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Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of My Heart Radio. Danny's

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Speaker 1: Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets. Hi, Danny,

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Speaker 1: Mrs Chris, thank you so very much for your podcast.

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Speaker 1: Every time I listen, I think these are my people.

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Speaker 1: I grew up in the Midwest in a family of six.

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Speaker 1: We weren't really allowed to talk about things. My parents

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Speaker 1: were very focused on appearances and rules. But I was

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Speaker 1: one of those children who is fascinated with detective shows,

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Speaker 1: with questioning things. Was trying to get the root of

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Speaker 1: the truth they let's just say that didn't go over

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Speaker 1: very well with my family. My note life has been

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Speaker 1: filled with secrets becoming uncovered, most often unintentionally. For example,

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Speaker 1: after Jacades telling my doctors my medical history and stating

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Speaker 1: my grandfather died of rmatroid arthritis, which is what I've

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Speaker 1: been told, I realized I was getting the same strange look.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know my grandfather. He died when my mom

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Speaker 1: was an adolescent, and whenever I asked about him, she

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Speaker 1: would only say he was just a dad. Okay. I

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Speaker 1: later learned my grandfather had died of syphilis. It was

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Speaker 1: a secret something my grandmother ever wanted down. Although a

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Speaker 1: newborn syphilis test is listed on my mother's birth certificate,

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Speaker 1: no one ever knew about that, and they didn't know

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Speaker 1: the cause of his death. In fact, it was just

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Speaker 1: this past year that my uncle told me my grandfather

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Speaker 1: died of skin cancer. So the secret was well kept,

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Speaker 1: and it continues on in some of my family. A

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Speaker 1: lot of the layers of secret making and secret keeping

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Speaker 1: began to unravel my my parents both became ill and

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Speaker 1: began to die. My younger brother was the golden child

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Speaker 1: of our family. Soon after my parents became ill, he

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Speaker 1: was arrested and we discovered he had been a boyer

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Speaker 1: for over twenty five years. It was a complete fact

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Speaker 1: to all of us. My brother's secret has probably been

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Speaker 1: the most difficult for our family. I wonder now why

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Speaker 1: I never saw this part of him, if I ever

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Speaker 1: really knew him, and I felt guilty. I still feel

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Speaker 1: guilty because I believe the way he presented himself with

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Speaker 1: who he really was. I thought his wife and kids

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Speaker 1: were the luckiest of all of our family because they

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Speaker 1: had such great has been his father. And I also

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Speaker 1: feel guilty because I wish I could do something to

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Speaker 1: help him, and I can't. The secret key thing seems

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Speaker 1: to be a part of a family culture. I'm wondering

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Speaker 1: what you think about that. I feel like I've been

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Speaker 1: working on finding freedom from what I call our family boys.

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Speaker 1: By that, I mean that sometimes there's this voice that's

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Speaker 1: usually unspoken, sometimes spoken, but mostly unspoken. It tells us

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Speaker 1: who we are and what role we have to play,

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Speaker 1: what we can reveal and not reveal about ourselves to

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Speaker 1: the world outside our family. We can't just see who

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Speaker 1: we are. M. Hi, Chris, it's Danny. Thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for calling in to share your story. I'm glad

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Speaker 1: you're an avid listener of the podcast, and most of all,

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Speaker 1: what you said, these are my people. Every time I

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Speaker 1: hear those words, I'm reminded of why I do this work.

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Speaker 1: It began with my own secret and then the realization

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Speaker 1: that telling our stories, airing them out, giving them space

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Speaker 1: and light. It's exactly what heals us and lets us

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Speaker 1: know that we're not alone, and my God, we are

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Speaker 1: not alone. Why does Family Secrets have so many listeners.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure a big part of the reason is

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Speaker 1: that secrets affect every family. We just don't know. M.

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Speaker 1: In your family of six, you weren't allowed to talk

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Speaker 1: about things. There were rules, ways to be It doesn't

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Speaker 1: surprise me that as a child you were fascinated by

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Speaker 1: detective shows. Children who are raised in homes filled with

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Speaker 1: secrets often turn into little mini detectives, spies, sluice snooping,

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Speaker 1: uncovering every stone, trying to figure out why things feel

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Speaker 1: so weird. So the first secret you mentioned has to

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Speaker 1: do with your grandfather's cause of death. You mentioned that

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Speaker 1: you had been giving incorrect medical history to doctors all

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Speaker 1: your life. Cause of death rheumatoid arthritis, presumably hereditary, something

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Speaker 1: you thought was a part of your genetic history. But

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Speaker 1: that secret was well kept, So well kept that an

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Speaker 1: uncle of yours told you that it was skin cancer.

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Speaker 1: But the truth he died of syphilis. This would have

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Speaker 1: been a source of familial shame, and that secret would

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Speaker 1: have been buried with him. He was just a dad,

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Speaker 1: after all. It's so often when people become ill and

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Speaker 1: eventually die that secrets start tumbling out. You didn't talk

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Speaker 1: about how you found out the second secret that your

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Speaker 1: beloved brother has spent many years as a voyeur. But

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Speaker 1: it does seem that secrets lead to secrets, which lead

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Speaker 1: to more secrets. And the uncovering of them goes the

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Speaker 1: same way they fall like dominoes. Of course, this was

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Speaker 1: profoundly difficult for your family and for you. You ask

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Speaker 1: if you ever really knew him. You state that you

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Speaker 1: feel guilty, that you wish you could do something to

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Speaker 1: help it, and you can't. Your family culture secret keeping,

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Speaker 1: it seems to me, is part of your family voice,

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Speaker 1: as you call it. You all can't talk about who

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Speaker 1: you really are, what you struggle with. I guess the

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Speaker 1: question I have is why not. Your parents are gone,

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Speaker 1: your grandparents are gone, your brother is struggling. Sometimes all

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Speaker 1: we need is someone to listen, to love us and

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Speaker 1: know us as we are. It doesn't mean you approve

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Speaker 1: of it or condone his behavior, just that you love

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Speaker 1: him in all his human frailty. That's what I heard

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Speaker 1: anyway in your voice. If you have a family secret

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Speaker 1: story you'd like to share on Danny's listening, please call

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Speaker 1: eight eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight eight S

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Speaker 1: E C R E T and the number zero