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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, it's Sophia and welcome back to Work in Progress.

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Speaker 1: Today's guest is Taylor Tomlinson, a phenomenal comedian who's performed

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Speaker 1: on Late Night Conan and Last Comic Standing. She was

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Speaker 1: one half of the Codependent Tour alongside Whitney Cummings and

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Speaker 1: help jump start the Self Helpless podcast, which covers all

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Speaker 1: things self help. It both turns an introspective eye on

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Speaker 1: the host's personal development and spotlights everything from codependency to

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Speaker 1: obsessive compulsive disorder, to social justice and where self help

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Speaker 1: is concerned. After two hundred episodes, Taylor retired from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: leaving it to her two friends and co hosts so

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Speaker 1: that she could better help herself. She started her comedy

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Speaker 1: career performing in churches and uses her own personal experience

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Speaker 1: to shape her routines. Her Netflix special quarter Life Crisis

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Speaker 1: takes aim at the expectations and realities of being in

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Speaker 1: your mid twenties and whether or not they are truly

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Speaker 1: the quote best years of your life. And she should know.

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Speaker 1: Taylor is a phenomenally self aware of person who puts

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Speaker 1: a lot of value in one's ability to understand and

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Speaker 1: better themselves. I was curious about how her life shapes

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Speaker 1: her comedy, how her comedy shapes her outlook, and how

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Speaker 1: our outlook shapes her life. So I asked her questions

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Speaker 1: about that and more, but not until after I shamelessly

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Speaker 1: outed myself as one of her biggest fans. I spent

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Speaker 1: the hour and change we chatted on Today's podcast literally

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Speaker 1: having to restrain myself from quoting her entire Netflix special

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Speaker 1: back to her, I think I did Okay, I think

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Speaker 1: I only did it once. You guys will have to

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Speaker 1: tell me. I am so thrilled to have one of

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Speaker 1: my very, very favorite comedians on the podcast. Enjoy Taylor Tomlinson. Well, Hi,

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Speaker 1: I make everyone I know watch the Netflix special. I'm

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Speaker 1: so obsessed with it. Oh my god, that's so flattering.

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Speaker 1: I was going to give my publicist so much credit

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Speaker 1: for booking this. I was like, you've mean Sophia Bush's podcast.

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Speaker 1: Some peoples doesn't know who I am. That's so funny

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Speaker 1: and so nice. Oh my gosh. I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I have to tell her that I'm a comedian. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. No, honestly, it's like, I'm just I'm very

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Speaker 1: excited that you're here. God, I'm so excited. Oh I

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Speaker 1: got you like thrown me off. Now I'm like never,

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Speaker 1: um truly like for anxious people, I think you are

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Speaker 1: like a I don't know, you're like such a holy

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Speaker 1: grail because the whole time watching the special, I just

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I feel that. Yeah, I have felt

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Speaker 1: that too. Yes also, and it's like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to get into how you found your

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Speaker 1: voice as a writer, because you make many of us

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Speaker 1: feel deeply seen. And also you make me feel like

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Speaker 1: I haven't accomplished anything because I'm like, I still don't

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Speaker 1: know how to write that well about my life, and

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Speaker 1: I have like a decade on you. So I'm glad

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Speaker 1: you're a child prodigy. That's fine. It's so funny to

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Speaker 1: hear you say that. That's that's just proof right there

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Speaker 1: that if you're anxious, you will never feel good about yourself,

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Speaker 1: or you will never feel as good about yourself as

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Speaker 1: you should. Yeah, Like you're making so many people feel

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Speaker 1: better right now, myself included. Or you're like, well, if

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Speaker 1: she feels like that and she's so amazing, then I

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Speaker 1: must not be that bad, right just because I feel

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Speaker 1: this way this fear, Yeah, I started, you know, I

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Speaker 1: kind of had to look at that. I had to

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Speaker 1: look at fear and anxiety a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 1: like this is gonna be a really weird metaphor. But

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Speaker 1: I was watching animal videos on Instagram, and you know

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Speaker 1: when you watch the videos of like the ducks or

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Speaker 1: the geese with their little ducklings or their little geese,

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Speaker 1: and I look at them and I'm like, I have

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Speaker 1: one dog, How could they be so responsible for all

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Speaker 1: of these other little animals? But there's their job, right,

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Speaker 1: Like they're these mom birds and that's what they do.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know why the like the idea, And

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Speaker 1: it was really the geese that did it for me,

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Speaker 1: because I don't know if you've ever looked at like

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Speaker 1: a teenage goose, but it's ridiculous and like fluffy and

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Speaker 1: looks like a baby, but it's also like really big

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Speaker 1: and awkward, and that's kind of how I feel about feelings.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I just have this like

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Speaker 1: gaggle of little gooselings and I can't get rid of

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Speaker 1: any of them. They're all my responsibility. So like my

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Speaker 1: anxiety and my fear are I kind of got to

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Speaker 1: be like, yeah, let's go guys. And then there's also

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Speaker 1: excitement and curiosity and my intellect and the things like

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Speaker 1: about myself. So it's like a little troop of baby geese,

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Speaker 1: is the way I think about it. I love that metaphor.

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Speaker 1: I I really I think that's such a good way

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Speaker 1: of looking at it, because I think when I'm really

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Speaker 1: fearful and anxious, I tend to go to this dark

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Speaker 1: place in my head of this is who you actually are.

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Speaker 1: These feelings are your entire self. And everything else you

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Speaker 1: do that's good or the things you're validated for by

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Speaker 1: other people, that's just you tricking everybody, and this is

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Speaker 1: really you. So I love that you kind of give

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Speaker 1: all of your feelings equal footing, if that makes sense. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think. Oh man, I was going to get into

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Speaker 1: the feelings later. I have so many questions for you

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Speaker 1: about your childhood, but maybe the feelings there too, um,

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Speaker 1: But I just realized that a I can't ignore that

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Speaker 1: they exist, like to your point, those suspicions, and I

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Speaker 1: think for about to say people like us, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know you that well. I've just watched your

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Speaker 1: special still time, but I have opinions about your feelings.

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Speaker 1: But like for for people who outwardly speak about their

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Speaker 1: anxiety like you do, and like I do, I realize,

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Speaker 1: like it's never going anywhere. You know, that feeling isn't

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Speaker 1: going to go anywhere, that that constant fear of like

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Speaker 1: is today going to be the day that every single

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Speaker 1: person I know and love is going to tell me

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Speaker 1: they've hated me all along and I have to move

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Speaker 1: out of my house and no one's ever going to

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Speaker 1: talk to me again. Like that. That's like the t

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Speaker 1: I'm in all the time. And so it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well if that's part of it. If I try to

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Speaker 1: ignore it and be okay, what I'm actually doing is

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Speaker 1: reducing myself because I'm ignoring this thing that is quote

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Speaker 1: unquote unpleasant. But also the things that we ignore become

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Speaker 1: bigger things, Like when you don't voice that you're annoyed

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Speaker 1: about something, then you're not annoyed about it. Then you're

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Speaker 1: like eight years later, you're filled with rage and shame.

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Speaker 1: So it's like I've learned that if I can just say, like, yep,

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Speaker 1: like those are two of my ducklings, here we go,

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Speaker 1: then I can kind of just get on with my day,

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Speaker 1: and then in a weird way, I'm really accepting all

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Speaker 1: of myself, even if those are things I don't like

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Speaker 1: or enjoy, and even if I'm like, wow, I would

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Speaker 1: super love to wake up in the morning ever and

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Speaker 1: like not have a neck ache because I've been dense

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Speaker 1: all night sleeping like this. You know, I would love that,

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Speaker 1: But I don't know if that's my journey. So like,

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Speaker 1: let's go a little ducks, right, yeah, And everybody has

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Speaker 1: their stuff and you're like, this is my stuff. Somebody

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Speaker 1: sent me an interview Bill Hayter did where he was

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Speaker 1: talking about how bad his anxiety is and has been,

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Speaker 1: and how being on live television is absolutely horrible for that,

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Speaker 1: and how when he feels anxious, he just tries to

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Speaker 1: think of it as like, Okay, I'm gonna put my

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Speaker 1: anxiety on my shoulder and be like, Okay, you can

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Speaker 1: hang out up here, but we have to keep going.

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Speaker 1: But you're here and that's all right. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's so similar to what you're saying, and something that

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Speaker 1: I'm not always very good at. I'm not very good

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Speaker 1: at compartmentalizing my anxiety. Something that's been really helpful for

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Speaker 1: me lately is just trying to remember that being so

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Speaker 1: anxious also makes me very considerate and thoughtful in my relationships,

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Speaker 1: and thinking about it from that perspective makes me feel

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Speaker 1: better and less like again in my weaker moments, like

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Speaker 1: a failure as a person, if you just look at

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Speaker 1: it as like this double sided thing where you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is this is a drawback in certain situations, and

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Speaker 1: this is hard for me to deal with and live with,

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Speaker 1: but it's also part of what makes me somebody that

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Speaker 1: I am proud to be. Yeah, because there is there's

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Speaker 1: a little something at its at its best, it is

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Speaker 1: a bit of a superpower that makes you really see

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Speaker 1: other people. Yes, because people who aren't anxious or who

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Speaker 1: don't have low days often won't notice when someone in

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Speaker 1: a room is experience racing that and I know that

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Speaker 1: for me, I can see it. And then I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how do I how do I let that person know

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Speaker 1: that I see them? Yeah, it makes you very empathetic. Um, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad we're talking about the ways that we

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Speaker 1: deal with their compartmentalized emotions. Um, which perhaps who knows

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Speaker 1: where they come from. I've been joking and it's actually

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Speaker 1: I realized, probably not an appropriate joke, but the pandemic

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Speaker 1: has made me into a person who doesn't know how

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Speaker 1: to small talk. So I'm just like, hey, how are

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Speaker 1: you have you uncovered or dealt with any like childhood trauma?

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Speaker 1: Are you talking about your feelings? Are getting enough sleep?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, these may not be appropriate opening questions to,

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Speaker 1: you know, say, to like the person at the grocery store.

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Speaker 1: Um oh, I mean I was like that pandemic, So

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Speaker 1: I'm the wrong person to ask about that, do you.

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Speaker 1: I'm really curious where you think that comes from. And

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Speaker 1: I know you're also a California kid, which makes me

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Speaker 1: feel excited because everyone thinks we all move here and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, lots of us were from here. M hmm.

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Speaker 1: I love California. I love it. I really love it.

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Speaker 1: What was your childhood like here? I'm always so curious

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Speaker 1: for people who grew up in the area. Well, I

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Speaker 1: grew up in northern California, like an hour outside of

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Speaker 1: Sacramento and like more of a rural area until I

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Speaker 1: was like nine, and then I moved to southern California,

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Speaker 1: so I've kind of gotten the full California experience. And

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Speaker 1: then I was in I was in like Riverside County.

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Speaker 1: It was in Temecula. I feel like I can say

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Speaker 1: that now because Olivia Rodrigo grew up there, um, and

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Speaker 1: it's putting us on the map. But yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: I think northern California has a totally different vibe than

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Speaker 1: southern California. And whenever I go back there to visit

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Speaker 1: family that still lives up that way, where I do

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Speaker 1: shows up there, it's very like relaxing and comforting to me. Weirdly, um,

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Speaker 1: probably just because I spent the first nine years of

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Speaker 1: my life there, But yeah, I mean it has its

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Speaker 1: issues obviously, like the fires every year's area and traffic

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Speaker 1: and whatnot. But it's so cliche to site the weather,

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Speaker 1: but the weather is so nice and I just love

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Speaker 1: driving me too. I love to be in my car.

