1 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Fitting in is something that I think. It's not that deep. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,760 Speaker 1: You guys. I wish I could go back to like 3 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: my high school reunion and all those people that were 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: mean the guys. It's like, hey, look look at me now. 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: If there's any advice that I can give you guys 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: when it comes to relationship, is really giving yourself the 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: time to heal between relationships. That's what it's about. Living 8 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: your life with intent. It's finding your who before you 9 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: find your way because we all have a purpose. We 10 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth. 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: What up, guys, Thank you for dropping by the Cheekese 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: and Choll podcast today. I'm going to be coming to 13 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 1: you as Jana, not as Cheeky's. That's because I'll be 14 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,840 Speaker 1: a dishing out some big sister advice, which is something 15 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: I wish I had when I was younger. So pull 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: back your hair, they're on, some comfortable clothes, and maybe 17 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: even for yourself something to drink, because we're going to 18 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 1: get raw, real and relaxed. This is Cheeky's and Too. 19 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,839 Speaker 1: This episode is dedicated to anyone in their teens, twenties, 20 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 1: or even thirties. Look, life can be really complicated and 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: there are a lot of things I wish I knew 22 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,680 Speaker 1: when I was younger. When I was thinking about putting 23 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: together this episode, I was thinking about some of the 24 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 1: lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've made along the way, 25 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 1: and I want to share some of those things with 26 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: you so you don't have to learn the hard way. 27 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: Let's start with our teenage years. Trying to fit in. 28 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: It's a huge thing in school. It's what's trending, what's cool. 29 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: What shoes does that person have on. If I don't 30 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: have those shoes, I'm not cool. If I'm not wearing 31 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: the right clothes. I wish I would have known that 32 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: that stuff is so not important because a lot of 33 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 1: the people that you meet in school, in junior high, 34 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: in high school, a lot of those people aren't in 35 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 1: your life for a long time. I mean maybe in 36 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: your case there is, but in my life, I look 37 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: back and I'm like the people that I was worried about. 38 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: There was this one girl that I was kind of 39 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: like obsessed with that she was just so pretty, she 40 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: had the perfect hair, she had like I feel like 41 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 1: everything in her life was perfect, and I was low 42 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: key obsessed, and her life turned out to be completely different. 43 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 1: She was very mean. She was a mean girl to me. 44 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,959 Speaker 1: But if I would have known, like, dude, it doesn't 45 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: even matter what you think about me. It doesn't matter 46 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: if I do have like I mean, I'm gonna be honest. 47 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: We had I had to go to pay Let's to 48 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: get my shoes. The kids were wearing felis. Fela's were 49 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: like the thing back then, and I had La gears, 50 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, with the little lights, and 51 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: it just wasn't the cool thing. But now I'm like, 52 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: I wish I could go back to like my high 53 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,359 Speaker 1: school reunion and all those people that were mean, the guys. 54 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: It's like, hey, look look at me now, you know. 55 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: So it's like fitting in is something that I think. 56 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: It's not that deep, you guys, if you really think 57 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: about it. All right, Well, anyways, let's talk about an 58 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: important topic, which is sex. Okay, and this is a 59 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: lot of adult content, so just you know, FYI anyone 60 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: that's under eighteen, and you guys know I'm always very 61 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: open and transparent with you guys. So when I had 62 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: my first official boyfriend, I was sixteen, thank god. He 63 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 1: was a very nice guy, and he was two years 64 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 1: older than me, but he never pressured me into doing 65 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: anything I didn't want to do, which was awesome. But 66 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: you got to be careful with those guys, okay, especially 67 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: during that age sixteen seventeen eighteen in high school. Like 68 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: a lot of these boys, not saying all of them, 69 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: A lot of these boys want to have sex, even girls. Okay, 70 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that just boys, but even girls. You 71 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: guys have to be very careful with that and make 72 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: sure that you are dating someone that's going to respect 73 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: your boundaries and respect your private parts, especially if you 74 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: are not ready. And I personally wouldn't recommend having sex 75 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: until like your twenties personally, but if you've already had sex, 76 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: or if you did, I did things here and there. 77 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: You know, we messed around when I was sixteen seventeen. 78 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: I was too scared to like kind of go all 79 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: the way because I want my mom to find out, 80 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: you know, I wanted my mom to think I was 81 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: a vision forever. But then when I had my boyfriend 82 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: at nineteen, which was Hector, I've talked about him here 83 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: on the pod. He was my mom's teddy bear or whatever. Anyways, 84 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: I was dating him for about four years and that 85 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: became more of a serious relationship and it was different. 