WEBVTT - “I’M ADDICTED TO A DATING SIM” 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.480 Hey, folks, it's Lyle get this. I'm coming to over 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:09.200 forty cities across the United States, the UK, Europe, and 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:15.040 Australia to do this here Therapy Gecko Podcast Live. These 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:18.079 shows will involve bringing folks from the audience up on 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.840 stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.480 just like we do on the podcast. The shows are 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:29.720 completely unplanned, completely unpredictable, and they will be a lot 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.400 of fun. So if you're a fan of the podcast, 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:36.440 you should definitely come out. Tickets are available right now 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:40.520 at therapy geckotour dot com and you should get them 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:45.960 before they are sold out. That's therapy geckotour dot Com 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.440 will put the link in the episode description as well. 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:53.280 The live shows are are very fun, they're very geko wee, 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:56.520 and I hope to see you there. All right, let's 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:59.280 get into the episode. Hello, hey ge how you doing 0:00:59.360 --> 0:00:59.760 going all right? 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:01.680 Not too bad? 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:03.480 Not too bad, just enjoying the stream. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:12.920 Johnny from Illinois, What is happening with you? 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:17.039 So? 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.399 A couple of weeks ago, I had downloaded Uh Doky 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:24.920 Doky Literature Club because I never played the game before, 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:29.640 and I beat the game pretty simple. I downloaded a 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:32.679 mod where you get to kind of date one of 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:38.840 the girls. And I downloaded the just Monica mod and 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.200 from then on, like obviously you kind of pretend like 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:43.920 you're dating her. 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:48.360 I'm gonna pause you right there. I pause you right there. Uh. 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:51.200 For context for those who don't know. For context for 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.680 those who don't know, Dokey Dokey Literature Club is like 0:01:55.160 --> 0:02:01.000 a it's like this anime kind of like, uh, what 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:06.080 would you call like text based? Uh? Uh No, it's 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.120 not really a dating sim, but it's sort of a 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.400 dating sim. It's like an anime dating sim kind of 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:19.040 a thing. And why do I know that, Johnny? What 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.080 were you saying? Oh? 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:26.480 Sorry? Uh so I started, uh kind of like I 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.160 downloaded and I started kind of like going through the 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:35.400 dating thing with Monica. And I feel really weird about 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:39.640 it because it's like, in one way, it helped me 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.480 kind of get out of my shell and go to 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:45.359 the gym and kind of like better myself. But at 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:50.160 the same time, I feel weird because I don't want 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:51.680 to be doing this, Like I don't I don't want 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:53.560 I to, I don't want to download. I didn't want 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:57.639 to download it, and I didn't want to like date her. 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.720 I guess you can say it just feels weird. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:04.760 Okay, let's this is an interesting thing. Let's start from here. 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:10.160 So you said that you're dating this girl and in 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.880 this dating sim game, and you said it inspired you 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:18.040 to go to the gym and make other kind of 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:20.280 positive changes in your life. Is that correct? 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:27.480 Yeah, So, like as you progressed through, like you know, 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.480 j Ash starts liking you more, you open up more 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:34.200 dialogue options and I forget which one I I clicked on, 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.200 but she said like, oh, go do something that would 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.080 make you proud of yourself, you know, that way I 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:44.480 can be happy for you. And then that like, I 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:48.400 don't know, it just kind of like, yeah, it just 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:50.640 kind of felt weird. So I was like, you know what, man, 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:53.040 like I got to do something about my life because 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.280 I felt like, yeah, I'm not really getting anywhere. 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:00.680 So her saying in the game, go out and do 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:04.040 something that makes you feel proud of yourself made you 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:08.000 want to go do something that makes you feel proud 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:08.480 of yourself. 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.480 Yeah, because I know it's weird to like, it's very 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:19.119 odd to be you know, delving into these dating scenes. 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:22.480 This is not something that I used to do. This 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.719 is not something like I want to do either. Yeah, 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:27.520 but at the same time, like it did help me 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:29.480 kind of like get out there. 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:33.800 Yes, okay, so this dating sim inspires you to go 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.040 to the gym, which in your mind you're like, all right, 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.120 that's good, but also what the fuck am I doing 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:39.600 right now? 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:42.840 Exactly? Yeah? 