Speaker 1: The Nikki Glazery. Here's Nink. Hello here, I am welcome
Speaker 1: to the Nicki Glazer Podcast. It is Tuesday. What are
Speaker 1: we doing, Andrew? What are we doing? He's flexing? He
Speaker 1: is turtling. To me, it looks like you're turtling. You're
Speaker 1: like a turtle waking up in the morning when you
Speaker 1: turned out, when you push your camera down a little
Speaker 1: bit because you've got a lot of HEADD space. That's
Speaker 1: bothering me. Yeah, that's more like it. No, I was
Speaker 1: just about to say that, Um, well, we were talking
Speaker 1: about um, we were snapping before the show to get
Speaker 1: like the video SYNCD up. It's you know, behind the
Speaker 1: scenes stuff, you guys. But um, and whenever we snap,
Speaker 1: we're on like such different feeds that it's always like
Speaker 1: not synked up. For the editors. What are who are
Speaker 1: the editors d c J, D Christian and Dorsey Christian
Speaker 1: and James. Dorothy Christian and James are the ones that
Speaker 1: go through all of our video every single episode and
Speaker 1: edit it so special. Shout out to d c J.
Speaker 1: Make sure you throw them some love, um as well.
Speaker 1: Besties I don't know and there and they can say
Speaker 1: like hey, no, Druki and d c J because like
Speaker 1: it is fun whenever I'm doing a show and I
Speaker 1: know that there's going to be a guy in an
Speaker 1: edit bay, usually like this kind of dark room that's
Speaker 1: going to be watching me over and over and probably
Speaker 1: just hating. Like whenever I watch something too much, I
Speaker 1: end up like hating it, especially when you're just like toiling,
Speaker 1: especially on my special, because I've been giving so many
Speaker 1: notes that I'm just sure this person wants to fucking
Speaker 1: murder me, and um, yeah, so it's just nice to
Speaker 1: give them someone. But sometimes I just talked down the
Speaker 1: ones and I'm like, are you having a rough day?
Speaker 1: Maybe go out and get some sunshine. Vitamin D is
Speaker 1: really helpful for your whole immune system. And do you
Speaker 1: have an animal with you in the edit bay? Go
Speaker 1: take them for a walk. They probably need to get
Speaker 1: in Like are you happy in your career? I'm glad.
Speaker 1: I want you to. I want you to love what
Speaker 1: you do. Is there anything like I try to talk
Speaker 1: to them a little bit, and I'm sure they resented um.
Speaker 1: Before the show started, so we were snapping for d
Speaker 1: c J, and I said that, oh that snap was
Speaker 1: probably that we all did a snap one by one
Speaker 1: that was very off time, and I said that one
Speaker 1: was probably more on time than the other ones, and
Speaker 1: you said more on time. It's not like I was
Speaker 1: saying more on time. More on time. That's a great
Speaker 1: name for a podcast, actually a more on time, You're
Speaker 1: on time anal eyes similar. But I love when things
Speaker 1: sound like other things. I think it's called hominems, but
Speaker 1: those are more words that sounding the same. But um,
Speaker 1: I really love when I heard one the other day
Speaker 1: that involves O U. So there's lots of songs that
Speaker 1: I hear like the lyrics just sound so weird that
Speaker 1: you just put other things in their place. And one
Speaker 1: of the most famous ones was in high school. I
Speaker 1: forget who discovered it. I think it was Kristen. We
Speaker 1: have a friend named Laura Holly. She had discovered like
Speaker 1: she was Magellan. Like, honestly, wait till you hear about
Speaker 1: this discovery and you tell me if it's not up
Speaker 1: there with Magellan, I don't. I love that. Whenever you
Speaker 1: talking about this, we always just say Magellan because we
Speaker 1: don't know. At Columbus Magellan, there was one with the
Speaker 1: name t No. It was something tim Bolt or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's I think that's a Romeo and
Speaker 1: the couple that cross the country, Lewis and Clark, the
Speaker 1: couple anywhere, Lewis and Clark. No, I'm thinking of Lewis
Speaker 1: and Clark. It's Lois Lane and Clark Kent. Who did
Speaker 1: they mean to do that? More more on time? Um,
Speaker 1: But seriously, my friend Kurson was walked around with someone,
Speaker 1: didn't she She did not go discover She was not
Speaker 1: one of the pioneers. I don't think. Um. I'm sure
Speaker 1: she discovered things in her time. I was literally, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that was a guy. Um More in time, Um,
Speaker 1: I was singing the Pocahona song. Have you ever heard
Speaker 1: the wolf Cry to the Blue Corn Moon? I love
Speaker 1: that song? Or asked the grinning Bob Cat why he grins?
Speaker 1: I love when she wrote that and sang for the
Speaker 1: first time. It's an underrated Disney song. Um. But Kirsten
Speaker 1: discovered our friend Laura Holly the song Come on, Eileen.
Speaker 1: I probably brought this up before, but it goes the
Speaker 1: song starts, didn't anything Dan, and they say Laura Holly,
Speaker 1: And it is so clearly Laura Holly as opposed to
Speaker 1: any thing else. It really is coming on Eileen, but
Speaker 1: it sounds like Laura Holly so much. Eileen is just
Speaker 1: a funny phrase too. Yeah, and that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: We didn't even know what calm was at this point
Speaker 1: in our lives. Like I think we would have just
Speaker 1: said it was there's another song that says your name,
Speaker 1: Yes there is, but I just want to tell me
Speaker 1: you don't hear Laura Holly. Laura Holly is the what
Speaker 1: you're listening for? Oh God, sorry again, sued, I know
Speaker 1: it sounds like more than ten seconds. Okay, God, damn it,
Speaker 1: here we go, come on. That was Ry Columbus, right
Speaker 1: freaked out. So then there was another song, you know,
Speaker 1: and oh be your crying, and I thought it sounded
Speaker 1: like there was a girl in our field hockey team
Speaker 1: named Kate Albi and I was like Kate, oh be
Speaker 1: and she was like whoa and she really liked it.
Speaker 1: So then two days ago, I think you had said
Speaker 1: to Noah, I see Noah, and I was like, why
Speaker 1: does that sound familiar to me? And I realized I
Speaker 1: was singing the other day during an Instagram live step
Speaker 1: back from that ledge my friend and they go, I
Speaker 1: sing over received grid phrase you know you don't belong,
Speaker 1: but they go I see Noah, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it sounds the same as I See Noah.
Speaker 1: There's another one, have you heard? Have you ever heard
Speaker 1: Andrew Colin? It doesn't really have a nice float to it.
Speaker 1: There are probably places where you could hear and co in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, put your you know it's fifty K
Speaker 1: magic or whatever. That Bruno mar song is put your
Speaker 1: Picky Brings up to the Moon, but it sounds like
Speaker 1: put your Nikki Glazer to the moon. I love people
Speaker 1: that just like throw their name in every song though
Speaker 1: they're just like, yeah, it's just like you know who
Speaker 1: the people you know you can hear it right wise.
Speaker 1: You on that David Spade joke where he's like when
Speaker 1: you go see someone in concert and they're like they
Speaker 1: try to put the name of the town in the song,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, we get it, and they're like
Speaker 1: on a dark Arizona Highway and it's like, we get that.
Speaker 1: You know you're in Arizona town. It down Hotel Florida. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it is. There's something so nice about a musician
Speaker 1: saying your town's name. Yeah, They're acknowledging that they know
Speaker 1: where they are, which is nice, you know, I mean
Speaker 1: it gets so much credit though, that's the any part,
Speaker 1: or like a joke in between songs, you know, they
Speaker 1: say anything and people are like, math smells pretty good,
Speaker 1: smells pretty good out there, and it means he smells weed,
Speaker 1: and we all just go my guy looking weed, dude, David,
Speaker 1: so fucking just one illegal substance that we're all around.
Speaker 1: Oh ship, Dave. I did cry at his concert? You did? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Were you on something? Just my heart? Did you really? What?
Speaker 1: What song made you cry? I love? Or lay down?
Speaker 1: Or I think it was a grave digger because my
Speaker 1: grandpa just died. Wasn't really about your grandpa. I blamed
Speaker 1: it on my grandpa, but I think it was how
Speaker 1: much I love Dave. I cried. I was like, I
Speaker 1: gotta Rusty goes are you crying? Rusty? The third he goes,
Speaker 1: are you crying? It was probably like crashed, one of
Speaker 1: the slow ones. It's a sweet song. It's a sweet song.
