WEBVTT - 2. My Light 0:00:15.036 --> 0:00:26.436 Pushkin. When my Terce Richardson disappeared in September two thousand 0:00:26.436 --> 0:00:29.556 and nine, investigators searched her car, the one that had 0:00:29.596 --> 0:00:32.476 been impounded by the Sheriff's Department after she couldn't pay 0:00:32.476 --> 0:00:36.836 her bill at Geoffrey's restaurant. They discovered several journals belonging 0:00:36.876 --> 0:00:39.756 to my Teres. They were full of information about my 0:00:39.836 --> 0:00:43.556 Teres's life, and they would ultimately shape the investigation into 0:00:43.596 --> 0:00:49.276 her death. My Teres's dad, Michael Richardson, shared four of 0:00:49.276 --> 0:00:52.676 the journals with us. He encouraged us to use them 0:00:52.796 --> 0:00:57.476 so his daughter's voice could be heard. My producer, Hailey Fox, 0:00:57.516 --> 0:01:00.316 and I are reporting this season of Lost Hills together. 0:01:00.956 --> 0:01:03.076 We laid the journals out on a table in the 0:01:03.116 --> 0:01:06.556 office and started to scour them for clues about who 0:01:06.636 --> 0:01:09.996 my Race was and what became of her, this bright 0:01:10.036 --> 0:01:14.596 young woman full of promise whose life went wildly off course. 0:01:15.676 --> 0:01:18.476 The entries have been lightly edited for clarity, and they're 0:01:18.476 --> 0:01:19.516 being read by an actor. 0:01:23.156 --> 0:01:27.436 February twenty fifth, two thousand and nine. My very first journal, 0:01:28.196 --> 0:01:32.196 well not diary or composition book, but my own journal 0:01:32.236 --> 0:01:34.636 with the intent of reflection and bettering myself. 0:01:35.556 --> 0:01:39.956 My Teresa's handwriting is neat and emphatic, full of omgs 0:01:40.076 --> 0:01:44.596 and smiley faces and exclamation points, which she punctuates with hearts. 0:01:45.276 --> 0:01:48.356 First things first, I want to own my own home. 0:01:48.796 --> 0:01:51.436 I want to do this because it is an awesome 0:01:51.476 --> 0:01:54.316 investment and gives me something to do while I'm preparing 0:01:54.396 --> 0:01:58.076 to go back to school. Because, let's face it, I'm 0:01:58.076 --> 0:02:01.116 the type of girl who enjoys accomplishing everything I set 0:02:01.156 --> 0:02:01.676 out to do. 0:02:02.356 --> 0:02:06.076 Her journal, she writes, is her best friend. She signs 0:02:06.116 --> 0:02:08.356 her entries my Teres Richardson. 0:02:09.316 --> 0:02:19.716 I like talking, dancing, telling jokes, debating, eating, analyzing, sunshine, music, sports, cars, security. 0:02:20.116 --> 0:02:27.716 People don't like when people are wronged, discrimination, divas, racists, laziness, 0:02:27.916 --> 0:02:32.436 cramped space, being monitored, neediness, unmotivated people. 0:02:33.756 --> 0:02:36.916 At twenty four, my Terse is brimming with excitement about 0:02:36.956 --> 0:02:40.036 the world and her place in it. She's a recent 0:02:40.116 --> 0:02:43.556 graduate of cal State Fullerton, where she majored in psychology 0:02:43.916 --> 0:02:47.796 and discovered an important part of her identity After going 0:02:47.796 --> 0:02:49.996 out with boys in high school. She came out as 0:02:50.036 --> 0:02:54.796 gay in college, dating two women, Desiree Black and Tessa Moon. 0:02:55.876 --> 0:02:57.876 Like a lot of people in their early twenties, she's 0:02:57.916 --> 0:03:00.916 still figuring things out, especially when it comes to her 0:03:00.956 --> 0:03:01.636 love life. 0:03:02.116 --> 0:03:07.036 Between Desen Tessa. I get one perfect person. But I 0:03:07.116 --> 0:03:10.516 know this will never work, but right now it's too 0:03:10.556 --> 0:03:11.596 good to let go of. 0:03:12.956 --> 0:03:15.996 She's an executive assistant at a freight company owned by 0:03:15.996 --> 0:03:20.116 Tessa's family, and she's also dabbling in other fields. She's 0:03:20.196 --> 0:03:23.796 trying to get into modeling and substitute teaching. She's taking 0:03:23.836 --> 0:03:26.796 motorcycle lessons and Go Go dancing at gay bars. 0:03:28.116 --> 0:03:30.116 Man, have I been busy? Busy busy? 0:03:30.396 --> 0:03:33.516 Okay, so first things first, I don't think I mentioned it, 0:03:33.556 --> 0:03:35.876 but I had an audition for a Go Go physician 0:03:35.996 --> 0:03:39.236 and yay, I got it. I even saw a few 0:03:39.316 --> 0:03:41.396 cutis which made me want to dance. 