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Speaker 1: You are listening to What in the Winkler and iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of What in the Winkler.

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Speaker 1: I am so excited because today we have a really

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Speaker 1: special guest and she's not a family member, so this

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Speaker 1: is like a real legit guest. Doctor Eliza Pressman is

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Speaker 1: a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working

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Speaker 1: with families and the healthcare providers who care for them.

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Speaker 1: She's the author of the New York Times best selling

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Speaker 1: book The Five Principles of Parenting, Your Essential Guide to

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Speaker 1: Raising Good Humans, and the host of the award winning

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Speaker 1: podcast Raising Good Humans. And most importantly, she is a really, really,

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Speaker 1: really dear friend of mine. And I'm so excited You're

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Speaker 1: hair welcome. Thank you. I'm so happy you're here. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for doing this. You're like my first official guest. Actually, no,

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Speaker 1: that's not true. I had Kim and you, I mean.

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Speaker 2: Kim Kardashian. That's fine, but your numbers are going to

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Speaker 2: go crazy.

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Speaker 1: So Alisa and I actually met before I even had kids.

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Speaker 1: Alisa used to run an incredible parenting group in New

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Speaker 1: York called the Seedlings Group, and I wanted to work

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Speaker 1: for her until she told me that I had to

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Speaker 1: have my masters to do so, and then I decided, no,

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Speaker 1: we'll just be friends. I did not want to go

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Speaker 1: back to school, and so we met in New York.

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Speaker 1: I mean fourteen years ago. Can you believe it?

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Speaker 2: No, I think it was fifteen years ago.

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Speaker 1: It was fifteen years ago. I didn't even have kids yet,

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Speaker 1: so you're right, fifteen years ago. And she's obviously gone

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Speaker 1: on to write this incredible bestselling New York Times bestseller book,

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Speaker 1: which I hosted one of the LA launch.

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Speaker 2: Parties, the first launch I sure did.

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Speaker 1: And you're here today.

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Speaker 2: To yeah, why am I here?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So you're here today because I think parenting is

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Speaker 1: the most incredible opportunity that we get to do, and

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Speaker 1: it's also the hardest thing I've ever done in my

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Speaker 1: entire life, even if you just want to do it

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Speaker 1: like kind of okay, it's really hard. And you've helped

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Speaker 1: me throughout the years with my kids, and I thought

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Speaker 1: we could just talk a little bit about parenting and

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Speaker 1: your expertise in all subjects and answer all my questions

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Speaker 1: and have my own personal therapy session.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited. Also, just I want to say that

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Speaker 2: I know that it's off putting and annoying to be

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Speaker 2: like an expert in this when we are the experts

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Speaker 2: for our kids and for ourselves. So I'm technically an

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Speaker 2: expert in that I have a degree in this area

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Speaker 2: and I work in this area, but I don't want

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Speaker 2: to I think one of the things that we have

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Speaker 2: to know as an expert is that we don't know

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Speaker 2: nearly as much as we think we do. And I

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Speaker 2: don't want to say that and then make you feel

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Speaker 2: like what I what I would share with you is

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Speaker 2: something you shouldn't trust so much as just know that

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Speaker 2: it's just going to be different. And we've had this

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Speaker 2: experience where I'll say something and you're like, no.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that is true. I come from a very emotional

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Speaker 1: background and you come from a very clinical background.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think that's probably so often times you'll I remember

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Speaker 1: when my Ace was obsessed with his pacifier and you

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Speaker 1: were very you know, clear on me taking it away,

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Speaker 1: and I think I just said like, no, thanks, no thanks.

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Speaker 2: By the way, I believe in passifiers for the first year.

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Speaker 2: I mean I think he was.

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Speaker 1: Going on for Yeah, I think it was time for

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Speaker 1: the passifiers to go away. But I think one of

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Speaker 1: the most incredible things about you is that you never

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Speaker 1: make anybody that's speaking to you feel a embarrassed or

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Speaker 1: bad about the choices that they may have made. And

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Speaker 1: you also make it feel very approachable, so you really

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Speaker 1: take into account who it is that you're speaking to,

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Speaker 1: and then you go off of that. You know, like,

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Speaker 1: there's so many books where it's like do it this way, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's not going to work if it's not in

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Speaker 1: line with who you are as a human or a parent.

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Speaker 2: Right, yes, I mean, if I want to know who

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Speaker 2: you are, I don't want to tell you who to be.

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Speaker 1: Right which is I mean, I think that's the difference

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Speaker 1: between you and other parenting. That's why I was so

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Speaker 1: anxious to have you on because I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of times we don't ask the questions because we feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we should know the answers. Yeah, or I'm going to

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Speaker 1: feel stupid if I ask this question, and I'm going

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Speaker 1: to feel like a bad parent, because so much of

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Speaker 1: the time amazing parents there's no perfect parent, but parents

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Speaker 1: feel I don't know. Today, for instance, I missed pajama

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Speaker 1: Day at school, and I felt like.

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Speaker 2: I'm only laughing because I've definitely done.

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Speaker 1: That, right, But it was for Gus, who would love,

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Speaker 1: definitely love the pajama day care the most. And I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was so embarrassed, and I was in school,

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Speaker 1: like watching all the kids come in their pajamas, and

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Speaker 1: I just thought to myself, holy shit, my morning is

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Speaker 1: about to suck, right. And he was actually fine with it, ah,

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Speaker 1: which is shocking because I think I dropped him off.

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Speaker 1: I didn't like walk him in, So I think it

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't there, he was okay.

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Speaker 2: He couldn't give you a reaction. Well, that's really adaptable.

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Speaker 2: That's kind of a wins.

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Speaker 1: It's it's it's really like kind of a big move

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Speaker 1: forward for him because we get stuck a lot of

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Speaker 1: the times. What initially drew you to focus on parenting

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Speaker 1: and child development? What do you think?

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Speaker 2: Before I answer that question, may I also just say,

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Speaker 2: ye that the fact that you made that mistake, I

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Speaker 2: think gave him permission to make mistakes. So I think

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Speaker 2: it was a win all around, except for the embarrassment

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Speaker 2: of like being lightly disorganized in a moment, right, which.

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Speaker 1: We all I mean.

