1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: I wanted it to be called It was like a 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: contestation to a song that my mom sang to me 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: at her last concert in Monterey. I decided I want 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 1: to redeem myself and re record this song and fall 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,959 Speaker 1: back in love with this song because it started off 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: with something so beautiful. My mom said listen to wind 7 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: Beneath my Wings when she dedicated me the song, and 8 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 1: there were times when we were fighting, I would go 9 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: back to this song. It reminded me of the love 10 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: that she had for me. Hello, guys, welcome to this 11 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: episode of cheek Ease and Chill. I hope you all 12 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: are having a really great week. I know that I am. 13 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: I feel good, I feel hopeful, I feel excited for 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 1: this year, and today's episode is going to focus on 15 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: two songs that are really important to me. The first 16 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: song is a song I launched my music career with 17 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: and I recently re recorded the song and released a 18 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: new video for it. And the second song I want 19 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,560 Speaker 1: to talk about is one my mom dedicated to me 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: many years ago. So we have a lot to talk about. 21 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: Let's get into this super personal episode of Cheekyas and Chill. Okay, 22 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: so I want to start with Balma Blanca. If you've 23 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: been with me since the beginning, this was my very 24 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: first song and it was released back. I recently re 25 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: recorded the song and redid the music video. Both the 26 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: song and music video were released on December nine in 27 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: honor of my mother, of course, because that song was 28 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:40,679 Speaker 1: written thinking of her solely for her. Um it was 29 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: one of the first songs, if not the first song 30 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 1: actually that I wrote, and just to be quite frank, 31 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: it was the song that my career was kind of 32 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 1: like launched. My music career was launched with this with 33 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: this song. But it was an accident. If you guys 34 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: go back and you know, read my book Forgiveness, you'll 35 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: see exactly would happen. But it definitely was the first 36 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: song I wrote, and it was like a contestation or 37 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: like a response should I say to a song that 38 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: my mom sang to me balm at her last concert 39 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: in Monterrey. So I just felt like it was fitting. 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: I wanted it to be called balam Blanca because what 41 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: represents someone graduating to the next life, to the eternal 42 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,639 Speaker 1: life is a white dove, which is why I wanted 43 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: to name it Balama Blanca. And because things happened the 44 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: way they did with this particular song. I went into 45 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: the studio not being ready in any way, especially emotionally. 46 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: I was crying the entire time. It was one of 47 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: my very first times being in a studio, in a 48 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 1: professional studio. I had just started singing. My mom had 49 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: just passed two years before. I had a really tough 50 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: year and I was kind of getting back and learning 51 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: how to walk again, as weird as that sounds, and 52 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: I went into the studio. I was crying. I was 53 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: drinking some tequila, I remember, and I just said, I'm 54 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,799 Speaker 1: going to record it. And I've done that a lot. 55 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,239 Speaker 1: I've learned to go now more than ever, go into 56 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 1: the studio and just let it all out and then 57 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 1: come back to it later. So the song was not ready. 58 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: I was not ready and anyway, vocally, mentally, emotionally, in 59 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 1: any way was I ready for that song to be 60 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: heard by the public. So um. I was dating someone 61 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: back then, and he was very excited and very proud 62 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: of me, and he has his own record label. He 63 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: still has his own record label, and I think he 64 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: just wanted to help me and you know, show it 65 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: off to the world. And he surprised me by putting 66 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: it on the radio. Of course I sent it to 67 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: him because it's my partner. So when we received it, 68 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 1: we were driving, I remember, and we had just received 69 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: it like a week before, I want to say, and 70 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: I had heard it and I was just like, okay, there, 71 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: I want to go back into the studio and make 72 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: some changes. But I never had the chance to do that, 73 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: you guys, because my boyfriend at the time surprised me. 74 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: We were driving in the car and we were listening 75 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: to the radio and all of a sudden, they're like, yes, 76 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: Lac and the Chickamanca, and I was just like and 77 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: they played it on the radio. Oh mg. I just 78 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 1: I felt so bad because I was like mad that 79 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: it was on the radio. But then I was like, 80 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: oh my god, that's kind of cute. He wants to 81 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: surprise me. But that's why I say that my career started, 82 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: like asked backwards. And I don't blame people because the song. Again, 83 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: I was not ready, I admit it. I was not 84 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: vocally ready. It was my first time going into the studio. Now, 85 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: the way I record songs is like so different, especially 86 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: like it was just me trying something, you know what 87 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 1: I mean, and seeing how I felt, and I was 88 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. I remember being in the studio and until 89 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: this day, sometimes you do still get uncomfortable with like 90 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: listening to your own voice so like close, you know, 91 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: Like being on stage is different. Like you're on stage, 92 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: there's like noise of the fan, ANSWER's like just the instruments. 