1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,160 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Beleave Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:24,799 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. 3 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 2: And just like that, we're back on the air. 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 1: Happy Wednesday, y'all, welcome back to get another carefully reckless 5 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: episode with your Girl just hilarious. I'm gonn jump straight in. 6 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,079 Speaker 1: We got more voice notes. I love it, y'all, I 7 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: love it. Shit, I still got a lot of stories 8 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: to read, but I'll revisit that next week. We're gonna 9 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: start with the voice notes. Make those priority this week. 10 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: How I'm gonna do it is I'll do for the 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: first two weeks out of the month, I'll do voice notes, 12 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,160 Speaker 1: and then the last two weeks out of the month, 13 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: I'll do the red stories. Because I still want you 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: guys to send in paragraphs or whatever. I joke and play. 15 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: When I say you, guys, don't punctuate. I can read 16 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: through it and I can make sense of it unless 17 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: you just plain damn slow. All right, get your shit together. 18 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: We're going to start off, jump straight into it. 19 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:02,959 Speaker 2: Here we go. 20 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 3: Hey, Jess, I just want to say I've been listening 21 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 3: to you since episode one of this podcast, and girl, 22 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 3: I love you. 23 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: I love you. 24 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 2: Reels. 25 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 3: I missed just with the mess, but I know why 26 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 3: you stopped doing it with your son in Chadwick, and 27 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 3: I respect that. But anyways, my mess is family related, 28 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 3: and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it 29 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 3: really could get. So I have a cousin, and me 30 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 3: and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins, 31 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 3: similar age. When we got to be older, you know, 32 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 3: groups mingle. I would date his friends. 33 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 2: He did if you were my friends, always was, you know. 34 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 2: That's how we went. As we got a little older, 35 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 2: it started to seem. 36 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 3: Like he wanted to kind of shut me off but 37 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 3: still date my friends. So I had a friend and 38 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 3: at the time, he had a child on the way, 39 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 3: and I invited my friend to a family event. She 40 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 3: met my cousin, unknowing to me, they exchanged numbers. Fast 41 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 3: forward a few weeks later, him and his baby's mother 42 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 3: fell out because she went through his phone and found 43 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 3: messages of him and my friend. When I approached my 44 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 3: friend about it, she kind of told me, basically, it's 45 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 3: ount of your business. 46 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 2: I didn't tell you it's not your business, So I 47 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 2: left it at that. 48 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 3: From there, she kind of just distanced herself from me 49 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 3: and let it be known that she didn't want to 50 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,920 Speaker 3: be my friend no more. Basically, she got what she 51 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 3: was there for. So that was the end of our friendship. 52 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 3: My cousin and I never really mended things back to 53 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 3: where we were, but you know, family is family, and 54 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:29,360 Speaker 3: I still. 55 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,519 Speaker 2: Was around him hearing them. 56 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 3: He meets another friend of mine, same thing, things go 57 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 3: left with them. She's actually a closer friend of mine, 58 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 3: and she tells me what he's actually says about me 59 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 3: when he's with her, the things he says about me, 60 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 3: and gives me insight on why every time he dates 61 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 3: one of my friends they stopped being my friend. He 62 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 3: was going as far as saying anything that you hear 63 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 3: from my cousin, don't believe it. Just completely assassinated my character, 64 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 3: just attacking me and making me out there be somebody 65 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 3: I wasn't because he was a piece of shit to 66 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,920 Speaker 3: say it the least way, cheating, running around and always 67 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,959 Speaker 3: assumed that I was going to be the reason why 68 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 3: he got caught up, instead of realizing that everything you 69 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 3: do in the dark comes to the light. So now 70 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 3: after I'm aware of this is what he says about me, 71 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 3: I've just since myself even more the girl that I 72 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 3: was originally friends with that stop being friends with me 73 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 3: has been in the background all this time, and now 74 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 3: she's pregnant, he's gotten himself into legal trouble, and she's 75 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 3: going to be dealing with. 76 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 2: A child on her own for a bit. 77 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 3: I have history with that particular situation, not with the child, 78 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 3: but with having the loved one go away because of 79 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 3: the law, and I'm battling should I reach out to 80 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 3: her After everything I've done, I've lost two good friends 81 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 3: behind my cousin, but essentially those were not my friends. 