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Speaker 2: And also, why are they doing pajama day this month?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Because at this school every single Wednesday is a

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Speaker 1: theme for first grade. So that's really hard to keep

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Speaker 1: up with all the themes and I'm barely making it

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Speaker 1: through the week. So I just I was also I

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Speaker 1: give tours at the school, at the elementary school, and

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Speaker 1: I found out about the pajama Day as the tour

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Speaker 1: was beginning, so I was like, oh, okay, this is great,

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Speaker 1: this is yeah.

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Speaker 2: Okay, sorry to interrupt, but I just felt like that

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Speaker 2: we do need to do that more often. And it's

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Speaker 2: easier for me to say to you than to believe myself.

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Speaker 2: But I think those are moments where we're giving our

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Speaker 2: kids permission to make mistakes, and you want.

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Speaker 1: Them to know that if they make a mistake, the

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Speaker 1: sky doesn't fall.

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Speaker 2: The sky doesn't fall.

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Speaker 1: Right, So tell me about why you went into parenting

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Speaker 1: and child development.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think probably nobody into any field related

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Speaker 2: to psychology that doesn't have some curiosity about like how

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Speaker 2: in the world they came to be who they are

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Speaker 2: and the people around them came to be who they are.

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Speaker 2: I think I had a colorful family, and like, on

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Speaker 2: the deepest level, my grandfather's a Holocaust driver, so it

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Speaker 2: was my grandmother. She's just no longer alive, but that

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Speaker 2: was such a huge part of my childhood, was hearing

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Speaker 2: about the Holocaust at every conversation with our family, and

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Speaker 2: I was mesmerized at how you could come out of

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Speaker 2: that kind of trauma and raise three kids and then

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Speaker 2: grandkids and now great grandkids, and how that impacts their

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Speaker 2: growth and development. And so I think from just observationally,

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Speaker 2: I thought it was fascinating. And then I think probably

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Speaker 2: just being the you know, like a kid, a child

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Speaker 2: of divorce and things happening in life, I just was like,

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Speaker 2: how does this work?

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Speaker 1: And how did you end up being a co founder

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Speaker 1: and director of the Mount Seini Parenting Center, And can

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Speaker 1: you tell us a little bit about like what that is?

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Speaker 2: So I was I guess I started. I was interested

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Speaker 2: in this field before I had kids, and I just

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Speaker 2: knew that I wanted to work for kids. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I wanted to work with kids once I

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Speaker 2: had kids, but I knew that I wanted to work

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Speaker 2: for serving kids and families. And then I was working

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Speaker 2: with more affluent families in my private practice, and I

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Speaker 2: was teaching at the hospital. I was teaching residents their

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Speaker 2: behavior and development rotation it's called and somehow like I

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Speaker 2: had the opportunity from that more affluent families that I

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Speaker 2: worked with, they wanted to figure out, like how could

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Speaker 2: they give back and could it help the families in

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Speaker 2: that the hospital serves. And now we work across the country,

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Speaker 2: but to have access to parenting and child development and

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Speaker 2: all the things that can support mothers and parents in general.

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Speaker 2: So we decided to open a parenting center there. And

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Speaker 2: then because I was teaching residents, I also learned that

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Speaker 2: pediatricians don't really have much training in most of the

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Speaker 2: things that we asked them about, because when you go

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Speaker 2: to the pediatrician's office, they're pretty routine and like they

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Speaker 2: know how to give vaccines and deal with us, you know,

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Speaker 2: an illness, but most of the questions they get asked

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Speaker 2: about are parenting questions, especially in those first five years.

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Speaker 2: And so what I was working very closely with a

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Speaker 2: pediatrician who I co founded the parenting center with, and

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Speaker 2: she was like, this is information that pediatricians want and

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Speaker 2: need because they're oftentimes either winging it going by their

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Speaker 2: own experience or asking their mentor, And wouldn't it be

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Speaker 2: nice if there was a more streamlined approach to understanding

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Speaker 2: behavior and development and creating a curriculum. So that was

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Speaker 2: the first thing we did, was to create a curriculum

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Speaker 2: for residents that would integrate parenting into their already existing visits.

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Speaker 2: And so everything that we do is related to making

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Speaker 2: sure that if you are going into a hospital or

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Speaker 2: clinic setting, which is where ninety nine percent of babies

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Speaker 2: are born, I think maybe it's ninety seven, that there's

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Speaker 2: support for you as the provider.

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Speaker 1: It's so interesting because when I was a teacher for

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Speaker 1: ten years, and then I was a therapeutic companion, a

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Speaker 1: one to one shadow for four years, so I had

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Speaker 1: a lot of experience with kids and young kids too.

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Speaker 1: But when I became a parent, everybody prepares you for

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Speaker 1: the pregnancy and for the birth, but nobody talks about

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Speaker 1: when you go home and you're alone with that baby.

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Speaker 1: And even if you have all the experience in the world,

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Speaker 1: it's you forget everything and it goes out the window

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Speaker 1: because now it's your, your baby, and so all the

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Speaker 1: emotion and all of the you're it's so it's all intertwined.

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Speaker 1: Whereas when you're giving advice about someone else's child, the

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Speaker 1: emotional like poll isn't there as much. So I think

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Speaker 1: that that's so amazing that families across the country have

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Speaker 1: that opportunity because everyone prepares you for the birth. But

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Speaker 1: that to me was I mean, it wasn't easy, but

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Speaker 1: I definitely got an epidural, but that quick. It's quick,

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Speaker 1: and it's like most of the times you're surrounded by doctors,

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Speaker 1: so it's like, you know, but then you go home

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Speaker 1: and you're alone.

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Speaker 2: I know, there's no you. You really just have like

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Speaker 2: two of it. That was the other thing as we noticed, like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: at the hospital, you have to watch a video on

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Speaker 2: putting your kid in a car seat and shaking baby syndrome,

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Speaker 2: and that's it. And we were like, what about videos

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Speaker 2: that can help you actually get through these next few

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Speaker 2: months for sleeping and feeding and connecting and touch and

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Speaker 2: all of the things that could be so helpful, including

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Speaker 2: things that can minimize chances of postpartum depression. And it

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Speaker 2: all happens in these settings, but there aren't a lot

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Speaker 2: of resources for it. So that was really fun. And

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Speaker 2: also there's so much There are so many hospitals and

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Speaker 2: there are so many places across the country that don't

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Speaker 2: have like in where we started was New York City

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Speaker 2: and we're in LA Obviously those are places that have

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Speaker 2: a lot of resources and a lot of practitioners, but

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Speaker 2: most places in the country there's such a shortage. So

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Speaker 2: anything that you can do, I mean, we even made

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Speaker 2: well Child Visit videos to help families and also the

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Speaker 2: care providers, like what are the questions it might come up?

