1 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: I wanted it to be called It was like a 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:10,159 Speaker 1: contestacion to a song that my mom sang to me, 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: Palo maa Negra at her last concert in Monterrey. I 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: decided I want to redeem myself and re record this 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: song and fall back in love with this song because 6 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: it started off with something so beautiful. My mom said 7 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: listen to wind Beneath my Wings when she dedicated me 8 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: the song, and there were times where we were fighting, 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: I would go back to this song. It reminded me 10 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: of the love that she had for me. Hello, guys, 11 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: welcome to this episode of Cheeky's and Chill. I hope 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 1: you all are having a really great week. I know 13 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: that I am. I feel good, I feel hopeful, I 14 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,919 Speaker 1: feel excited for this year, and today's episode is going 15 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: to focus on two songs that are really important to me. 16 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: The first song is a song I launched my music 17 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: career with and I recently re recorded the song and 18 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: released a new video for it. And the second song 19 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: I want to talk about is one my mom dedicated 20 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: to me many years ago. So we have a lot 21 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: to talk about. Let's get into this super personal episode 22 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: of Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, So I want to start 23 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: with Parloma Blanca. If you've been with me since the beginning, 24 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: this was my very first song and it was released 25 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: back in twenty fourteen. I recently re recorded the song 26 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: and redid the music video. Both the song and music 27 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: video were released on December ninth, in honor of my mother, 28 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: of course, because that song was written thinking of her 29 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,639 Speaker 1: solely for her. It was one of the first songs, 30 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: if not the first song actually that I wrote, and 31 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: just to be quite frank, it was the song that 32 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: my career was kind of like launched. My music career 33 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 1: was launched this with this song. But it was an accident. 34 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: If you guys go back and you know, read my 35 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: book Forgiveness, you'll see exactly how how would happen. But 36 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: it definitely was the first song I wrote, and it 37 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: was like a contestacion or like a response should I 38 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: say to a song that my mom sang to me 39 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: Paloma Negra at her last concert in Monterrey. So I 40 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: just felt like it was fitting. I wanted it to 41 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: be called Balama blanca because what represents someone graduating to 42 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: the next life, to the eternal life is a white dove, 43 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 1: which is why I wanted to name it Balama Blanca, 44 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: and because things happen the way they did with this 45 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: particular song. I went into the studio not being ready 46 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: in any way, especially emotionally. I was crying the entire time. 47 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: It was one of my very first times being in 48 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: a studio, in a professional studio. I had just started singing. 49 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: My mom had just passed two years before. I had 50 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: a really tough year twenty thirteen, and I was kind 51 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 1: of getting back and learning how to walk again. As 52 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: weird as that sounds, in twenty fourteen, and I went 53 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: into the studio, I was crying. I was drinking some tequila, 54 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: I remember, and I just said, I'm going to record it. 55 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: And I've done that a lot. I've learned to go 56 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: now more than ever, go into the studio and just 57 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 1: let it all out and then come back to it later. 58 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: So the song was not ready. I was not ready 59 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: and anyway, vocally, mentally, emotionally, in any way was I 60 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: ready for that song to be heard by the public. 61 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: So I was dating someone back then, and he was 62 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: very excited and very proud of me, and he has 63 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: his own record label. He still has his own record label, 64 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: and I think he just wanted to help me and 65 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: you know, show it off to the world. And he 66 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: surprised me by putting it on the radio. Of course, 67 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: I sent it to him because it is my partner. 68 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: So we received it. We were driving, I remember, and 69 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 1: we had just received it like a week before, I 70 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: want to say, and I had heard it and I 71 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,839 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, okay, I want to go back 72 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: into the studio and make some changes. But I never 73 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 1: had the chance to do that, you guys, because my 74 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time surprise me. We were driving in 75 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: the car and we were listening to the radio and 76 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, they're like, yes, La Cancio and 77 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: the Chicazumama, and I was just like and they played 78 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: it on the radio. Oh mg. I just I felt 79 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 1: so bad because I was like mad that it was 80 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: on the radio. But then I was like, oh my god, 81 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: that's kind of cute. He wants to surprise me. But 82 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 1: that's why I say that my career started like ass backwards. 83 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: And I don't blame people because the song. Again, I 84 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,119 Speaker 1: was not ready, I admit it. I was not vocally ready. 