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Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.

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Speaker 2: It's Sunday, November eighth, and we are asking you how

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Speaker 2: happy are you right now? Take a beat think about it,

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Speaker 2: because today we're talking about the balance between happiness and

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Speaker 2: unhappiness and the one toxic trait that kills most relationships.

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Speaker 2: According to experts, it's one of the top four reasons

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Speaker 2: for divorce.

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Speaker 3: It kills your happiness or it kills your relationship.

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Speaker 2: It kills your relationship. Okay, but how happy are you

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Speaker 2: right now?

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Speaker 3: In life?

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Speaker 4: We're in my relationship because those are two different I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: I don't really don't know the direction we were going

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Speaker 4: with this, so I'll stand.

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Speaker 1: By no, how happy are you generally not?

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Speaker 2: I mean, your relationship obviously weighs into your happiness, and

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Speaker 2: we'll get into that.

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Speaker 4: Didn't I sound sincere? We actually are as we record this,

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Speaker 4: we are in Miami. You already put it out there

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Speaker 4: and told everybody where we were So sorry. But I

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Speaker 4: was on the stage last night, and what did you

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Speaker 4: hear me say sincerely to that crowd?

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Speaker 1: You said, I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in

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Speaker 1: my life.

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Speaker 3: There, So there's your answer.

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Speaker 1: All right? And I would also say that I to feel.

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Speaker 2: Happy, and look, you're supposed to feel unhappy too, And

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Speaker 2: that's one of the really interesting things. So most people,

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Speaker 2: and I think this is true, we spend our lives

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Speaker 2: chasing happiness and avoiding or running away from from unhappiness.

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Speaker 4: Would you say that that's standard stuff? Is what you're

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Speaker 4: suposed to do. What are you talking about here? I

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Speaker 4: don't know where are we going with this?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 2: So a behavioral science scientist and happiness expert, he's a

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Speaker 2: professor at Harvard, just gave an interview about the balance

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Speaker 2: between happiness and unhappiness, and he said that those two

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Speaker 2: emotions are actually processed in different hemispheres of your brain,

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Speaker 2: and you need both.

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Speaker 3: I need to be unhappy. Yes, why does this you said, Harvard?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it doesn't automatically mean you have credentials by it.

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Speaker 3: I'm kidding. Obviously we have to listen to this guy.

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Speaker 2: But because he said, you need to have those those

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Speaker 2: moments of unhappiness so that you can process what's going

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Speaker 2: wrong in your life. If you never felt unhappy or uncomfortable,

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Speaker 2: you would never change, you would never grow, you would

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Speaker 2: never make adjustments.

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Speaker 4: Do you need to if you're not unhappy? I'm saying,

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Speaker 4: if you're not feeling unhappy, what do I need to adjust?

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Speaker 2: This very important and respected and intelligent Harvard professor says

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Speaker 2: that it's important to feel unhappy.

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Speaker 4: So you're telling me my University of Arkansas education should

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Speaker 4: not be challenging this guy.

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Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, I'm listening.

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Speaker 2: This was interesting. How I'm curious because I was shocked

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Speaker 2: by these numbers. I got these from a twenty twenty

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Speaker 2: four poll. Here the most recent happiness global survey. How

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Speaker 2: many adults? What percentage of adults do you think report

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Speaker 2: being happy?

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Speaker 3: Is a country breakdown?

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Speaker 1: We will get into that there is a country breakdown.

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Speaker 3: I think that would make a huge difference.

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Speaker 4: But the other thing I'm trying to factor in is

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Speaker 4: how many people are going to be honest about it? Like,

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Speaker 4: who wants to admit actually that they're not happy?

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Speaker 1: So overall, globally, overall.

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Speaker 3: How many say they're happy?

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Speaker 1: Yep?

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Speaker 3: I would go sixty five percent.

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Speaker 1: Dang, you're good. Sixty four percent.

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Speaker 2: Two thirds of adults report being happy, and fourteen percent report.

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Speaker 1: Being very happy.

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Speaker 3: Lies.

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Speaker 1: Fourteen percent though it's much smaller.

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Speaker 3: Actually, that's higher than I thought.

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Speaker 2: Yes, save, I was surprised, so countries with the highest

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Speaker 2: proportion of adults considering themselves as very happy.

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Speaker 4: Okay, the country break down? How many countries I got

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Speaker 4: to consider here.

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Speaker 1: All of them?

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Speaker 3: Who would be happiest?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: Of the ones that are the happiest one, two, three, four,

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Speaker 2: and then there are two like honorable mentions.