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Speaker 2: What are some things that you can find out about

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Speaker 2: that will save you the time and the visit, because

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Speaker 2: for the majority of the country, it's not like you

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Speaker 2: can just grab a psychologist on the way.

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Speaker 1: And then also it's you know, it's funny because for me,

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Speaker 1: my my biggest challenge after having three kids was zero

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Speaker 1: to one. I was so anxious. The jump from one

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Speaker 1: to two was so much easier for me, not physically,

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's a lot more to do, and you're

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Speaker 1: you know, you survived. I survived the first one and

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Speaker 1: the anxiety I had with zero to one. I didn't

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Speaker 1: have postpartum depression, but I did have postpartum anxiety, which

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Speaker 1: you know, and it was so difficult.

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Speaker 2: For me to.

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Speaker 1: Just let him sort of be and I was always

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Speaker 1: worried about something happening to him or to me or

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Speaker 1: to you know, and it consumed me. So then when

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Speaker 1: I knew he's going to eat, he going to sleep,

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Speaker 1: or he's never going to sleep, which is kind of

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Speaker 1: what happened, you know, at once I could accept that

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Speaker 1: and I knew sort of I had like a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a roadmap as to what it was going

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Speaker 1: to look like with two and three, even though they're

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Speaker 1: all different and they're different people, it was so much easier.

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Speaker 1: It gave me comfort.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think there everybody has like their

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Speaker 2: different time in parenthood that's most challenging, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like if you haven't had it, it's just that it

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Speaker 2: hasn't come yet. It's kind of like when people talk

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Speaker 2: about like, oh, two terrible twos or whatever, and you think, no,

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Speaker 2: my two year old was not remotely pushing the limits

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Speaker 2: or anything. But then really that's because it'll happen at three.

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Speaker 2: It's not we're not skipping any of these.

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Speaker 1: Steps, right, They all come when they come. What do

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Speaker 1: you think, after like working with all these families, what

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Speaker 1: have you noticed are the modern parenting challenges? Because I

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Speaker 1: think to myself all the time my parents, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: I thought it was really difficult raising us in our generation,

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Speaker 1: But then I think with social media and and just

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Speaker 1: as like all these things that are now at our kids' fingertips,

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Speaker 1: it seems like it's way more complicated now to raise kids,

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Speaker 1: even though I'm sure that our kids will feel.

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Speaker 2: That it was so much easier right back.

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Speaker 1: And so, what do you think are like the major

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Speaker 1: modern parenting challenges for right now?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think this parenting stress, which the Surge

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Speaker 2: in general just wrote and advisory on, is a big

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Speaker 2: challenge because we're expected to do more and we don't

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Speaker 2: have more resources to do it. I think that's huge.

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Speaker 2: And I have a sneaking suspicion in the service of

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Speaker 2: wanting to be more emotionally available to our kids, we

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Speaker 2: are really afraid of their feelings and so we do

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Speaker 2: we like bend over backwards to try to make sure

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Speaker 2: that we fix any feelings that are really hard. And

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Speaker 2: that is just.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about that exhaust to what I do well.

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Speaker 2: I mean, but it's very natural, because you'd be such

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Speaker 2: a beast if you didn't have you know, like, if

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Speaker 2: you're just like I don't care if you're miserable. It's hard.

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Speaker 2: It's your child. It's so hard. Although I have a

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Speaker 2: harder time I think with other people's kids seeing them

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Speaker 2: struggling than I do with my own kids, because at

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Speaker 2: least I'm like, I know ultimately they're loved and they're safe,

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Speaker 2: and this is a moment whereas somebody else's child, I

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Speaker 2: feel a little bit. You know, It's like when you're

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Speaker 2: taking care of somebody else's kid, you just get a

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Speaker 2: little bit more worried. But I think that is a

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Speaker 2: massive challenge, and it's because we feel parenting. Yeah, like

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Speaker 2: we got so we felt so rightfully, like we didn't

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Speaker 2: get enough maybe attention to feelings, and we just accidentally

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Speaker 2: went too far probably and the burden is now on

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Speaker 2: the parents today, right.

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Speaker 1: I Actually last night at dinner, one of my kids

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Speaker 1: was telling we do rose bud and thorn every night,

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Speaker 1: and we also do a seed like what we're excited

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Speaker 1: to learn. But his thorn was that his best friend

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Speaker 1: said to him, you talk too fast, and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to play with you anymore. And I could feel.

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Speaker 2: I can feel you.

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Speaker 1: I was, I was unwell, and Rob was looking at

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Speaker 1: me across the table like scared the whole gust coming out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And you know, I when my kid tells me that

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Speaker 1: something has happened to them. I think I told I

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Speaker 1: told this Stir on your podcast. Actually, so, when Ace

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Speaker 1: was in preschool, there was a kid who was not

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Speaker 1: letting him play basketball and said that he couldn't play

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Speaker 1: because he didn't have the right shoes, I remember, And

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Speaker 1: so I went up to him and I said, do

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Speaker 1: you know what happens when you're unkind? And he said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: someone tells the teacher. And I said, oh my gosh, no,

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Speaker 1: it's like way worse than that. Nobody will have you

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Speaker 1: over for play dates because you're not kind. And then

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Speaker 1: I looked at Ace and I said, an Ace, Blake

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Speaker 1: Griffin is coming for dinner tonight. Mima. I don't know

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Speaker 1: Blake Griffin. He's a clipper. He was a clipper at

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Speaker 1: the time.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I only know because I know the story

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Speaker 2: of other world.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know him. I don't he's never been

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Speaker 1: to my home. But I just like, I completely had

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Speaker 1: an out of body experience. I got into my car.

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Speaker 1: I called Rob and I just said, I just I

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Speaker 1: just got into it with a five year old, like

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Speaker 1: what is going to happen to me? And then I

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Speaker 1: really it laid that, like you know, I learned from that,

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Speaker 1: I really did. As something comes.

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Speaker 2: Over, you just get so protected.

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Speaker 1: It's mentally ill and I'm in therapy. So what's wrong

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Speaker 1: with me? And what do I do? Can you help?

