Speaker 1: Podcast starts now. Welcome all to what used to be
Speaker 1: known as Stradia Lab. But for today, the one magical
Speaker 1: day of the year, it's Katia Lab. Happy Pride, Happy Pride.
Speaker 2: Happy pride to all, Happy pride to.
Speaker 3: Everyone in America only.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 3: So let's start there.
Speaker 1: Of course, happy pride.
Speaker 3: And when we say pride, we mean we're proud to
Speaker 3: be American, and.
Speaker 1: On top of America only. I'd like to narrow it
Speaker 1: even further to specifically the coasts. Yeah, the coasts.
Speaker 3: And when we say LGBTQ pride, we mean gay men.
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. So we so gay men, We're proud to
Speaker 3: be gay men in the United States of America, specifically
Speaker 3: the large cities, that's right, And of course not every
Speaker 3: large city.
Speaker 1: And of course not every large city. I'm speaking specifically
Speaker 1: about the pride of being in a creative city.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and what would qualify as a creative city.
Speaker 1: Do you think I think it would count as either
Speaker 1: New York or Los Angeles?
Speaker 3: Do you think is just those two?
Speaker 1: Oh? Actually, I'm getting word, it's just New York.
Speaker 3: That's what I thought. You hadn't gotten the memo.
Speaker 1: Yet, And in fact, I'm getting word it's only like
Speaker 1: a few specific parts of Brooklyn.
Speaker 3: Well, but also downtown Manhattan. Well, you don't think it's
Speaker 3: downtown Manhattan.
Speaker 1: I'm just not sure anymore.
Speaker 3: I have to tell you a lot of parts of
Speaker 3: Brooklyn are even less creative than like the Upper east
Speaker 3: Side at this point.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not including all of Brooklyn, George, I'm which part? Okay, Bushwick? Wrong?
Speaker 3: Okay, you've been gone too long. You've been gone too long, Sam,
Speaker 3: Bushwick is now all families that live in two bedrooms
Speaker 3: and they have five nannies, and all of them you
Speaker 3: know they are on paper creatives. But what that means
Speaker 3: that they work in advertising?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, then I don't feel pride anymore. How about that? Wow,
Speaker 1: it's official. If I can't feel pride in proud to
Speaker 1: be an American, and by American, I mean a person
Speaker 1: in a creative city, and by a creative city, I
Speaker 1: mean New York, and by a part of New York,
Speaker 1: I mean just one part and that means Bushwick, Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: then I'm not proud anymore.
Speaker 3: I actually think we can make it even more specific
Speaker 3: and say that pride is only for if you are
Speaker 3: Sam Taggart or George saveres and it kind of excuse me,
Speaker 3: we haven't brought you in yet. And I think that
Speaker 3: it can be Like there's something beautiful in making Pride
Speaker 3: more exclusionary rather than more inclusive. Don't you think? Wow?
Speaker 1: This is so we're taking the debate about like whether
Speaker 1: by girls bringing their boyfriends to Pride is good or bad.
Speaker 3: It's not about that.
Speaker 1: It's not about that. It's are you me or are
Speaker 1: you you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, I'm sort of tired of trying to negotiate
Speaker 3: who's included, who's excluded. I know one person who has
Speaker 3: included me. I've always been there. I've always been there.
Speaker 3: I've gone every year. I've gone to some event.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: Some years I go to like a big parade. Some
Speaker 3: years I go to maybe some counterprogramming, or maybe I'll
Speaker 3: go to Reese Beach and just with my girls and
Speaker 3: we'll be like, God, we're so glad we got out
Speaker 3: of the city for the big parade because we don't
Speaker 3: want to be around all the riff raff, you know,
Speaker 3: some of whom are not even included in Pride, And
Speaker 3: so I think it's nice to you know, if you
Speaker 3: look at the data, I've always been included and if
Speaker 3: you look at the data, you've always been included. So
Speaker 3: how can we start there and then start building, rebuilding
Speaker 3: the LGBTQ plus community around just the two of us.
Speaker 1: I think that's an amazing idea, what an awesome orbit
Speaker 1: to be a part of.
Speaker 3: And you know what's interesting today, actually we have chosen
Speaker 3: the third person that we are inviting into the new
Speaker 3: and improved LGBTQ plus community.
Speaker 1: And it starts with one.
Speaker 3: It starts with one, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 3: let's like, start with someone we trust, someone we think
Speaker 3: is definitely LGBTQ plus, Like I've seen her at Pride events.
Speaker 3: I know that she associates with a certain kind of community,
Speaker 3: and I think we can start with her and then
Speaker 3: as we go we can just rebuild.
Speaker 1: Okay, the rebuilding starts now. Please welcome to the podcast,
Speaker 1: Patti Harrison.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. I'm sorry I had an outburst.
Speaker 4: I just didn't realize you were building up to including
Speaker 4: me in that. So I'm really glad that it went there,
Speaker 4: and it taught me a little lesson about being a
Speaker 4: little more patient about you know, that maybe I could
Speaker 4: be included at the end of something that it sounds
Speaker 4: like at the start of the conversation about it, I'm
Speaker 4: not included, and I think conclusion is more important now
Speaker 4: than it was before, but not ever.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's a really good point, Patty. So when would
Speaker 3: you say inclusion was most important and when would you
Speaker 3: say it was least important?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't feel qualified to talk.
Speaker 1: On them, but you're one of the three, one of
Speaker 1: the three only l G B, t Q plus people.
Speaker 4: Okay, So I have to say I what I am? Woman? Born,
Speaker 4: woman I have. I was born with eggs, ovaries, vagina.
Speaker 4: Really when I was born, it was really small. Breasts
Speaker 4: grew as I grew older.
Speaker 3: Weren't you weren't you born with big double d's.
Speaker 4: Oh, I guess we're just gonna go there, Yes, just
Speaker 4: gonna go there, go there.
Speaker 1: A D D.
Speaker 3: Oh, it was single D.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's they thought my mom thought she was
Speaker 4: having triplets in the ultrasound.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was just your huge breast.
Speaker 4: To yeah, each breast, but it was it still was
Speaker 4: as much pain, I think as delivering triplets, because they
Speaker 4: had to deliver me at first, then the left one
Speaker 4: than the right one, and the ass was huge too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's no measuring system, so you can't say
Speaker 1: how big exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're still so behind.
Speaker 1: Actually, why isn't there a system?
Speaker 3: That's a really good point that why it literally like
Speaker 3: it's just as much of a big deal. And I
Speaker 3: actually say this, as you know, I'll say it a
Speaker 3: man with wider than average hips, you know, often I
Speaker 3: will have to google white hips.
Speaker 4: Wait, is that true? I've never cloked to.
Speaker 1: That about you.
Speaker 3: I mean, listen, I'm not saying it's I'm not saying
Speaker 3: I look like a like a like a monster from
Speaker 3: a cartoon or something. But I'm saying, you know, there
Speaker 3: are certain proportions that you that the default man has
Speaker 3: and and my hips are slightly wider.
Speaker 1: And I would like to say that as someone since
Speaker 1: moving to Los Angeles, my I've noticed my ass getting
Speaker 1: smaller and smaller by the day, and I would like
Speaker 1: to measure actually how much ass is being lost daily.
Speaker 3: I do want to just follow that up Sam by saying,
Speaker 3: it's interesting you're saying it since you moved to Los Angeles,
Speaker 3: when in fact, I believe it's because of an injury
Speaker 3: you can't exercise. Is that correct?
Speaker 1: But because of this very injury, I'm doing way more
Speaker 1: leg and glute work.
Speaker 3: Oh, so your ass should be getting bigger.
Speaker 1: It should be getting bigger, and yet and yet, and
Speaker 1: yet the day to day life in Los Angeles just
Speaker 1: doesn't work the ass in the same way.
Speaker 4: Can you can you tell me what the injury was?
Speaker 1: Or is that through my back out I have had
Speaker 1: her needed disc Oh, I'm sorry. Doing physical therapy back.
Speaker 4: Pain is really tricky and complicated and hard.
Speaker 1: Oh it's the real deal.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm I'm sorry it's making your ass shrink.
Speaker 3: I sort of. I think I think all chronic pain
Speaker 3: is fake. But back to Patty's Patty's various qualities.
Speaker 4: Earth, So I only date man and I've never been
Speaker 4: sexually attracted to women.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, so you but the men can be gay?
Speaker 3: You think men can be gay? Do you think women
Speaker 3: can be gay?
Speaker 4: Know the men that i'm can be gay?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 4: And I think that makes I?
Speaker 1: Are they? By then?
Speaker 4: I don't that's for them. I can't speak for them.
Speaker 3: Sure, do you think, Patty, the fact that you date
Speaker 3: gay men makes you l G B T Q. Plus
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 4: I should be in there. I'm going after him, I say,
Speaker 4: I like. I like the way you Sashet. I can't.
Speaker 4: I can't fan, I can't find it. A straight guy
Speaker 4: at at, I don't. I don't know what a straight
Speaker 4: place is in l A. In Chelsea Peers at the.
Speaker 1: Golf he brought up a gay location.
Speaker 3: Chelsea Peers is gay.
Speaker 1: Chelsea Peers is like where gay guys go to hook up.
Speaker 4: No, it's where straight guys go to play golf. They
Speaker 4: go to hit, they go there to dry.
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, there is a driving range there, but
Speaker 1: historically it's like sort of a shorthand for like fag
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: It's like, really, I'm starting to think, like, should you
Speaker 3: have been the first person we added to the career community.
Speaker 4: No, don't second guess this. I'm so excited to be
Speaker 4: included in everything. And I'm sure someone in the other
Speaker 4: room is screaming at me to get closer to the mic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can feel myself screaming at myself.
Speaker 3: So I do want to go back to Patty. When
Speaker 3: you think inclusion was most important and when you think
Speaker 3: it was least important.
Speaker 4: I think inclusion was probably most important. I think in
Speaker 4: the period of when when sea life was starting to grow,
Speaker 4: the fins were turning into limbs and they were starting
Speaker 4: to crawl ashore because I think if you weren't included
Speaker 4: in that, you were just staying in the water and
Speaker 4: you weren't get getting to enjoy the many benefits of land.
Speaker 4: The land, I.
Speaker 1: Think it was more queer to grow limbs or to
Speaker 1: keep fins.
Speaker 4: Such a good question, you know, as much as I
Speaker 4: would like to say growing fins is or keeping your
Speaker 4: fins as queer because of like The Little Mermaid, I
Speaker 4: actually think The Little Mermaid is not a story about
Speaker 4: like beautiful transformation. It's about the power of how you
Speaker 4: need to change from the thing that you were that
Speaker 4: was beautiful into the thing that everyone likes and accepts
Speaker 4: in order to be in society. And I think that
Speaker 4: is a straight, straight, straight story. So I think actually
Speaker 4: growing legs to get away from mermaids like that and
Speaker 4: become a straight person in society, I think that narrative
Speaker 4: is also straight. And so I'm arguing with myself right
Speaker 4: now out loud as I'm talking to you both.
