1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm not kind of stuff. 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:20,639 Speaker 1: I never told you production of iHeartRadio, and today we 3 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: are going to be doing kind of an update on 4 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: my experience of being a sexual and being out as 5 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: being a sexual or ace because I always forget October 6 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: is LGBTQ plus history month. So I knew June was 7 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: Pride month. But when I was in college, I was 8 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: in Atlanta. This was still when I was communiting from 9 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: de Lanaga, which is like an hour away, and I 10 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 1: ended up accidentally in the pride parade in October and 11 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: I didn't know what was going on because I thought 12 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: June was Pride month and that's when that happens. And 13 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: I got all of this glitter on my car and 14 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: all of these feathers on my car, and it was 15 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: actually a lovely experience, but I was soused. I've learned 16 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: a lot since then. I've come a long way. 17 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 2: Oh man, I'm with you, because again, not growing up 18 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 2: in like very queer community understanding is in fact, I 19 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 2: was in a pretty anti queer community until I was 20 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 2: out of college. But like, I didn't realize it either, 21 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 2: and I thought it was always October because when I 22 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 2: was like when I finally like understood what's going on. 23 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 2: All the celebrations that I went to was in October, 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,959 Speaker 2: including the Priparade, and I was like oh, And then 25 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 2: learning that I was like, wait, no, this is not actually 26 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 2: Pride Month? What's that? What what's happening? 27 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: So I had the opposite, Oh, that's fun. Well we've 28 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: both come a long way. Then come a long way, baby, 29 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: we have. So this money is going to be a 30 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: lot of me talking, which is good because Samantha is 31 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: still recovering from COVID so you get to hear me 32 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: talk a lot. I might cry a little, I don't know. 33 00:01:55,560 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: Speaking of content warning for discussions of rape, sexual assault, ableism, 34 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: and suicidality. We're not going to go too in depth 35 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: into anything, but some of it's pretty I would say 36 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: it was pretty triggering. And I do want to put 37 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: this at the top. I sort of hate that this happens, 38 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: but it does. We're talking about ace stuff in here, 39 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: but all queer people face similar things. This is not 40 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: to detract attention from or say that it doesn't happen 41 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: to other people. It's it does. It absolutely doesn't. We 42 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 1: should talk about that, but for this I am talking 43 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: about my kind of personal experience. So yes, it is 44 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: LGBTQ plus History month, and October also has National Coming 45 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: Out Day and ACE Awareness Week, which is the last 46 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: week of October. It was first started in October twenty ten, 47 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: and I wanted to do a bit of an update 48 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: on my experience since coming out on this podcast. Honestly, 49 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: that's where I happened. But because the book has come 50 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 1: out and I came out and there, I sort of 51 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: feel like I came out again and it's been a 52 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: lot difficult for me. I have gotten a lot of support, 53 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: I will say that, but I've definitely gotten a lot 54 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: of what I talked about in the book, which is 55 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 1: a lot of like mocking and dismissing, And I've also 56 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: gotten a lot of questions about it people who are 57 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,839 Speaker 1: legitimately curious. So I thought I would just go over 58 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: some basics here first of all, like we're gonna go 59 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: over this, but I identify as asexual, bi romantic. There 60 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: are you have your sexual orientation and then there's the 61 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 1: romantic orientation. I think a lot of people don't know that, 62 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: so they get confused. Recently, Lauren and I did Lauren 63 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: stepped in and did an episode while Samantha was on 64 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: vacation and Lauren and I were in a box and 65 00:03:53,880 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: lost Bicus interesting box talking about the X Files when 66 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 1: people write in and they were confused because they're like, 67 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: you were attracted to Scullum Holder, but you're asexual. I 68 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: can feel attraction. It doesn't have to be sexual, especially 69 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: for fictional characters, especially if I like have an emotional 70 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: if there's something about them that I emotionally relate to 71 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,119 Speaker 1: or connect to, then I feel the attraction. It's usually 72 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 1: not sexual most of the time. Like if in my 73 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 1: fantasies of fantasies, I would like hug Luke Skywalker, like 74 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: that is what happens. It's not sex, but she. 75 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 2: Just wants to cuddle them. 76 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: Okay, I want to cuddle and maybe kiss. That's it. 77 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: That's that's all. I'm blushing just thinking about it. So 78 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: I get that. It's I'm not like trying to make 79 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: anybody feel bad because I didn't know this until I 80 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: was on the show. I've told that story several times, 81 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 1: so I get I totally get it. So let us 82 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: go over some basics. So from see you and why 83 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you say the letters, I don't know. 84 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 1: Here's a quote. Asexuality has been defined as a sexual 85 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: orientation characterized by persistent lack of sexual attraction to any gender. 86 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:15,280 Speaker 1: It is often called the invisible orientation, and while the 87 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: current estimate is that about one percent of the population 88 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: is ACE, some think that's on the low end because 89 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: people either don't know about it or they don't feel 90 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 1: comfortable labeling themselves that way for one reason or another. 