1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever 6 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: you are in the world. Thanks for joining us, Thanks 7 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: for tuning in for another episode. Today, we are going 8 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,480 Speaker 1: back to the old school podcast days with a nice 9 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: little chatty episode. 10 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 2: I feel like I've been spending a lot of time 11 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 2: in the theory and the psychology recently, and we also 12 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 2: have a few pretty heavy, like I would say, science 13 00:00:55,720 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 2: based episodes coming out soon, which is amazing. It's my 14 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 2: dream job. I would do this for every minute of 15 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 2: my life if I could, and kind of break down 16 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 2: these theories for you. But I also thought, since we 17 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 2: have so many new listeners and it's been a while, 18 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,400 Speaker 2: almost a year since my last life update, I guess 19 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 2: that I would take today's episode to just do a 20 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 2: bit of a solo therapy session for you guys and 21 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 2: unpack all of the changes in my life recently, some 22 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:30,400 Speaker 2: new surprises and what I've been thinking about at the moment. 23 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 2: As I really transition into what feels like a completely 24 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 2: new chapter of my life. I don't know how to 25 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 2: explain it, but you know those moments where you know, 26 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 2: it's some of those seasons where everything just starts to 27 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 2: get its glow back, Like everything starts feeling a bit lighter. 28 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 2: You kind of notice people smiling more. Everything just feels 29 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 2: a bit easier as well. Everything just feels a little 30 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 2: bit more beautiful. And that's kind of where I'm at 31 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 2: right now, and it feels like it's been a long 32 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 2: time since I've been in one of those chapters. For 33 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 2: those of you who don't know what these episodes are, basically, 34 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 2: it's like a solo therapy session. I kind of imagine 35 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 2: that you guys the audience are like my therapists, and 36 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 2: I'm gonna give you the down low and just like 37 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 2: chat through what I've been thinking about recently. You know, 38 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 2: it's kind of always nice to come up for a 39 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 2: breath of fresh air every now and again. So let's 40 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 2: take a deep breath, take a bit of a break, 41 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 2: and just have a nice little chit chat. And then 42 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 2: of course we will be back Friday with another Scientific 43 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 2: Psychology episode. So what I want to focus on is 44 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 2: three things. Number one, spicy juicy. Everyone's been asking my 45 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 2: love life an update on my love life. Also, if 46 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 2: you follow me on TikTok or Instagram, yeah, I have 47 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 2: a TikTok. It is terrible. I have like the worst 48 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 2: content ideas, but please go and follow it to validate 49 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 2: my attempts at trying to be a social media girl. 50 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 2: I talked a lot about on those apps the other 51 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 2: day about how I'm really feeling the needs to move 52 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 2: to another city or move to another country, that like 53 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 2: restless feeling that I think is quite universal for people 54 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 2: in their twenties of needing to kind of get up 55 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 2: and move and change everything and have those kind of 56 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 2: spontaneous adventures. I want to talk about some of those plans, 57 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 2: some of the things that I've been contemplating and kind 58 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 2: of considering for the next year of my life, and 59 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 2: then just some general life updates. I want to update 60 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 2: you guys on my move to Sydney, how my friendship's 61 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 2: are going, how the podcast is going, some of the 62 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 2: behind the scenes things what I've been struggling with recently. 63 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 2: And then just like a rapid fire Q and A 64 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 2: so a lot to get through a lot to kind 65 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 2: of talk about. I love doing these episodes. It feels 66 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 2: like talking to friends even though I'm sitting on my 67 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: floor in my house, like trying to well, praying that 68 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: like a plane doesn't fly over right now. So if 69 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 2: you hear that, please forgive me. But I don't know. 70 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 2: I think we get in it. I think that we 71 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 2: get started breakdown all the things that have been happening 72 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 2: in my life recently. So without further ado, I say 73 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 2: we get started. Okay, So let's start with the juicy 74 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,359 Speaker 2: stuff first. So if you have been following me for 75 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 2: a while and listening closely to the podcast, you will 76 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 2: know that my love life over the past two years 77 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 2: is a lot like the average twenty something year olds 78 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 2: in that it is chaotic and sometimes a nightmare and 79 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 2: a bit of a rollercoaster, and definitely has not been 80 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 2: particularly fruitful. Sometimes people are like, oh my god, like 81 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 2: how are you talking directly to my experience? Like how 82 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 2: did you know that? Like this is what I'm going 83 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 2: through with this guy or with this person or this girl. 84 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 2: And I'm like, because I'm going through that as well, 85 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 2: because I think that I've had some kind of curse 86 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 2: placed on me wherein or maybe it was just like 87 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 2: I was just I was getting the good stories from 88 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 2: my twenty something years. You know, I've been really embracing 89 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 2: these past few years the idea that this is the 90 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 2: time to get some good stories under your belt to 91 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 2: tell your future kids when they ask, oh, did you 92 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 2: ever date someone before granddad or before dad or whatever? Like, 93 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 2: you need to have some of those stories, some of 94 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: those like characters in your life. So quick recap if 95 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 2: you are a longtime listener, I'm talking like OGI episodes 96 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,239 Speaker 2: where I used to record on my literal iPhone in bed, 97 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 2: because that's how we did it back in the day 98 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 2: before I knew anything about audio quality. But back then, 99 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 2: I told the origin story of this show, and it 100 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,359 Speaker 2: began after a breakup, which I love telling people because 101 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 2: I think for a podcast about our twenties, that is 102 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 2: just such a quintessential kind of catalyst event like a 103 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 2: breakup is such a magnificent motivator for starting a project 104 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 2: like this. And so I went through that terrible breakup, 105 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 2: this big breakup. I always say that we have three 106 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 2: relationships experiences in our twenties, the big breakup, the situationship, 107 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,479 Speaker 2: and then finally the healthy love. So I did that 108 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 2: one first checked it off my list, got the T shirt, 109 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,839 Speaker 2: moved on, and now find myself really grateful for that, 110 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 2: because you know, it's really built this community, and it's 111 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: built this opportunity for me to really do the thing 112 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 2: that I love. And then I had this situationship experience, 113 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 2: which honestly, I think people can relate to this, but 114 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,719 Speaker 2: it almost hurt more than my first really serious relationship ending. 115 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 2: And I think it also just left me so emotionally 116 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:41,919 Speaker 2: raw that I went so almost like feral in my 117 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 2: dating life. I just kind of lost any sense of 118 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 2: standard for how I deserved to be treated, and I 119 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 2: was just with this series of people who were not 120 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 2: very good for me, and I think it left me 121 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 2: quite like wounded, really struggling with my worth. You know, 122 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 2: sometimes things are a good story, and sometimes things are 123 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 2: a lesson that you probably could have learned a better way, 124 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 2: but you can't really can't really take back the past. 125 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 2: Just have to be grateful for who it made you. 126 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 2: And I think now I'm at that point where I 127 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: am grateful for those experiences. I look back at that 128 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 2: time and I realized that if you know that saying, 129 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 2: I think it's from like perks of being a wallflower. 