Speaker 3: Maybe the first few people to grow legs were like
Speaker 3: punk rock, you know, because that because they were in
Speaker 3: the minority, they were doing something new. But then they
Speaker 3: started growing a critical mass of people who had left eggs,
Speaker 3: and at a certain point it actually became assimilation for
Speaker 3: you to also grow legs and get on land, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's an incredible hypothesis, George, I really
Speaker 4: I can see that. I think it would probably be
Speaker 4: really difficult for the ones not growing legs around them
Speaker 4: to look at the ones growing legs and be like,
Speaker 4: what what happened to my partner or what happened well,
Speaker 4: and they weren't saying partner then, because that has been
Speaker 4: like a thing that people are just now adjusting to
Speaker 4: what happened to my boyfriend?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think yeah, back in the times of early evolution,
Speaker 3: everyone was saying only boyfriend and girlfriend and not partner.
Speaker 1: Well, I think whales and dolphins are potentially sort of
Speaker 1: the old queens of the world, you know, they're sort
Speaker 1: of like, well back in my like in my day
Speaker 1: that we didn't have all this bullshit. You were either
Speaker 1: you were queer or you weren't, you know, it was
Speaker 1: sort of that vibe. Oh.
Speaker 4: Well, what I will say is whales and dolphins are
Speaker 4: actually like a more recent evolved species. Yes, actually sharks
Speaker 4: have experienced less change.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Like.
Speaker 4: The hundreds of millions of years. I guess they've experienced.
Speaker 4: Dolphins and whales are relatively.
Speaker 3: And that's the sense they are. In that sense they are,
Speaker 3: sharks are sort of similar to old you know, like
Speaker 3: an old conservative, regressive, regressive person. You know, they have
Speaker 3: they have the bite to them, and they're a little
Speaker 3: bit like this is my turf, get off my grand
Speaker 3: chorino Clint Eastwood code.
Speaker 4: Yeah, being like I hate what you are, but you're
Speaker 4: lucky I'm here. That's right to save you from gangs.
Speaker 3: But then you know, of course, it also goes all
Speaker 3: the way around where people become so afraid of sharks
Speaker 3: and become so anti shark that then sharks are in
Speaker 3: fact under attack in the way that you know, certain
Speaker 3: boomers in America like don't have a pension.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sharks are under attack in the way that maybe
Speaker 4: like transgender people are trying to use a bathroom. Wow,
Speaker 4: like like they say that sharks they think sharks are dangerous.
Speaker 4: They build up this like fake fear that sharks are
Speaker 4: going to go into the bathroom and like, oh, in
Speaker 4: hurt women when sharks can't literally can't go into the
Speaker 4: bathroom because they are in the water.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. So this is I really like the idea.
Speaker 3: I hadn't thought about it like this starting a metaphor
Speaker 3: but then collapsing the divide between the reil and the metaphor.
Speaker 3: So the metaphor is that sharks are like trans people,
Speaker 3: but then the reasoning is that they couldn't go into
Speaker 3: the bathroom because there's sharks they're in the water.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to say that, you know, metaphors aside. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's this thing. I read an article that was about
Speaker 1: how sharks are like, uh, being more protect did by
Speaker 1: environmentalists and so like beaches actually are more dangerous, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait.
Speaker 3: No, this is the give and take. The shark metaphors
Speaker 3: cand of apply to every single thing in life, which
Speaker 3: is they are deadly, but we have to protect them.
Speaker 3: And our role in this world as people is to
Speaker 3: figure out that paradox.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I do think that sharks are naturally in that
Speaker 4: environment and they're a sign of a healthy ecosystem. And
Speaker 4: I think if you're in any area where there's like
Speaker 4: no fish at all, then that's a sign that the
Speaker 4: ecosystem is in peril, or maybe you're swimming in like
Speaker 4: dirty water where they're dumping chemicals. It's just an inherent
Speaker 4: risk of going into the ocean if you like to
Speaker 4: swim in the ocean. But a lot of sharks, if
Speaker 4: you look at the statistics there are, it's kind of
Speaker 4: astronomically low. It is so insanely, insanely unprobable that you
Speaker 4: will ever get bittime.
Speaker 1: But like so many people like say, they're they're in
Speaker 1: the beach. They're at the beach maybe once a summer.
Speaker 1: You know, the way I'm hitting the beach, my odds
Speaker 1: are going up astronomically.
Speaker 3: You think you're especially in danger, Sam, because you're going
Speaker 3: to the beach a lot over.
Speaker 1: The South especially, I'm I'm victim number one. Plus they
Speaker 1: you know, I know how sharks think. And they're gonna
Speaker 1: see me frolic and they're gonna say, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: him down a peg. Yeah, you splash a splashing, I'm flipping.
Speaker 1: I'm riding the waves.
Speaker 4: They say you don't trim your nails so that they're
Speaker 4: like your tonails are scraping yourself and you're getting a
Speaker 4: little cut through.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Blood is always flying everywhere I go because I
Speaker 1: live so freely that that blood flies out of my skin,
Speaker 1: and and so I know that I'm a target. Uh.
Speaker 4: I think that's really scary. I think with like the
Speaker 4: HIV bringing that up, and and I feel like connecting
Speaker 4: in my brain right now, I feel like it's coming
Speaker 4: basically like the AIDS crisis. It's like that even though
Speaker 4: that like gay people aren't the only people get AIDS,
Speaker 4: they became kind of like this target target demographic for
Speaker 4: like the way the narrative publicly try to add that
Speaker 4: as like another way, the gay community is like a
Speaker 4: pariah in some way, or that they're unfit. They if
Speaker 4: we allow them to grow, they won't be able to
Speaker 4: take care of themselves because they don't have self control.
Speaker 4: Beach life is not necessarily like intrinsically gay, though I
Speaker 4: would say being gay is intrinsic to beach life. But
Speaker 4: I think like straight because straight people love the beach
Speaker 4: and they love to splash and swim. But I think
Speaker 4: when the way gay people swim like you do, I
Speaker 4: think it subjects them to a higher rate of a
Speaker 4: higher risk of shark attacks.
Speaker 3: Shark attacks, of shark attacks, we have to be.
Speaker 4: Really careful not to correlate those things.
Speaker 3: You're absolutely right, Patty, and I think it's like in
Speaker 3: the same way that during the AIDS crisis, organizations like
Speaker 3: would sort of promote safe sex rather than promoting like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, conversion therapy. We need we need a
Speaker 3: like a harm reduction model for the epidemic of gay
Speaker 3: guys being bitten by sharks because they like the beach
Speaker 3: so much.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, it's like, don't go swimming right after you've
Speaker 4: been like gaped. No, don't laugh. There are odds that
Speaker 4: you have experienced more more substantial micro tears if your
Speaker 4: anus has been kind of worked worked in in.
Speaker 1: Slop down, up and down.
Speaker 4: Of course, the seawater is just getting in there and
Speaker 4: the so the tide comes in, goes into the anus,
Speaker 4: collects some of that blood, washes back out. A shark
Speaker 4: can smell that from over a mile away.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like a cavernous cave and that
Speaker 3: you know, you you like hear the sound of the
Speaker 3: ocean go in and then go out. Yah, and the
Speaker 3: sharks love that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well they'll take anything. They don't want to eat people.
Speaker 4: But a gay asshole like that that's so worn out
Speaker 4: it's kind of prolapsing into the water probably looks to
Speaker 4: them like some legal se ccumber.
Speaker 3: Well, that's the best part of the animal. Yeah. It's like,
Speaker 3: if you know, even if I've been vegetarian for five years,
Speaker 3: I see a delicious steak, you know, medium rare, in
Speaker 3: a in a stunning French beastro We're talking a puav sauce. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna crave it, even if I'm trying not to
Speaker 3: eat meat.
Speaker 4: I've been vegetarian for a real long time and I've
Speaker 4: never craved meat.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, I'm trying to agree with you, Patty, I'm
Speaker 3: trying to I'm trying to further your further your argument
Speaker 3: by adding a metaphor. And suddenly you are icing me out.
Speaker 4: What is a puav sauce?
Speaker 1: Thank you, I wasn't gonna say it.
Speaker 3: What is a pap sauce?
Speaker 1: George? You bring me to.
Speaker 3: Move out of Los Angeles and come back to New
Speaker 3: York because you are losing cultural references left and right?
Speaker 1: Sauce?
Speaker 3: Have you never heard of steak au puav?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: That is George. This is not normal.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but I'm already hearing I'm hearing people clack
Speaker 3: clack clacking on the comments, being like team.
Speaker 5: George, team go to lavad'or in New York. I love steak.
Speaker 5: Steak up sauce is like a peppery sauce. It's one
Speaker 5: of the French sauces that you can get with steak.
Speaker 4: Are you saying it's like gravy, it's like ketchup.
Speaker 3: It's not like ketchup.
Speaker 4: It call me when Ketchup joins the chat.
Speaker 1: No, that's true.
Speaker 3: I am calling a emergency helicopter to get both of
Speaker 3: you from the streets of Los Angeles and to airlift
Speaker 3: you into a gorgeous West Village French bistro.
Speaker 1: I'm watching in the city. I have not heard a
Speaker 1: mentioned once.
Speaker 4: I don't like helicopters. These are really unsafe. But if
Speaker 4: you've got like a plane, you are they really unsafeer?
Speaker 3: Are they like the shark situation?
Speaker 4: Helicopters are very are like a very unsafe way to travel.
Speaker 4: I would implore anybody I know never to fly wait
Speaker 4: really yeah, genuinely, the statistics for helicopter crashes are crazy.
Speaker 4: Helicopter pilots will tell you this like it's it's a
Speaker 4: really dangerous Uh. It's the way like flying in an
Speaker 4: airplane is like a million times safer, safer I just
Speaker 4: think there's more factors involved in like the leveling out
Speaker 4: of the helicopter.
Speaker 1: Why do all famous people do it?
Speaker 4: Because they I think helicopters are an easy quick way
Speaker 4: for them to shoot like over like whoa look at
Speaker 4: look at Like Leah Remini, she's she's a doing a
Speaker 4: travel show and she wants to look at the New
Speaker 4: York skyline. Let's get her up there. But I think
Speaker 4: that you can't really do that an airplane in like
Speaker 4: a quick way. I think I think the Eric Traffick.
Speaker 3: I also think rich and famous people think they're invincible.