91 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: From the James Madison University, The asexuality spectrum, or ACE 92 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 1: umbrella is also complicated. The ACE umbrella covers many different 93 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: types and degrees of sexuality. There are three most common 94 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 1: subsections of asexuality demisexual, gray sexual, and asexual. The simplest 95 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,599 Speaker 1: of the three is asexual, which means that one is 96 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,039 Speaker 1: not sexually attracted to people. Demisexual is similar to asexual, 97 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: and that demisexuals are not sexually attracted to people until 98 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: a deep emotional connection is formed. Gray asexuals, on the 99 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: other hand, experience sexual attraction very irregularly, sometimes with years 100 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 1: in between occurrences. It's also worth mentioning that some asexuals 101 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: are willing to have sex in order to please or 102 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: become closer to their partners and These individuals are referred 103 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,479 Speaker 1: to as sex favorable. Others are unwilling to have sex 104 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: or are disturbed by it and are referred to as 105 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,239 Speaker 1: sex repulsed. And I know we've talked about this before 106 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: in other episodes about asexuality, alloseexuals or aloes or people 107 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: who experience sexual attraction. So I think this is important 108 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 1: here where people get confused, and I've probably not communicated 109 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: it well. When I say I'm attracted to people, usually 110 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: what I do mean is the cuddling and kissing part. 111 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: I don't mean like the the sex part. Some people 112 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: have written and so it sounds like you're dimisexual, but 113 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,600 Speaker 1: it's not. I wouldn't call it a sexual attraction. It 114 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: is a physical attraction. I'm like, oh, pretty, I would 115 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: like to hold close now please, But it's not like 116 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: a sexual. 117 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 2: You're like an alien argy you speak, So we're gonna 118 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 2: I would like to touch that, please, We're. 119 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: Gonna talk about that. I'm playing into the stereotype. Oto. 120 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: So here's a quote from Growth think Tank. Asexuality is 121 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: a spectrum, which means that all asexual people and their 122 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: experience of asexuality are different, and that it affects people 123 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. For example, some asexual people, 124 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: the sex positives, may have sex without it necessarily giving 125 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: them pleasure or constituting a need to have a child 126 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: out of curiosity to please the partner, a bit like 127 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: eating without being hungry. Some asexual people consider themselves to 128 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: have a libido but is not directed towards a particular partner. 129 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: They are called sex positive. Others reject sex, identifying themselves 130 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: as sex repulsed. Finally, some people feel only indifferent to sex, 131 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: the sex neutral or sex and different. Most asexuals experience 132 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: romantic attraction to others and may therefore be in a relationship. 133 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: A romantic asexuals, on the other hand, have no desire 134 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: to sex and no desire to be in a relationship. Finally, 135 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 1: some asexuals have never had sexual desire or relationships, while 136 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 1: others have had sexual desire and then identified themselves as 137 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: a sexual later in life. Asexual people are often referred 138 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 1: to as ace and a romantic people as arrow. The 139 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: ace of spades has thus become one of the symbols 140 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: of the asexual community, as has cake, in reference to 141 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: the phrase cake is better than sex. 142 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I knew that one. 143 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought about getting that flag putting it up, 144 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: but I don't like cake that much, so it's sort 145 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: of like if it was, like why you. 146 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 2: Don't even like that? 147 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: No, there's sure, I guess. But oysters. Oh my gosh, 148 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: Samantha and I are going to get oysters later. I'm 149 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: so excited. So going back to the James Madison universe, 150 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: here's another quote. Two major misconceptions are that asexuals are 151 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: celibate and that asexuality is a choice. This is equivalent 152 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: to saying being straight are gay as decisions someone makes. 153 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: The misconception that asexuality is a choice belittles those who 154 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: identify on the asexuality spectrum. Another common misconception is that 155 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,680 Speaker 1: asexuals cannot fall in love. This misconception is a result 156 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,679 Speaker 1: of people confusing or failing to understand the difference between 157 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: romantic orientation insexual orientation. Lastly, one of the most damaging 158 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 1: and harmful misconceptions about asexuality is that asexual people are 159 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: simply confused and inexperienced, and they will change their minds 160 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: once they've had sexual experiences. Not only does this viewpoint 161 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: dismiss asexuality, but it also perpetuates rape culture and corrective 162 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: rape yes misconceptions. Aside, there is even more active and 163 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,559 Speaker 1: voluntary discrimination against those who identify on the asexual spectrum. 164 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: Many people do not see asexual people as humans because 165 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: peop beve that sexual desire is a fundamental part of 166 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: human nature. In actuality, asexual people are judged, insulted, and 167 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: in some cases, assaulted because of their sexual identity. Heartbreakingly, 168 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: a marriage can legally be terminated if a perfectly happy 169 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: and loving couple does not have sex, and, as surprising 170 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: as it seems, couples in which one or both partners 171 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: are asexual can be denied adoption rights even if they 172 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: are not a same sex couple. Asexuals can also be 173 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,839 Speaker 1: denied housing and jobs because of their sexual orientation. Much 174 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: like the rest of the LGBTQ plus community, the asexual 175 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: community is also subject to mockery for their sexual identity. 176 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: And then here's something specific to the medical community. Quote. 177 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: All of this is heart wrenching, but there are still 178 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: worse forms of discrimination that asexuals face. Discrimination by healthcare 179 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: professionals is not uncommon. Many professionals believe that asexuality is 180 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: a mental disorder or a symptom of an illness, mental 181 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: or physical. Others have been prescribed corrective therapies such as 182 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 1: hormone supplement. Its instructed quote to have sex until they 183 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: like it. One example a lot of people pointed out 184 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: was the case of Julie Decker. So here's a quote 185 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: about that. Julie Decker was subjected to this fate by 186 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 1: a friend of hers and her statement to huf Posts 187 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,599 Speaker 1: she disclosed that her friend knew she identified as asexual, 188 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: even so he looked her face and said, I just 189 00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: want to help you. Decker went on to receive comments 190 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 1: to her story like I could turn sexual, just give 191 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: me an hour, and you are autistic. You are broken. 