0:03:41.556 --> 0:03:41.996 Woooo. 0:03:42.596 --> 0:03:45.116 So I go back again tonight. 0:03:46.476 --> 0:03:47.676 Okay, new topic. 0:03:48.076 --> 0:03:54.156 I've been taking motorcycle classes. It's actually really hard lmao. Yeah, 0:03:54.196 --> 0:04:01.116 so I'm still pretty dangerous. Go Go wardrobe ideas small feathers, 0:04:01.236 --> 0:04:07.516 outline under boob wiring, use red strings for sides, many colors, 0:04:07.836 --> 0:04:12.676 tie rag around boom, furry red sock slash, strappy heels. 0:04:16.676 --> 0:04:19.996 But she's getting ready to realize an ambitious dream. 0:04:20.996 --> 0:04:23.956 Today, I'll just be reading and doing research I'm both 0:04:23.996 --> 0:04:26.716 finding a home, plan to start saving four and to 0:04:26.756 --> 0:04:28.316 start preparing for grad school. 0:04:28.796 --> 0:04:30.196 She wants to be a therapist. 0:04:30.916 --> 0:04:33.316 I want to be the gay and lesbian guru. 0:04:34.076 --> 0:04:36.716 Two thousand and nine, she writes, is going to be 0:04:37.036 --> 0:04:38.716 a transformative year for her. 0:04:39.116 --> 0:04:42.316 So here's to me and my progression forward. I refuse 0:04:42.396 --> 0:04:44.356 to let this year go to waste. And the new 0:04:44.396 --> 0:04:47.476 motto is O nine is mine. 0:04:47.556 --> 0:04:50.636 She's shedding an old identity, one that served her for 0:04:50.676 --> 0:04:56.076 many years, the identity of the beautiful, perfectly composed, perfectly 0:04:56.116 --> 0:05:02.636 presentable young lady, the beauty pageant contestant, the pleaser that's 0:05:02.716 --> 0:05:08.196 falling away, and in its place, someone new is being born. 0:05:09.796 --> 0:05:11.676 I think the Lord has blessed me with a good 0:05:11.756 --> 0:05:14.596 head on my shoulders and a love for friendly debates. 0:05:14.796 --> 0:05:18.636 I've always loved a challenge. Well, if I'm going to 0:05:18.676 --> 0:05:22.036 start my career as a great gay therapist, I better 0:05:22.036 --> 0:05:26.796 get used to people being disgusted by me. So watch out, people, 0:05:27.236 --> 0:05:29.316 I'm about to make a name for myself. 0:05:29.876 --> 0:05:35.476 Let's go the real My trace is emerging. She's done 0:05:35.556 --> 0:05:43.876 being a beauty queen. She's ready to be a voice. 0:05:44.476 --> 0:06:14.716 I'm Dana Goodyear, and this is Lost Hells Episode two. 0:06:15.516 --> 0:06:16.276 My light. 0:06:20.756 --> 0:06:25.876 Picture my Teres. She's vivacious and charismatic with almond shaped 0:06:25.876 --> 0:06:29.196 eyes and a dazzling smile. A person you can't help, 0:06:29.236 --> 0:06:31.476 but notice she makes sure of it. 0:06:32.476 --> 0:06:34.316 Well, she was a bit of a show off. It 0:06:34.436 --> 0:06:38.316 started early on, Like I remember she was in this 0:06:38.476 --> 0:06:42.436 private daycare when she was three, and you know, she 0:06:42.676 --> 0:06:46.236 just did her part, and my Trece just like this 0:06:46.396 --> 0:06:49.956 is me, This is I like, even at three years. 0:06:49.636 --> 0:06:52.396 Old, this is my Teresa's dad. 0:06:53.036 --> 0:06:57.116 My name is Michael L. Richardson. I'm the proud father 0:06:57.276 --> 0:07:01.876 of my race Richardson. One of my favorite pictures of 0:07:01.916 --> 0:07:06.356 her is a picture of her in her cheerleading uniform. 