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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two K Storytime podcast hosts, and we have some ancient

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Speaker 1: wisdom in the stories coming up. If you want to

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Speaker 1: hear the wisdom from two old heads that know more

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Speaker 1: than they know what to do with, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to wait for a quick message from our sponsors for

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Speaker 1: the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 2: My mother's life is messy and I refuse to be

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Speaker 2: involved any longer.

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Speaker 3: I'm putting down the mop And.

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Speaker 2: This comes directly from the Okay Storytime subreddit. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: some context. Mom has never made the best choices in life.

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Speaker 2: She and my father divorced when I was around five

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Speaker 2: so she could marry a man she met online. Her

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Speaker 2: second husband Voldemort, he who must not be named.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy.

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Speaker 2: Their relationship was extremely toxic, and my siblings and I

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Speaker 2: had to run away from her home in the middle

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Speaker 2: of the night multiple times because of the fighting.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: My older brother's lando definitely had to grow up faster

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Speaker 2: than they should have as they tried to protect me

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Speaker 2: and my brother Carlow. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: Masterpiece Salt twenty eight seventy six. And if you want

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Speaker 2: us to meet your own stories. Go to the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I am Keon.

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Speaker 4: And Op says.

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Speaker 2: Carlow also had to grow up fast, as my mother

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Speaker 2: basically made Carlow into my second parent.

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Speaker 4: Made sure I showered, brushed my hair.

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Speaker 2: And teeth, did my homework, eight, got to and from school,

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Speaker 2: et cetera.

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Speaker 4: Carlo is just barely two years older than me.

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Speaker 2: I know you're not supposed to have a favorite siblings,

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Speaker 2: but Carlo has always been mine and I love them dearly.

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Speaker 2: After my mother and Valdemort divorced, we still never felt secure.

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Speaker 2: My mother dated various men that we would be introduced to.

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Speaker 2: We would stay the night at theirs on weekends and

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Speaker 2: have sleepovers with their kids while Mom slept in the

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Speaker 2: room with the dads her friends. She dated guys seriously

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Speaker 2: and would introduce them as her boy boyfriend. Then things

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Speaker 2: would go to crap and they would break up, never

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Speaker 2: to be seen again. We moved around a decent amount,

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Speaker 2: and I went to three schools before second grade. Mother

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Speaker 2: had pulled my brothers out of school to homeschool them

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Speaker 2: after a teacher suggested that Dean might have a learning disability.

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Speaker 2: She would threaten to send us away to get examined

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Speaker 2: by professionals if we didn't do what she said right away.

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Speaker 2: She made getting looked at for learning disabilities sound scary

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Speaker 2: and threatening, but I really wish she would have followed through.

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Speaker 2: Mother also was never good with money. When she got paid,

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Speaker 2: we would go to a restaurant and get appetizer, meal,

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Speaker 2: and dessert each and then there would be no food

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Speaker 2: in the house. Because of all the moving around and

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Speaker 2: the new dads in our lives, none of us ever

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Speaker 2: felt safe that anything was permanent. All of us had

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Speaker 2: a hard time making and keeping friendships because we were

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Speaker 2: always moving. We all have trust and abandonment issues to

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Speaker 2: this day. Mother met her third husband and had us

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Speaker 2: going for sleepovers at his house. After less than a month,

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Speaker 2: About two months in she moved us into his house,

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Speaker 2: nearly an hour away from the convenient walk to our

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Speaker 2: dad's house.

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Speaker 4: And our school.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Their common law marriage lasted nearly eight years, but was

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Speaker 2: also unstable. He was a self absorbed person and used

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Speaker 2: my gullible eleven year old self to get back with

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Speaker 2: my mom during one of their breakups, sending me messages

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Speaker 2: about how much he loved.

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Speaker 4: And missed us.

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Speaker 2: I told my mom and she took him back. When

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Speaker 2: I was in high school, she confided in me that

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Speaker 2: she was going to leave him again. When I was eighteen,

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Speaker 2: she bought a house and moved out of the city

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Speaker 2: without telling him. As the youngest and only girl, I

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Speaker 2: was constantly referred to as her mini me and her bestie.

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Speaker 2: She treated all of us kids as extensions of herself.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to be burdened with mother her secrets

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Speaker 2: and dragged around to gatherings with her friends where I

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Speaker 2: knew no one and was the only kid. She showered

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Speaker 2: me with love so long as I did what she wanted,

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Speaker 2: and I and I craved that love and approval.

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Speaker 4: She would guilt trip me.

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Speaker 2: Into doing things for her, citing her depression and stress levels,

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Speaker 2: making me seem like a horrible, ungrateful child for disappointing her.

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Speaker 2: So I grew up feeling like it was Harlow's job

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Speaker 2: to care for me, it was mine to keep mom happy.

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Speaker 2: I tried to move in with my dad full time

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Speaker 2: in high school, but was yelled at by Dean for

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Speaker 2: making my mom cry. So when she left her third husband,

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Speaker 2: I felt like I had to move with her so

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Speaker 2: she wouldn't be alone. It's been almost nine years since

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Speaker 2: we moved. I'm still here. I moved out with a

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Speaker 2: boyfriend briefly, and she kept telling me he was horrible

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Speaker 2: until I started to believe it. She also had me

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Speaker 2: coming to stay with her every second weekend, saying it

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Speaker 2: wasn't fair for my for my to be stressed around

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Speaker 2: his toddler. During that time, she was dating a guy

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Speaker 2: who she said was the love of her life. Then

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Speaker 2: he dumped her two months later. I come home from

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Speaker 2: visiting my friend and she has moved some guy into

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Speaker 2: our home that she met online and there engaged. She

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Speaker 2: always said it was my home too, but I guess

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Speaker 2: not when it involves moving her fiance in. I had

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Speaker 2: never talked to or met the guy. Guy paid for everything,

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Speaker 2: which my mother loved, even though he has an attitude.

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Speaker 2: When he left her and took the truck back and

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Speaker 2: emptied the account, she was begging him.

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Speaker 4: To come back.

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Speaker 2: I was stuck at home during their relationship because of

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Speaker 2: the VID, hiding in my room whenever he was home.

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Speaker 2: The resentment has been building over the years, which leads

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Speaker 2: us to now. My doctor has put me on medical

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Speaker 2: leave to get my depression and stress under control. She

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Speaker 2: doesn't care and talks constantly about Bill's piling up, even

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Speaker 2: though I've asked her not to do that, as it's

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Speaker 2: a big stresser and her stress and depression. She knows

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Speaker 2: one of the reasons I was put on medical leave

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Speaker 2: was insomnia, and has.

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Speaker 4: Pulled me out of bed to help her with various tasks.

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Speaker 5: But she's also.

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Speaker 2: Started several DIY renovations that she abandons part way through,

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Speaker 2: leaving toolboxes and clutter everywhere. My income is severely reduced

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Speaker 2: because of my medical leave, and she complains that I

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Speaker 2: don't get payments at convenient times to pay her bills.

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Speaker 2: She's charging me nearly one thousand dollars a month to

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Speaker 2: live in a six by eight room.

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Speaker 4: My god.

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Speaker 2: When I first started paying rent at eighteen, it was

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Speaker 2: four hundred dollars, all included with the master bedroom. Now

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Speaker 2: it's no closet and the room is constantly damp and moldy.

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Speaker 2: I do all the cooking and have for years, and

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Speaker 2: I even serve it to her while she relaxes in

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Speaker 2: bed after work. I'm doing all the cleaning and taking

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Speaker 2: care of her dogs that she hasn't been paying attention

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Speaker 2: to The dogs are aggressive towards each other, so can't

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Speaker 2: be out at the same time. She will randomly decide

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Speaker 2: she's craving something different and come home with ingredients, expecting

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Speaker 2: me to cook it, regardless of the dinner I already prepared.

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Speaker 2: Or I'll make her a meal and she'll take two bites,

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Speaker 2: say she's full, and leave it on my stove for

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Speaker 2: weeks unless I clean it. My grandmother rents a full

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Speaker 2: basement apartment from my parents, and they only charge her

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Speaker 2: six hundred dollars.

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Speaker 5: I feel like.

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Speaker 4: She's making sure I can never leave by charging me

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Speaker 4: so much and guilt tripping me.

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Speaker 2: She constantly complains when I want to go away for

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Speaker 2: even a night, that she'll have to switch the dogs out,

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Speaker 2: And when I try to bring up things that bothers me,

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Speaker 2: she'll say, you think I'm not stressed and depressed, I

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Speaker 2: should be retiring right now. And all I can think

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Speaker 2: of is the mess I have made of my life.

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Speaker 2: The one thing I thought I was good at was

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Speaker 2: being a mother, but I guess I suck at that too.

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Speaker 4: Last night was.

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Speaker 2: An almost breaking point over something that might sound petty,

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Speaker 2: but I bought myself a treat again, reduced income. When

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Speaker 2: I buy food, it goes towards making meals. Normally, I

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Speaker 2: don't usually buy myself treats anymore.

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Speaker 4: Well, she really likes the treats.

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Speaker 2: I got, apparently, and has been helping herself and even

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Speaker 2: taking bites out of treats that I'm eating. I always

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Speaker 2: ask her before I eat her treats, so I just

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Speaker 2: asked her if she could please ask the next time

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Speaker 2: as I bought the treats and they are yogurt fruit

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Speaker 2: popsicles because her throat has also been sore two days ago. Uh,

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Speaker 2: and for myself. Well, she blew up at me and said,

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Speaker 2: are you serious that she will make me start asking

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Speaker 2: before eating anything she buys, meaning groceries that I cook

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Speaker 2: to feed her and then whatever, I won't touch your

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Speaker 2: stuff again, and has been giving me the silent treatment since, Uh, leave.

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Speaker 6: Your house, leave this place. Also, don't pay rent. See

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Speaker 6: what happens.

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Speaker 4: I feel like Opie is like catching on, like she's

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Speaker 4: made this.

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Speaker 2: She's made this post because she's at the breaking point

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Speaker 2: of like I need to get out of here.

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Speaker 4: You just need to Yeah, don't feel guilty from this.

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Speaker 6: You're at a point where your mom is like that

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Speaker 6: that weird thing where she's like obsessed with you and

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Speaker 6: doesn't want you to leave.

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Speaker 3: But then it's also like like it was just.

