WEBVTT - DONKEY: Shake Shack Worker Robs Job At Gunpoint Then Returns To Work  

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<v Speaker 1>You are a donkey.

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<v Speaker 2>That is why Charlemagne is.

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<v Speaker 1>Some donkey. Today's just saw himself the breakfast club. Okay, Charlamage,

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<v Speaker 1>we've been giving a donkey of the day too.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the day, well donkey today for Wednesday, August twelve.

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<v Speaker 1>Cause the thirty three year old KeAndre Simmons.

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<v Speaker 2>I believe he's an Arizona man and he's a prime

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<v Speaker 2>example of why this generation is being labeled dumber than

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<v Speaker 2>previous generations. Okay, see, KeAndre was an employee of Shakeshack

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<v Speaker 2>and he woke up one day and he yawned, and

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<v Speaker 2>he brushed his teeth, and he ReLit a half of

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<v Speaker 2>pre roll from the night before. He probably ate a

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<v Speaker 2>pop tart or a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, and

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<v Speaker 2>said in himself, you know what I'm gonna do today.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna call him sick so I can rob my

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<v Speaker 2>place of employment. And after I robbed my place of employment,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna show up right back to the scene

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<v Speaker 2>of the crime and clock in like nothing happened. Oh Chat,

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<v Speaker 2>GPT can't make this kind of stuff up. Let's go

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<v Speaker 2>to w c A X three for the report.

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<v Speaker 3>Police Andre Simmons is accused of robbery an inside job.

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<v Speaker 3>He faces charges of armed robbery, aggravated assault, and kidnapping.

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<v Speaker 3>According to these court documents, Simmons called out of work

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<v Speaker 3>at the Shake Shack at Kierln Commons around midnight on

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<v Speaker 3>August third, but showed up later that morning wearing a

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<v Speaker 3>disguise and a black face mask. An employee told police

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<v Speaker 3>he heard the delivery bell at the back of the

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<v Speaker 3>store and opened up, standing there was a masked man

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<v Speaker 3>pointing a gun. Simmons allegedly forced the employee into the

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<v Speaker 3>walk in cooler, locking it using a latch that only

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<v Speaker 3>employees would know. Simmons then ordered the manager to hand

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<v Speaker 3>over about twenty eight hundred bucks in cash, and after

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<v Speaker 3>he got the money, Simmons reportedly locked the manager and

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<v Speaker 3>the cooler too. Records say in those moments, the employees

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<v Speaker 3>tried to make a run for it, but Simmons came back,

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<v Speaker 3>threatening them with the gun for a second time, rushing

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<v Speaker 3>those employees into the office, destroying their phones, and then

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<v Speaker 3>taking off queerl insecurity and the employees led police to

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<v Speaker 3>Simmons two days later.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, Caandre, you can't commit an inside job when

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<v Speaker 2>everybody knows you're the insider. Okay, I know the mindset

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<v Speaker 2>he was in, He said, If I come back to work,

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<v Speaker 2>nobody will suspect this me, because why would anybody who

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<v Speaker 2>just robbed the place come back to the place they

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<v Speaker 2>just robbed? KeAndre, your logic makes sense, But I need

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<v Speaker 2>us to understand there are a lot of Caandras out here,

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<v Speaker 2>and they are banking on us being just as stupid

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<v Speaker 2>as them. Okay, KeAndre, you thought this through, but you

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<v Speaker 2>didn't question your own thinking. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Thinking about your own thinking is called meta cognition. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Psychologists and neuroscientists.

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<v Speaker 2>View it as a peak form of intelligence because it

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<v Speaker 2>allows you to step back, watch your mind work, and

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<v Speaker 2>catch your own biases and mistakes in real time. Caandre,

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't catch none of your mistakes. Okay, you called

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<v Speaker 2>in sick before your shift. All right, imagine the police investigation.

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<v Speaker 2>Anybody missing from work today? Yeah, Keandra, who we all knew?

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<v Speaker 1>We all know who it was, he called out. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>book them all right. I mean his coworkers recognized him.

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<v Speaker 2>Through the disguise, the employee said, because of his build,

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<v Speaker 2>his voice, his mannerisms, and his hairline. They literally said hairline.

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<v Speaker 2>Now I saw, I saw his mug shot. Let me

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<v Speaker 2>pull his mug shot up for you. Hold on, I

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<v Speaker 2>should have had it out already. God damn, it is

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<v Speaker 2>his mug shot. Send me his mugshot, Eddie. I can't

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<v Speaker 2>find it now, but his mug shot. Oh no, that's

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<v Speaker 2>not her.

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<v Speaker 1>Up now.

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<v Speaker 2>If you notice, look at his mug shot. Okay, his

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<v Speaker 2>hairline isn't pushed back.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. In fact, he's got all his edges.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think people who are blessed to still have

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<v Speaker 2>all their edges tend to forget that that that that

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<v Speaker 2>is uh, you know, it's more recognizable.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, when you have all your edges, then it is

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<v Speaker 1>when it's receding. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Because as a man, I see people with hairlines, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think to myself, hold on to that for as

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<v Speaker 2>long as you can, young man, because at some point,

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<v Speaker 2>your hairlines starts dancing to Fat Joe's lean back, and

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing you can do about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Also, why the hell didn't you have on a mask

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<v Speaker 2>that covers your whole head? Okay, your face was undercover,

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<v Speaker 2>but your hairline was cooperating with authorities. Not to mention

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<v Speaker 2>he knew the layout of the restaurant employee said he

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<v Speaker 2>knew too much. He knew employee only areas, he knew

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<v Speaker 2>where equipment was kept, he knew how to walk in

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<v Speaker 2>coolest outside latchwork. That's clearly somebody who completed Shakeshack orientation. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>then on top of all of that, you came back

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<v Speaker 2>to work two days later. No metacognition went into this crime. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>he didn't think about his own thinking at all. He

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<v Speaker 2>didn't do his jail map either. Okay, y'all know what

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<v Speaker 2>jail map is when you try to add up if

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<v Speaker 2>you can afford to do what it is you're about

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<v Speaker 2>to do. Court documentary portedly say KeAndre was struggling and

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<v Speaker 2>had children.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, who's going to support those kids? Now?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you committed an armed robbery for twenty eight hundred dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't have money for bond.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you don't have money for an attorney, and now

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to spend at least a decade in prison.

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<v Speaker 2>Once again, who is going to support those children?

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<v Speaker 3>Now?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, you can't afford to do anything that you did, Keandra. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>desperation could make you irrational, but desperation doesn't make consequences disappear,

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<v Speaker 2>all right. If you're struggling financially and have children depending

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<v Speaker 2>on you, an armed robbery, accravated assault charge and kidnapping

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<v Speaker 2>charges aren't going to improve your situation. In fact, it's

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<v Speaker 2>going to make your financial situation worse because now you're

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<v Speaker 2>being held on one hundred thousand dollars bond. Okay, KeAndre

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<v Speaker 2>allegedly committed the worst kind of inside job, the kind

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<v Speaker 2>where everybody inside knows exactly who you are. Please give

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<v Speaker 2>KeAndre Simmons the biggesty hull.

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<v Speaker 1>Think this through.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, all right, well, thank you for that.

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<v Speaker 1>Donkey to Day.

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<v Speaker 2>Donkey of Today is sponsored by renowned personal injury attorney

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<v Speaker 2>Michael the Bull Lamb is soft.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't be a donkey when you need a fighter on

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<v Speaker 1>when you mess with the bull, you get the horns