WEBVTT - 2. My Light | Lost Hills 0:00:15.066 --> 0:00:15.506 Pushkin. 0:00:23.036 --> 0:00:28.556 When Mitrice Richardson disappeared in September 2009, investigators searched her car, 0:00:28.956 --> 0:00:31.296 the one that had been impounded by the sheriff's department 0:00:31.596 --> 0:00:35.076 after she couldn't pay her bill at Joffrey's restaurant. They 0:00:35.116 --> 0:00:38.816 discovered several journals belonging to Mitrice. They were full of 0:00:38.866 --> 0:00:42.426 information about Mitrice's life, and they would ultimately shape the 0:00:42.466 --> 0:00:49.186 investigation into her death. Mitrice's dad, Michael Richardson, shared four 0:00:49.206 --> 0:00:52.196 of the journals with us. He encouraged us to use 0:00:52.256 --> 0:00:56.756 them so his daughter's voice could be heard. My producer 0:00:56.796 --> 0:00:59.516 Haley Fox and I are reporting this season of Lost 0:00:59.536 --> 0:01:02.816 Hills together. We laid the journals out on a table 0:01:02.876 --> 0:01:05.556 in the office and started to scour them for clues 0:01:06.126 --> 0:01:09.566 about who Mitrice was and what became of her. This 0:01:09.706 --> 0:01:13.866 bright young woman, full of promise, whose life went wildly 0:01:13.986 --> 0:01:17.986 off course. The entries have been lightly edited for clarity, 0:01:18.186 --> 0:01:19.446 and they're being read by an actor. 0:01:23.206 --> 0:01:29.646 February 25, 2009. My very first journal. Well, not diary 0:01:29.706 --> 0:01:32.776 or composition book, but my own journal with the intent 0:01:32.796 --> 0:01:34.536 of reflection and bettering myself. 0:01:35.556 --> 0:01:40.176 Mitrice's handwriting is neat and emphatic, full of OMGs and 0:01:40.256 --> 0:01:44.276 smiley faces and exclamation points, which she punctuates with hearts. 0:01:45.276 --> 0:01:48.316 First things first, I want to own my own home. 0:01:48.806 --> 0:01:51.406 I want to do this because it is an awesome 0:01:51.446 --> 0:01:54.306 investment and gives me something to do while I'm preparing 0:01:54.366 --> 0:01:58.046 to go back to school. Because, let's face it, I'm 0:01:58.086 --> 0:02:01.066 the type of girl who enjoys accomplishing everything I set 0:02:01.136 --> 0:02:01.676 out to do. 0:02:02.376 --> 0:02:06.056 Her journal, she writes, is her best friend. She signs 0:02:06.096 --> 0:02:08.296 her entries, Mitrice Richardson. 0:02:09.326 --> 0:02:17.236 I like talking, dancing, telling jokes, debating, eating, analyzing, sunshine, music, 0:02:17.816 --> 0:02:27.726 sports cars, security, people. Don't like when people are wronged, discrimination, divas, racist, laziness, 0:02:27.926 --> 0:02:34.566 cramped space, being monitored, neediness, unmotivated people. 0:02:34.586 --> 0:02:37.356 At 24, Mitrice is brimming with excitement about the world 0:02:37.576 --> 0:02:40.716 and her place in it. She's a recent graduate of 0:02:40.776 --> 0:02:44.576 Cal State Fullerton, where she majored in psychology and discovered 0:02:44.616 --> 0:02:48.016 an important part of her identity. After going out with 0:02:48.096 --> 0:02:50.936 boys in high school, she came out as gay in college, 0:02:51.456 --> 0:02:56.056 dating two women, Desiree Black and Tessa Moon. Like a 0:02:56.096 --> 0:02:58.556 lot of people in their early 20s, she's still figuring 0:02:58.606 --> 0:03:01.346 things out, especially when it comes to her love life. 0:03:02.146 --> 0:03:06.846 Between Des and Tessa, I get one perfect person, but 0:03:06.906 --> 0:03:10.076 I know this will never work. But right now, it's 0:03:10.336 --> 0:03:11.616 too good to let go of. 0:03:12.976 --> 0:03:15.936 She's an executive assistant at a freight company owned by 0:03:15.996 --> 0:03:20.116 Tessa's family. And she's also dabbling in other fields. She's 0:03:20.236 --> 0:03:23.806 trying to get into modeling and substitute teaching. She's taking 0:03:23.846 --> 0:03:26.726 motorcycle lessons and go-go dancing at gay bars. 0:03:28.086 --> 0:03:31.326 Man, have I been busy, busy, busy. Okay, so first 0:03:31.346 --> 0:03:33.926 things first. I don't think I mentioned it, but I 0:03:33.966 --> 0:03:36.716 had an audition for a go-go position, and yay, I 0:03:37.036 --> 0:03:40.366 got it. I even saw a few cuties, which made 0:03:40.426 --> 0:03:41.366 me want to dance. 