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Speaker 6: An intensely negative presence in your life. So you go, Okay,

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Speaker 6: I'm not going to pay this exorbitant rent you're making

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Speaker 6: me pay for no reason other than to make sure

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Speaker 6: I can't move out, and be like, oh ye, I'm

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Speaker 6: gonna get it to you later. I'm gonna whatever. And

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Speaker 6: what is she gonna do, Like have you removed? That's

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Speaker 6: the last thing that she wants. So you're kind of

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Speaker 6: in a position where you can kind of strong arm that,

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Speaker 6: save up your money, get out, move in with you

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Speaker 6: anywhere else, aunts, uncles, and literally any place else on earth.

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Speaker 6: But with your guilt tripping, self absorbed mother.

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Speaker 2: And your brother that keeps trying to guilt you back in,

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Speaker 2: just be like, hey, hey, I think it was dean

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Speaker 2: you live with her then, but I've got a little

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Speaker 2: bit left. Normally when we have arguments, she gives me

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Speaker 2: the silent treatment until I cave or she will suddenly

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Speaker 2: have some sort of medical issue and need my help.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I can live like this anymore. I

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Speaker 2: am nearly thirty, and I haven't really lived my own life.

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Speaker 2: I've just been taking care of her and being what

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Speaker 2: she needs me to be. My grandmother and I were

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Speaker 2: talking about this a few weeks ago, and I broke

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Speaker 2: down crying in her arms.

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Speaker 4: She told me I needed to move out.

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Speaker 2: I know my mother is bad with her finances, and

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Speaker 2: I know she's been gambling online, and I take care

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Speaker 2: of her bills and dogs. I also know that Lando

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Speaker 2: is a big mama's boy and will be very mad

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Speaker 2: at me. Dean might also get upset again, But I

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Speaker 2: feel like if I stay any longer, I will never leave.

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Speaker 6: And they can get mad and then they can pick

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Speaker 6: up your slack. I guess since you're the only one

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Speaker 6: helping her out.

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Speaker 4: So would I be the A hole?

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Speaker 2: If I moved out of my mother's house and possibly

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Speaker 2: went low or no contact with her for a while.

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Speaker 4: That's the end.

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Speaker 7: And no, you would not be yeah zero like zero

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Speaker 7: a wholeness if you did that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, with grandma and grandma and I.

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Speaker 7: Guarantee you your family, especially your mother, will make you

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Speaker 7: feel like an ahle or call you out for being

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Speaker 7: an a whole.

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Speaker 2: No, Yeah, where's older brother, the one that is your

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Speaker 2: favorite brother.

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Speaker 4: He's got your back. I'm sure, good brother, the one

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Speaker 4: that raised you.

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Speaker 7: That weight off your shoulders. When you get out of

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Speaker 7: that house, so free go low contact. You'd be like,

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Speaker 7: oh my gosh, I have my own life.

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Speaker 4: Such a breath of relief.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a breath of fresh hair.

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Speaker 4: Day woo.

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Speaker 6: My family wanted me to do them favors after rejecting mine.

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Speaker 4: It's just a simple favor.

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Speaker 3: And there's a trigger warning for verbal abuse.

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Speaker 6: I twenty seven female, moved out over three years ago,

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Speaker 6: but have three younger siblings still at home twenty three female,

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Speaker 6: twenty one male, and thirteen female. I live about thirty

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Speaker 6: to forty minutes away. My mom and stepdad are going

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Speaker 6: on a trip in early October. They told me about

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Speaker 6: this almost a year ago and want me to stay

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Speaker 6: overnight at the house for a couple of days, so

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Speaker 6: my youngest sister has a ride to and from school.

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Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from user No Surprise thirty

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Speaker 6: five thirty four, and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 6: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story Time

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Speaker 6: subbredd it. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and I'm keon Op

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Speaker 6: says I. Didn't want to, but I agreed because it's

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Speaker 6: easier to say yes. I'm tired of my mom expecting

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Speaker 6: me to uproot my life. I work full time as

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Speaker 6: a teacher and I'm in grad school.

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Speaker 3: When there are two other grown adults.

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Speaker 6: In the house, she doesn't ask for help. She does

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Speaker 6: this every time they go out of town, which is

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Speaker 6: a couple times a year. My twenty three year old

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Speaker 6: sister can't drive, but she helps in other ways, like

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Speaker 6: cooking and caring for my grandma, who lives there. My brother, however,

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Speaker 6: is never required to do anything when they're gone. He

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Speaker 6: also invites his girlfriend over every time, which my parents

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Speaker 6: know about. Last time I did this favor, I got

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Speaker 6: up early to take my sister to school and found

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Speaker 6: both my brother and his girlfriend's cars parked outside, which

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Speaker 6: frustrated me daily. Now my mom is asking me to

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Speaker 6: come back again at the end of October to stay

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Speaker 6: overnight and do school runs. I told her I couldn't

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Speaker 6: stay overnight because my boyfriend, thirty one male, is going

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Speaker 6: out of town and I need to be home with

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Speaker 6: our dog. She said I could bring the dog over

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Speaker 6: to the house if needed. I found this funny because

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Speaker 6: a few months ago, when I needed to leave my

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Speaker 6: dog there for just the day. She said he was

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Speaker 6: fine for the day, but she couldn't have him overnight

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Speaker 6: because of their other animals.

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Speaker 3: But now it's okay when it's convenient for her.

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Speaker 6: I'm not staying overnight when I've been told my dog

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Speaker 6: can't be there before, but now it suddenly works when

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Speaker 6: she needs something. And I'm tired of no responsibility being

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Speaker 6: placed on my brother who lives there hen can drive

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Speaker 6: and could help. At some point, I wanted to feel

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Speaker 6: like not all of the responsibility falls on me as

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Speaker 6: the oldest sibling.

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Speaker 3: And there are some comments. Commenty one says, not the

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Speaker 3: a hole.

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Speaker 6: I have pushy people in my family who would not

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Speaker 6: take no for an answer and would push. It was

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Speaker 6: hard to not back down until I realized that my

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Speaker 6: life and my time are worth as much as theirs,

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Speaker 6: and just because I'm in the younger generation, I'm an

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Speaker 6: adult and I don't have to do what I'm told.

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Speaker 3: I would encourage you to start saying no.

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Speaker 6: Also tell her you've thought about it and you can't

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Speaker 6: help out for this trip or in October, and get

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Speaker 6: some phrases that you practice and have at the ready

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Speaker 6: for when she pushes. Also stop telling her why or

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Speaker 6: she's going to try to problem solve. Example, No, sorry,

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Speaker 6: that doesn't work for me. Why I can't do it?

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Speaker 3: Mom?

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Speaker 6: Ask brother and sister, But I gotta go talk to

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00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,560
Speaker 6: you later. Comment to asking for info, have you asked

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00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,280
Speaker 6: why your brother can't do the school runs? Opie says

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Speaker 6: there is no valid reason. He generally is pretty unhelpful

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00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,040
Speaker 6: and says no to most favors simply because he can't

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Speaker 6: be bothered, and she just wants to avoid.

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Speaker 3: An argument with him. I assume.

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Speaker 6: You would not be the a hole here, op Tell

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Speaker 6: your mom no and you mean it. Explain that you

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Speaker 6: are not the only person who has to drop their

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Speaker 6: life just because they decide to go out of town

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Speaker 6: or do something, and explain that your brother is fully

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Speaker 6: capable of doing the same thing. Op replies definitely. I

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Speaker 6: was beyond infuriated last time I was there and I

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Speaker 6: was getting up early to take my sister to school

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Speaker 6: and myself to work, and him and his girlfriend's cars

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00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 6: were outside, Like, why am I here? Why am I

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Speaker 6: not in my own home right now? Call me if

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Speaker 6: you need me for an emergency, and there is an update.

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Speaker 3: I agree with.

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Speaker 4: Everything that was saying great comments, Just.

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Speaker 2: Straight up be like no, yeah, and I do agree,

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Speaker 2: Like if you keep giving her the reason, she's going

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Speaker 2: to try to keep problem solving it so the fully

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Speaker 2: just like no, like I can't right now.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, that's it.

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Speaker 3: Update.

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Speaker 6: My mother asked me to stay overnight on three separate

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00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,440
Speaker 6: occasions in a two month span. The October trip she

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00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 6: mentioned a year ago, and then last week she asked

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00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,360
Speaker 6: for late October, and last night she asked for the

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00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 6: end of this month. My annoyance stems from the fact

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00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,560
Speaker 6: that my brother lives there with a job in a

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00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,400
Speaker 6: car and is perfectly capable, yet I'm the one being

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00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,440
Speaker 6: displaced to help when I don't even live there anymore.

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00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 6: He's an adult at twenty one, almost twenty two. I

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00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,960
Speaker 6: really thought about what to say because she's extremely verbally harmful.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend helped me write it out.

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00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,200
Speaker 6: I called her and said, I'd like to talk about

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Speaker 6: something I've been thinking about. I love you, guys, and

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00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 6: I'm always here to help, but I feel like there

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00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,880
Speaker 6: are people in the house who could be helping more.

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00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 6: Their lack of help is transferring responsibility onto me when

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00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 6: I don't feel it always should be. I know it's

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00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 6: not easy to talk to him, but it isn't fair

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00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,200
Speaker 6: that I'm always asked when I live thirty minutes away

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00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 6: and he lives with you. I'm not saying I never

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00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 6: want to help, but at some point you should be

352
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 6: asking him too. I follow it up by saying, I

353
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,080
Speaker 6: shouldn't feel nervous to talk to you about these things

354
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,760
Speaker 6: at my age, so I want us to have better dialogue.

355
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,400
Speaker 6: She gave excuses about why she wouldn't ask my brother.

356
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,840
Speaker 6: His work schedule is crazy, he has car issue sometimes,

357
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 6: blah blah blah. These weren't valid to me, especially since

358
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 6: when I was his age, she'd make me take off

359
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,399
Speaker 6: work to manage all the kids when they traveled. The

360
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,679
Speaker 6: car excuse was BS two, since he drives up to

361
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,040
Speaker 6: three hours away for work monthly. I didn't say any

362
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,199
Speaker 6: of this, though. Then she began to utterly b rate me.

363
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,680
Speaker 6: Like usual. She shut me down, called me condescending, called

364
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,040
Speaker 6: me an a hole and a witch. She said she

365
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,880
Speaker 6: learned a lot about me and thinks of me differently

366
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 6: now and not in a good way, and that I

367
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 6: don't get to lecture her or check her on anything,

368
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,200
Speaker 6: and the way I was coming at her was aggressive, and.

369
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Speaker 4: Then you go boo, and you go boo.

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00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 3: You take the phone and you just put it down.

371
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Speaker 4: Will you hang up first?

372
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 3: No, No, don't even hang up first. Just let her

373
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,200
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah into the air. Just let her

374
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Speaker 3: go in a thinner.