82 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 3: I've come to terms with that also that if they 83 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 3: were supposed to be my friends, they'd be in my life, 84 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 3: and it's you know, I take responsibility for still allowing 85 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 3: him to be my friends, but I also understand that again, 86 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 3: if they were my friend. 87 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 4: They would be there. 88 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 3: I respect the second one more because she at least 89 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 3: was honest with me about it, But I'm battling with 90 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 3: the fact that the first one is carrying a child 91 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 3: that is a part of my blood, and then also 92 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,919 Speaker 3: knowing what she's going to be dealing with because my 93 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 3: cousin is going to be away, and I don't know 94 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 3: if I should reach out or if I should just 95 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 3: be like, bitch, fuck you, this is your karma from 96 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 3: five years ago, because I told you I asked not 97 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 3: to fuck with him. 98 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 2: Help me, Jess, help me, girl, girl. 99 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say, you sound 100 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 1: just like Gabrielle Union girls. What a god you got 101 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: the Gabrielle Union voice. Hey, you sound like somebody else, 102 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,679 Speaker 1: but that is not why you're writing me today, all right. 103 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 2: So anyway, let's get into it. 104 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,040 Speaker 1: I love your voice, by the way, girl, the raspiness, Girl, 105 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: I listen. 106 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 2: I ain't weird and nothing like that. 107 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: I just love certain voices, girl, and yours is one 108 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: of them. Okay, So you can go about this two 109 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: different ways now, and you would be totally within your right, 110 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: well within your right to pick either one. 111 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:02,360 Speaker 3: Now. 112 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 1: The fact that he does have a child on the way, 113 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: and he is by the first friend who was gonna 114 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: be destined to get that karma one way or another. 115 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 2: This is still your blood. 116 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: So I can tell that you're a family person, you know, 117 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: like you said, you and your cousin were raised as siblings, 118 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: you know, and you see that a lot in families period. 119 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 2: You know. 120 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: I was gonna say black families, but I mean, because 121 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: that's the only race that I've seen it in, because 122 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: that's the only race I am. 123 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 2: But we do that. 124 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: You know, my cousin London was raised as my sister. 125 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,919 Speaker 1: You know my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother, 126 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: and we are big on family, a very big family 127 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 1: oriented family. So I do understand that. Now, although you 128 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: and your cousin are not as tight as you guys 129 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: used to be thanks to the females and all the 130 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: shit that he does or whatever, you seem to still 131 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: have a certain attachment. You always have him in your 132 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 1: heart somewhere because you guys were raised together. It's a 133 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: lot of history there now just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all 134 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: were like siblings slash cousins. 135 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 2: So I get it. That's a bond there. 136 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it 137 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 1: still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to 138 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 1: see his child grow beautifully and you know healthy. I 139 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: know you would love to be there for the birth. 140 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,119 Speaker 1: I can just tell. 141 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 2: I can hear it in your voice. 142 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: You love your cousin still and you would love anything 143 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: that he produced, and that would be a baby and 144 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: your first friend child now listen, I ain't gonna let 145 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: my personal experiences and how I feel about it dictate 146 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: how I speak to you with this situation, because I'm 147 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,599 Speaker 1: not going to be biased at all. But Karma was 148 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: definitely knocking at her door. She answered it, she got it. 149 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: I would only reach out to her if it is 150 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: only about the baby, just to be honest with you, 151 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: because females like that, they don't tend to change. And 152 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: she was already grown when she made this big ass 153 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: grown decision at her big age. And then your cousin 154 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: just moves so recklessly. Hey didn't ever seem to be 155 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: serious with either of your friends. It's just females that 156 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: he was just fucking and you are forewarning these girls, 157 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: and they're still just going along with it, you know, like, 158 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: oh whatever, whatever, because I bet he find is hell 159 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,239 Speaker 1: any I bet he fucking fine. 160 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 2: Child. 