1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,280
Speaker 1: They talk better than they said. Tell me.

2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,800
Speaker 2: These are the radio blogs on the Fred Show, like

3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,039
Speaker 2: we're running in our diaries, except we say them aloud.

4
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:11,440
Speaker 1: We call them blogs. Paulina, Yes, take it away, Thank

5
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,120
Speaker 1: you so much, dear blog.

6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 3: So you guys know, and a lot of us here

7
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 3: are in therapy, love therapy very much.

8
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,759
Speaker 1: My therapist is amazing.

9
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,279
Speaker 3: One thing I like about her is that I don't know,

10
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,439
Speaker 3: it's like my style. I like, I like to be

11
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,080
Speaker 3: checked once in a while when I need to be,

12
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,440
Speaker 3: and she's very much like that. And the other day

13
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,120
Speaker 3: we were talking about something and I was like, oh,

14
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:32,879
Speaker 3: but like I would not do that. I would not

15
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,040
Speaker 3: do that, like it was me and my husband were

16
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,879
Speaker 3: going through. I'm like, but I wouldn't do that, and

17
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,519
Speaker 3: she goes, Paulina, that's you.

18
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 1: Like, you wouldn't do that. It was that simple, And

19
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, that isn't me.

20
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,159
Speaker 3: You're right, she goes, because that's what you would do,

21
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,040
Speaker 3: but not what he would do or someone else would do.

22
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,879
Speaker 3: So took me a minute to understand that. But the

23
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,800
Speaker 3: way she kind of did that, I was like, all right,

24
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,920
Speaker 3: I hear you. I hear you, miss therapist lady.

25
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:53,400
Speaker 1: I hear you.

26
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,680
Speaker 3: So she and I were in a session last week

27
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 3: and we were talking about my husband and my communication style.

28
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,560
Speaker 1: We are very quite different.

29
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,280
Speaker 3: We're different people, like just generally like, oh, you know, oversight,

30
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,640
Speaker 3: like we really we really are different people. But I

31
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 3: think what I thought was really interesting was that when

32
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,720
Speaker 3: we were discussing, you know, some of the stuff when

33
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,840
Speaker 3: it comes to our communication, not with the input she

34
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 3: was giving me in the advice, but she suggested, you know,

35
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,360
Speaker 3: if you're open to it, you can bring him to

36
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:24,960
Speaker 3: a session.

37
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,960
Speaker 1: And I really like that.

38
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,440
Speaker 3: And I was like, this could be won't go really

39
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,160
Speaker 3: good or really bad, But I was like, this could

40
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,479
Speaker 3: be really good for us because I've always wanted him

41
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,160
Speaker 3: to a try therapy and like sit in here with me.

42
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,760
Speaker 3: And also if we are low key talking about I'm like,

43
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,959
Speaker 3: bring them in, you know, bring in the source. Like

44
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,800
Speaker 3: I thought it'd be a really cool thing to do.

45
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,240
Speaker 3: And I love that she suggested it, And you know,

46
00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,600
Speaker 3: she did kind of also say it is this, I'm

47
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,200
Speaker 3: here for you, just f y I right, So yeah,

48
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,040
Speaker 3: and she told me that, and to me, I mean

49
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,480
Speaker 3: I was just like, okay, like that's cool, but I'm

50
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 3: assuming like that might not go well.

51
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,960
Speaker 1: Then for him if she's there for me.

52
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,680
Speaker 2: No, it's funny because I my therapist. I don't know

53
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,000
Speaker 2: why this came up. My excuse me, executive coach. I

54
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:11,960
Speaker 2: don't executive coaches. Long story, but when I had a therapist,

55
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,560
Speaker 2: she would say to me like, you know, I don't

56
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,799
Speaker 2: even remember the context, but essentially was if you ever

57
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,959
Speaker 2: brought somebody else in here, just realize, I'm here for you,

58
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,400
Speaker 2: so I don't I'm not here to serve them, so

59
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,520
Speaker 2: I'm not here for their best interests. It's not that

60
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,600
Speaker 2: they're there like attack the other person, Yeah, but they're

61
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,840
Speaker 2: there for you. So the person would have to come

62
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,960
Speaker 2: in under the context or with the context of this

63
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,400
Speaker 2: isn't marriage counseling, and that when you come in there,

64
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,840
Speaker 2: then I'm here for the couple, or or if you

65
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,399
Speaker 2: went to his therapists, then his therapist might lean more

66
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,639
Speaker 2: in his you know, on his which is why I've

67
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:50,120
Speaker 2: also heard that you're not supposed to really like recycle therapists.