86 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 1: But you guys, the advice that I have as a 87 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: big sister is don't let anyone pressure you into something 88 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: that you don't want to do. Don't feel that you 89 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: need to have sex because it's the cool thing to do. 90 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 1: I feel totally okay with Junior and Hector. I felt 91 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: like they were respectful boys and my mom approved, so 92 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,240 Speaker 1: that made me feel a little bit more safe. But 93 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: you guys, if I can tell you anything, if you 94 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: start having sex early, even if you don't want to 95 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: talk to your mom about it, because I know it's 96 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 1: a delicate subject and sometimes we're embarrassed and we want 97 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 1: our parents to think that, you know, we would never 98 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,080 Speaker 1: you know, it's a natural thing that happens. Make sure 99 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,360 Speaker 1: you go to the clinic and get yourself on birth control. 100 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: If you're not ready to have kids or use a condom, 101 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 1: use a condom why because everyone's like, oh, it doesn't 102 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: feel the same. But especially if you're young, you still 103 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: have a lot to learn. You still have a lot 104 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: of things that you got to like figure out. So 105 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: if you want to have a kid, that's your prerogative. Fine, 106 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,600 Speaker 1: But Also, there's STDs out there, you guys. There's HPV. 107 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases that you 108 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: need to take care of yourself. So make sure you 109 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,480 Speaker 1: wrap it, you know, wear a hat to the party, 110 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 1: get on birth control, and go to a clinic and 111 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,600 Speaker 1: ask questions and do that whole thing. I wish I 112 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: would have done that, because I talked about it here 113 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: on the podcast on Cheeks and Chill as well. I 114 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 1: was pregnant at nineteen. My mom never found out, and 115 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,279 Speaker 1: I wish I would have gotten myself on birth control, 116 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because I wasn't ready to 117 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: have a baby, and even though I had a miscarriage, 118 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: still like my body went through so much and I 119 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,479 Speaker 1: felt like I could have prevented that and it was 120 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: just a very difficult time and have to go through 121 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 1: it alone because I wasn't telling my mom. I told 122 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 1: one friend and one aunt and that was it. So 123 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: that's just you know a little something there, a little 124 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: side note for you guys, and just talking about like 125 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 1: my situation and also as a second mother to my siblings. 126 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,359 Speaker 1: My mom was very open later on in my life, 127 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 1: not when I was younger. I think it was just 128 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: a little very foreign. And as I got older and 129 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,119 Speaker 1: she did find out I was having sex and stuff 130 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: like that, she became a lot more open, especially with 131 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: like my other siblings and with Mikey, Like if Mikey 132 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: went out with his friends, she'd be like, make sure 133 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: you if you do the hanky panky, make sure you 134 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: wear a condom, you know. And I kind of got 135 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: like that humor, very serious, but with a little bit 136 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 1: of like, you know, humor behind it. With Johnny and Jenica, 137 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: who I basically raised, you know, and I was very open. 138 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: And that's something that as parents. I mean, I don't 139 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: have children of my own, but I raised my siblings, 140 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: so I consider myself a parent. I feel like we 141 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,160 Speaker 1: need to be more comfortable with having those type of conversations, 142 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 1: open conversations with our children about birth control, a protection, 143 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,039 Speaker 1: about everything and anything, especially about your private parts, about 144 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,239 Speaker 1: taking care of them and making sure no one touches 145 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: you there and it's not okay if it's a certain 146 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,720 Speaker 1: someone or you know what I mean, like having those 147 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: conversations because in our culture, I feel that it's still 148 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: very much taboo, a little more with the older generation, 149 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: but like the younger moms. I do see it happening 150 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: a little bit more. I see it with my sister 151 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: as well. She talks to you know, my nieces about 152 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 1: that and about how to protect themselves their privates and 153 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: stuff like that. And I did that with my siblings, 154 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: Johnny and Jenica, and I talked to them about sex 155 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: very early on and when Johnny was young, and especially 156 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: with Janica too, like I would change in front of them, 157 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: like there's nothing wrong with that, because I don't want 158 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: them to feel like, oh my gosh. Imagine he's fifteen 159 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: and he sees a pair of boobs for the first time. 160 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 1: He wasn't shocked. He was like, oh, okay, those are boobs. 161 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: Are right cool, like to get familiar with, like the 162 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: feminine body and you know, the masculine body, Like there's 163 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. So I was very open and 164 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: all of it. I've been through it with both of them, 165 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: with all of them, actually with Mikey, we're all very open. 166 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 1: We're very open family. We talk about do you know, 167 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 1: personal things, intimate things. But I think that that's beautiful. 