WEBVTT - Is violent porn changing us? 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.280 Next Question with Katie Kuric is a production of I 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:09.440 Heart Radio and Katie Kuric Media. Hi everyone, I'm Katie Curic, 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:12.600 and welcome to Next Question, where we try to understand 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:16.120 the complicated world we're living in and the crazy things 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:20.040 that are happening by asking questions and by listening to 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:23.320 people who really know what they're talking about. At times, 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:27.400 it may lead to some pretty uncomfortable conversations, but stick 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:33.479 with me, everyone, let's all learn together. Today we're talking 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:36.960 about sex, and you may not want your kids to listen, 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:41.440 but you definitely should, and not just your run of 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:45.320 the mill missionary stuff. We're talking about scary sex. And 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:49.240 I'm using the words scary because a recent study showed 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.200 that nearly a quarter of women in the United States 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:56.680 say they have felt scared during sex. That's because there 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:59.800 seems to be a culture of coersion going on where 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:05.160 expected and sometimes unwanted sex like anal sex and choking 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.320 is happening more and more, and experts believe it has 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:13.360 to do with porn and how it's shaping heterosexual relationships. 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:16.520 In particular. I felt like I was hearing about this 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:19.839 everywhere I went. I was having coffee with a friend, 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:23.080 and she told me that health clinics on campuses, we're 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:27.240 seeing a lot of college students with anal fissures. I 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.280 even casually asked my gynecologist about these new and yes scary, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.320 sexual trends when I was getting a pap. Smere how appropriate, 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.400 and she answered with an emphatic yes. She told me 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:42.600 she hears this from her patients all the time, and 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.000 she had just had this very conversation with a young 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:50.440 woman the other day. So here's my next question, What 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:53.760 the hell is going on here? I'm all for consenting 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:57.160 adults doing what they want, but where is this sexual 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.680 pressure coming from? So I asked my doctor if she 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:03.600 was willing to put me in touch with that patient. 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:11.600 He told me that the harder I choke you, you'll 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:15.000 have a better orgasm. He's like, haven't you ever seen 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.280 one of those videos where the guys choking the girl 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.760 and she just has the best orgasm of her life. 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:25.560 And I said no, He's like, believe me, you will. 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.440 That's the patient my doctor had told me about. Trish, 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:33.240 a thirty year old therapist studying to become a psychologist. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.480 She just ended an eight month relationship with her boyfriend. 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:41.440 There were certain things that I felt very uncomfortable with. 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:46.040 When it came to sex. He enjoyed sweet sex, but 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.560 there was also a side where he wanted to have 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:53.120 rough sex as well, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:55.720 When you talk about rough sex, what do you mean 0:02:55.800 --> 0:03:00.960 by that? Rough sex? Meaning that he liked to choke, 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:06.920 he liked to pull hair, he liked to do anal sex, 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:12.040 which I've never done before until recently. And he just 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:16.200 wanted to almost do a porn like kind of sexual 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:21.520 intercourse almost which didn't feel very authentic, but felt kind 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:25.560 of acted out, almost like he was performing somehow. Yeah, 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.760 like he and he was performing like and he wanted 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.799 me to perform with him as well. Did you talk 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:34.040 to him about it? No, I didn't. When he would 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:37.480 do certain things, I always expressed a little discomfort. He 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:40.680 would always say, I'm not going to hurt you. I 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.840 didn't feel like I could talk to him about it 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:45.000 because I didn't want to be that girl, you know, 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:48.320 that girl that doesn't want to please her boyfriend, that 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:51.400 girl that's you know, just kind of like a wet 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:55.000 blanket almost. You didn't want him to think you weren't 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:59.160 game or fun, yeah, or adventurous and wanted to be 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:03.400 sexy for him, wanted to please him, and that's how 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:07.920 he like to be pleased during sex. Were you surprised 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:12.760 when this happened when he asked for anal sex. I 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:16.360 was surprised. Even when I told him that I wasn't 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:19.640 comfortable doing it, he said that we're going to have 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:23.080 to get you used to it sounds terrible. I think 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:27.279 he had a lot of influence by porn and watching 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.159 what's going on in those videos, and he wanted to 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.000 act it out with me. Did you talk to him 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:37.600 about porn? Did he ever discuss it with you? He did. 