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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information,

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Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.

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Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning

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Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a

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Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session ninety four

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Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to share my thoughts about something that seems to be

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Speaker 1: coming up more and more in my conversations with many

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Speaker 1: of you, and that's coming herring yourself to others. When

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Speaker 1: I was in elementary school, probably around third or fourth grade,

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Speaker 1: I distinctly remember the teacher telling us to keep your

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Speaker 1: eyes on your own paper before we started taking any tests. This,

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Speaker 1: of course, was a not so subtle reminder not to

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Speaker 1: borrow any of our neighbor's answers. But I also think

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Speaker 1: it's a great reminder for whatever stage of life we

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Speaker 1: find ourselves in now. If you're honest with yourself or

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Speaker 1: there some ways you've been too busy looking on your

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Speaker 1: neighbor's paper that you didn't even realize that you already

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Speaker 1: knew all of the answers to the questions, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? How many times have you changed your

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Speaker 1: mind about how you were gonna style your hair because

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Speaker 1: so and So's hair looks super cute? Or how many

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Speaker 1: times have you decided that the focus of your business

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Speaker 1: would be one thing, but then that new thing that

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Speaker 1: so and so is selling looks really good. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that it's a bad thing to be inspired by others.

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Speaker 1: Inspiration is important and necessary in some cases, but don't

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Speaker 1: call it inspiration if it's really you trying to borrow

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Speaker 1: your neighbor's entire life. Here are a few reasons why

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Speaker 1: this can be really dangerous for you. Number one, if

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Speaker 1: you spend too much time comparing and coveting what you

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Speaker 1: see others enjoying, it becomes difficult for you to trust

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Speaker 1: your own ideas and intuition because you're not really exercising

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Speaker 1: these muscles in order for you to really be in

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Speaker 1: tomb with your creativity. You have to spend time with it.

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Speaker 1: You have to let it run wild and pay attention

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Speaker 1: to where it leads you. And you can't do that

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Speaker 1: if you have too much energy invested in what other

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Speaker 1: people are doing. Number two, none of us ever really

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Speaker 1: have access to anyone else's full story. So you see

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Speaker 1: the highlights that someone shares on social media, or you

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Speaker 1: notice someone else who looks like they have it all

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Speaker 1: together on campus, are at work, but do you really

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Speaker 1: know the whole story? More often than not, we're trying

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Speaker 1: to piece together a story that is at best incomplete

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Speaker 1: and more than likely inaccurate. So we make a judgment

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Speaker 1: about ourselves based on inaccurate information about someone else. It's

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Speaker 1: kind of like building your new house on quicksand it's

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Speaker 1: destined to be a disaster. Number three, you miss out

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Speaker 1: on all the dopeness of celebrating the things in your

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Speaker 1: own life. When we're too focused on what other people

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Speaker 1: are doing, we lose sight of what incredible things we

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Speaker 1: have to offer and can become less grateful for these

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Speaker 1: things as well. And number four, it becomes difficult for

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Speaker 1: you to really tap into the thing that only you

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Speaker 1: can birth into this world. So I was listening to

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Speaker 1: an episode to the Hidden Brain podcast one day, and

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Speaker 1: they were interviewing a researcher who studies what happens to

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Speaker 1: a local community when the local newspaper closes, And I

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Speaker 1: thought to myself, what an interesting thing to study. I

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Speaker 1: wonder how he came up with that question, And then

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Speaker 1: it don't on me that, of course I wouldn't come

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Speaker 1: up with a question like that, because that's not a

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Speaker 1: part of the work that I was designed to do.

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Speaker 1: It's his work. So the lesson to me there was

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Speaker 1: to stay focused and in tune with the work I

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Speaker 1: was designed to do and the gifts that I was

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Speaker 1: designed to share, because anything else is a distraction. And

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Speaker 1: that's what I want to pass on to you. What

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Speaker 1: thing is the world waiting on you to cultivate and share?

