Speaker 1: The way you've changed from baby number one to baby
Speaker 1: number four, it's been amazing. Oh well, thanks, babe. I
Speaker 1: do feel like that's a set up though, because you
Speaker 1: know how you do. Some succept it. Take it. I'll
Speaker 1: take it, thank you. And I feel like it's safe
Speaker 1: to say that you've made very fair adjustments from pregnancy
Speaker 1: want to fregnancy for and those are appreciated. Dead ass. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and I'm and where the Ellises. You may
Speaker 1: know us from posting funny videos without boys and reading
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll
Speaker 1: make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: the live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.
Speaker 1: Then adds to the term that we say every day.
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one,
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: Were about to take pillows off to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now, all right, karaoke times. If
Speaker 1: I was been trying to take over karaoke, and I
Speaker 1: know that y'all missed hearing me in my terror for me,
Speaker 1: so I said, you know what did out today? I
Speaker 1: got karaoke. You know, I'm starting to get a little
Speaker 1: nasal because you know, with the blood flow and the
Speaker 1: baby and stuff like that, I'm starting to sound a
Speaker 1: little like, you know, blaming my baby and there for
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. Let me tell you, Okay, breathing
Speaker 1: is getting harder. But you know, can't you see what
Speaker 1: I think going through? Jamana be with you? Mican? Ain't Jamaican? Oh?
Speaker 1: I was giving Mary's Verse anyone to be with changes
Speaker 1: I think going through because I want to baby with you? Baby,
Speaker 1: don't you not be with me? I love how us
Speaker 1: Jamaican love reggae beat on every song. I mean, it
Speaker 1: could be R and B, it could be Seal, it does,
Speaker 1: it does slash and whoever remixed that song to a
Speaker 1: reggae beat. We're talking changes, y'all. Changes. I thing going
Speaker 1: through because I won't want to be with you. That's
Speaker 1: a great song, it is, and I appreciate the changes, baby, baby,
Speaker 1: that's talk about these changes now? Storytime, story time, I
Speaker 1: got a story teme, I didn't even tell. Okay, what
Speaker 1: story I'm gonna tell. It's funny because i'm looking it.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, huh, I wonder what you're gonna come
Speaker 1: up with, because you told some other funny ones related
Speaker 1: to me and my changes. So this story in particular
Speaker 1: has everything to do with picture taking. Okay, okay, y'all
Speaker 1: know I love my wife. She's very beautiful. Y'all know,
Speaker 1: I know all her angles. Right, So we're taking pictures
Speaker 1: and I'm like down here doing my things. Snap snap,
Speaker 1: sneaky the snap snap. She's looking at the pictures. She's like, no, no.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, why what, Why do you keep saying no?
Speaker 1: She's like, just take it again and take it. She
Speaker 1: keep moving her arm around, moving the front, moving in
Speaker 1: the bag, moving across the face. I'm like, clean, what
Speaker 1: the hell is wrong with you? Right? I was trying
Speaker 1: to get what it was supposed to give to the
Speaker 1: hold on. I said, what is wrong with you? She's
Speaker 1: like kind of like, none of them pictures. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why your face look flawless? She goes look at my
Speaker 1: under arms. She raises her under arms and she got
Speaker 1: like two testicles under each under arm my under arms
Speaker 1: look like ball sacks, y'all. I would show y'all with
Speaker 1: I had on a dcent, decent bra. And we come
Speaker 1: to find out that when you start to latate, your
Speaker 1: glands get swollen underneath the arm. You have lymph nodes
Speaker 1: and milk ducks that are under the arm pencil. For
Speaker 1: some women when their milks, if I comes in in
Speaker 1: addition to milk, you get very swollen, very painful all pits.
Speaker 1: So the funny things when what made me laugh was
Speaker 1: when I go cann wasn't better look at my under arms. Look,
Speaker 1: it looks like it dies. It looks like screaming, and
Speaker 1: I have and I'm trying to be serious and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to comfort her, but I have no other instinct
Speaker 1: but to laugh, because you know, I was telling the truth,
Speaker 1: and it's like and literally it was like one of
Speaker 1: my arm pits like had a fold in it where
Speaker 1: it looked literally like a vagina, and then the other
Speaker 1: one looked like a baby ball sack. So she was
Speaker 1: just like, I got genital pits. I got general. I'm like,
Speaker 1: who calls their arm pits genital pits? Then she refused
Speaker 1: to take any pictures and just walked away because even
Speaker 1: when my arms are down, it's like you can still
Speaker 1: see the protrusion. Very self conscious about my arm pits
Speaker 1: all hence why I'm wearing sweatshirts all season. In the money,
Speaker 1: turned the air up to I know, mem me turn
Speaker 1: she made me got the thermostat on Jamaica, the air
Speaker 1: back down. Pregnant women go through with their bodies and
Speaker 1: the changes you would laugh. It ain't for the weak
Speaker 1: it hut, No, it's not all right, So back to
Speaker 1: story time. That's one of the many things that we're
Speaker 1: talking about today is the changes that we go through
Speaker 1: as women and I feel like as men, because you
Speaker 1: guys have some changes that happened simultaneously as we go
Speaker 1: through the pregnancy change, I mean just changes and having
Speaker 1: to adjust not physical, but just changes and sometimes how
Speaker 1: you have to adjust how you even handle us with care,
Speaker 1: because that's very very important things. I feel like. So
Speaker 1: in the very top of the show, you said that
Speaker 1: you know I've changed a lot from pregnancy one to four,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you have as well too. I
Speaker 1: think for me, when I think about your how you've changed,
Speaker 1: is your level of understanding, your level of like foreseeing
Speaker 1: things before they happen, because you kind of know what
Speaker 1: it is, which I appreciate. The final one, the final one,
Speaker 1: y'all know how you started, how you finish? No overtime, overtime,
Speaker 1: no overtime. Can I say that to each no over time?
Speaker 1: I got it, I got it. I'm done too, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I think this jumper and go out like a chimp.
Speaker 1: No more ball sacks to be had over here. Whether
Speaker 1: it be my arm, armpits, or my uterus. That's it.