0:03:41.546 --> 0:03:42.386 Woohoo! 0:03:42.566 --> 0:03:48.306 So I go back again tonight. Okay, new topic. I've 0:03:48.346 --> 0:03:54.156 been taking motorcycle classes. It's actually really hard, LMAO. Yeah, 0:03:54.216 --> 0:04:01.086 so I'm still pretty dangerous. Go-go wardrobe ideas. Small feathers 0:04:01.266 --> 0:04:03.026 outline under boob wiring. 0:04:03.546 --> 0:04:04.046 Use red. 0:04:04.886 --> 0:04:10.206 Strings for sides, many colors. Tie rag around boot. Furry 0:04:10.246 --> 0:04:12.646 red sock slash strappy heels. 0:04:16.706 --> 0:04:19.986 But she's getting ready to realize an ambitious dream. 0:04:21.006 --> 0:04:23.906 Today I'll just be reading and doing research on both 0:04:23.986 --> 0:04:26.686 finding a home plan to start saving for and to 0:04:26.746 --> 0:04:28.166 start preparing for grad school. 0:04:28.806 --> 0:04:30.176 She wants to be a therapist. 0:04:30.936 --> 0:04:35.026 I want to be the gay and lesbian guru. 0:04:35.026 --> 0:04:38.326 2009, she writes, is going to be a transformative year 0:04:38.366 --> 0:04:38.686 for her. 0:04:39.126 --> 0:04:42.366 So here's to me and my progression forward. I refuse 0:04:42.386 --> 0:04:44.326 to let this year go to waste. And the new 0:04:44.366 --> 0:04:46.766 motto is, 09 is mine. 0:04:47.586 --> 0:04:50.586 She's shedding an old identity, one that served her for 0:04:50.666 --> 0:04:56.046 many years. The identity of the beautiful, perfectly composed, perfectly 0:04:56.086 --> 0:05:02.606 presentable young lady. The beauty pageant contestant. The pleaser. That's 0:05:02.706 --> 0:05:08.246 falling away. And in its place, someone new is being born. 0:05:09.786 --> 0:05:11.706 I think the Lord has blessed me with a good 0:05:11.746 --> 0:05:14.506 head on my shoulders and a love for friendly debates. 0:05:14.826 --> 0:05:18.636 I've always loved a challenge. Well, if I'm going to 0:05:18.676 --> 0:05:21.996 start my career as a great gay therapist, I better 0:05:22.036 --> 0:05:26.786 get used to people being disgusted by me. So watch out, people. 0:05:27.286 --> 0:05:30.666 I'm about to make a name for myself. Let's go. 0:05:31.746 --> 0:05:36.516 The real Maitrese is emerging. She's done being a beauty queen. 0:05:37.196 --> 0:05:46.096 She's ready to be a voice. I'm Dana Goodyear, and 0:05:46.156 --> 0:05:47.656 this is Lost Hills. 0:05:47.676 --> 0:05:52.306 Lost Hills. 0:06:13.796 --> 0:06:24.536 Episode 2, My Light. Picture Mitrice. She's vivacious and charismatic, 0:06:24.936 --> 0:06:28.696 with almond-shaped eyes and a dazzling smile. A person you 0:06:28.716 --> 0:06:31.416 can't help but notice. She makes sure of it. 0:06:32.496 --> 0:06:34.876 Well, she was a bit of a show-off. It started 0:06:35.846 --> 0:06:38.966 early on. Like, I remember she was in this private 0:06:39.106 --> 0:06:42.756 daycare when she was three. And, you know, she just 0:06:42.796 --> 0:06:46.756 did her part. And Mitrice is just like, this is me. 0:06:46.816 --> 0:06:49.916 This is the light. Even at three years old. 0:06:51.076 --> 0:06:52.396 This is Mitrice's dad. 0:06:53.056 --> 0:06:57.196 My name is Michael L. Richardson. I'm the proud father 0:06:57.296 --> 0:07:02.156 of Mitrice Richardson. One of my favorite pictures of her 0:07:02.556 --> 0:07:07.376 is a picture of her in her cheerleading uniform. It's 0:07:07.476 --> 0:07:12.046 called a Roman kick that she taught me. And it's 0:07:12.146 --> 0:07:15.126 when you're standing straight up like this, and you just 0:07:15.286 --> 0:07:17.996 jump straight up and kick both legs out, and your 0:07:18.056 --> 0:07:21.616 fingers touch your toes. And, you know, her mom caught 0:07:21.636 --> 0:07:23.996 that picture, and it looked like her legs was just 0:07:24.036 --> 0:07:26.256 straight out like this. My favorite picture. 