Speaker 1: I want to introduce my guest today. She's a friend
Speaker 1: of mine. We've known each other for a few years now,
Speaker 1: and I really respect and love her work. And she
Speaker 1: is a pioneer and she does things for the first
Speaker 1: time for a lot of people. She's an actress, she's
Speaker 1: a producer, she's a writer and a creator. She is
Speaker 1: an author. And she has a recurring role on the
Speaker 1: second season of Doll Face. Oh, I'm excited to see that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, I make out with people. What a surprise.
Speaker 1: Another girl's not you? Sorry, no, no, that's fine. That's fine. Actually,
Speaker 1: since I'm straight. You also have a first look deal
Speaker 1: at Universal Television Alternative Studio, and your production company is
Speaker 1: called Unicorn Island Productions. And and you're developing a Netflix
Speaker 1: series with Kenya Barris. Oh, that looks good. And you
Speaker 1: have a new book that is about to be released
Speaker 1: or about to be announced or released announced, and you
Speaker 1: may or may not learn the title of that during
Speaker 1: this episode. It's called be a Triangle. You may you
Speaker 1: may you may learned the title of the book. It
Speaker 1: is called Me. I didn't even introduce you yet. Can
Speaker 1: you please shut the funk up? Please welcome Lily Say
Speaker 1: Hi to me here. I'm so excited to my queen, baby, baby,
Speaker 1: my queen again. This is the second time I do it.
Speaker 1: Every time COVID can't stop me. The last time we kissed,
Speaker 1: it was just supposed to be a little kiss like that,
Speaker 1: and then you slipped to me the tongue like three
Speaker 1: or four times. That was the plan. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to see you. We actually have a little kind of
Speaker 1: circle of friends in comments. Yes, absolutely, And when did
Speaker 1: I see you last at Charlie's Charlie's event and you
Speaker 1: gave me some great advice about getting in shape that
Speaker 1: I took what you were like just smaller meals and
Speaker 1: you also because I believe for so long, So a
Speaker 1: little bit of backstory, I've never been fit in my life.
Speaker 1: I've always really struggled to be fit and take care
Speaker 1: of my body because I've always focused on my career
Speaker 1: and deteriorated my body and health. But when I met
Speaker 1: Chelsea last she said, listen, you don't have to do
Speaker 1: cardio all day long. She just told me, you don't
Speaker 1: do cardio, you lift weights, you consistent, you eat smaller meals.
Speaker 1: You just made it sound so attainable for me. Since then,
Speaker 1: I've literally lost twenty pounds. What have you What have
Speaker 1: you been doing seven intimate fasting? I been doing low
Speaker 1: carb and I was just changing my diet, doing better
Speaker 1: choices than doing weightlifting whenever I can. And how do
Speaker 1: you feel mentally? I feel mentally phenomenal. I feel like
Speaker 1: my confidence and it wasn't even just about how I looked.
Speaker 1: I want to emphasize that I was always really happy
Speaker 1: with how I looked. I thought, my body is my body,
Speaker 1: and I love it. But now it's just like the
Speaker 1: energy I have and the confidence I feel, and the
Speaker 1: clarity I have in my mind, all that stuff, And
Speaker 1: you really did inspire me. Oh well, I'd love to
Speaker 1: hear that. And you know what, I just want to
Speaker 1: say that, I want to reiterate that because when people
Speaker 1: think about dieting and then people think of it externally,
Speaker 1: but it does change your mental priority. It changes your
Speaker 1: energy levels, it changes your happiness levels, your endorphins. You know,
Speaker 1: when you feel good and you wake up and you're
Speaker 1: not exhausted and you have even energy throughout the day,
Speaker 1: it's it's a great feeling because you feel like you
Speaker 1: can almost do anything. I would pick that over the
Speaker 1: superficial stuff any day if you have to say when
Speaker 1: you when you do this right, you'll either feel good
Speaker 1: inside or I thought I'd be like inside inside. I
Speaker 1: want to be a good inside because now when I
Speaker 1: walk up the stairs, I'm not sweating. Yeah, I'm sweating,
Speaker 1: but for other reasons. I'm not really sure why I'm
Speaker 1: always sweating. It's because you have a joint in your mouth.
Speaker 1: It's well, that doesn't really make you sweat. I mean,
Speaker 1: from somebody trying to be relatable with drugs, I don't
Speaker 1: know how it feels like, you know. I was just
Speaker 1: about to say, have you ever smoked a joy and
Speaker 1: sweats when they smoke a joy? I only had to
Speaker 1: experience once I got really high for the first time.
Speaker 1: It was horrible and I tripped out so bad, And
Speaker 1: the second time I've been with me, I would have
Speaker 1: never when I and then when I went to your tour,
Speaker 1: you gave me. You gave me an edible and you
Speaker 1: told me to take half of it, and did you?
Speaker 1: I took one quarter of it and what happened? I
Speaker 1: felt nothing? Okay, well that's because there's that's like one milligram.
Speaker 1: But anyway, if you want to get high again. I
Speaker 1: will arrange what you're going to take. Everyone says these
Speaker 1: words to me. You should know the Snoop Dogg was
Speaker 1: also like, okay, I'll get you. I'm like, you are
Speaker 1: not getting me high, Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg came to
Speaker 1: do my show once and the building that we operated
Speaker 1: the show out of smelled like marijuana until the next fall.
Speaker 1: He came to my show and the green room was
Speaker 1: basically a hot box situation, and then on the way
Speaker 1: out he just took a poster off the wall of
Speaker 1: me and took it home. I love him, He's amazing,
Speaker 1: but I was like, sir, you will not be getting
Speaker 1: me high. You know who get who also has great
Speaker 1: weight is Wi Khalifa. He has the best weed. I
Speaker 1: feel like I would die. Yeah. We were once at
Speaker 1: a dinner and Shania Twain wanted to we were all smoking,
Speaker 1: and well, it was in my dinner that I was
Speaker 1: filming for Netflix. So I'm not name dropping because it
Speaker 1: was an actual TV show, so shut it down. It
Speaker 1: was Shania Twain. I think I've told the story on
Speaker 1: this podcast. But Shania Twain, Chill Scott, the guy from
Speaker 1: Imagine Dragons and Wiz Khalifa and Shania Twain. I smoked
Speaker 1: one hit of it, walked into the bathroom in one
Speaker 1: of my guest rooms and couldn't find my way back
Speaker 1: to my house. I was like, what room am I
Speaker 1: in and where? And when I came out Shania, I
Speaker 1: was like, Shania here. We passed the joy to her
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh no, I don't touch the stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you need it more than any of us.
Speaker 1: You better fucking smoke this now. My first experience was horrible.
Speaker 1: I forgot. I was convinced that my tongue wouldn't in
Speaker 1: my mouth anymore. So I I know that, and I
Speaker 1: couldn't remember my tongue back in my mouth. It wouldn't
Speaker 1: fit in my brand, it wouldn't fit. Yeah, well, you
Speaker 1: know what. Cannabis isn't for everybody. I'll just take vodka shots.
Speaker 1: I'm fine with that. Um, Katherine, how are you doing today?
Speaker 1: I'm doing great. I'm I'm doing very great. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're about to climax. It's like, I go,
Speaker 1: this is great. I'm feeling very great, and I go,
Speaker 1: that's how I'm happy. It's like sweater weather. Finally, I
Speaker 1: know it's so nice that it's not so hot. I
Speaker 1: hate it. I'm wearing a sweater and a jacket. Chelsea's
Speaker 1: wear your T shirt and I'm just wearing a thong.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I got to wear like Vampi lipstick. It's
Speaker 1: like fully fall. I'm making myself believe it's fully fall,
Speaker 1: even though it'll probably be ninety this weekend. I like
Speaker 1: have people who take seasons seriously, especially in l A
Speaker 1: where there are not ya. I was on the East
Speaker 1: Coast and I was like, we were in Maine and
Speaker 1: I was like, uh, the smell of the sea, Like
Speaker 1: that is my that is my like home, you know,
Speaker 1: that is my special spot. And I and like fried
Speaker 1: clams and just being on the water and by a
Speaker 1: wharf and eating and I was like, oh the East
Speaker 1: Coast and the leaves were changing and I'm like I
Speaker 1: love it here. And my boyfriend was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you are totally like you have this energy about you
Speaker 1: that you feel like I could see it. He's like,
Speaker 1: this is your spot. I'm like, yeah, the East Coast
Speaker 1: is my spot anyway. But that's why I live in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles. So what do we have on tap for today? Catherine?