0:07:07.356 --> 0:07:11.836 Is called a Roman kit that she taught me, and 0:07:11.876 --> 0:07:14.876 it's when you're standing straight up like this and you 0:07:15.076 --> 0:07:17.476 just jump straight up and kick both legs out and 0:07:17.596 --> 0:07:21.356 your fingers touch your toes and you know, her mom 0:07:21.436 --> 0:07:23.876 caught that picture and it looked like her legs is 0:07:23.916 --> 0:07:26.356 just straight out like this, my favorite picture. 0:07:27.556 --> 0:07:30.796 Michael is tall and heavy set, with sparkling eyes and 0:07:30.836 --> 0:07:34.596 a boisterous laugh. He works in private security and owns 0:07:34.596 --> 0:07:38.876 a pair of poodles named Delta and Bentley. On sunny days. 0:07:38.916 --> 0:07:41.836 He likes to drive around la in a sixty six Chevy. 0:07:42.916 --> 0:07:45.436 It looks like what they referred to as a lowrider. 0:07:45.796 --> 0:07:49.516 It's pearl white. When the sun hits it, it sparkles. 0:07:50.236 --> 0:07:53.516 It has a mega sound system in it because. 0:07:53.796 --> 0:07:56.476 On the trunk there's a portrait of my Trees in 0:07:56.516 --> 0:07:59.396 a white gown and Tiara with angel wings. 0:08:00.316 --> 0:08:04.716 She was in a pageant once and she had this 0:08:04.836 --> 0:08:08.836 Tierra on and we took that and put it on 0:08:08.836 --> 0:08:12.556 a back a car, and above it it has the 0:08:12.636 --> 0:08:17.556 words still riding with my Daddy. It's pretty crazy because 0:08:17.636 --> 0:08:21.236 every time I drive it, you will look over at 0:08:21.236 --> 0:08:23.636 me and just see me with tears in my eyes, 0:08:23.876 --> 0:08:27.716 just balling, you know. But I'm just steady cruising, you know. 0:08:28.876 --> 0:08:32.396 So yeah, it's very sentimental to me. 0:08:33.476 --> 0:08:37.956 Michael and my Teresa's mother, Latisse Sutton, were high school sweethearts. 0:08:38.436 --> 0:08:41.596 We had my Teres very young. I think we were 0:08:41.716 --> 0:08:46.276 seventeen when her mother became pregnant and we finished high school. 0:08:46.556 --> 0:08:50.116 My Teres was born in our senior year and just 0:08:50.196 --> 0:08:51.596 always a good kid. 0:08:53.596 --> 0:08:57.316 At the time. Latis lived with her grandmother, Mildred Harris, 0:08:57.436 --> 0:08:59.756 in Willowbrook, a neighborhood in South La. 0:09:00.876 --> 0:09:07.396 Her mother, Latise was in debutante things and sophistication, and 0:09:07.996 --> 0:09:11.316 Miss Harris was just very regal, just very regal. 0:09:12.196 --> 0:09:14.836 When my Terrees was about four years old, Michael went 0:09:14.876 --> 0:09:18.196 to prison for five years. He and Latis split up 0:09:18.356 --> 0:09:20.716 and she married a man named Larry Sutton. 0:09:21.476 --> 0:09:26.036 My Teresa's stepfather. Larry came into the life and he 0:09:26.156 --> 0:09:28.836 was an executive for Southern California. Edison. 0:09:29.716 --> 0:09:32.596 Latis and Larry moved my Teres out of the city 0:09:32.876 --> 0:09:35.996 to the more affluent community of West Covina. 0:09:36.556 --> 0:09:38.956 And I remember when I came to visit him, I 0:09:39.036 --> 0:09:42.476 looked like, wow, man, talk about the real life Jefferson's here. 0:09:42.836 --> 0:09:43.076 You know. 0:09:43.236 --> 0:09:44.316 They moved on up. 0:09:46.316 --> 0:09:49.116 And it was there in the comfortable suburbs that my 0:09:49.236 --> 0:09:49.996 Terce grew up. 0:09:51.076 --> 0:09:53.076 I remember the very first day of school, there was 0:09:53.116 --> 0:09:55.796 this loud, beautiful black girl that was like, Hey, you're 0:09:55.836 --> 0:09:57.796 the new black girl in school. Let's be friends. And 0:09:57.836 --> 0:09:58.596 that was my Terrees. 0:09:59.436 --> 0:10:02.516 This is Juell Moore. She was one of my Teresa's 0:10:02.556 --> 0:10:05.716 closest friends starting in the eighth grade. 0:10:06.036 --> 0:10:08.236 And from that day forward we kind of bonded and 0:10:08.276 --> 0:10:12.956 clicked in maintained a friendship. She enjoyed dance. I enjoyed dance. 