0:07:27.556 --> 0:07:30.896 Michael is tall and heavyset, with sparkling eyes and a 0:07:30.936 --> 0:07:34.656 boisterous laugh. He works in private security and owns a 0:07:34.676 --> 0:07:38.866 pair of poodles named Delta and Bentley. On sunny days, 0:07:38.926 --> 0:07:41.766 he likes to drive around L.A. in a 66 Chevy. 0:07:42.926 --> 0:07:45.386 It looks like what they refer to as a lowrider. 0:07:45.826 --> 0:07:49.166 It's pearl white. When the sun hits it, it sparkles. 0:07:50.226 --> 0:07:53.246 It has a mega sound system in it because she 0:07:53.386 --> 0:07:53.556 and I. 0:07:53.806 --> 0:07:56.566 On the trunk, there's a portrait of Mitrice in a 0:07:56.626 --> 0:07:59.026 white gown and tiara with angel wings. 0:08:00.286 --> 0:08:04.686 She was in a pageant once and she had this 0:08:04.786 --> 0:08:08.836 tiara on and We took that and put it on 0:08:08.856 --> 0:08:12.396 the back of the car, and above it, it has 0:08:12.436 --> 0:08:17.056 the words, Still Riding With My Daddy. It's pretty crazy 0:08:17.136 --> 0:08:20.996 because every time I drive it, you will look over 0:08:21.106 --> 0:08:23.646 at me and just see me with tears in my eyes, 0:08:23.726 --> 0:08:29.826 just bawling, you know. But I'm just steady cruising, you know. So, yeah, 0:08:30.726 --> 0:08:32.446 it's very sentimental to me. 0:08:33.486 --> 0:08:37.676 Michael and Mitrice's mother, Latisse Sutton, were high school sweethearts. 0:08:38.416 --> 0:08:42.366 We had Mitrice very young. I think we were 17 0:08:42.366 --> 0:08:46.226 when her mother became pregnant, and we finished high school. 0:08:46.246 --> 0:08:50.466 Mitrice was born in our senior year, and just always 0:08:50.526 --> 0:08:51.266 a good kid. 0:08:53.626 --> 0:08:57.216 At the time, Latice lived with her grandmother, Mildred Harris, 0:08:57.476 --> 0:08:59.856 in Willowbrook, a neighborhood in South L.A. 0:09:00.876 --> 0:09:08.186 Her mother, Latice, was in debutante things in sophistication, and Ms. 0:09:08.246 --> 0:09:11.266 Harris was just very regal, just very regal. 0:09:12.226 --> 0:09:14.946 When Matrice was about four years old, Michael went to 0:09:14.986 --> 0:09:18.486 prison for five years. He and Latice split up, and 0:09:18.526 --> 0:09:20.666 she married a man named Larry Sutton. 0:09:21.486 --> 0:09:26.226 Matrice's stepfather, Larry, came into the life, and he was 0:09:26.266 --> 0:09:28.866 an executive for Southern California Edison. 0:09:29.666 --> 0:09:32.996 Latice and Larry moved Matrice out of the city to 0:09:33.016 --> 0:09:35.476 the more affluent community of West Covina. 0:09:36.646 --> 0:09:38.966 And I remember when I came to visit them, I 0:09:39.006 --> 0:09:42.426 looked like, wow, man, talk about the real-life Jeffersons here. 0:09:42.826 --> 0:09:44.126 You know, they moved on up. 0:09:46.356 --> 0:09:49.476 And it was there, in the comfortable suburbs, that Mitrice 0:09:49.536 --> 0:09:49.876 grew up. 0:09:51.116 --> 0:09:53.016 I remember the very first day of school, there was 0:09:53.036 --> 0:09:55.796 this loud, beautiful Black girl that was like, hey, you're 0:09:55.816 --> 0:09:57.756 the new Black girl in school, let's be friends. And 0:09:57.796 --> 0:09:58.536 that was Mitrice. 0:09:59.416 --> 0:10:03.476 This is Jewel Moore. She was one of Mitrice's closest friends, 0:10:03.936 --> 0:10:05.296 starting in the eighth grade. 0:10:06.096 --> 0:10:08.176 And from that day forward, we kind of bonded and 0:10:08.216 --> 0:10:12.996 clicked and maintained a friendship. She enjoyed dance. I enjoyed dance. 