85 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: It was my first time going into the studio. Now 86 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: the way I record songs is like so different, especially 87 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,840 Speaker 1: like it was just me trying something, you know what 88 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: I mean, and seeing how I felt, and I was 89 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. I remember being in the studio and to 90 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 1: this day sometimes you do still get uncomfortable with like 91 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 1: listening to your own voice so like close. You know, 92 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 1: like being on stage is different. Like you're on stage, 93 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: there's like noise of the fan answers, like just the instruments. 94 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 1: It's just so different. And when you're in the studio, 95 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: it's just so personal. It's sowing your ears. It's it 96 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: takes time to get used to. So now that I 97 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: hear that song, the first and original version, I had 98 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: the choice to go in and re record the song 99 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: and quote unquote fix it, but I chose not to 100 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: because I said, well, ef it then people are gonna 101 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: criticize that, because of course it criticized me. And of 102 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 1: course the first thing was, oh my god, she sings 103 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: horrible and she's nothing like her mother and all this 104 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: stuff and such a beautiful song with such a beautiful 105 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:43,720 Speaker 1: meaning turned into something so negative. And for a long 106 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: time that Danira Sentimena was kind of like resentful with 107 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: the song, and I didn't want to hear it, and 108 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to hear it, and 109 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,840 Speaker 1: I don't want to see the music video because if 110 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: I see the music video, I have to hear the song. 111 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: And it just reminded me and brought me and took 112 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: me back to that moment of just people just attacking 113 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 1: me and criticizing me and not giving me the opportunity 114 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,600 Speaker 1: and thinking, dude, she just started singing. Her mom had 115 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: twenty years plus under her belt. And what I told 116 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: people was like, listen to my mom's and not only 117 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: my mom, so many other artists. Their first albums are 118 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: first songs. They sound nothing like what you listen to 119 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: when you become a fan. When they become known, you know, 120 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: everyone starts somewhere. But all eyes were on me, and 121 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 1: my life was under a magnifying glass because I was 122 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: the daughter of this huge woman and legend, so I 123 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,360 Speaker 1: had a lot of pressure. So anyways, I didn't record 124 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: the song. I just said, ef it was just going 125 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: to release it like that. I'll do the music video 126 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna roll with the punches the way 127 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 1: I've always done. I grabbed the bull by the horns 128 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 1: and I said let's do this, let's ride this wave, 129 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: and so I did, and it took I feel like, 130 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: instead of being Jenny Rivera's daughter that could possibly take 131 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: you ten steps forward in the process of becoming a 132 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: sing it literally took me ten steps back. So I 133 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: feel that I've had to work harder than most because 134 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: there's always that comparison and being in the shadow of 135 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: my mom. And that's why I wanted to break down 136 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 1: these two songs for you guys. And we're going to 137 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: start with Balama Blanca and that's kind of like the 138 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: background of Ballama Blanca and why I decided to re 139 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: record it, especially on her tenth year anniversary, because I 140 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: feel like it's taken me ten years to really hold 141 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: my own to really love myself for who I am, 142 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: to really genuinely accept myself for who I am and 143 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: what I've grown to be. And I'm very proud of myself. 144 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: And I don't know if you guys have ever I'm 145 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: sure you have on TikTok and stuff and have seen 146 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: that like speech where Snoop Dogg is kind of like, oh, 147 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: you know, he's receiving an award. He's like, I want 148 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: to thank myself. I want to thank my hard work 149 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: and I don't know what. I don't know, like word 150 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: by word, but that's kind of how I feel. And 151 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: it takes a lot to get to that point to say, 152 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: I am fucking proud of myself and looking back ten 153 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: years ago when I lost my mom and how hard 154 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: it was and how much crap people talked because there 155 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 1: was just so much craziness and cheese miss and it 156 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: was just the hot ass mess. To see that I'm 157 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: here and that I've been able to accomplish what I 158 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: have and that I can be an example and somewhat 159 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: of an inspiration to other people like it makes me 160 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: feel very proud. So I decided I want to redeem 161 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: myself in some way and re record the song and 162 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: fall back in love with this song because it started 163 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: off with something so beautiful. By the way, I wrote 164 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,599 Speaker 1: this song with. Her name is Claudia Brandt. She's a 165 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: very famous composer, and I remember writing the song and 166 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: how much I cried and how healing it was. And 167 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: it was just her and I for about six hours 168 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: in her home studio and we sat on the floor 169 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 1: and she was playing the guitar and I was just 170 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: expressing and writing things down, and in that time I 171 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: would write in English and try to translate into Spanish, 172 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: which is a lot harder. Now I've learned to write 173 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 1: in Spanish songs, but it took so long because I 174 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: was broken. I was broken. I was still kind of 175 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: upset with my mom. But it was so healing to 176 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: write this song, and so I wanted to basically redeem myself, 177 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: give myself a gift as a daughter, as an artist, 178 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: and also regift it to my mother. And I wanted 179 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: to do it in mariachi because mariachi is what I'm 180 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: loving right now. And yeah, I just wanted to just 181 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: do something different. And I still have plans to record 182 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: the song Banda, the original version, which would be Banda, 183 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,559 Speaker 1: and Johnny is like asking me for that, so I'll 184 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: eventually do that. But I still love the original video 185 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 1: of Baah bah Blanca. It's a beautiful video. I put 186 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: my heart and soul into that. I was one of 187 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: the executive producers on that, so I love. Now I've 188 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: learned to love that song and listen to it and 189 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 1: say wow the first version and say I've grown so much, Okay, 190 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: proud of myself, And now I listen to this version, 191 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: the new version and the video, and it just in 192 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 1: the video, you guys, it's me visiting my mom in heaven. 193 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: It's me taking my mom Sarranata to heaven. That's why 194 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 1: it's I'm in white and my Mariachi's there, and it's 195 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: just like a night with my mom and telling her 196 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: everything that I feel. And it was just beautiful to 197 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: just say I'm redoing this. It's the beginning of a 198 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 1: new start for me. That's kind of how I feel 199 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: like this song and what this song is for me 200 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: in my career, in my life. If you haven't heard 201 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: the song, I want to kind of break down the 202 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: lyrics for you guys, and it basically says nosas quanto LaaS, 203 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: meaning yes, I was very hurt. You kind of left 204 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: a mess and I was very upset with you all 205 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: twenty thirteen, you guys, I was very upset with my mom. 206 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 1: I was confused, like, of course I miss her, but 207 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: I was just carrying this big fucking bag of bricks 208 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,840 Speaker 1: of just pain. It was so hard. So it's like, 209 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: no matter what, I miss you, weauila. So every time 210 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 1: I see the stars, I feel like it's her, She's 211 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: shining light upon me, upon my life, and it's like 212 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 1: all I have to do is look up and I 213 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,199 Speaker 1: and I know she's there, you know what I mean. 214 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: And she's guiding me. And I feel like she has 215 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 1: been guiding me, like she's never left my side ever, 216 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: you know. And it's been ten years, and I feel 217 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: her more and more, Like I want to say, this 218 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: past year, I felt her more than evera basically, I mean, 219 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: I wasn't able to give my mom a hug or 220 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: speak to her the last two months of her life. 221 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: And we work, you know, we were just you were 222 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: so close. We were peanut butter and jelly. We were 223 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: you know, we were just so close. And I that's 224 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: what I think I missed the most those last two months, 225 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: was just like, dude, how did we go from being 226 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: so close, from being your right arm to just completely 227 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: being deleted from your life? And it's just like I 228 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 1: want to be able to now she's in the eternal world, 229 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: to still be able to fight for our relationship and 230 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: and you know, and that's what gives me peace, basically, 231 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: is it gives me peace that, yes, we didn't have 232 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 1: time to do that in real life, but it gives 233 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: me peace to know that you are not in pain, 234 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 1: that you are not hurt, that you are in a 235 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: much better place. And that's what gives me tranquil, you know, 236 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: to know she's not suffering, because this world and this 237 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: life could be tough. You guys, this is like going 238 00:12:53,679 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 1: back anyways. Basically, I'm saying, it's okay, I forgive you, 239 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: I miss you, but be free, be HAPPYI yo bivire basala. 240 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 1: So this part is very important, even though you're not here. 241 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: She dedicated me a song which we're going to get into, 242 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: win Beneath My Wings. It's a song that she dedicated 243 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: me a long time ago, and I got that this 244 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: line from that song. So basically she would say that 245 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: I was the wind beneath her wings, that she could 246 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: fly because of my support. And I said in the 247 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 1: song in Panama Blanca that even though she's not here 248 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 1: physically anymore, I will continue forever and ever to be 249 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: the wind beneath her wings and take care of my 250 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: siblings and have her back even though she's not here. 251 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: That was the promise that I made to her the 252 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: day that I found out that she was not coming home, 253 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: and that line was very important to me. And I'll 254 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: tell you guys a little bit later. Why you'll