168 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: When I have my own kids, I want to talk 169 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: to them about all of it. I think that's why 170 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: God made me a big sister because I love it, 171 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: like I want to prevent my siblings, my children, you guys, 172 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: my listeners from making the same mistakes I made. Okay, 173 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: So the next topic I want to bring up is 174 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: social media because it's almost impossible for teens not to 175 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: be exposed to it. When I was growing up, it 176 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: didn't exist, but now it's everywhere, and there's a lot 177 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: of pressure to look a certain way and to post 178 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: certain things. Ugh. And I'm telling you, guys, even as 179 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,959 Speaker 1: a grown ass woman, I sometimes still feel the pressures 180 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: of having to post and having to say hello, and 181 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:52,520 Speaker 1: I forgot or I forget sometimes because again, I'm very 182 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: like adamant about balancing my life between my personal and 183 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: my career and my socials. But there are times when 184 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: I feel that pressure of like I need to quote 185 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: unquote fit in into social media. And I can't even imagine. 186 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,959 Speaker 1: When I talk to like my goddaughter who just turned fifteen, 187 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: and it's like, well, this is what's cool right now, 188 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 1: this is what everyone's listening to, Like, oh, that song 189 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: isn't in anymore. And I'm just like, you guys are 190 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: something so amazing that you guys are missing about individuality 191 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: of like really loving who you are and being unique. 192 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: I now enjoy standing out and doing things that are 193 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: different and taking risks and not necessarily following the pattern 194 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: that everyone else is. I kind of want to like 195 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: dance and walk and march at the beat of my 196 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,959 Speaker 1: own drum. I wish I would have known this when 197 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 1: I was younger. And now with social media, like, I'm 198 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 1: very like, uh wait, I'm kind of getting stuck in 199 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: the rat race of social media, and I got to 200 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: step back a little bit and I will take my breaks, Like, 201 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: let me not get on social media this entire weekend. 202 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 1: I need a break. My mind needs a break, my 203 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: spirit needs a break. I need to go on a hike. 204 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: I need to read a book. I need to go 205 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: and touch the trees and smell the roses, and I 206 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: don't know, like go freaking rub my feet, my bare 207 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: feet on the grass. I get grounded with earth. You guys, 208 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how old you are. I mean I 209 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: see older, older women stuck on the computer on Facebook 210 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: talking shit, and I'm like, what if it's not something 211 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: nice and you're not feeding someone something nice? And words 212 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: of life on social media like do yourself a favor 213 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 1: and just stay away. So that's that social media. Now 214 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: let's move on to education. To college. Education is something 215 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: I've always always been an advocate of because it's knowledge 216 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: is power, you guys. It's something that no one can 217 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 1: ever take away from you. And I didn't go to college. 218 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: I did like Bartending school and little courses here and there. 219 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 1: I did Asthetician school. So I did courses and that 220 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: made me happy, and I'm so glad that I did that. 221 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: I do feel that college and education, even if you 222 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: don't go, you know, and get a whole ass degree, 223 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: I think just diving into something, whatever it is that 224 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 1: you are into, is very important. And I'm telling you 225 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: this from personal experience. When I was asked to move 226 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: out of my mom's house at twenty six, I had 227 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: just dedicated my entire life to my mom, to my siblings. 228 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: I knew nothing else. So when life and God in 229 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 1: the universe made me step back and say, okay, well, 230 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: now you have all this time on your hands in 231 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: that moment, and I don't regret everything that I did 232 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: because I learned so much. I always say I went 233 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,440 Speaker 1: to the University of Hard Knock Life, and my professor 234 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: was Jenny Rivera, and I had a great professor and 235 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 1: I learned a lot. But in that moment, when I 236 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: was twenty six, I had no job. I had really 237 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: no responsibilities because I was taking care of my siblings 238 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,959 Speaker 1: and the home, my mom's home, and I was just like, oh, well, 239 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: now what do I do with my life? And I 240 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: did wish in that moment I would have gone to college. 241 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 1: I wish it was pushed on me a little more 242 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: because my mom didn't really think that education was important. 243 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: And that's okay, that's her and she went to college. 244 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,680 Speaker 1: The crazy thing is that my mom was a straight 245 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: A student. She was validictorian of her class. I mean, 246 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 1: went to college, got her associates degree. But she wasn't 247 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: huge on telling us to go to college. She's like, 248 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 1: you don't really need it, don't worry. Like you're a businesswoman. 