0:10:13.036 --> 0:10:15.366 That was a passion that we shared together. We auditioned 0:10:15.386 --> 0:10:18.346 to be cheerleaders in high school together and then even 0:10:18.386 --> 0:10:20.326 took dance classes together in college. 0:10:20.966 --> 0:10:23.506 Mitrice was popular with good reason. 0:10:24.356 --> 0:10:28.196 In junior high school and high school, Matrice is a firecracker. 0:10:28.236 --> 0:10:31.916 She was always, like, very vivacious. When she walked into 0:10:31.976 --> 0:10:34.486 a room, she lit it up. I mean, she would 0:10:34.516 --> 0:10:37.786 walk in and not knowing everybody and then leave knowing everybody. 0:10:38.526 --> 0:10:41.366 But there were high expectations riding on her, too. 0:10:42.406 --> 0:10:47.446 Her mom was very, very, very, very stickler about, like, education. 0:10:47.466 --> 0:10:50.566 Matrice pushed, like, If you're going to do this, like, 0:10:50.586 --> 0:10:52.806 you got to be the best. So she always wanted 0:10:52.886 --> 0:10:56.086 to be the best in everything that she did. So 0:10:56.266 --> 0:11:00.226 even in the relationship with her mom, it's being the 0:11:00.326 --> 0:11:04.616 best child I can be with also being Mitrice, which was, 0:11:04.656 --> 0:11:06.836 you know, her own person. 0:11:08.076 --> 0:11:10.976 Once in a while, Mitrice would slip up and get 0:11:11.016 --> 0:11:11.396 in trouble. 0:11:12.656 --> 0:11:15.016 So here's, like, a fun Mitrice story. She would get 0:11:15.056 --> 0:11:16.776 in trouble, and so her mom would make her wear 0:11:16.796 --> 0:11:19.426 a uniform to school, although our school wasn't uniformed. 0:11:19.786 --> 0:11:21.726 So she would be like the. 0:11:21.766 --> 0:11:25.146 Only girl at school in a uniform. I mean, this 0:11:25.386 --> 0:11:28.836 is back in like the 2000s, like late 90s, where 0:11:29.016 --> 0:11:32.316 fashion was important. So she's wearing these long plaid skirts 0:11:32.336 --> 0:11:35.916 with like high socks and ugly sweatshirts and like collared 0:11:35.956 --> 0:11:39.186 shirts in a school where, you know, everybody is trying 0:11:39.206 --> 0:11:39.806 to figure. 0:11:39.586 --> 0:11:40.386 Out the next like. 0:11:41.426 --> 0:11:44.146 Track suit or, you know, like, so that was her. 0:11:44.226 --> 0:11:49.406 She did what she wanted to do and suffered the consequences. 0:11:51.846 --> 0:11:53.686 Growing up, Matrice was sheltered. 0:11:54.226 --> 0:11:58.046 She wasn't the street savvy kid. I mean, she was 0:11:58.126 --> 0:12:01.216 afraid of the dark, even as an adult. Latice was like, 0:12:01.286 --> 0:12:03.236 I drive you everywhere. I need to know where you go. 0:12:03.936 --> 0:12:07.116 They were very strict about where she drove when she 0:12:07.156 --> 0:12:11.476 got her license. Like, Matrice did not take public transportation, 0:12:11.556 --> 0:12:14.096 wouldn't know how to if her life depended on it. 0:12:14.776 --> 0:12:18.056 Michael was protective, too, in his own way. At one 0:12:18.096 --> 0:12:21.196 of the many proms Mitrice went to, he did something 0:12:21.236 --> 0:12:23.676 that became legendary among her friends. 0:12:24.396 --> 0:12:27.426 My favorite prom story, which I tell Michael all the time, 0:12:27.526 --> 0:12:31.646 is Michael drove us to our prom. and threatened our 0:12:31.686 --> 0:12:34.146 principal and told us, like, none of us better come 0:12:34.186 --> 0:12:37.746 back pregnant. And our principal was terrified because if you've 0:12:37.786 --> 0:12:40.696 seen Michael, you do not want him coming to you 0:12:40.756 --> 0:12:47.456 threatening him about your daughter. So that's, like, my favorite 0:12:47.496 --> 0:12:48.836 prom story. 0:12:50.076 --> 0:12:53.676 Jewel says, from the time they were kids, Mitrice's favorite 0:12:53.736 --> 0:12:55.216 flower was the sunflower. 