WEBVTT - Jealous Spirit 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.200 Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:21.400 and The Black Effect. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:14.920 And just like that, we're back on the air. 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:17.560 Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode which your 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:20.360 girl jeffs hilarious. I am here fix the mess. That's 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:22.360 what I do, That's what I always be doing. And 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.200 I promise y'all, I'm gonna have an intro. Trust me, 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:28.200 Trust me, y'all. Y'all might have put it on. It 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:29.240 might be on here already. 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:29.680 I don't know. 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:32.360 They ain't updateing me yet. But I've been fighting for 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.919 this intro, y'all. We've been just a fighting, and they 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:36.280 said that they was gonna have us one. 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:38.640 So I think we won. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:43.160 So until we hear, until we hear the jest fix 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:46.360 my Mess. So until we hear the just fix my 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:48.680 Mess intro, we gotta keep spam in the comments and shit. 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.559 I told y'all, spam Charlamagne comments, spam the Black Effect comments, 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:54.880 Spam I Heart even Breakfast Club. I don't give a 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:58.920 damn envy. Everybody's including I don't care. Everybody's included. All right, 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.800 We're gonna jump right into it. I got a voice, 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:03.440 No y'all know, I get excited for voice notes because 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:06.120 I hate we y'all write them long run on sentence 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:08.880 paragraphs and shit. Y'all be sending me whole PDF files 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:11.680 and essays and shit, and it don't be not one 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:15.240 punctuation mark in a goddamn run on sentence. 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:16.160 Shit. 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:20.800 I'll be fighting. I'll be fighting, y'all, but jumping right in. 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:25.160 Hey, jes So, first off, I just want to start 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.959 with thanking you for even replying back to me and 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:32.959 letting me know how to submit my voice memo or 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:36.800 voice question or whatever you call it. Absolutely, I really 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:40.480 appreciate that because I do have a mess that I 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.039 need you to fix. And then I also now that 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.120 I see that you do respond directly back. 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:46.679 Once again, much appreciated. 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:50.240 I will have a second issue that I would like 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.800 your guidance on, but it's not necessarily a mess. 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:54.840 Well, bring it on, girl. 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:55.680 I'm trying to. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.360 Get into the arena that you're in as far as 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:05.000 fixing people issues and just talking to people and hearing people. 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.880 Weut because I'm working on my psychology degree, so this is. 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:09.360 Something that only helped me. 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.440 Nice. Nice, just get ready for these next eight or 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.480 nine little voice notes, because this one is about the end, 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.560 and I will tell you my mess on the next one. 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:20.200 Oh she's so cute. 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:20.520 Listen. 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:22.720 Real quick backstory, y'all. She had hit me up and 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.239 asked me before how can I send it? Because it 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.160 keeps stopping at a minute, And I know that I 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.280 heard somebody sending one longer than a minute before. But 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:32.800 since it ain't gonna work on here, nah girl, people 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.320 just be sending eight, nine, ten to eleven them. I 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:37.560 dodnet check twenty of them before somebody, and that was 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.079 one story. Somebody sent me twenty voice notes in a 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:41.880 DM because they only go up to a minute. 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:42.600 So here we go. 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.680 So to get into what my actual issue or mess 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:49.760 is about, let me give you a little background. So 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:54.960 my husband and I we have been together for going 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:59.160 on eleven years, but have been married for two. We 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:04.280 actually just celebrated our second anniversary not long ago. And 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:10.600 my issue is since the beginning of time, I feel 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:14.119 like he's had an issue or I don't know, it's 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:17.600 like a jealous type of spirit that comes about with 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:22.240 him whenever I mentioned things that I have planned or 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:25.680 that I want to do with other people outside of him. 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:30.560 Now he's not necessarily controlling he doesn't tell me where 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:32.280 I can go and what I can do or none 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.400 of that because I'm too strong. I'm a feminist, so 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:39.160 that wouldn't work with me. No way. Very good. He's 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:41.680 a real good man, you know what I'm saying. Good provider, 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.840 good dad. You know, he loves me to death, cherishes me, 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.440 you know, and shows me that, not only tells me that, 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:50.960 but shows me that in his action. So for the 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:54.240 most part, you know, relationship is cool, not no issues there. 