Speaker 1: We have a theme of major life transitions, some career changes,
Speaker 1: engagements or maybe broken engagements, and coming out or opening
Speaker 1: up to family. It's a lot. Y'all really catered this
Speaker 1: to me. Huh well, yeah, yeah, exactly. We want to
Speaker 1: we want to curtail our episode. Are very special guests.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that so much. Great, and let's just take
Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll come back with some callers. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're back, you guys. We're back from our commercial break
Speaker 1: with my dear friend Lily Say, who I just love
Speaker 1: because I just love your energy, energy and your upbeat
Speaker 1: attitude and your beautiful smile and all of it. I
Speaker 1: drink a lot of energy drinks. What kind? They don't
Speaker 1: sponsor me, so I can't say so, you can't say so.
Speaker 1: We'll never We'll never, fucking no. I love how that's
Speaker 1: our our behavior is now with people like what do
Speaker 1: you use for your skin? I'm like, I won't tell you.
Speaker 1: I won't tell you until they pay me. Okay, So
Speaker 1: we're gonna start with some callers and we're going to
Speaker 1: give them some feedback. Who do we have, Katherine, what's
Speaker 1: going on? Our first email today comes from Jeremy. He
Speaker 1: says dear Chelsea. So, like so many people right now,
Speaker 1: I'm out of work. I'm a singer and an actor,
Speaker 1: and I've done shows in New York and tours and
Speaker 1: cruise ships, and before this pandemic hit, I was so
Speaker 1: excited about where my career was headed. In everything stopped,
Speaker 1: so I panicked and went back to college. By going back,
Speaker 1: I realized that there is life beyond my career. I
Speaker 1: don't want to give up on my dreams, but I
Speaker 1: also don't want to be stuck in a position again
Speaker 1: where I have no work. I just don't know what
Speaker 1: the right thing is to do. Any advice you have
Speaker 1: for me in this career transition would be so appreciated.
Speaker 1: Thanks from a big fan. Jeremy Okay, Jeremy here, He's
Speaker 1: not This was just an email. Oh god, I wish
Speaker 1: I understood how this podcast worked. Whenever I asked for
Speaker 1: the caller, they're not there. And then whenever I respond,
Speaker 1: like it's a write and they're on the phone, you're
Speaker 1: doing thank you, thank you. Do you want to start
Speaker 1: with I? I listen. I relate to the struggle so
Speaker 1: so hard as someone who also was like I want
Speaker 1: to make art and I'm creative, and my Indian parents
Speaker 1: were like, shut the f off, that's not going to happen.
Speaker 1: It's not a real job. Get a real job. So
Speaker 1: here here's my advice. I think you live in a
Speaker 1: very very unique time where there's so many opportunities to
Speaker 1: create things. We live in a very privileged time in
Speaker 1: that way, right, there's so many platforms, there's so many
Speaker 1: ways to avoid the gatekeepers. Make your own off, build
Speaker 1: a following. However, that takes time and energy, a lot
Speaker 1: of hustle, and a lot of opportunities. So what I
Speaker 1: did is I had a job. I also really hard
Speaker 1: to on the side, also do my art, also work
Speaker 1: on it, learned to edit, learned to shoot, learn how
Speaker 1: to do comedy. I had two full time jobs for
Speaker 1: a really long time, and that's how I built my audience.
Speaker 1: I'm want to say, you don't have to follow the
Speaker 1: conventional like I need to get hired as an actor
Speaker 1: to do this anymore. Make your own sketches, create your
Speaker 1: own content, and I think the opportunity for that today
Speaker 1: is better than ever before. Is he an entertainer? Is
Speaker 1: that what he said? Yeah, he's an actor and a singer.
Speaker 1: Oh I see yeah, exactly right. This is the best
Speaker 1: time in the world. TikTok baby, yeah, tickety talk, get
Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, but it's not easy. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people think like, oh, I'll just post the
Speaker 1: videoesn't get it following It's it's a lot of work.
Speaker 1: But if you want it, get the job that pays
Speaker 1: the bills, and then do the job you love when
Speaker 1: you have the time after the job that pays the bills. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also would say, like, if you made the
Speaker 1: effort to go to school and you're into school, you
Speaker 1: can do all of it. It's on same time, right, Like,
Speaker 1: get the education you want and then supplemented with all
Speaker 1: of this stuff, because it's going to be a huge
Speaker 1: learning curve anyway to learn how to like you know,
Speaker 1: register on TikTok, on social media, in acting in all
Speaker 1: of that stuff, and to make your mark. So it's
Speaker 1: going to be a learning curve anyway, So why not
Speaker 1: also be supplementing that with an education. I also think,
Speaker 1: and this is like a nerdy thing, but I think
Speaker 1: school is dope. I missed school. I want to go
Speaker 1: to I would like to go to college. I would
Speaker 1: like to go to school. I think when I was
Speaker 1: in school, I'm like, but now I'm like, I would
Speaker 1: love to go. I would like to go live on campus.
Speaker 1: How do we in a fraternity and a sorority because
Speaker 1: I would like to tell men what the fuck they're
Speaker 1: doing wrong and try and change the trajectory of their
Speaker 1: bad behavior. And I would also like to be involved
Speaker 1: in sorority life so that I can steer girls towards
Speaker 1: having a little bit more self esteem, a little bit
Speaker 1: more self confidence, and not taking any fucking ship. That's right.
Speaker 1: So anyway, that's a side note. We both want to
Speaker 1: go back to college. A fun factor to wrap this
Speaker 1: all up. As a Canadian, I didn't think sororities and
Speaker 1: fraternities were real. I thought there are only movies until
Speaker 1: I was in my mid twenties. They actually shouldn't. You know.
Speaker 1: It is kind of an anti it's an antiquated notion
Speaker 1: because you know, it's just exclusionary. It's excluding son because
Speaker 1: people don't get in right, So forget it. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be in a fraternity. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be in a sorority. What I really want to do
Speaker 1: is just go back to college. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: if I went back to school, I would end up
Speaker 1: having an inappropriate relationship with somebody that was eighteen or seventeen,
Speaker 1: and that's illegal. Seventeen is illegal, I know that, and
Speaker 1: eighteen is not illegal. Eighteen is legal, So you can
Speaker 1: have relationship with eighteen year old, but eighte year old
Speaker 1: can't drink here. That's right, Okay, America? Hello, are you
Speaker 1: just learning that the legal age for US is nineteen?
Speaker 1: The agent in America's twenty one? Ridiculous? You could do
Speaker 1: anything else before Sherlock. Our country is fucking upside down
Speaker 1: and twisted Americans. I tell you, I know Canadians is
Speaker 1: where it's at. That's why I'm going to marry Lily
Speaker 1: so I can wear citizenship. I brought the ring. You know,
Speaker 1: careers in general, I feel when I was growing up,
Speaker 1: I had this very linear idea of what my career
Speaker 1: in life would be. I would go to school, get
Speaker 1: a piece of paper that said I was good at something,
Speaker 1: get a job, do that job forever, and that was
Speaker 1: going to be life. That's not real life. That's not
Speaker 1: real life at all. I got a psych degree, which
Speaker 1: I it's a paperweight right now at my house. It's useless.
Speaker 1: I never use it. But that's cool, that's not useless.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing about psych is that you do
Speaker 1: all this reading and studying and at the end of
Speaker 1: the fifty page chapter goes, but also, none of this
Speaker 1: may be true. That's what I can't get on board with. Well,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? They'll have all these theories about
Speaker 1: like why the thing people behave that way, Then the
Speaker 1: last paragraph of the book will be like, but also
Speaker 1: this is all up for debate and may not actually
Speaker 1: be accurate. Yeah, you know what I mean, right, Maybe
Speaker 1: I use my psych degree a little bit like when
Speaker 1: I'm flirting to try to trick people. I don't know anyways,
Speaker 1: But the point I'm making is I got a psych degree.
