Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio
Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Just a quick disclaimer,
Speaker 1: this episode was recorded pre pandemic. Hi everybody, and welcome
Speaker 1: back to Katie's Crib. I am so excited that I'm
Speaker 1: going to do a little bit of a drum roll,
Speaker 1: like a kind of thing for today's topic because Adam
Speaker 1: and I are obsessed with the concept of twins. You guys,
Speaker 1: I have so many questions about twins, how to raise them.
Speaker 1: How Like, I was like, we just have to do
Speaker 1: a whole entire episode about this because I just need
Speaker 1: to know. I have a lot of questions. And I
Speaker 1: have two very very close friends in my life, Graham
Speaker 1: Sibley and Maryland fo who are parents of twins. And
Speaker 1: it was getting uncomfortable how much we hang out together socially,
Speaker 1: and I have all these burning questions I want to
Speaker 1: ask them. So I was like, let's just get them
Speaker 1: on the podcast so I can get it done. So
Speaker 1: welcome Marlyn and Graham. Um let me tell you, guys
Speaker 1: quickly a little bit about them. Maryland is a brilliant screenwriter.
Speaker 1: She wrote and co produced The Sisterhood of Night in
Speaker 1: two fifteen, she won an award at the Screenplay of
Speaker 1: Tribeca Film Festival. Her recent feature screenplay, The Honor List,
Speaker 1: was released by lions Gate. Graham is basically the greatest
Speaker 1: actor I have ever known. That is true. And he
Speaker 1: is in I Am a theater company with me. We
Speaker 1: go back a hundred million years. His resume is incredible.
Speaker 1: You can I AMDBM if you care. He's literally the
Speaker 1: actor I wish I could be. Um. Period. They are
Speaker 1: a power couple and now they are power parents two twins,
Speaker 1: Lion and kp which I love their names. I love them. Um,
Speaker 1: let's get the heck into this. Um. How do we
Speaker 1: know each other? Graham? Simply other than I am? And
Speaker 1: is that how we met? Yeah? We met that thirteen
Speaker 1: years ago when you're almost going to quit being an actor.
Speaker 1: The first time I saw you was on your first
Speaker 1: date with Adam. What is that true? I'm pretty sure?
Speaker 1: Well was it you and Adam were walking in Venice?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Oh no, that was like our first like
Speaker 1: sleepover date. So maybe that was like the third date
Speaker 1: because I keep it classy. No no judgment on a
Speaker 1: women who go home first date, like go for it.
Speaker 1: But that's not what happened with that. I think that
Speaker 1: was the first time I'd seen you and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh that I knew Adam and I was like, I
Speaker 1: think that's hey, you know, and you had long hair,
Speaker 1: and you were riding a skateboard and you remember the skateboard.
Speaker 1: He had a skateboard when you met him. Do no,
Speaker 1: I just heard this story skateboard. So enter in Maryland.
Speaker 1: Thank god, you guys. When you have like a dear,
Speaker 1: dear bestie dude and he brings along a woman into
Speaker 1: your life, that is exceptional. The relief is massive because
Speaker 1: when a dear, dear bestie dude of yours brings in
Speaker 1: not that it is really a bummer. So Maryland, you
Speaker 1: have exceeded, gone above and yawned. It's like Bigram, go away.
Speaker 1: I'd like to hang out there. Um, how long have
Speaker 1: you guys been together? Has been two years? I think
Speaker 1: it's been more than that. I think it's been three. Well,
Speaker 1: who knows, because you have twins, you don't You were
Speaker 1: married last December and then we were together for I
Speaker 1: guess a year and a half before that, right, so
Speaker 1: almost three years. Does twins run in either of your families?
Speaker 1: So we learned a lot through this um journey of twindom.
Speaker 1: And identical twins don't run genetically. Wow, So it's like
Speaker 1: a literal phenomenon. It is. Identical twins are a little
Speaker 1: real phenomenal because fraternal twins is genetic and when you
Speaker 1: hear about identical twins happening, that can be through like
Speaker 1: if you took fertility aid or like fraternal twins would
Speaker 1: be oh okay. So identical twins is literally like the
Speaker 1: egg either splits between the first and the third day,
Speaker 1: the third and the fifth day, or the fifth and
Speaker 1: the seventh day, and there are different kinds of winds.
Speaker 1: So we have monodi twins, which means that it's split
Speaker 1: between the five And I think, yeah, now, I'm so
Speaker 1: says in Maryland, because you got pregnant later in life,
Speaker 1: which is so huge and inspiring for women out there.
Speaker 1: You had frozen your eggs before correct and you did
Speaker 1: not use them. Still him eyes, still paying the monthly
Speaker 1: be to keep him onny right, and you, guys, I
Speaker 1: met later in life, you got engaged, you were like, well,
Speaker 1: in terms of pregnancy, we're what's known as a geriatric pregnancy,
Speaker 1: which is a disgusting, real scientific term, and you were like,
Speaker 1: so we should just get on this thing because we
Speaker 1: feel like we want to be parents, and you started trying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And at your wedding, which I was at, is tell
Speaker 1: the rest of the story. How does it go? Well,
Speaker 1: we knew we were pregnant around eight weeks, but when
Speaker 1: we first went in to see my obi, she only
Speaker 1: saw one. So for a certain amount of time we
Speaker 1: knew we were pregnant, but we thought we were having one.
