1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,960
Speaker 1: The way you've changed from baby number one to baby

2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:08,200
Speaker 1: number four, it's been amazing. Oh well, thanks, babe. I

3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,960
Speaker 1: do feel like that's a set up though, because you

4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,119
Speaker 1: know how you do. Some succept it. Take it. I'll

5
00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,040
Speaker 1: take it, thank you. And I feel like it's safe

6
00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 1: to say that you've made very fair adjustments from pregnancy

7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:27,480
Speaker 1: want to fregnancy for and those are appreciated. Dead ass. Hey,

8
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,920
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and I'm and where the Ellises. You may

9
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:35,240
Speaker 1: know us from posting funny videos without boys and reading

10
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,839
Speaker 1: each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll

11
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:42,519
Speaker 1: make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more

12
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,040
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.

13
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,400
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

14
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,080
Speaker 1: the live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want

15
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,360
Speaker 1: to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.

16
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,600
Speaker 1: Then adds to the term that we say every day.

17
00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,520
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one,

18
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,880
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

19
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,640
Speaker 1: Were about to take pillows off to a whole new level.

20
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:16,280
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now, all right, karaoke times. If

21
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,080
Speaker 1: I was been trying to take over karaoke, and I

22
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,080
Speaker 1: know that y'all missed hearing me in my terror for me,

23
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,000
Speaker 1: so I said, you know what did out today? I

24
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:28,160
Speaker 1: got karaoke. You know, I'm starting to get a little

25
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,280
Speaker 1: nasal because you know, with the blood flow and the

26
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,120
Speaker 1: baby and stuff like that, I'm starting to sound a

27
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,959
Speaker 1: little like, you know, blaming my baby and there for

28
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,320
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. Let me tell you, Okay, breathing

29
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 1: is getting harder. But you know, can't you see what

30
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:47,280
Speaker 1: I think going through? Jamana be with you? Mican? Ain't Jamaican? Oh?

31
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:55,000
Speaker 1: I was giving Mary's Verse anyone to be with changes

32
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: I think going through because I want to baby with you? Baby,

33
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,480
Speaker 1: don't you not be with me? I love how us

34
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:09,800
Speaker 1: Jamaican love reggae beat on every song. I mean, it

35
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,160
Speaker 1: could be R and B, it could be Seal, it does,

36
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:17,000
Speaker 1: it does slash and whoever remixed that song to a

37
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,519
Speaker 1: reggae beat. We're talking changes, y'all. Changes. I thing going

38
00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,399
Speaker 1: through because I won't want to be with you. That's

39
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,520
Speaker 1: a great song, it is, and I appreciate the changes, baby, baby,

40
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,800
Speaker 1: that's talk about these changes now? Storytime, story time, I

41
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,680
Speaker 1: got a story teme, I didn't even tell. Okay, what

42
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,680
Speaker 1: story I'm gonna tell. It's funny because i'm looking it.

43
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 1: I'm just like, huh, I wonder what you're gonna come

44
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,840
Speaker 1: up with, because you told some other funny ones related

45
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:45,000
Speaker 1: to me and my changes. So this story in particular

46
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:50,480
Speaker 1: has everything to do with picture taking. Okay, okay, y'all

47
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,040
Speaker 1: know I love my wife. She's very beautiful. Y'all know,

48
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,160
Speaker 1: I know all her angles. Right, So we're taking pictures

49
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,600
Speaker 1: and I'm like down here doing my things. Snap snap,

50
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:03,720
Speaker 1: sneaky the snap snap. She's looking at the pictures. She's like, no, no.

51
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,640
Speaker 1: So I'm like, why what, Why do you keep saying no?

52
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,079
Speaker 1: She's like, just take it again and take it. She

53
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,359
Speaker 1: keep moving her arm around, moving the front, moving in

54
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 1: the bag, moving across the face. I'm like, clean, what

55
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,120
Speaker 1: the hell is wrong with you? Right? I was trying

56
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,280
Speaker 1: to get what it was supposed to give to the

57
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,480
Speaker 1: hold on. I said, what is wrong with you? She's

58
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,760
Speaker 1: like kind of like, none of them pictures. I'm like,

59
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,840
Speaker 1: why your face look flawless? She goes look at my

60
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:29,760
Speaker 1: under arms. She raises her under arms and she got

61
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,600
Speaker 1: like two testicles under each under arm my under arms

62
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,680
Speaker 1: look like ball sacks, y'all. I would show y'all with

63
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,280
Speaker 1: I had on a dcent, decent bra. And we come

64
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,320
Speaker 1: to find out that when you start to latate, your

65
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,440
Speaker 1: glands get swollen underneath the arm. You have lymph nodes

66
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,400
Speaker 1: and milk ducks that are under the arm pencil. For

67
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,760
Speaker 1: some women when their milks, if I comes in in

68
00:03:54,760 --> 00:04:01,560
Speaker 1: addition to milk, you get very swollen, very painful all pits.

69
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,160
Speaker 1: So the funny things when what made me laugh was

70
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:12,040
Speaker 1: when I go cann wasn't better look at my under arms. Look,

71
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:18,800
Speaker 1: it looks like it dies. It looks like screaming, and

72
00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,640
Speaker 1: I have and I'm trying to be serious and I'm

73
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,599
Speaker 1: trying to comfort her, but I have no other instinct

74
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,360
Speaker 1: but to laugh, because you know, I was telling the truth,

75
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,240
Speaker 1: and it's like and literally it was like one of

76
00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,479
Speaker 1: my arm pits like had a fold in it where

77
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,839
Speaker 1: it looked literally like a vagina, and then the other

78
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:40,359
Speaker 1: one looked like a baby ball sack. So she was

79
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,200
Speaker 1: just like, I got genital pits. I got general. I'm like,

80
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,280
Speaker 1: who calls their arm pits genital pits? Then she refused

81
00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,360
Speaker 1: to take any pictures and just walked away because even

82
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,640
Speaker 1: when my arms are down, it's like you can still

83
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,039
Speaker 1: see the protrusion. Very self conscious about my arm pits

84
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:58,039
Speaker 1: all hence why I'm wearing sweatshirts all season. In the money,

85
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,880
Speaker 1: turned the air up to I know, mem me turn

86
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,080
Speaker 1: she made me got the thermostat on Jamaica, the air

87
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,599
Speaker 1: back down. Pregnant women go through with their bodies and

88
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,599
Speaker 1: the changes you would laugh. It ain't for the weak

89
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,800
Speaker 1: it hut, No, it's not all right, So back to

90
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,200
Speaker 1: story time. That's one of the many things that we're

91
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,120
Speaker 1: talking about today is the changes that we go through

92
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,680
Speaker 1: as women and I feel like as men, because you

93
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,120
Speaker 1: guys have some changes that happened simultaneously as we go

94
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,279
Speaker 1: through the pregnancy change, I mean just changes and having

95
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,960
Speaker 1: to adjust not physical, but just changes and sometimes how

96
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,160
Speaker 1: you have to adjust how you even handle us with care,

97
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,120
Speaker 1: because that's very very important things. I feel like. So

98
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,839
Speaker 1: in the very top of the show, you said that

99
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 1: you know I've changed a lot from pregnancy one to four,

100
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,479
Speaker 1: and I feel like you have as well too. I

101
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,919
Speaker 1: think for me, when I think about your how you've changed,

102
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 1: is your level of understanding, your level of like foreseeing

103
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,040
Speaker 1: things before they happen, because you kind of know what

104
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,960
Speaker 1: it is, which I appreciate. The final one, the final one,

105
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:57,120
Speaker 1: y'all know how you started, how you finish? No overtime, overtime,

106
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,120
Speaker 1: no overtime. Can I say that to each no over time?

