WEBVTT - Advice From Your Big Sister Chiquis 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.960 Fitting in is something that I think. It's not that deep. 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:08.760 You guys. I wish I could go back to like 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:10.600 my high school reunion and all those people that were 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.080 mean the guys. It's like, hey, look look at me now. 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:15.800 If there's any advice that I can give you guys 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:19.119 when it comes to relationship, is really giving yourself the 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:24.360 time to heal between relationships. That's what it's about. Living 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:28.080 your life with intent. It's finding your who before you 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:30.920 find your way because we all have a purpose. We 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.479 all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth. 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.080 What up, guys, Thank you for dropping by the Cheekese 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.559 and Choll podcast today. I'm going to be coming to 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.960 you as Jana, not as Cheeky's. That's because I'll be 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:49.840 a dishing out some big sister advice, which is something 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:51.720 I wish I had when I was younger. So pull 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.400 back your hair, they're on, some comfortable clothes, and maybe 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:56.960 even for yourself something to drink, because we're going to 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:06.039 get raw, real and relaxed. This is Cheeky's and Too. 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.839 This episode is dedicated to anyone in their teens, twenties, 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.760 or even thirties. Look, life can be really complicated and 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:16.520 there are a lot of things I wish I knew 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:18.680 when I was younger. When I was thinking about putting 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:20.840 together this episode, I was thinking about some of the 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:23.679 lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've made along the way, 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:25.400 and I want to share some of those things with 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.679 you so you don't have to learn the hard way. 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:31.360 Let's start with our teenage years. Trying to fit in. 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:35.880 It's a huge thing in school. It's what's trending, what's cool. 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:38.679 What shoes does that person have on. If I don't 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:40.880 have those shoes, I'm not cool. If I'm not wearing 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.120 the right clothes. I wish I would have known that 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:47.840 that stuff is so not important because a lot of 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:52.720 the people that you meet in school, in junior high, 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.360 in high school, a lot of those people aren't in 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.400 your life for a long time. I mean maybe in 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.040 your case there is, but in my life, I look 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.480 back and I'm like the people that I was worried about. 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.160 There was this one girl that I was kind of 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.320 like obsessed with that she was just so pretty, she 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.320 had the perfect hair, she had like I feel like 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.400 everything in her life was perfect, and I was low 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:17.440 key obsessed, and her life turned out to be completely different. 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:19.040 She was very mean. She was a mean girl to me. 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:21.959 But if I would have known, like, dude, it doesn't 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.440 even matter what you think about me. It doesn't matter 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:29.000 if I do have like I mean, I'm gonna be honest. 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:30.680 We had I had to go to pay Let's to 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.400 get my shoes. The kids were wearing felis. Fela's were 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:35.760 like the thing back then, and I had La gears, 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:37.480 you know what I mean, with the little lights, and 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:40.600 it just wasn't the cool thing. But now I'm like, 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:42.160 I wish I could go back to like my high 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.359 school reunion and all those people that were mean, the guys. 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:46.800 It's like, hey, look look at me now, you know. 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.080 So it's like fitting in is something that I think. 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.480 It's not that deep, you guys, if you really think 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.280 about it. All right, Well, anyways, let's talk about an 0:02:56.320 --> 0:03:00.320 important topic, which is sex. Okay, and this is a 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.920 lot of adult content, so just you know, FYI anyone 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.480 that's under eighteen, and you guys know I'm always very 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.919 open and transparent with you guys. So when I had 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:12.000 my first official boyfriend, I was sixteen, thank god. He 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:15.519 was a very nice guy, and he was two years 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.639 older than me, but he never pressured me into doing 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.880 anything I didn't want to do, which was awesome. But 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:24.600 you got to be careful with those guys, okay, especially 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:27.840 during that age sixteen seventeen eighteen in high school. Like 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:30.280 a lot of these boys, not saying all of them, 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:33.320 A lot of these boys want to have sex, even girls. Okay, 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:35.320 I'm not saying that just boys, but even girls. You 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:39.000 guys have to be very careful with that and make 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.400 sure that you are dating someone that's going to respect 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:44.000 your boundaries and respect your private parts, especially if you 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:49.200 are not ready. And I personally wouldn't recommend having sex 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:52.880 until like your twenties personally, but if you've already had sex, 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.640 or if you did, I did things here and there. 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:58.960 You know, we messed around when I was sixteen seventeen. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:01.680 I was too scared to like kind of go all 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:03.920 the way because I want my mom to find out, 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:05.040 you know, I wanted my mom to think I was 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:08.120 a vision forever. But then when I had my boyfriend 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:11.160 at nineteen, which was Hector, I've talked about him here 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:14.480 on the pod. He was my mom's teddy bear or whatever. Anyways, 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:16.880 I was dating him for about four years and that 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:19.719 became more of a serious relationship and it was different. 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.360 But you guys, the advice that I have as a 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:24.839 big sister is don't let anyone pressure you into something 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:26.400 that you don't want to do. Don't feel that you 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:28.800 need to have sex because it's the cool thing to do. 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:34.159 I feel totally okay with Junior and Hector. I felt 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:37.720 like they were respectful boys and my mom approved, so 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:40.240 that made me feel a little bit more safe. But 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.960 you guys, if I can tell you anything, if you 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:45.680 start having sex early, even if you don't want to 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.120 talk to your mom about it, because I know it's 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.480 a delicate subject and sometimes we're embarrassed and we want 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:51.440 our parents to think that, you know, we would never 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:55.080 you know, it's a natural thing that happens. Make sure 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:57.360 you go to the clinic and get yourself on birth control. 0:04:57.400 --> 0:05:00.000 If you're not ready to have kids or use a condom, 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.720 use a condom why because everyone's like, oh, it doesn't 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.760 feel the same. But especially if you're young, you still 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:08.520 have a lot to learn. You still have a lot 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.080 of things that you got to like figure out. So 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.760 if you want to have a kid, that's your prerogative. Fine, 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:17.600 But Also, there's STDs out there, you guys. There's HPV. 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:21.120 There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases that you 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:24.000 need to take care of yourself. So make sure you 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:26.480 wrap it, you know, wear a hat to the party, 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.719 get on birth control, and go to a clinic and 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.600 ask questions and do that whole thing. I wish I 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.400 would have done that, because I talked about it here 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.560 on the podcast on Cheeks and Chill as well. I 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:41.839 was pregnant at nineteen. My mom never found out, and 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:45.279 I wish I would have gotten myself on birth control, 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:47.120 you know what I mean, because I wasn't ready to 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.320 have a baby, and even though I had a miscarriage, 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.599 still like my body went through so much and I 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.479 felt like I could have prevented that and it was 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.240 just a very difficult time and have to go through 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.600 it alone because I wasn't telling my mom. I told 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.680 one friend and one aunt and that was it. So 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:06.520 that's just you know a little something there, a little 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:09.440 side note for you guys, and just talking about like 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:13.920 my situation and also as a second mother to my siblings. 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:17.359 My mom was very open later on in my life, 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:19.920 not when I was younger. I think it was just 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:23.240 a little very foreign. And as I got older and 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.119 she did find out I was having sex and stuff 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.360 like that, she became a lot more open, especially with 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.000 like my other siblings and with Mikey, Like if Mikey 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:31.479 went out with his friends, she'd be like, make sure 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:33.479 you if you do the hanky panky, make sure you 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:35.880 wear a condom, you know. And I kind of got 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:39.560 like that humor, very serious, but with a little bit 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.680 of like, you know, humor behind it. With Johnny and Jenica, 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.240 who I basically raised, you know, and I was very open. 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:49.240 And that's something that as parents. I mean, I don't 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.120 have children of my own, but I raised my siblings, 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:52.960 so I consider myself a parent. I feel like we 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:57.160 need to be more comfortable with having those type of conversations, 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:00.680 open conversations with our children about birth control, a protection, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:05.039 about everything and anything, especially about your private parts, about 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.239 taking care of them and making sure no one touches 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:09.760 you there and it's not okay if it's a certain 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:11.720 someone or you know what I mean, like having those 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.800 conversations because in our culture, I feel that it's still 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.000 very much taboo, a little more with the older generation, 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:21.800 but like the younger moms. I do see it happening 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:23.440 a little bit more. I see it with my sister 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.880 as well. She talks to you know, my nieces about 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.120 that and about how to protect themselves their privates and 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.920 stuff like that. And I did that with my siblings, 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:35.320 Johnny and Jenica, and I talked to them about sex 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:39.080 very early on and when Johnny was young, and especially 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.520 with Janica too, like I would change in front of them, 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.400 like there's nothing wrong with that, because I don't want 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.400 them to feel like, oh my gosh. Imagine he's fifteen 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.240 and he sees a pair of boobs for the first time. 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:49.480 He wasn't shocked. He was like, oh, okay, those are boobs. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.560 Are right cool, like to get familiar with, like the 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:54.560 feminine body and you know, the masculine body, Like there's 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.800 nothing wrong with that. So I was very open and 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.320 all of it. I've been through it with both of them, 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.040 with all of them, actually with Mikey, we're all very open. 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.920 We're very open family. We talk about do you know, 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:08.640 personal things, intimate things. But I think that that's beautiful. 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:10.400 When I have my own kids, I want to talk 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:12.880 to them about all of it. I think that's why 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:14.800 God made me a big sister because I love it, 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:19.800 like I want to prevent my siblings, my children, you guys, 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:23.280 my listeners from making the same mistakes I made. Okay, 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:25.040 So the next topic I want to bring up is 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:28.720 social media because it's almost impossible for teens not to 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:30.600 be exposed to it. When I was growing up, it 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.920 didn't exist, but now it's everywhere, and there's a lot 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:36.640 of pressure to look a certain way and to post 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:40.080 certain things. Ugh. And I'm telling you, guys, even as 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.959 a grown ass woman, I sometimes still feel the pressures 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.480 of having to post and having to say hello, and 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:52.520 I forgot or I forget sometimes because again, I'm very 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:56.880 like adamant about balancing my life between my personal and 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.600 my career and my socials. But there are times when 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:03.040 I feel that pressure of like I need to quote 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:07.000 unquote fit in into social media. And I can't even imagine. 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.959 When I talk to like my goddaughter who just turned fifteen, 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.480 and it's like, well, this is what's cool right now, 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.680 this is what everyone's listening to, Like, oh, that song 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.240 isn't in anymore. And I'm just like, you guys are 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:21.720 something so amazing that you guys are missing about individuality 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:26.880 of like really loving who you are and being unique. 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:30.800 I now enjoy standing out and doing things that are 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:35.720 different and taking risks and not necessarily following the pattern 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.920 that everyone else is. I kind of want to like 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:41.880 dance and walk and march at the beat of my 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:44.959 own drum. I wish I would have known this when 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.200 I was younger. And now with social media, like, I'm 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.200 very like, uh wait, I'm kind of getting stuck in 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.240 the rat race of social media, and I got to 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:55.520 step back a little bit and I will take my breaks, Like, 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.240 let me not get on social media this entire weekend. 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:00.240 I need a break. My mind needs a break, my 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:02.640 spirit needs a break. I need to go on a hike. 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.160 I need to read a book. I need to go 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.280 and touch the trees and smell the roses, and I 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:10.760 don't know, like go freaking rub my feet, my bare 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.640 feet on the grass. I get grounded with earth. You guys, 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:16.200 it doesn't matter how old you are. I mean I 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:20.320 see older, older women stuck on the computer on Facebook 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:24.040 talking shit, and I'm like, what if it's not something 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:27.920 nice and you're not feeding someone something nice? And words 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:31.200 of life on social media like do yourself a favor 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:35.520 and just stay away. So that's that social media. Now 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:39.160 let's move on to education. To college. Education is something 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.920 I've always always been an advocate of because it's knowledge 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:44.760 is power, you guys. It's something that no one can 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:47.680 ever take away from you. And I didn't go to college. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.360 I did like Bartending school and little courses here and there. 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:54.920 I did Asthetician school. So I did courses and that 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.760 made me happy, and I'm so glad that I did that. 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.640 I do feel that college and education, even if you 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:04.640 don't go, you know, and get a whole ass degree, 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:09.800 I think just diving into something, whatever it is that 0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:13.440 you are into, is very important. And I'm telling you 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.160 this from personal experience. When I was asked to move 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.160 out of my mom's house at twenty six, I had 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:23.880 just dedicated my entire life to my mom, to my siblings. 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:27.720 I knew nothing else. So when life and God in 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:32.160 the universe made me step back and say, okay, well, 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:33.960 now you have all this time on your hands in 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.440 that moment, and I don't regret everything that I did 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:38.280 because I learned so much. I always say I went 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:41.440 to the University of Hard Knock Life, and my professor 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:43.880 was Jenny Rivera, and I had a great professor and 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.240 I learned a lot. But in that moment, when I 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.720 was twenty six, I had no job. I had really 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:52.560 no responsibilities because I was taking care of my siblings 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.959 and the home, my mom's home, and I was just like, oh, well, 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:58.319 now what do I do with my life? And I 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.760 did wish in that moment I would have gone to college. 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:03.200 I wish it was pushed on me a little more 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:08.000 because my mom didn't really think that education was important. 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:10.800 And that's okay, that's her and she went to college. 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:12.680 The crazy thing is that my mom was a straight 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.040 A student. She was validictorian of her class. I mean, 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:20.200 went to college, got her associates degree. But she wasn't 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:22.240 huge on telling us to go to college. She's like, 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.319 you don't really need it, don't worry. Like you're a businesswoman. 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:27.280 And I am grateful because I am. My first love 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:30.719 was being an entrepreneur, and I had the privilege and 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:32.440 the blessing to be able to help my mom and 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:35.240 her businesses and build her businesses and learn. But what 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.959 if imagine if I would have gone to college for business, 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.720 I would have prevented myself from making so many mistakes 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:46.319 and learning the hard way, so it's never too late. 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.640 I feel to go to school. There's no shame learning 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.640 something for yourself, for your future, something you could put 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.240 under your belt. I think is beautiful, wonderful. You have 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:07.400 nothing to lose, if anything, everything to gain. Let's move 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.640 on to our twenties. Let's start with relationships. I've had 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:15.040 my fair share of experiences. I've dated, I've been in situationships. Yeah, situationships. 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.920 I've also been in relationships, and I've been married. That 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.120 was in my thirties. But we're still going to get 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:23.160 into it here. Okay, what can I tell you. I'm 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:28.360 somewhat of a serial monogamous. I do better in a 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:32.680 monogamous relationship. I just enjoy it. I like having a companion. 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:35.559 I like having a partner. And it's been a good 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:38.840 and a bad thing because I think in between relationships, 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:42.520 I haven't given myself enough time to heal and I 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:46.760 haven't really been alone for a long time. You guys, 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.199 I was either talking to someone and it was a situationship, 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:53.640 so it wasn't like we're together together. But we're cool 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:56.720 and we do have fun, but there's not that responsibility 0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:59.920 or that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, which honestly suck. 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.600 It wasn't my thing especially, and I talked about this 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.840 here on the podcast about a guy named Surgil. I 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.040 think it was on my Valentine's Day episode. Go back 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.760 and listen to that. But he was a very situationship 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.920 situation and it sucked. So I would avoid that at 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:18.640 all costs. If the person is not on the same 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.880 page with you, just don't even go there unless you're like, Okay, 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:24.560 this is just sex, We're cool. Don't call me, I 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:27.080 don't call you, We'll just hook up once in a while. Cool. 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:28.760 I've never been able to be that type of girl. 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:30.320 I just don't know how to do it. So I've 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:33.800 always been in a relationship. But I can say the 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:37.440 first two serious relationships I had in my younger years 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.560 and did mainly because of it was my fault. I 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:44.000 just was too wrapped up into like my family and 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.000 doing my own thing that I feel like I didn't 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:49.400 give the relationship the respect and the time that it required. 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:53.640 But also in my adult years, I've had two other 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:59.440 now my third with a media you know, serious relationships, 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:03.120 and the two that I had before this one with 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:06.760 Emilio without saying any names. It was an emotional roller coaster, 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.960 and I wish I would have gotten myself out of 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:15.160 those relationships a lot sooner. I'm grateful with them because again, 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.560 I did learn, I grew, I matured, I realized what 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.880 I wanted and didn't want in a person and what 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:24.600 I wanted to change within myself. But if there's any 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.240 advice that I can give you, guys when it comes 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.480 to relationship, is really giving yourself the time to heal 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:36.800 between relationships if you're a serial monogamous like myself from 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:41.640 my marriage that lasted less than a year. I think 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:45.680 I gave myself what like six months before I dived 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.200 into my relationship with the media, and I feel like 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:51.760 I did a lot of work. I did therapy, but 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:53.960 I feel and to be honest, to be quite frank, 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.520 I don't feel like it was enough time because I'm 0:15:56.560 --> 0:16:01.080 still learning and I'm still like catching myself doing things 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:04.600 here and there that I'm not necessarily proud of or 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:07.000 I don't want to hurt the person that I'm with. 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:10.280 So that's the best advice I can give you, guys. 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.760 And for those of you that are listening that aren't 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:17.240 in a relationship yet, but want to be in a 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:21.040 relationship and a healthy relationship. My big sister advice to 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:23.520 you is, and I'm sure you've seen this in quotes 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:27.800 and somewhere on Instagram, become the person you want to meet. 