Speaker 1: Fast forward just a little bit of time. We're getting
Speaker 1: ready for our wedding weekend, all of our families coming in,
Speaker 1: and about two hours before my mom arrives, I have
Speaker 1: another fall up appointment, where this time she sees two.
Speaker 1: So were you there, Graham? Were you in the room
Speaker 1: where you by yourself? So she went to go pick
Speaker 1: because we were going to go for our honeymoon, and
Speaker 1: so she went to go pick up a prescription for
Speaker 1: U T. I guess when you're traveling women who are
Speaker 1: pregnant the US or something. And so I didn't go
Speaker 1: to this appointment because I was like, you're just gonna
Speaker 1: pick up the prescription and whatever. And so she came
Speaker 1: home and I was like, you know, wedding weekend, like
Speaker 1: this is huge deal. Families all coming into town from
Speaker 1: all over. It was like even in the morning, and
Speaker 1: nobody knew you were pregnant. Your family didn't know, right, No,
Speaker 1: no one knew. No one knew. And we didn't want
Speaker 1: to ruin that surprise because we didn't want to take
Speaker 1: the thunder away from the from the wedding. So so then, um,
Speaker 1: now we here we are at amm Marylyn comes back
Speaker 1: from the doctor and she goes, Graham Graab came here,
Speaker 1: and she shows me the ultrasound picture and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's cool, awesome, Yeah, yeah, we're pretty that's right yet,
Speaker 1: and and then she goes, no, no, no, no, look closer.
Speaker 1: And I looked closer and I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: And then it was like ding dong no way. So
Speaker 1: all weekend we kept looking at each other going were
Speaker 1: you like your immediate reaction Maryland to twins. I I
Speaker 1: can't even imagine the pack that the punch that packs of.
Speaker 1: Just like I felt immense gratitude. Just I felt so
Speaker 1: grateful because we we're actually both forty two at the time,
Speaker 1: and like you said, I mean that's after thirty five, right,
Speaker 1: it's like a geriatric parto over here getting pregnant with ye.
Speaker 1: So at forty two, you were like, right, like, this
Speaker 1: probably is going to take a long time. It might
Speaker 1: not be easy. We might be you know, unfreezing those eggs.
Speaker 1: We might you know, we didn't really know, and so
Speaker 1: I think just to find out that we're having to
Speaker 1: our nurse said something to us. She said, sometimes the
Speaker 1: flame burns brightest right before it goes out. Right. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's incredible, that is so funny. Oh I can't okay, So,
Speaker 1: you guys the most epic wedding of all time. So
Speaker 1: we're so thrilled that Graham has found incredible Maryland. Were
Speaker 1: so thrilled that you guys are together and all of
Speaker 1: the groups of friends came together to celebrate your love.
Speaker 1: And then what happens on the dance floor. So then
Speaker 1: we everybody performed, including you and Adam and some of
Speaker 1: my my closest friends, and we went last, and so
Speaker 1: um we uh. We changed the lyrics to Adam Sandler's
Speaker 1: the Wedding Singer Song, And throughout the whole night, there
Speaker 1: was a monogram that was playing on behind everybody who
Speaker 1: was performing, and um, that monogram while we were singing,
Speaker 1: changed to the ultrasound photo, and the ultrasound photo said, uh, congratulations,
Speaker 1: and then it went on for a little bit longer,
Speaker 1: and then it said we are pregnant, and everyone was
Speaker 1: like what screen and then and then it said with twins,
Speaker 1: and it was just like I'll never forget it. It
Speaker 1: was just like mayhem either. It was fucking insane. My
Speaker 1: husband rushed the dance floor and started a mosh pit,
Speaker 1: screaming twins, twins, and everybody was like jumping up and down, screaming,
Speaker 1: holding each other, bawling, crying. I sweated through a very
Speaker 1: thick velvet suit and it was soaked at the end
Speaker 1: of the night because I downs it was. It was
Speaker 1: such a beautiful moment. It's just unforgettable to be there
Speaker 1: with you guys, all of you together, and and I
Speaker 1: just really think like it's just really inspiring for people
Speaker 1: out there listening, Like I just think like, at forty two,
Speaker 1: you guys met, fell in love, got engaged, got pregnant
Speaker 1: with twins, announced it at your wedding. You've birthed them.
Speaker 1: They are healthy. You guys are surviving. When we got
Speaker 1: into in the this is your lab, that's why when
Speaker 1: you were like, how long have we been together? And
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't know, two or three years. It's
Speaker 1: like you've been fucking busy. It's been amazing. It's been
Speaker 1: so we're so every day. I'm just like so grateful
Speaker 1: for Maryland and the opportunity to raise these two boys.