0:10:13.036 --> 0:10:15.436 That was a passion that we shared together. We auditioned 0:10:15.436 --> 0:10:18.316 to be cheerleaders in high school together and then even 0:10:18.356 --> 0:10:20.556 took dance classes together in college. 0:10:20.956 --> 0:10:23.956 My RaSE was popular with good reason. 0:10:24.316 --> 0:10:26.556 In junior, high school and high school. My Trees is 0:10:26.596 --> 0:10:31.476 a firecracker. She was always like very vivacious. When she 0:10:31.556 --> 0:10:33.676 walked into a room, she lit it up. I mean 0:10:33.836 --> 0:10:36.276 she would walk in and not knowing everybody and then 0:10:36.396 --> 0:10:37.716 leave knowing everybody. 0:10:38.516 --> 0:10:41.916 But there were high expectations riding on her too. 0:10:42.396 --> 0:10:47.356 Her mom was very very very very stickler about like education. 0:10:47.996 --> 0:10:50.676 Latis push like, if you're gonna do this, like you 0:10:50.756 --> 0:10:53.156 gotta be the best. So she always wanted to be 0:10:53.276 --> 0:10:57.356 the best in everything that she did. So even in 0:10:57.396 --> 0:11:01.236 the relationship with her mom, it's being the best child 0:11:01.316 --> 0:11:04.596 I can be with also being my race, which was 0:11:04.716 --> 0:11:06.836 you know, her own person. 0:11:07.996 --> 0:11:10.796 Once in a while, My Trees would slip up and 0:11:10.836 --> 0:11:11.476 get in trouble. 0:11:12.636 --> 0:11:14.916 So here's like a fun my Tree story. She would 0:11:14.916 --> 0:11:16.596 get in trouble and so her mom would make her 0:11:16.636 --> 0:11:19.396 wear a uniform to school, although our school wasn't uniform, 0:11:19.796 --> 0:11:22.476 so then she would be like the only girl at 0:11:22.516 --> 0:11:26.076 school in a uniform. I mean this is back in 0:11:26.276 --> 0:11:30.116 like the two thousands, like late nineties, where fashion was important. 0:11:30.276 --> 0:11:32.996 So she's wearing these long plaid skirts with like high 0:11:32.996 --> 0:11:37.236 socks and ugly sweatshirts and like collared shirts and a 0:11:37.356 --> 0:11:39.756 school where you know, everybody is trying to figure out 0:11:39.796 --> 0:11:43.116 the next like what track suit or you know, like 0:11:43.156 --> 0:11:45.716 so that was her. She did what she wanted to 0:11:45.756 --> 0:11:50.396 do and suffer the consequences. 0:11:51.836 --> 0:11:53.796 Growing up, My Trees was sheltered. 0:11:54.236 --> 0:11:58.036 She wasn't the street savvy kid. I mean she was 0:11:58.116 --> 0:12:01.196 afraid of the dark even as an adult. Latise was like, 0:12:01.276 --> 0:12:03.196 I drive you everywhere. I need to know where you go. 0:12:03.876 --> 0:12:07.076 They were very strict about where she drove when she 0:12:07.156 --> 0:12:11.356 got her license. Like my Trees did not take public transportation, 0:12:11.556 --> 0:12:14.116 wouldn't know how to if her life depended on it. 0:12:14.756 --> 0:12:18.116 Michael was protective too, in his own way. At one 0:12:18.156 --> 0:12:20.796 of the many proms my Teres went to, he did 0:12:20.836 --> 0:12:23.956 something that became legendary among her friends. 0:12:24.436 --> 0:12:27.436 My favorite prom story, which I tell Michael all the time, 0:12:27.556 --> 0:12:31.636 is Michael drove us to our prom and threatened our 0:12:31.716 --> 0:12:34.236 principle and told us, like none of us better come 0:12:34.236 --> 0:12:37.796 back pregnant, and our principal was terrified because if you've 0:12:37.836 --> 0:12:40.596 seen Michael, you do not want him coming to you 0:12:40.796 --> 0:12:47.436 threatening him about your daughters. So that's like my favorite 0:12:47.556 --> 0:12:50.756 prom story, Jules says. 0:12:50.996 --> 0:12:54.196 From the time they were kids, my Teresa's favorite flower 0:12:54.476 --> 0:12:55.316 was the sunflower. 