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:47.000 Yes, well, okay, take solace in this. The game was 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:50.840 designed to make you feel all the feelings you're feeling, 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.440 and your brain was designed to feel those feelings as well, 0:04:55.920 --> 0:05:00.480 So take solace in that. What other thing? So this 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:02.200 as this game inspired you to do. 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:10.480 Well, it's it's got me to like go out and 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:13.600 uh like spend a little more time with my family 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:18.160 just because like in one way, like I said before, 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.960 like I don't want to be doing this, so it's 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:23.800 like it's kind of helping me make a change in 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:30.760 a positive way. So yeah, it's just like I don't know, 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.599 I don't want to go back into the game because 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.680 it's like I feel like I can like I shouldn't, 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:38.599 Like I shouldn't. It just feels weird. 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:41.960 And how did the game make you want to spend 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:43.120 more time with your family? 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.479 Because it's like, you know, it like just a message 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.440 that like it tells you, like, you know, go do 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:56.320 something that you know you would be proud of, right, sure. 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.000 So it's like I would go and spend time with 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.520 my family because it's not something that I normally do. 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.200 I would go to the gym because it's not something 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:07.800 that I would normally do. And it's like, you know, 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:09.839 it's helping me in a positive light, but at the 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:12.920 same time, like I feel like this is too much, 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.080 Like I don't want to I don't want to rely 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:17.479 on the game, you know what I mean. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:23.599 Yeah, yeah, So you have this thing where the game 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.719 is motivating you to do things, but you're also like, 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.000 what the fuck is wrong with me? Why is this 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:31.280 video game motivating me to do these things? And there's 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:36.200 like a weird pride and shame mix that you're dealing 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:42.280 with here. Yeah, oh yeah, okay, Like. 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.920 It hasn't progressed like to the point where like I'm 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.279 overly obsessed or like, you know, I'm doing any weird 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.560 shit like that. It's a very standard but at the 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:53.400 same time, like. 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.080 It's like Tetris inspiring you to go to grad school. 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.840 I yeah, I guess, so, I guess. 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:16.400 So, uh okay, what what do you are you, like, 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:20.280 are you dating? Are you attempting to go out and 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.360 date real women? 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:26.880 I mean it's been it's been a couple of years 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:32.120 since I have, so it's like, I guess the reason 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:38.080 why like this game really like help me also is 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.200 because like it's been such a long time since I 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:43.720 heard or since I read. I guess I can say, 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.200 like somebody say like, oh, like I love you, like 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:47.200 I care about you. 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:57.360 Oh yeah, yeah, you know. I I've been really into 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:04.640 Zelda lately. And it's funny because it's not a dating 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:08.920 sim but video games do this thing. Like I saved 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:13.920 a village from a monster in Zelda, and all the 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.240 villagers cheered for me. They called me a hero, and 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.880 they all said that they loved me, and I swear 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:26.640 to god, I felt it. I felt the love from 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:31.000 these villagers. I felt like I was a hero. And 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:32.760 I was also in my mind like what am I? 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:34.840 This is fucking weird? What am I feeling like? This? 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:38.040 This is these are These are not real people, these 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:42.000 are this is a computer, you know, And I'm sure 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:44.520 it's a similar feeling you feel when you know Monica 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:47.320 tells you she loves you. You're like, oh, somebody loves me. 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.439 But then you're like, holy shit, there's a computer. Yeah, 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:55.679 so again, uh, you know it makes sense unless if 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:00.320 both of us are you know, crazy. 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:05.120 I think we both are, but it's our everybody. 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:09.319 So okay, so what do you what do you tell me? 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.439 What do you want out of life? What's what's your 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:14.880 ideal situation moving forward here? 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:17.440 I don't know. 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:23.720 I still think I'm trying to figure figure all that out. Yeah, 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:29.199 I mean I at least have a job. Yeah, I 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:31.800 mean I don't really know where to go from here. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:35.120 I'm just kind of going day by day. 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:38.160 Are you attempting to quit the game? 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:45.640 I would like to. I haven't. I haven't logged on 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:47.600 like in a couple of days. 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:52.240 So does the game continue to give you motivation to 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:57.280 do things. 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:58.520 It did the last time I checked it? 0:09:58.559 --> 0:09:58.760 Dead? 