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to be a counselor can
Speaker 1: you believe that? And then I discovered YouTube and I
Speaker 1: made YouTube videos and then I was like, this is
Speaker 1: what I'm doing for the rest of my life, I guess.
Speaker 1: And then from there I wrote a book and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I guess I'm an author. Then from
Speaker 1: there I went on a tour and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I guess I'm a performer. And then I got a
Speaker 1: late night show and I thought, this is what I'm
Speaker 1: doing for the rest of my The point I'm making
Speaker 1: is my career has changed so many times, and each
Speaker 1: time I was so sure this is the thing I'm
Speaker 1: doing forever, and then life slaps across the face and
Speaker 1: you realize that you don't have to narrow yourself into
Speaker 1: one direction. You can do it all, and you can
Speaker 1: do all the things that you think are interesting, and
Speaker 1: life will probably force it to be that way. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think anytime you think you're set up for something
Speaker 1: and it's going to be for a long time, life
Speaker 1: throws you a curveball. I know, because for my experience,
Speaker 1: it's like I always go into things thinking, funk, how
Speaker 1: long is this going to go on for? Like it's
Speaker 1: the opposite thing, like I don't like to be I
Speaker 1: have a commitment. I'm commitment phobic in that way with
Speaker 1: with regard to career and like signing a contract for
Speaker 1: more than two years, Like I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna want to be in
Speaker 1: this country. I don't know if I want to still
Speaker 1: live in l A. And I don't want to be
Speaker 1: beholden to anyone, you know, I have major issues about that,
Speaker 1: Like I need freedom to move around, bounce around whenever
Speaker 1: I want. So I have kind of the opposite thing
Speaker 1: with you, but again in multiple different ways, like doing
Speaker 1: so many different things when I feel them. You know,
Speaker 1: obviously that's a luxury to have, and not everybody starts
Speaker 1: out their career like that. But the more of a
Speaker 1: foundation you lay, the more options you have later on
Speaker 1: down the road. So you know, having an education, having talent,
Speaker 1: having all these different modes of making money and making
Speaker 1: income and attracting people to you is always going to
Speaker 1: pay back in spades. So I also think another big
Speaker 1: thing is you can't grow and stay the same, like
Speaker 1: that can't happen. And I think with Late Night, for me,
Speaker 1: I was so excited about Late Night, and I really
Speaker 1: believe I can do anything after that because it was
Speaker 1: so exhausting in every single way, and I just feel
Speaker 1: like everything I do now was a breeze, to be honest,
Speaker 1: But when I did Late Night, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a historic thing. This is for representation, you know,
Speaker 1: in thirty years, you know, the first Indian woman. But
Speaker 1: then when I was in that environment, I think something
Speaker 1: changed with the new when I thought I could be
Speaker 1: moving the needle in a better, more effective way. I
Speaker 1: learned the tools I learned from Late Night, but I
Speaker 1: very quickly learned that I was only going to be
Speaker 1: able to do so much in that setup. And now
Speaker 1: I have ambitions to be the person who makes the
Speaker 1: decisions about the representation, not just the shiny person that
Speaker 1: is the representation. And so I feel like everything happens
Speaker 1: for a reason, And when your career shifts, it's because
Speaker 1: you're meant to do something else and you're meant to
Speaker 1: contribute in a different way. That's what I'm telling myself,
Speaker 1: but that's also what we talked about on this podcast.
Speaker 1: A lot is like instead of resisting the change, accepting
Speaker 1: the change and going Okay, this is this is over,
Speaker 1: this doesn't work for me or whatever, and moving on
Speaker 1: to the next thing with the same amount of enthusiasm,
Speaker 1: the same amount of interest, knowing that you know, instead
Speaker 1: of looking in the rear of your mirror, which so
Speaker 1: many people are so guilty lot of, like I wish
Speaker 1: I could have, should have, would have. It's over. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You cannot change history. So it's better to
Speaker 1: just move forward with a hundred and fifty percent of
Speaker 1: enthusiasm and being like, Okay, I'm gonna nail this, and
Speaker 1: then everything kind of always ends up lining up for
Speaker 1: you in the right way. I completely agree. Thus far,
Speaker 1: you have a survival rate of surviving every single thing
Speaker 1: that has happened in your life one percent. You've gone
Speaker 1: through every single thing. Yeah, that's a great point. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start making it. Yeah. Remember we had our first
Speaker 1: late night kiss at the beginning of your show. We did.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Lily was like, and then we had like
Speaker 1: twenty others off camera. Well, yeah, because Lily wouldn't leave
Speaker 1: me alone. She wouldn't get off my jock. So typical.
Speaker 1: Chelsea always comes through no matter what I asked her, literally,
Speaker 1: no matter what I asked. I was like, Chelsea, I
Speaker 1: need you to come to my show. I need to
Speaker 1: kiss someone. She's like, cool, be there, I'll be there.
Speaker 1: I'll be there on Tuesday. She's a real one, a
Speaker 1: real one. Yeah. Yeah, I try. Yeah. I hadn't meant
Speaker 1: that day out of respect for our situation. I would
Speaker 1: never do that because I did not I know. Last
Speaker 1: night we were flying home from New York and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend was like, just my breath smell. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, honey, I just keep my mask on all
Speaker 1: the time because I love the smell of my own breath.
Speaker 1: That we're disgusting, we're all, but we're all so disgusting
Speaker 1: that I don't want to smell other people anymore. I
Speaker 1: just I'm going to continue wearing that mask for years
Speaker 1: because I like my breath, and well, it mostly smells
Speaker 1: like cannabis, but that is a smell that comforts me,
Speaker 1: and I like my mask smells. So the other day
Speaker 1: I took someone's mask to borrow, like a friend of
Speaker 1: mine was like here, yeah, of course. I was like,
Speaker 1: how do I get delta the delta area quickly? And
Speaker 1: they gave it to me and I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: thank you. I don't like that smell. The biggest joke
Speaker 1: of this entire situation is you're supposed to wash your
Speaker 1: mask every time you use it. Come on, come on,
Speaker 1: that's pridiculous. Let's let's just settle the disposable ones. Those
Speaker 1: little blue and white ones. Are you I wear those? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Those like you know, doctor ones, not THEE but the
Speaker 1: little thin blue and white ones. Oh no, I have
Speaker 1: my own off mask. No, No, yeah, I say I'm not. No,
Speaker 1: I keep thinking it's gonna be over any day. You
Speaker 1: need to just wake up and get with the times.
Speaker 1: It's never over a kid, it's never getting over. It's
Speaker 1: the pandemic forever. And I don't know if you can
Speaker 1: afford that sample. I'm so sorry if you can't. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sure we can. I'm sure we can. It's a podcast.
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't we be able to Chelse? I like to
Speaker 1: I like the idea of putting in my own money
Speaker 1: to buy the licensing rights for my podcast. My heart
Speaker 1: doesn't do it. I have to put up the money.
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, guys, I want to buy this song
Speaker 1: for fifty grand. Okay, well, I hope that helps you.
Speaker 1: I had touch based with us and let us know
Speaker 1: what happened. Jeremy, Jeremy. Okay, who do we have next? Okay?
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Tara. She's forty and she lives
Speaker 1: in California. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm forty years old
Speaker 1: and I have been married for fifteen years to my
Speaker 1: high school sweetheart. We've been together for the better part
Speaker 1: of twenty five years. But when I envisioned my future,
Speaker 1: I don't see it being with a man. I started
Speaker 1: having these feelings about two years ago, but recently they've
Speaker 1: grown stronger and stronger. Well, the vision of my new
Speaker 1: life excites me, and I've told my husband, who's been
Speaker 1: super supportive. I'm not sure how to tell my family
Speaker 1: any advice, And I actually spoke to Tara. She had
Speaker 1: written in before she talked to her husband. She said
Speaker 1: they're going to stay married for the time being, and
Speaker 1: he's really completely horritive. But she's a really private person
Speaker 1: that isn't really sure if her family needs to know.