130 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 2: We accept the love we think we deserve. I think 131 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: that time in my life just really demonstrated that more 132 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 2: than any other. I think it was just such an 133 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 2: emotionally salient and impactful experience to me going through that 134 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 2: situationship with this person and now having the hindsight being 135 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: able to really see it clearly and I think evaluate 136 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 2: the experience without any of the intense emotions. It was 137 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 2: important because it changed my perspective on dating and how 138 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 2: I approached love for some time for the worst, I 139 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: would say, but then that allowed me to pivot into 140 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 2: treating dating in a much healthier way. So at the 141 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 2: start of the year, as you may know, I wanted 142 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: to do a bit of a reset and really decenter 143 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 2: dating but also my romantic interactions from my life, to 144 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 2: just refocus on myself and what my actual priorities were. 145 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 2: And I think when we decide to do this, or 146 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 2: when I've spoken about it before, people have often questioned 147 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 2: whether my only motivation for this kind of activity, or 148 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 2: my only purpose or reason for doing this was because 149 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 2: I wanted to come back and find the love of 150 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 2: my life. Like we often I think sometimes think that 151 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 2: if we take some time off from dating. That's going 152 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 2: to really like clear the slate for something amazing to 153 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 2: come in. And I get that. I really do understand 154 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 2: that kind of reasoning. I think it's very like enlightened 155 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 2: and a bit existential to think if we really want 156 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 2: to attract someone, we have to act in the opposite way, 157 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 2: like the law of opposites. But truly, that was not 158 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 2: even on my mind. I just had this realization that 159 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 2: since I was seventeen, I had always either been in love, 160 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,679 Speaker 2: falling in love, maybe pining over someone, or heartbroken. There 161 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 2: had not been a single time between the ages of 162 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 2: like seventeen and twenty three, so six years where my 163 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 2: life had not revolved around my romantic interests, and my 164 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 2: life had not been dominated by the stories that I 165 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 2: had to tell about the people I was dating and 166 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 2: all the drama and all you know, the good things 167 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 2: as well, but there was just always like they were 168 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 2: at the center of the universe. Like I said, I 169 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 2: was either absolutely destroyed over a recent breakup or I 170 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: was falling madly in love with someone because I am 171 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 2: such a romantic individual that that happens quite frequently. And 172 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 2: I just kind of realized that I needed a break 173 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: from that. I really needed to kind of make myself 174 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,559 Speaker 2: the main character for a little while. So I decided 175 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 2: I would take the year off from pursuing love, which 176 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 2: would hopefully a get me back in touch with myself, 177 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 2: be maybe heal some of those emotional wounds I think 178 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:14,079 Speaker 2: I'd let scab over in the past, but never truly heal. 179 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 2: And I think see, I just wanted to embrace the 180 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 2: joys of singlehood for some time. And I speak about 181 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,719 Speaker 2: this on the podcast all the time. You know, my 182 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,199 Speaker 2: episode the Stigma of being single is a perfect place 183 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 2: to go if this is what interests you. But there 184 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 2: is something really sacred and beautiful about being single, and 185 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 2: I was really really falling deeply into that mentality. And then, well, 186 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 2: as the story always goes, I ended up meeting someone 187 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 2: completely unexpectedly at perhaps the most inconvenient time. Like I really, 188 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 2: you know, I'm going to say the thing that I 189 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 2: used to hate people saying when I was single, but 190 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 2: I really wasn't looking, and you know that saying like 191 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 2: it happens when you used to expect it. I'm going 192 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 2: to be that person who says that. I'm going to 193 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 2: be the person that says I met someone when I 194 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:12,960 Speaker 2: least expected them, and they are just the most wonderful, wonderful, 195 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 2: Like he's just the most wonderful guy. So I'm going 196 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 2: to go into how we met. I don't know. I 197 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 2: told him I was doing this. I asked his permission. 198 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 2: I'm not going to say his name, obviously, because he 199 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 2: has a real job unlike me, and I don't want 200 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 2: his people he works with finding this episode and being 201 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,719 Speaker 2: like ooh, juicy spicy tea. But yeah, I did tell 202 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 2: him I was doing this episode. So if you're listening, hey, 203 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 2: I got a crush on you, and let me know 204 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 2: if I ever shared. But so we met on Hinge, 205 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 2: which I know is ironic because I speak so much 206 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: about how I don't like dating apps. But here is 207 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,400 Speaker 2: my excuse. My excuse is that I'm a hypocrite. And 208 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 2: then also I was in Bali at the time, and 209 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 2: I was in Bali with some really amazing friends of mine, 210 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,199 Speaker 2: and two of them had just gone through like pretty 211 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,439 Speaker 2: terrible breakups. So you know, when you're on your breakup 212 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 2: holiday with like all your friends and there are all 213 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 2: of these like foreign people around, all these people you're 214 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 2: never gonna see again in a beautiful romantic, alcohol infused city, 215 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 2: alcohol infused island. I guess you're gonna do what people do, 216 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 2: which is to go on the dating apps and see 217 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: if you can find like a little vacation lover. So 218 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 2: I was on that trip and I was like, everyone's 219 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 2: doing it. I caved into the peer pressure and I 220 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 2: downloaded Hinge and I was like, this is the last 221 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 2: time I'm downloading this app. I have done this before. 222 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 2: I'm not doing it again. I cannot deal with matching 223 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 2: with a million people, talking to them aimlessly for a 224 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 2: couple of weeks, and then never meeting them in real life. 225 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 2: And so there I was, and then I matched with 226 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 2: this guy and we just started talking and he had 227 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 2: a great opener. Actually, here is a hot tip for 228 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 2: the guys, the girls, the people out there who want 229 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 2: to actually have conversations on dating apps. His opener was, listen, 230 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 2: I really don't like small talk. So I'm gonna ask 231 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 2: you ten questions, and after these ten questions, you can 232 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 2: decide whether you want to keep talking to me. And 233 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 2: I was like, that is great because it is low 234 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 2: effort on my behalf, Like I have to answer the questions, 235 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 2: but like, I don't really have to try and keep 236 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 2: a conversation going, and I was like, let's do this, 237 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 2: Like this guy is like really attractive. I'm like immediately 238 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 2: into this person, let's do it. So we start talking 239 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 2: and then I'm on holiday, I kind of forget about 240 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 2: it and I end up ghosting him accidentally. It was 241 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 2: not like, augh, I don't want to talk to this 242 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 2: person anymore. There was a lot of factors, and I 243 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 2: end up like not talking to him for like the 244 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 2: last couple of days of my trip, come back home 245 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: to Sydney, and then I'm like, oh, whatever happened? Like 246 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 2: why did I not reply to that guy? Did I 247 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 2: reply to that guy? And he just didn't reply back 248 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,199 Speaker 2: to me, Like let me check on this, because I 249 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 2: was really enjoying our conversation. And so go back to Hinge. 