Speaker 1: So take me through your pregnancy with twins and like
Speaker 1: teach me, like, is it so different than having Well,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously you know too and I only know one,
Speaker 1: but like, what did doctors tell you? Were you sick? Um?
Speaker 1: How did you feel? So my pregnancy was pretty uneventful,
Speaker 1: which is thank god great to hear about, right, Like,
Speaker 1: nothing huge happened, I mean except for me getting here,
Speaker 1: just that huge thing happened. Yes, But um, I guess
Speaker 1: the main difference is, you know we saw we went
Speaker 1: to see my obi probably um once a week. Okay.
Speaker 1: So because it's high risk because of age, and high
Speaker 1: risk because it's twins, your doctor visits are more. Yes.
Speaker 1: I remember Graham saying he had bought a mini fridge
Speaker 1: next to the bed because that's how much you were consuming.
Speaker 1: You couldn't even make it to a kitchen. You had
Speaker 1: to literally have power bars and like yogurt drink that
Speaker 1: I absolutely loved. Yeah, oh, you were craving yogurt drinks. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I was really craving it. I
Speaker 1: just was so hungry all the time. I would at
Speaker 1: least fill you up quickly. Yes, in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night, I would just reach over chug that yogurt drink,
Speaker 1: go back to bed. In the mornings, I would make
Speaker 1: myself these elaborate breakfasts, so they might be like it
Speaker 1: might be like a forty minute like preparation. I made
Speaker 1: like pancakes with like protein powder in them, and then
Speaker 1: like this hemp protein I really loved berries. Then I
Speaker 1: would do scrambled scores kale in it, and like cheese
Speaker 1: and veggies, and then it would just be this whole thing.
Speaker 1: And then I would just sit down and enjoy my breakfast.
Speaker 1: And was your plan to have a vaginal birth or
Speaker 1: cesarean or what did people what were people telling you
Speaker 1: was most likely going to be the case? Like what
Speaker 1: did you want and what ended up happening? Well, I
Speaker 1: really wanted a vaginal birth, so I read all about it,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, listen to your podcast, and just
Speaker 1: you know, I was preparing for that at the same
Speaker 1: time our specialist, because not only did we see R
Speaker 1: O B a lot, we also saw a specialist once
Speaker 1: every three weeks or so. And what is that specialist?
Speaker 1: Is that a twin specialist or like a high risk specialiontologist?
Speaker 1: What the hell is that? Basically a twin doctor or
Speaker 1: I think they do. It's just a high risk doctor
Speaker 1: who pregnancies that are maybe not your normal like average
Speaker 1: one baby right right, And but yeah, and and and
Speaker 1: he was awesome, and that whole team was awesome. And
Speaker 1: so we would go in there. Yeah, like it was
Speaker 1: like every two or three weeks, and so we had
Speaker 1: a we were in the doctor's office all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you were so what was the specialist telling you?
Speaker 1: So pretty early on he was saying, it's very unlikely
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a vaginal bone and we're like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: what are you know? We're like, maybe something different will
Speaker 1: happen with us, right because you hold out hope, You're
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be you know, I mean, so
Speaker 1: he's telling you most likely you're going to be a
Speaker 1: C section. Well he was also this all this doctor
Speaker 1: was also um really focused on something called twin twin syndrome.
Speaker 1: The hell's that? Um? It's uh, it's where one of
Speaker 1: the twins in our specific mono dye type between eight
Speaker 1: between days three and five, identical twins, your twindom are
Speaker 1: twindom Um. There is a possibility for one of the
Speaker 1: children to take more of the nutrients than the other.
Speaker 1: And so they were that's what they were literally, Arnold
Speaker 1: Schwarzenegger and Danny Video who exactly right. So they're monitoring
Speaker 1: the twins and how they're functioning in the womb. One
Speaker 1: can be taking more food off in the first scenario,
Speaker 1: they both have their own placentas, right, and then and
Speaker 1: then they're they're in their own sacks, which would mean
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be stealing each other's stuff, that's right, And
Speaker 1: that there's that's the least risk. And then there's this
Speaker 1: middle zone where they share a placenta but they're in
Speaker 1: different sacks. And then there's the most high risk, which
Speaker 1: is they share a placenta and they're in the same sack.
Speaker 1: What were you guys, So we had our boys were
Speaker 1: in different sacks, but they shared a placenta. So the
Speaker 1: doctor was monitoring their weight gain, their progress, their development,
Speaker 1: the neck, all of the measurements and all of that stuff.