Speaker 1: So she's here with us right now and she can
Speaker 1: tell you a little bit more about her situation. Hi, Terry,
Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea, I'm great, do you know Lily Lily Tara? Hi,
Speaker 1: really nice to meet you and an awesome question. What
Speaker 1: really awesome question. Yeah, it's good timing too because of
Speaker 1: my special cast. Yes, oh perfect. Hi, I apologize. I'm
Speaker 1: not familiar with who you are, so don't apologize at all.
Speaker 1: Chelsea and I have very different demographs. Don't worry. I'm
Speaker 1: sure her audience has no idea. Who the funk I am,
Speaker 1: so no worries. Yeah, so my situation, I guess everything's
Speaker 1: been actually pretty great with my husband, but yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: very private person. I don't I don't Instagram, I don't Twitter,
Speaker 1: I don't anything. I google myself to make sure that
Speaker 1: I can't find information on myself. And I have like
Speaker 1: a big half Italian family, half Irish family, and it's
Speaker 1: navigating telling them because my husband I've been together for
Speaker 1: so long and that's all that they know, and I
Speaker 1: just don't want to have to explain myself. It's the questions,
Speaker 1: the why when did you this? That, like I really
Speaker 1: don't feel it's any other fucking business, and like it
Speaker 1: is what it is. But there's gonna be family events
Speaker 1: coming up, and it's just figuring out kind of how
Speaker 1: to bob and weave through that. Right, Well, I'll let
Speaker 1: you go, okay, experience. So my background is that at
Speaker 1: the tender age of thirties, I relate to you. At
Speaker 1: the age of thirty, I came out is by So
Speaker 1: don't don't at all feel like you're alone. There's a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of us older folks who are like, we're
Speaker 1: figuring things out and it's a lifelong journey and that's okay.
Speaker 1: But you know what, I completely agree with the sentiment
Speaker 1: of it is no one's business. And you don't need
Speaker 1: to explain yourself. And I think the most beautiful thing
Speaker 1: that people can decide is that they don't need to
Speaker 1: come out because they actually don't need to explain to
Speaker 1: anybody who they are. And I I'm so emotional hearing
Speaker 1: your story because one of the only reasons I came
Speaker 1: up was because I was in the public eye and
Speaker 1: had a big fear that someone else would say it
Speaker 1: before I would, and I wouldn't be able to live
Speaker 1: with myself. But I remember thinking, why do I need
Speaker 1: to tell like this extended group of friends, or this
Speaker 1: extended group of ants and uncles, why do they need
Speaker 1: to explain who I am. It's not like people come
Speaker 1: out and straight. It's not only people have to tell
Speaker 1: you something. I actually am straight. Like that doesn't happen, right,
Speaker 1: And so I think this. I think you're a full
Speaker 1: fledged adult. You have your own life, You are figuring
Speaker 1: out who you are, and that's never gonna and that's
Speaker 1: gonna keep happening. You don't really need to explain anything
Speaker 1: to anyone. And I love the fact that your husband
Speaker 1: is being supportive. I think that is wonderful. But I
Speaker 1: think you don't really need to have a list of people,
Speaker 1: decid need to tell all these people explain, and you
Speaker 1: don't need to answer those questions. I think all you
Speaker 1: need to do is make a choice and set boundaries.
Speaker 1: And this is me straight up quoting my therapist, which
Speaker 1: is just when people ask you those questions, which they will,
Speaker 1: how did you know? But what about this? But what
Speaker 1: about your sex life? Hey, this is just where I'm
Speaker 1: at and I don't really need to explain, Like, let's
Speaker 1: let's instead go have a drink, let's instead hang out.
Speaker 1: I don't need to go through this entire process of
Speaker 1: uprooting my past now to explain to you who I am.
Speaker 1: You just need to love who you are. If you
Speaker 1: accept who you are, that's all that matters. Truly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm totally fine with it. And there's just such a
Speaker 1: rhetoric now around people just micromanaging their sexuality of their this,
Speaker 1: and they're back and I'm like, I'm just like you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's also like when you're thinking, I feel so
Speaker 1: much for teens when they're coming because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: think they still need the support of their parents and
Speaker 1: they still need to be taken after and when you're younger,
Speaker 1: but when you're an adult. It's kind of like, if
Speaker 1: you want to celebrate who I am, great, if you don't,
Speaker 1: I have a fully functioning life already, and I'm doing
Speaker 1: my own thing and I'm gonna be great either way.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of the silver lining I discovered of
Speaker 1: coming out later in life, where I didn't need to
Speaker 1: be scared that I was gonna get kicked out. I
Speaker 1: didn't need to be scared that I was gonna get disowned.
Speaker 1: It was like, I already have an entire universe of
Speaker 1: my own, and so you can be part of it,
Speaker 1: and we can party and go to Pride together and
Speaker 1: listen to Lady Gaga box and be dope, or you
Speaker 1: can be over there and I'll be doing that by
Speaker 1: myself over here. Yes, very true, very true. I love
Speaker 1: that you're talking about being a lesbian and you're wearing
Speaker 1: a shirt that says, hey, pussy Sofia. Everyone has golden girl, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: we do. Who's your who's your inner golden girl. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to know any of the names of them
Speaker 1: because I'm too young and you guys are acting really
Speaker 1: old right now. Sorry, Sorry, Dorothy is mine. There's one
Speaker 1: that like drinks a lot, right, Rue McClanahan, Okay, I
Speaker 1: think that's me. I forget what her name was. What
Speaker 1: was her name, Tara Dorothy Blanche You don't drink a lot,
Speaker 1: kind of not really, but you know, I enjoy White
Speaker 1: is the airhead, she's the dipsy doode, all of the bunch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends like her. I have
Speaker 1: my grandma. Anyway, back to you, Tara. First of all,
Speaker 1: I think you should have a lot of gratitude for
Speaker 1: the fact that you are with a man that is
Speaker 1: as understanding as he is, and he's cool with that.
Speaker 1: He understands that everything's good. Right. Oh yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's we're still living together, we're staying married. It's just
Speaker 1: because logistically we've been together so long it will probably
Speaker 1: just be a nightmare. We're really fortunate to we have
Speaker 1: a friend who very close mutual friend who's a divorce attorney,
Speaker 1: so when it does have to happen, we can have
Speaker 1: her mediate through things. And yeah, he's just he's I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's confusing and hurtful, hurts him because we've
Speaker 1: been together pretty much since we were kids, so it's
Speaker 1: kind of all he knows. It's somewhat all I know, besides,
Speaker 1: you know, a little small breaks here and there. But yeah,
Speaker 1: he's just he's really been awesome. He's my best friend.
Speaker 1: He's one of the people I've known in my life
Speaker 1: the longest that I'm not related to. So yeah, and
Speaker 1: it seems to me like that, really, is the only
Speaker 1: person that you owe any explanation too? Is the person
Speaker 1: that you are living with, or married to, or in
Speaker 1: a relationship with. I agree with Lily, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I think what you're saying is that you don't want
Speaker 1: to even come out to your family, right, Um, No,
Speaker 1: it's not. I mean it's kind of along lines of
Speaker 1: what Lelie said. I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation,
Speaker 1: and when the time comes and when I see them,
Speaker 1: like my grandma two and she's sucking sharp as a button,
Speaker 1: But is she really going to understand, Like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: how do you twenty five years into a relationship just
Speaker 1: decide the rule of thumb is to always lie to
Speaker 1: the grandparents. You be honest to everyone else, you always
Speaker 1: lie to the grandparents. You're like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be the person that gives you the heart attack, Like,
Speaker 1: so I lied to all the randparents that I feel
Speaker 1: like just common like, I feel like that's fine. I
Speaker 1: would send her pictures of my dogs and she'd like,
Speaker 1: don't send me pictures you have sucking dogs. Have kids
Speaker 1: and send me pictures and the kids and lie about
Speaker 1: that too. Just send random kids. I'm telling you had
Speaker 1: a cabbage patch baby, and send her a picture of that.