192 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 1: She has even received rape and death threats such as, man, 193 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,439 Speaker 1: I want this chick to get raped, please die of aids. Thanks, 194 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: I'm going to rape this one day and show her 195 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: the joys of orgasm. Just kill yourself, please in a 196 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 1: very painful way. And asexuals are just people who haven't 197 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: been raped hard are often enough these anonymous comments and 198 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: a powerful message about what is valued in terms of 199 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: sex and sexuality. And then here's another quote from that 200 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 1: huff Post article. Asexuality is not a thing. You're just 201 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: ugly and no one wanted to date you, so you 202 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: made up a thing to cuddle your lonely self off 203 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: to you cry into your pillow. Also, I hope you 204 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 1: get raped. It has a dual benefit. You'll get laid 205 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:14,559 Speaker 1: finally and put into your place as well. So so 206 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: there are some I laugh because I want to cry. 207 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: There are some specific types of abuse that were outlined. Again, 208 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: these are not specifically unique to asexual people, but they 209 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 1: are in this case things that a sexual people face 210 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: a lot. This is trum Women's Law dot org. Saying 211 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: there is something wrong with a victim, or that the 212 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: victim is broken because they are asexual. Telling a victim 213 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: that something is wrong with their body and that is 214 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,320 Speaker 1: why they are a sexual. Oh and I should have 215 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: specified these are all about sexual assault victims who are 216 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: asexual Mocking the victim's body or making the victim feel 217 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 1: bad about their body, responding or not responding to sexual acts, 218 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,719 Speaker 1: touching the victim's body without permission or in the way 219 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: or in a way the abuser knows makes the victim uncomfortable, 220 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 1: threatening the victim with rape or sexual assault to cure 221 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: the victims asexuality, telling the victim that they are a 222 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: sexual or are confused about being a sexual because no 223 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: one wants to have a relationship or sex with them, 224 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: threatening to tell the victims friends, family, or coworkers about 225 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: their a sexuality without their permission, and stopping ore forbidding 226 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: the victim from speaking to other asexual people talking about asexuality, 227 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: are attending in person or online support groups for asexual people. 228 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: And then here's a quote from Gallop. The little but 229 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 1: growing research that there is in this area has uncovered 230 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: strong bias against ace people relative to cis gender and 231 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: heterosexual people, and even to cis gender, lesbian, gay, and 232 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: bisexual people. Asexual people were found to be the target 233 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: of more prejudice, avoidance, and discrimination if all the sexual 234 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: minorities studied, as people were the most dehumanized, viewed as 235 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: machine like, cold and emotionless. This demonstrates the need to 236 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 1: address anti asexual bias and that ase people are at 237 00:13:56,559 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: the risk of experiencing violence, abuse, discrimination. And then they 238 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: went on to say here's some things they found that 239 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 1: people thought about asexual people. They are less than human 240 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: or against human nature, they are deficient or broken, that 241 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: it is a result of mental illness or sexual abuse, 242 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 1: have not just met the right person yet, are confused 243 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: or going through a phase, cannot experience love and I 244 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: have relationships. Are just proves that asexuality is a choice 245 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: rather than an orientation, don't face oppression, and are just 246 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: damaging the LGBT plus cause. And I did want to 247 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: point out too, we're not really talking about it here, 248 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: but many people get discriminated against in one way or another, 249 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: and the romantic spectrum and especially arrow people a romantic people. 250 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: So just something to keep in mind. 251 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 2: Actually, that's something that I've heard dismissed by people that 252 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 2: I know. I was kind of surprised and they're like 253 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 2: really open minded mind is like they are, they would 254 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 2: call themselves allies. And then having that whole rhetoric which 255 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 2: we had twenty years ago about bisexuality that it's just uh, 256 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 2: it's made up or that they can't decide so they're 257 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: just putting a label on it, which is interesting in itself, 258 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 2: Like I'm like, wow, so this is that new form 259 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 2: where now bisexuality is getting more acceptance, still not completely accepted. 260 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 2: We know that there's a lot of discriminations bisexuality, but 261 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 2: it's a whole new kind of like, Oh, it's just 262 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 2: one more thing they're adding to that spectrum, which I 263 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 2: found interesting. I was like, why does that bother you? 264 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 2: Has nothing to do with you? 265 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: That's kind of my whole sigm this. I'm like, I'm 266 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 1: essentially I stay in and read my friend section, Like 267 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: what am I doing? 268 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 2: Like she is a lovely person to be around all 269 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 2: the time, Like there's no like I don't understand. 270 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I have seen I've seen a lot against arrow 271 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: people prejudice because people are like that doesn't that's again 272 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: like as human nature. 273 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 2: It's such a weird vibe, Like it's not like I know, 274 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 2: it seems like there's a less of a problem when 275 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 2: you call it, like for people to call out their 276 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,400 Speaker 2: friends who are rapist or like misogynists, Like I've seen that, 277 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 2: like when we have that conversation where people don't want 278 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 2: to believe that so many people could be someone who 279 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 2: would assault someone because I mean that the likelihood of 280 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 2: them knowing somebody is so high that they don't want 281 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: to believe that. But like and so they're therefore they 282 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 2: accept that as a thing and being like, oh no, 283 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 2: we're gonna pretend like that doesn't think even though it 284 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 2: violates people they're gonna they're gonna like not see that 285 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 2: and being like, oh, no, it's not a problem, and 286 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 2: then see this as a problem when it really is 287 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 2: the opposite of that, like they're living their happy goal, 288 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 2: looky lives. I don't understand right why that's affecting you. 289 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, and we did talk about this in our one 290 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 1: of our Ace or past Ace episodes. But I do 291 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: get especially with the like men kind of being douchebags 292 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: in a lot of dating situations for women not I 293 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: don't know, but there is there has been a history 294 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: of men being like, oh, I don't want the emotional part. 295 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,719 Speaker 1: So I think that's getting twisted up with people who 296 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: are truly arrow and I get that in terms of 297 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 1: people who have been burned by that before. But I 298 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: think that's part of the issue is there's no visibility 299 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 1: and when people say that, they are immediately dismissed. I'm 300 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,400 Speaker 1: not saying there aren't bad players, because there absolutely are 301 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 1: in asexuals, a romantics, there are everywhere. 