107
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,520
Speaker 1: I got it, I got it. I'm done too, I'm done.

108
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,520
Speaker 1: I think this jumper and go out like a chimp.

109
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,240
Speaker 1: No more ball sacks to be had over here. Whether

110
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,720
Speaker 1: it be my arm, armpits, or my uterus. That's it.

111
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,240
Speaker 1: That's it. Let me tell you when when um, this

112
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,720
Speaker 1: is just a moment of transparency. When we first got together,

113
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,800
Speaker 1: right and as a young man, you think about, you know,

114
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,760
Speaker 1: her body, how it's going to change through pregnancy. You know,

115
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,480
Speaker 1: when I first met you, I was just like, man,

116
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,040
Speaker 1: her body is just perfect. It's amazing. I wonder what

117
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,080
Speaker 1: the changes are going to be, you know, from having

118
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,719
Speaker 1: a child. And you hear certain things from certain people

119
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,159
Speaker 1: that like, oh, woman gets better after pregnancy, her hips spread,

120
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,280
Speaker 1: you know, she gains a little weight, Like it's good.

121
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that Some people is like, oh,

122
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,479
Speaker 1: my wife or my girl never bounced back. She gained

123
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,800
Speaker 1: seventy eight pounds and then she just you know, stayed

124
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,440
Speaker 1: that way. So my thought process was always how could

125
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,480
Speaker 1: I get you mentally to feel comfortable going through the

126
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,080
Speaker 1: changes your body is going to go through? You know

127
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,599
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because I could only imagine having to

128
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,040
Speaker 1: gain weight because you have no choice but to gain weight,

129
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,280
Speaker 1: and then having to lose it, only to gain weight

130
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,480
Speaker 1: again with another baby, just to lose it again, then

131
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 1: to gain weight again. So um, for me, it was

132
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,400
Speaker 1: just about like, what's the best way I can help codeem?

133
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,400
Speaker 1: And we we talked about some of the ways to

134
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,560
Speaker 1: help you through the changes. It's physical activity. And when

135
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,800
Speaker 1: we say physical activity, people think go to the gym,

136
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,200
Speaker 1: and no, the average person in America doesn't even walk

137
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,840
Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day. So as a pregnant woman, if

138
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,560
Speaker 1: you just walk twenty minutes every single day, you put

139
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,240
Speaker 1: yourself in better physical shape and the baby in shape,

140
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,600
Speaker 1: and also you put yourself in better mental shape. Yeah,

141
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,560
Speaker 1: that's one thing I didn't I didn't know that. I

142
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 1: thought at first, you were just trying to get on

143
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:46,679
Speaker 1: me because about statement, trying to get on physiology, kinesiology, study, study,

144
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,960
Speaker 1: psivity and literally he's always tryna it on me. So um,

145
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,040
Speaker 1: but no, that was something that I know I needed

146
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,280
Speaker 1: because I always feel better anyway when I move, you know. However,

147
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,840
Speaker 1: I'm at the point now where it's towards the end

148
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,480
Speaker 1: of the pregnancy, third tramps there, so walking in general

149
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,960
Speaker 1: it's just starting to get harder for me. And I

150
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,600
Speaker 1: don't know if it's because my body kind of knows,

151
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,360
Speaker 1: you know, it has a little bit of a memory

152
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,640
Speaker 1: about what has happened before. I don't think you should

153
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:24,440
Speaker 1: take aquick break. We'll be back, all right. So we're back.

154
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,800
Speaker 1: Let's walk people through the changes so that they know.

155
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,040
Speaker 1: For example, this is just one example. I remember I

156
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,040
Speaker 1: was better equipped with Cairo and Kas because we went

157
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:39,520
Speaker 1: through with Jackson. Your groin area and your hips got

158
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:42,320
Speaker 1: real tight and sore, and at the time we didn't

159
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,560
Speaker 1: know what it was what it was from, so we

160
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:50,320
Speaker 1: were she's just wildling, she's just pregnant. That we didn't

161
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,439
Speaker 1: do much exercising and preparation for that. Fast forward to

162
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,520
Speaker 1: Cairo and Kas when I started to study more about

163
00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:59,760
Speaker 1: different types of labor and a lower back labor and

164
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,040
Speaker 1: babies being breaching, stuff like that. We learned about inversions

165
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,040
Speaker 1: and learning how doing different stretches and holding a pregnant

166
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 1: woman upside down can ultimately relieve her of that pressure

167
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,800
Speaker 1: so she doesn't waddle as much, It doesn't have that

168
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,240
Speaker 1: feeling like she's gonna the baby's gonna drop right. Shout

169
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,320
Speaker 1: out to my midwife Takia, because because she was the

170
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,480
Speaker 1: one who really introduced us to those inversions, and those

171
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,880
Speaker 1: are things that we had to of course do very

172
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 1: safely because you know, it required Devout to literally like

173
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,440
Speaker 1: hold him, hold me on his feet, my entire body

174
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,440
Speaker 1: weight upside now. And so fellas, don't skip le day,

175
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,840
Speaker 1: don't y'all were ever debating about it. Don't do it

176
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,199
Speaker 1: so that way you will be able to assist your

177
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 1: significant other or the mother of your child to make

178
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,080
Speaker 1: sure that she can then do these little exercises, to

179
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,880
Speaker 1: be careful to do it safely. Yet to my sisters

180
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,200
Speaker 1: are doing versions. Remember she was a high and we

181
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,120
Speaker 1: did inversions. And what we've come to find out too.

182
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,120
Speaker 1: For example, we just had a friend recently that gave

183
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,319
Speaker 1: birth and ended up having to have a c section,

184
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,400
Speaker 1: but was in labor for three days. Come to find out,

185
00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 1: the baby's chin was like awkward against her, like her

186
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 1: pelvit cubit burn or something. Yeah. Yeah, so my midwife

187
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,800
Speaker 1: was just like man in that case, it would be

188
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 1: she probably would have been a prime candidate to maybe

189
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,560
Speaker 1: invert the baby or invert herself to then slide the

190
00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,079
Speaker 1: baby a little bit out of the pelvis area so

191
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,440
Speaker 1: she can readjust to be delivered naturally. So there's like

192
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,920
Speaker 1: so many things that you don't even really take into account,

193
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,480
Speaker 1: and sometimes you just being in that situation, being in

194
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,360
Speaker 1: the hospital, if it's your first baby, you really just

195
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 1: lean on, of course the advice of medical professionals and stuff.