Speaker 1: We were so lucky. We were so lucky because every
Speaker 1: time we went in there, um there were people who
Speaker 1: um weren't as lucky as us, and they had just
Speaker 1: left and you know, and and we kept going, you know,
Speaker 1: we kept every time and it was like we were
Speaker 1: in and out going. Everything was great. Everything was great,
Speaker 1: and we're just like every time there was not one
Speaker 1: visit where we got any news where we had to
Speaker 1: be worried or something. The podcast stories, I'm so happy
Speaker 1: to be around because it's not Yeah, it's really not
Speaker 1: always the case. I have some friends, you know, growing
Speaker 1: up who were twin had a twin in utero that
Speaker 1: one didn't make it, and my friend did you know
Speaker 1: things like that that is common. I mean, that does happen. Um,
Speaker 1: So they start preparing you for a C section and
Speaker 1: tell me about going into labor and all that. Were
Speaker 1: you induced? Was it planned? Were you given a date
Speaker 1: and a time? Yeah? So it was planned. And I
Speaker 1: mean I think ultimately I had you know, maybe a
Speaker 1: week or two in there where I had to just
Speaker 1: kind of shift mentally into thinking, Okay, I thought that
Speaker 1: I would have this experience and now I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: a C section. But I actually felt good about it
Speaker 1: because r O. B. She's actually a pioneer in all
Speaker 1: kinds of like natural birth processes. And she kept saying,
Speaker 1: just of the delivery as the introduct the portal to motherhood,
Speaker 1: to bringing these children into the world. It's not the
Speaker 1: whole experience. There is so much more. So don't dwell.
Speaker 1: It's two days out of the hopefully millions are gonna
Speaker 1: get or whatever. But so you had a planned C section, right,
Speaker 1: So our specialist he really didn't want us to go
Speaker 1: past how many weeks? Six weeks six? So I guess
Speaker 1: through different studies and I think like different cases, they
Speaker 1: know that going past thirty six weeks, there's no benefit
Speaker 1: to our specific situation. Okay, our boys were close to
Speaker 1: July fourth, and so they took them out, um before
Speaker 1: the holiday. That is always how it works, guy, do
Speaker 1: you want to know that, Like for induction, it's always
Speaker 1: like yeah, um mine was like, it's the it's the
Speaker 1: high holidays. So you know what I was like, got it,
Speaker 1: got it, Like people will have lives and it's just
Speaker 1: a thing. So they didn't make it to thirty six
Speaker 1: they made it to thirty five and change where you scared?
Speaker 1: How did you feel before going in? I think I
Speaker 1: felt ready. I was like, let's get them out. I
Speaker 1: remember you at the end, which is you know. I
Speaker 1: always feel like that's so lucky if you're able to
Speaker 1: get there when you're pregnant, for you to say just
Speaker 1: let's get this. I can't do this anymore. I can't
Speaker 1: carry this more. I can't pee anymore in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night, I can't have reflux anymore. I want
Speaker 1: my body back, Like, let's just get on with the show,
Speaker 1: right right, And little did I know that would be
Speaker 1: this whole journey to reclaiming my body, right, like feeling
Speaker 1: like you're more, You're back in your body. So that's
Speaker 1: still going on, but um, that first step of getting
Speaker 1: that for sure, And I think I remember one night
Speaker 1: I just couldn't sleep towards the end at all, so
Speaker 1: I was on the couch and um, I maybe you
Speaker 1: come up and sleep with me on the couch. One
Speaker 1: night it was pretty close to when we knew we
Speaker 1: were going into the hospital, and I was crying and
Speaker 1: holding your hand and I just wanted you to sleep
Speaker 1: with me upstairs because I felt really alone. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: made me cry. Yeah, and she she had to sleep
Speaker 1: sitting up for i'd say probably the last four months.
Speaker 1: She's this weird pillow configuration where it was like it
Speaker 1: had to be the pink pillow and the blue pillow
Speaker 1: and then this pillow. And then if it wasn't that,
Speaker 1: it was like something's wrong. Why you would reflux or
Speaker 1: you were uncomfortable, too much weight on the side or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly on my side. It was like the boys just
Speaker 1: went to the side. Could you imagine that failing? No,
Speaker 1: I can't. I mean it was painful for one. I cannot.
Speaker 1: Even So you go in for a C section, it's
Speaker 1: all status quo, I mean, nothing out of the ordinary, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean obviously it was the most exceptional
Speaker 1: day of your life. But I'm saying as far as
Speaker 1: like the doctors were concerned, it was like like all good, right, nothing,
Speaker 1: no real complications, I think the I mean, one part
Speaker 1: that was really surprising to me that I hadn't read
Speaker 1: about or no other moms had mentioned, was that once
Speaker 1: so they made the incision and then I could kind
Speaker 1: of hear our nurse and our doctor talking and one
Speaker 1: of the last things I remember is that because we've
Speaker 1: gone on our honeymoon to Morocco, and so the nurse
Speaker 1: was like, oh, these boys have already been on camel rides,
Speaker 1: they'll be fine. I remember her before the moccoon right right,
Speaker 1: But there was this sensation all of a sudden they
Speaker 1: were talking and then all of a sudden, I felt
Speaker 1: this incredible pressure that knocked the wind out of me
Speaker 1: on my stomach and um. Later she explained that it
Speaker 1: was her elbow that to get the babies out. They
Speaker 1: tried to um mimic the feeling of the baby going
Speaker 1: through the canal being pushed through. So instead of pulling
Speaker 1: them out or lifting them out, which is what I
Speaker 1: had imagined the c section was like would be like
Speaker 1: for me, they with all the force that she had
Speaker 1: in her body, presses down with her elbow and then
Speaker 1: pushes the baby out. So she did that two times,
Speaker 1: and the first time I was still kind of with it,
Speaker 1: and I could. I remember hearing lion come out and
Speaker 1: his cry, and I just all the joy and the
Speaker 1: feelings with that. And then the second time, um, when
Speaker 1: KP came out, who came out without a sound compared
Speaker 1: to his brother who had had this kind of war cry.