302 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 2: But for people to dismiss a whole group of people 303 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 2: in the communities just because you don't like it or 304 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,360 Speaker 2: it confuses you, and it's not confusing it's confusing when 305 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 2: you think you have one assumption of it and then 306 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 2: you get corrected and it's no longer confusing, Like you 307 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 2: learn your things. That's great. Like for me, I definitely 308 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: had a misunderstanding, and coming through I was like, oh, 309 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 2: because I think I called up I said something to 310 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: you like oh, you're this right, and you're like, no, oh. 311 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,119 Speaker 1: Okay, I did I did. 312 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 2: It took you a myth to be like no, that's 313 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 2: not quite what that is. 314 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: Like, let's see, that's the thing is Like, like I said, 315 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: I didn't know either. It's fine to not. 316 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 2: Know, but I didn't get offended by that. There's exactly 317 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,239 Speaker 2: being wrong doesn't mean that you have to fight it, 318 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 2: like no, I can't be wrong, but this doesn't exist 319 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 2: what right? 320 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of this does go 321 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,159 Speaker 1: back to what we've been talking about, what we have 322 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,920 Speaker 1: talked about of the like if someone's upfront with you 323 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: and they say they're whatever orientation romantic or sexual, and 324 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,959 Speaker 1: then later you're like, oh, really, Like if they were 325 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 1: upfront with you, then I don't I don't feel like 326 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: you should feel that you are going to change them 327 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 1: or that they have betrayed you in some way, or 328 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: that they're lying, Like I don't, that's not I I 329 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 1: was somebody who didn't know for a while and I 330 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: was in relationships and I didn't know. That's a different thing. 331 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: But like if somebody tells you, you know, if we're 332 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: going to be in this relationship, this is this is 333 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,960 Speaker 1: who I am, this is how I feel, this is 334 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: what and then later you're like, oh, really you you what? 335 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:11,919 Speaker 1: Don't do that? 336 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,400 Speaker 2: I mean that's good for anything. And like you said 337 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 2: about the relationship, because including like I don't want children 338 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: believe them. 339 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 1: Yes, you can come back and have that conversation later. 340 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: People can change. But if somebody says something that you 341 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 1: shouldn't just be like, oh I will change you. Right, 342 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 1: they can change on their own. Maybe you can change 343 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 1: on your own maybe, and then you have that conversation again, 344 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: but you don't try to change them or not believe 345 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: what they said. 346 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 2: Right, So it's not you when it doesn't fall when 347 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 2: it falls. 348 00:19:43,760 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: Apart exactly exactly. So we are going to go into 349 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: some disturbing comments right here because we're going to talk 350 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: about some aphobia stuff, which I learned. There's like four 351 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,919 Speaker 1: words for asphobia, but most people know is phobia. So 352 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: this is what we're going with. So one of the 353 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: big misconceptions is an asexual person can never really be raped. 354 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 1: That's not true. Here's a quote that BuzzFeed had an 355 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 1: article about this. In the twenty fifteen a Sexual Community Census, 356 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: a volunteer run project, forty three point five percent of 357 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,920 Speaker 1: nearly eight thousand aces surveyed reported having experienced some form 358 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 1: of sexual violence, including rape, assault, and corrosion, and we 359 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 1: know those are usually under reported. Here's another quote from that. 360 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: Coming out to strangers as a sexual or even friends, family, 361 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: and partners is no small thing. People wrongly take it 362 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: as an invitation to suggest you haven't found the right 363 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: person yet, ask invasive questions about whether you're you've orgasmed 364 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,639 Speaker 1: an assert that they're the one who can fix you 365 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: if only you'd wizen up and let them try. One 366 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 1: question in particular comes up often, especially for the those 367 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: who have survived sexual violence. Are you asexual because you 368 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: were assaulted? Aces also fight the misconception that they can't 369 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,719 Speaker 1: be assaulted because they're never in sexual scenarios to begin with. 370 00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,479 Speaker 1: If you're not sexually attracted to people, you're not in 371 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 1: those situations to be sexually assaulted. So you know, are 372 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,200 Speaker 1: there even a sexual victims? Devin said, parroting a generalization 373 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: she's heard, which obviously there are. You don't need to 374 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: be in a sexual situation to be a victim or 375 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: a survivor. Plus many aces do sometimes pursue romance and sex. 376 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 2: I feel like people don't understand what sexual assault, or 377 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 2: well what that is in general, to think that you 378 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 2: have to be in a situation that's right, pursued to 379 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 2: be sexy, like to be. 380 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 1: What it's bizarre. It feels like a very is this 381 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:50,640 Speaker 1: all men? 382 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,639 Speaker 2: Is this what men say? Because I can't imagine. 383 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 1: I mean, I would guess, but I don't have the 384 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,119 Speaker 1: numbers in front of me. It feels a very A 385 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: lot of this is so hypocritical, And I'm going to 386 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 1: talk about that in a second, because it's like we've 387 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,919 Speaker 1: heard the other side too, though, Like you can't have 388 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: been raped because you were in a sexual situation. 