196
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,360
Speaker 1: But there's some ways that we've learned over the course

197
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,439
Speaker 1: of these three pregnancies or fourth now, um, to just

198
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,760
Speaker 1: kind of alleviate some of those things that would probably

199
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 1: have me a lot more miserable on a day to

200
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,520
Speaker 1: day basis. That was that was the major change for

201
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,240
Speaker 1: me from your body. But what was like some of

202
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,680
Speaker 1: the minor change that you didn't expect other than the

203
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:51,360
Speaker 1: you know, of course the lat yes time around or

204
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,120
Speaker 1: just any of them that like we can tell the

205
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,880
Speaker 1: listeners like look out for this or if this happens. Well,

206
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,280
Speaker 1: I mean there's some common ones I feel like, um,

207
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,960
Speaker 1: you know, there's the emotional changes of course that happened,

208
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,000
Speaker 1: particularly in the first trimester. When you think about it,

209
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,880
Speaker 1: there's you know, feeling the excitement and the positivity and

210
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,000
Speaker 1: and you know you're happy, your joy full, You're feeling

211
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,800
Speaker 1: you know, excited, and then you also have those where

212
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,559
Speaker 1: you're just maybe some people are in disbelief, some people

213
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:20,080
Speaker 1: are anxious, worried, you know, into tearfulness. It really depends

214
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,280
Speaker 1: on I think where you are in your life. Was

215
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,280
Speaker 1: just something that was planned? Was it not planned? You know?

216
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,080
Speaker 1: Have you been trying for a long time? Have you not?

217
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,680
Speaker 1: So for me, I think I had to deal with

218
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,080
Speaker 1: in the very beginning, particularly this last pregnancy, is dealing

219
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 1: with the idea and the feeling of being excited and happy,

220
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,000
Speaker 1: but also to like, oh, I know what's coming with

221
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,680
Speaker 1: morning sickness and feeling super super upset that I was

222
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,400
Speaker 1: putting myself through this again. In a way, That's why

223
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,600
Speaker 1: I had said on a previous podcast this season that

224
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,120
Speaker 1: you know, being able to kind of exist in that

225
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,400
Speaker 1: dual space of being excited but also still feeling like

226
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,640
Speaker 1: I want a bitch and moan about my position right now,

227
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,839
Speaker 1: I feel like it should be accepted and it should

228
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,640
Speaker 1: be welcome because it is a thing where you're gonna

229
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,720
Speaker 1: have days where you feel great and days where you don't,

230
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,679
Speaker 1: you know. So that's one of the biggest changes that

231
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,880
Speaker 1: I think happens, particularly early through each pregnancy, is the

232
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,880
Speaker 1: emotional roller culture that you're on, and then not to mention,

233
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,760
Speaker 1: you know, the physical things, you know, the vomiting, the nausea,

234
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,600
Speaker 1: the weight gain, that moment when you feel like, Okay,

235
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,760
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. Other people may not know I'm pregnant, but

236
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,800
Speaker 1: I just have this like bloated feeling where it doesn't

237
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,319
Speaker 1: quite look like a baby yet and my stomach is

238
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,040
Speaker 1: its shaped like a bump, but there's definitely something going

239
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,680
Speaker 1: on there and it's been going on for the past

240
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,600
Speaker 1: twelve weeks. That's also something that mentally, sometimes you're just like, damn, like,

241
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 1: you know, let me at least get a little bump

242
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,480
Speaker 1: so people can know I'm pregnant and I didn't just

243
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,760
Speaker 1: gain a bunch of weight. Because people also are very

244
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,080
Speaker 1: insensitive as well too. It's like you post a picture

245
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,840
Speaker 1: and you have a little, you know, a little food

246
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,679
Speaker 1: baby or something, and they feel like, oh my god,

247
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,000
Speaker 1: she's pregnant, and you get all the pregnancy speculations in

248
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:53,560
Speaker 1: your comments or something like that, you know, interest, especially

249
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,200
Speaker 1: when we've talked about pregnancy so much, like we have

250
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,120
Speaker 1: to be fair to some of the people who support us.

251
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,640
Speaker 1: I've talked so much about wanting a child, that one,

252
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,480
Speaker 1: and another one and another child, that they always just

253
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,720
Speaker 1: expecting for an announcement, so they're like looking for it,

254
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,000
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying that, like, let me see

255
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,240
Speaker 1: if And plus you're always in shape, so it's like

256
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,680
Speaker 1: if you're always in shaping and they see you and

257
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,800
Speaker 1: you look a little out of shape, they're wondering almost

258
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,320
Speaker 1: you know, kind of excite, excited for us, you know.

259
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,440
Speaker 1: But I think people do need to realize the the

260
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,120
Speaker 1: emotional distress it can cause a woman if they're not

261
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:29,320
Speaker 1: pregnant early in the pregnancy and hoping that everything makes

262
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,480
Speaker 1: it so you can get to the second trimester. But

263
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,520
Speaker 1: in particular, I was talking about the physical changes you

264
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,320
Speaker 1: as a woman have had to deal with that because

265
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,320
Speaker 1: there's a lot of times I catch you looking in

266
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,840
Speaker 1: the mirror and you just be naked, and then I'm

267
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,760
Speaker 1: just looking at you and watch, yeah, do we watch

268
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:50,080
Speaker 1: you all the time? I hear you go, I'm like,

269
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,840
Speaker 1: what's the man? And you just say nothing, nothing, nothing,

270
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,200
Speaker 1: I'm like just talking. It was the matter, you'd be like,

271
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 1: my nipples dark. I'm just like and then you've been

272
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,800
Speaker 1: like looking got look at a little bumps and it's

273
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 1: like Bill, like my nipples just like bro like talk

274
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,280
Speaker 1: about some of the changes in your body that women

275
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,840
Speaker 1: can see. But they go back to normal because I

276
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,600
Speaker 1: know women get afraid, like, my body is never gonna

277
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,320
Speaker 1: be like it. Well, that's the one thing. The areola

278
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,439
Speaker 1: and the nipple area, they do get very dark and

279
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,800
Speaker 1: they get bigger. So what I've heard is that that

280
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 1: particular area darkens because babies who are newborns they only

281
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,320
Speaker 1: see in black and white, in the very very bass

282
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,680
Speaker 1: what they see. You were gonna say that out here

283
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 1: lying We pulled a thousand newborns and here's what they

284
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 1: had to say. I need to see dark round nipples.