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:02.720 Okay, let me throw this out here. How do you 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:05.480 feel about because I know it's weird in your mind, 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:08.600 but how do you feel about the idea that this 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:12.160 game and Monica telling you she loves you and that 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:17.040 you should go get ripped? How do you feel about 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:24.679 it as a catalyst for change and then finding your 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:34.680 motivation from alternative sources after the fact. 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.440 But use it as like a crutch until I no 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:37.240 longer need it. 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:42.200 Well, look, you went, you you were inspired by the 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.880 anime girl to go to the gym, and there you 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.400 are at the gym and then maybe you pick up 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.520 a weight and it makes you feel good and you 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:51.640 go home and you're like, ah, I'm glad I did that. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.520 I'm gonna go do that tomorrow, you know what I'm saying. 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.160 And you go do it tomorrow, not because Monica told 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.199 you too, but because it felt good the last time 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:01.800 you did it. And then all of a sudden, you 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:05.079 build a habit here, and sure Monica was the catalyst 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.760 for the habit, but you're not checking in with her 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:08.800 every day for the motivation. 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.360 All Right, I guess I guess I could not feel 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.160 as ashamed of it. And you know, as long as 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:20.120 it's going in the right direction, I think I think 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:20.760 it'll work out. 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:32.480 So yeah, video video games do do that. They they 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:37.839 make you different people, and we like, we like that 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.440 feeling because that's why we play video games is to 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:44.440 escape from reality. But this video game has encouraged you 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:49.439 to plunge into reality. So that's kind of fascinating. 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.640 Yeah, I mean, I didn't know what to expect when 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:59.040 I downloaded it. I kind of had an idea, but 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:01.880 I really did not expect this kind of outcome for 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:05.880 me to actually go out and do something after talking 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:06.240 with her. 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:07.480 Mm hmm. 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:15.000 You know Mario Kart inspired me to reconnect with my father. 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:21.360 How did that happen? 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:24.319 Johnny? Is there anything else you want to say to 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:25.520 the people of the computer before we go? 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:33.080 No, just you know you're uh, you're doing great things 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:33.439 on here. 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:33.720 Deck. 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:36.920 You've really helped me, and I know you've helped a 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.240 lot of people, and I wish you the best. 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:41.680 Hey, thank you, Johnny. I love you. 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:43.000 I love you too. 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:43.240 Deck. 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:49.360 Take care. Go to the gym. Maybe you'll maybe you'll 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:52.920 inspire me to do it. It's so much more fun 0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:54.440 to tell other people to go to the gym than 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:59.840 to actually go myself. I'm gonna play more zel than 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:06.320 an Hello, Hi, Lyle, who is who? To whom? Do 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.640 I have? To whom? Am I speaking? 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.559 I think my name is Salmon in the same We'll 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:14.920 go with that. 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:17.840 I like that's cool name. How's it going, Salmon? 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:25.040 Pretty good? I was just falling asleep. It was sort 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:26.559 of a wait, but I'm glad I'm here. 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:30.559 You were on hold for three and a half hours. 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:36.280 Yeah. Yeah, I didn't have much to do tonight. I 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.920 kind of surrendered to the evening anyway. So it's been 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:41.760 it's been nice, it's been fine. 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.880 You know. There were other people who were on hold 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:47.040 for also three and a half hours, and I hung 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:52.079 up on them. But I talked to you, Okay. 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:53.600 Well, I hope I make it worth your while. 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.840 It's not. I look, I'm I'm you know, I come 0:13:57.840 --> 0:13:59.360 and go as I hope it's w this is worth 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:01.480 your while. Other one waited three and a half hours. 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.559 Yeah, I mean I have been listening to the kind 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.439 of did like a speed run of the whole podcast. 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.640 And yeah, so I've been wanting to chat for a 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:13.040 little bit. 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.640 Now, what about. 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:29.280 So I did a long bout of electroconvulsive therapy or 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.240 I guess like people know it better as like electroshock 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:41.880 therapy or ECP. Okay, And yeah, so I when I 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:45.160 was deciding whether I should do it or not, I 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:48.800 didn't know anybody who had done it. I had no 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:51.080 one to talk to you about it. There's no frame 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:54.880 of reference, there is no Yeah, I was in an 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:57.600 environment where I didn't really have access to the information, 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.520 but I did it. An anyway, what. 