Speaker 1: That's it. Let me tell you when when um, this
Speaker 1: is just a moment of transparency. When we first got together,
Speaker 1: right and as a young man, you think about, you know,
Speaker 1: her body, how it's going to change through pregnancy. You know,
Speaker 1: when I first met you, I was just like, man,
Speaker 1: her body is just perfect. It's amazing. I wonder what
Speaker 1: the changes are going to be, you know, from having
Speaker 1: a child. And you hear certain things from certain people
Speaker 1: that like, oh, woman gets better after pregnancy, her hips spread,
Speaker 1: you know, she gains a little weight, Like it's good.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that Some people is like, oh,
Speaker 1: my wife or my girl never bounced back. She gained
Speaker 1: seventy eight pounds and then she just you know, stayed
Speaker 1: that way. So my thought process was always how could
Speaker 1: I get you mentally to feel comfortable going through the
Speaker 1: changes your body is going to go through? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because I could only imagine having to
Speaker 1: gain weight because you have no choice but to gain weight,
Speaker 1: and then having to lose it, only to gain weight
Speaker 1: again with another baby, just to lose it again, then
Speaker 1: to gain weight again. So um, for me, it was
Speaker 1: just about like, what's the best way I can help codeem?
Speaker 1: And we we talked about some of the ways to
Speaker 1: help you through the changes. It's physical activity. And when
Speaker 1: we say physical activity, people think go to the gym,
Speaker 1: and no, the average person in America doesn't even walk
Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day. So as a pregnant woman, if
Speaker 1: you just walk twenty minutes every single day, you put
Speaker 1: yourself in better physical shape and the baby in shape,
Speaker 1: and also you put yourself in better mental shape. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's one thing I didn't I didn't know that. I
Speaker 1: thought at first, you were just trying to get on
Speaker 1: me because about statement, trying to get on physiology, kinesiology, study, study,
Speaker 1: psivity and literally he's always tryna it on me. So um,
Speaker 1: but no, that was something that I know I needed
Speaker 1: because I always feel better anyway when I move, you know. However,
Speaker 1: I'm at the point now where it's towards the end
Speaker 1: of the pregnancy, third tramps there, so walking in general
Speaker 1: it's just starting to get harder for me. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's because my body kind of knows,
Speaker 1: you know, it has a little bit of a memory
Speaker 1: about what has happened before. I don't think you should
Speaker 1: take aquick break. We'll be back, all right. So we're back.
Speaker 1: Let's walk people through the changes so that they know.
Speaker 1: For example, this is just one example. I remember I
Speaker 1: was better equipped with Cairo and Kas because we went
Speaker 1: through with Jackson. Your groin area and your hips got
Speaker 1: real tight and sore, and at the time we didn't
Speaker 1: know what it was what it was from, so we
Speaker 1: were she's just wildling, she's just pregnant. That we didn't
Speaker 1: do much exercising and preparation for that. Fast forward to
Speaker 1: Cairo and Kas when I started to study more about
Speaker 1: different types of labor and a lower back labor and
Speaker 1: babies being breaching, stuff like that. We learned about inversions
Speaker 1: and learning how doing different stretches and holding a pregnant
Speaker 1: woman upside down can ultimately relieve her of that pressure
Speaker 1: so she doesn't waddle as much, It doesn't have that
Speaker 1: feeling like she's gonna the baby's gonna drop right. Shout
Speaker 1: out to my midwife Takia, because because she was the
Speaker 1: one who really introduced us to those inversions, and those
Speaker 1: are things that we had to of course do very
Speaker 1: safely because you know, it required Devout to literally like
Speaker 1: hold him, hold me on his feet, my entire body
Speaker 1: weight upside now. And so fellas, don't skip le day,
Speaker 1: don't y'all were ever debating about it. Don't do it
Speaker 1: so that way you will be able to assist your
Speaker 1: significant other or the mother of your child to make
Speaker 1: sure that she can then do these little exercises, to
Speaker 1: be careful to do it safely. Yet to my sisters
Speaker 1: are doing versions. Remember she was a high and we
Speaker 1: did inversions. And what we've come to find out too.
Speaker 1: For example, we just had a friend recently that gave
Speaker 1: birth and ended up having to have a c section,
Speaker 1: but was in labor for three days. Come to find out,
Speaker 1: the baby's chin was like awkward against her, like her
Speaker 1: pelvit cubit burn or something. Yeah. Yeah, so my midwife
Speaker 1: was just like man in that case, it would be
Speaker 1: she probably would have been a prime candidate to maybe
Speaker 1: invert the baby or invert herself to then slide the
Speaker 1: baby a little bit out of the pelvis area so
Speaker 1: she can readjust to be delivered naturally. So there's like
Speaker 1: so many things that you don't even really take into account,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you just being in that situation, being in
Speaker 1: the hospital, if it's your first baby, you really just
Speaker 1: lean on, of course the advice of medical professionals and stuff.
Speaker 1: But there's some ways that we've learned over the course
Speaker 1: of these three pregnancies or fourth now, um, to just
Speaker 1: kind of alleviate some of those things that would probably
Speaker 1: have me a lot more miserable on a day to
Speaker 1: day basis. That was that was the major change for
Speaker 1: me from your body. But what was like some of
Speaker 1: the minor change that you didn't expect other than the
Speaker 1: you know, of course the lat yes time around or
Speaker 1: just any of them that like we can tell the
Speaker 1: listeners like look out for this or if this happens. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean there's some common ones I feel like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, there's the emotional changes of course that happened,
Speaker 1: particularly in the first trimester. When you think about it,
Speaker 1: there's you know, feeling the excitement and the positivity and
Speaker 1: and you know you're happy, your joy full, You're feeling
Speaker 1: you know, excited, and then you also have those where
Speaker 1: you're just maybe some people are in disbelief, some people
Speaker 1: are anxious, worried, you know, into tearfulness. It really depends
Speaker 1: on I think where you are in your life. Was
Speaker 1: just something that was planned? Was it not planned? You know?
Speaker 1: Have you been trying for a long time? Have you not?