0:12:56.476 --> 0:12:59.436 She just really loved them because they're just beautiful, and 0:12:59.516 --> 0:13:01.836 you know, like they're different from all the other flowers 0:13:01.876 --> 0:13:05.276 and where they grow and their representation of, you know, 0:13:05.316 --> 0:13:08.956 growing towards a light and how like tall they can grow, 0:13:09.236 --> 0:13:10.156 what they can grow into. 0:13:11.436 --> 0:13:16.196 That was my Teres, beautiful, original and growing towards the 0:13:16.276 --> 0:13:37.516 light until suddenly she changed. On June twenty sixth, two 0:13:37.516 --> 0:13:40.916 thousand and nine, my Teres wrote a heartbroken journal entry 0:13:41.076 --> 0:13:43.036 about the death of Michael Jackson. 0:13:45.716 --> 0:13:49.116 I'm writing today because yesterday a great man passed away, 0:13:49.596 --> 0:13:53.436 Michael Jackson. I wish it were a lie. Can't believe 0:13:53.476 --> 0:13:58.116 I'm crying. I loved him. I know I did. This 0:13:58.316 --> 0:14:03.116 pain I feel is real. I love you your fans. 0:14:03.156 --> 0:14:05.996 Slash inspired my Terce Richardson. 0:14:07.396 --> 0:14:08.756 She was devastated. 0:14:09.356 --> 0:14:11.516 She felt like she was one of the few people 0:14:11.556 --> 0:14:15.276 who truly understood him, and it sent her into a funk. 0:14:15.596 --> 0:14:16.476 She couldn't shake. 0:14:17.796 --> 0:14:21.156 Okay, it's been a long time, I know, but it's 0:14:21.196 --> 0:14:24.556 because I've been feeling kind of worthless, you know how. 0:14:24.596 --> 0:14:26.756 I made all these plans to get a new job, 0:14:26.836 --> 0:14:30.796 and yadi YETI boo boo. I finally realized I barely 0:14:30.836 --> 0:14:33.556 do my jobs as it is now, and I love 0:14:33.636 --> 0:14:34.276 my jobs. 0:14:35.396 --> 0:14:38.076 It was right around then, in July two thousand and nine, 0:14:38.396 --> 0:14:40.996 that she met and fell in love with a woman 0:14:41.236 --> 0:14:45.316 named Hannah Parks. My Trice was performing at Deborah's, a 0:14:45.396 --> 0:14:48.716 lady's night at a gay club in Long Beach. In 0:14:49.076 --> 0:14:54.596 walked Hannah, skinny blonde, covered in tattoos and wearing sunglasses. 0:14:54.836 --> 0:14:59.596 Inside I found God and then I saw you. I 0:14:59.636 --> 0:15:02.516 saw you through the darkness of the club. You saw 0:15:02.516 --> 0:15:04.756 me through the shades of your glasses, and we never 0:15:04.796 --> 0:15:07.476 really saw one another's appearance until the light. 0:15:11.156 --> 0:15:14.796 Hannah Parks is wary of attention. She was questioned by 0:15:14.796 --> 0:15:18.436 police about my Teresa's disappearance, and my Teresa's family was 0:15:18.476 --> 0:15:22.236 pretty hostile toward her. We could tell from the journals 0:15:22.316 --> 0:15:24.156 that she and my Teres were spending a lot of 0:15:24.196 --> 0:15:26.956 time together in the weeks before my Terse went missing, 0:15:27.996 --> 0:15:30.956 and we knew from law enforcement documents that my teres 0:15:31.036 --> 0:15:33.996 had told the valet at Jeoffrey's she was there to 0:15:34.036 --> 0:15:38.196 meet Hannah. Haley and I tried calling and emailing but 0:15:38.236 --> 0:15:41.316 didn't get anywhere. We ended up driving down to Orange 0:15:41.356 --> 0:15:43.756 County to an address where we thought she lived and 0:15:43.836 --> 0:15:46.076 leaving a note on a car we thought belonged to her. 0:15:46.876 --> 0:15:49.676 A few days later, she invited us over. Her wife, 0:15:49.796 --> 0:15:50.836 Kelsey answered the door. 0:15:51.516 --> 0:15:58.996 Hi, Sorry, sweet, No, You're fine. 0:15:59.596 --> 0:16:00.556 How do you take shoes off? 0:16:06.316 --> 0:16:09.876 Hannah was and is a serious Christian, but back in 0:16:09.916 --> 0:16:12.236 the summer of two thousand and nine, she was taking 0:16:12.276 --> 0:16:15.396 a little hiatus from piety. 