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Speaker 6: She went on about how because she's helped me with things,

376
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,240
Speaker 6: family should help family. She also said, I can tell

377
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 6: you really thought about what you were going to say,

378
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,199
Speaker 6: which is sad because I don't think you realized how

379
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,639
Speaker 6: downright disgusting you sound talking about some I haven't had

380
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 6: this strain to bring this up, essentially mocking my feelings.

381
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,119
Speaker 6: My boyfriend listened to the whole thing, was fuming at

382
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 6: how she spoke to me. He muted the phone and said,

383
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 6: you don't have to take this and the call. I

384
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,439
Speaker 6: ended by saying I thought we could have an adult

385
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,679
Speaker 6: conversation when we talk to each other, not you talking

386
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 6: at me, and she goes, you thought wrong. After we

387
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,560
Speaker 6: hung up, she texted, reiterating herself. You're incredibly selfish. You're

388
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,199
Speaker 6: self absorbed, your condescending, you have no basic decency. I

389
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,639
Speaker 6: learned a lot about you today. Thank you for my lesson.

390
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,879
Speaker 6: It all felt so out of left field flaw and

391
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 6: you just go, you go. You know what, since you

392
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,760
Speaker 6: learned so much about me, I guess you learned you

393
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,120
Speaker 6: don't want someone like me.

394
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 3: Watching the house. So good luck.

395
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 2: Yep.

396
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,400
Speaker 6: My boyfriend was speechless after the call ended and said

397
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 6: he looks at her differently. Now.

398
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 3: I've told him before that's how she is.

399
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,960
Speaker 6: I've been verbally mistreated by her for years, but he'd

400
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,399
Speaker 6: never actually heard it. He says he wants to step

401
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 6: in and talk to her himself because he doesn't believe

402
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,960
Speaker 6: it'll get better without someone else intervening, whether it's him

403
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,560
Speaker 6: or sitting down with a family therapist. So reddit, am

404
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 6: I the a hole for not wanting to spend the night,

405
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 6: because of course she told me I am? Or am

406
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,959
Speaker 6: I just letting the verbal abuse get to me? And

407
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,360
Speaker 6: there are comments, but before we get into those.

408
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,919
Speaker 4: I think we know you're not.

409
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 3: It's just all be on the same page. Yeah, you're

410
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 3: not the a.

411
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,000
Speaker 4: Hole, You're not at all.

412
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 2: And this is just a tactic that I'm sure she's

413
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,399
Speaker 2: used before, because you seem like you know it just

414
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 2: to get you to cave to what she wants.

415
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were anticipating it. Yeah, you knew what was

416
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 3: on the way. Yeah, all right, we got some comments.

417
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:39,960
Speaker 3: Number one, she darvoed you.

418
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 6: It's the classic abuser response stands for deny, attack, reverse victim,

419
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 6: and offender. She denied it was ridiculous to put the

420
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 6: burden on you instead of your brother. Then she insulted

421
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 6: you and made herself the victim of your wanting to talk.

422
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 6: I have a mother like this too, am also a psychologist.

423
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 6: There is no getting through to her, nothing that your

424
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 6: boy friend can say. She always needs to be the

425
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,719
Speaker 6: victim or the bully, and she expects you to rescue

426
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 6: her and tend to her feelings without acknowledging any of yours.

427
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,120
Speaker 6: The only thing to do is drop the rope, stop

428
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 6: rescuing her, stop talking to her when she insults you.

429
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 6: I give my mom one warning when she insults me,

430
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 6: and she either apologizes or I hang up and we

431
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 6: don't talk that week. If she does it again, it

432
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 6: increases the time between phone calls unless and until she

433
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 6: offers a sincere, in heartfelt apology. Looks ruthless from the

434
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 6: outside unless you know what she's like. Good luck, Opie says, Wow,

435
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 6: I've never actually heard of darvo, but it sounds very

436
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 6: much like her.

437
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 3: I told him I don't think anything he can.

438
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 6: Say would help the situation my boyfriend, and that he

439
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 6: will end up getting the same tongue lashing that I did.

440
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 3: But he doesn't care.

441
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 6: He seems pretty serious about wanting to do it and

442
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 6: doesn't care if she gets nasty with him and looks

443
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 6: at him differently. He then went on to say that

444
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 6: he now sees how hard it is for me anytime

445
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 6: he has been over there, and I see how kind

446
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 6: she is to him, knowing that she is how she

447
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 6: treats me when she thinks she doesn't have an audience,

448
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 6: and he lost a lot.

449
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 3: Of respect for her. He should Yeah, he would have

450
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 3: lose he lose all respect for her.

451
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, Yeah, I do agree with you.

452
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,119
Speaker 3: I don't think it's worth his time.

453
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 6: I do feel like he will be beating a passed

454
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 6: away horse if he does, but I couldn't talk him

455
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,919
Speaker 6: out of it. I appreciate your insight. There is not

456
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 6: a lot of update left. There's a little update here,

457
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 6: but I think, uh, I want to. I wish I

458
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 6: could hear exactly what boyfriend has to say.

459
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 4: I know I want hit. Let's get him, have him

460
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:38,719
Speaker 4: write an update.

461
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, please let's get that. Update number two.

462
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 6: I just wanted to update by sharing that my mother

463
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 6: called twice last night and I did not.

464
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 3: Respond yes, yes, good job.

465
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 6: I was not sure what she wanted, whether it was

466
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 6: to apologize or continue to be rate me, but regardless,

467
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 6: I did not respond. However, I did receive a text

468
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 6: today from my stepdad saying we canceled our trip for

469
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,439
Speaker 6: her birthday next weekend, so don't worry about that, but

470
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 6: we do need you to fulfill your commitment in October.

471
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 6: We cannot get out of those. There are work trips

472
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 6: that require our attendance.

473
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 3: Thank you.

474
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 4: You say, Nope, you can hire someone.

475
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 2: Bro.

476
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 3: You're the you can hire someone.

477
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 2: They have those actually, and you actually have still a

478
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 2: son that lives in that house.

479
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 6: I'd be like, why are you messaging me when a

480
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 6: scheduled ubers exist? B Your adult children that live in

481
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 6: your house that could take your child who's thirteen to school.

482
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 3: Exist.

483
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 2: See it's also see in no time and mom has

484
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:40,679
Speaker 2: not apologized to me.

485
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 4: And I don't want to talk to her.

486
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 3: Uh at D I'm not doing that.

487
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 6: So again I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong since

488
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 6: they claim they canceled the trip. Or if that was manipulation,

489
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 6: that's manipulated it.

490
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 3: That was manipulation.

491
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: They did that on purpose, They did that so they

492
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 2: can be the victims.

493
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 6: Still, there were so many different ways they could have

494
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 6: handled that other than canceling the trip. Yeah, in my opinion,

495
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 6: I think canceling.

496
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 3: The trip is overkill. Yeah it was. That's the end

497
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 3: of that story.

498
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 2: It was unneeded. It is fully to make them the victims.

499
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 2: I wouldn't even believe that they canceled it for sure.

500
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 6: Wow, we canceled our trip. Well because of you, it's

501
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 6: all your fault that we canceled our trip.

502
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 5: I'd be like, shut up, hilarious, but no, true.

503
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 2: I refuse to give my address to my family because

504
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: of how they treated me.

505
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 3: You you do not have access to this address.

506
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,440
Speaker 4: We have a trigger warning for emotional abuse.

507
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 2: I twenty female, needs some advice on whether I'm being

508
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 2: the a hole for wanting to go low contact with

509
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 2: my family since having them in my life puts my

510
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,240
Speaker 2: peace of mind on the line. My mom married my

511
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 2: stepdad when I was three. He already had a daughter,

512
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 2: whom my mom welcomed with open arms. Later, they had

513
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 2: a son, making us a family of five. By the way,

514
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 2: this comes from Nervous Emphasis sixty six one four on

515
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 2: the r slash Charlotte Do Brave YouTube subreddit, and if

516
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the.

517
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 4: R slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

518
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and OPI says.

519
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: When I was younger, my stepdad seemed like the perfect dad.

520
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 2: He'd take me on adventures and spend time with me,

521
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 2: but as I got older, he grew distant and cold.

522
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 2: I always tried to maintain a relationship with him because

523
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: I wanted advice, especially as I was exploring my spicy

524
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:37,120
Speaker 2: related to and navigating relationships. Unfortunately, he was emotionally absent

525
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,120
Speaker 2: most of the time and only seemed to exist as

526
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 2: a prop to make our family look perfect. While my

527
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: mom did the heavy lifting. She was the one who

528
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,440
Speaker 2: asked about my day, gave advice, supported me through exams,

529
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: and celebrated my achievements. Even though we weren't wealthy, our

530
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 2: home was filled with love because of her. My stepdad

531
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: brought tension and coldness, calling us stupid, threatening that we'd

532
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: never amount to anything, and generally being emotionally harmful. After

533
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 2: six years of unemployment, he finally got a job as

534
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 2: a security guard, but his behavior didn't improve. If anything,

535
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 2: he became more self centered and disconnected. Fast forward to

536
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: the present, my sister is getting married after seven years

537
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 2: with her boyfriend.

538
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 4: It took years for.

539
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 2: My dad to approve of their relationship, but he finally did.

540
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 2: Her fiance proposed on her twenty first birthday, which was adorable.

541
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 2: My dad then turned to me and said, you have

542
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 2: a year to get married since my sister and I

543
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 2: are a year apart in age.

544
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, because that's how that works, you freaking psycho me

545
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 6: talking about In.

546
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: April twenty twenty five, I met someone amazing who completely

547
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: changed my life. I wanted to introduce him to the family,

548
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: starting with my aunt, who's open minded and supportive. When

549
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 2: she met him, we discovered that we knew each other's

550
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,959
Speaker 2: families well, which was comforting. Next time I introduced him

551
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 2: to my parents, my mom immediately greeted him.

552
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 4: With a plate of food.

553
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 2: Her love language is acts of service, and this gesture

554
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 2: showed she liked him. My stepdad, however, acted extremely weird.

555
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: He didn't come out to greet my boyfriend, which I

556
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 2: found disrespectful. When he eventually had to get ready for work.

557
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 2: He barked orders from the other room for hours and

558
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 2: ignored my boyfriend when he tried to greet him. My

559
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 2: mom was so embarrassed that she apologized on his behalf.

560
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: My mom later realized that she and my boyfriend's grandmother

561
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 2: have been good friends for years, and we actually share

562
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 2: multiple family friends.

563
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 4: This put her more.

564
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 2: At ease because she could see that he was raised well.