93 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,479 Speaker 1: It's just so different. And when you're in the studio, 94 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: it's just so personal. It's sewing your ears. It's it 95 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: takes time to get used to. So now that I 96 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 1: hear that song, the first and original version, I had 97 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: the choice to go in and rerecord the song and 98 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: quote unquote fix it, but I chose not to because 99 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: I said, well, if it then people are gonna criticize that, 100 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 1: because of course it criticized me, and of course they're 101 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: The first thing was, oh my god, she sings horrible 102 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 1: and she's nothing like her mother and all this stuff 103 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 1: and such a beautiful song with such a beautiful meaning 104 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: turned into something so negative. And for a long time 105 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: I was kind of like resentful with the song and 106 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 1: I didn't want to hear it, and I was like 107 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it, and I don't want 108 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: to see the music video because if I see the 109 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: music video, I have to hear the song. And it 110 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: just reminded me and brought me and took me back 111 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: to that moment of just people just attacking me and 112 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: criticizing me and not giving me the opportunity and thinking, dude, 113 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: she just started singing. Her mom had twenty years plus 114 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: under her belt. And what I tell people was like, 115 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: listen to my mom's and not only my mom, so 116 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: many other artists. Their first albums, their first songs, they 117 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:21,039 Speaker 1: sound nothing like what you listen to when you become 118 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: a fan, when they become known, you know, everyone starts somewhere. 119 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: But all eyes were on me, and my life was 120 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: under a magnifying glass because I was the daughter of 121 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,720 Speaker 1: this huge woman and legend, so I had a lot 122 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: of pressure. So anyways, I didn't record the song. I 123 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,919 Speaker 1: just said, iff it, We're just going to release it 124 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 1: like that. I'll do the music video and I'm just 125 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: gonna roll with the punches the way I've always done. 126 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: I grabbed the bull by the horns and I said, 127 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 1: let's do this, Let's ride this wave. And so I did, 128 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: and it took I feel like instead of being Jenny 129 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:58,239 Speaker 1: Rivera's daughter, that could possibly take you ten steps forward 130 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,679 Speaker 1: in the process of becoming a singer, it literally took 131 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: me ten steps back. So I feel that I've had 132 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: to work harder than most because there's always that comparison 133 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: and being in the shadow of my mom. And that's 134 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: why I wanted to break down these two songs for 135 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: you guys. And we're going to start with Bala la Blanca. 136 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: That's kind of like the background of Balla la blanca 137 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: and why I decided to rerecord it, especially on her 138 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: tenth year anniversary, because I feel like it's taken me 139 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: ten years to really hold my own to really love 140 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 1: myself for who I am, to really genuinely accept myself 141 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: for who I am and what I've grown to be. 142 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: And I'm very proud of myself. And I don't know 143 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: if you guys have ever I'm sure you have on 144 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: TikTok and stuff and and has seen have seen that 145 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: like speech where Snoop Dogg is kind of like, oh, 146 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: you know, I he's receiving an award. He's like, I 147 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 1: want to thank myself. I want to thank my hard 148 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: work and I don't know what. I don't know like 149 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: word by word, but that's kind of how I feel, 150 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: and it takes a lot to get to that point 151 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: to say I am fucking proud of myself. And looking 152 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: back ten years ago when I lost my mom and 153 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: how hard it was and how much crap people talked 154 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: because there was just so much craziness and cheese miss 155 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: and it was just the hot ass mess. To see 156 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: that I'm here and that I've been able to accomplish 157 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: what I have and that I can be an example 158 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: in somewhat of an inspiration to other people like it 159 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: makes me feel very proud. So I decided I want 160 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: to redeem myself in some way and re record this 161 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,560 Speaker 1: song and fall back in love with this song because 162 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: it started off with something so beautiful. By the way, 163 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: I wrote this song with. Her name is Claudia Brand. 