0:12:56.516 --> 0:12:59.456 She just really loved them because they're just beautiful and, 0:12:59.476 --> 0:13:01.836 you know, like they're different from all the other flowers 0:13:01.876 --> 0:13:05.296 and where they grow and their representation of, you know, 0:13:05.336 --> 0:13:08.986 growing towards the light and how tall they can grow 0:13:09.046 --> 0:13:10.206 and what they can grow into. 0:13:11.386 --> 0:13:16.506 That was my trees. Beautiful, original, and growing towards the light. 0:13:18.026 --> 0:13:39.316 Until suddenly, she changed. On June 26, 2009, Mitrice wrote 0:13:39.336 --> 0:13:42.956 a heartbroken journal entry about the death of Michael Jackson. 0:13:45.756 --> 0:13:49.046 I'm writing today because yesterday a great man passed away. 0:13:49.626 --> 0:13:53.406 Michael Jackson. I wish it were a lie. Can't believe 0:13:53.466 --> 0:13:58.146 I'm crying. I loved him. I know I did. This 0:13:58.266 --> 0:14:03.126 pain I feel is real. I love you. Your fans 0:14:03.146 --> 0:14:05.976 slash inspired. Matrice Richardson. 0:14:07.396 --> 0:14:08.696 She was devastated. 0:14:09.336 --> 0:14:11.476 She felt like she was one of the few people 0:14:11.576 --> 0:14:14.816 who truly understood him. And it sent her into a 0:14:14.936 --> 0:14:16.456 funk she couldn't shake. 0:14:17.826 --> 0:14:21.106 Okay, it's been a long time, I know. But it's 0:14:21.116 --> 0:14:24.526 because I've been feeling kind of worthless. You know how 0:14:24.606 --> 0:14:26.826 I made all these plans to get a new job 0:14:26.886 --> 0:14:30.746 and yaddy yaddy boo boo? I finally realized I barely 0:14:30.786 --> 0:14:33.566 do my jobs as it is now. And I love 0:14:33.606 --> 0:14:34.166 my jobs. 0:14:35.416 --> 0:14:38.676 It was right around then, in July 2009, that she 0:14:38.716 --> 0:14:42.056 met and fell in love with a woman named Hannah Parks. 0:14:43.156 --> 0:14:46.266 Matrice was performing at Deborah's, a ladies' night at a 0:14:46.276 --> 0:14:51.706 gay club in Long Beach. In walked Hannah, skinny, blonde, 0:14:51.926 --> 0:14:55.286 covered in tattoos, and wearing sunglasses inside. 0:14:55.306 --> 0:14:59.826 I found God and then I saw you. I saw 0:14:59.886 --> 0:15:02.616 you through the darkness of the club. You saw me 0:15:02.656 --> 0:15:05.016 through the shades of your glasses, and we never really 0:15:05.086 --> 0:15:07.646 saw one another's appearance until the light. 0:15:11.186 --> 0:15:14.726 Hannah Parks is wary of attention. She was questioned by 0:15:14.786 --> 0:15:19.196 police about Mitrice's disappearance, and Mitrice's family was pretty hostile 0:15:19.236 --> 0:15:22.596 toward her. We could tell from the journals that she 0:15:22.636 --> 0:15:25.116 and Mitrice were spending a lot of time together in 0:15:25.136 --> 0:15:28.666 the weeks before Mitrice went missing. and we knew from 0:15:28.746 --> 0:15:32.116 law enforcement documents that Mitrice had told the valet at 0:15:32.156 --> 0:15:36.516 Joffrey's she was there to meet Hannah. Haley and I 0:15:36.576 --> 0:15:40.056 tried calling and emailing, but didn't get anywhere. We ended 0:15:40.116 --> 0:15:42.476 up driving down to Orange County to an address where 0:15:42.516 --> 0:15:44.596 we thought she lived and leaving a note on a 0:15:44.616 --> 0:15:47.656 car we thought belonged to her. A few days later, 0:15:47.736 --> 0:15:50.726 she invited us over. Her wife, Kelsey, answered the door. 0:15:51.686 --> 0:15:55.556 Hannah was and is a serious Christian. But back in 0:15:55.576 --> 0:15:58.216 the summer of 2009, she was taking a little hiatus 0:15:58.236 --> 0:15:59.016 from piety. 