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:57.880 Now she from either Memphis or Saint Louis tom on, 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.160 no issues there because money bag Yo said like that 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.720 and Nellie said like that. But they from two different places, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:05.560 So which one are you from? Boo, I'm sorry, let 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:07.000 me go ahead and finish your story. 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.160 Well for that and his action, So for the most part, 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:14.600 you know, relationship is cool, not no issues. So we 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:17.840 of course have mutual friends. Mutual you know, other married 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.200 couples or couples that have been together for a while 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.000 that we you know, kick it with, go out with, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.080 do house parties with the space party, you know, things 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.839 like that dinner, you know, be there for each other's kids, events, 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:29.600 less stuff like that. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:33.120 All cool, all cool, and most of those are. 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:36.920 Actually his friends from childhood that I've just happened to 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.200 gotten really close with their women, you know what I'm saying, 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.320 because we all dealing with guys who've been dealing with 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:43.520 each other, so we can kind of relate, yeah, in 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:46.039 that aspect and kind of you know, Kiki and haha 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:47.000 about how goofy. 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.960 They are absolutely real nice lotok group, real nice look group, 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:51.000 nothing wrong with it at all. 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:55.640 We both also have, of course, our own separate friend groups. 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:57.320 Because we're approaching. 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.440 Forty, you know what I'm saying, So we've had lives 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:01.920 before each so of course we have our own separate 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:06.440 friend groups. And there was a time in the first 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:10.520 like maybe three to four years of our relationship, and 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:13.520 this is even after we had our child. 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:16.159 Oh, let me mention that we have two kids. 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:19.360 Actually, my oldest show way, how the hell you forget 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:20.360 that he's been. 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.960 There since he was two he's now twelve, and then 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:25.720 our child that we have together is eight. So going 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:29.640 back into it, about the first three to four years 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:34.240 of the relationship, this guy had a standing date every 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:36.560 Friday with his homies. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:38.880 And I don't even want to say what. 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:41.920 Third nights were called, because just in case anybody's listening. 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:46.200 That they probably are, they would know exactly who I am. 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.360 I'm talking about because I've been told my voice is 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:52.320 pretty unique absolute. But anyway, that that was something they 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:53.839 had every single Friday. 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:55.760 I'm not a clingy person. 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:59.120 I actually prefer, you know, my autonomy and being to 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.520 myself of the time. I consider myself a friendly introvert, 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:04.120 you know what I'm saying. I can be with people 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:06.400 and be social and all of that, but I'm a 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:09.280 homebody for the most part. So him being out every 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.080 Friday didn't bother me, not one bit. 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:12.320 I'm not one of those. 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.320 Girlfriends that's gonna call your phone and text you and 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:16.680 see where you at when he's out. 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.200 He's out. When he come home usually come home drunk, 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:19.640 and then. 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.320 We do what we do and have a good night 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:23.159 after eat them been out with the guys. 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:25.080 So it was never an issue, is what I'm trying 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:25.360 to say. 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:29.000 Never in goag and mind you, this was every single 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:33.680 Friday for years now. Me and my girls. You know, 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.480 we're all moms, you know what I'm saying. 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:36.000 We all have. 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:38.720 Kids, so that's where the majority of our time is 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:42.160 spent is with our family and with our kids. But 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:45.200 we do try at least once a month to get 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.599 out and do something with just the ladies, you know, 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.600 leave the men and kids at home, have some have. 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:51.720 A mommy day. You know what I'm saying. 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:53.680 You need that friend little brunch. And it's usually in 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.600 the daytime, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, moms need that. 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.200 You know, we're kind of all past the club and stage. 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:01.440 I did that in my twenties and early thirties. 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:02.120 I'm over that. 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:04.960 And I also had a fake idea like the age 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.040 of sixteen, So I'm over the club. So basically just 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:10.720 letting you know the activities that we do our mommy 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.160 approved Yeah, I'm saying, usually in the daytime, the most 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:13.840 is gonna happen. 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:15.360 It's bottomless mimosas you know. 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.320 I know that out the way. 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:21.840 And so he and I came up with an agreement 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:26.240 just to kind of, you know, let the other person 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:28.720 know when we have things planned, just in case we 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:31.600 were trying to plan something with one another. So, like 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:33.320 I said, me and my girls, we plan our things. 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.720 It's usually like once a month. It's planned out weeks 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:39.000 in advance. I let him know weeks in advance. You 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:42.720 know what the plans are he still moves kind of 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:44.320 last minute, you know what I'm saying. I don't know 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.760 if it's just the guy thing, but whenever the guys 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:48.640 have something that pop up, he just like. 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:50.320 Oh yeah, such and such as doing this and do 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:53.080 I'm ready run over here and cool. I'll let you 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.080 you know what I'm saying. Once again, I'm not a cleaner. 0:07:55.120 --> 0:08:00.640 I don't mind, but it seems like, and let me 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.120 say this, it's not even so much as me being 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:07.840 out with my other friends outside of him. It seems 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:11.920 like for some reason he takes that time that I'm 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:17.520 away from him as me like not wanting to be 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:19.480 I don't even know how to explain it. 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:22.520 It really is like he's jealous. Like he will. 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:26.680 Start an argument over something patty like literally, I've had 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.560 my hand on the doorknob, ready to walk out the door, 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:33.320 and he'll start wanting to argue about something like literally 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.720 to where, And it's embarrassing because my girls, he's loud. 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:40.200 And then even more so than that, like if I 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:43.319 am planning something with somebody else that's like. 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:45.160 You might be from Houston. 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.199 I feel like I hear a little bit of heuston areas 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:48.880 because you kind of sound like Erica Banks. 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:53.080 God damn all right, sorry, go ahead, Like when one. 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.120 Of our birthdays come up or something like. 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:59.520 That, he seems to take issue with it, and then 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:03.400 we'll come power what I've done for him to what 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.680 I'm doing with or for my friends and phrase it 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.200 in a way that he feels like I'm giving them 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.680 more attention, are doing more for them, which is never 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.079 the case. And let me say, just he and I 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:18.600 go out often. Sometimes he plans to date, sometimes I 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.360 plan the date. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay. So 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:23.880 you know what I'm saying. Outside of doing stuff with 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.720 our mutual friend groups, with our separate friend groups, we 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.360 have date nights for just he and I quite often, 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:31.760 you know what I'm saying, whenever we can get rid 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:35.560 of the kids were doing us and so like, just 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:38.679 to give you a better example, there was one year 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.800 when one of my good friends wanted to go take 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.760 a little trip. And I'm gonna say out of state 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:47.120 just because it was literally another state, but it's a 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:49.640 state that borders our state. Just to go, you know, 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:52.960 that's what females do. I wasn't driving, I ain't use 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.800 my car, my gas, I ain't pay for nobody's food 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:58.120 but my own. I was just a passenger in the 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:03.120 car on this birthday dinner. This man really made an 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.320 issue about that. How i'mbout well, you ain't never took 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.520 me to such and such for my birthday. 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:08.920 I said, you know, I didn't take up. 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.000 All wrong with right for anything. 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:15.560 So, and it's just that's just one example, and that 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:20.320 has been a repetitive thing. Whenever I'm celebrating, That's what 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:25.000 it is. Whenever I'm celebrating somebody else. He will then 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.199 compare that to what I've done for him, and all 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.839 of a sudden, what I've done for him is not enough, 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:31.600 mind you. 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:33.319 I go big for his birthday. 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.679 We don't went to comedy shows, concerts out I'm through 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:38.839 surprise parties. We don't have expensive dinners, you know what 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.160 I'm saying. And his birthday is around a holiday, so 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:45.080 it's always something major going on that we attend together 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:47.640 or I plan something for us in the family. So 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:51.720 he's never left out, he's never forgotten about or put 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:53.040 on the back burner or. 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:55.040 Anything of that sort. 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.360 So and once again, he's always very much happy with 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:03.079 what it is that I do for him, until. 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:04.280 It's time for me, something else. 