 Speaker 1: Interesting and um originally it was a UK show that's 837 00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:01,319 Speaker 1: being done for the US and and their partners, so 838 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,880 Speaker 1: it's also simultaneously going to launch like the UK version 839 00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,279 Speaker 1: and the US version, and so the crew was all 840 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:12,160 Speaker 1: from the UK because I actually didn't know where Malta is. 841 00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,640 Speaker 1: I didn't either. When I got offered it, I was like, 842 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:18,239 Speaker 1: she wait, what's that. It's a country in Europe, so 843 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,920 Speaker 1: it's its own little country it is. It's an island. 844 00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,919 Speaker 1: I honestly thought I was in Italy or like, it's 845 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,520 Speaker 1: on the coast, its own. You can take like an 846 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:32,200 Speaker 1: hour ferry from Malta and get to sicily beautiful. I 847 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,160 Speaker 1: heard it was a friend went with me and she 848 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,319 Speaker 1: didn't have to work, so she got to go and 849 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,120 Speaker 1: she said it was incredible. But yeah, I never even 850 00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,560 Speaker 1: got to take my toes in the sea. What. Yeah, 851 00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:45,880 Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Look at look at she missed? So from 852 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:50,000 Speaker 1: my hotel room, I could see that view. Yeah, I 853 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,360 Speaker 1: heard the water was really warm, so I'll have to 854 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,520 Speaker 1: go back. So that's a hard working MoMA right there. 855 00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,799 Speaker 1: You know, she doesn't even spend extra time to go 856 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,160 Speaker 1: dip her toes in the water because she has to 857 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,880 Speaker 1: get back home to her baby's go to the MLFI 858 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,839 Speaker 1: coast for three days, okay right afterwards? Yeah I want 859 00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 1: to do that, You're like, well, actually I did. I 860 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:16,040 Speaker 1: actually did, which was exhausting because because I was so tired, 861 00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,200 Speaker 1: I just wanted to like sit by pool or a beach. 862 00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:22,439 Speaker 1: But we were like exciting and shopping and eating and yeah, 863 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,880 Speaker 1: I love it. Well, thank you for being my co 864 00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,840 Speaker 1: host today. Can we do a part two like later 865 00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,800 Speaker 1: down the road? Yeah, of course, any time I actually 866 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:35,680 Speaker 1: want to come to Nashville, Um, please come. I it's 867 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 1: yeah in my dream to come for a long time. 868 00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:46,000 Speaker 1: All right, we'll wind down next. Thanks Toory Bye.