1 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,880 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch 2 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat. 3 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: I am the host and if you're wondering what couch 4 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 1: Talks is, it is the special bonus episode of You 5 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: Need Therapy that comes out every single Wednesday, where I 6 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: answer questions that listeners just like you send in to 7 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 1: Katherine at You Need therapypodcast dot com. I always keep 8 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: them anonymous so you can feel safe sending in your question. 9 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 1: And with all of that, I'd like to add our 10 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: lovely disclaimer that although this is a podcast hosted by 11 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: a therapist called You Need Therapy, it does not serve 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: as a replacement or a substitute for any actual mental 13 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: health services. Now, before we get into our question today, 14 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: move one really great question. I wanted to give a 15 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: little plug for myself because I today started a Instagram 16 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: account for my practice, my therapy practice, Three Cords Therapy. 17 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: The account is at three Courts Therapy t h r 18 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 1: EE CO r DS Therapy. And you know, I've had 19 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: this practice for five years and I'm not sure why 20 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: I haven't done this yet. I thought today was the day. 21 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:21,320 Speaker 1: So if you guys would like to follow that I 22 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: would love that It's going to be a lot of 23 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: just mental health focused content and information separate from the 24 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: podcast and separate from my personal life, you know. And 25 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: if you don't know what Three Courts Therapy is and 26 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,960 Speaker 1: you're like, wait, what it is my therapy practice in 27 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: Nashville or myself and I have three other lovely therapists 28 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: that work with me there, and we can serve clients 29 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: all over Tennessee. We can't go outside of the state 30 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: due to licensing laws, but you can still follow our 31 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: account and enjoy all of the content we post there. 32 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: So at Three Chords Therapy, thank you now for our questions. 33 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: It's a great question, very timely after the episode we 34 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: did on Monday about religious and spiritual trauma. So let's 35 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: get into it, shall we. Hey, Kat, I love your 36 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 1: podcast and I have a long winded question for your 37 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: Couch Talks episode. I'm in therapy and have been for 38 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: two years. I just opened up about a situation that 39 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 1: occurred during my college years. I was in a program 40 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: where our weight determined our grade and success at the school, 41 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: and was made to think that our career would be 42 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: affected as well. When someone lost the weight that they 43 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: end quotes needed to they would get better grades and opportunities. 44 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: It's still hard for me to accept that the environment 45 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 1: there affected me and my mental health. Looking back, physically, 46 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 1: it did affect me, and mentally, I'm still in that mindset, 47 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: but there is still a part of me that believes 48 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,639 Speaker 1: that they were doing something that was for the best 49 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: and it wasn't trauma. How do you go about acknowledging 50 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: and accepting situations that could have been traumatic? What if 51 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: we are too stubborn and resistant to accept the truth? Okay, 52 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,799 Speaker 1: So when I read this question, my first thought was like, well, 53 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: my first feeling was anger, and my first thought was 54 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: what kind of program was this? I am so confused 55 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: how this is a thing and why this would be 56 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 1: a thing. I have a lot of questions on that. 57 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 1: But regardless, I don't know that it would really matter 58 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: because it just sounds I mean, I would say unhealthy 59 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: and toxic. So, like I said, this is a really 60 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: good question to come right after we did an episode 61 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: on spiritual and religious trauma. And what I want to 62 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: reiterate here is that trauma happens even when people have 63 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: good intentions. It's a confusing idea that that can be 64 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: a thing, because trauma for good reason is seen as 65 00:03:55,520 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: a very bad thing. Now, this idea that it can 66 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: happen when people have good intentions does not excuse the trauma. 67 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: It doesn't negate the trauma. It doesn't negate what happened 68 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: to you or give the thing or person that causes 69 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: trauma a free pass. That's not what that means as well. 70 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: But I think a lot of times we look at 71 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: stuff like that and we say, oh, well, they were 72 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: doing it for a good reason, or they didn't know 73 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: any better, or dad da dat. It still means that 74 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 1: that thing can be traumatic towards you. It doesn't mean 75 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: you have to hate the people involved, Sure you can, 76 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 1: but it doesn't mean that that necessarily is there. You 77 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 1: can have a lot of understanding and compassion for that 78 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: experience and also acknowledge that this is something that was 79 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: really really hard for me in my body to process 80 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: and understand and cope with. I also want to reiterate 81 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: that we get to decide if something is traumatic or 82 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: not to us. Two people can experience the same thing. 83 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: One can experience trauma and one might not, And also 84 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: we might need more time to acknowledge that, And so 85 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: I want to say that because you have agency here 86 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: to decide what this has meant to you and what 87 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: this continues to mean for you. So something that this 88 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 1: reminded me of is when I see I see this 89 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: a lot. When I see someone who has emotional or 90 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 1: psychological trauma from their caregivers, often we want at least 91 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: one of them to be be good. We want one 92 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: of them to remain like on the angel side of us, 93 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 1: And so we excuse behavior of another parent, or we 94 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 1: minimize the behavior, or we minimize the effects of the behavior. 