285
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,280
Speaker 1: If the nipples ain't dark brown, I don't know where

286
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,160
Speaker 1: to eat. You know what I'm saying, Do tell my

287
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,080
Speaker 1: mom to get a nipples? That's it exactly. And then

288
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 1: it's just ones that are like for people who are

289
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,000
Speaker 1: a fairer complexion, do they get that dark? I don't know.

290
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,640
Speaker 1: I've never asked a bunch of women. Hey, can you

291
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:51,360
Speaker 1: show me like you're you're nursing kitties. But with with me,

292
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,800
Speaker 1: I know, they get particularly darker. And then I was

293
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,280
Speaker 1: happy to see that they actually do return, you know,

294
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 1: the gentleman. The nipples will be back to how they'll

295
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,200
Speaker 1: be back. They'll be tougher than ever. Let me tell you,

296
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,960
Speaker 1: after having kids, sucking on them and then pumping and

297
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,920
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. I mean, your nipples developed a

298
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 1: durability that you never thought they'd durable nipples during pregnancy.

299
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 1: You see, you get better with time later, durable nipples.

300
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 1: And it's funny too because even like the sensation of it.

301
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,480
Speaker 1: Sometimes like you'll come over and you'll be wanting to

302
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 1: like just like brush up on them, where typically I

303
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,240
Speaker 1: might like that and I'd be like, touch me. Change.

304
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,320
Speaker 1: That's a very important change. Her nipples used to be

305
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 1: a very erotic place for her, but after the babies

306
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,720
Speaker 1: and even during pregnancy pregnancy, they are not that spot.

307
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,320
Speaker 1: But after about two years because once you know, cats

308
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,160
Speaker 1: got a little older than it was just like that,

309
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,440
Speaker 1: that's when you said to come out a lot like

310
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 1: you real my titties, and I'm like, well, for the

311
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 1: past three years, you be telling it's one of us.

312
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,240
Speaker 1: Like you know that the red Light green Light game

313
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,520
Speaker 1: that you play as kids when you're just like running

314
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 1: and you stopped running stop. I can imagine how confused

315
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 1: he is sometimes because I just depends on the day.

316
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 1: They really just depends on the day. No, But this

317
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,760
Speaker 1: is why these conversations are important, because a lot of

318
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,240
Speaker 1: dudes to be like, yo, my girl's crazy, and I'll

319
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 1: be like, no, she's not crazy. Girls pregnant like and

320
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,520
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie after them. With Jackson, I would

321
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,600
Speaker 1: have no clue. So I was just like that. I

322
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,680
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what's wrong with code. She

323
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: owned something. I think she's working too much. And you

324
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 1: we also have the whole thing with my parents. Both

325
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 1: of them worked. My mom worked the full time while

326
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, and your mom worked full time pregnant.

327
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,520
Speaker 1: So in this day and age, like, for example, you

328
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,760
Speaker 1: see on me all the time, but I had to

329
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,240
Speaker 1: do this, had to do that. And my response used

330
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,800
Speaker 1: to be like, well, my mom worked a full time

331
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,120
Speaker 1: job and had two kids and still did everything. And

332
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 1: you don't realize as a young man how insensitive that

333
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,840
Speaker 1: can be. As a woman is going through changes absolutely,

334
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,360
Speaker 1: but we didn't. We didn't know. I can't expect. I

335
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 1: don't care what your mother dad. I don't care what

336
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,080
Speaker 1: my mother did. This is what I'm going through. Didn't

337
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,640
Speaker 1: talk about that, but they did do it. Shout out

338
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 1: to her mom's that yes, birth is all naturally breast

339
00:16:55,680 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 1: fed us all, and yes that was like that hard um.

340
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,520
Speaker 1: But there's other changes. I mean, of course, stretch marks

341
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,280
Speaker 1: are a big thing. You know, people will sometimes see

342
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,600
Speaker 1: on Instagram and I'll post, you know, a video or whatever.

343
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,679
Speaker 1: They're like, what is getting to do to keep her stomach,

344
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 1: you know, stretch mark free. I do have stretch marks actually, um,

345
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,040
Speaker 1: it's just the position of where they are. And then

346
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,240
Speaker 1: Devout will always you know, I'll hand them the cocoa

347
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,440
Speaker 1: butter or the shade butter. I'll get some of the

348
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 1: raw stuff, um vitam and eat oil and just I

349
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,639
Speaker 1: like to keep my stomach um, just really massage and

350
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,919
Speaker 1: stuff because as you get bigger, two in the skin stretches,

351
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 1: you start to get a little itchy, and those are

352
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,640
Speaker 1: areas that you know might be prone to stretch marks.

353
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 1: And I've heard some of it is genetic too, because

354
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 1: my mom, bless her heart has not one stretch mark

355
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 1: after three children, not one. Well, I mean stretch marks

356
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 1: because you see you see women who just gains weight

357
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:45,200
Speaker 1: and get exactly I had stre happen when you get

358
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 1: some cake. I take pride in knowing that she doesn't

359
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,240
Speaker 1: want to have stretch marks. So rubbing the belly and

360
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,679
Speaker 1: always making sure is lifted like, that's part of what

361
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,679
Speaker 1: I feel like, it's part of my job. I'll ask like,

362
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,040
Speaker 1: when's the last time you mortized? When the last time

363
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 1: you rub your belly? Do you need to rub down?

364
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: I I do that in part because one, I know

365
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 1: why she goes through the changes. She still needs me

366
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 1: to be present. But number two, it's like, if you

367
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 1: admire your woman's body, and you admire admire it looking

368
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,119
Speaker 1: a certain way, I think it's responsible for you to

369
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,640
Speaker 1: take ownership of how you're gonna help her stay that way.

370
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,719
Speaker 1: You know. I tell K all the time that I

371
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 1: feel like it's my responsibility just as much as I'm

372
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,960
Speaker 1: on myself about looking good. If I want to keep

373
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,439
Speaker 1: a six pack and look good and I want my

374
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 1: wife to look good, I have to be just as

375
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 1: responsible with being on her about it. You know, I'm

376
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 1: saying it's not enough to just be like, well, that's

377
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 1: her responsibility, let her do it, let's do it together.

378
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm the support is definitely welcomed, and sometimes it's it's annoying.

379
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 1: It's a lot of times annoying. But do I care?

380
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,200
Speaker 1: But do I care? I do care? And do I

381
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:55,400
Speaker 1: do I care if it's annoying. No, there's another thing, gentlemen,

382
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 1: that that young person in there. You have just as

383
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 1: much right to that young person in as she does.

384
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,119
Speaker 1: And if you know something that's better for her and

385
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: it's gonna help her, you put your foot down and

386
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,400
Speaker 1: stick to your guns and make sure she gets it done.