Speaker 1: So for me, I think I had to deal with
Speaker 1: in the very beginning, particularly this last pregnancy, is dealing
Speaker 1: with the idea and the feeling of being excited and happy,
Speaker 1: but also to like, oh, I know what's coming with
Speaker 1: morning sickness and feeling super super upset that I was
Speaker 1: putting myself through this again. In a way, That's why
Speaker 1: I had said on a previous podcast this season that
Speaker 1: you know, being able to kind of exist in that
Speaker 1: dual space of being excited but also still feeling like
Speaker 1: I want a bitch and moan about my position right now,
Speaker 1: I feel like it should be accepted and it should
Speaker 1: be welcome because it is a thing where you're gonna
Speaker 1: have days where you feel great and days where you don't,
Speaker 1: you know. So that's one of the biggest changes that
Speaker 1: I think happens, particularly early through each pregnancy, is the
Speaker 1: emotional roller culture that you're on, and then not to mention,
Speaker 1: you know, the physical things, you know, the vomiting, the nausea,
Speaker 1: the weight gain, that moment when you feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. Other people may not know I'm pregnant, but
Speaker 1: I just have this like bloated feeling where it doesn't
Speaker 1: quite look like a baby yet and my stomach is
Speaker 1: its shaped like a bump, but there's definitely something going
Speaker 1: on there and it's been going on for the past
Speaker 1: twelve weeks. That's also something that mentally, sometimes you're just like, damn, like,
Speaker 1: you know, let me at least get a little bump
Speaker 1: so people can know I'm pregnant and I didn't just
Speaker 1: gain a bunch of weight. Because people also are very
Speaker 1: insensitive as well too. It's like you post a picture
Speaker 1: and you have a little, you know, a little food
Speaker 1: baby or something, and they feel like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she's pregnant, and you get all the pregnancy speculations in
Speaker 1: your comments or something like that, you know, interest, especially
Speaker 1: when we've talked about pregnancy so much, like we have
Speaker 1: to be fair to some of the people who support us.
Speaker 1: I've talked so much about wanting a child, that one,
Speaker 1: and another one and another child, that they always just
Speaker 1: expecting for an announcement, so they're like looking for it,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying that, like, let me see
Speaker 1: if And plus you're always in shape, so it's like
Speaker 1: if you're always in shaping and they see you and
Speaker 1: you look a little out of shape, they're wondering almost
Speaker 1: you know, kind of excite, excited for us, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think people do need to realize the the
Speaker 1: emotional distress it can cause a woman if they're not
Speaker 1: pregnant early in the pregnancy and hoping that everything makes
Speaker 1: it so you can get to the second trimester. But
Speaker 1: in particular, I was talking about the physical changes you
Speaker 1: as a woman have had to deal with that because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of times I catch you looking in
Speaker 1: the mirror and you just be naked, and then I'm
Speaker 1: just looking at you and watch, yeah, do we watch
Speaker 1: you all the time? I hear you go, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what's the man? And you just say nothing, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 1: I'm like just talking. It was the matter, you'd be like,
Speaker 1: my nipples dark. I'm just like and then you've been
Speaker 1: like looking got look at a little bumps and it's
Speaker 1: like Bill, like my nipples just like bro like talk
Speaker 1: about some of the changes in your body that women
Speaker 1: can see. But they go back to normal because I
Speaker 1: know women get afraid, like, my body is never gonna
Speaker 1: be like it. Well, that's the one thing. The areola
Speaker 1: and the nipple area, they do get very dark and
Speaker 1: they get bigger. So what I've heard is that that
Speaker 1: particular area darkens because babies who are newborns they only
Speaker 1: see in black and white, in the very very bass
Speaker 1: what they see. You were gonna say that out here
Speaker 1: lying We pulled a thousand newborns and here's what they
Speaker 1: had to say. I need to see dark round nipples.
Speaker 1: If the nipples ain't dark brown, I don't know where
Speaker 1: to eat. You know what I'm saying, Do tell my
Speaker 1: mom to get a nipples? That's it exactly. And then
Speaker 1: it's just ones that are like for people who are
Speaker 1: a fairer complexion, do they get that dark? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've never asked a bunch of women. Hey, can you
Speaker 1: show me like you're you're nursing kitties. But with with me,
Speaker 1: I know, they get particularly darker. And then I was
Speaker 1: happy to see that they actually do return, you know,
Speaker 1: the gentleman. The nipples will be back to how they'll
Speaker 1: be back. They'll be tougher than ever. Let me tell you,
Speaker 1: after having kids, sucking on them and then pumping and
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. I mean, your nipples developed a
Speaker 1: durability that you never thought they'd durable nipples during pregnancy.
Speaker 1: You see, you get better with time later, durable nipples.
Speaker 1: And it's funny too because even like the sensation of it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes like you'll come over and you'll be wanting to
Speaker 1: like just like brush up on them, where typically I
Speaker 1: might like that and I'd be like, touch me. Change.
Speaker 1: That's a very important change. Her nipples used to be
Speaker 1: a very erotic place for her, but after the babies
Speaker 1: and even during pregnancy pregnancy, they are not that spot.
Speaker 1: But after about two years because once you know, cats
Speaker 1: got a little older than it was just like that,
Speaker 1: that's when you said to come out a lot like
Speaker 1: you real my titties, and I'm like, well, for the
Speaker 1: past three years, you be telling it's one of us.
Speaker 1: Like you know that the red Light green Light game
Speaker 1: that you play as kids when you're just like running
Speaker 1: and you stopped running stop. I can imagine how confused
Speaker 1: he is sometimes because I just depends on the day.
Speaker 1: They really just depends on the day. No, But this
Speaker 1: is why these conversations are important, because a lot of
Speaker 1: dudes to be like, yo, my girl's crazy, and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, no, she's not crazy. Girls pregnant like and
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie after them. With Jackson, I would
Speaker 1: have no clue. So I was just like that. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what's wrong with code. She
Speaker 1: owned something. I think she's working too much. And you
Speaker 1: we also have the whole thing with my parents. Both
Speaker 1: of them worked. My mom worked the full time while
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, and your mom worked full time pregnant.
Speaker 1: So in this day and age, like, for example, you
Speaker 1: see on me all the time, but I had to
Speaker 1: do this, had to do that. And my response used
Speaker 1: to be like, well, my mom worked a full time
Speaker 1: job and had two kids and still did everything. And
Speaker 1: you don't realize as a young man how insensitive that
Speaker 1: can be. As a woman is going through changes absolutely,
Speaker 1: but we didn't. We didn't know. I can't expect. I
Speaker 1: don't care what your mother dad. I don't care what
Speaker 1: my mother did. This is what I'm going through. Didn't
Speaker 1: talk about that, but they did do it. Shout out
Speaker 1: to her mom's that yes, birth is all naturally breast
Speaker 1: fed us all, and yes that was like that hard um.