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Speaker 2: Oh? My god? I think I think that is a

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Speaker 2: medication question. I think this has nothing to do with

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Speaker 2: your parenting. You would do that probably in any situation.

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Speaker 2: I would be a friend, and that is part of

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Speaker 2: your charm. It's just that it's probably better with als

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Speaker 2: or with.

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Speaker 1: No one at all. I need a puzzle when I'm out.

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Speaker 2: I think it's more like, don't try to take on everything.

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Speaker 2: But I would say for the underage set, it's just

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Speaker 2: it's not serving you or them or your kids. But

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Speaker 2: it is very funny.

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Speaker 1: So what it makes for great it's got our story

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Speaker 1: on a podcast.

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Speaker 2: And also your son just kind of like it's okay, mom.

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Speaker 2: You know that he's like, they're gonna grow up and

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Speaker 2: they're just gonna be like, please, don't piss off my mom.

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Speaker 2: I assure you, it's not a good idea.

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Speaker 1: What so what in those moments when a child shares

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Speaker 1: because you want them to share things with you and

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Speaker 1: you don't want them to get to the point where

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Speaker 1: he's like I don't even want to tell you anything

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Speaker 1: because you're gonna freak out.

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Speaker 2: I think that's the most important point.

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Speaker 1: So what's the best response when that happens, when a

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Speaker 1: kid says, hey, you know this person was mean to

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Speaker 1: me today, or just share something I know? The number

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Speaker 1: one thing is you don't interview for pain, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you don't.

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Speaker 2: So well, that's like that. That is so like don't

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Speaker 2: start your you know, pick up with how did it

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Speaker 2: go today? With so and so? Okay, But the other

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Speaker 2: thing is, and it seems trite, and it is so

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Speaker 2: life changing, is it? Whenever? Just promise yourself. This is

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Speaker 2: all you have to do is promise yourself that when

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Speaker 2: you hear a story, you will take a breath during

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Speaker 2: and after that story before you react, just because it

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Speaker 2: tells your body that you are not in danger. You

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Speaker 2: do not need to go into fight mode. And that

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Speaker 2: way you can hear the story, receive a story, and

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Speaker 2: make it about how your kid feels instead of how

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Speaker 2: you feel.

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Speaker 1: Right, So that's what I was doing. Was actually incredibly selfish.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not that it's selfish, it's just that it's natural.

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Speaker 2: We all feel. Please, if you don't think that there

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Speaker 2: have been times when I'm like, my entire goal this

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Speaker 2: year is to make sure. I mean, I won't even

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Speaker 2: say it, but I think it's very natural.

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Speaker 1: So what is the response when I can kid, When

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Speaker 1: when your child tells you that something on upsetting happened

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Speaker 1: to them, what is the like, what is the response,

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Speaker 1: I'm really sorry that happened.

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Speaker 2: No, I would take a breath, very committed to breathing, okay,

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Speaker 2: and then after you've taken a breath, refocus the spotlight

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Speaker 2: on your child and just say, so, how did it

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Speaker 2: feel like? Or you can say I'm so glad you

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Speaker 2: told me that. Like, I really like knowing these things.

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Speaker 2: I know I can't do anything about it, but is

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Speaker 2: there anything that.

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Speaker 1: I can I can't do something right because well last

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Speaker 1: night at dinner, I did say, well, you can't.

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Speaker 2: Fix his fee. I guess you couldn't fix the pain.

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Speaker 1: No, I can't. And I did say to Gus. We

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Speaker 1: talked about it again when I was putting him to bed,

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Speaker 1: because that takes hours upon hours, and he was telling

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Speaker 1: me everything that he was feeling that night and last night,

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Speaker 1: and I said, you know, only spend time with friends

402
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Speaker 1: are supposed to make you feel good. So if a

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Speaker 1: friend is making you feel good, it's okay to take

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Speaker 1: a break. Is that okay?

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Speaker 2: Of course, okay, of course that's okay. I think the

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Speaker 2: key is.

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Speaker 1: Like it's totally okay. But here's what I would do now.

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Speaker 2: First of all, again, I just want to say it's

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Speaker 2: easier for me because I'm not in the emotions of it,

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Speaker 2: Like I know what it's like.

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Speaker 1: But you have two children and you're very appropriate.

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Speaker 2: No, but there are definitely times when I'm like, you

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Speaker 2: don't want to peak in high school? You know, like

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Speaker 2: I say small, little obnoxious things about other people Like

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Speaker 2: that is definitely and maybe I would even go as

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Speaker 2: far as occasionally saying, like, you know, beyond you don't

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Speaker 2: want to peak in high school, I might even predict

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Speaker 2: what that person's future looks like, Like there are moments

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Speaker 2: when I'm not proud of myself. You want to think

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Speaker 2: that more often than not, you have a reaction that's

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Speaker 2: about them and not you, kind of getting aroused and angered.

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Speaker 2: But sometimes you're going to and I think that's just like, whatever,

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Speaker 2: give ourselves a break. It's really hard to watch somebody

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Speaker 2: be cruel to your child. That's just a hard thing

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Speaker 2: you did to teach.

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Speaker 1: Me that one of the most important things you can

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Speaker 1: do as a parent is to repair. Can you talk

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Speaker 1: a little bit about that.

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Speaker 2: So when you make a mistake, which you will constantly,

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Speaker 2: thankfully we get to make you made a mistake today.

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Speaker 2: Repair is just reconnecting. So first you have to do

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Speaker 2: that with yourself. So like if you screw up and

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Speaker 2: you are mad at yourself, a really important practice is

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Speaker 2: to say, like, hold on a second, I I made

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Speaker 2: a mistake. The world still goes on, the the sun

436
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 2: is still shining, Like this is okay. I don't want

437
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 2: to do it again in this way. So here's what

438
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 2: I'm going to do next time. But I'm I'm also

439
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: modeling that I can make mistakes and that it's not

440
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: the end of the world, and that I can forgive myself.

441
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 2: So you have to be able to repair with yourself

442
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 2: in order to repair with your kids. And then when

443
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: you have like discord with your kids or a moment

444
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 2: where you just feel like I lost my pool or whatever,

445
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: then finding a moment to reconnect. It doesn't have to

446
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 2: be an apology, like sometimes it's not appropriate to apologize.

447
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,719
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's more like it's a small thing, but you

448
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 2: just want to get back to giggling together or knowing

449
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 2: that you've got each other and that everything's okay between you.