0:16:15.536 --> 0:16:18.756 So I, at the time, was going to a private 0:16:18.796 --> 0:16:21.716 Christian university, but it was during the summer. So I 0:16:22.466 --> 0:16:25.726 was kind of wilding out a little bit. And a 0:16:25.766 --> 0:16:29.326 couple friends and I went to a club in Long 0:16:29.366 --> 0:16:35.836 Beach called Deborah's, I believe. And that evening, my trees 0:16:35.896 --> 0:16:40.476 was there like go-go dancing. And I spotted her. 0:16:41.746 --> 0:16:45.166 Matrice was on stage dancing behind a partition while people 0:16:45.206 --> 0:16:46.066 threw money at her. 0:16:46.946 --> 0:16:51.006 She wasn't wearing much. A lot of girls that would 0:16:51.026 --> 0:16:54.756 do like go-go dancing weren't that talented really at dancing, 0:16:54.816 --> 0:16:57.876 but she was a really good dancer. And I don't know, 0:16:57.896 --> 0:17:00.816 she just had this energy about her that made me intrigued. 0:17:02.196 --> 0:17:05.356 Part of what intrigued Hannah was that Matrice was staring 0:17:05.576 --> 0:17:09.206 straight at her while she danced. After the show, they 0:17:09.226 --> 0:17:13.486 started talking. And then they started hanging out. And she 0:17:13.546 --> 0:17:17.726 had a nickname for you, which was PD or private dancer. 0:17:17.786 --> 0:17:18.266 Is that right? 0:17:18.446 --> 0:17:19.486 Oh my gosh. 0:17:21.946 --> 0:17:30.476 That's so funny. I forgot about that. Yeah. So my 0:17:30.556 --> 0:17:35.396 trees would do like private dances for me and asked 0:17:35.436 --> 0:17:38.936 me to dance for her. And so that was something 0:17:38.976 --> 0:17:42.856 we did. I totally forgot about that. 0:17:44.176 --> 0:17:47.296 They had a physical attraction, but there was more to it. 0:17:48.256 --> 0:17:51.296 Once we started talking, I think we just had a 0:17:51.406 --> 0:18:00.686 lot in common. She was very eager to grow, like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, 0:18:00.786 --> 0:18:01.366 for sure. 0:18:02.766 --> 0:18:07.246 Matrice was filling up journal after journal, and Hannah, she 0:18:07.266 --> 0:18:07.956 was a writer too. 0:18:09.746 --> 0:18:16.116 At that time, I was really into writing, poetry, spoken word, 0:18:16.456 --> 0:18:19.756 that sort of thing. So it was definitely, we had 0:18:19.796 --> 0:18:22.376 a strong mental connection as well. 0:18:23.996 --> 0:18:27.816 Maitrese wanted to read every book Hannah mentioned, listen to 0:18:27.956 --> 0:18:30.736 every band, dissect every song. 0:18:31.496 --> 0:18:34.606 And so when I would share certain artists with her, 0:18:34.886 --> 0:18:39.166 or we would literally listen to a song or we 0:18:39.206 --> 0:18:43.226 would listen to a poetic artist or something like that 0:18:43.486 --> 0:18:47.526 and we could sit and talk about it one song 0:18:47.646 --> 0:18:52.456 or one poem for over an hour and just really 0:18:52.536 --> 0:18:54.636 dive into it and what do you think about this. 0:18:55.416 --> 0:18:58.456 With hannah my tree seemed to feel permission to stop 0:18:58.556 --> 0:19:02.776 performing to stop being so perfect she was tuning into 0:19:02.816 --> 0:19:07.696 a more soulful frequency one of hannah's tattoos read look 0:19:07.796 --> 0:19:11.786 deeper My Trace loved that. She wanted to do that. 0:19:14.086 --> 0:19:18.286 I think what was happening is as she was sort 0:19:18.326 --> 0:19:23.576 of growing into herself, because she was in her, what, mid-twenties, 0:19:24.776 --> 0:19:29.536 I don't think that it was enough substantially for her 0:19:30.476 --> 0:19:34.916 to simply define herself as this beauty pageant, this is 0:19:34.996 --> 0:19:40.056 what matters type of woman. And although she was very beautiful, 0:19:40.796 --> 0:19:44.096 she was beautiful without the pageants. She was beautiful without 0:19:44.176 --> 0:19:49.626 all the makeup and she was beautiful beyond physical. And 0:19:49.706 --> 0:19:53.686 so I think for her, she was sort of looking 0:19:53.786 --> 0:20:00.196 for something she could connect with herself and with others 0:20:00.376 --> 0:20:01.896 beyond that physical. 0:20:03.096 --> 0:20:05.836 Part of that was she wasn't going to stress so 0:20:05.886 --> 0:20:07.336 much over her appearance anymore. 