Speaker 1: But there's other changes. I mean, of course, stretch marks
Speaker 1: are a big thing. You know, people will sometimes see
Speaker 1: on Instagram and I'll post, you know, a video or whatever.
Speaker 1: They're like, what is getting to do to keep her stomach,
Speaker 1: you know, stretch mark free. I do have stretch marks actually, um,
Speaker 1: it's just the position of where they are. And then
Speaker 1: Devout will always you know, I'll hand them the cocoa
Speaker 1: butter or the shade butter. I'll get some of the
Speaker 1: raw stuff, um vitam and eat oil and just I
Speaker 1: like to keep my stomach um, just really massage and
Speaker 1: stuff because as you get bigger, two in the skin stretches,
Speaker 1: you start to get a little itchy, and those are
Speaker 1: areas that you know might be prone to stretch marks.
Speaker 1: And I've heard some of it is genetic too, because
Speaker 1: my mom, bless her heart has not one stretch mark
Speaker 1: after three children, not one. Well, I mean stretch marks
Speaker 1: because you see you see women who just gains weight
Speaker 1: and get exactly I had stre happen when you get
Speaker 1: some cake. I take pride in knowing that she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to have stretch marks. So rubbing the belly and
Speaker 1: always making sure is lifted like, that's part of what
Speaker 1: I feel like, it's part of my job. I'll ask like,
Speaker 1: when's the last time you mortized? When the last time
Speaker 1: you rub your belly? Do you need to rub down?
Speaker 1: I I do that in part because one, I know
Speaker 1: why she goes through the changes. She still needs me
Speaker 1: to be present. But number two, it's like, if you
Speaker 1: admire your woman's body, and you admire admire it looking
Speaker 1: a certain way, I think it's responsible for you to
Speaker 1: take ownership of how you're gonna help her stay that way.
Speaker 1: You know. I tell K all the time that I
Speaker 1: feel like it's my responsibility just as much as I'm
Speaker 1: on myself about looking good. If I want to keep
Speaker 1: a six pack and look good and I want my
Speaker 1: wife to look good, I have to be just as
Speaker 1: responsible with being on her about it. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: saying it's not enough to just be like, well, that's
Speaker 1: her responsibility, let her do it, let's do it together.
Speaker 1: I'm the support is definitely welcomed, and sometimes it's it's annoying.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of times annoying. But do I care?
Speaker 1: But do I care? I do care? And do I
Speaker 1: do I care if it's annoying. No, there's another thing, gentlemen,
Speaker 1: that that young person in there. You have just as
Speaker 1: much right to that young person in as she does.
Speaker 1: And if you know something that's better for her and
Speaker 1: it's gonna help her, you put your foot down and
Speaker 1: stick to your guns and make sure she gets it done.
Speaker 1: When we were before she was pregnant, when it came
Speaker 1: to training, I'll be like, yo, we need to go
Speaker 1: work out. You need to hit them squats, the dead lives,
Speaker 1: the sprints, this this and that. But now it's not
Speaker 1: about aesthetics. It's about being healthy. So I'm like, then,
Speaker 1: did you get on the bike today for twenty minutes?
Speaker 1: Did you walk? And You'll get an attitude and my
Speaker 1: face will not change and I'd be like, you can
Speaker 1: be mad or you want, but that's our child. And
Speaker 1: if we're both supposed to be responsible, I have to
Speaker 1: hold you accountable for what you need to do for
Speaker 1: that child in there. So it's okay for you to
Speaker 1: put your foot down. Of course, do it with Karen Love,
Speaker 1: but as her body goes through changes, make it a
Speaker 1: part of your life to be like, yo, if my
Speaker 1: wife didn't work, we're gonna walk together. We're gonna go outside.
Speaker 1: There's many Yeah, there's many times too where I'm just like, man,
Speaker 1: it's like, don't so don't want to walk on the treadmill. Y,
Speaker 1: I'm used to like to a sprints in the treadmills
Speaker 1: are more fun for me. So he'll be like, let's
Speaker 1: go outside. The sun's going down the outside walk where
Speaker 1: the kids will be outside sprinting, and they're like, mom,
Speaker 1: let's go, and they literally a family thing. So it's
Speaker 1: more fun when it when it happenstance. But I do
Speaker 1: appreciate you saying, and I think it's very true that
Speaker 1: you do have every right to be concerned about how
Speaker 1: I am carrying your child and showing that support is
Speaker 1: definitely something. I don't feel like I'm being badgered, but
Speaker 1: I do feel like it's it's a concern that's warranted,
Speaker 1: and you know why, even on the get back to
Speaker 1: after I have this baby too, because because if you
Speaker 1: say that's what you want, if that's what you want,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on you. But I'm saying I want this.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna help you get this. But the most important
Speaker 1: thing for me with keeping Condinne active was labor because
Speaker 1: the changes in a woman's body through pregnancy lets you
Speaker 1: know labor is getting more near. The closer we got
Speaker 1: to the end, Codeine's hips started to get a little
Speaker 1: bit more loose because the hips get lubricated as you're
Speaker 1: ready for labor. So as she's walking, she's feeling a
Speaker 1: little bit more soreness, and that happens in all the joints.
Speaker 1: So you have to be cognizant as as a father
Speaker 1: to say, this is what my wife is going through.
Speaker 1: I know her body, I know what's gonna happen, you know,
Speaker 1: So you have to be prepared when you you stretch
Speaker 1: your out. Not only do we do the inversions, but
Speaker 1: we do manual stretches. I can feel like, Okay, she's
Speaker 1: a little bit more flexible this week. That means that
Speaker 1: body is really getting ready to open up for that
Speaker 1: baby to come out. And I want the labor to
Speaker 1: go as smoothly as possible, because the Black maternal mortality
Speaker 1: rate in this country is higher three to one than
Speaker 1: any other race. I think it's higher three to one
Speaker 1: in any other race. And we're only fifteen percent of
Speaker 1: the population, which makes Black women die at a higher rate.