450
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 2: And it can be silent, it can be like sitting

451
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: closer together and watching something funny. It doesn't have to

452
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 2: be like, hey, remember earlier when I blah blah blah.

453
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 2: Sometimes that's also important. A lot of times kids don't care,

454
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 2: and so you need to watch how they're feeling about something.

455
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 2: My guess is that when you kind of snap about something,

456
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 2: it's so not making your kids question whether or not

457
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 2: you love them that you come right back and everybody's

458
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 2: like you're just a nut and we move on. That

459
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 2: is true, and so, but I.

460
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: Do have kids that are hyper vigilant and sensitive. So

461
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: if I am feeling cranky or if I'm having a

462
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 1: bad day, they're noticing where some other kids might be like,

463
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: you know, just sort of like, oh, that's mom just

464
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 1: like doing her own thing. And so I have to say, like,

465
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: you know, this has nothing to do with you. Yeah,

466
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: burnt the broccoli, or I stub my toe or I

467
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: actually every time I cry, like if I cry about something,

468
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: if like Rob and I are in an argument and

469
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: I'm like I cry all the time, but I'll always

470
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: say like, oh, I just stubbed my toe. So now

471
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: my kids are like, we know you don't stub your toe, right.

472
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 2: I think that what you're talking about is like naming

473
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 2: your affective state. And it's such a gift to give

474
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: to your kids because a lot of times, you know,

475
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 2: we don't want our kids to know that we're experiencing

476
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 2: feelings and so we don't mention it. But then we're

477
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,679
Speaker 2: walking around like clenched or you know, something's going on.

478
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 2: So it's it's better when you can to just say

479
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: I am having a rough day. It has nothing to

480
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 2: do with you. It's just I'm letting you know. Because

481
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,199
Speaker 2: I might be a little snippy and I love you,

482
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 2: I also know how to take care of myself. So

483
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 2: I'm going to go take a walk around the block

484
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 2: because i need to clear my head and breathe some

485
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: nice air and then I'll be back.

486
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: I asked Rob in our marriage, like I asked him

487
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: to do that. If he comes home from work and

488
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 1: he's had a really better like go for a run, yeah,

489
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: and I say to him like I just just tell me,

490
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: just say like, hey, I had a really bad day

491
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go work out or I had

492
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 1: a really bad date. It has nothing to do with you, yeah,

493
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,159
Speaker 1: because or else you're just guessing. And I did that

494
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: a lot as a kid.

495
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 2: It's scary.

496
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I really am. That is one thing

497
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 1: I'm super conscious about is always saying to them like, yeah,

498
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: you're one hundred percent right, I'm super cranky, I did

499
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: not sleep, I'm tired or whatever.

500
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 2: You know, and you're doing you're taking away that like

501
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 2: a child's imagination is almost always going to think of

502
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 2: something worse than the truth.

503
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

504
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: So it's such a gift to be able to say, oh, yeah,

505
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,360
Speaker 2: I've had a terrible day. I'm going to zone out

506
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,239
Speaker 2: and watch TV, or I'm going to go work out,

507
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,959
Speaker 2: I'm going to take a bath or whatever it is

508
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 2: that makes you feel better. And also it has nothing

509
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: to do with you, and there's nothing that you can.

510
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: Do to make it better. It's just what it's just

511
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 1: my wave to ride.

512
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: And that's also the guessing like that you're talking about

513
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 2: from your childhood. Then you have to walk on eggshells

514
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,199
Speaker 2: and kind of wonder, and then you might have to

515
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 2: perform to get the mood that you're looking for. Exactly

516
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: and it feels like it's on you right. Sorry to

517
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: the Winklers if that feels disrespectful suggesting.

518
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: We're very open on what in the Winkler We are

519
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: very we dig deep over here.

520
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 3: Okay.

521
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 1: Social media is taking over our life in a crazy way.

522
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 2: And I mean I could watch your stories for days.

523
00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: My stories are amazing, they are, and I love Instagram

524
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: for that reason. I have fun with my stories. I mean,

525
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: I enjoy it. But I'm also private and I'm not

526
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 1: you know, but I'm also forty four, yes, and I

527
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 1: have a hard time putting down my phone. So you know,

528
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 1: Ace is like one of the only kids in his class,

529
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: he's in seventh grade that doesn't have social media, and

530
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: he asks me about it all the time. And I'm

531
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 1: getting to the point, you know, what is this like?

532
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: What is there like a roadmap to this, because it

533
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 1: just feels like uncharted territory, and not even just social media,

534
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 1: but technology like iPads I think are like crack.

535
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:45,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm horrible. I think, first of all, there isn't

536
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 2: a roadmap, and even those who claim to have a roadmap,

537
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: it's not rooted in any certainty. It's sort of a

538
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 2: guess my guess is that the way the brain develops,

539
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 2: you want to be cooked longer. But also we want

540
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 2: to think about anything that we do offer. Like let's

541
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 2: say you do decide to say you can try starting

542
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: with social media, which delaying as long as you can

543
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 2: is going to be ideal. That it's not like, Okay,

544
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: now the genie's out of the bottle and that's it.

545
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 2: You can say I made a terrible mistake. I can

546
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 2: see that it's not good for you, and it's my

547
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: job to take it away right now while we figure

548
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 2: out a better plan or to minimize it. Or we

549
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 2: can start with you can use it on my phone

550
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 2: for five minutes. I mean, that's a separate thing, just

551
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: because I personally don't like my kids to be near

552
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 2: my phone. I just it's my private phone, and also

553
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 2: I have clients and I just don't need But there

554
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: are many ways to do baby steps and say like

555
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: let's see how you do, let's see how this feels

556
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 2: for you, and I'm going to make some agreements with you,

557
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 2: and then we're going to take it away if it's

558
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 2: not working. And I don't think you should do that yet.

559
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 2: I think you have time to just keep delaying but

560
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 2: when you do, I just feel like I see so

561
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 2: many parents feel trapped, like, well, it's too late, and

562
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 2: unless they're paying their bills and working their jobs, it's

563
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 2: never too late. And as long as you have compassion

564
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,239
Speaker 2: when you say it, like I know this is going

565
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 2: to be really a bummer because you loved this, but

566
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 2: it's not going well. And my job is to be

567
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 2: able to say when you can't, this isn't good for you.