you'll 255 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: you'll understand when you know I break down the lyrics 256 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: of when Beneath My Wings. But anyways, because I did 257 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: have a lot to tell her, there was a lot 258 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: of evidence that I wanted to show her that I 259 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: still have. Actually I just saw it the other day, 260 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: and I wanted to show her, and I really thought 261 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: I was going to have the time and to show her, look, mom, like, 262 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: this is the truth, this is my truth. And she 263 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 1: didn't let me, and I knew what she needed was 264 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: time because it wasn't the first time that she had 265 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: stopped talking to me. My mom's lessons and I've told 266 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 1: you guys this here on Chiggi's and Chill were very 267 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: very hard and tough lessons, but a child like myself 268 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: needed that. Now I thank her. Now I understand why. 269 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: But she didn't let me. And I tried countless ways, 270 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: you guys, to speak to her, to try to get 271 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: a hold of her, and she didn't let me. But 272 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: I was waiting patiently, and obviously time ran out and 273 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: God called her. God took her home. So I said, 274 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 1: I am going to rip out all of this pain 275 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: in my heart that I was carrying around all of 276 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: twenty thirteen and remember the good times and remember that 277 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: she was a good mom, and understand why everything happened 278 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 1: the way it happened. It took me a long time. 279 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 1: Now I'm like, oh my god, God is so good. 280 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: He knew exactly what he was doing and how he 281 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: was doing it. Because imagine if my mom and I 282 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: had been as close as we were when she had passed, 283 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: I would have not been able to be strong for 284 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 1: my siblings. I had two months in the healing process, 285 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: in the grieving process before everyone else, and I was 286 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: able to stand strong for Johnny, who was eleven years old, 287 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: and Jenica who was fifteen, and my other siblings who 288 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: yes had children and Jackie was married, but they needed 289 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: their older sister to tell them it's gonna be okay. 290 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: And I think the only way and the only reason 291 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: I was a to do that was because I had 292 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: two months before everyone else to kind of simulate that. 293 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, she's not here. I have to 294 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 1: live my life without my mom. And that's something my 295 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: therapist told me two weeks before she passed, and it 296 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: just kind of helped me. But I said, you know, 297 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 1: what she taught me a lot of love. And I 298 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: have to trade all this pain and all this resentment 299 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: with the love that she taught me, for my siblings, 300 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: for her legacy, for her honor, for her memory. So 301 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 1: that's what that means. And here's a big part too, Ermo, 302 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: and that you guys, is like, it's crazy to think 303 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 1: that it would even cross your mind or you would 304 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: allow people to put all this negativity in your in 305 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: your mind knowing you know your daughter, you know how 306 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: much I love you, you know how much I respect you. 307 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: Not only that, I was so afraid of her. I 308 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: never wanted to disappoint her. I was afraid of her 309 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: kicking my ass because it didn't matter how old I was. 310 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 1: My mom would slap the shit out of you if 311 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 1: she had to, you know what I mean. So I 312 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 1: was honestly, I had a lot of respect for her 313 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,120 Speaker 1: and what was being said around there and was completely false, 314 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 1: and I would never do that to her, and and 315 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: I would never betray the most important person in my life. 316 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: So it was very important for me to put that 317 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:33,119 Speaker 1: in the song. The next part is meescucca amos las basis, 318 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: So basically, what I'm saying here is lesbi friends, Lesbie homies. 319 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: I forgive you, and I know that I wasn't the 320 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: perfect daughter, so please forgive me, and let's just let's 321 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,239 Speaker 1: make this work even though you're not here physically, Like 322 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,600 Speaker 1: I want to have a good relationship. I want to 323 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 1: be a good daughter, and I need your guidance. And 324 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: I know you hear me, I know you hear me, 325 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 1: I feel you, and I have you, guys. She has 326 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: helped me so much. My mom has helped me so much. 327 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: It's crazy if I were to tell you, guys, things 328 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: that have happened when I feel her, and how I 329 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: know that she's still working her magic in heaven, and 330 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,399 Speaker 1: how even till this day, she's putting things together and 331 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: she's making things work, Like I have a card that 332 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 1: she gave me on my last birthday that we spent together, 333 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 1: and she says, I will not rest until I see 334 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: all of my children accomplished. And I know my mom 335 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,880 Speaker 1: is still doing her thing, so I had to forgive 336 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,640 Speaker 1: and let her know. I forgive you, and I ask 337 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 1: you for forgiveness if I ever did anything to offend you. 338 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 1: Let's just move forward and let's be good. So that's 339 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: that and then it goes back into the chorus again 340 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:53,959 Speaker 1: and it's basically wela libre and that's how I feel, 341 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,120 Speaker 1: and that's why it was so important for me, such 342 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: an important, beautiful song, and I'm so proud of this 343 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: song in these lyrics and the meaning behind it that 344 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: I felt the need to re record it to show 345 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 1: my growth vocally in every way really and in the 346 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: video in a way. Just go visit my mom in Heaven. 