Speaker 1: And a lot of that has to do one with
Speaker 1: poor health care. Poor health care in this country for
Speaker 1: Black American accessibility, but also what we eat and how
Speaker 1: active we are. Right and I was thinking about even
Speaker 1: just things that you're predisposed to just face on, genetics
Speaker 1: and things like that. So me knowing that high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertens,
Speaker 1: like all these things run in my family, you know,
Speaker 1: So how can I, even just outside of pregnancy, try
Speaker 1: to negate some of those things ahead of time, because
Speaker 1: you're normally during pregnancy is when you'll see if you
Speaker 1: have any underlying issues, they'll start to kind of rear
Speaker 1: their ugly heads. Like this morning, I just did a
Speaker 1: my glucost tests. You know, you know, you have to
Speaker 1: fast and then you drink this not so nice solution.
Speaker 1: You wait for an hour, then they draw your blood
Speaker 1: and then you get the result back to let you
Speaker 1: know how your sugar levels are, but most women find
Speaker 1: out at that point they could be pre pre diabetic.
Speaker 1: They could um have an onset of diabetes in the future,
Speaker 1: or something that's kind of active in the body that
Speaker 1: that hasn't shown up yet. So that being said, I
Speaker 1: think it's just of important tens to always make sure
Speaker 1: that as your body is going through these changes, you
Speaker 1: try to keep up with it, because again, labor two
Speaker 1: in itself, it's actually that it's labor like your body
Speaker 1: is going through work and um. I had a moment
Speaker 1: the other day with Devout where I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my God, Like I have moments, actually several moments
Speaker 1: like this. I don't tell them about everyone, but I
Speaker 1: do have moments where I'm just like, okay, great, I'm pregnant,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like wow, I look at my stomach
Speaker 1: and I feel this little person moving around, Like this
Speaker 1: particular baby is like super super active. My my nickname
Speaker 1: for him is kung Fu Panda because he's in there
Speaker 1: like old day every day, just moving repressively, like moving
Speaker 1: like really really strong. So I just thought about it
Speaker 1: and I'm like, bro, there's no other way for you
Speaker 1: to get out of here than like like there, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, then I started to get flashbacks of
Speaker 1: like labor pain and all that, and I'm like, oh god,
Speaker 1: I have to be ready for it. So I think
Speaker 1: the more active I stay, the shorter my labors have
Speaker 1: been historically over time. So I'm anticipating that he might
Speaker 1: just push the eject but by himself and be like,
Speaker 1: hey guys, I'm here. They say, by the time you
Speaker 1: get to your third fourth child, it's easier and easier
Speaker 1: and easier, especially since your body for a smooth homebirth
Speaker 1: to definitely praying for complications, but I just I want
Speaker 1: to I just want to continue to punch. How I
Speaker 1: point it is for spouses to be there with their
Speaker 1: their wife going through it, like as these changes happen,
Speaker 1: all the emotional changes, it's going to be aggravating. Like
Speaker 1: don't don't expect everything to be smooth sailing. We're like,
Speaker 1: we're not telling you these things. Like I say, k
Speaker 1: let's go work out, and she's just like, you know what, honey,
Speaker 1: we're gonna work out together. She'd be like, it'd be arguments,
Speaker 1: it'd be debates. Tell me, when's the last time you
Speaker 1: were pregny, when's the last time you had a body
Speaker 1: growing it. When's the last time you made some bones?
Speaker 1: And I just look, I look at her like this,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so you're gonna get your sneakers because
Speaker 1: what I'm not gonna do is just argue. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna let her know what needs to be done, and
Speaker 1: that's okay. And the fact that you'll arguing stuff while pregnant,
Speaker 1: that's okay too, because that's gonna happen. So you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like people just need to understand, like the
Speaker 1: pregnancy thing is not gonna be easy with all the changes,
Speaker 1: is a different level of adversity. And as long as
Speaker 1: you vocalize what you need from each other and continue
Speaker 1: to work together, this baby is gonna come. Come quickly,
Speaker 1: come safely. Agreed. Good stuff, bro, good stuff. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You keep forgetting, sorry, forget something else that we experienced
Speaker 1: when you talk about changes. Let me tell you I
Speaker 1: forget our handshake all of time. But changes. Baby brain
Speaker 1: is a real thing. So if somebody tells you they
Speaker 1: forget when they're on seconds, there's a such thing as
Speaker 1: baby brain, and it takes a while to get back.
Speaker 1: And I think it must be like a kid brain thing. Too,
Speaker 1: because as you have more kids, you just tend to
Speaker 1: forget more ship. Or is that you have more ship
Speaker 1: on your plates? So you just keep you want Never
Speaker 1: forget that are you coming from my name? Never forget
Speaker 1: that he's coming coming from my name called random amnesia,
Speaker 1: He's coming from my neck y'all. You know what, let
Speaker 1: me let this guy take a break real quick because
Speaker 1: he's about to set me off. You don't want to
Speaker 1: do that? All right, Let's go take a break speaking
Speaker 1: and spending money. Let's go get these ads in, yes please,
Speaker 1: all that, all that stuff, and then we'll be back.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back for Codeen's favorite part of the show.
Speaker 1: I think they know that by now, yes they do.
Speaker 1: Let's see what we got going on here today. Should
Speaker 1: I read the first one? Or you want to go?
Speaker 1: Baby's up to you? Where do you want to thanks?
Speaker 1: I'll take it away? Then you want to do still
Speaker 1: bringing true to this day? All right? I'm t was
Speaker 1: a good age. I'm and I've been married to that part,
Speaker 1: and I've been married to my husband for almost three
Speaker 1: years now. My husband is a few years older than me.
Speaker 1: Most girls my age might not want a man, Oh
Speaker 1: my sorry, I might want a man who's going to
Speaker 1: spoil them with materialistic things. But for me working two jobs,
Speaker 1: I'm okay with getting spoiled with non materialistic things like
Speaker 1: coming home to a clean house or a massage from
Speaker 1: time to time. Getting those things from my husband is
Speaker 1: literally like pulling ears or is it pulling teeth? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. Um, he doesn't understand that supporting me can
Speaker 1: sometimes mean him helping me with keeping up with the
Speaker 1: house or doing things that require more than hitting send
Speaker 1: on cash app. I've been really turned off by the
Speaker 1: whole dynamic in our marriage. I have no one to
Speaker 1: turn to. Whoever I bring it up to makes it
Speaker 1: seems like me wanting my husband to contribute to the household,
Speaker 1: chores and things is not what a wife should be
Speaker 1: asking of her husband. Truth is, I'm always tired. I
Speaker 1: have a lot on my shoulders and no one gets it.
Speaker 1: With that being said, how do you guys do it?