Speaker 1: Kap came out. Um, I was just so like the
Speaker 1: second time around, it was like complete nausea and just
Speaker 1: feeling rugs on the epidural and the weird feeling of
Speaker 1: the pressure and the push, Like that feeling of the
Speaker 1: second push Did it just make you want to barth exactly? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think that was surprising. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: that was part of the experience for as Arian. So
Speaker 1: so once kp came out and wasn't crying, were you worried?
Speaker 1: Did they? Did he cry a little bit after? How
Speaker 1: did that go? Well? Really quickly they brought them over
Speaker 1: to us, So I wasn't worried. Were you know, I
Speaker 1: wasn't worried. I was like when Lyon came out, it
Speaker 1: was a shriek. It was such a loud shriek. And
Speaker 1: then you know, they whisked them away and clean them up,
Speaker 1: and you know, and then I I didn't want Then
Speaker 1: there was another one, So I was like, I didn't
Speaker 1: know what to do. Your attention is already being split,
Speaker 1: so it's like you welcome to being a parent of twins.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was. I was with Maryland and
Speaker 1: I was like I don't. I didn't want to leave Maryland,
Speaker 1: and they kept saying, do you want to come over
Speaker 1: and see and see Lyon and see Lyon? And I
Speaker 1: was like, no, I'm staying here with Marylyn. The baby's
Speaker 1: gonna be fine, you know. And so I stayed with Maryland.
Speaker 1: And then once the second baby came out a couple
Speaker 1: of minutes later, was it a couple of minutes between
Speaker 1: the two three minutes later? Why is that? And why
Speaker 1: how do they pick which one comes out first? Like?
Speaker 1: What the hell? How does it? Lion had been head
Speaker 1: down for a couple of weeks and hadn't moved at all,
Speaker 1: and then Lion had been moving his position all around. Okap, right,
Speaker 1: KP had been moving around a Lion was in the
Speaker 1: birthing position. So had he had you done, a vaginal
Speaker 1: birth line would have come out first. And so we
Speaker 1: went to go to the the specialist. Um we kept,
Speaker 1: you know, asking like, are they in the same positions,
Speaker 1: because we feel kicking in the same places, and yeah,
Speaker 1: Lion would had always been ready to go the whole
Speaker 1: the whole time, and right towards the end, then they
Speaker 1: both they both switched. They both like went around right
Speaker 1: and then and then they ended up landing back in
Speaker 1: the same position, so it was weird. And then um,
Speaker 1: and then when Lion came out, he was off getting
Speaker 1: taken care of. And then and then KP came out
Speaker 1: and he was off getting taken care of. And once
Speaker 1: I felt like Marilyn was okay, I went I saw
Speaker 1: the two babies, and they weren't. They were so cute
Speaker 1: from from the start, like that, not only were you
Speaker 1: guys blessed in this whole situation of like all of
Speaker 1: this happening, thank God, healthily and safely and miraculously, but
Speaker 1: they were cute from like the first second, like most
Speaker 1: people's newborn babies are gremlin alien grandpa's. How did you
Speaker 1: feel immediate connection to them? I felt immediate connection, But
Speaker 1: then three days later I was lost. I was completely
Speaker 1: out of my mind lost. I didn't feed My love
Speaker 1: to my son was a very slow burn. It was
Speaker 1: not love at first sight. How did you feel, Maryland?
Speaker 1: I think I felt similar to that, And I might
Speaker 1: have heard you talked about that, because well, I think
Speaker 1: it was good because then it made me I'm glad,
Speaker 1: It made me feel like, oh, it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: If I experienced that, so I think for me, I
Speaker 1: just like, you know, physically, there's so much pain with
Speaker 1: the C section. So I just felt really kind of
Speaker 1: inadequate in the beginning because I could barely walk. I
Speaker 1: was leaning on Graham to go to the bathroom. And
Speaker 1: so sexy right really it makes you feel hot. And
Speaker 1: the diapers and the bleeding nuts and the bleeding and
Speaker 1: the whole you're in stitches, you're in mesh panties for
Speaker 1: a long time. Um, and then trying to nurse sometimes. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we have that big breast friend thing and they can
Speaker 1: nurse at the same time, like in a football hold
Speaker 1: on either side. And I first came over and met them.
Speaker 1: That is how I saw Maryland, and I almost fell
Speaker 1: on the floor. I walked into their beautiful living room
Speaker 1: and she had a pillow and two babies, one on
Speaker 1: each boob, their heads together, their feet away from each other,
Speaker 1: one on each nipple eating. There are no words to
Speaker 1: describe that. That is super If that's a super woman, superhero,
Speaker 1: I mean that, what else are you looking for? That's wild? Um,
Speaker 1: So you just did it. You just jumped boobs in first,
Speaker 1: like you just did it. You weren't like there is
Speaker 1: there Electation Specialists that specializes in twins. Yes, and we
Speaker 1: had the two of us took a breastfeeding for Multiples
Speaker 1: class before the delivery, rest Feeding for multiples at the
Speaker 1: pump station. At the pump station, great, and what do
Speaker 1: they tell you to do? Well, we re enacted how
Speaker 1: it would go with dolls. I don't know was that helpful?