249 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: And I am grateful because I am. My first love 250 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,719 Speaker 1: was being an entrepreneur, and I had the privilege and 251 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: the blessing to be able to help my mom and 252 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 1: her businesses and build her businesses and learn. But what 253 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 1: if imagine if I would have gone to college for business, 254 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: I would have prevented myself from making so many mistakes 255 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,319 Speaker 1: and learning the hard way, so it's never too late. 256 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: I feel to go to school. There's no shame learning 257 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 1: something for yourself, for your future, something you could put 258 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 1: under your belt. I think is beautiful, wonderful. You have 259 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: nothing to lose, if anything, everything to gain. Let's move 260 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: on to our twenties. Let's start with relationships. I've had 261 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: my fair share of experiences. I've dated, I've been in situationships. Yeah, situationships. 262 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 1: I've also been in relationships, and I've been married. That 263 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: was in my thirties. But we're still going to get 264 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: into it here. Okay, what can I tell you. I'm 265 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: somewhat of a serial monogamous. I do better in a 266 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 1: monogamous relationship. I just enjoy it. I like having a companion. 267 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 1: I like having a partner. And it's been a good 268 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: and a bad thing because I think in between relationships, 269 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: I haven't given myself enough time to heal and I 270 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: haven't really been alone for a long time. You guys, 271 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,199 Speaker 1: I was either talking to someone and it was a situationship, 272 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 1: so it wasn't like we're together together. But we're cool 273 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: and we do have fun, but there's not that responsibility 274 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: or that title of boyfriend and girlfriend, which honestly suck. 275 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 1: It wasn't my thing especially, and I talked about this 276 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 1: here on the podcast about a guy named Surgil. I 277 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: think it was on my Valentine's Day episode. Go back 278 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: and listen to that. But he was a very situationship 279 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: situation and it sucked. So I would avoid that at 280 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: all costs. If the person is not on the same 281 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: page with you, just don't even go there unless you're like, Okay, 282 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 1: this is just sex, We're cool. Don't call me, I 283 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 1: don't call you, We'll just hook up once in a while. Cool. 284 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: I've never been able to be that type of girl. 285 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: I just don't know how to do it. So I've 286 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 1: always been in a relationship. But I can say the 287 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: first two serious relationships I had in my younger years 288 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: and did mainly because of it was my fault. I 289 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: just was too wrapped up into like my family and 290 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 1: doing my own thing that I feel like I didn't 291 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: give the relationship the respect and the time that it required. 292 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: But also in my adult years, I've had two other 293 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 1: now my third with a media you know, serious relationships, 294 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: and the two that I had before this one with 295 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: Emilio without saying any names. It was an emotional roller coaster, 296 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: and I wish I would have gotten myself out of 297 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: those relationships a lot sooner. I'm grateful with them because again, 298 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: I did learn, I grew, I matured, I realized what 299 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: I wanted and didn't want in a person and what 300 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: I wanted to change within myself. But if there's any 301 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: advice that I can give you, guys when it comes 302 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: to relationship, is really giving yourself the time to heal 303 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: between relationships if you're a serial monogamous like myself from 304 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: my marriage that lasted less than a year. I think 305 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 1: I gave myself what like six months before I dived 306 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: into my relationship with the media, and I feel like 307 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: I did a lot of work. I did therapy, but 308 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 1: I feel and to be honest, to be quite frank, 309 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: I don't feel like it was enough time because I'm 310 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: still learning and I'm still like catching myself doing things 311 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: here and there that I'm not necessarily proud of or 312 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt the person that I'm with. 313 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 1: So that's the best advice I can give you, guys. 314 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: And for those of you that are listening that aren't 315 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: in a relationship yet, but want to be in a 316 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: relationship and a healthy relationship. My big sister advice to 317 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: you is, and I'm sure you've seen this in quotes 318 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: and somewhere on Instagram, become the person you want to meet. 319 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: So whatever it is that you are looking for in 320 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: a partner, make sure that you are leading by example, 321 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: that you're first doing those things, because we will attract 322 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: somewhat of what we are or the things that we 323 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: need to heal. So that's why I'm telling you it 324 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: is important to take that time to heal yourself, to 325 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 1: really figure out what you really want, who you are, 326 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: what you want out of a healthy relationship before stepping 327 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: into one. And on the other side of the token 328 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: may be those of you that are listening are in 329 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: a relationship that you're not too sure if you should 330 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: be in anymore. And I was in that situation where 331 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 1: for two years I knew I need to get myself 332 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 1: out of this, but I just didn't know how to. 333 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 1: And just for the sake of being in the moment 334 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 1: and we had an event coming up, I wouldn't end 335 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: the relationship because we had future plans, you know what 336 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: I mean, Like we had this fiesta we had to 337 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: be at, or I was just waiting for the next 338 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: fight to just say, okay, the next fight, for sure 339 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: it's gonna happen, and you're doing such a disservice for yourself. 