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.640 For somebody else, And he is then starting to compare 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:10.760 what I've done for him to what I'm doing for 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.880 them and feels a certain type of way about it, 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.200 And I don't understand that, Like, I don't know if 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.559 he has some type of attachment issue that he hasn't 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:25.720 delved into, or was there something going on on those 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:28.200 every Friday days that he was doing that he wasn't 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.120 supposed to be doing. So now he thinks that I'm 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:33.080 out doing stuff when I'm at like, I literally do 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.800 not know. And I can't even get him to recognize 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:40.080 the pattern when I bring it up whenever this happens 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:41.960 that I'm like, babe, this is a pattern. Remember you 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.560 did this last time. I can't even get him admit 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:47.760 to that being what he's doing, so we can get 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:53.280 past it. So I hope that's enough context to kind 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:54.040 of let you. 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:54.679 Know where I'm at. 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.680 I mean, we cool and get along any other time 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.680 outside of this, outside of me wanting to do something 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:02.760 outside of him. 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:05.719 So like, how would you handle that? 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:08.560 You know what I'm saying, Because I'm not the type 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.560 of woman you can tell me where you can't go 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.439 here and you can't go there, I'm grown as hell, 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:14.559 you know what I'm saying. He didn't meet till we 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.319 was almost thirty. Like, I had a full life before you, 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.560 and I'm still gonna live even while I'm with you. 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.400 So like, how would you handle that? You know what 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:23.840 I'm saying. 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.040 I've suggested therapy, He said, oh, you always trying to 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.520 stay colagize me. That's what he goes to because of 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:31.680 course that's my field. So that is how I think 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.480 about most things. And I feel like everybody needs some therapy. 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:36.400 Everybody has some trauma that they trying to get. 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:37.160 Absolutely. 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:42.000 Also, I know in his past relationship before me, that 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.160 was a issue. His ex was out doing lord knows 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.120 whatever with whoever, and so maybe he's just a little 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:49.240 jaded from that. 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:49.800 I don't know. 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:56.040 But in my case, I've not In my case, I've 0:12:56.200 --> 0:13:00.480 not done anything to warrant him come in to me 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:03.040 the way he does whenever I want to do something 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.839 outside of him. I've never cheated, There's never been any infidelity, 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:08.160 not even an inkling of it. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.360 That's never anything he's ever had to worry about. 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:13.880 Yeah, so I just really don't understand why he tries 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:17.200 to hold me in. So you know what I'm saying, like, 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:18.880 what's your problem with my friends? 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:19.720 Bruh? 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:21.640 Like why can't I go hang out with my friends? 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:26.120 So that's basically it. I know I'm probably over my 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:27.920 eight minutes, but I just wanted to give you as 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:31.240 much background as possible, to give you an idea of 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.080 where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling, and see 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:36.440 what your thoughts are on this. How would you approach 0:13:36.480 --> 0:13:39.240 this type of situation? Like how can I get him 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.280 to realize he need to just chill out? 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:42.719 Like what would you do? 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:46.000 Because I trust your judgment, you give really good advice. 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.600 So yeah, curious to hear how you would handle us, Jess. 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:52.000 I look forward to hearing. Thank you well. 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:56.960 First and foremost, thank you for being open with me, Love. 0:13:57.040 --> 0:14:00.640 I appreciate you for even letting me in on your 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:02.959 business so I can try to fix your mess. First 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:07.040 of all, not first of all, I don't want to 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:08.320 say first of all because first of all, it's not 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:09.240 like I'm about to get smart. 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:15.040 First thing, is he a middle child? 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:15.320 Like? 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:16.280 Is he middle child? 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.920 It just I mean, you gave me a lot of context, 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.160 yes you did, but I want to know like his 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:24.200 childhood to be honest with you, because yeah, past relationships, 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.720 they yeah, of course they can have an effect on 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:29.480 you know, effect on you for the rest of your 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:31.840 life after them, depending on how you know. 0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:35.400 Detrimental it was to you, to your mental. 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:39.360 Or you know, how severe it was, or even how 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:41.400 great it was, and you'll never knowing that you'll never 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:44.640 get that back again. So each relationship definitely takes a 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.440 toll on whether it be for good or bad, on people, 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:52.280 especially if they've been with a person long. All right, 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:56.360 so you're two years Mary, I feel like I've heard 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.760 a story like this before, and we see it every day, 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:03.400 you know, spouse being kind of sort of jealous of 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:10.640 their husband or wife social life. You know, he he 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:15.520 may not he may not know how to express to 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:19.960 you that he has attachment issues or abandonment, even may 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:20.640 feel abandoned. 