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Speaker 1: I love being in my car listening to music and

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Speaker 1: comedy shows and podcasts. And that was a thing that

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Speaker 1: actually made me feel like I was going crazy when

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Speaker 1: lockdown started because I'm so used to driving. So I

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Speaker 1: started just going on drives so I could listen to

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Speaker 1: stuff and be in my car. But yeah, California is

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Speaker 1: pretty amazing. We're not doing like a you know, come

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Speaker 1: to California at or anything. I feel like this is

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Speaker 1: the moment where like a jingle would start and it

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Speaker 1: would be like in this episode is brought to you

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Speaker 1: by the California Board of Tourism. But it's really not.

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Speaker 1: Um it's also expensive here, Like you know, I go

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Speaker 1: to other cities. Yeah, I always go to other cities,

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Speaker 1: and you know, my friend Dustin who opens for me,

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Speaker 1: and I will just look up, you know, homes on

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Speaker 1: Zillo in that area and go like, oh, this is brutal.

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Speaker 1: It's so much cheaper. I know, it hurts. This area

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Speaker 1: is so cute. It really hurts. And you're like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I could live in that I could actually live in

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Speaker 1: that house. Yeah. Yeah, Well what was it that brought

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Speaker 1: you guys down to Temecula from northern California. My mom

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Speaker 1: died when I was eight, and then my dad got

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Speaker 1: remarried and my stepmom lived in southern California, so we

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Speaker 1: all moved to her. Yeah, I've read it. Sounds like

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Speaker 1: a really weird thing to say, but I'm like, I've

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Speaker 1: read so much about this and I I can't even

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Speaker 1: imagine going through that experience as a little kid, and

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Speaker 1: like how that shapes you. And it's it's so interesting,

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Speaker 1: you know, doing my homework to get ready for today,

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Speaker 1: and then reading that you started going to your first

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Speaker 1: stand up classes with your dad. Was what did that

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Speaker 1: come out of losing your mom? Was that something you

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Speaker 1: guys found together or was that already happening. No, that

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Speaker 1: wasn't until I was sixteen, And that was kind of

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Speaker 1: on a whim, like somebody at church just told him

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Speaker 1: they were going to take it and he was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take it. You're gonna come with me. So

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Speaker 1: it was very on a whim. He wasn't like you

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Speaker 1: should be a comedian, like, there was none of that.

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Speaker 1: It was just like, let's do this together. And we

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Speaker 1: had had like a tough relationship in the years leading

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Speaker 1: up to that, so I think it helped that we

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Speaker 1: had that to do together at that time. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean the New Hour of Material, which will be

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Speaker 1: the next Netflix special, is a lot to do with

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Speaker 1: anxiety and depression, and there's like ten minutes of jokes

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Speaker 1: about losing my mom and how if you don't deal

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Speaker 1: with the traumatic stuff that happens to you when you're

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Speaker 1: a kid, it just keeps affecting you in ways you

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Speaker 1: don't even realize until you get into therapy and they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: this is probably a result of this, and you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: because it's so easy to just go that's anxiety or

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Speaker 1: I'm just anxious about that or whatever. That's how I

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Speaker 1: react to that. But to actually talk through it was

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Speaker 1: with a professional and make sense of it. Like I

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Speaker 1: read this book called Motherless Daughters. That's so good, and

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Speaker 1: it's just all these women who lost their mothers young

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Speaker 1: and talking about their experience, and a very common thing

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Speaker 1: is that you're afraid that when your parent dies young,

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Speaker 1: you're going to die at the exact same age they did.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's really made me very driven because

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Speaker 1: I have that in the back of my head all

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Speaker 1: the time, even now, even knowing logically that's not totally rational.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, we got seven years left. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: so interesting you talk about that. So the closest way

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Speaker 1: I can relate to this because I feel very fortunate

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Speaker 1: I still have both of my parents. But my dad's

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Speaker 1: dad died before I was born, and so I grew

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Speaker 1: up hearing stories about my grandfather and you know, seeing

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Speaker 1: photos of him, but I never got to meet him,

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Speaker 1: and I knew how important he was to my dad.

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Speaker 1: Add and I've I've learned a lot more about him

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Speaker 1: in the last couple of years. My dad is now

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Speaker 1: seventy four, which is crazy to me, and now now

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Speaker 1: he has a white full white beard and white hair

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Speaker 1: and looks like Santa Claus As. He's adorable. Um, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that my dad carried that until he

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Speaker 1: turned sixty seven. And the year my dad turned sixty six,

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Speaker 1: he was just like not himself, and my mom and

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Speaker 1: I were like, what is going on with him? What

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Speaker 1: is he's like with drawing? And he seems weird and

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Speaker 1: his stress levels seem really high, and he's like he's

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Speaker 1: out of breath all the time. And he didn't tell

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Speaker 1: us until he's he turned sixty seven that the entire

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Speaker 1: year that he was sixty six, he was like, well,

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Speaker 1: today's the day I'm going to die because his dad

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Speaker 1: died at sixty six. And he couldn't even speak it

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Speaker 1: because he said I thought if I said it out loud,

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Speaker 1: I would drop debt. Oh man, My sweet dad like

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Speaker 1: honestly makes me want to stop. Um. My dad ironically

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Speaker 1: has this like my mom helps him like buzzes hair,

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Speaker 1: but he does it a little up in the middle,

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Speaker 1: so she calls him a baby duck, and I'm realizing, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: is that way I've named my feelings ducks? Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is happening to me in real time. I'm realizing

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Speaker 1: this with you. But you know, yeah, my dad was

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Speaker 1: like he was basically living through a year of an

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Speaker 1: anxiety attack, and he was too scared to say anything

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Speaker 1: because he didn't want to like jinx his body. And

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Speaker 1: at sixty seven he was like, Oh, maybe I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be okay, which I guess really indicates that we should

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Speaker 1: throw you a fucking rager for your thirty fifth birthday.

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Speaker 1: I would really like to be on that planning committee. Um,

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Speaker 1: whenever you're ready to talk about that, and you don't

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Speaker 1: have to be ready to talk about it now, you

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Speaker 1: can be like no, I really that makes me stressed

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Speaker 1: and be like cool, I'll just find out who to

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Speaker 1: assist in, like the stream or buying and the stuff.

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Speaker 1: Because having been through that as a child with a parent, like,

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Speaker 1: I've seen the thing you're talking about feeling. Obviously, yours

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Speaker 1: is your own and it's unique to you and I

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine it, but it was pretty gnarly to

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Speaker 1: watch my dad go through the thing you're talking about, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: did he have any like survivors guilt when he hit

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Speaker 1: sixty seven? He didn't have guilt, interestingly, and I think

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Speaker 1: I'd be really curious too to know what like that,

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Speaker 1: you know, he had. He basically had thirty years on

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Speaker 1: you of this like fear that this was coming. But

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Speaker 1: I think about that in the inverse as well, that

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Speaker 1: he had thirty year thirty more years to say like,

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Speaker 1: this is the life I've built and what I've cultivated

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Speaker 1: and you know, my my wife and my daughter, and

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Speaker 1: you know, he he had so much attachment obviously to

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Speaker 1: being here, and I think that perhaps that it was

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Speaker 1: later for him, I would hope, at least as his

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Speaker 1: kid made him feel more deserving of the experience of

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Speaker 1: outliving his own father and his own fear, because it

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Speaker 1: was so hard to know he had been carrying that

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Speaker 1: and and to see that. And also when you think

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Speaker 1: about the difference of our generations right like you can

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Speaker 1: talk you're like, yeah, this is what's going on with me?

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Speaker 1: Like in my therapist said, you know, my dad's like

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Speaker 1: he's he's old. He didn't have that, and so I

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Speaker 1: think that having much more of a runway until that

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Speaker 1: number that was stuck in his head probably helped him

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Speaker 1: in a way because it sounds to me at least,

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Speaker 1: and I don't mean to project, but what I'm hearing

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Speaker 1: and correct me if I'm wrong. Is part of it

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Speaker 1: for you is you're like, this is soon, like thirty

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Speaker 1: four as soon. I'm twenty thirty four as soon, And

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Speaker 1: I imagine that makes you feel like you're in a race.

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Speaker 1: And for my dad, it was always really far in

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Speaker 1: the future. And so I wonder what I maybe wonder

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Speaker 1: what some of the difference of the experiences for you guys.

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Speaker 1: I think that makes a lot of sense. I think

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Speaker 1: I think when your parent dies at thirty four, there's

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Speaker 1: this fear of like wasted potential and maybe maybe some

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Speaker 1: like weird guilt. On my end, this is me realizing

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Speaker 1: things in real time as well. Look at us, um

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00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,880
Speaker 1: so proud of us. She would be so proud of us.

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Speaker 1: But I think maybe there's some some feelings of like

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Speaker 1: she had me maybe like a year out of college,

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Speaker 1: I was not planned. From what I've read and her diaries,

349
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Speaker 1: because we have like this box of her diaries from

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Speaker 1: when she was like ten up until she was married

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Speaker 1: to my dad, which is crazy. She was like a writer,

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Speaker 1: and she was so creative and talented. But she had

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Speaker 1: me really young. She had me at like whatever, I guess,

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Speaker 1: twenty five maybe, and which isn't crazy young, but it's

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Speaker 1: you know, and she was going to go back to

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Speaker 1: school and start writing when my youngest sister was in kindergarten,

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Speaker 1: and my youngest sister was too when she died. So

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Speaker 1: seeing all these like scrapbooks and how creative she was

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Speaker 1: and all these diary entries where she's just such a

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Speaker 1: good writer and so funny and witty and she's like gorgeous, Like,

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Speaker 1: it just feels really sad that she got cut short.

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Speaker 1: And maybe on some level, I feel like I have

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Speaker 1: to make up for that with my own life. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it strikes me as an observer, who again, I feel

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00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: so creepy right now, being like, I know so much

366
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 1: about your timeline, but I'm so flattered. But in but

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Speaker 1: in hearing this, you know, you talk about beginning to

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Speaker 1: take these classes with your dad at sixteen, and here

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Speaker 1: you are at seven and you have this baller Netflix

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Speaker 1: special and your next you're talking about the next one

371
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 1: you've written, and you know that I'm stamps of the

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00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 1: lengths of jokes you do on certain topics. So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you're very far along in this process clearly. Is that

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Speaker 1: not kind of crazy to you in terms of this

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Speaker 1: idea of like your your potential and the way you've

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00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 1: been realizing it. I mean that you've done this in

377
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 1: ten years basically. Yeah, I mean it's it's crazy. And

378
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Speaker 1: I do feel very very lucky and very very fortunate

379
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Speaker 1: to be where I'm at, and I do think a

380
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,880
Speaker 1: lot of it is luck. And it doesn't mean you're

381
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Speaker 1: not good at what you do or you're not talented.

382
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,240
Speaker 1: It just means that luck is involved because there are

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00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,919
Speaker 1: so many good talented people. So I never want to

384
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Speaker 1: lose that perspective. But there are times even where I go,

385
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 1: am I successful young because I'm gonna die young? And

386
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Speaker 1: it's the universe or God or whoever you pray to going,

387
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna give you this because you have limited amount

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00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,640
Speaker 1: of time here and that's the only reason you get

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00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: it right now. Because I do. I do feel so

390
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 1: fortunate sometimes that I go, there's no way that this

391
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 1: is the only way that this could be fair to

392
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: other people is if I'm dead soon? Oh man up here? Yeah, No,

393
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 1: and I see it. I see it, and I get it.

394
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 1: And I'm also like, have you read Chelsea Handler's book

395
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: about like her experience going to therapy and finally processing

396
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: the loss of her brother when she was young, and

397
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: like what all she was carrying from that her whole life?

398
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: I haven't, but I heard it's great. I feel like that.