Speaker 1: I it was kind of helpful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was all helpful. You know, I think I didn't don't
Speaker 1: know if I remembered any of that at the time
Speaker 1: it goes in there somewhere or not at all. When
Speaker 1: they sent you home with the twins? Is that at
Speaker 1: what point? Did she get super real? Ship got super
Speaker 1: real the second that we got into our own room
Speaker 1: at the hospital. At the hospital because for me, Maryland
Speaker 1: couldn't get out of the bed. So the nurses came
Speaker 1: over and we're like, okay, so here's the sheet. You
Speaker 1: marked down their ships, you marked down their pisses, and
Speaker 1: you marked down when they eat. And I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: I do that I have wait, no, no, that's okay.
Speaker 1: They what I'm sorry on boat on what the we're
Speaker 1: looking at? So now you're like logging stuff I'm logging stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know what the funk I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, uh so. And I didn't change a diaper,
Speaker 1: one single diaper for you for a couple weeks, maybe
Speaker 1: two weeks or something, Graham, because everything it was a
Speaker 1: full on boot camp for how to keep a child
Speaker 1: alive because I'm not a child too. Of them, like
Speaker 1: it was unbelievable, And you changed all those diapers, all
Speaker 1: those diapers. I fed them every single meal that Maryland wasn't,
Speaker 1: you know, nursing, trying to nurse. And because they came
Speaker 1: in early, they were premature. Her supply had not come in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had the same thing. My milk come in like
Speaker 1: five days, so I had to give him formula for
Speaker 1: a while until I came in. So one I listened
Speaker 1: to a lot of podcasts all the way through and
Speaker 1: read bunch of stuff about twin dad stuff, you know,
Speaker 1: and and and twin stuff, and like how to be
Speaker 1: ready for that? Is there any way to be ready? Well?
Speaker 1: I guess I mean you were. Your Your podcast was
Speaker 1: super helpful, I mean so helpful, And there were some
Speaker 1: other ones that were really helpful, and some of them
Speaker 1: were just sort of innocuous conversations that we're I don't
Speaker 1: know whatever you know. But but um I I did
Speaker 1: feel like at the when we were at the hospital,
Speaker 1: it was so intense to have to take care of
Speaker 1: both of them and not really have uh any sort
Speaker 1: of guide guide in it. And but one thing that
Speaker 1: that was that we didn't know at the time, and
Speaker 1: it really caused us a lot of stress, was the
Speaker 1: fact that the babies weren't holding down their food. Right
Speaker 1: here is when a different kind of ship hit the fan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and and basically there there, stomachs can hold the amount
Speaker 1: of a golf ball. That's what we know. Yeah and
Speaker 1: and and so the nurses kept trying out different formulas,
Speaker 1: trying out different things. We tried out, you know, Maryland's
Speaker 1: breast milk, and weren't holding it down. But so they
Speaker 1: were actually throwing up, right, they were throwing up everything.
Speaker 1: Both both of them are yeah, yeah, lion more than KP.
Speaker 1: But they both had like these violent throw ups. And
Speaker 1: so after after that experience had had ended, we learned
Speaker 1: that at the thirty fifth week of when a baby
Speaker 1: is premature, they learned that that is the that is
Speaker 1: the week that they have that they learned the reflux
Speaker 1: of how to swallow, and so that was the problem.
Speaker 1: It wasn't the formula, it wasn't Marilyn's breastmas. Yes, and
Speaker 1: they kept trying all these other things out, but then
Speaker 1: we eventually learned that we just needed to slow the
Speaker 1: flow down on the nipple, and then they learned over
Speaker 1: the SubTime swallowed down. Yeah. So I think that for
Speaker 1: other twin parents, or even if you for Singleton's, that
Speaker 1: maybe our premature the slow flow nipple saved our life
Speaker 1: because I had been obsessing over what bottles to get.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we're gonna use glass bottles, right,
Speaker 1: You're on Amazon buying every bottle nipple type imaginable, right.