340 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: The question is probably, well, how do you know if 341 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: I'm not happy anymore? If I shouldn't be in this relationship. 342 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: The first indication is if that person isn't emotionally available 343 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: the way that you are, if they are not trying 344 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 1: the way that you're trying to fix the issues, if 345 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,159 Speaker 1: you constantly find yourself chasing that person and being the 346 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: first one to apologize and trying to fix it, like 347 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: it's a two way street here. It has to be fair, 348 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: you know, as much as possible, because there are times 349 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: where it'll be, you know, the other way around. But 350 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: that's one. That's an indication. Another indication is if you 351 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 1: don't have peace. This is the biggest one. If you 352 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 1: don't have peace, if this person is causing you more turmoil, 353 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 1: more stress, more sadness, more depression, more anxiety than happiness. 354 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: That person is making you more of a bad version 355 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 1: of yourself and bringing out the worst in you, then 356 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: that's when you know I need to get out of this. 357 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 1: Is this person is hurting you. Of course, if they're 358 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: hitting you, there's the messic violence. They're cheating like I 359 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,479 Speaker 1: would tell you, girl boy, get out of that, like 360 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: no one deserves that. But if they're also verbally abusing 361 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,880 Speaker 1: you and they're not making you feel like your best self, 362 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 1: all of those are indications of you're not in the 363 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,359 Speaker 1: right relationship. Because now that I'm in a healthy relationship, 364 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,159 Speaker 1: because it's not perfect, but it's a lot better than 365 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: what I've had before. Now I'm like, damn, I kind 366 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: of in a way a little bit wasted time on 367 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: these people that didn't make me feel it's great, you know, 368 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: And media tells me I'm beautiful every single day. He 369 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: loves every part of my body, and he could be lying, 370 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 1: and I'm probably, yeah, I'm not perfect, but it goes 371 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,719 Speaker 1: to show you like we all deserve and there's that 372 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,400 Speaker 1: one person that's going to love us and value that's 373 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: the word, value us for who we are, flaws and all. 374 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 1: Because I know I'm not perfect, and I have scars 375 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: here or there, and I have stretch marks, and I 376 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 1: have staid the light. But he feels that I'm the 377 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 1: most and sees me like the most beautiful thing ever, 378 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: and he makes me feel it more than anything. So 379 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 1: if your partner is not making you feel that, making 380 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: you feel worse, and you're having worse days than good days, 381 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: then that's a huge red ass flag for you to say, 382 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 1: peace out. This isn't for me. I no longer have 383 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 1: peace in this relationship. Just think about it, Okay. Now 384 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 1: moving on, I'm gonna touch certain subjects that I think 385 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,880 Speaker 1: are important for you guys to know. For instance, finances. 386 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 1: I wish I would have saved a lot more money 387 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: in my twenties, so I would suggest for you guys 388 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: to start saving money, the sooner the better, for a 389 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: rainy day, for a vacation, for whatever. Honestly, I think 390 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: it is so important fifty dollars, twenty dollars, whatever it 391 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: is that you can just put to the side and 392 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: pretend it does not exist. Even now in my thirties, 393 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: it's like, wait, I asked myself, do I really need this? 394 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,439 Speaker 1: Is this a luxury or is this just a want? 395 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 1: Is this a necessity? When you're buying something, you know, 396 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: is this something that I absolutely need or is this 397 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 1: just something that I desire? Ask yourself those questions when 398 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 1: you go out to the mall and I do that, 399 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 1: And there are times because on social media they get 400 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,360 Speaker 1: you and they're sending ads all the time and I'm like, oh, 401 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: it's so easy to just press buy when I'm like, no, 402 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: I don't really need that, Jenney, that that's a waste 403 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: of money, like really learning and understanding the value of 404 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 1: money and how from one day to another we could 405 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 1: have it and then we could not have it, you 406 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,679 Speaker 1: know what I mean. So for sure save whatever it 407 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: is a little bit a lot. It's important now, ladies 408 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 1: and gentlemen, if you can get your life insurance going, 409 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,200 Speaker 1: I would say do that sooner rather than later. I 410 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,760 Speaker 1: started getting my life insurance when I was I was 411 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: in my twenties, you guys, I got my first life insurance. 412 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: I have to now, just because I think it's of 413 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: a responsible person to have that for your loved ones, 414 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,120 Speaker 1: for your protection. There are life insurances out there, you guys, 415 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: that you can look into. That's kind of like a 416 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: savings account as well, where you can put money in 417 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 1: every year and it can go like if God forbid 418 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: you pass away, you leave it to your beneficiary, to 419 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: someone of your choice. Whatever the amount is. But also 420 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: if you get to a certain age, that could be 421 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 1: somewhat of like a savings account where you could pull 422 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,239 Speaker 1: that money out, the money that you've been investing in 423 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: that life insurance. If you find yourself in a pickle, 424 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 1: so life insurance. It's one thing that a lot of 425 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: people don't talk about that. I'm just gonna say, big sister, 426 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: your advice, look into it. Just saying now investing, I'm 427 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: gonna tell you, I wish I would have known this earlier. 