0:16:15.556 --> 0:16:18.756 So I at the time was going to a private 0:16:18.836 --> 0:16:22.476 Christian university, but it was during the summer, so I 0:16:22.556 --> 0:16:25.716 was kind of wilding out a little bit, and a 0:16:25.756 --> 0:16:29.356 couple friends and I went to a club in Long 0:16:29.396 --> 0:16:35.836 Beach called Deborahs, I believe, and that evening, my chrase 0:16:35.996 --> 0:16:40.556 was there like go go dancing, and I spotted her. 0:16:41.756 --> 0:16:44.916 My trese was on stage dancing behind a partition will 0:16:44.956 --> 0:16:46.196 people threw money at her. 0:16:46.916 --> 0:16:51.116 She wasn't wearing much. A lot of girls it would 0:16:51.116 --> 0:16:54.796 do like go go dancing, weren't that talented really? At dancing, 0:16:54.836 --> 0:16:57.836 but she was a really good dancer, and I don't know, 0:16:57.956 --> 0:17:00.836 she just had this energy about her that made me intrigued. 0:17:02.196 --> 0:17:04.796 Part of what intrigued Hannah was that my Rise was 0:17:04.876 --> 0:17:08.836 staring straight at her while she danced. After the show, 0:17:09.156 --> 0:17:13.236 they started talking and then they started hanging out, and 0:17:13.316 --> 0:17:16.716 she had a nickname for you, which was PD or 0:17:16.836 --> 0:17:17.716 private Dancer. 0:17:17.836 --> 0:17:28.956 Is that right, That's so funny. I forgot about that. Yeah, 0:17:28.996 --> 0:17:33.076 So my Trace would do like private dances for me 0:17:34.316 --> 0:17:38.476 and asked me to dance for her, and so that 0:17:38.596 --> 0:17:42.876 was something we did. I totally forgot about that. 0:17:44.196 --> 0:17:47.316 They had a physical attraction, but there was more to. 0:17:47.196 --> 0:17:51.276 It once we started talking. I think we just had 0:17:51.316 --> 0:17:55.956 a lot in common. She was very eager to grow 0:17:56.876 --> 0:18:02.956 like mentally, emotionally, spiritually. For sure, my. 0:18:02.956 --> 0:18:07.156 Trace was filling up journal after journal and Hannah she 0:18:07.316 --> 0:18:08.636 was a writer too. 0:18:09.276 --> 0:18:14.836 I was at that time I was really into writing poetry, 0:18:15.036 --> 0:18:19.476 spoken word, that sort of thing. So it was definitely 0:18:19.516 --> 0:18:22.436 we had a strong mental connection as well. 0:18:24.036 --> 0:18:27.716 My Trees wanted to read every book. Hannah mentioned, listen 0:18:27.756 --> 0:18:31.076 to every band, dissect every song. 0:18:31.476 --> 0:18:34.516 And so when I would share certain artists with her 0:18:34.876 --> 0:18:39.156 or we would literally listen to a song, or we 0:18:39.196 --> 0:18:43.276 would listen to a poetic artist or something like that, 0:18:43.436 --> 0:18:47.556 and we could sit and talk about it one song 0:18:47.716 --> 0:18:52.516 or one poem for over an hour and just really 0:18:52.596 --> 0:18:54.396 dive into it. And what do you think about this? 0:18:55.436 --> 0:18:59.156 With Hannah, my Trees seemed to feel permission to stop performing, 0:18:59.556 --> 0:19:02.916 to stop being so perfect. She was tuning into a 0:19:02.956 --> 0:19:08.236 more soulful frequency. One of Hannah's tattoos read look Deeper. 0:19:09.316 --> 0:19:11.716 Terce loved that she wanted to do that. 0:19:14.076 --> 0:19:18.356 I think what was happening is as she was sort 0:19:18.356 --> 0:19:22.596 of growing into herself because she was in her what 0:19:22.756 --> 0:19:28.716 mid twenties, I don't think that it was enough substantially 0:19:28.916 --> 0:19:34.076 for her to simply define herself as this beauty pageant 0:19:34.596 --> 0:19:38.916 this is what matters type of woman. And although she 0:19:39.076 --> 0:19:43.156 was very beautiful, she was beautiful without the pageants. She 0:19:43.236 --> 0:19:46.076 was beautiful without all the makeup, and she was beautiful 0:19:46.556 --> 0:19:52.956 beyond physical and so I think for her, she was 0:19:52.996 --> 0:19:59.236 sort of looking for something she could connect with herself 0:19:59.316 --> 0:20:01.916 and with others beyond that physical. 