161 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: Please, But what's significant about your story is his family. 162 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: I get a lot of relationship stories and questions and 163 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: things that I would advise people on, but this is family, 164 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: and so this is a little bit more delicate, you know, 165 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: because y'all are always gonna be blood. I want to 166 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: know have you talked to him since he's been in jail, 167 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: because obviously that's where he is. You said he got 168 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: into some legal trouble in this girl. She will be 169 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: raising the baby on her own for a while, and 170 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: then he has another baby as well, because he had 171 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: a girlfriend the whole time he was fucking with your friends. Man, 172 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 1: this nigga's everywhere. Well he was everywhere. Now he is 173 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: in one place for a long time. But have you 174 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: talked to him? Has he written you? Has he wrote you? 175 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 2: Has he you know? Is there other letters? Like? 176 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: Because I think that you should speak to him first 177 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: as well. I mean it's not not to ask his 178 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: permission about the baby, but I think you should kind 179 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: of bridge that gap to reconcile, be the bigger person, 180 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: and kind of get through to him a little bit. Like, look, man, 181 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 1: we were raised a particular way. We were raised as 182 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 1: brother and sister. Okay, we got older, we went our 183 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: separate ways, and you know, you started dating my friends, 184 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: and you know you're a womanizer, You're not really a loyal, 185 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: faithful guy. So yes, I told my friends. I was 186 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: forewarning my friends. I didn't want to see my friends hurt. 187 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: You're always going to be my cousin. You were in 188 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: a relationship, for God's sake, So I was actually trying 189 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: to save you too, and save the damn girl that 190 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: you were with who had your baby. 191 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 2: You know at that. 192 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 1: Time, did you fuck around get one of my friends pregnant, 193 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 1: wasn't even win her, then you fuck another one of 194 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: my friends and the cycle would have probably still been 195 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: going on today if you were physically able to fuck 196 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: more friends of mine. I don't think you should blame 197 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: yourself for any of this, Honey. I heard you say, 198 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: you know it's my fault that I put him around 199 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:45,959 Speaker 1: my friends. 200 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 2: No, people are people, it's social. You could be. 201 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: Around women that Nigga can be around women without sick 202 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: and is dick and one. 203 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 2: It don't matter. No, that's not your fault. You're not 204 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 2: his supervisor. 205 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: You don't have to supervise his interactions with women just 206 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: because they're your friends. You shouldn't feel that way. I 207 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 1: think you should reach out to him, Definitely have a 208 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,559 Speaker 1: conversation with him and just be real and tell him 209 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: you have this baby on the way by. You know 210 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: one of my former friends, and I want to reach 211 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: out to her. I don't know how you're feeling about it, 212 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: do you think it's yours. First of all, baby, find 213 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: out if it's because you know these bitches they ain't 214 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: shit and maybe lying, and we know what type of 215 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: friend the first one is, so we don't know. But 216 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: find out if the baby is his, or see if 217 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: he even thinks it his or whatever. And out of 218 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 1: the love for the baby would be the only fucking 219 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: reason that I would reach out to her. But to 220 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: be honest, if I can give you my like what 221 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 1: I would do, I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. 222 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 2: I wouldn't. You're gonna get to know the baby, you're 223 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 2: gonna grow up. 224 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: And then that friend may even have animosity toward you, 225 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: because nobody likes to meet the person that told them 226 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: that they would be here one day and they're actually there. 