Speaker 1: Say I just got this. It might be acceptable. Actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say. I couldn't agree more. I don't understand
Speaker 1: why gay people have to come out. You don't have
Speaker 1: to come out. It's like straight people don't have to
Speaker 1: declare that their their straightness. And I think you've made
Speaker 1: up your mind. It sounds like you understand what's going on,
Speaker 1: and that is just the first step in a series
Speaker 1: of steps that you're going to be take. Gig, you've
Speaker 1: made the biggest first one. I totally agree about not
Speaker 1: coming out to your family. It's not their business. This
Speaker 1: is your life and this is your show. You know,
Speaker 1: you have to make yourself happy, make yourr Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is dear Tara. You have to make yourself happy. And Indian,
Speaker 1: I'm saying it to Indian. It's my fault. I said
Speaker 1: it to Indian. I'm from New York and my mom
Speaker 1: just pop Indian people say thought and I knew I
Speaker 1: was going to make that mistake and them and when
Speaker 1: I'm around Indian people, So it's very confusing for all
Speaker 1: three of the last saying, I know we have to
Speaker 1: move over. The last thing I really want to say,
Speaker 1: just from my heart is after listening to you and
Speaker 1: Chelsea speak, Chelsea mentioned gratitude, and I do want to
Speaker 1: just insider a little unicorness and say, I know this
Speaker 1: is super hard and super difficult and probably really stressful,
Speaker 1: but there's something really awesome about saying I spent so
Speaker 1: many years with this person who is awesome, and now
Speaker 1: I get to explore different part of myself and do
Speaker 1: the best of both worlds and live all parts of myself,
Speaker 1: which a lot of people don't get to do. So
Speaker 1: I think that's a really cool silver lining of you
Speaker 1: just like living your truth. I'm a very close friend
Speaker 1: I've known longer than my husband, and I went and
Speaker 1: stayed with him and he had said, just because the
Speaker 1: relationship is over doesn't mean it was bad. He said,
Speaker 1: you guys had such a great time, you know, great
Speaker 1: times together. Think of the things that you did the
Speaker 1: things you grew together and those things that just helped
Speaker 1: develop your character. He said, it doesn't make make it bad,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're right, and it was so true,
Speaker 1: like very invested. Yeah, that's right, and hold on to
Speaker 1: that because you're having an awakening of what you desire,
Speaker 1: and that is also worth celebrating. To be in touch
Speaker 1: enough with your emotions to do something about it, and
Speaker 1: to be in touch with your feelings. So many people
Speaker 1: are not able to do that. They'll go their whole
Speaker 1: life and never do that, right, right, right, Yeah. The
Speaker 1: only thing I'd really do cruise on is Reddit and
Speaker 1: all cruise on the like late bloomer lesbian forums and
Speaker 1: late bloomer lesbian By the way, there's a there's a
Speaker 1: mass exodus of women leaving heterosexuality to be late bloomer lesbians,
Speaker 1: late bloomer. They're like, so I'm twenty seven, and I'm all, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, and like I'm twenty two. I don't know
Speaker 1: what late was then, but okay. And there are some
Speaker 1: people there who I just feel for because they straight
Speaker 1: up will say I'm never going to come out. I
Speaker 1: just I'm gonna live this life inside this body, and
Speaker 1: I I couldn't like. It wasn't like I was gonna
Speaker 1: wait for your guys your email and be like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't come up to my husband yet. Chelsea dosn't
Speaker 1: tell me what to do like it ate literally ated
Speaker 1: my inside and I just I didn't tell anyone before
Speaker 1: I told him. And he even said, he said, who
Speaker 1: have you told? I said, I literally haven't told anyone.
Speaker 1: That's probably why it bottled up so much inside of me.
Speaker 1: It eats inside of you, for sure, totally sending you
Speaker 1: all the love and life. Yeah. Yeah, I'm proud of
Speaker 1: you already. You're gonna have a great time. Keep us
Speaker 1: supposed to check back in with the podcast. Okay, I
Speaker 1: know we just met with You're my hero. Okay, thanks
Speaker 1: saying what a connection you guys. She's so cute. You
Speaker 1: know I changed it. I was hopping on your bandwagon. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't throw me under the button. We've got some waters
Speaker 1: coming in right now. Oh my god, she really scrounged
Speaker 1: him up. Finally, if you guys don't edit this part
Speaker 1: of the podcast. Basically, Chelsea has me in a dungeon
Speaker 1: chained up and water and I get some water and
Speaker 1: they're like, we can we'll work on that. They're like,
Speaker 1: here's a microphone, get to work, to work on the water.
Speaker 1: It's like, is there a well around? Well, actually, we're
Speaker 1: gonna need to work on the water because California is
Speaker 1: gonna have none in about thirty days. Okay, anyway, onto
Speaker 1: the next caller. What else we got Catherine to the next?
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Jessica. She is on the phone
Speaker 1: with us as well. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea, I'm having
Speaker 1: a hard time rebuilding trust in my relationship after my
Speaker 1: boyfriend proposed to me, I said no, and then he
Speaker 1: broke up with me a week later. We got back
Speaker 1: together just a couple of days after, but now I
Speaker 1: feel like I can't trust what he says and his
Speaker 1: feelings towards me. I don't know what to make of
Speaker 1: anything and could really use him advice. Twenty four and
Speaker 1: genetically predisposed to divorce Jessica. Okay, Hi, Jessica, Hi, how
Speaker 1: are you guys? We're good? How are you doing? I'm good? Yeah,
Speaker 1: well except for what's going on? Yeah there's that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So what happened? So your boyfriend proposed to you? After
Speaker 1: how many years together? We've been together about two years,
Speaker 1: and we've known each other for close to ten so
Speaker 1: it's been a while. We're both in our mid twenties,
Speaker 1: so it didn't really seem like the perfect time. We
Speaker 1: also didn't even live together or anything, so it's kind
Speaker 1: of waiting on that. And then he totally obviously threw
Speaker 1: me for a loop when he broke up with me
Speaker 1: a little while later. So okay, but back up a little.
Speaker 1: So he proposed to you and you said no on
Speaker 1: the spot, like, how did you tell him that? How
Speaker 1: did you turn him down? Yeah, it was pretty on
Speaker 1: this spot. Had you ever discussed getting married prior to
Speaker 1: this point. Yeah, we've talked about like getting married and
Speaker 1: stuff like that a lot, but mostly in like a
Speaker 1: hypothetical long ways away when we moved to Mars, we'll
Speaker 1: get married. Got it right, exactly, So it's gonna happen
Speaker 1: sooner than you think, Lily, so be careful. And he
Speaker 1: didn't have a ring either, so I'm like, he proposed
Speaker 1: without a ring. Yeah, it was kind of like a
Speaker 1: heat of the moment, like passion type of thing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: but now you guys are back together, Yeah, and we've
Speaker 1: been together, so wait, so you said no? How did
Speaker 1: you say it? What did you say You're like this
Speaker 1: isn't right or yeah? I mean I was just basically
Speaker 1: like no, like let's think about this a little bit
Speaker 1: more like yeah, before like moving forward with that, but
Speaker 1: now I don't really know how to trust what he
Speaker 1: says he feels about me. Wait, so you said no
Speaker 1: then he broke up with you and said, what, what
Speaker 1: was the reason for breaking up with you because you
Speaker 1: didn't want to marry him? Well, no, it actually didn't
Speaker 1: really have anything to do with that. We were both
Speaker 1: like some funny had a piece of paper and a pen.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's so convoluted, but um, we
Speaker 1: had both just quit smoking at the time, so emotions
Speaker 1: were high and coping skills were very low, and we
Speaker 1: kind of kept pickering. So it kind of led to
Speaker 1: this like explosive moment of like I just can't do
Speaker 1: this anymore. And then we took a couple of days
Speaker 1: to cool off and he was like, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that we just need to talk things through and work
Speaker 1: this out. Okay, it wasn't a breakup or was it?
Speaker 1: Was it a let's take some time. It was at
Speaker 1: the time, it was a breakup which turned into Was
Speaker 1: it a we were on a break or was it
Speaker 1: was it ross or was it not? Well? He said,
Speaker 1: you know, like this is it, like I don't want
Speaker 1: to talk to you anymore only to call me in
Speaker 1: like a few days. What a mistake? You know, I
Speaker 1: want to work this out. Okay? Well, so then why
Speaker 1: do you feel like you can't trust him because cansidering
Speaker 1: like how he's giving me like all of the run
Speaker 1: rounds in the book, like I'm going to be with
Speaker 1: you forever, I love you so much, all of this
Speaker 1: telling me everything I want to hear, and at the
Speaker 1: same time not being able to communicate shutting down, breaking
Speaker 1: up with me. What am I supposed to make that? Right?