Speaker 1: Do you want to answer? Because you I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: okay with a cash app from time to time, me
Speaker 1: theven mo me sell me. But I know I do
Speaker 1: understand like that. Sometimes it's a lot, especially when it
Speaker 1: comes to maintaining the household and Um, that's not your
Speaker 1: love language. This like we've spoken about love languages in
Speaker 1: the past, and maybe he's not fully aware of what
Speaker 1: your love language is. It will save him a lot
Speaker 1: of money in the long run. But I think it's
Speaker 1: also the thoughtfulness that it's taken out of the situation
Speaker 1: because it's easier to hit send on a cash app
Speaker 1: than it is to actually do Manu labor in the house.
Speaker 1: What would suggest, what I would suggest is take that
Speaker 1: money he cash you aft you says, and get you help,
Speaker 1: Get you a housekeeper, get you get you, get you
Speaker 1: a made, get you a chef, get you a massuse
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you need, Like you know what,
Speaker 1: since you can't seem to understand that this is something
Speaker 1: that I need and want um and you may not
Speaker 1: want to actually do it, and it's easier for you
Speaker 1: to just send the cash app, use the cash up
Speaker 1: and find you some help. I feel like at this
Speaker 1: point in time, Deval and I have come to We
Speaker 1: were just talking about this on the car line picking
Speaker 1: up Jackson from school the other day, and we are
Speaker 1: at a point in our life now where if there's
Speaker 1: certain tasks that we can outsource for to make time
Speaker 1: for each other, to make time for our children, to
Speaker 1: make time for just downtime ourselves. If it makes the
Speaker 1: workload that much easier and it's feasible and it's affordable
Speaker 1: for us, why not get that help so that way
Speaker 1: you have time on the back end to do the
Speaker 1: things you really want to do or the things that
Speaker 1: you need to do or at those self care moments.
Speaker 1: Why not you said everything? Did I agree? No? I
Speaker 1: really disagree. I feel like if you're both working, because
Speaker 1: it didn't say that he's at home and he doesn't work.
Speaker 1: She says that he works and he buys her gifts
Speaker 1: as a way to show his love. It seems as
Speaker 1: if they both work enough with you can afford to
Speaker 1: get have someone help you outsource some task that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do at home. It's wrong with that.
Speaker 1: I think the idea of traditional gender roles has it's gone,
Speaker 1: like it's just gone. And like both men and women work.
Speaker 1: So if both men and women work, you can't just
Speaker 1: say to a woman, you gotta be at home and cook,
Speaker 1: or you can't say to a man, well, now you
Speaker 1: say she's working, you that he works too. If both
Speaker 1: of y'all work, and you'll have extra funds, hire a
Speaker 1: cleaning lady, order some food, hire a chef, like, there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. And I mean, I don't want
Speaker 1: to sound like an elitist because you know, people say, well,
Speaker 1: when you have money, you can do things like that.
Speaker 1: But the truth in the matter is no one is
Speaker 1: relegated to role responsibilities in the marriage. If you both work,
Speaker 1: whatever you can do, whether you're gonna pay the out
Speaker 1: so with it or you're going to alternate back and
Speaker 1: forth to get it done, just do it so you'll
Speaker 1: have more time to spend together. And I mean she
Speaker 1: did say he's working, she's working two jobs, so he's
Speaker 1: cash having her money. So it's not like they're trying
Speaker 1: to like pull this money from, you know, a budget
Speaker 1: that they didn't want. They don't tell you, you know,
Speaker 1: if this extra money where She's just like, man, but
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want something materialistic right now. I just
Speaker 1: need some help then for the help. That's why I
Speaker 1: don't really have much to say, because that really makes
Speaker 1: the most sense as opposed to arguing about who's going
Speaker 1: to do it all right, fanantics of it all, it's
Speaker 1: just not even worth it. I have a friend who
Speaker 1: said that she wanted to hire a cleaning lady one time.
Speaker 1: It still when it come like once a month to
Speaker 1: be like a deep clean she could maintain throughout the month,
Speaker 1: but her husband was not comfortable with someone else being
Speaker 1: in the house. So, I mean, like anything, I feel
Speaker 1: like it's the same thing with us. We kind of
Speaker 1: vet somebody. You're in the house while they're cleaning, you know,
Speaker 1: a couple of times until you develop a relationship with
Speaker 1: the person. Um. So people are just very personal and
Speaker 1: they don't want people in their space, which I get
Speaker 1: to see if you can find something that works for you, guys,
Speaker 1: and I think that will be probably end up a
Speaker 1: lot of this a lot of the issues here because
Speaker 1: that's what we do. If it's something that we can
Speaker 1: get help with, we're not afraid to ask. Ye. If
Speaker 1: finances are not an issue, hire someone, yeah, outsourced to help.
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. It doesn't have to be a chef every night.
Speaker 1: It could be Yeah, were you just tired? Like you
Speaker 1: just tired? So I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing this.
Speaker 1: What do you want we do that? Either? We order
Speaker 1: fool like nobody feel like breakfast for dinner. It's the
Speaker 1: easiest thing sometimes I'm like, you know, let me go
Speaker 1: make some waffles real quick, cold of today. Good luck
Speaker 1: to y'all. All right, Number two, my wife and I
Speaker 1: have been together since two thousand and five and we're
Speaker 1: both from a small Mississippi town. We are a military
Speaker 1: family who lives in Alaska, and as you can guess,
Speaker 1: no friends. Despite what people may think, being military doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you have tons of friends and family. Not to mention,
Speaker 1: it's COVID outside right. We've been married for seven years now.
Speaker 1: We been together basically our whole life. I just got
Speaker 1: finished watching your episode on monogamy expectations, and bro, you
Speaker 1: have no idea how much my life mar is yours
Speaker 1: aside from a football career, but alpha male speaking hope
Speaker 1: that makes sense. The thing is, I'll go without intimacy
Speaker 1: of any kind for peace. U for my wife to
Speaker 1: be happy, I'll suffer in peace. I understand that we
Speaker 1: have two small kids, ages three and seven. I get it.
Speaker 1: She's tired, she works, she's a great mom. She does
Speaker 1: everything right in my eyes, and that's in great mom.