250 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 2: I've like completely been unresponsive to anyone else on the 251 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 2: app except for this person, and I'm like, I'm really 252 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 2: sorry for ghosting you. Here are my reasons. Do you 253 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 2: have another question for me? Like, let's keep chatting and 254 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 2: he I don't know how, but he got back to 255 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 2: me and he kept chatting with me, and I thank 256 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 2: you for pulling through bird, Like I really appreciate the 257 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 2: tenacity there, and we just started having like the most 258 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 2: amazing like chats and then I was like, this questioning 259 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 2: is like going on for a little bit too long. 260 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 2: So I was like, I have a question for you. 261 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, what is it? And I was like, 262 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 2: when are you gonna ask me on a date? Lo 263 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: And behold, he did because I asked him to. And 264 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 2: we went on our first date and it was incredible. 265 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 2: It was like one of those you know those like 266 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 2: four hour dates where it's like multiple excursions, like we 267 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 2: ramen and then we got drinks and then we got 268 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 2: frozen yogurt, which I feel like the frozen yogurt should 269 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 2: have come before the alcohol. But it actually ended up 270 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 2: working out really really well. End of the first day, 271 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 2: I was like this guy like he's not given me 272 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 2: the signs that he wants to see me again, which 273 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 2: is such a bummer, but whatever, Like I'm gonna go 274 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 2: back to my single girl's sleigh era because this was 275 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 2: like a Bali thing and now we're not in Bali anymore. 276 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 2: We're not in Bali anymore, so if this one doesn't 277 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 2: work out, I'm gonna shave my head and be single 278 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 2: for the rest of my life. I genuinely thought that. 279 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 2: I was like, if this doesn't work out, I'm just 280 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 2: gonna shave my head. I've wanted to do it for 281 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 2: so long, and like the only thing holding me back 282 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 2: was like male gaze, and that is not a good 283 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 2: enough reason to do it. So and I still haven't 284 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:46,479 Speaker 2: done it, So maybe you need to rethink that philosophy. Anyhow, 285 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 2: we have just been dating ever since it obviously went 286 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 2: really well. He did want to see me again, and 287 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 2: he has wanted to see me again and again and again, 288 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 2: and I just I don't know how to explain how 289 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 2: beautiful it is to find someone who really thinks you're 290 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 2: amazing after so many years of dating people who I 291 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 2: always felt like I was begging for their attention and 292 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 2: it was so almost I also think something that no 293 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 2: one talks about is how scary that can be, Like 294 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 2: how actually terrifying it can be to be like, what 295 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 2: kind of game is this person playing here? Like you're 296 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 2: gonna drive two hours to see me twice a week, 297 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 2: and you're going to like pay for our dates, and 298 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 2: you're gonna ask me questions about myself and you're gonna 299 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 2: send me flowers just because you feel like it what 300 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 2: are you trying to manipulate me? Like? What are you 301 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 2: trying to get out of me? Here? Are you just 302 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 2: gonna leave? And it's just been this like kind of 303 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 2: learning process of being like, no, this is what like 304 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 2: healthy love feels like, this is what like healthy dating 305 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 2: feels like. This is what it feels like when someone 306 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 2: shows up for you and is committed to you and consistent. 307 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 2: And I just feel so safe and so happy and 308 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 2: I'm laughing all the time, and it's just like every 309 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 2: weekend we spend together as like someone has just sprinkled 310 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 2: fairy dust all over those moments and all throughout those hours, 311 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: and I really, I don't know, I'm kind of gushing now, 312 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 2: really falling over this person, but I don't know how 313 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,719 Speaker 2: I got so lucky. And we were talking about this 314 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: the other night and I was like, isn't it crazy that, 315 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 2: like six months ago, we had no idea that this 316 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 2: would happen, Like neither of us were really looking for 317 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,119 Speaker 2: a relationship, as we've since discussed, and then it just 318 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 2: kind of fell into our laps. And it just feels 319 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 2: like this person, I've known them for so long and 320 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 2: yet they're completely changing the kind of love that I 321 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,439 Speaker 2: have for myself and additionally to that. Sorry, this is 322 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 2: just like a rant of deep thoughts here, but I 323 00:17:54,960 --> 00:18:00,040 Speaker 2: think I was always so in opposition to the idea that, 324 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 2: you know, dating the right person could be quite healing. 325 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 2: I always kind of thought that you had to do 326 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,959 Speaker 2: a lot of that work beforehand, do a lot of 327 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 2: that historical healing and groundwork before you got into a relationship. 328 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,479 Speaker 2: But it's kind of showing me the opposite, that the 329 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 2: right person can be that kind of final ingredient that 330 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,439 Speaker 2: really shows you that you have value and also just 331 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,520 Speaker 2: makes life feel so much lighter and so much more beautiful, 332 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 2: and you just feel so appreciated. And it's just completely 333 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 2: changed my perspective on what I deserve to the point 334 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 2: where it's actually, you know, it's kind of sad when 335 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 2: I look back at I specifically think back to this 336 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 2: version of myself probably two years ago, now, yeah, around 337 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 2: two years ago, who just accepted shit, who just was 338 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 2: so okay having someone like string them along. I remember 339 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 2: the last person who I told that I loved them. 340 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 2: I said, oh, I think I'm falling in love with you, 341 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,159 Speaker 2: and their response was to tell me that they were 342 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 2: going on a date with someone else, So that's not 343 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,159 Speaker 2: their fault. Respect them for that go off, king, But 344 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 2: I stayed in that relationship or whatever you want to 345 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 2: call it, for like another two or three months, and 346 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: I really think that I have I hold no anger 347 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,640 Speaker 2: towards this person or rage or frustration. It's just part 348 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: of the story. And I think is I think that 349 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 2: it's so interesting now being exposed to someone who like 350 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 2: really does care about me and really wants to be 351 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 2: in my life and also just ask questions about what 352 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 2: I'm doing. So I'm just really happy. I just think 353 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 2: about that version of myself who was crying over someone 354 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,439 Speaker 2: who clearly did not care about me, you know, this 355 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 2: person who never wanted to commit, who most certainly did 356 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:51,159 Speaker 2: not buy me flowers or planned wonderful weekends. And I 357 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 2: thought that I was like so much better off alone 358 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 2: and fully ready to spend my twenties in a bit 359 00:19:56,119 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 2: of self imposed solitude, and then this just kind of happened. 360 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 2: So I hope for those of you who have been 361 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 2: following me for a while, this only serves to kind 362 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 2: of reinforce that you do absolutely deserve a love that 363 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 2: is consistent and kind and stable and easy, someone who 364 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,439 Speaker 2: you don't have to settle for, who just makes you 365 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,720 Speaker 2: feel adored and interesting, and who you feel all of 366 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 2: those things for back. And you know, I don't want 367 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 2: to like try and guess the future. I think that 368 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 2: kind of ruins their surprise, So I will say, who 369 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 2: knows what this relationship will turn out like, but I 370 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 2: do have high hopes and it's just been a big 371 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,120 Speaker 2: part of my life recently readjusting to you know, have 372 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 2: that kind of romantic force in my life, and for 373 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 2: the first time in a long time, a really positive 374 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 2: romantic force, someone who is really pushing me to be better. Sorry, 375 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 2: I'm not going to go on about this for much 376 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: longer because I don't want to be that person whose 377 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 2: entire reality as their boyfriend. But the final thing I've learned, 378 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 2: I think, is that a healthy life will also challenge 379 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 2: you in unexpected ways, especially if you have previously been 380 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 2: with people who haven't offered you the security that this 381 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 2: new person does. I think we often think that like, 382 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 2: we'll find someone who like, really adores us, and all 383 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 2: of that past kind of hurt and trauma will disappear 384 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 2: and will be a raised from our memory. What I'm 385 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 2: learning is that actually it is a process of sometimes 386 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,160 Speaker 2: being triggered by things that they do where you're expecting 387 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 2: a different response based on your history. So I, you know, 388 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 2: at the start of our relationship, like, he isn't a 389 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 2: really big text. I hope he doesn't mind me saying this. 390 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 2: I don't think he will. But like he wasn't, he 391 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 2: still isn't a really big text. And I'm someone who 392 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,399 Speaker 2: really likes to chat throughout the day, Like obviously I 393 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 2: love talking. I run a podcast, so it comes with 394 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,359 Speaker 2: the territory. But I was like he wouldn't reply to 395 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 2: my messages. He was working, understandably, and I would just 396 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 2: like freak out. I'd be like, oh my god, he's 397 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 2: like he's not interested in me. The game's up, the 398 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 2: other shoe is dropping. I knew it. They all turn 399 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 2: out like this, Like I need to just completely ignore him. 400 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 2: I need to delete all of his messages right now. 401 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 2: I need to block him, like I cannot do this again. 402 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 2: And it was like panic, and my roommates would be 403 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,359 Speaker 2: like sitting with me, being like you need to chill out, 404 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 2: Like you need to take a step back and see 405 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 2: this clearly for what this is. He is obviously into you. 406 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: You guys are obviously obsessed with each other. He is 407 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 2: just at work. This is not some hidden sign that 408 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 2: he's going to turn out like any of the people 409 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 2: that you've known in the past, and so I think 410 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 2: that it is a process of really unlearning some of 411 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: those things. But when you have someone like he is, 412 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 2: who is just so encouraging and just really offers that reassurance, 413 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:42,159 Speaker 2: it's just really beautiful. Also, I hope that it's not braggy. 414 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 2: I just hope that it's a reminder to not settle, 415 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,639 Speaker 2: and that if you're with someone who isn't treating you 416 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 2: like that, really contemplate whether that is what you deserve, 417 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 2: because I think something I've learned is that there is 418 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 2: something better out there for you. And you know, there 419 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 2: is that theory in psychology around the scarcity effect, Like 420 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 2: we think that like men or the people that we 421 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,640 Speaker 2: can date as like as a resource of running out, 422 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 2: and so we just settle for whoever's there. That is 423 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 2: so not the case. You have so much time and 424 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 2: you know the right person comes along and just changes 425 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 2: everything for you. So hold out hope, but also make 426 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 2: good choices, make good romantic choices. Okay, so we're going 427 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 2: to move on from love because love is boring unless 428 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 2: you're in it. So blah blah blah. There's that update. 429 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,719 Speaker 2: The other kind of big thing that's happening in my 430 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 2: life is I am really looking for to a bit 431 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 2: of a change in pace, a bit of a change 432 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 2: inscene for a couple of reasons. Number One, I think 433 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,800 Speaker 2: I've been feeling a little bit uninspired recently, lacking a 434 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,120 Speaker 2: little bit of dimension. Actually, one of the episodes that 435 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 2: I'm recording later this week is on like why does 436 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 2: life feel boring? Because I think that sometimes in our 437 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 2: twenties we can feel like things are a little bit stale, 438 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,199 Speaker 2: and that this is not the time for things to 439 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 2: be stale, that we want it to be exciting. That 440 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 2: is an experience I'm relating to a lot at the moment. 441 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 2: You know, despite all the beautiful things, I've been staying 442 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: in Bondai quite a bit. I've been working really hard 443 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 2: on some new projects. Sometimes it just feels like I'm 444 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 2: a little bit restless and I'm ready for a new adventure. 445 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 2: And I've been kind of tossing up two big things. 446 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 2: Number one is moving to a new city, either in Australia. 447 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 2: Although I've kind of exhausted my options, considering I have 448 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,360 Speaker 2: lived in most places on the East Coast, and I'm 449 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 2: sorry to my Australian listeners, I do not want to 450 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 2: move to Perth, but also moving overseas, and I know 451 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 2: that as a fantasy that we all kind of have, 452 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 2: like specifically the like New York, la Paris, London kind 453 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 2: of vibe, and it is one that I'm very willingly 454 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 2: buying into. The second big thing that I've really been 455 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 2: considered is going back to school for something like unrelated 456 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 2: to psychology. I think something scary about working in like podcasting, 457 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,200 Speaker 2: or even like the entertainment space, even in like social media, 458 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,280 Speaker 2: although I don't know, I don't think my main job 459 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,160 Speaker 2: is social media, but you know, still in that space 460 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 2: where it's like your ability to support yourself and kind 461 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 2: of your worth is almost tied to the amount of 462 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 2: tension people are willing to give you. And so when 463 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 2: people get bored of you, when like your your content 464 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 2: is no longer like trendy or like captivating their attention, 465 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,479 Speaker 2: you are kind of out of a job, right And 466 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 2: I think that that is a fear that a lot 467 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,240 Speaker 2: of people have in this space of like I'm only 468 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 2: able to do this as long as people are willing 469 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 2: to listen, and yeah, we have so many new listeners. 