568
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 2: And so I think there are definitely steps. Delaying is

569
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 2: the first one, and the second one is supporting, mentoring,

570
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 2: monitoring to a certain extent, because they can't their brains

571
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: aren't in any way, shape or form able to self

572
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 2: regulate around this. And I have heard from some people like,

573
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 2: and I'm not an extremist, I would also say like,

574
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 2: I have a friend who has a ninth grader who

575
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 2: has social media, and she's totally thriving, and she's super

576
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 2: social and in real life, and she is taking her

577
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 2: phone away at night and she's not using it at

578
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: the dinner table, and the kid is doing great. So

579
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 2: when her mom asked should I remove social media from

580
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 2: her life? I was like, I think you've already removed it.

581
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 2: During the risky times and she's thriving, Whereas someone else

582
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 2: might say that to me, and I would ask like, well,

583
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,719
Speaker 2: how's your kid doing in their friendships and what are

584
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 2: they feeling about their body image and what's going on

585
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 2: in their sleep and all those things, And if the

586
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 2: answers are more bleak, I would say they are not

587
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 2: candidates for this.

588
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 1: So it really is a kid by kid it is.

589
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 2: There's just never one size fits all. I know that

590
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 2: everybody likes that because it's more comfortable and comforting, but

591
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 2: each of your kid kids are going to be different.

592
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 2: It's never good for younger kids. It's never you know,

593
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 2: it's always good to delay. But I just think there

594
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 2: are going to be some who shouldn't have it, like

595
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 2: they just are not candidates for it at all. Ever,

596
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 2: and somewhere when they get to a certain age, it's

597
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 2: probably really fun.

598
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: Right, I mean, that's the question. And I feel like

599
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 1: I definitely do. I know my kids, so I all

600
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: of them, you know, and I know, and I'm so

601
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: happy that he has a phone. It's changed art life.

602
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: Like you know, if he where he is, where he

603
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: if he wants to be picked up, I track him,

604
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: you know, all the things but it is also scary

605
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 1: that like some a stranger could reach out to your kid,

606
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: and you know, you hear these stories and it just

607
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: feels so big that I don't even know where to start.

608
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: And I and A said to me the other day, like,

609
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: you say no more than any of my friend's parents,

610
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: And I almost felt I almost felt I felt like embarrassed.

611
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:47,959
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, God, am I like And then I,

612
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: you know, because I have my own stuff, I'm like, oh,

613
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: is he going to be included? And is he gonna

614
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 1: But then I thought to myself, I wonder if part

615
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 1: of him even feels maybe like more contained. Yeah, because

616
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: I'm making the hard decisions for him.

617
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: One of the most one of the biggest predictors of anxiety,

618
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 2: other than like heritability of anxiety and chaos in general,

619
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 2: is permissiveness. So it's so scary when you're kind of

620
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 2: the leader of the house and you're wishy washy about

621
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 2: these things and kind of letting the kids decide on

622
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 2: like when they're ready for everything. So I think the

623
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 2: idea of collaborating with kids and hearing from them but

624
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 2: then making the final decision is actually quite comforting. So

625
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 2: even if he hates it, he really like benefits from it.

626
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: It's like comfortable. Yeah, what this might be like a

627
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: very hard question to answer because I know you cover

628
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: so many topics, but what episode or topic has resonated

629
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: most deeply with your listeners on your podcast? Like what

630
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: is the what is the topic that you get asked

631
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: most about? Is there is there one that you can

632
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: think of?

633
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't even believe this, but I think

634
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 2: disciplines still just really comes up all the time. And

635
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: I mean from whether we're talking about toddlers or teenagers,

636
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: just kind of like the the the trickiness of like

637
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 2: having a close connected relationship and having boundaries and limits

638
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 2: that upset your kids or which ones are appropriate or

639
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 2: how do you do that? I think that really is

640
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 2: just a constant source of tension. And probably no, that's

641
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: it the consequences.

642
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: It's interesting because it's the idea is that you the

643
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: consequence makes sense and aligns with whatever the behavior was.

644
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 1: So it's like this morning, for instance, one of my

645
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 1: kids woke up really early to find Buddy the Elf,

646
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's too early.

647
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 2: Whose Buddy the Elf?

648
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: The elf on the show? I don't know why I

649
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: did this, but I don't know why I did this.

650
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: I have two I have I have Buddy and Astro.

651
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: I can't even talk about it. And literally, this is

652
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 1: what's so crazy. There's a mom in Jules's class that

653
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: I love. Actually she's in Gus's class. Her nephew is

654
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 1: in Jules's class. And I just actually see what she

655
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: posts on Instagram and then I copy it and I

656
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: just do the exact thing the next night. So she

657
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 1: did sprinkles in the I don't even know with the elves,

658
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 1: and I did it whatever. Anyways, I totally ruined it.

659
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: Apparently my sink drips and so the sprinkles were submerged

660
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: in water. The tape all the sprinkles that, yeah, it

661
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: was horrible. Anyways, I'm a failure at the elf. But

662
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: he wanted to get up and see the elf, and

663
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: I was like, it's not time to get up. I

664
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: was exhausted. Sleep is the most important thing to me.

665
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 2: And I.

666
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 1: Was like, if you don't, if you wake me up

667
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: one more time, you are going to lose your iPad

668
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: this weekend, because they get ipout on the weekend. I realized, like,

669
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 1: that doesn't make sense, doesn't make sense. Wasn't a thing.

670
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: It was also six, but it's late start on Wednesday,

671
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: so I really wanted to sleep till seven. But it's

672
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: hard to figure out. I feel like I don't I

673
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: don't give my kids enough punishments or consequence. I don't

674
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: know if that's saying because I can't figure out all

675
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: the time, Like what what called it makes sense?

676
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean in that case, to me, it's like

677
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 2: there won't be elf on the shelf. Right, I said that,

678
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 2: and that's it.

679
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,360
Speaker 1: The elf was already suspended from the light in the kitchen,

680
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:32,919
Speaker 1: wrapped in tinfoil, looking like they were on the moon. Well,

681
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: so I couldn't really the next day, right, like I think.