389 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 2: Like right, none of does makes sense? Yeah, it's basically 390 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,560 Speaker 2: just like you can only be raped if you forcebly 391 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 2: said no and they're like kidnapped you. 392 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 1: Essentially, Yes, that's right, exactly Does that makes sense? It doesn't. 393 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: Here's here's a quote. I found this pretty upsetting. This 394 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: is for a medium. In twenty twelve, I met my rapist, 395 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,679 Speaker 1: mister Epperson name is for context later at an anime 396 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: con sort of event. He was a bisys gender allosexual man. 397 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 1: He knew I was asexual and promised that we could 398 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,639 Speaker 1: go slow if I agreed to date him. Seeing as 399 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: this was my first ever experience with a relationship and 400 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 1: being autistic and easily manipulated, I naively agreed to date him. 401 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,199 Speaker 1: He predictably did not hold true to his promise and 402 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: forced me to become sexual with him early on in 403 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: the relationship, saying well, how will I know you really 404 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 1: love me if you're not willing to make love to me. 405 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: He was very effective at discreetly threatening me with abandonment 406 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,479 Speaker 1: and ostracism from the community and more later were I 407 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: to ever say no to his advances. Some months into 408 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,199 Speaker 1: the abusive relationship, I finally persuaded him to watch a 409 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,680 Speaker 1: documentary on a sexuality in the hopes that he would 410 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 1: learn how uncomfortable I was with sex. He made multiple 411 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,360 Speaker 1: comments on how effectively raping the male star would make 412 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: him give up a sexuality. He was a feminist, though, 413 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: so He never called what he did rape. He referred 414 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 1: to a sexuals featured as creepy freaks. He boasted about 415 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: how he had cured me and turned me into a 416 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,719 Speaker 1: normal person by threatening me and guilting me into allowing 417 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: him to do what he wanted to me. He commented 418 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 1: on what a sad, empty life the male star must have, 419 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 1: not knowing the joy of having an epson dick inside 420 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: of him. He and his mother assist gender bisexual woman 421 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: were laughing by the end of the documentary about the 422 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,640 Speaker 1: freaks who need help. He later admitted that he targeted 423 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 1: me specifically because he was interested in curing a weirdo 424 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:10,880 Speaker 1: like me. Yep, yep. And I've heard this stuff too. 425 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 1: It is very there's something broken with you. I can 426 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 1: fix it. And it's strange because and we're not going 427 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 1: to go into it too and depth in here, but 428 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:28,000 Speaker 1: it's all wrapped up in this idea that you must 429 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: in some way because our society is so strange around sex, right, 430 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 1: especially gay sex, that it's like you must be in 431 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: some way messed up. And for some people that can 432 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: be true, but that's a thing to assume and also 433 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:49,119 Speaker 1: not something you should get. It's not your business, and 434 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 1: maybe it's not true at all, But in either case, 435 00:24:54,840 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: just know that's messed up. That's messed up. There's another 436 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: A common thing that comes up is kind of asexual 437 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 1: person ever be discriminated against. Here is a quote. Aces 438 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,680 Speaker 1: often talk about the idea of the unassailable asexual, which 439 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 1: is someone whose asexuality is begrudgingly accepted by the mainstream 440 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: because there's no other plausible reason for their disinterest in sex. 441 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: Someone who's white, cis neurotypical, not too old or not 442 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,199 Speaker 1: too young, and with no disabilities and no history of 443 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: sexual trauma. If someone who could seemingly have their pick 444 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,199 Speaker 1: of sexual partners abstains from sex, then they must not 445 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: have chosen this identity. After all, aces for more marginalized 446 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: backgrounds often have more difficulty finding acceptance, let alone becoming 447 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:51,560 Speaker 1: public faces for the community and then from swaddle. Asexuality 448 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: shares a particular tumultuous relationship with queerness. Where queerness has 449 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 1: been defined by sex, expressing it, having it, and most importantly, 450 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: taking pride in it. Asexual he dissenters the primacy of 451 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: sex and our culture. So again, I think this is 452 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:06,880 Speaker 1: we've talked about this in our past episodes. And I've 453 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: talked about this a lot with like feminism, because I 454 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 1: want women to not be shamed for having sex and 455 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,680 Speaker 1: having as much sex as they want is healthy, consensual sex. 456 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:18,639 Speaker 1: But I also feel like there should be a space 457 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: for you know what, I don't want that, and it's 458 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: nothing being wrong with either. And then here's another one. 459 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,919 Speaker 1: I've heard this one a lot. Isn't an asexual person 460 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,920 Speaker 1: just someone no one wants to have sex with. I've 461 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,119 Speaker 1: heard people say this about me. 462 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 2: You Yeah, well you also prove that point wrong where 463 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 2: the weird advances that happen, They're like, why are you 464 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 2: doing this? 465 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: Well, it's so funny because they say that and they 466 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 1: immediately are like, I'll have sex with you. 467 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:52,199 Speaker 2: What immediately like disproving those Well, I also like, I 468 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,719 Speaker 2: don't think we should be proving worth this way. Yeah, 469 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,919 Speaker 2: well mean that was the other part of this is 470 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,679 Speaker 2: like when we talked about people say, you know, asexuals 471 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,240 Speaker 2: because they have too much trauma of that. First of all, 472 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 2: it's not just asexuals. Is everyone who has trauma and 473 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 2: they react to it differently. Everybody reacts to it differently. 474 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,440 Speaker 2: Someone becomes overly sexual, hypersexual is what we call it, 475 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 2: and we've seen that. I've seen that with a lot 476 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 2: of child uh sex abuse cases, like and that's a 477 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 2: big sign. Like all these different things are signs everywhere 478 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 2: that trauma affects sexuality in general, whether it goes for 479 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,400 Speaker 2: one's part of the spectrum to the other. And it's 480 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 2: kind of like, even if it is based on trauma, 481 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,440 Speaker 2: if that's one part of their healing is then let 482 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 2: it be Like because I've said, you're right, I've heard 483 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,720 Speaker 2: it for not only for asexuals, but I've heard it 484 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 2: for like gay men again and then promiscuous women and 485 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 2: all these things, Like there's so many things. It's because 486 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,439 Speaker 2: you've been traumatized me, Like, you're probably not wrong, but 487 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:55,119 Speaker 2: I'm also cisgender like sexual heterosexual person who was also traumatized. 