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.560 He did tell me that he does watch it when 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.680 I'm not home or when I'm not around. One day, 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.120 I was on the computer and I went through the 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:50.479 history and I saw that he was watching it when 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.039 I was at home, and I saw a name of 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:57.760 a video called Brunet Girl Gets Punished. I didn't bother 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.839 opening it because I can only imagine what's that video. 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.760 But I could imagine there's a lot of anal sex 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.119 going on, rough sex, hair pulling, and everything that he liked. 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.040 I think it turned him on to see a woman 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:15.400 almost telling her boyfriend or whoever she's having sex with. No, 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.320 I don't want to the first time he tried to 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:22.040 choke you, did he ask permission or did he just 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.120 do it? He just put his hand around my neck 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:28.159 and started gripping it. I was on top and he 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.160 was just looking at me, and he just put his 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:35.919 hand around my neck and he started gripping tightly, and 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.719 I could feel his grip getting tighter and tighter, and 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:41.359 then I put my hand on top of his and 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:45.520 I pulled it away and I told him, easy, don't 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.800 choke me like that. I don't like it. And then 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.320 he eased his grip. But that wasn't the last time 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:55.840 he choked you. He continued to yeah, but gently over 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.800 the next few weeks. Did you ever feel like you 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:03.039 couldn't breathe? Yes, there was a time where he was 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:07.280 behind me and he put his arm around my neck 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:10.800 and he was almost gripping me in like a in 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:14.440 a chokeold and he was going a little too tight 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.400 where I felt like I had to use both my 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:20.920 hands to pull him off, And he was just so 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:25.760 into it that I don't think he realized how hard 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:30.159 he was going. Where I had to scream his name, 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:34.080 and I told him get off of me, and then 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.159 I just I was like, I'm not doing this, and 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.080 I had a fight with him and that was the 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:42.320 end of that. Do you think porn shaped your boyfriend's 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:47.160 view of what sex should be. Yes, I believe so, 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:51.800 because sex is, in my opinion, it's supposed to be intimate. 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:54.440 It's supposed to be between two people who love each other, 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:58.479 and it's supposed to feel comfortable for you both. It's 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:01.880 not feeling comfortable for the other person. Are you really 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:05.320 having sex? What are you doing? Are you acting out 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:07.479 of fantasy, which I felt like, what was what was 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:11.680 going on? Or are you replicating what you've seen? Yes? 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.440 I think he was replicating what he was seeing on 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:19.840 those videos. It was heartbreaking to listen to Trish, and 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:23.640 I wondered how many other young women were experiencing this. 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:26.320 I asked her if this was something she talked about 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:30.360 with her friends. I don't discuss anything with my friends 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:34.360 like that because I don't even know where to begin 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.320 and tell them that my boyfriend is doing anal sex 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.600 with me and he wants to put his hands around 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:45.920 my neck. It's almost embarrassing to say. I have great friends, 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:48.400 but at the same time, I feel like my friends 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:51.000 would be like, what are you doing in this relationship? 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.160 If you're not happy or if he's doing this to you, 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.000 you know it's not respectful. He doesn't love you. And 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:59.160 I don't want to hear those things because I do 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.800 believe that he loves me. It's just those are the 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:05.160 things that he likes. I remember one time when we 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.120 were having sex, I was like talking to him in 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.640 a very vulgar way, and I told him, I want 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:13.880 you to put your hands around my neck, just to 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.440 see what he would say. I've never seen him look 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:20.640 so excited when I told him to do that. I 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:22.480 just wanted to see what he would say and what 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:26.120 his reaction would be when I said that, and it 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:29.880 turned him on like crazy. Did that give you pleasure? 