Speaker 1: She's everything right in my eyes. I thought, I almost
Speaker 1: although I almost agree with everything. Let's be honest, she's
Speaker 1: going to be right at the end of the day anyway.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I give in and agree with everything, just
Speaker 1: to keep the peace. My point is, behind closed doors,
Speaker 1: when there's no kids, when you're all alone and it's
Speaker 1: only you thinking of yourself in your head, what is
Speaker 1: your mental like to confrustration? How do you free your mind? Yes,
Speaker 1: I work out, I have other things I can do
Speaker 1: to stay busy, But how do you mentally decompress and
Speaker 1: go into a state of instant reboot when you know
Speaker 1: you're right a lot of the times, and you know
Speaker 1: you're a good dad, a husband. Well he was talking
Speaker 1: right to you, right to you. This guy wants, well,
Speaker 1: here's this is this the thing? First of all, I'm
Speaker 1: going to just apply this to pregnancy, right when when
Speaker 1: you and when you're pregnant, you just don't want to
Speaker 1: upset your wife spiritually or emotionally. So I spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time just yessing and then screaming into a
Speaker 1: pillow or just like breathing heavily on my own just
Speaker 1: you're getting a drink, just to avoid debating or arguing,
Speaker 1: so that you don't feel bad, because just two lives
Speaker 1: that stay here. But that's just a pregnancy. But that's
Speaker 1: just a pregnancy game. It's like, but when she's not pregnant, Okay,
Speaker 1: you have every right to demand what you want and
Speaker 1: what you need in life, just like a woman has
Speaker 1: every right. They always say happy wife, happy life, and
Speaker 1: men are supposed to just bow down and say yes
Speaker 1: to whatever their wife wants. No fucking way. It is
Speaker 1: a two way street. Men are entitled to get the
Speaker 1: piece they want to deserve out of life, just like
Speaker 1: women are. There's as much as when my wife is
Speaker 1: pregnant and I try to make sure she's happy, I
Speaker 1: expect the same from her if we're in this together.
Speaker 1: We did a whole podcast about serving your partner when
Speaker 1: you choose to get married. You don't get married for
Speaker 1: what you can gain. You get married for what you
Speaker 1: can give to someone else. You choose that this person
Speaker 1: I want to be of service too. That's not A
Speaker 1: husband is supposed to be a service to their wife
Speaker 1: all the time thing, and a wife is supposed to
Speaker 1: be of service in him all the time. And the
Speaker 1: other one will have to do nothing. No, you both
Speaker 1: have to so what you should constantly do. And it's
Speaker 1: not an easy thing. Because this took us years to
Speaker 1: figure out is learn how to communicate your needs and
Speaker 1: your wants, and hopefully your wife will prove over time
Speaker 1: that she's in this marriage to be as of service
Speaker 1: as you clearly sound like you are to her. He
Speaker 1: sounds like, sounds like a very this is a very
Speaker 1: positive you know, note that he's sending here. And I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes, you know, that's why I was needing
Speaker 1: to get our foot on our neck every now and again,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, not in the but not
Speaker 1: in the physical sense. But yeah, sometimes we need that
Speaker 1: that pressure, that discussion to be had, that uncomfortable conversation,
Speaker 1: that moment to be like, man, I'm dropping the ball,
Speaker 1: or that moment to be like damn, like I'm not
Speaker 1: holding up to my end of the bargain, or there's
Speaker 1: a deficit. You know, I'm not quite adequate right now.
Speaker 1: And I think we need that. So that's something like
Speaker 1: like you said, we've had to just kind of work
Speaker 1: on over time. Um. I think it comes with maturity
Speaker 1: as well too. It seems like they've been married for
Speaker 1: what does he say, together? So they've been together for
Speaker 1: a minute, been married for seven years. I know how
Speaker 1: it is sometime soon when you have the small kids
Speaker 1: and you get into the monotony of life, and you
Speaker 1: come and you go, and things just get into a routine. Um,
Speaker 1: so that refocusing is very necessary. So I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: hopefully you and your wife are having these conversations if
Speaker 1: you're not trying to find a way to do it,
Speaker 1: because I don't feel like anybody, man or woman should
Speaker 1: be suffering in silence in a relationship. That's my that
Speaker 1: was my thing too. Like that's and that's been like
Speaker 1: the stigma about marriage for men for a long time,
Speaker 1: which is why women say all the time, why I'm
Speaker 1: men so afraid of marriage? The stigma is that when
Speaker 1: you get married, you have to suffer in silence for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. So your wife could be happy,
Speaker 1: happy wife, happy life. Who's going to sign up for
Speaker 1: that if that's the reality of marriage. Nobody? Because usually
Speaker 1: when when women say, oh my god, I'm getting married
Speaker 1: and engaged, women celebrating, they jump for joy and we
Speaker 1: high five each other and we work together. And then
Speaker 1: when men say it, it's just like a bro, damn,
Speaker 1: why why why did you do that? What youre But
Speaker 1: but it's because of all of those stigmas, and that's
Speaker 1: the idea that there's no accountability for wives, which I
Speaker 1: think is not true. The good women that I know
Speaker 1: who are good wives are accountable to themselves and they
Speaker 1: hold their husband's accountable, which means men have the same
Speaker 1: responsibility as women to constantly be of service. So for example,
Speaker 1: this this one that doesn't pertain to them because he
Speaker 1: clearly states that he does what he's supposed to do,
Speaker 1: he'll keep his peace. But there are some men who
Speaker 1: expect their wives to do all of these things, who
Speaker 1: don't continue to put coins in the bank throughout their marriage,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it's not like women
Speaker 1: are supposed to things and you, as a man, don't
Speaker 1: have to do anything together, Like this's a collective thing.
Speaker 1: And I think people need to understand that from both sides.
Speaker 1: So hopefully if you follow us, you realize that accountability
Speaker 1: is huge in this house. And I ain't one size.
Speaker 1: Accountability and service, and those are the two things that
Speaker 1: we talk about the most. So yes, and we've definitely
Speaker 1: seen start changes since we've been employing that. So and
Speaker 1: when I see he asked the question, he said, how
Speaker 1: do you free your mind? He said, yes, I work
Speaker 1: out and do other things like that. So well. Were
Speaker 1: since we're you know, we're dealing with the pregnancy thing.
Speaker 1: My my escapes are working out. Um, I watch a
Speaker 1: ton of movies, you know, I'm a we're studying. I
Speaker 1: want to be a great actor. I'm working on that.