164 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: She's a very famous composer, and I remember writing the 165 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: song and how much I cried and how healing it was. 166 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: And it was just her and I for about six 167 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: hours in her home studio, and we sat on the 168 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: floor and she was playing the guitar and I was 169 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 1: just expressing and writing things down and and and in 170 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: that time I would write in English and try to 171 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: translate it in Spanish. Which is a lot harder. Now 172 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: I've learned to write in Spanish songs, but it took 173 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: so long because I was broken. I was broken, I 174 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: was still kind of upset with my mom. But it 175 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: was so healing to write this song, and so I 176 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: wanted to basically redeem myself, give myself a gift as 177 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 1: a daughter, as an artist, and also re gifted to 178 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: my mother. And I wanted to do it in Mariaci 179 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: because Mariacci is what I'm loving right now. And yeah, 180 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: I just wanted to just do something different. And I 181 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: still have plans to re record the song Banda, the 182 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: original version, which would be Banda, and Johnny is like 183 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: asking me for that, so I'll eventually do that. But 184 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: I still love the original video of Ba Ba Blanca. 185 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: It's it's a beautiful video. I put my heart and 186 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: soul into that. I was one of the executive producers 187 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: on that, so I love. Now I've learned to love 188 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 1: that song and listen to it and say wow, the 189 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: first version and say I've grown so much, Okay, I'm 190 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: out of myself. And now I listened to this version, 191 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: the new version and the video, and it just in 192 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 1: the video, you guys it's me visiting my mom in heaven. 193 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 1: It's me taking my mom sit and not that to heaven. 194 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: That's why it's I'm in white and my Mariachi is there, 195 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 1: and it's just like a night with my mom and 196 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: telling her everything that I feel and and it was 197 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: just beautiful to just say I'm redoing this. It's the 198 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: beginning of a new start for me. That's kind of 199 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: how I feel like this song and what this song 200 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: is for me in my career, in my life. If 201 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: you haven't heard the song, I want to kind of 202 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: break down the lyrics for you, guys, and it basically 203 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: says no, meaning yes, I was very hurt. You kind 204 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: of left a mess, and I was very upset with you. 205 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: Um you, guys, I was very upset with my mom. 206 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,439 Speaker 1: I was confused. Does like, of course I missed her, 207 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 1: but I was just carrying this big fucking bag of 208 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: bricks of just pain. It was so hard. So it's like, 209 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: no matter what, I miss you. So every time I 210 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: see the stars, I feel like it's her. She's shining 211 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: light upon me, upon my life, and it's like all 212 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: I have to do is look up and I and 213 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: I know she's there. You know what I mean, And 214 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: she's guiding me. And I feel like she has been 215 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: guiding me, like she's never left my side ever, you know, 216 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: and it's been jaying years and I feel her more 217 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: and more, Like I want to say, this past year, 218 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: I felt her more than ever. Basically, I mean, I 219 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 1: wasn't able to give my mom a hug or speak 220 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: to her the last two months of her life. And 221 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: we work go more. You know, we were just you're 222 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 1: so close. We were peanut butter and jelly. We were 223 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: you know, we were just so close. And I that's 224 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,679 Speaker 1: what I think I missed the most those last two months, 225 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: was just like, dude, how did we go from being 226 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,479 Speaker 1: so close, from being your right arm to just completely 227 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: being deleted from your life? And it's just like I 228 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: want to be able to now she's in the eternal world, 229 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: to still be able to fight for our relationship and 230 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: and you know, young And that's what gives me peace, basically, 231 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: is it gives me peace that yes, we didn't have 232 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 1: time to do that in real life, but it gives 233 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,319 Speaker 1: me peace to know that you are not in pain, 234 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,079 Speaker 1: that you are not hurt, that you are in a 235 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: much better place. And that's what gives me, Frank, you know, 236 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 1: to know she's not suffering because this world and this 237 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: life could be tough. You guys, this is like going 238 00:12:53,600 --> 00:13:01,640 Speaker 1: back anyways. Um, basically, I'm saying, it's okay, I forgive you, 239 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: I miss you, but be free, be happy. So this 240 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: part is very important, even though you're not here. She 241 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: dedicated me a song which we're gonna get into, wind 242 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: Beneath My Wings, the song that she dedicated me a 243 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: long time ago, and I got that this line from 244 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 1: that song. So basically she would say that I was 245 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 1: the wind beneath her wings, that she could fly because 246 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:34,439 Speaker 1: of my support. And I said in the song in 247 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 1: Blanca that even though she's not here physically anymore, I 248 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: will continue forever and ever to be the wind beneath 249 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 1: her wings and take care of my siblings and have 250 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: her back even though she's not here. That was the 251 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: promise that I made to her the day that I 252 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 1: found out that she was not coming home. And that 253 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: line was very important to me. And I'll tell you 254 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: guys a little bit later why you'll you'll you'll understand 255 