347 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: And I think it worked out beautifully. And I didn't 348 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 1: want to promote this song, you know, like usually like 349 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: there's like a marketing strategy before, and I didn't want 350 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 1: to do that because it wasn't about me, like taking advantage, 351 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: and that's one thing for me. It's like, I know 352 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,400 Speaker 1: it's December ninth, but that's like the perfect time because 353 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: this song is for my mom. And I know some 354 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 1: people would be like, oh my gosh, she's launching a 355 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: new song, but it's not a new song. It's just 356 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: and I don't even care, to be honest, what people like. 357 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 1: If they if you don't get it, if you don't 358 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,159 Speaker 1: understand why I did it, then it's just like you 359 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: don't deserve to be in my life anyways. But I 360 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 1: thought December ninth is perfect. It's been ten years since 361 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,240 Speaker 1: she passed, and that's what felt right in my heart, 362 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: and that's why I launched it that morning. I didn't 363 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,399 Speaker 1: want to do like the this whole marketing situation. I 364 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: didn't want to do any promo. I just wanted to 365 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: be with my family that day, focus on my team, 366 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,880 Speaker 1: and celebrate a very successful day because we also had 367 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: like my team Thrive party that day, and you know, 368 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: and celebrate her. And that's what I did. I just 369 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,640 Speaker 1: left it there and it'll be a part of this 370 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,239 Speaker 1: new album that's coming. So yeah, you guys. That is 371 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: the breakdown of Paloma Blanca and why I decided to 372 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 1: re record it and redid it. And it's not like 373 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: trying to erase the first one, because I can't regret 374 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: anything that has happened in my life or I can't 375 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 1: regret anything that I've done because it's taught me and 376 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,520 Speaker 1: it's made me grow and mature and learn so much 377 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: about myself about life. I'm just saying, hey, listen to me, now, 378 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: look at me. Now, you know what I mean. Like, 379 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: I'm in a different place emotionally. I'm no longer angry 380 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: I'm no longer sad. I have peace in my heart 381 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: and I want to be able to express it through 382 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 1: this song that was meant to be so beautiful that 383 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:08,160 Speaker 1: maybe the external world and toxic people wanted to tarnish, 384 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: and possibly did for a little bit, but I washed 385 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: it all the way and I read it now. I 386 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: want to get into Wind Beneath My Wings. Okay, it's 387 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 1: a song in English. It is a song that is 388 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: by Bette Midler. My mom dedicated to this song to 389 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,640 Speaker 1: me and she put it in and my mom would 390 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,400 Speaker 1: always write us cards for Valentine's Day, for our birthdays, 391 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,680 Speaker 1: for Easter. I have a bunch of cards. My mom 392 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: was very the daista in that way, and in one 393 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: of the cards she said, listen to Wind Beneath My Wings. 394 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 1: I dedicate that song to you. I must have been 395 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 1: I don't know, like my early twenties. My relationship with 396 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,640 Speaker 1: my mom was it was beautiful, but it was very tough. 397 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: Sometimes we were just so close in age fifteen years apart. 398 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: We were like sisters, we were like best friends, and 399 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: then we were just like sometimes we were at each 400 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 1: other's throat because of the kids, and it was just 401 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 1: the law. It was just it was her and I, 402 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 1: you know, doing things, and sometimes I felt like she 403 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: didn't love me. Sometimes I felt like she resents me 404 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: or because I was very hard on her, you know 405 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: what I mean. And I felt like that a lot. 406 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: So when she dedicated me the song, and there were 407 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: times when we were fighting, I would go back to 408 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: this song and it would make me feel better. It 409 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: reminded me of the love that she had for me 410 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: that sometimes I think it was hard for her to 411 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: show me because she had to give me that tough 412 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,400 Speaker 1: love so that I could be strong enough without her 413 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: even knowing obviously, but like to be able to withstand 414 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,479 Speaker 1: her absence. So I feel like my whole life she 415 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: was preparing me for the moment of her not being here. 416 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: So anyways, on December ninth, I was doing my meditation. 417 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: I was praying and thanking God for her life, and 418 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 1: of course I was crying, and I said, you know 419 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: what I need to listen to when beneath my wings 420 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,640 Speaker 1: because I have this picture on my window, shilled I 421 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 1: a picture of her and I, one of my favorite 422 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: pictures of her and I, and it's in a butterfly. 