Speaker 3: I think that's why they do it. And I actually
Speaker 3: think that's why rates of death are higher in terms
Speaker 3: of like freak accidents among wealthier people, is because they
Speaker 3: really think that danger can't get to them. The submarine,
Speaker 3: I have a well the submar it's like it's a
Speaker 3: submarine all over again.
Speaker 1: Well, I have another theory on this. I think, like
Speaker 1: I like, growing up, I heard so many stories of
Speaker 1: like famous people dying in weird ways, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why does this always happen? And then I moved to
Speaker 1: LA and I was like, it's the hills.
Speaker 4: Yeah, people are bored and rich like.
Speaker 1: What, like, literally, it's cars on hills and it's so scary.
Speaker 4: Oh, you mean literally the hills. I'm not literally the
Speaker 4: hills not.
Speaker 1: I mean like, there's just a lot of hills and
Speaker 1: a lot of cars.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wait, so when you're saying freak accidents, you're talking cars only.
Speaker 1: No, I'm I'm talking there's just stuff that happens.
Speaker 3: It leads to that, but it's all, but it all
Speaker 3: leads to the hills.
Speaker 1: There's a danger in those hills. In all hills, people
Speaker 1: are falling off hills left and right. There's like weird stairs.
Speaker 1: Everyone's driving weird weird stairs.
Speaker 4: There's there's grass everywhere.
Speaker 1: This makes sense.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's something that you could write like
Speaker 4: an academic journal about. But I think you need to
Speaker 4: like research.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there ain't a couple more steps.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm being told to research on this podcast.
Speaker 4: Wait, can I can I tell you something about helicopters?
Speaker 4: A story that is not long and it's not I
Speaker 4: don't really have much to say about it, but it
Speaker 4: does relate to sharks and helicopters. Oh, my mom is
Speaker 4: from Vietnam, and she said, so she left Vietnam like
Speaker 4: at the pretty much the end of the war. Nearest
Speaker 4: to the end of the war. I think it was
Speaker 4: like the false Igon. She once saw an American military
Speaker 4: helicopter shoes a shark to the beach. She said that
Speaker 4: they were calling in that there were sharks in the water.
Speaker 4: She was at the beach and that they call like
Speaker 4: American helicopter came and shot at the shark with a
Speaker 4: machine gun.
Speaker 3: Well, there you go, folks, if you're wondering what's more dangerous.
Speaker 3: Helicopters are sharks.
Speaker 1: That's proof.
Speaker 3: Helicopters can kill sharks. But sharks cannot eat helicopters.
Speaker 4: Yeah, unless unless the helicopter crashed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you think shark could a shark eat it? No,
Speaker 3: you're right, a shark could maybe eat the humans in it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right, But you teach a manda fish, But
Speaker 4: could you teach a shark shark pilot?
Speaker 3: Pilot pilot a helicopter?
Speaker 4: What if the what if you saw a helicopter in
Speaker 4: the distance crash, so there's sharks in the water, and
Speaker 4: then and then you just saw the helicopter lifting back
Speaker 4: out of the water. You saw bull of blood, and
Speaker 4: then you saw the helicopter lifting back out of the water,
Speaker 4: and it's the shark has like the the headset on.
Speaker 1: That would be awesome, but it's like not doing a
Speaker 1: good job.
Speaker 4: But it's doing a great job considering it's a shark,
Speaker 4: and it's like no, and you.
Speaker 3: Know why, because that shark actually, after all these years,
Speaker 3: grew limbs. He was like, I'm sick of not assimilating.
Speaker 3: I'm going to grow limbs in twenty twenty five and
Speaker 3: pilot this fucking helicopter.
Speaker 4: And it probably faced a lot of friction from his family.
Speaker 1: Of course.
Speaker 3: And it's now gone back to being punk rock to
Speaker 3: grow legs, because you know it used to be so
Speaker 3: first it was uncool to grow legs, then it was cool.
Speaker 3: Then it sort of didn't happen for many years. But
Speaker 3: now to grow legs as a shark in twenty twenty
Speaker 3: five is like really really a punk rock.
Speaker 4: But I do worry about the shark though, because once
Speaker 4: it grows arms and legs, we're assuming in this like
Speaker 4: scenario that it has also like lungs and like the
Speaker 4: ability to breathe. Right, sure, sure, yeah, it goes into society,
Speaker 4: it's still going to be othered. There's nothing there's no
Speaker 4: other I mean, there's no other walking talking shark like it.
Speaker 4: So if we're having a conversation about inclusion, I just
Speaker 4: feel like, which we are, Where does the where does
Speaker 4: the shark fall?
Speaker 1: Well? And it just it just shows the failings of
Speaker 1: our government. You know, it's it's a shark with limbs
Speaker 1: should be able to live a life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what, though, I sort of think that
Speaker 3: shark can do the work of like bridging the gap
Speaker 3: between sharks and people like I think that shark is
Speaker 3: going to be like a Jesus like Gandhi like figure,
Speaker 3: Oh wow, can you imagine the only shark with arms
Speaker 3: and legs, Like he's gonna have a ted X talk,
Speaker 3: He's gonna go.
Speaker 1: That's not where I thought you were going with it.
Speaker 1: I think I see the shark going moving to New
Speaker 1: York City and sort of expressing itself, being a downtown creative.
Speaker 4: I just don't feel I one, I feel like if
Speaker 4: Jesus came back, he would immediately be killed or he'd
Speaker 4: be he probably is back. He's just a homeless person
Speaker 4: on the street. And we're all when we're all leaving,
Speaker 4: walking passing by because we're on our inner air pods
Speaker 4: in our slack chats.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're listening to the typing our emails.
Speaker 4: Saying do I really have the Caroline Polochick haircut? And
Speaker 4: meanwhile Jesus is dead on the streets covered in Joe's
Speaker 4: pizza paper plates people have thrown. I'm pandering.
Speaker 3: People are getting Caroline Polocheck haircuts. Meanwhile Jesus is dead
Speaker 3: on the streets.
Speaker 4: Damn in A shark can't even get a college degree.
Speaker 3: But I'm saying, okay, so Sam, you're saying the shark
Speaker 3: with the arms and legs would become a downtown creative.
Speaker 1: I do think that you think that.
Speaker 3: I think he would be like a unifying, you know,
Speaker 3: social justice figure.
Speaker 1: See. I think so it would start with downtown creative,
Speaker 1: and then the next shark to move here would be like,
Speaker 1: we're not all freaks.
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, I think we're jumping so far.
Speaker 6: Yeah wow, oh my god, that's actually that's the that's
Speaker 6: the sharks ted x talk.
Speaker 4: Well that's what I was going to say, is we've
Speaker 4: we've like jumped so far ahead. We haven't. It's like
Speaker 4: the shark speaks English. The shark because don't have lips.
Speaker 4: They feel like extending jaw. But I don't think it
Speaker 4: would be able to talk the way that we could talk.
Speaker 3: Okay, So so I agree with you, Patty, but I
Speaker 3: think you're missing one key thing, which is there are
Speaker 3: already like marine biologists who study sharks and shark language,
Speaker 3: so one of them would be called to be an interpreter,
Speaker 3: and the shark could in fact communicate with humans in
Speaker 3: that sense.
Speaker 4: You're right, thanks for checking me on this. They're Armory
Speaker 4: biologists who study shark language.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we're also they say, what is she saying?
Speaker 4: What is she saying?
Speaker 1: And she's saying prolapsed anus, prolaps.
Speaker 4: I haven't had that in a while. I'm going to reese,
Speaker 4: I'm going to fire eel. Okay.
Speaker 3: So maybe that is what the shark with arms and
Speaker 3: legs would do, is like maybe try to fit in
Speaker 3: at first, be rejected, and then be like you know what,
Speaker 3: fuck this Like I'll show them and then go to
Speaker 3: Rees's Beach and eat all the gay guys on land.
Speaker 4: Well maybe it's like I'm going to eat the gay guys.
Speaker 4: But then it goes and the gay people are like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, come to hang with us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, They're like, hey, diva and this is where it
Speaker 1: gets to the downtown part. I see, so the oh, yes,
Speaker 1: you're right.
Speaker 3: The only people that accept the shark you're getting are
Speaker 3: like Keith Herring, you know, like.
Speaker 4: Bosquiot, well, people who probably were facing the direct repercussions
Speaker 4: of the ades crisis.
Speaker 3: Of course, Oh my god, connect that's they are saying.
Speaker 3: People are saying. There are articles being written that are like, hello,
Speaker 3: there are parallels between the shark with hands in with
Speaker 3: arms and legs and the age crisis.
Speaker 1: Exactly should we do it for a segment?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Have we started recording, Yes, but just barely no, the
Speaker 1: last five minutes. I think.
Speaker 3: Let's start now.
Speaker 1: Okay, podcast starts now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Patty. Our first segment is called straight Shooters, and
Speaker 3: in the segment, we test your familiarity with in complicity
Speaker 3: and straight culture and gay culture because it's gatio lab
Speaker 3: by asking you a series of rapid fire questions where
Speaker 3: you have to choose this one thing or this other thing.
Speaker 3: And the one rule is you can't ask any follow
Speaker 3: up questions about how the game works.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's great. I was just worried for a segment
Speaker 4: it was called straight Shooters. I was gonna have to
Speaker 4: be like Kyle Rittenhouse or something. But yeah, this is
Speaker 4: I can do this.
Speaker 1: Okay, Patty, Yeah, pick your brain or Dick on Maine.
Speaker 3: Wait, what are the rules? Well, pick your brain, Patty,
Speaker 3: Mary fuck kill or Hillary and Bill oh Hilary and Bill.
Speaker 1: Patty saying yes to the High Priestess or saying no
Speaker 1: to your five.
Speaker 4: Nieces, saying no to your five niece.
Speaker 3: Coca Cola or Cola Scola.
Speaker 1: Whoa, don't make me think Cola scola, a routine oil change,
Speaker 1: or a poutine tasting strange.
Speaker 4: Poutine tasting strange.
Speaker 3: I love poutine, streaming, buzz cut season, or being uncut
Speaker 3: for a reason.
Speaker 4: Being uncut for a reason.
Speaker 1: Okay. Banjo Kazooi or that man Shaboozy.
Speaker 4: No, wait, no Shaboozy, no Banjo Kazooi.
Speaker 3: One kiss is all it takes? Or one piss inside
Speaker 3: the lake.
Speaker 4: Ah, this one's hard to I'm going I love one
Speaker 4: kisses all it takes me to one inside the lake.
Speaker 1: Oh, I love both, to be honest. Yeah, one one one, okay, Patty.
Speaker 1: We rank our guests on a scale of one to
Speaker 1: one thousand blades of grass.
Speaker 3: Can I say something? I'm ready to go back to doves.