399
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Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm like Suddenly, I feel like,

400
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 1: you know, like an aunt or something where I'm like,

401
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: I want you to read this book, sweetheart. I want

402
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 1: to hand it to you through the computer. But but seriously,

403
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 1: there there's something I think really amazing about, you know,

404
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 1: especially someone on her level, just being willing to be

405
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: so raw and bear with an audience and like tell

406
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 1: the sort of deepest of her own life. But I

407
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 1: think the reason it comes up for me is because,

408
00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 1: as another of my favorite comedians, to look at where

409
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 1: she is at fifty and like killing it, I'm kind

410
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 1: of like, no, I think maybe you're just that funny

411
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: and you you also are meant to be famous young

412
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: and then continue and and perhaps if I may God

413
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: not to be like a Pollyanna, but maybe maybe the

414
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 1: universe or God or whatever anyone praised to is like, Hey,

415
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 1: this is for you, this is this is yours. And

416
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: also the way that you speak about your mom and

417
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: that you identify things about her, her creativity, everything from

418
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,359
Speaker 1: her writing to her scrap booking, all of which to

419
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 1: me just light up as creative expression. You are her daughter,

420
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: You are of her. She is with you in ways

421
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: that I imagine come out in terms of the ways

422
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: you write jokes and the way that you look at things.

423
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: And perhaps this wild ride that you've begun that's really working,

424
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 1: is working because the universe is on your side, and

425
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: your mom is like on the universe's shoulder, Like maybe

426
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 1: you have anxiety on your shoulder, but like maybe your

427
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: mom is on God's shoulder, being like no more more

428
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: for her. She deserves the more. Very healing. This podcast,

429
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, who knew? You know what's funny is that,

430
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 1: Like when Whitney Cummings came on the podcast, I was like, man,

431
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 1: this is going to be so funny, and we spent

432
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: like two hours talking about codependency and therapy. Also, so

433
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, welcome to my office. What else would

434
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:38,679
Speaker 1: you like to discuss? I mean, work in progress is

435
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: the perfect name. It's the perfect name for what we're

436
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 1: doing here. I really love it. I mean I would

437
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: be remissed to not at some point starious into comedy, because,

438
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: as I've admitted now to you multiple times, this is

439
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 1: what I do when I'm embarrassed, when I'm such a

440
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: fan of someone, as I just keep talking about it

441
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: and then I make it weird. So at any point

442
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: you can be like, no, I get it, please stop

443
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: saying that, and I but I am really I'm really

444
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: curious about that that period which makes total sense to me, right, Like,

445
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: you go through this loss and then you have this

446
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: change and your dad finds a partner and it's I

447
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: imagine really confusing as a kid, and then you've had

448
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 1: these hard years to to echo what you had said,

449
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 1: and then suddenly you're sixteen and you're going to comedy

450
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 1: classes with your dad. But also I know that you

451
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: did a lot of stand up in church, So like,

452
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 1: where does church comedy? Dad? Healing? Generational relationships? Like how

453
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: does this all happen around the age that you're getting

454
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: your driver's license. Well, there was a woman at our

455
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: church who was a teacher who was going to take

456
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: this class, and the class was at a church taught

457
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 1: by a church comedian. There are church comedians. There are

458
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 1: church comedians, and they make a lot of money because

459
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: there's so few of them. There are very few comedians

460
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 1: that are clean enough for churches because churches are so

461
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 1: you can't just be insanely clean like you you know

462
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: when you do the Tonight Show. You have to be clean.

463
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: That's nowhere near clean enough that you have to be

464
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: for churches. Yes, and you have to be super clean

465
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: all the time. You have to be that person. I

466
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: have a clarifying question because I know I have never

467
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: in my life, and I realized because like my my

468
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: family is a mix of Catholics and Agnostics and Jews,

469
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 1: so like we have no comedians in our places. Do

470
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 1: you mean like you're not talking like a church comedian

471
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 1: like the hype man on a sitcom? There isn't like

472
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 1: a person you mean like comedians who perfor who travel

473
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: and perform in churches. Yes, Like instead of a theater tour,

474
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 1: it's a it's a church tour end up circuit. Yeah,

475
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 1: I mean mega churches have five thousand seats auditoriums. Wow, okay,

476
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: all right, I'm I'm picking up what you're putting down. So,

477
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: so someone who does tours like this is coming to

478
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: do classes. Is it the same person? Everyone was teaching

479
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: different people. Okay, Okay, No, it was the same person.

480
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: And he taught like it was like six weeks, six

481
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,679
Speaker 1: or eight weeks, and we went once a week, and

482
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: then at the end you did like a little graduation

483
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 1: show and I would open. He would have me open

484
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 1: for him, or send me to do smaller church gigs

485
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: or what have you. And then I wasn't allowed in

486
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: comedy clubs until I was eighteen. Some of them. I

487
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed until I was twenty one. So all I

488
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: did were like churches and schools and coffee shops and

489
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 1: like weird side hotel rooms. Like That's all I did

490
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,719
Speaker 1: until I was eighteen. And then when I turned eighteen,

491
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 1: I'd started doing clubs in San Diego, and like the

492
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: comedy store, I would wait outside because I wasn't allowed inside,

493
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,199
Speaker 1: and they would let me in just to do my

494
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: set and I would have to leave immediately again. Um,

495
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: and I was really clean. I was a squeaky clean

496
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: comedian up until I was like, I don't know, twenty two,

497
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: and then that's when I wanted to talk about other things.

498
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 1: Is that when you made the famous I'm a wild

499
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: animal in bed joke that guys who fired from your

500
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: church door. Yes, that's exactly when that happens. Please tell

501
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: the people listening what that joke is, because I really

502
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 1: love it, and I don't I don't feel like I

503
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 1: should be doing your jokes on your episode of this podcast.

504
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: So I did a joke on Conan when I was

505
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: twenty three, I believe was when I did Conan where

506
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: I said, I'm a wild animal in bed, way more

507
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,959
Speaker 1: afraid of you than you are of me. And I

508
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 1: had tweeted that the year before before when I started

509
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: doing it on stage in clubs. And at the time

510
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: I was opening, I was in the rotation of openers

511
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 1: for this huge megachurch comedian, and I remember his tour manager,

512
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: who was also his brother, called me and was like, look,

513
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: a lot of our audiences, like homeschooled kids and like families,

514
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: like we can't have somebody who's making jokes like this online,

515
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: and so we have to take you off these dates

516
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: that we have coming up. And it was really the

517
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: last church gig I was doing, and I remember I

518
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: felt so guilty and bad, and then I got sort

519
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: of upset, and I was like, I never want to

520
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,479
Speaker 1: feel this way again. I never want to feel like

521
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: I did something wrong, like I messed up, and like

522
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for I'm being judged. And also

523
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: I felt guilty doing church shows on my own because

524
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: it it just felt like I was not being authentic

525
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 1: in that they want somebody who is a Christian in

526
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: real life, and I was struggling with it and I

527
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: didn't know what I believed and I didn't feel like

528
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: that was where I was at anymore, and it didn't

529
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: feel right to me to go to these churches and

530
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: take their money and have them think I was somebody

531
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: I wasn't. And it was just weird. I mean, it's

532
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: weird to be performing in churches, is like a single

533
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: young woman, because most of the church comedians that are

534
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: successful are you know, middle aged and married and probably men,

535
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: and mostly men. Yeah, unless you're like Shawnda Pears. I

536
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: find it really interesting too that men are allowed to

537
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: make jokes about their sex lives, which often all the

538
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: women in there and we're okay, buddy, but like you

539
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 1: making a joke about your sex life, which also positive

540
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: that you're terrified of it is like you're a sinner.

541
00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: You've got to get out of here. That feels that

542
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: it feels very restrictive and a bit like a double

543
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: standard if I'm observing it correctly. Well, men weren't allowed

544
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: to do it in church either. I mean, they wouldn't

545
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 1: have been okay with a guy doing that either. Probably, Um,

546
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: the only people who can get away with like innuendo

547
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: and church are the married guys who I guess that

548
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the Yeah, that that's the thing I've

549
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: seen where you know, I've seen some people who like

550
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: talk about religion but then also make jokes about sex.

551
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: But yeah, they're married men. I see why you say

552
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: that you felt like you couldn't fully be yourself. And

553
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: I imagine when you're in that stage of your life too,

554
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: or you're in your early twenties and you are in

555
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: the thick of trying to figure yourself out. Having to

556
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: reduce yourself to refer back to the earlier part of

557
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: our therapy session, to leave a part of yourself kind

558
00:31:53,920 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: of outside is hard. Yes, yes, think it's It can

559
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: stunt you as an artist and hold you back, for sure.

560
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: So how does how does something in your early twenties

561
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: like Conan happened. How do you go from church shows

562
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: to Conan's show? Was that like completely surreal? Well, I

563
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: did Last Comic Standing when I was twenty one, which

564
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: they just found me on YouTube. It was very It

565
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: was like right after I turned one. It was when

566
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 1: I had just quit school and my job to do

567
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: stand up full time. And I did pretty well on

568
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: that show because it's casting and so it's a good

569
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: story that you're really young. And then I did like

570
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: a Comedy Central show, and then yeah, I was trying

571
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: to do a late night set for a couple of

572
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: years and the Conan booker saw me a few times

573
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: before I got that opportunity, and yeah, I mean it

574
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: was huge. It was like a dream come true. It's

575
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: like the first big thing that you get that you're like,

576
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 1: At least for me, it was something I had wanted

577
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 1: for so long that when I got it, it felt

578
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: like a very significant thing. And I did feel ready

579
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: for it by the time I did it, which was nice.

580
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: It's nice when you do something that you feel ready for.

581
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: I was not ready to do Last Comic Standing at all.

582
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: I was not ready to be on television. But by

583
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,239
Speaker 1: the time I got to Conan. I felt ready for it,

584
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: And yeah, I mean that year a lot happened. I

585
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: did Conan, I got the Montreal Festival, I got a

586
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: development deal with ABC. Like a lot happened that year

587
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: to make me feel like I was I was finally

588
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: a real comedian, as weird as that sounds. So yeah,

589
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: it was huge for me. It was really huge, and

590
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: it it's it made me feel so much better about

591
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: the fact that the year before I had told my

592
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: managers like, you can't bring me offers for church gigs anymore,

593
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 1: like I'm not right for those. And it took a

594
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: couple of times of them being like, but it's this

595
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: much money, and I'm like, I can't. I can't even

596
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: look at it, like don't don't bring them to me

597
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: because I'm not the person for that. I have people

598
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 1: I can refer you to for it, but I'm it's

599
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: not me. That takes a lot of resolve at two

600
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: to know that. I just hate feeling guilty, and so

601
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 1: for me, it was like, well, if this doesn't work out,

602
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: I can go back to school or something, but I'm

603
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 1: not going to live my life in a way that

604
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: isn't authentic to me. Just so I can do what

605
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 1: I love to do, but in a very controlled setting

606
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 1: that that I don't fit into. Do you think having

607
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: left school to pursue comedy, because that's a bold choice too.

608
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: I remember being twenty and being like, did I do

609
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: I do my senior year in college or do I

610
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 1: go to this TV show called One Trio? Like? Because

611
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: I didn't know and I had, you know, I was like,

612
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: what TV shows? They never work out anyway? And I

613
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: remember are my college advisor saying to me, well, you

614
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: could go do this for two or three years and

615
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: then come back if you really want to hilarious. I'm

616
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: just like, well, who knew? But I I know for

617
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 1: me how hard that decision was. So I I imagine

618
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 1: that you know, in whatever way for you, you had

619
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: to really examine, you know, your goals, and the choice

620
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: is hard. I think when when you're at that age

621
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: and then to make another choice a year later, what

622
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: what was it? Well, first of all, I want to

623
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: know what you were studying in school, because I'm very

624
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: curious about what you were into and how did you

625
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 1: know that you were ready to just go for it? Well,

626
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: I was a communications major, so essentially nothing and and uh,

627
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 1: It's so funny. You you go to your high school

628
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 1: advisor and they're like, well, what do you want to major?