423 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 1: So I was looking at her picture as I was 424 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 1: praying and I was like, oh my god, I need 425 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,320 Speaker 1: to listen to Win Beneath My Wings, like I felt 426 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: it in my soul. I hadn't heard that song in 427 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,920 Speaker 1: a long time. And it's crazy because I had wrote 428 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: my mom's post. I couldn't sleep that night. I was 429 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: up until like four in the morning, tossing and turning, 430 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: and that's when I wrote my post for December ninth. 431 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: I wrote it like at once something. It was actually 432 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 1: the time that she would have been flying ten years before, 433 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,719 Speaker 1: you know, when the you know, when the plane came down, 434 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: and I couldn't sleep. So anyways, that song came to 435 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,479 Speaker 1: my mind, and that morning I was crying and I 436 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: was like, I gotta listen to this song. Anyways. So 437 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 1: the song is it must have been cold there in 438 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,080 Speaker 1: my shadow to never have sunlight on your face. You 439 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: were content to let me shine. That's your way. You 440 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:26,119 Speaker 1: always walked a step behind. And for a long time 441 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that's what it was. But I really 442 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: felt it in twenty thirteen and twenty fourteen, like after 443 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: she had passed, like it was just like I was 444 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 1: like in her shadow, you know what I mean, Like 445 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,720 Speaker 1: people weren't wanting to see me for me. They were 446 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 1: just comparing me and growing up. As I was listening 447 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,879 Speaker 1: to that song in the morning, I was remembering, you 448 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,959 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I was happy being in 449 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: my mom's shadow. I was happy being behind the cameras 450 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 1: and helping her build her empire and helping her with 451 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: the kids and putting a smile on my face to 452 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,120 Speaker 1: make sure she was okay, Like she was my absolute everything, 453 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 1: you guys, like I would stop anything and everything that 454 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: I was doing. I remember being with an ex boyfriend 455 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: and he would get upset because my mom would call 456 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,679 Speaker 1: me and we would be on our way to a 457 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: date and I would be like, oh no, we got 458 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 1: to cancel, like my mom needs me, and it would 459 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,280 Speaker 1: really frustrate him. But it was like, no, my mom 460 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 1: needs me, and that's what that tells me. Like it 461 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: must have been cold there in my shadow, to never 462 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: have sunlight on your face. It was like no one 463 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: really saw me. But I was okay with that, you 464 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: know what I mean, up until twenty thirteen, where I 465 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 1: was like, hey, guys, like I also exist, like you 466 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, let me give me the 467 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,360 Speaker 1: opportunity sort of thing, you know, and I always did 468 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 1: walk a step behind her, and I was okay with that. 469 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 1: So the next part is, so I was the one 470 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,880 Speaker 1: with all the glory while you were the one with 471 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 1: all the strength, A beautiful face without a name for 472 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:02,160 Speaker 1: so long, a beautiful smile to hide the pain. Guys, 473 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if it's gonna be pretty hard. 474 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: But I didn't realize how much I needed this song 475 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: that day on December ninth, because I feel so much 476 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,159 Speaker 1: better than I have the past nine years that I 477 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm healing. I'm healing, like I'm gonna 478 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:26,480 Speaker 1: be fine. I want to celebrate her life this year. 479 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 1: I don't want to be sad this year. And I 480 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 1: wasn't sad. I was a little bit sad in the morning, 481 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 1: but like it was like her reminding me of all 482 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 1: Like it was like just I don't even know how 483 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,200 Speaker 1: to explain it. It sounds crazy. It was just like her 484 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: gift from heaven to me on that morning, like it's 485 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,880 Speaker 1: gonna be fine, like I'm here, Like it just put 486 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,679 Speaker 1: everything into perspective for me and missus. The part you, guys, 487 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 1: she would tell me this all the time. Did you 488 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: ever know that you were my hero and everything I 489 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: would like to be. And I think this is where 490 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,679 Speaker 1: a lot of our issues lied, because she told me 491 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:09,159 Speaker 1: you are my hero plenty of times. And it was 492 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: because I was always very strong, and I felt that 493 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,160 Speaker 1: I had to be strong because that's what she had 494 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 1: taught me, like you're the oldest, you have to be 495 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: the example. Sometimes I was even strong for her. Sometimes 496 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: I felt like I was the mom. And sometimes she 497 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 1: would tell me, you just think you're so perfect. Because 498 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 1: I always try to do things right, to like really honestly, 499 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,159 Speaker 1: like get her approval. I always wanted her to be 500 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: happy with me. I always wanted her to accept me, 501 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,720 Speaker 1: to not be upset with me. So I wanted to 502 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 1: always walk in a straight line. And when she did 503 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,719 Speaker 1: something that was at a liner that I didn't agree with, 504 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,199 