Speaker 1: But I mean that none of that stuff mattered. It
Speaker 1: was really just how helping them control the flow of milk,
Speaker 1: and that helped us so much. So ship gets real
Speaker 1: in the hospital, they send you guys home. Did you
Speaker 1: feel any way shape form connection or favoritism to one
Speaker 1: or the other. That's a really good question, like immediately
Speaker 1: are you bonded with one? Are you like Lion had
Speaker 1: more um he had he he was struggling more with
Speaker 1: holding his food down. So I think a lot of
Speaker 1: our attention early on was to Lion and Um, and
Speaker 1: that did it did cause I think some interesting conversations,
Speaker 1: especially when we had to go back to the children's
Speaker 1: hospital and KP was doing well and Lyon was having
Speaker 1: different tests and having to get you know, X rayed,
Speaker 1: and all these different things that they were doing to him. UM.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if it's favoritism. I think it's
Speaker 1: just more concern And I think I thought about it
Speaker 1: and worried about that it might have been, but it
Speaker 1: didn't really happen and hasn't happened because, like Graham was saying,
Speaker 1: Lion had a couple more issues. And one of the
Speaker 1: things too, we've been getting the Voice checked out for
Speaker 1: is their head shape class and like the symmetry of
Speaker 1: their faces, and Lion has a little more asymmetry. And
Speaker 1: so at times I've wondered, is there is there going
Speaker 1: to be something where I favored KP because their faces
Speaker 1: look different? Think about how we are animals, and like
Speaker 1: how you know you pick people like you who you
Speaker 1: your eyes like to look on, and like what if
Speaker 1: you do like the asymmetrical and this is so ridiculous,
Speaker 1: this conversation, But I was talking like instinctually, like, well,
Speaker 1: we named we named our children. Lion is a family
Speaker 1: name on my side, and KP is named after Marilyn's
Speaker 1: dad's um. And I sometimes think about that too, thinking
Speaker 1: like that Lion is your somehow came on that boat.
Speaker 1: And then KP is named after your father who passed away,
Speaker 1: who you must have such connection to, and how wonderful
Speaker 1: that you were able to name a son in his memory,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, already there, we're already dealing with things. Lion
Speaker 1: was twin a and so he came out three minutes
Speaker 1: before his brother. Because he's going to be a Sibley
Speaker 1: and he will be the first biracial child in my
Speaker 1: line of family. We thought that he was forging new territory.
Speaker 1: If it's so is KP. But we had to name
Speaker 1: one of them. Craziness. What about all the twin research
Speaker 1: you guys have done about them wearing the same clothes,
Speaker 1: going to the same school, Like what are we doing?
Speaker 1: Is there a plan in place? Well? I think early
Speaker 1: on we talked about it, and even with their names,
Speaker 1: we wanted them to be really unique. And Graham, you
Speaker 1: were really forging ahead with that, and you know, and
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we we decided that we weren't going
Speaker 1: to dress them the same and more. You know, they're
Speaker 1: already individuals. And it's interesting when you have twins, they
Speaker 1: get a lot of attention. And I think that when
Speaker 1: just when you're going around in life. So when we
Speaker 1: we decided like how we were going to you know,
Speaker 1: progress in terms of their individuality and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Like you know, um, I'm one of four kids, and
Speaker 1: all of us were really nurtured in a really individual way.
Speaker 1: We all ended up doing pretty different things. And I
Speaker 1: think that it's probably gonna be more difficult for us
Speaker 1: with twins. But um, in order to be I think
Speaker 1: I think we'll just be more conscious of that as
Speaker 1: they get older. And and we were just this week
Speaker 1: we had a conversation in bed, going like how do
Speaker 1: we create new unique opportunities for both of them? Like
Speaker 1: and and I think those things I think are going
Speaker 1: to be really important and being really conscious of that.
Speaker 1: What about like same school, different classes is like what
Speaker 1: you'll worry about it when you get there. And you
Speaker 1: guys are so in it right now with baby tongue,
Speaker 1: I can't even I did me through the twin verse
Speaker 1: of this whole experience being a twin. I've I've met
Speaker 1: a number of them, and I have heard multiple times
Speaker 1: that they twins appreciate being treated individually. And a good
Speaker 1: friend of mine, Um is a twin, and he said
Speaker 1: that they went to separate schools. And I was like,
Speaker 1: did you did you like that ultimately? And he was like,
Speaker 1: I think so. I think I did appreciate that we
Speaker 1: had different friends. We had we weren't known as twins,
Speaker 1: but we also had this super amazing relationship. And so
Speaker 1: Marilyn and I were talking about that this week, and
Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean, I don't know what you'll
Speaker 1: see when you get there. We can do a whole
Speaker 1: other podcast about the choices you make, because I Am
Speaker 1: going to get really annoying when I ask you a
Speaker 1: million questions socially, Um, I can't believe. Like, Also, how
Speaker 1: well you're doing. Maryland went back to work. How old
Speaker 1: were they six sweets? Yeah, guys, is everyone hearing that
Speaker 1: I went back? That's fucking insane. But I had the
Speaker 1: best job in the world. So I'm a writer, so
Speaker 1: I could just right at home. And my mom was
Speaker 1: still living with us full time, and so she and
Speaker 1: Graham really carved out time so that I could go
Speaker 1: down and to the nursery, which was just now my
Speaker 1: office is now the nursery. And and right, how about
Speaker 1: sharing her bedroom? How do we feel about that? That's
Speaker 1: just how it's going to be. Yeah, now did they
Speaker 1: wake each other up? Was there? Was that just a
Speaker 1: complete show when you were like trying to get them
Speaker 1: to sleep, Like one cries, the other one cries all
Speaker 1: the time. It was kind of mayhem like that. In
Speaker 1: the first two months. I'm so glad podcasts happening because
Speaker 1: it really like Adam's dream of having twins, like he
Speaker 1: needs to listen to this. It sounds really, it sounds
Speaker 1: incredible and also very difficult. The first two months were
Speaker 1: pure hell. I mean just just certainly, let's say it
Speaker 1: kind of it was so hard. I mean, my first
Speaker 1: two months were pure held with one Do you guys
Speaker 1: meet parents of one child who complain and look at
Speaker 1: them and you're like, please shut the funk up? Maybe
Speaker 1: a little I would I would be like, how dare
Speaker 1: you we actually think? We actually say to ourselves were
Speaker 1: like having one kid would be like a vacation, like
Speaker 1: when we went on these when we went on these
Speaker 1: on these solo adventures. Both Marilyn and they were like boring.