629
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 1: And then you're like, I don't know, could we just

630
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: major and what we're doing right now? Talking? And they're like, yeah, communication,

631
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: you can do anything with that. And you're like, really,

632
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: could you be a doctor? And they're like no, don't

633
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: be stupid, like you could be an assistant, not to

634
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: a doctor, but you know, um to someone else. And uh,

635
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: I knew. The only reason I quit school and I

636
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: had a year left as well. The only reason I

637
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: quit school is because I did these Naka conferences, which

638
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: is basically where you audition to perform at colleges, and

639
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: so I booked like a fifty college tour and couldn't

640
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: go to school anymore. So weirdly, I quit college to

641
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 1: make money performing in other people's colleges. You quit college

642
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: to tour colleges. I kind of love that though. That

643
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: that to me feels like a door opening, being like no, here, look,

644
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: go go this way. You have fifty dates, you're guaranteed

645
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: this experience. That's pretty cool and so okay, you do that,

646
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: then the next year you say I'm not doing church

647
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: is anymore. Then by the next year you're on Conan

648
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: and you've done TV and and what happens from there?

649
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: How how do you go from last Comics standing to

650
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: Conan to development deal to Netflix? Like, I don't I

651
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 1: don't know anything about this part of this world. So

652
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: I just am flabbergasted at how this works. Well, that's

653
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,760
Speaker 1: what's so hard about this business. I mean, I feel

654
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: the same way about acting. I have no I have

655
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: no idea how it works. I have no idea how

656
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: people keep momentum going. But it's probably very similar two

657
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 1: comedians coming up and that you're like, I don't know

658
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: what my next thing is. I only know what I

659
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: have right now. And so every opportunity you get you

660
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 1: try to make the most of it so that hopefully

661
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: it becomes another opportunity and people see you from that

662
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: and you do a good job there. And so I

663
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: did Conan, the development deal. I learned a lot on

664
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: the show basily didn't get made, but learned a lot

665
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: got paid THROUGHOUTE, something we were proud of, loved who

666
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: I was writing it with, and then it was just

667
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: it's just what this business is is just a series

668
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, now we're gonna do another TV spot,

669
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: and we're gonna go over here. We're gonna headline consistently.

670
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,879
Speaker 1: I mean, the nice thing about being a stand up

671
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: is that you are always getting better if you're on

672
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: the road. So when that ABC show didn't get made,

673
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,280
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, thank god because I wanted

674
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: to keep touring and getting better as a headliner. And

675
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: thank god I did because it made me ready for

676
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: a quarter life crisis a few years later. So if

677
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: I had been doing some TV show, it wouldn't I

678
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 1: wouldn't have had the time to work out that material.

679
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: And the way Netflix kind of came about is Netflix

680
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 1: did a series called The Comedy Lineup that was was

681
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 1: like twenty three. Oh I think I was twenty. A

682
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: lot happened when I was twenty three, No, maybe I

683
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: was twenty four. I did The Comedy Lineup, which was

684
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: Netflix doing these like mini specials. So it was a

685
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: series of like fifteen minutes sets from you know, however

686
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: many comics. It was like fifteen of us, and mine

687
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: did well enough that I asked my reps. I was like,

688
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: can we submit for half an hour? Because they also

689
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 1: do half hour specials, And to my manager's credit, she

690
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: was like, we should submit your hour and I was like, yeah,

691
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: if you think they'll want to see an hour to

692
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: prove I can do half an hour, that would be great.

693
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: And she was like, no, you have an hour and

694
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: it's great. Let's tell them you'd like to do an hour.

695
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, of course I'd like to

696
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,480
Speaker 1: do an hour, but they're not going to let me

697
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 1: do that. So just so you know, I don't expect

698
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: that at all. That's how low my expectations are. And

699
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,880
Speaker 1: we sent it to them. They thought about it for

700
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 1: a few months and they gave me an hour out

701
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:56,919
Speaker 1: of that fifteen minutes. And if I hadn't done those

702
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, I don't think it would have happened. I mean,

703
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 1: I think it helped that I had sort of proven

704
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: myself in a smaller way. Michelle Buteau and Sam j

705
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: also did the fifteen minutes and they also got our specials,

706
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 1: so that was kind of my entry point with Netflix

707
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 1: and thankfully this But but every every turn, you're like,

708
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: I hope this works out because just because you it's

709
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,240
Speaker 1: so hard to get something and then you have to deliver.

710
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 1: So even when I got the fifteen when I got

711
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,240
Speaker 1: the hour, I was like, well, I hope this goes well,

712
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 1: because if it doesn't, then I'm back to square one.

713
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: So obviously I just toward toward the hell out of

714
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: that hour, and I'm doing the same thing now. That

715
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: was a really cool thing for me to learn. Watching

716
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: Amy Schumer's documentary about being pregnant and doing her special,

717
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I had no idea

718
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: the amount of touring and work shopping you do as

719
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: a comedian and small clubs and you test a joke

720
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: five ways and you take notes and you and you

721
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 1: carve out the special and I was like, holy shit,

722
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: I've never seen this, because you know, I go to

723
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: work and we do the thing and we film it

724
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: that day, and then the next day we do the

725
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: next thing. And it it struck me that comedy is

726
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: so much more like theater than I ever realized. Yes,

727
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 1: very much. So it's really really cool to watch the

728
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: way you guys do that because I'll you know, I've

729
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 1: seen your hour a lot of times. I've Michelle's hours

730
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: fucking great. You know. I watched um Chelsea's special. She

731
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: did this drive in during COVID when Evolution premiered, which

732
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 1: was so fun because it got us out of the

733
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,720
Speaker 1: house and it almost felt like being with other people,

734
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: but everyone was like ten feet away in their cars,

735
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,760
Speaker 1: but you could wave at strangers and it was really cool.

736
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 1: But you know, the obviously the special looks so tight,

737
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: the timing of the jokes is so money, and and

738
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 1: then to watch someone actually work shopping that that was

739
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 1: just a sort of lens into a comedians world I've

740
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:07,760
Speaker 1: never seen before. Oh yeah, I mean I also watched

741
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: that pretty recently and it was so good. I watched

742
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,919
Speaker 1: it more from from like a younger comment, going, oh

743
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: my gosh. Obviously her pregnancy was very difficult from what

744
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 1: I saw on that dock. But watching more established comedians

745
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: who are becoming mothers or our mothers, or are getting

746
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: married or are married, and how that balances with their

747
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 1: stand up career. I mean, I think Ali Ali Wong

748
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,800
Speaker 1: has a joke about that where she says people always

749
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: ask her how do you balance being a parent and

750
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: being and work? How do you balancing a mother and working?

751
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,760
Speaker 1: And she goes, men never get asked that question because

752
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: they don't, And so I thought it was it was

753
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: such an interesting doc for for so many reasons, And

754
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: yet it is really hard to capture what it's like

755
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: to tour and workshop jokes and and I think like

756
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 1: TV shows try to do it sometimes and it just

757
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:13,720
Speaker 1: is hard to do unless it's an unscripted documentary. Yeah,

758
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: have you seen Joan Rivers documentary? A piece of work?

759
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you'd love it. It's so good. It's her,

760
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 1: it's just her touring and working really hard, like in

761
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 1: the last decade of her life. And she's just such

762
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: a workhorse. And she's got this wall of files of

763
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: like every joke she's ever written, like organized into subjects.

764
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 1: It's it's really crazy the type of anxious part of

765
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 1: me and the comedy lover and me feels like you've

766
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: just really given me a gem. Oh you'll love it. So,

767
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: Joan Rivers, you mentioned Ali Wong? Who are the who

768
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: are the comedians that you I guess who the ones

769
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: you look up to now? But like, who did you

770
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 1: get really into as you learning comedy as a kid too? Um?

771
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean Maria Bamford I really loved as a teenager.

772
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,839
Speaker 1: I still think she's amazing. I just don't really watch

773
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: stand up as much anymore. I did watch her last

774
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 1: special that was so good. Um, I think she's amazing.

775
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: I mean when I was a kid, we were listening

776
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 1: to a lot of clean comedy. So it was like

777
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: Brian Regan, who I opened for for a little while,

778
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: which was like insane and amazing. And he's like the

779
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: nicest person on top of being the funniest person. He's

780
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: so funny, and he's like so funny off stage two.

781
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: It's just it's pretty incredible. It's like him and Jim

782
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: Gaffrigan you could listen to in the car with your parents.

783
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: My dad actually liked Mitch Hedberg a lot, which was

784
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:51,280
Speaker 1: god yes killed his sesame jokes and Jim Gaffrigan talking

785
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 1: about pop tarts. I saw him at the Chicago Theater twice.

786
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: Actually I had tickets and then randomly another friend of

787
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: mine wound up with an extra and so I was

788
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 1: like it, I'll go again. And him just being like

789
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: pop his little little he kills me. There. There two

790
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: of my favorites. Yeah, so good. I mean Mike R. Biglia,

791
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 1: his stuff is so personal and interesting to me, And yeah,

792
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 1: I think I definitely gravitate more towards comedy that's very

793
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: personal and raw and honest, as opposed to just observational

794
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 1: or topical humor, but which I really respect. But in

795
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 1: terms of like what shaped me when I was younger,

796
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: I think it was more so that style for sure.

797
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 1: That's that's made me the type of comic I am.

798
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,759
Speaker 1: I really like that. Have you seen me Martin's show

799
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 1: Feel Good? Yes? Oh my gosh, my siblings are obsessed

800
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: with my Martin. Yeah, I'm also obsessed with May Martin.

801
00:45:55,760 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: And yeah, my my treat to myself yes or day

802
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: the day we're recording this as June seven, and the

803
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 1: season two of Feel Good came out on June four,

804
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: and so my which was a Friday. I'm saying this

805
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: really for the people at home to make sense of

806
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: what I'm talking to about. But my Sunday treat to

807
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 1: myself was just to sit on the couch and binge

808
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,959
Speaker 1: all of season two and it was heaven. I haven't

809
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 1: watched season two yet, but I heard it's great. It's

810
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: really great. And yeah, just what you're what you're speaking about,

811
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 1: you know, they're they're hilarious, really personal, kind of raw

812
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: experiential comedy. I think that's what I love. I think

813
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 1: that's why I grab it toward all of you guys,

814
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: and and even in some of the things I read,

815
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: like there was a Vulture headline calling you the comedian

816
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: laureate of not fun twenties and things, and you just

817
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 1: being like, NA, like I'm anxious. I don't want to

818
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 1: do that. I don't want to try those drugs. I'm

819
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: super scared. And I was like, I just love this

820
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: because I get you. And weirdly, when I see other

821
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 1: people be so honest about their experiences, like it makes

822
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 1: me feel more honest about my own. You know what

823
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 1: kind of when other people give themselves permission, I think

824
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: it gives the people who watched them permission to do

825
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: the same. Yeah, I agree. I was not on TikTok

826
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: before my special came out. The reason I'm on TikTok

827
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: is because I had uh, you know, social media people

828
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 1: that we had hired to help promote the special and

829
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: they were like, you have to be on TikTok and

830
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not a child. I'm not getting

831
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: on TikTok. And I didn't get into it at all

832
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: until like halfway through the pandemic maybe like in the fall,

833
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: And now that I've been on it, I'm like, oh,

834
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: this is how gen Z is like Gen Z is

835
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 1: really open about how terrified they are and how anxious

836
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 1: and depressed and just like making fun of their trauma

837
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 1: in such a funny, real way that I really like

838
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 1: respect to love and and makes me feel safer to

839
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,720
Speaker 1: do the material I want to do coming up, because

840
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: I think when the pandemic hit, part of me was like, oh, man,

841
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 1: is this hour I'm working on going to be too

842
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 1: dark when we get out of this, Like are people

843
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: just gonna want, you know, really light humor or or

844
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 1: more like silly? And I think there's a degree of

845
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 1: truth to that. But I also think that when you

846
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 1: go through something traumatic, you do want to be able

847
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 1: to laugh at darker things well, and I think it's

848
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:39,760
Speaker 1: the honesty in dark comedy and and everyone really feels

849
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 1: And I see people talking about how they feel very raw,

850
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: very kind of like the defenses and the facades have

851
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: been broken down, and it's interesting. I've I had the

852
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: exact same experience. I'm like, no, I literally can't be

853
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 1: on TikTok because I am not of Generation Z and

854
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 1: some of the people, some of my friends who are

855
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: are like, no, you will love it. It's topical. There

856
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 1: are conversations there's also housey I Y. And then a

857
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: friend of mine sent me a video of a guy

858
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 1: um on TikTok showing you how to get rest off

859
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 1: a cast iron skillet, and I was like, fucking man,

860
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,720
Speaker 1: I'm in heaven, like heaven. And then I watched forty

861
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 1: of his videos and then I was like, oh, I

862
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 1: understand why everyone is addicted to this, Like this makes

863
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: perfect sense to me. And I think the the thing

864
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 1: you're talking about about, the way gen Z is so open,

865
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 1: resonates with me so intensely because I've recently realized talking

866
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: to a friend of mine from One Treehill and when

867
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: we were like, oh yeah, so we were twenty and

868
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: then we were on a show where we were playing

869
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 1: high schoolers. But we did that for ten years. So

870
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 1: basically my twenties were just like Groundhog Day high school.