Speaker 4: Really yeah, doves tho, okay, yeah, great, thousand look a
Speaker 4: thousand doors.
Speaker 1: And I think you did an amazing job. I love
Speaker 1: that you had wonder I loved that you were wanting
Speaker 1: to ask questions. It's so rare that we get to
Speaker 1: scold our guests even lightly. I'm going to go eight
Speaker 1: hundred and ninety two doves.
Speaker 3: I agree, And that's a really good score.
Speaker 4: Patty, who has gotten the lowest Chris Murphy, Ah, why
Speaker 4: we just felt like it.
Speaker 1: We just felt like it. We were in a bad mood. Dang.
Speaker 4: So your mood it creates a bias.
Speaker 1: Well, at least we acknowledge our bias. Yeah, many many
Speaker 1: in this world don't even acknowledge that their mood affects
Speaker 1: their bias.
Speaker 2: You're right.
Speaker 3: Do you think that the shark with arms and legs
Speaker 3: would come on the podcast and follow up question do
Speaker 3: well at straight shooters?
Speaker 4: I don't. I think if it depends on how old
Speaker 4: the shark is too, when it's coming out of the water,
Speaker 4: because we're.
Speaker 1: Weird, it's five hundred years old, that's going to be tough.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just if it's five hundred years old, then it
Speaker 4: would have to be a greenland shark, because that's the
Speaker 4: only shark that can grow that old.
Speaker 3: Yeah you did.
Speaker 4: Have you seen these?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 1: I see the viral one because one time I went
Speaker 1: to the dentist. You're dentist, the one you recommended.
Speaker 4: Yeah, actually it's look amazing, thank you.
Speaker 1: I just got them cleaned.
Speaker 4: It checks out.
Speaker 1: But I had a like old felling that looked like
Speaker 1: a greenland shark.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's like the its skin.
Speaker 1: Like it was like black gray, but then had like
Speaker 1: a weird blue.
Speaker 4: A little eye that has like parasites on it.
Speaker 1: Literally, oh whoa. But he fixed it. Unfortunately I did
Speaker 1: kind of miss it. It was a monstrosity.
Speaker 4: I think that's in that if we're going to say
Speaker 4: one thing is like undeniably like empirically gay, it's having
Speaker 4: rotten teeth, you think so, yeah, because I think it's
Speaker 4: about it's like shining away. Well yeah, for sure. I
Speaker 4: think also the the like uh shut and the government system.
Speaker 4: The man, the dentist is the man.
Speaker 1: The dentist is the man, and the.
Speaker 4: Teeth is where it is like where you bite from.
Speaker 4: It's an animalistic thing. So it's like I have I'm
Speaker 4: not going to let the man take away my thing
Speaker 4: is the one thing I have. If like I'm ever
Speaker 4: like attacked by somebody at my at my lowest point,
Speaker 4: I can bite and then to have them, you know,
Speaker 4: possibly take those away from munal. So it's like when
Speaker 4: you're you're like, it's going giving a blowjob. The teeth
Speaker 4: are are there, So that's gay.
Speaker 3: Do you think all blow jobs are gay, even if
Speaker 3: it's like a straight woman giving a straight man a blowjob.
Speaker 4: I think if if she is wearing anything but like,
Speaker 4: she can be naked and it's straight. She can be
Speaker 4: in brown panty, it can be straight. She can be
Speaker 4: in a tank to tank top no bottoms, it can
Speaker 4: be straight. But if it's tank top and like basketball shorts.
Speaker 3: It's gay.
Speaker 4: She's wearing basketball. If she's wearing if she's wearing like
Speaker 4: a jersey, it's gay.
Speaker 3: She's wearing a flatbeil cap. The more the more masculine
Speaker 3: she looks, the gay it is, is what you're saying.
Speaker 4: And yeah, she's wearing an off till flat bill cap,
Speaker 4: like it's like kind of diagonal to the side, and
Speaker 4: she's like sucking, it's it's gay.
Speaker 1: Can he change his outfit to make it gay?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if he's wearing like a little baby doll dress.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like a Pride flag T shirt.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I wonder how she would feel if she's like
Speaker 4: she's sucking and she's you.
Speaker 1: Know how there's the thing where people are like there's
Speaker 1: like infinite planets and infinite whatever, so like whatever you
Speaker 1: can imagine, it does exist somewhere.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think about that with people's sexuality, where I'm like
Speaker 1: there's so many different little types and weird things that
Speaker 1: like there's somewhere out there there's like a straight couple
Speaker 1: and the but the girl's fetish is like sucking off
Speaker 1: a gay guy and makes her boyfriend dress up like
Speaker 1: Frank Target Pride merch and then like sucks him off
Speaker 1: and it's like so hot for her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and he's got to be like girl, he's.
Speaker 1: Like work diva.
Speaker 3: And the guy. But the guy himself is actually just
Speaker 3: like super straight frat guy and he's just like he
Speaker 3: wants to please his wife. He's like I love you,
Speaker 3: like I will do it whatever you want. And so
Speaker 3: he's had to like train himself. He's had to watch
Speaker 3: seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race. He listens to, uh, what's
Speaker 3: the tea with RuPaul and Michelle Vissage. He is, you know,
Speaker 3: is on Reddit. He's like learning things, he's going.
Speaker 1: To he watches all the Housewives.
Speaker 3: He watches all the Housewives. He like texts the wife's
Speaker 3: gay guy friends and he's like, hey, dude, like, I
Speaker 3: would love to pick your brain about this, Like if
Speaker 3: you ever want to get a beer.
Speaker 4: That's awesome and go pit and put no piss in
Speaker 4: the lake.
Speaker 1: That's straight, go piss in the lake.
Speaker 4: Well, I do think like the that exists, and I think, yeah,
Speaker 4: I know women who are attracted straight women who are
Speaker 4: attracted to gay men, who like are attracted to the
Speaker 4: femininity of gaymen and constantly like have crushes on gaymen.
Speaker 4: And I think that's beautiful. And if that straight like
Speaker 4: Wall Street bro actually can dip into that space, that's
Speaker 4: really evolved for him.
Speaker 1: That's really evolved, you know.
Speaker 4: And I would say if maybe there's probably a woman
Speaker 4: out there who like wants to force her Streetmall partner
Speaker 4: to transition as a sexual kink and he probably is
Speaker 4: like I might do that.
Speaker 3: Do you think he would do that?
Speaker 1: He's like, fuck, babe, sure whatever.
Speaker 4: Man, He's like, babe, He's like She's like like in
Speaker 4: saying what do what do women say to each other? No, Gurley, I.
Speaker 1: Think is over now.
Speaker 3: I think Gurly is over. You know what, I recently learned.
Speaker 1: To get your ass.
Speaker 4: I just like came outside.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I recently learned as like a real no no.
Speaker 4: Bestie, Bestie, It's a no no in what way?
Speaker 3: Like you're you seem old if you say it?
Speaker 4: Oh, like saying install versus I G. Yeah, what happens
Speaker 4: if you say bestie to your like brain matter? Do
Speaker 4: you feel like a shock of pain and you feel.
Speaker 1: Like I feel a shock of pain? Yeah, like Bestie doesn't?
Speaker 3: It never sounded good to me. To me, it never
Speaker 3: sounded good to me either. I also Gurly kind of
Speaker 3: also never sounded good to me.
Speaker 1: Gurley was fun for a sec I preferred Girlina, but Gurley.
Speaker 4: Was fun, Like like is it Michaelina's? Is that the
Speaker 4: microwavable Niolina like mic Macaroni Nikolas.
Speaker 3: Michaelis?
Speaker 4: Maybe I'm misremembering. I thought there was like a like
Speaker 4: ready to not ready to eat, but like a quick
Speaker 4: baked macaroni and cheese that had like a theme song.
Speaker 3: Wow that sort of Michelinas is like the name the
Speaker 3: Shark with Arms and legs would have Michelas.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well that's beautiful combination of old and new because
Speaker 4: it kind of sounds like it could be like like
Speaker 4: like an ancient God. Yeah, totally freak a Roman.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, totally. It's you know, I'm having a real
Speaker 3: sort of bummer moment right now because I'm realizing mckaalenas
Speaker 3: would never do Stradio Lab. You know what mcleenas would
Speaker 3: do is all of the various like shock Jog podcasts
Speaker 3: that like Pete Buddha Judge has to go on. Really yeah,
Speaker 3: like I think like Michaelis would have to do the
Speaker 3: like kind of like dirt bag bro podcasts to appeal
Speaker 3: to Middle America to.
Speaker 1: Try to change minds and hearts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because the the people that listen to this podcast
Speaker 3: are already, you know, prone to like a downtown art figure.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're they're prone, and they're prone in their position too.
Speaker 4: They're laying stomach down on a bed.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, out perked up.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Mcalenus be damned well.
Speaker 4: And I think mcalenas is kind of brave for for
Speaker 4: going into those spaces. How much English does mcalinas know.
Speaker 1: All of it.
Speaker 4: Okay, so like really really smart, smart enough to start
Speaker 4: to fly a helicopter as soon as I mean.
Speaker 3: Mcleanus's origin stories literally that he on the spot learned
Speaker 3: to fly a helicopter, right, So yeah, he's gonna go
Speaker 3: ahead and be pretty smart.
Speaker 1: He also like is four hundred like he knows the words.
Speaker 1: It's like he heard sailors.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's heard all So is it like one of
Speaker 4: those things where like Twilight where maybe he has some
Speaker 4: like old English and him Yeah, he can speak every language.
Speaker 1: Like he's saying, like where art thou and and bestie
Speaker 1: where for? Yeah, Patty, I have a question. Okay, you
Speaker 1: know the moment I watched in the door, you said
Speaker 1: that our friendship is at a low point right now, and.
Speaker 4: I just didn't think it would make it on them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything makes it on.
Speaker 4: So please that I just mean that, like when our
Speaker 4: friendship was good, it felt better, and now it feels
Speaker 4: in a bad place because I don't like being around.
Speaker 1: You, oh oh oh oh.
Speaker 4: And I get the sense that when you're around me
Speaker 4: you wail off and become really cold. Yeah, and you
Speaker 4: clutch your stuff like I'm going to take it, and
Speaker 4: I don't understand it. It makes me feel on edge.
Speaker 1: It's like this weird thing that happens when you're around
Speaker 1: where I like feel like the value of my things
Speaker 1: more like I'm like, oh, these are actually worth a
Speaker 1: lot of money, and I don't like how that makes
Speaker 1: me feel.
Speaker 4: I completely understand, and I wish we would have had
Speaker 4: this conversation like four months ago, because I have been
Speaker 4: I'm sure maybe you've gotten them, but I've been like
Speaker 4: emailing you from like a lot of like hundreds of
Speaker 4: burner emails, yeah.