682
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 2: The elf isn't going to be able to come if

683
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 2: you get up too early or whatever. But I also,

684
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: as a side note, it's very exciting, like it's an

685
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 2: exciting time, So it makes sense. So I would also say,

686
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 2: I totally get why you're so excited, and you can

687
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 2: stare at that elf and look for that elf, but

688
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 2: not not until not with me, and not you can

689
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 2: do it, but you have to let Yeah, but I'm

690
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 2: going to sleep. But the other thing is that you

691
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 2: don't need them to suffer because of the consequences. Like,

692
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: I think part of why we're trying to figure out

693
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 2: a consequence that makes sense and then we think it

694
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 2: doesn't work is because we're like looking for them to say, like, oh,

695
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: now I understand that I did something wrong, and therefore.

696
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna yeah, Like is that even gonna right?

697
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: That's not. It's more like learning cause and effect and

698
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 2: nothing more right, but nobody ever, Like behavior change doesn't

699
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 2: occur from punishment anyway, but moving through the world occurs

700
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 2: better when you know that there are consequences to your actions.

701
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 2: So if they're arbitrary, you don't learn that.

702
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes a lot of sense. One more thing

703
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: before we do this really fun game where it's like

704
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: a lightning round. I'm super fired up.

705
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 2: I'm not such a slow talking and moving person. We'll

706
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 2: make it work, Okay, I actually know this about you.

707
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 2: What I'm something I'm struggling with is the sibling Oh

708
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 2: that was the other thing I forgot to say, discipline

709
00:37:58,480 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 2: and siblings.

710
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: The sibling thing. There you go, it's it's really it's

711
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: really like I'll be like, do you guys know how

712
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,879
Speaker 1: lucky you are to have each other? And they're looking

713
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: at me like, no, we don't. We just do have

714
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: each other, right, And I often think, what is I

715
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:22,280
Speaker 1: need to understand what is healthy sibling rivalry and cattiness

716
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 1: and fighting and all that stuff, and like, what is

717
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: what is when I need to step in? I mean

718
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 1: obviously when it gets physical, but I mean they don't

719
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: really get physical. I have like they're not like they're

720
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: not like hugely physical kids. They're like a little bit

721
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:37,920
Speaker 1: ninnies like me.

722
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't think they're very strong. You

723
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 2: don't need to jump in as much as you think

724
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 2: you do. That's the first thing.

725
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 1: I just can't hear it all day.

726
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 2: Well, so that's a separate thing, because the viciousness of

727
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 2: siblings is pretty intense. And I what I would say

728
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 2: across the board is you can't really believe that this

729
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 2: is okay except it is. And I'm not saying you

730
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 2: should be like as get as mean as you want

731
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 2: because this is normative, but knowing in your heart, like, okay,

732
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 2: they are not going to grow up and hate each

733
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 2: other because of these vicious moments. They much more likely

734
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 2: will struggle. If you intervene all the time and are

735
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 2: sort of you want to be a witness not a judge,

736
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 2: and it's really hard not to judge because it's so

737
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 2: you know, we identify with one of the kids in

738
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 2: the situation, and then we're just like, I'm going to

739
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 2: just take you down the other kid. But if you

740
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 2: can just not intervene as often as possible, but then

741
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: coach when you intervene, what does that look like? Well,

742
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 2: for one thing, I would say to them, Hey, guys,

743
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: if you're going to fight, since I'm going to have

744
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: to do something about it. If I hear this, I

745
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 2: suggest you get smarter about it, like do it away

746
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 2: from me, do it in the other room, use a

747
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 2: whispering voice, like be intentional and manipulative and you're fighting.

748
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 2: This is ridiculous because of course you're gonna have to

749
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 2: say something if they're doing it in your face.

750
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,919
Speaker 1: So they always say that I that the younger one

751
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: gets away with everything because he will have like a

752
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 1: level ten tantrum, right, which is something you know I have.

753
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 1: I never had a kid until my youngest that would

754
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: really just give it their all, like I could always

755
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: rein it in, I could always I could always reach them.

756
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: He will just go and he doesn't care where he

757
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 1: is and he's big, so I can't lift him up

758
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 1: now and be like, excuse me, I need to remove

759
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: you from the situation. So it's not that i'm always

760
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: but he's also the youngest. He's also seven, so it's

761
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: like a big difference between you know, thirteen and nine.

762
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 2: But you don't want the older ones to resent him, no,

763
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,799
Speaker 2: I do not, so also believing that like when he

764
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: goes there, he'll come out right, it just might take

765
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 2: a really long time. Is so you know, it's like

766
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: what can you tolerate? But you definitely don't need to

767
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 2: intervene as much as you do for sure. I don't

768
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 2: even know how much you intervene, but I mean, and.

769
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: It's just like they have to decide on what show

770
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 1: to watch together, which is hard because that is hard

771
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: seven to thirteen. But they don't have iPads during the week,

772
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: and we have a TV in our room and then

773
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 1: we have a TV in the living room, so they

774
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 1: have to like so it's usually I have nowhere to

775
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 1: go in my house. I'll literally sit in my closet

776
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: or on the bathroom floor because one of them is

777
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: in my room, one of two of them are in

778
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: the living room. And then I just I'm like, where

779
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: do I go.

780
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 2: Well, I mean you can, but again it's like what

781
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 2: can you tolerate? But you can just decide that you

782
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 2: sit with them and you make a calendar and on

783
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 2: this this is the day of the week that Gus chooses,

784
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 2: This is the day of the week the Jewels chooses. Like,

785
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 2: you can do that. We do that with songs in

786
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 2: the car, so you can do it with TV shows

787
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 2: and then just I mean it's hard because you can't

788
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 2: do that with everything. There's endless stage difference, you know,

789
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 2: like they don't always have to like it. I mean,

790
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: let me tell you, don't you remember from childhood, like

791
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 2: there just weren't a lot of options.

792
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:55,720
Speaker 1: I don't.

793
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 2: You don't.

794
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 1: Don't I had lots of options as a child. I think,

795
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: lots of rooms to go into. It's a very different

796
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:04,399
Speaker 1: program over at my house.

797
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 2: You know what, though, what you don't know is how

798
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 2: awesome it is that your kids don't have they have

799
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 2: to figure out how to work together because that is

800
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 2: what builds closeness. And so they don't have to like

801
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 2: the TV show that they're watching. That's the other thing

802
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:20,479
Speaker 2: is like.

803
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: And they can also do something else and they.

804
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 2: Can opt out, so if you choose what you know

805
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,359
Speaker 2: and you can say that to them, you can opt out.

806
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 2: But someone's not going to be happy. That is just

807
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 2: a given. And I need to be.

808
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: Happy the most important person.