871
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:55,439
Speaker 1: And so my thirties have been my twenties. Like I

872
00:49:55,520 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: finally feel like I'm thirty, but I'm about to be

873
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: thirty nine. I kind of feel like I'm a decade behind.

874
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. You also look way better

875
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 1: than me and I'm twenty seven, So I mean, I

876
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: don't agree with you at all. I think you have

877
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 1: perfect skin. I've noticed it multiple times. Um, but what

878
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 1: what's weird is actually like, if I look at myself now,

879
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 1: I feel like I look like myself. When I look

880
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: at pictures of myself. In my twenties, I had this

881
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: little baby face, but I was trying so hard to

882
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: prove that I was an adult because I was so

883
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 1: scared all the fucking time that I felt like I

884
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: weirdly looked older because I was like trying to look

885
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: like a grown up. So I like my hair always

886
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,879
Speaker 1: looked a little weird and I was like probably wearing

887
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 1: too much I make up, but also like whatever, I

888
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 1: liked it at the time, so I can call it,

889
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 1: but like I don't, I don't know. I'm not trying

890
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 1: to like put on a face anymore so that people

891
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: don't notice that I'm a kid. And so yeah, I'm

892
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: having it's very weird, having a really weird moment. Thanks

893
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: for talking to me about it, Oh my gosh. Of course, again,

894
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:11,280
Speaker 1: so helpful to hear someone like you feel that way,

895
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 1: because even I felt that in my twenties where I'm like,

896
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what was I doing there? Or that

897
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: doesn't look like me? I feel like that seeing clips

898
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 1: of my special sometimes where I'm like, well, that's not

899
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: what I look like. That's really good lighting and makeup

900
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 1: and all these things like that feels like a version

901
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:33,720
Speaker 1: of me that I'm glad is out there. But it's

902
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: sort of like Uncanny Valley ish for me, where I'm like,

903
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: is that did someone build that? To do my jokes?

904
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: And then I get to go do the press and stuff,

905
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: like I think, I don't know do you feel that way?

906
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: Did you feel that way when you were younger and

907
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 1: you were doing so much press and you were like

908
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 1: so huge and I can't imagine what that was like

909
00:51:54,640 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: just the level of recognition you had and fame you had,

910
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: like at that young age, that's so intimidating to me.

911
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 1: But did you feel like that watching your show or

912
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: interviews of yourself where you were like who is that? Yeah? Sometimes?

913
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: And I think also it was such a weird era

914
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 1: because it was the early aughts, so like tabloids were horrific,

915
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 1: you know. It was the era of like Lindsay Lohan

916
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 1: drama and people were just really going after girls, you know,

917
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 1: and we're acknowledging it now like the Britney Spears doc

918
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:29,319
Speaker 1: I think really made a lot of people look at

919
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: their early two thousands and go like, oh god, we

920
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: were horrible to women, And I was certainly on the

921
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 1: receiving end of a lot of that, which was weird

922
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 1: because like every girl I know who was on a

923
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 1: show in that decade, and most of the people I

924
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: know now have like fallen in love with someone they've

925
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 1: worked with, and no one really cares, even for people

926
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 1: who have done it plenty of times, and no one

927
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 1: even talks about it when the boys do it, so

928
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,280
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, it's all. It was weird

929
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,840
Speaker 1: that that they kind of wanted to like rake girls

930
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:05,399
Speaker 1: over the coals for just existing, um, and never did

931
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 1: so to any of their partners who were half of

932
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 1: those equations. So like that's a weird thing to think about.

933
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,800
Speaker 1: But you just go like, yeah, okay, it's one cog

934
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: and like the giant trash patriarchy wheel, and you know,

935
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,839
Speaker 1: just a lot of a lot of journalists got a

936
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:24,280
Speaker 1: lot of traffic on their websites for doing it, So

937
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,840
Speaker 1: I can see it and be grossed out by it,

938
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,919
Speaker 1: but also interestingly have no personal attachment to it, which

939
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 1: feels nice. I'm like my therapist, my therapist is worth

940
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 1: all that money I've paid her over the years. Uh,

941
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, no, yeah, I can see

942
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 1: this societal thing and how it fits into the you know,

943
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 1: schematics of patriarchy, and and it's like, but it doesn't

944
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 1: feel personal anymore, which is cool. But the other thing

945
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 1: that was weird is that we were all living in

946
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:55,439
Speaker 1: North Carolina, Like there was just our cast, and then

947
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: it was a college. You know, there's U n c W.

948
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: It's like there were college kids, and then there are

949
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,399
Speaker 1: like a bunch of retired guys who played golf. So

950
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 1: it was like us in our twenties mostly around like

951
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:12,920
Speaker 1: teenagers and then retired people. So we were in this

952
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: really weird little bubble. And so we didn't really know,

953
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: you know, we weren't shooting our show in l A

954
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 1: Or in New York where we were being invited to

955
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 1: stuff all the time. We can never go to parties.

956
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,400
Speaker 1: We were we like didn't do much of that, and

957
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: and so I think in one way that kind of

958
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:30,439
Speaker 1: saved us. And then I think on the flip side,

959
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: it made us all really vulnerable too, just influence, you know,

960
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 1: like we really trusted all the guys we worked for

961
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 1: and it turned out they were a bunch of old,

962
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 1: fucking creeps who did not have our best interests at heart.

963
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: Now we can kind of laugh about it, but at

964
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 1: the time it was really disorienting. And then because we

965
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 1: weren't doing a ton of press when we would like,

966
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: I think about it now and I'm like, oh my god,

967
00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: we just answered every question that was ever asked of us.

968
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,800
Speaker 1: We didn't even know we could say like, I don't

969
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: really want to talk to you about that. Um, we didn't.

970
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 1: No one said to us, if someone asks you a

971
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 1: question that makes you uncomfortable, like crack a joke and

972
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:11,320
Speaker 1: move on. You know. We were just like, oh, well,

973
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,799
Speaker 1: because there was a tape recorder going and there was

974
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 1: this sort of assumption that we had to do what

975
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: was asked of us, and we were babies and we

976
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 1: just didn't know. So it's really, when I think about it,

977
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 1: I realized what a weird time it was. But for

978
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: everything that wasn't great, then, I think the thing that feels, like,

979
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:35,839
Speaker 1: you know, the feather in my cap if I will,

980
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: is that we've all kind of really come back to

981
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 1: each other. We've developed these like incredible friendships as adult

982
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 1: women and we're just like frank about it, which is

983
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 1: probably because mentally we're gen z We're stuck in you know,

984
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 1: we're gen Zeus because we were like emotionally stunted for

985
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 1: ten years. So we're actually children and now we're like, oh,

986
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 1: this is our era. We talk about our wounds and

987
00:55:55,920 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: our trauma. Let me add it. That is so interesting.

988
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. It's weird right when you

989
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,759
Speaker 1: think about it that way. Also, I'm realizing in this moment, like,

990
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:09,920
Speaker 1: of course you did two hundred episodes of a podcast

991
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 1: because you are also a great interviewer, and you are

992
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 1: very introspective and you want to talk about you know, development,

993
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 1: and you're wickedly funny, but you're very sensitive. And I

994
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 1: guess that goes back to the superpower side of anxiety.

995
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:30,319
Speaker 1: And do you think that that this tendency to like

996
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 1: really want to get into stuff with people is what

997
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 1: led you to do that for a while, like made

998
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 1: you want to ask questions and and explore. Yeah, absolutely

999
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: I did self. Helpless the podcast I started with my

1000
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 1: friends Delanie Fisher and Kelsey Cook. I they're still doing it.

1001
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 1: I left about five months ago, but they I did

1002
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,319
Speaker 1: it for three and a half years. They just hit

1003
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: like four years, and I did it because I wanted

1004
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 1: to work with them so badly because I love them

1005
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 1: so much, and also we just all loved self improvement

1006
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 1: and we were all trying to be better and we

1007
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 1: were all workaholics at the time. We've worked on it,

1008
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:12,440
Speaker 1: we're trying to be better, and we've I think we

1009
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:14,839
Speaker 1: got a lot better as people and found a lot

1010
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: of balance and learned a lot about ourselves doing that podcast.

1011
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: But one of the things that I learned is that

1012
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to be I don't want to be

1013
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:27,800
Speaker 1: sharing my whole life every single week. And that's what

1014
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: that podcast was because it was so focused on the

1015
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: three of us and what we were learning about ourselves

1016
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 1: in these books we read or this documentary we watched,

1017
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: or really the only time we didn't have to get

1018
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: super personal as when we interviewed other people, but there

1019
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 1: was still a lot of us in there, and I

1020
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 1: after the Netflix special came out, I just felt like

1021
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 1: a lot of people I knew a lot about me

1022
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 1: in a way that I wasn't used to, and it's

1023
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 1: made me much more aware of exactly what you're talking about,

1024
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: which is you don't have to say anything. You don't

1025
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 1: have to say everything, you don't have to answer every question,

1026
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 1: you don't have to give all of yourself right away.

1027
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 1: And that's what I like about stand up is you

1028
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: can work on these jokes for two years and decide

1029
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: what you want to share with people in a prerecorded,

1030
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: widely released way, you know, like you never get it

1031
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 1: back working it out in front of an audience and

1032
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: Tampa or whatever, like they're always going to know. But

1033
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 1: the hard thing about for me for doing a podcast

1034
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: every week was that it was too much of how

1035
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: I felt right then, and I hadn't worked through stuff yet,

1036
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 1: and I mean, you know, I still feel I'm like,

1037
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 1: there's a lot in there if you go back and listen.

1038
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: So that's sort of where I'm at with it now.

1039
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad I did it. And I loved

1040
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 1: Laney and Kelsey so much, and I'm glad they're still

1041
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,960
Speaker 1: keeping it alive. And the fans we got from it

1042
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 1: are like the nicest, most dedicated fans ever. A lot

1043
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 1: of them came to my special taping, and yeah, I

1044
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 1: just I just don't want to betray myself. I guess

1045
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to betray my future self by oversharing

1046
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: things that are undercooked totally. Well, that's one of the

1047
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 1: things that I think, even like I was saying earlier

1048
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: about not knowing, I didn't have to answer questions. I

1049
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: didn't have that kind of emotional awareness or experiential maturity.