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Speaker 1: So you can have six countries that are in that

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Speaker 1: top don't care.

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Speaker 4: Isn't it always what is it Switzerland and Sweden? And

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Speaker 4: isn't it always in that area?

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Speaker 1: I would have guessed that too, But all.

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Speaker 3: The time they always say those folks are happier.

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Speaker 2: It's I would have they say they have a higher

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Speaker 2: quality of life, would lead to better happiness, of course.

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Speaker 2: But number one Canada twenty nine percent. And then there's

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Speaker 2: a three way tie for two Australia, Saudi Arabia and India.

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Speaker 2: And India actually has been like consistently when you look

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Speaker 2: at the annual reports, India is at the highest.

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Speaker 3: Well, they're all this is for what for the happiest people?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.

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Speaker 2: And then the Great Britain and the United States twenty

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Speaker 2: seven percent, so very close behind.

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Speaker 3: Twenty seven percent of Americans say they're happy.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 3: That's bad. Only a quarter of the three hundred and.

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Speaker 1: Very happy, very happy?

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Speaker 3: Now I think it's too high.

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Speaker 2: Now, what are the countries that have the lowest percentage

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Speaker 2: of people who say they are not happy at all?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 4: Are any of these third world? Or are we talking

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Speaker 4: about Western modern societies here?

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Speaker 1: Two of them are considered third world, one of them not.

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Speaker 3: So there's three that are of some unhappy. I wouldn't know.

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Speaker 3: Where have we been that people look miserable? Have we

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Speaker 3: been to these places?

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Speaker 2: I have been to these places, but I would not

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Speaker 2: have put these I probably shouldn't say who I've seen

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Speaker 2: to be the most unhappy collectively as a country. But

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Speaker 2: number one at the bottom is argent Tina nineteen percent.

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Speaker 1: Least happy, least happy.

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Speaker 3: Probably all constipated.

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Speaker 1: That they're they're nineteen percent say that, yeah, that they're

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Speaker 1: not happy.

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Speaker 2: So Argentina, Turkey next, and then Japan that not happy,

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Speaker 2: not happy. That surprised me, really why because I just

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Speaker 2: feel like they have order and structure in their country.

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Speaker 3: They it doesn't include happiness or instructure.

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Speaker 1: You're right, they have to do what they're told. That

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Speaker 1: is very true. Okay, all right, now, it's room to.

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Speaker 3: Be happy or unhappy.

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Speaker 2: You know, we did a story about the happiness you curve.

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Speaker 1: Remember we did this in Morning Run.

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Speaker 2: I believe maybe we even did a full podcast on

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Speaker 2: it when they have aged. Yes, yes, do you remember

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Speaker 2: we are happiest in old age. People in their sixties

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Speaker 2: and seventies are most likely to say they're happy seventy

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Speaker 2: five percent and seventy six percent.

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Speaker 1: Those are huge.

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Speaker 3: Older people are happy.

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Speaker 2: Are happy, and we I think we said it was

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Speaker 2: like forty eight, but they in this poll they said

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Speaker 2: those in their fifties are the least happy. So starting

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Speaker 2: at a forty eight forty nine up until about fifty eight,

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Speaker 2: so we're in the throes of unhappiness.

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Speaker 4: I thought the thing we did was it would show

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Speaker 4: that the unhappiest to you are in your life is

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Speaker 4: like forty seven point two forty.

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Speaker 3: Or something like that. But I thought it starts going

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Speaker 3: back up.

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Speaker 1: This one said not until like fifty six fifty seven.

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Speaker 3: There's this the Harvard gun again.

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Speaker 2: All right, this what makes you happy? Because I've got

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Speaker 2: the top three things that make you happy?

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Speaker 3: Nothing nothing makes me happy.

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Speaker 1: You know what that reads?

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Speaker 4: Absolutely nothing makes me happy. Something can add to or

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Speaker 4: take away from. But I'm good and I have to

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Speaker 4: be you have to think that way. I mean, I

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Speaker 4: had to train myself over the past five plus years

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Speaker 4: of this. But you if I am saying, oh, man,

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Speaker 4: everything's gonna be good as soon as I get this

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Speaker 4: new job. Oh everything's gonna be good as soon as

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Speaker 4: I move into this new place. So everything, if these

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Speaker 4: things can make you happy, or oh she makes me happy,

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Speaker 4: he makes me We talk about this all the time.

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Speaker 4: You should not give away your power, essentially by saying

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Speaker 4: this other thing is necessary to make happy.