Speaker 3: Threats, and I like, could I just say something. I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: But it's like the elephant in the room that we're
Speaker 3: not addressing. Is the reason Sam is afraid that you're
Speaker 3: going to steal his stuff is because you have been
Speaker 3: known to steal his stuff, Like you just feel you
Speaker 3: have robbed his house multiple times, both the New York
Speaker 3: City and LA Why are you rehashing that. I know
Speaker 3: that you say you've changed, but like you have to
Speaker 3: have some empathy that Sam like has this trauma of
Speaker 3: every single time you would hang out together, you would
Speaker 3: plan to hang out together, he would go, you would
Speaker 3: not have shown up because you specifically planned the hangout
Speaker 3: so that you could rob his house.
Speaker 4: I think we're rehashing stuff that doesn't it just feels
Speaker 4: I don't I didn't know we were going to talk
Speaker 4: about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I feel a bit
Speaker 4: uncomfortable to go into it, but I just want to
Speaker 4: say it does bother me a little bit that you
Speaker 4: are are going at it so hard, George. It makes
Speaker 4: me feel like you guys talked about it before because
Speaker 4: I personally don't remember doing any of that, not that
Speaker 4: it didn't happen. And I saw, like I saw the
Speaker 4: videos I love me, and I was like, yeah, that's me.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna I'm not like some gas lighter dumb ass,
Speaker 4: Like I'm not trying to be abuse. I'm not trying
Speaker 4: to be like a fucking toxic like abuser gas lighter.
Speaker 3: Yeah that is me.
Speaker 4: And the video is stealing, you're stealing the stuff. But
Speaker 4: I just why are we rehashing it? I don't know
Speaker 4: if because I can't remember, I don't feel like I
Speaker 4: can really apologize, and I feel like that's what you
Speaker 4: want from me, But I told you I don't remember
Speaker 4: doing it. Yeah yeah, yes, So I just like I
Speaker 4: still get what we're what we're talking about.
Speaker 3: So I sort of think the issue, Patty, is that
Speaker 3: I completely believe that you don't remember doing it, and
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily think you owe anyone an apology. The
Speaker 3: fact of the matter is all that stuff is still
Speaker 3: in your possession and you have not returned it now
Speaker 3: that you're in a better mindset and you know say
Speaker 3: that you would never do it again.
Speaker 1: And there's this thing that keeps happening where like so
Speaker 1: you'll steal like say, like my Prada, like my Prada shoes,
Speaker 1: Like you'll steal those, and then and then I'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay, I'll replace them with like Gucci, Like I
Speaker 1: have these Gucci shoes, and then and then those go
Speaker 1: missing as well.
Speaker 4: I said I'd replace them. I didn't say. I didn't
Speaker 4: say I would replace them with Gucci.
Speaker 1: I'm replacing them when.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't even need to replace them. You have the
Speaker 3: Prada shoes and you're in fact like wearing them and
Speaker 3: doing Outfit of the Day videos and doing get Ready
Speaker 3: with me, and you're like.
Speaker 1: These are vintage, these are used, and by the way.
Speaker 3: They don't even like no offense, they don't even fit you,
Speaker 3: like you're doing it just to mess with Sam, like
Speaker 3: they're too big on you and they don't and their
Speaker 3: men's shoes like there's no reason for you to be
Speaker 3: wearing them.
Speaker 4: George, Can I can I get like a teammate because
Speaker 4: I'm being I'm being dog piled right. This is a
Speaker 4: witch hunt, This is weird.
Speaker 3: I just I don't know. Because Sam Sam, I feel
Speaker 3: a sense of I want to defend Sam because I
Speaker 3: know that he has done everything in his power to
Speaker 3: mend this friendship. And for you to first come in
Speaker 3: and the first thing you say is I feel like
Speaker 3: our friendship is not in a good place, and then
Speaker 3: it's not.
Speaker 4: It's not in a good place. I'm not going to
Speaker 4: be fait.
Speaker 3: Skirt accountability when we try to, like talk to you
Speaker 3: about the things you've done.
Speaker 4: I'm not skirting anything. I'm not skirting anything. I feel
Speaker 4: like I'm sorry, I'm raising my voice. I feel really
Speaker 4: like defensive right now, because I definitely feel like I
Speaker 4: wasn't expecting to talk about this today. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 4: like I can understand why you feel afraid to have
Speaker 4: your stuff near me because I have taken things from
Speaker 4: you in the past. I am telling you, I wish
Speaker 4: I could be sorry, but I don't remember, and so
Speaker 4: I can't like you if I say sorry, it's not
Speaker 4: going to be And I do have this stuff that
Speaker 4: you're talking about, yeah, that I have taken, but it
Speaker 4: is in my possession now and and I feel like,
Speaker 4: like all of a sudden, like even though I didn't
Speaker 4: ask for this, like it's I don't I think I
Speaker 4: just was like like had a lot on my mind
Speaker 4: that day because I was I had to go grocery
Speaker 4: shopping and my my grocery was huge, and so I
Speaker 4: had a lot on my mind. I wasn't even paying
Speaker 4: attention in the fact that like I was like stealing
Speaker 4: from you. And so now it's like I'm this bad
Speaker 4: guy who has to has to like return this this stuff.
Speaker 4: Does that make sense? Like can you like just you're
Speaker 4: you're yelling literally yelling at me to be empathetic. Can
Speaker 4: you extend that to me just to say, like, I'm
Speaker 4: I'm in pain all the time? Of course, you know,
Speaker 4: have you watched the news?
Speaker 3: No, no, what's going And something happened.
Speaker 4: So I can't really remember, but there was something that
Speaker 4: made me really sad, and and so it's just been like, really,
Speaker 4: you're gonna you're gonna like fight. This is the hill
Speaker 4: you die on, is like, I have your stuff. I
Speaker 4: stole a bunch of your designer stuff. I stole like
Speaker 4: multiple times over the years and keep stealing it. And
Speaker 4: that's the hill you're gonna die on. And then you
Speaker 4: bring me and the but I'm I'm not allowed to
Speaker 4: I'm not allowed to address if I have, like if
Speaker 4: there's like a strange tension between us, it just feels
Speaker 4: people please or codependent or something. I'm getting that out,
Speaker 4: Like I'm not that way anymore, okay, And I'm George.
Speaker 4: I just want to say we you're you're really, you're
Speaker 4: really going in. But you don't want to talk about
Speaker 4: the fact that you want up the statue of Liberty's dress.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I just don't really think that's the same, because the
Speaker 3: power dynamics are completely different.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: The statue of Liberty is actually like one of the
Speaker 3: most giant women globally, and so for me to go
Speaker 3: out of stone, she's made of stone, she's like from France. Like,
Speaker 3: for me to go up her dress is actually someone
Speaker 3: in a lower level of power reclaiming their power as
Speaker 3: a queer individual by going up the statue of Liberty's dress.
Speaker 3: You know, it's the equivalent of someone taking down an abuser,
Speaker 3: Whereas I think, I just don't you know, I think
Speaker 3: what you to steal Sam's designer clothes seems different. You know,
Speaker 3: Sam is an independent LGBTQ plus creator. He's not the
Speaker 3: statue of Liberty.
Speaker 4: Sam's not independent, He's incorporated.
Speaker 3: That's true, you can be independently incorporated. He's the soul.
Speaker 3: He's the sole shareholder.
Speaker 1: I'm the only employees.
Speaker 4: Well, I what I'm hearing is that you think that
Speaker 4: a woman of any size it doesn't matter like that,
Speaker 4: like her size. A woman's size determines if she has
Speaker 4: agency or not, if like a man should get to
Speaker 4: go up her dress, if she if she's a bigger,
Speaker 4: if she's literally a bigger woman. You're like, that's just
Speaker 4: that's crazy, George. I mean, and the fact that she's
Speaker 4: from like why are you trying? It's like, okay, she's
Speaker 4: like a foreigner, like okay, and I'm I'm allowed, Like
Speaker 4: you've flipped it on her that maybe because she's like
Speaker 4: it just said, it just reeks, It just reeks of
Speaker 4: like this disgusting sexual dominance. Gay men assert over straight
Speaker 4: women that we see at the bars and in the clubs.
Speaker 3: Patty, I just have one follow up question for you.
Speaker 3: I love those boots. Where'd you get them?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I happen to remember buying those from my wrestling practice.
Speaker 4: I cut them at the fucking store.
Speaker 1: Which store, Patty? Which store.
Speaker 4: You're wrestling practice?
Speaker 1: You know, Patty?
Speaker 3: I just I have to say, like, we have to
Speaker 3: move on, because you know, this is gaeteo web and
Speaker 3: we have to introduce a gay topic. But Sam, I
Speaker 3: do want to give you some space. I realize I'm
Speaker 3: speaking for you. You know, I feel very defensive as
Speaker 3: a friend. We talked about this and we said, you know,
Speaker 3: we're having Patty on and we want to like do
Speaker 3: it right. I want to give you a chance to
Speaker 3: finally just say your last word on.
Speaker 1: This, Patty. I want to forgive you, and I will
Speaker 1: work on it. And I still may clutch my things
Speaker 1: closer to you know, Louis bag that I brought to
Speaker 1: the recording, of course, will be held close to me.
Speaker 1: Don't put your eyes on it, and I when you remember,
Speaker 1: I'll forgive you.
Speaker 4: I think that is that's fair. I hear that you're
Speaker 4: saying that when the time comes should I remember doing
Speaker 4: something that I can't remember doing. I don't know when
Speaker 4: i'll remember that, but that you are can offer forgiveness
Speaker 4: for me. I think it's a really I think it's
Speaker 4: a really kind thing. And I just would like to
Speaker 4: say that. I know, George, you said we have to
Speaker 4: move on to go on to our gay topic. But
Speaker 4: what is more universally gay than friends fighting?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 4: Having rotten teeth?
Speaker 1: Okay, well, what's the third we have? Fighting with our friends?
Speaker 1: Rotten teeth? And give us a the gay topic?
Speaker 4: Online?
Speaker 1: Online? Now? What about online feels a gay to you?
Speaker 4: Community? Outside of your house?
Speaker 1: Oh? No, my branded thing fell?
Speaker 3: What fell? Oh?
Speaker 4: I heart podcasts?
Speaker 1: It's back.
Speaker 3: Are those listening? The piece of Sam's mic that says
Speaker 3: I heart on it fell?
Speaker 1: So anti capitalist of me, this.
Speaker 4: Er I was about to see watching all Sam's rotten
Speaker 4: toeth fell out. Sam's one big rotten tooth fell onto
Speaker 4: the ground.
Speaker 3: Oh and it says iHeart on it?
Speaker 4: I okay, you got it to cosmetic.