Speaker 1: Crying and he looks over he's like, are you crying?
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, you know my grandpa died, and
Speaker 1: he's like, your grandpa, Like that was like seven years ago.
Speaker 1: That was like nine years ago, your grandpa died. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, are you like on the lawn or where? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: to be like, dude, you want another Yeah, you want
Speaker 1: to you want to do a yeager mom? And he
Speaker 1: looks over, I'm just crying and be like, dude, I
Speaker 1: missed Grandpa Marvin. Soon you really about how your ground.
Speaker 1: Your mom won't be able to go ever, be on
Speaker 1: the lawn. She'll never hear fucking crush again on the
Speaker 1: lawn because like he can't push your wheelchair up crying.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. Have you ever cried at a concert?
Speaker 1: I cried at David Happy because I loved him so much.
Speaker 1: I mean, any it was probably crushed or say goodbye
Speaker 1: like one of my favorite songs, like I would just
Speaker 1: I was so even Kursten recently was like, I remember
Speaker 1: you crying at his shows that we were all like
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. But I mean, if anything, I was probably
Speaker 1: trying to force the tears to be like this is
Speaker 1: how much I love him. But you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I was trying to be like Beatlemania. Probably um, but
Speaker 1: I think I've cried, I've cried at Um. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying probably will go concerts when he plays um,
Speaker 1: She's a Jar. I really love that song. There's just
Speaker 1: sometimes that you just I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: I think, okay, Jesus Christ, that doesn't pretend well for me.
Speaker 1: I just want to know what I'm going to play
Speaker 1: in a week. I don't want you to play it.
Speaker 1: We all heard about Noah crying at Slipknot. What song?
Speaker 1: Was it My Mother and the Ass or something? No
Speaker 1: I was crying to. I wanted to get out of there.
Speaker 1: I'm not really a Slipknot thing. You know what's on?
Speaker 1: What have you ever cried at? An? Have you ever
Speaker 1: cried at? Yeah? I think it was a Dying Fetus show.
Speaker 1: It's a real band. What happened? Did you heard your
Speaker 1: ankle mohing? I just love Noah getting jacked up or
Speaker 1: dying Fetus cat like like early like three hours before
Speaker 1: this show would be like, throws some fetis on. Dude,
Speaker 1: throws some fucking dying Fetus on. Now, don't put on
Speaker 1: their new ship either. I'm talking old school Fetus, when
Speaker 1: it was before fetus, when it was just come in
Speaker 1: their daddy's sucking nuts. Put on bilical news. All of
Speaker 1: these are great pars No that was their album because
Speaker 1: it was a diet fetish. Wasn't it fun to talk
Speaker 1: about that? Uh? Fuck? I remember I did a show
Speaker 1: in New York. I'm just trying to We didn't even
Speaker 1: think of that. Eggs. That's a great name for eggs.
Speaker 1: That is kind of a good one, sucking running eggs.
Speaker 1: Wait what were you just about to say? I did
Speaker 1: a show one time in in the Lower East Side
Speaker 1: had Niagara Bar. Have you ever been there in New
Speaker 1: York City? And it's a famous It was a very
Speaker 1: famous like eighties rock like Bad Brains, like all these
Speaker 1: like random yeah no, it's into it, but like they
Speaker 1: have like a plaque on stage and it's just all
Speaker 1: the most absurd names a band ever And I just
Speaker 1: went through. That was my whole set, was just making
Speaker 1: fun of like Bad Brains. I would have loved to
Speaker 1: see that. So wait at the Dying Fetis concert, when
Speaker 1: do you cry? And what song? And how like? No
Speaker 1: she didn't really cry at a time? No I didn't.
Speaker 1: I was it was a joke. Uh yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: like probably like a movie like um uh Fox in
Speaker 1: the Hound. I think that's that always made me cry.
Speaker 1: One gets a lot of people. I think, yeah, animals,
Speaker 1: free Willie, right, yeah, um uh. And City of Angels
Speaker 1: was the one that I couldn't be They had to
Speaker 1: wait till everyone left the theater because I was sobbing
Speaker 1: so hard I couldn't collect myself. I don't know what
Speaker 1: was happening. I think my hormones were changing. It was
Speaker 1: eighth grade and anything about like I like because it
Speaker 1: was at the end when mcgrian and this guy and
Speaker 1: Nicholas Cage finally get to be together and then she's
Speaker 1: going down the mountain on a bike and she fucking
Speaker 1: is just like enjoying it and she gets hit by
Speaker 1: a fucking truck and I'm like Jesus Christ. And then
Speaker 1: like just something about people trying to be together and
Speaker 1: then something taking them apart was just And also Romeo
Speaker 1: and Juliet I cried at the ending of that of
Speaker 1: just like her going Ah, that's clar dances cry at
Speaker 1: the end of at the end of the movie, it
Speaker 1: soundedly the truck horn that hit fucking Meg Ryan. If
Speaker 1: you ever watched Claren Danes is crying at the end
Speaker 1: of Robio Juliette. It's such a good cry because it's
Speaker 1: just not. She's just like, oh my god, that scene
Speaker 1: killed me. I cried in Um, I would cry watching
Speaker 1: the movie Beaches. I've never seen it, but I've heard
Speaker 1: Bett Midler and this girl has cancer, her friend has cancer,
Speaker 1: her rich friend who like has everything you would think,
Speaker 1: you know, married to the rich guy. And Bette Midler
Speaker 1: is like still like a struggling either artist or whatever,
Speaker 1: still poor. And then girls like you don't, you're just
Speaker 1: jealous of my money, blah blah blah. And then she
Speaker 1: gets cancer and then Bett Miller fucking her husband. No
Speaker 1: a better movie, And that's when I cry. Everyone always
Speaker 1: talks about Beaches because it showed him as Any movie
Speaker 1: that has like flashbacks of them as kids being great
Speaker 1: and then them dying later, that's that always hits me.
Speaker 1: Any movie that has a nice flashback to when they
Speaker 1: like really became friends. Selena, I never saw the movie.
Speaker 1: That's such a good movie, dude, it's really is. I
Speaker 1: know it's assist killed her, right, so they really kind
Speaker 1: of just don't cover it. They don't show that scene.
Speaker 1: You know, they just show a rose falling on stage,
Speaker 1: and you know that, like then they show the headlines
Speaker 1: of like her assistant killed her that they don't. They
Speaker 1: chose not to like recreate that scene for some reason.
Speaker 1: Um anything for Salinas. That sounds racist, but that's exactly
Speaker 1: how that guy sounded. Me and my sister were like
Speaker 1: they called her Selena's um. You know Radio Flyer, who
Speaker 1: another sadie about two little boys who's like octopus teacher married.
Speaker 1: Yet I was sad too anything. Yeah, animals for a
Speaker 1: step mom when what's her name is dying Susan Surandon
Speaker 1: and she's like, I just want you to accept Julia
Speaker 1: Roberts as your new mother. It's like all about Julia
Speaker 1: Roberts coming in and like being the new mom, and
Speaker 1: she's like villainized by the by Susan Surandon's character. And
Speaker 1: then Susan Surandon gets cancer and it's dying and then
Speaker 1: she kind of like passes the torch to the step
Speaker 1: mom and like to Julia Roberts and it's beautiful and sad,
Speaker 1: so so sad. I can't stop thinking about Radio Flyer. Now.
Speaker 1: It's two boys and their mom dates a stepdad who's abusive,
Speaker 1: and they want to get away, and their whole way,
Speaker 1: whole way of getting away is they build their own
Speaker 1: little airplane. Out of like a radio flyer wagon wagon.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, dude, oh my god, it's so sad.
Speaker 1: It is so sad. If anyone's seen Radio Flyer, you
Speaker 1: know that it's fucking probably wanted. It's such a heartfelt movie.
Speaker 1: It's insane, probably because I wanted to get away, probably
Speaker 1: a little radio flyer. Yeah, but I couldn't figure out
Speaker 1: that the mechanics. I tried. It flew like three inches
Speaker 1: and then I broke my arms. You ever tried to
Speaker 1: run away? I did, but I was just out of shape. No, really,
Speaker 1: did you like pack your like little bindle stick? I
Speaker 1: ran away one time. I got to the end of
Speaker 1: the cold to sack and was just like, I'm not Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got it same. I didn't even bring a sandwich.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know, No, well you don't bring sandwiches for
Speaker 1: like an eight hour plane ride. Yes, prepare. Camping would
Speaker 1: be a nightmare. Oh I would die in a second.