0:20:09.046 --> 0:20:12.406 I think Maitrese wanted to see herself how Maitrese wanted 0:20:12.446 --> 0:20:14.486 to see herself, not how other people wanted to see her. 0:20:14.866 --> 0:20:18.146 She started wearing her hair natural and using less makeup. 0:20:18.656 --> 0:20:22.556 I think she was getting tired of kind of straightening 0:20:22.616 --> 0:20:26.116 and gelling, and I think she'd been doing that for 0:20:26.276 --> 0:20:31.516 so long. So I encouraged her, however you're comfortable, that's 0:20:31.556 --> 0:20:32.436 how you should wear your hair. 0:20:34.276 --> 0:20:37.056 Hannah was going through her own identity stuff at the time, 0:20:37.856 --> 0:20:41.306 figuring out how to reconcile her faith with her sexuality. 0:20:42.746 --> 0:20:46.526 I think in this really cool way, we were both... 0:20:47.436 --> 0:20:51.476 at a similar place, but in different ways. 0:20:52.756 --> 0:20:55.176 From the beginning, though, there was an imbalance. 0:20:56.696 --> 0:21:02.656 Mytreese, I mean, she was intense, right? Mytreese felt intensely 0:21:02.716 --> 0:21:06.056 about me, and I felt intensely about her, but not 0:21:06.116 --> 0:21:06.796 in the same way. 0:21:09.916 --> 0:21:13.616 Mytreese's feelings for Hannah went beyond a crush or even 0:21:13.656 --> 0:21:14.596 an infatuation. 0:21:14.616 --> 0:21:21.406 I think that I just so happened to meet her 0:21:22.826 --> 0:21:28.386 at this time pretty close prior to when there was 0:21:28.466 --> 0:21:32.726 this mental decline that started happening. And I think that 0:21:32.786 --> 0:21:36.716 because I was there and because the feelings were already involved, 0:21:37.526 --> 0:21:41.596 I think that she clung to me and the relationship 0:21:41.656 --> 0:21:46.096 we had much more than maybe she would have otherwise. 0:21:47.376 --> 0:21:51.216 In the summer of 2009, as Mitrice was looking deeper, 0:21:51.876 --> 0:21:56.336 she was also undergoing changes she couldn't control. Changes that 0:21:56.396 --> 0:21:59.416 didn't make her feel like a more authentic version of herself, 0:22:00.336 --> 0:22:04.906 but like a stranger. Reading the journals, it's obvious that 0:22:04.946 --> 0:22:09.146 Mitrice was struggling. We thought, at first, that maybe she 0:22:09.186 --> 0:22:12.006 and Hannah were doing hard drugs together, and that's what 0:22:12.026 --> 0:22:15.706 explained the shift. Hannah says that wasn't it at all. 0:22:16.346 --> 0:22:19.566 She didn't use drugs, and Mitrice, to her knowledge, only 0:22:19.626 --> 0:22:25.656 smoked pot. Mitrice's behavior, she said, changed inexplicably, and she 0:22:25.716 --> 0:22:27.116 remembers the day it happened. 0:22:29.076 --> 0:22:31.476 There used to be this restaurant by the apartment I 0:22:31.516 --> 0:22:34.176 used to live in, and we went there for brunch. 0:22:35.356 --> 0:22:37.046 And we would talk about the Bible a lot, and 0:22:37.066 --> 0:22:40.426 we would talk about my beliefs, and she would share 0:22:40.446 --> 0:22:44.996 her beliefs, and There was this one particular conversation where 0:22:45.036 --> 0:22:50.116 she started saying very odd things about the Bible. They 0:22:50.156 --> 0:22:52.416 made no sense to me. I don't know that they 0:22:52.456 --> 0:22:54.776 made sense to her, but it seemed like they made 0:22:54.816 --> 0:22:57.536 sense to her, which is what scared me. And I 0:22:57.676 --> 0:23:00.776 don't remember the specifics, but she would say something like, 0:23:01.596 --> 0:23:06.456 if you replace the word God with I or me 0:23:07.796 --> 0:23:12.016 or something to that effect, I was genuinely trying to 0:23:12.096 --> 0:23:14.196 understand where she was coming from and could not, and 0:23:14.376 --> 0:23:18.606 she would not let it go. And that was the 0:23:18.646 --> 0:23:21.106 first time I remember sitting in that restaurant looking at 0:23:21.206 --> 0:23:25.746 her like, oh shit, something's