488 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 2: It's the thing for everyone, it just is. And I 489 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 2: and you accept me the way I am, even though 490 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,560 Speaker 2: I had trauma based on that as well, Like there's 491 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 2: so many things to that conversation. It's like, well, if 492 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,439 Speaker 2: this is the reaction to trauma, which is not the 493 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 2: case because obviously we all handle it differently, Like you 494 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 2: and I are very much on different parts of the spectrum, 495 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 2: going through civil trauma, right, so it's not necessarily a 496 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 2: reaction to trauma. Trauma just happens to be there. 497 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: Right point blank. That's yes. And that was a big 498 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,600 Speaker 1: realization for me because I did and listeners you have 499 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,600 Speaker 1: heard me talk about this, because I really struggled with that. 500 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,719 Speaker 1: I was like, maybe it could be this or this 501 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: or this, because I've been fed that like my whole life, 502 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: like here's your drugs you can take to improve your libido, 503 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: here's like all these things you can do because this 504 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,000 Speaker 1: is wrong with you. And this it was a real 505 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: revelation I had on this show where people were like, 506 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: you know what kind of at the end of the day, 507 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 1: does it matter that's how you identify, you feel comfortable 508 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: with it, you feel good, then that's it, and that's 509 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: how that's how I feel exactly. 510 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,400 Speaker 2: And maybe coming to that realization is part of that 511 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,600 Speaker 2: healing of like, oh. 512 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, because for a while I was I got 513 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: this so in my head like this is yeah, something 514 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: must be wrong with me. But when I was finally 515 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 1: just like you know what, I feel comfortable, Like this 516 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 1: feels right, then it was it was a very settling 517 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 1: in myself moment and here's a quote that kind of 518 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 1: relates to that from Victims Service Center of Central Florida. 519 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes when someone experience the sexual violence, the construct of 520 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: sexual orientation is questioned. This is because society's norm is heterosexual. 521 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 1: When someone identifies as heterosexual, no one asks, how do 522 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 1: you really know if you are heterosexual? Or are you 523 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,520 Speaker 1: heterosexual because you are sexually assaulted. I like to say 524 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 1: that for whatever reason you identify as ACE as valid, 525 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: you can still identify as ACE, even if you think 526 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: something caused your lack of attraction. Reality is, we will 527 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: never know. I believe I was born ACE, and I 528 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:55,120 Speaker 1: am okay with that. 529 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 2: You know. Thinking about that quote in itself is like, 530 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 2: we know a lot of of who people who are 531 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 2: queer but were afraid to come out was because of 532 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 2: the trauma of being told that they can't. 533 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 1: Be queer exactly. 534 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 2: So they tried to identify as heterosexual. But you're like, wait, 535 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 2: but are you It's because it's a trauma, It's really 536 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 2: you know, like, let's see of it all. 537 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 1: It's true. And I talked about that in the book. 538 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,080 Speaker 1: I was so afraid to do it, I would like 539 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,960 Speaker 1: have nightmares. When I was in seventh grade, like I will, 540 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: Please don't let me be gay. God, I can't handle it, 541 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:36,600 Speaker 1: like it's heartbreaking. And speaking of here's another quote. Fifty 542 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 1: percent of asexual people have already seriously thought about suicide, 543 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: and fourteen percent have made an attempt, according to a 544 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: twenty sixteen study. And here's something that kind of resonated 545 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: with me. This is a quote from Ace in the Hole. 546 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: My asexuality became dangerous while trying to navigate my first 547 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: adult relationship. One of the first few people I came 548 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,960 Speaker 1: out to was my then partner, and after his first 549 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: reaction of dismissing me entirely, he became angry. He said 550 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 1: I had lied, that it was akin to cheating. It 551 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: was the only time in our relationship that I was 552 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: afraid he would hit me. This anger from men became 553 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,360 Speaker 1: an alarmingly common theme when I was single. I struggled 554 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 1: with disclosing in the early stages of meeting someone. It 555 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: was a deal breaker for a lot of men, and 556 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: I didn't want to waste their time. But I also 557 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,040 Speaker 1: didn't know these men well. I didn't have the confidence 558 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: that they wouldn't attack me personally or physically for a 559 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: perceived challenge to their masculinity. Women are taught from an 560 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: early age to manage the egos of the men in 561 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: their lives, from fathers and husbands to coworkers and bosses. 562 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,840 Speaker 1: We are to keep the peace and avoid rocking the boat. 563 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 1: Asexuality disrupts that. Saying that you aren't sexually attracted to 564 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: anyone becomes a personal slight and it reinforces fears that 565 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 1: they aren't desirable, undermines the self worth of a self 566 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 1: conscious man, and ultimately challenges the status and power in 567 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 1: the society as a woman. This is a risky thing 568 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: to do, so, yeah, I mean it's like we've talked 569 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 1: about that too, where you know, we have to manage 570 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: You can't just say no because then men get mad. 571 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 1: But then they are mad at you because you didn't 572 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 1: just say no, because you like let them along, you 573 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: tease them, You tease them. It's a similar thing. Yeah, 574 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,160 Speaker 1: it's like unless I trust you enough, and it's hard 575 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: to tell people like, oh, hey, I'm asexual, and they're 576 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:22,520 Speaker 1: probably not gonna tell you the first time I meet you. 577 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 2: Right, there was a whole incident with a woman saying 578 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 2: no to a person and then them getting mad and 579 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,320 Speaker 2: then him hitting her with a brick that just happened, 580 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 2: and people blamed her, saying that she's always going after 581 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 2: people anyway, so she probably deserved it, and like there 582 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 2: was evidence, clear evidence, and the dude came out and 583 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I didn't like our attitude telling me no, wow, 584 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,920 Speaker 2: they still don't believe her. 585 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:53,760 Speaker 1: It's like your attitude, who what? Wow? Yeah, so you 586 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: wonder why we are right? 