Speaker 1: We'll just get something out there, yeah, Andrew, it's the
Speaker 1: woods will make me a tuna fish. All right, let's
Speaker 1: take a quick break and come back with that is coming. Um,
Speaker 1: we're back. What are you giggling about? That was funny, man.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you make me laugh. Sorry, Nicky, I'm sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry you make me giggle gaggle. Last night we went
Speaker 1: to go eat. After we went to we went to
Speaker 1: the grocery store and then we were like, oh, let's
Speaker 1: just go get a bite at this tacos place. And
Speaker 1: Andrew shows up and the guy like one of the
Speaker 1: waiters like knows him very well. Yeah, he's a regular
Speaker 1: already at this place. Yeah. It's like I used to, like,
Speaker 1: I go into a bar and the guy, you know,
Speaker 1: behind the bar, he'd be like, hey, you wouldn't know
Speaker 1: my name. Just like there's the guy that drinks too
Speaker 1: much and throws up on the bar and pisses himself,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, it's dude, Tommy from Fucking Snake and
Speaker 1: Jakes knows me. There's a bar in New Orleans called
Speaker 1: Snake and Jake's. We had an abe and Jake's Jake.
Speaker 1: So Jake got around. He had a lot of different partners,
Speaker 1: partners and if you took out your dick, you got
Speaker 1: a free drink. If you were naked in the bar,
Speaker 1: I swear on my life Louie would have killed it.
Speaker 1: Uh No, but I'm serious. Ship, I went there. That's
Speaker 1: what an audience would do anyways. But yeah, if you
Speaker 1: were if you got naked in the bar, guy or girl,
Speaker 1: you get free drinks. Um. What a fucking concept. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like that is a but it's
Speaker 1: it's illegal to be your kind of just look the
Speaker 1: other way, you know, because the other way there's more tips.
Speaker 1: There's everywhere you look. Oh my god, so many times
Speaker 1: I would like you it out, but like I would
Speaker 1: make sure it was fluffed and like fluffed to them. Yeah, hammered,
Speaker 1: I would just be like I didn't do it like
Speaker 1: half my dick. You know, even if you were hammered,
Speaker 1: you were always aware that it was not what you wanted.
Speaker 1: There would be nothing words than a girl from a
Speaker 1: balcony going that and then not throwing them or throwing
Speaker 1: the beads like the small ones, because they always had
Speaker 1: these giant beads. Yes, and those were for the amazing
Speaker 1: tits or you know, amazing cock or whatever. So guys
Speaker 1: would show their cock for beats. Yeah, I don't remember that.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not like I was down. I just St.
Speaker 1: Louis is the second biggest Marty gross celebration in the country,
Speaker 1: and so we we kind of get it, but I
Speaker 1: don't remember that girl showed her. Well, yeah, that's the
Speaker 1: whole thing. I mean, that's a commonly known thing. But
Speaker 1: I think Dick for beas is, do you guys want
Speaker 1: jewelry to ship? I love Also Andrew cares about or
Speaker 1: you know, cared about the size of the beads. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's to get the small ones you wanted. You one bead,
Speaker 1: not even the necklace I just got. There's just a
Speaker 1: bead of sweat. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: would fluff it beforehand. You just try to get aroused, Like,
Speaker 1: but if you just knock it around, do you get aroused?
Speaker 1: I knocking around you? You play with it a little
Speaker 1: bit and it just sort of wakes up. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: kind of like going like this to your eyes after
Speaker 1: you wake up to be like okay, yeah, it doesn't
Speaker 1: actually help you wake up, but it just makes it
Speaker 1: feel like you know what I'm saying, Like, you're not
Speaker 1: like jerking it. No, you don't jerk it. You're just
Speaker 1: touching it. Yeah, you're fluffing. It's called fluffing. You know.
Speaker 1: You fluff because you can't over fluff because then you're
Speaker 1: you don't want to whip out a hard penis, because
Speaker 1: then you're trying too hard, right, Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: so you're walking a fine line. It's like girls with nipples.
Speaker 1: I guess like if you show your kids, a lot
Speaker 1: of girls will probably make sure that their nipples are
Speaker 1: hard before they show their kids, or would want to maybe, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would. I would probably just go I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: wing it because they're good either way, or they're like
Speaker 1: you know, but yeah, hard nips are always probably the
Speaker 1: better way to make your Yeah. No, you ever show
Speaker 1: your kids in public? Uh? No, I don't think I've
Speaker 1: done that. It was on a plane. Well, okay, only
Speaker 1: when I had them pierced, but I don't. I haven't
Speaker 1: showed I never showed them. No, at least I don't think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's continueing to sentence. Only when I had them pierced. No,
Speaker 1: I never showed this. Well liked people who were like, hey,
Speaker 1: did you get a pierced Yeah? Show Wait a minute, people,
Speaker 1: Then maybe I did just to show my friend. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're flash your kids for beads or anything. Now, I've
Speaker 1: never flashed. I really haven't. I would do it because
Speaker 1: it's so funny. It's such a quick thing that people
Speaker 1: kind of go, did I see that? Are not? But
Speaker 1: I was always very um and I've got pretty good boobs.
Speaker 1: It's like, I I don't know why I haven't done it.
Speaker 1: I never mooned anyone because I was felt the same
Speaker 1: way about my asset you felt about your dick, and
Speaker 1: like it's it's going to be like so disappointing that
Speaker 1: no one's gonna throw anything at it. And um, but
Speaker 1: my boobs. Yeah, I should try flash, but girls don't
Speaker 1: flash that much. Like when would I flash? Robin flashed
Speaker 1: like we were on a boat last year and the
Speaker 1: during in the Caymans and um, Robin my uh friend
Speaker 1: makeup hair girl. Yeah, she has great boobs and she
Speaker 1: has no problem flashing her tits and she just did
Speaker 1: it for fun to be like whoa like at at
Speaker 1: the people back on the boat like get in the
Speaker 1: water and they were like we just it's it's a
Speaker 1: funny thing to do to people. But again, I don't
Speaker 1: want to anyone I would flash. I would be sexualizing
Speaker 1: myself too, So I would never flash you because I
Speaker 1: don't want that would just it's not our vibe and
Speaker 1: it's not like you could moon me because asses are
Speaker 1: not sexual, especially mine because it's covered in hair. But yeah,
Speaker 1: would you ever moon people? Are you insecure about your ask? No,
Speaker 1: I'm fine with that. I remember. Yeah. I wonder what
Speaker 1: they do in Europe though, because tits are not a thing.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, they put on their shirt. You want beads?
Speaker 1: Jumpers are sweaters. You never went to Marty Grand New Orleans. No,
Speaker 1: only um in St. Louis. Oh my god, it is.
Speaker 1: There's no part of me wants to go to a
Speaker 1: place that is the most crowded on the day that
Speaker 1: it's the most crowded. It Never in my life has
Speaker 1: that been something I wanted to do. And I was
Speaker 1: wild and cookie. You're on You're on Bourbon Street and
Speaker 1: you can't if you want to get ten ft that way,
Speaker 1: you just wait for the crowd to like push you
Speaker 1: that way. It's like a Travis Scott, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Oh you went there? Um, yeah, I would. I hate
Speaker 1: crowds so much. That's why I'm so excited this weekend.
Speaker 1: We're probably gonna go whale shark swimming and we're doing
Speaker 1: it on Sunday, which is Super Sunday. And I think
Speaker 1: that most people just block off that whole day. We're
Speaker 1: gonna be back by kickoff. No worries there. But if
Speaker 1: i'm why because I don't think why Gary, Well you
Speaker 1: can stay on the boat, but you can. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's nice. There's food on the boat.
Speaker 1: It's like a boat. No. I mean, like you can
Speaker 1: watch them, but I'm going to swim with them. It's
Speaker 1: not scary at all. It's like you don't need to snorkel.
Speaker 1: They're not dangerous. If you pull up a photo of
Speaker 1: a whale shark, they're I know, but they're gentle. There's
Speaker 1: they've ever once killed anyone in the mill, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's not Yeah. I mean Sarah Lena was scared
Speaker 1: when we went um the last I went, you know,
Speaker 1: last two years ago, and I just held her hand
Speaker 1: and like she just swam. I just swam with her
Speaker 1: holding my hand and we just like stayed together. So
Speaker 1: I could just do that with you. Can you put
Speaker 1: your head just on the water and look with from
Speaker 1: the boat. No, No, I'm sorry. Do you want to
Speaker 1: request one of those and pay the extra money? It is, yeah,
Speaker 1: do not go because you're think you might be scared
Speaker 1: of whale shar there in the words shark just intimidates people,
Speaker 1: But they don't. They're not. They're just big old fish.
Speaker 1: They're giant fish. What they eat like sucking algae and
Speaker 1: ship plankton. This is the same thing as these fucking
Speaker 1: sting rays and caman things to be scared of when
Speaker 1: there's no evidence that they've ever hurt anyone. Like, I
Speaker 1: understand having fears, but there's nothing to be scared of,
Speaker 1: all right on that case, what's your biggest fear that
Speaker 1: they're going to just decide to eat a human? Well,
Speaker 1: it's not just if you're down there, you're it's not
Speaker 1: just like a whale shark like tank. There's other fish
Speaker 1: I know, but like like what if an orca showed up,
Speaker 1: works don't hurt you either. Killer whales are here, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but they don't hurt you. Have you seen
Speaker 1: a rambe or whatever, a rombe that that one was in,
Speaker 1: a that one was in. A killer whales have killed
Speaker 1: people in the in captivity. Well stop it, stop it.
Speaker 1: You can also drown you could also, I know. But
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm not afraid of sharks when I'm surfing.
Speaker 1: It's not exactly you're not. If you're not afraid of
Speaker 1: killer whales when you're surfing, then you can do this.
Speaker 1: Stop being a baby. I'm not gonna let you have
Speaker 1: anxiety about this. You can have anxiety, but I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1: It's such a cool experience. Talk to seriling about it.
Speaker 1: Let's get to the newsst Hey, it's the news, folks,
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday. You know what that means. It is Tuesday.
Speaker 1: I hope you're having all the swells out there. We
Speaker 1: sure are. Um here we go. Lots of people die
Speaker 1: every year during, during or just having sex. Uh, pathologists explains,
Speaker 1: in most cases caused by physical strain of sexual activity
Speaker 1: or prescription drugs drugs did treat e d erectile dysfunction,
Speaker 1: for example, or illegal drugs such as cocaine or both. Wait,
Speaker 1: why eat so viagra? Yeah, viagra because they can just
Speaker 1: attact your blood flow. Oh, cause scroke or something. So.
Speaker 1: Sudden death occurred mostly in men, average age around fifty nine,
Speaker 1: and most frequently it's a heart attack. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: New studies should suggest that sudden cardiac death and people
Speaker 1: under the age of fifty is mainly due to sudden
Speaker 1: Oh I guess that's the age where you like are
Speaker 1: still having sex, because I think it drops out pretty
Speaker 1: severely in your sixties. Yeah, then you die thinking about
Speaker 1: having sex a disease of the heart muscle. So if
Speaker 1: you have like priority and you don't know that your
Speaker 1: hearts sucked up? Yeah, what a way to go? Would
Speaker 1: you want to go? Having sex? Sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: I am because because you know, like we'll funk for
Speaker 1: a long time and I'll just be like, he'll be
Speaker 1: so exhausted. I'm like, I stand up at it a bed.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it was like, yeah, it is such a strenuous
Speaker 1: activity for the man involved and sometimes the women. You know,
Speaker 1: for sure the women, but I and I'm just getting
Speaker 1: a lot of this from the poor and I watch,
Speaker 1: But the men do so much work. There's so much
Speaker 1: work doing this constant Like that's a lot. I don't
Speaker 1: want to die for one orgasm, Like it doesn't. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. Like the idea of like heart what about
Speaker 1: if you were in some like Berri's boot camp bullshit,
Speaker 1: Like would you want to die for that? Like doesn't
Speaker 1: that get your heart rate up just as much? That's
Speaker 1: a good point if you're comparing it the berries, like
Speaker 1: why would you You're gonna die somehow, like if you
Speaker 1: have a heart condition, it's gonna get you. If you
Speaker 1: it's if it's you know, an unknown one. Well, it
Speaker 1: says it's extremely low and accounts for point six percent
Speaker 1: of all cases of sudden death. And then two is
Speaker 1: when you see a whale shark, it says here, which
Speaker 1: is weird. Um no, that's I would go fucking a
Speaker 1: whale shark. Well, it says. Also, I read the articles
Speaker 1: something about like thirty nine year old guys like like
Speaker 1: the eight like I'm past the age that like it
Speaker 1: happens when it does happen. Wait you yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't think I'll be sucking at I
Speaker 1: mean my dick soft at forty one. I mean, how
Speaker 1: many viagram am I gonna have to take? Just one?
Speaker 1: I think probably just one. But you said you're not
Speaker 1: taken by a great anymore. No, Well, Beautrin has been
Speaker 1: helping with Yeah, yeah that's good. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: don't know what's in that drug, but dude, I tried
Speaker 1: to lascurbrate last night and just nothing there is literally
Speaker 1: in Our internet connection is pretty slow here, and so
Speaker 1: I just wait and wait for these clips to load,
Speaker 1: knowing that it's probably not gonna work for me anyway,
Speaker 1: based on the little um previews that they've shown, you know,
Speaker 1: the pictures where I go, okay, maybe, and then I
Speaker 1: read the details to see if there's all the things
Speaker 1: that I want in a video, and um, it's coming
Speaker 1: to buffering, Like just like to search through an hour
Speaker 1: long video to find if a guy calls this girl
Speaker 1: a good girl, because there's no way to search for
Speaker 1: good girl porn where the guy says good girl. There's
Speaker 1: no way to search for porn where the guy is
Speaker 1: encouraging and sensual and like it's also hard but also kind.
Speaker 1: It's like there's no weight, so I just have to
Speaker 1: sift through all the ship looking for the one thing
Speaker 1: that's going to do it. And some nights I'm like,
Speaker 1: do I want this kind or do I want this
Speaker 1: other kind? And I can't even tell what I want.
Speaker 1: And then last night I was just like, it can't
Speaker 1: be done. There's nothing would be good for you. That's
Speaker 1: what I go to. It's it's called um uh red
Speaker 1: Gift and it's just just yeah, and it's just you
Speaker 1: go like you they're long and you go and they
Speaker 1: load and and once you find one, it gives all
Speaker 1: ones that are like that in the feed. And then
Speaker 1: and it has sound and everything. Yeah, red red Jeff
Speaker 1: ri ri E d G. I F it's a dot
Speaker 1: com or an app. I don't know, you know it
Speaker 1: it on the I go to subreddits for the kind
Speaker 1: of porn I like, and then they on Reddit that
Speaker 1: the sound is muted. But then they have a link
Speaker 1: at the top that says red Jeff and I was
Speaker 1: click that link and then it takes me to this
Speaker 1: red Jeff thing. And so it's right if you just
Speaker 1: good in the red Jeff now out because they don't
Speaker 1: categorize it that way. But if you type in like
Speaker 1: like I go to certain separated it's and then I'll
Speaker 1: see something that I like. And like last night, I
Speaker 1: clicked on one because it was some double penetration one
Speaker 1: that I was going to have been too. And then
Speaker 1: I went to the red jet version and said started
Speaker 1: looking like, oh what about this video is like all
Speaker 1: these other videos and it was just American and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't need American girl, Like what about this?
Speaker 1: Was she wearing like a fucking yeah, no, she wasn't.
Speaker 1: She was just like a blonde girl. And so I
Speaker 1: guess they were like, whoever watches this is into Americans.
Speaker 1: So it was just a it's just I'm I am
Speaker 1: grateful for born, I'm grateful for all the women who
Speaker 1: have gave given their careers and they're like social lives
Speaker 1: and risked things to like make this stuff. But it's
Speaker 1: just there's gotta be a better way. And yeah, having
Speaker 1: having um, I need to get back to basics of
Speaker 1: like fantasizing. But there's just nothing I I want to
Speaker 1: fantasize about. I guess it's yeah, anytime I try to
Speaker 1: use my brain, it just and I can't stay on
Speaker 1: the subject. No me neither. I I wonder off, I
Speaker 1: get lost in the woods and I can't get back. Okay,
Speaker 1: next story A burglar burglar? Burglar? Does that have three burglar?
Speaker 1: I've always said burglar? Is it burglar? It sounds like
Speaker 1: you're saying like a burglart. It sounds like I'm the
Speaker 1: hamdled look at the look at burger, look at the word.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm doing ham burglar. But I've shortened
Speaker 1: it the burglar, which is actually better with it you
Speaker 1: don't need the ham there, how I say it because
Speaker 1: it already says burger eight. So you got the ham
Speaker 1: burglar from McDonald's. My way is burgerler. So then you
Speaker 1: got burger in it already. Oh yeah, burglar, burglar, burglar.
Speaker 1: But do you see why there's no there's nowhere for
Speaker 1: that in the way that it's written. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: when I say tubular or no turbulence actually that yeah syllable.
Speaker 1: I take it out in that some words. I take
Speaker 1: out turbulence, turbulence, burglar, burglar. Okay, people are going to
Speaker 1: kill themselves. Okay, turbulent no no, no, you just go,
Speaker 1: but you do a hard bee instead of beu you go.
Speaker 1: But turbulence, it's turbulence. Yeah, I leave out the and regular, regular,
Speaker 1: regular burglar, burgular throw you so I take that you
Speaker 1: out of Okay, So what happened with this burglar? So
Speaker 1: he was in turbulence? Oh my god? Can you imagine
Speaker 1: he was just the regular burglar? I mean you're reading that.
Speaker 1: Can you just hold it up so that you just
Speaker 1: don't disappear for people? It's okay, okay, Um, a regular burglar,
Speaker 1: A regular burglar, Okay, burglar. Wait, we try to save burglar. Okay,
Speaker 1: I could do it, burglar. I just think of turbulence.
Speaker 1: Can't wait for this. Okay, A burglar left, No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: A burglary, A burglar. Yeah, there you go, a burglar.
Speaker 1: It's really short there, it's really short. It's gonna say,
Speaker 1: I feel like someone stole the you. I wonder who
Speaker 1: it was. Burglar. Your life is about to change. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have so much more free time now, all right, okay,
Speaker 1: a burglar. A burglar left two hundred dollars an apology
Speaker 1: note when victims came home to find a window he broke,
Speaker 1: and then he ate shrimp, drank beer, and bathed inside
Speaker 1: at home. Oh my god. This sounds like if you burglarized,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't leave two hundred. I'd leave like forty. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: it's not completely unheard of for a homeowner to come
Speaker 1: home in the middle of a burglary. It is quite
Speaker 1: uncommon for the suspect to be non confrontational about the crime,
Speaker 1: so that he but it thought they didn't come home
Speaker 1: during it. Yeah they did. They found him in the house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: keep going bathing, shrimp in the bathtub, and a beer.
Speaker 1: So he left two hundred dollars like hey, don't arrest me.
Speaker 1: So I wonder if you would have left a two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars if he didn't get caught. He just felt
Speaker 1: really embarrassed and was sad, and he left the two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars because he broke a window to get in.
Speaker 1: And but I wonder like once they caught him, he
Speaker 1: was like, just hold on, hold on, let me just
Speaker 1: like I got some money. And then did he like,
Speaker 1: how do you leave two hundred dollars if the people
Speaker 1: are like you know what I'm saying? Maybe they were
Speaker 1: just like, hey, who are you? And he was like,
Speaker 1: here you go, here's for the shrimp pie. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's no way you two worth your shrimp. And with
Speaker 1: the window, oh, the window abo the bath, Chad knows
Speaker 1: what he left behind is going to need clean up.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been burglarized? No? But I would I
Speaker 1: stole plenty. Really, I would like steal from my roommate,
Speaker 1: but just quarters. He had like a quarter jar and
Speaker 1: I would just steal him to eat double stacks from Wendy's.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I was like, they're just quarters. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a rich guy, you know, it's just a hundred
Speaker 1: thousand dollars he's a millionaire. You never stole, well, no,
Speaker 1: you would steal from from from Yeah, I did some stealing. Um,
Speaker 1: I stole one time from someone who was like a friend.
Speaker 1: And I have to And it's like one of these
Speaker 1: things that haunts me that I have to like what happened. No, No,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to. Like it's one of those
Speaker 1: things in my past that I was like really just
Speaker 1: not a good person, and like I have to uh
Speaker 1: do a like you know, when you're in a twelve
Speaker 1: step program, you ultimately have to get to a point
Speaker 1: where you uh was it cash though, or was it Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was I stole money from a business I was
Speaker 1: working for, and like it was not good and you know,
Speaker 1: you justify it. It's weird how you could justify I
Speaker 1: would justify it and um and yeah, I oh I
Speaker 1: have to. Um. You know I've given back to that
Speaker 1: establishment a lot to make up for it. But they
Speaker 1: don't know why I've done that. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: you have to actually at some point I'm going to
Speaker 1: have to explain what happened and like to them, what
Speaker 1: if you go to jail? It was? I mean the
Speaker 1: statute of limitations, this way. I mean, this was forever
Speaker 1: because to jail for stealing scrunching still weighs on me though,
Speaker 1: you know, like doing something like that where the person
Speaker 1: those people trusted me and I stole from them and um,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't a lot, but it was just like
Speaker 1: I knew it was wrong, and I lied to them
Speaker 1: about it, and it's just like I just can't get
Speaker 1: over I I it's it definitely is like affects me
Speaker 1: subconsciously at times. I think a lot of times it's
Speaker 1: like where you're at in your mind and where you're
Speaker 1: at financially. You know, I remember how you people hurt
Speaker 1: people hurt people. I was not making a excuse for it,
Speaker 1: but because I know that about myself, when people do
Speaker 1: things like that to me, or like I witnessed them,
Speaker 1: I can go that person doesn't want to You're in
Speaker 1: a sociopath If you are stealing so that you can
Speaker 1: hurt someone, that's that's that's different than just like be
Speaker 1: having a fucking something's wrong with you on the inside.
Speaker 1: You hate yourself and so you're just doing bad things.
Speaker 1: I had, like I don't know when I was dog
Speaker 1: walking for you, I don't know how much money I had.
Speaker 1: I barely paid rent, and you you would have like
Speaker 1: gigs on the weekend and then you would have like
Speaker 1: just so much cash just sitting on And I'm like,
Speaker 1: she won't care if I never took it. I swear
Speaker 1: to god, I don't think I had the thought of, like,
Speaker 1: what's she won't even I would never know, but I
Speaker 1: would have known. But I reallysted you, you know, like
Speaker 1: and clearly I could yeah, because I really didn't do it.
Speaker 1: I really would tell you because I think it would
Speaker 1: be good. But there are a lot of people that
Speaker 1: leave out cash to to um. I just that was
Speaker 1: me being just like like something, I don't have respect
Speaker 1: for money because it scares me so much. So like
Speaker 1: I don't like to count my money. I don't like
Speaker 1: to like have all the bills facing one way and
Speaker 1: know exactly how much is in my wallet at any
Speaker 1: given time, because I just money scares me. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't even know how much. Like I've talked about this,
Speaker 1: I don't know how much money I have. I really,
Speaker 1: if I took a guess, I could be off by
Speaker 1: so much it would make you like I would probably
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm really dumb when it comes that stuff,
Speaker 1: but it's just because it scares me. And so that
Speaker 1: wasn't me trying to be like look how much me. No,
Speaker 1: I didn't take it like that. But I think sometimes
Speaker 1: people do that and it's really icky. Like I remember
Speaker 1: my friend said that he lived with this girl once
Speaker 1: and they were all like starving artists, and she got
Speaker 1: a bunch of commercials and she would leave checks out
Speaker 1: for like that. She would just be like I forgot
Speaker 1: to catch like I'm just like it. She would leave
Speaker 1: it out purposely on the kitchen counter to be like
Speaker 1: she put on the refrigerator. She's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how I got there because like my test score it,
Speaker 1: and then what's the note about how you guys are
Speaker 1: poor pieces of I saw that same girl one night.
Speaker 1: We were all hanger out and she stumbled out of
Speaker 1: her bedroom and like was catatonically drunk and like couldn't
Speaker 1: didn't even see a bunch of people were in the
Speaker 1: kitchen like hanging out comics. She just like stubble out,
Speaker 1: was like like saw through us and then just got it.
Speaker 1: Um got out of pan and was like cooking eggs
Speaker 1: at like four in the morning, but like wasted and
Speaker 1: We're all just kind of watching because she didn't acknowledge us,
Speaker 1: and we were like hi, and she's just like and
Speaker 1: then she just decided to wait for the eggs to
Speaker 1: cook and like lean up against the stove like with
Speaker 1: her back to it, and like slink down it and
Speaker 1: just like sit there. And she had like ship all
Speaker 1: over her underwear, and it was like so she was
Speaker 1: in her under which it was so embarrassing. And I
Speaker 1: think at the time, I probably didn't have a lot
Speaker 1: of empathy, so I was just like, ha ha, she's
Speaker 1: sucking ship in here. But she's such a piece of ship.