565
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 2: Some context about our living situation. I had been living

566
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 2: on my own for four months. My mom and dad

567
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 2: had just received a one bedroom house after being on

568
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 2: a waiting list for over twenty five years. My mom

569
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 2: had built a three bedroom house five years ago. She

570
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: finally paid it off, but it was on rented land.

571
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,879
Speaker 2: To keep both property safe, we decided I'd stay in

572
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 2: the three bedroom and my parents and brother would move

573
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 2: into the one bedroom house. I could afford rent on

574
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: my own because of my decent paying job. Around this time,

575
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,679
Speaker 2: my boyfriend started visiting me on his days off and

576
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 2: spent weekends at my place. This became a problem because

577
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 2: the landlady didn't like that I was seeing someone. She

578
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 2: complained constantly to my parents, claiming multiple men were visiting

579
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 2: me every day, even though it was only him. I

580
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 2: paid rent on time, never threw parties, and rarely interacted

581
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: with her unless necessary. She even threatened to punt me

582
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,959
Speaker 2: out if this behavior didn't stop. After discussing it with

583
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, we decided to move in together without telling anyone.

584
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: By the end of July, we found a place and

585
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: moved in immediately. I didn't tell anyone, including my family,

586
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 2: until the day of the move. I've kept my new

587
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 2: address private despite repeated requests from my parents. They're very

588
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 2: much against living together before marriage, and I told my

589
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 2: boyfriend that we won't allow anyone to pressure us into

590
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 2: marriage before we're ready. Ever since we moved, we've grown

591
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 2: much closer and life is more peaceful.

592
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,360
Speaker 4: I'm thinking of.

593
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 2: Going low contact or no contact with my family, but

594
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: I am a bit hesitant. I don't want to compromise

595
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 2: my peace, but at the same time, I don't want

596
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 2: to lose those closest to me. So am Ida hole

597
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 2: for not giving my new address to my family after

598
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: they repeatedly asked for it. We have some comments, But

599
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 2: what do you say, Dakota.

600
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 6: No, because your stepdad sounds like a nightmare. I wouldn't

601
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 6: want anyone associated with that guy know.

602
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 3: Where I live.

603
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, big facts. You don't need to tell them,

604
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 2: so don't comment to one. Why would you want to

605
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 2: disconnect from your mom again? She doesn't seem to treat

606
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 2: you badly, and Opie says, as much as I love

607
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 2: my mom, she's not being very supportive right now. She's

608
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 2: okay with my relationship. However, she is a devoted Christian

609
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 2: and may not agree with the lifestyle.

610
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 4: Choices that I make.

611
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: I also see and feel the slight pressure she's adding

612
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: to me sharing my address, often saying that my brother

613
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: misses me. We are quite close and we'd like to visit,

614
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 2: but don't know where I live. I don't want to

615
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 2: feel judged or look down upon by those who are

616
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: supposed to support me in my life's decisions, especially when

617
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 2: it's to better my standard of living. The lifestyle they

618
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 2: may have planned for me may not be the life

619
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 2: I want for myself. I want them to recognize me

620
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 2: as an adult, not some stupid teen getting herself into

621
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 2: a situation she can't handle.

622
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 4: Comment or two. Not the a hole.

623
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: It sounds to me like your stepdad had something to

624
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: do with your landlady being a bully to your right

625
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: to not give any of them your address.

626
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 4: Com A three.

627
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 2: Why would your mom build a house on rented land

628
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,040
Speaker 2: so she doesn't really own the house? That scene it

629
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 2: was like an incredibly unintelligent decision. Commoner four. I would

630
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 2: sit down with family minus stepdad, agree to boundaries, and

631
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 2: then give address.

632
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 4: The rest of your family seems to be great. We

633
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 4: have an update, but.

634
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 3: I don't know. I keep it pretty close to the vest.

635
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 2: It's tough because it does sound like brother and mom

636
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 2: were like not the worst, but they one hundred percent

637
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 2: are pressuring you and are also under the whim of stepdad, right.

638
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 6: Which is why it's not about them. It's about anyone

639
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 6: who's associated with that guy and could leak that information out,

640
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 6: and then that guy's going to be back bothering you.

641
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 4: Update.

642
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for commenting and for the advice given.

643
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 2: Many are confused about the house situation, so I will

644
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 2: explain it as best I can. In my area, many

645
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 2: people rent land rather than a full house. The government

646
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 2: provides houses for low to middle income families who meets

647
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 2: certain criteria, but the waiting list is extremely long. While

648
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: waiting people often rent a portion of so someone else's

649
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 2: property and put up their own portable home on that land.

650
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 2: So you pay for the land space, but you own

651
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 2: and maintain the structure you live in. However, our situation

652
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 2: was different. The house we built was much larger than

653
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 2: a normal portable home and couldn't easily be removed. My

654
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 2: mom eventually negotiated with the landlady to agree on a

655
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: price for it. Another factor in the tension was my

656
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 2: younger brother. He's an outdoorsy boy who loves playing outside,

657
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 2: but the landlady disliked that, especially since her own son

658
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: preferred staying indoors. I told my parents he could stay

659
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 2: behind with me, and they said no. I would let

660
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 2: him come to me on weekends to escape our dad,

661
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 2: but even that became a problem. The neighborhood I live

662
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 2: in is quite rough, which is why the move was sudden.

663
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 2: We couldn't risk leaving either home empty for too long.

664
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: We didn't sell the house right away because my mom

665
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 2: couldn't bring herself to do it just yet. After years

666
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 2: of having nothing, this was something she could finally call

667
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: her own, and it took her five years to pay

668
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 2: off the loan. Another reason I'm considering low or no

669
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 2: contact is that I've tried on multiple occasions for my

670
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 2: dad to agree on a time to meet and actually

671
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 2: speak to my boyfriend, but he keeps brushing it off

672
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 2: by asking for my address. I think if you can't

673
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 2: respect and acknowledge my boyfriend, then I don't see the

674
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 2: reason to have you around me anymore. If my boyfriend

675
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 2: is unwelcome at your residence, then you are unwelcome at ours.

676
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 4: Simple.

677
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 2: I'm planning on speaking to my parents this weekend to

678
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 2: reiterate my boundaries. I know it's going to be chaotic.

679
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: It always is when I express my boundaries. There's a

680
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,959
Speaker 2: little bit more, but yeah, don't tell your address.

681
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:47,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, it sounds like there's a lot of interesting factors

682
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 6: combining into this story. And yeah, I think it's just

683
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 6: unfortunate that your mom can't leave this guy.

684
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 3: Who's because I can't imagine being a partner to someone.

685
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 6: It's like if I have kids and my partners being like,

686
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 6: y'all are stupid idiots who will never amount to anything,

687
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 6: I'd be like, you're no longer amounting to my fiance

688
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,719
Speaker 6: or my husband or whatever. You are, Like, you're now

689
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 6: amounting to nothing to me. Get away from me, as

690
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 6: far away from me as possible, but that just might

691
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 6: not be in option, financially, or whatever whatever you want

692
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 6: to call it.

693
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 2: After years of emotional abuse, I still tried my best

694
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 2: to make my dad feel loved, but because he couldn't

695
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 2: love himself, he saw a fault in everyone else, blaming

696
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 2: those around him for the mistakes he made in life.

697
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: I do want him to be part of my life,

698
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 2: but I know that would only invite.

699
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 4: Chaos back in.

700
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: I've always seen him as my father, but he no

701
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 2: longer accepts me as his daughter, maybe because I'm older, now,

702
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: more aware, and less easy to control. I know him

703
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 2: well enough to understand that if I gave him my address,

704
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 2: he'd just show up unannounced, trying to dictate my life

705
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 2: and reigniting the same fear I felt as a child

706
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 2: whenever I dreaded his arrival.

707
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,320
Speaker 4: And that's the end of that story.

708
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 6: Well, that sounds like more of a also going to

709
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 6: therapy problem. Don't test stinky man.

710
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 4: Stinky man, don't need to know your.

711
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 3: Address do anything.

712
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 6: If he does show up to your house uninvited and

713
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 6: unannounced and unwanted, you can call the police and they

714
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 6: will forcibly remove him from your establishment. However, you would

715
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 6: hope you would like to just also avoid that entirely,

716
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 6: which is fair.

717
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I would say no.

718
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 6: On the address, say, if you want to maintain a

719
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 6: relationship with these people, you can meet in public spaces.

720
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 2: In common, take your brother out on weekends for things.

721
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: You just drop him back home at the end.

722
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sam, here og host.

723
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories. But here's

724
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 1: three minutes fads from our sponsors.

725
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 5: First, my boyfriend said he preferred me when I was skinnier,

726
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 5: so I dumm tim. By the way, trigger warning, there

727
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 5: are mentions of eating disorders. So I, twenty one female,

728
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 5: have struggled with anorexia since I was in high school.

729
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 5: We met when I was in the worst of it

730
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 5: two years ago. It was so bad I literally almost

731
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 5: passed away. I passed out in a shopping mall because

732
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,919
Speaker 5: I hadn't eaten in three days. So I went into

733
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 5: inpatient and that's when I started to get better. I'm

734
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 5: now in recovery, which is actually really hard. I don't

735
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 5: know how much weight I've gained because stepping on the

736
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 5: scale is triggering for me. But if I had to guess,

737
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 5: I would say probably thirty pounds. That's great, that's a

738
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:35,439
Speaker 5: lot to gain.

739
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my gosh, that's I mean, hey, good for you.

740
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm five to two and I know at my

741
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 5: lowest point, I was hovering around eighty six pounds. By

742
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 5: the way, this comes from Throwaway Account LGBT and Throwaway

743
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 5: ed Girlfriend and you can submit your own stories to

744
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay, story time separate it. Everyone in

745
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 5: my life says I'm so much healthier looking now that

746
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 5: my hair isn't falling out and I actually have a

747
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 5: butt again, which is really great, but obviously I still

748
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 5: struggle with body image is shoes. Yesterday, we ordered Uber

749
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 5: Eats from a local diner and I ordered a girl

750
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 5: cheese with fries, and my boyfriend off handedly said, are

751
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 5: you sure you don't want the salad instead?

752
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 6: Ooh ooh oh hold on, let me look around.

753
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,720
Speaker 5: Who asked Am I sure? I asked for your opinion? Yeah?

754
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 3: Who asked you, buddy man.

755
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 5: Which obviously triggered me, and he explained by saying, no,

756
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 5: you shitty what you want? I just worry that you're

757
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 5: letting yourself go. This upset me so much. I didn't

758
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 5: end up eating anything at all this morning. I tried

759
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 5: to talk to him about it and asked if he

760
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 5: thought that I was getting fat, and he said no,

761
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 5: but he has never been into thick girls. And one

762
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 5: of the reasons he liked me in the beginning was

763
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 5: because of how much I cared about my body. He said.