68
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,160
Speaker 2: And I've heard about people doing this where they they'll

69
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:57,440
Speaker 2: go to like couple's therapy and then they'll say, what,

70
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,359
Speaker 2: I'm not in a couple anymore, and then keep going

71
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,400
Speaker 2: to the same therapists. My understanding was, and if you're

72
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 2: a mental health professional you can confirm it tonight, was

73
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,760
Speaker 2: that you're supposed to go to therapy for a purpose,

74
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,360
Speaker 2: and when that purpose ends, you break up with a

75
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:11,000
Speaker 2: therapist break up because like if you go to marriage counseling,

76
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,520
Speaker 2: then you're not that that therapist is not necessarily supposed

77
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,800
Speaker 2: to treat you then outside of that or another in

78
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,359
Speaker 2: another relationship, because you went for this purpose and they've

79
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,440
Speaker 2: seen you in this light. So then if you break

80
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,160
Speaker 2: up and you're with someone else, but then they're you

81
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,200
Speaker 2: know what I mean, like you can't use the same therapist.

82
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,920
Speaker 2: I guess from multiple different things. Ethically, I guess you're

83
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,080
Speaker 2: not supposed to you at least, and some people may

84
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,240
Speaker 2: disagree with that, but it kind of makes sense. I mean,

85
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,640
Speaker 2: if I'm going to a therapist within the confines of

86
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,480
Speaker 2: a relationship, but like a a couple's thing, and then

87
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,960
Speaker 2: I break up with that person and then I keep

88
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,280
Speaker 2: going to the same therapists, well aren't they Their context

89
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,360
Speaker 2: about me is is within that relationship and not me

90
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,160
Speaker 2: on my own. So it's almost like you got to

91
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,400
Speaker 2: start fresh with you. So some people have their own

92
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,920
Speaker 2: therapist and then a relationship, yes, like like like a

93
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,560
Speaker 2: couple's counselor, because it's almost it's just more fair that way, correct,

94
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,640
Speaker 2: because you're going in as a couple as opposed to

95
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,160
Speaker 2: as an individual. Because my therapist, after however many years,

96
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,080
Speaker 2: there's no way that she's going to be objective and

97
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,160
Speaker 2: be like, well now hold on. She might tell me that,

98
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 2: but she's not going to call me out in front

99
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,480
Speaker 2: of another person.

100
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,559
Speaker 3: Okay, I see you're saying, well, yeah, me and doctor

101
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,720
Speaker 3: D we're going to be locked in.

102
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,719
Speaker 1: But she's my therapist, Like that's for me.

103
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,680
Speaker 3: But she has suggested and even sentral recommendations for couples counseling.

104
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,560
Speaker 3: So that's like another thing that I'm trying to do

105
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,800
Speaker 3: because I would liked us to get a joint like

106
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,599
Speaker 3: for the interest of, you know, the best interests of

107
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,039
Speaker 3: us both.

108
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,320
Speaker 1: It's what I'm looking for when.

109
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,599
Speaker 3: It comes to me and my husband together helpful I

110
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,320
Speaker 3: think it would be. And I'm not even saying we

111
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,120
Speaker 3: were having issues because we're actually not at all. But

112
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,200
Speaker 3: it's just communication. Like even my communication here at work

113
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,280
Speaker 3: sometimes is terrible, Like you know, like I want to

114
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,120
Speaker 3: be a better communicator to everyone in my life that

115
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,520
Speaker 3: I love and I appreciate it, and I want to

116
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 3: come off a different way.

117
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,680
Speaker 1: So I want to work on me.

118
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,440
Speaker 3: But you know, my husband's a part of my life,

119
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,640
Speaker 3: so I want him and i'd also work on our communication.

120
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,919
Speaker 2: But well, I'm not say he should be threatened, but

121
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,320
Speaker 2: it might be helpful just to go to someone new

122
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,479
Speaker 2: together at the start, together at the same time, so

123
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,640
Speaker 2: that you both feel like you're on a you know,

124
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,599
Speaker 2: even playing field. Because what's funny is I know of

125
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,400
Speaker 2: a few situations where one person in a relationship doesn't

126
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,600
Speaker 2: necessarily but I'm not saying this is him, but doesn't

127
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,840
Speaker 2: necessarily believe in therapy or doesn't go or is it whatever,

128
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:25,240
Speaker 2: and then their partner, thinking that their perspective on their

129
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,920
Speaker 2: problems is one hundred percent right, thinking that if they

130
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,240
Speaker 2: make them go to therapy that the therapist will tell

131
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,080
Speaker 2: them that they're wrong in side with the person. It

132
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,880
Speaker 2: only goes the other way, where the person goes to

133
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,520
Speaker 2: therapy on their own because their partner's making them go

134
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,719
Speaker 2: because you're obviously not seeing it. And then the therapist

135
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,400
Speaker 2: is like, oh, no, you're seeing it just fine, it's