387
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,919
Speaker 1: When we were before she was pregnant, when it came

388
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 1: to training, I'll be like, yo, we need to go

389
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: work out. You need to hit them squats, the dead lives,

390
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,159
Speaker 1: the sprints, this this and that. But now it's not

391
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 1: about aesthetics. It's about being healthy. So I'm like, then,

392
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 1: did you get on the bike today for twenty minutes?

393
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 1: Did you walk? And You'll get an attitude and my

394
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 1: face will not change and I'd be like, you can

395
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,119
Speaker 1: be mad or you want, but that's our child. And

396
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: if we're both supposed to be responsible, I have to

397
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 1: hold you accountable for what you need to do for

398
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 1: that child in there. So it's okay for you to

399
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,640
Speaker 1: put your foot down. Of course, do it with Karen Love,

400
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 1: but as her body goes through changes, make it a

401
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 1: part of your life to be like, yo, if my

402
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: wife didn't work, we're gonna walk together. We're gonna go outside.

403
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 1: There's many Yeah, there's many times too where I'm just like, man,

404
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: it's like, don't so don't want to walk on the treadmill. Y,

405
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 1: I'm used to like to a sprints in the treadmills

406
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 1: are more fun for me. So he'll be like, let's

407
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 1: go outside. The sun's going down the outside walk where

408
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,600
Speaker 1: the kids will be outside sprinting, and they're like, mom,

409
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 1: let's go, and they literally a family thing. So it's

410
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 1: more fun when it when it happenstance. But I do

411
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,680
Speaker 1: appreciate you saying, and I think it's very true that

412
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 1: you do have every right to be concerned about how

413
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: I am carrying your child and showing that support is

414
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: definitely something. I don't feel like I'm being badgered, but

415
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,880
Speaker 1: I do feel like it's it's a concern that's warranted,

416
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 1: and you know why, even on the get back to

417
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 1: after I have this baby too, because because if you

418
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 1: say that's what you want, if that's what you want,

419
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on you. But I'm saying I want this.

420
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 1: I'm gonna help you get this. But the most important

421
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 1: thing for me with keeping Condinne active was labor because

422
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 1: the changes in a woman's body through pregnancy lets you

423
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: know labor is getting more near. The closer we got

424
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 1: to the end, Codeine's hips started to get a little

425
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: bit more loose because the hips get lubricated as you're

426
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: ready for labor. So as she's walking, she's feeling a

427
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 1: little bit more soreness, and that happens in all the joints.

428
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 1: So you have to be cognizant as as a father

429
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: to say, this is what my wife is going through.

430
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 1: I know her body, I know what's gonna happen, you know,

431
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,399
Speaker 1: So you have to be prepared when you you stretch

432
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: your out. Not only do we do the inversions, but

433
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 1: we do manual stretches. I can feel like, Okay, she's

434
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: a little bit more flexible this week. That means that

435
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 1: body is really getting ready to open up for that

436
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 1: baby to come out. And I want the labor to

437
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 1: go as smoothly as possible, because the Black maternal mortality

438
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,719
Speaker 1: rate in this country is higher three to one than

439
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: any other race. I think it's higher three to one

440
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: in any other race. And we're only fifteen percent of

441
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: the population, which makes Black women die at a higher rate.

442
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 1: And a lot of that has to do one with

443
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,200
Speaker 1: poor health care. Poor health care in this country for

444
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 1: Black American accessibility, but also what we eat and how

445
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 1: active we are. Right and I was thinking about even

446
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: just things that you're predisposed to just face on, genetics

447
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 1: and things like that. So me knowing that high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertens,

448
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: like all these things run in my family, you know,

449
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: So how can I, even just outside of pregnancy, try

450
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: to negate some of those things ahead of time, because

451
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 1: you're normally during pregnancy is when you'll see if you

452
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 1: have any underlying issues, they'll start to kind of rear

453
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: their ugly heads. Like this morning, I just did a

454
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 1: my glucost tests. You know, you know, you have to

455
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,640
Speaker 1: fast and then you drink this not so nice solution.

456
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: You wait for an hour, then they draw your blood

457
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: and then you get the result back to let you

458
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: know how your sugar levels are, but most women find

459
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: out at that point they could be pre pre diabetic.

460
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,399
Speaker 1: They could um have an onset of diabetes in the future,

461
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: or something that's kind of active in the body that

462
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: that hasn't shown up yet. So that being said, I

463
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 1: think it's just of important tens to always make sure

464
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 1: that as your body is going through these changes, you

465
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 1: try to keep up with it, because again, labor two

466
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 1: in itself, it's actually that it's labor like your body

467
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,160
Speaker 1: is going through work and um. I had a moment

468
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: the other day with Devout where I was just like,

469
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: oh my God, Like I have moments, actually several moments

470
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: like this. I don't tell them about everyone, but I

471
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 1: do have moments where I'm just like, okay, great, I'm pregnant,

472
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,359
Speaker 1: and I'm just like wow, I look at my stomach

473
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: and I feel this little person moving around, Like this

474
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: particular baby is like super super active. My my nickname

475
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 1: for him is kung Fu Panda because he's in there

476
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 1: like old day every day, just moving repressively, like moving

477
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: like really really strong. So I just thought about it

478
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: and I'm like, bro, there's no other way for you

479
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: to get out of here than like like there, and

480
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,919
Speaker 1: I'm just like, then I started to get flashbacks of

481
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 1: like labor pain and all that, and I'm like, oh god,

482
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 1: I have to be ready for it. So I think

483
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: the more active I stay, the shorter my labors have

484
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: been historically over time. So I'm anticipating that he might

485
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 1: just push the eject but by himself and be like,

486
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: hey guys, I'm here. They say, by the time you

487
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 1: get to your third fourth child, it's easier and easier

488
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: and easier, especially since your body for a smooth homebirth

489
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: to definitely praying for complications, but I just I want

490
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: to I just want to continue to punch. How I

491
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,920
Speaker 1: point it is for spouses to be there with their

492
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: their wife going through it, like as these changes happen,

493
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 1: all the emotional changes, it's going to be aggravating. Like

494
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 1: don't don't expect everything to be smooth sailing. We're like,

495
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: we're not telling you these things. Like I say, k

496
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: let's go work out, and she's just like, you know what, honey,

497
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: we're gonna work out together. She'd be like, it'd be arguments,

498
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: it'd be debates. Tell me, when's the last time you

499
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: were pregny, when's the last time you had a body

500
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: growing it. When's the last time you made some bones?

501
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: And I just look, I look at her like this,

502
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: and I'm like, so you're gonna get your sneakers because

503
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: what I'm not gonna do is just argue. I'm just

504
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: gonna let her know what needs to be done, and

505
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: that's okay. And the fact that you'll arguing stuff while pregnant,

506
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 1: that's okay too, because that's gonna happen. So you know,

507
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: I feel like people just need to understand, like the

508
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 1: pregnancy thing is not gonna be easy with all the changes,

509
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: is a different level of adversity. And as long as

510
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 1: you vocalize what you need from each other and continue

511
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 1: to work together, this baby is gonna come. Come quickly,

512
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: come safely. Agreed. Good stuff, bro, good stuff. I don't know.