764
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 5: He still loves me now and he's glad I'm healthy,

765
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 5: but he just worries that he'll lose attraction to me

766
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 5: if I keep gaining more weight. I hate this man.

767
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 5: This is the worst person that OP could be with.

768
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 6: Right now, you just say, well, you don't have to

769
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 6: worry about that anymore, buddy, because I've lost all my

770
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 6: attraction for you.

771
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 5: Obviously, I need to dump him right it's so out

772
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 5: of left field. But I'm also worried that what if

773
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 5: he has a point. Maybe I've been so focused on

774
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 5: recovery that I've gone a full one to eighty into

775
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 5: unhealthy bat eating habits. In the opposite way, there are

776
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:22,280
Speaker 5: some relevant comments. Rise with the Stars says that sounds manipulative.

777
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 5: Of course, I want you to be healthy, but I'm

778
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 5: afraid I may not like you anymore if you stay healthy.

779
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 5: Imagine staying with him and starting a family with him.

780
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 5: For him, to leave you because you get too thick

781
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 5: while pregnant. I hope, he responds, I never even thought

782
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 5: about that, but you're totally right. Ugh, this sucks so much.

783
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 5: He's literally been amazing up until these comments. I feel

784
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 5: dramatic leaving him over it, but they really triggered me

785
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 5: a lot. This toast is Tasty says, He's literally been

786
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 5: amazing up until these comments. Sure, but that's until he

787
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 5: showed you who he really is. Yeah, everyone is perfect

788
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 5: until you see their flaws. It's a matter of perception.

789
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 6: And also, it doesn't feel like he could be perfect

790
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 6: if you going through an eating disorder for years, and

791
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 6: like it feels like maybe he didn't do anything to

792
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 6: help you.

793
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 5: Yeah through it.

794
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 3: In fact, it sounds like he'd be the guy to

795
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 3: encourage it. Well with what he's saying.

796
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 5: Right now, Opi responds, you're totally right. It's just hard

797
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 5: to process when this was the man who came to

798
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 5: visit me and impatient and was so patient with me

799
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 5: and told me how much better and healthier I was

800
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 5: looking when I started to get my butt back, and

801
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 5: even was so proud when I managed to introduce non

802
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 5: safe foods back into my diet. You know. He also

803
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 5: would always call out his friends when they commented about

804
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 5: my weight or made comments about my eating in any way.

805
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 5: It feels like it came out of nowhere. If I

806
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 5: showed you a compilation video of someone's life where I

807
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 5: edit all the good things they've done in there and

808
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 5: leave out all the bad, you would think that this

809
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 5: person is an amazing person. Okay, that is true, but

810
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 5: that's because that's true about everyone. But we do have

811
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,360
Speaker 5: an edits. I'm going to reach out to my therapist

812
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 5: in the morning before trying to talk to him again.

813
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 5: But if he reacts in the way I expect him to,

814
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 5: I will. It's really hard because he was so supportive

815
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 5: after I was impatient and all throughout, and this is

816
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 5: the first time he's ever said anything remotely like this.

817
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 5: But I can already feel my self destructive thoughts spiraling,

818
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 5: and I'm even questioning myself again. But there is an

819
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 5: update now, all right, how do we think this is

820
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 5: gonna go?

821
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 3: Guy Ester?

822
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 6: If she's getting in the way, if he's getting in

823
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 6: the way of you and your mental health, yeah, out

824
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:23,240
Speaker 6: of it gone.

825
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 5: So we do have an update. I know I said

826
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 5: I was going to reach out to my therapist and

827
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,720
Speaker 5: I did, but she isn't available to make an appointment

828
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 5: until next week, and I couldn't handle the thought of

829
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 5: having to avoid my boyfriend for a week after what happened,

830
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 5: so I ended up talking to him. This happened about

831
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 5: two hours ago, and I'm writing this right now at

832
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 5: my mom's house because she came and picked me up

833
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 5: after I told her everything. Basically, our conversation went like this.

834
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 5: I told him he had really triggered me with his comments,

835
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 5: saying that he liked me when he when I was

836
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 5: taking better care of my body, and like most of

837
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 5: you pointed out, when I was passing away was the

838
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 5: opposite of taking care of my body. And I asked

839
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 5: what he meant by the and my suspicions were right.

840
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 5: He said that he noticed I have been eating junk

841
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 5: food more often lately, and that when we first met,

842
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 5: I was always going to the gym and working out excessively,

843
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 5: and now I haven't done very much in terms of exercising,

844
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 5: even though I was doing it to the extreme. He

845
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 5: said that he thinks that I should be finding a

846
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,439
Speaker 5: happy medium between what I used to be and who

847
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,919
Speaker 5: I am now. I broke the f down. The junk

848
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,840
Speaker 5: food that I've been eating more is literally one slice

849
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 5: of pizza and a burrito. It took me so much

850
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 5: to just eat those foods, and hearing that he took

851
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 5: notice of that and was judging me for it literally

852
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,239
Speaker 5: broke me. I felt so triggered by his comments, even

853
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 5: though I knew they were coming. He said that I

854
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 5: am not fat, but that he didn't sign up to

855
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 5: quote be with someone who doesn't care about their health.

856
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 5: I don't even know where to begin. He saw me

857
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 5: pass out in a shopping mall. He saw me struggle

858
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 5: to eat a cup of yogurt without having a breakdown.

859
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 5: He was there for me when I first took steps

860
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 5: to eating again. I didn't have my period for three years,

861
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 5: and I just got it back a few months ago,

862
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 5: and it's still irregular. It's so hard for me to

863
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 5: hear this when my doctors and everyone else around is

864
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 5: saying that what I'm doing now is taking care of

865
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,759
Speaker 5: my health. And here is the reallyest shocking part. I

866
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 5: don't even want to hear it.

867
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 3: Ah.

868
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 5: He told me that before we started dating, he used

869
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,479
Speaker 5: to go on a pro and a website. He would

870
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 5: go on those websites and tumblers and see them as

871
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 5: the ideal body, and that was one of the things

872
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 5: he was most attracted to because he sees eating disorders

873
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 5: as quote, the ultimate form of self discipline. So the

874
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 5: s in is a psycho.

875
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 6: So this guy's clearly got his own stuff going on

876
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,840
Speaker 6: psychologically or whatever.

877
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 3: I don't know.

878
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 6: There was one comment that said, maybe he has his

879
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 6: own eating disorder. Well, I don't know what you would

880
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,720
Speaker 6: classify that as, but clearly it's some kind of mental

881
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 6: disorder for him to be able to honestly look at

882
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 6: that and be like it's the ultimate form of self discipline.

883
00:41:57,760 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 5: Like, oh my god, I don't know.

884
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 3: That's like, it's so backwards.

885
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 5: He said that he is glad that I'm not passing

886
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 5: away anymore, but he wishes that I could be healthy,

887
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 5: but still looked the way I did when we met.

888
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 5: I feel like my whole world is crashing around me.

889
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 5: I immediately called my mom and told her everything, and

890
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 5: she came to pick me up. I haven't felt this

891
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 5: physically disgusted with myself in months. I don't want this

892
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 5: to hurt my recovery, but I can't get his words

893
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 5: out of my brain. My mom is suggesting that if

894
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 5: I can't stop the spiraling, it might be worth it

895
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 5: to go to the psych word or something. But anyway,

896
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 5: the main point is you guys were right. He was

897
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 5: fetishizing my illness and I did have to leave him

898
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 5: one hundred percent, which I did. It's just so shocking

899
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 5: that it happened this way. Thanks so much for all

900
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 5: the support I got last night. It means the world.

901
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 5: And we do have an update. But oh my goodness,

902
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 5: thank goodness, she is out of there. But that's terrible

903
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 5: that he had to like throw a grenade at her

904
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,359
Speaker 5: on the way out, Like come on, I ate three

905
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 5: meals today for the first time in months, and I

906
00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 5: don't feel ashamed.

907
00:42:58,920 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 2: Yay.

908
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 5: This is three days later. I moved back in for

909
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 5: my mom and she knows all about how horrible it was.

910
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 5: And I didn't realize how bad he was affecting me,

911
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 5: even though I was in recovery while with him. Now

912
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 5: I'm able to notice small things that he would do

913
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 5: to plant seeds of doubt back into me, and I'm

914
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 5: sure over the next few weeks I'll think of more.

915
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 5: One of the main things I realized now is how

916
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 5: he would purposefully only make food for himself and not

917
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 5: share with me. I think now he did this because

918
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 5: he knew that with my disorder, it's really hard for

919
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 5: me to ask someone essentially permission for food, and that's

920
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 5: what it felt like. I would still eat maybe a

921
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,760
Speaker 5: bowl of cereal or yogurt, and we would have dinner

922
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 5: together most days, but he would eat a lot more

923
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 5: than me. There is a little bit more to the story,

924
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 5: but yeah, man, it'll I'm glad you're noticing those things.

925
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 5: It sucks, it'll be a long thing to process, but

926
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 5: you're out of there. That's the most important.

927
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 6: You're outski out ski, That's what matters.

928
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: You're on the other side of that.

929
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 6: Now you are realizing talks relationship exactly, and uh, it's

930
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 6: only going to get better from there.

931
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 5: Right today, I had a bowl of cereal. I had

932
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 5: lunch with my mom tuna sandwich and salad with dressing

933
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 5: and croutons. And dinner salmon with broccoli. I know it

934
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 5: doesn't sound like a lot, but I feel so so

935
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 5: proud of myself for how far I've come from nearly

936
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,320
Speaker 5: passing away two years ago to being able to eat

937
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 5: three meals without feeling too much shame. I'm still effed

938
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 5: up from the relationship and have a long road ahead,

939
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 5: but it feels so effing good to be free and

940
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 5: say yeah I did that today.

941
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: Yeah you did You did that?

942
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 2: Girl?

943
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 5: Those do seem today with everything we know about you,

944
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 5: that is impressive to all of that in one day.

945
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 5: Good job, girl, you did it.

946
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 3: Quote the Green Goblin impression.

947
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 5: There you go, There you go.

948
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 6: My fiance's best friend lived with us and it ruined

949
00:44:58,920 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 6: our relationship.

950
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 5: Is standing big enough for the two of us?