470 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 2: It's like the most amazing, beautiful blessing. But I do 471 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 2: have a lot of that fear around the future. I 472 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,120 Speaker 2: am someone who catastrophizes and has a lot of anxiety, 473 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,479 Speaker 2: which really I think manifests in overthinking and a lot 474 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 2: of like trying to control the future. And one way 475 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,560 Speaker 2: that I've been contemplating, like kind of how to protect 476 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 2: myself from not having a job, I guess, or protect 477 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 2: myself from what if I do fail, or like what 478 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 2: if I don't want to do this anymore, is to 479 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,960 Speaker 2: kind of get some future study plans in the works 480 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: and kind of think about like the direction that I 481 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,880 Speaker 2: could not only take this show, but I could also 482 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 2: take my life that maybe expands beyond psychology and also 483 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 2: our twenties. Like a question I get all the time 484 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 2: is like, what are you gonna do when you turn thirty? 485 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 2: And you know what, I have no freaking clue. I 486 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 2: have no clue. Like the life expectancy of this maybe 487 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,639 Speaker 2: only has like another six years. I'm hoping that it 488 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 2: lasts longer, but it is like something that I do 489 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 2: really question a lot, so thinking about either going back 490 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 2: to school for something unrelated and also moving, you know, 491 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 2: and if I were to move, I like cause I'm 492 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:59,120 Speaker 2: going to New York and LA in the summer for 493 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 2: a month and a half. So if you are there, 494 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 2: please reach out. I need to know the things to do. 495 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 2: I need to know the sites I don't just want 496 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 2: to go to, like the Empire State Building and I 497 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 2: don't know Times Square, So if you've got some hidden hideouts, 498 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 2: please let me know. Also would be cute to do 499 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 2: a meetup if people are interested in that. But I'm 500 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,879 Speaker 2: going to New York and LA this summer and then 501 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 2: also to Tokyo, not to like think about moving there, 502 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 2: but just to actually explore in full leisure time. And 503 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 2: part of that though, is this, like I think testing 504 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 2: the waters around, Like is this a place that I 505 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 2: could live? Is this a place where I could actually 506 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 2: see myself building community? And that is like the biggest 507 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,879 Speaker 2: factor for me when I consider or like weigh up 508 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 2: the pros and cons of moving to a new city 509 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 2: or moving to a new country, like could I find 510 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,239 Speaker 2: my place here? Could this be my home? And the 511 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 2: things that I think about are obviously being away from 512 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 2: family and friends. Also I've got a boyfriend now to 513 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,680 Speaker 2: consider who I would preferably like to stay with, and 514 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 2: kind of gauging what our plans are together whilst also 515 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 2: not rushing things. But then also things like would this 516 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,639 Speaker 2: city have good infrastructure for the job that I do? 517 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,160 Speaker 2: Wouldn't have good public transport? You know? I think LA 518 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,159 Speaker 2: is out there, but also like just good community and 519 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 2: like nice outdoor spaces. So it is something that I 520 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,399 Speaker 2: really want to do within I would say like the 521 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: next year or two, even if it's just for like 522 00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 2: three or six months, doing like a radio fellowship or 523 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 2: something like that. If anyone from this American life is listening, 524 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 2: please give me a job. It would be my dream, 525 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 2: just get to put it out there manifested into the universe. 526 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 2: But it has like really been something on my mind, 527 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 2: like where where to next? It's the restless feet syndrome? 528 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 2: Right Like why is my life not exciting enough right now? 529 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 2: What do I need to do to change that? As 530 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 2: someone who is also I think very solutions focused, this 531 00:28:55,240 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 2: like feels like a big, a big change that isan 532 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 2: that would also I think kind of fix a lot 533 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 2: of my problems. And I posted a TikTok like this 534 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 2: about this like recently, and this person commented being like, 535 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 2: it's not going to change your problems, Like running away 536 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,239 Speaker 2: from your problems, there is never the solution, And I 537 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 2: was like, yeah, you're probably right, But then also I 538 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 2: think my problems would look a lot better eating one 539 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 2: dollar pizza in New York or having an apparol in Italy. 540 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 2: And also the problems that I'm like, quote unquote running 541 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,200 Speaker 2: away from is not really a problem. It's just boredom. 542 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 2: It's just like a lack of excitement and maybe a 543 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: lack of novelty that I'm feeling uncomfortable with. So that 544 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 2: has also been on my mind. If you are having 545 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 2: similar thoughts about this, can you please reach out because 546 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 2: I know that I cannot be the only one. We 547 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 2: need like a support group or something like that, a 548 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 2: support group for people in their twenties or even their 549 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 2: thirties or beyond who are constantly restless and constantly looking 550 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 2: for like new adventure. And if you are someone who 551 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 2: has managed to like make that part of your life lifestyle, 552 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 2: how did you do it? Because I need to do 553 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 2: a series on this if I ever decide to make 554 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 2: that decision, I feel like the idea is one thing, 555 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:13,000 Speaker 2: the execution is another. So let's kind of let's gather 556 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 2: all our thoughts and collective knowledge here some other exciting things. Okay, 557 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 2: so I'm going to announce this here for the people 558 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 2: who have listened this far, but if you have been 559 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 2: watching closely, there is a book in the works, and 560 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 2: it has been an experience moving from audio to kind 561 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,600 Speaker 2: of written work. And a little known fact is that 562 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 2: a lot of my podcasts are actually scripted, just because 563 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 2: of the level of evidence base and kind of some 564 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 2: of the studies that we source. I want to make 565 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 2: sure that they're accurate and that the definitions and the 566 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,960 Speaker 2: ideas that I'm giving are coming from a place of 567 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:57,360 Speaker 2: like factual, evidence based knowledge. But now that's been a lot. 568 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 2: More of what I've been doing is writing heaps and 569 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 2: looking for a publisher and trying to get it out 570 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 2: into people's hands. And the anxiety around whether people will 571 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 2: buy it is also very pressing because I think anytime 572 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 2: you take a risk and try and do something new, 573 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 2: the first kind of response or fear response is always 574 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 2: like and what if I fail? So that has been 575 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 2: keeping me up at night. But I also just it's 576 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,040 Speaker 2: like one of my lifelong goals, it's to write a book. 577 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 2: And even if it's just my mom and my grandma 578 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,080 Speaker 2: buying it and like my friends, I think I would 579 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 2: still be happy with that. I would still be happy 580 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 2: just to own a copy and be proud of what 581 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 2: I've written, and hopefully if a stranger picks it up 582 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 2: one day in like a secondhand bookshop, for them to 583 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 2: be like, I wonder who this is and come back 584 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 2: and find these podcasts when I'm like eighty years old. 585 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,520 Speaker 2: So that's really like what's been on my mind. Guest 586 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 2: episodes as well. Gosh, if you guys have any suggestions, 587 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 2: I'm really really picky, Like I really want to have 588 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 2: people on who I share a philosophy with, the one 589 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 2: that I deeply believe in, and I think I'm getting 590 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 2: so many more opportunities to explore that. But I do 591 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 2: have like some dream guests on the agenda, someone like 592 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 2: Courtney Dollwater. If you don't know who that is, you 593 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 2: should really look her up. I've been obsessed with her, 594 