Speaker 1: I would tell her. And that's when she would tell me, like, 505 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: you think you're just so perfect, And that's where it 506 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,359 Speaker 1: hits me. It's like, you know, I remember her telling 507 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 1: me you're my hero. I wish I could be a 508 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: little bit more like you, but I'm not. I'll never 509 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: forget she told me that once, and I think it 510 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: had to do with her. I think pouring a beer 511 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: on a lady at one of her concerts that had 512 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,560 Speaker 1: thrown a beer on her on stage. I think it 513 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: was in Mexico and it was everywhere, and when she 514 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,919 Speaker 1: came home after the weekend, they were talking about it 515 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: and kind of like her and her team laughing, and 516 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,160 Speaker 1: I didn't laugh. I stayed quiet, and of course she noticed, 517 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 1: and she's like, what's wrong with you? And I said nothing, 518 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 1: I just don't think it's funny. She's like, well why, 519 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: and she's like, she threw, you know, a beer can 520 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 1: at me. You know, I'm not going to let anyone 521 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: do that to me. And I said, I get that. 522 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: I said, but you're an artist and you should have 523 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: let the authorities or the security handle it. I was like, 524 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: I don't agree with you pouring a beer on her head, 525 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,720 Speaker 1: you know. And she's like, well, I'm sorry. I haven't 526 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: learned to turn the other cheek. And I'll never forget. 527 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 1: She's like, I wish I could be more like you, 528 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: but I am who I am, and I'll never forget 529 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: because I felt bad. And now that I'm on stage 530 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 1: and if someone were to throw a beer at me, 531 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 1: I don't know how I would react. I'd probably flip 532 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: them off for something I don't know. But now I 533 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 1: have more compassion. But you know, there's those conversations that 534 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: just really touch my heart. Anyways. Okay, so then I've 535 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: heard of the song I Can fly higher than an 536 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings. It 537 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it 538 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 1: all here in my heart. I want you to know 539 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 1: I know the truth. Of course I know it. I 540 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 1: would be nothing without you. Sorry, guys, I'm so like 541 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: is sorry. I've gotten so much hate from people, and 542 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,960 Speaker 1: I'm talking crap and saying so many things. I wish 543 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: that I could just say the truth about so many 544 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: things that I can't, and I won't because I don't 545 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 1: want to go backwards. I'm trying to go forward in 546 00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 1: my life. But just to read these lyrics and to 547 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 1: have that gift that she left me this song and 548 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,560 Speaker 1: listen to it, it just like helps me so much. 549 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: And she would always tell me I am everything that 550 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 1: I am because you stayed home with your brothers and 551 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:19,479 Speaker 1: sisters and you let me work. And I don't regret it, 552 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 1: not one bit. For a long time, maybe for about 553 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 1: two years after her passing or a little bit like 554 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: when we stopped talking in twenty twelve, I was like, 555 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,520 Speaker 1: what the hell did I do with my life? I 556 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: have dedicated my entire life to my mom. I didn't 557 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: go to college, I didn't really work outside of my 558 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 1: mom's enterprise. That I felt like, now I'm left with nothing. 559 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 1: Now I don't know what to do with my life. 560 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: And it was very hard, which is why therapy was 561 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: so important for me, because I was so angry. I 562 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 1: was like, how in the hell did I not go 563 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 1: to school? How did I get myself in this position 564 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: to just be able to take everything taken away from 565 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: me because she's upset? And I never ever wanted to 566 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: give anyone else the power to do that to me, 567 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: which is why the people that have been following me 568 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 1: my boss bees since we started boss be Nation in 569 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: twenty fourteen. I started giving scholarships out because I wanted 570 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 1: people and I want to inspire people to go to school, 571 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,560 Speaker 1: to learn a trait, something that no one can never 572 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 1: take from you. And I wanted to be able to 573 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: contribute to that, which is why I want to start 574 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: giving out more scholarships, because that's how I felt half 575 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 1: of twenty twelve, all of twenty thirteen. I felt like, dude, 576 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 1: I will never let anybody put me in this position. 577 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: But I feel like that was the last lesson my 578 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,800 Speaker 1: mom taught me that I have to go out and 579 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,840 Speaker 1: find and do my own and I've done it, and 580 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: I know she's so proud of me because now everything 581 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: that I have, I have earned and it feels good 582 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,120 Speaker 1: to know that I have earned this and that this 583 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 1: house that I was able to buy myself was because 584 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 1: of my hard work, and it feels so good. And 585 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: that's what she taught me. It was a hard fucking lesson. 