951
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

952
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 6: Hi, I'm currently going through a breakup with my fiance

953
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 6: and I need input from strangers. My friends have been

954
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 6: validating a lot of my feelings, but I feel like

955
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 6: that could be biased some context. I'm twenty six male,

956
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 6: she's twenty three female, and we'll call her Kate. We've

957
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 6: been together just under five years, engaged for almost two.

958
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 6: I proposed on our anniversary. And by the way, this

959
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 6: comes from user infinite series nine four nine three, and

960
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 6: you can submit your own stories on the r slash

961
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subredit.

962
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and I'm Sophia, and Op says.

963
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 6: This time last year, we moved into a rental property

964
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 6: my parents own with her best friend. We'll call her May,

965
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 6: female twenty seven. For the eighteen months leading up to this,

966
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 6: I had worked law enforcement. That job made me fully

967
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 6: acab and also left me dealing with injuries, close calls,

968
00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 6: and really heavy things.

969
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: Now I knew I.

970
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,240
Speaker 6: Should have been talking to a psychologist. I kept neglecting

971
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 6: my mental health until I broke down. I got injured again,

972
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 6: couldn't stop smoking, and quit the job.

973
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 3: I was in denial.

974
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 6: About my PTSD and kept trying to push past it

975
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 6: to get a different job in security. I couldn't do this,

976
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 6: and the feeling of failure, combined with being terrified of

977
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 6: everyone around me, made it hard to find motivation for anything.

978
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 3: I struggled going to shops for some time.

979
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 6: During this time, me and May were always around each

980
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 6: other and butting heads.

981
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 3: Shortly after we.

982
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 6: Moved in, I asked her not to touch some three

983
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 6: D printed D and D models I had made and

984
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 6: painted due to some breaking in transport. She ended up

985
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 6: moving all of them while setting up shelves, and even

986
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 6: unboxed ones I didn't want unboxed. When I told her

987
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 6: I had specifically asked her not to touch them, her

988
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 6: response was I needed to unbox stuff and put it

989
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 6: on shelves before the party.

990
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 3: Well, I needed you not to touch my stuff.

991
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like you didn't need to touch my

992
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 5: stuff to do that, though.

993
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 3: Could have told me, he could have talked to me.

994
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 6: We had a house swarming party coming up. I told

995
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 6: her she could have done that without touching them, and

996
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 6: she yelled.

997
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,280
Speaker 3: They wouldn't have been touched if you had done it yourself.

998
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 6: When I talked to my fiance about this, she took

999
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 6: May's side.

1000
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 3: This established a pattern.

1001
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 6: May would do something that crossed a boundary and she

1002
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,240
Speaker 6: would yell at me when confronted. I did also cross

1003
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 6: her boundary sometimes, and I tried to apologize and explain

1004
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 6: that I didn't understand that had been an issue and

1005
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 6: clear communication would help me understand in the future. A

1006
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 6: few months go by, I am terrified of May. Every

1007
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,720
Speaker 6: time I'm around her. My heart is pounding, I'm looking

1008
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 6: for weapons. My body is reacting to her as a threat.

1009
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 6: I unfortunately responded by being angry. I felt like my

1010
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,280
Speaker 6: fiance wasn't doing anything to make the house feel welcome

1011
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 6: to me. I begged her to talk to May, and

1012
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 6: she said she did, but that I needed to apologize.

1013
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 6: First and show that I can change eventually. In January,

1014
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,760
Speaker 6: it reached a point where May would clean a small

1015
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 6: section of our patio where she sat and smoked. That

1016
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 6: area was where I sat most of the time when

1017
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 6: she wasn't around. One week, she got angry because I

1018
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 6: left my stuff in her spot, and another day I

1019
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,439
Speaker 6: didn't immediately stop smoking and.

1020
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 3: Move over for her.

1021
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 6: I told her it was a communal area and she

1022
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 6: didn't own that spot. The next day I came home

1023
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 6: and she was building a couch in that area. I

1024
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 6: told my fiance that it seemed like a petty attempt

1025
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 6: to take ownership of the space. My fiance dismissed that,

1026
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 6: but also said I wouldn't be able to sit on

1027
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 6: it due to the weight rating. I asked my fiance

1028
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 6: to bring up moving it, because at this point I

1029
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 6: was too scared to talk to May and.

1030
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:34,439
Speaker 3: Was avoiding her.

1031
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 6: My fiance refused for a while, then did and said

1032
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 6: the couch stayed.

1033
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:40,839
Speaker 3: And started telling me to suck it up. Those were

1034
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 3: her actual words. So that's not like your partner, That's

1035
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 3: not how a partner should be with you.

1036
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, Jay Warden.

1037
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 6: This led to us arguing and me picking the couch

1038
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 6: up and moving it to the other side of the table.

1039
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 6: At this point, May said they were moving out. I

1040
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 6: said it wasn't going to work with us together in

1041
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 6: the house. My fiance and May spend the next six

1042
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 6: months telling me to stop being angry and apologize and

1043
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 6: that everything was my fault. I had felt so ashamed

1044
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 6: for this entire year. I didn't tell my friends any

1045
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 6: of this until this past week. I was constantly sent

1046
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 6: to the bedroom when May was around. It felt like

1047
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 6: I wasn't welcome in the house. When I asked when

1048
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 6: May was moving out, I was told she wasn't.

1049
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 3: Then she was.

1050
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 6: This kept happening, and I stayed scared of May. Then

1051
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 6: my fiance began screaming at and berating me for not

1052
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,439
Speaker 6: having empathy, for not loving her or caring about her.

1053
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 6: I yelled too, but I also slowly began to feel

1054
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 6: hated by her, and as it went on, I just

1055
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 6: wanted to do anything to keep her happy. I apologized

1056
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 6: and was yelled at by May. This happened three times

1057
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 6: in a row, so I gave up. I didn't care

1058
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 6: about May anymore. She destroyed the friendship we had. I

1059
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,280
Speaker 6: felt so unsafe, and I wanted May out of my life,

1060
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 6: but I could never ask my fiance to give up

1061
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 6: her friendship. I just didn't want her in the house.

1062
00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 6: I accused my fiance of having an emotional affair. She

1063
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,319
Speaker 6: denied that, but also told me May thought she had

1064
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 6: been in love with Kate, but talked it through with

1065
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 6: the psychologist and she just loves her like a sister.

1066
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,840
Speaker 6: This struck me as weird, and a lot of my

1067
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 6: friends are calling it manipulative.

1068
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 3: But last week we hit a point.

1069
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 6: Kate had gone off and spent the night where May

1070
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 6: has been staying and told me she was staying at

1071
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 6: ten thirty pm. She gave me one thousand dollars recently

1072
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 6: to fix their car. I finally talked to some friends

1073
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 6: about everything, and they made me feel validated in my

1074
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 6: fear and suspicions and just didn't make me feel crazy anymore.

1075
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 6: I had been conflicted with how I felt, and I

1076
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,319
Speaker 6: knew I was wrong to be angry, and I was

1077
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 6: sorry for my actions when I tried to make up

1078
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 6: for them, but when I asked for the same, I

1079
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 6: got yelled at. It felt like I was being told

1080
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 6: May can act however she wants, and Kate will defend her,

1081
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 6: but if I step a toe out of line, I

1082
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 6: will be told off.

1083
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 3: I felt like a third.

1084
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 6: Wheel in my own engagement. Please let me know if

1085
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 6: you think I'm the a hole or not. And there

1086
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 6: is an edit.

1087
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 5: Dang man, no no. I think that can happen sometimes

1088
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 5: where it's like a friend group or a couple of

1089
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 5: friends or something like that are strong. I guess you

1090
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 5: could say where they're like super strong, like no one

1091
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 5: else can tear them apart or anything like that. But

1092
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 5: then it becomes where like if one person starts dating someone,

1093
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 5: then that other person is kind of also dating them

1094
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 5: because they both talk to each other about all of

1095
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 5: you know, their arguments, are all of their decisions or

1096
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 5: anything like that. Like everything kind of just becomes against

1097
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 5: that partner, and it's like, not fair. I think that

1098
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:33,800
Speaker 5: might be what's happening.

1099
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, super not fair. I feel like they're I feel

1100
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 3: like they do. I feel like they like each other.

1101
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like it's reciprocated.

1102
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 6: And then I feel like the solution is like, all right, well,

1103
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 6: let's just gang up on my fiance and make him leave.

1104
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 5: He's just a bye, It's okay, we can gang up

1105
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 5: on him he's just city.

1106
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,879
Speaker 3: Buys like silly boy with PTSD.

1107
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 2: Right.

1108
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 6: I just foind out that Kate has been lying to

1109
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 6: me for a few weeks about a mutual friend of

1110
00:51:58,160 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 6: ours one of my best friends.

1111
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 3: Kate told me this friend.

1112
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,359
Speaker 6: Thought I had changed and was no longer the person

1113
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 6: I was and didn't want me in their life due

1114
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 6: to this. I didn't reach out to them after the

1115
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,280
Speaker 6: break until this morning. I asked how I had changed

1116
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 6: and why they didn't want me as a friend. She

1117
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,439
Speaker 6: then denied not wanting me as a friend and told

1118
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 6: me she still loves me and wants me in her life.

1119
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 6: We've begun making plans to catch up and talk this weekend.

1120
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:22,280
Speaker 6: This has made me realize that I well and truly

1121
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 6: have been manipulated and lied to, and that I'm not

1122
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 6: going crazy and losing everyone and everything. I don't know

1123
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 6: how long this has been happening, whether it's the full

1124
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 6: five years or just since May. Has been this entwined

1125
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 6: with our relationship, and there's an update.

1126
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 3: Get her out of there.

1127
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 6: I stayed at my parents' house for a week after returning.

1128
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:43,319
Speaker 6: I didn't know if Kate would be there or not.

1129
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 3: She wasn't. She took the.

1130
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 6: Cat, a few items of clothing, and all our sheets

1131
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 6: and pillows. I reached out, asking if she wanted to

1132
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 6: talk about things and if she was working that Wednesday,

1133
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 6: because we could sit down and discuss who gets what

1134
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 6: and her moving out. She had threatened to take all

1135
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 6: the furniture during the breakup, so I wanted to sit

1136
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,720
Speaker 6: down and actually divide the things we'd bought together.

1137
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 3: When did y'all break up?

1138
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 6: I guess she just left and started spending all her

1139
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 6: time with May and they broke up.

1140
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 5: Okay, okay.

1141
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,360
Speaker 6: She said she didn't want to meet and asked for

1142
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 6: someone else to collect her stuff when I'm not there.