513
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 1: You keep forgetting, sorry, forget something else that we experienced

514
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: when you talk about changes. Let me tell you I

515
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,120
Speaker 1: forget our handshake all of time. But changes. Baby brain

516
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: is a real thing. So if somebody tells you they

517
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 1: forget when they're on seconds, there's a such thing as

518
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 1: baby brain, and it takes a while to get back.

519
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 1: And I think it must be like a kid brain thing. Too,

520
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: because as you have more kids, you just tend to

521
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: forget more ship. Or is that you have more ship

522
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: on your plates? So you just keep you want Never

523
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: forget that are you coming from my name? Never forget

524
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: that he's coming coming from my name called random amnesia,

525
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,239
Speaker 1: He's coming from my neck y'all. You know what, let

526
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: me let this guy take a break real quick because

527
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: he's about to set me off. You don't want to

528
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: do that? All right, Let's go take a break speaking

529
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 1: and spending money. Let's go get these ads in, yes please,

530
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: all that, all that stuff, and then we'll be back.

531
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: All right, we're back for Codeen's favorite part of the show.

532
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: I think they know that by now, yes they do.

533
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: Let's see what we got going on here today. Should

534
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 1: I read the first one? Or you want to go?

535
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: Baby's up to you? Where do you want to thanks?

536
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: I'll take it away? Then you want to do still

537
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: bringing true to this day? All right? I'm t was

538
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 1: a good age. I'm and I've been married to that part,

539
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,239
Speaker 1: and I've been married to my husband for almost three

540
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: years now. My husband is a few years older than me.

541
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: Most girls my age might not want a man, Oh

542
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 1: my sorry, I might want a man who's going to

543
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: spoil them with materialistic things. But for me working two jobs,

544
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: I'm okay with getting spoiled with non materialistic things like

545
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: coming home to a clean house or a massage from

546
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 1: time to time. Getting those things from my husband is

547
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: literally like pulling ears or is it pulling teeth? Yeah,

548
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: that's true. Um, he doesn't understand that supporting me can

549
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: sometimes mean him helping me with keeping up with the

550
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: house or doing things that require more than hitting send

551
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: on cash app. I've been really turned off by the

552
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: whole dynamic in our marriage. I have no one to

553
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: turn to. Whoever I bring it up to makes it

554
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: seems like me wanting my husband to contribute to the household,

555
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 1: chores and things is not what a wife should be

556
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: asking of her husband. Truth is, I'm always tired. I

557
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: have a lot on my shoulders and no one gets it.

558
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: With that being said, how do you guys do it?

559
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 1: Do you want to answer? Because you I mean, I'm

560
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 1: okay with a cash app from time to time, me

561
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: theven mo me sell me. But I know I do

562
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 1: understand like that. Sometimes it's a lot, especially when it

563
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: comes to maintaining the household and Um, that's not your

564
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: love language. This like we've spoken about love languages in

565
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: the past, and maybe he's not fully aware of what

566
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: your love language is. It will save him a lot

567
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: of money in the long run. But I think it's

568
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: also the thoughtfulness that it's taken out of the situation

569
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 1: because it's easier to hit send on a cash app

570
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: than it is to actually do Manu labor in the house.

571
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 1: What would suggest, what I would suggest is take that

572
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: money he cash you aft you says, and get you help,

573
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 1: Get you a housekeeper, get you get you, get you

574
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 1: a made, get you a chef, get you a massuse

575
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you need, Like you know what,

576
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 1: since you can't seem to understand that this is something

577
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: that I need and want um and you may not

578
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: want to actually do it, and it's easier for you

579
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 1: to just send the cash app, use the cash up

580
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: and find you some help. I feel like at this

581
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: point in time, Deval and I have come to We

582
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: were just talking about this on the car line picking

583
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 1: up Jackson from school the other day, and we are

584
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: at a point in our life now where if there's

585
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: certain tasks that we can outsource for to make time

586
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: for each other, to make time for our children, to

587
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: make time for just downtime ourselves. If it makes the

588
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: workload that much easier and it's feasible and it's affordable

589
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: for us, why not get that help so that way

590
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: you have time on the back end to do the

591
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: things you really want to do or the things that

592
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: you need to do or at those self care moments.

593
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: Why not you said everything? Did I agree? No? I

594
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: really disagree. I feel like if you're both working, because

595
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: it didn't say that he's at home and he doesn't work.

596
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: She says that he works and he buys her gifts

597
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: as a way to show his love. It seems as

598
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: if they both work enough with you can afford to

599
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: get have someone help you outsource some task that you

600
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: don't want to do at home. It's wrong with that.

601
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: I think the idea of traditional gender roles has it's gone,

602
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: like it's just gone. And like both men and women work.

603
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 1: So if both men and women work, you can't just

604
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: say to a woman, you gotta be at home and cook,

605
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: or you can't say to a man, well, now you

606
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: say she's working, you that he works too. If both

607
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: of y'all work, and you'll have extra funds, hire a

608
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 1: cleaning lady, order some food, hire a chef, like, there's

609
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. And I mean, I don't want

610
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: to sound like an elitist because you know, people say, well,

611
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: when you have money, you can do things like that.

612
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: But the truth in the matter is no one is

613
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: relegated to role responsibilities in the marriage. If you both work,

614
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: whatever you can do, whether you're gonna pay the out

615
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: so with it or you're going to alternate back and

616
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: forth to get it done, just do it so you'll

617
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: have more time to spend together. And I mean she

618
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: did say he's working, she's working two jobs, so he's

619
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: cash having her money. So it's not like they're trying

620
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: to like pull this money from, you know, a budget

621
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: that they didn't want. They don't tell you, you know,

622
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: if this extra money where She's just like, man, but

623
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want something materialistic right now. I just

624
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: need some help then for the help. That's why I

625
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: don't really have much to say, because that really makes

626
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: the most sense as opposed to arguing about who's going

627
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: to do it all right, fanantics of it all, it's

628
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: just not even worth it. I have a friend who

629
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: said that she wanted to hire a cleaning lady one time.

630
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 1: It still when it come like once a month to

631
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: be like a deep clean she could maintain throughout the month,

632
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: but her husband was not comfortable with someone else being

633
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: in the house. So, I mean, like anything, I feel

634
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: like it's the same thing with us. We kind of

635
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: vet somebody. You're in the house while they're cleaning, you know,

636
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: a couple of times until you develop a relationship with

637
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: the person. Um. So people are just very personal and

638
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: they don't want people in their space, which I get

639
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 1: to see if you can find something that works for you, guys,

640
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 1: and I think that will be probably end up a

641
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: lot of this a lot of the issues here because

642
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: that's what we do. If it's something that we can

643
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: get help with, we're not afraid to ask. Ye. If

644
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: finances are not an issue, hire someone, yeah, outsourced to help.