going on. 0:23:27.806 --> 0:23:31.596 Something in my trees was changing. Hannah could see it. 0:23:32.176 --> 0:23:35.256 My trees could see it. And both of them knew 0:23:35.776 --> 0:23:55.066 that my trees needed help. My trees had always been 0:23:55.106 --> 0:23:57.686 worried about her mental health. There was a history of 0:23:57.746 --> 0:24:00.786 mental illness on both sides of the family. In a 0:24:00.846 --> 0:24:05.346 self-published memoir, her mother, Latice, writes about suffering from, quote, 0:24:05.826 --> 0:24:13.196 major depression, rapid cycling bipolar, PTSD, and anxiety. Latice didn't 0:24:13.236 --> 0:24:15.796 want to talk to me. Her husband, Larry, said it 0:24:15.876 --> 0:24:19.666 is too traumatic for her to talk about Mitrice. In 0:24:19.706 --> 0:24:23.726 her journals, Mitrice writes a lot about being concerned for Latice. 0:24:25.206 --> 0:24:28.266 I would sell my right arm to know more about 0:24:28.426 --> 0:24:32.046 how and why the hell her mind flipped. Ever since 0:24:32.126 --> 0:24:35.256 I was little, my thoughts and lack of understanding about 0:24:35.336 --> 0:24:38.816 her has ran circles in my mind. I guess I'll 0:24:38.856 --> 0:24:41.336 never know, but I wonder if she knows that we 0:24:41.376 --> 0:24:41.956 all love her. 0:24:43.536 --> 0:24:46.836 This family history, it's the reason Mitrice wanted to go 0:24:46.886 --> 0:24:50.346 to grad school for clinical psychology, the reason she wanted 0:24:50.386 --> 0:24:54.706 to become a therapist. She wanted to understand mental illness. 0:24:55.346 --> 0:24:58.226 She wanted to help people manage it. And she wanted 0:24:58.266 --> 0:25:02.696 to spot it if it ever came for her. In 0:25:02.716 --> 0:25:07.536 the weeks before her disappearance, Mitrice's journals changed dramatically. She 0:25:07.576 --> 0:25:11.056 begins to write about losing her mind, finding her mind, 0:25:11.656 --> 0:25:15.806 hoping she gets her mind back. These entries are painful 0:25:15.866 --> 0:25:19.626 to read. She sounds desperate for someone to understand her, 0:25:20.226 --> 0:25:24.586 desperate for reassurance that she's making sense. But she knows 0:25:25.046 --> 0:25:25.556 she isn't. 0:25:26.956 --> 0:25:30.356 I is a representative of me. That is important because 0:25:30.476 --> 0:25:32.876 if you look with two eyes, you will always see 0:25:33.116 --> 0:25:35.956 one eye standing alone, or shall I say one eye. 0:25:36.376 --> 0:25:38.516 But if your two eyes have been opened, you will 0:25:38.556 --> 0:25:41.826 see that one eye is still two. Myself plus I. 0:25:42.376 --> 0:25:44.776 Which I is unknown until I know me. 0:25:47.076 --> 0:25:52.426 Her handwriting also changes. No more exclamation points with hearts. Now, 0:25:52.906 --> 0:25:58.526 she's digging her pen into the page. Underlining, crossing out, revising, correcting. 0:25:59.146 --> 0:26:04.266 As if she's at war with herself. You can still 0:26:04.406 --> 0:26:09.476 glimpse the ambitious young woman, but only in flashes. Everything 0:26:09.526 --> 0:26:13.646 else is... Arcane references to the king of pop in 0:26:13.666 --> 0:26:16.346 the midst of a kaleidoscopic blur. 0:26:17.086 --> 0:26:20.466 Michael J. helped me find me because although he never 0:26:20.546 --> 0:26:24.366 met my trees, I always knew him because before I 0:26:24.466 --> 0:26:27.786 saw him, he touched my soul. I am my trees, 0:26:27.926 --> 0:26:31.866 Al Richardson, and I am a big deal. I am 0:26:31.886 --> 0:26:34.926 my trees, Al Richardson, and I am a big deal. 0:26:34.966 --> 0:26:35.386 P.S. 0:26:35.766 --> 0:26:39.096 I love weed. In one, there is three. I, me, 0:26:39.236 --> 0:26:42.226 and you. I will never know me, plus you are 0:26:42.236 --> 0:26:45.226 the world. Me, my voice is often silenced because, oh 0:26:45.626 --> 0:26:46.966 my trees, you're so pretty. 0:26:46.986 --> 0:26:47.386