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.080 It didn't give me pleasure when he was doing it, 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.120 but it gave me pleasure to see that he was 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:40.280 enjoying it. I can't imagine someone doing that to me. 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:45.760 I would be terrified and more than uncomfortable. I think 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.880 I would be afraid. But this was something that you 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:52.520 were willing to do because you saw that he liked it. 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:57.040 Even if you didn't, do you feel this was consensual 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:02.040 I'm going to say yes, because at the end of 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.520 the day, I still allowed him to do it, not 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:08.559 because I wanted to, but I wanted to please him. 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:12.600 So in me, I still allowed him to choke me. 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.040 I still allowed him to do anal sex with me. 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:19.040 I could have easily said no and fought with him 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:22.400 and expressed my concern and that's not what makes me comfortable. 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.920 And we should make each other happy. It's not just 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:28.640 one way. But I didn't do that. I don't know 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:32.840 about you, but I was completely floored. Here's an attractive, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:36.719 educated woman who allowed herself to be subjected to this. 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:41.679 Clearly porn played a big part in Tricia's relationship, which 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:46.520 she did eventually end. So why is this happening? To 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:49.720 find out, we tracked down the foremost expert on the 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:53.520 effects of violent porn. If he gets his kicks out 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:57.400 of choking you, I'm blocking off your passages while he 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.880 is aroused. I would be a big concerned about being 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.560 around with such a person now in today's culture. Of course, 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.200 he's learned that from Paul. We'll have more on that 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:14.880 right after this. Tricia's story was unsettling, to say the least, 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.640 but not isolated. As we've mentioned, a quarter of women 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:23.200 are experiencing sex with partners that frightens them. So where 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:26.080 is this coming from? When I was growing up, if 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:27.560 a guy would have said to me, would you mind 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:30.120 if I ejaculate on your face and choke you as 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:31.640 I'm having sex? I would have thought she was a 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:35.440 psychopath and run. That's Dr Gail Dines, a professor of 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:39.920 sociology and women's studies. She has spent over thirty years 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:43.880 studying porn and sexual violence, and she's also the author 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:48.760 of porn Land How Porn has Hijacked our sexuality. Okay, 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:50.960 so my question to you would be, you know what 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:54.000 quote your interest about this topic. I was at a 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.360 conference in California. A man came up to me. We 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.200 started talking. He said, you know, you should really look 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:04.280 into doing something on the effects of porn on young men. 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:09.800 We had a speaker at my son's school and she 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:16.079 really shocked the parents because she asked them questions about 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:21.960 certain sexual acts that their kids were probably experiencing, or 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:26.120 that people were pressuring their kids into doing. Do you 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:28.680 know what those three sexual acts are? What we know 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:31.280 from studies is that the three major sex acts in 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:35.040 porn is number one ejaculating on a woman's face and 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:40.080 increasingly in her eyes. The second major sex act is choking. 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.200 First is choking with a penis to the penis so 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.120 far down the throat that she begins to gag. The 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.840 third major act is one of them of these called 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:52.200 a t M, which actually translates to ask to mouth, 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:54.880 where the penis goes into the anus and then into 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:58.720 the mouth without washing. This sounds extreme. It sounds like, 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:01.240 you know, you have to go spent fifteen minutes looking 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:03.760 for these. These are the things that in eleven year 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.920 old boy when he puts porn into Google, this is 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.160 the only thing he's going to see. I don't want 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.320 to even instruct people how to do this necessarily, you know, 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:17.760 but Google it so it's ubiquitous and it's accessible. When 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:20.040 we're talking about porn hub, which one, but he's free 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:25.040 and he's accessible within six seconds, five seconds, four seconds. 