428 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: Investing your money in something that's going like a life 429 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: insurance for instance. You know what I mean. Like I said, 430 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 1: that's kind of that's somewhat of an investment. Investing in 431 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,160 Speaker 1: commercial properties, in residential property. If you have extra money, 432 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: like invested in a business, it could be five thousand 433 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: and two thousand. You can start a business now with 434 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: the beauty of social media, you can start a small 435 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: business with a small amount of money and grow from there. 436 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 1: I do really believe now more than ever, Like my 437 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: goal this year for me is to invest in properties 438 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 1: Like now I'm ready and I'm like okay, instead of 439 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: spending on dumb shit like I need to save my 440 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: money and invest on something that's going to take care 441 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,439 Speaker 1: of my future, you know, because I don't have a 442 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: four to oh one k. We gotta think about those 443 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,879 Speaker 1: things now. Another thing that your big sister wants to 444 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,400 Speaker 1: tell you is, and I always talk about it, therapy, 445 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: you guys, Therapy will literally save your life. Getting therapy 446 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 1: doesn't make you a weak person. It doesn't mean that 447 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: you are less than anyone or you are broken. That's 448 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 1: not what it means. It means you are smart. Why 449 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: because there are a lot of things that we can't 450 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: talk about with our loved ones, with our partner, with 451 00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: our friends, and there are things we shouldn't talk about 452 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: with anyone else but a therapist, someone that has an 453 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 1: unbiased opinion that's gonna give you some straight up advice, 454 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: you know, some life advice, therapy or life coaching. I'm 455 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,919 Speaker 1: huge on both. And I have a mentor, and I 456 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,560 Speaker 1: have a life coach, and I have a therapist. I 457 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,160 Speaker 1: have all three. Those things are important to me. I'd 458 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: rather invest in my therapy, life coaching, mentorship than even 459 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 1: in getting my hair extensions in. So it's something to 460 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: think about, even if you can afford it. Once a month, 461 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 1: once every two months, you guys, It's something that I highly, 462 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 1: highly highly recommend for your mental health. There's so much 463 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,880 Speaker 1: power and vulnerability, and that's part of being vulnerable. Okay, now, 464 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,680 Speaker 1: aging gracefully, you guys. It could be two ways to this, 465 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,479 Speaker 1: because some people could say aging gracefully means don't get 466 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 1: any botalks, don't get any fillers, like just age, you know, gracefully. 467 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 1: Cool if that's what you want to do. Now. I 468 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,439 Speaker 1: love botalks, love filler, love that if you can afford it. 469 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: I have my little fun on the side. I put 470 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 1: a little money in there to make sure that I 471 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: can give botox. I want to work to get botox. 472 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: That's the way I want to age. But also part 473 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: of aging gracefully is taking care of your insides, taking 474 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: your vitamins, taking your greens, drinking green juices, working out 475 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: is part of aging gracefully. Your skin care products, you guys, 476 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:24,680 Speaker 1: Wearing SPF every single day, men and women. I can't 477 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: stress enough how important it is to protect yourself from 478 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 1: the sun. I love the sun. The sun is my homie, 479 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: but he can be kind of like a toxic little boyfriend, 480 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,720 Speaker 1: so you have to protect yourself from him. So wear 481 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: your SPF at least SPF thirty. Wear it every single day, 482 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,640 Speaker 1: doesn't matter if it's cloudy, it doesn't matter how old 483 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: you are. It's never too early or too late to 484 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,959 Speaker 1: start SPF, you guys. But yes, all those things I mentioned, Vitamins, 485 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: taking care of yourself, eating good you guys, giving your 486 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: body instead of just eating to eat, it's eating to 487 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 1: feed your body, to give it good soil so that 488 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: it can be good back to you. So that's part 489 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: of aging gracefully. Now we're entering our thirties. I feel 490 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,920 Speaker 1: like in your thirties, you kind of already went through 491 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: a lot of shit in your twenties, and you kind 492 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,119 Speaker 1: of like know who you are, but you're like, how 493 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: do I find my way? Now, let's talk about finding 494 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 1: your purpose. So it takes a while, and it takes 495 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: a lot of practice, meaning you have to be intentional. 496 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: I love that word, you guys. You know this already 497 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,120 Speaker 1: on the Cheese and Chill podcast. I love intentional because 498 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:36,360 Speaker 1: that's what it's about, living your life with intent. It's 499 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: knowing who you are before you can find your way, 500 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,360 Speaker 1: So finding your who before you find your way. Who 501 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,920 Speaker 1: am I? What do I want out of life? What 502 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 1: am I here for because we all have a purpose. 