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 2: like running career. She is like the best ultra marathona 595 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 2: in the world, male or female. This is like such 596 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 2: a weird fact that has nothing to do with psychology 597 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 2: or the twenties or even me. But did you know that, 598 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,320 Speaker 2: like ultra running is one of the only sports in 599 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 2: which women like consistently beat men because it is such 600 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 2: a mental game, and they like have all these theories 601 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 2: that like women have better psychological toughness or psychological strength 602 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,600 Speaker 2: so they're able to win. But I would love to 603 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,880 Speaker 2: have her on the show or one of the Matilda's. 604 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,640 Speaker 2: Like if you're a NAUSI you will know the absolute 605 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 2: pandemonium that was caused after the World Cup, and like 606 00:32:56,360 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 2: seeing women's sport being appreciated and followed and given funding 607 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,520 Speaker 2: and support by everyone was just like incredible. And I 608 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 2: want to be able to really explore, like maybe even 609 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,720 Speaker 2: the athletes mentality or like a winner's mentality, how to 610 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 2: cope with failure, not just for those of us who 611 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,400 Speaker 2: are athletes. You know, I am not an athlete, so 612 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 2: the majority of us who are not professional athletes, but 613 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 2: just like how we can bring that like philosophy and 614 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 2: some of that sports psychology into our lives. So those 615 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 2: have been some of the big things. But what I 616 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 2: do want to talk about after this short break is 617 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 2: also where I'm at, just in terms of my move 618 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 2: to Sydney. I moved to Sydney like around a year 619 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 2: and a half ago. I want to give an update 620 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 2: on that, and then I'm going to do like a 621 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,720 Speaker 2: rapid fire Q and a of some of the questions 622 00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,800 Speaker 2: you guys sent in, So stay tuned for that after 623 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 2: this short break. Okay, So something else that people ask 624 00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,560 Speaker 2: me about regularly is how my move to Sydney has 625 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 2: been going. So I went to canber for UNI and 626 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,040 Speaker 2: then you know what's ironic is that I'm talking about 627 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 2: moving to a new city realizing that I had that 628 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 2: exact same feeling like almost two years ago and I 629 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,880 Speaker 2: did it, and now like I'm in that new place 630 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 2: feeling like the need to move to another new place. 631 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:23,320 Speaker 2: But I moved to Sydney like a year and a 632 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 2: half ago, and I talked about on the podcast a lot, 633 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 2: like back at the start of my last life update, 634 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 2: how difficult it was. And if you're someone who has 635 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 2: moved far away from your community or your home or 636 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 2: your hometown, you will really, I think understand that there 637 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 2: is like a six month period when you first move 638 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,720 Speaker 2: somewhere new where it kind of just really sucks and 639 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,560 Speaker 2: you don't really have many friends, yet you don't really 640 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 2: have community yet, literally like the basic needs for like 641 00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 2: human fulfillment, and you're kind of just like grasping it. 642 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,440 Speaker 2: Strang I was for bringing like meaning into your life 643 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,759 Speaker 2: or even entertainment. And the last time I spoke about this, 644 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: I was kind of stuck, I think, in a place 645 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,239 Speaker 2: of feeling like I'd made the wrong decision, and then 646 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 2: I needed to move back to where I was previously living. 647 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 2: But I'm happy to report that since then, yes, it 648 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,640 Speaker 2: has been a while, but things have just like changed 649 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,279 Speaker 2: so much, and I want to come and come on 650 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,919 Speaker 2: here and just really say, like that six month theory 651 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,040 Speaker 2: of like you need six months to adjust to a 652 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 2: new place is absolutely correct, because I've now found that, 653 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 2: like I am feeling so at place. I have the 654 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 2: most incredible friendship group. I've met, the most incredible people. 655 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 2: I understand my neighborhood now. I'm even friends with my 656 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 2: neighbors Stu and Andy. If you guys are listening, you 657 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 2: guys are freaking legends. They literally let me they're like 658 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,920 Speaker 2: screwdrivers the other day, all of them, because I was 659 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,640 Speaker 2: like building a new bed frame and it's just like 660 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm kind of living like the dream 661 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 2: a little bit. Despite what I was saying about my 662 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 2: restless fever, like I do truly feel like I've kind 663 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 2: of come into my own in this new city and 664 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 2: I'm really in Like what I would say is my 665 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 2: hosting era. One of the things that I love doing 666 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 2: so much as and I really like have to thank 667 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 2: my mother for this, Thank you Mom, is like hosting 668 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,040 Speaker 2: people at my house. And when I first moved to Sydney, 669 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,440 Speaker 2: I like did not have the opportunity to do that 670 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,160 Speaker 2: because I didn't have any friends. I knew like four people, 671 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,520 Speaker 2: five people, and they are not always available on the 672 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:37,439 Speaker 2: same night, So like a dinner party with two people 673 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,160 Speaker 2: is kind of is a little bit sad, like you know, 674 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,600 Speaker 2: the wine can be flowing, and it's still It's not 675 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 2: the thing that I was envisioning. But something I've been 676 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:52,319 Speaker 2: doing so much recently is like hosting little barbecues, all 677 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,719 Speaker 2: little dinner parties, playing board games. I've really entered like 678 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,200 Speaker 2: my soft hosting era. Where I spoke about this on 679 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 2: the Making the Out of My Twenties episode, which was 680 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:05,440 Speaker 2: like a couple weeks back. You really need to be 681 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,440 Speaker 2: the one who makes the community that other people are 682 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,480 Speaker 2: going to be grateful for you. If you want that 683 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 2: friendship group, if you want those connections, you have to 684 00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:16,440 Speaker 2: go out and get them. You have to be the 685 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,399 Speaker 2: one who creates those memories for other people and kind 686 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,000 Speaker 2: of set a bit of an inspiration. And so that's 687 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,719 Speaker 2: been something I've been really prioritizing as of late, alongside 688 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,360 Speaker 2: all of my new work things as well. We have 689 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 2: a studio space. If you've seen the video content on Instagram, 690 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,520 Speaker 2: you will know it is stunnying. It is beautiful. And 691 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,960 Speaker 2: also I just recently decided with the with like a 692 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,239 Speaker 2: bunch of other creators, these two girls who run Two 693 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,520 Speaker 2: Broke Chicks, they were on for an episode. We've been 694 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,360 Speaker 2: friends for some time and a bunch of other creators, 695 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,640 Speaker 2: that we were going to rent like a little office 696 00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 2: space because something about freelancing and working from home is 697 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,239 Speaker 2: that it is exhausting and incredibly lonely to have no 698 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,319 Speaker 2: one to talk to throughout the day until all your 699 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 2: nine to five friends get off work. And so we 700 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 2: rented this like adorable studio space. We go in two 701 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 2: times a week, and that is like the perfect amount 702 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 2: to still feel connected to like a larger community of 703 00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 2: people doing the same things as you and then also 704 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,160 Speaker 2: have that like flexibility and time to do the things 705 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,520 Speaker 2: that you need to do outside of like the workplace. 