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 1: when you know I break down the lyrics of wind 256 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: Beneath My Wings. But anyways, because I did have a 257 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 1: lot to tell her. There was a lot of evidence 258 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: that I wanted to show her that I still have. 259 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: Actually I just saw it the other day and I 260 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 1: wanted to show her, and I really thought I was 261 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: going to have the time and to show her, look, mom, like, 262 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: this is the truth, this is my truth. And she 263 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: didn't let me, and I knew what she needed was time, 264 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 1: because it wasn't the first time that she had stopped 265 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: talking to me. My mom's lessons and I've told you 266 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: guys this here on chickens and chill were very very 267 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: hard and tough lessons, but a child like myself needed that. 268 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: Now I thank her. Now I understand why. But she 269 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: didn't let me. And I tried countless way as you 270 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: guys to speak to her, to try to get a 271 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: hold of her, and she didn't let me. But I 272 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: was waiting patiently, and obviously time ran out and and 273 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 1: God called her. God took her home. So I said, 274 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: I am going to rip out all of this pain 275 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: in my heart that I was carrying around all and 276 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: remember the good times, and remember that she was a 277 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 1: good mom, and understand why everything happened the way it happened. 278 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: It took me a long time. Now I'm like, oh 279 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: my god, God is so good. He knew exactly what 280 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: he was doing and how he was doing it. Because 281 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: imagine if my mom and I had been as close 282 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: as we were when she had passed, I would have 283 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: not been able to be strong for my siblings. I 284 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: had two months in the healing process, in the grieving 285 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: process before everyone else, and I was able to stand 286 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: strong for Johnny, who was eleven years old, and Jessica 287 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: who was fifteen, and my other siblings who yes had 288 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: children and Jackie was married, but they needed their older 289 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: sister to tell them it's gonna be okay. And I 290 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 1: think the only way and the only reason I was 291 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 1: a to do that was because I had two months 292 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: before everyone else to kind of simulate that. I was like, Okay, 293 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: she's not here. I have to live my life without 294 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: my mom. And that's something my therapist told me two 295 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: weeks before she passed, and it just kind of helped me. 296 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: But I said, you know what, she taught me a 297 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 1: lot of love, and I have to trade all this 298 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: pain and all this resentment with the love that she 299 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: taught me for my siblings, for her legacy, for her honor, 300 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: for her memory. So that's what that means. And here's 301 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: a big part too, and that you guys, is like, 302 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: it's crazy to think that it would even cross your 303 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: mind or you would allow people to put all this 304 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: negativity in your in your mind knowing you know your daughter, 305 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: you know how much I love you, you you know how 306 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: much I respect you. Not only that, I was so 307 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: afraid of her. I never wanted to disappoint her. I 308 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: was afraid of her kicking my ask because it didn't 309 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 1: matter how old I was. My mom would slap the 310 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,399 Speaker 1: ship out of you if she had to, you know 311 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: what I mean. So I was honestly, I had a 312 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: lot of respect for her and what was being set 313 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 1: around there and it was completely false and I would 314 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: never do that to her, and I would never betray 315 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,719 Speaker 1: the most important person in my life. So it's very 316 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,679 Speaker 1: important for me to put that in the song. The 317 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: next part is so basically what I'm saying here is 318 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: let's be friends, let's be homies. I forgive you, and 319 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 1: I know that I wasn't the perfect daughter, so please 320 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: forgive me, and let's just let's make this work even 321 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,359 Speaker 1: though you're not here. Physically like I want to have 322 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: a good relationship. I want to be a good daughter, 323 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: and I need your guidance. And I know you hear me. 324 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,399 Speaker 1: I know you hear me, I feel you and I 325 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,439 Speaker 1: have you, guys. Is she has helped me so much. 326 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 1: My mom has helped me so much. It's crazy if 327 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,360 Speaker 1: I were to tell you, guys, things that have happened 328 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: when I feel her, and how I know that she's 329 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: still working her magic and heaven and how even till 330 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 1: this day she's putting things together and she's making things work, 331 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 1: Like I have a card that she gave me on 332 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 1: my last birthday that we spent together, and she says, 333 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: I will not rest until I see all of my 334 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: children accomplished. And I know my mom is still doing 335 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: her thing. So I had to forgive and let her 336 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: know I forgive you, and I ask you for forgiveness 337 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 1: if I ever did anything to offend you. Let's just 338 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: move forward and let's be good. So so that's that, 339 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: and then it goes back into the chorus again and 340 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 1: it's basically well libre and that's how I feel, and 341 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,239 Speaker 1: that's why it was so important for me, such an 342 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: important and beautiful song and I'm so proud of this 343 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: song in these lyrics and the meaning behind it that 344 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 1: I felt the need to rerecord it to show my 345 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 1: growth vocally in every way really and in the video 346 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: in a way. Just go visit my mom in Heaven. 