645
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. It doesn't have to be a chef every night.

646
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: It could be Yeah, were you just tired? Like you

647
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: just tired? So I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing this.

648
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 1: What do you want we do that? Either? We order

649
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: fool like nobody feel like breakfast for dinner. It's the

650
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: easiest thing sometimes I'm like, you know, let me go

651
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: make some waffles real quick, cold of today. Good luck

652
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 1: to y'all. All right, Number two, my wife and I

653
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: have been together since two thousand and five and we're

654
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: both from a small Mississippi town. We are a military

655
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: family who lives in Alaska, and as you can guess,

656
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: no friends. Despite what people may think, being military doesn't

657
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: mean you have tons of friends and family. Not to mention,

658
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 1: it's COVID outside right. We've been married for seven years now.

659
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 1: We been together basically our whole life. I just got

660
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: finished watching your episode on monogamy expectations, and bro, you

661
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: have no idea how much my life mar is yours

662
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 1: aside from a football career, but alpha male speaking hope

663
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 1: that makes sense. The thing is, I'll go without intimacy

664
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: of any kind for peace. U for my wife to

665
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: be happy, I'll suffer in peace. I understand that we

666
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 1: have two small kids, ages three and seven. I get it.

667
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: She's tired, she works, she's a great mom. She does

668
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: everything right in my eyes, and that's in great mom.

669
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 1: She's everything right in my eyes. I thought, I almost

670
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: although I almost agree with everything. Let's be honest, she's

671
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: going to be right at the end of the day anyway.

672
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: So yeah, I give in and agree with everything, just

673
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: to keep the peace. My point is, behind closed doors,

674
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: when there's no kids, when you're all alone and it's

675
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: only you thinking of yourself in your head, what is

676
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: your mental like to confrustration? How do you free your mind? Yes,

677
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: I work out, I have other things I can do

678
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 1: to stay busy, But how do you mentally decompress and

679
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: go into a state of instant reboot when you know

680
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: you're right a lot of the times, and you know

681
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: you're a good dad, a husband. Well he was talking

682
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: right to you, right to you. This guy wants, well,

683
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 1: here's this is this the thing? First of all, I'm

684
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: going to just apply this to pregnancy, right when when

685
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: you and when you're pregnant, you just don't want to

686
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: upset your wife spiritually or emotionally. So I spent a

687
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: lot of time just yessing and then screaming into a

688
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: pillow or just like breathing heavily on my own just

689
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: you're getting a drink, just to avoid debating or arguing,

690
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: so that you don't feel bad, because just two lives

691
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 1: that stay here. But that's just a pregnancy. But that's

692
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: just a pregnancy game. It's like, but when she's not pregnant, Okay,

693
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: you have every right to demand what you want and

694
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: what you need in life, just like a woman has

695
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: every right. They always say happy wife, happy life, and

696
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: men are supposed to just bow down and say yes

697
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: to whatever their wife wants. No fucking way. It is

698
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: a two way street. Men are entitled to get the

699
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 1: piece they want to deserve out of life, just like

700
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: women are. There's as much as when my wife is

701
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: pregnant and I try to make sure she's happy, I

702
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: expect the same from her if we're in this together.

703
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: We did a whole podcast about serving your partner when

704
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: you choose to get married. You don't get married for

705
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: what you can gain. You get married for what you

706
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 1: can give to someone else. You choose that this person

707
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: I want to be of service too. That's not A

708
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: husband is supposed to be a service to their wife

709
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: all the time thing, and a wife is supposed to

710
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 1: be of service in him all the time. And the

711
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: other one will have to do nothing. No, you both

712
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: have to so what you should constantly do. And it's

713
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: not an easy thing. Because this took us years to

714
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: figure out is learn how to communicate your needs and

715
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,479
Speaker 1: your wants, and hopefully your wife will prove over time

716
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 1: that she's in this marriage to be as of service

717
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 1: as you clearly sound like you are to her. He

718
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: sounds like, sounds like a very this is a very

719
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: positive you know, note that he's sending here. And I

720
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: think that sometimes, you know, that's why I was needing

721
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: to get our foot on our neck every now and again,

722
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, not in the but not

723
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 1: in the physical sense. But yeah, sometimes we need that

724
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: that pressure, that discussion to be had, that uncomfortable conversation,

725
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 1: that moment to be like, man, I'm dropping the ball,

726
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: or that moment to be like damn, like I'm not

727
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: holding up to my end of the bargain, or there's

728
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 1: a deficit. You know, I'm not quite adequate right now.

729
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 1: And I think we need that. So that's something like

730
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 1: like you said, we've had to just kind of work

731
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 1: on over time. Um. I think it comes with maturity

732
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 1: as well too. It seems like they've been married for

733
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: what does he say, together? So they've been together for

734
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 1: a minute, been married for seven years. I know how

735
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: it is sometime soon when you have the small kids

736
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 1: and you get into the monotony of life, and you

737
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: come and you go, and things just get into a routine. Um,

738
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: so that refocusing is very necessary. So I think, yeah,

739
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: hopefully you and your wife are having these conversations if

740
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: you're not trying to find a way to do it,

741
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 1: because I don't feel like anybody, man or woman should

742
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: be suffering in silence in a relationship. That's my that

743
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: was my thing too. Like that's and that's been like

744
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: the stigma about marriage for men for a long time,

745
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: which is why women say all the time, why I'm

746
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: men so afraid of marriage? The stigma is that when

747
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 1: you get married, you have to suffer in silence for

748
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. So your wife could be happy,

749
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 1: happy wife, happy life. Who's going to sign up for

750
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: that if that's the reality of marriage. Nobody? Because usually

751
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: when when women say, oh my god, I'm getting married

752
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: and engaged, women celebrating, they jump for joy and we

753
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: high five each other and we work together. And then

754
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 1: when men say it, it's just like a bro, damn,

755
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 1: why why why did you do that? What youre But

756
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 1: but it's because of all of those stigmas, and that's

757
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: the idea that there's no accountability for wives, which I

758
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: think is not true. The good women that I know

759
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: who are good wives are accountable to themselves and they

760
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: hold their husband's accountable, which means men have the same

761
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: responsibility as women to constantly be of service. So for example,

762
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: this this one that doesn't pertain to them because he

763
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 1: clearly states that he does what he's supposed to do,

764
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: he'll keep his peace. But there are some men who

765
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 1: expect their wives to do all of these things, who

766
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: don't continue to put coins in the bank throughout their marriage,

767
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it's not like women

768
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: are supposed to things and you, as a man, don't

769
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: have to do anything together, Like this's a collective thing.

770
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: And I think people need to understand that from both sides.

771
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 1: So hopefully if you follow us, you realize that accountability

772
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 1: is huge in this house. And I ain't one size.