95 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 1: And we do that because we again want something to 96 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: hold on to. We want to have that like good 97 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: cop in our brain. We want to have that good memory, 98 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: good experience. And what I want people to know and 99 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: what I hope to help people when they're in my 100 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: office to acknowledge is just because a parent's choices or 101 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: abilities create pain for you, it doesn't mean we have 102 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We can 103 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,839 Speaker 1: still love our parents, and we can still have happy 104 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: experiences from our child. We can still have things. These 105 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: two things age old therapy quote, two things that kind 106 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: of conflict each other can be true at the same time. 107 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 1: And so when I look at parents involved in these 108 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: kinds of situations. Often the parents are doing the best 109 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,280 Speaker 1: they can with what they know and what they have. 110 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 1: Now the reality is the best was just not good 111 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: enough for what their kids or what the people around 112 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 1: them needed, and that sucks. And I'm allowed to acknowledge 113 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: that without demonizing somebody or throwing my whole childhood away 114 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: or throwing away every safe person in my life. I 115 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: can acknowledge that something sucked. I can acknowledge that something 116 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 1: was not what I needed. I can acknowledge that I 117 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,359 Speaker 1: needed more of something and still hold other truths about 118 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 1: that experience that I had with those people. So now 119 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: this is very nuanced because everybody's situation is different. So 120 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to hear this thing. Well, I 121 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: have to still love my mom. No, some people don't. 122 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: Some people do hate people. I'm somebody who actually is 123 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: on the side of like, it's really okay to hate people. 124 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: We're human and sometimes that's a response to things that 125 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,679 Speaker 1: have happened to us and things we've experienced. And yeah, 126 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: there's a lot to that. I could keep going. I 127 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: want to get back to your question. This is something 128 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: that can really really be explored in a safe way 129 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: if we just ask questions and remain curious about the situation, 130 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: rather than judge ourselves or shame or guilt ourselves into 131 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 1: agreeing to feel a certain way. We cannot think our 132 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: way into agreeing to feel a certain way. Our feelings 133 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: come and we can either acknowledge them or not acknowledge them. 134 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 1: I want to give a little shout out to Ted 135 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: Lasso the dart scene. I'm rewatching it, and this is 136 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: the best scene of the whole series. But he talks 137 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: about that quote be curious, not judgmental, and this is 138 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: what I would offer you in the situation, and like, 139 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: remain curious in the space, remain curious about your experience 140 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: rather than judgmental, Rather than push yourself into one side 141 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: or the other, ask your self questions that are going 142 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: to lead you where you need to go. If you 143 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: feel very protective over the experience you had, you probably 144 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: have a reason to. And maybe you don't need that 145 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: protection anymore. It's worth digging into why you may have 146 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: needed in the past before you go ahead and say no, 147 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: we have to change our minds about this, Like, allow 148 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: yourself to walk into that space gently. And I've talked 149 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,199 Speaker 1: about this metaphor before and on the podcast. I don't 150 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: know when the last time I shared it, but a 151 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,439 Speaker 1: lot of times I will talk about clients eating disorders 152 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: or addictions as things that possibly could have saved their lives, 153 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: and maybe they did in certain space. It's something that 154 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: I held on to to move me through something that 155 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: was really hard. The space where in now is telling 156 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: us we don't need this anymore, but we don't clock that, 157 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: we don't reckon that, we're not in that space. We 158 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: still need this protection. And so maybe a lot of 159 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: this is about opening up a space for you to 160 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: clock that idea, acknowledge the idea that you no longer 161 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,599 Speaker 1: need protection from the reality of this experience you had. 162 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: So some questions that just pop into my head that 163 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: might help you start this process, and since you're in therapy, 164 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: you can do this with your therapist. Or would be 165 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: what part of me needed to believe that this was 166 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: an okay thing, what part of me knew that it 167 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: wasn't okay, what part of me was really confused about it, 168 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,079 Speaker 1: and what part of me now wants to talk about it. 169 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: So again, just be curious and ask yourself questions about 170 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: the experience you had and about the experience that you're having. 171 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: And I would encourage anyone sitting through an experience like 172 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: this to just be gentle in asking the questions and 173 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: also tune into your body as you do this. Where 174 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: might you be storing that confusion or those stuffed feelings 175 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,559 Speaker 1: in the situation. What's coming up in your body as 176 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 1: you start to ask those questions, what part of you 177 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: perks up, what part of you shuts down? And the 178 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: other question that you asked was what happens if you 179 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,319 Speaker 1: just resist and you don't let yourself acknowledge your own truth. Well, 180 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: this is very timely because I was saying that I 181 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: started the three Quarts therapy Instagram today and I actually 182 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: posted this quote today, and it is we cannot heal 183 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: what we refuse to acknowledge. So you're asking what happens 184 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: if we're too