227 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 2: Nobody likes that I told you so. 228 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: And even though you're probably not that type of person, 229 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: she gonna fill that off the rip and she's gonna 230 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: already be probably bitter toward you because now she's in 231 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: a such that she never thought she would be in 232 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: had she listened to her friend that one year, she 233 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: wouldn't be here. But it's aside, the cookie crumbles, So 234 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: only if it's about the baby if the baby is his. 235 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 2: But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But check back 236 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 2: in with me, girl, check back in now. 237 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: We got a commercial and if you click off of 238 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: this podcast, I swear I'm an beat your ass. 239 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 2: Listen. All right, Moving on, guys. 240 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 4: Hi, Jess, I had a question for you. I recently 241 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 4: ended my relationship of a year and a half with 242 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 4: a man. We lived together. We don't have any children together, 243 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,080 Speaker 4: but he was very close with my children. He didn't 244 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 4: have any children of his own. But I ended the 245 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 4: relationship for a couple of different reasons. One I had 246 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 4: helped him apply for a better job because he was 247 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 4: working a minimum wage job, and through that I found 248 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 4: out that he was not a US citizen, and so 249 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 4: he lied to me about his citizenship, which is a 250 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 4: red flag for me because I'm in the military, could 251 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 4: have affected me and my clearance to I ended the 252 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 4: relationship because over a year and a half, I never 253 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 4: got to meet his family, even though they're here locally. 254 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 4: And that's what I reflected to me, because I want 255 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 4: a family who's going to embrace me my children and 256 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 4: just the lying and all that. But I still feel 257 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 4: so bad about ending the relationship because I still have 258 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 4: love for him. How am I able to move on 259 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 4: from this? Because it wasn't like it ended nasty per se. 260 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 4: It just I got to a point where I couldn't 261 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 4: accept what was happening anymore because that was a huge lie. 262 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 4: And then the family thing really threw me off. But 263 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 4: my question to you is how can I move forward 264 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 4: and moving on from this relationship? I could really use 265 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 4: any advice that you have. Thank you so much. I 266 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 4: love you and your comedy. 267 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,680 Speaker 2: Oh you're so sweet. Thank you girl. I appreciate that. 268 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 1: I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate 269 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 1: what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes, 270 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: there's no way that he could have possibly thought to 271 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 1: not eventually tell you the truth when he realized, like 272 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: how detrimental shit could have gotten for you and your family, 273 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: Like you said, they could have affected your clearance. 274 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 2: That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. 275 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: Now, I do understand sometimes people keep these type of 276 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:28,679 Speaker 1: things from people just protecting themselves from being broken up 277 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: with or you know, from being looked that crazy or 278 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: being deported or but you loved him, you know, y'all 279 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: are in a relationship for over a year and a half, 280 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 1: So you think I'm gonna be with you and you 281 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: don't tell me about this shit, but I gotta find 282 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: out because I'm actually trying to. 283 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,720 Speaker 2: Help you work, girl. 284 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: So what I would say, what could also be an option, 285 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 1: is that he knew that the only way that he 286 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: could be grants a citizenship is if he could get married. 287 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: I think that he probably wanted to you, who's you 288 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: to marry him? 289 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 2: Really really fall in love with you. 290 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: Because he probably didn't have any money, because you obviously 291 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: you said he was trying to get him a job. 292 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: You know, usually people come over here and they pay 293 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,559 Speaker 1: for someone to marry them so they can get their card. 294 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I know lots of people 295 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:21,079 Speaker 1: that has done it. That's a real thing. But because 296 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: he knew he didn't have any money, he just chose 297 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 1: to do it the more fucked up way. And I 298 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: think he still fell for you. I'm not saying you 299 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't the 300 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 1: initial agenda upon meeting you and you're in the military 301 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: and all that, because that could be the only reason 302 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you about 303 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 1: that shit, Like you and your family could be going 304 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: through some shit right now because he didn't keep it 305 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 1: upfront with you. That's not good to even put you 306 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: and your kids at jeopardy like that. 307 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 2: So do you really love me? Was this year and 308 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 2: a half fake? Or what? Like? I need some fucking answers, 309 00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying? Like that? That is me speaking? 