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:26.559 You just put porn hub in and there you go. 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.000 And this is where the boys first go to because 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.400 it's free and because he's so accessible, and he's anonymous, 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.040 and that's drives demand. We spoke to one boy who 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.240 had this to say, I am fourteen and the age 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:44.320 that I discovered what pornography was was probably around tennish. 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:46.600 It's not very difficult at all. I mean you can 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:50.600 find it on almost any browser anything. You can find 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:54.240 a way to get it. It's all anonymous and it says, oh, 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.880 you're the eighteen plus, But I mean there's nothing to 0:12:57.000 --> 0:13:00.120 verify it, like, there's not even a like slider to 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:04.200 put your age or anything like that. No other industry 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:07.439 is as unregulated as the porn industry. This is one 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.160 of the things I want to ask is how have 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.720 we managed to have this multibillion dollar a year industry 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:17.120 which is virtually unregulated completely. It is an outrage that 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:21.719 this has happened. Just let that sink in. Instant anonymous 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:27.400 access to hardcore porn, seven millions of hardcore videos and 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:33.760 no age verification whatsoever from your phone, laptop, tablet. And 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:37.120 here are the scary statistics. A third of young people 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.360 have seen porn by the time they're twelve years old. 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:45.320 Eight percent of top rented or downloaded porn contained scenes 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:49.440 depicting violence against women. How have they been able to 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:54.040 stay under the radar? I would say through complete willful 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.640 ignorance on the part of adults who have been charged 0:13:56.840 --> 0:14:00.280 with taking care of teens. I have lobbied politicians along 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.800 with some very very powerful child lobbyists who've worked with me. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:07.160 The porn industry is actually targeting young boys. It's not 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:11.080 like the politicians don't know. There is no desire in 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.760 this country to go after the porn industry. And let 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.240 me just say one thing. Giving out free porn to 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:18.720 kids is the equivalent of me standing out in middle 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.600 school giving out free cigarettes. I wouldn't be allowed to 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.400 do that. I wouldn't be allowed to stand outside and say, 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.200 you know what, I'll be here tomorrow and tomorrow. Porn 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:31.239 harb gets more visitors than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined. 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.440 Porn is about a third of the Internet. But you 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.280 could say it is one of the largest above ground 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:42.800 industries in the world that is trading on misogyny and 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.880 violence against women. So a lot of the boys and 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.560 young men who are being brought up on pornography are 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.640 playing porn sect out on these girls. The women and 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:55.120 girls are the collateral damage of the porn industry. It 0:14:55.200 --> 0:15:01.200 sounds to me like it's this tragic alchemy of violent pornography, 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:07.840 toxic masculinity, low self esteem for women, and a hook 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:12.000 up culture, and I would add in I think loss 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:15.840 of real feminism, because once you have a feminist analysis, 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.880 it gives you, as a woman a sense of understanding 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:21.560 the world like nothing else and a sense of agency. 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.840 My experiences with young women is that they've got nobody 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.840 to talk to, nobody has helped them navigate this. They 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:32.640 feel like they're drowning and yet been socialized in this 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.280 culture to think that you have two choices. You're either 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:40.280 fuckable or invisible. You heard Trish's story, she was so 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.840 honest about it. I'm sure you've heard stories like hers 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:46.840 before when you listen to Trish. Was that a fairly 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:50.600 typical Yes? I mean I hear those stories, and I 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:53.040 hear them from younger women. By the way, I've increasingly 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.080 been speaking in high schools and I hear them from 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.400 high schoolers as well. Very very typical. Now, this is 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.200 the norm of what's going on, and I think it's 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.840 hard for older women to really know what it's like. 