586 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: But that's why I always say, if you can learn 587 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,719 Speaker 1: a trait, if you can go to school, it doesn't 588 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 1: have to be this fancy university, like, just learn something 589 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: that is yours because knowledge is power. No one can 590 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: ever take that from you. So yes, that was that. 591 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 1: And she would always tell me that you know, I 592 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: am everything that I am, and your mama is who 593 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: she is, and she's working hard to be able to 594 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: leave you guys a platform so that you guys can 595 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: make something of yourselves. And I thank you chickies for 596 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: being there and taking care of your brothers and sisters. 597 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 1: So anyways, you guys you guys need to go listen 598 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: to the song went Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler, 599 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 1: and I wanted to share it with you guys. I 600 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: wanted to just open up my heart and let you 601 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: guys know, especially my boss bees that have been with 602 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,800 Speaker 1: me since day one, about Paloma Blanca, and explain to 603 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 1: you guys the why behind it. And it just kind 604 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 1: of turned into also sharing this very personal song that 605 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 1: my mom dedicated to me and that I feel like 606 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:10,000 Speaker 1: she had me listen to again on December ninth, on 607 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 1: her tenth year anniversary for a good reason, and it 608 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,720 Speaker 1: just gave me that strength again to just be able 609 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: to walk through this life with confidence and know that 610 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,600 Speaker 1: she's with me and to know that I'm on the 611 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: right path and that she's proud of me. I have 612 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 1: been through some stuff, but I am also here to 613 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: show you guys that if you learn the lessons that 614 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: you're meant to learn in those moments of darkness, you 615 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:40,120 Speaker 1: will definitely see the light. And that's kind of how 616 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: I feel like. These past ten years without my mom 617 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: were tough. A lot of turbulence, a lot of adversity 618 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 1: and obstacles that I had to face and I had 619 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:56,240 Speaker 1: to overcome and I am proud of myself and I 620 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 1: know she's proud of me. I fucking know she's proud 621 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 1: of me, like I feel it in my bones, and 622 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: it was just confirmation this song. So anyways, those are 623 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 1: the two songs. If you guys haven't heard the new 624 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: version of Botta Blanca, it is available now on all 625 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,400 Speaker 1: digital platforms and the new video is also available on 626 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,799 Speaker 1: my Vivo channel on chigizonline dot com. And listen to 627 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,839 Speaker 1: this song, but went beneath my Wings. It's a beautiful song, 628 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 1: and I want to do this more often. There's another 629 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 1: song by Jack Johnson that maybe I'll do on another 630 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 1: episode that I dedicate to her and I feel like 631 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 1: it's her and I talking to each other. Maybe we'll 632 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,400 Speaker 1: do this breaking down lyrics because there's a lot of 633 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,720 Speaker 1: songs out there, you guys that I feel like people 634 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,960 Speaker 1: don't maybe hear them like I do. And I get 635 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,239 Speaker 1: so much out of movies, like I feel like there's 636 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:48,800 Speaker 1: a message behind every movie and like behind songs. So 637 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: I just like I want to be able to show you, guys, 638 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,480 Speaker 1: and I don't know let you into my mind when 639 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,720 Speaker 1: it comes to things like that, like for instance, even Avatar. 640 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: I watched Avatar. Oh my gosh, it was so beautiful. 641 00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,920 Speaker 1: Oh if you guys haven't watched Avatar, go watch it. 642 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,600 Speaker 1: All right, guys, Well, thank you so much for listening. 643 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,439 Speaker 1: This is my safe place and I love to share 644 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,960 Speaker 1: it with you guys, so I appreciate it. I hope 645 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 1: you guys have a beautiful rest of your weekend. Before 646 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: we end this episode, I have a motivational quote that 647 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: I feel is from my mom to me. Here. It 648 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:28,680 Speaker 1: is at the moment I see that beautiful smile on 649 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: your face. I feel the pride of being your mother. 650 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,239 Speaker 1: I want you to succeed in everything you set your 651 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: mind to, to go further in life than I could 652 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,160 Speaker 1: ever have dreamed, and to never forget that you will 653 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,400 Speaker 1: always be my baby girl. I love you now and 654 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 1: I will love you for all eternity. I just feel 655 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,799 Speaker 1: like it's from her. I don't know you, guys. Thank 656 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,279 Speaker 1: you again. I'll catch you on the next episode of 657 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:04,440 Speaker 1: Cheeky's and Chill. Besitos, do you need advice on love, relationships, 658 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that 659 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode 660 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just 661 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 1: leave me a voice message person on Monday. All you 662 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,280 Speaker 1: have to do is go to speak pipe dot com, 663 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,279 Speaker 1: slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I 664 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 1: can't wait to hear from you. This is a production 665 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,920 Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and the Micudura podcast Network. Follow us on 666 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 1: Instagram at Miculdura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c 667 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, 668 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,920 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 669 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,800 Speaker 1: to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube.