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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay storytime podcast hosts, and we have.

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Speaker 1: Some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick chum in an ad break from a

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Speaker 2: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 1: My friend keeps manipulating me with her autism.

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Speaker 3: I had a friend that did that, old boy.

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Speaker 1: I have a friend. We're going to call her Jazz,

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Speaker 1: twenty one female. I've known her for three years and

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Speaker 1: we've always gotten along well in the group. I should

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Speaker 1: clarify Jess as autistic. This is not a problem, I

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Speaker 1: would hope not, since the whole group has some neurodivergence

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Speaker 1: or something. By the way, this comes from user A

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Speaker 1: Dazzling Mixture eighty nine eighty. Last year a boy joined

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Speaker 1: our group of friends. We will call uh. We will

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Speaker 1: say be twenty one H.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure what H is, but.

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Speaker 1: Twenty one himbo. I don't know. It could be anything.

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Speaker 1: Now there are five of us in the group, three

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Speaker 1: girls and two boys. He's a great person and gets

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Speaker 1: along well with everyone, especially me. Sometimes Jess tends to

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Speaker 1: use her autism as a way to avoid responsibilities or problems.

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Speaker 1: She also uses it to make plans work her way.

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Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. Sometimes she's absolutely right and we

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Speaker 1: make adjustments for her. But there are times when the

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Speaker 1: entire group agrees to find a middle ground and Jess

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Speaker 1: just doesn't want to compromise things like specific restaurants, food

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Speaker 1: places to go, even how we do things. Be and

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Speaker 1: Jess dated for six months until they broke up due

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Speaker 1: to Jess's personal problems. He was not in a good

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Speaker 1: emotional moment for a relationship, and the healthiest thing was

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Speaker 1: to end it. After that, Jess started ignoring B. It

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Speaker 1: was reasonable and no one in the group forced anything,

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Speaker 1: but then she started ignoring and excluding me too. I

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Speaker 1: tried to talk to her, but she downplayed everything and

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Speaker 1: said I was misunderstanding and it was just part of

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Speaker 1: her autism. Of course, I got angry, but I couldn't

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Speaker 1: get anywhere with Jess because she started ignoring me too,

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Speaker 1: and our other friend told me not to pressure her

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Speaker 1: and not to make things harder. Jess and B started

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Speaker 1: talking again, but Jess continued treating me badly, even yelling

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Speaker 1: at me to f off when she was just standing

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Speaker 1: by the window where she was putting on her makeup.

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Speaker 1: She apologized afterward, but it didn't feel genuine. I haven't

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Speaker 1: spoken to Jess in two months, but she contacted me

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Speaker 1: to invite B and I to our hometown Pride. She

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Speaker 1: invited the whole group, but she also wanted to bring

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Speaker 1: her X before B, who we all know, because in

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Speaker 1: her words, he hurt her and she can't push him

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Speaker 1: away because just talking to him brings trauma to her.

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Speaker 1: Huh So, in response to this, B and I said no,

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Speaker 1: and then our friend told us that Jess was sad

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Speaker 1: because we didn't want to meet her ex when she

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Speaker 1: knew we would all get along and be friends. Next month,

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Speaker 1: I'm going with another group of friends to a convention

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Speaker 1: in another state, and Jess was invited. Now I'm worried

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Speaker 1: since in the group, we have to communicate and make

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Speaker 1: plans for the trip, but Jess has not been very cooperative.

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Speaker 1: For example, I told him that we should go to

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Speaker 1: a fast food restaurant next to the convention site, and

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Speaker 1: Jess said no because she didn't like that place, and

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Speaker 1: that we would go to a restaurant. It should be

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Speaker 1: noted that we are going on a low budget and

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Speaker 1: the convention is four days. I told her she could

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Speaker 1: prepare her food at the Airbnb where we are staying

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Speaker 1: and bring it to the event. We have an important

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Speaker 1: rule share our location with the group and let us

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Speaker 1: know where we will be since this place is so big.

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Speaker 1: But Jess keeps saying that it seems excessive. Okay, since

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Speaker 1: we'll be using public transportation to get to the convention

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Speaker 1: site and the airbnb, we want to have a set

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Speaker 1: checkout time. But Jess also thinks it's excessive and controlling

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Speaker 1: since she wants to have fun. Because of her autism,

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Speaker 1: Jess hates crowded places, loud noises, or being touched or pushed.

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Speaker 3: Should have you guys explained conventions to her?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's, there's there's that's a lot of that. I

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Speaker 1: explained to her that this is going to happen at

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Speaker 1: some point since there are a lot of people, and

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Speaker 1: she asked if I could tell everyone in the group

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Speaker 1: to avoid crowded places and to be attentive to her

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Speaker 1: and her needs. We all said no to Jess, and

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Speaker 1: that in reality, most of us wouldn't even be together

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Speaker 1: since we all want to see different things and we

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Speaker 1: would only see each other to eat and return to

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Speaker 1: the airbnb. That's a weird vibe as well.

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Speaker 4: I'm so confused by this friend group, so like half

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Speaker 4: the time, I'm like, okay, like valid rules and they

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Speaker 4: other have them Like, you guys are planning to go

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Speaker 4: to a convention together, not spend any time at the

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Speaker 4: convention together. Apparently they shared locations.

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Speaker 1: To go together. They're like, we're just like carpooling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we go to the convention, we see together.

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Speaker 1: Split up. Well, fragment it would be fine only see

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Speaker 1: each other to eat and return to the airbnb is wild. Additionally,

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Speaker 1: I am the person responsible for the trip, since I'm

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Speaker 1: taking my younger brother and two of his friends who

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Speaker 1: are all nineteen years old, along with another friend of

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Speaker 1: Jess and myself. Jess knows this, and yet she can't

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Speaker 1: commit to following the rules. Now, Jess doesn't talk to

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Speaker 1: the group or me, but she is with other people,

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Speaker 1: especially the friend who protects her and allows her behavior.

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Speaker 1: I don't want her behavior to ruin anyone else's trip.

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Speaker 1: It's been so difficult since she broke up with Bee,

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Speaker 1: and I'm honestly tired of having to constantly think about

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Speaker 1: not making her feel bad and tread carefully just to

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Speaker 1: avoid drama. My friend told me to post on the

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Speaker 1: alien website where strangers could give me feedback. So would

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Speaker 1: it be wrong if I ended this friendship to take

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Speaker 1: care of my mental health?

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Speaker 3: I was gonna say, it may.

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Speaker 4: Be kind of hard before the plans that you guys

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Speaker 4: have in like a couple of weeks after that.

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Speaker 1: I believe it's time to start extracting yourself from the

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Speaker 1: friend group.

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Speaker 4: You also already had. You said you hadn't talked to

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Speaker 4: Jess for two months? Why do we go back?

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Speaker 1: And she invited you to a shin dig with her EXX.

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Speaker 1: That you didn't go to this group has me questioning

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Speaker 1: my entire reality. But we do have an update. Maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe it'll clear things up. We're not friends anymore. Some

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Speaker 1: days ago, we had a small reunion at a friend's

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Speaker 1: house who will call Jake twenty one male. Jess and

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Speaker 1: Jake were drinking while I was talking with another friend.

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Speaker 1: She's in medical school and wants to work as a

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Speaker 1: plastic surgeon. She jokingly was telling us that when she graduates,

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Speaker 1: she wants us all to go to her for whatever

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Speaker 1: work we want. I told her to add me to

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Speaker 1: her wait list since I'm planning to have a front

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Speaker 1: airbag reduction later in life. That's when Jess intervened. She

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Speaker 1: said that I was just crying and making it all

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Speaker 1: about me because I don't need that since I'm not

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Speaker 1: even that big, and as a sapphic, I should like them.

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Speaker 1: So that should be a moment where everyone just goes, hey,

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Speaker 1: can you leave?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: Can you actually maybe just leave you?

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Speaker 3: Actually? Like, don't get a say in her front airbag.

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Speaker 1: Actually, Jake, who has always enabled her behavior, told me

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Speaker 1: that Chess was right. Others do have problems with their

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Speaker 1: chest and I should just suck it up just like

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Speaker 1: Jess does.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so they all suck.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I have to say that. In fact, Jess is big,

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Speaker 1: but she likes it. I don't. I never have and

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Speaker 1: never will. I'm always trying to cover up and use

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Speaker 1: clothes that will make my chest look smaller. Still, I

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Speaker 1: will never, in my whole life think about telling someone

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Speaker 1: else how to feel about their own body. Jake kept

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Speaker 1: telling me that all of that was triggering to Jess

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Speaker 1: since she can't have an aesthetical surgery since it's expensive,

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Speaker 1: and I was just showing off my money. In that moment,

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend intervened. She ripped them both a new one,

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Speaker 1: telling them that Jess will not be triggered all the

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Speaker 1: time if she just minded her god dang business and

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Speaker 1: stopped acting as if the world turned around her instead

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Speaker 1: of going on her feet and finding a job and

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Speaker 1: some stability in her life, that she was big enough

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Speaker 1: to understand that jobs have rules and not everyone is

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Speaker 1: going to bend over backwards just for her to feel

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Speaker 1: comfortable everywhere she goes. Oh, and that's called the cold water.

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Speaker 1: I don't think she's ready for it.

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Speaker 3: No, I think we're gonna see the reaction though she

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Speaker 3: don't freak out. I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend just took my hand and we left for

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Speaker 1: her apartment. My other friend later told us that Jess

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Speaker 1: had a meltdown. She was crying and accusing my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: and I of being ablest and attacking her. Jake was

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Speaker 1: consoling her, and he posted a long Instagram post about

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Speaker 1: people not understanding neurodivergences and attacking.

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Speaker 4: Even though you said that every single one of you

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Speaker 4: was nerdivergent, right right?

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Speaker 1: Oh boy? I just turned off my phone and cried

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Speaker 1: myself to sleep since I felt guilty about everything that happened.

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Speaker 1: The Next day, my brother and his best friend came

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Speaker 1: over to my girlfriend's house to say they were pissed.

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Speaker 1: Is Low. I have known his best friend for about

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Speaker 1: two years now at this point, they are both my

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Speaker 1: little brothers, and they told me not to worry and

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Speaker 1: they would handle everything, since my main concern was the

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Speaker 1: future trip to the convention. It turns out that they

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Speaker 1: both removed just from the trip. They paid her back

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Speaker 1: the Airbnb money, even though it will result in them

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Speaker 1: not being able to buy all the figurines they wanted

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Speaker 1: and to sacrifice some autographs. Don't worry, I will buy

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Speaker 1: them for them, and removed her from the group. My

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Speaker 1: brother also explained the situation to the other two people

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Speaker 1: that are going on the trip, and they both understood.

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Speaker 1: Jess tried calling me, but when I didn't answer, she

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Speaker 1: started sending these long texts about how I'm ablest and

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Speaker 1: how I'm attacking her and how I never have supported her.

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Speaker 1: She also texted in a larger group that we have

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Speaker 1: with other friends. I just answered as follows, I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: that you couldn't handle things being said to your face,

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Speaker 1: and since you're telling everyone your stories, then I will

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Speaker 1: tell the truth with proof I didn't attack you. You were

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Speaker 1: giving unsolicited advice about my body. My girlfriend just responded

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Speaker 1: with the same advice. If you didn't want that, then

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Speaker 1: you should have kept your mouth shut. Remember all of

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Speaker 1: the times that we had group projects, and you always

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Speaker 1: criticized everything that I made and changed it all the

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Speaker 1: night before, trying to make it look as if you

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Speaker 1: had done everything.

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Speaker 3: Read it, Read it well, read it.

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Speaker 1: I never turned in those works because you never read

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Speaker 1: the project guidelines, and it was always your part that

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Speaker 1: lowered our points. You shouted at me after every project

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Speaker 1: because I would not just follow your ideas, and then

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Speaker 1: you got angry when I worked with someone else and

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Speaker 1: accused me of not being your friend. I tried to

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Speaker 1: help you find a job. I took you to a

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Speaker 1: job interview with my cousin, and what did you do.

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Speaker 1: You started telling her that you couldn't work more than

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Speaker 1: one hour because you needed to take a walk or

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Speaker 1: it would be stressful for you. You then shouted at

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Speaker 1: me and sent me texts telling me how my family

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Speaker 1: were all bad people that wouldn't give you a job.

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Speaker 1: And you stayed friends with this person.

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Speaker 5: For so long.

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Speaker 1: The two times that you came to my house, you

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Speaker 1: always expected everyone to treat you as if you were royalty,

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Speaker 1: and almost threw a fit because my dog was barking

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Speaker 1: too loud. You didn't want us to be friends with

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Speaker 1: Bee because he was your ex, but wanted to force

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Speaker 1: everyone to like your other ex after you told us

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Speaker 1: he was harmful to you. You screamed at me and

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend for just hanging out with Bee or to

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Speaker 1: talking to him. You couldn't even compromise on following two

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Speaker 1: simple rules for a trip to a whole different state

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Speaker 1: because you'd rather party than be safe.

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Speaker 4: Rather party than be safe, but can't be in crowds,

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Speaker 4: doesn't like to be bummed.

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Speaker 1: This person is just entirely an enigma. Yeah, a mystery

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Speaker 1: wrapped within an enigma. My goodness, you are always attacking

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Speaker 1: everyone that doesn't follow your script on where you are

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Speaker 1: the most perfect person in the world. And I used

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Speaker 1: to bend over backwards just to avoid upsetting you, But

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Speaker 1: now I realize that you only use your neurodivergence as

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Speaker 1: a shield for your own entitlement. And I'm tired of

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Speaker 1: walking on eggshells. And right now I'm choosing my own

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Speaker 1: mental health instead of you. And by the way, we

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Speaker 1: have a little bit more story. We're not quite at

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Speaker 1: the end, but let's check in on how we're thinking

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why you let it go that long,

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Speaker 3: why we were gonna travel out of state with her.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it's the whole like neurodiversience thing. It's

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Speaker 1: the whole like using the diagnosis as a shield.

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Speaker 3: To like.

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Speaker 1: Behaviors. But and it's really hard. I feel like what

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Speaker 1: they're like twenty one, So they've grown up in this

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Speaker 1: environment where like, you know, that's it's very forward thinking

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Speaker 1: to like put a lot of that. I didn't grow

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Speaker 1: up where that was a thing, right, It's like like

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Speaker 1: the delicateness and like the oh we got to make

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Speaker 1: sure like that this person is you know, it was

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Speaker 1: just like what like shut up, like that's what I

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Speaker 1: grew up with. I'm not saying that's the best way.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying that was my reality because that's exactly

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Speaker 1: what this friend would have been told in a group

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Speaker 1: back and it'd be like, oh, well, actually I can

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Speaker 1: only do this for like ten minutes, and then also

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Speaker 1: we can't go there, and then you can do this.

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Speaker 3: Then maybe you should come on this trip.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is not for you, yauser.

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Speaker 3: You can to be miserable the whole time in a convention.

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Speaker 1: Exactly at the end of the day. I don't care

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Speaker 1: where what other like contributing factors surround it. If you're

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Speaker 1: a miserable person, I just don't want to spend my

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Speaker 1: time with you. With that, I just sent all of

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Speaker 1: my proof and left the group. I blocked her and

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Speaker 1: Jake since he was only defending Jess. Now we have

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Speaker 1: an extra space on the airbnb, and my girlfriend's trying

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Speaker 1: to see if her boss will let her have that

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Speaker 1: weekend off so she can come with us. The whole

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Speaker 1: friend group has turned their backs to Jess and Jake,

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Speaker 1: so I hope this update will be the last. I

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00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,720
Speaker 1: feel like a free person, like a burden has been

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Speaker 1: lifted off of me. Thank you all for your comments.

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Speaker 1: It really helped me to see that I was not

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Speaker 1: the a hole in this situation.

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Speaker 4: My friend refused to sleep in the same bed with me.

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Speaker 4: Now everything's awkward.

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Speaker 1: What kind of friend to preface?

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Speaker 4: She female eighteen and I female nineteen, are both college students,

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Speaker 4: albeit at different schools and countries. However, we have been

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Speaker 4: best friends for over six years and went to the

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Speaker 4: same high school up until we graduated. Now I go

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Speaker 4: to university in America and she's in England. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from Princey Pesq. We both come from affluent backgrounds,

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Speaker 4: so it's easy for us to travel. Whenever we do,

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Speaker 4: we usually sleep together. We both have traveled internationally with

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Speaker 4: our families, and we always slept on the same bed.

294
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Speaker 4: When we were younger, we used to have sleepovers all

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Speaker 4: the time, at least once a week. I continued loving

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Speaker 4: them and have them with my other friends too, while

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00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,360
Speaker 4: she gradually started having them less and less, not just

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Speaker 4: with me, but with everyone else too, and then eventually

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Speaker 4: started hating them. Oh, however, she can sleep with her

300
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Speaker 4: boyfriend happily or her little sister. This hurts me because

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00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,240
Speaker 4: it is my love language and something I need in

302
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Speaker 4: order to feel loved.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm sorry, sweetie. Nah uh, that's not something yet

304
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Speaker 1: You're entitled to is the person?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 4: For spring break this semester, I decided to fly over

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Speaker 4: to England for weeks. Before this, we talked about the

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Speaker 4: sleeping situation. She has a vacation home in London in

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Speaker 4: which she lives, and kept on saying that I will

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Speaker 4: be staying in my own room while she sleeps in

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Speaker 4: hers because there's enough.

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Speaker 1: Rooms to do this, right, right, right, You're.

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Speaker 3: Just gonna take the other room, right.

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Speaker 4: I was never okay with this, and we were always

315
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,000
Speaker 4: bickering back and forth about it, with me wanting to

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Speaker 4: sleep with her and her wanting to sleep alone. Her

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Speaker 4: reasoning was always we will be together all the time

318
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Speaker 4: and I'll be over stimulated. But that isn't true. Spring

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Speaker 4: Break in America is earlier than it is in England,

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Speaker 4: so while I'm here, she will be at school. I

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00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 4: knew this and said I'll be on my own. I

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Speaker 4: wanted to do some shopping anyways. It's not like I'm

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Speaker 4: making her skip school to spend time with me. Listen,

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Speaker 4: you can sleep here for free in my guest room,

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Speaker 4: or you can go pay for it somewhere.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. No, Like there's truly nothing left to say when

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Speaker 1: someone's like no, and I feel like this person is

328
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Speaker 1: just being like yeah, but shouldn't they say yes? No?

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Speaker 1: They said no, there's an answer, they said no, that's it.

330
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Speaker 4: Cause also like I feel like my love languages would

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Speaker 4: be different for friends versus like actual partners, Like if

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00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,800
Speaker 4: they're the same thing, I'd kind of be like, oh,

333
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,360
Speaker 4: what are we doing? Here this whole time. Her answer

334
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 4: has never been a straight no. It was always ambiguous.

335
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Speaker 4: We eventually came to a compromise when we were back

336
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Speaker 4: in our home countries for Christmas break, where I was

337
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,680
Speaker 4: going to sleep with her until I got tired of her.

338
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Speaker 4: The thing is, we both know we won't want to

339
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 4: sleep together for ten days straight. Usually after two days,

340
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,200
Speaker 4: I'm tired of her. But I think that I should

341
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Speaker 4: have the option to decide when it is that I

342
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 4: want to stop sleeping with her, and she shouldn't just

343
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Speaker 4: say that I can't sleep her, especially when I flew

344
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Speaker 4: across a whole seven hours to see her across a

345
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Speaker 4: different continent.

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Speaker 3: So so she doesn't get to say in anything, and

347
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 3: you get all to say, I.

348
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Speaker 1: Flew seven hours across the Atlantic Ocean so I could

349
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Speaker 1: cuddle you, and you're going to tell me I can't.

350
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,320
Speaker 1: You can't tell me no.

351
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Speaker 4: So fast forward to yesterday. I get to England and

352
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,679
Speaker 4: everything is great. We met up with some friends and

353
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,880
Speaker 4: she showed me around. When we got back to her place,

354
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,280
Speaker 4: she started carrying my suitcase up. I thought she was

355
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,919
Speaker 4: going to put it in her room second floor, but

356
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,200
Speaker 4: she continues carrying it up to the.

357
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Speaker 3: Third floor where my room is.

358
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Speaker 4: I started being like, that's not what we agreed on,

359
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,080
Speaker 4: and then she's like, it's not that big of a deal.

360
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,160
Speaker 4: We'll spend every second of every day together up until

361
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Speaker 4: the last minute, and then you just go up to

362
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,639
Speaker 4: your room to sleep. We argued for a good ten minutes,

363
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 4: and she finally said, fine, you can sleep with me,

364
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 4: but just know I'm unhappy with it and I don't

365
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 4: want this, which caused me to burst into tears.

366
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Speaker 3: She gets so mad, saying.

367
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 4: You always do this, you always cry when you don't

368
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 4: get your way, and then angrily pulls my suitcase down

369
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,120
Speaker 4: to her room, then slams the door when I'm crying.

370
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 4: This obviously caused me to cry harder, so I sit

371
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 4: in the hallway.

372
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,120
Speaker 3: Just trying to call my other friend for some support.

373
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,800
Speaker 4: It's like, this is also the situation where it would

374
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 4: be great to have your own space, to go to.

375
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Speaker 3: Your own room to go cry in.

376
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 4: She comes out a few minutes later, asking if I'm

377
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 4: ready to be an adult, and at this point I'm

378
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 4: so mad that I don't reply, so she slams the

379
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,959
Speaker 4: door again. After sitting there for probably forty to fifty minutes, crying.

380
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 4: I decide to go up to my original room and

381
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 4: see that she made the bed in everything, which meant

382
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 4: that she was planning for me to stay there.

383
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Speaker 6: The whole time.

384
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 5: Yeah.

385
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,360
Speaker 3: Really never would have guessed like this.

386
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 1: Is like a I will like again, like I'll wish

387
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 1: you the best, but like trip's over, let's work your

388
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 1: flying around because we're I don't think I can be

389
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,199
Speaker 1: friends with you anymore after this.

390
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,640
Speaker 4: Right, it's not even like friend is on vacation, two

391
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 4: friends in school.

392
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 3: This is your vacation. PS.

393
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 4: The room is not bad or anything. It's not like

394
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 4: she's making me stay in the attic. The house is

395
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 4: a nice, multimillion dollar property, so everything is very fancy.

396
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,159
Speaker 3: I just don't want to stay alone.

397
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 4: After a while, I went back down to her room

398
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 4: to get my suitcase and tell her I'm sleeping upstairs

399
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 4: while visibly crying, and she starts laughing, making jokes and

400
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,199
Speaker 4: asking me to talk. I don't, and finally move my

401
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 4: suitcase up to my room when I hear the door

402
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 4: slam hard again. This time, I'm crying even harder and

403
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 4: almost having a panic attack because one she didn't stop me,

404
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,120
Speaker 4: and two she was okay seeing me cry like that.

405
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 4: At this point, I really contemplated calling my mom to

406
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 4: get me the f out of England. The thing is,

407
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 4: my family also has a vacation home in France, where

408
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 4: my brother is currently staying for his spring break. But

409
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 4: because I was planning on going to London, I didn't

410
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 4: make a Shengyan visa. We are both non European and

411
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 4: non American. But I could make a Shingan visa really

412
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 4: quick and go there. I just didn't know if that

413
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 4: was too much, because if I did that, I'm sure

414
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 4: our friendship would have been permanently damaged.

415
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 1: It's already permanently damaged because of you should be this

416
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 1: should be permanent damage.

417
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 4: And the only reason why I didn't call my mom

418
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 4: was because I was scared she was going to hate

419
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 4: my best friend. Also, last night, when I was half asleep,

420
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 4: I heard her come into my room calling for me.

421
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 4: Then when she saw that the lights were off and

422
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 4: I was sleeping, she left, So I guess she did try,

423
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,360
Speaker 4: or maybe I'm.

424
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 3: Just making excuses for her. Anyways, it is the next

425
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 3: morning we have barely said two words to each other.

426
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 4: I'm in my room and wondering would I be overreacting

427
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 4: if I'd just gotten e visa and went to France.

428
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 4: I truly am in disbelief of what happened last night.

429
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 4: I'm numb, and it's extremely awkward between us. I feel

430
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 4: like going to France would alleviate the uncomfortableness for now,

431
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 4: but if we are going to stay friends.

432
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,120
Speaker 3: It would be hella awkward later.

433
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 4: The thing is, I already once broke up with her

434
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 4: and we didn't talk for six months, and you're speaking

435
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 4: as though you guys are dating, right, that's.

436
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:38,879
Speaker 1: The that's it's really being like, it's really giving, like, Bud,

437
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,720
Speaker 1: this is your your partner, and that's why this is

438
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: so absurd.

439
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 4: It took months of her groveling and our mutual friends

440
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 4: involved for me to even hear her out. So I'm

441
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 4: just confused as why she's risking me breaking up with

442
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 4: her again.

443
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 1: So am I I know why? Because you're exhausting, you're

444
00:22:59,119 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 1: also not dating.

445
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 3: It's not breaking up.

446
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, She's risking it because it's not a risk.

447
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 1: She's like, that'd be great if this person left me alone. Yeah? Oh?

448
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 4: So am I overreacting for all of this? And would

449
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 4: I be overreacting even more if I go to France.

450
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 4: Edit the amount of people calling me attracted to the

451
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 4: same gender or a predator. Wf WTF. We are both

452
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 4: straight and both had boyfriends before.

453
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: You literally said breaking up, right, that's not an assumption.

454
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 4: I also think the majority of y'all don't understand our

455
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 4: friendship dynamics. I don't think you understand your friendship dynamics. Yeah,

456
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 4: we are closer than the stars and the moon.

457
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 1: Oh you're not.

458
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 4: Our phone passwords are each other's birthdays, we share social

459
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 4: media accounts, we're on call twenty four to seven, and

460
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 4: even sleep on call.

461
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 3: Heck, we even have access to each other's credit cards

462
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 3: on Apple pay just in case.

463
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 4: It's just my logic is if we were on a trip,

464
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 4: we would share rooms, obviously to save money.

465
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,719
Speaker 3: She owns the house.

466
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: There's no money to be safe house. What is the

467
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 1: like on the electric bill? Right?

468
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 4: And if we already sleep on call every day, how

469
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 4: is it any different with me physically there? I also

470
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 4: just want to say I'm a very emotional person. I've

471
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 4: noticed I can't help but cry, even at the smallest things.

472
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,479
Speaker 4: It's not a tactic I use to manipulate people, at

473
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 4: least not intentionally. I went to therapy when I was

474
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 4: in eleventh grade, and it basically had something to do

475
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 4: with the fact that my parents were very absent in

476
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 4: my life. I was raised by nannies, so crying was

477
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 4: the only way I knew how to get attention.

478
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 3: So you are using it.

479
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 4: As a slight manipulation tactic, and you are aware. I

480
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 4: truly am not doing it on purpose, and oftentimes am

481
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 4: actually ashamed of how easily I cry. We have some

482
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 4: comments commenter one, you may want to consider therapy. I

483
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 4: don't think this is regular best friend behavior. And we

484
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 4: have a reply totally not troubled rich girl. Comment her two, Opie,

485
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 4: you legit have problems that you need to deal with professionally.

486
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 4: You are needy and clean to a point where it

487
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,400
Speaker 4: is not normal and very concerning.

488
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: It's so bad.

489
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 4: I thought this was a joke post because you are

490
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 4: overreacting to a point where it is not okay. And

491
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,680
Speaker 4: I don't know if you are just so spoiled or

492
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,919
Speaker 4: are we about to witness a lifetime movie situation.

493
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 3: Wow, and we have more, but how you feel it?

494
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 7: Oh my god?

495
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 1: Is this I don't even know if this could be

496
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: classified as like rich people problems.

497
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 4: This is just like I feel as though maybe the

498
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 4: like always getting her way could be classified that way,

499
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 4: but I still think this is well beyond anything like that.

500
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that could be right, which she's just used.

501
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 3: To demanding, like I want it now, Mommy, I need

502
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 3: it now.

503
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: She's vruka salt.

504
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I was going for.

505
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 1: I won't squill now, Daddy. You can't reason with someone

506
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: once they're in this state. I don't think like there's

507
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: no there's no working around it, there's no working through it.

508
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 1: It's just like you've got stuff to figure out. I'm

509
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to figure it out, and without me.

510
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,719
Speaker 3: I guess we have an update.

511
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 4: She asked what I wanted for dinner, and I said rice,

512
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 4: and I thought we were going to order in, but

513
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 4: she began cooking. She cooked in silence, and we ate

514
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 4: in silence, and then and then she did the dishes

515
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 4: in silence.

516
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 3: Neither of us said sorry.

517
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 4: I tried making conversation multiple times, but she wasn't receptive.

518
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 3: I even poked her armpit, like she's a specimen of some.

519
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 2: Con What is that you're fail safe where things really

520
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 2: go to like deaf con do.

521
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the parachute.

522
00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 3: This was just getting too awkward. So I submitted a

523
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 3: visa app and I should be getting it in two days.

524
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 4: I called my brother and he'll be there to pick

525
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 4: me up at the airport in France. My mom doesn't

526
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 4: know yet, and I'll have to come up with some

527
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 4: stupid excuse as to why I'm leaving London.

528
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,360
Speaker 3: You should tell her you poked your friend's arm pick.

529
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I poke my friend's armpit and it ruined the

530
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 1: whole trip. I'm sorry everybody.

531
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 4: If she ever found out the truth, I think she

532
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 4: would never let me talk to my best friend again.

533
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 1: That's not your best friend.

534
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 4: As for my best friend, she doesn't know I'm leaving yet,

535
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 4: and I'll be doing it when she's at school, so healthy.

536
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 4: I'm also packing up a double bag for today and

537
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 4: moving to a friend's dorm while I wait. My best

538
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 4: friend thinks it's just a one day sleepover. I'll let

539
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 4: her know once I'm on the plane or something. But yeah,

540
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 4: I'm not going to end our friendship over this, because

541
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 4: I always told myself if I do break up with

542
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 4: her again, it'll be the last and final time and

543
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 4: she don't ever hear from me again.

544
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: No, No, I.

545
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 4: Just want to be sure that this is the end,

546
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 4: and I don't think it's there yet. It'll take some

547
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 4: time for me to forgive her, but I think I

548
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 4: can do it, and that's the end of that.

549
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 1: Enjoy France girl.

550
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, are you gonna stay in the same room with

551
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 4: your brother too?

552
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 3: You're gonna snuggle it.

553
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna go to the the hotel, the front desk,

554
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: the concierge and like, so, so, who who will you

555
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: be providing uh for me to sleep with tonight? And

556
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, we do not this.

557
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 3: This is your designated snuggler here.

558
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm looking for a snugglers.

559
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 3: Me cooking their armpit.

560
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, a little grumpy the snug little hotel. Hey

561
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories. But

562
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors. My best

563
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: friend turned my grief into her drama, and I finally snapped.

564
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: When you go rubber band.

565
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: Dennis I, twenty female have been friends with Ophelia not

566
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: a real name, twenty female since seventh grade. We started

567
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: off as those friends who hated each other but grew closer,

568
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: or so I thought. You see, we were put in

569
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 1: a small class and the group circle was about ten people.

570
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: I thought Ophelia and I were going to hang on

571
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: to each other, but she kept ignoring me for a

572
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: more extroverted girl. So I just adjusted and went well

573
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: with another girl of the group, who Ophelia hated and

574
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: still does. This is an messy way to start a friendship,

575
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: mind you, these girls were really different from us. My

576
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: family and Ophelia's were more protective, and hers were slightly

577
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 1: more religious than mine. When the VID hit, we were

578
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 1: in the ninth grade and didn't see each other for

579
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: a few months, then dissolved because of change of schools

580
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: and that Ophelia and I weren't allowed to go out

581
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: with those girls. And by the way, this comes from

582
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: user public Nebula eighty twenty eight. So I still talk

583
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: to that girl I befriended. She's a nice fellow. I

584
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: don't talk to the rest of the girls. Understanding how

585
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: they had belittled me and how they had ignored my

586
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: anxiety issues and struggles because one of the girls had

587
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: figured that she was by and had a crush on

588
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 1: our physics teacher, I was in peace without them. During

589
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 1: the VID, Ophelia messaged me saying that she was fed

590
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 1: up with those girls and we reconnected. Me Ophelia and

591
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: a girl from the group, Sierra, got into the same

592
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: high school. I genuinely liked Sierra, but Ophelia told me

593
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: to ignore her because she didn't like her. I didn't listen, though,

594
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: I kept a fair connection with Sierra even after she

595
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,479
Speaker 1: changed her school. For the next two years, Ophelia and

596
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: I kept the connection since we didn't match with the

597
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: girls in our new class. That is until senior year,

598
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 1: when a new girl, Tysa, joined, and all of our

599
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: class started picking on her because of her spicy sleep preferences.

600
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: I really liked Tysa because she was nice and funny

601
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: and we had so much in common. But Ophelia decided

602
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: to dislike her too, probably because of her religious views

603
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: on people who aren't hetero.

604
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: And I've lost a lot of respect for Ophelia here.

605
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nobody's problem. Why do we got problems with that? Uh? Again?

606
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 1: I kept in touch with Tysa. I published my book

607
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: in my third language in twenty twenty five, and Ophelia's

608
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: honest reaction to this was why would I buy it?

609
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: I don't know that language, and then persuaded to buy

610
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: a bag that cost three times more than my book.

611
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 4: She's right, though, I mean, you can still buy it

612
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 4: in support of like pricing.

613
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: But I imagine maybe she bought the first two books.

614
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: Ophelia and I happened to go into the same university

615
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: in two different majors. She went for psychology and I

616
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: study English literature. We don't share classes, but we run

617
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: into each other and sometimes have lunch. Ophelia professionally went

618
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 1: for lead character syndrome. After choosing her major, she would

619
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: pick on everything. Things I said based on my knowledge

620
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: were false obligations. She raced to deny. All of My

621
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: messages about struggles and bad mood turned into hour long

622
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: speeches on Ophelia's personality. My achievements were stuff She could

623
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: be little by complaining about her bad mood. Two times,

624
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: like after midnight Gremlin's, she would message me saying that

625
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: there was something bothering her. I panicked and told my

626
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: mom about it. Then she opened my eyes to a fact.

627
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: This was a one way friendship. I was always the

628
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 1: listener and the problem solver, the calmer, the person Ophelia

629
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: could look up to because she's an only child. Of course,

630
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: my mom suggested I get some I set some boundaries,

631
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: but what I didn't tell her at the time was

632
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: that Ophelia is an evil manipulator. You need to walk

633
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: on eggshells around her. She's not the kind of person

634
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: you can easily open up to, not because you will

635
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 1: be judged, but because she doesn't care or remember and

636
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: will quickly change the subject to something stupid. Her cousin,

637
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 1: whom you don't give an f about, said, Heck, I

638
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: know Ophelia's great aunts, but she doesn't even know my

639
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: sister's name. I talk about my sister all the time.

640
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: Ophelia is so self centered that that every small detail

641
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 1: in life is a huge matter to her, except mine, apparently,

642
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: like she once talked for five minutes straight about how

643
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: the receptionist at the dentist got the card pin wrong. Oh,

644
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: and she expects reactions. I'm not a reacting kind of person.

645
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 1: All of my family and friends know this, but it's

646
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 1: somehow unacceptable to Ophelia. My older cousin, Melissa, studies at

647
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: the same university as I do, and she knows Ophelia.

648
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: She and Ophelia dislike each other. Melissa thinks Ophelia is

649
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: self centered and dominant and Ophelia just doesn't like cousin.

650
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: No idea why a shocker, Maybe because the cousin can

651
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: call her on her bs. I know you probably have

652
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: understood how awkward I am at making friends, especially with guys.

653
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 1: But I befriended a classmate of mine, Edgar twenty one,

654
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: whom I genuinely am fond of the sibling kind, not romantically,

655
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: I promise, and being awkward to make friends and social

656
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 1: anxiety is what we bonded over. I like him because

657
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't spicialize woman like most of the guys in

658
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,919
Speaker 1: my class do, and he likes me because I'm easy

659
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 1: to be around and not flirty like many other girls.

660
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: At the time. I developed a crush on one of

661
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: mine and Edgar's mutual friends, Ben twenty four, but haven't

662
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: told anyone much about it, especially Edgar. I don't want

663
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 1: us talking about love and partners. Ben owns a coffee

664
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 1: place close to campus, and I trust them because the

665
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: coffee shops around campus aren't safe places. At one point

666
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 1: I thought Ben might like me, since I caught him

667
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 1: staring at me and turned away the moment I looked,

668
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: but that was never a subject of our conversations. Plus

669
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 1: he told me that he had ended his relationship. We

670
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 1: were just talking about anxiety and our struggles. So one

671
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: time I took Ophelia to Ben's coffee house for her

672
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: birthday and she found out I liked Ben, so she

673
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: started to embarrass me by glaring at Ben and talking rudely.

674
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: No offensive words, just the way that she talked, but

675
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: Ben was polite enough to let it slide, even though

676
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: he looked uncomfortable. Afterwards, I visited Ben's coffee house alone

677
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,879
Speaker 1: and didn't even mention them to Ophelia. Ophelia would later

678
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: see me talking and laughing with my classmates and called

679
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 1: them pick me girls while they were just being friendly,

680
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: says the the most pick me girl in the story.

681
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 1: So at the same time, Ophelia forced me to hang

682
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 1: out with her outrageous friends from psychology departments, who offended

683
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 1: me a million times, but I did mention it, knowing

684
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 1: I would receive no support from Ophelia. One time, I

685
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: was handling something important on my phone and didn't pay

686
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: attention to Ophelia's babbling, so she yelled at me in

687
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: front of her group of friends, even though I told

688
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 1: her I didn't know her friends well enough to be

689
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 1: yelled at in front of them. That's not really a

690
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: metric for being yelled at, But Ophelia said, I talked

691
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 1: to you however I want, oh brother. Later I was

692
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: the one apologizing for not paying enough attention to her,

693
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: and she somehow became the bigger person and forgave me.

694
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 1: How sweet of her. After that, I walked on thin ice,

695
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: not wanting to belittle myself by making situations that would

696
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 1: make Ophelia accuse me of things. This spring, I was

697
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: on a family trip with my cousin, Melissa's sister, when

698
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: their car crashed with a truck and my cousin didn't

699
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: make it.

700
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 3: Wait, and oh my, I forgot this had to do

701
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 3: with grief.

702
00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: Oh god, that's pretty that's terrible. Okay, So I was

703
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 1: on a family trip with my cousin and their car

704
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: crashed with a truck, and my cousin, her husband, and

705
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: one of her children. Both of their children passed to

706
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: everyone passed away in the car. Everyone's gone. That's so terrible.

707
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's really bad. So once I learned

708
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 1: about this, I called Ophelia sobbing. She clicked her tongue

709
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: and I hung up and didn't talk to her for

710
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: a week, you should.

711
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 3: Say you should just keep not talking to her exactly, keep.

712
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: That streak alive forever. I got sick and for a

713
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: period after the crash and mentally messed up. Ophelia was

714
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: kind enough to ask me how I was doing a

715
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: couple times, but resumed telling me silly stories about her

716
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: life on the third day after the crash and expected

717
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: me to react. Even when we went back to college,

718
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,799
Speaker 1: I wanted to be with Melissa the whole time, to

719
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 1: watch her, because that's what every normal Huean does, but

720
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 1: not Aphelia. One time at lunch, Melissa and I were

721
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: talking about our loved ones who had passed when Ophelia

722
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: interrupted by telling a disgusting story about her dentist. Last month,

723
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: something critical happened in the country. So Ophelia was in

724
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: the chat twenty four to seven, complaining about her anxious mood.

725
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: But I was fed up and knew that whatever I

726
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 1: say would not affect Ophelia a bit, so I didn't reply.

727
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,959
Speaker 1: That got her even more furious to why I wasn't participating.

728
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 1: I had to build a whole scenario about not having

729
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: signal or internet to reach out while I could and

730
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 1: just didn't want to, which was fabulous for my mental health.

731
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 4: You know, this is when we like turn our phone

732
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 4: off newt Ophelia, do not look at it, take our

733
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 4: time to grieve a tremendous loss, and then don't come back.

734
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 3: Let's just not go back to Ophelia ever. Let's just

735
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 3: like realize as we're healing that we don't need her by.

736
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: See you never Ophelia bye. Edgar isn't really comfortable around girl,

737
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: and I respect that. One time him and I were

738
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: at Ben's cafe with some friends. The friends left and

739
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: him and I were alone for about an hour, so

740
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 1: we talked about my next book and he gave me

741
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: some ideas about the cover. It was going really good

742
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 1: and was productive until Ophelia called and stopped by because

743
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: her class was canceled. As soon as she arrived, she

744
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: began rude behavior to Edgar and Ben. Edgar left only

745
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: two minutes after she arrived, and Ben ignored me for

746
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 1: the rest of my stay. I later had to apologize

747
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:34,320
Speaker 1: to Edgar about Ophelia's behavior, but he dismissed, saying that

748
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 1: there were a few guys at the cafe who didn't

749
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 1: seem really safe, and he didn't want to leave me

750
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: there or else he would have left sooner, But he

751
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 1: didn't say that he was not upset with Ophelia. I'm

752
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: not a misogynist, but if I received messages from Edgar

753
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 1: and Ophelia at the same time, I would one hundred

754
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 1: percent answer to Edgar first.

755
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 6: Thank you, scientist.

756
00:39:59,160 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 5: Back up.

757
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: That is maybe the most I know that. We've had

758
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: a lot of crazy things happen in this story. That

759
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: might be the craziest thing I've heard. Ophelia has strange

760
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: boundaries that don't work for me. She doesn't get upset

761
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: by people's passing and saying that she can't fake it.

762
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 1: She doesn't accept possibilities. She will cut all ties if

763
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: you say you might do something and then don't do it.

764
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: She is allowed to have space to herself, but I don't.

765
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 1: She thinks she has authority over who I like. She

766
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: thinks I need someone at least ten years older. She

767
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: goes on and on and on and on about religion

768
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,240
Speaker 1: and her beliefs, even though she knows I'm not religious

769
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 1: and don't care. She sends me songs of genres and

770
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: singers I don't like. She buys me books that she likes,

771
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: but not anything I ask for. She doesn't like my

772
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: social circle. I'm not allowed to like them either. She

773
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 1: doesn't support anything I do, saying we don't like similar things.

774
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: She ignores my wishes. She finds a way to make

775
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 1: everything about herself. She doesn't take jokes, believing everything should

776
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 1: be philosophical and about God. She dismisses my knowledge on everything.

777
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 1: Because I misunderstood a part of something doesn't mean I'm

778
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: always wrong. She calls on her schedule when she can,

779
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 1: then gets mad if I can't answer. She gets mad

780
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: if I try a new snack and don't tell her

781
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: about it. She doesn't believe anyone is good enough for her.

782
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 1: She gets all defensive if I tell her stuff about

783
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: her that bothers me. Our recent fight was about this.

784
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 1: We have free will. You don't have to do this, Oh,

785
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: our recent fight was about this. After eight years of friendship,

786
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 1: Ophelia doesn't know my birthday. I remember hers and plan

787
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 1: the whole thing ahead, but she didn't know mine up

788
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: until three months ago. A month ago, I learned about

789
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: gaslighting and decided to practically teach it to her as

790
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: a silly joke. Really, I told her my birthday would

791
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,720
Speaker 1: be one month earlier than its actual date. It's August twentieth.

792
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 1: I said it was July twentieth, and she kept saying

793
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: that I was born in August until I said this exactly, exactly.

794
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 1: This is called gaslighting, and I honestly thought she got

795
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 1: what I was doing was a joke. Three weeks ago,

796
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: my late cousin's son passed away. I adored that kid,

797
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: but there was nothing anyone could do for his injuries.

798
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 1: I got quiet and private for a few days, but

799
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: received a birthday wish from Ophelia on July twentieth and

800
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: laughed because I thought she was continuing the joke. A

801
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 1: few days ago, I finally could call Ophelia, and thirty

802
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 1: minutes into talking, I asked why she wished me a

803
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 1: happy birthday that day. She was shocked and mad and

804
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 1: told me that I never corrected her on the birthday

805
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 1: date exactly and that I was a horrible person who

806
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: manipulated her beliefs.

807
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think you should have done that, but

808
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:46,399
Speaker 3: like sure.

809
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 1: I apologized, repeatedly, saying that I never thought an innocent

810
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: joke would become so serious to her. I hung up,

811
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 1: saying that my overall well being was nowhere near dealing

812
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 1: with such stuff, and we do have a little bit

813
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: more story left.

814
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 4: Know why we're still friends with her, or why we're

815
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 4: continuing these bits.

816
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 1: It's nonsensical. Two nights ago, he messes me, saying I

817
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: was an a hole for bringing up my grief and

818
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 1: using it as an excuse to escape a conversation like that,

819
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: but she would forgive me. I once again apologized, but

820
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: she said that it wasn't about apologies. I don't know

821
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: what that means. That would have been a careless and

822
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 1: dorky joke within my family and other friends. I thought

823
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: it would be the same with Ophelia. I'm dealing with

824
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 1: too many things at the moment, not just grief. I'm

825
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,280
Speaker 1: sick of dealing with Ophelia's drama. I don't care about

826
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: her or her drama anymore. I am fed up. Am

827
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: I the A hole? What am I supposed to do?

828
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 3: You are the A hole to yourself? Stop being friends

829
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 3: with this girl? I'd like, that's insane, man.

830
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's yea. I agree, you're being the a hole

831
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: to yourself, and I'm sorry for all of the folks

832
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: out there who are unable to cut people off like this.

833
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, it's that's unbelievable to me.

834
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 8: I took off my engagement ring because my fiance never changed.

835
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 1: So is that is?

836
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:07,399
Speaker 9: That?

837
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: Is that? It? Yep? Is it over?

838
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 8: I thirty female, have been with my fiance thirty mail

839
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 8: for twelve years Woo. We met in school, got engaged

840
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,400
Speaker 8: two years ago, and have a five year old daughter together.

841
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 8: He's a kind man at heart, but he's a workaholic.

842
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,839
Speaker 8: Over the past few years, he's become more and more

843
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 8: consumed by work, often staying up late, waking at three

844
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:32,840
Speaker 8: am to work again, falling asleep on the sofa most nights.

845
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 8: I've asked for help repeatedly, but nothing changes. By the way,

846
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 8: this comes from Sunflower ninety five ninety five, and if

847
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 8: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

848
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 8: r slash Okay storytime separate it. So I work full time,

849
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 8: study in the evenings, exercise to manage stress, and I'm

850
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 8: the default parent. Every routine, every meltdown, every bedtime, every

851
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 8: household task.

852
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 5: He promises to help and then just doesn't.

853
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 8: Example, the other night he said he'd put our daughter

854
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,760
Speaker 8: to bed At nine pint thirty. I found him snoring

855
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,919
Speaker 8: while She watched cartoons on his phone after he gave

856
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 8: her chocolate before.

857
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 1: Bed, so the antithesis of putting your child to bed.

858
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 8: He kept her up. She was wired until ten thirty pm,

859
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 8: and I had to take over again. Last night I

860
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 8: broke down crying. He asked if I wanted to talk.

861
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 8: I said no, I was too exhausted to speak, and

862
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,520
Speaker 8: he just went to sleep on the sofa again. I

863
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 8: came downstairs after studying, saw him still asleep. Dish is

864
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 8: not done like he promised he would do, and quietly

865
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 8: took off my engagement ring and left it on the table.

866
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 8: This morning, I got a long message from him. He says,

867
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 8: now truly he sees the damage, that he's been emotionally

868
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 8: shut down from his own trauma, that he's been in

869
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 8: a dark place and taking me for granted. He says

870
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,399
Speaker 8: he'll go to therapy, change how he works, show up better,

871
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 8: and is asking for thirty days to prove himself. And

872
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,280
Speaker 8: now I'm torn. Part of me wants to believe him.

873
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 8: It's everything I've wanted him to say months ago, but

874
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 8: another part of me feels like it's too late. I've

875
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 8: been holding it all together alone for too long. I'm tired, hurt,

876
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:11,720
Speaker 8: and honestly unsure if I even wanted to try anymore.

877
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 8: So I read it. I need advice. Can people really

878
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 8: change after years of emotional absence? Has anyone tried a

879
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,280
Speaker 8: trial period like this? Did it help or just delay

880
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 8: the inevitable? How do I protect myself and my daughter

881
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 8: emotionally if I do give him this time, I'm not

882
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 8: wearing the ring anymore. I haven't promised anything. I'm just

883
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 8: trying to figure out if there's anything left worth saving

884
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 8: or if I've already outgrown this version of us.

885
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 5: Thanks for reading. Any insider experience.

886
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 8: Is deeply appreciated, and there are some answers to questions,

887
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 8: what do you think.

888
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 1: Do we so? Is it? They've been engaged for twelve years,

889
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 1: you've been together for.

890
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 6: Twelve together for twelve years?

891
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 1: For two I was gonna say, if y'all have been

892
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 1: engaged for twelve years, y'all aren't getting married.

893
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:57,919
Speaker 5: But that's not the case.

894
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,799
Speaker 1: But that's not the case, so the answers, Yeah, people

895
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 1: are always capable of change. I think the trope of

896
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 1: you can't teach an old dog new tricks is one

897
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: of the most damaging things to ever happen to society.

898
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 8: I agree, you can cheat them. And also people aren't dogs.

899
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, people just aren't dogs. People. People's people's belief that

900
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: they can't change is what is what prevents them from changing.

901
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: I agree, so he can change. But also I don't know, man, you'

902
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: all need some therapy because this has been happening the

903
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: entire time and there's been no progress made on it,

904
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 1: and it's like, yas communication strategies are ineffective.

905
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, have we had therapy for this?

906
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:39,800
Speaker 8: Have we pursued any you know, any options to fix

907
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 8: your lack of communication on the subject, or has it

908
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 8: just been kind of quietly building resentment.

909
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 1: I really don't like that. It feels like you taking

910
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: off the ring and leaving it on the table is

911
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: maybe the most communication that has been had, or like

912
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: the highest.

913
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,279
Speaker 8: Which is not necessarily true because it might have just

914
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 8: been like.

915
00:47:56,840 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the most, but what like the most

916
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: real sure where it was like you take your ring

917
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 1: off and it's like I'm done. Yeah, and I maybe

918
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: while we've been explaining this, it's never been like a

919
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just if you've had a problem

920
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 1: for like a decade, yeah, and it's never gotten better.

921
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, both sides at that point, it's like

922
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: our art I think responsible for ineffective communication. Sure.

923
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 8: Edit, thanks for all the responses so far. I just

924
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 8: wanted to answer a few common questions that keep coming up.

925
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 8: Does he work extra hours because we need the money? No,

926
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 8: we could live off my salary alone. We have everything

927
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 8: we need, a house with the low mortgage, no car payments,

928
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 8: and no major debts. His extra hours don't bring in

929
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:42,439
Speaker 8: extra pay.

930
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 5: He's salaried.

931
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 8: He's a project manager at a large corporate firm and

932
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 8: is working toward yet another promotion. He's a yes man

933
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 8: at work, always over extending himself, even when it means

934
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,360
Speaker 8: logging on in the middle of the night. He says

935
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,280
Speaker 8: it's for the family, but truthfully, it's about career, ambition

936
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 8: and people pleasing. I helped him with his trauma. This

937
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 8: is the first time he's ever opened up about trauma.

938
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 8: I knew his childhood was a bit rough, but for

939
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 8: years he insisted it didn't affect him. Now suddenly it's

940
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,680
Speaker 8: being named as a reason for his emotional disconnection. I'm

941
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 8: not minimizing it. I understand trauma is real, but until

942
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 8: now it was completely buried and.

943
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 5: Never talked about.

944
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how that goes.

945
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 8: Yeah, but I understand what she's saying. It's like, Okay,

946
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 8: well now you're bringing it up because you don't have

947
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 8: another excuse.

948
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 5: That probably is what she's feeling.

949
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

950
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 8: Have I brought this up before, Yes, over and over.

951
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 8: I've told him, clearly, calmly, even desperately, what I needed.

952
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:39,280
Speaker 1: Okay.

953
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 8: He always says he's all being by working so hard,

954
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 8: and if he does the dishes or takes our daughter

955
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 8: to bed once in a while, he wants a medal.

956
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 8: He genuinely believes he's doing enough because his intentions are good.

957
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 8: But good intentions don't carry a household contact on my

958
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 8: life and career. I work in a law firm. It's

959
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 8: often very stressful, and I'm currently sitting my F one exams,

960
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 8: which are the Irish equivalent of the bar. I could

961
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 8: have qualified years ago, but I kept putting my own

962
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 8: career goals on the back burner to support his. Every

963
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 8: time he needed flexibility space late nights, I gave it.

964
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 8: I don't regret supporting him, but I do regret losing

965
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 8: myself in the process. Top comment says you told him

966
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 8: repeatedly that you were unhappy. He didn't take steps to

967
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:26,240
Speaker 8: change until it impacted his potential happiness and comfort, leaving

968
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 8: the ring on the table? Was you saying too late,

969
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 8: I'm done and now he promises change? Where was all

970
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 8: this when you were begging for help? He doesn't listen

971
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 8: when you tell him there is a problem, not until

972
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 8: you make it his problem. Is this really the relationship

973
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:43,680
Speaker 8: you want because it's the one you've got? And common

974
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 8: or two says thirty days isn't going to prove anything.

975
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:48,760
Speaker 8: I mean, I agree, I don't think that you should

976
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 8: just give him the thirty days alone.

977
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 5: I think it's like go to therapy.

978
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 8: He can turn it on for thirty days, but that

979
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 8: doesn't mean it's going to last beyond that. What's thirty

980
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 8: days against? However, many years of this behavior from him.

981
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 8: Coalminer three honestly, emotional trauma therapy in thirty days don't

982
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 8: miss He saw the damage, just ignored it. Now he's

983
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 8: just sorry. You're putting your foot down. At least that's

984
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 8: what it looks like to me. Commentar four says, this

985
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 8: has been a problem for a long time. You've told

986
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 8: him about it multiple times. If he wanted to change,

987
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,839
Speaker 8: he would have. He's said plenty of chances. He's only

988
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 8: talked about changing now because his inaction is about to

989
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 8: deliver consequences. It was never important until it was about

990
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:31,439
Speaker 8: to affect him. It was never important to him. All

991
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 8: your requests and complaints and troubles were not important to him.

992
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 8: Think about that. This is nothing new. You didn't drop

993
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 8: a bomb on him with information he didn't have before

994
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 8: he knew it wasn't important to him. Don't listen to

995
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 8: the sounds coming out of his mouth. He can say

996
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 8: anything he wants if you want to stick it out

997
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 8: a little bit longer, watch his actions. Tell him what

998
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 8: you want, but don't lift a finger to help him

999
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 8: do it. You want him to go to therapy, then

1000
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,319
Speaker 8: he makes the appointments.

1001
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 5: And he goes.

1002
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 8: Or he doesn't want him to help around the house.

1003
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 8: You can suggest basic directions, but then watch what he

1004
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 8: chooses to do. The same with parenting. Let him know

1005
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 8: when it's his turn, and then watch what he does.

1006
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 8: If he really wants to change, he will step up.

1007
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,760
Speaker 8: Otherwise he will offer excuses. If he steps up, great,

1008
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,919
Speaker 8: Still watch because if the excuses come back, it must

1009
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 8: not have been that important to him and if you're

1010
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,800
Speaker 8: honestly done, go ahead and be done. He could have

1011
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 8: made these changes at any time. It wasn't important to him.

1012
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 8: You don't have to stick around and there is an

1013
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 8: update folks the next day. Any thoughts or should we

1014
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 8: just jump right in?

1015
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 1: I hope he was lying about his drema.

1016
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 6: I hope so too.

1017
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:42,719
Speaker 5: I hope so too.

1018
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 8: We were supposed to talk tonight, just one honest conversation

1019
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:48,960
Speaker 8: to see if there was anything left to save, But

1020
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 8: he fell asleep, putting our daughter to bed, and never

1021
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 8: came down, no message, no efforts. That moment confirmed what

1022
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 8: I've been feeling deep down for a while. I've been

1023
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:02,720
Speaker 8: holding this relationship to the other alone, giving chances, getting

1024
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,840
Speaker 8: my hopes up, and being let down every single time.

1025
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 8: To be fair, over the past two days, he did try.

1026
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 8: He was suddenly being the partner I've been asking for.

1027
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 8: He cleaned without being asked, made me coffee which he

1028
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 8: rarely did, sent me long apologetic texts. He acknowledged how

1029
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 8: much he's hurt me, and even told me he booked

1030
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 8: the therapy session for Monday.

1031
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 5: But the truth is, I feel like it's too late.

1032
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,919
Speaker 5: It took me reaching my breaking point for him to react.

1033
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,000
Speaker 8: And even now, when we finally had a chance to talk,

1034
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:34,800
Speaker 8: he fell asleep again. He'll wake up in our daughter's

1035
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 8: bed and find the message I sent telling him that

1036
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,760
Speaker 8: I'm done. I mean, I do think that you should

1037
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,800
Speaker 8: have in person conversation with him about how you're done.

1038
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 8: I think that at the very least, twelve twelve years

1039
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 8: deserves a I can't do this anymore.

1040
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,760
Speaker 1: This is looping back into my suspicions about the whole,

1041
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: Like the ring being left on the table is maybe

1042
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 1: the most I just think, crystal clear the communication's ever been.

1043
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.

1044
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,279
Speaker 8: I don't know if it's like a lack of communication

1045
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 8: on her end, but I think it's like she's been done.

1046
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 8: You know, he couldn't really do anything to prevent her

1047
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 8: being done.

1048
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 5: I think that's where she's at.

1049
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, Like she was like, yeah, I'll give him a chance,

1050
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 8: but she was like, I'm already done.

1051
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 5: I don't even want to.

1052
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 8: Speak to him at this point, though I know I'll

1053
00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 8: have to for the sake of our daughter. I'm hurt, exhausted,

1054
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 8: and emotionally checked out after twelve years to gather and

1055
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 8: five of those raising a child. I've hit a point

1056
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 8: where love is turned into resentment. I don't recognize us anymore.

1057
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 8: I know this won't be easy, but I also know

1058
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 8: it's necessary. I need peace, I need clarity, and I

1059
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 8: need to stop trying to fix something that's been broken

1060
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,439
Speaker 8: for far too long. Palminer one says, I have had

1061
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 8: this happen. Also, they do everything you've ever asked of

1062
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 8: them when they know you're done.

1063
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 5: They think this helps.

1064
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 8: What they don't realize is it just pisses us off

1065
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 8: even more, because now we know they knew what and

1066
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 8: how to do what we ask for all along. They

1067
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 8: just did not care until we're walking out the or

1068
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 8: to f and late. Comino two says, spoiler alert, do

1069
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 8: you want change? Comina three says, to be fair, Over

1070
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 8: the past two days, he did try. He was suddenly

1071
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 8: being the partner I've been asking for. He cleaned without

1072
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 8: being asked, made me coffee, et cetera.

1073
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:16,760
Speaker 6: Oh for two old days.

1074
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:17,399
Speaker 1: No.

1075
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:20,480
Speaker 8: Also, this means he was capable all along, but just

1076
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 8: didn't want to do without what you will. And that

1077
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 8: is the end of that story.

1078
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:29,359
Speaker 1: Best. It's such an oversimplification, But I did you know

1079
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 1: that we're all capable of being rocket scientists too, It's

1080
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 1: just that we haven't done the work to be rocket scientists. Like,

1081
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, that doesn't make any sense to me.

1082
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes people have catalytic moments in their lives. Yes,

1083
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 1: change them forever, Like the thought of losing your family

1084
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,600
Speaker 1: and your wife and your daughter could be like a,

1085
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 1: oh my god, I do need to I absolutely change

1086
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:53,959
Speaker 1: everything about myself.

1087
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 5: Completely agree.

1088
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,319
Speaker 8: But I also think that sometimes you get to that

1089
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 8: point and you've already lost them.

1090
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: No, you're on the You're we're all the money. You

1091
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 1: are on the money. Yeah, I do think if this

1092
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 1: is if op is moving, like I'm actually feeling worse

1093
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 1: now that he's doing this. It's like it's probably not

1094
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 1: gonna get back without like a lot of therapy and

1095
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: a lot of work and couples counseling, and it's like

1096
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 1: it sounds like maybe he would need his own individual

1097
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,560
Speaker 1: stuff or whatever the ag went through, And it's like

1098
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 1: I just don't know, maybe maybe maybe separation or like

1099
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 1: if you got I don't know, Like it's just being

1100
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 1: like if you can work on your stuff and maybe

1101
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 1: make these improvements in your life just for you without

1102
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:37,399
Speaker 1: the bait of like doing this for me or daughter.

1103
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: If you can just make these changes from the depths

1104
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,800
Speaker 1: of your soul, yeah, for no other reason than you

1105
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,319
Speaker 1: want to do it, m M, then maybe we can

1106
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 1: get back together. But it's yeah, it's hard to move

1107
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 1: forward from here, agreed, John.

1108
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,320
Speaker 2: Here og host, we're gonna get back to these stories,

1109
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 2: but a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.

1110
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 7: I stopped paying for my ex's bills because her new

1111
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:02,959
Speaker 7: boyfriend moved in he can pay for them and trigger warning,

1112
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,439
Speaker 7: there's accusation.

1113
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,280
Speaker 6: Of financial abuse in this story.

1114
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 7: So my ex and I split up about three years ago.

1115
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,760
Speaker 7: No bad feelings, We just drifted apart until we realized

1116
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,880
Speaker 7: that we were now co parents, not a husband and

1117
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 7: wife anymore.

1118
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: Got it.

1119
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 6: We have two kids, thirteen and ten.

1120
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 7: My ex used to work as an infrastructure engineer and

1121
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 7: I was working as an owner driver with my own truck.

1122
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Revolutionary Half one seventy

1123
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 7: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1124
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 7: to the r slash Okay storytime step breddit. So at

1125
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,520
Speaker 7: around the time the kids were born, we decided that

1126
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,040
Speaker 7: she was going to be a stay at home mom.

1127
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 7: The trucking was going well and I had bought a

1128
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 7: second truck and a van, so I stayed home doing

1129
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 7: all of the planning and admin while I had the

1130
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 7: trucks and van out. When the smallest started school, the

1131
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 7: ex wanted back to work part time, but her time

1132
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:51,000
Speaker 7: out of the workforce had hit her really hard and

1133
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 7: she needed to learn lots of stuff and basically she

1134
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 7: couldn't get back in at her previous level and had

1135
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 7: to pretty much start over. Over the years, the Hallege

1136
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 7: firm had expanded and frankly, it was getting a bit

1137
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 7: of a pain in the butt.

1138
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 6: We were too.

1139
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 7: Big for where we were and we're needing to move

1140
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 7: to a new yard. So I sold it off for

1141
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:12,720
Speaker 7: a reasonable sum and set up freelancing as a dev

1142
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 7: did computer science at UNI. We both had relatives pass away,

1143
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 7: leaving us property and money, so we were mortgage free

1144
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 7: on the family home. When we split, I moved into

1145
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 7: a house that I had inherited. We basically split the

1146
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 7: assets in half, split the costs of the kids' activities

1147
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 7: in half, and when we were sat looking at the

1148
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 7: money as she concluded that she would need to go

1149
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:33,919
Speaker 7: back to work full time and she would miss time

1150
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 7: with the kids as they were with me the three

1151
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 7: days she was at work and every other weekend. I

1152
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 7: felt a bit bad for that, because if she hadn't

1153
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 7: been out of work for so long, then she would

1154
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 7: be in a better place career wise. So I offered

1155
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 7: to cover half of her bills until the kids went

1156
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 7: off to UNI. She didn't want to at first, but

1157
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 7: I said to her that she helped me out and

1158
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 7: had now suffered as a result, so it was only

1159
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 7: fair that I returned the favor. It's helping my kids out,

1160
00:58:57,520 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 7: and I didn't want her to be running down the

1161
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 7: savings that was essentially the kids inherited.

1162
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: I thinks so.

1163
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 5: Very very angel moved there.

1164
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 8: Yeah, very much, very rud like, not realistic, very like

1165
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 8: sensible because it's, you know, we want to make sure

1166
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 8: that the kids out.

1167
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 5: Like if if the mom.

1168
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 8: Is taking care of them, the kids are taking care

1169
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 8: of it.

1170
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 7: I think that's yeah, right, especially if they like split

1171
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 7: on good terms too, It's like that's good. So the

1172
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 7: situation has worked out about as well as it can.

1173
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 7: We co parented happily. Everything is all good. Until she

1174
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 7: met a new guy. Yoh, he's someone we knew from

1175
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 7: way back. But we lost touch with they started dating.

1176
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 7: She's really happy and she's talking about him moving in,

1177
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 7: which I'm okay with the kids get on with him,

1178
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 7: and I trust her judgment and know that she wouldn't

1179
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 7: put anything ahead of the kids. So I said to her,

1180
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 7: if Lato is moving in, you won't need the money

1181
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 7: towards the bills, will you, And she said no, she wouldn't,

1182
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 7: but she was thinking of putting it into the kid's accounts.

1183
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,360
Speaker 7: Great idea, says me, I'll put some on their cards

1184
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 7: for pocket money and the rest in their savings.

1185
00:59:57,920 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 6: So that was what we agreed.

1186
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,640
Speaker 7: But when the new chap found out, he went up

1187
01:00:01,720 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 7: the wall and accused me of being controlling and of

1188
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 7: financial abuse.

1189
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 8: And then your ex said, no, no, no, you don't understand.

1190
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 6: You're wrong, right, hopefully right.

1191
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 7: A few of our friends have also said that he's

1192
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:21,680
Speaker 7: got a point in that it looks like jealousy. So

1193
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 7: am I the ahle Here There are some edits and clarification.

1194
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 7: We have joint fifty to fifty custody of the kids,

1195
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 7: so I have no actual obligation to be paying anything.

1196
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 7: But that said, I don't want my kids to miss

1197
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 7: out on their many and varied activities, so I carry

1198
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 7: on paying for half those. Likewise, I offered the extra

1199
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:40,640
Speaker 7: money to help with bills because I wanted my kids

1200
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 7: to benefit from time with both parents, and also to

1201
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 7: not have to live in a house where money is

1202
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 7: a worry. Some have mentioned when a division of assets

1203
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 7: from inheritance and selling my business, these are mostly locked

1204
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 7: away in long term investments, so they aren't available. We

1205
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 7: were perhaps unwise in doing this, but we saw it

1206
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 7: as the kid's inheritance. My ex would rather have worked

1207
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:02,000
Speaker 7: more than dipped into that money for living costs. The

1208
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 7: ex has been around for a cup of tea and

1209
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 7: a chat. Seems that Latta was indeed thinking that she

1210
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 7: was his meal ticket. Apparently he had suggested moving in

1211
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,160
Speaker 7: but not told her that his landlord was ending his

1212
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 7: tendency on a section twenty one to sell the.

1213
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 5: Property because that she chose pretty poorly.

1214
01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 7: Sounds like it if anyone knows what a section twenty

1215
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 7: one is. By the way, it sounds like in the

1216
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 7: are they in the UK?

1217
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 9: Probably the ladders are yeah, from little slanging that we're

1218
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 9: getting here there, so the really quick yeah, I think

1219
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 9: you kind of ignore what everyone's saying.

1220
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,200
Speaker 8: For sure, unless your wife comes to you and says,

1221
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 8: hey I need all right, sorry, your ex comes to

1222
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 8: you and says, hey I need help. Yeah, really, it

1223
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 8: doesn't matter what he thinks. Yeah, and you could just say, hey,

1224
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 8: I don't really want to talk to your new partner,

1225
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 8: right like he kind of has no say so yeah.

1226
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, exactly, this is a decision between me and.

1227
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 5: You our kids.

1228
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, you're with him, I'm not with him, So why

1229
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:03,560
Speaker 8: is he talking trying to talk to me?

1230
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 1: Right? Well?

1231
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 7: I guess it's weird though, because I mean, I guess

1232
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 7: it kind of does involve him, because the reason Opie

1233
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 7: is saying like, oh, like I don't need to pay

1234
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:15,360
Speaker 7: right anymore, because like your new guy is moving in

1235
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,920
Speaker 7: right like he should be paying the rent should be

1236
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 7: So it's.

1237
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 6: Like it's like, I guess it kind of involves him.

1238
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 7: And there it's like technically you could say it's making

1239
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:27,640
Speaker 7: a decision that the other guy's paying rent, but at

1240
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 7: the same time that's expected.

1241
01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 8: It's expected, I think, I think. But my point is

1242
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:36,320
Speaker 8: like the wife should not be talking to him. Well,

1243
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 8: I don't even know how this guy's talking to op Yeah,

1244
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,600
Speaker 8: I just think that he like if it's one if

1245
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 8: it's him talking to OPI directly cut that off. Yeah,

1246
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 8: don't talk to him for sure. If it's the wife

1247
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:50,800
Speaker 8: talking about what this guy's saying to Op, then I

1248
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 8: would just say, hey, like that's your relationship. If you

1249
01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:57,800
Speaker 8: need help, we can talk about that for the kids,

1250
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 8: but like, that's kind of your relationship.

1251
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:01,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, totally.

1252
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:04,440
Speaker 7: When she started discussing money in his contribution, he asked

1253
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 7: why when I was paying for the kids.

1254
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 6: So she told him that if he was.

1255
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 7: Living there, he needed to chip in, and that if

1256
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 7: he moved in, she couldn't keep asking for money from me.

1257
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 7: So she's upset, and I think that that's going to

1258
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 7: be over. In the meantime, he's ranting to anyone that

1259
01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 7: will listen that I'm the typical evil, jealous ex and

1260
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 7: controlling her with money.

1261
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 6: There are some comments.

1262
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:29,000
Speaker 7: Comment number one says, not the a hole looks like

1263
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 7: he was interested in the free ride, and now that

1264
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:34,240
Speaker 7: the gravy train has stopped, he's all upset. Your ex

1265
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 7: has no issues with the money stopping because she isn't

1266
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 7: interested in taking advantage of you, and two adults living

1267
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,240
Speaker 7: together should be able to cover their own expenses. But

1268
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 7: new boyfriend doesn't want that, sure.

1269
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 6: Comment number two says.

1270
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:45,760
Speaker 5: Not the a hole.

1271
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 7: Tell anyone moaning that you pay child sport for your children,

1272
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,600
Speaker 7: not grown men looking for a free ride. He'll already

1273
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 7: be saving in rent as the house is paid for.

1274
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 7: Is he really looking for his bills and groceries to

1275
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 7: be paid for by you?

1276
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 6: Two?

1277
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 7: If someone moves into another's home, they can tru to

1278
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:03,919
Speaker 7: living there. That being said, contribute to not pay half

1279
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 7: as your kids are eating the food and running up

1280
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:09,840
Speaker 7: the utility bills. On to the update. Thanks for all

1281
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 7: the comments and advice. Just thought I would update you

1282
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,800
Speaker 7: all on last week. So Laddo turned out to have

1283
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:17,960
Speaker 7: being punted out of his place, not through fault, the

1284
01:04:18,040 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 7: landlord was selling okay, gotcha.

1285
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:21,360
Speaker 6: He hadn't told my ex.

1286
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,640
Speaker 7: Also, he works with my best mate, who told me

1287
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 7: that he's on incredibly thin ice and was on his

1288
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:30,000
Speaker 7: last chance for attendance me. The ex, and Laddo got

1289
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:33,080
Speaker 7: together at that weekend and had a long chated. The

1290
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 7: main points were if he's going to be her partner

1291
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 7: and live there, then he has to set up and

1292
01:04:37,880 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 7: contribute both financially and also with the children.

1293
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:41,880
Speaker 6: As regards to the bills.

1294
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 7: Both my ex and I had an expectation that another

1295
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 7: adult in the house would be contributing, meaning that bill

1296
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:50,960
Speaker 7: money from me would be superfluous. I agreed that stopping

1297
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 7: the money because someone moves in and potentially restarting it

1298
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 7: if they move out does look like it's controlling. Although

1299
01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 7: it was agreed that I didn't have that attend, I

1300
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 7: said that I would continue giving my ex the money

1301
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,960
Speaker 7: and that if it was surplus two requirements that she

1302
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 7: would put it in the kids accounts. I do trust

1303
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 7: her that she would do this. At that point, I

1304
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:12,640
Speaker 7: left and went home, thinking that all was good. I'm

1305
01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:14,600
Speaker 7: on holiday with the kids this week, and I got

1306
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:16,760
Speaker 7: a warning that the house alarm was going off.

1307
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 5: Oh.

1308
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 7: I rang my neighbor and he went around and said

1309
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 7: that one of the windows had been smashed, and that

1310
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 7: my other car had had all of its windows smash.

1311
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 5: No, did that the guy do it?

1312
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:30,400
Speaker 6: For sure?

1313
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:30,960
Speaker 1: Oh?

1314
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 6: No, sure no, Oh, my gosh, Dad.

1315
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,919
Speaker 7: I logged into my cameras on the iPad, and sure

1316
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 7: enough it's Laddo smashing the bad though, smashing the fa

1317
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 7: and throwing bricks at the.

1318
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:50,680
Speaker 6: Window, throwing bricks at me window.

1319
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:56,600
Speaker 8: Wait, that's crazy, and ring ring ring police. Yeah, my

1320
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 8: ex chose a horrible guy.

1321
01:05:58,680 --> 01:05:59,120
Speaker 5: Literally.

1322
01:05:59,880 --> 01:06:01,920
Speaker 7: I I'm glad that the kids were with op and

1323
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,880
Speaker 7: they were not home, because that's terrifying. Turns out, the

1324
01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:07,040
Speaker 7: after I left him in, the ex had a major

1325
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 7: talk where she laid out some home truths and expectations,

1326
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:14,520
Speaker 7: and when she didn't like the reaction she got, she ended.

1327
01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 6: It nice good.

1328
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 7: So a couple of days later he got pissed and

1329
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 7: came around to my place and smashed it up.

1330
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:22,720
Speaker 5: I obviously reported.

1331
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 7: It to the police, and with me being away, they

1332
01:06:24,320 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 7: smoked me over the phone and asked me to send

1333
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 7: all the footage if I could in a statement and

1334
01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 7: they would speak to him that day.

1335
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 6: Turns out he got stopped on the way back from

1336
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:33,040
Speaker 6: my house.

1337
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:35,959
Speaker 7: He was over the limit and was sleeping it off

1338
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,320
Speaker 7: in custody before he could be charged.

1339
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:43,560
Speaker 6: Wow, I think, well, all's well, that ends well, I guess.

1340
01:06:43,560 --> 01:06:45,800
Speaker 8: So, I mean, get him arrested and get him out.

1341
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, sucks that you have to deal with broken stuff now,

1342
01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 7: and yeah, through that whole process, but at least this

1343
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,120
Speaker 7: annoying X is getting exactly what is coming to.

1344
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,360
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean you can always take him to court,

1345
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 8: get him to pay for those damages.

1346
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 6: Right, there's a little bit more to the story. There's

1347
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 6: a bit of an edit.

1348
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:04,720
Speaker 7: I've seen a couple of comments about how I need

1349
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,440
Speaker 7: to speak to the X and tell them to be

1350
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 7: more careful. I one hundred percent trust her judgment who

1351
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:12,000
Speaker 7: comes into the kids' lives. I was just as surprised

1352
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 7: by him as she was, and like most people, she's

1353
01:07:14,960 --> 01:07:19,400
Speaker 7: capable of learning from experience. Also another edit, the glaciers

1354
01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 7: have been back out. I owe the lady next door

1355
01:07:22,200 --> 01:07:24,520
Speaker 7: big Style for all the help that she's been And

1356
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 7: apparently the total bill just for the house is going

1357
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 7: to be about seven thousand pounds. That's not counting the car,

1358
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,040
Speaker 7: which is an old Rover I was restoring, so no

1359
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:36,439
Speaker 7: idea how much that will cost. There are some comments comming.

1360
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:38,919
Speaker 7: Number one says some people just can't help themselves from

1361
01:07:38,960 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 7: self sabotaging. Opie says, I've got some sympathy to a

1362
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:44,960
Speaker 7: certain extent because he suffers really badly with PTSD from

1363
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 7: when he was in Iraq for Optelic. But I was

1364
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:50,200
Speaker 7: there too, and it's like, dude, we're all suffering, but

1365
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 7: you have to do something to help yourself. And he

1366
01:07:52,120 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 7: never has crazy lore right there.

1367
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:57,840
Speaker 8: Yeah, Opie's like, I don't care, dude, I was there, dude.

1368
01:07:57,720 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've got PTSD too, just like every know.

1369
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:02,560
Speaker 1: Just like yeah everyone.

1370
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:03,640
Speaker 5: Else, you know what I do.

1371
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:07,720
Speaker 7: Don't get up, dang, someone else responds, I still think

1372
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 7: he did you a favor by showing who he was

1373
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 7: so completely. Like seven k hopefully less post insurance is

1374
01:08:14,240 --> 01:08:16,400
Speaker 7: a lot, but it's pennies compared to what someone like

1375
01:08:16,439 --> 01:08:19,240
Speaker 7: this could manage after a couple of years. Seems like

1376
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 7: the type to drain the kids savings accounts, take whatever

1377
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,120
Speaker 7: money or stuff he can, and be a massive pain

1378
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:27,120
Speaker 7: in the butt to get to leave. Once he was settled,

1379
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:28,479
Speaker 7: then that is the end of that story.

1380
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1381
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:32,040
Speaker 7: I don't believe in karma, but I do believe that

1382
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:34,920
Speaker 7: if someone is a bad person, they'll eventually do something

1383
01:08:34,960 --> 01:08:36,920
Speaker 7: stupid like this and then face the concert.

1384
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:39,920
Speaker 8: It'll just I mean, if you're a bad person, yeah,

1385
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:43,240
Speaker 8: and you're bad to enough people, yeah, one of them

1386
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 8: has got to sock you in the face, exactly, and

1387
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:49,479
Speaker 8: like I mean that metaphorically and also truthfully, it's just

1388
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:52,679
Speaker 8: like law of I don't know Murphy's law.

1389
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,400
Speaker 5: It's not Murphy's law. That's just like that doesn't really

1390
01:08:55,439 --> 01:08:56,439
Speaker 5: apply there, but.

1391
01:08:56,960 --> 01:09:00,519
Speaker 8: Is the law of the traction? Traged the bad stuff,

1392
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,280
Speaker 8: but being bad there you go. Exactly, you need to

1393
01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:04,519
Speaker 8: get socked in the face, exactly.

1394
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 1: Yeah,