310 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 2: Is you demanding for answers? There? 311 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 1: Like, just be honest with me. I already love you, 312 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: We already did the work in the relationship. 313 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 2: Is this real? Do you love me? 314 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: Or did you just have a plan to be granted 315 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: citizenship and you use me to do so eventually? Because, 316 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: like you said, you want a family, So I know 317 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: y'all have talked about marriage. Y'all had to. I don't 318 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: even have to ask you that. I know that because 319 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: you want a family, you want his family to accept 320 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a fucking 321 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 1: year and to some that may not be a lot 322 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: of time. That's a lot of time to me, especially 323 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: if you're around my kids and you know, you know 324 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: my family and I don't know yours. Yes, that's a 325 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 1: red flag, Yes, ma'am. Why the hell did not get 326 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: to meet your mom? Why the hell can I meet 327 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: your family? Would he say to you you said they're 328 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: locally here. Did he ever give you an answer on 329 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 1: why he hasn't let you meet them yet, or he 330 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: hasn't introduced you or even you know what I'm saying. 331 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: Have you ever talked to his mother on the phone? 332 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: Have you ever even seen him FaceTime? Just anything? If 333 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: not for real, then my point is proven to be true. 334 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:13,440 Speaker 1: He never really had any real, any real plans on 335 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: keeping you around once y'all got married. You got that 336 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: green call girl, that boy was gonna be out. And 337 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: I really honestly believe that. I really honestly believe that, 338 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: because why the hell haven't you met his mom and 339 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 1: his other family. I'm very very sorry that you're going 340 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: through this. I'm sorry for you and your babies because 341 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: I know that they've already gotten to know him obviously, 342 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: I mean shit, they had to, they had to get 343 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 1: to know him. I do want to extend an apology, like, 344 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, I hate that you're going through that, 345 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: and you don't deserve it, but I think that you 346 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: should let it go because it's already a year and 347 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: a half of your time wasted. 348 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 2: And the reason why because I know you love him. 349 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: The reason why I say wasted is because I want 350 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: to open your eyes to what the fuck I think 351 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: he was really trying to do. And I know you 352 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: had to think it in the back of your mind, 353 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: but because you love him, you probably didn't want to 354 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: face it. That's what he was doing, right that was 355 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't 356 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda. 357 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 2: It was a motive behind all this love and this 358 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 2: relationship and all that. 359 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: I think it's best for you to leave, I do 360 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: while you put a whole year and a half in it, 361 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: and that is not a short amount of time. I 362 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: don't think it's an extremely long amount of time for 363 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: you to leave that shit alone right now, because imagine 364 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: y'all could be five years in and then this motherfuckers, 365 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: and then it's the way you found out. You found 366 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: out because you were trying to help him get a job, 367 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: So he would have never told you this. 368 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 2: You understand what I'm saying. 369 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 1: You would have never told you this. That could be 370 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: another reason why he didn't want you to meet his family. 371 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: Either oh, now, they might tell it that I'm not 372 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: here on it, you know, or unless the family was 373 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: down with the plan from the jump. Come hear meet somebody, 374 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 1: marry them and then you can be with us forever 375 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 1: or whatever the fuck. You know, I'm really frustrated that 376 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: you're going through this shit, So don't mind my cursing, 377 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 1: and I'm very sorry about that. But check back in 378 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: with me. You are way, way, way way to deserving 379 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: of something else, of something more than to be dealing 380 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,679 Speaker 1: with this. Check back in with me, girl. If you 381 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 1: love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll 382 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: be right back. That's some bullshit, y'all. Like I really 383 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,360 Speaker 1: don't like that. I don't like that for her at all. 384 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,120 Speaker 1: You never know who you're sleeping with. You never know 385 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: who you're fucking dealing with. 386 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,160 Speaker 2: You never know. 387 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: She was in a relationship with this man for eighteen 388 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,879 Speaker 1: months and he lied. Now