Speaker 1: My big rotten tooth would actually be a I think
Speaker 1: Lord would use it for an album cover for this
Speaker 1: current cycle my rot two. Yeah, it looks like a shock.
Speaker 1: That's four hundred years old.
Speaker 4: I I do want to not make you sit in
Speaker 4: the rotten toothness. I recommended my dentist because I had
Speaker 4: not gone to the dentist in like sixteen or seventeen years.
Speaker 1: I was similar.
Speaker 4: I went and I had like four or five like
Speaker 4: bored out, rotten cavities, and they like replaced two of
Speaker 4: my molars and gave me a million fillings. And so
Speaker 4: that's that feels that's why I'm LGBTQ, even though I'm SIS.
Speaker 4: I have vagina womb eggs born that way.
Speaker 1: Way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, straight, you.
Speaker 3: No longer have rotten teeth, so you sort of transitioned.
Speaker 4: Into lgbt but I did.
Speaker 3: Well, this is interesting.
Speaker 4: I have the experience, like I have the memories. I
Speaker 4: remember that.
Speaker 3: Is it enough to have memories?
Speaker 1: So you remember your teeth enough? Feeling all my things?
Speaker 4: Is it enough to have memories? I just I just
Speaker 4: think we have to not rehash.
Speaker 1: Sorry, we're not rehashing that.
Speaker 4: I think you're not able to move past the pain
Speaker 4: of it.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I have. You know, whenever I go to
Speaker 1: the dentist, your name shows up on the screen because
Speaker 1: you referred me.
Speaker 4: Really, yeah, does it say my dead name?
Speaker 1: No, Patrick says Patty Okay does say white.
Speaker 4: Yeah, huh, that's yeah, that's my that's I really wish
Speaker 4: you didn't say that, Sam, because that is personal information
Speaker 4: and it is, in fact my race.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe it's my race, maybe it's mine. Maybe they're
Speaker 1: maybe they frame it weird.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're why right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 4: You've got some You've got some flavor.
Speaker 1: Folks.
Speaker 4: Have you ever been with a girl like me before?
Speaker 1: With rotted teeth?
Speaker 4: I was gonna say something sexy?
Speaker 1: Oh like what George? Sorry, if you don't mind watching
Speaker 1: just for.
Speaker 7: A minute, hmmm, kind of my Oh he disappeared, did he?
Speaker 4: He didn't?
Speaker 1: Like he really hated that.
Speaker 4: Is he still here? George? Are you still here?
Speaker 1: George literally left? That must have made him so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like like when like straight stuff is happening,
Speaker 1: he like acts really like weird.
Speaker 4: Why he's going to the bathroom to jack his cock off?
Speaker 1: And maybe that's it. Maybe he's like so disgusted, but
Speaker 1: it's like it turns him on.
Speaker 4: He's disgusted in himself that he's so harasked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he wants to be like this gay guy
Speaker 1: who like knows what a puav is and like, actually,
Speaker 1: he's just like a fucking stray guy.
Speaker 4: Do you believe him when he says a puav is pep.
Speaker 1: Personus, I He'll just be spewing bullshit And I just
Speaker 1: nod and I say sure, sure, whatever.
Speaker 4: Why do you do this with him? You don't have to,
Speaker 4: like you could do it with me.
Speaker 1: No, the contract is like really strict. Oh god, yeah,
Speaker 1: they've got my balls in a bind.
Speaker 4: Well I can help with that.
Speaker 7: My my pussy can help. I can it can untie
Speaker 7: the blinds like prehensiles, like you know how people can
Speaker 7: tie cherry stems of their tongue. My pussy can help
Speaker 7: you get out of legal Uh uh?
Speaker 4: What is it? Tribulation?
Speaker 1: That's cool? So why didn't you want to be a lawyer.
Speaker 4: Because I didn't want to follow my dad's footsteps. More like,
Speaker 4: more like, okay, should we stop?
Speaker 1: Unfortunately we have to keep all of this it pass.
Speaker 1: But we can also just wait until George's back now
Speaker 1: and then be like, and now he's back.
Speaker 4: Wait, what were you gonna what joke were you going
Speaker 4: to make.
Speaker 1: That your dad's bussy was doing all the legal work.
Speaker 4: For That's not okay, my dad's dead.
Speaker 1: I know, but like you've said, he was a lawyer,
Speaker 1: like and you said that, Like I just am sort
Speaker 1: of saying, I wonder where you got it.
Speaker 4: My dad's bussy.
Speaker 1: Oh, George's back.
Speaker 2: Are you okay?
Speaker 4: George?
Speaker 1: George? Are you okay? You're back?
Speaker 3: I know, I know, but we're just figuring some other
Speaker 3: stuff out. But and so I and I can't really
Speaker 3: see you, but you guys should keep talking.
Speaker 4: Well, I was just worried that because it just went dark,
Speaker 4: that it was like the scene in the Dark Night
Speaker 4: where Maggie Jillen hall Bo gets blown up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, just to catch you up since you.
Speaker 3: Were gone, Yeah, what happened while I was gone? And
Speaker 3: can get on?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Well, well, yes, we realized something about you.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what is this?
Speaker 4: Yeah, we just realized something about you.
Speaker 1: What well, that you're a sick pervert?
Speaker 3: What the hell?
Speaker 1: And the you know, when Patty and I were having
Speaker 1: a connection, you had to turn off your camera and
Speaker 1: mike and leave the room to go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it made you uncomfortable to see that Sam and
Speaker 4: I's connection could go further than yours.
Speaker 3: Sorry, but this is such bullshit, Like I literally came,
Speaker 3: I came in here, Sam to defend you. I had
Speaker 3: my talking points for Patty. You said, Patty abuses you
Speaker 3: all the time and steals from you all the time,
Speaker 3: but you were not brave enough to confront her. So
Speaker 3: can you help? And I said, okay, Like, I've always
Speaker 3: had a good relationship with Patty, but I'm like down
Speaker 3: to ruin my own relationship with Patty for your for
Speaker 3: the sake of your prodes shoes. And now suddenly you're
Speaker 3: turning against me and allying with your former nemesis. Well,
Speaker 3: I just.
Speaker 1: Realized, you know, maybe you weren't such a reliable narrator,
Speaker 1: and potentially you were trying to turn me against Patty
Speaker 1: because you didn't want us connecting in a romantic way,
Speaker 1: because you knew it would turn you on too much
Speaker 1: and make you not begin anymore.
Speaker 4: Yeah, George, I don't know if you are being serious
Speaker 4: or not, because I don't know if you can tell.
Speaker 4: But all of that stuff was a joke and a
Speaker 4: bit that we were doing what I don't steal from him.
Speaker 4: We're a good friends. We're good and what's not a
Speaker 4: joke is the tension between me and Sam in a
Speaker 4: good way in the sense of the emotional and romantic
Speaker 4: and physical connection that we have.
Speaker 3: So you're telling me you made up this whole bit
Speaker 3: and brought me into it as a form of psychosexual
Speaker 3: play between the two of you.
Speaker 1: Your kink is.
Speaker 3: Literally gaslighting your friend into like a fake narrative so
Speaker 3: that you guys can then feel closer to one another.
Speaker 4: Well, let's just say yeah.
Speaker 1: I think we can start by saying pretty much.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Sam is straight, always have been. And my pussy
Speaker 4: is in the room and he said he fucks it
Speaker 4: and suck.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I get what.
Speaker 3: I get what straight is, Patty. Thank you. I understand
Speaker 3: how it works. Really, I have a question.
Speaker 1: I bet you do?
Speaker 3: You per And so, Patty, you're one of those six
Speaker 3: straight women that whose gank is that they want their
Speaker 3: straight husbands to act gay. And this has been a
Speaker 3: long term bit where Sam literally pretended to be gay
Speaker 3: his whole life, started a podcast with me, did it
Speaker 3: for five years? Also, it could lead to this moment
Speaker 3: of confrontation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think it's funny that you think there's
Speaker 4: only six of us. There's so many more of us
Speaker 4: out there than you could ever imagine. And you know what,
Speaker 4: and you know what after that five years, every time
Speaker 4: a recording ended with you. He came over and he
Speaker 4: fuck me.
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 4: I said, what did you say? And he's like, we
Speaker 4: talked about pop and I was.
Speaker 8: Like, that is so sick, Patty, Well, it would be
Speaker 8: sick if you didn't get a big kick out of it.
Speaker 3: Georgina is here's a question, Georgina, you are other? Are
Speaker 3: our other guests and producers and iHeart and Will Ferrell?
Speaker 3: Are they all in on it?
Speaker 1: Oh? This thing goes really deep. I mean, if you
Speaker 1: think Bowen and Matt are straight or are gay, you
Speaker 1: aren't paying attention.
Speaker 3: So you're saying Bowen and Matt paving the way by
Speaker 3: having the by having their podcast, was also part of
Speaker 3: this sick psychosexual game.
Speaker 1: Pretty much.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not sick. It's actually a very sustainable way
Speaker 4: of life. It's unconventional, sure.
Speaker 1: But it's Pride month and love is love.
Speaker 4: And love is love, and that's I think a thing
Speaker 4: that we could talk about is gay hate, So now
Speaker 4: unwelcoming and other kinds of love.
Speaker 3: Here's my question for the two of you, the happy
Speaker 3: cup is where do we go from here? You know,
Speaker 3: do I keep acting as though I don't know about
Speaker 3: this for the sake of our careers, for the sake
Speaker 3: of our podcast deal, and I guess for the sake
Speaker 3: of your relationship by extension, are you planning on, I
Speaker 3: don't know, eliminating me now that it's all out in
Speaker 3: the open and this is all over.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you also missed that part of the conversation,
Speaker 1: which is what well. I told Patty that you know,
Speaker 1: iHeart has my balls in a bind, and that.
Speaker 3: Is that another one of your kinks.
Speaker 4: Let's just say that I offered to unbind them with
Speaker 4: my plus.
Speaker 3: So I guess we can just say that, but I would,
Speaker 3: in fact like a little more context in terms of
Speaker 3: just materially what that means for me.
Speaker 4: You know how women can tie a cherry, some with
Speaker 4: their tongue.
Speaker 3: And some with their vaginas well.
Speaker 1: Some can do legal documents with their vaginas.
Speaker 3: Can do legal documents? Do you mean documents or like
Speaker 3: them wholesale whole clot from scratch.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's.
Speaker 4: Really interesting you bring up the word scratch because a
Speaker 4: lot of women, a lot of women call their pussies
Speaker 4: their gash. But see, my pussy stayed the same size
Speaker 4: ever since I was born, and it's so small. I
Speaker 4: call it my scratch, so okay, when men are fucking me,
Speaker 4: I say, oh my god, yeah, fuck my scratch. And
Speaker 4: then when they're like where do you want it, when
Speaker 4: they're about I'm about to come, I'm like, come on,
Speaker 4: my scratch. So interesting to use the word scratch.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 3: That is really interesting.