1143
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 6: Because of her threatening to take the bed and everything else,

1144
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 6: I said I didn't want her in the house without

1145
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 6: me and would change the locks. She eventually said she

1146
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,480
Speaker 6: wanted to do it via text, but I told her

1147
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 6: it should be in person. There are a lot of

1148
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 6: things in random places which actually needed to be sorted through.

1149
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 3: She refused.

1150
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 6: A few days later, I found out from my brother

1151
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 6: she had messaged my parents telling them I had turned

1152
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 6: off all her fish tanks and wasn't letting her in to.

1153
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 3: Do anything to them. Liar.

1154
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 6: I was more than happy for her to come over

1155
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 6: while I was there. I just didn't trust her after

1156
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 6: finding out about her lies about my friends hating me.

1157
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,840
Speaker 6: My parents called and the four of us spoke. My

1158
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 6: brother confirmed the tanks were all on and were clean.

1159
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,879
Speaker 6: My parents told me she had hired a moving crew

1160
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 6: for Tuesday to get all her stuff. My parents owned

1161
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 6: that house we live in. I put a lock on

1162
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,760
Speaker 6: the bedroom door and changed all the locks in the house.

1163
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 6: I told her Tuesday didn't work for me, but Wednesday

1164
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 6: would work. She refused and said she was coming, so

1165
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 6: I sent the list of things she wasn't to take.

1166
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,919
Speaker 6: She insisted on taking the entire bedroom set. I told

1167
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 6: my manager about what was happening, and she was so

1168
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,919
Speaker 6: understanding and actually helped a lot. On Tuesday, they came

1169
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,439
Speaker 6: just before I left for work. I called my brother

1170
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 6: and he started coming towards the house. I had moved

1171
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 6: all Kate and May's belongings outside that I could find

1172
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 6: and move. My brother arrived after I left and told

1173
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 6: me they were inside the house or I told my manager,

1174
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 6: who agreed to let me leave early at five hours

1175
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 6: in My brother planted himself on the sofa, kept an

1176
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:45,280
Speaker 6: eye on the bedroom and kept me updated.

1177
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 3: Why are you letting them in?

1178
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, like you said, it's not her house, right, the

1179
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 6: locks are changed.

1180
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 4: Right.

1181
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 3: Oh that's crazy.

1182
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,880
Speaker 6: Well, I told you you could do this Wednesday, seeing

1183
00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 6: as that was when I'm available to make sure you

1184
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 6: don't steal all of my belongings. Yeah, so you won't

1185
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:06,800
Speaker 6: be coming in today. Sorry for any fees you incur,

1186
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 6: but you're more than welcome to come in tomorrow. When

1187
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 6: I arrived, they had gutted most of the house of

1188
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 6: all of their stuff, but also a few of my items.

1189
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 6: She took one of my consoles and the cables to

1190
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 6: my other so I couldn't use it.

1191
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 5: But brother, that's what you were supposed to look out for,

1192
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 5: a whole gaming console, Roski.

1193
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 3: What were you even there for?

1194
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 5: Dude?

1195
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 3: Come on, They didn't get in the bedroom or get

1196
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 3: the couch at least.

1197
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,799
Speaker 6: I later found out that they stole my cookbooks, the

1198
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 6: rice and flour, and a few other weird things. However,

1199
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 6: not long after I decided to try and put myself

1200
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 6: back out there and just try to have some fun,

1201
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 6: casual dates until I'm ready for something long term. I

1202
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:48,440
Speaker 6: quickly realized it wasn't for me anymore, and I wanted

1203
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 6: something serious, but I met someone and we immediately clicked.

1204
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 6: We were sending these huge paragraphs info dumping to each

1205
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,280
Speaker 6: other and we shared a lot of the same interests

1206
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,399
Speaker 6: and passions. We've gone out a few times now and

1207
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,959
Speaker 6: I really like them and I really hope this works

1208
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 6: out well. Taking things slowly though, And that was the

1209
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 6: end of that story.

1210
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 5: Well, there you go. That's great.

1211
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 3: I'd have a good way to go about that.

1212
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 6: Honestly, it sucks that she took stuff that wasn't hers

1213
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:15,800
Speaker 6: and like tried to do weird stuff.

1214
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 3: But it's just like, you know what you'd done with her.

1215
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's out of your life. Good riddance her and

1216
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:27,720
Speaker 6: may can have their little fairy tale, you know whatever

1217
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 6: you want to call. It sounds like a nightmare to me.

1218
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:36,439
Speaker 6: But yeah, let like be with like and they both suck,

1219
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 6: so whatever.

1220
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, you're gonna you're you're finding someone even better

1221
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 5: right now. So that's that's great.

1222
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 3: Exactly. You be careful though, take it slow. Hey's sean

1223
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 3: og host.

1224
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 1: We don't get back to the stories, but a quick

1225
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1226
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 5: I caught my boyfriend cheating, so I befriended his affair partner.

1227
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 3: Devious Little move On.

1228
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 5: I thirty nine Mail and my ex let's call him

1229
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:06,440
Speaker 5: Dan thirty eight Mail met him at a mutual friends

1230
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 5: party in twenty fourteen. We were together for almost seven years.

1231
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 5: When we first met, I fell hard for him. He

1232
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 5: was handsome with a great smile, and we hit it

1233
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 5: off immediately. What attracted me most was his confidence, something

1234
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 5: I lacked back then. I was very overrate, almost one

1235
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 5: forty five kilograms which is three hundred pounds, and never

1236
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 5: saw myself as attractive, so I was genuinely surprised when

1237
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,919
Speaker 5: he expressed interest in me. By the way, this comes

1238
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 5: from No Upstairs twenty seven thirty six on the Charlotte

1239
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 5: Dobray YouTube Separated and if you want to submit your

1240
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime separated

1241
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 5: and I am.

1242
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,919
Speaker 3: Angie, I'm Dakota.

1243
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 5: And I'm Sophia, and Op says. We started dating and

1244
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 5: within two months we were living together. Even though we

1245
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 5: hadn't known each other long, things seemed great. I was

1246
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 5: happy and did my best for both of us. My

1247
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 5: work demanded extensive travel within the country, sometimes keeping me

1248
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 5: away for time to fourteen days, which I knew was

1249
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,479
Speaker 5: hard on our relationship. After one especially long work trip,

1250
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 5: I came home to find our apartment full of flowers

1251
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 5: and orchids.

1252
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 3: Ah.

1253
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 5: I love plants and was initially thrilled. I thanked him,

1254
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 5: and he beamed with pride at pulling off the surprise.

1255
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 5: This continued for a while, and I thought nothing of

1256
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 5: it other than that he was showing me that he

1257
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 5: cared about me. Oh boy? Was I wrong?

1258
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 2: Brother?

1259
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 5: Oh boy? After about eight months, I started receiving messages

1260
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 5: from random guys I didn't know. They usually said I

1261
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 5: should stay away from Dan because they were surprised he

1262
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,200
Speaker 5: was in a relationship, having met him for dates recently.

1263
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:44,480
Speaker 5: When I confronted Dan, he claimed it was a jealous

1264
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 5: ex I accepted this explanation and blocked the person. Then

1265
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:51,760
Speaker 5: it happened again with another guy and again after that.

1266
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 5: The final message took me completely by surprise and confirmed

1267
00:58:55,640 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 5: Dan had been lying. This person described our apartment in detail,

1268
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 5: even the interior and bedroom linens. The message also said,

1269
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 5: I don't understand why you accepted that Dan keeps getting

1270
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 5: flowers from his exh So those flowers aren't even from Dan.

1271
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 5: For ope, They're from Dan's ex.

1272
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 6: Wow, oh my gosh.

1273
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 5: It turned out his ex had opened a flower shop

1274
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 5: and was giving Dan flowers after he visited during my

1275
00:59:25,760 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 5: work trips. The flowers I thought were romantic gestures for

1276
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 5: me were actually from his ex to him. I was crushed.

1277
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 5: When I confronted Dan. He broke down, crying with a

1278
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:40,840
Speaker 5: sob story about how lonely he was, how hard it

1279
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 5: was being alone so much, and how I was to blame.

1280
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,720
Speaker 5: I took this tart and promised to change my work situation.

1281
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 5: Now we're falling for the manipulation. He claimed nothing physical

1282
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 5: had happened with this guy, just coffee in a tour

1283
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 5: of our place.

1284
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 3: Sure.

1285
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 5: I actually believed him and shouldered the blame for leaving

1286
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 5: him alone. When we moved in together, I'd left the

1287
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 5: place i'd lived for ten years, about two hours from

1288
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 5: our new location. I tried visiting my friends, sometimes alone

1289
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 5: or with Dan. He was always weird around them, saying nothing,

1290
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 5: just staring at his phone and refusing to participate. This

1291
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 5: resulted in us not being invited to certain events, or

1292
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:22,880
Speaker 5: rather I was invited, but not him. When I tried

1293
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 5: talking with Dan about his strange behavior about my friends.

1294
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:29,080
Speaker 5: He started crying again, telling me how hard it was

1295
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 5: since he didn't have any friends and seeing how close

1296
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 5: we were hurt him. Shut up, Yeah, shut up, that's stupid.

1297
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:37,280
Speaker 2: The right.

1298
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:39,000
Speaker 6: I mean, you can feel that way, but that's such

1299
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 6: like the dumbest, most manipulative way to try to explain it.

1300
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 5: I told him I was I wasn't cutting contact with

1301
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 5: my friends, but if he didn't want to go, I

1302
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 5: could go alone. He agreed, and things seemed to work out.

1303
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 5: A couple of months later, I'd managed to change my

1304
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 5: work situation so I didn't have to travel, I was

1305
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 5: home most days. Dan seemed happier and I felt good too.

1306
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 5: But something was off. I had basically stopped hearing from

1307
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:06,480
Speaker 5: my friends, and when I messaged them, I only got

1308
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 5: short replies. When I tried to plan visits, I was

1309
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 5: suddenly told not to come, with various excuses. Obviously, I

1310
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 5: was sad and confused. I replied that if something had

1311
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 5: happened and they needed help, or if I had done

1312
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 5: something wrong, please tell me so we could discuss it.

1313
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 5: After that, I nearly never heard from them again, despite

1314
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 5: my attempts to reach out. Oh my gosh, that sucks.

1315
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 5: What did Dan do?

1316
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, what has Dan done?

1317
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:34,680
Speaker 5: One day, Dan suddenly asked about my friends, acting like

1318
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 5: it was weird that I hadn't seen them in a while,

1319
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 5: since he knew what was going on. I told him

1320
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 5: I hadn't heard from them and didn't understand why. Then

1321
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,960
Speaker 5: he started crying again. He told me he'd been in

1322
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:48,800
Speaker 5: contact with them, and they said that they didn't like

1323
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 5: him or the person that I had become after meeting him.