Speaker 1: But now I'm like, that is horrifying. And I've been
Speaker 1: that girl before. I mean, I've been drunk enough that
Speaker 1: I've shipped myself. Have you ever I've shipped myself? But
Speaker 1: Silber never drunk. Well that's respectable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: and I only had forty bucks in my account, so
Speaker 1: I yeah, I mean, I think I used to wipe
Speaker 1: with my fucking cash. That's the way you. I I
Speaker 1: got you walk all right, let's get to let's going
Speaker 1: to break and um, why do I care? Come back
Speaker 1: with why do I care? Why do I care? Why
Speaker 1: do I care. Tom Holland from Spider Man and Zendaya's
Speaker 1: boyfriend thought Mark Wahlberg gifted him a sex toy. The
Speaker 1: two men recently shot the movie Unchartered and spent some
Speaker 1: time hanging out together. This included Wahburg fifty, giving Holland
Speaker 1: twenty five a gift, and driving him back to his
Speaker 1: hotel one day. Essentially, Mark Wahlberg was kind enough to
Speaker 1: give me a massage gun after I left his house
Speaker 1: in l A and he drove me back to my hotel.
Speaker 1: I was confused as to what kind of massage gun
Speaker 1: this was, having never seen one before, and I thought
Speaker 1: it was the type of self pleasure. I thought Mark
Speaker 1: Wahlberg was driving me back to my house for other
Speaker 1: reasons than just being a gentleman. I didn't know. It's Hollywood, baby,
Speaker 1: who knows what's going to happen. That's the Holland by
Speaker 1: all accounts that I can tell, is just awesome. Yea
Speaker 1: and funny. Honestly, did you know he murdered a fucking crime?
Speaker 1: He just blinded him. Yeah, he just beat him to
Speaker 1: almost death. Well you know, aren't important? Yeah, yeah, made
Speaker 1: up for it because he gave Tom Holland. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: he used to killowman. Uh, it's just over time. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like when it is uh, the man out
Speaker 1: of Migraine and he used the massage gun to poke
Speaker 1: him in the eyes for six years. Yeah. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: guy eventually died from old age. Um, okay, so not
Speaker 1: we're not mocking anyone's death. By the way. No, the
Speaker 1: guy was sucking um he was starting nine. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I gotta stop. This is burglar um cam drop, cam drops,
Speaker 1: cam drop. What do you think like Tom Holland To
Speaker 1: me every interview I've seen, he's like, like, all these
Speaker 1: people so humble and so good at what they do.
Speaker 1: Are they like that good at acting? Where people are
Speaker 1: just cool? You know, I've met a bunch of cool
Speaker 1: people in my life, and sometimes they just end up
Speaker 1: being actors, you know what I mean? Yeah, but usually
Speaker 1: you ran against actors what you ran to it against
Speaker 1: actors in the past. Oh yeah, against actors, I know.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that was definitely a more on time.
Speaker 1: I was like for class president. Um, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that some actors can just yeah, be actually cool. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, but he he seems great and you
Speaker 1: love Zendia watched Euphoria. I watched season one. I have
Speaker 1: to watch season two. I don't. I've never I don't
Speaker 1: know literally anything about it except all the memes about
Speaker 1: like this is how people in Euphoria high School dress,
Speaker 1: it's how people at regular high school dress. And I
Speaker 1: was probably being talked into Twitter I goes and dia
Speaker 1: Emmy after I watched the latest episode, and I was
Speaker 1: just like reaffirmed that, like every single person was saying,
Speaker 1: like how incredible it was. She plays like a kid
Speaker 1: addicted to drugs. I mean it's a little over the top.
Speaker 1: You know, some would say too over the top, like Okay,
Speaker 1: come on, what are you doing? But and how is
Speaker 1: no one noticing that she's on drug there's a lot
Speaker 1: of ship that's but yeah, there's a fine line between
Speaker 1: good acting and overacting. I know it's close. She's right
Speaker 1: on the line, but like, I don't know, she does
Speaker 1: something within her eyes where like you, she looks like
Speaker 1: good acting is totally subjective, like what what people think
Speaker 1: good actors are. I mean, I think we can all
Speaker 1: grant some people, but like some people just love the
Speaker 1: way some people do things, and other times you're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's I like them more like, oh, that's exactly how
Speaker 1: they would talk. But a lot of times that's just
Speaker 1: like the dialogue that they have to do. People in
Speaker 1: film and TV just do not talk like normal people,
Speaker 1: and it really bugs me. Yeah, you hate that, you like,
Speaker 1: no one would ever talk the way, you know, like
Speaker 1: the whole tropes of when people hang up on the phone,
Speaker 1: they never say goodbye. On TV, there's never a goodbye.
Speaker 1: It's just a thing. It bothers me. When people are eating,
Speaker 1: they never eat, they never take bites of food. I know,
Speaker 1: these are all things that you know, either waste time
Speaker 1: or will mess up the shop. But like I like,
Speaker 1: I like realism, you know, like my favorite shows, they
Speaker 1: really are, they're my favorite shows. And more like herb Curb,
Speaker 1: you know that that borders on people like, that's very real, realistic,
Speaker 1: I would say, because they're also not following a script.
Speaker 1: They're just talking the way they would talk if given
Speaker 1: that scene. You know, they're just given a prompt. But
Speaker 1: then there are times I watched Curb and I go,
Speaker 1: no one would ever act like this, no one, you know,
Speaker 1: And then you just have to suspend disbelief that, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: Larry is just a magnet for people being upset with
Speaker 1: him everything he does, and everyone is irrationally upset at
Speaker 1: every step of the way for him. So okay, that's
Speaker 1: the world he lives in. But at least the people
Speaker 1: talk like normal people. Yes, yeah, I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of a show that is is very just like they
Speaker 1: tend to be pretty boring and slow after life, they
Speaker 1: talk like normal people. They talk the way people would talk.
Speaker 1: Ricky Gervaves is a comic, so I think he does
Speaker 1: a really good job of like knowing what I was
Speaker 1: talking to Bill Dixon the EP of the show We're
Speaker 1: working on Perfect Strangers too, and he said that when
Speaker 1: he's hiring reality show producers are people that like, he
Speaker 1: likes to hire comics as reality show producers because they
Speaker 1: they noticed things like human interactions, they noticed the things
Speaker 1: beneath the surface that because that's the comics job is
Speaker 1: to like look at the world and see it through
Speaker 1: different lens where you go, oh my god, I never
Speaker 1: even saw it that way, holy shit. And so he
Speaker 1: likes to hire comedians because he knows that they're good
Speaker 1: at reading people and knowing what the motives are and
Speaker 1: like what I mean that is like that's the skill
Speaker 1: I've always had that sometimes gets in my way when
Speaker 1: you like over anal lies things. But last yesterday I
Speaker 1: came up with a motive for something and Andrew was like,
Speaker 1: if that is true, because I go, I don't know
Speaker 1: why this person is doing this or whatever, and I go,
Speaker 1: I have a theory, and he was just like, if
Speaker 1: that is why? That is so fucked up, and I go,
Speaker 1: I sometimes you know how like people get in the
Speaker 1: mind of criminals and they're like he used her ear
Speaker 1: as fucking yeah, like that just weren't there. But then
Speaker 1: when they were, when they were, uh, when you acknowledge that,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, they were there the whole time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's fucking wild. But then you're like and then you've
Speaker 1: done that a lot with you had been so wrong
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I get why you wrote that caption
Speaker 1: on that thing because you were trying to let this
Speaker 1: person know that, and you're like, no, it's just like
Speaker 1: you're right. Sometimes you're right, but then sometimes I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so like sometimes I feel like you come and
Speaker 1: you're like I'm like yeah, obviously, Like in my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, you figured it out, like obviously, Well,
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm trying to draw attention to the fact that, like,
Speaker 1: you're being too obvious. So it's not even like I'm going,
Speaker 1: I'm going Andrew be a little bit more obtuse about
Speaker 1: your motivations for things. What I just wanted to steal
Speaker 1: from you? Nick? What what's the big money? Dude? You
Speaker 1: just leave up? Oh man, that's a whole another thing
Speaker 1: we didn't Oh man, I didn't do it. But these
Speaker 1: kids as a prank, Oh god, oh no, we got
Speaker 1: to get to read it up. Yeah, they read it
Speaker 1: dumped on a dollar bill and they would put it
Speaker 1: in the street and have people pick it up. But
Speaker 1: in fairness, it was like like normal like rich football people,
Speaker 1: not like they weren't like fuing with homeless people. Well,
Speaker 1: how do they guarantee the people walking down the street
Speaker 1: they're going to be ritch football people? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: those people have a story forever I picked up a
Speaker 1: dollar and had shipped all over it. Yeah, let's get
Speaker 1: to Reddit dump karaoke mode. This is your Reddit doum.
Speaker 1: It's time for Reddit dump. Is where I go through
Speaker 1: all my Reddit saved posts that I wanted to share
Speaker 1: with you guys. Where I go through Reddit late at night. Um, No,
Speaker 1: will you play the thing that I just texted you?
Speaker 1: And um, this is the new Britney Spears perfect. This
Speaker 1: is the new Britney Spears um song that you know.
Speaker 1: I want to play the first one? Can we play
Speaker 1: the first Britney Spears she released in her bathroom a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. This was on Instagram. We covered
Speaker 1: it on the show. This was Britney Spears singing in
Speaker 1: her bathroom and she she just recently released a new one.
Speaker 1: But let's listen to the first one. Okay, great, that's
Speaker 1: a great flashback. Okay, now there's a new one that
Speaker 1: I found on Reddit. I want to play it for
Speaker 1: you guys. Noah, hit it. This was found in Funny
Speaker 1: and Funny. I'll tell you the subpreddit later. Wait one
Speaker 1: more time. Let's hear it, dude, I gotta put this
Speaker 1: on my Instagram. It's too perfect. Them next to each other,
Speaker 1: Holy sh it. Um, that was from Funny Animals and
Speaker 1: that's definitely a cat me owing. And they did not
Speaker 1: connected to the Britty video I did, and that is
Speaker 1: a that is a dead ringer. I didn't even play
Speaker 1: them next to each other last night when I came
Speaker 1: up with that joke. I mean it's uh, that was incredible.
Speaker 1: I mean I heard that cat though is still has
Speaker 1: under conservative ship. That's what I've heard, pretty kitty. Um
Speaker 1: this is when I found on next fucking level the subreddit,
Speaker 1: and it was tornado sirens harmonizing. This guy was in
Speaker 1: the goal of um four tomato tomato four tomatoes that
Speaker 1: were spotted around his area. But he's in the middle
Speaker 1: of four tornado sirens in his area and they all
Speaker 1: turned harmonizing. It's one of the most beautiful things you
Speaker 1: might have heard this. It was going around months ago,
Speaker 1: but it's reservice I want to share with you. At
Speaker 1: one time, all the tornado sirens in my neighborhood accidentally
Speaker 1: harmonized the middle of about four sirens. So it may
Speaker 1: have been that four sirens were going off perfectly. Seriously,
Speaker 1: this is crazy. I'm in awe. Doesn't that sound like
Speaker 1: the end of Free Willie or something like like like
Speaker 1: that movie August or whatever. What is it the movie
Speaker 1: where the kid heard music everywhere? No, I don't know
Speaker 1: that one. It's called Charlie hear music everywhere. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: He'll be like, oh, there's four tornadoes. That's sharp f
Speaker 1: f Oh, he know, he's like he's good at Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like his whole thing. What's it called his new
Speaker 1: songs light switch or something, and he took a light switch.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you told me that, But that's like tornado.
Speaker 1: Fucking um. This was from ask credit. It's a straight
Speaker 1: man of Reddit what instantly makes a woman unattractive? One?
Speaker 1: The top rated one was a couple three or four
Speaker 1: ankle hairs on an otherwise perfectly shaved leg. So you're
Speaker 1: not alone. I don't care that. It was just a joke.
Speaker 1: What happy true? Happy true? I don't know you. I
Speaker 1: just remember it was specifically ankle hairs. Ankle hair. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was time. Yeah. Someone said when a woman says
Speaker 1: I'm a bit, it's just who I am. Or it
Speaker 1: takes a special man to handle me like you are
Speaker 1: grown handle your damn self. Red flags all around. I'm like,
Speaker 1: don't watch of Island. Yeah, don't watch perfect Stream. If
Speaker 1: you can't handle me am at worst, you don't deserve
Speaker 1: me at my best. It's probably the worst mindset to
Speaker 1: come across in a person. Yeah, yeah, I don't like those.
Speaker 1: Another person said not being self aware meaning not admitting
Speaker 1: when she's wrong. And getting mad until you apologize, even
Speaker 1: though it is her fault. Um hobby interest shaming, unless,
Speaker 1: of course, your hobbies and interests are interesting. I don't
Speaker 1: know what that means. Being addicted to heroin or meth. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's a good one. Being mean to animals, I mean,
Speaker 1: duh okay um, okay, so your mom, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? That everyone away says, like the way that
Speaker 1: they treat the help I guess you could call it.
Speaker 1: It's just so indicative of someone. I mean, I rarely
Speaker 1: witness as someone being like I don't think I'm friends
Speaker 1: with anyone who is mean to people that workplaces. I mean,
Speaker 1: it would be ridiculous. But the thing is, unless you're
Speaker 1: around those you don't know you could be okay. Um,
Speaker 1: today I learned, And I don't think a lot of
Speaker 1: times those people even know they're being mean because they
Speaker 1: just do it. Uh. Today I learned today I learned.
Speaker 1: In Albanian superstition about hiccups is that when they occur
Speaker 1: when someone mentions the hiccupping person's name, that they occur
Speaker 1: when someone mentions the hiccuping person's name and conversation. To
Speaker 1: stop the hiccups, one must say the names of anyone
Speaker 1: they think talked about them. The hiccups will cease once
Speaker 1: the gosiper's name is spoken. I kind of like that.
Speaker 1: So if you have hiccups, you just start saying names
Speaker 1: of people you think might be talking about you, and
Speaker 1: if they are the person that you got it right,
Speaker 1: then your hiccups will stop. I mean, I think eventually
Speaker 1: you get to it and nacops would have stopped anyways.
Speaker 1: But or have you trying to scare someone out of hiccups? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it worse, Yeah, because it disrupts your or some there's
Speaker 1: something going on, like some kind of tick inside your
Speaker 1: limbic system and it disrupts it. Yeah. Or you drink
Speaker 1: water through a napkin. I always drink water. Plug my nose,
Speaker 1: plug my ears, put my head between my legs and
Speaker 1: then swallow and it always works. Always take us up
Speaker 1: with water. I'm serious, It is never not worked for me.
Speaker 1: Or I hold my breath always until I pass out,
Speaker 1: daring like the JFK speech, you know, like or or
Speaker 1: like and they got hiccups. How funny that would have been.
Speaker 1: It's interesting. You never for anyone who gets migraines or
Speaker 1: hiccups or sucking anything you rarely, it rarely happens time
Speaker 1: or trust when you are performing, it goes off. There's
Speaker 1: something about it, like I've never once gotten a migraine
Speaker 1: on a day I have to work. It always happens
Speaker 1: on a day I don't have to work. I've never
Speaker 1: gotten because it is building up while you're working. I think, No,
Speaker 1: I think it's something about it that's mental that That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. No, but I think it gives you
Speaker 1: the idle brain is the time when it. I think,
Speaker 1: if my brain goes do you if you you cannot
Speaker 1: get this migraine during this there's just no way we're
Speaker 1: gonna let you get that. So you're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 1: protect you. There's something that And it's just like what
Speaker 1: about like your special taping, if you got the hiccups
Speaker 1: or you have it, would never have saying diary, that's
Speaker 1: the thing. It's just it doesn't even when I have
Speaker 1: to poop. Really but like say I'm about to go
Speaker 1: on and i have to poop, it goes away when
Speaker 1: I'm on stage or if I'm any kind of sickness
Speaker 1: or anything I'm dealing with. When even a sore throat
Speaker 1: or like I lose my voice, it will come back
Speaker 1: on stage a little bit better. It's so weird. There'll
Speaker 1: be times where like I'll have indigestion and I'll be burping. Well,
Speaker 1: the person is calling my name. I can't get this
Speaker 1: burt out. Okay, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna. I won't
Speaker 1: be able to say my first and then literally get
Speaker 1: on stage and then it's like completely gone. So let's
Speaker 1: go into final thought. This is from asked credit. It's
Speaker 1: called anti bucket list. What's something you'll never do again?
Speaker 1: Someone said rent a car while visiting New York City.
Speaker 1: So and said, that's like asking to babysit someone's kid
Speaker 1: on vacation. Um. I just said a burb um so uh.
Speaker 1: Someone said, assume that every coworker, uh someone that's something
Speaker 1: that you'll never do again. Assuming assumed that every coworker
Speaker 1: is a friend. Oh, I like that one. There's some
Speaker 1: really good ones here setting settling for a relationship knowing
Speaker 1: you're not really happy. I was a server for five years.
Speaker 1: It was fun most of the time, but got almighty.
Speaker 1: The worst customers could drive a person to murder. I
Speaker 1: don't know what they're saying they'll never do again. Go
Speaker 1: to Times Square for New Year's Eve. Looks great on TV,
Speaker 1: not great in person unless you pay to get in
Speaker 1: the walled off area. Go to Disney World's Magic Kingdom
Speaker 1: on Christmas Day. Shoulder a shoulder, people, insane lines and
Speaker 1: nothing special I couldn't see earlier in the month. Swim
Speaker 1: in the sea at night whilst drunk, nearly drowned. Go
Speaker 1: swimming with whale sharks. They fucking eat you, I promised. Wait,
Speaker 1: I want to get that one. Um, someone said, I
Speaker 1: refused to do retail again. People are literally such assholes
Speaker 1: and don't realize you're trying to help them and still
Speaker 1: get their job done, and still get your job done. Um.
Speaker 1: I like these. Child Birth and the postpartum period, Love
Speaker 1: my daughter to death, one and done, pulling an all nighter, ages,
Speaker 1: catching up on me binge drink. I used to go
Speaker 1: down benders for a week or two. Now I barely
Speaker 1: even drink. Uh yeah, stay at a job of an
Speaker 1: unhappy at bungee jump. Oh this is the one. I
Speaker 1: wanted to read bungee jump as soon as they as
Speaker 1: my feet left the edge, all I could think of, Well,
Speaker 1: that was stupid. It was exciting and probably safe enough,
Speaker 1: but it was enough for me to know I will
Speaker 1: never willingly do that again. Have you guys bungee jumped? No,
Speaker 1: I jumped out of a plane. Oh yeah with a bungee. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got him mixed stuff. Actually, the guy's hair could
Speaker 1: have bungee jumped. He had looked really long hair, and
Speaker 1: it just like, dug, you know, it's just like interesting,
Speaker 1: like could they strap you in? They literally like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you scared. Uh, it was really early in the morning
Speaker 1: and so it got you like you were vulnerable. No, No,
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't really think about it that much,
Speaker 1: But didn't you have to think about it the night
Speaker 1: before when you agreed to do it or whatever you
Speaker 1: agreed to do it. I don't think I did it
Speaker 1: with Rusty. I knew it was worth Rusty, yes, and
Speaker 1: I paid for it and I didn't pay me back
Speaker 1: for years, and I wouldn't be like, dude, did I
Speaker 1: cry Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he was playing because
Speaker 1: he landed on the lawn of the Dave Matthews. I
Speaker 1: would never I don't understand why people do it, and
Speaker 1: I know that if I do do it, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be like the small percentage of people where it
Speaker 1: gets like caught around the neck or something. Yes, someone
Speaker 1: said in this thing, I agree with you. I would
Speaker 1: never do it, just one thing I could definitely die
Speaker 1: without doing. I mean also the same, but I'm more
Speaker 1: about that about my like I don't want my face
Speaker 1: to go like this. I didn't mean scary, because the
Speaker 1: plane you go up in is from like I'm working
Speaker 1: propeller barely so. Someone said, so fun fact that I
Speaker 1: learned after bungee jumping was that apparently if you have
Speaker 1: severe myopia, it's not recommended at all. I had gone
Speaker 1: and had a blast until I felt a pop in
Speaker 1: my eyes and got a migraine and spots in my vision.
Speaker 1: Turns out I had mild vitreous detachment in my eyes
Speaker 1: that I had left a small dark spot in my
Speaker 1: vision seven years later. So yeah, probably won't be doing
Speaker 1: that again. Um. This one. Someone said, I know someone
Speaker 1: whose cousin died from bungee jumping. She wasn't connected and
Speaker 1: she fell to her death. It's also on video, and
Speaker 1: the person edited their comments said, quit asking me for
Speaker 1: the video, go to hell. Um. Someone said, my aunt
Speaker 1: jumped in her harness broke she broke her butt, but
Speaker 1: luckily she's fine. Now someone said, how can you tell
Speaker 1: that she broke her but there's a big crack in it. Um.
Speaker 1: So this one, this was the one that I wanted
Speaker 1: to read to you guys. I told Andrew about this. Ah,
Speaker 1: there's another one I recently heard of where the guy
Speaker 1: running it running the bungee jump company said no jump,
Speaker 1: but with a heavy accent. The person heard now jump
Speaker 1: and she jumped to her death. And it is true.
Speaker 1: They connected me to the news story. I want to
Speaker 1: read this to you. Bungee jumper plunged to her death
Speaker 1: due to instructors poor english. Um. This was June seventeen.
Speaker 1: Two bungee jumping staffers have been found guilty of manslaughter
Speaker 1: after a team heard now jump instead of no jump
Speaker 1: from an instructor with poor English. A court has heard
Speaker 1: accord as her Dutch teenager Vera Mole seventeen plunged to
Speaker 1: her death before her rope was secured when she misheard
Speaker 1: a Spanish instructor. It happened in the bridge of Cabinskabe
Speaker 1: Zone Day they sell, located in the northern Spanish province
Speaker 1: of Cantabria. In two thousand fife. Oh this happened too,
Speaker 1: thats fifteen. This girl, look at her, What a cutie,
Speaker 1: poor thing. Yeah, I wonder they weren't licensed to organized
Speaker 1: jumps from the bridge. Both operators face face sentences between
Speaker 1: one and four years in jail. It's crazy, like why
Speaker 1: when they put the rope on away from that's why
Speaker 1: they This would never have happened if it was a
Speaker 1: real company. The bridge was not even being meant to
Speaker 1: be used for bungee jumping. Um yeah, like insane nip
Speaker 1: line like through the mountains and ship pretty wild. And
Speaker 1: because I heard about someone getting like a cut on
Speaker 1: their leg and then getting like a bacterial infection that
Speaker 1: made them get their skin like started cut off everything
Speaker 1: up to their fucking head. I'm not kidding you, like
Speaker 1: a little tiny cut, like someone jumps in a pond
Speaker 1: in fucking Mexico and they get a little time the
Speaker 1: bacteria from the fish. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we almost
Speaker 1: went and got our skin eaten at the fish pedicure place.
Speaker 1: But then we googled peda fish pedicure, and it turns
Speaker 1: out the fish only eat the skin, not because it's
Speaker 1: a part of their diet, because they're starving and they
Speaker 1: just might as well eat that, so that's already bad.
Speaker 1: But then also they can they carry disease. They're like
Speaker 1: animals that carry disease, and these if they're not properly clean.
Speaker 1: These animals are not cleaned, and they're water is not
Speaker 1: clean and you can get like a disease. So don't
Speaker 1: go to those places. Do not support businesses that use
Speaker 1: animals and pretend like these animals like you go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just giving the fish a meal. No, they're just
Speaker 1: like they'll just eat anything. At that point, it's really sad,
Speaker 1: but kind I wish I would have tried it before
Speaker 1: I knew the facts. You know. It's one of those things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's but everything you could find like oh,
Speaker 1: guy walks down the street got hit by a car.
Speaker 1: I can't walk down the street, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like they're every No, but once you know that it's
Speaker 1: cruel to animals. But I'm saying, like one person dying,
Speaker 1: like you can find one person dying in every single act.
Speaker 1: My point about your whale shark adventure, Mr, My point
Speaker 1: about you not jumping out of an airplane, well I
Speaker 1: don't want to do it because my skin is gonna stretch.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it because whales will stretch
Speaker 1: my fucking nipples. They're going to train a bread sweed
Speaker 1: on those puffs. All right, guys, we are done with
Speaker 1: the show today. We'll be back tomorrow with Moore. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening. Don't be ca and yack, that's not one.
Speaker 1: Look it up. It's the named Jackie Jack somewhere