Speaker 4: Honey, George, I think you need to just drop drop
Speaker 4: the act yourself.
Speaker 3: What do you what do you mean?
Speaker 4: Let's just say going up?
Speaker 1: What's that you?
Speaker 4: Liberty's dress isn't the only thing I've seen you do, Patty.
Speaker 3: This is I really don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 1: Oh, we've seen you at Union Pool hanging out with
Speaker 1: those twenty six year old women.
Speaker 4: That are wearing that are wearing deftones T shirts that
Speaker 4: are cut into little kind of like crop tops. Yeah,
Speaker 4: not even just regular straight chicks, kind.
Speaker 1: Of alt all all Brooklyn type.
Speaker 4: Semi semi al. Did you see Brooklyn Dikes types? Yeah,
Speaker 4: Brooklyn types.
Speaker 3: Listen. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.
Speaker 2: They whoop.
Speaker 4: There it is, George that we knew it.
Speaker 1: We knew it? Are you?
Speaker 3: I don't think I like to keep those parts of
Speaker 3: my life separate, and it has never affected my performance
Speaker 3: on the podcast, nor have I implicated anyone non consensually
Speaker 3: into my own sexual which is valid, by the way,
Speaker 3: especially during this month, Pride Month, where I'm one of
Speaker 3: three LGBTQ plus individuals in the entire world, although we'll
Speaker 3: see how many are left by the end of this episode,
Speaker 3: by the way, and so I don't think anyone. I've
Speaker 3: never been dishonest with anyone, whereas you two have literally
Speaker 3: strung me along for five years. I'm gonna need years
Speaker 3: of psychoanalysis, Freudian psychoanalysis, four times a week in order
Speaker 3: to get over this.
Speaker 4: Well, it's interesting.
Speaker 3: All those girls at Union Pool know exactly who I am.
Speaker 3: They know who I am when I'm with them. They
Speaker 3: know who I am when I'm in the studio and
Speaker 3: they are okay with it.
Speaker 4: And they know who you are when you're when you're
Speaker 4: in their guts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you have a problem with that?
Speaker 4: I just think it's a bit. I think you should
Speaker 4: win a gold or silver medal for the floor routine
Speaker 4: you just did in front of us. The amount of
Speaker 4: gymnastics you had to had to do to convince yourself.
Speaker 1: Yes, the amount of gymnastic you're like.
Speaker 4: Place you're doing gymnastic.
Speaker 3: Calls because I just stuck the damn landing.
Speaker 4: No, we're saying, we're saying that the gymnastics you're doing
Speaker 4: to gas sight yourself into thinking that you're gay when
Speaker 4: you're actually straight and you're fucking a bunch of semi
Speaker 4: old girls. Uh, Union Pool, Not that you stuck the
Speaker 4: landing on your own, are you? You are not Simone
Speaker 4: Biles and sticking your landing on your.
Speaker 1: Own in the Olympics like before before or she didn't
Speaker 1: do well in that.
Speaker 4: Regard, But you are Simone Biles in the sense of
Speaker 4: being an excellent gymnast, in the sense of you gas
Speaker 4: your ability to gasight yourself and doing so. What's your
Speaker 4: favorite position with Union Pool girl?
Speaker 3: What's my favorite position with Union Pool girl?
Speaker 4: Yeah, with one of the Union Pool what's your favorite
Speaker 4: position you like to do when you have sex with
Speaker 4: the Union Pool girl?
Speaker 3: What is my favorite position I have to do? How
Speaker 3: dare you ask me something like that?
Speaker 1: To me, that's a valid question where all adults were well, doggie,
Speaker 1: of course, doggy, of course, of.
Speaker 4: Course, of course, of course, doggy, doggy.
Speaker 3: That's that's what you two do together. When I'm not
Speaker 3: all the way, Yeah, pretty. And then Patty keeps talking
Speaker 3: about her scratch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she says, scratch that scratch.
Speaker 3: Scratch that scratch, she says, and then you scratch and scratch.
Speaker 4: Well, then I think we're getting a little far away.
Speaker 4: I don't call I don't call my pussiest scratch and
Speaker 4: then say scratch my scratch, scratch that scratch, because you
Speaker 4: don't scratch a scratchy scratch an itch. And I would
Speaker 4: not call my pussy and itch that has other weird connotations.
Speaker 4: I would say, fuck my itch.
Speaker 3: Right right, this is so gross.
Speaker 4: Uh, we can we can talk about online, We can
Speaker 4: talk about the online world.
Speaker 1: I don't think we can talk about you know, Patty.
Speaker 3: I just want to say, like, this episode was supposed
Speaker 3: to be a celebration of LGBTQ plus culture. We started
Speaker 3: out with like an innocent little bit about like oh
Speaker 3: ha ha, like we're being exclusionary. Of course, it's kind
Speaker 3: of a commentary on discourses around inclusion and pride, but
Speaker 3: you know, we everyone who's listening knows that our hearts
Speaker 3: are in the right place. We did a big bit
Speaker 3: about how you're the third person whatever. You know, all
Speaker 3: of it isn't good fun now, suddenly we're in such
Speaker 3: a grotesque place and we're you're asking me what my
Speaker 3: favorite sex positions are with barely legal women that I are.
Speaker 1: Fully legal twenty six. It's a very respectful age. We
Speaker 1: know you're straight.
Speaker 4: We don't think you're creepy. Other than the fact that
Speaker 4: you want up the statue Liberty's dress against her consent.
Speaker 3: How do you know that it was against her consent?
Speaker 1: She has that sign that's like immigrants, like, come on in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm an immigrant. My career is going to look
Speaker 3: very different when this episode's over. And I think when
Speaker 3: I'm no, I think in a bad way. But I
Speaker 3: think what I'm struggling with is where do I personally
Speaker 3: go from here? You know, I don't think I am
Speaker 3: masculine and straight enough to suddenly transition into the into
Speaker 3: the straight podcast space.
Speaker 1: I think you could, Yeah, try it right now, really quick.
Speaker 3: Did you watch the game last night?
Speaker 4: Fucking I was playing paintball and my hopper jammed. I
Speaker 4: was playing paintball and my fucking hopper. I got an
Speaker 4: automatic hopper that it has you turn it on and
Speaker 4: it has this little lever that you're like irritates the
Speaker 4: ball so that it's not supposed to jam, but the
Speaker 4: ball got jammed in there anyway.
Speaker 1: It's just like pizza, Like it is too hot, it
Speaker 1: doesn't taste good, but when it's too cold it doesn't
Speaker 1: taste good. Like there's like this third temperature that's like
Speaker 1: somewhere between too hot and too cold that tastes super good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And when I put my a Co two tank
Speaker 4: in the back of my guns sometimes if I don't
Speaker 4: put it in right, it gets there's some little frost
Speaker 4: over and it's kind of freaky because I'm worried it'll explode.
Speaker 1: And do you guys eat mozzarella sticks or is that
Speaker 1: just me?
Speaker 4: In The biggest part a paintball that you have to remember,
Speaker 4: even though you might feel like a fucking nube is
Speaker 4: where your eyeglasses because you can do some serious damage
Speaker 4: to your eyes.
Speaker 1: But seriously, if you're eating breadsticks, that's pussy behavior.
Speaker 3: So I think what we're learning is that I actually
Speaker 3: think we made the right decision Sam, you and I
Speaker 3: as straight man, I think we made the right decision
Speaker 3: pretending to be gay for this podcast because I have
Speaker 3: to say, you know, to end on a positive note.
Speaker 3: I think our work speaks for itself, and we are
Speaker 3: much better at being gay podcasters than we are at
Speaker 3: being straight podcasters.
Speaker 4: Okay, completely agree.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: And I think it's like we can consider this a
Speaker 3: form of healing. Like I forgive both of you, You
Speaker 3: forgive me, and that's final. And I think from now
Speaker 3: on we can just go back to, you know, doing
Speaker 3: what we were doing before. And I think, you know,
Speaker 3: when you pretend enough, it sort of becomes real.
Speaker 1: That's true, Fake it till you make it.
Speaker 3: They always say that, Like I've never felt, you know,
Speaker 3: that I was not being myself. I just feel like
Speaker 3: I was accessing a different part of myself, you know,
Speaker 3: the part that's false and contrived.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Wow, I think the contrived part of us is the
Speaker 4: part of us that will be most financially accessible and
Speaker 4: relatable to every other.
Speaker 3: You know what it is, And that's what pride is
Speaker 3: sort of all about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's what it's all about. And you know
Speaker 1: what it is. It's how Ellen is nice on camera, yeah,
Speaker 1: but in real life. Mean we're gay on camera and
Speaker 1: in real life not so much.
Speaker 3: But and the thing is, honestly, when I think of Ellen,
Speaker 3: I still her brand is still nice. Like I can't.
Speaker 3: I can't learn. No matter how many things I learned
Speaker 3: about her, I still think of her as dancing on
Speaker 3: the TV.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wanted her she I watched her recent special
Speaker 4: Me Too. I kind of I kind of wanted it
Speaker 4: to be mean, and I think she expected people for
Speaker 4: it to be mean, and so she like doubled down
Speaker 4: and made it even nicer. And I kind of respect that.
Speaker 4: I thought it was pretty funny. And I think she's
Speaker 4: just has a has a very uh heavy boulder to carry,
Speaker 4: you know, and yes, she's sort of can she please
Speaker 4: us all? She can't.
Speaker 3: She's like the statue of liberty of comedy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and when you're carrying a cisificium boulder, but you're
Speaker 4: also the statue of liberty, you're kind of in a
Speaker 4: squat and it leaves.
Speaker 3: Everything address open.
Speaker 4: For perverted, fake gay straight men like George to go
Speaker 4: up there and take a bunch of pictures of your
Speaker 4: of your party that let's be honest, that one's not
Speaker 4: a scratch, that's more than a hatchet woman. That's like,
Speaker 4: I don't know, that's like the dent that the Titanic
Speaker 4: made in an iceberg is probably how BIGS is.
Speaker 3: If you think I'm allowing you to, like, you know,
Speaker 3: do like one more passive aggressive jab at this idea
Speaker 3: that I violated the statue of deliberty, despite the fact
Speaker 3: that we decided all of that is past us.