1050
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 1: And I think as you find your maturity and experience,

1051
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: you begin getting really good at what your boundaries are.

1052
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 1: And this podcast is available for editing, and your special

1053
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 1: can be edited. And one of the things that I

1054
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 1: learned even a couple of years ago is that, um,

1055
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: the only place that makes me feel really unsafe is

1056
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: the live thing that can't that doesn't contain room for

1057
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 1: forgiving people grace. And you know, I I had like

1058
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 1: you experiences with the same journalist where twice in live settings,

1059
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: I was like ambushed with the thing that I just said,

1060
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 1: like there's nothing I want to talk about except I

1061
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 1: don't really want to get into like I don't want

1062
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 1: to talk about other people who have negatively affected me,

1063
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 1: Like I'd rather talk about my work or my life,

1064
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 1: Like I don't like when women are constantly asked about

1065
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 1: people who did them wrong kind of bullshit. And both

1066
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 1: times this happened, and then I was like, Okay, I'm

1067
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 1: just not ever doing a live show with this person again,

1068
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: Like that's just that's my rule because I don't want

1069
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 1: to be got it. And And what I realized about

1070
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: what you're saying is that so much of what feels

1071
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,919
Speaker 1: good to do is to share the things you understand

1072
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 1: where you've come to a conclusion, where you've found the

1073
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:54,200
Speaker 1: grace for yourself or someone else in the experience. And

1074
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 1: when you're when you're doing a thing about you in

1075
01:00:58,240 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 1: the most intimate spaces ivery week, you haven't had time

1076
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: to find a conclusion or to like reach the end

1077
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 1: of a road and then look back and process, and yeah,

1078
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 1: that that must have felt really um. I just get this,

1079
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 1: which doesn't help anyone listening at home. I'm like, I'm

1080
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 1: like making a line down my chest and then cracking

1081
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 1: it open, like it feels so exposed, that's the word.

1082
01:01:28,040 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 1: I was like, what does this feel like when your

1083
01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 1: heart is on the outside because a cabinet, Yeah, you're

1084
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 1: like people, you can see it. That would be that

1085
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 1: would be hard for me too. And I do feel

1086
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 1: like there's a lot of really beautiful, um, vulnerable conversation

1087
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 1: even in this space. But I like to make sure

1088
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 1: people feel like they get to do that, and and

1089
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 1: for myself to do that in a safe um way

1090
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 1: where you where you're choosing to be vulnerable because you're

1091
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:02,000
Speaker 1: sharing something that you know, whether it funny or sensitive,

1092
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: that might help another person. Like when you say to

1093
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 1: me that me being honest about, you know, feeling like

1094
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 1: today's the day it's all gonna come grudging down makes

1095
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 1: you feel okay about your anxiety, I'm like, oh, that's great. Yeah,

1096
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 1: I've had this for twenty years, so it really does.

1097
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:22,480
Speaker 1: It really really does. And it's what makes me want

1098
01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 1: to as we're talking about earlier, it's what makes me

1099
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 1: want to share the tougher things I've dealt with or

1100
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 1: that I've come to terms with because I know other

1101
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 1: people who have felt that way are going to appreciate it.

1102
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 1: And the people who don't like it, like probably haven't

1103
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 1: experienced it or it's just not for them, and that's okay.

1104
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 1: And I think the Internet has been so helpful and

1105
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 1: miraculous and that it makes it okay for you to

1106
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 1: just find your audience and be okay with not everybody

1107
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 1: liking you and be a little less broad and a

1108
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 1: little more focused. Yeah, that feels like some freedom when

1109
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:04,440
Speaker 1: you think about finding the methodology through which you share

1110
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:09,520
Speaker 1: what's personal, you know, comedy and in taking other people's

1111
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,760
Speaker 1: stuff on the internet. Where do you think the kind

1112
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:17,919
Speaker 1: of social political stuff comes in with comedy? Because for me,

1113
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: I look at comedians as being able to kind of

1114
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 1: distill reality to us with humor, which I think is

1115
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:32,360
Speaker 1: such a universal language. And when I look at artists, comedians, athletes,

1116
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 1: all these people have always really been on the forefront

1117
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 1: of sort of social and political conversations. But then I

1118
01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:42,600
Speaker 1: also know from being there that people will say dumb

1119
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:44,680
Speaker 1: shipped to me, like why don't you just shut up

1120
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:48,840
Speaker 1: and keep acting like no, Also, this is my Instagram.

1121
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 1: I don't act here right, Seriously, this is like this

1122
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 1: is not the place where that, right, just go on

1123
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 1: Netflix guys Like yeah, I'm like, you Google watch anything anywhere.

1124
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:03,120
Speaker 1: But you're so what, how do you kind of find

1125
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 1: your lane or or the thing that makes you feel

1126
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 1: empowered in terms of whether or not you want to

1127
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:12,480
Speaker 1: dip into those kinds of issues. I mean, it's so

1128
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 1: hard because I think that's a really nuanced thing where

1129
01:04:17,360 --> 01:04:20,040
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people who are like comedians joking

1130
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 1: about these issues is helpful because it, like you said,

1131
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 1: it helps people sort of receive these ideas in a

1132
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:32,360
Speaker 1: way that's more palatable. But also like you can get

1133
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:37,040
Speaker 1: in trouble for being to flip it about issues by

1134
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 1: making jokes about them. So there are a lot of

1135
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,480
Speaker 1: I'm not a political comedian. I know a lot of

1136
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 1: comedians who are really good at that, who are really

1137
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 1: good at making their points and being really funny at

1138
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:52,720
Speaker 1: the same time. For me, weighing it on stuff is

1139
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:56,760
Speaker 1: just directing people to things that helped me learn something,

1140
01:04:56,840 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 1: like I've I've always felt that way starting stand up

1141
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 1: so young is that I'm like, I am very young,

1142
01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't know enough, and if you

1143
01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:09,320
Speaker 1: want to learn about something, you should not be coming

1144
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 1: to me for that, Like I should not be talking

1145
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:19,400
Speaker 1: like I'm some sort of authority on really anything, but

1146
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: I know lots of people who are, and my comedy

1147
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 1: is something that helps me get enough people following me

1148
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 1: to where when you choose to share that stuff, it

1149
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 1: actually gets seen by a lot of people. So when

1150
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 1: people go just keep telling jokes or just keep acting,

1151
01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, I'm going to because that is part

1152
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 1: of this that's one aspect of this, but I also

1153
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 1: am gonna post about these things sometimes because they're also

1154
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:49,840
Speaker 1: really important and if I'm not doing that, then I'm

1155
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 1: only accumulating this success for myself and for no other reason.

1156
01:05:56,200 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 1: That doesn't feel great, you know. Yeah, I like, uh,

1157
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:04,040
Speaker 1: I think very often about you know, we're having a

1158
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 1: lot of conversations about inequity and privilege and these things

1159
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:10,600
Speaker 1: we need to be looking at, and I try to

1160
01:06:10,640 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 1: think about what the what can the good side of

1161
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 1: something like privilege look like? And to me, it's the

1162
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 1: privilege of a platform where I'm like, oh, yeah, this

1163
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 1: is the best part of what I do is being

1164
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 1: able to have this many people that I could share

1165
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,400
Speaker 1: something that I believe to be really important with. And yeah,

1166
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 1: I hear you. It's so funny because you're right. I

1167
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 1: I didn't get the sense, like watching your special that

1168
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: you were necessarily making political jokes, but you're so razor

1169
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 1: sharp in your social observations and like, those things feel

1170
01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 1: very bold to me, And I think there is a

1171
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 1: I think there's kind of a parallel path sometimes with

1172
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:58,240
Speaker 1: um being willing to advocate about something in the political spectrum,

1173
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 1: but also just like being really bold about talking about

1174
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 1: what society is, especially for women, Like so many of

1175
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:08,360
Speaker 1: the observations that you make, I'm just like, yep, yep,

1176
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 1: that too. I feel that felt that yep, And and

1177
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 1: so it's funny because it feels incredibly um current and topical,

1178
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 1: and I do think there's real truth in like, the

1179
01:07:23,200 --> 01:07:28,800
Speaker 1: more specific your material, the more universal it is for people. Um,

1180
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 1: is there like a joke in the new material that

1181
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,920
Speaker 1: feels I don't want to be cheesy and say like

1182
01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 1: quintessentially you, but is there something that you look at

1183
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 1: that's like that's the grounding thing or are there many

1184
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 1: of those over the course of an hour. I mean,

1185
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:47,960
Speaker 1: the stuff about my mom is something I've really a

1186
01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 1: couple of those jokes I wrote when I was a

1187
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:52,400
Speaker 1: lot younger, and they just didn't really work. Yeah, they

1188
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:56,160
Speaker 1: didn't really work consistently because people really sad and they

1189
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 1: were also nervous for me because I was so young,

1190
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:02,320
Speaker 1: and I really needed the years of um experience to

1191
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: get to a place where I could deliver them in

1192
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:07,960
Speaker 1: a way that made people feel like I was okay,

1193
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:12,120
Speaker 1: Like I was a mature enough performer to handle those topics.

1194
01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 1: So I am really proud of that and like, you know,

1195
01:08:14,480 --> 01:08:18,519
Speaker 1: I have jokes about antidepressants and panic attacks, and like

1196
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:22,040
Speaker 1: it does. It does feel very personal to me. And

1197
01:08:22,120 --> 01:08:26,160
Speaker 1: there was a very conscious effort to hold back with

1198
01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:30,439
Speaker 1: Quarter Life Crisis and make that one a little more fun,

1199
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:32,560
Speaker 1: I guess, and a little more like twenties, which is

1200
01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:34,680
Speaker 1: so funny to hear you go like, oh, the anxiety,

1201
01:08:34,680 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 1: and they're like you picked up on all that, because

1202
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people don't don't read into

1203
01:08:39,200 --> 01:08:40,880
Speaker 1: that as much. They just think of it as like

1204
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 1: I was just about being into twenties and dating is

1205
01:08:43,520 --> 01:08:45,640
Speaker 1: hard and stuff. But there there is a lot of

1206
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:49,920
Speaker 1: like there are a lot of hints in Quarter Life Crisis,

1207
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:53,920
Speaker 1: I feel, And like the joke in Quarter Life Crisis

1208
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:55,960
Speaker 1: that I almost wish I'd saved for this New Hour

1209
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,759
Speaker 1: is the joke about like being a teenager and telling

1210
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:02,080
Speaker 1: my dad I had suicidal thoughts and him just going

1211
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: like taking a knife out of the door and being

1212
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:07,880
Speaker 1: like go ahead, like calling your bluff basically or something like.

1213
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:10,200
Speaker 1: And that's like a traumatic memory for me that I

1214
01:09:10,200 --> 01:09:13,000
Speaker 1: have worked on a lot in therapy, and I turned

1215
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,479
Speaker 1: it into a joke that I'm really proud of where

1216
01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 1: I say, like I don't want you to fix it.

1217
01:09:17,160 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 1: I just want you to listen. And I do think

1218
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 1: that Joe gave my dad some grace because you know,

1219
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:27,400
Speaker 1: it's it pokes fun at me as well. But that's

1220
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:29,880
Speaker 1: a really hard thing. And I think I put it

1221
01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:32,000
Speaker 1: in quarter Life just to hint, like, hey, guys, like

1222
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,400
Speaker 1: I might be a little darker in the future, so

1223
01:09:34,400 --> 01:09:36,519
Speaker 1: hopefully you can handle this. And I had girls come

1224
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:38,360
Speaker 1: up to me after shows when I was doing that

1225
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:40,040
Speaker 1: hour who were like, oh my gosh, my dad did

1226
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 1: something similar, but he did it with a gun, like

1227
01:09:42,479 --> 01:09:46,840
Speaker 1: really dark ship that yeah, And same with this hour.