Speaker 1: So I focus on myself a lot in order to see, okay,
Speaker 1: with this time and this energy, how can I be
Speaker 1: better as opposed to soaking about what I can't get,
Speaker 1: especially why you're pregnant, because there's nothing you can do
Speaker 1: in this moment downtime for you to kind of just
Speaker 1: reinvest in yourself. We invest in myself and focus on myself,
Speaker 1: like there's no day loss. Every day you wake up,
Speaker 1: you make a decision if you're going to be better
Speaker 1: or worst. Like you don't ever stay the same. If
Speaker 1: you do nothing, you get worse. If you work towards something,
Speaker 1: you get better. So I just make decisions to get better.
Speaker 1: Your vices can't become your escapes as a man. A
Speaker 1: lot of times that happens, and those vices can become alcohol,
Speaker 1: strip club, other women, um, even video games, things that
Speaker 1: take you away from your reality, because that's your way
Speaker 1: to just ignore what's wrong. You don't want to ignore
Speaker 1: what's wrong? What what you should really do as a man,
Speaker 1: and say, listen, baby, partner, I would like for us
Speaker 1: to move in this direction. I want us to move
Speaker 1: there collectively. I don't want to constantly have to separate
Speaker 1: myself to avoid from killing you. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: because that's ultimately what happened. So when you people become
Speaker 1: sociopaths and the psychotic, they're like, my wife is crazy,
Speaker 1: she won't do this, but I'm gonna be happy. So
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to be happy. I much
Speaker 1: just work out every single day, start drinking, and I'm
Speaker 1: start going this and before you know what, you like,
Speaker 1: what happened to this guy? And it's like he kept
Speaker 1: looking for his piece elsewhere when realistically he wanted his
Speaker 1: piece in his home and his wife. Or a piece
Speaker 1: can be internal, yes, his piece can be internally. He
Speaker 1: should always seek peace internally first, because you only accept
Speaker 1: peace from someone else if you found peace at first.
Speaker 1: But he seems like a real peaceful guy, like you
Speaker 1: know you do, trying to do the right thing. He says,
Speaker 1: he works out, He says, he understands that everything she
Speaker 1: does is right. Great mom, and he understands she's tired,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, you do want it's fair
Speaker 1: for him to say, well what about me too? Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: And if it was the other wing around, I can
Speaker 1: see that too, absolutely right, y'all. These are two really
Speaker 1: good letters. So if you're looking to be featured as
Speaker 1: one of our listening letters, y'all know what to do.
Speaker 1: Email us at dis advice at gmail dot com. That's
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. Knowing a truth time,
Speaker 1: So when it comes to changes, particularly physical changes and
Speaker 1: things like that, I've just kind of learned at this
Speaker 1: point that this is all temporary, or it can be
Speaker 1: temporary or it can be permanent, depending on the person.
Speaker 1: But for me, I feel like if you make this
Speaker 1: is this is a temporary situation for you where you
Speaker 1: know that you're going to be devoting your your time,
Speaker 1: your energy, your body, everything to a new life, just
Speaker 1: knowing that there's a way to then get back and
Speaker 1: for some people it's not as easy. For some people,
Speaker 1: you're not back to where you were pre baby, especially
Speaker 1: for like a first baby, and you have so many
Speaker 1: changes that happen, but knowing that it gets better over time.
Speaker 1: You know, it gets better over time. And I always say,
Speaker 1: if it didn't get better, than everybody would be single children,
Speaker 1: like nobody would have siblings and you know, such things
Speaker 1: as brothers and sisters if the trauma was that bad.
Speaker 1: And as a woman, particularly who does go through childbirth
Speaker 1: and labor and delivery in pregnancy, there has to be
Speaker 1: that investment or that reinvestment in yourself post baby, for sure,
Speaker 1: because you kind of owe it to yourself to get
Speaker 1: back to that so you can feel like yourself again.
Speaker 1: So many women say I lost myself after having a baby.
Speaker 1: I don't know who I am, or I'm just so
Speaker 1: devoted to my child that now I don't know who
Speaker 1: I am, or my spouse doesn't know who I am.
Speaker 1: And I think your spouse deserves to have who they
Speaker 1: fell in love with um or if it's your partner
Speaker 1: or whoever the person may be to you, they deserve
Speaker 1: to have the person who they fell in love with.
Speaker 1: And I think that when you have the support, it
Speaker 1: makes it that much easier to get back to who
Speaker 1: you were pre baby. So the changes are temporary. Better
Speaker 1: days are gonna come. We we definitely are in alignment.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say the same thing to speaking to
Speaker 1: all of the gentlemen who are going through this who
Speaker 1: have questions. You fell in love with that woman before
Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and that's how you want her. Right
Speaker 1: If you say that out loud, they'll tell you that
Speaker 1: you're shallow or you're selfish. But it's okay to want
Speaker 1: the person that you fell in love with, but at
Speaker 1: the same time you also have a responsibility to help
Speaker 1: her through that process get there. It's not enough for
Speaker 1: you to say, well, I want you to get back
Speaker 1: to the way you was and then you just sit
Speaker 1: back and be like, well, go ahead and do it.
Speaker 1: And that process doesn't start right after the baby. That
Speaker 1: process starts at conception. You know, the minute, the minute
Speaker 1: you speak life into into wanting a child. You gotta
Speaker 1: know at that point as a man, you have to
Speaker 1: help that woman through the first trimester, second trimester, third labor,
Speaker 1: and to get back process. And there's so many simple
Speaker 1: things you can do, especially just just walking with them.
Speaker 1: You know, a physical touch helps us a lot. Me
Speaker 1: rubbing your stomach, me giving you back, well, help your
Speaker 1: shoulders has helped you a lot with the physical changes.
Speaker 1: So gentlemen, if you want your wife back and you
Speaker 1: can tell that she wants to be where she was
Speaker 1: and then physical changes are jumping on her back is
Speaker 1: your responsibility to carry her in them changes. So now
Speaker 1: be careful with jumping on your back when you're Pregnan.
Speaker 1: Because I heard that you can get pregnant while you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: I forgot what the term it is, cold term for it. Yes,
Speaker 1: there's a term people have gotten pregnant while they're pregnant.
Speaker 1: Because I can't even imagine you being pregnant twice extent
Speaker 1: extended pregnancy. That would be insanity. So be sure to
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