Speaker 4: You know what, I will say, because you said something earlier,
Speaker 4: you said about like even if it's like playful, you
Speaker 4: still feel it and it's real. I find that sometimes,
Speaker 4: not just sometimes, a lot of times, doing a sustained
Speaker 4: bit where you're fake fighting actually does create feelings of
Speaker 4: like tension and stress, like in your body. Yeah, And
Speaker 4: I just want to say, I think you both are
Speaker 4: so kind and funny and brilliant, and I love you
Speaker 4: both so much and really adore you. And even doing
Speaker 4: a fake bit where we're fighting feels hard after a
Speaker 4: certain point because I'm like I, even in the world
Speaker 4: of what we're creating together, I want there to be
Speaker 4: real reconciliation in like peace. I don't know if I
Speaker 4: want these people in this fake like metaphysical what ever,
Speaker 4: sure face should want them to walk away from each
Speaker 4: other being like, oh, I'm a fake gay. People think
Speaker 4: I'm a pervert because I allegedly did this impossible thing.
Speaker 4: Because thereat the statue is frankly Cement and stone you
Speaker 4: can't look up it. Yeah, So I just wanted to
Speaker 4: put the offer that that I actually really don't like
Speaker 4: to fight, even in bits, even though it's like kind
Speaker 4: of the thing that I do the most all the time.
Speaker 3: Patti, Well, we love you more than you can imagine.
Speaker 3: We basically I think you're literally like one of the
Speaker 3: most talented people I've ever met my life.
Speaker 1: Patty, we love you more than you can imagine. And
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you did this podcast. And I think
Speaker 1: the fake fighting is unfortunately funny, but I also crave reconciliation.
Speaker 4: I do so well, thank you for saying that. That
Speaker 4: really means a mountain to me.
Speaker 3: And I just want to say, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 4: No, I was just I was just gonna say. I
Speaker 4: think even reconciliation in the form of a bid or
Speaker 4: a joke, and in these fake characters that we create
Speaker 4: to make each other laugh or other people laugh, even
Speaker 4: fake reconciliation can give us a bump of dopamine in
Speaker 4: such a dark world. That's why we watch stories like
Speaker 4: movies and TV where we see characters who aren't real
Speaker 4: on screen falling in love and you know, winning the
Speaker 4: big game. We see them win, and it gives us
Speaker 4: a sense of hope and an aspirational target that like,
Speaker 4: I could maybe feel that in my own life, and
Speaker 4: I think we have an opportunity to create that in
Speaker 4: ourselves in these skits that we do with each other.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Sam Well, I actually really liked what Patty was saying,
Speaker 3: and I want to I think a common theme that
Speaker 3: I'm seeing.
Speaker 1: I liked it. I just wanted to hear what you
Speaker 1: had to say.
Speaker 3: A common theme that I'm seeing is this idea both
Speaker 3: you know, with Ellen with straight and gay, with bits
Speaker 3: and not bits, this idea that sometimes fake can be
Speaker 3: more real than real, like there are certain actually authentic
Speaker 3: things that can only be expressed within a fake context.
Speaker 1: I liked what Patty said better.
Speaker 4: Really, I think what George said has more, uh has
Speaker 4: more bearings to be like a Ted talk or to
Speaker 4: be like a thesis in a in an academic journal.
Speaker 4: That's that's I'm just referencing saying that I like saying
Speaker 4: academic journal.
Speaker 1: Well, call Mikolitis, and how do I get cooking on
Speaker 1: that is?
Speaker 3: Mickleanis It's Miles Sam. Are you okay?
Speaker 4: It's been a long time since you were on that
Speaker 4: on the UCB stage, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's been a long time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh it's so what I was gonna say before, and
Speaker 3: now I'm pushing it, you know, because I already said
Speaker 3: one thing and I'm saying a second thing. What I
Speaker 3: was going to say before is that, uh, in terms
Speaker 3: of the real tension that exists when you're doing a bit,
Speaker 3: one thing that I noticed is that when you guys
Speaker 3: were allied against me, I felt especially marginalized because I'm
Speaker 3: also the only one in this studio and you are
Speaker 3: both together in the other studio. Sure, And actually when
Speaker 3: Sam and I were doing the bit with Patty, I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is good because I feel there
Speaker 3: is a connection that's happening across the country from this
Speaker 3: studio to that studio because we are creating this triangle.
Speaker 3: But then you guys are already close to each other
Speaker 3: physically already, I feel like there are things I'm not getting.
Speaker 3: There's body language I'm not getting. So for you two
Speaker 3: to then you know, gang up on me felt especially pronounced.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's interesting because I guess there's all the subtext
Speaker 4: of like what could happen? I think when you're you know,
Speaker 4: in an argument real or not. You're wondering what the
Speaker 4: next thing they're going to say is, and you're kind
Speaker 4: of like trying to forecast the best that you can
Speaker 4: in one of those things. If we're in a different space,
Speaker 4: It's like if it got so bad, we could like
Speaker 4: unplug the TV and you just wouldn't see us, and
Speaker 4: then you would be alone and we would be together
Speaker 4: having sex and well.
Speaker 1: In the sense that is kind of what did happen?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know that, but you are the person
Speaker 4: who cut us out, which made us made me no joke.
Speaker 4: There was like a moment where I was like, what if,
Speaker 4: like he's upset, something happened, he died.
Speaker 1: What if he died?
Speaker 3: Maggie jel in the Hole style, Maggie Joel on Hall style.
Speaker 3: I hate to say it, but I do think we
Speaker 3: need to know literally we need to wrap.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: I do want to say this was like such a
Speaker 3: breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think I love when we can take
Speaker 1: Patty come on tour with us.
Speaker 4: I will, I will, and I would clean, I would
Speaker 4: make sure you guys are up in the morning.
Speaker 3: We're literally going on tour in August. Your keys, We're
Speaker 3: going on for in August and Patty, I want you
Speaker 3: to email those job offers, tell them, no, I have
Speaker 3: something better to do. We're doing SpaceX.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd rather do small venues across this nation.
Speaker 3: Some are medium sized, but sure, you.
Speaker 4: Don't know how much a meal and drink ticket mean
Speaker 4: to me in the quality time of Are you guys
Speaker 4: going on a bus? Are you flying everywhere?
Speaker 1: Flying?
Speaker 4: And do you know anyone who's.
Speaker 1: Ever the police don't destroy boys? Did a bus?
Speaker 4: That's so fun?
Speaker 3: Stops?
Speaker 1: Yeah, stop doing bus?
Speaker 4: I think what eric Andre and Sarah's.
Speaker 1: Oh they did a bus.
Speaker 3: Sarah snookes Sarah. Yeah, that's what turned into the picture
Speaker 3: of Dorian Gray, where Sarah Snooke plays thirty seven characters.
Speaker 3: It was originally this like really extended bit with eric Andre.
Speaker 1: She worked.
Speaker 3: She was really inspired by eric Andre actually, who turned
Speaker 3: down the role of Shiv initially in succession.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't want it.
Speaker 1: Well, it was when you you'll be like, oh, that
Speaker 1: was clearly supposed to be eric Andrey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well Shiv is like Shiv is like that you
Speaker 4: could call your penis a shiv. And then so Mike
Speaker 4: pussy being a scratch, it would make sense.
Speaker 3: You guys are taking your buddy comedy hour on tour.
Speaker 1: Sh sh show.
Speaker 4: Me and Sam got to have our own little aside
Speaker 4: when you and away in the dark, and I think
Speaker 4: I would love to have Sam go away in the
Speaker 4: dark and then me and you have a sexual moment too, George.
Speaker 1: I know, Okay, let's let's are we even do going
Speaker 1: to do our final segment?
Speaker 3: Should we do it like so fast?
Speaker 1: We're gonna do it so fast our final segment. Now
Speaker 1: that we're all gay again in the right ways, we
Speaker 1: are going to give a shout out to anything that
Speaker 1: we are enjoying. People place those things ideas in the
Speaker 1: style of its doesn't one you're at TRL shouting out
Speaker 1: to your squad back home? I have one, George, I'm
Speaker 1: ready to go. Go Okay, what's up pre sources and
Speaker 1: purpose around the globe. I want to give a huge shout
Speaker 1: out to Kylie Minogue's Slow. I think this song is
Speaker 1: so damn good and I heard it at her concert
Speaker 1: and everyone went buck wild, and ever since then, I've
Speaker 1: been like, damn, this song is so good. The music
Speaker 1: video is amazing and sexy, and I'm sort of like,
Speaker 1: I think she deserves my credit. And I know every
Speaker 1: gignner thinks this, but I think it too now and
Speaker 1: I think it in a bigger, better way. Xoxo Sam.
Speaker 3: What's up, freaks and losers? I want to give a
Speaker 3: shout out to sort of like THHC or CBD based cocktails,
Speaker 3: maybe a canned mocktail, things that are non alcoholic that
Speaker 3: I can drink. Pagreon listeners know this, but I have
Speaker 3: to be for various medical reasons. Callie sober for the
Speaker 3: next six months, and I am not going through this
Speaker 3: summer without having specialty drinks and without feeling like I'm
Speaker 3: in an altered state. So if you are a brand
Speaker 3: that can help me by sending me any sort of
Speaker 3: non alcoholic thing that can get me buzzed in any
Speaker 3: other way, I don't care what's in it. Quite frankly,
Speaker 3: it can be harmful chemicals that are bad for my
Speaker 3: body and the environment, but as long as it's not alcohol,
Speaker 3: please send it to me DM on Instagram. I will
Speaker 3: send you my address. I don't care who you are,
Speaker 3: and I would love to try some drinks and I'm
Speaker 3: happy to do an on screen unboxing. So you have
Speaker 3: six months. Please start sending them now. I'm at George
Speaker 3: Savers on Instagram.
Speaker 4: What's up Freaks and Losers? I want to give it sorry,
Speaker 4: what's up Freaks and Losers? I want to give a
Speaker 4: shout out real quick to rides. I just started going
Speaker 4: to theme parks again. I love I just and I
Speaker 4: and I haven't been in like ten years, and I
Speaker 4: just started writing roller coasters again, and I forgot how
Speaker 4: how good it feels to be shaken around and thrown
Speaker 4: upside down and field g forces and stuff. It really
Speaker 4: makes me feel in my body you can't think about
Speaker 4: anything else. And I really think like it helped me
Speaker 4: kind of like step back in touch to my inner
Speaker 4: child who has been abused, neglected us and stinking, stinking
Speaker 4: it up inside there for so long. So I just
Speaker 4: want to say say thank you Rides.
Speaker 1: Thank you Rides Well, thank you Patty for an amazing episode.
Speaker 1: And we'll see you soon.
Speaker 4: See you and I love you.
Speaker 1: Bye.
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Speaker 1: Stradio Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Speaker 1: Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 3: Created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sony and Olivia Aguilar.
Speaker 3: Co produced by Bei Wang, edited.
Speaker 1: And engineered by Adam Avalos.
Speaker 3: Artwork by Michael Failes and Matt Grubg.
Speaker 1: Theme music by Ben Kling