0:20:03.116 --> 0:20:05.796 Part of that was she wasn't going to stress so 0:20:05.876 --> 0:20:07.396 much over her appearance anymore. 0:20:09.116 --> 0:20:11.796 I think my Trace wanted to see herself how my 0:20:11.916 --> 0:20:14.196 trace wanted to see herself, not how other people wanted 0:20:14.196 --> 0:20:14.596 to see her. 0:20:14.876 --> 0:20:18.196 She started wearing her hair natural and using less makeup. 0:20:18.636 --> 0:20:22.596 I think she was getting tired of kind of straightening 0:20:22.636 --> 0:20:26.236 and gelling, and I think she'd been doing that for 0:20:26.276 --> 0:20:31.116 so long, so I encouraged her. Whatever, however, you're comfortable, 0:20:31.316 --> 0:20:32.556 that's how you should wear your hair. 0:20:34.236 --> 0:20:37.076 Hannah was going through her own identity stuff at the time, 0:20:37.836 --> 0:20:41.356 figuring out how to reconcile her faith with her sexuality. 0:20:42.756 --> 0:20:46.356 I think, in this really cool way, we were both 0:20:47.396 --> 0:20:51.596 at a similar place, but in different ways. 0:20:52.756 --> 0:20:55.836 From the beginning, though, there was an imbalance. 0:20:56.716 --> 0:21:01.436 My Trece. I mean, she was intense right, my Trace 0:21:01.596 --> 0:21:05.436 felt intensely about me, and I felt intensely about her, 0:21:05.636 --> 0:21:11.076 but not in the same way. 0:21:09.916 --> 0:21:13.156 My Teresa's feelings for Hannah went beyond a crush or 0:21:13.356 --> 0:21:14.516 even an infatuation. 0:21:16.316 --> 0:21:21.396 I think that I just so happened to meet her 0:21:22.796 --> 0:21:28.436 at this time, pretty close prior to when there was 0:21:28.516 --> 0:21:32.756 this mental decline that started happening. And I think that 0:21:32.836 --> 0:21:36.756 because I was there, and because the feelings were already involved, 0:21:37.556 --> 0:21:41.676 I think that she clung to me and the relationship 0:21:41.716 --> 0:21:46.196 we had much more than maybe she would have otherwise. 0:21:47.396 --> 0:21:49.476 In the summer of two thousand and nine, as my 0:21:49.596 --> 0:21:54.036 Terce was looking deeper, she was also undergoing changes she 0:21:54.076 --> 0:21:57.716 couldn't control, changes that didn't make her feel like a 0:21:57.756 --> 0:22:03.156 more authentic version of herself. But like a stranger reading 0:22:03.196 --> 0:22:07.276 the journals, it's obvious that my Terce was struggling. We 0:22:07.356 --> 0:22:10.036 thought at first that maybe she and Hannah were doing 0:22:10.076 --> 0:22:14.676 hard drugs together, and that's what explained the shift. Hannah says, 0:22:14.756 --> 0:22:17.876 that wasn't it at all. She didn't use drugs, and 0:22:17.916 --> 0:22:22.476 my Trees, to her knowledge, only smoked pot. My Teres's behavior, 0:22:22.596 --> 0:22:27.156 she said, changed inexplicably, and she remembers the day it happened. 0:22:29.076 --> 0:22:31.516 There used to be this restaurant by the apartment I 0:22:31.556 --> 0:22:34.196 used to live in, and we went there for brunch 0:22:35.316 --> 0:22:37.076 and we would talk about the Bible a lot, and 0:22:37.076 --> 0:22:40.436 we would talk about my beliefs and she would share 0:22:40.476 --> 0:22:45.076 her beliefs, And there was this one particular conversation where 0:22:45.076 --> 0:22:50.156 she started saying very odd things about the Bible. They 0:22:50.196 --> 0:22:52.396 made no sense to me. I don't know that they 0:22:52.476 --> 0:22:54.876 made sense to her, but it seemed like they made 0:22:54.876 --> 0:22:56.956 sense to her, which is what scared me. And I 0:22:57.676 --> 0:23:00.796 don't remember the specifics, but she would say something like 0:23:01.596 --> 0:23:06.236 if you replace the word God with I or me 0:23:07.876 --> 0:23:12.036 or something to that effect. I was genuinely