706 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 2: It has really honestly changed, like changed my life at 707 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 2: the moment. It's been such a contributing factor to I 708 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,760 Speaker 2: would say, my enjoyment and my happiness in this period 709 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,960 Speaker 2: of my life. Obviously other things as well, but having 710 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,120 Speaker 2: like a space to go and like having people to 711 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,160 Speaker 2: chat to. One of the biggest parts about my transition 712 00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 2: from full time work was losing out on some of 713 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 2: those like very convenient friendships, and I feel like that 714 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 2: has kind of restored things for me. So all in all, 715 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm doing super well and just in 716 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:59,360 Speaker 2: like a really happy space, a productive space, a lovely 717 00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,400 Speaker 2: love space. I want to do like a quick, rapid 718 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,440 Speaker 2: fire Q and A. I asked if you guys had 719 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,440 Speaker 2: any questions, and I was kind of debating whether to 720 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 2: like include this, but I feel like the questions are 721 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 2: really good and maybe informative if you're feeling the same way. Alrighty, 722 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,960 Speaker 2: so question time, here we go. The first one is 723 00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,759 Speaker 2: how am I I feel like I've answered that I 724 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:25,440 Speaker 2: am feeling very happy, very content, very safe, But then 725 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,160 Speaker 2: also a little bit uninspired at the moment, looking for 726 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:32,200 Speaker 2: like some new challenges all in a day's work. I 727 00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,080 Speaker 2: think you can go on this bit of emotional rollercoaster 728 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,680 Speaker 2: where like one time, like at some time you're feeling 729 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,640 Speaker 2: amazing and then you're feeling a little bit crappy and 730 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 2: you're feeling a little bit down. So just kind of 731 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,439 Speaker 2: rolling with the punchers at the moment. Okay, this next 732 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,880 Speaker 2: question was really cute. What has been your favorite memory 733 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,960 Speaker 2: from the past few months? So because I am a massive, 734 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,680 Speaker 2: i think kind of silent fan of women's sport, I 735 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:57,040 Speaker 2: have to include this here. I went to the Matilda's 736 00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,200 Speaker 2: semi final. For those of you who've been followed wing 737 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,239 Speaker 2: along with the FIFA World Cup, it is finished now, 738 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,120 Speaker 2: Spain did win. Rest in Peace. The Matilda's the Australian team. 739 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,000 Speaker 2: But I went to that game and it was insane. 740 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,440 Speaker 2: It was like the most attended female sporting game in 741 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,279 Speaker 2: Australian history. It was everyone was like an like it 742 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,799 Speaker 2: was an AUSSI fan. It was so infectious, so contagious. 743 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:26,360 Speaker 2: Then we lost, oops, but and I got stuck on 744 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,799 Speaker 2: the train on the way home. But you know what, 745 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,080 Speaker 2: all and all, it was a really beautiful memory. I 746 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 2: also went to Jerrengong recently, which is like a tiny 747 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:37,400 Speaker 2: country town in Australia like on the New South Wales coast. 748 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,879 Speaker 2: Would totally recommend it. Like, summer is coming in Australia. 749 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:47,359 Speaker 2: You guys, you like us European like North. I don't know. 750 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,879 Speaker 2: North American galies have had your summer time. It's our time. 751 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,200 Speaker 2: Now it's time for an Australian summer, the best kind 752 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:57,120 Speaker 2: of summer, and I can like really feel it coming in. 753 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,880 Speaker 2: So having those like small joyous movements where I've been 754 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:04,080 Speaker 2: in enjoying the outsoors and enjoying the beach have been beautiful. Okay, 755 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:08,960 Speaker 2: the next question, biggest life lesson from this year? I, oh, 756 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,120 Speaker 2: my goodness, I need to think about that. I would 757 00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,360 Speaker 2: say I have two here, and they kind of relate. 758 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,279 Speaker 2: But the first one is to say yes to everything. 759 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,719 Speaker 2: So much about my life has changed this year because 760 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,960 Speaker 2: I've been willing to put myself out of my comfort zone, 761 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:27,400 Speaker 2: even when sometimes it doesn't work out, but the majority 762 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,759 Speaker 2: of times I think that some force has rewarded me 763 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 2: for my courage. So saying yes to everything. And my 764 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,680 Speaker 2: second lesson is that you cannot try and plan too 765 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 2: much for the future, and you cannot kind of plan 766 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 2: the most beautiful things that life has in store for you. 767 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,160 Speaker 2: And I think that relates to why you should say 768 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,320 Speaker 2: yes more because it really opens you up to those experiences. 769 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,760 Speaker 2: And you know, like a big thing we've spoken about 770 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,160 Speaker 2: is my new relationship. Obviously that was a surprise that 771 00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 2: came from me saying yes, and there was so many 772 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,799 Speaker 2: like invisible of such an invisible string that's been like 773 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,960 Speaker 2: tied between meeting this person and then also all these 774 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,600 Speaker 2: things in my past. But I really do think that 775 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,600 Speaker 2: that's a part of my new philosophy. And also, you know, 776 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,520 Speaker 2: we're more than halfway through the year. I hope it's 777 00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,920 Speaker 2: one that I carry through into twenty twenty four. Okay, 778 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,239 Speaker 2: next question, what is my attachment style and how have 779 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:24,280 Speaker 2: I become more secure? So really relates to the first half. 780 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,880 Speaker 2: I think that sometimes we get confused with attachment style 781 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,239 Speaker 2: by thinking that it's like something that we can decide 782 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:36,120 Speaker 2: and thinking that it's something that is very i don't know, 783 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,600 Speaker 2: like negligible and movable or flexible. I would say that 784 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,960 Speaker 2: I've always been a securely attached person. Given my understanding 785 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,040 Speaker 2: that attachment style really does come from like parental influences, 786 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:51,600 Speaker 2: and my parents were an amazing are an amazing set 787 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 2: of people who have really guided me to find good love. 788 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:58,680 Speaker 2: But then also there is the acknowledgment that events in 789 00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:03,520 Speaker 2: our early teen and also in our early adulthood, certain relationships, 790 00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:08,279 Speaker 2: certain betrayals, certain instances of abandonment can really shape us 791 00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,239 Speaker 2: into becoming people who are perhaps more anxiously attached. So 792 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 2: I would say that the past two years have been 793 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,360 Speaker 2: one that has been defined by a lot of anxiously 794 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:23,160 Speaker 2: attached symptoms or signs. When the second part of this 795 00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,279 Speaker 2: question is like, how do you become more secure? And 796 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,080 Speaker 2: I think I can speak to that more and it's 797 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:33,320 Speaker 2: around I would say, making deliberate decisions around who gets 798 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 2: to love you in the sense that if you want 799 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,839 Speaker 2: to cure your or cure if you want to hear 800 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:47,560 Speaker 2: your anxious or ambivalent or dismissive attachment style. I think 801 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,040 Speaker 2: that it is hard to do without having practice and 802 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,680 Speaker 2: without having people challenge you. So sometimes when we are 803 00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:59,040 Speaker 2: anxiously attached, or people who become anxiously attached, that can 804 00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,640 Speaker 2: lead or even some who's avoid it, that can lead 805 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,279 Speaker 2: to a lot of anxiety and sometimes a lot of 806 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:09,040 Speaker 2: avoidance or emotional insecurity around entering into new relationships, if 807 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,200 Speaker 2: you find someone who is going to meet you in 808 00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,240 Speaker 2: the middle and who you can tell will really attempt 809 00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 2: to understand you and understand where perhaps some of these 810 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:23,480 Speaker 2: responses or triggers or reactions are coming from. I do 811 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,160 Speaker 2: truly believe that it's one of the most healing things 812 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,440 Speaker 2: we can experience when it comes to our attachment style. 