773
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 1: Accountability and service, and those are the two things that

774
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: we talk about the most. So yes, and we've definitely

775
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 1: seen start changes since we've been employing that. So and

776
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: when I see he asked the question, he said, how

777
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 1: do you free your mind? He said, yes, I work

778
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: out and do other things like that. So well. Were

779
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: since we're you know, we're dealing with the pregnancy thing.

780
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: My my escapes are working out. Um, I watch a

781
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: ton of movies, you know, I'm a we're studying. I

782
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 1: want to be a great actor. I'm working on that.

783
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: So I focus on myself a lot in order to see, okay,

784
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: with this time and this energy, how can I be

785
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: better as opposed to soaking about what I can't get,

786
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 1: especially why you're pregnant, because there's nothing you can do

787
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: in this moment downtime for you to kind of just

788
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: reinvest in yourself. We invest in myself and focus on myself,

789
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: like there's no day loss. Every day you wake up,

790
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 1: you make a decision if you're going to be better

791
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: or worst. Like you don't ever stay the same. If

792
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 1: you do nothing, you get worse. If you work towards something,

793
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: you get better. So I just make decisions to get better.

794
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: Your vices can't become your escapes as a man. A

795
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: lot of times that happens, and those vices can become alcohol,

796
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: strip club, other women, um, even video games, things that

797
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: take you away from your reality, because that's your way

798
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: to just ignore what's wrong. You don't want to ignore

799
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 1: what's wrong? What what you should really do as a man,

800
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: and say, listen, baby, partner, I would like for us

801
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 1: to move in this direction. I want us to move

802
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,280
Speaker 1: there collectively. I don't want to constantly have to separate

803
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:37,399
Speaker 1: myself to avoid from killing you. You know what I'm saying,

804
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,799
Speaker 1: because that's ultimately what happened. So when you people become

805
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: sociopaths and the psychotic, they're like, my wife is crazy,

806
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 1: she won't do this, but I'm gonna be happy. So

807
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to be happy. I much

808
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 1: just work out every single day, start drinking, and I'm

809
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 1: start going this and before you know what, you like,

810
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: what happened to this guy? And it's like he kept

811
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: looking for his piece elsewhere when realistically he wanted his

812
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: piece in his home and his wife. Or a piece

813
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: can be internal, yes, his piece can be internally. He

814
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: should always seek peace internally first, because you only accept

815
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: peace from someone else if you found peace at first.

816
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 1: But he seems like a real peaceful guy, like you

817
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: know you do, trying to do the right thing. He says,

818
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: he works out, He says, he understands that everything she

819
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: does is right. Great mom, and he understands she's tired,

820
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 1: but at the same time, you do want it's fair

821
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: for him to say, well what about me too? Yes, yes, yes,

822
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: And if it was the other wing around, I can

823
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: see that too, absolutely right, y'all. These are two really

824
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: good letters. So if you're looking to be featured as

825
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: one of our listening letters, y'all know what to do.

826
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: Email us at dis advice at gmail dot com. That's

827
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A D V

828
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. Knowing a truth time,

829
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 1: So when it comes to changes, particularly physical changes and

830
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: things like that, I've just kind of learned at this

831
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 1: point that this is all temporary, or it can be

832
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: temporary or it can be permanent, depending on the person.

833
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:53,800
Speaker 1: But for me, I feel like if you make this

834
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: is this is a temporary situation for you where you

835
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: know that you're going to be devoting your your time,

836
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: your energy, your body, everything to a new life, just

837
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 1: knowing that there's a way to then get back and

838
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 1: for some people it's not as easy. For some people,

839
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: you're not back to where you were pre baby, especially

840
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 1: for like a first baby, and you have so many

841
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: changes that happen, but knowing that it gets better over time.

842
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: You know, it gets better over time. And I always say,

843
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: if it didn't get better, than everybody would be single children,

844
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: like nobody would have siblings and you know, such things

845
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 1: as brothers and sisters if the trauma was that bad.

846
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 1: And as a woman, particularly who does go through childbirth

847
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:33,800
Speaker 1: and labor and delivery in pregnancy, there has to be

848
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: that investment or that reinvestment in yourself post baby, for sure,

849
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: because you kind of owe it to yourself to get

850
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 1: back to that so you can feel like yourself again.

851
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: So many women say I lost myself after having a baby.

852
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 1: I don't know who I am, or I'm just so

853
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: devoted to my child that now I don't know who

854
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: I am, or my spouse doesn't know who I am.

855
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: And I think your spouse deserves to have who they

856
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: fell in love with um or if it's your partner

857
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 1: or whoever the person may be to you, they deserve

858
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 1: to have the person who they fell in love with.

859
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: And I think that when you have the support, it

860
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 1: makes it that much easier to get back to who

861
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,919
Speaker 1: you were pre baby. So the changes are temporary. Better

862
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: days are gonna come. We we definitely are in alignment.

863
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: I wanted to say the same thing to speaking to

864
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,359
Speaker 1: all of the gentlemen who are going through this who

865
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:17,959
Speaker 1: have questions. You fell in love with that woman before

866
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and that's how you want her. Right

867
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:22,880
Speaker 1: If you say that out loud, they'll tell you that

868
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: you're shallow or you're selfish. But it's okay to want

869
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: the person that you fell in love with, but at

870
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 1: the same time you also have a responsibility to help

871
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 1: her through that process get there. It's not enough for

872
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 1: you to say, well, I want you to get back

873
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: to the way you was and then you just sit

874
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,840
Speaker 1: back and be like, well, go ahead and do it.

875
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: And that process doesn't start right after the baby. That

876
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: process starts at conception. You know, the minute, the minute

877
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 1: you speak life into into wanting a child. You gotta

878
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: know at that point as a man, you have to

879
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: help that woman through the first trimester, second trimester, third labor,

880
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: and to get back process. And there's so many simple

881
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 1: things you can do, especially just just walking with them.

882
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: You know, a physical touch helps us a lot. Me

883
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 1: rubbing your stomach, me giving you back, well, help your

884
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 1: shoulders has helped you a lot with the physical changes.

885
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 1: So gentlemen, if you want your wife back and you

886
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 1: can tell that she wants to be where she was

887
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: and then physical changes are jumping on her back is

888
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: your responsibility to carry her in them changes. So now

889
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: be careful with jumping on your back when you're Pregnan.

890
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 1: Because I heard that you can get pregnant while you're pregnant.

891
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: I forgot what the term it is, cold term for it. Yes,

892
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: there's a term people have gotten pregnant while they're pregnant.

893
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: Because I can't even imagine you being pregnant twice extent

894
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: extended pregnancy. That would be insanity. So be sure to

895
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: follow us you all on social media at dead as

896
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,720
Speaker 1: the Podcast, I'm Cadine, I am and I Am Devout,

897
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

898
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production

899
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by

900
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 1: the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media

901
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 1: at dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing

902
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: h