809
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 2: So I would like you guys to be or you

810
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 2: can say we don't have to watch TV at all

811
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 2: during the week, like I want. I'm here for you guys,

812
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: I'm on your team. I want there to be this option.

813
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 2: But I'm not going to listen to this all day.

814
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:48,439
Speaker 1: Okay, I just want to do this fun lightning round

815
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: really quickly because we're running out of time because it

816
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 1: talks slowly. No, you're amazing, but like it's my podcast

817
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: is a little bit short. Maybe if they renew me,

818
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: it'll get longer. Okay, So what is the most overrated

819
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: piece of parenting advice you've heard?

820
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 3: Oh?

821
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 2: God, the most overrated parenting advice? Have you ever seen

822
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 2: a slower lightning round? No?

823
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 1: Never, You're gonna have to do better. Run question number one. Okay,

824
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 1: I'll go to the next one. What is an underutilized

825
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,760
Speaker 1: parenting tool more people should know about?

826
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 2: Zipping it? Zipping It?

827
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 1: Name one must read book.

828
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 2: For parents, The Five Principles of Parenting, Your Essential guide

829
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 2: to raise a good humor effect.

830
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: Share your favorite parenting moment.

831
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:40,760
Speaker 2: My favorite parenting moment is makes me look like the worst,

832
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,839
Speaker 2: But no, can I tell you too?

833
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: May be so fast I want to.

834
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 2: The first one was when my youngest was seven and

835
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: my oldest was ten. And my oldest and I are

836
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 2: like boppier as people, like if we had a tail,

837
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 2: it'd be wagging, and my younger one's more like a cat.

838
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 2: And I looked at her in the dinner and I said, Vivian,

839
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 2: why aren't you happy? And she said, mom, just because

840
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 2: I'm not smiling doesn't mean I'm not happy. And I

841
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 2: was like, oh right. As a psychologist, this could be

842
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 2: something I know, but as a mother I did not,

843
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: And I was so excited. I was like, thank you

844
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: for knowing who you are and reminding me that I

845
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 2: need to know who you are.

846
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 1: I love that.

847
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 2: And the other one is that I got into a

848
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 2: fight with my oldest very recently. And we do not

849
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: fight very much like we might argue about a song

850
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 2: in the car bicker, but I'm not like a fighter,

851
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 2: and she is just about to be eighteen, and I

852
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 2: was so mean, and it was because of a sibling

853
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 2: I did not like I just was set off by

854
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 2: something between the kids, and I was really mean, and

855
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 2: I was uncharacteristically mean and shamed. I just like went

856
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 2: into my room and kind of just sat there, like

857
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 2: I'm a failure as of both a mother and in

858
00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 2: my job, and I should just call it. Also, I

859
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 2: thought I ruined her future. And Colin said to me

860
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 2: because I called him like sabbing my fiance, and I said,

861
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 2: I've done it. I'm like the worst. And he said,

862
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 2: what would you tell a client? And I said, you

863
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 2: mean the whole repair thing. It's nonsense, Like this is

864
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 2: all nonsense, and and I just like I went too far.

865
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 2: And then she came into my room like ten minutes later,

866
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: and she said, I'm pretty sure by now you want

867
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 2: to repair, right, And I said I do. I'm so sorry,

868
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 2: and she's like it's okay. I love you and I

869
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 2: said I love you too, and then she started talking

870
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 2: about something completely off topic that was like it just

871
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 2: indicated to me that our relationship was actually like strong,

872
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 2: it was strong, and that the science isn't a lie,

873
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 2: you know, Like I was like, oh, I'm not full

874
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 2: of it. I don't have to stop now. And I

875
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 2: didn't ruin everything I love.

876
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: I love both of those. What is the most creative

877
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 1: bedtime delay tactic you've encountered?

878
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 2: I think just a class really serious question about God

879
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 2: or or whatever.

880
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, he said to me last night, Why would God because.

881
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 2: The internet was out? Yeah, classic God.

882
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,760
Speaker 1: And so we weren't able to listen to his meditation

883
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 1: sure that he needs. And it was a real it

884
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: was a real problem. And he said, why would God

885
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: do bad things? And I said, like what I was thinking,

886
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 1: like war, death, make the internet not work when he

887
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 1: knows that I need a meditation. Oh, I said, God's

888
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: really busy right now working on some other things.

889
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 2: How wonderful that that's like the worst thing he got.

890
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,280
Speaker 1: I said to him, maybe this is a lesson because

891
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: we need to learn how to go to bed without meditations. Meanwhile,

892
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 1: I found it on my phone, so it all works

893
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: out because I'm pathetic. What would you say, is your

894
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 1: parenting superpower? I know what it is you do. What

895
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: is it You've created like this incredible, loving safe household

896
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 1: where Penelope can come and say to you, let's repair

897
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: and not even it doesn't even and like, yes, you

898
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 1: went too far, but it doesn't even phase her because

899
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,959
Speaker 1: she just like moved on and was talking about something else.

900
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think my parenting superpower might just

901
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,279
Speaker 2: be like I'm a good hang with them, like I

902
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,280
Speaker 2: just want to hang out for anyone, to be honest.

903
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 1: What questions would your teenagers definitely ask if they were

904
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: conducting this interview.

905
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 2: I don't think they would be interested in any way,

906
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 2: shape or form in interviewing me.

907
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,959
Speaker 1: What is the most surprising phrase you've caught yourself saying

908
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 1: as a parent?

909
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 2: I think that I often say the most annoying phrase,

910
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 2: which is what's your plan? What's your plan? And my

911
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: kids are like, our plan is too like it's not

912
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 2: saying I would.

913
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,439
Speaker 1: I say that every day? And now my kids also

914
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: say what is our plan? Every day?

915
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 2: Mine don't think that it's productive, and it really like

916
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 2: it is so annoying to them because but then I

917
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 2: say it anyway, I can't help it.

918
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: You did great on the lightning round except for the

919
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 1: first one. Would you like anymore? We're done?

920
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 2: No? I just the worst parenting advice is probably to

921
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 2: do anything that is prescriptive, because it just doesn't work that.

922
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: Way unless it feels authentic to you.

923
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 2: Don't do it unless it feels authentic to you.

924
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 1: I'll work for you now, I just won't go get

925
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: my master's. Thank you for listening to What in the Winkler.

926
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: Make sure to tell a friend thank you, Lisa