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:21.960 That's why I asked, see a middle child. 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.240 You know, most of the time middle children they are 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:27.880 I don't want to say it, like kind of forgotten about, 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.120 but they're kind of you know, they're the middle because 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:35.920 the firstborn's automatic top priority, you know, until the second 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.680 one comes, and then that's the baby until the third 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.760 one comes, and then the third one gets you know, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:47.120 the third one gets all the by that time, gets 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:50.520 the least amount of discipline. They're they're you're more lenient 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:55.720 with the goddamn babies. And then the the oldest is 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.480 off doing whatever the fuck they're doing, still passing down whatever, 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:02.960 paying like slight attention to the middle child and even 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:04.160 less attention to the baby. 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:06.200 But the middle child. 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:09.480 Is always the one that have like the complicated Well 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.320 that's what it's known to be. Traditionally, middle children are 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.280 the most complicated ones. They have the most complicated lives. 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.240 They're forgotten about or they're put on the back burner 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:19.640 for this, that and the other, blah blah blah blah whatever. 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.280 That's why I ask to see a middle child. That 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.640 definitely a lot of y'all maybe listening to this like that, 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:28.840 what that don't make sense? No, that that will have 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:34.240 an effect for shit. Sure, Now, his past relationship, like 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:37.560 you said, his ex was out here doing anything with 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:40.840 anybody and just doing everything out there. You know, he 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:45.400 definitely could have been damaged in that relationship and just 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.000 carried the baggage over to you. 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.840 But listen, this is the thing. You're married. 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.680 You've been married with him for two years y'all been 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:56.160 married for two years, I think you said, but y'all 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:59.440 been together far longer. Y'all have a child together, y'all 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:04.600 have a eight year old baby, well, an eight year 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.760 old child. I still thinking a baby, because you know 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:08.560 he's a kid. So I'm gonna say, you'll have a 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:14.400 eight year old baby together. Is this out of nowhere? 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:17.840 I mean, like just suddenly out of nowhere? You know, 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:21.080 because you've been with him for a long time. So 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.560 everything that he experienced in his last relationship shouldn't still 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:28.240 be affecting him eight years later with you. I'm gonna 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:29.800 just go ahead and say ten years. I mean, y'all 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.399 coming up on a decade of being together, just married 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:35.280 for two I'm gonna go ahead and say, I don't 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:39.320 think that his last relationship should still be affecting him. 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:44.040 Did anything happen with y'all? Like, did you ever not cheating? 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:45.359 Not cheating? 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:47.280 Because I heard you say loud and Claire, I've never cheated. 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:48.920 I've never wanted to cheat. I'm not a cheater. 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:49.440 I don't do that. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:53.159 He has, he's never cheated on you and and all that. Yeah, 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.879 but did something happen? Cheating is not the only thing 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:59.359 that can result in something like this and behavior like this. 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.359 Have you did you ever have a friend who you 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:06.080 told him about was cheating on her husband or And 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:08.880 I know that y'all have close friend groups, like your 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:13.000 girlfriends are basically married to his, his homeboys and shit 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.840 like that, So y'all are a conjoined group, like y'all 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:17.359 know each other, You're all comfortable with each other. 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:19.679 Y'all group, his boys grew up with him. You know 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:20.320 your girls. 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.240 They all been around these people for a long time, 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.560 these guys for a long time. So I'm just trying 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:32.359 to figure out, was there ever a friend who wasn't 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.639 in a good relationship that confided in you and you 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:36.760 went home and confided in your husband, which happens all 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:40.679 the time. That I mean, it has to be a 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:44.800 reason that he gets so jealous of your social life 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:48.719 outside of him. You know, Is he stressed out at 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:52.199 work because it's something bothering him at with work? You know, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:55.200 I listen, and I know you said that he thrives 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.200 around his homeboys, like you know, he's a little he's 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:01.280 a bit last minute. Maybe he's last minute because he's 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:03.080 left out a lot. 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:03.800 You know what I'm saying? 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:09.080 I'm not justifying the jealousy and how the I mean 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:12.960 the arguments that he picks. I am definitely trying to 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:16.160