stubborn to accept that this was hurtful, Well, 185 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: we're going to be carrying that around with us, regardless 186 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: of whether we acknowledge it or not, because we can't 187 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: heal something and make it go away and less we 188 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: acknowledge it, So because we have to contort this thing 189 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,719 Speaker 1: into something that we can't recognize as hurtful, we may 190 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: be hurting ourselves more, or we might be hurting others 191 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: in that process. For example, if I refuse this happened 192 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 1: to me, If I refuse to acknowledge that when I 193 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: got weighed in front of my entire class in middle school, 194 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,200 Speaker 1: in the gym class that we had, if I refuse 195 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,719 Speaker 1: to acknowledge that I felt a lot of shame and 196 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: anxiety about that experience, if I had to tell myself 197 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: that that was fine and it needed to happen, guess 198 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: what I'm going to do. I'm going to take on 199 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,319 Speaker 1: that belief system that I actually might not agree with, 200 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,960 Speaker 1: and I'm going to end up passing that belief system 201 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: onto somebody else, whether that's a family member, whether that's friends, 202 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 1: whether that's people I just interact with. My behavior and 203 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 1: how I interact in the world is going to come 204 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: out based on how I had to contort myself to 205 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: make that experience okay. Instead of being able to recognize 206 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: my anxiety and my shame as a human experience to 207 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: something that didn't feel safe, I'll create a story about 208 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: how I was dramatic, or I felt too much, or 209 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: maybe I felt shame because I needed to lose weight 210 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: and I should have been embarrassed and I wasn't healthy 211 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: when in reality I wasn't. You see where I'm going 212 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 1: with this. If I refuse to acknowledge something and I 213 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: shove it somewhere, I'm going to have to contort my 214 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: belief system somehow, some to be able to register that 215 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,679 Speaker 1: as an okay thing. And that's going to come out. 216 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:07,560 Speaker 1: And how I continue to talk to myself, it's going 217 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: to come out, and how I continue to talk to others, 218 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: and how I interact in the world. And I was 219 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: actually talking with Josie, another one of the Three Chords 220 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: therapy therapists, about some stuff in the therapy world, some 221 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 1: of our clients, and I was talking about how there 222 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: are consequences to every decision we make. Any change brings loss, 223 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: and oftentimes loss brings feelings, including grief, and that's really hard, 224 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: and we get to decide in those situations what consequences 225 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: we want. There are consequences in staying where we are, 226 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: and there are consequences in moving or shifting. There are 227 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,680 Speaker 1: consequences in acknowledging something. There are consequences and refusing to 228 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: acknowledge something, and what we have to ask ourselves is 229 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: do I want the challenge of moving through this and 230 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 1: what might come with it, maybe a lot of feelings, 231 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: maybe a lot of grief like feeling our feelings, Or 232 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: do I want the unconscious consequences that could actually be 233 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: more dangerous but I refuse to look at and maybe 234 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,199 Speaker 1: that sounds really nice. What I would want to share 235 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: with people is that just because you aren't looking at them, 236 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that they aren't there, and it doesn't 237 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: mean that other people don't see them and other people 238 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: aren't affected by them. So I say all of that 239 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: to give you again, we talked about this a lot 240 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: on Monday. More agency in your experience. One. Be very 241 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: gentle with yourself as you move through this, because it's new. 242 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: It's hard. Feelings are hard. Allowing truth about things that 243 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 1: we want to be good that maybe are not good, 244 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: that's really hard. I've been in that space a lot, 245 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: and acknowledging that means that if then I have to 246 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: make different decisions and I have to do different things, 247 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: and then I have to make these changes, and again 248 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: that's difficult. But you have the agency, and you are 249 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 1: in control of this situation, of the story you tell 250 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: yourself of the consequences you choose and the meaning that 251 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: you make. Your therapist isn't in control of that. I'm 252 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: not in control of that. You are because you're the 253 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: person that's going to know what you need better than 254 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: anybody else. And that might sometimes feel wrong because you're like, wait, 255 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 1: therapists are supposed to know. No, we can help you 256 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: figure it out, but there is no way that I 257 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: can know or any other person can know what you 258 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: need better than yourself because we are not in your 259 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: body and we are not in your brain. Now a 260 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: caveat with that is that when our brains are sick, 261 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: for a lack of a better term, sometimes we do 262 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: need the help and the guidance of somebody else to 263 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: help you heal that organ in your body. But when 264 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: it comes down to you and knowing in your gut 265 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: from a healthy space what you actually need, you're going 266 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: to be the one that can grab onto that truth 267 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 1: better than anybody else. So I hope this was helpful. 268 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: And if you have any more questions, you guys know 269 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: you can send them to Catherine at you Need Therapy 270 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: podcast dot com. And again you can follow me three 271 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: different places now at you Need Therapy podcas at three 272 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: Courts Therapy and at cat dot Defada. I hope you 273 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: guys are having the day you need to have and 274 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: I will be back with you on Monday for a 275 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: new episode of You Need Therapy. Bye.