347 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: And I think it worked out beautifully. And I didn't 348 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: want to promote this song, you know, like usually like 349 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 1: there's like a marketing strategy before, and I didn't want 350 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: to do that because it wasn't about me, like taking 351 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: an advantage, and that's one thing for me. It's like, 352 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,919 Speaker 1: I know it's December ninth, but that's like the perfect 353 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,359 Speaker 1: time because this song is from my mom. And I 354 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,639 Speaker 1: know some people will be like, oh my god, she's 355 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,360 Speaker 1: launching a new song, but it's not a new song. 356 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 1: It's just and I don't even care, to be honest, 357 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: what people like. If they don't, if you don't get it, 358 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 1: if you don't understand why I did it, then it's 359 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 1: just like you don't deserve to be in my life anyways. 360 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: But I thought December night is perfect. It's been ten 361 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 1: years since she passed, and that's what felt right in 362 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: my heart, and that's why I launched it that morning. 363 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do, like the whole marketing situation. 364 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do any promo. I just wanted 365 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: to be with my family that day, focus on my team, 366 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: and celebrate a very successful day because we also had 367 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: like my team Thrive party that day, and you know, 368 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: and celebrate her. And that's what I did. I just 369 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: left it there and it will be a part of 370 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 1: this new album that's coming. So yeah, you guys, that 371 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: is the breakdown of and and why I decided to 372 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 1: rerecord it and redid it. And it's not like trying 373 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: to erase the first one because I can't regret anything 374 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 1: that has happened in my life or I can't regret 375 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,640 Speaker 1: anything that I've done because it's taught me and it's 376 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: made me grow and mature and learned so much about 377 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: myself about life. I'm just saying, hey, listen to me, now, 378 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,680 Speaker 1: look at me. Now you know what I mean. Like, 379 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: I'm in a different place emotionally. I'm no longer angry, 380 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 1: I'm no longer sad. I have peace in my heart 381 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,120 Speaker 1: and I want to be able to express it through 382 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 1: this song that was meant to be so beautiful that 383 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 1: maybe the external world and toxic people wanted to tarnish, 384 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: and possibly did for a little bit, but I washed 385 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 1: it all the way and I repat it. Now I 386 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: want to get into Wind Beneath My Wings. Okay, it's 387 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: a song in English. It is a song that is 388 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: by Bette Midler. My mom dedicated this song to me 389 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 1: and she put it in. And my mom would always 390 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 1: write as cards for Valentine's Day, for our birthdays, for Easter. 391 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 1: I have a bunch of cards. My mom was very 392 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: the daista in that way, and in one of the 393 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: cards she said, listen to Wind Beneath my Wings. I 394 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: dedicate that song to you. I must have been I 395 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:56,239 Speaker 1: don't know, like my early twenties, My relationship with my 396 00:21:56,280 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: mom was it was beautiful, but it was very tough. 397 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: Sometimes we were just so close in age fifteen years apart. 398 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 1: We were like sisters. We were like best friends, and 399 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,959 Speaker 1: then we were just like sometimes we were at each 400 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 1: other's throat because of the kids, and it was just 401 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 1: the law. It was just it was her and I, 402 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: you know, doing things. And sometimes I felt like she 403 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: didn't love me. Sometimes I felt like she resents me 404 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: or because I was very hard on her, you know 405 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,440 Speaker 1: what I mean. And I felt like that a lot. 406 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,639 Speaker 1: So when she dedicated me this song, and there were 407 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: times when we were fighting, I would go back to 408 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: this song and it would make me feel better. It 409 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: reminded me of the love that she had for me 410 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 1: that sometimes I think was it was hard for her 411 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: to show me because she had to give me that 412 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,240 Speaker 1: tough love so that I could be strong enough without 413 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 1: her even knowing, obviously, but like to be able to 414 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:55,360 Speaker 1: withstand her absence. So I feel like my whole life 415 00:22:55,359 --> 00:23:00,119 Speaker 1: she was preparing me for the moment of her not 416 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 1: being here. So anyways, on December nine, I was doing 417 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 1: my meditation. I was praying and thanking God for her life, 418 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: and of course I was crying, and I said, you 419 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: know what, I need to listen to win Beneath my 420 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 1: Wings because I have this picture on my window shield. 