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:32.320 So whatever it is that you are looking for in 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:36.960 a partner, make sure that you are leading by example, 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:41.360 that you're first doing those things, because we will attract 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.920 somewhat of what we are or the things that we 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:46.320 need to heal. So that's why I'm telling you it 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:50.040 is important to take that time to heal yourself, to 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.840 really figure out what you really want, who you are, 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.560 what you want out of a healthy relationship before stepping 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.080 into one. And on the other side of the token 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.960 may be those of you that are listening are in 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:05.560 a relationship that you're not too sure if you should 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.639 be in anymore. And I was in that situation where 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.440 for two years I knew I need to get myself 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:13.840 out of this, but I just didn't know how to. 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:18.200 And just for the sake of being in the moment 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.280 and we had an event coming up, I wouldn't end 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.560 the relationship because we had future plans, you know what 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.280 I mean, Like we had this fiesta we had to 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:28.800 be at, or I was just waiting for the next 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:30.560 fight to just say, okay, the next fight, for sure 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:35.119 it's gonna happen, and you're doing such a disservice for yourself. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.960 The question is probably, well, how do you know if 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.359 I'm not happy anymore? If I shouldn't be in this relationship. 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:45.320 The first indication is if that person isn't emotionally available 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:48.320 the way that you are, if they are not trying 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.880 the way that you're trying to fix the issues, if 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.159 you constantly find yourself chasing that person and being the 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.520 first one to apologize and trying to fix it, like 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.520 it's a two way street here. It has to be fair, 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:02.760 you know, as much as possible, because there are times 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.240 where it'll be, you know, the other way around. But 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:09.840 that's one. That's an indication. Another indication is if you 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:12.119 don't have peace. This is the biggest one. If you 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:16.399 don't have peace, if this person is causing you more turmoil, 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:21.560 more stress, more sadness, more depression, more anxiety than happiness. 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:26.800 That person is making you more of a bad version 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.240 of yourself and bringing out the worst in you, then 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.520 that's when you know I need to get out of this. 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.320 Is this person is hurting you. Of course, if they're 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.480 hitting you, there's the messic violence. They're cheating like I 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.479 would tell you, girl boy, get out of that, like 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:42.520 no one deserves that. But if they're also verbally abusing 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.880 you and they're not making you feel like your best self, 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:47.240 all of those are indications of you're not in the 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:51.359 right relationship. Because now that I'm in a healthy relationship, 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.159 because it's not perfect, but it's a lot better than 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:58.600 what I've had before. Now I'm like, damn, I kind 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.480 of in a way a little bit wasted time on 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:04.520 these people that didn't make me feel it's great, you know, 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:07.640 And media tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:10.000 loves every part of my body, and he could be lying, 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.120 and I'm probably, yeah, I'm not perfect, but it goes 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:17.719 to show you like we all deserve and there's that 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.400 one person that's going to love us and value that's 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:23.800 the word, value us for who we are, flaws and all. 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.800 Because I know I'm not perfect, and I have scars 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:27.040 here or there, and I have stretch marks, and I 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:28.639 have staid the light. But he feels that I'm the 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:30.720 most and sees me like the most beautiful thing ever, 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:32.639 and he makes me feel it more than anything. So 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:35.480 if your partner is not making you feel that, making 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:39.600 you feel worse, and you're having worse days than good days, 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:43.760 then that's a huge red ass flag for you to say, 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:45.960 peace out. This isn't for me. I no longer have 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.200 peace in this relationship. Just think about it, Okay. Now 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:52.120 moving on, I'm gonna touch certain subjects that I think 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:54.880 are important for you guys to know. For instance, finances. 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:56.920 I wish I would have saved a lot more money 0:19:56.920 --> 0:19:59.720 in my twenties, so I would suggest for you guys 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:02.760 to start saving money, the sooner the better, for a 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.879 rainy day, for a vacation, for whatever. Honestly, I think 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:10.159 it is so important fifty dollars, twenty dollars, whatever it 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:11.760 is that you can just put to the side and 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:15.280 pretend it does not exist. Even now in my thirties, 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.560 it's like, wait, I asked myself, do I really need this? 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.439 Is this a luxury or is this just a want? 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.399 Is this a necessity? When you're buying something, you know, 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:26.720 is this something that I absolutely need or is this 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:29.440 just something that I desire? Ask yourself those questions when 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:31.240 you go out to the mall and I do that, 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:33.360 And there are times because on social media they get 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:35.360 you and they're sending ads all the time and I'm like, oh, 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:38.000