Speaker 1: I think you guys are I think you guys have
Speaker 1: been together for a long time and you're probably just
Speaker 1: you're just going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you have a pretty good thing going
Speaker 1: with him, and that your communication just needs to be
Speaker 1: a little bit maybe aided by a third party, like
Speaker 1: a therapist. I mean, have you considered that going to
Speaker 1: therapy together? Yeah, we both go to therapy individually, but
Speaker 1: that's like totally something that I feel like would be
Speaker 1: really beneficial. Yeah, I mean, you've been together for over
Speaker 1: ten years, right, altogether, we've known each other for ten years.
Speaker 1: A couple of therapy is really really good, especially if
Speaker 1: you pick the therapist and then you pay them on
Speaker 1: the side so they agree with everything you say. You
Speaker 1: have a side conversation with that from the get go right. Yeah, worse,
Speaker 1: but it's better to make them know going in since
Speaker 1: he's not on this call, going in like this is
Speaker 1: my objective. I want to stay together. And listen, every
Speaker 1: couple has to grow, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 1: there's always gonna be friction. If there's not friction, there's
Speaker 1: not growth. So you can trust him. You're creating a narrative.
Speaker 1: I think maybe you're reacting to something else, so you're
Speaker 1: feeling a little unsafe. You know, he loves you, he
Speaker 1: wanted to marry you. You quit smoking together. You said
Speaker 1: no to getting married, and you guys quit smoking together.
Speaker 1: That shows me that you made too really responsible decisions.
Speaker 1: Knowing that you're too young to get married is great.
Speaker 1: Not acting in the heat of the moment is great,
Speaker 1: and quitting smoking is great. I mean, you're smart, You've
Speaker 1: got your ship together. You guys just need a little
Speaker 1: bit of help to stay together. I also think there's
Speaker 1: a little bit of As someone who was not there,
Speaker 1: let me now share my opinion about what happened. I
Speaker 1: think he had to have been a little bit hurt
Speaker 1: by getting the no, and that's what's probably the reason
Speaker 1: for the bick rings. So you're saying that like, oh,
Speaker 1: it had nothing to do with that, maybe from your end,
Speaker 1: but I can imagine from his end, probably felt some
Speaker 1: type of way about that, and that probably led to
Speaker 1: him bickering a little bit and being like I need
Speaker 1: some time. He got rejected, right, it's natural, and men
Speaker 1: don't like that. They don't like that at all, see White. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so, I really don't. I don't like that
Speaker 1: at all. So, yes, so you have to be a
Speaker 1: little bit empathetic to that because you love him, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly exact, feel like we can you know, make things work.
Speaker 1: Of course, you can. You can make anything that you
Speaker 1: want to work work, especially if there's a willing party. So,
Speaker 1: and I think another important thing is that does he
Speaker 1: bring out the best in you? Does he make you happy? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we probably should ask that first. Actually, does he make
Speaker 1: you happy? And he feel safe and you feel the
Speaker 1: best version of yourself. Yeah, I feel like we both
Speaker 1: bring that out of each other. So I feel like
Speaker 1: we have a really very perfect, strong foundation and everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're going to be fine. Jessica. You sound
Speaker 1: like you just need a reminder that you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship with the right person. You guys have a good
Speaker 1: thing going and you just went through a little rough patch.
Speaker 1: What Lily said is absolutely astute, and I'm sure accurre
Speaker 1: it that he was feeling rejected and then had to
Speaker 1: reject you. That's what a lot of white men feel
Speaker 1: like they have to do. That's what a lot of
Speaker 1: people feel like they have to do. Look at me
Speaker 1: using my psych degree. Oh my god, I know the
Speaker 1: first time she went to we just watched a psychology degree.
Speaker 1: So I mean, yeah, So it's going to be called
Speaker 1: dear Lily from now on. And I'm just gonna be
Speaker 1: in the other room with Catherine. I'll tell you right now.
Speaker 1: And brown people call the questions are gonna be a
Speaker 1: lot different. Your answers are going to scare them. Anyway,
Speaker 1: keep us posted and let us know. But get a therapist. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: so much by Jessica. Thank you guys, take care. Another
Speaker 1: problem solved. You're crushing it. Thank you. I mean you
Speaker 1: didn't think you needed your psych degree, but look at
Speaker 1: it before my surprise, Katherine, how did you feel about that?
Speaker 1: I felt great. I got married very young. I was
Speaker 1: twenty three when Brad the editor here, and I got married,
Speaker 1: and we really went through like two years of marriage
Speaker 1: counseling early in our marriage, and it taught us so much.
Speaker 1: It taught us how to argue, it taught us how
Speaker 1: to get along, It taught us good ground rules, and really,
Speaker 1: I think it's set our marriage up, even though we
Speaker 1: didn't do pre marital counseling, Having that so early in
Speaker 1: our relationship like totally solidified where we are now. We
Speaker 1: just celebrated our sixteenth anniversary of thirteenth of marriage, sixteenth
Speaker 1: of together. So look at him knowing that the enough.
Speaker 1: I think people always associate couples counseling or therapy with
Speaker 1: like they're falling apart, so they but no, it's like
Speaker 1: therapy is just good in general, and wonder what phase
Speaker 1: relationship is in. It's setting yourself up because when you
Speaker 1: would make an investment and you put in the time
Speaker 1: and effort, it's like meditation or exercise. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta get that d girl. Oh did you say see?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry? I thought, okay anyway, Yeah, so you're setting
Speaker 1: yourself up for success. You're making the best investment into yourself.
Speaker 1: So that's that's great advice, Catherine. So like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: know that pre marital counseling that has a religious undertone
Speaker 1: to me, but you could also do that without having
Speaker 1: to have a religious undertone, because you know how I
Speaker 1: feel about religion anyway. So what do we have going
Speaker 1: on now? All right? We have a very Canadian email
Speaker 1: next and it is a little long, but worth it,
Speaker 1: she says, Dear Chelsea. Seven years ago, I met a
Speaker 1: man who was twenty three years older than me. We
Speaker 1: hit it off right away and quickly became marf to
Speaker 1: this term, but friends with benefits. We lived in different
Speaker 1: provinces where Canadian, and even though we met in Ontario,
Speaker 1: where I'm from, our relationship grew when I moved to
Speaker 1: Nova Scotia. Fast forward and we have been on and
Speaker 1: off for seven years. My family does not approve at
Speaker 1: all because of the age gap, but now I love
Speaker 1: him more than I could ever imagine loving a man.
Speaker 1: We never yell or fight with each other. We're so
Speaker 1: supportive of each other, we have healthy social lives outside
Speaker 1: of one another, and most importantly, we make each other
Speaker 1: so happy. In twenty teen, he broke up with me,
Speaker 1: and I was devastated. Come to find out, the reason
Speaker 1: he broke up with me was because he knew that
Speaker 1: the reason my sister had cut me out of her
Speaker 1: life was because of my relationship with him. We secretly
Speaker 1: got back together at the end of then COVID hit
Speaker 1: the Atlantic bubble made it impossible for us to see
Speaker 1: each other, So after sixteen months apart, we finally got
Speaker 1: to see each other again, just as we expected. We
Speaker 1: love each other more than ever, and now I'm faced
Speaker 1: with the reality that if my relationship can move any further,
Speaker 1: I have to talk to my family. I'm sorry this
Speaker 1: was so long. I'm also Canadian, though, so I have
Speaker 1: a hard time not apologizing in general. How can I
Speaker 1: be with the man I love and stop my family
Speaker 1: from disowning me once again? Thank you in advance A
Speaker 1: anonymous Canadian. A. Wow, that's a doozy. I feel like
Speaker 1: we need the whole story about why her family is
Speaker 1: so against him. Well, the age thing, but I need
Speaker 1: the story of like how old is she? Just why
Speaker 1: I make sure I advice is legal? Yeah, well, right, right, exactly, Well,
Speaker 1: she's they probably started carrying on before she was when
Speaker 1: she was a little bit younger. But this is a
Speaker 1: complete speculation. Could be that it could be, but I
Speaker 1: would say, regardless, if it stood the test of time,
Speaker 1: this relationship has taken what it's been over the course
Speaker 1: of four or five years, yes, seven seven years. Seven
Speaker 1: years is a long time, no fling, no, and you've
Speaker 1: broken up And the fact that he broke up with
Speaker 1: you because your family wasn't speaking to you, is I
Speaker 1: like that That's something good. That's that's really really sweet
Speaker 1: and sad at the same time and sad, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I know we're not getting the full picture about why
Speaker 1: your family doesn't like him. Obviously the age difference would
Speaker 1: freak them out. But at a certain point, I think
Speaker 1: it would be beneficial for you to sit down with
Speaker 1: your family and possibly with him, so you guys can
Speaker 1: have an open, honest conversation about how you feel about
Speaker 1: him and that you have broken up and that you
Speaker 1: guys always find your way back to each other. And
Speaker 1: while the age difference may make them uncomfortable. This is
Speaker 1: your life, this makes you happy, and there's no reason
Speaker 1: for your family to cut you off because of your
Speaker 1: choices in a partner for three years. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: big age difference, but that's your choice. You're an adult.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming you're legal. I feel like this whole thing
Speaker 1: is just me quoting my therapist. I'm so sorry. I'll
Speaker 1: give you a credit. I'll pay you extra next time.
Speaker 1: But I think there's certain rules. Amazing, I think there's
Speaker 1: certain rules. What are the family rules and what are
Speaker 1: the anonymous Canadian rules? You know? I think this is
Speaker 1: verily similar to when people disown their kids for dating
Speaker 1: someone of the same sex, Whether person is older, person
Speaker 1: doesn't know. There's so many reasons why families decide I
Speaker 1: don't approve of that person, and so now I'm going
Speaker 1: to cut you off. You need to decide which of
Speaker 1: those rules you abide by, in which you don't. If
Speaker 1: the person doesn't treat you well and your family cut
Speaker 1: you off, I can understand that if the person cheated
Speaker 1: on you and wasn't faithful to you, I could understand
Speaker 1: that we're cheer telling us that the person treats you amazing,
Speaker 1: makes you happy, understands you. Those are all rules that
Speaker 1: you should abide by, and I think that's where you
Speaker 1: have to decide. Like, no, the rule is that if
Speaker 1: I'm being treated right, I will be with this person.
Speaker 1: Make every effort to make your family understand. But you
Speaker 1: don't have to abide by the rules your family has
Speaker 1: about what they accept about the person, right. There's a
Speaker 1: distinction there, And I'm also gonna say family therapy as well.
Speaker 1: Family therapy goes a long way with getting people on
Speaker 1: the same page. But I have a feeling that if
Speaker 1: you broke up with this person for your family would
Speaker 1: eat you inside for a long time, because you're not
Speaker 1: spending the rest of your life living with your sister.
Speaker 1: You spend the rest of your life living with a partner, right,
Speaker 1: And so there's a big difference there. And as long
Speaker 1: as there's not like any abuse going on or any
Speaker 1: like drug use going on that is making your family
Speaker 1: feel unsafe. If those are issues that are present in
Speaker 1: the relationship, then you have to be accountable for that
Speaker 1: and in respect the fact that your family is worried
Speaker 1: about you in that way. But if those aren't issues,
Speaker 1: then yeah, people waste so much time in life holding
Speaker 1: grudges or being angry at their own family members, and
Speaker 1: it's just such a waste of time. I mean, we're
Speaker 1: sucking here once. You know, no matter what you believe in,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you believe in reincarnation, maybe you think
Speaker 1: you're coming back, but not as the same person. So
Speaker 1: you've got to make it count and you've got to
Speaker 1: exhaust all efforts. But I agree, love can be stronger
Speaker 1: than family sometimes, and so we're saying that you should
Speaker 1: try to make it work with your family while you're
Speaker 1: with the guy, and if they can't handle that, then
Speaker 1: you know that is their loss. Again going back to
Speaker 1: if he treats you right and if there's no other
Speaker 1: factors there. But I think, yeah, it's not right for
Speaker 1: any family to say, oh, this makes my sister really happy,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to have a problem with it. That's
Speaker 1: let me Your sister needs to figure out and needs
Speaker 1: to work on. Yeah, swing out sister. Anyway, So keep
Speaker 1: us posted anonymous, let us know Canadian a And then
Speaker 1: that you said provinces, who I love provinces. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: so proud that you knew there were provinces. The majority
Speaker 1: of people I speak to here, have no idea about
Speaker 1: and you know that I have Canadian Oh I'm announcing
Speaker 1: my Canadian tour dates. Just added second shows to Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle,
Speaker 1: and Winnipeg. Because my Canadians love me and I love
Speaker 1: my Canadians. I am coming to two shows in Denver.
Speaker 1: First show sold out, second show I believe there are
Speaker 1: tickets available. Chicago is sold out, and there are tickets
Speaker 1: available for Columbus, Ohio on Saturday night, So get your
Speaker 1: tickets for that. Everybody for your Vaccinated and Horny tour,
Speaker 1: So those are all on sale, So get your tickets people.
Speaker 1: I'm coming all over Canada during Sea and Uncle's go
Speaker 1: to Chelsea's go to Chelsea's tour. They'll be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, is this who corrupted Lily? She went to
Speaker 1: America and love Now she's got a girlfriend. Oh ship. Anyway,
Speaker 1: thank you for writing in. Okay, we're gonna take a
Speaker 1: quick ad break because I yeah, yeah, I gotta get that,
Speaker 1: gotta get that. Oh yeah, we gotta pay for that. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to do an ad for something like better help.
Speaker 1: So Chelsea, one thing I wanted to say is I
Speaker 1: think we can actually give people advice on how to
Speaker 1: ask for advice from you. Oh right, right, because well,
Speaker 1: we get lots of submissions, but we want you guys
Speaker 1: to be more specific in your submissions, right, yes, and
Speaker 1: especially in your subject line. These are kind of the
Speaker 1: guidelines for the best way to get your email chosen
Speaker 1: for the show. Oh this is good. Yeah. Yeah, Well
Speaker 1: you tell us then, because you're reading the submissions and
Speaker 1: you do a lot of this work. So let's give
Speaker 1: everybody the tools they need. If you're thinking about writing
Speaker 1: into the show, if you have a problem, this is
Speaker 1: how you're going to get our attention. Yeah. So here's
Speaker 1: what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a really specific
Speaker 1: subject line. So rather than just saying advice from Chelsea,
Speaker 1: tell me what your advice that you need is about.
Speaker 1: Also being really specific in your email. Tell us the
Speaker 1: situation briefly, but then tell us the question you'd actually
Speaker 1: like to have answered. So, my boyfriend is no good
Speaker 1: in bed? How can we fix that? Is very different
Speaker 1: than my boyfriend is no good in bed? Should I
Speaker 1: leave him? So what's your real question? Make sure to
Speaker 1: include that towards the end. So which one did you prefer?
Speaker 1: Out of that? And my boyfriend is good and bad?
Speaker 1: Should I leave him? I mean, I think it depends
Speaker 1: on the boyfriend well, but I mean for our callers,
Speaker 1: because I'm confused which one is a better one. I
Speaker 1: think they're both valid. It's just does she want to
Speaker 1: leave them or does she want to stick with them? Right? Right?