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Speaker 3: So what. There are plenty of things that I add.

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Speaker 4: To travel, you and I get on a plane together,

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Speaker 4: a great horror movie, great food, having people in the

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Speaker 4: house cooking.

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Speaker 3: I enjoy that they add to my happiness.

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Speaker 2: You know what, It's funny because I agree, and I've

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Speaker 2: always well recently in recent you're subscribed to this, don't

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Speaker 2: give away your power. It's upon you to regulate yourself.

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Speaker 2: You can't expect someone else to do it for you. However,

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Speaker 2: it's funny. You won't even take credit when I say

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Speaker 2: something like you made me laugh or you made me smile,

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Speaker 2: or you made me You're like, I can't make you

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Speaker 2: do anyhing. You won't even take credit for the good

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Speaker 2: stuff because you don't want to be blamed for the

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Speaker 2: bad stuff.

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Speaker 3: What do I say?

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Speaker 4: If I can make you do anything, then why can't

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Speaker 4: I make you be quiet? That's using my response jokingly.

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Speaker 1: I know you're kidding.

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Speaker 2: I know. I mean, yes, I know your humor. It

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Speaker 2: does make me laugh, whether you want to believe it

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Speaker 2: or not. So what makes us happy? According to this

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Speaker 2: this is now a twenty twenty four pole.

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Speaker 3: What makes people happy?

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Speaker 2: Yep?

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Speaker 3: Kind of guess is it? Is it? Money? Is money

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Speaker 3: in there anywhere?

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Speaker 1: They do bring that up, but it is not. Number

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Speaker 1: one makes people?

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Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, Then what.

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Speaker 1: Makes us happy? My family and my children.

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Speaker 4: Where's the list of what things that make me unhappy?

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Speaker 4: I've been at the top as well.

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Speaker 2: I've got I agree with you completely. Number two feeling

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Speaker 2: appreciated and loved. Totally agree. If you feel appreciated and loved,

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Speaker 2: it does bring a happiness to you. And number three

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Speaker 2: this I agree. Feeling in control of my life.

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Speaker 4: Makes you feel happy? Yeah, oh my god, I let

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Speaker 4: that one go. Who is in control of their life?

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Speaker 4: Please let me hear this. It's an an illusion.

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Speaker 2: It's this feeling in control my life, not being in control,

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Speaker 2: feeling in control. So financial situation I actually put this interesting.

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Speaker 2: Financial situation came in at number five, so lower than

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Speaker 2: you would think. And this one really surprised me. But

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Speaker 2: this is about what makes you happy. Physical health and

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Speaker 2: well being only came in at eight, and I think

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Speaker 2: that I was trying to get my head around that,

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Speaker 2: because when you're feeling happy, you're not thinking about your health.

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Speaker 2: You're not even appreciating it because you haven't experienced the opposite.

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Speaker 2: So if you've always felt good and you you're healthy,

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Speaker 2: you're not really recognizing how much that does contribute to

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Speaker 2: your happiness and joy.

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Speaker 4: I wonder if it was a breakdown of demographics, if

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Speaker 4: older people have that higher on.

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Speaker 2: Their list, yes, I would think, So what makes us unhappy?

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Speaker 2: The number one was your financial situation unhappy?

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Speaker 1: Yow, So there you go.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't having money doesn't necessarily make you happy happy,

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Speaker 2: but not having money makes you unhappy?

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Speaker 4: Wait a minute, then those things should be If not

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Speaker 4: having it makes you unhappy, then having it should make

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Speaker 4: you happy?

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Speaker 3: Is that not worth?

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Speaker 2: But isn't that interesting that that's not what this study showed?

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Speaker 2: And so this was this was again from our Harvard

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Speaker 2: professor who I've been talking about.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I've got it. It's up here. I just didn't.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't say it all that.

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Speaker 2: Arthur Brooks is his name, And Arthur Brooks talked about

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Speaker 2: how we manage when we are unhappy negative emotions, and

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Speaker 2: he said there are some people who experience them more intensely.

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Speaker 1: Would you agree with that?

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Speaker 3: Who experience negative emotions? Do you experience them or you

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Speaker 3: express them more intensely? Right?

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Speaker 4: Is your pain worse than mine? Or I'm just better

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Speaker 4: at expressing myself and not getting as upset.

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Speaker 2: He is saying that some people actually experience more mental

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Speaker 2: anguish than others. And I would think, like, if you

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Speaker 2: think about brain chemistry and how we inherit that that's

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Speaker 2: kind of a part of our DNA. I know that

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Speaker 2: just even seeing my children, one child is generally happier

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Speaker 2: than the other. And that's just and they were born

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Speaker 2: that way when they were babies.