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:09.960 Trit initially thought it was consensual. She liked pleasing her boyfriend, 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:13.960 and she's talked about him getting incredibly aroused when she 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:20.440 suggested he choke her. So was it consensual? No? Because 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.840 like all women, and I'm all of us included here 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:28.000 is that we are socialized to please men. And I 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:31.440 cannot believe that any one of us, given a socialization 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:35.440 where we felt truly liberated in this world, would agree 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:39.680 to being choked and being fearful in sex. But you 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:44.240 say yes because really what's on offer, no doesn't exist, 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.360 So you have to say yes to what you can stand. 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:50.920 And saying yes and negotiating to what you can stand 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:55.400 is not consent. It's just survival. It's women surviving in 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:59.880 a toxic, patriarchal poorm culture. So no, it is not consent. 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:04.040 And we have unfortunately trained our girls not to really 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:07.200 understand the way in which we have had our voices 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.040 taken away from us, our sense of power taken away 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.720 from us. Not only are we traumatizing our girls through 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:16.200 porn culture, but we are traumatizing a whole generation of boys. 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:19.240 We now know that most boys across the Western world 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.399 use pornography as their major form of sex education. What 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:25.040 does it mean to that eleven year old boy to 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:28.240 masturbate two images of sexual violence? This is a much 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:31.760 deeper issue of traumatizing our boys. And when you traumatize 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:35.639 our boys, sexually and you work into their sexual template 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:39.119 hardcore porn, then what you do is you traumatize our 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.680 girls because they then play that out on the girls. 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:45.479 So we are basically laying waste to a generation of 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:50.080 girls and boys through mainstream hardcore free pornography. We wanted 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:54.080 to ask some teenagers about their experiences with porn. This 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:57.680 is what they had to say. I'm fifteen years old 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.119 and I'm a sophomore in high school. The first time 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:03.080 I remember seeing porn, it's probably when I was twelve 0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:07.160 years old. I'd say the first time I was very 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:11.960 disturbed by um. An image in porn was probably a 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:15.440 reference to like rape. For the most part, women are 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:19.600 portrayed as the almost like the vehicle for the dudes. 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:24.719 Um it sounds weird, satisfaction or whatever. I'm fifteen and 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:28.439 I'm currently a freshman. I believe I was either eleven 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.800 or twelve when I first discovered prenography. I know of 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:37.000 videos of like gang bangs or raping women on those sites. 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.840 It's is really just not a good thing. It signs 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:46.800 real light them what some people could describe as entertaining. 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:49.480 I know of rumors that girls do like to be 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:51.920 choked but that's not I know for a fact that's 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:56.000 not all of them. The anal sex intrusion thing, I 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:59.960 honestly think that's just messed up. That's probably pretty scared 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.960 you a god just assumes that's what they want. I'm 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:07.480 seventeen years old. I'd say I first started to understand 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:11.760 what pornography was in fifth grade. I'd say I first 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:16.120 saw porn around maybe six or seventh grade. I would 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:20.960 have been twelve or thirteen. In porn, females are usually 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.480 depicted as the main focus is their body. That's pretty 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:27.560 much it. In the majority of porn, the guys and 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:32.159 not necessarily asking permission to do anything. I just expected 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:34.520 that the woman will go along. I think that it 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:38.359 can lead to like men having that attitude towards women 0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:42.760 are just having misogynistic thoughts. There are definitely a lot 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:48.439 of guys that are watching like violent horn. Wow. I 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:53.600 know it's pretty overwhelming and such graphic language. But where 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:56.160 do we go from here? It seems like the genie 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.000 is out of the bottle, right, But don't worry, there 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.240 is hope, and it comes from a surprising source. A 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:06.640 sex ed teacher at a Quaker school. More on that, right, 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:11.320 after this, So what are you supposed to do with 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:15.320 all this? It's hugely depressing and if you're a parent, 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:18.120 you probably want to crawl into a hole right now. 