1324
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 5: He was so upset that he deleted the conversation so

1325
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 5: I wouldn't see how horrible they'd been to him. Oh

1326
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:02,439
Speaker 5: my gosh, what I should mention here that I never

1327
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 5: looked at his phone or computer. That wasn't my business.

1328
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 5: I tried messaging my friends again, but got no reply

1329
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 5: at all. Eventually I managed to put things behind me

1330
01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 5: and move forward. Years later, it words why are we

1331
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 5: here so long?

1332
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:17,760
Speaker 6: Years?

1333
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 5: Years?

1334
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 2: Oh?

1335
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:24,160
Speaker 5: Years, this is terrible. Years later, I bumped into one

1336
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 5: of my old friends while out walking. She asked about Dan,

1337
01:02:26,800 --> 01:02:28,080
Speaker 5: and I told her it was over.

1338
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 3: Oh.

1339
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 5: She gave a relieved sigh and revealed the truth. Dan

1340
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 5: had contacted them, claiming that I didn't want to hurt them,

1341
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 5: so I hadn't told them myself that I wanted to

1342
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 5: cut them out of my life. He said, I was

1343
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 5: starting fresh with him and wanted to sever all previous relationships.

1344
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 6: Wow, roh, what an absolute loser. Yeah, but also, how

1345
01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 6: are your friends not like I'm gonna confirm that though, Yeah,

1346
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 6: because that's an insane thing to get and none of

1347
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 6: us life. It's an insane thing for us to get

1348
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,959
Speaker 6: from you. So we're just gonna really quickly make sure

1349
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 6: that that's the.

1350
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 5: Truth, right, especially too since OPI had been reaching out

1351
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 5: to them and trying to go to plans and they

1352
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 5: were the ones saying like, no, don't come, Like what,

1353
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 5: that's very weird. I was shocked. We managed to mend

1354
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 5: parts of our friendship, but it was never quite the same.

1355
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 5: Fast forward a few years into the relationship. After getting

1356
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,919
Speaker 5: a new job and making new friends, things seemed normal again.

1357
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 5: I got the opportunity to go to Scotland for a

1358
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 5: course three months total, with six weeks in Scotland, two

1359
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 5: weeks in Norway, and then two more weeks back in Scotland.

1360
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 5: I discussed this extensively with Dan before deciding. He said

1361
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:44,080
Speaker 5: it was okay, that we were in a good place

1362
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,200
Speaker 5: and this was an amazing opportunity, so I accepted and

1363
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 5: completed the course. Sometime after the course finished, a Scottish

1364
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 5: man contacted me. I didn't think much about it, assuming

1365
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 5: it was course related. He asked about hotels in Oslo

1366
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:00,640
Speaker 5: because he was visiting. I asked who he was, since

1367
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 5: I didn't remember him from the course. His next message

1368
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 5: shocked me. He got angry, asking why I didn't remember

1369
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:09,960
Speaker 5: him and saying he felt like he meant nothing to me.

1370
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:15,400
Speaker 5: He'd spent money coming to Norway. Uh, because I apparently

1371
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:19,120
Speaker 5: promised to date him. I was completely confused. While I

1372
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 5: started While I stared at the phone screen trying to

1373
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 5: figure out who this guy was. He sent a picture

1374
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 5: with the caption remember we remember me now, and it

1375
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 5: was a very intimate picture of him and Dan in

1376
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:34,280
Speaker 5: a hotel somewhere. Oh does this guy think that OP

1377
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 5: is Dan?

1378
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1379
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:41,320
Speaker 5: I think so. Oh no, yeah, So Dan had borrowed

1380
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 5: my phone and forgotten to log out of his messenger.

1381
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,360
Speaker 5: I just put the phone down and started thinking back

1382
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 5: on everything that had happened. I began realizing how manipulative

1383
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 5: Dan had been, gaslighting me into changing everything in my

1384
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:58,680
Speaker 5: life and convincing me everything was my fault. I got angry,

1385
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 5: I got hurt, started and started planning. Ooh, we're planning something,

1386
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 5: I replied to the Scottish guy, explaining what had happened.

1387
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 5: He got angry too. I gave him my email, deleted

1388
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 5: the messages, logged Dan out, and pretended like nothing had happened.

1389
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,240
Speaker 5: A couple of days later, I flew to Edinburgh and

1390
01:05:17,440 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 5: met this guy Dan had deceived. We sat in Acosta

1391
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 5: coffee scheming about how we could get some revenge. I

1392
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:27,640
Speaker 5: love where this is going. I stayed in Scotland one

1393
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 5: night alone in a hotel, having told Dan I was

1394
01:05:30,840 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 5: visiting a friend and would be home the next day.

1395
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 5: Scotland is about a two hour flight from Norway, so

1396
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:39,280
Speaker 5: Dan never suspected I wasn't in the country at night.

1397
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,280
Speaker 5: When I came home, I acted like nothing had happened.

1398
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,600
Speaker 5: On Wednesday, I suggested we go to Oslo for the weekend,

1399
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 5: have a little party, and spend the weekend in a hotel.

1400
01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 5: Dan was excited and agreed. On Friday, we took the bus,

1401
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:55,680
Speaker 5: chatted during the ninety minute ride, and checked into the hotel.

1402
01:05:56,360 --> 01:06:00,360
Speaker 5: Suddenly my phone chimed. The plan had started. Dan and

1403
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,600
Speaker 5: I went out for dinner, hit a club and actually

1404
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:05,439
Speaker 5: had a good time. What Dan didn't know was that

1405
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:09,080
Speaker 5: I had booked two rooms. The Scottish guy had just

1406
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 5: checked in and message that he was ready. Oh my gosh,

1407
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:17,240
Speaker 5: I'm so excited. Oh he is wording this so well. Yes, yes,

1408
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 5: I said that I was tired and wanted to go

1409
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 5: back to the hotel. Dan reluctantly came with me. Very

1410
01:06:24,360 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 5: early in the morning, I snuck out and met my

1411
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 5: Scottish accomplice before Dan woke up. I let him into

1412
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,080
Speaker 5: our room and he carefully slipped into bed with Dan

1413
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,840
Speaker 5: while I hid in the bathroom. I called Dan's phone

1414
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 5: and he started stirring. After reaching for his phone and

1415
01:06:38,480 --> 01:06:41,080
Speaker 5: seeing that I was calling, he turned around and saw

1416
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 5: my Scottish friend lying next to him with the biggest grin,

1417
01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:50,120
Speaker 5: saying good morning, sweetheart. Dan screamed, threw himself off the bed,

1418
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 5: and raced for the door into the hallway.

1419
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:56,240
Speaker 3: Stark, whoa, whoa.

1420
01:06:56,640 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 5: My Scottish friend and I were laughing so hot. When

1421
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 5: Dan finally understood what was happening, He came back embarrassed,

1422
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,600
Speaker 5: started crying and told us how mean we were, claiming

1423
01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:11,480
Speaker 5: that he never cheated and nothing had happened in front

1424
01:07:11,480 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 5: of your affair partner. What an idiot, that's yeah, there's

1425
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:16,280
Speaker 5: no way you can get.

1426
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:19,960
Speaker 6: Away with that, Like what, hey, dumb, the guy's in

1427
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 6: the bed. Literally, we know he's over. You cannot the

1428
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 6: deception is gone.

1429
01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 5: Literally he hears you saying that you never cheated when

1430
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 5: he's the one you cheated with. What My Scottish friend

1431
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 5: pulled out his phone and showed the pictures and videos

1432
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 5: from their nights together. Dan got really angry, packed his

1433
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 5: things and left. My new friend and I stayed in Oslo,

1434
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:46,440
Speaker 5: having a great time and getting to know each other.

1435
01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 5: He's a really stand up guy and we're still friends today.

1436
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:53,840
Speaker 5: Nothing romantic ever happened between us, but we're dynamite as friends.

1437
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:55,960
Speaker 5: But there is a little bit more to the story.

1438
01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:59,520
Speaker 5: But I mean, it seems like it. The plan worked,

1439
01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:03,200
Speaker 5: The scheme has scammed.

1440
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,880
Speaker 3: You did it, and you scared him and you did it.

1441
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,920
Speaker 6: But you know, the sad thing is that he's definitely

1442
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 6: not going to take any personal responsibility or accountability for

1443
01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:11,200
Speaker 6: any of that.

1444
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:13,360
Speaker 3: He denied it until the very end.

1445
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you know, you probably knew that would happen,

1446
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 6: but you were just like I just want to pull

1447
01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:21,479
Speaker 6: a little funny goof on him, exactly, just want to pull.

1448
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,040
Speaker 3: A funny little goof, a little goofy gaff on him.

1449
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 5: But anyway to finish this up. When I returned home,

1450
01:08:27,439 --> 01:08:30,120
Speaker 5: Dan was waiting. He came clean, and it turned out

1451
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:33,719
Speaker 5: he'd actually dated five more guys and cheated with even

1452
01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:37,040
Speaker 5: more since we became a couple. We broke up, I

1453
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:40,160
Speaker 5: moved away, and I'm now very happy and a good,

1454
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:44,160
Speaker 5: honest and loving relationship. I should add that his only

1455
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:47,719
Speaker 5: reason for contacting Scottish men on different apps was because

1456
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:50,160
Speaker 5: he wanted to find a Scottish guy since I got

1457
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:53,040
Speaker 5: to go to Scotland, he wanted the same experience.

1458
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:53,960
Speaker 3: What a loser?

1459
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 5: What that's crazy?

1460
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 3: I had fomo.

1461
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 5: Literally, I'm still being called an a hole for doing this.

1462
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 5: His friends continue to blame me for the breakdown he

1463
01:09:05,080 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 5: had afterwards, and after I moved out. The messages I

1464
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:10,840
Speaker 5: still receive say I should have never left him and

1465
01:09:10,960 --> 01:09:13,800
Speaker 5: need to understand this. Some people are just more attractive

1466
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:15,960
Speaker 5: and I should have let him do what he wanted.

1467
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:19,479
Speaker 5: I don't think I'm the a hole, even though I'm

1468
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:22,320
Speaker 5: still being told that I am. I just laugh at

1469
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 5: them now yeah, laugh away.

1470
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,720
Speaker 3: You just take a little haha he he.

1471
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:28,760
Speaker 2: With that.

1472
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 5: But yeah, that was that was a solid story. I'm

1473
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:36,760
Speaker 5: glad that Op has not taking it too personally. Is

1474
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:40,800
Speaker 5: not like in the dumps about about it. But yeah yeah,