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Speaker 3: Wait, which one is the happier one?

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Speaker 1: That's funny, I think, And I guess I thank you

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Speaker 1: already now.

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Speaker 2: But so he calls these people high negative effect individuals

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Speaker 2: negative effect, Okay, and so, and he said the quickest

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Speaker 2: way that people go to try and manage all of

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Speaker 2: this is the unhealthy ways, which drugs, alcohol, technology as

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Speaker 2: a distraction. So you go and you just you're feeling

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Speaker 2: like craps. You go and you just scroll on Instagram

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Speaker 2: and you just doom scroll.

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Speaker 4: All those things are the same thing. You're essentially looking

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Speaker 4: for a distraction from the way you feel.

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Speaker 2: Correct correct, And so that is one of the worst

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Speaker 2: things you can do in terms of managing unhappiness.

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Speaker 4: Well, folks, we'll continue on how you should manage your unhappiness,

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Speaker 4: but we are going to hit on exactly what maybe

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Speaker 4: you should be doing to improve your situation. Stay here, folks,

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Speaker 4: whether you are happy or unhappy, we want you to

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Speaker 4: keep listening.

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Speaker 3: Stay here.

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Speaker 2: We continue our conversation now about how many of us

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Speaker 2: are happy, how many of us are unhappy, and how

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Speaker 2: we manage some of those negative feelings. And according to

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Speaker 2: our Harvard professor, the first thing you should do is

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Speaker 2: ask yourself, why am I doing that? Why am I

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Speaker 2: feeling this? You need to get curious about your pain,

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Speaker 2: why you're feeling the way you exactly, so once you

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Speaker 2: kind of understand it, it helps you tackle it and

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Speaker 2: figure out what you can do about it.

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Speaker 1: And he says, your best outlet.

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Speaker 2: What do you think your best outlet is for negative

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Speaker 2: emotions and unhappiness?

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Speaker 4: Is it not another person? Not talking to somebody? An

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Speaker 4: outlet for your emotions? You're not gonna say like giving back?

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Speaker 4: He Nope, volunteer all the time.

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Speaker 2: You know, I do believe that when you can't help yourself,

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Speaker 2: if you help someone else, it does elevate everybody. It is.

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Speaker 2: But you're gonna know this one you just start thinking

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Speaker 2: about it. Exercise number one best way if you are

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Speaker 2: feeling down, go to the gym, Go for a run,

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Speaker 2: go for a walk.

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Speaker 1: It one hundred percent helps.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, go to the gym, see all those hot people.

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Speaker 4: That should make you feel better about what you're going through.

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Speaker 2: And then he also describes, and a lot of folks

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Speaker 2: will agree with this, a metaphysical or spiritual connection. So

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Speaker 2: whether you're praying to God, you're meditating, you're doing your yoga.

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Speaker 2: But whatever spiritual connection, divine connection, you need that that

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Speaker 2: genuinely helps when you're feeling unhappy or down. So he

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Speaker 2: says the two best ways for you to manage your anxiety,

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Speaker 2: this is a quote, get in touch with your faith

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Speaker 2: or spirituality and go pick up heavy things and run around.

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Speaker 3: Okay, is there a third option?

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Speaker 2: No? So he said, physical activity and exercise and spiritual

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Speaker 2: activity are a heck of a lot better for your

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Speaker 2: mental health, including your relationship.

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Speaker 3: Spiritual not just religious. I'm making it correct, right, correct.

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Speaker 2: And so speaking of relationships, he goes into this, and

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Speaker 2: this was something I teased at the very top, and

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Speaker 2: this was so interesting. One of the worst ways to

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Speaker 2: manage negative emotions and the number one toxic trait to

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Speaker 2: hurt your relationship is constant excessive work or what he

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Speaker 2: calls workaholism. And that's the headline actually that got me

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Speaker 2: to click on this initial article, and I thought, wow,

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Speaker 2: I never considered that, And I went and looked and

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Speaker 2: did some more research, and several groups of lawyers whatever,

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Speaker 2: they collect data about what the leading causes of divorce is,

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Speaker 2: and workaholism, they say is in the top four reasons

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Speaker 2: why people get divorced.

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Speaker 4: So what are we talk Are we just talking about

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Speaker 4: someone dedicated? You're essentially ignoring your relationship by putting more

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Speaker 4: time into work than your relationship with.