587 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 2: We play along and we give you a fake, and 588 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,480 Speaker 2: the fake a boyfriend or husband, which. 589 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:07,120 Speaker 1: Often they're like I'm better than that guy, Oh my gosh. 590 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: Or they don't let you have a friend, Nope, nope, 591 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: they let you out. 592 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 3: Well you yeah, okay, kind of ran away. 593 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 1: Another thing that we've been talking about throughout this is 594 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 1: this whole idea like yes, you have to change, you 595 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,440 Speaker 1: have to change the drugs I talked about, Like you 596 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,560 Speaker 1: have the magazines that say you have to have sex 597 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 1: two or three times to be fulfilled. It's just like 598 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: kind of constant barrage of this is what it is. 599 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: This is if that's not what's going on for you. 600 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: And that's even for people who might not be a sexual, 601 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: just not have much of a libido, Like still telling 602 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,160 Speaker 1: you something's wrong trying to sell you this medication. How 603 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: do you know if you've never tried. And I kinda 604 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: hate this because this. I have had sex I didn't want. 605 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,960 Speaker 1: I've never had sex I enjoyed, but I did it 606 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 1: because of this, and I also like, I hate that. 607 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 1: But I also a lot of times I don't think 608 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: it ever clarified this because I've said I've done it 609 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:23,360 Speaker 1: out of fear. Sometimes it's not fear of like abuse. 610 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's a fear that if 611 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:30,040 Speaker 1: I do it once, I'm such a people pleaser, I'll 612 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 1: be tracked in this and they'll expect it and I 613 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: know that I'll do it. So it's almost like, even 614 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,080 Speaker 1: if I'm not necessarily afraid of like some kind of 615 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:46,880 Speaker 1: physical abuse, I'm afraid that I will just do what 616 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,880 Speaker 1: they want because that is more important than anything I 617 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 1: wouldn't eat or want. 618 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked about it many times where we 619 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,319 Speaker 2: just try to get it over with quickly so that 620 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,319 Speaker 2: we can get moved on and hope for the best 621 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,760 Speaker 2: and then just never talk to them again. 622 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 1: Again. I laugh because it's sad and true, but yeah, 623 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,480 Speaker 1: I mean, essentially, and I just I've been in several 624 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: situations where I feel like I communicated that and I 625 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,840 Speaker 1: wasn't really believed, and then it did turn into resentment 626 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: because I was like, if this happens once, I'm afraid 627 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 1: it'll just be expected and then I I'll just do it. 628 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,680 Speaker 1: So that's definitely something that resonated with me when I 629 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:28,840 Speaker 1: was reading about it. I do as I said, I 630 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,359 Speaker 1: think people get confused about the by romantic bit. They 631 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: hear that I'm attracted to somebody, although they're almost always 632 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: fictional characters, and they're like, so you do want sex? 633 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 2: Like, no, attraction is not the same thing we're trying 634 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 2: to do many people doesn't mean I want to have 635 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 2: sex with them exactly. 636 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: I can be like, look it looks so good and 637 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:51,239 Speaker 1: that's it. That's it. 638 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,600 Speaker 2: I just want to pet their face exactly. 639 00:35:55,120 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 1: The head, Oh, give them a cookie. That's literal yes. 640 00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 1: And like, like I said, this is there's so much 641 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,759 Speaker 1: double standards in this because I keep going back to 642 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,320 Speaker 1: this point of like, especially with women, you can't be 643 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:15,480 Speaker 1: too sexual, but you better want to have sex with 644 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,360 Speaker 1: a man when he wants it, when you're married. And 645 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 1: all of that's being said to a lot of us 646 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: who have been raised believing sexist taboo and you don't 647 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 1: talk about it and it's bad, and then it's like yeah, 648 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,879 Speaker 1: but when you get married to a man and then 649 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,279 Speaker 1: when he wants it to say okay, but then I'm 650 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,480 Speaker 1: like I just don't want it, and they're like no, wait, 651 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,360 Speaker 1: that's rocky too. Have you heard that to consummate a 652 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,680 Speaker 1: marriage and most religions you have to have. 653 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,680 Speaker 2: Sex as well as that's your purpose. 654 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you have to have kids or else what 655 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,759 Speaker 1: are you even doing here? What you're not You're racing our. 656 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:55,360 Speaker 2: Time, not traveling all over the world and just enjoying 657 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 2: your life. 658 00:36:55,920 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: Right, And to be clear, like that hurts that meritive 659 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,239 Speaker 1: hurts like people who can have kids and want them, 660 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: but also plenty of people who can have kids and 661 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:12,240 Speaker 1: don't want them of all types. Another thing, being asexual 662 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,439 Speaker 1: is not against the law most places, mostly because people 663 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,719 Speaker 1: don't know what it is. But that means that as 664 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,000 Speaker 1: people who are seeking asylum are not included under the 665 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:26,000 Speaker 1: LGBTT plus applicants for the status of course, saying that 666 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,239 Speaker 1: it is worth recognizing the other side too, because being 667 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,799 Speaker 1: trans or homosexual is punishable and against the law in 668 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:35,799 Speaker 1: several places, so just to keep that in mind. In 669 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 1: the UK, it is still recognized as a medical disorder, 670 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 1: meaning ACE people are ten percent more likely to get 671 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 1: pushed to get conversion therapy, and it is not recognized 672 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,880 Speaker 1: under the twenty ten Sexual Orientation Equality Act. New York's 673 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 1: Sexual Orientation Non Discrimination Act of two thousand and three 674 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 1: is one of the only pieces of legislation that mentions 675 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: asexual people. The American Psychiatric Association recognize a sexuality as 676 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 1: a sexual orientation in twenty thirteen. Here's another quote I 677 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: want to include from Growth think Tank because I've heard 678 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: this a lot too. It should be remembered that asexuality 679 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:13,839 Speaker 1: is not a puritanical or religious movement seeking to advocate abstinence. 