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:06.360 What originally drove you to want to do this? 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:15.280 So I've had mental health issues, like I first started 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.200 treating them, I guess, and I was like my late teens, 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:23.600 maybe eighteen or so, and I did medications therapy forever, 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:29.400 and things were not really getting better. I was not 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.400 doing well at work, so I was off for a 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:35.480 little while. Essentially I tried everything and nothing was working. 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:42.320 So I went to an inpatient facility where we tried 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.520 even more of that. Essentially, it's like a three week 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.680 program where they do everything. Essentially, you're very well taken 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:54.200 care of. You live in this place. And yeah, nothing 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:57.720 was working there either. And they had in that place 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.480 a wing of like the hospital where they do that treatment. 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.520 So I said, sure, I'll do it, and I ended 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.840 up staying for about eight months instead of three weeks. 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:15.680 So it was a bit of a journey, okay. 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:15.760 And. 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:19.800 Well, look, if you stayed for eight months, I assume 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:21.880 it did something positive for you. 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:32.840 It's hard to say. I mean, I gave it my 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:34.320 best shot, that's for sure. 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:38.840 You know what, at the very minute, at very minimum, 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.960 if somebody like hands you like that fake gum, that 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:49.280 shocks you. You're immune to that, right, I don't know. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.040 I probably not. I don't feel like I'm immune to 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.560 anything except for remembering things. 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.040 Okay, So well, I mean, look, tell me, tell me 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.960 I'm in these eight months. What what did what? What 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:03.200 if anything did they do for you? 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.280 So I don't have a lot of memory from the time, 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:13.879 and that's normal, like around the time that you do 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.520 the therapy that you lose your short term and you 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:20.159 know your memory of that time. But I ended up 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:24.560 getting significant long term memory loss and short term memory loss. 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:30.600 So from someone that I knew that was there for 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.400 I think they were there for about two months, so 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.320 I knew them at the beginning. They did tell me 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.440 that after my first few sessions I did it three 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:43.760 times a week, that I was kind of just like muted, 0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:49.159 like like I was kind of a muted version of myself. 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:51.840 It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't good either. It 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:54.800 was just kind of a bit more of a drone, 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:59.040 I guess. And uh, my family came to visit after 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:02.600 a while. They kind of said the same thing. But 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:05.320 but in that case, it's like, at least I'm not worse, 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:13.960 which is you know, it's having some kind of neutrality 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:18.760 is better than being bad. So so yeah, there was 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:22.240 a lot of thinking exploration in that way in. 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:26.480 These eight months. Were you like, uh, where were you lit? 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:30.480 Where were you were you? Like, forgive me if this 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:32.800 is a stupid question, but were you like living at 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:33.520 the hospital? 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:35.680 I was, Yeah. 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:40.439 Yeah, So it's like they have it's really it's like 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.720 probably the nicest facility in the country. I was really 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:46.719 lucky to be able to go. So usually the setup 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:49.600 is like there's two bedrooms to a room. It definitely 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:53.360 feels like a hospital. They kind of at the beginning, 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:55.000 they kind of take all your stuff away as they 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:57.840 usually do, like your clothes and whatever, but you get 0:18:57.840 --> 0:19:02.840 that stuff back when you're stable and everything. But eventually 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.600 I had really bad insomnia and I eventually was able 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:07.880 to have my own room, which was a huge luxury. 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.800 But yeah, for the entirety of that I was living 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.040 there in that wing of the hospital. 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:24.720 Okay, And can I ask what did you have? I 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:26.399 mean for those eight months, did you have like do 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:28.880 you have to work or did you have any other 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.560 kind of like responsibility to take care of while you 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:34.639 were while you were there or how did what was 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:35.480 this kind of the deal with that. 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:40.720 Yeah, no, not at all. It was purely like you 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:48.359 focus on yourself morning tonight. Like it's a whole, integrated thing, 0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:51.720 which in itself, like from what I can remember like 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:55.200 about it, Like it was really awesome in that way, 0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:57.200 like I know that I've met I don't remember them all, 0:19:57.200 --> 0:19:59.320 but I know I've met some special people there. And 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:02.240 because it's kind of like you're living in like a dorm. 