1228
01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:48,240
Speaker 1: People come up to me and be like, oh my gosh,

1229
01:09:48,280 --> 01:09:50,479
Speaker 1: my mom died last year and this was so funny

1230
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:53,840
Speaker 1: and thank you so much. Like that's the type of

1231
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:57,800
Speaker 1: connection that makes me feel really fulfilled and like I'm

1232
01:09:57,840 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 1: doing things I feel proud of and like myself, and

1233
01:09:59,840 --> 01:10:01,639
Speaker 1: so I do. I do feel like this next hour

1234
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 1: has a lot of jokes in it that are very

1235
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 1: much me and it's it's just I was talking to

1236
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:10,040
Speaker 1: my boyfriend about this last night where I was like,

1237
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:13,200
Speaker 1: it's I don't know, this might be kind of hard

1238
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:17,040
Speaker 1: on me emotionally in a way that I haven't realized

1239
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,559
Speaker 1: that I'm I'm doing two or three hours a night

1240
01:10:19,680 --> 01:10:23,439
Speaker 1: talking about all this stuff. And I think some nights

1241
01:10:23,479 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 1: I go, that's really good for me, and that's helpful,

1242
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 1: and this is but it's a lot of self reflection,

1243
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,600
Speaker 1: and I think there are nights that I'm really exhausted

1244
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 1: and tired, and it's it's a lot to share of

1245
01:10:32,920 --> 01:10:39,080
Speaker 1: yourself for a couple of years, and then permanently online

1246
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:44,480
Speaker 1: has having to do that, the work shopping, the repetition,

1247
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:50,840
Speaker 1: Has that helped you find some methodology of self care,

1248
01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:55,680
Speaker 1: some kind of like energetic what's the word for that.

1249
01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:58,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to say energetic cleansing, but maybe like

1250
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: something that you do too to shake that out of

1251
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 1: your system at night or are you still looking for that? Yeah?

1252
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:10,439
Speaker 1: I think I I think you have a routine before shows,

1253
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:14,920
Speaker 1: you have sort of a routine after shows, And I

1254
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:17,400
Speaker 1: don't really do meet and greets because it's just too much.

1255
01:11:18,280 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 1: And I'd like to do that in the future, but

1256
01:11:20,880 --> 01:11:23,040
Speaker 1: it's just and I have in the past, but it's

1257
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 1: just too much to give all of that. And then

1258
01:11:25,439 --> 01:11:28,800
Speaker 1: there is something sort of jarring about people coming after

1259
01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:32,840
Speaker 1: you after a show and referencing something about you and

1260
01:11:32,920 --> 01:11:34,720
Speaker 1: you going, how do you know that? And you're like, oh,

1261
01:11:34,760 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 1: I just told you, But you were this sort of

1262
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:40,960
Speaker 1: faceless mass of audience and now you're a person right

1263
01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:44,679
Speaker 1: in front of me shaking my hand, going that's crazy

1264
01:11:44,760 --> 01:11:47,120
Speaker 1: that that's how you are or this is what you

1265
01:11:47,240 --> 01:11:49,680
Speaker 1: take or that's what you're like in bed, and you're like,

1266
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:52,640
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can't believe I said all that.

1267
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 1: And it could get very overwhelming and I think make

1268
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:57,639
Speaker 1: it hard to go do another shower too. So that's

1269
01:11:57,680 --> 01:12:02,880
Speaker 1: definitely a uh strategy of self care that I've adapted

1270
01:12:03,040 --> 01:12:05,880
Speaker 1: on the road right now. Yeah, I had to do

1271
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:10,080
Speaker 1: something similar a couple of years ago. Depending on the

1272
01:12:10,120 --> 01:12:13,160
Speaker 1: material that I have to do on set, there are

1273
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,160
Speaker 1: some days when I can, like if we're out in public,

1274
01:12:16,240 --> 01:12:19,160
Speaker 1: let's say, you know, shooting at some building downtown somewhere

1275
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:21,600
Speaker 1: where at lunch, I can stand on the corner all

1276
01:12:21,680 --> 01:12:24,439
Speaker 1: day and take pictures of people and like, you know,

1277
01:12:24,640 --> 01:12:27,040
Speaker 1: meet their kids and and because it's it's a it's

1278
01:12:27,040 --> 01:12:29,680
Speaker 1: a light day. But on the days that for me

1279
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:33,320
Speaker 1: are heavy, I had to learn to give myself permission

1280
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:36,439
Speaker 1: to say I can't be touched by strangers right now

1281
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:41,320
Speaker 1: because of where I've been all day, and I need

1282
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:43,519
Speaker 1: to go sit down in the dark and be quiet

1283
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:46,720
Speaker 1: for twenty minutes over lunch. And the first couple of

1284
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:49,160
Speaker 1: times I did that and someone would like yell at

1285
01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 1: me getting in a van, like I can't believe you're

1286
01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:53,960
Speaker 1: gonna walk right. But that was really hard for me.

1287
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,680
Speaker 1: And then finally I was like, but I can't be

1288
01:12:55,840 --> 01:12:59,439
Speaker 1: nicer to you, a person I don't know than I

1289
01:12:59,479 --> 01:13:06,080
Speaker 1: am to the body I have to live in. It's

1290
01:13:06,120 --> 01:13:08,800
Speaker 1: still even telling you this, I feel guilty. I'm like,

1291
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 1: someone's going to hear this and feel like that's mean

1292
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:14,800
Speaker 1: or feel rejected by it. Well, you're helping me, so

1293
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,720
Speaker 1: that hopefully that takes away some guilty. Well, thank you.

1294
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:21,800
Speaker 1: But I really think there's something to it to learn,

1295
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:25,200
Speaker 1: especially as women who are taught to people please and

1296
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:29,800
Speaker 1: be good little girls, that you have to protect the

1297
01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:33,719
Speaker 1: physical body you live in and the emotions that carries.

1298
01:13:34,360 --> 01:13:36,800
Speaker 1: And sometimes that means you can't make someone else's day,

1299
01:13:37,240 --> 01:13:41,240
Speaker 1: and maybe that sucks, but you have to do it,

1300
01:13:41,479 --> 01:13:44,400
Speaker 1: especially if you want to have longevity in a career

1301
01:13:44,439 --> 01:13:46,599
Speaker 1: that does require you to be like this. I'm doing

1302
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,240
Speaker 1: the like chest cracking thing again for everyone at home,

1303
01:13:49,840 --> 01:13:54,200
Speaker 1: Like it does this to you all the time, and

1304
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:57,679
Speaker 1: and even when it's funny, it's still like you're still

1305
01:13:57,680 --> 01:13:59,800
Speaker 1: taking a piece of your insides out and putting them

1306
01:13:59,800 --> 01:14:01,320
Speaker 1: on a platter and being like you want to look

1307
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:07,240
Speaker 1: at that. Yes, yes, absolutely, And I think we all

1308
01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:11,920
Speaker 1: got really open on the internet during the pandemic in

1309
01:14:11,920 --> 01:14:15,120
Speaker 1: a way we wouldn't have been if it weren't for that.

1310
01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:20,120
Speaker 1: So it's been interesting going back to normal life and

1311
01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:23,280
Speaker 1: going like, Okay, maybe that's not how we operate anymore.

1312
01:14:23,439 --> 01:14:25,240
Speaker 1: Is it weird for you to do shows and have

1313
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:28,080
Speaker 1: an audience again? Like, is all the screaming when you

1314
01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:31,040
Speaker 1: finish something? Does that feel intense after a year inside?

1315
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:34,080
Speaker 1: At first it did. At first it did, and now

1316
01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:36,840
Speaker 1: it's just great again. But yeah, first it was like

1317
01:14:37,160 --> 01:14:40,920
Speaker 1: this is crazy, Like the first few times I was

1318
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:43,720
Speaker 1: like scared on State. I was just like, this is

1319
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:46,720
Speaker 1: a lot and this is nuts, and I just had

1320
01:14:46,720 --> 01:14:49,800
Speaker 1: to address it up front because I and depending on

1321
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:53,679
Speaker 1: where you were at in the country, the audience was like, yeah,

1322
01:14:53,720 --> 01:14:56,679
Speaker 1: we feel that way too, or they were like we've

1323
01:14:56,680 --> 01:15:00,200
Speaker 1: been out, We're fine. You know. It's a huge, huge

1324
01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:04,680
Speaker 1: difference between like North Carolina and like Portland, Oregon, like

1325
01:15:05,680 --> 01:15:08,599
Speaker 1: very different than the levels of anxiety and how long

1326
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:12,960
Speaker 1: people had been super locked up inside. What are some

1327
01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:16,080
Speaker 1: of the big goals on the list still for you?

1328
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, it's so funny because my whenever people ask

1329
01:15:19,320 --> 01:15:21,840
Speaker 1: me that, for years and years, I said, I want

1330
01:15:21,840 --> 01:15:23,680
Speaker 1: to I want to do theaters. I want to do

1331
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 1: theater tour. And so now to have gotten there, I'm like, oh, wow,

1332
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:31,800
Speaker 1: we have to we have to aim even higher now.

1333
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:34,400
Speaker 1: So I'd like to stay at that level. I'd like

1334
01:15:34,479 --> 01:15:38,320
Speaker 1: to perform for more and more people. Obviously, I would

1335
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:43,200
Speaker 1: like to continue doing specials whenever they're ready and make

1336
01:15:43,280 --> 01:15:46,280
Speaker 1: sense and are are something I'm proud of. I have

1337
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:50,320
Speaker 1: a couple of projects right now in development that I'm

1338
01:15:50,439 --> 01:15:53,000
Speaker 1: one in particular that I'm really really proud of and

1339
01:15:53,040 --> 01:15:56,320
Speaker 1: excited about, and um is very personal to me and

1340
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:01,240
Speaker 1: I hope gets made. And so there's a lot. There's

1341
01:16:01,280 --> 01:16:03,600
Speaker 1: a lot going on, and there's a lot that I

1342
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:08,759
Speaker 1: am looking forward to, and I'm also so incredibly grateful

1343
01:16:08,840 --> 01:16:11,840
Speaker 1: and dumbfounded that I get to be where I'm at

1344
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:15,000
Speaker 1: right now at this moment. So you caught me on

1345
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:19,120
Speaker 1: a grateful morning I love that. I feel that there's

1346
01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:21,320
Speaker 1: also something about when it rains in l A and

1347
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:24,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just feel cozy and introspective and want

1348
01:16:24,120 --> 01:16:27,559
Speaker 1: to think about my life. I know, truly. I woke

1349
01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:29,360
Speaker 1: up and I was like, Oh, I guess we're gonna

1350
01:16:29,479 --> 01:16:32,799
Speaker 1: we're gonna learn some things about ourselves today. We're gonna journal.

1351
01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:35,000
Speaker 1: We're just going to be in here, maybe put some

1352
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 1: music on cups of coffee this morning. So my favorite

1353
01:16:41,960 --> 01:16:43,720
Speaker 1: thing to ask everybody who comes on the show. And

1354
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,840
Speaker 1: you referenced it earlier, so perhaps it's something you've thought about.

1355
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:50,920
Speaker 1: But when you think about the notion of a work

1356
01:16:50,960 --> 01:16:55,360
Speaker 1: in progress, if it's your special, if it's personal, if

1357
01:16:55,400 --> 01:16:58,800
Speaker 1: it's something you see happening in the world around you,

1358
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:03,320
Speaker 1: what what in your life feels like a work in

1359
01:17:03,360 --> 01:17:07,360
Speaker 1: progress to you? Oh my gosh, me as a whole,

1360
01:17:07,760 --> 01:17:15,520
Speaker 1: my personality, uh my, my combination of medications I'm taking, uh,

1361
01:17:15,600 --> 01:17:20,800
Speaker 1: my career, my relationships, I mean, everything does, everything does.