813 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:34,680 Speaker 2: But also it also requires action and agency from you 814 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,240 Speaker 2: as well. You really need to kind of at times 815 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,560 Speaker 2: over communicate your needs, and you need to ask for 816 00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:44,480 Speaker 2: reassurance when you're in a situation that may be challenging 817 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,520 Speaker 2: for you, and have the courage to be vulnerable, because 818 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,319 Speaker 2: I think that if you're with the right person and 819 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,719 Speaker 2: you communicate to them perhaps why you're feeling a certain way, 820 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,640 Speaker 2: why you're behaving a certain way, if they are a 821 00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,399 Speaker 2: good person, if they're meant to be in your life, 822 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:03,239 Speaker 2: they will under stand and reciprocate that back. So there 823 00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,719 Speaker 2: is my advice on that. Do I receive criticisms and 824 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,400 Speaker 2: how do I deal with these? Yes, one hundred percent 825 00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,480 Speaker 2: all the time. Actually, oh not all the time. Sometimes, Actually, 826 00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,319 Speaker 2: if you look at my reviews in China. This is 827 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,719 Speaker 2: so random. But there's like this one person who has 828 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,600 Speaker 2: been like spamming the podcast with negative reviews because they 829 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,840 Speaker 2: for some reason cannot listen to certain episodes. And I 830 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,719 Speaker 2: think it's just like a them problem. And when I 831 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,000 Speaker 2: first saw that, I was like, oh my god, they 832 00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,400 Speaker 2: hate me. How do I fix this for them? I 833 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,839 Speaker 2: tried to get in contact with them, and then I 834 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,880 Speaker 2: was like, Tama, you cannot control internet access in China 835 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,960 Speaker 2: just to make someone like you more. So I think 836 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,799 Speaker 2: that that kind of answers how do I respond or 837 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,799 Speaker 2: deal with these? You know? I think sometimes people are 838 00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,839 Speaker 2: always people always like to have opinions about things. That's 839 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:57,000 Speaker 2: a beautiful part about being human. I've noticed and realized 840 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,839 Speaker 2: that some people are not always nice about that. They 841 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,040 Speaker 2: find things that they don't like about anything. But I 842 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 2: think it comes to like recognizing that that comes from 843 00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,320 Speaker 2: a place of insecurity from them or because of a 844 00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:13,560 Speaker 2: deep opinion, neither of which you can change. So as 845 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,000 Speaker 2: long as you have people around you whose opinions you 846 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,120 Speaker 2: do trust and who you know, we'll say, perhaps you've 847 00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 2: said the wrong thing, or if something you've done is 848 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,719 Speaker 2: maybe not up to scratch. That is really important, and 849 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,000 Speaker 2: you just realizing everything's temporary. Like I've gotten some pretty 850 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,759 Speaker 2: main messages that have like hurt me for a few 851 00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,799 Speaker 2: days and then if you ask me what they were now, 852 00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,080 Speaker 2: I probably couldn't tell you. So it all comes to pass. 853 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,439 Speaker 2: It's just part of the territory, all right. Last question, 854 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,680 Speaker 2: because this episode has gone on for a way longer 855 00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,560 Speaker 2: than I wanted it too. It's like thirty minutes now. 856 00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:51,640 Speaker 2: So this one was a really beautiful one, and I 857 00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,120 Speaker 2: want to finish here. You are a point in your 858 00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:58,520 Speaker 2: growth where you one hundred percent love yourself. When I 859 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,400 Speaker 2: read this question, it actually made me do a double 860 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 2: take because I my initial answer was like yes, like yes, 861 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,680 Speaker 2: of course, and then I really thought about it, and 862 00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,120 Speaker 2: I think that we can never be at a point 863 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,600 Speaker 2: where we are one hundred percent love ourselves. And maybe 864 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,400 Speaker 2: that's a little bit controversial, but I think that it's 865 00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:19,600 Speaker 2: important to always have things that you're working towards, and 866 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,400 Speaker 2: you can always love yourself more. So I think in 867 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,439 Speaker 2: terms of am I at a point where I've loved 868 00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:27,360 Speaker 2: myself more than I ever have before? The answer to 869 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:31,400 Speaker 2: that is yes. I've really come to two things I 870 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,080 Speaker 2: want to say about this because I was talking to 871 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:38,160 Speaker 2: my boyfriend about it around what I was like during 872 00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,040 Speaker 2: my late teens early twenties, and we were looking back 873 00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,200 Speaker 2: through like photos and all text messages I had with 874 00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,400 Speaker 2: some of my best friends, and my life was so 875 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:51,360 Speaker 2: fucking chaotic, Like it was so chaotic. There was always 876 00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,799 Speaker 2: some kind of drama going on or something that was 877 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:59,120 Speaker 2: wrong or some problem. And I realized that, like, I've 878 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,479 Speaker 2: really achieved a life level of peace and I could 879 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,560 Speaker 2: never go back to that really frenzied time. So I 880 00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:09,280 Speaker 2: would say that has greatly contributed to my self love. Also, 881 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:13,000 Speaker 2: I've just been really on this like radical self compassion journey. 882 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:14,960 Speaker 2: If you're a frequent listener, you will know where that 883 00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,480 Speaker 2: term comes from. But yeah, I've really been on this 884 00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:21,200 Speaker 2: journey around accepting the things I cannot change and loving 885 00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:24,400 Speaker 2: myself for them. Anyways, So I like this question. I 886 00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,440 Speaker 2: think it's one that we should all ask ourselves. We 887 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:28,759 Speaker 2: at a point where we one hundred percent love ourselves? 888 00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:33,160 Speaker 2: And could we love ourselves more? And I think the 889 00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,400 Speaker 2: answer to both of those is no, and yes, I 890 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:39,520 Speaker 2: definitely think I could love myself more. Maybe I'll never 891 00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,399 Speaker 2: be at one hundred percent, but I'll be honest, I'm 892 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,319 Speaker 2: doing pretty well right now, so I appreciate all of 893 00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,520 Speaker 2: your questions. I appreciate that if you've gotten this far 894 00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 2: that you're still listening. Thank you so much for caring 895 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:56,080 Speaker 2: about my little life. It's actually really special, so I 896 00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,600 Speaker 2: really appreciate your time and your attention. If you have 897 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,960 Speaker 2: anisode suggestion, as always, please feel free to drop me 898 00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,839 Speaker 2: a link at that psychology podcast. I read them all 899 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,200 Speaker 2: and I really do take a lot of inspiration from 900 00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:13,080 Speaker 2: your ideas. As always, if you also enjoyed this episode, 901 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,120 Speaker 2: please feel free to leave a five star review on 902 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:20,080 Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, Spotify. Whatever you're listening right now, there's an 903 00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,480 Speaker 2: episode you've loved recently, share it with a friend you 904 00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:26,839 Speaker 2: never know who it will help out. And sincerely, genuinely, 905 00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:30,640 Speaker 2: deeply thank you so much for all of your support recently, 906 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,440 Speaker 2: the show is just become this like whole new beast, 907 00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,880 Speaker 2: this whole new baby, this whole new project, and I 908 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:40,920 Speaker 2: just feel so grateful that people connect so much with 909 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,359 Speaker 2: this content, and it is just like I think a 910 00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:47,600 Speaker 2: point recently where I've really been a point that I've 911 00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,839 Speaker 2: really been reflecting on recently of how lucky I am 912 00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,040 Speaker 2: and how far this community has come. So there is 913 00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:55,759 Speaker 2: not a day that goes by that I don't think 914 00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,080 Speaker 2: my lucky stars. So I appreciate you listening. I appreciate 915 00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:02,960 Speaker 2: you sharing and you following, and as always, I say, 916 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,920 Speaker 2: as always, all the time, it's fine, We're amongst friends. 917 00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:11,520 Speaker 2: As always, we will be back on Friday with another episode, 918 00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,920 Speaker 2: So thank you for listening and I will see you 919 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:15,200 Speaker 2: then