Speaker 1: Bedroom situation? Yeah. Subject lines should also be specific about
Speaker 1: what the advice is you're seeking, not advice from me, obviously,
Speaker 1: you're seeking advice from me if you're writing in. So,
Speaker 1: if it's about an affair, right, affair, If it's about cheating, right, cheating,
Speaker 1: If it's about family drama right, that right, it's helpful
Speaker 1: to kind of yeah, exactly. Light and fun is great.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be funny, but we really strive
Speaker 1: for authenticity. So if it's a light question and it's
Speaker 1: authentic to you, great. If it's something heavy and it's authentic,
Speaker 1: that's great. Yeah, we will take light questions. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm all for that too, So it just seems like
Speaker 1: we take a lot of heavy ones. But I'm happy
Speaker 1: to talk about light problems too, because that's a nice
Speaker 1: way to keep things light sometimes and we can actually
Speaker 1: really help. Also. Yeah, actually, also make sure that you
Speaker 1: actually have a question. Yeah, sometimes some emails are just
Speaker 1: a place to vent and this might not be the
Speaker 1: perfect place for that. But yeah, it sounds like you've
Speaker 1: got some beef with some of our writers, some of
Speaker 1: our listeners. I did get an email that was probably
Speaker 1: thirty pages long if I know, so that one is
Speaker 1: not when we will be having time to read on
Speaker 1: the show, unfortunately. Yeah, So I would just say to
Speaker 1: that end, keep it relatively sure, a paragrapher to give
Speaker 1: us a taste of it, and if we want to
Speaker 1: know more, we'll reach out and we can have you
Speaker 1: on the show. You can also send a voice memo
Speaker 1: to dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com as long
Speaker 1: as it's about thirty seconds or less. That gives us
Speaker 1: a really nice amount of content to work with, and
Speaker 1: we might even play it on the show. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: like playing voice memos on the show, so that's how
Speaker 1: you can get picked. We have some topics that we
Speaker 1: are looking to cover this season. We need more questions
Speaker 1: about or from non binary people. We need to have
Speaker 1: more conversations about non binary relation and ships with your families,
Speaker 1: with sexual partners, your experiences as nine binary people. I
Speaker 1: want to know more, and I want to talk more
Speaker 1: and educate our audience more. So we want to talk
Speaker 1: more about open relationships. We always are looking for couples
Speaker 1: in open relationships or one partner in an open relationship
Speaker 1: who wants to discuss it is also great for us.
Speaker 1: We want to understand that and I want to discuss it.
Speaker 1: Terrible bosses is something that I am very familiar with
Speaker 1: because I am one. But if you have experience with
Speaker 1: terrible bosses, or you are a terrible boss, or you
Speaker 1: have one employees, also call in things that your kids
Speaker 1: are doing to drive you nuts, so I can tell
Speaker 1: you I told you so I won't tell you that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, we really take questions advice that you need
Speaker 1: on just about any topic. It can be baking questions, um,
Speaker 1: baking questions, Yeah, bring those my way. I want to
Speaker 1: see how that goes. I personally am a terrible baker,
Speaker 1: so I don't know how much help I'm going to
Speaker 1: be on that. But you know what, we have, we
Speaker 1: have friends coming to help and give us a Yeah.
Speaker 1: And pets were always open to talking about pets. That's important.
Speaker 1: Breast implant illness, that's a big topic, and we want
Speaker 1: more people to talk about it and call in about
Speaker 1: that because we want to talk about that and parenting.
Speaker 1: We have specialists coming on to talk about parenting. So
Speaker 1: if you have a pressing parenting question or if you've
Speaker 1: been struggling with something as a parent, this is the
Speaker 1: place to come. And that might be a great place
Speaker 1: for a couple to come together and say, hey, we're
Speaker 1: disagreeing on this specific choice to make as regards one
Speaker 1: of our children. So you know, call in right in,
Speaker 1: don't be shy, right into Dear Chelsea project at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Well, this was a delightful episode. Are you
Speaker 1: say that to all of your games? We have a
Speaker 1: good time every time we do enjoy I really doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how busy I was. I was going to do
Speaker 1: this because I love being you know, I love you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate spending your time with us, and
Speaker 1: I appreciate your sound advice to everybody. I try. I
Speaker 1: try my best. But who else is tapping into your
Speaker 1: psychology degree besides this podcast? I mean, are you giving
Speaker 1: out a lot of advice to people because you're not
Speaker 1: bad at it? Thanks? I think I help with my
Speaker 1: friends here and there, but honestly, mostly myself, I have
Speaker 1: a good way of working through my problems in my brain. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you should just take that degree and sign
Speaker 1: it right over to me, because I've been wanting a
Speaker 1: degree for some time and I'm acting like I have one.
Speaker 1: So the best degree is life experience. Oh put that
Speaker 1: on your shirt. That was really good. Don't put that
Speaker 1: on People say that all the time, right, Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's not originally Okay, that sounds something like that sounds
Speaker 1: like something a Canadian would say. Okay, well there's things.
Speaker 1: Am I allowed to ask you some advice? Yeah? Because okay,
Speaker 1: here's yeah, here's the thing. I had a birthday recently.
Speaker 1: You know this, okay, and I want this happy birthday,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I want this advice specifically from you,
Speaker 1: because when I think of Chelsea, I think of someone
Speaker 1: who's just so unapologetic, doesn't care about the rules, paves
Speaker 1: her own path, and does what serves her best. I
Speaker 1: try to be like that, but every once in a while,
Speaker 1: I have to think, what would Chelsea do? So I
Speaker 1: turned thirty three, which I'm going to obviously say, I
Speaker 1: feel so old. You're going to be like, shut that up,
Speaker 1: because you're you're probably older. Yeah, giving me I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not Lily. I'm thirty one. What's funny is something funny? Nothing?
Speaker 1: Nothing in this industry. I know. I always preach a
Speaker 1: j nothing but a number. You can do whatever you want,
Speaker 1: But in this industry, I can't help but feel crap.
Speaker 1: My career is gonna be over. I'm now the old
Speaker 1: woman of color in this industry, trying to make it Like.
Speaker 1: I read scripts now and they have a story about
Speaker 1: an old woman and she's twenty eight in the script
Speaker 1: and I'm like, ah, how do I get over this? How?
Speaker 1: How do I not care about this? I really want
Speaker 1: to not care about it, But how do I not
Speaker 1: care about this age thing as a woman in this industry?
Speaker 1: First of all, I think I started my first TV
Speaker 1: show or Chelsea Lately, when I was thirty three. So
Speaker 1: the age I am, the age you're at is when
Speaker 1: I hit my big everyone knew about me, so that
Speaker 1: was when I started. So, first of all, you're a
Speaker 1: person of color, You're fine. People are going to be
Speaker 1: catering to you for a long time. Finally, exactly exactly,
Speaker 1: so just know that you have an advantage, fucking finally,
Speaker 1: and we all are going through an evolution we're all
Speaker 1: doing things in our own time. The only you know
Speaker 1: that kind of talk to yourself. Every time you have
Speaker 1: that thought to yourself, you have to flip it and
Speaker 1: you have to go, oh my god, what am I
Speaker 1: going to do next? It's just what you were talking
Speaker 1: about earlier, about how you get into a job and
Speaker 1: you think that you're gonna be doing that for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, whether it's late night, whether it's
Speaker 1: your YouTube, whatever it is. It's like you have a
Speaker 1: thirst for knowledge, you have a thirst for you know, entertainment.
Speaker 1: You're never gonna do anything else. This is where you belong.
Speaker 1: And I always tell myself that it's like, what am
Speaker 1: I going to go do? Be an attorney? I mean,
Speaker 1: this is what you do. And there's nothing wrong with aging.
Speaker 1: Aging is is an attraction for so many people. You know,
Speaker 1: you're a role model, Like I'm forty six. Listen, I've
Speaker 1: never looked better than I do now. I've never been
Speaker 1: happier than I am now, and that's thirteen years away
Speaker 1: from where you are. So don't even fucking worry about age.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I know, it's easier said than done,
Speaker 1: But every time you think about that, you just have
Speaker 1: to think I'm just getting started. Dann. You see that's
Speaker 1: at Chelsea Energy. I needed to bottle that up right
Speaker 1: here and take it home. We put it in a
Speaker 1: special spot. Amen's Sister. Thank you, thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: You guys. I'm really excited to see everybody on tour,
Speaker 1: and we will be back next week with more Shenanigans.
Speaker 1: I guess I just want to a subtle plug. I
Speaker 1: hosted one of Chelsea's tours, and she's amazing on tour.
Speaker 1: If you've never seen her, you should definitely see her.
Speaker 1: She's amazing.