1362
01:17:20,920 --> 01:17:24,000
Speaker 1: And that was that was the frustration I talked about

1363
01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:27,080
Speaker 1: in quarter Life, which was just like, your twenties are

1364
01:17:27,160 --> 01:17:31,920
Speaker 1: such a tumultuous time of of learning about yourself and

1365
01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:36,280
Speaker 1: figuring out how you're gonna be in the future, and

1366
01:17:36,320 --> 01:17:38,559
Speaker 1: I know, you know. And every time I say this,

1367
01:17:38,640 --> 01:17:41,120
Speaker 1: people in their thirties and forties are like, you know,

1368
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:43,400
Speaker 1: you don't have it figured out later either, Or people

1369
01:17:43,439 --> 01:17:45,000
Speaker 1: come up to me and they say, when you turn thirty,

1370
01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:46,600
Speaker 1: everything is way better, or they come up to me

1371
01:17:46,600 --> 01:17:48,559
Speaker 1: and say, when you turn forty, everything is way better.

1372
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:51,280
Speaker 1: But nobody's ever like, yeah, my twenties were amazing. No

1373
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:54,000
Speaker 1: one ever says that to me, and rightfully so. But

1374
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:56,080
Speaker 1: I am coming to the end of them, and I

1375
01:17:56,120 --> 01:18:00,280
Speaker 1: do feel like it might even out once I'm in

1376
01:18:00,280 --> 01:18:03,840
Speaker 1: my thirties. This like feeling of what every year I

1377
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:06,439
Speaker 1: look back at a year ago and go, oh, my gosh,

1378
01:18:06,439 --> 01:18:08,759
Speaker 1: I was a totally different person in a totally different place,

1379
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:11,760
Speaker 1: And I would like to get to a spot in

1380
01:18:11,760 --> 01:18:14,200
Speaker 1: my life where I don't feel that way anymore because

1381
01:18:14,200 --> 01:18:17,200
Speaker 1: it is exhausting. So I very much feel like a

1382
01:18:17,240 --> 01:18:21,519
Speaker 1: work in progress in every way I've I've been working

1383
01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:25,599
Speaker 1: on my material in my act, but I've also been

1384
01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:28,880
Speaker 1: working on my mental health and and how I approach

1385
01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:35,000
Speaker 1: romantic relationships specifically, and I, yeah, I feel like there's

1386
01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:38,080
Speaker 1: a there's a lot to work on with me right now.

1387
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:43,320
Speaker 1: Within my life. So um, I love the name a lot.

1388
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:45,880
Speaker 1: I think I think probably everyone feels like they're a

1389
01:18:45,920 --> 01:18:49,719
Speaker 1: work in progress. I would assume when you ask that, Yeah,

1390
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:53,040
Speaker 1: it is really interesting how many people immediately make that face.

1391
01:18:53,040 --> 01:18:56,080
Speaker 1: They go and then they say with me, and then

1392
01:18:56,240 --> 01:18:59,040
Speaker 1: it's the thing they talk about in themselves that I'm

1393
01:18:59,040 --> 01:19:03,120
Speaker 1: always so fast needed by. Um. I just think humans

1394
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:07,559
Speaker 1: are cool, and I think, you know, we're all so

1395
01:19:07,680 --> 01:19:10,439
Speaker 1: much more complex than for so many generations, we were

1396
01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:13,960
Speaker 1: given the space to be and I'm excited to be

1397
01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:17,360
Speaker 1: alive in this moment and at this stage, in this

1398
01:19:17,439 --> 01:19:24,000
Speaker 1: moment where we're really beginning to it seems to me anyway,

1399
01:19:24,200 --> 01:19:26,240
Speaker 1: where so many people are beginning to be willing to

1400
01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:29,160
Speaker 1: take up more of their own space and to be

1401
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:35,560
Speaker 1: wholly themselves and to like welcome the little duck lengths along. Yes, absolutely,

1402
01:19:35,960 --> 01:19:39,000
Speaker 1: I will say specifically to give you a specific answer,

1403
01:19:39,439 --> 01:19:41,719
Speaker 1: just so I'm not like every other guest who's like me,

1404
01:19:42,160 --> 01:19:48,719
Speaker 1: I'm a working it's me. I'm I'm working very hard

1405
01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:53,080
Speaker 1: on my sense of self worth because I think when

1406
01:19:53,080 --> 01:19:56,120
Speaker 1: you have a low opinion of yourself, or you struggle

1407
01:19:56,160 --> 01:19:59,360
Speaker 1: with a lot of insecurity, it holds you back in

1408
01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:02,839
Speaker 1: a way almost nothing else does. I think it affects everything.

1409
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:06,400
Speaker 1: It affects your career, and it affects your relationships, and

1410
01:20:06,520 --> 01:20:10,240
Speaker 1: it makes you this might be too strong a word,

1411
01:20:10,280 --> 01:20:14,600
Speaker 1: but almost like a dangerous person if you're painfully insecure,

1412
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:20,280
Speaker 1: because I think people act out of insecurity and maybe

1413
01:20:20,280 --> 01:20:22,160
Speaker 1: not dangerous, but you're not as safe. You're not as

1414
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:25,200
Speaker 1: safe as space for people if you're insecure because you're

1415
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:26,559
Speaker 1: so wrapped up in your own head and you're so

1416
01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:30,519
Speaker 1: focused on yourself, and you know, like a good example is,

1417
01:20:30,680 --> 01:20:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm very nervous in social situations. I'm very scared. Even

1418
01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:37,519
Speaker 1: just doing shows in l A. I can be really

1419
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:40,120
Speaker 1: really nervous and scared, and I don't want to bother anybody,

1420
01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:43,120
Speaker 1: and I don't want to put anybody out. And um,

1421
01:20:43,280 --> 01:20:45,759
Speaker 1: people will tell people that I really like, will tell

1422
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:48,760
Speaker 1: my friends and people close to me that they feel

1423
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:51,160
Speaker 1: as though I'm stand offish or that I don't like them,

1424
01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:55,320
Speaker 1: and that they're kind of scared of me. And every

1425
01:20:55,360 --> 01:20:57,599
Speaker 1: time someone tells me that, I go, oh, that's right,

1426
01:20:57,840 --> 01:21:00,639
Speaker 1: you can't just go I'm afraid. I'm afraid, I'm afraid.

1427
01:21:00,640 --> 01:21:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm shy. You kind of have

1428
01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:05,080
Speaker 1: to get over that so you don't make other people

1429
01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:08,519
Speaker 1: feel bad too. So the people are like, why why

1430
01:21:08,479 --> 01:21:10,280
Speaker 1: won't you make eye contact with me, It's like, oh,

1431
01:21:10,439 --> 01:21:12,439
Speaker 1: I'm scared, and it's like, okay, well I felt like

1432
01:21:13,240 --> 01:21:15,280
Speaker 1: we were friends, and now I don't know if you

1433
01:21:15,680 --> 01:21:17,800
Speaker 1: like me or not because you just couldn't say hi

1434
01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:19,920
Speaker 1: or go out of your way to be like, hey,

1435
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:24,760
Speaker 1: how's it going. So that's something I'm working on specifically

1436
01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:28,880
Speaker 1: in my own life, is feeling good about myself and

1437
01:21:29,320 --> 01:21:32,839
Speaker 1: feeling comfortable in my own skin and trying to believe

1438
01:21:32,920 --> 01:21:37,200
Speaker 1: the best in other people and situations and myself instead

1439
01:21:37,200 --> 01:21:39,920
Speaker 1: of just anticipating the worst case scenario all the time.

1440
01:21:42,439 --> 01:21:44,880
Speaker 1: The thing that really was like a punch to the

1441
01:21:44,920 --> 01:21:49,880
Speaker 1: gup for me, that framed what you're talking about was

1442
01:21:50,880 --> 01:21:55,000
Speaker 1: having a conversation with a very wise friend who said,

1443
01:21:55,880 --> 01:21:58,160
Speaker 1: you will always be able to prove the story you're

1444
01:21:58,160 --> 01:22:04,320
Speaker 1: telling yourself m M. And I was like, oh, she said, so,

1445
01:22:04,360 --> 01:22:07,840
Speaker 1: if you're telling yourself that the world is scary and

1446
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:10,479
Speaker 1: that you are scared and that people secretly don't like you,

1447
01:22:10,720 --> 01:22:15,240
Speaker 1: you will find that mm. So what if you stopped

1448
01:22:15,880 --> 01:22:18,519
Speaker 1: telling yourself a story and then looking to prove that

1449
01:22:18,600 --> 01:22:21,320
Speaker 1: it was true. M M. And I was like, oh

1450
01:22:21,360 --> 01:22:25,000
Speaker 1: my god, oh my god, oh my god, because that

1451
01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:29,040
Speaker 1: that example you gave of you being told, well, you

1452
01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:30,320
Speaker 1: didn't say hi to me, and then I thought you

1453
01:22:30,360 --> 01:22:34,439
Speaker 1: were standoffish. I've also been the person who has held

1454
01:22:34,439 --> 01:22:37,040
Speaker 1: my breath when I see someone wondering does that person

1455
01:22:37,080 --> 01:22:39,360
Speaker 1: remember me? Do they know me? And then if they

1456
01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:42,840
Speaker 1: walk by me, I'm like gutted by the feeling. But

1457
01:22:42,880 --> 01:22:45,160
Speaker 1: then they'll say to someone, yeah, we were like making

1458
01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:47,200
Speaker 1: eye contact and she didn't say anything to me, So

1459
01:22:47,280 --> 01:22:50,000
Speaker 1: I just felt weird. So I walked out and I'm like, well,

1460
01:22:50,040 --> 01:22:52,320
Speaker 1: I thought you didn't know me, and that you so

1461
01:22:52,720 --> 01:22:56,960
Speaker 1: it I you can create the proof of that which

1462
01:22:57,200 --> 01:23:02,200
Speaker 1: you fear. And and so sometimes when I get caught

1463
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:09,120
Speaker 1: in that, like the gasp and hold feeling, I try

1464
01:23:09,160 --> 01:23:12,599
Speaker 1: to force myself to exhale and do something else because

1465
01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:16,240
Speaker 1: I find that it's in the literal and metaphorical holding

1466
01:23:16,280 --> 01:23:19,400
Speaker 1: of my breath that I can I can make up

1467
01:23:19,400 --> 01:23:25,000
Speaker 1: a story that isn't true. Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. Whatever.

1468
01:23:25,840 --> 01:23:28,240
Speaker 1: The person who's got a decade of this, you know,

1469
01:23:28,479 --> 01:23:32,840
Speaker 1: nightmare on you. I was clutching my face during that

1470
01:23:32,880 --> 01:23:36,400
Speaker 1: whole interaction, just trying to hide the fact that my

1471
01:23:36,479 --> 01:23:41,280
Speaker 1: life was changing. That's so wow. That's such good advice. Yeah,

1472
01:23:41,280 --> 01:23:43,960
Speaker 1: it's that confirmation bias thing. If you want to find something,

1473
01:23:44,000 --> 01:23:48,200
Speaker 1: you're going to find it. And yeah, that's exactly what

1474
01:23:48,240 --> 01:23:50,799
Speaker 1: I needed to hear. That is exactly what I am

1475
01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:54,479
Speaker 1: working on and learning is that if you are terrified

1476
01:23:54,479 --> 01:23:56,400
Speaker 1: of something happening and it is all you focus your

1477
01:23:56,479 --> 01:23:59,719
Speaker 1: energy on, even if it's not happening, you will find

1478
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:02,000
Speaker 1: a way to believe it is. You're so right. Well,

1479
01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:05,320
Speaker 1: thank you so much. This has been great. Thank you

1480
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Speaker 1: so much. This was a true joy.