Speaker 1: Boring is actually what it was. So it's like, what
Speaker 1: are just caring for? What? I had nothing to do?
Speaker 1: Like Marilyn was nursing. I was like check on my phone,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, have nothing to do? Um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: imagine like putting two in a car seat. There's always
Speaker 1: something to do. And it also for the dad. You know,
Speaker 1: I have felt very grateful in that I have been
Speaker 1: a part of the parenting process from the beginning in
Speaker 1: a much different, unexpected way than my dad or anyone
Speaker 1: that I've known, because there's always something for me to do.
Speaker 1: You're at the place where when people always say when
Speaker 1: I move from one kid to two kids, it's like
Speaker 1: you're not they're outnumbered when you have one kid, so
Speaker 1: like one parent is always sort of chilling, But when
Speaker 1: you are literally two on two like you are now,
Speaker 1: there is something for always, There's always something to be done.
Speaker 1: That's fun. Oh god, it sounds so exhausting. I've really
Speaker 1: applaud you both, Like nobody's business. What would you say
Speaker 1: would be advice you would give to expecting parents of twins? Oh? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if this advice. But I think that
Speaker 1: it's just such a special, unique experience and like we
Speaker 1: were saying, the first two months does feel like you're
Speaker 1: just like someone came up with my version of health
Speaker 1: and and I'm just gonna have to live it every hour,
Speaker 1: every day, every night with no sleep, literally none. My god,
Speaker 1: it's so danger us. It's like, oh my god, we
Speaker 1: shouldn't even be on the road. Like fantasies of throwing
Speaker 1: them against the wall for sure, completely normal. It's just
Speaker 1: very normal. I had fantasies of getting on a plane
Speaker 1: and changing my identity and leaving everybody Like I was like,
Speaker 1: good luck, Adam, because it sucks. It's so hard, so hard.
Speaker 1: But I think after pushing through that really really tough part,
Speaker 1: every day just unfolds, and I think it's just like
Speaker 1: a new part of beautiful unfolding. It's just really really
Speaker 1: gratifying and just such a way to stretch yourself. I
Speaker 1: think as a person and as a mother and as
Speaker 1: a parent, as a father, to be the guardian of
Speaker 1: these two human beings, it's it's just really really special.
Speaker 1: And I think that, um, there's so many ways for
Speaker 1: a couple to grow together when they have twins together
Speaker 1: and then also just on your own, as you begin
Speaker 1: to feel like, well, I can take them out together
Speaker 1: by myself, and I can go for walks with them,
Speaker 1: and I can you know, and you feel this sense
Speaker 1: of independence and also what a way to pat yourself
Speaker 1: on the back. I mean the simplest things. It's like
Speaker 1: I can take to my two children for a walk,
Speaker 1: Like that's like a massive accomplishment. I feel like like
Speaker 1: that was, like that's big. So maybe it's like those
Speaker 1: little things, it's like those that's huge. Graham, what about
Speaker 1: you advice for expecting twin parents? I think if I
Speaker 1: had advice for twin parents, any parents, really to really
Speaker 1: be um in the moment as much as you can
Speaker 1: with your partner, because they pick up on that stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: And and I think that Marilyn and I we we
Speaker 1: have a lot of fun. And I think that if
Speaker 1: you really try to keep that ball in the air,
Speaker 1: then the children and parents and twins can take care
Speaker 1: of their relationship too. I have got no excuses. Um,
Speaker 1: you guys, this is so beautiful. I could talk to
Speaker 1: you for a hundred thousand hours. I feel very lucky
Speaker 1: to be in your life. I feel very lucky to
Speaker 1: be in your son's lives, and I feel very lucky
Speaker 1: to ask you now to please come on Katie's Crib
Speaker 1: in a year so we can hear about what is
Speaker 1: happening in kap in lions life and all of the
Speaker 1: other twin stuff you are going to teach me so
Speaker 1: I can live vicariously through you, because that's enough for me.
Speaker 1: Thank you all for tuning into Katie's Crib and for
Speaker 1: your beautiful messages and reviews. I absolutely love connecting with
Speaker 1: you and hearing your stories and questions. So email me
Speaker 1: at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com. We may
Speaker 1: just feature you on an episode, so hit me up.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land
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