what I want to know 389 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: and she didn't tell me, was when she found out 390 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,359 Speaker 1: was that recently? Was that when she just broke out 391 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: with him? Is that what she just broke up with 392 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 1: him for? Or did she continue to be in a 393 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: relationship with him? Because she said she just can't deal 394 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: with it anymore. That means that she was actually trying 395 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 1: to deal with it. And you see what we do 396 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: as women. I can't say men do this, because I'm 397 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: not a man. I don't know, but I know women 398 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: do this. We often. I'm not gonna say it right, 399 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 1: I'm just say it the way I'm not to say it, 400 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 1: and then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want 401 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 1: to take it. We actually will dim our happiness for 402 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: someone else's. And I actually spoke on this before in 403 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 1: the previous episode. We'll dim our happiness and even be 404 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 1: a little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to 405 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,239 Speaker 1: be happy for our man, or our women, or our 406 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 1: husband or our wife, like, we will do that. Why 407 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,480 Speaker 1: why why why why should you being happy cost me 408 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I don't 409 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,399 Speaker 1: really think that love is difficult. I don't think that 410 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: love is working. And listen, I'm actually constrad to myself 411 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: because in previous episodes I've said this, love is hard, 412 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: love is work, love is no, love is what you 413 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,920 Speaker 1: make it. It's not the love. And I was just 414 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,639 Speaker 1: talking to my best friend about this. Take this and 415 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 1: I'm in this episode. It's not that love is hard. 416 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and 417 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their 418 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking 419 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 1: be with somebody, nied got yourself together. So now you're 420 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 1: trying to fend for two and you mentally don't even 421 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: know what the fuck you want or you don't know 422 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 1: what the fuck. 423 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 2: Is going on with you. 424 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: You got issues that you don't even know you have, 425 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: and you don't even see the issues until somebody else 426 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: is there to ignite that shit in you. 427 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 2: That's your significant other. 428 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: When you jump in these relationships, people don't know themselves 429 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 1: until they get with somebody else. Because people, you have 430 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh shit, 431 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing. This is why you act 432 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: like this because what I'm doing and then sometimes that's 433 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: even dangerous. Thats why you gotta be make sure you 434 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: know who you are and you get all your shit 435 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: together before you try to be with another motherfucker, because 436 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: now that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these 437 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,360 Speaker 1: issues now that you never even knew you had before. 438 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: Now you blaming it on the other person because none 439 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: of this was happening. 440 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,080 Speaker 2: I wasn't like this until I met you. No, you 441 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:17,360 Speaker 2: were like this. You just wasn't. 442 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: Never with nobody that showed you this shit. It's deep, 443 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: It gets deep, It gets deep, and that's why a 444 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 1: lot of people need therapy before they get in relationships. 445 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 1: You can't take too fucked up people put them in 446 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: a relationship, and then now they go seek counseling together. Nah, none, no, no, 447 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,919 Speaker 1: because y'all just learning how to be together. Y'all not 448 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 1: even learning how to be alone. 449 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 2: Yet. 450 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: When you know how to be alone, that's when you 451 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,639 Speaker 1: can fathom learning how to be together with someone else. 452 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: If you can't be alone, that's scary because you ain't 453 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: always gonna be with your partner, So what the fuck 454 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: will you do when you're alone? 455 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:57,120 Speaker 2: You'll go crazy. 456 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: People don't understand that it's deep, and I could go deeper, 457 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 1: but y'all gonna have to wait till next week. And 458 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: just like that, we come to the end of this 459 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: episode with your Girl Jess hilarious. Can't fully reckless. Y'all 460 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: need to tune in each and every Wednesday, seven am 461 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,160 Speaker 1: and watch Reckless only on YouTube every Wednesday, seven pm. 462 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: Catch it tonight. Happy Holidays and happy New Year of 463 00:21:17,640 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 1: founds outs for y'all. Can't Fully Reckless is a production 464 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 465 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,640 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 466 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.