136
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,680
Speaker 2: not right, you know, or whatever. So I've seen this

137
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,760
Speaker 2: backfire too, So I guess it's like that's why I

138
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,159
Speaker 2: would say, maybe go find somebody where you're starting together,

139
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,680
Speaker 2: because it's like, if you think that maybe he's going

140
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,520
Speaker 2: to go and then your therapist is going to like

141
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,280
Speaker 2: side with you on things, you might be wrong about that,

142
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,560
Speaker 2: and so you might the person may come in there

143
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,200
Speaker 2: and then you're like, she's going to tell him that,

144
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,279
Speaker 2: you know, the stuff he's doing isn't good for me

145
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,560
Speaker 2: or whatever, and then they might they might not, And

146
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,400
Speaker 2: then that's not because I've seen this happen before. We're

147
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 2: going to therapy together, and I know why the person's

148
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 2: making the person go. It's because they believe that the

149
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,719
Speaker 2: other person is wrong and then they go to therapy

150
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:30,040
Speaker 2: and the therapist is like no, you know, right, right right,

151
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,000
Speaker 2: So I guess I guess just be careful why you

152
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 2: think he should go because and that's why I would

153
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:39,520
Speaker 2: argue for maybe like a moderate start, because if you

154
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 2: think he's going to go there, or if he thinks

155
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,320
Speaker 2: he's going to go there and your therapist is going

156
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,800
Speaker 2: to like correct him, you might be wrong.

157
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I never thought of it that way because

158
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:49,719
Speaker 1: I know you like to call his mom. I do

159
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,520
Speaker 1: like to call on that's my trick. Yeah, I know

160
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,159
Speaker 1: you well enough to go.

161
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 2: If you think that's what might be happening in these

162
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:55,719
Speaker 2: therapy sessions.

163
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,080
Speaker 1: That may not be true.

164
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,800
Speaker 3: I mean no, I kind of thought of it, like, okay,

165
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 3: you bring them in, you know, and then maybe my

166
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,000
Speaker 3: therapist because she made a comment the other day and

167
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:04,839
Speaker 3: now that this is true.

168
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:06,920
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not rocket science. He's not next to.

169
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,520
Speaker 3: Me, but I brought him up or whatever, and then

170
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,600
Speaker 3: we were talking about an issue and she goes, you know,

171
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,200
Speaker 3: I can't really confirm or I can't really he's on here,

172
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,240
Speaker 3: I can't ask him. So I think that sparked an

173
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,840
Speaker 3: idea in her head and mine because I was low

174
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,280
Speaker 3: key like, well, what if he was next to me,

175
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,240
Speaker 3: then you could ask him?

176
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,239
Speaker 1: And I'm not looking to be told like, oh, Paulina,

177
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,280
Speaker 1: you're so right about this.

178
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,640
Speaker 3: I'm more of so, like, you know, explain to me

179
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,600
Speaker 3: a little bit, you know what we can do better.

180
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,600
Speaker 3: Maybe she can grill on both of us like you

181
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,400
Speaker 3: can grill me all day. She's the only person in

182
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,600
Speaker 3: my life that I'm okay with, like tell me I'm wrong,

183
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,480
Speaker 3: Like tell me that I suck at this, like, tell

184
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:35,800
Speaker 3: me I'm a better you know, I need to be

185
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:36,800
Speaker 3: a better communicator.

186
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:37,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, because if you go.

187
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,160
Speaker 2: To enabling I'm sorry, if you're an enabling therapist, yeah, yeah,

188
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,720
Speaker 2: I do, which I think a lot of people do.

189
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,480
Speaker 2: I think people go to the person who tells them

190
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 2: they're right all the time, and I don't go to

191
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,080
Speaker 2: that person because it wouldn't help me.

192
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't go ahead. Oh you're fine.

193
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 3: I was just gonna say I have gone to therapy

194
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,720
Speaker 3: with family members with my therapists.

195
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,400
Speaker 1: And it has gone well.

196
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,840
Speaker 3: Oh so maybe try it once and then if you

197
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,960
Speaker 3: feel like what Fred says is happening is happening.

198
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,480
Speaker 1: You could switch it up. But I've had a good experience.

199
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:03,960
Speaker 2: I wish I could take this call cam as a

200
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,080
Speaker 2: social worker, mainly cause she says I'm right. I wish

201
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,800
Speaker 2: I could take But no, I think the idea of

202
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,200
Speaker 2: starting anew with someone someone who's you know, even with

203
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,360
Speaker 2: both of you, would probably be a great idea.

204
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:15,880
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

205
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,800
Speaker 2: Hey, not mad at that, don't waiting at the phone,

206
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,600
Speaker 2: brand new and next day here more Fredshell, next