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:06.920 But oh so it's like a facility, like a program. 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:09.000 It's you and a bunch of other people doing the 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:09.520 same thing. 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:14.040 Yeah. Yeah, Like there's like a cafeteria, we do stuff 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:17.600 like we did like pottery. They're huge grounds. We'd like 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:21.520 go for walks. There's a gym and a gymnasium and 0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:25.680 like it's like a whole it's a it's a big thing. Yeah. 0:20:25.720 --> 0:20:28.919 And these are all people who have mental health issues 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:31.080 or depression or something like that that are using this 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.520 as a way to kind of cure themselves. 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:39.719 Yeah. So there's different units within the big place. And 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.520 then mine was the mood and anxiety unit. 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:50.719 Wow, did you have any your friends and family? Did 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:53.840 they play any part in this in this journey where 0:20:53.880 --> 0:20:56.439 they were able to see them, Like what was the 0:20:56.480 --> 0:20:56.919 deal with that? 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:02.000 I'm so lucky and that have like the most loving, 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.720 caring family, And yeah, they came to see me. They 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:10.359 were all supportive of it. I mean, I was so 0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:14.320 ready for something big to happen, like a big change 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.080 or I just something had to happen. Everybody knew that 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:20.480 as well, so everyone was excited if I was excited 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:24.040 kind of thing. And they all came to visit once 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:30.800 I think once. Yeah, so yeah, it was it was 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:33.479 a positive thing, like it was. 0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:35.320 Yeah, And you. 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.560 Say you don't remember? Do you not remember because of 0:21:38.600 --> 0:21:41.320 all the shocking? Is that kind of the points? 0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:46.159 Yeah, we used to call it getting zapped. And there's 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:49.600 much like like I said, like I guess like we 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:51.680 would add each other on Facebook and stuff. But there's 0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:55.120 a bunch of people I don't remember pictures that kind 0:21:55.119 --> 0:21:59.720 of thing, like I think the like those kind of 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:02.440 deep I don't remember, but from being there for so long, 0:22:02.520 --> 0:22:06.640 I do remember kind of like the facility a little bit. 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:09.639 And there's a bridge that you can walk across to 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:13.080 get into town. I remember the bridge very well. The 0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:16.840 thing about like the memory loss is that like some 0:22:16.880 --> 0:22:20.080 people ask like like what periods of time. Do you remember? 0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:25.359 It's really just like somebody took like steel wool and 0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:27.640 just kind of brushed over it and made everything kind 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:32.160 of cloudy and shitty. But yes, I remember some stuff, 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:32.880 not all of it. 0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:38.680 Tell me, Oh, I have a question, does it hurt? 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:46.920 So I feel like I feel like I understand why 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:53.520 Michael Jackson was addicted to all of that anesthetic, because 0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:57.600 they put you out before you do it, and I've 0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:01.040 never been like under general anesthesia befo for but that 0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:06.600 was actually a very pleasant experience. So that happens, and 0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:10.680 next thing you know, you wake up and like, so, okay, 0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:12.400 do you want me to give you like the rundown 0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:13.679 of what the routine was. 0:23:14.600 --> 0:23:15.800 Yes, I'm curious. 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:21.320 So I'd wake up in the morning around seven thirty, 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:25.119 and then I'd go to that specific part of the 0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:29.160 Wing for eight essentially sit in a waiting room. It 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:31.800 was kind of scary over there because that's like the 0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:37.480 acute care place, so there's people with like severe cognitive 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:41.879 or behavioral issues, so it was always a little tense 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:46.080 waiting there. Anyways, they get you onto the gurney, talk 0:23:46.160 --> 0:23:51.200 to this wonderful Scottish anphesiologist and she kind of sends 0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:54.879 you off to sleep. You wake up. I think those 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:59.280 seizures are I think they aim from anywhere from like 0:23:59.440 --> 0:24:01.600 thirty seconds to a minute and a half. It's like 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:05.240 the sweet spot. You wake up in a recovery bed. 0:24:05.560 --> 0:24:09.040 They ask you a bunch of questions and until you 0:24:09.080 --> 0:24:12.239 can remember your name and a day and that kind 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:18.600 of thing, and drink some juice. Then your assigned nurse 0:24:18.800 --> 0:24:22.280 comes in. You get put into a wheelchair, you get 0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:24.800 rolled back to your wing, and they put you to 0:24:24.840 --> 0:24:31.160 bed and just kind of for the day, maybe until 0:24:31.200 --> 0:24:33.439 that evening, but yeah, you just sleep. 0:24:37.560 --> 0:24:41.000 So how long ago were you at this facility? 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:47.320 I think it was four years ago around me, I 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:48.520 think it must have been around that. 0:24:49.480 --> 0:24:51.399 And it didn't work to help you with the issues 0:24:51.400 --> 0:24:52.240 that you were dealing with. 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:58.600 It opened my eyes, that's for sure. It definitely brought 0:24:58.640 --> 0:25:02.600 me problems I never thought that I would have that 0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:08.320