680 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,239 Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with morals or ethics. Since 681 00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,839 Speaker 1: it is neither a choice nor an opinion. Asexual people 682 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,800 Speaker 1: are not against sex, nor do they want to prevent 683 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:26,799 Speaker 1: anyone from having sex. Yeah, save consensual sex. 684 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:26,960 Speaker 2: Go for it. 685 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,880 Speaker 1: I'm all about it. Also, a lot of comments people 686 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,960 Speaker 1: will say are if you're talking about it, means you're 687 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with it, which I think is ridiculous. And then 688 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,719 Speaker 1: here's my final quote. Asexuality is a sexual orientation. That 689 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:44,439 Speaker 1: is different from heterosexuality. Heteros are both heterosexual and heteromantic. 690 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,560 Speaker 1: Asexuals can be cysgender, hetero romantic, and asexual, as well 691 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: as transgender, homo romantic and asexual. The inclusion of the 692 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,719 Speaker 1: asexual persons in the lgbtqiplus community therefore does not mean 693 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,960 Speaker 1: the inclusion of cis gender and heterosexual persons. There is 694 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,799 Speaker 1: also a myth of the cis gender and hetero asexuals 695 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,719 Speaker 1: claiming to be a sexual in order to infiltrate an 696 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,759 Speaker 1: LGBTQI plus community. This reminds us of the terf discourse 697 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: asserting that transgender women or men disguised as women to 698 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,680 Speaker 1: integrate feminist movements. So this was in kind of going 699 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,400 Speaker 1: back to something you said earlier, but this was in 700 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:21,719 Speaker 1: relation to a lot of kind of conspiracy theories that 701 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:25,080 Speaker 1: asexuality was just invented by straight people to get into 702 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:33,640 Speaker 1: queer spaces. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, And that's the thing, 703 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,080 Speaker 1: as you said that, like bisexual people did and still 704 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,959 Speaker 1: face that in the queer community, trans people didn't still 705 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:47,840 Speaker 1: face that too, So I feel like there's been progress, 706 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:53,800 Speaker 1: And like I said, this isn't about comparing hardships because 707 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,319 Speaker 1: we already know that pitting marginalized people against each other 708 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,719 Speaker 1: only helps those that are pressing us. I think it 709 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,360 Speaker 1: is important to recognize intersections. I think it's important to 710 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 1: keep context in mind. But I feel like a lot 711 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,480 Speaker 1: of times it kind of breaks my heart because this conversation, 712 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:15,839 Speaker 1: A lot of conversations like this devolve into well you're 713 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,160 Speaker 1: not really queer, or well you're taking up space, or well, 714 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,239 Speaker 1: why are we talking about this? One should be talking 715 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,960 Speaker 1: about this, So I'm not about that. I feel like 716 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,560 Speaker 1: there's room to talk about all of this, and we 717 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:29,479 Speaker 1: should talk about all. 718 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,920 Speaker 2: Of this, right. I think that's the thing is like 719 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,839 Speaker 2: I hate that you even have to acknowledge or put 720 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 2: that as a caveat, because you should be able to 721 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,440 Speaker 2: talk about your identity and what you are going through 722 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,520 Speaker 2: and understanding the differences and why it's important to talk 723 00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:50,040 Speaker 2: about these precise labels and or identifications. And I don't 724 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,760 Speaker 2: think it's a bad thing, Like it's odd if someone 725 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 2: who is in the marginalized communities like, but but it 726 00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,400 Speaker 2: doesn't obtain the me so I don't it's not important. Again, 727 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,680 Speaker 2: this is kind of that narrative of we're like, hmm, 728 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,759 Speaker 2: this is why intersectionality is important, and that when we 729 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,360 Speaker 2: say intersectional, we mean room for everyone, and that we 730 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,719 Speaker 2: should help hold space for everyone and to look at 731 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:13,520 Speaker 2: the bigger picture. 732 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, and we've talked about that a lot, Like this 733 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,080 Speaker 1: idea of like there's not enough space, that's such a 734 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,200 Speaker 1: that's just maintaining the status quo of like keeping marginalized 735 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,800 Speaker 1: people in the margins, like there's space to talk about 736 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: this and everything else. So yeah, and I do think 737 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,120 Speaker 1: it affects everyone in the queer community and not all 738 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:39,720 Speaker 1: of this stuff. So thank you. Going on my crash course, 739 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,960 Speaker 1: I'm still learning to thank. 740 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,560 Speaker 2: You for sharing yeah things today I'm like, wow. 741 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:49,360 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I'm still learning too. I'm still learning too. Honestly, 742 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,920 Speaker 1: a lot of the like questions I've gotten have legitimately 743 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:56,560 Speaker 1: been really genuinely curious, like they want to know, and 744 00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,680 Speaker 1: I appreciate that. So hopefully this helps. Hopefully this helps, 745 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 1: And I really appreciate all of the support I've gotten 746 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:07,040 Speaker 1: from you, Samantha and from Listeners's all a lot. So yeah, 747 00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,400 Speaker 1: if you have any thoughts about this, I know some 748 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: of you have reached out about resources. If you want 749 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,120 Speaker 1: any resources, I can send those to you or If 750 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:17,400 Speaker 1: you have resources, you can send those to me. You 751 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,160 Speaker 1: can email us a stuff Can you have mom Stuff 752 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,359 Speaker 1: at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter 753 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,120 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at 754 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,800 Speaker 1: stuff I Never told you. We have a tea public 755 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,560 Speaker 1: store and a book where, yes, I do talk about this. 756 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,600 Speaker 1: You can get it at stuff You should read books 757 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,839 Speaker 1: dot com or wherever you get your books. Thanks as 758 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,799 Speaker 1: always to our super producer Christina, our executive producer Maya, 759 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:40,800 Speaker 1: and our contributor Joey. Thank you, I love the accent, 760 00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,400 Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never told 761 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,160 Speaker 1: you the protection of my Heart Radio. For more podcasts 762 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,560 Speaker 1: from my Heart Radio, you can check out the Heart 763 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,279 Speaker 1: Are you app Apple Podcasts or reve you listen to 764 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:49,960 Speaker 1: your favorite ship