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Speaker 2: That yep, So Brooks says most workaholics today are actually

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Speaker 2: not required to do so by their boss. It's almost

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Speaker 2: always self imposed. So they he said, most workaholics are

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Speaker 2: their own tyrannical bosses. And he said this, there has

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Speaker 2: never been a workaholic who had a functional relationship.

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Speaker 3: That's untrue.

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Speaker 4: Now, Okay, out of Jokinbasm or earlier stuff, he can

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Speaker 4: feel that way.

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Speaker 2: Then we have different Some estimates suggest that marriages where

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Speaker 2: at least one spouse is a workaholic are twice as

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Speaker 2: likely to fail. That's the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

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Speaker 3: You know, they bunch a Harvard guys as well.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm going to give here's here's a quote

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Speaker 2: from Brooks that I think will help clear this up. Okay,

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Speaker 2: most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life

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Speaker 2: that they don't like. And they know they're super good

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Speaker 2: at work, and they can get into kind of a

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Speaker 2: zone when they're working and they don't think about the

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Speaker 2: things they don't want to be thinking about. That is

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Speaker 2: where workaholism generally comes from.

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Speaker 3: Can you read the first part of the Again.

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Speaker 2: Most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life

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Speaker 2: that they don't like.

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Speaker 4: Okay, if I stop right there, then it's not you

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Speaker 4: being a workaholic. That's causing the problem in the relationship.

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Speaker 4: You are turning yourself into one because there's a problem

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Speaker 4: in your relationship. It's not lee, it's possible. I'm saying

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Speaker 4: there's a possibility. I just got chills when you said that.

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Speaker 4: The case one that has been my personal experience. When

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Speaker 4: I read this, a lot of this resonated with me.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely have said before that it feels as though

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Speaker 2: I was married to my job. That was the love

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Speaker 2: of my life. That was you know, even before children.

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Speaker 2: Obviously they are the loves of my life, but the

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Speaker 2: happy one and I guess I love them both equally,

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Speaker 2: just differently. But no, and I that makes sense. You're

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Speaker 2: you're pointing to something that hit me. Maybe it's a

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Speaker 2: symptom of a relationship problem versus you creating a problem

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Speaker 2: in your relationship. There, it is there, and I do

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Speaker 2: I do appreciate the next line. And they know they're

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Speaker 2: super good at work. So if you're also if you're

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Speaker 2: feeling like your relationship is terrible, but you know, when

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Speaker 2: you go to work, you feel like you've got a

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Speaker 2: sense of accomplishment and people say way to go. Yes,

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Speaker 2: that's going to fuel you because you're getting that that

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Speaker 2: feeling of validation and achievement, and if you're not getting

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Speaker 2: it in your relationship, if you're getting it there, that's

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Speaker 2: where you're going to spend most of your time.

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Speaker 3: It's that simple.

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Speaker 4: If I if I'm good at basketball and suck at golf,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to spend more time at basketball, and my

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Speaker 4: golf game's gonna hurt.

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Speaker 3: I mean, there's a sports analogy.

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Speaker 4: But if if you're ignoring this other thing, yes, we all,

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Speaker 4: I'm successful at this, I'm gonna.

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Speaker 3: Do the thing.

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Speaker 4: I'm good at this other thing, I'll keep it by

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Speaker 4: the side. Yes, that sucks and it's work, man, it's

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Speaker 4: a lot of well.

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Speaker 2: He suggests if you can recognize that and then turn

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Speaker 2: if you whatever, like, whatever you appreciate, appreciates, right, that's

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Speaker 2: what they say. So if you can turn that focus

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Speaker 2: onto your relationship, you might see major improvements.

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Speaker 3: So mister Brooks, so doctor brook.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, I think it's something that we can all

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Speaker 2: think about and something that we can all use to improve.

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Speaker 2: I know, exercise for me has been I just I

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Speaker 2: felt validated when I read that because my runs have

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Speaker 2: been my therapy. I don't know what I would do

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Speaker 2: without that outlet.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I guess all of our listeners know that most

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Speaker 4: of our subjects here just for your validation, So I'm

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Speaker 4: glad we found another one to make you feel good

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Speaker 4: about yourself.

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Speaker 2: I just think everybody can appreciate some guidance about being

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Speaker 2: happy and how to avoid being unhappy. And with that, everyone,

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Speaker 2: we hope you have a very, very happy Sunday. I'm

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Speaker 2: made Robock alongside my love TJ.

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Speaker 1: Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.

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Speaker 3: Then, the pat P