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:25.840 Alvernacchio is a teacher in Winnwood, Pennsylvania, outside Philadelphia, and 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:29.679 he has what he thinks is the best solution for 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:34.000 dealing with this porn culture. What happens today is that 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:40.240 young people, because of the great vacuum of information or conversation, 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:46.200 they encounter this material and they are curious, and they 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:50.359 are turned on, and they are hungry for information, and 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:53.600 they think, well, nobody's talking to me, this must be it. 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:57.520 We need to be able to not only counteract that message, 0:20:57.880 --> 0:21:02.679 but start at a much younger age saying, when you 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:06.680 see stuff like that, that's actually not what sex is about. 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:10.639 That's not what relationships are about, that's not what intimacy 0:21:10.720 --> 0:21:16.600 is about. That's performance. That's fantasy, and not even fantasy 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:21.760 in terms of the good, helpful fantasy that can teach 0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:26.480 you something useful, the fantasy that is sort of corrupting 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:30.160 and that gives messages that are the opposite of what 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:33.679 we're supposed to be trying to do as human beings. 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:35.720 How do you do that, though, would you say to 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:38.240 a boy when he's eight years old or nine years old. 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:40.760 We've heard how young they are when they first are 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:45.159 exposed to porn. Hey, there's this stuff out there called pornography, boys, 0:21:45.440 --> 0:21:47.680 and I want you to be aware because if you're 0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:53.280 trying to pre empt this kind of cultural conditioning, if 0:21:53.320 --> 0:21:57.280 you will, or visual stimuli, you have to introduce it 0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:01.040 at a very young age. Absolutely, And parents and carrying 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:04.520 adults might choose to actually talk about pornography with eight 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:06.440 year olds, I don't. What I talk about with eight 0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:10.240 year olds is gender equity. And let's look at the media. 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:12.719 What are eight year olds looking at their watching cartoons, 0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:16.560 they're playing video games. Let's take a look at the 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:21.600 way that characters are portrayed in those games and are 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:25.639 treated based upon their gender. And are they seeing messages 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:30.159 that male characters are always in charge? Are they seeing 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:36.240 messages that it's unusual to see a group of superheroes 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:40.399 that's largely female dominated. It's usually a bunch of guys 0:22:40.560 --> 0:22:43.480 and one or two women. And just beginning to ask 0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:46.639 questions about what do you think that's about? Why do 0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:50.960 you think there aren't more women's superheroes that you're looking 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:54.199 at in your comic books. What's that saying about the 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:57.679 place that girls and women have in the world. We 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:02.560 begin with what's in one of them, and we help 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:06.240 them begin to ask questions so that when they do 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:11.520 encounter material like hardcore pornography, there primed to ask that question. 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:14.959 Wait a minute, that woman is being used completely as 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:20.320 an object. And I've already been told that whenever we 0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:25.080 treat a human being as an object, that's disrespectful, that's devaluing. 0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:29.439 So what are the transferable skills that we can do 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:33.480 in sexuality education early on that when they get to 0:23:33.520 --> 0:23:36.560 be high school kids in my class and I can 0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:41.159 talk to them explicitly and frankly about pornography, that I 0:23:41.200 --> 0:23:44.280 can say, you're not just hearing these ideas for the 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:47.080 first time. We've been talking about it for years in 0:23:47.119 --> 0:23:49.439 our classes. You know, remember what I said when you 0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:53.320 were in nursery school about who gets to be a princess? Well, 0:23:53.680 --> 0:23:56.560 that has applications when we look at material like this. 0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:02.640 The problem is our culture is oh afraid of talking 0:24:02.680 --> 0:24:07.920 about human sexuality, is so afraid of sexuality education because 0:24:07.920 --> 0:24:11.320 they don't understand what it really is. That we run 0:24:11.440 --> 0:24:14.240 from it and I think parents, and I don't fault 0:24:14.280 --> 0:24:17.800 parents for this. Parents don't have training, parents don't know 0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:20.880 how to begin these conversations. So part of my job 0:24:20.960 --> 0:24:24.400 is also to be with parents and to say this 0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:26.640 is how we can do this. These are some questions 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:29.400 you can ask, these are some conversations you can have, 0:24:30.119 --> 0:24:34.200 and helping them feel empowered to be able to talk 0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:35.840 to the young people in their lives. I think it's 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:39.199 so funny because I'm a progressive sexuality educator, but a 0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:43.440 lot of the things I talk about sound like what 0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:45.680 people used to refer to as like, you know, good 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:50.919