503 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,200 Speaker 1: We all have a mission of godly purpose here on earth. 504 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be you know, an actress 505 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,159 Speaker 1: on TV and you touch a lot of hearts all 506 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,040 Speaker 1: at once, or a singer. It could be in a 507 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 1: small community with your friends and family, with your co workers. 508 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 1: It's what do I want to give the world, What 509 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: I want to give back? What footprint do I want 510 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,880 Speaker 1: to leave on this earth? You know, and living your 511 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,880 Speaker 1: life with intent is part of living your purpose. Every 512 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 1: single day, taking a step towards that and doing something 513 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: positive and an act of kindness every day, not only 514 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,919 Speaker 1: for yourself. It starts with you being kind to yourself, 515 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 1: but also for other people is part of your purpose 516 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: and it just helps you live better. I feel also 517 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 1: being okay with stepping out of your comfort zone. That's 518 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: one thing that I've learned and I've embraced in my thirties, 519 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: I think in our twenties, in our teens as well, 520 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 1: of course even more so, we want to fit in 521 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: and look the part and act the part. And now 522 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 1: in my thirties, I'm like, no, I kind of have 523 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,200 Speaker 1: a little bit of fun stepping out of the box. 524 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 1: I don't want to be kept in a box. I 525 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: don't want for me to be predictable. You know, it's like, oh, 526 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 1: I already expect that from her. No, I want to 527 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 1: do things different. I want to take risks. And you 528 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: should be okay with stepping out of your comfort zone. 529 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: There's so much to learn and so much to grow from, 530 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 1: like stepping out of what you're used to. That's huge, 531 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: you guys. And I think your thirties is like the 532 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,239 Speaker 1: time to do it where you're like, you know, I'm 533 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,680 Speaker 1: gonna try something different. Also, boundaries, Boundaries are huge, you guys. 534 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: And if you can learn them, the sooner the better. 535 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 1: I'm telling you because for a lot of my life, 536 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 1: I didn't have boundaries. I didn't know about boundaries until 537 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,360 Speaker 1: like later in my later like twenties. Really respecting your 538 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 1: boundaries and other people's boundaries is crucial for your mental health, 539 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 1: where it's okay to say no to other people in 540 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: order to say yes to yourself. Sometimes I feel like 541 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,560 Speaker 1: we're always trying to make other people happy and not 542 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 1: disappoint anybody, that we cause ourselves to be sad and 543 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 1: we feel empty, but because we've given so much to 544 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,080 Speaker 1: other people, and it's okay for you to say no. 545 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,359 Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable with that. I don't have peace. 546 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: I don't feel peace with that decision. I don't want 547 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,360 Speaker 1: to go there because I don't like it. Like it's 548 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,719 Speaker 1: okay for you to be your own individual person and 549 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,960 Speaker 1: say no. There's a lot of power in simply saying no, 550 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: thank you. You don't have to be mean about it. 551 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,120 Speaker 1: It's just creating that boundary and learning that it's okay 552 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 1: for you to sometimes disappoint other people in order to 553 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,920 Speaker 1: make yourself happy. So boundaries, they're good to have them. 554 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,080 Speaker 1: Don't have walls. Walls are different. I'm talking about boundaries 555 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: of just being very clear as to what you want 556 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: and you don't want. Now. Toxic people, Okay, now that 557 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 1: we're talking about boundaries. Toxic people In my books, I 558 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: call them toxic voices. They're always going to be around 559 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 1: on social media, at work, at school, it doesn't matter 560 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: where you're at. Unfortunately, they exist. They're a part of 561 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: the world. Like there's good, there's bad. The ying and 562 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,000 Speaker 1: the ying it is what it is. The faster you 563 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: learn to just know that they exist and the faster 564 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,800 Speaker 1: you learn to ignore them, the better. Is it A 565 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: lot easier said than done. Yes, it is, but when 566 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: you learn to tune them out and just know it's 567 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: just noise. It's just people that are trying to keep 568 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: me from reaching my goal, from losing my focus. You're like, 569 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 1: it's not even worth it. I'm not gonna pay attention, 570 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna bark back, I'm not gonna comment back 571 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 1: and talk crap back. I've learned now in my thirties. 572 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: You guys, it's not even fucking worth it. Like I 573 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 1: spent so much time, and I wasted so much time 574 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 1: arguing and trying to prove a point meds. I depleted 575 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 1: myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, trying to fight back when it's like, 576 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 1: why am I going to waste my energy on people 577 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: and on things that are stuck in their ways anyways? 