trying to 0:23:12.116 --> 0:23:14.276 understand where she was coming from and could not, and 0:23:14.396 --> 0:23:18.596 she would not let it go. And that was the 0:23:18.636 --> 0:23:21.636 first time I remember sitting in that restaurant looking at her, like, 0:23:22.716 --> 0:23:25.676 oh shit, something's going on. 0:23:27.836 --> 0:23:31.636 Something in my trees was changing. Hannah could see it, 0:23:32.156 --> 0:23:35.356 My Trees could see it, and both of them knew 0:23:35.756 --> 0:23:55.116 that my Trees needed help. My Trees had always been 0:23:55.116 --> 0:23:57.676 worried about her mental health. There was a history of 0:23:57.756 --> 0:24:00.796 mental illness on both sides of the family. In a 0:24:00.836 --> 0:24:04.876 self published memoir, her mother Latis writes about suffering from 0:24:05.036 --> 0:24:12.956 quote major depression, rapid cycling, bipolar PTS, and anxiety. Latisse 0:24:12.996 --> 0:24:15.716 didn't want to talk to me. Her husband, Larry said 0:24:15.756 --> 0:24:18.156 it is too traumatic for her to talk about my Teres. 0:24:19.556 --> 0:24:22.476 In her journals, my Terse writes a lot about being 0:24:22.516 --> 0:24:23.756 concerned for Latise. 0:24:25.156 --> 0:24:28.436 I would sell my right arm to know more about 0:24:28.476 --> 0:24:32.076 how and why the hell her mind flipped. Ever since 0:24:32.116 --> 0:24:35.316 I was little, my thoughts and lack of understanding about 0:24:35.316 --> 0:24:38.836 her has ran circles in my mind. I guess I'll 0:24:38.876 --> 0:24:41.316 never know. But I wonder if she knows that we 0:24:41.396 --> 0:24:42.036 all love her. 0:24:43.556 --> 0:24:46.796 This family history. It's the reason my Teres wanted to 0:24:46.796 --> 0:24:50.116 go to grad school for clinical psychology, the reason she 0:24:50.156 --> 0:24:54.756 wanted to become a therapist. She wanted to understand mental illness, 0:24:55.316 --> 0:24:58.276 She wanted to help people manage it, and she wanted 0:24:58.316 --> 0:25:02.676 to spot it if it ever came for her. In 0:25:02.716 --> 0:25:06.676 the weeks before her disappearance, my Teresa's journals changed dramatically. 0:25:07.396 --> 0:25:11.116 She begins to write about losing her mind, finding her mind, 0:25:11.636 --> 0:25:15.876 hoping she gets her mind back. These entries are painful 0:25:15.916 --> 0:25:19.676 to read. She sounds desperate for someone to understand her, 0:25:20.236 --> 0:25:24.596 desperate for reassurance that she's making sense, but she knows 0:25:25.036 --> 0:25:26.076 she isn't. 0:25:26.836 --> 0:25:30.396 I is a representative of me. That is important because 0:25:30.476 --> 0:25:32.996 if you look with two eyes, you will always see 0:25:33.036 --> 0:25:36.116 one eye standing alone, or shall I say one eye? 0:25:36.356 --> 0:25:38.556 But if your two eyes have been opened, you will 0:25:38.556 --> 0:25:41.716 see that one eye is still too myself plus I 0:25:42.396 --> 0:25:44.676 which eye is unknown until I know me. 0:25:47.076 --> 0:25:51.476 Her handwriting also changes, no more exclamation points with hearts. 0:25:52.156 --> 0:25:58.516 Now she's digging her pen into the page, underlining, crossing out, revising, correcting, 0:25:59.116 --> 0:26:04.276 as if she's at war. With herself. You can still 0:26:04.396 --> 0:26:09.516 glimpse the ambitious young woman, but only in flashes. Everything 0:26:09.516 --> 0:26:13.156 else is our Kane references to the King of Pop 0:26:13.556 --> 0:26:16.236 in the midst of a kaleidoscopic blur. 0:26:17.076 --> 0:26:20.476 Michael J helped me find me because although he never 0:26:20.596 --> 0:26:24.596 met my trees, I always knew him because before I. 0:26:24.476 --> 0:26:26.196 Saw him, he touched my soul. 0:26:26.916 --> 0:26:29.756 I am my trece L Richardson, and I am a 0:26:29.836 --> 0:26:33.916 big deal. I am my trece L Richardson, and I 0:26:33.956 --> 0:26:34.916