421 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: I I a picture of her and I, one of 422 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: my favorite pictures of her and I, and it's in 423 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: a butterfly. So I was looking at her picture as 424 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: I was praying, and I was like, oh my God, 425 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,840 Speaker 1: I need to listen to one Beneath my Wings, like 426 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 1: I felt it in my soul. I had. I hadn't 427 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,240 Speaker 1: heard that song in a long time. And it's crazy 428 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: because I had wrote my mom's post. I couldn't sleep 429 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,440 Speaker 1: that night. I was up until like four in the morning, 430 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 1: tossing and turning, and that's when I wrote my post 431 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 1: for December ninth. I wrote it like at one something. 432 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,440 Speaker 1: It was actually the time that she would have been 433 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 1: flying ten years before, you know, um when when the 434 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: you know, when the plane came down. And I couldn't sleep. 435 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: So anyways, that song came to my mind, and that 436 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 1: morning I was crying and I was like, I gotta 437 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 1: listened to this song. Anyways. So the song is it 438 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,920 Speaker 1: must have been cold there in my shadow, to never 439 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: have sunlight on your face. You were content to let 440 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:17,439 Speaker 1: me shine. That's your way. You always walked a step behind. 441 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: And for a long time I didn't realize that's what 442 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:35,520 Speaker 1: it was. But I really felt it in like after 443 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 1: she had a pass, Like it was just like I 444 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: was like in her shadow, you know what I mean, 445 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 1: Like people weren't wanting to see me for me, they 446 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:49,159 Speaker 1: were just comparing me and growing up. As I was 447 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: listening to that song in the morning, I was remembering, 448 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I was happy being 449 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: in my mom's shadow. I was happy being behind the 450 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: cameras and helping her build her empire and helping her 451 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: with the kids and putting a smile on my face 452 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,800 Speaker 1: to make sure she was okay, Like she was my 453 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,879 Speaker 1: absolute everything, you guys, Like I would stop anything and 454 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,159 Speaker 1: everything that I was doing. I remember being with the 455 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 1: next boyfriend and he would get upset because my mom 456 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,480 Speaker 1: would call me and we would be on our way 457 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,919 Speaker 1: to a date and I would be like, oh no, 458 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: we got to cancel, like my mom needs me, and 459 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: it would really frustrate him. But it was like, no, 460 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: my mom needs me. And that's what that tells me. 461 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 1: Like it must have been cold there in my shadow 462 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 1: to never have sunlight on your face. It was like 463 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,560 Speaker 1: no one really saw me. But I was okay with that, 464 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, up until where I was like, hey, guys, 465 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,680 Speaker 1: like I also exist, like you know what I mean, 466 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: Like let me give me the opportunity sort of thing, 467 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,439 Speaker 1: you know. And I always did walk a step behind her, 468 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 1: and I was okay with that. So the next part is, 469 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 1: so I was the one with all the glory while 470 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,440 Speaker 1: you were the one with all the strength. A beautiful 471 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: face without a name for so long, a beautiful smile 472 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 1: to hide the pain. Guys, I don't know. I don't 473 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 1: know if it's gonna be pretty hard. But I didn't 474 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 1: realize how much I needed this song that day on 475 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: December nine, because I feel so much better than I 476 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: have the past nine years that I was like, Okay, 477 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: I'm healing. I'm healing, like I'm gonna be fine. I 478 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 1: want to celebrate her life this year. I don't want 479 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,199 Speaker 1: to be sad this year. And I wasn't sad. It 480 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,720 Speaker 1: was a little bit sad in the morning, but like 481 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,719 Speaker 1: it was like her reminding me of all Like it 482 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 1: was like just I don't know even know how to 483 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: explain it sounds crazy, but it's just like her gift 484 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 1: from heaven to me on that morning, like it's gonna 485 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 1: be fine, like I'm here, Like it just put everything 486 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 1: into perspective for me. And this is a part you guys. 487 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: She would tell me this all the time. Did you 488 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: ever know that you were my hero and everything I 489 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 1: would like to be? And I think this is where 490 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 1: a out of our issues lied because she told me 491 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:09,119 Speaker 1: you were my hero plenty of times. And it was 492 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,440 Speaker 1: because I was always very strong and I felt that 493 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: I had to be strong because that's what she had 494 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 1: taught me, like you're the oldest, you have to be 495 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,959 Speaker 1: the example. Sometimes I was even strong for her. Sometimes 496 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: I felt like I was the mom. And sometimes she 497 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,320 Speaker 1: would tell me, you just think you're so perfect. Because 498 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,640 Speaker 1: I always try to do things right to like really honestly, 499 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:32,119 Speaker 1: like get her approval. I always wanted her to be 500 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: happy with me. I always wanted her to accept me, 501 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,679 Speaker 1: to not be upset with me. So I wanted to 502 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 1: always walk in a straight line. And when she did 503 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: something that was out a line or that I didn't 504 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 1: agree with, I would tell her. And that's when she 505 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 1: would tell me, like, you think you're just so perfect, 506 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 1: And that's where it seems like, you know. I remember 507 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: her telling me, you're my hero. I wish I could 508 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,360 Speaker 1: be a little bit more like you, but I'm not. 509 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 1: I'll never forget she told me that once, and I 510 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: think it had to do with her her I think 511 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,439 Speaker 1: pouring a beer on a lady at one of her 512 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: concerts that had thrown a beer on her on stage. 