578 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,040 Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna be able to change your mind, 579 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,480 Speaker 1: so why even try? The best thing I could do 580 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: is just keep going, go Ma Lisen Guandola los pro 581 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: So if people are fucking crap, is because you're doing 582 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: something right, So just keep on that road and try 583 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: to tune them out. Of course, I defend myself in 584 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: a classy way. You know. It's learning to find the 585 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: way to do it. But the best thing you could 586 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: do is ignore them. I do want to talk about 587 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: habits and discipline. It's something that I talk about here 588 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 1: on the podcast all the time. But being disciplined, okay, 589 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 1: creating habits, creating a routine, especially in your thirties, that's 590 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 1: when I started it, like hardcore, when I really was like, okay, 591 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 1: there is a lot of importance in having a routine 592 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 1: and being disciplined with that routine, and you just feel accomplished, 593 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: You feel good, you feel better being consistent. The key 594 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: to success is consistency. It's discipline, it's creating a habit, 595 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,320 Speaker 1: it's a routine. So just keep that in the back 596 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,640 Speaker 1: of your mind, Okay, whatever that means to you. And 597 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 1: to close off you guys, something light and fun. I've 598 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: learned that traveling is amazing. You don't have to go 599 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: to Dubai or to Paris. You know. I understand traveling 600 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 1: is expensive, but it also goes back to saving money 601 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: and putting some money to the side to say, once 602 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,880 Speaker 1: a year, I want to give myself a chance to 603 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: go see the world. It could even be a drive 604 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: down to Palm Springs if you live in La to 605 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: the mountains. It could be something small, a road trip, 606 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: but to really step out again of your comfort zone 607 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: and go and smell the fresh air and do something 608 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 1: completely different from what you usually do. That's a great 609 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: way of investing in yourself, in your future and your happiness, 610 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 1: in your peace. Now, Like that's a huge part of 611 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: my life now. I'm like, I want to take one 612 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 1: or two big trips, and I need to find the 613 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,840 Speaker 1: balance between my work and my home and also what 614 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: makes Jenna happy, you know what I mean. Like I 615 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: can't focus all the time on just chiki chikichikis on work. 616 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 1: It's like I had to set the rule and the 617 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: boundary of telling my team guys, I need some time off. 618 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: I need at least a day off of the week 619 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 1: where I could just do whatever the hell I want, 620 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: maybe two. And I need these days off because I'm 621 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: gonna go I don't know anywhere, and I have my 622 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,040 Speaker 1: little piggybink, my little savings for that. So that's just 623 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 1: a little advice that I've learned a little later in 624 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:20,280 Speaker 1: my life, the importance of just resting, whatever that means 625 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 1: to you, whether it's traveling to a beach or whatever 626 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,120 Speaker 1: you can afford, but really just resting your mind and 627 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 1: your soul and finding that balance, you guys, between work 628 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 1: and life and what makes you happy and seeing the 629 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,480 Speaker 1: world because there's so much beauty out there, you guys, 630 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: take the time to stop and smell the roses. Wow, 631 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: I feel like we've covered so much today. We definitely did. It. 632 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 1: All came from my heart, from a big sister's perspective. 633 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: I want the best for you guys all the time. 634 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: You guys are my listeners. You guys have given me 635 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 1: so much and this is my way of giving back 636 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,720 Speaker 1: to you guys. And feel free to share this episode 637 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: with anyone you think would benefit from it. This is 638 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 1: an advice episode from your big sister Cheeky's or actually, 639 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,480 Speaker 1: should I say Jane, So make sure you share it. 640 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,800 Speaker 1: I hope it can help all of you. Now, you 641 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 1: guys know we always end Cheeky's and Chill with a quote, 642 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: so the quote for today is directly to you. Okay, 643 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: when life's hills become too steep to climb on my own, 644 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 1: my sister me Okay, takes my hand and reminds me 645 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 1: that I didn't have to climb it alone to begin with. 646 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 1: So this one is from my heart to yours. Even 647 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: if I'm younger than you, especially if I'm older than you. 648 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. 649 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: I want to be your big sister. So that's what 650 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: Chee's and Chill Dear Cheeky's is all about. So thank 651 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: you guys for listening, los qio, and thank you for 652 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: making my life a better and happier place. Bessit does. 653 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emas. I'm 654 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,400 Speaker 1: so excited to share with you that my Cheekys and 655 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: Chill podcast will have an extra episode drop each week. 656 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: I'll be answering all your questions. 657 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 2: Just leave me a voice message betters one midday. All 658 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 2: you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com, 659 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 2: slash Cheekys and Chill Podcasts and record your questions. 660 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a 661 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio and v Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow 662 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 1: us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me 663 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 1: Cheeky's That's c h i q U i s. For 664 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:35,840 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 665 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast and check 666 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 1: us out on YouTube.