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Speaker 1: What is the world missing out on because you've got

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Speaker 1: your eyes on your neighbor's paper. So of course I

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Speaker 1: know that this isn't always an easy task, especially with

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Speaker 1: the popularity of social media and the ease with which

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Speaker 1: we have access to so many different people's lives. So

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Speaker 1: here are a few tips that might help you to

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Speaker 1: get a little bit better with this. If you're struggling

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Speaker 1: with comparing yourself to others. Number one, unfollow, unfriend, or

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Speaker 1: mute anyone who doesn't make you feel cute enough, loved enough,

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Speaker 1: thin enough, fashionable enough, smart enough, whatever enough. Continuing to

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Speaker 1: interact with people in accounts on social media that are

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Speaker 1: always making you feel like you're behind is probably not

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Speaker 1: motivating you, and it's more than likely stunting your growth.

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Speaker 1: So go ahead and get rid of these accounts and

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Speaker 1: these people that you're following. Number two, do an honest

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Speaker 1: assessment of the various areas of your life to see

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Speaker 1: where there may need to be a little more attention.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes when we find ourselves caught up in the comparison trap,

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Speaker 1: it's because we're avoiding doing the necessary work in our

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Speaker 1: own lives. So do you need to be spending more

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Speaker 1: time tending to your physical health or is there something

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Speaker 1: going on at work where you do need to be

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Speaker 1: getting caught up to speed. Pay attention to what really

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Speaker 1: comes up for you when you feel the need to

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Speaker 1: compare and judge, and then focus that energy on doing

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Speaker 1: something that will actually improve yourself or your situation. Number three.

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Speaker 1: Keep a gratitude journal, a daily or regular account of

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Speaker 1: the small and large things that you are grateful for

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Speaker 1: in your own life can help you to stay focus

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Speaker 1: on those things and to welcome more of this into

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Speaker 1: your life. Where we devote our energy is what we

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Speaker 1: see appear, So focusing on things you're grateful for shift

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Speaker 1: your focus more to abundance than lack. And finally, number four,

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Speaker 1: focus on building authentic and genuine relationships with other people,

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Speaker 1: not as a way to try to steal anybody's secret sauce.

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Speaker 1: Let's to truly get to know them and their story.

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Speaker 1: Once you actually get to know people, they're no longer

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Speaker 1: random frames on a page or fictionalized stories. They become

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Speaker 1: complex and layered and human, just like you. So tell

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Speaker 1: me if comparing yourself to others is something you struggle

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Speaker 1: with in the past, or if you're currently struggling with,

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Speaker 1: and what kinds of things have you done to help

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Speaker 1: you manage this. Share your thoughts with me on social

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Speaker 1: media using the hashtag tb G in Session, and definitely

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Speaker 1: make sure you share this episode with at least three

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Speaker 1: other people, because this is something that I know many

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Speaker 1: people struggle with. Before we wrap up, I also want

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Speaker 1: to share a very special project I've been working on

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Speaker 1: for y'all in session fifty of the podcast, we talked

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Speaker 1: about some of the difficulties that can come up when

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Speaker 1: life doesn't look like what we thought it would look

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Speaker 1: like for whatever reason. This seems to be another common

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Speaker 1: issue that many people are struggling with, So I wanted

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Speaker 1: to take that episode a step further and have created

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Speaker 1: a short guided affirmation to help you think more about

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Speaker 1: this and to help shift your thinking. It's called a

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Speaker 1: Loving Reminder, and here's a sneak peek. If your life

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Speaker 1: doesn't look like what someone told you it should look

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Speaker 1: like right now, you might be doubting yourself. You might

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Speaker 1: be wondering where you went wrong. You might be saying,

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Speaker 1: I've done all the right things and my life still

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Speaker 1: doesn't look like that. Why not me? I'm so in

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Speaker 1: love with it, y'all, and I think it's something that

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Speaker 1: many of you will love too. You can grab your

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Speaker 1: copy of it at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

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Speaker 1: slash Loving Reminder, and the link, of course, will also

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Speaker 1: be included in the show notes for you to grab.

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Speaker 1: Please check it out, share it with your girls, and

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Speaker 1: let me know what you think. Remember that if you're

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Speaker 1: searching for a therapist in your area, check out our

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Speaker 1: directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to continue this conversation with other

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Speaker 1: sisters who listen to the podcast, join us in the

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Speaker 1: Thrive Tribe at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe.

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Speaker 1: Make sure to answer the three questions that are asked

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Speaker 1: to gain entry. Thank y'all so much for joining me

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Speaker 1: again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation

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Speaker 1: with you all real soon. Take good care. Per actor

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Speaker 1: ter