513 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,640 Speaker 1: I think it was in Mexico and it was everywhere, 514 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,200 Speaker 1: and when she came home after the weekend, they were 515 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,959 Speaker 1: talking about it and kind of like her and her 516 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: team laughing, and I didn't laugh. I stayed quiet, and 517 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 1: of course she noticed, and she's like, what's wrong with you? 518 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 1: And I said nothing, I just don't think it's funny. 519 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 1: She's like, well why, and she's like, she threw, you know, 520 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 1: a beer can at me. You know, I'm not gonna 521 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: let anyone do that to me. And I said, I 522 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 1: get that. I said, but you're an artist and you 523 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: should have let the authorities or the security handle it. 524 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't agree with you pouring a 525 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: beer on her head, you know. And she's like, well, 526 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,520 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I haven't learned to turn the other cheek 527 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 1: and I'll never forget. She's like, I wish I could 528 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: be more like you, but I'm not. I am who 529 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 1: I am, and I'll never forget because I felt bad. 530 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 1: And now that I'm on stage and if someonere to 531 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: throw a beer at me, I don't know how would react. 532 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 1: I'd probably flip them off for something I don't know. 533 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: But now I have more compassion. But you know, there's 534 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 1: those conversations that just really touched my heart. Anyways, Okay, 535 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: so then I've heard of a song I can fly 536 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,959 Speaker 1: higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath 537 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 1: my wings. It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but 538 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 1: I've got it all here in my heart. I want 539 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: you to know I know the truth. Of course I 540 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: know it. I would be nothing without you. Sorry, guys, 541 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: I'm so like m sorry. I've gotten so much hate 542 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 1: from people, and I'm talking crap and saying so many things. 543 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: I wish that I could just say the truth about 544 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: so many things that I can't, and I won't because 545 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 1: I don't want to go backwards. I'm trying to go 546 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 1: forward in my life. But just to read these lyrics, 547 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: I to have that gift that she left me this 548 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: song and listened to it. It just like helps me 549 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 1: so much. And she would always tell me I am 550 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:14,280 Speaker 1: everything that I am because you stayed home with your 551 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: brothers and sisters and you let me work. And I 552 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: don't regret it, not one bit. For a long time, 553 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 1: maybe for about two years after her passing or a 554 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: little bit like when we stopped talking in I was like, 555 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: what the hell did I do with my life? I 556 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: have dedicated my entire life to my mom. I didn't 557 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: go to college, I didn't really work outside of my 558 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: mom's enterprise that I felt like, now I'm left with nothing. 559 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: Now I don't know what to do with my life. 560 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 1: And it was very hard, which is why therapy was 561 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 1: so important for me, because I was so angry. I 562 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 1: was like, how in the hell did I not go 563 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: to school? How did I get myself in this position 564 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: to just be able to be take everything taken away 565 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 1: from me because she's upset And I never ever wanted 566 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: to give anyone else the power to do that to me, 567 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: which is why the people that have been following me 568 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: my boss b's since we started Boss Me Nation inteen. 569 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: I started giving scholarships out because I wanted people and 570 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: I want to inspire people to go to school to 571 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: learn a trait, something that no one can never take 572 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: from you. And I wanted to be able to contribute 573 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: to that, which is why I want to start giving 574 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 1: out more scholarships, because that's how I felt half of all. 575 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: I felt like, dude, I will never let anybody put 576 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 1: me in this position. But I feel like that was 577 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: the last lesson my mom taught me that I have 578 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:45,959 Speaker 1: to go out and find and do my own and 579 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: I've done it, and I know she's so proud of me. 580 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: Because now everything that I have, I have earned and 581 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,480 Speaker 1: it feels good to know that I have earned this 582 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: and that this house that I was able to buy 583 00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: myself was because of my hard work and it feels 584 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: so good. And that's what she taught me. It was 585 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,240 Speaker 1: a hard fucking lesson. But that's why I always say, 586 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 1: if you can learn a trait, if you can go 587 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 1: to school, it doesn't have to be this fancy university, like, 588 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 1: just learn something that is yours, because knowledge is power. 589 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: No one can ever take that from you. So yes, 590 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,400 Speaker 1: that was that. And she would always tell me that 591 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 1: you know, I am everything that I am, and your 592 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: mama is who she is, and she's working hard to 593 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,120 Speaker 1: be able to leave you guys a platform so that 594 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 1: you guys can make something of yourselves. And I thank 595 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,760 Speaker 1: you chick ees for being there taking care of your 596 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: brothers and sisters. So anyways, you guys, you guys need 597 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:42,480 Speaker 1: to listen to the song when Beneath My Wings by 598 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: that Middler, and I wanted to share it with you guys. 599 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: I wanted to just open up my heart and let 600 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,440 Speaker 1: you guys know, especially my boss bes that have been 601 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 1: with me since day one, about Branca and and explain 602 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: to you guys, do why behind it, And it just 603 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 1: kind of turned into also sharing this very personal song 604 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 1: that my mom dedicated to me and that I feel 605 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,800 Speaker 1: like she had me listen to again on December ninth, 606 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: on her tenth year anniversary for a good reason, and 607 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: it just gave me that strength again to just be 608 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,640 Speaker 1: able to walk through this life with confidence and know 609 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: that she's with me and to know that I'm on 610 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: the right path and that she's proud of me. I 611 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:27,200 Speaker 1: have been through some stuff, but I am also here 612 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 1: to show you guys that if you learn the lessons 613 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 1: that you're meant to learn in those moments of darkness, 614 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,840 Speaker 1: you will definitely like see the light. And that's kind 615 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,080 Speaker 1: of how I feel like. These past ten years without 616 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:49,120 Speaker 1: my mom were tough, a lot of turbulence, a lot 617 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: of adversity and obstacles that I had to face and 618 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,960 Speaker 1: I had to overcome. And I am proud of myself 619 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: and I know she's proud of me. I fucking know 620 00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 1: she's proud of me, like I feel it in my bones, 621 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: and it was just confirmation this song. So anyways, those 622 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 1: are the two songs. If you guys haven't heard the 623 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 1: new version is available now on all digital platforms, and 624 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,839 Speaker 1: the new video is also available on my Vivo channel 625 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,160 Speaker 1: on Chickies Online dot com And listen to this song 626 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 1: but Win beneath My Wings. It's a beautiful song, and 627 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: I want to do this more often. There's another song 628 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: by Jack Johnson that maybe I'll do on another episode 629 00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: UM that I dedicate to her and I feel like 630 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,080 Speaker 1: it's her and I talking to each other. Maybe we'll 631 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,359 Speaker 1: do this breaking down lyrics because there's a lot of 632 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 1: songs out there, you guys that I feel like people 633 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,959 Speaker 1: don't maybe hear them like I do. And I get 634 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,239 Speaker 1: so much out of movies, like I feel like there's 635 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 1: a message behind every movie and like behind songs. So 636 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: I just like I want to be able to show you, guys, 637 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,439 Speaker 1: and I don't know let you into my mind when 638 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,720 Speaker 1: it comes to things like that, like, for instance, even Avatar. 639 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,920 Speaker 1: I watched Avatar. Oh my gosh, it was so beautiful. 640 00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: If you guys haven't watched Avatar, go watch it all right, guys, Well, 641 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,800 Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. This is my safe 642 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,080 Speaker 1: place and I love to share it with you guys, 643 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,759 Speaker 1: so I appreciate it. I hope you guys, have a 644 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:13,360 Speaker 1: beautiful rest of your weekend. Before we end this episode, 645 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 1: I have a motivational quote that I feel is from 646 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:25,720 Speaker 1: my mom to me. Here. It is at the moment 647 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 1: I see that beautiful smile on your face, I feel 648 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 1: the pride of being your mother. I want you to 649 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: succeed in everything you set your mind to, to go 650 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,040 Speaker 1: further in life than I could ever have dreamed, and 651 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,719 Speaker 1: to never forget that you will always be my baby girl. 652 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,719 Speaker 1: I love you now and I will love you for 653 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: all eternity. I just feel like it's from her. I 654 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 1: don't know you. Guys, Thank you again. I'll catch you 655 00:35:55,040 --> 00:36:02,080 Speaker 1: on the next episode of Chickies and chi Do you 656 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 1: need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm so excited 657 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,320 Speaker 1: to share with you that my Cheeks and Chill podcast 658 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,480 Speaker 1: will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be 659 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:19,360 Speaker 1: answering all your questions. Just leave me a voice message. 660 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 1: All you have to do is go to speak hype 661 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: dot com slash Cheeks and Chill Podcast and record your questions. 662 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:31,000 Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a 663 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,800 Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and the Michael Dura Podcast Network. 664 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura podcasts and follow 665 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,000 Speaker 1: me chick Ease, That's c h i q u i s. 666 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 1: For more podcast from My Heart, visit the I Heart 667 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,239 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your 668 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:53,680 Speaker 1: favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube